by SC, London, UK
When I was 27 years old, I had just left my marriage of ten months and felt depressed and lost. A friend suggested I come to an open night for a new counselling and psychotherapy organisation in Crows Nest, Sydney. Unknown to me at the time, it was based on the AA (alcoholic anonymous) principles. I subsequently joined a weekly therapy group to address my depression and anxiety.
One night a week I would show up and talk about my problems in the group… and it was always focused on what we had ‘done wrong’ that week. There was a loose structure to dig deeper, but the basis was always how ‘bad’ we were/are – always looking first at the broken part of us, the victim. Within two weeks of group work and working through the childhood years, the childhood sexual abuse from my stepfather came flooding back. The abuse happened every Friday night from age six to eleven. It ended when my mother left him after seeing us together. I had told her many times what was going on, but she refused to acknowledge what was happening. I had buried it so deeply that I had literally forgotten – but once the floodgates opened, all the memories returned. That’s when I started the one-to-one sessions, as I needed support and it was there and available.
After 18 months I stopped group work, but continued my weekly one-to-one sessions for the next eight years with the same counsellor. During that time I cognitively ‘addressed’ my abuse, but the patterns of behaviour continued and the sense of anxiety was always present. I felt that mentally I had dealt with the abuse, but I still felt trapped in old patterns that I had no control over. I felt like I couldn’t live life without my sessions with my counsellor!
Nothing really changed – I was still drinking heavily, doing recreational drugs and, with a poor diet, my body was a mess. I had needy relationships with men that didn’t last longer than a year.
The day I met Serge Benhayon for a session, I was 33 years old. He asked me why I had come to see him… I replied that a friend had been the day before and she looked amazing and I knew I wanted some of that. He closed his eyes and said that the true reason I was there was that the scars of the sexual abuse were still locked in my body, and I felt trapped by the old patterns that were driving me. I started to cry, and felt so much acceptance and love from him that even today tears well up when I remember that moment.
What was revealed to me in that hour was the power of true love. Serge talked through the whole session and explained everything as the healing unfolded. I felt everything in my body. It was like my body lit up and I could feel myself again. And so began the true healing I was longing for.
In my experience, this true healing process is the polar opposite of psychotherapy, which focuses on going over and over the pattern of the impact of the abuse, and band-aid solutions that never truly address the deeper pattern. And the AA model that “I am an alcoholic” is simply not true. I know there are different counselling techniques that have been introduced over the last ten years that profess to look at the body too, but their driving force is that “you are broken and need fixing”.
Esoteric Healing always sees me from the essence of love that I am – and the things that I do, or that have happened to me, are not who I truly am. A very different approach. Esoteric Healing offered me the opportunity to be truthful as to the impact of patterns of behaviour and to see them, not as who I am, but as the things I do to NOT be all that I am, naturally. Therein lies the choice – to be a victim of my childhood, or to take responsibility and heal that inner child from a place of love.
The past abuse had placed strain on my relationship with my Mum over the years, the pain of the silence of not speaking out for me of the abuse at the time, though, through my own unfolding with esoteric healing, I have been able to let hurt and judgment go, which has consequently changed and deepened the relationship we now have together.
The Universal Medicine courses provide a place of learning. He/they have given me the opportunity to deepen my awareness to myself and reveal the patterns of behaviour that affect me in daily life, to deepen my tenderness with myself in every expression.
Reflecting on the eight years of psychotherapy, I know in truth that nothing really changed – compounded by a lack of growth in my bank account! But I would not know that truth if it weren’t for my commitment to healing myself and the guidance and reflection of love that I continue to feel from Serge Benhayon, his development of the Universal Medicine Courses I attend, and the Esoteric Practitioners I see for support when I need it.
No longer is there a reliance on seeing a practitioner to fix me – my healing is mine, and I have been empowered by the many techniques offered by Universal Medicine to build my self-love.
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
“Esoteric Healing always sees me from the essence of love that I am” Building on a foundation of love offers us to deepen the love that we are.
Getting to the energetic root of an issue/hurt is where true healing occurs.
The way you describe this moment is so tangible ‘He asked me why I had come to see him… I replied that a friend had been the day before and she looked amazing and I knew I wanted some of that. He closed his eyes and said that the true reason I was there was that the scars of the sexual abuse were still locked in my body, and I felt trapped by the old patterns that were driving me.’ On reflection what I can see is how much we can lie to ourselves in not allowing ourselves to feel the truth ‘I replied that a friend had been the day before and she looked amazing and I knew I wanted some of that.’ and similar when we get ourselves out of the way true love and wisdom can come from our bodies to be given to another ‘He closed his eyes and said that the true reason I was there was that the scars of the sexual abuse were still locked in my body, and I felt trapped by the old patterns that were driving me’. What I can feel is how this one sentence acknowledged the truth for you and instantly gave you the space to let the trapped and old patterns go.
