in - Relationship | Self, Family, Work 192 Words

The Unbearable Ferocity of Rejection

by Alan Johnston, Pottsville, Australia

Scene 1: – Trees all around and the sweet sense of dusk settling in.

Men are talking with each other in an open-hearted, honest way. Sharing the kinds of unbearable rejection they have all felt and the ferocity of the life-responses that followed. The respect and caring is palpable. There is no blame to speak of – although it may be mentioned in passing. I, for one, am deeply grateful. The healing grows week to week. And as a man who has had minimal male friends in half a century, I begin to love these men and comprehend what brotherhood feels like…

Scene 2: – The front bar of a Northern Rivers hotel. Some kind of contact sport is on a flat screen high in a corner.

Men are slur-talking with each other through the thick lens on the bottom of a schooner. This distortion flows through the room. Blame and complaint are commonplace. The wife/partner/missus/little woman – well, they’d had a gutful. ‘Others’ by the very word are distanced, resented, even reviled. The laughter is often at their expense. The ferocity of this life-response oozes deep hurt. Unbearable.

470 thoughts on “The Unbearable Ferocity of Rejection”

  1. The choice to align to truth and feel the ever-expanding support of brotherhood – or not.

  2. The details of each scenery is divinely or humanely designed to take us to a specific source. The choice of aligning to one source or another resides in us, wherever we are.

  3. In separation is found the seed of rejection. When we connect, we are one with the other and nothing of that is possible.

  4. It just shows what is possible when we are open to healing and drop all protection. It is gorgeous to hear that from having minimal male friends you now have a fold of brothers whom you deeply appreciate, respect and value as they you.

    1. Very beautiful to read of the love that is deepening, ‘I begin to love these men and comprehend what brotherhood feels like…’.

  5. Entertainment for distraction and stimulation, others who would agree and sympathise, and a bit of mind-altering substance to numb and shut down our awareness – perfect ingredients for irresponsibility.

  6. There’s talking for relief and there is talking to deepen and connect. We may be using the same words but the intent behind our conversation is what speaks.

  7. It can be unbearable how we are with each other. Growing up I couldn’t see the amazing love that I now see in others, and where the best way of having a sense of connection with others was taking drugs and going to raves. Thankfully I’m able to share who I am, in my fragility and vulnerability, strength and power with others, first with trusted friends and then beyond this safety without needing to wait for others to take the first step. This is amazing.

  8. It took me a long time to come to understand how ‘ferocious’ rejection is for men, and how it impacts so much on their lives, but once I did, it began to make sense of many of behaviours of some of the men I had known in my life. I can see how the impact of this life-draining emotion can be so overwhelming, drowning all connection to the common sense that is natural to men, and rippling out to all those around them, often in the most unpleasant ways.

  9. I agree with you Alan life is ferocious for everyone, I watched a webcast the other day and the men looked exhausted sitting in their seats but attempting to be upbeat and aggressive in their predictions of how the company would outperform again by out stripping the previous year’s profit. What is it that drives us to put everything to one side our health, families etc., just to make more money for a company? It just doesn’t make any sense to me, something is wrong.

  10. The way you describe these two scenes is striking Alan. What a contrast and what a difference we make to each other when we honour and respect one another, allowing the space to share what we really feel.

    1. A short and powerful blog that says much with few words. When shown another way, how we play out our hurts through behaviour that is accepted as normal and not questioned, is startling

  11. ‘And as a man who has had minimal male friends in half a century, I begin to love these men and comprehend what brotherhood feels like…’ this is very beautiful to read but also gets me feeling how many men there must be who don’t have this and are craving connection. I haven’t been to football matches but just on the tube when there’s a match on and all the mostly male supporters on going to a match or coming from a match. What I feel is that this sense of togetherness for the love of the game is the nearest, safest thing to what you have described. That you and these other men are expressing the truth of who you are is amazing. Half a century with minimal male friends is such a long time, and I know many men don’t get to experience what you’ve discovered. But the more it becomes your norm the more that’s available to every one.

  13. The two scenes are black and white, and they serve a clear reflection on how I am when I am stuck in my hurts, and how I am when willing to stay open and heal with the support of others. Either way we are always in contact with others, but what is the quality of that connection and the intention?

  14. Trapped inside bravado is a sensitive person. I feel all my defences and protection – whether they be me acting less or acting more they are hiding the beautiful, sensitive person I am. I am no different to anyone else.

    1. Thank you Karin, our sensitivities, or more correctly shared, our senses are divinely expanding the awareness we have of a deepening connection to our essences.

  15. Men on the front foot of life and not the front bar definitely are more at ease with themselves. Then other men as they get that reflection, can be willing to move and walk about in Humble-Appreciative-Ness of being re-connected to their essences, which will also be reflected in their Loving movements.

  16. “Men are talking with each other in an open-hearted, honest way. Sharing ……. The respect and caring is palpable.” So beautiful Alan. We are all deeply tender underneath the mask we wear, yet men have been conditioned to be tough. Letting go of the mask reveals the grace and delicacy – be we men or women.

    1. Now this is the wonderful way all men can naturally be with other men, but unfortunately the world they are born into is not set up in any way to support them to retain this beautiful open-hearted honesty. It’s very hard to be honest, open and sensitive when you are encased in a cocoon built from the erroneous belief that men need to harden up to make their way safely through life.

      1. And yet, this is what we all crave, ‘Men are talking with each other in an open-hearted, honest way. Sharing the kinds of unbearable rejection they have all felt and the ferocity of the life-responses that followed. The respect and caring is palpable.’

  17. We have an opportunity in every moment of every single day to embrace all that we feel, and be honest and open about it, or to reject, deny and react. The former invites openness and connection with others, the latter closes us off from it.

    1. The former is a beautiful humbleness we can know ourselves by. It’s knowing we are not faulty or better than another. Being open to feeling where many have left our tender selves, we can gently return ourselves to ourselves.

  18. Your writing is as poignant as ever Alan. It is a sad state that men find themselves in trying to fit being the ‘typical man’. This pressure is intense for all but has been shown to increase as rurality increases. Let’s hope more of these true connections for men grow until that becomes our norm, not the mental health, suicide and suppressed expression that currently flourish.

    1. It will be great when true connections for men becomes the norm, when true caring and brotherhood are fully present in our world.

  20. What would life be like if we did not have a pub or maybe even no alcohol at all? A drugless society that had as its normal us deepening our relationships and expressing in true brotherhood, maybe we would not need a legal system the way it is currently structured?

  21. The difference you describe is stark indeed Alan the first feels open warm and inviting, the second feels cold and protected. For many of us we live shut down cold and protected, in this way of living it is easy to blame others and or ridicule others because on some level we actually ridicule ourselves for the choices we have made to shut down and protect.

  22. The contrast painted here is so sharp, and most live scene 2, and know while they do how much it hurts and how much they actually want something different, for men are deeply tender and scene 1 confirmed and deepens that quality, and as more men live this way, more will live this way again.

  23. Scene two senses where a lot of people can relate to at least one, and most likely feel uncomfortable from the other. One is asking us to go deeper in our connections, in our intimacy and the other is asking us to stay in our complete and disconnected way of being and not being accountable for our actions.

  25. Having those who are willing to embrace scene 1 offers those in scene 2 a reminder and inspiration that there is another way/ possibility that can be lived…

  27. You are so correct in saying Alan that human life in today’s world can indeed be described as ferocious.

  28. Scene 2 can only continue for so long before the tension of living with such unnatural abuse prompts one to adopt the more natural way as described in scene 1.

  29. Wow Alan so very touching feeling the depth of joy and the depth of pain conveyed in the two scenarios. And all because at the core of it a different energy and different way of relating and responding to life has been chosen.

  30. ‘Unbearable’ is unacceptable – unacceptable in the sense of settling for it. Scene 1 shows the way.

  31. There is definitely an openness in the first group of men, and in their vulnerability an opportunity to truly connect to one another. It’s a short but beautiful expose of the impacts of our choices.

  32. It’s interesting that rejection does not need to be of you as person, as in there can still be a level of relationship like in scene 2, I wonder if the most painful rejection is not an outright rejection but of the true qualities that make you who you are, so rejecting men’s tenderness or their amazing capacity to love each other, and even worse our own rejection of these so incredibly innate qualities, in favour of behaviours and choices and are so far away from who we know ourselves to be.

    1. Meg that is a great point that we reject the wholeness of people even though on the surface it may appear we are not rejecting them, as the relationship may come with conditions.

  33. I have deep respect and appreciation for men coming back to themselves and talking about issues like rejection, as was mentioned in scene one. It is truly beautiful to know men in this way as it is their true nature I am sure.

    1. Yes I agree Lieke. Men may speak about such things one to one or wth women but in a group of other men it is highly unlikely. I have felt the change in men that I know who have chosen to open up in this way and it is awesome how clearer they have become, more tender but with an inner strength, very awesome.

  34. What a beautifully clear comparison of life choices. To be our hurts and deflect, moan and blame or to be willing to face and heal them. I have been in both camps.

  35. Gosh, there is such a difference here, but I reckon that any man, should he have the chance or the opportunity would choose to be in that group of brotherhood inspired men.

  36. 2 very different scenes – one of which we can blame others and keep people away, the other where we can choose to be ourselves and let down our guards. Everything is a choice, so do we buy into the picture of friends watching football, or equal brothers who share the fullness of who they are.

    1. It’s a great example of how much choice we have in life, we can get stuck in a rut but ultimately we know there are other choices, yet we’ll keep choosing that rut until we see more value or worth in making a change.

  38. The insecurity in mens’ laughter is so easy to spot when laughing at another. The tone communicates just how much a human being hates themselves in order to have to pick at another.

    1. It is the created ill ways that have shown us in multiple ways that there is a part of our existence here on earth — that enjoys creating no matter what the consequence is for our body. We seem to dismiss our body often with whatever choice we make, only looking good from the outside, not considering or even asking or wanting to look further than the image we see. We need to become more honest, see and help each other evolve from these ill created behaviors.

      1. Beautiful Danna, true evolutionary support is to make the steps ourselves first. Only from there can we offer a reflection and a pull up to another human being.

  39. The worst behaviours are borne of the hurts that we have refused to face, feel and let go.

  40. When unbearable is a Word pronounced from an open heart is has a value that would never acquire if it comes from a body uncapable of finding settlement.

  41. Said in a nutshell Alan. As we step out from our comfort, hurts and fears and open up to trust and connection our lives change immeasurably.

  42. When we hold on to our hurts and only want to blame another, scene 2 is the only possibility.

  43. Immersed in the ferocity of life-response, I didn’t even recognise the pain I had been numbing for a very long time. The togetherness and the equalness felt from the scene 1 calls me home.

