From Self-development to Unfolding into my True Self – Inspired by Serge Benhayon

My first self-help book was titled ‘Feel the Fear and do it Anyway’ and it was the start of a path of self-development in trying to be a better person. I was not in any particular state of turmoil at the time I purchased the book, but I did not like how I felt about myself or about where I was at in life. So I found this book and hoped it would show me how I was meant to be so that I could feel better.

This was the first of many self-help and religious books. It was my launching pad into new-age courses, tarot reading, reiki, yoga, Buddhism, Dao, meditation, university studies and anything else I could find that would help me develop myself into the person I wanted to be. The problem was, I couldn’t decide what or whom I wanted to be like!

There was the hippy phase, the professional woman, the beach/surfie look, party girl, the blokey don’t-touch-me image, I am a mother, yoga girl, ‘partner of ______’ and other identities that I think I’ll deny. Some would call this an identity crisis, but what I discovered was that it was so much more than that.

The phase would fit with whatever image I wanted to portray – whether it be rebellious, cool, tough, controlled, glamorous, powerful, intelligent, easy going, nurturing, bad-girl, homemaker, carefree – all in an effort to find the best image that would move me closer to feeling better about myself and OK in life. But I didn’t feel OK; in fact, life became more dysfunctional.

Whilst there is a touch of playfulness in what I have written so far, and I can now even smile to myself, in truth what lay beneath was a deep-seated self-loathing program. I was so incredibly lost in life, so desperate to find a place where I felt that I fitted in, where my relationships were loving, where the workplace was harmonious, where I could feel love and stillness in my body instead of continual anxiety, and where there was no longer abuse in my life.

After about 20 years living so very lost like this, I came to a Universal Medicine presentation and did so thinking it would be another thing to try. What I heard was that it was about ‘being myself’. But gosh, who was I?

Serge Benhayon introduced the path of unfolding into who you truly are – a return to love, and this was a far cry from those years of striving to develop myself into something else, some ideal of what I should be like.

What inspired me about this teaching was the notion that we are already everything, and that all we had to do was to make life about returning to the love that we already are and be ourselves… simple in essence but maybe a bit tricky in practice.

I had become so lost in my sadness and despair, and my life was in such an emotional state, that being love and being myself was often a difficult task. During this period my head was filled with all I had learned from text-books and self-development courses which ingrained even more ideals and beliefs into my life and kept me stuck in my head and not feeling my body. In fact, I was numb to my body and did not like to feel it at all, for my body held the truth of the choices that I had made that were not from love.

For me then, the first few years was about calming the momentum of the emotional tornado that I had created by bringing gentleness into my life and my body – making self-care and love my new marker.

Along the way I noticed that snippets of life were themed to where I was at in my unfolding path. Life would show me truths about control, love, anxiety, frustration, holding back, vulnerability, acceptance, hurt, control, joy – whatever it was that I needed to feel and understand at the time.

Living like this, observing what life was showing me next, and travelling down the unfolding path, has allowed me to feel how beautiful my life has become. Life is not about achievement or driving myself to fulfill a particular goal or about gaining an identity, nor does it require the approval and acceptance of another.

It really does feel like a path that is gently moving any obstructions out of the way, each step bringing me closer to feeling more and being more of my amazing self.

Being me, the true me, brings love to all that I do in my day; it honours me and it honours others. There is a flow, a rhythm, steadiness, commitment, playfulness, responsibility, delicateness, an innate knowing of what is needed next, and there is joy and vitality too.

Facing the reality of my choices along this unfolding path has certainly brought moments of sadness to the surface, but these moments are insignificant compared to the joy that I now feel in myself, and the love of others that I feel in my heart. I no longer embrace the notion that I need to develop into something to feel better about myself, but what I do know is that each day offers me a chance to live more of my true self and to love even more than I did yesterday.

