Meeting Myself, Meeting Others

by Richard Mills, UK

Over the past two years I have been involved with Universal Medicine – attending courses, workshops, private sessions, listening to recordings and reading books. There have been changes in my life as a consequence, such as to my sleep rhythms and diet, but if I were to identify the most significant impact there has been it would be in my relationships.

It may not sound very exciting, but to experience what it truly means to ‘meet’ another person is really quite stunning. We are accustomed to the term ‘meeting someone’ to mean saying hello, or shaking hands and maybe exchanging a few pleasantries. To truly meet another is so much greater than this.

It seems the first thing we must do is ‘meet ourselves’. This is about connecting within, or more accurately, reconnecting within. So many of our relationships have been built upon mutual needs – we are seeking something from the other, maybe approval, maybe recognition, maybe acceptance. Why though, do we need anything from them? My experience is that we are trying to compensate for a deep sense of emptiness inside us. I’ve tried lots of ways of healing that emptiness and must conclude that none of them have truly worked, not long term. What has worked though is to reconnect to who I truly am within. Could it be therefore, that the emptiness so many people feel is the result of being disconnected from their true being?

Universal Medicine has presented me with many ways of reconnecting with my true being; for example, practising the Gentle Breath meditation, a very simple breathing technique. Having used this meditation for about 18 months now, I have felt myself redevelop that connection with my innermost self, and this ‘meeting with me’, has had an amazing effect on my meetings with others. When we have ‘met ourselves’ we remove the neediness from our relationships with others, replacing the ‘neediness’ with a deeper level of respect and an openness to truly be with another. It is then possible to allow the other to be who they are (whether they realise it or not), and to truly meet them without any other agendas. To relate to others in this way is simply joy-full.

A few years ago in my work capacity I attended a presentation by a man described as a ‘Learning Disability Champion’. He had a disability himself, and he presented some statistics about a survey done in America about support for those with Learning Disabilities. The service users were asked “how many of you feel you have been met by your support workers?” The outcome… only 4% said yes, that they felt they had been met. What I observe in my work is that the staff who are truly able to meet others create very different relationships with the people they support, and they rarely encounter what in the business we call ‘challenging behaviour’. I am certain this is because they meet that person’s fundamental need to be truly connected with. However, as the survey reflects, not many people are meeting others this way as a matter of course.

In my opinion, this aspect of what Universal Medicine teaches is crucial. We must all learn to reconnect with ourselves first and yes, love ourselves. Only then can we begin healing our relationships with others and creating harmony and true well-being in our lives.

259 thoughts on “Meeting Myself, Meeting Others

  1. “Could it be therefore, that the emptiness so many people feel is the result of being disconnected from their true being?” – in a word YES.

  2. I completely agree everyone wants to be met and you cannot meet others if you have not met (reconnected to) your true self first. The more deeply we are connected to ourselves and our essence the more deeply we can connect to others and the more joy and healing there is for everyone concerned.

  3. Much of my work is run on timescales and processes are big deals. And yes they are very important. But I can often choose getting sucked into running just in front of these timescales or chasing after them to get ahead. So it’s gorgeous to come back to what I know to be true and read this article. True healing is when I am with people and present a space where they feel met – where they are not the problem or the challenging situation. No matter how consciously aware they are of being held in deep respect, their body will register it and the choice to simply be.

  4. There are so many options on offer to fill the emptiness within – TV, the massive variety of food and drink, sports, entertainment…. pretty much every man-made venture has the ability to be used as a ‘filler’ in life. But what happens when we exhaust them and the emptiness is still there? Thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for presenting the truth of life and how to live in the fullness of who we truly are.

  5. Learning to reconnect with ourselves and to know the love we innately are is such a simple thing to do but it is a very profound transformation in how we relate to ourselves and then to others and to life. Four years on and this truth has stood the test of time for me. It is equally true today as it was when this blog was written. In fact that initial meeting with self was the start of an ever deepening relationship with me, the truth of me – and this is a joy to experience. This should be our very first lesson in school – or even before school – in kindergarden or nursery. The value of this way of life brought to us all by Serge Benhayon is hard to quantify – but he has my gratitude forever, for sure.

  6. From my own lived experience, and what I have observed from how others live, so many of us exist with an emptiness that we are continually trying to fill in a multitude of ways; from food, drink, sport, tv, gambling, etc. But sadly we mightn’t even be aware that it is emptiness, and all these techniques used to ‘fill us up’ are just considered normal events in our daily lives. I also know that when I finally experienced what it was like to re-connect to my breath and to myself through the Gentle Breath Meditation, I was able to feel that emptiness, and slowly beginning to understand what was behind it I finally met myself.

  7. I wonder why I entertain disconnection at all, what’s behind it that has me gloss over an opportunity to feel two hearts meet. In these moments that I realise I am on automatic pilot and not in connection to myself, I’m not fully present in my body and I have allowed the mind to run the show.

  8. There can be no true well-being or harmony in our relationships with others, if we’re not living harmoniously, and relating harmoniously, to ourselves, first.

