Holding Onto Denseness

In my previous blog “What does it Mean – ‘Holding Onto’?” I began to explore how the expression ‘holding onto’ came to my awareness, and then started to reveal many things about how we often live as human beings in a world that asks us to adapt and best manage all its rules, challenges, injustices, disharmonies, relationships and ideals on how to live and succeed.

A very early experience in life, a boat that nearly shipwrecked when I was only two years old, left me feeling a tension in my body that later on I could identify as a ‘holding onto’. Yet it expanded beyond a trauma that was held in my body, to a way of living that was about protection, manipulation and control. I learned that we can hold onto nearly anything! Ranging from edges, chairs, muscles, limbs, quarrels, properties, relationships, ideas, pictures, wishes, longings, personalities, resentments, jobs, hobbies, patterns of behaviour and/or anything that can give us a sense of security and identity.

It’s been quite a while since I wondered what it is to be Me without `holding onto´ so many things and just expressing my true self. I can feel how I have spent most of my life immersed in ideals and beliefs of ‘how to be’, desiring charisma and other qualities that would give me recognition and in some way make me ‘more’ than others.

Today, I can clearly see how this is a way of living based on comparison and separation from everyone and everything else.

Thankfully, these ideals and beliefs crumbled after attending three presentations by Serge Benhayon on The Living Sutras of the Hierarchy. These presentations allowed me to go deeper in my comprehension of holding onto and gave me a taste of what it would really mean to live as the true me, by first understanding in more depth the condition of our individuated reality as human beings. But what does this all really mean?

What I understood is that there is a part of human beings, the part identified with the ‘self,’ that works hard in order to keep creating, maintaining and validating itself and cementing its individual identity in this existence, but basically in separation to everything and everyone else.

To keep our individualised state valid and going, we need to dense up, which is to introduce a certain quality to the way we are, in how we move and to the thoughts we have. This is a quality that can be felt when we create conditions, shoulds, buts, pictures, restrictions, strategies and so on, with an underlying intention of satisfying a very personal agenda. I would also describe it as introducing ‘control’ to life and making everything feel more constricted, stagnant, slower and basically in resistance to the flowing and unifying rhythm of nature and the universe of which we are naturally a part.

It can be a difficult concept to grasp because our experience of life as human beings is certainly an experience of billions of bodies separated from each other, each of them representing a seemingly unique and separated world of thoughts, projects, complications, stories, attachments that we are all holding onto!

However, what if all these individuals are not separated at all, but are all part of the same whole? I know we have heard this many times before, but getting to feel in the body what this actually means was truly life changing, as I got to feel the difference between a body of light and a body of denseness.

Even though it can be tricky to put it into words, it was so simple. First of all, none of the common thoughts about myself, my role in the world, what I should or shouldn’t be doing, were present: I was just being and allowing all that was there. I felt boundless and light, as never before.

I can say it was Me, as it had a focus, but it had a very different quality to my daily experience of me when I am in control, or even me in a state of calmness and easiness!

It was Me in the lightest and most natural and simplest versions.

It was Me – but without barriers of protection; it was Me in connection to all. There was no identification with anything and it felt utterly joyful because… there was no holding onto anything! No identity, problems, issues, situations, memories, perceptions, wishes, dreams, anything!

I got to feel how holding onto something is really holding onto denseness!

This denseness is held by me in the body through my choice of contracting the particles in my body, therefore changing the frequency of my particles to where there is less flow, space and allowance for everything to just naturally be, move and express.

When we hold ourselves in this denser way, there is a higher possibility to be recognised, more easily distinguished, and eminent in our segregated state; and to me, one of the things that we, as humans, most seek is recognition and identity, therefore this becomes our ‘natural’ way of being: holding onto and densing up!

All of these I felt again the next day when I woke up feeling that old familiar feeling of being heavy and serious. What immediately became very obvious was how the lightness had been replaced by a holding onto something, holding onto many big and little things. I could describe it as:

  • Yes, but first I need to do this
  • Yes, but first I need to feel this
  • Yes, but first I need to make sure
  • Yes, but it is not easy to let go and I need more time
  • Yes, but it is complicated and I am not ready
  • Yes, but I won’t get the recognition I seek.

I felt completely closed off to my surroundings, and started relating to others as if I was also holding things against them to prevent them from hurting me, imposing on me and making me wrong.

From this, I observed how a life of holding onto and holding tight is really a life based on control, fear, manipulation, anxiety, and anticipation of what might go wrong in the future. It is a life that is the opposite of our natural ability to expand, flow, be joyful and live connected to everything around us.

