A Beautiful Story

I want to share something beautiful that happened to me.

It starts with me being persistently psychologically and emotionally abused and isolated from the rest of my family, by my brother, being terrorised throughout my youth until 14 years old when I came up with the ‘brilliant’ solution – not of standing up for myself – but by numbing myself with drugs. I couldn’t work out what was ‘wrong’ with me to attract such abuse, or how to behave to stop it. As I grew up I had to invent some basis of self to fit into the world, so my entire self-esteem proceeded to be based upon a tragic array of glamorous illusions of societal constructed prerequisites for beauty and success and subsequent acceptability.

I’ve spent the better part of 51 years trying to define who I am by what I look like and what I do… the problem is, I never could. I unconsciously manipulated every choice towards seeking recognition and being acceptable. I moulded myself according to standards that I didn’t agree with or believe in, that didn’t honour my inner truth, my natural expression, me as a person, or as a woman. The truth is that the constant search of ‘what to do with my life’ always felt empty, exhausting, demoralising and impossible to resolve. The way I looked could never fulfill the world’s ‘ideal’ of beautiful; therefore, by those markers I was never going to be an acceptable human being or woman, and as a result my self-loathing blossomed into an ever-present lack of confidence and slight depression.

This of course, and most sadly, is the way of the world that we live in: most people are bound by these illusions of glamour in some form or another to varying degrees, and most set about resolving them in ways that in truth only feed the illusions.

But I have come to know that it doesn’t have to be that way. That it’s actually the energetic quality of how I am and my presence that determines the quality of my life and relationships with others and myself. I am not what I do or what I look like, but I am so very much more. I realised that seeking external gratification is futile; that I needed to change how I felt about and treated myself, to stop being so hard on myself and start loving and honouring myself more. As I became more loving and tender with myself I grew more self-confident, then more able to accept my innate beauty.

Throughout my life I’ve looked in the mirror and seen all manner of reflections: from feeling ‘I can’t manage more than a fleeting glance’, to feeling ‘ugly’, to feeling ‘sexy’, to ‘that will do’, to being able to look myself in the eye and have a quick pep-talk, or to confirm I was doing ok that day as I could actually look myself in the eyes and nod hello. But the other day I miraculously saw a reflection I’ve never felt before – My Beauty. A beauty that transcended my physical attributes, any need to be different, any comparison, self-doubt or self-loathing. It was just suddenly there and it was amazing. I now know for absolutely sure what beautiful means; that I am beautiful, as are we all, that true beauty lives within me, that it always did and it now wants to shine.

It’s been the unwavering love, commitment and support of Serge Benhayon, Mirtha and other Universal Medicine practitioners over the past 13 years that’s helped me to begin to unravel the web of glamorous illusions in which I’d entangled myself; to stop beating myself up for not being good enough, to start accepting myself for who I am and stop giving power to the old ideals, beliefs and patterns that drove me to seek to define myself by what I do and what I look like. Although these things still strive to rule at times, nonetheless I am able to allow myself to come back to just being me more easily, and more often.

And that is a beautiful thing!

by Jeannette, Sydney, Australia

799 thoughts on “A Beautiful Story

  1. ‘…to stop beating myself up for not being good enough, to start accepting myself for who I am and stop giving power to the old ideals, beliefs and patterns that drove me to seek to define myself by what I do and what I look like.’ This is a life-changing experience, a living miracle that feels solid and true.

  2. This is what we need to be learning … from day dot ‘that it’s actually the energetic quality of how I am and my presence that determines the quality of my life and relationships with others and myself.’

  3. This is truly beautiful to read. it’s amazing how much we can try to look better, be better act better etc, but it’s by letting go of the need to be any of these things that leads us back to realising we are this beauty, and no amount of doing will match the wondrous love we already are.

  4. When we spend our life thinking we are not good enough, just stopping and being with ourselves seems like the last thing we would want to do, but that is exactly where we reconnect with and start accepting the beauty that we have always been.

  5. ‘I realised that seeking external gratification is futile…’ So true. Recently I’ve found myself in a situation where I am reliant on approval to pass a course I’ve put a lot of money and effort into. I’m noticing how what I bring is being ignored and interactions are asking me to play small. It’s a replica of how I felt as I grew up. My reaction back then was to go into proving and improving myself until I am so perfect I couldn’t be faulted. The self-judgement I put on myself comes out in self-doubt and hardness, contraction of my natural ease of expression and nervousness.

    It is unnerving to be feeling this now, both what’s happening outside of myself and internally. But I’m learning great lessons this time around: the trap is pretending other than I am – so no trying to be perfect and perform; coming to appreciate fragility and vulnerability as strengths even if others want to use this against me as evidence of me being less in some way; letting go of protection so I love people, including myself, more and more; not putting myself as less or more – holding everyone in equalness; hearing out for old beliefs (such as the only way to be strong is to be tough) that are in my head and aren’t currently present. There may come a point where I walk away but I’m not going to run away and hide as I once did. This is to be appreciated greatly.

    1. Something happened to me last week which reminded me to live what I know, and to love with authority. I feel this may be what you need to claim as well.