I loved reading this, ‘to be truthful as to the impact of patterns of behaviours and to see them, not as who I am, but as the things I do to NOT be all that I am, naturally’. Everyone one us are in this trap and for many, they remain or don’t know how to get out of it. We continue living as victims.
I know we are more than this, at some point we do need to take responsibility and truly do something about it.
SC you spent eight years being counselled and yet, with however many sessions you had with Serge Benhayon, you started to lift the things you no longer were. That is remarkable – this is true healing.
I agree 8 years of counselling … that is a long long time. Yet with someone that truly understands and knows energy in just 1 session true healing instantly begins. This shows me how much as a whole we need to understand and be aware of the truth of energy, true energetic awareness, as it is with this awareness that mountains can be moved otherwise we are just going round and round and round in circles … literally.
Esoteric Healing, as taught by Serge Benhayon, is the only form of true healing I have come across in this life.
True will always come to us when we ask and as it unfolds it opens us to a deeper level of healing than we ever thought was possible. In this process of finding the Truth, we take away all the judge-mental aspects that have layered themselves over the ill-energy that cased any trauma in the first place. So we have to be open to discovering the energetic root cause of any situation, then True healing can certainly clear all our ills.
Many people spend years on counseling. And I have always had this suspicion that it actually suits both the client and practitioner if the client stays with whatever they are stuck with. Truth does not do sympathy, blame or shame, and often we don’t know to be in that domain.
Absolutely Fumiyo, there can definitely be a needy-ness from both parties when it comes to counseling of any kind, but when we see a True healer as is delivered through esoteric healing then both parties are equal thus eliminating any judgement or needing so True healing is offered.
Fumiyo, I can recall having some relationship counselling session, and my partner was present. I could feel the counsellor was one sided, when she was asking my partner what felt like, some awkward questions. I loved it in one respect, because he was not controlling then. But what I could feel was the judgment towards my partner.
A true counsellor has no opinions of anyone, no taking of sides either – then healing can truly occur.
True healing releases you from being a victim, allows you to move on, and not be trapped by old limiting behaviours, ‘Therein lies the choice – to be a victim of my childhood, or to take responsibility and heal that inner child from a place of love.’
Also our divine Will deepens our relationship with Heaven and thus allows the healing from all childhood hurts to transform our relationship on every level.
I know what it feels like to think that you cannot get through the week without seeing your counsellor,
for me it was twice a week with a psychiatrist and the time scale was many years longer. But nothing changed the levels of that anxiety remained. I felt I could only cope if I knew they were there propping me up. Universal Medicine’s approach to life is that we are already everything, we are not broken so do not need fixing. There is a deep understanding that underneath the hurts the true essence of who we are is still there buried, yes by the hurts ,but still there burning as bright as ever. When we connect back to our essence everything changes and real life starts again.
A very powerful testimony SC. I also have experienced that the power of Esoteric Healing modalities is that its principles center on confirming the innate love we are in essence first, from which we then can feel for ourselves what is not of this love, be it behaviours, patterns of abuse, or otherwise our hurts. In deepening our connection to knowing who we truly are, we can feel how nothing can change this, we only have things in the way of us living it. When we willingly address, heal and let go of what is holding us back, we then are freed to simply live the power of who we naturally are.
Starting from the principle that we are already whole, not ‘broken’ needing to be fixed, and instead need to discard that which is not us, is a fundamental shift in approach to healing, which leads to resolutions instead of solutions.
This is very empowering to read and also very poignant (and sad) in that lately more and more I have been seeing how someone can have so much therapy but nothing changes. To me it is very worrying that a psychotherapist can work with someone for 8 years and continue to do so without any real change happening, surely at some point you would start to question why there is no real change or signpost to another service that you feel could support. From my experience as well Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have supported me to truly get to the root of hurts etc I held in my body in order for me to finally let them go. These modalities should be studied more, they are deeply and true healing.
If I focus on my issues being issues then they continue to hang around. If I focus on the love being avoided underneath the issue THEN thats when things start to shift.
Beautifully said Leigh. I know I have found the same as the more I focus on deepening a relationship with ‘what is’ true, who we really are within, the more awareness of how the ‘what is not’ true can be addressed and cleared.
