How many Marriages & Relationships have been Improved?

by Joel L

The thing I have found confronting at times to accept and take responsibility for, is that there is a direct connection between the choices I make in each and every moment and the level of love or joy I experience.

I have also found taking responsibility for my own joy and love whilst in a relationship can be confronting at times. In my relationship, we are both committed to our own ‘way of the livingness’, but even then we can still react when the other finds something that used to feel okay, no longer feels like it supports them.

This is not a Universal Medicine phenomenon, but rather something most relationships experience… as one person grows it gives the other person a choice. It’s not always easy, and while I understand the reaction of a person who feels like their partner is changing the rules, at the end of the day and in my experience, there is always a choice… to grow together, or apart.

After seventeen years of marriage and about eight years applying what Universal Medicine presents, there is no doubt our relationship is now more than I could ever have expected love to be. There is more allowing of the other person to be who they are, more sexiness in how we move together, more honesty and more playfulness. I also feel like we are only just beginning.

I wonder how many other marriages or relationships have improved by making changes that bring a greater depth of love to them, and each other?

That would be a list worth seeing!

741 thoughts on “How many Marriages & Relationships have been Improved?

  1. Saying Yes to yourself and walking the path of surrendering to your essence is the best relationship advice you can give to someone. It has nothing to do with the other, why you feel or how you feel. It always comes back to your own choices of moving on and expanding, or staying stuck and wanting to have problems.

  2. I experience a constant lifting up exchange within my relationship with my partner. That is the true purpose of a relationship in my eyes. We are constellated because we are perfectly designed to support the other to come back to the grandness of who they truly are, why waste time in your own evolution and go for less and comfort in a relationship?

    1. Thank you Stefanie for your words about why you are with your partner “because we are perfectly designed to support the other to come back to the grandness of who they truly are.” The true purpose of relationships!

  3. There have been many times when my partner has shared how a certain behaviour I tend to go to is no longer feeling right for our relationship, and I could feel how I did not want to believe this or look into it deeper as it basically challenged my comfortable way of living together. But when I have allowed myself to get honest and really feel if this was true for us and then deal with what lead to the behaviour in the first place, we have grown together and connected more deeply than before. This exchange has worked both ways, even though it can at first be a bumpy ride when we are resisting the responsibility that comes with stepping up our level of love.

  4. It is interesting this choice to grow apart or together depending on whether we have committed to ourselves and lives first.

  5. The inspiration of how our relationships change when we deepen our relationship with ourselves, getting to know and appreciate our qualities and being prepared to explore and work on the hurts we carry that trigger reactions and protection.

    1. It is so true Matilda, that when we deepen a loving relationship with ourselves, this quality of love enriches and touches every aspect of our lives with greater truth and honesty.

  6. Absolutely Joel, the responsibility of the choices we make in each moment. And not that this is a burden or critique on oneself, but a loving way of seeing how our actions affect others. The first responsibility comes with our relationship with our bodies.

  7. Wanting someone else to supply the joy and to fill us up with love is pointless because we are the only ones that can do that for ourselves. The other person in the relationship only feels our neediness and demands on them. It is then an amazing opportunity and gift when the other person doesn’t play into it and holds them in the knowing that they are complete as is.

  8. “I have also found taking responsibility for my own joy and love whilst in a relationship can be confronting at times.” Great point Joel I can see that I can look for others when things are not going well and I am not feeling joyful myself, which is not only imposing it does not support a relationship to grow.

  9. Thank you Joel for sharing your experience with growing in your relationship. I have to admit that in my relationship with my husband there is an expansion as well. I am sure that without meeting Serge Benhayon our marriage would not have that depth, intimacy, trust, joy, understanding, freshness, playfulness and supporting the other in being more themselves!

  10. It is through the teachings of Universal Medicine that I have come to understand, that the most important relationship that I have is with my own evolution, as the more I say yes to the volume of what is there to come through me the more joy and true intimacy there is in all my relationships.

  11. So true Joel. What you present brings it back to this question – do we really want other people to heal and be the grandness they naturally are? Or do we prefer to keep ahead of the crowd in an endless race to compete for who is the best? The second option is not really an option at all but a sure fire path to living in misery, isolation, self-doubt and pain. It’s time we finally saw that there’s no space for self in this world.

  12. Being open to develop and grow alongside someone in a relationship can be both exposing and very inspiring. Opting for comfy and familiar or being prepared to unfold and change? This can also be applied to our relationship with ourselves and I am opting for option 2!

