by SC, London, UK
When I was 27 years old, I had just left my marriage of ten months and felt depressed and lost. A friend suggested I come to an open night for a new counselling and psychotherapy organisation in Crows Nest, Sydney. Unknown to me at the time, it was based on the AA (alcoholic anonymous) principles. I subsequently joined a weekly therapy group to address my depression and anxiety.
One night a week I would show up and talk about my problems in the group… and it was always focused on what we had ‘done wrong’ that week. There was a loose structure to dig deeper, but the basis was always how ‘bad’ we were/are – always looking first at the broken part of us, the victim. Within two weeks of group work and working through the childhood years, the childhood sexual abuse from my stepfather came flooding back. The abuse happened every Friday night from age six to eleven. It ended when my mother left him after seeing us together. I had told her many times what was going on, but she refused to acknowledge what was happening. I had buried it so deeply that I had literally forgotten – but once the floodgates opened, all the memories returned. That’s when I started the one-to-one sessions, as I needed support and it was there and available.
After 18 months I stopped group work, but continued my weekly one-to-one sessions for the next eight years with the same counsellor. During that time I cognitively ‘addressed’ my abuse, but the patterns of behaviour continued and the sense of anxiety was always present. I felt that mentally I had dealt with the abuse, but I still felt trapped in old patterns that I had no control over. I felt like I couldn’t live life without my sessions with my counsellor!
Nothing really changed – I was still drinking heavily, doing recreational drugs and, with a poor diet, my body was a mess. I had needy relationships with men that didn’t last longer than a year.
The day I met Serge Benhayon for a session, I was 33 years old. He asked me why I had come to see him… I replied that a friend had been the day before and she looked amazing and I knew I wanted some of that. He closed his eyes and said that the true reason I was there was that the scars of the sexual abuse were still locked in my body, and I felt trapped by the old patterns that were driving me. I started to cry, and felt so much acceptance and love from him that even today tears well up when I remember that moment.
What was revealed to me in that hour was the power of true love. Serge talked through the whole session and explained everything as the healing unfolded. I felt everything in my body. It was like my body lit up and I could feel myself again. And so began the true healing I was longing for.
In my experience, this true healing process is the polar opposite of psychotherapy, which focuses on going over and over the pattern of the impact of the abuse, and band-aid solutions that never truly address the deeper pattern. And the AA model that “I am an alcoholic” is simply not true. I know there are different counselling techniques that have been introduced over the last ten years that profess to look at the body too, but their driving force is that “you are broken and need fixing”.
Esoteric Healing always sees me from the essence of love that I am – and the things that I do, or that have happened to me, are not who I truly am. A very different approach. Esoteric Healing offered me the opportunity to be truthful as to the impact of patterns of behaviour and to see them, not as who I am, but as the things I do to NOT be all that I am, naturally. Therein lies the choice – to be a victim of my childhood, or to take responsibility and heal that inner child from a place of love.
The past abuse had placed strain on my relationship with my Mum over the years, the pain of the silence of not speaking out for me of the abuse at the time, though, through my own unfolding with esoteric healing, I have been able to let hurt and judgment go, which has consequently changed and deepened the relationship we now have together.
The Universal Medicine courses provide a place of learning. He/they have given me the opportunity to deepen my awareness to myself and reveal the patterns of behaviour that affect me in daily life, to deepen my tenderness with myself in every expression.
Reflecting on the eight years of psychotherapy, I know in truth that nothing really changed – compounded by a lack of growth in my bank account! But I would not know that truth if it weren’t for my commitment to healing myself and the guidance and reflection of love that I continue to feel from Serge Benhayon, his development of the Universal Medicine Courses I attend, and the Esoteric Practitioners I see for support when I need it.
No longer is there a reliance on seeing a practitioner to fix me – my healing is mine, and I have been empowered by the many techniques offered by Universal Medicine to build my self-love.