  9. First and foremost the connection has to be with our own self , truly meeting ourselves with love, self care and appreciation enables us to truly meet another for who they are. I have found when I am disconnected from myself and into the emptiness I become needy for something from the outside to fill that need.

  10. ‘Could it be therefore, that the emptiness so many people feel is the result of being disconnected from their true being?’ Richard this is a great question to be asking, I am sure many of the world’s problems would dissolve if humanity were living in connection with their true selves, and I am sure we would also begin to see a significant decline in illness and disease everywhere.

  11. Four years on from writing this blog and I can report that I still feel the same way. Living life in connection with myself brings a rich quality to relationships that I had not experienced beforehand. This now includes my marriage which is a real blessing – because my wife and I know and practice this way of being and accept that we are responsible for our own connection first and foremost. From this foundation we can then ‘meet’ each other without the need to seek approval or recognition from the other. Who needs recognition when we know love within our own hearts?

  12. Having a connection with people first, always outweighs the need to have a relationship based on a service provided. Providing a service without considering what the service is for and how it will service the people will never truly serve to truly benefit another person.

  13. It is profoundly beautiful to be met for who we truly are. For me it reawakened a love of others I had been burying under layers of sadness of the state of the world and what we as a humanity had created. Now, having been reconnecting to myself more and more, I love to meet another in this way and feel the absolute equality between us. Its a gift.

  14. When we meet a person, it can become a habit to step towards another when greeting them, and in this action, we unconsciously look outwardly, separating from ourselves a bit. In meeting another it is an opportunity to see the reflection of ourselves in them, and I agree, “…It seems the first thing we must do is ‘meet ourselves’…”

  15. Reading your article Richard I have just realised something for myself. I connect with the clients I work with, I have for a long time. But what I have realised is that I don’t connect to my colleagues in the same way, I remain a bit distant, with a professional air. It’s interesting to ponder on this one for I have noticed the difference for a very long time. So the question is for me why do I feel I need to be different with different people and am I meeting a need with my clients that I may be avoiding with my colleagues?

    1. Great point Jennifer. What comes up for me around this topic is the expectation that we have ‘professional relationships’ with our colleagues often based upon ‘standards’, ‘guidelines’, ‘policies and procedures’ and ‘codes of conduct’. We ‘represent’ the organisations we work for and are expected to embody their values and in a sense not be who we are. There is something deeper to explore here.

  16. Richard, I agree with what you are sharing here, I have found that because I now truly love and care for myself that I am now truly able to love and care for others. I have noticed that at work that I am present and loving with the people I work with, I meet the people I work with for who they are, this feels really lovely and supportive and very different to how I used to be at work, which was judgmental of others and working only for my needs and my self gain only.

  17. Richard I agree, to have and to develop the relationship with ourselves first, is fundamental and extends into the quality of relationships we have with others. Everything can be felt from the pretend smile to an honest and real connection.

  18. Wow Richard. The outcome of the research you mention here says it all. We all know what it is to be truly met and truly seen. When someone truly meets us they see our essence, our potential and the truth of who we are and they are only able to do this once they have done the same for themselves.

  19. … ” Could it be therefore, that the emptiness so many people feel is the result of being disconnected from their true being?”… Yes, and it could also be the seed for most of man’s illnesses and dis-eases too… Separation from one’s innermost love.

  20. Do we meet the actual being before us, or do we arrive pre-laden with our own walls, biases and agendas… much to consider here Richard Mills, and thank-you. I agree in full that the deeper I go in my relationship with myself, the greater my capacity to truly hold and meet another – way beyond any ‘surface’ appearance and/or behaviour.

  21. Opening our capacity to let another into who we ourselves are, opens up what all know deep within we are looking for – to be held and met in and by love from those around us.
    It actually takes awareness, willingness and self-work, yet is worth it beyond measure – humanity is starved of such true connection. In taking the responsibility for this back to ourselves, our world can indeed change.

  22. One of the biggest changes I’ve found in my relationships with people is when the focus between us is on ourselves and each other first THEN whatever it is we are to do together. If we approach others straight into ‘what’s the job/task’ we lose out on being with that person. But with connection first whatever we do becomes more fun. While not perfect in this I have experienced from Universal Medicine the two different situations and can say that connection feels richer and lighter than the drive to achieve.

  23. “When we have ‘met ourselves’ we remove the neediness from our relationships with others, replacing the ‘neediness’ with a deeper level of respect and an openness to truly be with another.” I love what you have shared in your honest blog Richard. Through my own experience I only can agree that my relationships had been changed since I am more re-connected with myself and I have to admit that life is also not that exhausting anymore. How would our world would look like if more people would re-connect to themselves?

  24. There is no substitute for this reconnection with the true heart of our being, for where there is disconnection we are left searching for love out in a world full of other seekers. No-one is bringing the love to the party so to speak and hence the ‘cupboard is bare’. When we embrace our responsibility to be the source of love then this starts to turn around and relationships are based on a very different premise: What am I bringing to this meeting rather than what can I get from it? Meeting another who seeks nothing from you but instead brings a heart full of love is a very beautiful basis upon which relationships can truly thrive.

