Before UNIVERSAL MEDICINE: Living a Double Life – Living a Lie
When I was little my mum often said that we would be punished if we were naughty but we would be punished double if we were naughty and lied about it. I remember taking this very seriously and feeling that lying was the worst crime of all.
Back then I equated lying with not telling the truth about what I had done wrong and hiding bad behaviour. I soon learned that lying was about so much more than that. In fact I could tell that the adults around me, my parents included, lied all the time. I found this so confusing.
When I was about 6 years old I was a flower girl at my aunt and uncle’s wedding. I was so intent on looking the part and not ruining my dress that I held my heavy basket of flowers out and away from myself all throughout the wedding ceremony.
I told myself it didn’t matter how much it hurt, it was my job to keep smiling and do as I was told on this important day.
It’s funny to look back on now, for at the time I would never have equated my stint as a flower girl with being a lie… but it was. My refusal to put the basket down showed that I had already learned to act the way I believed others needed me to in order to be accepted and ‘do the right thing’.
I had learned to ignore how my body felt.
My parents divorced when I was 10 and over time I noticed that I would act one way with my mum and her partner and another completely different way when with my dad. I felt like two different people and I didn’t like either one of them. I completely lost myself.
When I visited my dad I would go to church and act as though butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth. I didn’t want to let him down. At home with my mum I would unleash my anger, with outbursts of screaming and swearing.
I was living a double life.
I was constantly afraid that people from different areas of my life would meet and realise I was a fraud. Underneath it all was a deep sense of not being good enough and not knowing who I was.
Throughout my 20’s I worked long hours in clothing stores. The chain I worked for sold a picture of health, youth, vitality and happiness and it was my job to look the part.
I ticked the boxes with clear skin, a slim figure, lovely clothes and a big smile, but on the inside I was a mess. It was not uncommon for my co-workers and I to eat several bags of lollies a day and I often had donuts and coffee for breakfast. I took medication daily to control my acne and my cholesterol was so high my doctor asked if I was eating engine oil. I often spent my days off in bed exhausted and feeling totally inadequate: my life was not turning out how I had hoped. I did not like myself and loving myself seemed to be impossible.
When I was 26 I decided that my life would be better if I went back to university. I enrolled in a Masters degree, determined to leave retail and ‘be successful’. I pushed myself hard, determined to ‘make something of myself’. Halfway through my studies I decided to head off on my first overseas adventure: the passport photo on the left shows exactly how hard and tough I had become as a result of how I was living at this time.
When I returned from my trip I decided not to continue my studies; I could feel that the degree was not going to bring me the success I craved and it felt great to let go of something that wasn’t true for me.
Soon after this I switched careers, my circumstances improved and I no longer felt like a failure.
I played the model employee and worked hard from Monday to Friday. My time off was spent attending parties, music festivals and social events. I fuelled my lifestyle with sugar, caffeine, alcohol, nicotine and worse.
I did my best to address my abusive relationship with myself, spending thousands of dollars seeing counsellors and a psychologist to try and deal with my issues. In the end I understood exactly what I was doing but at the core of it nothing changed.
The truth is my new career path was just another lie and my new job did not truly change the fact I did not love myself. I still felt like I was always at the mercy of my circumstances.
I didn’t want to admit the truth so I presented a picture I thought others would admire.
In my late 20’s my Facebook page was full of photos that showed me surrounded by friends, visiting exotic locations and wearing gorgeous clothes. It sure looked like I was living a full life.
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I knew my diet and lifestyle was harmful as I was constantly sick and still on medication to control my acne. I tried cutting out the foods that were having a negative effect but the cravings were unbearable and I always caved in. I absolutely hated the effects my party lifestyle had on my body but I didn’t want to give it up. The parties were the places I had fun, connected with others, let loose and forgot about my problems.
I didn’t advertise the fact that when the excitement of the latest travel adventure or big event was over I often felt depressed, exhausted, lonely and without purpose. I began suffering from chronic and debilitating headaches and it became clear that I needed to change my life.
