The Truth About That Apple and Me

by Ariana Ray, Wales, UK

Yesterday I sat on a train coming home from an event I had travelled to London for. I had a really full weekend, going to the event and enjoying the company of friends. For the first half of the journey home I worked, as I had on my journey up. Suddenly I noticed I was tired: I stopped working and sat still to feel what was going on… as I did so, I had an urge to eat.

I know that in the past I would have reached for a chocolate bar, biscuit, or cake and some coffee. I have learnt by trial and error that chocolate, coffee and other sugar hits change my ability to feel what is going on in my body; so much so that I decided not to eat them any more. I realised that when I ate those foods, I used them as a ’booster’ to override the tiredness I felt, when really I just needed to rest. So I would stay up late, overdo it and get exhausted. 

Through attending talks and workshops with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I became aware that sometimes I eat to distract or disguise something else that is going on, or even use food to stop myself feeling at all! Now I enjoy eating a great balanced diet – the food that feels right for me, and now I feel much more alert, alive and vital during my days.

Sitting on the train on this occasion, all I had with me was an apple. Apples are great, and we all know the ‘apple a day’ slogan; it’s a neat healthy package in a green wrapping that you can pop straight into your bag. I knew the apple would give me the energy boost to push through this tiredness and finish what I was doing, but was it what I really needed?

I decided not to eat it. I wanted to feel how tired I actually was – to just feel the tiredness instead of using something to eat or drink, even something as healthy as an apple, so I could finish a project or task. So I sat with it and let myself feel where I was tired, noticing my arms, my legs, my whole body. I let myself be with it, allowing the tiredness to be – and it actually felt great to do. Why would I push this away? I felt like I was sinking into a feather bed just allowing myself to feel just how tired I was after my full working week and a great, but very full weekend. It actually felt great just to sit and feel.

Reflecting on my working day, I realised that I frequently eat an apple mid-afternoon to ‘get me through’; to push away the feeling of tiredness, the tightness in my shoulders and arms, or the scrunching of my forehead from trying to figure out how to solve a problem. But what happens when I do that and push through the feeling instead of listening to it? So I considered the simple apple further.

Isn’t needing anything to override tiredness, in itself, telling me a lot about where I am at and how I have been working during the day? It’s like we develop a hole inside that needs filling, but it’s got nothing to do with hunger or needing food at all. It’s not every afternoon that I need a ‘booster’ – so what am I doing differently on those days?  

What would happen if I just felt, and allowed myself to be aware of what my body is really feeling instead of pushing through to get the job done to meet a deadline, a performance indicator, or get some recognition for doing so? I can’t just stop working in the middle of a working day, can I? Maybe not, but I can acknowledge what I’m feeling so that at least my day is real. It’s real in the sense that I’m paying attention to what I am truly feeling. So what’s the worst that can happen? Yes, I feel tired, but at least then I have the opportunity to feel this and bring the changes that are really needed into my daily life. Allowing myself to feel my tiredness wasn’t so scary, in fact it gave me permission to start truly caring for myself.

I guess where I’m coming from is that I want to feel whatever is going on and not ignore it, so I can feel what is making me tired, and change it when it happens. What’s the alternative? Running myself into the ground, not even noticing what I’m doing? No thanks. Not anymore.

After a month of ‘no apple’ at work I’ve realised I don’t need to hide from what my body is trying to say to me, and that this helps me to not push myself to a point where I get exhausted. It’s like being able to listen to that part of myself that ‘knows’ for the first time, giving myself permission to really pay attention, allowing the moment to feel, rest, and come back to myself.  My body seems to know a lot more about what’s good for me than my oh so busy mind thinks it knows.

511 thoughts on “The Truth About That Apple and Me

  1. “I let myself be with it, allowing the tiredness to be…” this is a perfect message for me to read right now as I am in quite an exhaustion… rather than fighting it allowing it to be and accepting it feels the perfect way to go.

  2. Ariana reading your sharing was exactly what I was needing in this moment – “I’ve realised I don’t need to hide from what my body is trying to say to me, and that this helps me to not push myself to a point where I get exhausted.” I have to admit that I am a master in pushing myself to a point where I get exhausted very easily and therefore I love your words as they remind me to stop and feel.

  3. I am coming to feel that using food to hold back what we are feeling only prolongs the inevitable. This can go on for years or life times if we don’t begin to consider what we are eating, why and when. While what we are feeling is constantly there, unchanged, an underlying angst putting pressure on our physical body. Giving myself the space to allow what I am feeling to rise, be understood and acknowledge instead actually allows for it to dissipate and leave my body. A medicine that changes my body and its metabolic processes.

