by Jennifer Smith, Registered Nurse, Maclean NSW
I have just come home after spending 9 days with my parents, younger brother and Panda (the family dog) in my childhood home. This is the longest I have been with them since moving out over 20 years ago. Over those 20 years, not only has there been physical distance between us, but also a distance had been created with our relationships. Not through the fault of anyone. We had all just let it happen that way.
For me, I had made my life so busy with travelling and socialising with friends initially, and then finally it was all about work, career and making a business. Whenever I went to Sydney for anything I would try to “fit in mum and dad”. I would go and have a meal at home or a cup of tea – always just a pop-in visit. I was too busy doing a course of some description to improve or better myself, or improve work prospects. I had such a drive to improve and impress.
Although I knew my parents well, they almost seemed like strangers at the same time. What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself. By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too.
As I have attended Universal Medicine courses and sessions with their practitioners, I have been able to more clearly see this pattern. By gradually making more nurturing and loving changes for how I care for me, I have begun to meet me – and discovered a Beauty-Full Woman.
Prior to my holiday at Mum and Dad’s, on the last pop-in visit we met for brunch. My family were sitting in the cafe and I was the last one to arrive. As I sat and greeted them all, I felt an overwhelming sense that I was deeply loved. It was so lovely, but deeply sad at the same time, because I had kept myself in a state that I could not see or feel that. After then, I knew that when I next had leave I had to be with my parents for more than a pop-in visit and a cup of tea.
It was like no time had passed at all. Dad and I walked in the early mornings. Mum and I went bra shopping. We ate meals together. Nothing flash, just us all being together. Yes, living with Mum and Dad, even for a short time, did bring up some childhood issues for me, but it just felt so different. I was more able to accept them just as they are and not judge them or their relationship and not react, as I would have previously. They also showed great acceptance of the changes I have been making.
I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.
I am so pleased that I have got off my bum to re-establish a true relationship with my parents. I missed them when I left, in fact I now realise that it’s 20 years worth. That’s ok though, for the re-connection is on a new basis for me and I know that it will now be different for all of us.
516 thoughts on “Re-Connecting With Mum and Dad”
It is the judgement part of this article that is so huge. because it is rarely talked about how we can judge our parents and their choices, thinking perhaps that we have it all sorted – the younger brighter generation. When really they are just people too, who want to feel loved and accepted for who they are just as much as anyone else does. And I love the way that you have returned to the love that you have for them just as they have always loved you.
We cannot ever change another and yet there is always an opportunity to open ourselves and drop our judgements towards another. There feels such an opening to your family described in this blog.
Imagine that, we can often blame our family members for what has not worked for us in life, rather than observing what our choices were and appreciating our choices to remain true to ourselves.
It is such a different kettle of fish when we remove our judgement and blame from our family members and see them as equal to ourselves in our innermost.
So true jennym. It is very humbling to see others in this way, particualrly when we may have had disagreements with them in the past. Thankyou for highlighting this.
How freeing it is to get to a place of acceptance with our parents and to not hold them to a picture of how we want them to be.
Very much Julie, observe with no pictures or ideals of how we want them to be.
Spending time with parents for me is like a little test to see where I am really at. I could be getting on well with friends, colleagues etc., job might be going well… then I visit my parents and the ugly stuff gets triggered and I am back being their child again. In the past I thought it was them, so I stayed away as long as I did. But what I know now as I deepen my connection with myself is that I cannot have a truly loving relationship with anyone if I don’t have one with myself first. And with parents, it feels like we either know that they love us unconditionally, or want to test if they really do, and we act as though we have a right to push them no end. Isn’t that how the majority of humanity is with God? It is lovely when I can truly feel that I am equal to them, and I can truly love and appreciate them, not because they are my parents, but because of who they are.
Thank you Jennifer, the support Universal Medicine provides with workshops, presentations, and their esoteric healing modalities can open us up to seeing how we are in life, seeing our momentums and patterns, and as they clear we can come back to living from the simplicity of love again.
A reminder to see the beauty in life and our relationships and not the ‘what is not’.
It was beautiful to read how Jennifer re-connected with her parents.
