Re-Connecting With Mum and Dad

by Jennifer Smith, Registered Nurse, Maclean NSW

I have just come home after spending 9 days with my parents, younger brother and Panda (the family dog) in my childhood home. This is the longest I have been with them since moving out over 20 years ago. Over those 20 years, not only has there been physical distance between us, but also a distance had been created with our relationships. Not through the fault of anyone. We had all just let it happen that way.

For me, I had made my life so busy with travelling and socialising with friends initially, and then finally it was all about work, career and making a business. Whenever I went to Sydney for anything I would try to “fit in mum and dad”. I would go and have a meal at home or a cup of tea – always just a pop-in visit. I was too busy doing a course of some description to improve or better myself, or improve work prospects. I had such a drive to improve and impress.

Although I knew my parents well, they almost seemed like strangers at the same time. What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself.  By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too.

As I have attended Universal Medicine courses and sessions with their practitioners, I have been able to more clearly see this pattern. By gradually making more nurturing and loving changes for how I care for me, I have begun to meet me –  and discovered a Beauty-Full Woman.

Prior to my holiday at Mum and Dad’s, on the last pop-in visit we met for brunch. My family were sitting in the cafe and I was the last one to arrive. As I sat and greeted them all, I felt an overwhelming sense that I was deeply loved. It was so lovely, but deeply sad at the same time, because I had kept myself in a state that I could not see or feel that. After then, I knew that when I next had leave I had to be with my parents for more than a pop-in visit and a cup of tea.

It was like no time had passed at all. Dad and I walked in the early mornings. Mum and I went bra shopping. We ate meals together. Nothing flash, just us all being together. Yes, living with Mum and Dad, even for a short time, did bring up some childhood issues for me, but it just felt so different. I was more able to accept them just as they are and not judge them or their relationship and not react, as I would have previously. They also showed great acceptance of the changes I have been making.

I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.

I am so pleased that I have got off my bum to re-establish a true relationship with my parents. I missed them when I left, in fact I now realise that it’s 20 years worth. That’s ok though, for the re-connection is on a new basis for me and I know that it will now be different for all of us.

514 thoughts on “Re-Connecting With Mum and Dad

  1. Creating space and having a willingness to reconnect with others is super healing for all, as we are able to reimprint our relationships with a new level of truth and love.

  2. I love the action that you took here in that you felt just how much you were loved by your family and on reflection acknowledged that the next time you saw them it needed to be longer than a fleeting visit .. and I just know they would have loved spending that quality time with you.

  3. This has been playing out in my life for the last few months – my elderly parents.

    I alone visited them in the UK and I had them for my self, the rest of the family are scattered around the country or overseas. It did feel different being with them and there was a level of sadness because of the choices they had made yet at the same time I was feeling a depth of love I had never held towards them before. I showed them that I was no longer the 5th child, I was a woman with my own story to share with others.

    Despite their spate of illnesses, I couldn’t help but be with them in a love I hadn’t allowed out before. And finally I had this huge appreciation of what they had bought into my life. Despite the distance, I call them regularly, it is so lovely seeing their faces on Face Time, their in the 80’s and know how to use Face Time – I love technology.

    It’s never too late to not only reconnect with mum and dad but reconnect with me too.

  4. I have distanced myself from my parents over the last few years big time, not because of anything to do with them, but because I am so resentful towards the way I was brought up and the judgements and the blame I still hold for them. I know that the ball has started rolling, and soon I will open up to the world, including my parents, and my love will pour out. However, baby steps until then 🙂

  5. Beautiful to take the time to truly connect, to ourselves and then with others. Taking time to be love with your family Jennifer is so inspiring, allowing them to be who they are and feeling how much you are loved by them.

  6. This is a heart warming and very inspiring blog that shows us it is never too late to re-imprint our relationships no matter who they are and how old we are.

  7. It is beautiful to feel how the quality of our relationships naturally deepen and become more honest when we are open and willing to truly connect with each other. As we discover that there much to appreciate and equally as much to share with each other, our lives enrichen with a deepening connection to a quality that reflects the truth of who we all are in essence.

  8. How amazing and inspiring to hear about the impact of revisiting relationships and rewriting the foundations on which they sit. How many of us go through life in the rut of a pattern set up in a relationship when it is absolutely in our power to revitalise it?

    1. Beautifully shared Matilda. Being open to re-imprinting our relationships offers us the great opportunity to explore, reveal and realise just how amazing the power of true connection is, along with the joy of what can unfold for us through the evolution available.

  9. I love how it seems to happen naturally – that we start giving ourselves more love and without making any conscious effort we feel more available to others, like love expands us and it feels natural for us to be more open and loving with others and some old, stale relationships get reignited.

  10. A great blog. If people seem like strangers to us, particularly our parents! Then I feel the question we need to ask is why are we not letting them in to our lives and hearts and if we are to then feel is it protection they are holding onto in order to not let others in. Beautifull you felt what you needed to change here and in turn how your relationship with your family has changed.