351 thoughts on “Healing Past Abuse With Esoteric Healing – A Personal Account”
“What was revealed to me in that hour was the power of true love. Serge talked through the whole session and explained everything as the healing unfolded. I felt everything in my body. It was like my body lit up and I could feel myself again. And so began the true healing I was longing for.” This feels like a true general description of what happens to everyone who is touched by the absolute grace of Serge Benhayon.
What you have shared with me here is that we can heal trauma on an emotional and psychological level, but that it can stay in the body till we get support. I have seen this manifest in patterns of behaviour and choices that seem illogical at the time but when put into context make perfect sense. I am so pleased you have found the support you needed to heal those underlying traumas.
Esoteric Healing recognizes that we are all from the same oneness, that at our very core we are sons of God and that deep down we all want to be loved, so anything that does not belong with this is discarded and healed to create space for our natural way of being.
Absolutely, Esoteric Healing gives us the space to discard what does not belong and allows us to return to who we truly are, sons of God.
Thank you SC for what you’ve shared – this has demonstrated that if what ever ‘treatment / sessions’ not getting to the core of it all, then the healing modality is not the absolute healer.
Like yourself Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has made a a true difference in my life, health and love – what a changer.
SC, reading your experience is an absolute blessing as there is no trace of victimhood, reaction or recoil from the world – you have claimed your way and been so active in your healing.
It is what’s possible when we are given the opportunity to be invited to own our true power, and we accept it.
“Esoteric Healing offered me the opportunity to be truthful as to the impact of patterns of behaviour and to see them, not as who I am, but as the things I do to NOT be all that I am, naturally.” This is why Esoteric healing is so empowering and so valuable for society today.
This is an extraordinary and very powerful sharing S.C. reminding us that is possible for us to heal any trauma or past abuse with the support of the Esoteric Modalities. Amazing the journey you have been through and the steps you took to truly heal these hurts, this will be very inspiring and supportive for anyone else who has been through any similar abuse in their lives.
Yes and the reason the esoteric modalities can support is because it offers a knowing, from the body, that what has happened to us does not define us, it is not who we are. This is so important because without that key it all lives on as memories in our body, a body that knows what it feels is not love. This is the disharmony that drives the search for healing.
You present so clearly the difference between what Esoteric Healing is and how it always comes from a place of confirming you in the love you naturally are and allowing you to see those behaviours which are not love and to address and heal them – a very different approach to many other ways which work from the premise you need to be fixed or to be better in some way. It’s utterly changed my life and that of many others, and best of all, it puts the person back in the centre of their own life knowing they have the choice to live the love they are, and to allow more of that love to be seen and lived in their life.
That’s well described Monica ‘putting us back in the centre of our lives’ and l would add into the centre of ourselves.
Yes Irene, very definitely back to the centre of ourselves, and the truth of who we are.
So very true, it puts us back in charge and repsonsible for what has happened to us and what is happening to us. Ultimately we always have a choice whether or not we want to admit it.
Getting fixed does not work as we are at the mercy of that which is outside of us to heal us. True healing comes from within and until we acknowledge, accept and commit to taking responsibility for our wellbeing and how we choose to live then the issues, hurts, dramas and investments will continue their cycle to feed our ailments, illness and disease.
It’s great to read when someone can say that the healing is mine, and claim if for what it is. Many of us go to healers and counsellors expecting them to heal us and ultimately give our power away, but in truth we are the only ones who can heal us. Serge Benhayon has shown us what true healing is and that it is our choice at the end of the day.
What a beautiful story and journey of true healing and the immense gift Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine offers to humanity.
This is a very valuable testimony on a very popular way to try to deal with very common problems (alcoholism, compulsive eating, depression). They are based on the acceptance that you are your conduct. There is a total identification between what you do and you. Yet, such identification is precisely the main barrier to step out of the issue you are going through. Not surprisingly, these methods do not really work. They are unable to really clear the issue from the body. The body is still locked in where it was.