  4. All this from an apple? Well not an apple actually. But I love what this article is offering and it’s not about eating or control but about simply feeling what is there to be felt, deeply so and from there bringing more awareness to why it’s there. I think this is one of most simple lessons for life or keys to understanding life and it’s not a mental game but rather a feeling game that constantly rebuilds the awareness of what you are already truly feeling. I won’t say it’s a game changer, even though I just did but it’s a point to really take note of and one I am more aware of today.

  5. ‘My body seems to know a lot more about what’s good for me than my oh so busy mind thinks it knows’. Beautifully said Ariana.

  6. This is such a great exposure about why we eat what we eat. I love your point about how we mask tiredness for example by eating chocolate and drinking coffee and that a more honest approach would be to look at why we are getting exhausted in the first way, that is what is it about the way that we are living that is exhausting us. There is a much greater level of honesty and truth that we need to start living with if we are going to face the health crisis that is before us in the world.

  7. There really is so much more to a healthy diet than eating ‘healthy food’. It is not taught that ‘healthy’ is defined by an honouring of what is needed for the body in that given moment – and not an outer ideal of what is a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ food.

  8. Such a beautiful example of allowing, feeling and confirming what is there to be felt, thank you Ariana for the timely reminder;
    “I let myself be with it, allowing the tiredness to be – and it actually felt great to do. Why would I push this away?” Why indeed!

  9. I would also eat to avoid feeling what my body is saying, to override. But when I began not to override, all that happened was I became more aware of my body. That’s it. It’s so interesting to observe our way with food, eating and not eating. We allow it to mask so much.

  10. What I find fascinating is having a feeling of hunger at work, not eating then hours later having not eaten not feeling hunger. So what was that feeling of supposed hunger, as I clock this it gets easier and easier to understand when it is feelings that I want to cover with food, a work in progress for sure.

  11. ‘My body seems to know a lot more about what’s good for me than my oh so busy mind thinks it knows.’ Beautifully said Ariana. Our minds are definitely not the authorities we should turn to when making decisions about many things – indeed, unharnessed to the heart and soul, our minds left unchecked will take us in the most unhelpful of directions. Better to stop, connect and feel what’s needed from our bodies, the ‘marker of all truth’, as Serge Benhayon has shared with many of us on numerous occasions.

  12. It is not that one needs a “pick me up” that is so much the problem, or should be the focus. I would say, if you need an apple to get through the afternoon, you need an apple. The point really is to not rely on it as a crutch that then becomes a pattern, and make sure that you are honest enough to assess and look at what is draining you. Unfortunately, the human condition is such that we accept tiredness around the early afternoon as just normal, not realising that we have access to far greater vitality, if only we were to truly reflect on what tires us.

  13. ‘It’s not every afternoon that I need a ‘booster’ – so what am I doing differently on those days? ‘ We all have different ‘boosters’ that we seek out for various reasons. The key is to really understand what we have let get to us and why.

  14. Thanks for this sharing, this is something I want to pay more attention to in the afternoons when I am seeking a sugar hit, to just allow myself to feel it so I can make a different choice at that point to support myself and also observe where in the day I am draining myself.

  15. So true – how can we ever learn if we keep interfering ourselves from feeling everything we are feeling? Feeling tired – have this, do that etc. we are so used to coming up with a little fixers throughout our days. I love what you say about not needing a booster every day. Even just wanting to drink a different kind of tea can tell me what kind of day I am having. Our body constantly is communicating what it needs, but your sharing makes me wonder perhaps sometimes I am too quick to decide what I think my body needs and not really allowing it to speak in full.

  16. So often I have asked myself ‘how can I self-love?’ and ‘what is self-love?’ and I mean truly self-loving. To be absolutely honest and feel what is going on in my body is one of the most self-loving things I can do yet how many times in a day does this go amiss? It’s not about giving myself a hard time but being more aware of those moments when I am not present with myself and my body and addressing them.

  17. Surrendering to the body when it is tired feels so lovely it is interesting how we will override it. But like you share at work we can’t just stop and have a nap but we can keep it real as you share and acknowledge what it is we are feeling.

  18. We all are born with an incredible radar, able to pick up and understand the most subtle feeling. When we start to honour this we can start to see how we register everything. But your words Ariana make me stop and consider, when I sense things do I really stop and feel them as they are, or do I quickly skim over them like a headline on TV, rushing on to the next thing that I see? We can fool ourselves with food and other things to think that we know what is going on, but the reality is what we perceive is just the tip of the iceberg of what we all truly feel.

  19. Managing the exhaustion in our bodies only buys us time – as sooner or later we reach a breaking point where we are forced, to be honest, and either take responsibility through healing and lifestyle changes or we bite the dust in ignorance only to come back and do it again.