I now understand that holding onto creates a contracted body of denseness, and even though everything is set up for us to believe that our reality is rock solid, the truth is our bodies are energy, as the rest of the universe is too! Yet we insist on holding onto things to make everything tangibly secure, differentiated and factual, and to assure us that we can control life. This way we get blinded to the fact that holding onto is constantly allowing the density and illusion of our selfish individualism to perpetuate.

Experiencing for myself how simple and natural it really is to truly be connected to all by not holding onto anything has given me a new marker in my body that allows me to let go and surrender more easily to what life presents each day.

I am aware that I will forever be exposed to energy that I won´t like and that I have an ingrained pattern of using my nervous system to get through life while holding tension in my body and muscles, but I now know what it is all about: a holding onto! This is a reaction that is not needed because energy is passing through me all of the time, and holding onto does not protect me or give me control over anything – holding onto only gives me a false sense of control, while separating me from everything else.

I know living in that feeling is not yet my daily experience. However, it is now my choice to remain spacious by making a permanent commitment to SURRENDER and LET GO of every little or big attachment that creeps in, to breathe gently, keep the permanent connection with my body and to remember this experience that can be well-described as: Me enjoying the Me that is not me but Me knowing it is not me!

Forever in appreciation for the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom brought through by amazing Serge Benhayon.

By Luz Helena Hincapie, Bogotá, Colombia

Further Reading:
Who I Really Am
Judgment, The Way of The Livingness and the Power of Letting Go
What to wear … you’re not wearing that, are you?

642 thoughts on “Holding Onto Denseness

  1. It is lovely to feel the spaciousness within your words Luz describing how you now feel so much lighter and freer not holding onto barriers of protection for a sense of security. With a deeper level of awareness we are able to feel and know our interconnectedness with everything.

  2. I know when I reach for certain foods that leave me feeling heavy that there is something that I am not wanting to feel and I wanting to keep myself shut down. We can judge and self ridicule ourselves as to why we ate it or we can start to lovingly look at why we are avoiding what we are feeling and not wanting to feel light and spacious.

    1. Yes Natalie – we can also look at how amazing we are, how well we are doing and appreciate like crazy! For me, food only comes in when I am not accepting what I’m feeling and appreciating to the core of who I am for being me.

  3. Luz, I love the simplicity of what you present in letting go from the place that “I got to feel how holding onto something is really holding onto denseness!”
    This feeling from the physical body is a game changer, and cuts the stories and mind stimulated activity and ideals which can lead to complication and overwhelm for which next step to take. When it comes back to the simplicity of how our choices support lightness or denseness in our particles there is a clarity and focus. Thank you for so neatly presenting this.

  4. I am beginning to realise that when I feel a lightness in my body I also feel the quality of grace, but when I feel a denseness it means I am lost or bogged in the emotions occurring around me and I have taken them on. I am also realising that indulging in emotions only serves to feed that denseness all the more and is a really vicious cycle to be caught in.

  5. It’s a good one to experiment with. When I consider removing my attachments to things that I identify with, I wobble a little…and in that wobble I realise that I’m holding onto a picture of myself, that actually isn’t me at all, but what I want others to believe about me. I realise the reason I might do this is because I’m fearful of being vulnerable if I just drop my guard leaving me to be transparent. But, deep down I know that is a lie, because the more open I am to being who I naturally am, the more solid in myself I am and the less I need from others to tell me how I should or shouldn’t be.

  6. This was so great to read Luz as I go through a period of letting ‘self’ go. I am trying many ways to make myself denser, I’ve only just realised while reading your blog that that is what I’m choosing to do. Hold onto the denseness and not surrender back into the all I’m made from. A beautiful light bulb moment that has create space within, thanks Luz.

  7. The following is such a brilliant explanation and description of denseness, taking it beyond the physical into the energetic reality of our lives. I relate to it hugely:
    “To keep our individualised state valid and going, we need to dense up, which is to introduce a certain quality to the way we are, in how we move and to the thoughts we have. This is a quality that can be felt when we create conditions, shoulds, buts, pictures, restrictions, strategies and so on, with an underlying intention of satisfying a very personal agenda. I would also describe it as introducing ‘control’ to life and making everything feel more constricted, stagnant, slower and basically in resistance to the flowing and unifying rhythm of nature and the universe of which we are naturally a part.”