  45. I can understand through the teachings of Universal Medicine how we have chosen to leave the brotherhood, the union that we come from as energetic beings first. Hence there can be a reflection of enormous rejection if we so face a situation where a denial or love and togetherness is brought in place.. Revealing to us the oh so obvious of the love we have left behind, but are continuously offered to share and live again.

  46. Scene 1 is what we all seek, even when playing out scene 2. In scene 2 we’re still looking for brotherhood and it only adds to our hurts more that we don’t find it.

    1. Agreed Nikki, the scene 2 guys have twisted what it means to be in brotherhood by thinking that drinking together and sharing their own misery and criticisms of others will bring them closer (because that connection is what they are so deeply missing) when in the end it only separates them further from themselves and thus everyone else through their lack of understanding and compassion.

  47. When we open our hearts to one another, and share of the hurts we have accumulated along the way, the protection dissolves freeing us to discover that we are of the same tenderness in essence, and can then begin to explore living the power of this innate quality. Otherwise we continue to be incarcerated by the walls of protection we have erected, that keep us from knowing who we are.

  48. It’s heartbreaking that so many choose scenario 2 or versions of it when scenario 1 is not only possible, but just a choice away.

  49. The contrast is so stark and yet both are equally possible and anyone, no matter where they’ve been can choose that first one, where we open up, deal with our hurts and share and be us in life with ourselves and others.

    2. We don’t need to wait for another to go first. We can lead from our heart at any time.

    3. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and share what we feel, we give permission for others to do the same. It’s very touching when men open up like this.

  50. The difference between dealing with life and everything we feel, experience and know and not dealing with everything. I think the biggest difference is purpose, in scene 1 we are happening to life, there is a purpose and a willingness to deeply understand life and grow and learn from it, whereas in scene 2 life is seemingly just happening to us, and without the willingness to understand comes the blame and judgement.

    1. Great observation Meg, purpose does seem to be the difference. Yet in Scene 2 the men could say there was a purpose it was the purpose of going to the pub and watching sport however there is a difference of doing something purposefully and true purpose where it is about expansion, evolution, oneness, truth and true love.

  52. There is so much more to life when we open our hearts and drop our armour and share what is really touching us and going on in our lives.

  53. Just reading this I could feel the space that is lived in scene 1 disappear as I read scene 2. Scene 2 offers no room for love to be, it’s full of all that is not, perhaps conveniently so.

  54. Alan you have captured very well how life is for us when we do not choose to deal with our hurts.

    1. Yes and it really is a choice. When we choose to deal with our hurts suddenly scene 1 becomes a reality.

  55. Haha and while it’s funny to read it’s not so funny to watch. Scene 2 was life for me and while it didn’t fit exactly into what is presented it was pretty close and I remember walking away almost scratching my head and having a constant feeling of ‘there has to be more to life then this’. Days turned into weeks and those into years and you would turn up almost like it was the same scene on a different day. Much has changed since then and it simply comes down to how I am with myself, the quality I live day to day or moment to moment which has changed the view from 2 to 1.

  56. Sadly, for most men and women the second scene is the normal way. But – scene 1, even though it may not be as common, is far more powerful, and the ripple effect of that connection and commitment amongst men is palpable. It transcends distances and boundaries we cannot even comprehend. It is only a matter of time before scene 1 becomes normal.

    1. Indeed Katerina, it will be only a matter of time till we all come to this understanding, that the time is up for distracting ourselves from this deep inner connection that only wants to connect intimately with everybody we meet and nothing more.

  57. Thank you for sharing Alan , I recognise both scenes , the first scenes has come into my life in resent times.
    ” And as a man who has had minimal male friends in half a century, I begin to love these men ”
    This has happened for me too , I can say truthfully there are men that I love as dear friends as a result of the first scene.

  58. Alan, what two very different scenarios, scene two being all too commonplace and scene one being rare, but wow how life-changing scene two is – with men opening and up and being honest this feels like their natural way. This what I observe about young boys too; they talk about what has upset and hurt them and there is a closeness, respect and love for each other.

  59. Scene 1 is the real change the world needs right now. If scene 1 was more common place the intensity and woe most struggle with in life would not nearly be so prevalent.

    1. Well shared Joshua – scene 1 is a rarity and yet without it, we seem to brand men as tough people who don’t know tenderness of feelings. But men do, naturally so. And scene 1 presents a foundation for allowing more of this.

  60. Thank you Alan for bringing forth the dual facets of life for men and also women and how we can all consider the opportunity to feel how to express and share with others and how willing we are to go there.

  61. The second scene you depict here Alan is as we know, the go-to choice and coping mechanism for most men. The first scene is the way of the future. The more men – and women supporting men in this way – to open up with themselves and each other, the more this way will become accessible and indeed possible, for all.

  62. Most people only know scene 2 and that is all that there to their life, but scene 1 is very possible and even more natural for us to live so what is going on?

  65. Thank you for this Alan, unfortunately scene 2 is all too common, but having been in the presence of all women in similar circumstances the conversations around their partners aren’t that pleasing either. This just goes to show that if our hurts are left to fester there is no joy in our relationships.

  66. What a contrast. You can really feel the difference in the two scenarios and it’s clear which one we all want.

  67. Once upon a time, I was in scene 2 (from a woman’s perspective). Then along came Universal Medicine and I walked towards scene 1 and have never looked back. I still have people around me from scene 2, but just as many, if not more from scene 1.

    The contrast is huge but I know which one is coming from truth and connection.

  68. Alan I loved the difference between your scene 1 and 2, we clearly have a choice to either allow the rejection we feel from an early age to dictate our life and keep us separated, or heal our hurts allowing us to live freely from the love we naturally are from within.

  70. It is quite incredible the behaviours we take on without realising and that are so automatic. I was in a room recently talking and joking with a male who was a gorgeous big gentle giant when 2 other males walked in. The conversation within seconds became one of the males putting each other down, competing to see who could say the worst thing about each other – supposedly in a jovial, blokey kind of way – the hardness and hurt in the room was palpable.

  72. The typical Friday night at the pub isn’t the only way for a man to wind down, or relax, or have a good time. This simple fact can offer men another way of living, of connecting to their brothers (mates) and of enjoying themselves without abusing themselves.

  73. I can relate to both scenes as I have been in both and scene 1 you also go home and wake the next morning clearer then fresh and ready for whatever comes while in 2 you are dusty at best. I remember talking years ago around why men don’t truly talk to each other and why conversation between them generally drive down the same tracks. Scene 1 is quietly changing all that.

  75. These 2 scenes are vastly different and I know which one I would be choosing, however I am sure many would prefer scene 1 but they have become so ingrained in their patterns that it is easier to stay in comfort and to choose scene 2 – even though in truth they crave the deeper connection and wisdom that scene 1 is constantly offering.

  76. For most men, scene two is the only scene that is being experienced. Yet deep down, all men know the potential of scene 1, which in itself deeply hurts.

  77. This short blog is like a painting to me, the way you have written it Alan is so vivid and rich. And draws into stark contrast that the way we choose to live is deeply repulsive and the opposite of what we truly yearn for. As long as we stay stuck in the short sharp fixes we choose, we keep ourselves marooned in the desert of life, seemingly stranded and a million miles away from Love.

    1. We know both scenes so well that when we read them we can see them like a painting but also feel them to our core. We know love and brotherhood and equally we know hurt and separation.

  78. I hate to state the obvious, but I will anyway . . . what a complete contrast in scenarios . . . I know which scenario I would be choosing and it would not be the pub!

  79. Strange to think many man would find scene 1 the most challenging at times and the most boring. I certainly did but this was after a heap of experiences and life lived in the stimulation of scene 2. The consequence is we look at scene 1 and detest or resist it but it is the most gorgeous and most beautiful and worthwhile way of being with other men and women.

  80. When you can connect in your body to how devastating rejection it was/is for you, when you discover that it is the same thing for every other man and be able to listen to their stories with an open heart, your eyes get transformed and what used to be a common daily scene ceases to be seen as before. The real pain becomes more visible even if the camouflage is a good one.

    1. So beautifully expressed Eduardo. When we are willing to see truth in our own lives nobody else can hide the truth from us. There is no camouflage good enough.

  81. Clear evidence that you don’t find love at the bottom of a beer glass while watching a sporting contest.

  82. Scene 1 feels real and true sharing and openness, living the brotherhood. Scene 2 feels loaded and heavy, no truth just hiding away, lots of anger and resentment and lots of deep hurts. They are both different worlds one can choose and very simple, by connecting back to oneself and choosing what feels true in the body and not trying please others or fit in.

  83. Scene 1 is living the brotherhood of who we truly are Scene 2 is the hiding, the separation from self and others, the anger, and the deep held hurts. Two worlds seemingly so apart, within one world the other world is only a gentle breath away.

  84. And also the support we deny when we choose to shut down and leave ourselves, it is almost truly unbearable to feel this fact, that which I so well know I can have but choose to avoid. It is crazy but I know I am not the only one. Honesty is key and allowing support is what is needed.

  85. What a way to compare the truth and thats which is not true. It is so clearly felt that we can keep ourselves in the fortresses we created in fear of rejection, or be honest and talk about it. I know the first one is my way of connecting healing our hurts along the way.

  86. What a snap shot, what visual writing, what a stark contrast. What an amazing experience for you as a man and why do we not ask for more, why do we accept the shallow pub interactions as normal?

  88. We can either run from the pain that we feel or we can face it head on with the absolute knowing that once it is addressed in full, it can own us no longer. Scene 1 is in favour of this. Scene 2 is in reaction to it.

  89. Love the scene 1 you have described, that is a more supportive way to live for oneself and humanity, where as scene 2 feels very disturbing, unsettled and very disturbing to ones life.

  90. It is very clear that it is through our togetherness that we support and inspire each other to bring honesty to our lives and truly heal, so as to reveal the greatness of who we are where Brotherhood is understood and known to be our natural way of being. This is where our power lies as can be felt through the different scenarios you have shared. And the choice is always ours as to whether we are willing to be open to love, share love and let ourselves be moved by love.

    1. Well said Carola, if we lived in true brotherhood I am sure there would be no need for beer or sport or scene 2 at all.

  91. An honest account of a landscape walked by many men in Scene 2 and yet Scene 1 shows how not only men but women too can surrender and speak from their hearts about what is really going on for many in society today and that opening up about rejection can really inspire another to speak with honesty too and let the walls of protection begin to come down brick by brick. Thank you Alan.

  92. Such a contrast this is. Living in the denial of and hardening up to hide our deep hurt, or allowing our vulnerability to be felt and expressed. Women are the same, obviously.

