The Truth About That Apple and Me

by Ariana Ray, Wales, UK

Yesterday I sat on a train coming home from an event I had travelled to London for. I had a really full weekend, going to the event and enjoying the company of friends. For the first half of the journey home I worked, as I had on my journey up. Suddenly I noticed I was tired: I stopped working and sat still to feel what was going on… as I did so, I had an urge to eat.

I know that in the past I would have reached for a chocolate bar, biscuit, or cake and some coffee. I have learnt by trial and error that chocolate, coffee and other sugar hits change my ability to feel what is going on in my body; so much so that I decided not to eat them any more. I realised that when I ate those foods, I used them as a ’booster’ to override the tiredness I felt, when really I just needed to rest. So I would stay up late, overdo it and get exhausted. 

Through attending talks and workshops with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I became aware that sometimes I eat to distract or disguise something else that is going on, or even use food to stop myself feeling at all! Now I enjoy eating a great balanced diet – the food that feels right for me, and now I feel much more alert, alive and vital during my days.

Sitting on the train on this occasion, all I had with me was an apple. Apples are great, and we all know the ‘apple a day’ slogan; it’s a neat healthy package in a green wrapping that you can pop straight into your bag. I knew the apple would give me the energy boost to push through this tiredness and finish what I was doing, but was it what I really needed?

I decided not to eat it. I wanted to feel how tired I actually was – to just feel the tiredness instead of using something to eat or drink, even something as healthy as an apple, so I could finish a project or task. So I sat with it and let myself feel where I was tired, noticing my arms, my legs, my whole body. I let myself be with it, allowing the tiredness to be – and it actually felt great to do. Why would I push this away? I felt like I was sinking into a feather bed just allowing myself to feel just how tired I was after my full working week and a great, but very full weekend. It actually felt great just to sit and feel.

Reflecting on my working day, I realised that I frequently eat an apple mid-afternoon to ‘get me through’; to push away the feeling of tiredness, the tightness in my shoulders and arms, or the scrunching of my forehead from trying to figure out how to solve a problem. But what happens when I do that and push through the feeling instead of listening to it? So I considered the simple apple further.

Isn’t needing anything to override tiredness, in itself, telling me a lot about where I am at and how I have been working during the day? It’s like we develop a hole inside that needs filling, but it’s got nothing to do with hunger or needing food at all. It’s not every afternoon that I need a ‘booster’ – so what am I doing differently on those days?  

What would happen if I just felt, and allowed myself to be aware of what my body is really feeling instead of pushing through to get the job done to meet a deadline, a performance indicator, or get some recognition for doing so? I can’t just stop working in the middle of a working day, can I? Maybe not, but I can acknowledge what I’m feeling so that at least my day is real. It’s real in the sense that I’m paying attention to what I am truly feeling. So what’s the worst that can happen? Yes, I feel tired, but at least then I have the opportunity to feel this and bring the changes that are really needed into my daily life. Allowing myself to feel my tiredness wasn’t so scary, in fact it gave me permission to start truly caring for myself.

I guess where I’m coming from is that I want to feel whatever is going on and not ignore it, so I can feel what is making me tired, and change it when it happens. What’s the alternative? Running myself into the ground, not even noticing what I’m doing? No thanks. Not anymore.

After a month of ‘no apple’ at work I’ve realised I don’t need to hide from what my body is trying to say to me, and that this helps me to not push myself to a point where I get exhausted. It’s like being able to listen to that part of myself that ‘knows’ for the first time, giving myself permission to really pay attention, allowing the moment to feel, rest, and come back to myself.  My body seems to know a lot more about what’s good for me than my oh so busy mind thinks it knows.

533 thoughts on “The Truth About That Apple and Me

  1. I used to tell myself I was hungry on a regular basis when I had a certain ‘knawing’ feeling in my body. So I would eat something and it would go away…for a time. So surely that was hunger wasn’t it – if eating made it go away? No, it wasn’t and I too have discovered that I was using food to dull my senses and numb what I was feeling. I still have to work at this, but these days I am much more able to read what is really going on in my body, and that the empty feeling I sometimes have is not about food at all but about love and the call to love myself ever more deeply. No amount of food will ever take away the call we have to be more love. We may deceive ourselves that it is the case, but the truth of the matter will only be resolved by loving ourselves more.

    1. I used to be very irritable and impatient when I was hungry and I would find food as quick as possible to make that awful feeling go away, numb it. I realise now, I was shown by my body that I was already feeling the tension way before I needed to eat. Often I used just eat what was available to get rid of the tension and thought that was just something that happens when I was hungry.

  2. Yesterday at mid-afternoon I had to go to my local butchers which is combined with a fruit and veggie store. I also bought some apples and mandarins for my son’s school lunches and thought I’d have a mandarin. I don’t usually eat mandarins or apples these days as I find them quite sweet and my body feels a bit yuck afterwards. But I was happy to go along with it. Thankfully there was a moment of grace where I took the opportunity to go “hang on a second” and I pondered what was really going on. Earlier in the afternoon I’d had a wonderful session with an esoteric practitioner and I felt very open to life in a way where I was open to reading life. I realised that this was a bit uncomfortable and that the mandarin would have taken me to a place I was more comfortable in where I wasn’t able to read so clearly. I chose to not eat the mandarin and came home to a cucumber instead 🙂

  3. Choosing to listen to our body as to when to eat, the quantity and what to eat, I find is very supportive and natural for us. I find having set times for meals seems to take away the space for allowing our body to guide us. Often when I ask someone, ‘are you hungry and would you like some lunch?’ They often look at their watch or ask if it is lunch time. I have done this myself and I am learning to let my body tell me when to eat not my watch.