It is never to late to reconnect to the love that was already always there, no judgment or blame is needed, just to feel the glory of the reunion and the blessings and healing it brings along.
Quite often we fail to see how amazing our families are and take them for granted. I suppose it’s because our hurts get in the way and dictate to us the relationship we will have with them, but in the long run, it’s such as waste.
Enormous healing comes from re-connecting to someone, whether it be a past lover, friend or relative. Our whole lives deepen as a result which benefits everyone we meet thereafter.
Yes Thomas, how you describe this re-connection is to me multi dimensional and how things in reality work in the multi dimensional world we are all part of, if we like it or not.
As adult ‘kids’ we think we know our parents. But in most cases, they have played a role, the mother or the father, and we do not get to see or feel the fullness of who they are. This already sets up a distance and separation that strains relationships. It is easy to understand then how easily the excuses of being too busy for mum and dad can kick in.
I too know the power of accepting my parents for who they are. It takes away so much pressure to impress and prove myself. It also allows them the space to actually get to know the person I am, and me to get to know them as people. It is like the actual roles of “parent” and “child” disappear and we again become people that love each other dearly.
This is a beautiful example of how if we accept ourselves and others for who we/they are and not want them to be different we can have very loving relationships with them.
In allowing ourselves to be together in openness and love, there is nothing more needed, as sharing ourselves, who we really are is everything. When we begin to focus on living love for ourselves and healing our hurts, we bring to all our relationship a greater understanding of love, and that this is what we all in essence crave, long to live and share with each other.
My mother died when I was in the peak of madness. I was under a guru, literally, as I was giving my power away big time. My mother died pretty soon after me telling her that I was going to buy a property for the guru to set up a community with the money she was leaving me….not a good time to share that with her….on her death bed…but I feel she knew I was going to come good as she did not banish me from the will and come good I did, thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, who is very far away from being a guru!
Re-imprinting our relationships for the true better benefits all, as it allows a fresh start and opportunity to deepen with each other.
Opening up to relationships becomes such a joy as I grow older especially see our parents are dead. It is such a blessing to have so many people I know who I can feel that level of Love you were talking about when you meet your family again Jennifer.
This is so beautiful to read and feel. I’m going to see my parents soon and the love they are and express is so so lovely. It never used to be this way because I didn’t allow myself to be love or let love in, so no wonder relationships were frayed, something I certainly helped instigate. What’s so amazing is our choice to let all that stuff go and just get on with loving each other and ourselves.
It is a beautifull thing when you just accept and appreciate your parents for who they are, it lets go of all the mum/dad/daughter/son stuff and you can finally start to deepen a more loving, open and respectful relationship .. I know this from experience.
When we can let in the love that we are held in and too are able to love everyone equally in return, life becomes real and natural as we are from love, as it is our essence. The playing of games, the games of having busy lives or whatever we put in place will cease and we will return to our natural way of being that is in appreciation of the love we are from all equally so.
I love hearing about relationships that are turned around and freed from entrenched patterns how ever long they have been established. A point of inspiration for ‘never too late’ and the fact that there are always fresh opportunities.
I agree Matilda, it’s like being in a whole new relationship with people that you already know that takes the potential of you together to a new level.
If I can feel a distance in my relationships with others is there any part of myself that I have separated from? Spending my days ‘too busy’ to connect to?
I do wonder.
Beautifull Leigh. Yes absolutely if there is any distance or change in any one, or our relationships, it is to first look at ourselves and what are we doing (or not doing!!). How are we distancing ourselves from them, not letting them in. We can never blame another.
Jennifer I found it very inspiring what you have shared about re-connecting with your family again. It seems to be that it is not necessary to change “the world” so to speak – it is enough if we change ourselves or let me say it differently – if we re-connect to ourselves first.
Our family and friends are always there to lovingly show us if we are willing to be more intimate with ourselves.
Indeed Adele, love is not a stationary, it always asks us to be more and in fact that is not an issue but a natural deepening and evolving back to our natural way of being.
When I am so busy, what I am saying to people around me especially my family and those who love me, that I do not need you. You can imagine how they feel.