I turned to a range of modalities, practitioners and self help books and although I could see glimmers of truth in many of these things, I couldn’t seem to change my behaviour in a meaningful way.
I knew I was living a lie but I could feel that everyone else was living one too.
There seemed to be no way out, although deep down I could feel that there was.
Living the way I truly wanted to seemed impossible.
After UNIVERSAL MEDICINE: Living Responsibly – Living Who I Truly Am
Soon after my 30th birthday I discovered the Universal Medicine clinic in Brisbane, Australia. I instantly knew I had found a place where I could truly heal and change my life. I began seeing an esoteric practitioner for esoteric Chakra-puncture and I began to read Serge Benhayon’s books and attend the presentations offered by Universal Medicine. Absolutely everything I read and experienced rang true for me – for the first time in my life I began to feel that there was a way I could live true to myself.
Serge Benhayon consistently presented that the body tells the truth and this really resonated with me. I began to listen to my own body and honour what it needed. Over time I stopped drinking coffee, eating gluten, dairy and sugar and drinking alcohol. I had more energy and felt more balanced.
I found that I still felt like I was living a double life for a while. I would tell some people I had sworn off alcohol and then go out with others and have a boozy night, telling myself I could get away with it. I would then feel sick and depressed for weeks. It was clear that what Serge was presenting was true for me. My body was telling me that alcohol was a very bad idea.
I now know that the most damaging lies are the ones I tell myself.
The fact is my ‘double life’ was just the end result of the fact that I was not willing to truly take responsibility for my choices and do what was right for me.
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have supported me to live responsibly and true to myself and begin living in a way where I can truly connect with myself and others.
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A beautiful woman with nothing to hide… Me (Leonne Sharkey) aged 33-34, after Universal Medicine
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I no longer feel like I have something to hide. I am proud of each and every loving choice I make and if I make choices that are not loving I am willing to be honest about this and find out why.
I have so much more understanding for myself and in turn I have become less judgmental about the choices others make or have made. The more I return to who I truly am, the more I am able to appreciate others for who they truly are.
The truth I have come back to is – I am love. I am enough just as I am and I am a son of God. This truth applies to us all. The more I allow myself to accept this truth, the more amazing life gets. Each day I live this truth is a new before and after.
I am eternally grateful to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for presenting and confirming the truth I have always known.
By Leonne Sharkey, Melbourne
Related Reading:
The Before & After Photo Diary of Universal Medicine Students
Before and After My Self Love Program – Forever Unfolding the Real Me
Universal Medicine Before and After Photos – the Man beneath the Tattoos and Dreads
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
I think we all know that feeling when we are not being true to ourselves, whether we change ourselves completely or measure ourselves just a bit to fit in. You hit the nail on the head with responsibility, do we take responsibility for putting out to the world who we truly are and making choices that constantly confirm and build that – or do we put out a version of us that’s not true and advocate that it’s ok to live this a measured life and make choices harm us and others.
I would have never equated ignoring my body’s message as ‘living a lie’, but it so is. Lying is fiddly. It breeds incongruence and needs constant patchwork. It so makes sense how exhausting that is.
Overriding or dismissing what we feel or intuitively know is like lying to ourself but if we don’t necessarily see it that way because we’re so used to doing it and have normalised and justified living like that. But we can start to develop more honesty with ourself – being open to truly listening to what our whole body is saying and starting to put that into action instead of the thoughts that go against it.
Understanding how complicated a lie is, that a lie can be presenting a false way to live, for me is very well explained by you in this blog. Its beautiful to hear you discover the woman that was waiting patiently to bloom, it makes me understand my kids more that go between two homes.
That is really great to know Sarah. When children live between two homes they have an opportunity to be true to themselves or align to their parents. As a child I was manipulating my parents in a big way and also getting away with whatever I felt I could get away with. Children are experts at reading energy and they know what is love and what is not. Now I am the same wherever I go because I am living in a way that is true to me.
Beautiful addition to your blog, thank you.
It is great to expose what lies are, sometimes the lies that hurt us the most are the ones where we don’t live what we know to be our truth- where we change ourselves for others or to fit in. It is harder to clock these types of lies but they are often the ones where we contort ourselves the most to become something we are not.