  11. It is only by appreciating what is true in another that we can see through all that is not of this truth and thus stands in the way of us truly connecting with each other. This enables us to have a greater acceptance of the way things are without needing it to be a certain way of shying away from reading in full all that is being presented for us to examine through the relationships we have with one another. Making life about love and about people is our only way home from the cold fringes of a way of living in which we have sought recognition for what we ‘do’ rather than appreciating exactly who we are and what we bring to the table in the rich banquet of life.

  12. It’s great to reunite with old friends or family and not let the past interfere with our relationships in the present, when we meet each other without criticism or judgement or expectations but just enjoy ourselves and appreciate ourselves for who we are.

  13. Jennifer, thank for this lovely reminder of how important it is to keep nurturing our relationships, and spending some time with our family and friends – this is just one way for us to grow and evolve, and keep opening up to the new, even with re-visiting the old, but more so it is honouring the connection that is there with another, a deeply felt love, and care that cannot but be celebrated!

  14. Often in life we hold back truly sharing our love for others and in this gap so much goes mis-communicated. If only we can fully drop the guard and allow our love to be expressed out and to receive it back in full.

  15. A great example of how relationships can blossom when we have a steady relationship with ourselves first.

  16. Yes, I can relate to what you write Jennifer. Prior to attending Universal Medicine presentations and courses, my relationship with my remaining parent was rather rocky and filled with blame for unresolved childhood issues. This has changed completely and it has been a blessing to be able to express love, without reservation or neediness now and no blame at all.

  17. Can relate Jennifer and have been on a similar journey myself. I now love hanging out with my parents. It’s great to set aside the issues of the past and invest that time in them and us and develop the connection that is naturally there.

  18. Thank you for sharing Jennifer, true love for others is when are willing to open up and accept them for who they are allowing them space to be and be inspired by our reflection and willingness to evolve, living the love that is so natural and innate within us.

  19. It is beautiful to have no bars hold with our parents, creating a way in which we can build love and evolve together as we have come into their lives to both learn and grow. It is beautiful to keep seeing them for who they are and come back to them when this relationship has been discarded, it is our responsibility to invest time and energy in all our relationships, it is a way we evolve.

  20. Thanks Jen this is really lovely. We can have very loving relationships with our parents, no matter what was in the past. The beauty is that love is about evolution, so naturally as we evolve we have more love for our parents. Love is also understanding.

  21. Great blog, our relationships with our parents are not always easy ones however like you said, when we close off to them, we close off to ourself also!

  22. We all get busy in our day to day lives and when we become distanced from our loved ones and put what we do above the quality of the relationships we have with others it leaves a hole that we fill with even more busy-ness and drive – which only serves to feed the insatiable greed of the busy-ness cycle all the more.

  23. We often can’t see what is right under our noses. We can spend our lives trying to get somewhere different or be someone different, but all the time there are people who love us just as we are. We can simply come back to that fact and enjoy it! Lovely blog.

  24. I love it when you take out all the roles or labels such as “mum” or “dad” or “sister” and just enjoy being with each other and evolving together and learning to be more loving – surely this has got to be what family is truly about.

    1. I agree, Meg, it is amazing to approach our interactions and relationships with everyone, free from the labels, history and pre-judgements that are so common. I reckon this is a responsibility we could all step up to.

      1. Very true, it would be interesting to see a totally fresh relationship that is completely untouched or unhindered by anything from the past and any judgements – could it be very different?

  25. Jennifer, this is really lovey to read. I can feel how easy it is us for us to take our families for granted, to not appreciate them and to hold judgments against them. It feels gorgeous to appreciate and accept them as they are, and to feel the love that is there. I have also felt this with my family recently, having let go of the judgements that I once held.

  26. It is quite astounding to experience how the more we love and accept ourselves the more we love and accept everyone else. Change ourselves and the whole world changes not only by perception but it actually has an affect!

  27. So simple and lovely. I can relate to this a lot. Holding my parents to ransom for their past behaviours, and then using that as an excuse to not hold them as the loving parents/people that they are.

  28. Jennifer, I can really relate to what you have shared here, ‘I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.’ I have had this experience too, the last few times I have met up with my familyI have felt a deep appreciation and love for them, I have felt an acceptance of them for who they are and have not gone into judgment or wanting them to be a certain way and so it has been a joy to be with them, this experience has made me realise how we can hold ourselves at a distance with people, being in judgment and wanting people to change rather than opening our hearts, letting people in and accepting them and loving them for how and who they are.

  29. Allowing ourselves to feel the love we have chosen to not let in for a long time is like a reawakening of the love that we have for ourselves. Reminding us of the purpose where for we are here on earth to re-establish true brotherhood.

  30. ‘By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too’. I know this very well, I kept myself non-stop busy, rushing here and rushing there that my father started calling me the ‘road-runner’! But in all this doing I was on auto-pilot and not present at all which means I just depleted myself constantly, always pushing my body to do more…. how harming was this for my body!