  93. How very freeing it is to let go of the blame game and to be able to take total responsibility for the consequences that arise from the way we are living. When the blame is gone the door is open to honesty, equality and brotherhood. To feel the energy of honesty and brotherhood in the first group makes me smile but to feel to feel the energy of separation and blame in the second makes me realise that this is how the majority of humanity live and we accept it as normal; no smiles for this scenario.

  94. This pretty much sums up our dual plane of life, energetically speaking. We have the choice to be open and connected to a divine source that impulses the love we are from and unites… or … we can go in the opposite direction and align to a source that seeks to divide, compare, compete and be ignorant to the fact that we are all connected and divine.

  95. Goodness gracious Alan, you summed up so much in a few words. I winced at the 2nd scene because it’s so true with all its deep hurt oozing as you say. Your first scenario about beginning to comprehend brotherhood brought a huge smile and felt deeply moving. You have also expressed clearly that there is not a great deal involved to switch between scenes but the outcomes are profoundly different.

  97. Alan I love what you shared in Scene 1 – it feels great that men started to talk in that way together . . . it could help that more man find their way back.

  99. To feel this difference and to know we all have a choice in the depth of relationship we can have means the two examples do not come close. The majority of humanity choose separation from self first, a place they can hide who they are and then thicken this armoured coat by blaming others for the life they lead. Rejection hurts and so I query why we go on to deepen the well of hurt and bitterness by not re-connecting to self and to others.

  100. And thus not a clearer picture can be offered for the choice to live a life in true connection with each other, or the choice to live in complete and reckless abandonment of this. Love it Alan – you are both a master of words and observation.

  101. Men learn how to survive rejection. They harden and turn such hardening into a sign of who they are and, hence, a drive for their movements. That can go on for the entire life. Yet, this is not the only way to relate to rejection. When healing is part of our lives, it does not take long for the hardening to start being eroded and to start exploring what does it mean and how does it feel to relate without it to the world.

  102. At our core we all seek brotherhood as that is our natural way. Yet scene 2 shows how distorted things can be. In that scene you can feel that there is still the seeking of connecting and brotherhood, only they don’t have forgotten how.

  103. Scene 1 & scene 2 clearly illustrate to me that in every moment there is a fork in our pathway and we have a choice which way we want to follow… do we want the drama of emotion and numbness to rule us or the clarity of wisdom and brotherhood.

  104. Palpable difference in the scenarios Allan; I would like to join scene 1 please. Whilst rejection is a huge issue for men, it is also there for women.

  105. Scene 1 – I read this and feel an ease in my body- I know this to be a true way and I appreciate it all. Scene 2 – feels very familiar but takes out the truth of how a man can be and behave. This fills a picture but is void of true essence.

  106. I love the cinema scape you offer us here Alan. As one who has often experienced the talons and tendrils of this rejection monster at play in my life, it is beautiful to see it unmasked. Worse than any alien in a sci-fi film, these thoughts and beliefs we have just lead us apart and away from the truth. Like you, I know that only by coming together we deep understanding and tender care, can we begin to unlock these false imprisoning fears.

  107. Scene 2 – Strange how we behave at times isn’t it? Only takes one to put the glass down and share openheartedly and miracles have been regularly known to happen.

  108. My sense is that scene 1 is the one we naturally know as children, we want to understand why we feel the way we do, then we see no 2 is more comfortable for the majority and fear standing out. Not everyone falls into the trap of conforming but sadly many do without knowing they are even there…I certainly did for way too many years.

  109. I recently had the privilege of being able to sit in a men’s groups held after the Universal Medicine retreat in Vietnam. The love, tenderness, equalness and respect between the men in the group could be tangible felt and it was a blessing to be able to be there.

  110. It is ironic that we so fear the appearance of rejection, so we enjoin regardless of the lack of love we deeply feel in what we are joining. Scene 2 becomes the ‘norm’. And then we lose out on what we crave to the core, ‘brotherhood’. So we give up on living with the level of love and openness of Scene 1. And we end up with the ultimate rejection, the lack of connection to our Soul.

  111. Thank you Alan for exposing how far away men are living in separation to the true brotherhood that is there to return to as true relationship is re-developed with other men. This equally applies to women too.

  112. Alan this is a powerful and inspiring blog to read – the difference in the two scenario’s is very clearly exposed. For men to learn to trust again and return to a deep re-connection with other men is true healing.

  113. Even in the reflection of the contact sport you can feel that men are actually yearning to be more connected with each other- but there is something in society that distorts this and gives them another picture of what it is to be a man and so it is ‘safe’ and fits this picture to ‘connect’ through sport but often it is lacking in the true connection men crave. Our mental health statistics are showing us that something is not quite right. I was watching a documentary recently about men talking about this- they were men who live off the land and were sharing how it is so important to stay connected with others and the alarming rates of suicide in farmers as the job has become more isolated with the introduction of more efficient machinery which means less need to work in teams.

  114. True – one ingrained behaviour stacked upon another. Women are no different – we each have the so-called acceptable behaviours to go to to avoid intimacy, keep our hurts from surfacing and playing for security and safety, irrespective of the great cost to our true selves.

  115. Great theatre in scene 2 yet zero responsibility – a group of men in protection, guarding their hurts and not following a natural impulse of opening their hearts

  116. Deeply beautiful, thank you Alan. I get a real sense of the power in Scene 1, with the sensitivity, love and openness that’s there.

  117. Brotherhood is something innate we all cherish because we are all connected. Scene 2 is as near to connection that is possible within societal norms which condemn a man’s sensitivity. So, to knock this sensitivity out alcohol and the roughness of sport is required. How beautiful scene 1 shows what is possible and that it’s very natural and normal.

  118. A simple but honest reflection of how we bury our hurts with any number of distractions, beliefs and pursuits…medicating them deep within, unresolved and yet the alternative to relate to people in a true way, to allow love into our lives and to open ourselves up with others allows us to heal the past, see the hurts with understanding and let them go.

  119. Is it possible scene 2 is played out as what is truly being sought is scene 1? Is it possible that we have become so lost, have so few examples of true role models, brotherhood, love and connection that all most people know is scene 2?

  120. Yes what a contrast between scene 1 and scene 2… and how familiar is scene 2 and unfamiliar scene 1! You have illuminated with such eloquence the way of the future for all men, and for all women for that matter.

  121. Alan, scene 1 is the connection we are all craving for. The only place I have seen people truly connecting in this way is at Universal Medicine courses and workshops. My feeling is that this beautiful way of connecting with each other is becoming more widespread and this is thanks to Serge Benhayon and everyone at Universal Medicine inspiring people all over the world. The ripple effects of God’s magic has already begun.

    1. Yes chanly88 it is a rare sight but is out there, the point is now we know the difference and that is the key to knowing what we are choosing.

  123. For so many scene 2 was or is the only way to deal with life. But the more we don’t reject ourselves, open up to our feelings and our choices we start to see that holding onto rejection is like hugging a cactus – harmful and keeps us away from others while we focus on our wounds. When I feel hurt the propensity to go to and stay holding onto my reactions is reducing as I feel that not rejecting my feelings around life’s situations results in far grander experiences and a richer life. It shows everyone that we need not remain in the hurt or focusing on our wounds, that we are so much more than our hurts.

  124. When we are honest with each other and connect as in scene 1, allowing ourselves to see and be seen, we realise how similar we are. This transparency creates an openness and understanding and we see that through our protectiveness we are separating form our natural brotherliness.

  126. Scene 2 is unfortunately the accepted ‘norm’ in society especially amongst men, but judging by the high suicide rates amongst men this form of meeting is clearly not working and men are craving a deeper connection and a safe space to express all that they feel.

  127. It is interesting the fact that so many men have historically chosen not to have many men friends. This is certainly very telling of how unsettling and uninviting (to put it mildly) is the way men relate to men. It is not coincidence that only when we start healing, open up and let other people in, the beauty of men being together is out of this world.

  128. Thank you Alan for a great read and your connection to scene 1 in brotherhood what a beautiful reflection to the men in scene 2.

  129. I find that when we choose to protect ourselves from rejection we end up living under its cloud constantly. It’s as if we choose to stay under the cover of a roof just in case it rains – so the result is that we live as if it is raining all the time. Perhaps it is time to see what else is on offer – like self-love maybe.

  130. The pain of rejection runs deep in men and then manifests in any number of self-protective behaviours. But what has this penchant for protection led to? Certainly not a world where love is abundant. Time to open up and see what the alternative way offers us.

  131. Great read to feel how space is created within. One is vast full of the love, the other bares no space for this to be felt.

  132. It is the scene 1’s that will eventually change the scene 2’s by what they are reflecting to the world … that there is another way to be and pulling it up to be this …. Love.

  134. The stark simplicity of the comparison exposes the brutality of burying the hurts of rejection.

  135. This is a simple and exposing article. The fullness and the emptiness sitting side by side makes this a powerful read.

  136. Wow what a contrast the purpose and responsibility in scene 1. Men getting together in true connection and brotherhood feels amazing.

  138. What we seem to reject is scene one when really this is what humanity and friendship truly is. We at any moment have both these choices, and since choosing to be a part of Universal Medicine – I absolutely know the difference and my responsibility in the choice I make.

  139. A clear and stark contrast and so heart warming Alan that after such a long time the love for our fellow brother cannot be extinguished, even after all that hurt and rejection has been suffered.

  140. Scene 2 is what I have seen in our society, it is a common way people socialise and often see this as a normal way to meet each other. Scene 1 is something we rarely see but it is a more intimate, open and loving way to connect with each other. For many it is what we crave for, true connection, feeling safe to express with an open heart, not feeling judged or rejected but supported and loved for who we are.

  141. And the stark difference is exposed so clearly . . . I know which scene I would be prefer without a doubt.

  142. Scene 2 is very much what we have accepted life to be, Scene 1 gives us what is possible and what we all deep down are yearning for.

  143. 2 vastly different scenes with 2 vastly different results. One is deeply healing and the other is very sad, but very common. Men are so much more that what scene 2 represents.

  144. Scene 1 is sharing brotherhood and unity, scene 2 self and separation. No wonder there is a feeling of rejection when there is separation, separation from self and humanity as a whole.

    1. Feeling rejected is awful because it means we have said yes to separation instead of true connection and brotherhood. It is interesting why anyone would choose scene 2 when we can feel the separation and rejection. I feel it is because a majority in our society have not been shown another way, how to truly connect without separation. Thankfully we are being shown that there is another way to connect to each other, just like scene 1, I have seen this more at Universal Medicine events and sometimes at other events. I have seen and participated in scenes like you have described here Alan of scene 1. It feels incredible to feel the love, support, openness and intimacy people are willing to go to, scene 1 bring us together and unites us.

  145. The difference in energy in Scene 1 and Scene 2 stand out a mile. Scene 1 has a sense of purpose and responsibility whereas Scene 2 has a sense of blame, given-upness and victim mentality.