  8. I have really been feeling the difference between the two bodies you’ve mentioned here Luz, the dense one feels desperate to have an issue, a hurt, something and anything to cling onto. Whereas the light one feels spacious, open and freeing. Without the teachings of Universal medicine I would assume that I have gone completely insane based on the extreme flux of my behaviours at times but that extreme flux is showing me that any choice to disconnect from the spacious, light me gives the spirit an open window to try and desperately gather and hold onto as much denseness as it can, and try it does! But in any moment I can come back to my body and the lightness within and over time, slowly slowly the temptation to dense up my body is and will continue to fade away.

  9. We hold on to anything and everything we can in a desperate attempt for security and a stab at some delineation and demarcation from everything we cannot but be a part of – it is not working, only makes us feel dense and heavy and is a big strain on a body made from divine particles.

  10. I very much relate to bringing a form of control to life as a way of protection, overriding the tension and struggle my body goes into every time I do. Yet when I let go of control or expectation for a certain outcome there is a freedom and natural ease moving with my body that everything flows with no attachment to an outcome whatsoever. Why do we often prefer to choose the struggle?

  11. In the search for identification we separate further from our true selves and everyone around us which leaves us constantly ‘rudderless’ and going around in circles as we have lost the sense of who we are from our disconnection and our inner knowing.

  12. ‘I got to feel how holding onto something is really holding onto denseness!’ Humanity identify themselves by the things they own, the job they have, the money they earn and the solidness of their body – the denser the more successful. Experiencing what it is like to not be weighted down (literally) by these things brings a totally different experience of who I am and the fluent, flowing and lightness I engage in life. This blog has exposed the illusion of the harm holding on to anything brings. It is so great to know we can choose what it is we want to experience with the increasing awareness of our ‘holding on’ and the impact it has on our physicality.

  13. I enjoy this blog immensely, your way of putting into words what it is all about and how it feels to you Luz blows me away. I was scrolling through the blogs and came back across this one, one that I haven’t read for a long time, but it is timeless and will be relevant for evermore or till we all learn not to hang onto the denseness and everything that causes that denseness.

  14. I may have highlighted this before but this morning I can see it again, “holding onto only gives me a false sense of control, while separating me from everything else.” What do we think we are controlling when in fact holding on like this actually takes any choice out of your hands thereafter. Once we have chosen to hold thereafter it isn’t you at the steering wheel and while it may appear things are the same, life will continue to subtly take steps away from truly who you are. No matter what it is or what heading it has allowing my body to settle, to let go and be still is the only way for me to truly deal with anything that faces me.

  15. The denseness and or restrictions we place on ourselves from certain patterns of behaviours or images of how we think we should be; i.e for me it was being recognised for what I could achieve etc. places our bodies under a lot of stress and anxiety, which over time creates hardness and stagnation in the body. This not only leads to illness, and or disease, but halts the natural fluidity and our true expression from shining. When we are aware of these destructive patterns of behaviour we can begin to unravel them and see that we don’t have to do anything as we are already amazing just as we are.

  16. Surrendering is such an interesting word as it brings up the vulnerability of being taken advantage of. There are so many pictures from our past that can come in but how many of them are true and how many are as a result of trying to protect a picture, that picture being smashed and us being hurt – only to confirm that trusting, letting go, surrendering only leads to hurt? Therefore we walk away from the one part of us that could support in every situation and help us read what is happening and why it is happening. This empowers, it makes us less vulnerable to all those hurts. The surrender simply needs to be to ourselves, our inner knowing and the fact that who we are, where we are from and what we are made of, is love.

  17. I hear ya on the holding onto denseness. A few years ago I found that when I thought I was relaxed at the dinner table, I’d actually been clenching a fist. It took a few months to get to the point where my hand is now relaxed. Sounds like a silly, quirky thing but I was holding on to something/nothing for no reason and it didn’t feel great.

    1. I find even sitting on a chair can tell me so much… I notice when I’m stressed and have a lot on, I sit up off the chair like my bottom is all ready to jump at any moment. This holding or clenching is indicative of how I’m feeling and the rest of my body is just as tense. It’s amazing what happens when I bring awareness to an area and let go.

  18. ‘…, I observed how a life of holding onto and holding tight is really a life based on control, fear, manipulation, anxiety, and anticipation of what might go wrong in the future.’ It makes my skin to tight for my body and complications are the order of the day instead of the spaciousness in and around me when I stop holding onto something I know I should let go for further evolution.

  19. luz I came back to this article and I’m so glad I did because it was something I need to read again.
    If energy is passing through us all the time, then holding onto it makes no sense to me. But is it possible that we attract some of that negative or ill energy into our bodies which then disrupts the flow of our bodies rhythm which can then lead to illness and disease?