Having a deep and genuine honesty with ourself is a foundation for true change – from the honesty we have a clearer choice as to how we will make our next movements in life, rather than just overriding what we’re feeling or sensing from inside.
Great to read how your life has been Leonne, your pictures are truly pictures of how life for you was living a lie except from the pictures after you came across Universal Medicine, there is an ease and a glow in your face and lovely to see the joy of being yourself naturally. What an amazing change!
Having anyone set the bar and tell you not to do one thing but then you observe them doing that very same thing themselves leaves you feeling not only confused but completely disillusioned.
‘Living a lie’, pretending to be something that you are not, is so exhausting, but so many of us do that it has come to be accepted as normal. One way of living at home, one at work, one with our friends, a very confusing life indeed, whereas being our amazing selves in every moment no matter what we are doing is so liberating and definitely not confusing or exhausting; how can it be when we are simply being who we naturally are.
Your photographs say everything that is necessary here Leonne – what a transformation. I read a lot of self-help books and went on many workshops and courses too and most felt like they had some benefits. But like you, it was when I came to Universal Medicine that my search ended and I felt complete for the first time in my life. It is clear to me that the only way to feel this sense of fullness is through the reconnection to the love we innately are and not through any external force or remedy – the latter is a futile exercise that promises much but does not truly deliver.
Yes I have a truly amazing life now. The comments on my blog confirm this, as does the smile on my face, the amazing changes in my relationships, wellbeing, health, finances… I could go on and on. The thing that means the most to me is the fact that I finally understand my purpose in life and see my responsibilities as a joy rather than a burden. I love reading my own blog and these last few days I’ve been reading it and truly appreciating the power of my own expression for the first time.
Love it Leonne. Great sharing. Really appreciate reading this. Shows that true love only ever has one life. Everything else is a lie. Without love there is no willingness to be truly open transparent and true with how we are living.
Gorgeous to see the transformation of you back to your true self, gosh it is crazy that we currently seem to live our life moving further and further away from ourselves. In truth Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have been the ONLY thing that have supported and helped me walk back to my truth slowly unpicking and unravelling all that has not been true or love and coming back to me and the love I am. Your article made me appreciate just how much I have changed and how much I used to live a lie. I reflected on a time years ago I went out with my best friend at the time and work colleagues. The night was exhausting because it highlighted to me instead of just being me I was different depending on who I was with!
Gosh I needed to read this today Leonne, thank you for sharing this with us all. A pertinent reminder that we all know the truth deep inside of us, and of how to live our lives. Otherwise, if we did not, we would not feel the tension of the way we are living now. You write of this tension, of knowing that the way you were living was not true for you (as your body was sharing) and it was through Universal Medicine’s presentations that you re-connected to a way of living that felt true to you. And then it was absolutely your choice to do so. And look at the results – you are truly blossoming.
Leonnie, this is stunning – to see the difference in your smile, in your face and in your eyes from the pictures before and after is proof in itself of the loving changes you have made! In the Facebook photos, you are young and smiling, however there is not the real joy and openness in the cheeks and face and eyes that is palpable in the more recent photos. I can appreciate how the changes you made might seem so simple (such as quitting alcohol and dietary changes, and the increase in responsibility) but in fact are HUGE steps. Thank you for sharing this inspiring change, and how you have left behind the lies and embraced the truth in a life truly lived now.
Simply scrolling through your photographs is evidence of a miracle that has unfolded. Thank you, Leonne.
Your before and after photos say it all Leonne. We have one life equally so and can’t compartmentalise bits of it – despite thinking we can. “I now know that the most damaging lies are the ones I tell myself..” So true – ignoring our body’s messages can be so damaging in the long run.
“I now know that the most damaging lies are the ones I tell myself”. Your photos, Leonne, powerfully tell the tale of how true this is and how life enhancing it is to live truthfully and honestly.
Thank you for your honest sharing Leonne. We can all learn much from your experiences that you share so beautifully. There is no doubt that you have made great changes and they show in your beautiful after connecting with Universal Medicine Photos!