  146. What a contrast Alan. I am feeling that we all have our own versions of the Northern Rivers bar, especially the blame and ‘escape’ aspect, be it through food, alcohol , emotions music or some other medication we use to get through life and avoid dealing with our hurts. Your blog beautifully demonstrates how allowing ourselves to truly connect with others lights the path for an entirely different way of living.

  147. Through the screen of sport and alcohol Scene 2 has given up on the truth & honesty of Scene 1, yet deep down the men in both scenes know they are brothers.

  148. To sit with these 2 examples one can really appreciate what is possible when we make life about who we truly are. Alcohol changes us, makes a huge difference to how we behave and interact with people. But to just connect with others keeps it real and honest and with love first. But this is a choice that is there for us to make. Do we want relationships that dull us or expand us?

  149. Rejection is one of the deepest entrenched issue a man has. The fear of rejection is so fierce that more often than not it is the driving force which grows a boy into a man… Sadly.

    1. You are so right here Luke, rejection is too often the driving force that grows a boy into a man.

      1. Interesting isn’t it Lucindag?

        Makes me set and question however many of my behaviours were shaped from an issue I foster.
        Even the way I first look at strangers is sometimes defensive, no doubt a learnt trait.

  150. In some strange way people can actually feel a numb comfort in scene 2 for it is so well known and completely irresponsible. To connect to their natural open-heartedness as you describe in scene 1 can at first be quite confronting but boy oh boy (or should that be man or man) it is so worth it!

  151. The most unbearable rejection possible is to leave yourself. Men are naturally open-hearted as you describe in Scene 1 so to behave as they do in Scene 2 and speak ill of others they must have already left themselves – ouch!

  152. Scene 2 is a life I had lived too but as a woman- outdrinking many of the men and becoming loud, rambunctious and the life of the party- a thin veil that covered a deep lack of worth.

  153. What you share here Alan is brilliant and opens us up to the very truth that it all comes back to our choices in any moment. We also have a part to play in either of these scenes described above, because when we share our own connection with others it offers a reflection and an openness that allows people to see that there is another choice you can make and it can be either scene 1 or scene 2. Choices are amazing.

  154. Wow Alan, what a contrast between scene 1 and 2. Scene 2 is what I see when I walk down the streets past a bar/hotel. It is so common in our society and I agree it feels unbearable. Scene 1 does exists, I have seen men sharing in this way, openly and lovingly at all the Universal Medicine courses and workshops I’ve attended. It is inspiring to know and see these men living scene 1 in their life and therefore inspiring others to open up and share too in a loving and healing way.

  155. Rejection not only cripples men but it is an absolute killer of potential for all men. For men to be able to openly share in a group all ‘kinds of unbearable rejection they have all felt and the ferocity of the life-responses that followed’ where ‘The respect and caring is palpable’ is not only truly transformational but it lays the foundation for the true letting go and subsequent healing of all the hurt that men have accumulated over their lives.

  156. It’s really sad that in our present day society we are so used to Scene 2 being our abnormal normal that we don’t even consider that Scene 1 is an option for us to choose.

  157. Living the future now is in scene 1. All these men are a true support to each other, loving each other. The men in scene 2 will feel the ripple effect of this loving connection and have a choice to connect to the truth or stay in the unbearable.

  158. How many men are searching and craving scene #1? Perhaps they settle for scene #2 as it is as close to brotherhood as what they can find but have a deep knowing that it is not brotherhood at all.

  159. This all comes down to choice. How much are we willing to open up to others, to drop the image that we build for ourselves as a way to protect ourselves? How willing are we to stand up for truth rather than go along with what’s accepted. Do we know and love ourselves enough to stay solid or do we give in to what society wants us to be? 2 very real situations that happen all the time, and what defines this is simply our choice.

  160. A powerful article with palpable examples of the choices available in either addressing our hurts with love and support… or burying them with blame and intoxication. How gorgeous that you have embraced the former and the healing it offers.

  161. Our culture in Australia makes men feel like scene 2 is normal worse than that makes anyone that choses scene 1 possibly suffer scrutiny, name calling or judgement, crazy stuff when you lay it out so simply Alan.

  162. It’s so wonderful to have men reconnecting to the beautiful essence that they are. I’m struck by your line, ‘… as a man who has had minimal male friends in half a century, I begin to love these men and comprehend what brotherhood feels like…’ as I can only feel that this connection, this brotherhood is what all men (and women) truly seek but group gatherings like the pub, talk about women and sport is the nearest thing to it so they settle for that in the same way I settled for all my false substitutes for intimacy.

  163. Such a powerful sharing, Alan which exposes the choices that men make and all the social norms they use to go into protection. Each one has a beautiful essence which for some may not be seen or felt in this lifetime- that is sad. There is nothing more beautiful than feeling a man connected to his essence.

  164. Reading the 2 scene it could be taken as a caricature, an extreme example that is not quite real, however both scenes are in fact everyday realities. Knowing this it sure does inspire you to live in scene 1 – whether man or woman. It is our true way and a way we will live once more as one humanity thanks to people like you Alan.

  166. Who says some of life’s greater contrasts couldn’t be written in less than a blog ;).

    Excellent depiction of a man’s night out. (The two sides…)

  167. Such a contrast – I have felt and experienced both (and interestingly in both venues). A moment of fragility or vulnerability shared no matter what location is quite gorgeous. However, when we compete and judge each other… even in the auspices of a safe space, then it leaves us feeling rejected, separated, and unworthy.

  169. What I love about coming back to this blog Alan is that Scene 1 is first whereas in the world today Scene 2 is the most common situation and from here is where people relate to life from, but we don’t have to focus on life being about the scene 2 and that when our focus shifts from 2 to 1 then it’s simply a joy. Thank you.

  170. If a young boy was in the company of scene 2 it is very likely they would learn to shut down or bury their feelings and sweetness, go into a form of protection or hardness in the body and get a picture of life that is untrue. If a young boy was in the company of scene 1 they would be left to just be themselves and not imposed on by others and their beliefs. There would be no trying or wanting to be liked, basically no games. So what stops scene 2 from being scene 1? I think you hit the nail on the head so to speak in saying rejection, we could add holding onto to past, recent or old hurts as well to this. Why hold onto to something that happened which essentially stops us from being who we truly are including both the joy and love with ourselves as others? From my experience there is nothing more full-filling than connecting to ourselves and others in a deeper and more open way. Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for helping me and thousands of others return to the love we naturally are ✨

  171. The two scenarios seem as if they come from different planets. Healing our hurts – be we men or women – is a way to come to more love and understanding – for everyone and of course oneself. Then one can be more open, transparent and less in protection – no longer hiding the true tender beings we all are.

  172. Scene 1 -where men are being open and honest and supporting one another. As a woman, men choosing this option have supported me in accepting myself just by choosing this because how they then treat another is very honouring of that person – male or female.

    What’s beautiful is now, even if I react and become intimidated by men choosing scene 2, I know that those men would love to choose scene 1 but circumstance and choice haven’t led them there yet. I would have reacted to them in the past and vehemently rejected the energy of what they choose but them too. But now I do my best to stay connected and honour myself as a woman so they feel the reflection this brings, the grace and the acceptance of who they are and the no to the abuse they are choosing for themselves. I know I need to stay connected to feel how powerful I am in my fragility and not become hard and defensive and fall for the lie that I am a victim. Sure I keep myself safe and honour my awareness. We all have a role to play in both scenes.

  173. Rejection really is the root condition for men. Boy do we fear rejection. The hard outer protective front we put on is just a shield, it is not who we truly are and never will be. We really do need to start getting more honest and true with ourselves about what is really going on

  174. Such a stark contrast between the two scenes Alan; how beautiful and divine it must be to enjoy the brotherhood in scene 1. On saying that I have felt it before; I feel your respect and caring.

  175. Thank you Alan for presenting what life is for you, and others and could be for the male population in brotherhood. And sadly what life is for the majority of men on this planet, and it all comes down to choices being made.

  176. Those in scene one are prepared to open up and heal their hurts while those in scene two are intent on protecting those hurts to the detriment of themselves and others. Both groups are creating a momentum based on their choices.

  178. So awesome Alan, you make a clear distinction in what is a true interaction between men. What an amazing place this world would be when this first scene is commonplace. And I know, I am the only one that can change my way of interacting with men. When I keep choosing to stay in the hurts, the intimacy of the first scene will never be there.

  179. Scene 2 is very common and I have seen it in many places. Scene 1 is absolutely gorgeous and one that I am seeing more and more of in my life since attending workshops and presentations by Universal Medicine, bringing true brotherhood.

  180. The pack mentality that can be so destructive and make you very lonely in a crowd or opening up to share who you are and what you feel brings brotherhood and healing. Universal Medicine inspires us all to make the choice.

  181. Scene 1 – Women of all ages sharing with each other in a playful, honest way. Sharing the roles, ideals and beliefs they have bought into that they are now learning to discard without judgement, beating themselves up or comparison. Women who are vital, joy-full and honouring the preciousness, delicateness and beauty in themselves and others, and celebrating themselves as women.

    Scene 2 – Women of all ages separated into groups of similar ages or professions or interests, all busy ‘doing’ numerous activities and exhausted. Gossiping behind each other’s backs while being outwardly ‘nice’, comparing themselves to each other – within their own group and to other groups. Women who see themselves as never good enough and jealous of even their closest friends.

    Scene 1 – true sisterhood. Scene 2 – unbearable.

    1. Scene 2 is certainly unbearable and one that is not inviting at all. Scene 2 is definitely sisterhood, something we all naturally crave for and can have by choosing to connect and share in this way. I love it Angela!

    1. It certainly does Shelleyjones44, our choices create our world and how we relate to each other. This impacts on us all.

  184. Coming back to your blog Alan, I could feel the contrast so strongly between the two scenarios. The interesting thing is that when it is written down on paper, the reality of Scene 2 does not have the attraction or appeal that it receives in every day life. Scene 2 feels like an escape and avoidance of any responsibility where as Scene 1 feels raw open and willing to take responsibility…..humanity is crying out for Scene 1 but it is a choice I feel that many are not willing to take just yet.

  185. When written down on paper it can be felt what a contrast there is in both scenes, yet scene 2 is sadly very true for many men and then the quality that anyone in their lives is met with! How different would men, women, children and or relationships be if scene 1 became the norm?

  187. We all know how this feels “The Unbearable Ferocity of Rejection”, many of us will experience a ‘rejection’ today of some sort, how do we respond, do we enjoin or do we say that is not me. Building a sense of connection, ‘brotherhood’ with others comes from our choice to allow this to unfurl, if we remain guarded it is impossible. We have the opportunity in a ‘Northern Rivers Hotel’ , at home, in the street…to offer a deeper connection. It is wonderful to appreciate where this occurs and celebrate it and expose where it has not yet been honoured, the true truth expanded and expressed. Thank you Alan Johnston.