I studied counselling many years ago and could not fathom how it could possible work as it seemed to magnify the problems presenting. What Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine offer in the way of healing is to disentangle one from patterns, behaviours and stories by first and foremost allowing the client to feel a connection to the true glory of the essence we are and from this connection look at what is ‘not us’. This brings everything into a true perspective.
Thank you SC for sharing such an inspirational story. I found myself in a similar situation where I was having regular reiki sessions and although my health improved somewhat there came a point when I no longer felt to have them. Ending the sessions wasn’t an easy process as there was a lot of reaction from the therapist and this behaviour made me feel uncomfortable reinforcing my decision to leave. Attachment of any kind does not support any party. I was needy and this neediness Universal Medicine has supported me with. It has been a natural unfolding empowering me to take lead and do what I feel is true for my own wellbeing… there are no binds to any Esoteric practitioner.
What is on offer by the world in general is the fix it, band -aid way of healing and dealing with our issues, it is a going outside of ourselves for healing instead of going within to the love that we are in essence and from that loving space true healing takes place .
Very very powerful. And also exposing that psychotherapy does not work as it only lets you understand what has happened and lets you develop a technique to manage the consequences on a mental level. As the patterns are not stored in our heads but in our bodies, as we all know if we start being really honest, these techniques don’t solve the root cause. I have been on this psychotherapy track for many years and came to the same conclusion.
Then I met Serge Benhayon, and admitted this in full and surrendered to the Love and the healing, in all its ways and modalities, that he presents.
What a testimony! The fact that anyone in the media is trying to diminish and discredit Universal Medicine’s name when these are the quality of experiences that come out of sessions really is shocking. I cannot imagine going through what you have been through and I am so touched that you are on the journey now to truly heal, you are very brave to write this blog, it inspires me to no end.
‘No longer is there a reliance on seeing a practitioner to fix me – my healing is mine…’ I really love this statement SC. There is an acknowledgement that we benefit from healing and support, but a real claiming that we are the ones in the driving seat.
Now there is an article about healing, not a cycle of treatment that keeps bringing you round and round in the hope that something changes. This statement at the end; “No longer is there a reliance on seeing a practitioner to fix me – my healing is mine, and I have been empowered by the many techniques offered by Universal Medicine to build my self-love.” A healing session that you take home with you to build on for the next session if you have one. It’s a very different model to other modalities we have where you keep coming back to be picked up to go out and come back and have the same thing happen again. These Esoteric Healing modalities support you to stand up, walk, and then keep walking. It’s not them doing it for you but more a support for you to see what you can do for yourself. Remember as a child, you didn’t want things done for you, you wanted to learn and do them for yourself so you owned them. We are no different in this way when we are older, no one truly wants things done for them they want to learn how to do things for themselves and the only way to learn them is to actually be supported to take the steps yourself. Sounds simple and almost common sense but this isn’t the norm of our current world ‘healing’ modalities.
Gosh who were those 8 years of psychotherapy for!!! Something tells me not for you! This is so revealing how 8 years of seeing a person once a week did absolutely nothing yet in a few 2 minutes with Serge Benhayon the energy had been called out as to what it was immediately hence started to unlock and heal. It is great to hear how your relationship with you mum has healed as well and you have not held onto blame, resentment or judgement.
This is an incredible story SC. Such a journey, and one that many of us have been on in one way or another. The understanding that you are not your issues is one of the biggest revelations any one can ever have. It’s freedom really, freedom to just be who you are.
I had never heard or came across any modality, before Universal Medicine, that held me in the knowing that I am complete, full and amazing. Everything else I tried always came with the energy of you not being enough… unless, you did this, sat like that or drank a miracle cure. I see now that it was what I believed that had me looking in the directions I did… but deep down I knew there was more.
“No longer is there a reliance on seeing a practitioner to fix me – my healing is mine” This is so inspiring, I so often look to others for the answer, instead of saying hang on a minute, I actually already have the answer – I already know it I just have to take my next step claiming it – and no one else can do this for me.
