Re-Learning to Self-Worth

There is a beautifully written article on the Women in Livingness blog, by Kyla Plummer – (Sex, Drugs and Making Love). She is awesomely honest and open about her experiences of sex, drugs and making love (the only part left out was rock-n’-roll)!

In that written piece I came across a line that spoke back very strongly and clearly to me. I realised that I was, or rather that I still am at times, one of those many, to borrow Kyla’s words … “who have experienced similar things – craving love, touch, appreciation, connection – and not knowing my own self-worth”.

It was this ‘self-worth’ in particular that kept echoing through my head, heart and soul. Although the English Dictionary describes this double-barrelled word as a noun, I would say it is a verb too. Re-learning to self-worth has been a huge piece of my work and it is still in progress. Infinitely inspired initially by Serge Benhayon, and later Simone Benhayon, it started however, with (at least) a possibility, if not the deep inner knowing, that I was worthy of love like no other  (note: not that I am different to others, but that the love for self comes first). This made me aware how I used to think that I should accept and settle down with what I thought I deserved – read: NOT much and certainly NOT love. I used to (and at times still occasionally do now) talk to myself in a way that if that were somebody else talking to me, I would have said goodbye to the person long ago!

Esoteric Women’s Presentations and Esoteric Women’s Developers Groups, with Natalie Benhayon and Sara Williams, have inspired me to explore the power of deepening my relationship and love for self; to such a level that I would (at least) want to do anything that I knew would make this connection heartfelt, and to say NO to what does not belong to my newly re-discovered true self-regard milieu.

I became aware that not only do I love life, but that life loves me back and that it wants me to nurture myself. The deeper my love for myself, the more the universe (or call it God if you like) affirms my worth. I now know that slowly but surely this is how I can enjoy a lifelong love ‘affair’ which brings the fulfillment and contentment from inside out, and not from outside in.

Thank you Serge Benhayon, Simone Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon and Sara Williams from the depths of that amazing muscle organ which pumps blood throughout the body.

By Dragana Brown, London, UK 

582 thoughts on “Re-Learning to Self-Worth

  1. Very timely to read this article as the Love quotient from heaven feels like it has deepened! So as you have shared Dragana, we are able to be much more appreciative of the depth of Love avaiable now so we can stop resisting an advance that is so Loving being offered from heaven by our equal brothers.

  2. We allow so many things that are not okay simply because we don’t feel worthy of it. This is not said in a pitiful way, but simply through a realisation that I live my life convinced that the way things are is the best I can get, yet not trying differently, giving something else a go and seeing how that works out for me. For instance, we could be driving a very old car that is on the verge of breaking down, yet not exploring any options of getting another car. We can trot around in our current car, in fear that it may give up on us any minute and stay stuck in that worry for years, or simply speak to a friend, look online or visit a car dealership to understand what is on the market and what our options are. But many of us women have settled for a way of life that is way, way below what any loving standard would be. So when we get anything that is just a bit better than what we have said yes to, we grasp it with both hands, toe and fingernails without a second thought, without discernment or even a question of whether we deserve more. How many breaks are we putting on ourselves? How many ways are we keeping ourselves trapped and in an endless escape-less circle…

  3. ‘I now know that slowly, but surely this is how I can enjoy a lifelong love ‘affair’ which brings the fulfilment and contentment from inside out, and not from outside in.’ Years ago had I read this line I would have thought it impossible and that the person who wrote it was probably crazy but now having connected to the love the author is talking about I can feel the truth in these words.
    Coming out of a deep lack of self-worth I can now see how debilitating it is and such a waste of time and can understand where the self-deprecating thoughts come from.

  4. When we have low self-worth we easily feel hurt and react because it causes us to disconnect from love and truth, therefore, we are more likely to create complications and potentially hurt others too. Re-learning to self-love is then hugely important in so many ways.

  5. “The deeper my love for myself, the more the universe (or call it God if you like) affirms my worth.” This is beautiful – and so true. Accepting and appreciating myself – an ongoing journey.

  6. Not knowing my self-worth was deeply debilitating, capping me on all levels of life; from every decision, I took, to every conversation and interaction. It was like walking around in a prison cage of my own making. Thank heavens for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who supported me to know my true self and as a result know my worth deeply so.

  7. Having a life-long love affair with yourself is one of the best love affairs you can have. No need for a partner, no online dating….just you and your self (and God actually) re-learning to love you and all of you. THEN when you meet (or have a partner) you are bringing that love to them, not asking to be loved.