  13. Allowing another to be who they truly are is the only way that relationships can thrive and evolve and we cannot do this if we are not being true to ourselves. The Way of The Livingness supports us in every way to live true to ourselves and therefore enhances our relationships in every way

  14. Joy never expires! So it is up to us how much credit we give it. Simple, just like The Way of The Livingness. Thank you for writing this blog , that carries a truly profound message.

  15. It is through living The Way of The Livingness, that we understand that it is our responsibility to develop and commit to our relationship with self first, as it is from this foundation that we can reflect our truth, our sexiness and wisdom to others to be inspired and be more of who they truly are. True medicine!

  16. It is natural in my eyes for us to unfold and change our ways as we evolve or perhaps dig our heels in and go the other way and so it’s not helpful to label relationships as ‘failures’ just because a couple have split up or divorced because that may have been the best thing for both of them at the time…

  17. It seems that we all know about relationships and naturally have a a knowing about what is true and what is not.

  18. Beautifully said Joel, your own experience speaks volumes about what it means to reconnect, through 17 years of marriage, to make it about love and deeply aligning to purpose and love, very inspiring.

  19. Seventeen years of marriage and you only feel like you are at the beginning .. I will definitely take advice from you 😄

  20. This is the case in friendships as well ..or any relationship if tension is felt but not expressed and honestly communicated with the other. It is very much a learning process for both.

  21. Before Universal Medicine I was fumbling with what I thought a marriage was supposed to be. It made no difference where I was in all of this, I was in it and that was that, expecting the other to change to make it a happier marriage.

    Since 2014 I started to make some changes within myself, who I had become was no longer who I really was meant to be. As I unfolded my relationship with my partner unfolded, we were truly discovering each other. At times it hasn’t been plain sailing but that’s ok too, and I feel there is more to come and what strikes me is not only the choices but the responsibilities within these choices – that has been a biggie and awakening for me.

  22. Having a choice of being together or apart. There is a beautiful freedom in this, a freedom to choose your own path.

  23. This is really great Joel, I know that it can feel at times like there are more issues that can arise, but actually they are growing pains that can present, that tension of when one person is developing in themselves and the other feels that, there can be a tension. It is in being able to bring absolute appreciation to each other, who we are and lovingly nominate what is presenting, getting support, reaching out to resources, or taking the responsibility to book a session with a practitioner if that is what is needed also to help heal old hurts. All these things can support the unfolding of a deeper and more loving relationship.

  24. I have experienced the very same as you Joel, and how gorgeous it is to experience when the other decides to grow with you.

  25. Joel, this is beautiful that you are taking responsibility for how you are with yourself and in your relationships and that there is no blame or expectations from the other person to make you happy, this is gold; ‘there is a direct connection between the choices I make in each and every moment and the level of love or joy I experience.’

  26. In a new relationship and having said ‘yes’ to this, I am touched and inspired by the opportunity to re-write history and commit openly to do whatever it takes to keep games and complication out. Always supported by the teachings of Universal Medicine.

  27. Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have shown me how every action I take has an impact not only on myself but of others too, and this has brought more awareness and responsibility to my life, to make more loving choices, and appreciate myself and others equally which builds far deeper relationships than I have ever experienced in the past.

  28. If my relationship with my husband would not have been improved by making changes that bring a greater depth of love to both of us – our marriage would be dead. We only would have an arrangement and would not allow each other to grow and that would mean we would stand still. For me this would be a bit boring for the rest of our marriage.

  29. Relationships are an amazing thing but why are they the thing that cause us the most pain as well? Since hearing the teachings of Universal Medicine I came to understand that the first relationship is the one we have with self and our Soul, and then we bring this to others it is called true relationship – which is a big learning 👍🏻😘

  30. I have been married to Christoph since 1993 and attending Universal Medicine since 2004. Our relationship has improved out of sight in the last years. The support and understanding we have received from Universal Medicine has been an absolute blessing and our love just seems to keep on and on growing and expanding. This is quite a miracle because already it blew my socks off a few years ago and there seems to be no limit. Now we share so much love with each other it overflows such that we have become elders in the community and are able to offer that support to many others too.

  31. I would not know how to be in a true relationship without the deeply loving and enlightening presentations of Universal Medicine. There is nothing in societal life that has ever shown me or anyone I have met in 50 years, or anything I have read or seen that has proven by lived experience otherwise; without the ageless wisdom we have lost the way of true relationship, love and purpose – and we know it – but without some reflection or a reminder or role model it is hard to reconnect and trust the inner knowing and bring it to life.