  188. Alan the contrast you describe is extreme but accurate. The healing I have experienced through my involvement with the Universal Medicine mens’ groups is extraordinary. I feel a deep level of trust and care with these men and have found a tender nurturing love, that beforehand I had always looked to women to provide. A truly beautiful and continually deepening experience. Thank you to Serge Benhayon and his sons for showing how we can live as true men, and giving us the keys to unlock this potential in ourselves.

  190. You so clearly picture what it is like in a mens world, it isn’t about the first example it is all about the protection. But what a true men is is so beautiful to talk about and feel into.

  191. Thank you Alan, to me Scene 1 sounds very much like the painting by Leonardo De Vinci, the Last Supper, where a group of friends sat around developing a lived wisdom.
    In the future it will be known that this Scene 1 portrait you paint with your words, is alive and thriving in esoteric communities worldwide. To me this will not be restricted to men because as students of the Livingness we understand that women too were once men in other lives and vice versa. So, it is not a primary objective to be exclusively for men but is open to all to heal our hurts. When we as humanity allow ourselves to feel the tender true feelings of who we are, my feeling is that this openness and sharing will allow others with the same issues or hurts to also open to healing by nominating and letting go of their own issues. How amazing is it that when we are open to nominating what is truly going on for us, then that issue no longer has a hold on us unless we choose that same energy again! Universal Medicine, through the presentations of Serge Benhayon, brings a lived wisdom that is freely available to all of humanity.

  192. What an incredible contrast. I have been a part of scenes very similar to what you share here Alan. It is astounding to feel we have a choice to express either one of these energies at any given moment.

    2. ‘Scene 2 is unbearably true.’….we see it happening everywhere, but it is not a true way to live or to be in relationship with each other. It is living with barriers, a falseness and disharmony. Not a true way of living at all.

  194. Alan, a very powerful piece of writing. Recently I have met several men in different circumstances who on the surface may appear tough and strong, but when I have connected with them on a deeper level they have really responded and I have felt their appreciation at being met at another level. It is possible for men to make different and more self loving choices with loving connections.

  195. The sad fact is that all men want to be in scene 1 but do not yet know that it is so available and or how to get there. The choice presented in this blog and the reflection from those men living this way and with such open and tender relationships with other men show the possibility that we do not have to stay in the deep hurt that we have existed in for so many years.

    1. Beautifully said Michael. Underneath the bravado we all crave connection and yet we do not choose it because we do not want to ‘go there’, take responsibility and truly address our hurts.

  196. So true, this the word for it “Unbearable”, when people feel rejected and not meet for who they often choice to numb themselves, be it alcohol, food, relationships, drama, work…there is another way, we can support one another and ourselves by appreciating the inner light that is within us all, connection with ourselves and another heals the ‘unbearable’, disconnection is the opposite of our purpose in life.

  197. Choice – Scene 1 Building true supportive relationships by letting down their guard and being open and honest with each other, speaking from the heart with no judgement or fear of rejection. What amazing joy-full role models for all men to be inspired by – how beautiful. Or Choice – Scene 2 Blaming another for all their woes and cementing them deep within themselves by not taking responsibility for dealing with their hurts and with the added harming affects of alcohol wallowing in their misery – no joy there, no inspiration and no real brotherhood.

  198. Wow Alan what a contrast these 2 scenes present. One lovingly and supportively express their hurts and receiving a healing from this. The other lays blame on another for their hurts in a non supportive environment and they receive harm to their body as they are not clearing their hurts, they are only just washing them down with alcohol.

  199. This is a great view into the mens world, as it could be, and is already been lived by some. And the way most men still reside in their own world full of competition and protection, the first scene is much more enjoyable if you ask me.

  201. I love how simply you’ve presented these 2 scenes, Alan, for us to feel how obvious it is to be honest about what we choose for ourselves. It stares us in the face if we really want to accept the truth.

  202. There is a dark, lonely, lost feeling in scene 2 of a time once lived, now replaced with the open door of knowing it just came from my own choices and before me in any moment is the next step available to open that door wider and let more light in.

  203. One scene – committed to life sharing, brotherhood. The other felt heavy and a hiding away from truth with separation. The simplicity of this sharing raises a thousand pictures/scenarios of life and that we all have equal opportunities to bring about change in our lives. If we so choose. Awesome sharing Alan thank you.

  204. This is so beautiful Alan. The tenderness, clarity and lightness with which you write, I feel is deeply connecting to the true source of life and how we all have the potential to let go of our hurts and live in brotherhood.

  205. Beautiful Alan. The deep tenderness and the true you which can be felt as you write in scene 1 is so touching and deeply inspiring to understand a group of men in the world are communicating in this way. What a leading light you are – this is true evolution for human kind.

  206. Wow these 2 scenes are very different, I know which scene I would prefer to be in. It is beautiful Alan that you and other men are choosing scene 1 and are supporting each other to develop an honest and true connection.

  207. Alan – what a simple and yet extremely clear post on the difference between Scene 1 and 2. I know which scene I would want to be a fly on the wall for….In fact, I’d be more likely to muscle my way into your circle of amazing Men and want to contribute to the honest conversations. If only more Men realised that being themselves without the fear of being rejected is far more appealing than what they tend to choose.

  208. Alan, it is a joy to feel men expressing in the way you speak of in scenario 1. Beyond our physical appearances we are all equally as sensitive as each other and this is one of our greatest strengths.

  209. The contrast is palpable Allan; thank you for so starkly and poignantly pointing out the two paths. The choice is a no brainer really!

  210. Alan you write with such clarity between the two choices, either to stand in the way of humanity and brotherhood, and blame everyone else, or be there in brotherhood, supporting humanity in full, and take responsibility for the choices we make.

  211. So simply put Alan, an indicative of what a truly loving choice it is to re-connect with ourselves and truly let others in. There is indeed a lot of empowerment in talking about mens issues and becoming more aware of what is truly going on for us as men.

  212. What struck me with the two scenes Alan is the courage that the first group had in deciding to expose deep seated long held feelings aware of the possibility of being ridiculed or not heard but this didn’t happen and to feel and see the brotherhood among you all from being prepared to out the monster that is rejection is heart warming. I feel that when we hide things away they’re given a power that can become overwhelming but when we shine the light on them and stop the secrecy they all but disappear.

  213. It’s breathtaking to feel the difference between the two scenarios you’ve described, Alan but heartwarming to know that men are beginning to trust each other enough to interact and operate in a different, more open, loving and truth-full way, to risk brotherhood and reap its benefits.

  214. When I first read your blog Alan, I had a little reaction to the second group of men, then realising the pain and hurts they must carry around with nowhere to share and heal this. Through no fault of their own, just a lack of awareness of the other option open to them.

  216. “Sharing the kinds of unbearable rejection they have all felt and the ferocity of the life-responses that followed.” How beautiful that you now have the opportunity to do this with a group of men open to sharing such deep hurts. As you say the other alternative seems to be slur-talking and hard hitting contact sport that unites men as well as humanity’s ever increasing acceptance of hate speech as the way to speak to, with and about your brothers.

  217. With your work in the men´s group you give humanity hope, hope that in your case is a reality of brotherhood, and that for many it is the way ahead, something that you make possible, a choice that can be made, not to be bound by the general disconnection and hardness between human beings, between men.

  218. Whole societies are built around the unbearable ferocity of rejection and have one purpose: to avoid feeling rejected. I myself built my life around that and mastered this art, created a whole life-style for that purpose. While I was in it, I wasn’t even aware that I was creating nothing but my own prison. Thanks to Universal Medicine and the men’s group’s presentations I slowly came to understand the extend of the corruption I had allowed in my life.

  219. The distinction is very clear between the two groups. It’s crazy to think that the first scene is naturally there for men (and women) but that most humans have lost contact with that even being a possibility. Thank you Alan and Co. for starting the long journey back. I’m sure others will join in along the way as they capture the message of what is possible.

  220. Scene One: held my attention on the first sentence “Men talking with each other in an open- hearted honest way”. I truly wanted to join in and be apart of this. Whereas Scene Two: the complete opposite and, more often than not a very common scene around the world. It then only takes just one of you amazing guys so very ‘gentle men’ to shine and reflect to the many that through making different choices they too can speak out with honesty as us equally gorgeous women can too. Thank you Alan

  221. I love the way you made clear how different the way I am learning to be as a man is to what is so commonly seen as being a man. Two completely different scenes showing what state men are in and what is possible to be a man and that I feel is our true nature.

  223. When you paint these two pictures side by side its hard to comprehend how we have come to such a starkly contrasting place … and what led us (men and women) to choose the obviously deeply painful version of companionship and camaraderie over the option of brotherhood.

  224. And how I now know the depths of each scene painted here. Men embracing and developing an intimate dialogue, nominating their responsibilities and the hurts that they choose to clear away to make-way for greater life of love and wisdom. Or, wallowing and indulging in ill patterns, seemingly oblivious to any responsibility of having chosen such, or perhaps just distracted away from their tortures in the world of sport, booze and one-up-manship.

  225. Alan when i read this i am reminded of my first few Women in Livingness groups that i attended in London about 5 years ago. At the time i had 3 children under 4yrs and was frequently overwhelmed and depressed – i remember travelling up to London and sitting side by side with many women i did not know and discussing honestly how it felt to be a woman – I kept flashing to the alternative option that would have been to arrive in London and meet up with some similarly exhausted mother friends and go out on the raz, drinking, possibly taking some drugs in a failed attempt to keep motherhood sexy. Today I am filled with appreciation for my choice to stick with the women’s groups and blossom from the wisdom shared.

  226. Absolutely Kate, and together we form the foundations of brotherhood through our Livingness, thanks to Serge Benhayon and thank you Alan for a great blog!

  227. Rejection. . . We meet it in so many guises in so many different levels of life. Commonly occurring and commonly dismissed as something that ‘doesn’t bother me’ yet most of us have created our lives with the specific aim of avoiding it.

    Rejection is a powerful force in shaping the course of people’s lives. One of the greatest barriers that we as humanity have put between ourselves and dealing with our rejection so we are no longer owned by it is the perception that it doesn’t affect us. That strong, ‘together’ people are not affected by it. The fact that this perception is commonly held, means we need to get to the point of ‘admitting’ we are rejected and accepting the feelings of vulnerability, weakness or even shame that come with smashing society’s picture that ‘together’ people don’t get affected by rejection before the real healing can begin.

  229. I have felt that second one all too often Alan, walking past a pub or club. It is like an assault walking through the thickness of palpable anger and hatred, laughter that is bereft of joy and cuts like a razors edge, and the sense of impending danger, as though violence could erupt at any moment. Yet take each one of those men, sober, and he is not that. That is what your first scene set – the man who can let that deepness out, who can laugh with true joy and even cry…should he need to.