  6. Claiming back our beauty and living that is the best thing we can do for ourselves, then it doesn’t matter what other people think or say about us because we know it is not true.

  7. There’s a difference in telling yourself that there is a beauty inside which radiates out, to feeling that beauty and knowing without a doubt that it is apparent to all.

  8. Jeanette, the old way was mission impossible and once connected to our essence it is plain sailing with some simple initiatives keeping us focused and on track as we prepare our bodies to move with Love.

  9. ‘stop giving power to the old ideals, beliefs and patterns that drove me to seek to define myself by what I do and what I look like.’ That there is no truth in the ideals and beliefs there is no steadiness or love either, which makes life abiding by them an extremely exhausting pursuit.

  10. “The truth is that the constant search of ‘what to do with my life’ always felt empty, exhausting, demoralising and impossible to resolve.” This is so true Jeanette. Its not until we come to accept who we are and stop the ‘trying to be something or someone’ that we can then allow life to unfold before us and simply do what ever is there to be done. When we allow life to flow in this way, it really does become joyful and vitalising.

  11. Jeanette, I have also found this to be true; ‘I realised that seeking external gratification is futile; that I needed to change how I felt about and treated myself.’ Living for acceptance and recognition is a very up and down way of living. I have found that taking care of myself and appreciating myself and what I bring allows me to be more confident in myself and to be more steady.

    1. Living and relying on being accepted and recognised by others is like being a dinghy on the sea floating who knows were, completely rudderless. No wonder this way erodes any confidence in ourselves. I’ve let this go a lot and am enjoying steering from my own compass, learning to navigate by the stars.

  12. How absolutely beautiful to feel the expression of your true beauty shining through this blog Jeanette, thank you.

  13. The self-abuse we cast upon ourselves is another form of protection, it’s a layer of dirt we throw on our chest so that not only other people don’t see our beauty, but we ourselves don’t see it either. Because once we begin to feel it and reclaim it, my god does the world flip upside down.

  14. Yes, it’s a huge shift when we not only question those beliefs about not being good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, fast enough or whatever enough it is, but also begin to accept those thoughts are not who we are. We can be kind and loving towards ourselves when we “mess up”. We can begin to love ourselves regardless of our so-called flaws and imperfections. We can even appreciate ourselves for the qualities that we bring to life and be open to that true appreciation from another.

    1. Beautifully said elainarthey – accepting, appreciating and confirming who we are, even through the mess -ups, it’s the consistency of it through ‘up’ and ‘down’ that brings the different experience of life.

  15. Everything being energy means that our reflection in the mirror will feed back what we have invested in and projected to be. A mirror is a true reflection of the content of our mind and the ideals and beliefs we have subscribed to.

  16. I used to get attention from the way I looked, however that attention and recognition was in truth not what I wanted for it was laced with sexuality. Today because of the love I have for myself I came to the conclusion only the other day that it is not what I look like that attracts people to express and appreciate me, but the warmth and love inside me that others can feel. This is the difference between looking for love on the outside and claiming the inherent, natural love within.

  17. Just came across this beautiful blog from 2012, and was touched by how relevant it is for me today – ‘I needed to change how I felt about and treated myself, to stop being so hard on myself and start loving and honouring myself more.’ Truly loving ourselves is something fundamental to life, as it is the only way to return to love in full and the grace of who we are by nature.

  18. How beautiful it is to read of your ‘beautiful story’ that is so honouring and appreciative of yourself, and not full of the usual emotional drama. Thank you Jeanette. Such a refreshing read of you reclaiming your innate beauty.

  19. Jeanette, this is so simple and beautiful; ‘I needed to change how I felt about and treated myself, to stop being so hard on myself and start loving and honouring myself more.’ I know with myself that not being so hard on myself and taking more care of myself has made a huge difference to my self-confidence, I feel like I trust and respect myself more.

  20. I love that you have redefined the term “A beautiful story” and made it to be a tale of true transformation and discovery, rather than a perfect, happy ever after story. Beauty doesn’t need to be airy-fairy or exclusively the good bits, it can be real and fleshy and gritty while it uncovers the wonders of life.

  21. Reading your blog I got to feel just how much we have created in this world about it being what we look like, rather than who we are .. our innate being. What I love in what you have shared here is, not only how after finding it really hard to see or connect with this when you looked in the mirror in changing this … realising, accepting and appreciating your innate beauty, the ripple effect is then felt across the world making it possible for all of us to feel, be and do the same ✨ Bringing it back to who we truly are not what we look like ❤️

  22. It is a magical moment when you feel your inner beauty. No benchmark of looks, clothing, shape or age can touch this absolute knowing that you were born beautiful and it is your natural right to feel this way.

  23. Healing ourselves from abuse is a beautiful story, for how many truly heal this kind of trauma that doesn’t impinge underneath their whole life long? The fact you have is a great testimony that should have the whole world sit up, take notice and ask how you did it.

  24. I feel your strength Jeanette as you write.
    So many students of Universal Medicine including myself see their lives changing by the more loving choices they make.
    A true school on earth!