  20. Luz your list of things we often choose to hold onto is very playful and so true. I experienced many times holding on to anger and how this felt. I recall my whole body went hard, I felt closed and in full defense and protection. I became dismissive and cold, I felt heavy and dense. This created an awful feeling of tension for people around me as well, and it affected how I relate and communicate with them. Anger feels very, very dense and harmful. Letting go of it feels completely spacious, light and joyful. This makes me wonder why we would ever choose to hold onto denseness/anger when it makes us feel so awful.

  21. When we clear a cupboard of all the clutter that has been hanging around for ages we feel a weight lifting off us and when we let go of all the clutter in our mind that we have been hanging onto we feel the denseness lift and the lightness of knowing who we truly are.

  22. This is such a great blog Luz, I love how you have exposed the impact of holding onto things that causes a denseness in our body. When we bring in manipulation, control and protection through holding on ideals and beliefs we reconfigure our body to separate further from knowing our true selves and our innate wisdom. It makes sense that the more false beliefs we accept and take on the denser we become.

  23. Today I had a very clear experience in my body as you shared the difference between lightness and denseness in the body. In denseness the mind is racy and scattered, my mood grumpy and all thoughts were judgemental and defensive. Compared to yesterday where I felt light, at ease, still and open with everyone, I felt lovely and yummy and it felt like the most natural way to be. Which is amazing to experience when up until a few years ago I constantly lived and believed the denseness was me! To be able to see and feel the true and untrue ‘me’ is pretty cool.

  24. “I know we have heard this many times before, but getting to feel in the body what this actually means was truly life changing, as I got to feel the difference between a body of light and a body of denseness.” Thank you Luz I love what you have written and can so relate to what you are sharing. Recently I became ill and was not able to attend a family event, and as I surrendered to this situation I could feel an absolute harmony in my body, this was me just being with me not one cell wanted to be anywhere, ” I was just being and allowing all that was there. I felt boundless and light, as never before.” This I felt in my body but the very next day situations changed and I found myself back into old patterns of control and recognition “I got to feel how holding onto something is really holding onto denseness!” this I found too; I now have a marker of what it means to truly surrender and enjoy me being me.

  25. Unfortunately, as a society, we have mistaken recognition and identification for what love is and this is the illusion we are sold and that we buy into creating not only denseness but complexity in our bodies and lives. It is love that we all want and that only comes from the true connection to our hearts first where we get to feel the simplicity and spaciousness of the soul.

  26. With complete denseness and no knowledge of energy, perhaps it makes sense to feel that we can control life, but once we grasp that everything happens because of one energy or another rather than because of us controlling it, surely it would be simple to let go of this idea the we can control things? If so simple why do I struggle with this one? There is an investment in creation.

  27. I like your approach of simply surrendering because of the mere fact that you know that wanting to stay in control does not give you the spaciousness you naturally could have.

    1. Yep I very much agree Esther. Also we have to bring in a huge amount of force (energy) to convert a space that is already naturally spacious into denseness. We can also very quickly shift this denseness back to spaciousness by choosing to surrender to love.

  28. I had an experience recently while driving along that I felt everything around me. It was very expansive, it felt as though I could actually feel the whole universe and when I went shopping the feeling stayed with me, I could feel everyone and there were no barriers, we all felt the same and we all felt very held. I clocked this feeling as a new marker. I may not be able to maintain the feelings but it’s there in my body. Our bodies are quite remarkable, in the past I never took any notice of mine, but now it has my complete attention as I can feel that it holds so much more than my mind; my mind is cold and calculating where as my body is warm and yummy.

  29. Holding onto denseness in my experience is choosing not to be love when it is available. There may be good or even excellent reasons but it simply comes down to not choosing love.

  30. When I feel like I am living in a conundrum, complication, hurt impossible to resolve, I know I am not in my true essence and I am actually fighting it. True essence knows what I need to do and how, and there is nothing for the ‘I’ to figure out.

  31. Life is always changing, it is never static. If we hold onto things, anything, we are in fact going against the natural flow of the Universe. We may not all have dramatic events in our early life as Luz, but at some point something occurs when we all have our individual ‘shipwreck’, we lose trust in ‘flowing’ and turn to protection and holding on. Learning to let go of the holding and being in harmony with change is to re-connect to the flow of the Universe, in fact to be at-one with it. In doing so life is no longer tiring but joyful and rejuvenating.

  32. ‘It’s been quite a while since I wondered what it is to be Me without `holding onto´ so many things and just expressing my true self.’ These are great questions to put to myself this morning. What are the things I hold onto, and what would it feel like to be me without them?