  31. “What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself. By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too”. These are very wise words. It is easy to get caught up in the busyness of life, especially as a women. We just don’t stop! I am realizing how unconsciously but deliberately I can use being busy to build a wall around myself, that doesn’t really let people in or allow me to get to know me. Stopping and allowing space to feel is vital if we are to grow our relationships with our self or others.

  32. How important true relationship is – and how possible this is with every other person, irrespective of history, bloodlines or past choices.

  33. This is beautiful Jen and reminded me that when we simply drop our protection and are open in our relationships we can see so much more clearly what is true and the love that has always been there.

  34. What I love about this is that you took the responsibility of your part in the relationship, and the relationship naturally blossomed again, and there was no struggle, no issue, just simply making life about love and people first.

  35. It’s easy to see relationships we have and denigrate and diminish them as not being all that great. Then with the judgement made we gradually pull away, distance ourselves until things ‘improve’ another day. Yet this in my experience is a big illusion, if we just open up without barriers or expectation of what may come, life and people respond and change in the most amazing way. It turns out as you share Jennifer that we do not want the perfect relationship after all but just to live with connection and being open.

    1. “It turns out as you share Jennifer that we do not want the perfect relationship after all but just to live with connection and being open.” This is so true Joseph, we think we want the perfect relationship and there needs to be all these conditions and requirements, when all we need is love and openness and an understanding that we’re all here to evolve.

  36. Part of this discovery that your parents really do love you, is due to the fact that you have taken the steps to establish the love you have for yourself, thereby allowing the love of others in as you have allowed the love for yourself out. This is a beautiful communion that goes beyond familial bonds as it addresses deeply our relationships as human beings together on this earth.

  37. Reading this blog has exposed something big for me. I asked myself whether I know myself to be a ‘beauty-full’ man and I have to say no, I don’t. Admitting this allowed me to see a deep sense of shamefulness that I have been living with for a very long time and has clearly inhibited my relationship with myself, and hence with others. There is healing to be done here but how awesome it is that with self-awareness, such deeply rooted patterns and momentums can be exposed by the honest sharing of another’s experience. Thank you Jennifer.

  38. This was truly lovely to read, how you felt you rushed when visiting your mum and dad, could feel how much they loved you and as you say ‘got off your bum’ to make an effort and be, and connect with them again … for 9 days!! I know they would have loved this and it’s beautifull to also read this wasn’t just a one off but instead that you are making a commitment to spend more time with them, enjoying the quality of your relationship and what you all have to bring to each other. This is so true what you have shared here as I know this from experience from my relationship with myself and my family; “What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself.” which may I add is now the best it has ever been in years with the thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine 💕

  39. It is the expectations we have that keep us from seeing the love that is there and we set ourselves up to get hurt as we make love about certain preconditions that may or may not be fulfilled, which is not in our hands. However when we deeply connect to ourselves we can feel the love that is there and don’t need anything on the outside to provide that for us. It becomes then more a sharing of love than a needing someone to provide it for us.

  40. It is easy to run away and cut off from those we feel have hurt us – but when we see beneath it all we are all deeply loving beings and it makes a mockery of it all. No one wins when we hold onto hurts – in fact we ALL lose.

  41. What a beautiful reminder of the fact that underneath all of what goes on in all families and relationships, no matter what hurts we have, there is always a foundation of love that we can reconnect to with each other.

    1. Well said Joshua – ‘there is always a foundation of love that we can reconnect to with each other’. No matter what has happened or what the person may have said they are love in their essence just may not be choosing to express from it. The more we appreciate each other for the love we are the more we will see it as normal and so the more we will live and express from the love we are and not get so caught up in all our hurts and emotions. After all love is what we have all been wanting so when we feel it is within we do not need to seek it or try to get it from another.

      1. Great point James. I know what you share here is key because not claiming that we are in fact love and naturally so, opens the door for us to identify ourselves with our hurts and emotions. It is always easier to let these hurts and emotions go if we are not so attached and identified by them.

      2. Indeed – it sure is. I have found one of the keys is to start with the fact that we are love otherwise we are always trying to get to somewhere instead of simply being and surrendering to the love that we all innately are.

  42. This is so lovely Jennifer. Every relationship we have is such a clear reflection of the quality of the relationship we have with ourselves.

  43. We can be so caught up in our own doings and forget to take the time to just be with our family members, it also relates to how we are with ourselves taking the time to truly care for ourselves.

  44. We can put so much emphasis on others when it comes to relationships not working, but it always comes back to us, and the relationship we have with ourselves first and foremost.

  45. I can relate to this so much, feeling a distance in certain relationships is reflective of the distance within myself. Close this inner gap and the other relationships become closer.

    1. It is our withdrawal from love and our expression of it that creates the loneliness we then seek in another to fill on our behalf.

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