  20. Thank you Ariana for sharing how our bodies truly are our greatest guide to living in a way that is real, honouring and in connection to our truth. In developing an honouring relationship with our bodies we develop our awareness and as such knowing if the choices we are making are supporting us to live our vitality. Through being aware and honest about how we are feeling we can then live a day that is real, as you have shared, which I also have discovered is far more fulfilling than overriding, masking and pushing through what our bodies are telling us, in order to not feel and take responsibility for the unloving choices that I have made.

  21. The need for a ‘pick me up’ could apply to any craving whatsoever when we are not willing to feel where we are at, what is truly going on, or open to be truly honest about how we feel. It is for most of us seemingly more comfortable just to have an extra bite of lamb for instance and over eat than it is to be vulnerable and real and fragile with how we are feeling.

  22. Listening to and heeding the wisdom from our bodies is the most loving gift we can give to ourselves, as this is the foundation to our health, vitality and true wellbeing.

  23. I love it – an invitation to not hide from what our bodies are telling us. Our body is the ultimate “show and tell”, that is it shows us exactly what we are doing and what needs to change.

  24. I know listening to your body sounds simple but you really capture in this blog that the struggle is not about listening to our body, it’s about how much we attempt to stop ourselves from “feeling” at all. It’s like we are so afraid to allow ourselves to stop and feel in case we are unable to start again. I think committing to letting yourself “feel” like this is extremely brave. Thank you for the detail in how you delivered this tale of the apple, I suppose the question we all need to ask ourselves now is: “To apple or not to apple, that is the question?”

  25. Feeling… it’s so simple yet we have a society based on NOT wanting to feel. When we actually feel what is going on we are confronted with our choices and need to take responsibility for why we feel a certain way. Why is this so scary and why do we avoid this at all costs?

  26. When we question why we eat an apple as a replacement for a chocolate bar to override our tiredness it offers us the opportunity to look at how we have been working or doing whatever it was we were doing that has been a drain on our vitality.

  27. I had 2 weeks not so long ago where I was feeling quite incredible and there was very little demand placed on foods to keep me going. In fact, it was a new marker for me to see how I could be with myself which meant that I needed very little. It’s interesting reflecting on how this has gone back to a period prior to this where I have needs to keep me going. I can automatically slide into making it about food, but really it’s never about the food and all about how I am with myself. The early new marker confirmed this for me.

  28. “It’s like being able to listen to that part of myself that ‘knows’ for the first time, giving myself permission to really pay attention, allowing the moment to feel, rest, and come back to myself.” Thank you Ariana for a great article, I have noticed lately when I come home from work feeling quite tired I sometimes override the feeling by opening up the computer instead of being with myself and allowing myself to just feel what my body is sharing. This comes from an old idea of pushing through getting things done no matter how tired you may be, the body has a wealth of wisdom and healing that I am missing out on when I ignore its call.

  29. A true “booster” for the body is to live with purpose in everything that we do, our soul provides more than enough for what we need when our movements are from a truth within, no corrections needed only regeneration from the soul.

  30. Being honest about the solutions we create that do not provide true answers to our dilemmas allows an opportunity to go deeper in understanding what is truly going on.

  31. Powerful Ariana, I have felt exactly like that today. Craving for food to not feel and deepen my connection to myself/ my relationship with my body – my responsibility. I gave myself over to the craving and from this on it resulted in effecting much: environment, the instrument I had used that is now broken. I deeply learnt that even though I find things hard or difficult I should never ever give up my responsibility – as I am much stronger. In this case it would be – simple: just feeling why I had this craving and go from there. Not stepping away.
    A big learning that teaches me and is symbolically showing me that by not taking responsibility in the slightest way = I effect my peers and instruments around me and its destructive.
    A big oops, and warning to always keep connecting to my body and when I feel off, to stop and take it seriously.

  32. There is much at play we are not aware of when we feel hungry and have this urge to eat. The truth is that often times we consume food for reasons other than hunger or need of nutrients in the body.

  33. When we are tired and eat something to boost our energy we are covering up our bodies expression of what it needs. I know this is something I have done many times without being conscious that I was doing so.

  34. “I decided not to eat it. I wanted to feel how tired I actually was” . . . and . . . ” I felt like I was sinking into a feather bed just allowing myself to feel just how tired I was”. . . this is beautiful Ariana and truly inspiring.

  35. How powerful are we? We have an indicator inside of us (our inner heart) that knows innately why we feel what we feel and it speaks constantly, but to hear it we have the responsibility to be in our bodies and with our inner heart. Then comes the willingness to be honest with ourselves about what we feel. Our lives circumstances can only come from the choices we make. Are they from our power, our inner heart, or are they from an old pattern, behaviour or belief that we have given over our power too? This question is one I constantly ask myself, and at times do not want to know the truth of the answer, however, there is no fail in having this relationship with myself, only constant offerings to see, feel, understand and implement the undeniable honesty my inner heart offers to me.