  25. Wow only 4% of people felt met? That is really sad, when all it takes is a moment of our time and a moment of connection to support someone else in their day. It really exposes how we all live in our own bubble and rarely truly consider another person.

  26. It’s so interesting that when people feel met they do not feel they have to act out with ‘challenging behaviour’. I just goes to show that this behaviour is just a way of being noticed, of being seen or acknowledged, even if it may not be the love we all crave, it is better than not being seen or met at all.

    1. I see this in children too, especially when they feel the disconnection and not being met, they tend to then seek attention through misbehaving. But when we truly connect with them they light up and easily respond with the same connection.

  27. Yes we do so many things ‘out there’ to fill a void within, when will we en masse stop and re-consider that this is an exhausting and ultimately unfulfilling road…how many generations need to repeat the same trend before we say enough is enough?

  28. It’s true what you’ve shared here Richard, in that connection all issues cease to exist, or they simply are not seen any anything bigger than who we or another is.

  29. So true, we hold meetings trying to come to a kind of conclusion/agreement, yet trying to do that without truly meeting (an)other(s) – it really doesn’t make sense, but we do. And if we are not meeting ourselves first, we often think being met is to have our needs/expectation filled.

    1. Good point Fumiyo. I wonder how many meetings there are taking place in the world today where people do not truly meet one another?

  30. When we develop a loving relationship with ourselves we naturally have loving relationships with others. Even when we are faced with challenging behaviours having a strong foundation of love support us to handle any situation with love, understanding and clarity. Not only that we are also less likely to be affected by them and more able to bring harmony and love to any situation.

  31. Yes to meet someone is not truly meeting them unless it is truly felt…which has nothing to do with our behaviour.

  32. It is all about meeting ourselves, which is bringing a whole different foundation for relationships with others, it brings us back to the simplicity of connection from heart to heart.

  33. What you speak of Richard is what this world today is greatly missing – truly meeting ourselves and truly meeting others. I know from experience when I am truly met by another I feel honoured, confirmed and at ease to open up and be myself. I also have discovered how developing a loving and honoring relationship with myself allows me to not only deepen my connection with who I am in truth, but also to enjoy, appreciate and cherish being myself, and it is this foundation that I naturally then bring to all my relationships.

  34. The awareness and learnings you have had Richard would revolutionise social care (not to mention every other area of life) if they were taught to social workers, carers etc. Better still, at school and role modelled at home!

    1. True Lucy. If we live in true connection to ourselves then there is connection in every relationship we have – wherever we are, whatever we do.

  35. You have simplified beautifully here Richard. Being met and meeting others equally is one of the most important thing in our lives. Also you mention the importance of meeting ourselves first.

  36. When we take care of ourselves first and connect to our essence we are able to meet others equally without needing anything from them. For example, without expectations, need for recognition etc. but simply able to be loving.

  37. Thank you Richard, a reminder here about why I can still feel needy or demanding at times in relationships – trying to fill the void of my own lack of connection and lack of self appreciation through others. It’s great that nowadays this is more a temporary thing as my connection to me is now experienced more consistently. It’s truly amazing how much contentment I feel in myself with my own connection to who I am and my lovely qualities. And, it feels amazing to take that out in the world and truly meet people for who they are too. Just me being me in that fullness is often enough for others to reconnect to their true inner essence, even without a verbal interaction it still can happen. You have re-inspired the joy I feel to live from the simple foundation of being me and truly meeting others.

    1. Awesome Melinda. I love what you share about how just being you is enough for others to reconnect to their essence too. The ripple effect goes far and wide.

  38. Being truly “met” is almost indescribable but it really impacts your whole being. I remember the first healing session I had with Serge Benhayon, he didn’t tell me I wasn’t wearing enough clothes in winter, he didn’t look down on me for drinking and smoking heavily, he simply met me and with that, my whole life changed. I no longer had any craving or drive to live the way I had been living, no lust for all nighters, no cravings for drugs. It truly is a science that will be studied, I was back to myself. It seems that in your profession the same rules apply, if you don’t meet the patient and connect to them, of course there will be a back lash, makes sense.

    1. Yes – judging others and laying down the law doesn’t really work does it. But being met from the fullness of that innermost connection however, offers a reflection of who we are and from there the opportunity to choose to return ‘to ourselves’ arises – and how wonderful that is.

  39. When we truly meet ourselves it is a joyful homecoming and we know we have reconnected to who we truly are and then we share this same joy in meeting another.

  40. If we have not met ourselves there is no one there to meet another. On the other hand if we have not only met but also embraced ourselves this is exactly how we will be with others. Great blog Richard

  41. We can spend countless hours trying to fill the emptiness but nothing in truth ever works. To address the emptiness you feel and begin to heal this is a game changer, I know I committed to this process with the support of Universal Medicine and my life changed considerably, just through the simple connection back to myself that allowed me to build a deeper relationship with myself where I can now experience this same quality of connection with others.

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