From Apologist to Confident

When I was younger I used to apologise for everything. I used to say sorry to people at work before I asked them a question – like my manager, even if it was to do with my job! I used to say sorry to people if we bumped into each other on the street, even if they bumped into me. Sorry was a word that would automatically jump out of my mouth if I wasn’t sure about anything.

I had totally forgotten about this until I remembered the other day how much I used to apologise for just being me.

I knew this felt horrible in my body and my posture would also reflect this: my shoulders would be tense and curled inwards, my chest would feel caved in and a bit hollow and my back would be a bit slouched.

At the time, I would think to myself, “but why am I apologising for asking a question?” or “why do I see myself less than others so much?” In truth it would make me feel a bit pathetic, but I felt I just had to accept it as I thought that was the way I was and I didn’t know how to change.

Looking at this now, I can also see that it had to do with confidence as well, or lack of confidence in myself.

However, the other day something happened that made me remember this – how I used to apologise for everything – and I could appreciate how much I have changed since this time.

I now know and feel I am equal to everyone, which is massive in itself as a lot of the time I felt less than others. I no longer say sorry before asking a question and I feel a lot more claimed within me. When I say claimed it is a strength from within, a part of me I have re-connected to that I had forgotten about or didn’t feel I could connect to.

I feel stronger within my body, more confident, more present and am not afraid to ask questions or answer them. Also my body posture has changed a lot. My shoulders are not up by my ears anymore, they have dropped, feel more relaxed and are not hunched forward, my chest feels more open instead of feeling hollow and my spine feels stronger and my back straighter.

I am not afraid to stand in front of another and be open with vulnerability – and I feel I am able to connect to a lot more people in a much deeper way.

So what has changed in between forever apologising, with little confidence, to now?

The biggest and main support in my life, when I reflect on each moment and change, is the Sacred Esoteric Healing Courses presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I have been attending over the last 9 years.

Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have not only gained a deeper and clearer understanding of energy, the Universe and life, but also of myself.

With the healing modalities I have been able to feel and see what I have been holding onto within my body that was not truly me, or did not serve me in how I was living and expressing with others – from ill ideals and beliefs to patterns and behaviours I was living every day, like seeing myself less than others, or apologising for being me.

Through this, as well as making other choices in my life such as committing to life and what I am doing / job I am in (I used to continually want to run away from everything I was doing and not fully commit), these changes have come about.

Another really important subject that has been presented by Universal Medicine is movement and the way we move; if we are purposeful and present (body and mind together) with each move we make, to the best of our ability, be it filling up the kettle to make a cup of tea or walking to a door, this can bring about a true confidence and commitment that is felt deep within the body, giving us something tangible we can build from.

For me this is such a big step and change from how I used to be. It is still a work in progress and at times I may fall into old patterns, but this is very rare and I know there will always be an opportunity to evolve and be more of me if I am willing to let go of what I know is not me.

I am continually inspired by the teachings and presentations of Serge Benhayon, the Benhayon family, Universal Medicine and Universal Medicine Practitioners: they are true role models, living and walking what they talk and present – showing us all there is a more fulfilling and loving way to live and be.

By Vicky, Youth Worker, London

Further Reading:
In the Picture: Universal Medicine, Confidence and Knowing I Matter
Developing Confidence in Myself and My Business
What is the ‘Sacred’ in ‘Sacred Esoteric Healing’?

979 thoughts on “From Apologist to Confident

  1. It’s a great topic Vicky, I appreciated reading this today because I had the pattern of apologising for being me come up again which I didn’t fully realise. One of the things about life is there are a lot of subtle things playing out between us, energy communicating something well before words or body language could, and if we are affected by something felt as negative from others we may begin changing how we are in life without necessarily consciously understanding why. It important to have that daily check in with ourselves to see how we feel, and if we are able to fully express our fullness or are we toning it down?

  2. “this can bring about a true confidence and commitment that is felt deep within the body, giving us something tangible we can build from.” Thanks for your words on conscious presence, it’s something I am still developing. When I am connected to my body I find it changes how I see the world and understand myself. When I am with my body the true reason for how I’m feeling is in there, and it’s easier to access and often can surprise me. When I am with my mind it has all sorts of stories and perceptions about life and myself which are not true. The body is very honest and truthful, and very to the point.

  3. The way we say everything has an effect on the energy we are entering into and thus, saying I am sorry takes us away from the appreciation of our glorious ways, and in it’s own way is trying to help another, when we can only save our own bacon by the appreciation of what our essences bring to us. Thank you Vicky, we have much in life to expose through being transparent, and this level of enriching life brings in observation and not the immediate jumping the hoop to fit into a socially dis-functional way of existence.

  4. As I started reading the blog, I thought – “surely, this must be written by a British person”. Migrating to the country at the age of 11, it was very obvious (and quite frustrating) that everybody used to apologise all of the time. It’s a running joke in the immigrant community that whatever you do in England, you can just say “i’m sorry” and all is expected to be forgiven. This goes to how we raise our children here, they are constantly forced to apologise, say thank you & please. These enforcements build an expectation that these three words of good manners hold the integrity to change the circumstances. But with the way we are taught to use them, they debase exactly that & become just words that mean nothing.

  5. Everyday I can see things I thought were me, things I identified with, are not actually me at all, and with each thing I let go of more of the love, joy and truth I am fills me – it’s a bit like unwrapping a present!

  6. This reminds me of always being expected to say please before making any request. Drummed into us as children, it rides into adulthood and stifles expression and flow. Saying ‘please’ often has a pleading tone to it, whereas truly expressing from our bodies, comes with the quality and vibration of the Soul.

  7. A beautiful honest sharing Vicky that many will relate to. Often we can’t feel in ourselves what others can: our innate and tender beauty, something I’ve always felt in you. Your journey back to the true you is the same for all of us.

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