  230. These men you speak of in scene 1 are men of the new era, men choosing to let go of the defences and guard and actually live and speak the truth. These men are incredibly powerful, tender and gentle. The true gentleman in born again.

  231. How did men get so far apart. How lovely to have that joy back in your life and friendship. As a woman the absolute joy I get when I see the men laughing and enjoying each other and accepting, is deeply felt.

    1. Beautiful Gail. Agreed. Laughter and cheekiness need not be fuelled by anything, it’s such a natural state.

  232. Thank goodness there are men coming together and re-connecting to themselves and each other and letting go of scaring from being rejected! Scene 1 – you remind the gentle-men in Scene 2 that there is another way, to not only deal with rejection but to also feel what it is like to truly meet another man without any bravado or competition. They then have the opportunity to choose to feel their own sweet self again.

  233. Alan what a distinct change from one scenario to the next. The first filled with love, support and room to grow. The other being Stuck, damp, unsupportive and false. I felt the sadness and heaviness that men in our society carry around, cchoosing to live in relationships that they settle for and call normal. I also felt the potential for men who step out of the “norm” and find true brother. A very clear reality check Alan.

  234. The contrast between the two ways of life or choices is huge, the denial of pain and level of disregard with the men in the pub is palatable. There is another way, choosing oneself and self love might just be that way.

  235. Me too Alan, a few years ago I had not so many male friends and our conversations were not so deep as it is today. And I also start to love people – woman and men equally. What a joy to appreciate each other and reflect each other our divinity.

    1. Absolutely Simone, reading back over the comments there are not many here that haven’t felt the sadness of the man that have been lost. It’s a welcoming home for those that have reawakened to their tenderness and true strength.

    2. This is so true, Simone, I could feel the hurt just reading scenario 2, and the pain men must take home to their families after such a scenario does hurt us all.

      1. There is no winner with pain. It’s not biased, pain will go with anyone and it’s very good at infecting groups of people. If a man is in pain, all his family and friends will feel it.

  238. Such contrasts Alan, and I know which one I’d rather see more of, and to know that men are now living and relating like this is inspiring – some day scene 1 will be the normal and not scene 2.

  239. Alan you couldn’t have painted a better picture of these two very different scenarios and the huge chasm between. Dare I say lost and found, although the way you’ve written it here, found and lost. One small step for brotherhood, one huge step for humanity.

  240. Why have created, restricted reality, when you can have the expanse, beauty and brotherhood of truth? Great picturing Alan.

  241. We as humanity indeed have strayed far from true brotherhood – a sad truth to feel. At the same time a beautiful marker and inspiration to change the game and connect again.

  242. An exposing contrast of those who only seemingly hide their hurts by living and championing the masks they wear to avoid the potential sting of rejection, compared to those who are wiling to open their hearts and share their hurts… trusting the true love and tenderness of the other men will gently support them to heal through the deep care of which you speak… A superb and powerful comparison.

  243. Alan the truth in this saddens me, how far men have come from true brotherhood and where the search for love has lead them – the pub and even more disconnection. Scene 1 captures the truth of what men and all are looking for, true connection to our brothers.

  244. That is such a simple comparison Alan. I don’t think there are many spaces for the first kind of sharing except in recovery groups, where things have got so bad that there has been major trauma. Imagine being able to come to this kind of friendship without having to experience the trauma.

  245. What a powerful distinction can be felt between these two scenarios, I know which one feels more true and loving to me. Time to be vulnerable, share and begin to feel.

  246. We are amazing, awesome role models in the work we are doing on ourselves and as a group of men.
    We are courageous, in that we are showing how tender we really are, and that we get hurt very easily, in reviling this, its clear how powerful that tenderness is.

    1. Yes Thomas and I am extremely appreciative of the men connecting in Scene 1. You are indeed all awesome role models of men connecting lovingly. I am in full adoration.

    2. Thomas you men are courageous living your tenderness, leading a way that show where the true strength in a man lies.

    3. It is to be fully appreciated where what we are sharing with each other and the world. It is truly beautiful to share our love with other men, and truly feel that we are all the same on the inside. No competition needed.

    4. The world needs role models like you Thomas and Allan. Men need to know that its OK to be tender and fragile,

  248. I have also witness and have experienced both these senses. Scene 1 is real, open honest and loving. Scene 2 is like a superficial cover, a gathering to be disconnected together. I now recognize that one is healing and one is harming.

  249. Wow! Alan two great examples that clearly demonstrate how, as humans, we can make choices to either share our truth and connect naturally to each other or cover it up with past hurts and lash out at the world and all those who share it with us.

    1. I agree we definitely have a choice constantly as to which scene do we choose to be in. When I listen to how I feel, I am naturally drawn to scene 1.

  250. How awesome it is that so many of us are choosing not to follow the “norm” as in scenario 2 but to open to a much fuller and more vibrant life as in scene 1. Thanks Alan for showing this stark contrast so clearly.

  251. As a man it feels much better to get real and accept that there has been rejection and that life is tainted by this than it does to drown in beer and talk rubbish as I have done in the past. I’d much rather have a conversation with the meaning Alan describes in the 1st paragraph than keep going around in circles in the 2nd.

  252. I love Alan’s writing. The blogs are often short yet there is so much in them! These words stood out for me ”And as a man who has had minimal male friends in half a century, I begin to love these men and comprehend what brotherhood feels like”. The humbleness is deeply felt and a joy to read.

  254. Scene 2 such a common place for so many in search of having someone to dump all their worry and blame taking no accountability for the fact they’ve actually created what there living.. Both hands up for me scene 2 was somewhere I lived to be until, attending Universal Medicine, I can not express the amount of appreciation I have for Serge Benhayon and all he brings to us all

  255. Very powerful and to the point, Alan. Since becoming a member of Universal Medicine Student Body that I have for the first time in my life true male friends and also feel part of a group of men.

  256. A beautiful description in scene one of a group of men choosing a different way to be. The men who I meet through Universal Medicine are in true brotherhood as described in scene one and they are gorgeous to be with.

  257. Love the description of these two scenes. Why do we choose misery over love and connection and settle for this false version of spending time with each other without any true connection when it is so simple and true to be in brotherhood. Very beautiful sharing, thank you Alan!

  258. Very succinct and powerful writing Alan , that all men should read to feel the healing that scene 1 offers when men truly connect in their tenderness.

  259. Absolute power here Alan and such a vast contrast in the scenes that you have set. I know which one I would rather be in.

  260. Wow Alan, it’s beautiful to feel the deep healing that is possible for all of us in this.

  262. This is a short but to the point , blog Alan. With time this will change, but I guess that this is the only way these Men feel they can share what is going on their Lives. To get to point one it sounds like that is happening and so great to know

  263. “Thank you Alan. It is wonderful that Scene 1 is not a story of fantasy but of a reality where more and more men have the opportunity to experience true relationship and brotherhood.”

  264. Having never liked pubs and never known my father to go to the pub I did not understand the appeal and have often been amazed by the number of pubs everywhere I go. In the middle of nowhere in Australia there are pubs where there are just a few houses around or even small towns with two pubs. I would wonder, who fills these pubs? Where do the people come from? In a small Sydney suburb close to where I live I counted 27 pubs. How are they even viable? So Alan when you write of what is going on inside the pub I get a devastating depiction of what life is like for many men. It is unbearable to think about, a horror no doubt to live. I have an appreciation that scene 1 today exists, however small and localized right now, at least there are the beginnings of another way for men.

  266. Alan, your short, succinct blog clearly shows the distinction between the two worlds. It’s takes some honesty to admit that we have all tried scenario 2 in some shape or form and persisted with it doggedly even though we knew it wasn’t really working. It is quite an amazing revelation when we start to understand that scenario 1 is actually where we all naturally fit . We just need to trust that it is real and embrace it.

  267. thats True Alan, it has become the normal for Men to hide their feelings and feel comfortable burying them whilst drinking alcohol with others because that doesn’t let us feel that life hurts. Its something a lot of men would do, but deep down they are craving for some honest and raw sharing of how they really feel underneath all of the layers of protection and hurt.

  268. What a huge contrast between scene 1 and scene 2. There was a time when I knew scene 2 all so well and would have scoffed at scene 1 and thought it lame, but actually it’s really the other way around. Now I know which one offers the quality of life.

  269. thank you Alan. Whats interesting is that to a lot of people, scene 2 is their idea of spending time together and bonding. I once saw it like this too. Boys time at the pub, drinking and laughing and watching sport.
    But since knowing that scene 2 can and does exist, how can I even compare. I know men who choose scene 1, and I can see the openness and gentleness they hold simply by dropping their guards. It is absolutely beautiful.

  270. I can feel your gentle tenderness in scene 1, as you bravely expose the hurts and sores from life in all their rawness and the support you offer each other as you start to heal in brotherhood. What a gift you offer to all men.

  271. So Simple yet so powerful Alan, thank you
    I love engaging and connecting with men in Scene 1.
    Scene 2. leaves me feeling cold and sad.

  272. Alan, in so few words you have expressed so much. Scene 2: a scenario that has sadly become the norm in so many societies and feted as being the way to live for men; shut down and oozing with rejection. Scene 1: a coming together in equality of men who are prepared to bare it all, and in so doing, healing their pain and supporting each other. This is true brotherhood.

  273. Thanks Alan for sharing your blog, I have lived and experienced scene 2 , I now choose brother hood scene 1.

  274. Alan what you have shared really spoke to me. Scene 1 is what I want for the men in my life and for all men.

  275. I don’t know about everyone else but I would go for scene 1!!!
    So clearly said Alan

  276. These two scenarios are like chalk and cheese. I know which one I would choose to live!

  277. A very powerful and beautiful blog This quote is stupendous “And as a man who has had minimal male friends in half a century, I begin to love these men and comprehend what brotherhood feels like…” I felt such deep tenderness when I read this and deep appreciation for the letting go of the hurts and resentments to open up and connect.

  278. I definitely prefer and love scene 1 – scene 2 is so painful to feel and watch, though it is seen as “normal” in our society. May many men read your blog and start to discover how beautiful it is to connect to other men in their tenderness and true connection.

    1. That’s right Steffi. This blog shows that we can choose to be in anyone of these scenes. I can see that scene 2 is very common. Scene 1, is rare but it exists and I am seeing more and more of this way of true connection in my life since becoming a Universal Medicine student. I feel love and joy when I experience true connection with people. This is what I am naturally attracted to.