There is a great point touched on here, in how Serge Benhayon can present truth in such a way that exposes the lie that was being lived as a truth.
Until I met Serge Benhayon I did not know what true healing was. And more to the point – I had bought into society’s mess and was not listening to my body’s feelings that were always telling me what I needed in life.
Approaching healing with “you are broken and need fixing” feels loaded with sympathy and disempowerment. Healing is a personal experience and no one can really heal us, we have the power to embrace healing or not through the loving reflection and support of others. In truth, our essence cannot be broken and our hurts only get in the way of us living in our essence, so healing is a process of discarding all that does not belong to allow us to express and live who we truly are.
The point of departure of any therapy is key because it also pre-configures what the arrival point may/could be.
It is only when we love ourselves that we can offer true support to others
“It was like my body lit up and I could feel myself again” – I experienced this same thing when I first heard Serge Benhayon speak at a workshop, there is something about the truth lovingly spoken that ignites something within ourselves. It’s an extraordinary sharing SC, and particularly the reading Serge gave you, and the philosophy of Esoteric Healing that acknowledges the beauty we are in essence as well as dealing with the traumatic experiences. Thanks for sharing your story.
When we wallow in and focus only on what we have done wrong there is absolutely no space to change that thought pattern.
I agree Suse, it is like using an ill energy to try to resolve our issues and hurts, this doesn’t work because we are only adding to the same energy, but if we use a loving energy to address the ill energy/issues then we can feel the difference and shift our patterns and behaviours.
In my first session with an esoteric practitioner I was explained exactly that – the esoteric always sees the beauty in the person first and foremost. In that something for me clicked and I thought – well of course, that has to be the basis of all medicine because how otherwise will a person heal.
Seeing the beauty in the person first, the true person, the innate love we are in essence first, from which we then can feel for ourselves what is not of this love.
Healing comes from responsibility and love, and this is what I’ve found in Universal Medicine too.
I had a similar very healing experience around abuse when I first saw Serge Benhayon as a practitioner. I had experienced what felt like being gang raped in a medical procedure when I was little but because it was not the normal version of abuse, I had never talked it about it before. It was so healing to have Serge acknowledge the abuse and begin to heal and deal with the fact that it had been in my body affecting me for so long.
Quite amazing really. The power of love is beyond what words can describe. Sounds like a bit of a cliché but I think that is why a lot of practices such as psychotherapy only works to a certain extent. Because they do not come with love, it’s mostly a mental approach, and it doesn’t change the energy locked into the body from what has been experienced.
“No longer is there a reliance on seeing a practitioner to fix me – my healing is mine, and I have been empowered by the many techniques offered by Universal Medicine to build my self-love.” In contrast to what we usually understand to be true, it is this empowering approach of Universal Medicine and the practitioners of these modalities that truly support us to understand that we all have the capacity to heal our past hurts, rather than continually placing the blame on another.
The empowering approach of Universal Medicine is unique, it does not keep us locked in victim mentality, blaming another, rather it allows us to reclaim and accept our power.
A true and empowering healing SC, thank you for sharing your experience.
Building strenght from inside out gives us the capacity to go forward with our presence.. Knowing that healing is part of our everyday life and that healing occurs by our willingness to be and let go of the old. Move on with all that we have build and let go so far.
‘Therein lies the choice – to be a victim of my childhood, or to take responsibility and heal that inner child from a place of love’ It is never too late to reparent ourselves and to live the love that we are. I can feel in this blog how you have turned the corner so to speak and are allowing this to happen.
Alcoholics Anonymous is curious. On the one hand, it makes a point regarding anonymity. At the same time, it makes a point regarding the need to identify yourself as being an alcoholic in recovery. So, it does not matter who you are as long as you identify yourself as an alcoholic; fact that guarantees your not healing the reason why you drink in the first place. A smart way to keep having a solid rate of enrollment. AA is not about healing but looking good as organization.
This is a great article – we can choose to live a life of blame and keep repeating patterns of old behaviour or we can choose to see the energy that is driving our stuck-ness and move beyond the pain and the hurt. We have much to appreciate and much to let go of, we can work on both at the same time.
8 years of psychotherapy, gosh this sounds more like they needed you, not you needing them! I am wondering after you having that moment of clarity and starting to feel light in your body again from meeting Serge Benhayon, if you went back to the psychotherapist to speak with them about this .. they could have learnt something here maybe? In life I have tried many different things to try to heal hurts or change my life or feel more connected to me, but it was like putting a band aid on (or in some cases burying it deeper) nothing changed, that is nothing changed until I met Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon and then that is when I can honestly say true healing began.