  25. Accepting who we truly is indeed a beautiful story. A story to be shared far and wide for this is why we are here – to realise this truth and live it in full.

  26. When in a world where everything is constantly confirming a worthlessness, feeling worthy is noble, feeling beautiful is exquisite and sharing these experiences is a must! Thank you Jeannette.

  27. We all have a beautiful story to tell, it is true, the story of being all that we are and the light that lies within us all, and once we discover it and appreciate our true beauty we can see it in others too.

  28. Your story Jeannette gives deep understanding to others………..that we all have the power to change things in our lives that do not feel true to us and we can choose to accept our innate beauty we all so naturally are.

  29. Thankyou for sharing your story Jeanette, which is indeed beautiful. Our energetic quality is so important and sharing that with others feels to be such a gift. Looking back to my pre Universal Medicine days, there is no comparison with how I used to treat not only myself but others also. I thank heaven, literally, for finding Serge Benhayon and the Esoteric Healing modalities, which have allowed me to gently return to my true self – an ongoing and forever deepening work in progress.

    1. You’ve picked out a nugget here Sue – how there is a correlation between how we treat ourselves, and then how we are capable of treating others. We can’t pretend to love another in truth, without that being there for us first.

  30. Our connection to who we are within reveals a beauty that represents our divinity, which is out of this world, that which can never be matched or boxed by any ideal or belief that is created and imposed by society.

  31. To rediscover our true beauty inside, is pure gold. This blog is something for us all to celebrate, for one more person to turn their lives around, to be reconnected back to their full expression in all the gorgeousness of themselves, is one less person who is living lost. This might seem insignificant as we live among billions, but on an energetic level this is huge and will have tremendous ripple effects for others.

  32. Just imagine if each and every one of us was given this very wise teaching when we were young, one that was consistently repeated to us as we grew. ‘I am not what I do or what I look like, but I am so very much more’. I know for sure that life would have been very different for me as I am sure yours would have been too, Jeanette. And that fact that we are so much more than we could ever imagine is one the most confirming truths I have been presented with. It took a while to accept but now I know it with every particle of my being and every day live it to the best of my ability.

  33. When we look in the mirror and do not like what we see, it is not because we are ugly. It is because we have been treating ourselves poorly which is then shown in our reflection. When we start to treat ourselves with love and care, that emanates and we need not worry about our hair, make up, or clothes as it all comes together naturally.

  34. This is what we all want, truly, madly and deeply is just to be ourselves, and to live that in the world. Good on you for taking these steps, particularly after an abusive start to life, to choose to be you, the beautiful you and live that for us all to see.

  35. Attacking ourselves seems to be a ‘brilliant’ alternative from being attacked by others. It might do the trick…. At our expense anyway. Once you open the door to self-attack it is not that easy to close it.

  36. It’s surprising in a way that increasing our self worth and confidence is so very simple and happens very naturally, almost as a by-product of choices to look after ourselves more lovingly. These choices to be more self loving sometimes feel difficult to make if we’re used to disregarding ourselves, but the more we make them, and appreciate the effects on our bodies, the more we inspire ourselves to keep going and make this our way of being.

  37. All the ‘looking outside’ of ourselves for approval and acceptance is an excuse to be self-focused and is a dead give-away for not being willing to step up and take full responsibility for being a very crucial part of the Whole.

  38. It is so amusing when I ponder on just how caught up in ‘looks’ we are as women. Most men don’t seem to have the same obsession. The amusing thing is we cannot really change what we look like as we always look like ourself or a version of ourself. We think if only we would find the perfect hairdo or dress or boots, but at the end of the day we still look like ourselves no matter what the disguise or the makeup or the hairdo. We simply only have to accept that we are so much more than this outer appearance and that through connection we can have a sparkle in our eyes and a spring in our step that no money can buy and that brings our true beauty to the fore for all to see and be truly inspired by.

    1. And when I see this sparkle in someone’s eyes and or the spring in a step, there is a joy in sharing this love from inside out , no comparison or judgement just a togetherness and a pull to be more.

      1. The sparkle in the eye bypasses form as it is this light that reminds us of who we truly are.

  39. It takes a certain dedication, a commitment and what some might call devotion to turn our lives around as you have Jeanette. Knowing what we do on some level affects everyone. We are committing not just to ourselves, but to humanity and there is great purpose in that.

  40. It is indeed a beautiful story one that we all equally participate of returning to our own love, in every aspect in our lives.

  41. From such a young age we are sold a story of what beauty looks like rather than feeling our own beauty from within regardless of any physical attributes. We are all beautiful and when we live knowing we are beautiful we give permission to others to feel their beauty too.

  42. Thank you Jeanette for sharing your beautiful story, it is a joy to read and feel how you reclaimed your inner beauty and are now enjoying living as the true you.

  43. It is interesting to observe what the mirror reflects to us- we see all of what we have been choosing or not choosing to express and so we can either see the fullness or we can see where we have held back or not expressed our truth.

  44. This is what I call a truly beautiful story as once we embrace our own true beauty we can clearly see the beauty in all.

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