  33. we have so much more to learn about ourselves and our universe, and the best thing of all is that it all can be accessed from within – what greater school than the wisdom of the Soul and the Universe itself..

  34. I love this explanation of living a life holding on Luz . . . . “It is a life that is the opposite of our natural ability to expand, flow, be joyful and live connected to everything around us”. . . so true. As the space that is created when we let go is who we truly are. We are not the denseness but the space. You have really nailed why we hold on in the first place. Thank you this is a great study of ‘holding on’

  35. Thank you for this sharing as it has supported me to shift things. I could feel I was digging my heels in on a situation and holding onto a hurt instead of opening up. By reading this I got to feel the quality of the choice I was making and that then gave me the space to let go of the issue and make another choice.

  36. Holding onto denseness being a desire to remain an individual – this is a great revelation, and I can see how I have invested my life in this way of being even when there aren’t any obvious traumatic experience and I have chosen to identify and solidify almost every single incident as a trigger to feel hurt. This is something that is still getting played out and felt in my everyday life, and sometimes I feel my humanness takes the upper hand and pulls a stop to surrender in the fullness of who I truly am.

  37. A great blog Luz highlighting the illusion we set ourselves up in thinking we can control the outcome of situations. We only try to create this when we separate from ourselves and hold onto things from a reaction because we have lost our connection to our inner knowing.

  38. I love the practicalness that you’ve shared at the end, staying connecting with your body and breath and constantly making the choice to let go of any holding on in the body. A great reminder to go into my day with.

  39. Some wonderful lines here -“Experiencing for myself how simple and natural it really is to truly be connected to all by not holding onto anything has given me a new marker in my body that allows me to let go and surrender more easily to what life presents each day.” And “holding onto only gives me a false sense of control, while separating me from everything else.” Wow. lots for me to keeping working on with this not holding on busyness… something to contemplate further.

  40. When protection is an ingrained pattern in living, whenever something that we feel we cannot control, we would get upset, run away or not want to face it. In protection we want to be as far away to connection as possible, where there is nothing to hold onto, just a moment to moment expression from being vulnerable to being powerful and anything in between.

  41. Holding on to denseness or control comes in many different guises. I recently have seen how I do this when I perceive an urgent situation, or one with risk of failing. The belief I hook into by default is that I must be 100% ‘on’ and micro manage everything, and I am prone to anxiety and panic if things are not under my control. What I have learned from a recent incident is that the more I surrendered to the fact that the outcome wasn’t in my control, and listened and felt what was needed next, the more smoothly everything unfolded in its own way. It took no energy working this way, it was as simple as putting one foot after another as we walk in awareness.

  42. For me I try to control life, plan a head, it’s a form of protection, but it doesn’t work, it’s exhausting and it hurts – it’s a game I allow my spirit to play to keep me small, and not flowing with the all.

  43. This is a beautiful reminder to let go of the denseness and control that keeps us identified and separate from others. Making the space to truly surrender at these times changes everything and we get to feel there is a deep connection and love we have within that wants to share and express with others.

  44. Perfect reading for me this morning, and actually one that I need to keep re-visiting every now and then – as I can feel there is a part in me that wants to grab any given opportunity to choose identification by holding on and densification – and by the time I know it I find myself feeling miserable and separated from the world. Here you are introducing a deeper meaning to what ‘choosing love’ actually means. Thank you, Luz.

  45. You have really captured and identified the spirit here Luz
    “What I understood is that there is a part of human beings, the part identified with the ‘self,’ that works hard in order to keep creating, maintaining and validating itself and cementing its individual identity in this existence, but basically in separation to everything and everyone else.”
    I can now sense just how wayward my spirit is and how it is always striving to keep in separation, motion and not stillness. It is like trying to rein in a wild horse, I have always had an intense dislike for horses and now I know why the symbology of a wild horse and the spirit is very apt.

  46. Luz I so appreciate what you have written here, it is so well written and I get what you are saying completely, Thinking I have control when really I don’t have any control over life at all. It’s as though I can feel the bigness of life and somehow it feels that I will loose my identity in it so try to control rather than just letting go of the holding on so that I don’t get swepted off my feet as it were. Perhaps its time to get swept off my feet 🙂

  47. Once I am aware of this possibility of letting go of denseness, letting go of recognition and control, of needing what I do to be important to the world, I allow a different feeling in my body, a lightness that affects my thoughts in amazing ways. The tension I felt holding myself separate and therefore having issues with other separate beings – as I used to consider them – melts away and I feel the love that we all are.

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