Inspired by Serge Benhayon and the commitment and love he emanates to us all.

by Maree Savins, Engineering Project Officer, Tertiary Education, Australia

Further Reading:
Personal Development
Women in Livingness
Loving Myself and My Choices

1,002 thoughts on “From Self-development to Unfolding into my True Self – Inspired by Serge Benhayon

  1. Thank you Maree. It really is not about getting anywhere or finding anything. The Holy Grail, so to speak, is in us, it is us. Recognising and becoming aware of this and then consciously choosing to live it is an unfolding path and we don’t have to ‘do’ anything to make it unfold. If we allow our focus to be on absolute truth and love, a purpose is born and we find ourselves back in the flow of life, this time not invested or tied into the misery.

  2. Facing the reality of our choices with honesty, and we can finally start to lift the veil that obscures the true life we could otherwise be living in full.

  3. Yes, I was so desperate to be loved I used my sensitivity to try to read how others wanted me to be – until I got too resentful. This never worked because I knew I wasn’t being me so couldn’t tell myself they even knew me when I didn’t even know me!

    And there is still a layer of not loving or accepting myself when I am feeling something other than love. So, rather than seek to bring an understanding and observation to myself, I often fall into not good enough and the having to get better. A wonderful game to catch so I can come back to love.

    1. I can very much relate to what you share Karin. It is amazing how we can go into self judgement rather than seeing those challenging moments as golden opportunities to bring understanding.

  4. Thanks for sharing Maree, I am learning there is no point tackling our issues and difficulties in life head-on, thereby increasing the struggle, but rather work on building the quality that is true from the inside beginning with simple steps of self-love and from the foundation of love that is reawakened, all that is not of truth can be known and let go of.

  5. Maree – thank you for your sharing! I too can relate to what I call ‘being a chameleon’ – changing identities and changing how I am depending on what my environment is like. In fact I still have to watch out for this! But these days most of the time, I have learnt to firstly re-discover myself, accept myself more deeply and love my self more deeply – and this is an on-going process. Like you much of this self love affair has been inspired and instigated by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine – and I am deeply thankful for having come across this in my life – it is my anchor, my rock I turn to, it is what holds me steady in the storms of life. And it helps me see that these storms are actually not that big (though at times they may appear so) – yet I have the full capacity to deal with them and grow more steady in the process.

  6. “Being me, the true me, brings love to all that I do in my day; it honours me and it honours others. There is a flow, a rhythm, steadiness, commitment, playfulness, responsibility, delicateness, an innate knowing of what is needed next, and there is joy and vitality too.” – Not that many people today can say what you have said here Maree, and so it is a blessing for us all when someone can say this and more so live it as an example for others to be inspired by!

  7. ‘To live my true self and love even more than I did yesterday’ … that is how we can live life, and the thing I love about what you present here Maree is that it’s not about being a better version but in fact allowing the inner us to come out, so a stripping back and and unlearning as we love ourselves more daily and and in doing so we express that love in the world. We already are everything, we just need to allow ourselves to live it.

  8. I so get the last line about realising the more you live you and all of you the more love you have for others. Once this has been felt and is known in the body, the sadness of having walked away from this comes up, yet the moment we don’t identify with that sadness or beat ourselves up the love expands even more! What a life lesson.

  9. “I no longer embrace the notion that I need to develop into something to feel better about myself…” Such a weight is lifted when we realise this. And it does well to keep reminding and appreciating ourselves of this as it can be easy to forget when life around us gets intense and we take it on.

  10. Finally coming to the understanding that “my body held the truth of the choices that I had made that were not from love.” was one big ‘ouch’ moment. It was followed by much guilt, much sadness but interspersed with buckets of joy for finally figuring out who was the real me and who wasn’t. And like you Maree, it was the wisdom and the common sense that was presented by Serge Benhayon that was the key to opening the door I had closed on the true me so many, many years before.

  11. To ‘manage’ emotions there is a vast offering. The problem, though, is that the energy of emotions remains in the body. This reservoir runs constantly inside us, it pollutes us and seeks to attract situations in which emotions reign. To not be governed by them, we have to let this energy go.