The scars of our past hurts remain in our bodies which impacts on everything we do and all our relationships, especially the relationship with ourselves. The Esoteric Modalities, are an amazing support when we are ready to face ourselves and our past unloving choices.
Very inspiring of how much you have healed and let go which is evident in the deepening relationship with your mother. I have also found the Esoteric modalities by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine an amazing support for my body to expose old ways of being and behaving.
The best healing I have ever received was to surrender. Surrender and your body would know how.
I can see the importance of building that relationship with who you are, the loving, delicate amazing child, now woman, and the importance of seeing that you don’t need fixing, you need to understand so it doesn’t define who you are or how you now live. I feel we have much to learn in the professional world when we truly listen to people who have experienced abuse so we can all heal, not compound the pain and ensure we are not adding to the behaviours that extend the healing process.
One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to face our past and heal our hurts, and then we have more space in the body to feel more of who we are and our true divine essence.
I so agree there’s a big difference between Esoteric healing modalities and many other modalities around these days. It is incredibly healing to be met by someone who not only says ‘we are love in essence’ but lives that truth and knows it for real.
Not only is this a great testimony for Esoteric Healing but also highlights the fact that the AA model does not truly work to heal the hurt at its root.
Clearly the AA model does not truly work, ‘Nothing really changed – I was still drinking heavily, doing recreational drugs and, with a poor diet, my body was a mess. I had needy relationships with men that didn’t last longer than a year.’
Quite a conclusion, that things like AA and psychotherapy provide insight but on a mental level, meaning that the abusive patterns stay as they are, stored in the body, not in the mind. With our minds we can understand and try to manage those patterns, but we can never heal them.
There was no true healing with the models SC experienced, these models keep the client needy and putting themselves down, blaming themselves.
“Esoteric Healing always sees me from the essence of love that I am – and the things that I do, or that have happened to me, are not who I truly am”. This is so different to how most practitioners view their clients – possibly because there is a belief that if the client isn’t broken, then there is nothing for the practitioner to do. Knowing you are whole and pure is super empowering and allows us to know we heal ourselves.
What is this saying about the models SC went to, is it that they do not want a true healing…’ possibly because there is a belief that if the client isn’t broken, then there is nothing for the practitioner to do’.
Beautiful to feel your own healing through taking responsibility and not allowing your childhood issues to own you, or wanting to find a fix for them, when the true healing comes from within yourself.
‘true healing comes from within yourself’ and does not seek to fix or to remedy anything from the past, rather to arrest the ill energy and see that none of it is who we truly are, rather choices that were made out of reaction to not being the love that we are.
We need to include the physical body when it comes to healing our past hurts and that is why Esoteric Healing has so much to offer. And most importantly, Esoteric Healing does not view anyone as broken, faulty or lacking – true healing is, after all, the shedding of what we are not and never is it an improvement on what we already are.
Absolutely, we do need to address the physical body in true healing, so much is stored in our bodies, ‘true healing is, after all, the shedding of what we are not and never is it an improvement on what we already are’.
I agree with you when you say
“In my experience, this true healing process is the polar opposite of psychotherapy, which focuses on going over and over the pattern of the impact of the abuse, and band-aid solutions that never truly address the deeper pattern.”
I spent 25+ years in psychotherapy and nothing changed I was encouraged to be the ‘victim’ of life.
Finding Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine was the best medicine because as you say SC the healing modalities on offer see us from the pure essence we are and work from that base. And how ridiculous is it that we spend so much time and energy not being all that we truly are.
I love what you share “No longer is there a reliance on seeing a practitioner to fix me – my healing is mine, and I have been empowered by the many techniques offered by Universal Medicine to build my self-love.” This in itself feels so empowering, we are our own healers, we don’t need to give our power away. Yes sometimes we need support from other practitioners but that is to go deeper in our healing journey.
That’s true self empowerment!
This is an incredible account of someone who knows that there is more and who seeks it, not willing to settle for short-term solutions that lead no where but back to the same point again and again – you have sought the ageless wisdom which is a testament to your strength and inner wisdom.
I didn’t experience sexual abuse but I certainly did hold many beliefs about there being something wrong with me that needed to be fixed. How very healing it is to realise that the beautiful essence that we all have equally within us is fully in tact, untouched and ‘untaintable’ and that we can reconnect to it when we choose to. Thank you SC for this testament to the real power of Esoteric Healing and the graceful work of Serge Benhayon.