It’s truly beautiful to read your story Leonne, I particularly related to your experiences of feeling like you were living a double life, and how it comes back to making choices that are truly loving and supportive for ourselves. It’s quite obvious to see the new joy and vitality in your ‘after Universal Medicine’ photos – you are shining! I appreciated this line about living honouring your body and making loving choices everyday “Each day I live this truth is a new before and after.” How true! I didn’t realise but that is exactly what it’s like for me now also.
‘In the end I understood exactly what I was doing but at the core of it nothing changed’, this explains many modalities down to a tea. They can offer understanding and perhaps relief but not true change.
Lovely blog Leonne beautifully honest and I loved how you realised that through your dishonesty you were making choices that were not supportive of how you really are. It is so easy to fall into the trap of being what everyone else wants you to be.
Spot on Sally – we can so live our life as an expectation of what others want rather than living who we truly are. Hence the regrets so many of us have can have when we realise this – yet there are no regrets if we but stop to realise what we have done and use it as an opportunity to learn and never do that again, and instead, as Leonnie has shared here, embrace a true way of living.
I love what you have shared here Leonne ‘The truth I have come back to is – I am love. I am enough just as I am and I am a son of God. This truth applies to us all. The more I allow myself to accept this truth, the more amazing life gets. Each day I live this truth is a new before and after.’ It is The Way of The Livingness that has inspired me to live this truth everyday and feel the immense joy that this brings to our lives.
“I knew I was living a lie but I could feel that everyone else was living one too.” I can relate to feeling this very same thing and getting a sense that there had to be another way but what, where and how?
It was not until I came across the teachings of Serge Benhayon that I was shown that it was in The Way of our Livingness.
“I began to listen to my own body and honour what it needed. Over time I stopped drinking coffee, eating gluten, dairy and sugar and drinking alcohol. I had more energy and felt more balanced.” It is amazing that making such simple changes affects us deeply – yet so many people I speak with resist this (I notice this when they spot my dietary choices) and I often see they choose to continue with deteriorating ill health, which I feel eliminating gluten and or dairy from their diet for even a month may support them to feel the difference it might make to their health. All about choices…..
Lies come with such a hooking energy – you start with one and before you know it you lose count of just how many lies you tell yourself and others each and every day. Love that you did not give up and kept seeking the way back to truth. And the before and after photos speak loud and clear.
Thank you for sharing your journey to Truth Leonne and I love the more recent photos of you because your joy just zings off the page and the reflection that you are offering the world is as huge as your lovely beaming smile.
‘I now know that the most damaging lies are the ones I tell myself.’ This is so true Leonne and I have spent years putting on a front that everything was fine whilst frequently feeling desperate inside and being constantly exhausted because of how draining this was. I have had a physically tiring weekend and sitting here typing can feel how tired my body is and this is a great reminder to take tender care of it as I embark on another busy working week rather than pushing through and lying to myself that I can get away with it. It is this level of responsibility that underpins the joy that I now feel on a regular basis and I don’t ever want to re-visit my former life where I could feel the incongruity but felt powerless to change it.
Gorgeous to read Leonne from a beautiful lady, it is interesting that for many of us most of the way we live our lives is a lie, living who we are not, until we learn the truth of who we are and start to live life from the love that we are as you are now showing in your life.
“The truth I have come back to is – I am love. I am enough just as I am and I am a son of God. This truth applies to us all. The more I allow myself to accept this truth, the more amazing life gets. Each day I live this truth is a new before and after.” Beautiful Leonne, I can feel the healing in your words. We each have a responsibility to appreciate and live all that we are.
I love that as we begin to make loving choices and are willing to be honest about those that are not, we develop an awareness of self and an understanding of who we are. From this, the self-judgement dissipates and is replaced with self-appreciation and from there, what we offer ourselves we can then offer another. Your final photo is living proof of all your choices…. Stunning.
There is such a power in someone living truly connected with themselves as it shows others that it really is possible to actually live with that connection in life.
Wow – you are a true testimony to great choices! The changes you have made are truly inspiring.