  279. Wow. You deliver a powerful punch here, Alan. I was all snuggled up to continue reading Scene 1: – Trees all around and the sweet sense of dusk settling in. Without realising what I was leaving behind, I focused in on Scene 2. I immediately felt the hurt, disappointment, rejection and anger. Power-full.

  280. One could read a black and white parable here. But feeling into it and truly letting it in, it makes me feel the sadness of the truth in it. How sad this is truly mirroring of how we are used to living together. Checked out and accepting it to be so. Having four beers staring at a TV screen. While there is the constant opportunity given to have conversations from the heart about what’s truly going on inside and between us. Beautiful short but gigantically profound blog, Alan.

  281. They are stark contrasts Alan – and very true – I know only too well. How absolutely beautiful that you have discovered the true intimacy that can be there in your relationships with men and I am sure this is transforming all of your relationships.

  282. What an amazing revelation in so few words. All men and women need to feel what is written here as it is very revealing and powerful.

  283. The first scene reminds me of childhood – boys sharing themselves fully with all others – no judgement or directed harm – newly arrived they reminisce on lives past and this new one that awaits. The second scene is adulthood when the directed harm and angst from others who too found it hard in the world don’t arrest the ensuing hardness and internal anguish that asks only for relief in the form of anything that dulls the pain.

  284. Nothing more needs to be said – a very powerful piece of writing Alan. It is so simple really and available to us all. The loving and life giving interactions we can choose when we open to others and share from truth deep within. Our world thrives on introducing and using distractions – substances, activities, blame, choosing to be victims and not taking ‘personal’ responsibility for life. The energetic truth – what has been here presented can be felt – Scene 1. Light, loving, joyful, harmonious and life giving or Scene 2. Heavy, dark, murky and breeding more of the same.

  285. Another Gem Alan. A good reason to appreciate how far we have come and our commitment to heal and create true relationships in our lives. Thank you !

  286. Wow Alan. Absolutely exposing. Scene 2 is my earlier life, and scene 1 is more akin to my present life. Changing scenes somewhere in the middle was a whole lot of self examination, taking responsibility and commitment to dealing with my issues. I am loving scene 1!!

  287. Two ways to deal with rejection – one is to bury it more deeply and let it inform and penetrate each interaction and the other is to take responsibility for our choices and start to heal, and that is true for men and women alike.

  288. Alan such a powerfully honest account of the choices for men in our society. It’s about honesty and love or competition and hurts.

  289. Alan what a contrast…..I prefer the first scene. Love your honesty.

  291. Sheesh Alan. You paint a very vivid picture and capture both perfectly. Scene 2 is no doubt a commonality for most, but I bet no one know’s what they are missing out on until you share with them scene 1. Beautiful.

    1. So true Emily, I for one used to think that just being with someone for a few hours meant you were bonding with them, and if you were drinking schooners or smoking crack then you were getting to know the real them, as I thought when you were inebriated that was when the real you came out. I lived in scene 2 for a long time and thought I had a few good friends, I now live in scene 1 and have countless friends that I love dearly.

      1. Great point tonysteenson, scene 2 is an illusion that scene 1 is being lived.

  292. Beautifully laid out for all to see and feel the difference between allowing rejection to rule us, or taking responsibility to allow healing the rejection and letting go of these hurts. The difference between inviting others into to share the love that is there or blocking others out to separate from the love that is there to not want to feel love again in case there is rejection. And the difference of being together in honesty, love and appreciation or together in denial, resentment, blame and judgement. But also that there is no difference between us all, that there is a common thread, in that the love within us all awaits to be lived as is felt in the first scene.

    1. Carola, I love the gem you share when you say ‘feel the difference between allowing rejection to rule us, or taking responsibility to allow healing the rejection and letting go of these hurts’ right now this is something I needed to hear, thank you.

    2. I agree completely. The typical response from men is to be hard, protected and keep others at arms length so that we can’t be rejected – reject everything so that no one has the opportunity to reject us or hurt us. In doing this we reinforce the rejection. There is a vulnerability with openness, but it allows us to truly experience love and sharing and feeling the equality between all.

      1. I agree – we men are very much in protection. What I have started to notice is how sensitive many (all?) of them are when you accept that protection and don’t react to it.

  293. Beauty-Full, succinct and makes a clear point of the deep hurt of rejection that we as men all carry, I appreciate you for exposing this Alan.
    My understanding of men and myself has grown and I no longer see the rough n tough men, working on the roads or building sites. I see the tender, deeply caring sensitive men, with a very thin layer of protection, to cover the fact that they too were not met as the tender precious little boys that they once were.

    1. That is beauty-full! Something powerful to bring more awareness to. Seeing men for the true tender beings they are, remembering how delicate they are when the hard layers are removed. Never forgetting that a true story of a precious boy lies behind the hard walls of protection. What a gift we could offer our men, if we see and held them for who they truly are.

  294. Very interesting and confronting contrast of situations Alan. From this we can stop and consider what is really going on for our men and allow them the space and courage needed to accept their own tenderness and let the world in.

  295. I love how your blogs are so short and so powerful Alan. It actually brought a tear to my eye when I read scenario one, how beautiful and tender the men in your group are with each other, and I get to see this with how you interact with each other – how you hold each other, the look of love and tenderness as you actually meet eye to eye, man to man, in brotherhood. The competition has fallen away, and no longer do you need to compete with each other, or lose yourself in beer/sport driven false camaraderie in order to hide your hurts. Beautifully expressed.

      1. The pub, or the sports ground, seems to be the place where men go to hide their pain, either looking at it distorted,’through the bottom of a glass’ or shouting it out, masked as encouragement to their team. Thank goodness there are men like Alan who have touched their own tenderness – and shared it. beautiful, beautiful blog.

    2. Thank You Alan and Jo, I left the front bar 22 years ago, to search for the next 10 years to only find the back bar which was worse in its own way because I lived in the illusion that all was rosy in my life without the alcohol, drug and competition found in the front bar. The analogy of the back bar played out as a scene in which I carried a lot of arrogance and hardness around all that I did, so much so that I buried deeper those things men never talk about. Then I came to a place where I could stand back and see both bars front and back from a position of true “Brotherhood”. This was where I could see the rejection I had lived with, no judgment just a humble appreciation of the true me.

  297. Wow Alan what an amazing contrast you have shown. I would prefer a man from Scene 1 thanks. It is sad how scene 2 is the norm these days where men feel they need to be tough to be accepted.

  298. Allan, our hurts that are not healed ‘drive us to drink.’ Responsibility to heal them, brings the brotherhood you describe.

  299. Wow Alan, they are worlds apart, one coming for the outer the other coming from the inner, how clearly and simply you have shown the difference.Thank you.

  301. What a powerful example of two totally separate accounts and ways of being as a male.
    This simple account says just how much our choices change our reality. Very cool Alan.

  302. We all know and miss scene 1 which makes it even more painful if we find ourselves living scene 2

  303. Wow, beautifully expressed Alan. How much have we made scene 2 our normal, its quite scary to read it like this, gives me shivers. How beautiful that you share that you know different and that it is so simple and warm.

  304. Alan I would be buying tickets for scene 1 these days. Scene two is so last century and I gave up being the partner or wife who had had a gut full long ago.

  305. Alan that’s brilliant ! Your description of scene 2 was pretty vile and yet it is common place. So why don’t we feel the vileness when we’re in it? Because we’re numbed out. Big time. If you put all those people in the pub without the beer then they would recoil. We, as a society have to constantly self soothe because if we stop and feel for a moment then the charade gets exposed. It’s no wonder that our bodies are fatigued, self soothing is a full time job!

  308. Such a powerful blog Alan. The two choices so succinctly described by their stark contrast. We as humanity have a choice and its time we realised this.

  309. Why we choose scene 2 as ‘OK’, is just ridiculous. The beauty of scene 1, is undeniable.

  310. Beautiful written Alan, the contrast between scene 1 and scene 2 could not be bigger and how come we accept scene 2 as normal although we know scene 1 to be true.

  311. Wow Alan, what a beautiful use of the language to describe in such a minimalist style a true world of differences. Love the final word: unbearable. Very true.

  312. What a stark contrast. I really love your way of expression, Alan. How amazing is that for the scene 1 to be brought back as a possible option to the world where the scene 2 is accepted as normal.

  313. Strength in brotherhood united by Love and deep care – we all crave this and yet how many of us spend our life’s dollar on a cheaper much less attractive 2nd scene that every one fits into with apparent ease.

    1. Yes, we fall for what is scene 2? What is attractive about slurred talking and narrow minded conversations about sport?

  315. The love and warmth in Scene 1 is something I so dearly love seeing with men who are not afraid or protecting themselves, to share how their feelings. Scene 2, is so common place and there is not much or any reflection of another way, when this is what you see all around you. Thank you for clearly sharing the two and leaving it for everyone to feel and ponder on – powerful picture!

  316. A powerfully vivid picture you have portrayed Alan. The feeling of the two scenarios so extremely different. One healing the other obviously retarding and harmful.

  318. Wow, what a contrast! The scene 2 can easily be a TV ad for beer. It is so fantastic to know that the scene 1 has already been happening and the ripple effects will be limitless!

  319. LOVE this excerpt on truth and reality Alan, showing us just how far apart the two worlds are. The world of reality a dingy existence that involutes; the world of truth the clearer picture that evolves.

  321. You paint a clear picture Alan, I have been in both scenes and now my choice is to show those who have only ever seen scene 2, that scene 1 is here and they are welcome.

  323. Thats a very well painted picture. How we feel in each scenario is so clear when set out like this.

  324. A work of art in words – what a picture you paint. Tenderness is power, toughness is bravado pretending power to avoid self.

  325. Hello Alan, wow that is really huge. Although it’s relatively short, I had to sit with this and just feel for a few minutes as I really was stirred up within. What came up for me was how much I enjoy Scene 1, and how often I’m still in scene 2 within myself. The contrast between the two is stark, and I love how you’ve expressed it so simply and allowed me to feel where I still am at times, and where I want to be.

  326. Succinct and to the point, this is a great sharing of the reality of how many men relate, and a beautiful way that some men are now choosing to embrace.

  327. Beautiful blog Alan. When expressed in this way the stark contrast of what we have accepted as normal compared to men’s true nature acts as a stop moment. It beautifully illustrates that there is another way and that their is a growing number of men questioning and choosing to connect to their tenderness and sensitivity.

  328. Thank you Alan; it is truly wonderful how you have succinctly portrayed two distantly opposing scenarios.

    it is, indeed, a very sad reflection on Society that we accept so readily Scene 2 as the norm and would be embarrassed and feel undermined if stumbling across Scene 1.
    How different our world would be if Scene 1 were to be the norm

  329. Spot on Alan. If Scene 2 was only just a scene it would be bearable. Unfortunately being based on fact it is as you say ‘unbearable’, with everyone instead pretending that it is. The reality is, everyone gets hurt.