  32. Joel what you share here is full of wisdom, as I have also felt how my relationships evolve as they become deeper, and there is a greater respect and honouring between friends, family and colleagues, and certain things that were once acceptable no longer are, it is beautiful to feel these relationships move to a deeper level.

  33. Spot on Joel, I have also been inspired and supported by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine to deepen the relationship with myself, this has allowed the space for all my relationships to deepen and become more true, this has been life changing on many levels.

  34. Serge Benhayon and the presentations of Universal Medicine have inspired me to develop a true and loving relationship with myself and this now extends to my relationship with my family and everyone I meet.

  35. I agree Joel. How cool would it be if we heard more positive stories about marriage and less of the typical jokes and digs most couples tend to rely on to get through. It’s outrageous how often I hear a woman make a snide remark about the man in her life or vice versa the man rolling their eyes about their wife and how he better do what she says because ‘happy wife, happy life’. It’s actually disgusting that that’s what we choose to accept. In saying that I find it happens far less in same sex couples which is interesting.

    1. Great point Elodie, it’s so important for us to call out when we hear anyone speak of another in a derogatory manner, this allows the space for another to feel the harm that this type of behaviour can bring to a relationship and to themselves when we speak less of anyone.

  36. My joy is my choice and that is what I commit to living. When we are in a relationship, the I becomes the we and ultimately the all of us, it is teamwork, but the principle is the same–our joy is our choice. Choose love and joy and nothing but that, when this becomes the focus, everything is much simpler.

  37. I love the simplicity and insight offered here. Are we prepared to grow together and be inspired by one another in our relationships, or are we resistant and a bit defensive of our corner? We are all always changing and any relationship can evolve or devolve, our choice.

  38. Since attending the presentations and applying the principles of the Ageless Wisdom my relationship with all others and myself has changed enormously. It has allowed me to go deeper with people and really enjoy all of my relationships.

  39. I love the simplicity and profoundness of this blog: if we deepen our relationship with our self, take responsibility for our choices and be more loving and caring of ourselves then our relationship with others will change.

  40. Amazing how a true relationship is nothing like what is sold in movies or television shows, it involves evolution for self and all and no attachment – wow a relationship with no investments?

  41. What I have come to learn is that we can either be ourselves in relationships and allow them to unfold in their natural way, be that growing closer or together, or we can suffer on the inside and cling onto relationships that are damaging because they do not support us to be ourselves…

  42. A relationship is all about changes, about two individuals inspiring each other to be more through a constant reflection when they meet. The subject matter is of course infinite… it can be how to clean a bathroom to presenting in front of 100 people, to eating dinner together. The idea is that the relationship supports the evolution of both people in the relationship and also those around them. And this is not just intimate relationships but all of them…

    1. It is so beautiful to see a relationship where there is no comparison, just the willingness for 2 people to inspire each other to be more, always supporting each other and loving the reflection they receive from the other.

  43. Until I came across Universal Medicine and seeing the relationships people had with their partners that were based on constantly growing together and supporting one another. Previously I only saw couple’s issues get in the way and eat them up – this ended in separations or bitter/disappointed relationships whereby people’s initial love for one another faded. How amazing to read that ‘I also feel like we are only just beginning.’ Great for me to realise I do not have to limit my relationships by my old beliefs of them depreciating as the years roll on.

  44. There are many connections between things (actions, choices) that have consequences for us (good or bad). Often times, we are not aware of them. Yet, the moment you start opening your eyes and realising that by-and-large A leads to B and C to D, you are free to free yourself from B and D if so you wish.

  45. Thank you Joel, studying with Universal Medicine and using their therapies regularly as a support has brought about immense positive changes in all of my relationships. This is because I am taking responsibility to heal the hurts I have that can create issues between myself and others. The hurts of past experiences can easily be dragged into other interactions and can create perceptions and get in the way of allowing a true connection. Universal Medicine and Esoteric Women’s Health have both supported me to also develop a much better and more loving and caring relationship with myself, which I feel is the foundation for my relationships to others.

  46. Joel, I agree with this; ‘there is a direct connection between the choices I make in each and every moment and the level of love or joy I experience.’ More and more I see that how I choose to live affects how I feel; from what time I choose to go to bed, to how much I choose to eat and how I move my body, these things all directly affect how I feel.

    1. Taking responsibility for our own choices also takes a lot of pressure off relationships, especially the one we have with “The one” – the person who is supposed to bring love into our lives as a romantic partner, when we ourselves are in fact our own source of love.

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