  8. ‘I became aware that not only do I love life, but that life loves me back and that it wants me to nurture myself.’ Such a big realization is that. It changes everything, the need for being loved melts and opens up a new way of being that is very natural. It’s how we always were as little girls and boys, there was no doubt about our worth, we simply felt amazing. So returning to this aliveness and deep knowing of who we really are makes complete sense.

  9. Saying “NO” to what doesn’t feel true and loving in life is a great foundation for self-love, self-care and self-worth. I often get to observe others making some big first steps into saying NO and I smile inside knowing that they are on their way.

    1. Yes, supporting people to say no empowers them to live a more full and true life. Remembering how I used to say yes to too many things and then go into overwhelm. There was no regard for the quality I did things in back then.

    2. “Saying “NO” to what doesn’t feel true and loving in life” is not nearly as easy as it sounds. For a start, most of us have a very warped concept of what love is. We think it’s about gestures and proclamation and so sure we’d know to turn down someone who was treating us ‘badly’ but if someone was giving us heaps of attention and treating us really well but purely out of need then most of us would be swept off our feet by this elaborate gesture of ‘love’. Sure deep down we all do know what true love is but we’ve been without its activity for such a long time that it’s a long-forgotten memory.

  10. I became aware that not only do I love life, but that life loves me back and that it wants me to nurture myself. The deeper my love for myself, the more the universe (or call it God if you like) affirms my worth.

  11. It’s a beautiful thing to realise that our self worth is something we completely decide on for ourselves and that comes from the choices and decisions we make everyday and whether or not they reflect the value we hold ourselves in and the love we have for ourselves. It’s very empowering to realise this.

  12. Understanding and then knowing our own worth is fundamental to our sense of self and sense of well-being. This is especially important when what happens around us is designed to ‘pull the rug out from underneath us’, so to speak. It is also important when we slip up. As human beings it is inevitable that we will make mistakes, after all the aim of life is not perfection, it is about knowing and living who we are no matter what. That takes a solid knowing in our own worth. It also supports others to know theirs.

    1. Thank you Jennifer for your comment, especially appreciated this line “As human beings it is inevitable that we will make mistakes, after all the aim of life is not perfection, it is about knowing and living who we are no matter what.” This certainly takes the focus away from what we do back to who we are, thank you.

  13. We can undermine our own self-worth in many ways. Being willing to see this as well as deepening our own self-care. This in and of itself is great to re-establish our self-worth.

  14. Thank you, Dragana. Every reminder that the foundation of worth we have for ourselves, informs everything else in life is absolute gold, and I am inspired to work through any lack of deservedness I still harbour.

  15. It is easy to live in the anxiousness of life and lack of self worth, yet when we decide to rediscover our self worth we find that it simply comes from an inner knowing a reawakening of our essence within.

  16. Today’s society is plagued by those living with lack of self-worth and as a by-product our health services are bulging at the seams, many compensate lack of self worth with over-eating, checking out in front of the T.V. etc. Living a life that truly doesn’t represent who they are, and when we realise that, as a first step making a choice to appreciate ourselves and others, rather than criticise we start to feel better about ourselves.

    1. That’s very true Sally, many people don’t feel they are even worth the time to prepare a nutritious meal, dress warmly, exercise, or have loving relationships, which can all add up to pressure and stress on the body and health conditions.

  17. To learn self-worth is one of the most profound things we can build in our lives, not from a place of weakness seeking to achieve an enlightened or a higher place, but from a place of strength and knowing, like you say Dragana, that we are worth this unconditional universal love.

  18. How have we forgotten that our whole body, its mechanism is the heart and that this simply is our love engine, showing us symbolically that when we do not express our love, our heart will feel the impact of this? And all organs connected that keep the body in its homeostasis. So have we used our true intelligence? is then the next question.

  19. Before understanding and deepening my connection with the word self worth I would have said that the word had very little significance for me but once I started to explore it, looked at how I talked to myself, questioned whether I truly valued myself and love myself enough to be gentle and caring, the more I was able to observe how little self worth I really had. I love what you bring here Dragana and how much each of us needs to explore the word Self worth and what it means to us.

  20. Yes, Dragana, I have recently also found this to be true – ‘The deeper my love for myself, the more the universe (or call it God if you like) affirms my worth’. It feels like love begets more love, and there is no end to it, so the more I cherish myself and my body, the more love there is pouring through for me and for everyone.

  21. How can you have a self-worth issue when your whole body and inner essence are made to be Gods vessel? Answer: You have to create it. So therefore one of the keys to dealing with self-worth is to see that you do not, have not and never will in truth have any issue with self worth as the issue is not who you truly are.