Beautiful. “Esoteric Healing always sees me from the essence of love that I am – and the things that I do, or that have happened to me, are not who I truly am.” Universal Medicine offers us all the choice to reconnect to and feel the Divine essence of who we truly are.
If all we do is focus on our issues, imperfections and weaknesses how will we ever learn to appreciate our strengths that help to nourish and rebuild us up.
A beautiful account of what came before and what came after your meeting with Serge Benhayon. A 1 hour session vs 8 years of therapy – that says it all.
Being a victim gets us nowhere but further buried into the ‘what is not’ of who we are and attracts sympathy, which deems us as less than others.
“my healing is mine” – Ha!
What a responsibility. What an empowerment!
Wonderful SC what you have shared is a testimonial that true healing is possible. Thank you for not holding back such an amazing and very inspiring way you have found with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Beautifully expressed SC. I know without a doubt that everything we have ever experienced is stored in our bodies if we haven’t yet dealt with it. When we allow ourselves to feel all that we feel our bodies release the trauma and we set ourselves free.
That’s extra-ordinary to attend psychotherapy sessions for eight years and there to be no healing. The important point here is to understand what healing is so that issues are not buried and locked away to be forgotten and then become our clever behaviours. “Esoteric Healing always sees me from the essence of love that I am – and the things that I do, or that have happened to me, are not who I truly am.”
I spent 3 years and quite a lot of money going to counselling sessions regularly, but nothing ever changed. It was as you have said Sarah, I was seen as broken and in need of fixing which only offered me a place to relieve myself of my anguish every week or so. I would cry and feel catharted (is that a word?!) but within hours I would have stepped back onto the hamster wheel of emotions – blame, guilt, lack of self-worth, self-loathing etc. It was my experience too that true healing began when I started taking responsibility for my choices through the loving reflection of Serge Benhayon.
We can spend a lot of time dealing with our issues, analysing them and trying to get to the bottom of them. All of that is a focus on what we are not. When we focus on what we are in truth, true healing can occur.
The only way we truly heal anything is to first see or connect to ourselves as complete. It is that part of us that does the healing of the part that is not. In that sense we are responsible for our own healing, and all that a practitioner can do, is facilitate that process through having healed themselves. That is exactly what Serge Benhayon did… and continues to do for thousands of others.
I got shivers down my spine reading this, you are so brave to put all this on paper, it actually proves how fare you have come in the healing process to be able to share your personal story with not an ounce of judgment or victim energy in your article. Its such a wake up call when you read content like this, an article of this quality, it just makes me think, I have no excuses to hold back, if you are powering in your relationship with yourself and publishing amazing blogs about it after what you have experienced in childhood then there is no good enough reason to stop me from writing a blog. What an inspiration, thank you.
“Therein lies the choice – to be a victim of my childhood, or to take responsibility and heal that inner child from a place of love.” It is a major healing to take responsibility for being in our hurts when we can so easily slip into justifying playing the victim. It is the difference between control and connection for playing the victim is a form of control and it takes over our life and taints everything whereas connection to who we truly are frees us as we can then know our self and others from a whole different perspective through the eyes of the Soul.
Thankyou SC for sharing your experiences. I have also experienced many different so called healing modalities but it was not until I came to Universal Medicine that true, lasting healing began. And like yourself, I am a practitioner of my own healing, as I can very much relate to this line “I have been empowered by the many techniques offered by Universal Medicine to build my self-love.”
Wow SC how truly simple, in a moment the absolute understanding of who you are and holding you with an immense amount of love and respect, true healing takes place, “He closed his eyes and said that the true reason I was there was that the scars of the sexual abuse were still locked in my body, and I felt trapped by the old patterns that were driving me.”