  12. It’s a pretty powerful thing to hear that we are already everything, especially from someone who lives it in full, doesn’t hide it or even need to big note the fact. I had turned myself into all sorts of people also to try and fit in somewhere and all I managed to do was feel more empty. and more needy. I have had to undo all of those characters that I thought I could be to feel the everything that I am. That still remains a work in progress, but an enjoyable work it is and it’s so lovely to feel the even more that I am.

  13. Life would be totally different if we all started with a foundation knowing that we are already everything and that we are just returning to something that is complete and innate within us all, the challenges and tribulations in life would not overpower us and we’d just see them as an opportunity to evolve knowing that our connection to our soul is the greatest thing of all.

  14. I too dabbled in many self-help books in my efforts to feel better about myself but it never worked and I just ended up more disillusioned with myself and my failure to turn my life around. Hearing Serge Benhayon present that I did not need fixing and that I was on a path of return to my true self was amazing but I have also found it challenging to let go of the many ideals and beliefs that I have taken on along the way and accept that I am enough just as I am. The joy that has grown from committing to supporting myself with my unfoldment is continuing source of wonder to me and my appreciation for the ongoing support that is freely available is unbounded.

  15. ‘There is a flow, a rhythm, steadiness, commitment, playfulness, responsibility, delicateness, an innate knowing of what is needed next, and there is joy and vitality too.’ Beautiful words to describe your life which are so relevant to me this morning as I appreciate where I am at despite feeling physically unwell currently as yet more is being revealed to me about my past choices.

  16. I don’t think “Feel the Fear….” was my first self help book but it definitely sat on a shelf with a multitude of other books that were offering the meaning of life in a myriad of ways and confusing me in the process. Some became my ‘go to in times of strife’ books but others just sat and gathered dust after the first disappointing read. They have all now disappeared off the shelf to be replaced by a series of the most beautiful books written by Serge Benhayon, books that do offer me the answers to life, that are brimming with truth and wisdom and that never get the chance to gather dust as I am constantly picking them up to read a wonderful snippet or two that will always inspire me in many ways.

  17. There are always points where the game changes or where how you are needs to go deeper in order to expand more of the ‘true you’ out. As the article offers, and I agree, Serge Benhayon never supported anything but the commitment that everyone is already everything, what the only difference is is the quality of each of our choices in any moment. We are the sum total of the choices we make and that is the reflection we have into the world. As the article is saying, “I no longer embrace the notion that I need to develop into something to feel better about myself, but what I do know is that each day offers me a chance to live more of my true self and to love even more than I did yesterday.” This confirms we are already everything and the expansion of that everything that is there. This is where the trip up is made for me, it is like I arrive at a point and something wants the movement to stop and in that the expansion stops. I can’t think my way out of it and all that’s needed is for me to come back to my movements in any moment, check in to see how they feel and what may need to change or unfold the next part. The consistent expansion is always called for and if we don’t respond then for me I stop actual living it becomes an existence.

    1. I feel the same way Ray, strange but true. Whatever point we reach of who we are, we have to see what needs to change to get to next point, otherwise, life stops. I feel dead because I don’t expand.

      1. The expansion simply is what’s next as points don’t have an ending or stop. There is a completion naturally but no end point to rest to then go to the next point. You may appreciate or celebrate a completion but that isn’t something ending for another to begin that is simply the next point. What I am highlighting is that to even have the thought of something ending and another thing starting is already a small step away from the true expansion we are talking about. We often look towards the big things, the big points or moments as the ones that support or continues this true expansion and yet negate the little moments or points as being less or unimportant. Yet the big things are at times not every day and so life can become on and off again and not one life of being always on stage. Seeing everything as a point to step into more of this true expansion it doesn’t matter if you are washing the clothes, brushing your teeth or delivering a presentation to a community. All points are equal in energy and so the next time we move take care to deliver everything you are to it, no matter what the heading.

  18. Great read Maree. “Feel the Fear and do it anyway” was one of the first self help books I read as well; bought dozens of them and attended many many trainings. They stimulated me, inspired me, motivated me but in the end, nothing changed. To me, they felt like some kind of super drug. Keeping me away from knowing that I am divine and beautiful already.