    1. It’s quite incredible to peel back the layers we have imposed on ourselves so that we believe we have a lack of self-worth. I have seen this with friends and colleagues over the years and when these layers are imposed there is nothing anyone can say to change these well cemented ideals. Like we can’t talk ourselves out of the additions such a alcohol or drug, lack of self-worth really is no different.

    2. This is true Joshua, I’ve felt it for myself, there is no self worth in the soul, it’s just pure love. Self worth is an energy we have to bring in from outside of ourselves and live with, as it’s not a natural part of who we truly are.

  22. “I became aware that not only do I love life, but that life loves me back and that it wants me to nurture myself. The deeper my love for myself, the more the universe (or call it God if you like) affirms my worth.”

    If we take a step towards self-love, it is amazing what we see that is there for us. It is up to us to take that step though.

    1. Yes, Sarah, no-one can make us love ourselves…this is a relationship that we have to heal and embrace wholeheartedly, and when we do our bodies become a vehicle of endlessly deepening love.

    2. Self-love activates the love and life within us. And as we become more of that love and more of that life then life gets more and more amazing until it borders on stupendous. Yet having said that I am certain that it transgresses stupendous and enters the realm of being completely and utterly indescribable.

  23. It’s a huge thing to develop our relationship to ourselves and feel how we treat ourselves. Often we have a standard so low for how we think about, speak to, and treat ourselves that we definitely wouldn’t accept it from another. Yet we can hurt and abuse ourselves as a kind of daily norm, so it’s great to explore this and consider that we can let all that go and simply return to self love.

  24. We go through life settling and accepting less than what we feel is true, so as adults it takes time to rebuild this worth and to learn to appreciate ourselves for who we are and not what we do.

  25. I hear you Dragana and what I have come to realise is that there are many layers and subtle ones at that which keep popping up and a deeper letting go is required. When I do, the knowing and claiming of Love that is available to us all equally just gets stronger and stronger

  26. Without self-worth, we are only functioning at best, and there is no end of situations that we will say yes to without an ounce of realisation as to why we have said yes. Many years ago Serge Benhayon presented to me to build self-worth to the bone, and I am still working on this.

  27. We are worth every millisecond of love and care (still learning that one) and everyone else reaps the benefits.

  28. My life and my purpose in life changed for the greater when I discovered that a ‘lifelong love affair’ with my Soul is not only possible but is what truly defines all that I am and all that we are part of. Inspired deeply by The Ageless Wisdom Teachings as lived and presented by Serge Benhayon, this quality of connection is something I now choose to religiously live every day as the wonder and power of love that is there to explore is something I know and can feel is what we all deserve to live.

    1. Never before have I seen even the word “religiously” delivered in such a true context, especially as it’s deeply felt in your words that this is exactly what you live. The meaning of religion could never be more truly felt than it is here, to live the love of our soul and God, thank you Carola.

  29. So self-worth is not a doing or gaining but an understanding and accepting of the grandness we are. In other words claiming ourselves in full.

  30. It is by virtue of our connection to our truth and love, where we feel that we are part of a greater whole. Where there is no such thing as division. Equally there is a depth of purity that is beyond words. As you shared above, it is wise to open up to our universe and see all its colours and dimensions, for we are from that. It is the expression of God we are from.

  31. ‘Life loves me back and it wants me to nurture myself’ – yes. When we start loving and taking deeper care of ourselves we are supported in many ways – but it’s us that has to take that first step, affirming our own sense of self worth. This is one of the greatest things I’ve learned through Universal Medicine: that taking care of myself increases my sense of self worth, which is brilliant because no one else can do this for me, and so my relationship with myself is directly dependent on my own choices: I can go as fast or as slowly as I want, no dictation, no imposition, all up to me. And no one can take that sense of self worth away: only I can either deny or dismiss, or accept and affirm it.

  32. What if it was more selfish to not have self worth and to not self care in the sense that what are we bringing to others when we are in such a quality of lack of self worth and self care. It surely does not support others to self-care and have self worth for themselves!

    1. And what if it can actually be an arrogance to have low self worth (at the level of our spirit) because we are stepping away from the grandness and amazingness we truly are as souls? This is said with respect to what humans experience, but highlights the underlying source of energy from the spirit to create something separate from all that we are as souls from God.

  33. Not expecting life and people to reflect my own worth actually means that it comes from how I hold and respect myself first. When I do that there can be much support from life that can flow.

  34. For many, many years I thought that my self-worth came from how much others valued and accepted me, but since attending the Universal Medicine Presentations I have come to realise that this is a divine quality that I was born with, and that I once lived. It is now a matter of establishing a foundation of deep love for myself and from there my self-worth will blossom once again.