  36. When I eat foods that no longer support my body it affects the degree with which I can support others…

  37. ‘My body seems to know a lot more about what’s good for me than my oh so busy mind thinks it knows.’ I love this simple yet powerful reminder Ariana, if we listen to the wisdom of the body we are always supported to be more.

  38. I guess it’s like anything you need to feel how they are for yourself or at least deeply understand how they are before you are able to let them go or embrace them fully. What we eat or what I eat is so closely linked to how I feel. I remember points in my life, feeling a certain way which then gave me cravings that may not have been there for a while or may never have been there in the first place. It’s like burning yourself for the first time when you are younger, your parents told you not to touch but you touched anyway and it hurt. The next time anything comes to you that is similar to that you don’t go there, why? Because of how it made you feel. For me many things are like this, you maybe still presented with a choice but you go to your feelings and make a choice from there or you tap into your awareness of how what ever it is feels to you at that point. It doesn’t necessarily become about what it actually is but more about how it made or makes you feel that leads the way.

  39. I find mid-afternoon quite a challenging time. It’s often when I want to eat and this is timed with arriving home with my son after school – so I have access to my pantry and fridge. I can eat huge amounts at this time of day and then have no appetite for dinner or I can snack my way through the afternoon while preparing dinner. I know it serves me in no way whatsoever and so I love this blog where it is as simple as just feeling what was going on for you and how tired you were. Perhaps instead of going to the pantry I could try stopping, resting and taking a moment to check in with me.

  40. A great insight you share here Ariana – it’s not the tiredness that truly debilitates us, but the striving and driving not to feel it. Accepting and allowing our body to be just where it’s at is great medicine to me. And so it’s not about apples, or anything we eat but it’s our willingness to feel the truth, that determines true health.

  41. It is quite simple what you share with us but something that we resist on a HUGE scale. How often do we distract ourselves with food/work/relationships/shopping {insert any activity really} as opposed to actually sitting with what we are feeling? And sitting with it in a super non-judgemental, loving, kinda way? I know I do a lot of resisting and this is a good reminder to stop that, and to feel what is there to be felt.

  42. Quite amazing how much we can feel when we allow ourselves to feel it… of course it is not always comfortable but without any prop ups or distractions we get to feel honestly how we are running ourselves. There was a time that coffee was my fuel for the day, but this plays havoc with the nervous system and is not sustainable long term. I would rather feel the messages from my body and then see what may need adjusting in the way I am living to better support myself.

  43. “What would happen if I just felt, and allowed myself to be aware of what my body is really feeling instead of pushing through to get the job done…….?” – such a reminder to bring this more often in our daily lives, whether it is an apple we turn to or other distractions from the wisdom of the body.

  44. Is it just me or has anyone else noticed how it seems over the years society is becoming more and more focussed on food? Perhaps there is more awareness and food is but another one of those things we have to bury all those things we don’t want to feel down with.

  45. Great experiment Arianna, exposing the truth of what is actually happening in your body. I am now working in aged care where most of the staff eat sweet stuff consistently through out the day to keep going. They all look exhausted and if you took away their sugar hits I suspect they would all collapse in a heap as the sugar is disguising what is truly going on in their bodies.

  46. Everyday I hear people blame food for why they eat so much when it is a question of why are we choosing certain foods in the first place. We are responsible for the energy that we choose and therefore what we eat as a result of choosing whatever energy we align to.

  47. “I felt like I was sinking into a feather bed just allowing myself to feel just how tired I was after my full working week and a great, but very full weekend. It actually felt great just to sit and feel.” I have been exploring what I call the “body scan,” particularly when I get up out of bed I lay there and feel different parts of my body like my toes or my knees and as I do this I feel my body drop and surrender into my mattress. It feels great to be able to do this and now i can take this into my day and choose to stop and simply feel what is there to be felt.

  48. Acknowledging how our body feels, gives us a great opportunity to feel into why we might be tired, or hungry, and lets us change our choices in order to support it, rather than choosing foods that ultimately only dull and numb our body further.

  49. I recognize what you share here Arianna. And I also started to invite myself to take the apple signal to sit with myself and feel about two things; Either I was tired or sometimes I take the sweetness to make my mind more active so I do not need to feel an issue going on for me. It is very empowering to look this way to our cravings. This way we built a true relation with ourselves and deepen our connection with ourselves and others.

  50. It is amazing what we can use to pep us up, an apple, other fruit or it could still be other forms of sugar. I used to really use chewing gum and mints as a means of distraction. I decided a couple of months ago to give them up, mostly because i wanted to know if I could, but also because I knew they were full of artificial sweeteners that weren’t good for me. I was actually surprised at how easy I could let them go, but I feel that was the case, because I started to address ‘why’ I was wanting to distract myself during the day in the first place.

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