  19. Maree, I just love your honesty and the fact that you share so openly about your past history of being on a deep-seated self-loathing program. Far too many of us women today are being devastated by such programs that we run over and over. Programs that are just totally decimating our potential.

  20. Thank you Maree, that path back to consistently living who we truly are and the love we are innately really does unfold daily in its own way for each person. We are on our own personal program, tailor made by the love we all come from.

  21. At times I have gotten stuck and felt flat and disconnected and like I am not good enough. This has become a warning sign for me that I have lost connection with all that I am, at this point it really feels like everything grinds to a halt. It may be different for each person but getting back into my body really helps bring me back, it might be through walking, gentle exercise, Esoteric Yoga – any one of these starts to help me to reconnect.

  22. Wow so beautiful to read your ever-deepening commitment to listening to the body. This is very beautiful and inspiring and shows that there is such a deep relationship we can have with ourselves if we allow it.

  23. “What inspired me about this teaching was the notion that we are already everything, and that all we had to do was to make life about returning to the love that we already are and be ourselves… simple in essence but maybe a bit tricky in practice.” Hearing this was a revelation for me too. After all I had been told ‘the kingdom of God is within you’, but saw no-one living this, and everyone looking outside of themselves for answers and not living joyful contented lives, despite the rhetoric. meeting someone for whom this is a daily reality – Serge Benhayon – was an inspiration for me to know that this is a possibility – looking within and constantly deepening that connection with self and with the divine.

  24. Life is so simple when we read and respond to what is presented, instead of reacting to it. But even when we react, there’s always a learning there: what made us react, what were the feelings it brought up that we didn’t want to feel? The opportunities we have to learn and evolve are 24/7, it never stops.

  25. Agreed Maree. The new age and spiritual teachings ALL offer us something to ‘strive for’ – something more to become… rather than the depth of surrender and acceptance available, when we re-align to the love of our soul. A love that has been ever-patiently waiting for us to remember, that it all, actually rests within us. There is nought to reach for, and only the Grace of our own godliness to once again surrender to and embrace.

    1. Very right Victoria. The spiritual paths did take me away further from myself than just an “ordinary” life where I did want to make myself a better person. The harder I worked on it, the more discontented I became because nothing really did change.

      1. My experience also Willem. Nothing in my life truly changed, in terms of the foundations that hold me in my every day – I actually became, through the ‘new age phase’ – more adept at avoiding what was there to deal with in my life, the forays in this area bringing nought but complication.
        In short, there was no true healing.

  26. Often when we say ‘this is definitely me’ it is not the truth of who we are, but instead a mere picture we have subscribed to that ticks more boxes for us in life than other pictures…

  27. The whole world tries to sell us that we need to be different than who we are, that we need things to make our lives complete. It is all a big lie, we are and have already everything that makes us truly happy.

  28. I am inspired by Serge’s consistency- so solid and so steady- it is amazing to see but also shows us what is so natural for us all.

  29. Proof that ‘finding’ ourselves is not just in the teenage years but in fact sadly for most through our entire life; ‘The problem was, I couldn’t decide what or whom I wanted to be like!’ The fact that we even have this ‘not knowing who we truly are’ shows there is something deeply wrong in the way we are living and pretty much everything currently points us in the direction of looking for this outside of ourselves OR to point in the direction of looking within ourselves but the map or compass seems to have even gone way off here! I like how you tried many things and I like that you were just going around in circles until meeting Serge Benhayon where the chasing stopped. The searching stopped. Here was a man not only presenting the truth but living it and this is what I and many others could tangibly feel and very much still do feel.

  30. The key message that Serge talks about in his books and presentations is the difference in energies, that there are two sources. Once I realised what this meant, “the search” for who I was (which you describe very well in this blog Maree) was over. It was over because I recognised each time I spoke or moved I was making a choice, what energy was I choosing? Once I knew this, I knew myself by a feeling inside, not by an image outside. We are not our behaviours or clothes or hobbies, we are vehicles of light, either choosing to hide and contract or be full and shine, all other things we pull in to complicate this fact, are just a stories created to make either of these two choices sound more interesting.