It is quite worrying how people have professions of therapists or counsellors but do not have a true understanding with regards to energy .. hence 8 years of psychotherapy with nothing changing for you. I have experience this as well attending many courses, counselling and body work therapies with nothing actually changing, the true root of the problems not being picked up or addressed. We live a lie ‘thinking’ we are changing something when in reality we are not, in fact in some cases we are just compounding this more in our body. I have however experienced the absolute opposite of this with Universal Medicine and Sacred Esoteric Healing modalities. The truth of energy is a known, there is no guessing, the root of the problem is felt and addressed (if the client is willing and open to healing) and old patterns, hurts, behaviours, beliefs are cleared from the body leaving the person to instead feel their own essence, who they truly are and live from this. It is not a magic pill and not easy at times .. commitment and honesty are required but since attending my first Sacred Esoteric Healing course I have not looked back and am in a completely new and beautifull place in my life to where I was 10 years ago. It was beautifull to read this, you captured and expressed the true love Serge Benhayon is so well ‘He closed his eyes and said that the true reason I was there was that the scars of the sexual abuse were still locked in my body, and I felt trapped by the old patterns that were driving me.’ Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you SC for sharing this. Approaching healing from the stance of we are not broken is a huge key point and something that we always need to be reminded of. It’s so strong to go into blame or victimhood that saying ‘hang on, I am not at fault but in disconnection from myself these things happened’ – is a game changer.
I missed this article when it was first published but it has been beautiful to read it now and to feel the truth in this “true healing process is the polar opposite of psychotherapy, which focuses on going over and over the pattern of the impact of the abuse, and band-aid solutions that never truly address the deeper pattern.” Esoteric healing is the only modality I know from experience that addresses to roots and patterns from the perspective of love and knowing, that I am not broken.
A brilliant testimony of what true healing is about and the power of Esoteric Healing, thank you.
Beautiful and inspiring to read, thank you SC. starting with knowing who we truly are and from there building self love in the body brings the healing we longing for. To be met by Serge in his deep profound love confirms the love that we are in his reflection.
‘Esoteric Healing always sees me from the essence of love that I am.’ Beautifully said and very true SC, all the Esoteric Modalities are so supportive and powerful in allowing the body to surrender and to truly heal.
What stands out the most to me in this blog is the word choice. It was like the whole page lit up, it was as if SC claimed her choice to live again, to breathe again, to be who she is free from hurt. But the fact that this came from an initial experience of deep understanding and love is very significant and it really does bring in to question the current medical practise of psychology – as well meaning as it is, is there room within the practice perhaps for love to be a part of the therapeutic equation?
“Esoteric Healing always sees me from the essence of love that I am – and the things that I do, or that have happened to me, are not who I truly am. A very different approach.” It certainly is a different approach, so much so that after one workshop, a session with Serge Benhayon and three months of intense questioning I totally renounced my very busy kinesiology practice (of 15 plus years building) to learn and live the Esoteric approach. It is true healing and true living.
Thank-you for sharing so openly and honestly your journey back to you SC. True healing can only occur when we are willing to let go of being victim to our childhood hurts and Universal Medicine Practitioners are there all the way to support us in re-connecting back our real essence by seeing us for the love we truly are and as you express “therein lies the choice – to be a victim of my childhood, or to take responsibility and heal that inner-child from a place of love”.
The therapy groups around a specific issue are really something to watch out. You have an issue. You go there.The meetings confirm that you are the issue and you construct a whole way of being around it. You even get a way to feel occasional relief. These groups are like a black hole. It is very easy to walk in, and very difficult to leave. You become a walking issue.
So true Eduardo for when we walk our issues every step reinforces that pattern.
I love how freely you share your life and the experience you have had in trying to heal, then in true healing. This article is an amazing support for anyone who has experienced sexual abuse, or in fact, any abuse.
Yes shows how there is many paths and its about choosing the true path to healing no matter what your experience of abuse you have had. When there is a will to want to heal the true healing presents itself.
Beautiful story of healing, thank you SC for sharing this and showing just what a paradigm shift Universal Medicine therapies offer and how very needed they are.