  330. A ground breaking article, every man and every woman should read this, this is brilliant, thank you Alan

  333. I love this blog, I was recently having a conversation on a train with a gentle-man on his way to Twickenham to watch Rugby and felt how scene 2 was so ingrained in what was expected of him, how have we allowed this to happen when scene 1 is the way young men naturally express from little?

    1. Exactly Fiona scene 2 of drunken slurs, hurling abuse at the “big screen” is what we consider normal when it is a million miles from the truth we feel as children. How wise are we when we are young that we would nearly always choose scene 1. So what happens to make that not the normal way we live – open-hearted and honest?

  334. Sadly in the world, scene 2 is the accepted norm. Bring on more of scene 1 I say. I could feel the tenderness of it as I read it.

  335. Very simply and powerfully stated Alan, the choice of two worlds. One where men are allowed to re-discover their true nature, to shed the hurts and rejection and to make true, deep and lasting friendships. The other, a deep pit of misery and fog that holds no answers what so ever and leaves each man an island, isolated, defended and un-reachable. Thank you for giving all men a very clear sign post at the cross roads. I can personally vouch for the incredible strength, power and love that can come from a man who chooses the first option, to look, feel and take responsibility for himself. It is irresistible and extremely sexy!

  336. An amazingly simple account of what we accept as “normal” simply because the masses do it… and alternatively what is possible. I can understand why scene one would come first, I wouldn’t want to give any time to scene two!

  338. Wow. What a stark contrast. And to realise that there is a choice here but how many of those in the second scenario even realise there is a choice and if they do how many actively go searching for it and if so what do they find? Too many questions. Like Natalie I choose scenario 1 because it feels so much more supportive of a full and healthy life where men are actually connecting with one another and sharing ways of dealing with things on an ongoing basis. A much more liberating experience even though it might seem challenging at first.

  339. Wow Alan, what a fabulous collection of words. So simple yet so painfully true! I also chose scene one.

  342. It is great to see and feel men starting to be themselves and connecting with other men and talking about truthful stuff. It has been along time.

    1. Well said, Ken. It is beautiful to feel how men are sharing more of themselves and building true relationships with each other. My husband has opened up so much more since attending the men’s groups, and this has had an amazing knock on effect on all of our lives.

    2. Absolutely Ken, ‘It is great to see and feel men starting to be themselves and connecting with other men and talking about truthful stuff. It has been a long time.’ It’s definitely time to expose the hard, tough man image that is so obviously not the truth of who men are and for men to be opening up to each other and be themselves, very beautiful!

  344. Wow – whats scary is we accept scene 2 so much more than we do scene 1. Men are asked to man up, play tough, watch sports and vent over beers. How did we get to the stage where we allow this to be a standard weekly thing?
    How did we allow men to lose touch with how nurturing, gentle and loving they can be at every moment.
    More of scene 1 I say

    1. So true Hannah. The fact that we accept scene 1 so much more speaks volumes about how we expect men to be a certain way, to live according to a set of rules – don’t cry, don’t feel, don’t be tender, bring home the bacon, tell their sons to be tough etc etc. When we drop this picture, I am sure we will see a man as he truly is.

    2. Exactly Hannah – why do we accept scene 2 as normal, when it is so clearly damaging to ourselves, others, and our relationships, and see scene 1 as abnormal, weird, and strange?

    3. It’s horrific Hannah, especially when as Alan presents here with Scene 1 there is another way and it feels amazing. And yet as you share and others concur, we have all these expectations for men on how we expect them to be, we load so much on them, and Scene 2 becomes very common and we accept it as men blowing off stream. But what if we went back and actually let go some of those ideas of what men should be, and allowed them to be the tender beings they like women are, what then, I reckon Scene 1 would result.

  345. Awesome blog Alan you have captured in a few words the contrast of 2 very different lives. I could feel the openness, gentleness and caring in Scene 1 and the ugliness of Scene 2, when it is put like this, why would anyone want to choose and act out Scene 2.

    1. I can feel the love warmth and care in scene 1 which is in stark contrast with the cold of scene 2. I agree Alison, when put like this why would anyone want to choose scene 1

  346. So simple, so honest and so true.
    No brainer for which one feels beautiful and nourishing for the Soul.
    It brought a tear to my eye also – I LOVE that men are starting to be able to share like this – how divine.

  349. Really love what you have written here Alan, both scenes are very vivid, that rejection you talk of is so strong, it is great to acknowledge it to allow us to move past it.

  350. This blog is super to re-read and appreciate the truth it presents. One line really caught my eye from scene 2 in the hotel. ‘The ferocity of this life-response oozes deep hurt. Unbearable.’
    I know so many men who relate to each other and women in an open-hearted and honest way, so it raises the question why are the other group of men trying to drown their sorrows? They weren’t like that as young boys, so what has happened to them along the way so they now feel the need to drink to blunt their pain and cope with this deep hurt?

  359. You’ve summed it up beautifully Allan. Choosing to heal and live with a willingness to connect with ourselves and our brothers feels so dramatically different from the stark cold ‘reality’ that would otherwise be life. I find so much healing comes from listening and expressing amongst other men these days. There is a huge amount to appreciate – myself and others for providing the reflection that is tender, caring and loving. It is respect amongst men at the deepest level. Thank you for writing this blog.

  363. Awesome blog Alan, what a difference between the 2 scenes. Reading scene 1 I felt the love and joy but scene 2 felt ugly. There is really no contest…I choose scene 1.

  364. Wow. Thank you Alan. That was huge, reading that. Feeling the FEROCITY (perfect choice of word) of the Scene 2’s that I used to hang out in…..and then feeling the deep appreciation of myself and all my brothers for the Scene 1’s that I now hang out in. Gargantuan, world-changing difference between the two and whilst Scene 2 is getting more and more ferocious, today I choose to celebrate the amazing and delicious FACT that more and more men are choosing Scene 1. Thank you Alan. See you under the trees soon, you gorgeous man.

  365. So I glanced at the page before starting to read and thought to myself “Is that it?”

    Then I read it. I loved how you have presented two very different ways of being with one another – and the consequences/outcomes of each.
    There are two ways of being, and they are like black and white.
    Thanks for sharing Alan

  367. A really awesome blog, loved the way you set the scene, so clearly yet simply, and so many people can relate to scene two, but let’s make number 1 the new normal!

  369. Alan, you have such a gorgeous way with words, you truly paint a scene so vividly and clearly. I can feel the love and connection in scene 1 and the desperation and grief in scene 2 so clearly. And I love that you and other men are choosing scene 1, how gorgeous.

  370. If men allowed themselves to experience Scene 1, it is possible that they would never again choose to be an actor in Scene 2. Thank you Alan for making the choice so clear and simple.

  371. Beautifully expressed Alan. I know men who are aware they are imprisoned in the protocols of Scene 2 and yet are desperate for the openness and respect you have found in Scene 1. It’s great you are writing about the possibility of this other way.

  372. Such a true exposure of how men interact with each other, yet it also captures how amazing the potential is when they are open to connecting with one another… Thank you Alan!

    1. I agree Susie. Hard to imagine that the men in scene 2, could also be in Scene 1. We all have that amazing potential to turn off the screens, put down the beer glass, shut down the blame pipe-line and properly connect with each other – with honesty, responsibility and tenderness.

  376. And as the new dawn rises, men get to see, feel and hear that they can be loving, graceful, beautiful, caring, committed to life, themselves and humanity. Thank you Alan, I too am appreciating having men friends without the distractions of old. Just practicing to express me with them. Simple.

  377. I loved reading this – beautifully painting the difference in the two scenarios – showing up the rut and the painful existence that humanity has chosen for so long, alongside the heart warming alternative that is available if we but choose.

    1. Absolutely Beverley. With the inspiration from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine more and more men are finding the normal of scene 1. Their strength and tenderness is beautiful to be with.

      1. Well said, Mary. For me, this blog is a testament to the dedication and support of Universal Medicine, to the immense love that has been patiently and consistently presented, allowing us to look beyond our hurts and open ourselves up to connection again, so that scenario 1 is able to be more commonplace nowadays.

  379. Thank you Alan I have felt both of these scenes. Scene 2… I used to go to the pub (UK) a lot in my former days with my husband and I could never understand the appeal. It was a group of men talking about the same things every time, there was no real conversation just a superficial banter.

    Let’s have more of scene 1 how beautiful the world would be, men lovingly expressing about how they feel… and boy oh boy you do it so well.

    1. That’s so true Alison, we as men just talk superficially about the same thing, albeit using slightly different words each time. It really can be quite meaningless. The alternative scene 1 feels much better where we can choose to not play it safe and actually talk in a way that allows us to develop and let go of the hurt and rejection that almost all men hold onto.

  380. So simply put Alan, there are two different ways to be – love or not love. One way brings healing and deep friendship, the other way keeps us trapped. Simple choice – feel and heal or blame and complain. It’s so amazing to know there are many who are choosing the former and what an amazing choice it is. Thank you.

  382. Sadly, for so many of us, scene 2 is the familiar one and scene 1 still a dream. But how wonderful that it is a reality now for some men because of the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Our hearts can teach us all, men and women, how to move beyond the old gender restrictions.

  384. Brilliantly put, Alan. The mateship of the pub… or… the brotherhood with all… I know which group I’d rather be in, if I was a man! Give me people who don’t have the alcohol changing them and talking for them any day!

  385. Alan, you write of the tragedy of human existence as Shakespeare did – painting us pictures so eloquently revealing and deeply touching.. Sadly, the deep hurt that so readily expresses blame, resentment and ridicule is not only to be found at the bar. I have found it is commonplace in most social conversation where self-responsibility is left out of the equation.

  389. This shows the contrast between 2 ways of being with each other brilliantly. How wonderful to have the opportunity to choose differently as Alan did. This is the beginning of a new way forward for men, how liberating for them.

  391. Alan, this is so beauty-full. You set the scene so beautifully and palpably on both ‘scenes’. What really touched me in this moment was hearing that men, getting together and speaking about the unbearable rejections they have felt. This feels like a normally taboo topic, one that I have not really experienced being spoken about from a man, not directly, in everyday life.

    It is so sad that we forget that talking like that is just as beautiful and touching as any other beautiful moment yet it is the ‘stuff’ that normally doesn’t get said or brought out into the light, but kept in the shadows where no healing can be brought to it.

    We hide our hurts just as much as we hide how amazing we are, because of the vulnerability but so refreshing to hear about this space men have created for themselves.

    1. I totally agree, so often in conversations, even with close friends, we hide behind polite topics, not being our amazingness, but also not discussing our hurts or having true conversations that could bring about the change of something that isn’t working. But your article Alan shows that there is another way to communicate, awesome!

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