    1. Thank you for expanding the conversation here Sarah. We grow up being taught about light and dark, good and evil but we don’t get a true education on energy and responsibility. Once we know what our choices really are we are truly free to choose.

  31. “Being me, the true me, brings love to all that I do in my day; it honours me and it honours others. ” this is something I too am learning Maree, returning to who I truly am, not more searching outside , so simply beautiful the gradual uncovering of all the layers so more of our love can be lived.

  32. It is interesting that many of the so-called self-development techniques teach us how to arm ourselves and our true self actually gets buried even further beneath the identification we cultivate. What I have learnt from Universal Medicine is that there is no self to be developed, that everything is already here, it is our reconnection that needs to be developed – for the truth of us to unfold.

  33. I always love reading your blogs Maree. I can definitely see how easily led I can be when I look outside of myself for answers. You remind me that I already know all I need to know.

  34. Oh yes I recall the self development books you are referring to Maree. What a path they sent me down. I remember my first or it may of been my second session with Serge Benhayon I said to him I just don’t know how to be. And I didn’t know how to be as I tried to be so many different things. What a relief to find that we just have to be ourselves and move in a way that aligns us to the love that we are.

  35. When we appreciate and accept who we are it is easy to let go of the pictures…for such beauty is worth everything.

  36. Self-help books only offer ways to managing life so we can feel better about it due to the fact that the aspect we seek help for is not affecting us in the same way than before. Yet, self-help books do not help us to change our movements, whose pattern has something to do with what affects us. So, in a sense, self-help books only guarantee that such issues will always be an issue for you. It helps you to perpetuate a relationship with the issue as such (that is as an issue).

  37. “Being me, the true me, brings love to all that I do in my day; it honours me and it honours others.” – I love how you say this Maree and is something I can relate to; when I truly honour who I am that respect, value and commitment naturally extends to how I hold everyone else as well.

    1. So incredibly true, it’s like you cannot only respect one thing or person (or only yourself) – it’s like a wave that ripples out through your whole life.

  38. So beautifully shared Maree. Developing a loving relationship with who I already am in essence, within, has transformed my life in that I no longer feel the pressure or have the incessant need to fit into a picture or image to attain a sense of belonging or acceptance. When we discover the incredibly divine quality of who we innately are within, we realise that there is nothing in this world that can compare to the fulfilment, freedom and joy of being our real selves.

  39. ‘What I do know is that each day offers me a chance to live more of my true self and to love even more than I did yesterday.’ I love the simplicity and truth expressed here Maree, Serge Benhayon has always presented that we are already everything and are returning to the love we truly are – this is a powerful teaching that stops the constant searching for something outside of ourselves.

  40. It really can appear that there are so many choices for who we can want to be, but actually and at the end of the day are we really choosing from an array of different choices, or are we making choices that all come from the one place, a place that keeps us going on the merry-go-round of chasing achievements and identities? This is a great question to ask because it highlights the fact that as long as we are chasing identity we will never actually get to the essential truth of who we all are.

  41. In todays world you can literally be whoever you want to be, you can take on any identity and become whatever you want, but there is literally nothing better in the world than waking up and just being you.

  42. When I discovered through the Ageless wisdom that it was possible to have true lasting joy in life and we didn’t have to abide by the rules we learned when we were young, that was a great day. And knowing that there is a way of life to choose which allows our body to be at ease, in service and also joy makes every day have the same potential.

  43. A part of re-establishing the expression of who we truly are can be being honest with ourselves about those expressions we make that do not feel true to us and renouncing them, making way for more of our essence to come through instead.

  44. It makes sense that when we are living an identity that is not truly us that we will feel insecure at a deep level. Connecting with these feelings and being honest about them is the first step and developing a relationship with ourselves and allowing the parts of our lives that we really feel do not resonate to drop by the wayside a great follow up move. Sometimes we take on hobbies and ways of being from other people and we think they are what we really like, and what we are really like, but on closer examination we realise they are not truly resonating with us or supporting us at all. Allowing ourselves to let go of these makes room for the truth of who we are and the beauty and confidence that is held therein.

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