  4. Food receives so much flak these days but what you share here Ariana makes it super clear it’s not so much the items we eat but the desperate need for relief that we ought to out and address. We can fill ourselves up on the healthiest foods but if it’s done in a stiffiling way it hurts us deeply at the end of the day.

  5. It is a huge breakthrough when we start to truly listen to our body for he and she have much wisdom to share with us.

  6. When I first started listening I too discovered how much I was pushing myself and overriding the messages. These days I do that much less (and actually do a lot more) but still get tired at times. Now I have found that is usually connected to not so much the doing but what I have absorbed or where I have reacted with realising. There is a constant communication and evolution and we never ever stop learning and developing!

  7. So much ‘hiding’ goes on behind and with food. Thanks for insight on connecting hunger pains with tiredness. There are quite a few triggers for hunger pains and this is a great one to be aware of. I know for sure 95% of the so called hunger pains I feel have nothing to do with being hungry and everything to do with not wanting to feel what is going on.

  8. All I could feel in this was our resistance to surrender. It’s so crazy that we are so resistant to such an incredible love. The more we surrender and allow ourselves to feel the feathered wings that hold us the more we will not go for the apple.

  9. With certain choices in life, there is an inevitability that you can sense, that you really shouldn’t do this, but you choose to go ahead instead. You can sense the future of what will come from being this way, but proceed none the less. This is never about apples or money, your partner or work but always about your sense of what’s true and right. Honouring it, as you show Ariana is the best medicine we can know in this life.

  10. Ariana I love you apple experiment and I only can agree through my own “apple experiment that: “My body seems to know a lot more about what’s good for me than my oh so busy mind thinks it knows.” It seems to me that such an experience is something each of us has to find out through our own apple experiment.

  11. This is a fabulous blog Ariana as it has reminded me of just how beautiful it is to allow myself to feel what I am actually feeling at any given time without reverting to a relief or a quick fix.

  12. Early one morning when I was eight years old, I had this awful feeling of a hole in my stomach, and I was convinced I was going to die. My mother told me I was hungry and that I needed some toast, so I ate, and the feeling went away. The thing is ever since that day I would not let myself feel the slightest bit of hunger for fear of that experience being repeated, and then one day during an Esoteric Healing session my practitioner suggested that I allow myself to feel the emptiness inside and it turned out to be the same feeling. These days I don’t freak out when I have that feeling but can give myself the space to feel what is really going on and to not automatically reach for food to stop the feeling.

    1. This is so great Julie. It’s wonderful too because the food we eat never truly satisfies us – it just dopes us into a state of numbness so we think the emptiness has gone away, but soon enough the food wears off and we are no closer to our soul. If we allow ourselves to connect to soul instead, we go to the root cause of the issue.

  13. I find too that one piece of food, even if technically healthy, at the incorrect time eaten, too much, or too little, takes a huge toll on my body and leaves me feeling depleted in energy…

  14. Arianna, I love how to just allowed yourself feel tired. I have recently realised a belief that I can;t let myself be tired, so I would eat to prevent feeling that but in eating I would often compound my feelings of tiredness. It was the choice in food definitely, but often the eating wasn’t because I was genuinely hungry either. Honouring how tired we feel, rather than flighting against it is actually ok.

  15. Great sharing Ariana, which made me also ponder. How many times do I eat food to not feel things? I also discovered that often when I want food there is something uncomfortable I don’t fully want to feel. Many times seemingly “small” feelings. To distinguish wanting to eat because I am genuinely hungry and my body needs food and the feeling of wanting to eat to get me stimulated and to not feel things is a big change.

  16. You describe what it means to be real – real in assessing one´s state of being and way of living, real about the consequences of one´s choices and real about what can be done to support oneself to really improve one´s well-being.

  17. This blog has stayed with me ever since I first read it. It shows me that it’s actually ok to be tired. This is huge for me, because I feel exceptionally vulnerable when I’m tired in a place that I deem I ‘shouldn’t Be’, especially at work or in public etc. You remind me that it’s not our state of alertness that supports us, (although it’s important), it’s our awareness of energy that gives us everything we need.

  18. There is this kind of tiredness that actually is not a physical tiredness but more emotional or energetic, usually related to not wanting to be aware, to check out or avoid something. What then wakes one up is the focused choice to be aware, to explore the situation and how one feels inside. Usually it doesn´t take long and the veil of ‘tiredness’ gets lifted.

  19. An honest tiredness actually feels great as it comes with a sense of completion; dishonest tiredness, i.e. emotional tiredness makes us rather feel sick, no wonder that we wanna avoid feeling it as it is challenging us to become honest before we can restore ourselves and feel good again.

  20. “It actually felt great just to sit and feel”. I have to agree with this and often wonder why we avoid it so much. I have also experimented with feeling how tired I am rather than reaching for food to give me a false boost. I have found this is very supportive and I act in response to my body (e.g. Have a bath or go to bed) rather than push on.

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