Great blog Leonne and the photos certainly back up the story you have shared! Lying to ourselves is a common trap but most are unaware that it is even happening for them. I must admit that I have had a few light bulb moments as I was reading where I can see that the reality is that certain behaviours actually have a foundation based on a lie. Thanks for bringing this to my attention.
Oh wow Leonne what a beautiful before and after! Its true that when we are young we learn to lie to ourselves and carry on, and this is as simple as ignoring the messages our body is telling us! I found it fascinating how you shared that you lived a ‘double life when your parents were seperate; The good girl with Dad and explosive with Mum, it really highlights the pressure that people grow up in and that we feel we need to act a certain way and avoid telling the truth, it might get us into trouble.. or is that lying?
‘ The more I return to who I truly am, the more I am able to appreciate others for who they truly are.’ – I love this line Leonne a beautiful reminder for me today.
“I had learned to ignore how my body felt.” – And this is something that is even championed as in ‘mind over matter’! But I too have found how lost we can be when we disconnect from our body and what it is communicating with us. And that when we choose to reconnect there is a wealth of wisdom there that supports us in our daily lives.
‘I knew I was living a lie but I could feel that everyone else was living one too.’ It’s a grim, ubiquitous, world-dominating formula – safety in numbers. It keeps us all perpetuating the lived lie for fear of being rejected, becoming Norma(n) No-Mates, isolated and alone. It’s our bodies that suffer the damage and no amount of therapy, healing or anything else will bring meaningful resolution until we make the choice to choose differently, to choose self-lovingly – in everything.
I love looking at your recent pictures Leonne, they just jump off the page with joy!
Gosh you are looking and feeling yummy now, Leonne. I am sure that you appreciate every day that you are gorgeous woman and what you have shared is inspirational for us all.
Beautiful and inspirational Leonne, thank you.
feel who we truly are, we need points of reflection, and moments of stillness, within which we can build a bridge back to our hearts, the stillness is essential, for it is from this still point that we can interact and move in a way that is connected to who we truly are.
‘Each day I live this truth is a new before and after.’ Beautiful Leonne and I can still see this flower girl in you but no longer holding on to the basket but living the joy that is so very obvious in you to see for all.
Thank you Leonie for raising the topic of lies and bringing out into the open all the ways we lie not only to others but to ourselves.
Leonie those pictures speak volumes, especially the passport photo where your eyes look lifeless – what a difference compared to the recent ones, which have such an openness and joy shining from your face.
Thank you Julie – I have just revisited this blog and I am still stunned by how lost I look in that passport photo. I remember feeling very lost and given up at that time. It is wonderful to be able to look back knowing that the truth was just around the corner.
With the power of your honesty Leonne, you show us all how lies dissect and cut in to us deeply in so many ways. The lie seems to make things ‘better’ by cutting off the part we don’t want to see. But you have helped me see that when I do this I cut off and split up from me. Your words paint a picture of a completely new way to be where we embrace everything we do, without judgement or removal, just a love and acceptance of what is true.
I love the way you have encapsulated everything shared here in a nutshell Joseph. We innately know truth so every lie requires us to shut down and deny the wisest part of ourselves.
Wow Leonie, these photos are amazing your face has totally changed, you look truly joyful now where as before you can see the hardness and strain on your face. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us and these beautiful stunning after photos.
A beautiful blog Leonie that shows so clearly that when we meet someone who reflects the truth to us we know this truth and can stop searching for something outside of ourselves to ‘make it all better’. We know the lies we have been telling ourselves and not living who we truly are then when we choose to live our truth we reconnect to the love of who we are.
Wow Leonie, what a great blog.
Your transformation is stunning; your level of honesty and understanding is inspirational.
The wisdom you have shared, for me, is summed up in the following quote;
“I have so much more understanding for myself and in turn I have become less judgmental about the choices others make or have made. The more I return to who I truly am, the more I am able to appreciate others for who they truly are”.
We are all really good actors are we not. We put an image out to the world that is nothing like the reality of what we actually feel on the inside. What is worse, everyone is doing it so everyone is acting…out of control.