The more we deepen the love for ourselves, the more it’s natural to want to open up and let others in so they too can get a taste of what lives within themselves.
It only takes an open heart to rekindle a beautiful warm relationship with those we love. Much healing can then occur as you beautifully share Jennifer.
This is a lovely sharing that reflects how we can put labels on people and this blocks us from seeing their true values. To spend time with others develops relationships and be developing relationships we can become a reflection for one another.
Thanks to the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom I now love re-connecting with my family of origin as it is always an opportunity to heal anything that gets in the way of being more love with each other.
This is beautiful that you made time to re-connect with your parents in this way. It can be easy to get caught in the ‘doing’ of life that we can neglect our relationships, but making the time to spend time with the people we love is a gorgeous thing.
It’s so easy to get caught up in our day to day and not see and feel how much we can miss how much others care for us and that we can just spend time together and be with them without fuss or need. The more we care for ourselves the more we allow others to be with and care for us.
Recently I re-connected with some friends that I have not seen for awhile and it was beautiful to feel that no matter how long it has been since we have seen each other the love and care towards each other is there and never in fact changes.
It is interesting how we let the relationship with our immediate family slip away as if of no worth, and yet these are people we grew up with. I can relate to getting busy with work, marriage and travelling overseas, that resulted in having little contact with my parents and my siblings. Then, later on, moving back to the same town as my parents and siblings, which initiated a closer relationship.
“I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.” How beautiful that you can now see them for who they truly are, not from your hurts or theirs for that matter. Very amazing.
Beautifully confirming that it is never too late to re-write history in relationships and this is an inspiring invitation for us all to review those relationships that we set aside.
How we are in ourselves makes such a difference in how we perceive life and how we are with family. In contrast to all the family fights and tensions that are the norm, it can be just really simple to be with family.
We are incomplete in ourselves when we neglect relationships and keep people at bay.
What an inspiring experience to read right now. My parents in-laws are visiting us at the moment and I can see how I have distanced myself with keeping busy. I can already feel areas in which I could surrender, allow and appreciate more that would support our relationship.
Although I had a fairly close relationship with my parents, it now seems clearer that the quality of the relationships struggled to evolve, and we kept each other at arms length – such a waste of time.
I can relate to the busyness and drifting apart from my relationships, even this morning I did say to myself – am I avoiding how loving I now am and can share with another? and reading this has confirmed such and inspiring to get off my bum and do something about it! Thank you Jen.
Amazing that relationships can be reformed, re-defined and given a new beginning – our relationships can evolve and this is beautiful testimony to that Jen, thankyou.
20 years of missing that connection with our parents, I am sure there are way too many of us who read this blog who would like to re-live a fair bit of the time we have had with our parents. What you share here inspires me to know that it can start at any age, we can take time to re-connect and make space for the relationship as it is now, not as it was then.
How beautiful and thanks for sharing Jen. Re-connection doesn’t need anything fancy – just a coming and a being together. I love staying with family and slotting into their rhythm and routine for a period – doing the everyday things of life together. Being me with them.
Making space to rekindle relationships is really important, it gives us a chance to re-imprint the past, to make relationships about true connection is very loving, and that love can be deeply felt by all.
I recognize this situation within myself, even though I might be younger and I still live with one parent , my mom, I can clearly see that I have avoided letting them in. Especially my biological father, whom I have not lived with since I was 3 years old. And so, how I am now seeing that by avoiding contact in whatever way – I am actually resisting my own evolution to grow with all people that are close around me. So that is time to re-imprint, and let myself out , be seen in the open and embrace all the relationships I have. Thank you for awakening this subject.
Jennifer what you have shared is so beautiful as it warms my heart. Yes we can re-connect to ourself or to others in every second of our live and that is the true gift we all have inside of us.
Beautiful to read how you re-connected with your mum and dad, it is easier to drop in for a cup of tea, ticking the box of visiting our parents, yet when we build deeper relationships and connections there is so much more to be shared, that it enriches everyone involved.
This is a beautiful blog Jennifer, when we bring acceptance and love to any relationship it has the opportunity to deepen and become more true.
We can take for granted love for ourselves and others but if we do not nurture our relationship with love then it fades.