  35. I wholeheartedly understand your gratitude towards everything that Serge Benhayon and his family offers and reflects. Without them, I would never be at the stage of my life that I am now. Not because they did something miraculous, but because they reflected me a different, more truthful way, that I was open to. It is still my choice what I accept and what I choose – their consistent way of love though was the best supporter ever and I am pretty sure will be forever.

  36. What I hear from your blog Dragana is how solid your foundations are becoming in terms of self worth, love and respect. Imagine trying to build a house with no understructure or base – it simply wouldn’t work, and would likely fall down! When we don’t have a foundation of self worth this is how life can feel – uncertain, shaky and unstable.

    1. It’s a great comment Susie, you’ve inspired me to look at areas of my life where I do fall down and found more love.

  37. I feel I may have followed another route, as I probably had some sense that I was worthy of love (albeit emotional love with a small “l”) but I drowned in the sadness of not having received it, and a whole neediness thing along the way. I have come to learn that I am Love already, and that if I connect to that truth I can share all the Love that I am without needing from anyone else.

    1. Shirley-Ann thank you for your comment, you could have been describing my life, I am in a kind of transition period observing all the needs, attachments, pictures and hurts I’ve had about love and not receiving it, to making steps to live the love I am.

    2. When I read the words ‘I am Love already’ I can feel an expansive boom inside my body. Something so much more than self-worth, a wordless expansion, an intelligence that knows no bounds. We are all that and more, so, so, so much more. We are the absolute limitlessness of God.

  38. Thank you for sharing – love the way you go about how we can life in regards to living from self-worth. This way was first presented to me by Natalie Benhayon – and it was the most real thing I had ever heard. To actually self-care, self- nurture and self- love to come back to the worth we are naturally.

  39. I have always held this belief that I did not deserve, and there is still a thread of that running as I feel this capping of myself lately, almost feeling tied down unable to move. Having been brought up a catholic, I can feel I have taken this belief on from the catholic church, time to clear this energy from my body.

  40. I am with you Dragana, self worth is an activity or verb to describe confirming and living from who we truly are.

  41. I love the title of the blog, as re-learning to self- worth is definitely what needs to happen. We start off in life with lots of worth, in fact it is as unquestionable as a bird’s ability to fly. We then receive messages from all directions telling us to tone it down, doubt ourselves and feel inadequate or superior to others. I find this loss is related to the loss of our connection to our body. Once we reclaim that and all it can share with us, we are well on the road back to our natural knowing of our worth.

  42. This contentment we feel from inside nourishes us on so many levels, being content with ourselves and our bodies, being content with life and all its reflections and learnings that come to help us grow and expand, means that whatever life presents to us, we know we have everything we need to deal with it.

  43. ‘I became aware that not only do I love life, but that life loves me back and that it wants me to nurture myself’. This part we tend to forget.. the part that life loves us back, or put another way, life has our ‘back’, and when we are open to growing and learning, life delivers all we need.

    1. Sometimes I have been delivered just what I needed and yet I have allowed doubt and suspicion to deny that offering. This is really a lack of commitment to life and a stubborn pride from the spirit getting in the way of a natural unfolding path. This is a delaying tactic but there is no escaping continual learning situations that support us on our way. When we honour who we are we have a clearer ability to read situations and as we build our foundation of self love and self worth we are more likely to accept what we know is true even if it does not fit a picture we might have previously held.

  44. I get a sense of how I thought self-worth was something I needed to build, cultivate, earn, and in that I was already denying my worth. From your sharing, it feels to me that self-worth comes when we deeply connect and accept the truth of who we are.

  45. I have craved love, connection, touch, appreciation and not knowing my own self-worth all my life. In fact, this is what was the only thing that eventually drove me. I dropped all my responsibility, especially appreciating all that I was, and chased the image of being met. I refused to meet myself. I have learnt life is just about this. You’re either appreciating in every minute all that is on offer and therefore what you offer OR you are not. You cannot think you are or earn it – you are or you are not.

  46. Children don’t have issues with self-worth. What if living loving ourselves in full is the most natural and simple way of being? When I have an issue with my worth maybe I just have to make a stop and remember whenever I’ve felt content, solid, joyful, present and so beautiful just by being in my body. This is a choice to make in every moment, nothing exclusive for a few but for all, as we all are the same precious human beings full of love.

    1. Most kids don’t have thoughts about who they are, they just are, whereas adults are constantly agonising about who they are, who they’re not, who they’d like to be, who they wish they weren’t and who they wish they were! And as kids tend to be much happier than adults then I reckon that there’s something for us to learn from kids. Could it be as simple as understanding that when we live life from our bodies that there is a simplicity to life that brings with it a great joy?

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