At War With Ourselves

“We can never deal with the problems of the world if we don’t deal with our own personal problems first.” Serge Benhayon (1)

Have you ever looked out at life and felt overwhelmed or saddened by the conflict around us? There is war on the news, conflict and unrest on the streets, conflict and tension in workplaces, and there can be tension and unsettlement in our homes and our personal relationships. And for all this conflict and tension we can get so used to it being around in every walk of life that we consider it as ‘normal’, and just the way it is. Yet deep down inside us we know that this isn’t our natural state.

I know that for conflict and tension in the workplace, I have mediated, facilitated and supported many workplace teams and employees to see whether there is potential to bring a settlement to the issues in hand. I have also done the same in relationships with others – tried to come to some agreement or resolution. But I have found it infrequent that a workplace team or home situation finds complete settlement. What I have observed in others and in myself is that unless we look at the conflict or tension within ourselves first and foremost, no matter what we do, we carry that tension into every other relationship.

But what if a way to bring change to wars and conflicts we have in the world, in our communities, workplaces or homes, starts with looking at the war within ourselves?

Let me explain.

I have recently become aware that one of the biggest wars is the war within myself. This can stem from a number of things, but it literally feels like I am fighting myself – fighting my body, and fighting something deep inside of me. I could use excuses to blame those around me, or to blame a situation, or circumstance, but when push comes to shove – in the end, it is me fighting with me.

An example of this is when some part of me wants to eat something and my whole body is screaming, “No! Not that food again!” I may stand at the fridge with this inner battle going on – there is no one else involved, only me with me. Or I may become aware of something in the way I am living my life, a habit or pattern of behaviour which in truth is not supporting me – and once I am aware of it I resist the choice to understand it in full, or I may see it for what it is and I still resist simply letting go of it.

This sets up a chain reaction… one where I feel frustrated – with myself. My jaw tenses up, I get a sharp uncomfortable pain under my right rib, and, I get hot and sweaty. And I can be that stubborn for this to go on for a little while; sometimes hours. On top of that, I get even more frustrated because I have been feeling frustrated for hours, which brings in more tension. When I am feeling like this, I know this as being at war with myself.

As I am writing this I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person on earth that can in their own way, feel at war with themselves. If this is so, isn’t this the place to start when faced with a world that has a lot of war, tension, conflict and hostility? I certainly know I can feel pretty grumpy, perhaps even hostile, when I’m having a war with myself. In my experience when I am at work, or at home with family or friends, this has a ripple effect and creeps into all my relationships, no matter how hard I try and contain it.

What I also know is that during the last 14 years since I have been attending Universal Medicine workshops with the presentations by Serge Benhayon, that there is another way, and the more I lovingly understand and deal with this conflict within myself, the more the ripple effect also affects wherever I am, in that relationships at home, in life and work, have changed. So much so that people often comment, “Whenever you are around everything feels so simple and easy, and we work well together.”

So where do we start with this war within ourselves?

One of the greatest things we have, yet we can be at war with the most, is our physical body. Yes, right under our very nose we have pure gold, something that is beyond wise, that when we allow it, has a natural rhythm. It actually knows how to respond to any and every given situation – and I mean any and every situation – whether it is choosing a food to eat, or buying a pair of shoes, or knowing when to go to bed, or whether or not that new job is true for us.

The body knows everything.

To tap into this inordinate wisdom, we need to first start to build a relationship with our body – moment by moment, day by day experimenting through daily living choices, staying focussed, paying attention to the body as we move and understanding how it communicates to us.

Part of the war with ourselves is that we can be at odds with our body and thus make daily life – and indeed all our life – harder as we fight against our natural rhythm; or we can surrender to the wisdom of the body and allow it to show us and lead the way. There is so much to learn from our body. Who needs to go to school (ha-ha) when our body is one of the greatest teachers and sources of intelligence and wisdom that we have?

‘The more you get to know about your body,
The more you get to know about life, This is called self-mastery.”
Serge Benhayon (2)

 I also have come to know through the teachings of Serge Benhayon, that the war within myself is a ‘tug-of-war’ where I am resisting the fact that I know I am grander than the boundaries of my physical flesh, as within me and within us all there is a spark of light that shines so brightly. Through connecting to this spark of light, my essence, I feel at home, and this feeling brings a settlement to my body – and at this moment there is no war, nor conflict.

So I am learning that healing the war inside of me starts by learning to live from my body, and building a consistent connection to my inner essence. And the more I am able to do this, it not only brings a settlement to my own body, it brings a settlement to the relationships I have with others and to those around me at work and in life. What if this is a way to bring about true change to all conflict and war?

By Jane Keep, London, UK

Further Reading:
At war with ourselves
Developing a Relationship – with my Essence
What are we Really in Control of?


  1. Benhayon, S. (2011). Esoteric Teachings & Revelations: A New Study for Mankind. Unimed Publishing, p.86.
  2. Benhayon, S. (2011). Esoteric Teachings & Revelations: A New Study for Mankind. Unimed Publishing, p.105.

783 thoughts on “At War With Ourselves

  1. Even the smallest disharmony within ourselves ill affects those around us. This is a huge responsibility to grasp and to one day live.

  2. I once read a funny book about the competitive card game Bridge where the protagonist said ‘advance retaliation is much the best form of retaliation’. In other words, attack before anybody else has made a move. We do the same – we attack ourselves before others do. Why? Because others then won’t feel the need to attack us, which quite a few do when we present ourselves in our fullness and vastness.

  3. When we don’t want to connect to or feel what we’re registering in our bodies, we’re not wanting to be aware and awake of what’s going on in life.

  4. What you are sharing here Jane is that feeling tension is in fact normal. Tension is going to be felt whilst we are at war with ourselves. It is an inner turmoil we run from and try to dull and ignore at all costs. Yet it also awakens us to the fact that there is more. There is more to us than we realise and allow to be.

  5. Our lack of self acceptance and acceptance of what is happening in life is indeed the biggest barrier to really being in the flow of life and letting in all the support that is there for us.

  6. Everyone has an inner tension, we cannot escape it – we can of course not be aware of it or we can be distracted enough to not pay attention to it as well.

  7. Jane thank you so much for the beautiful reflection that we must first look at the unrest within ourselves before we can truly be there on a larger scale supporting others and making true change. In fact once we have worked on that inner un-rest or dis-ease, then that alone is often the instigator for change around us on some level, be it visible or not.

  8. When we resist change and end up fighting the truth we feel in our body, the ripple effect of our unresolved inner unsettlement and tension comes with us everywhere affecting everyone. Pushing against our natural flow makes everything we experience complicated and dense, the exact opposite to what we know in our body when we allow ourselves to surrender and naturally align to the wisdom of our body’s true rhythm.

  9. The words ‘Self Mastery’ says to me that there is something grand and awesome to learn about and discover and to eventually be the master of.

  10. This blog is an insightful look into what happens in our lives and feels like an practical invitation to address this tension that we all live with.

  11. Of course, how can we not have war when we have an internal war, it makes complete sense, and it asks of us that we honour the tool which most clearly shows us what is true, our bodies, for without this we are swayed by ideals and things outside, without coming back to the truth our body innately knows. And if we deal with our own internal wars, then yes that impacts out there, and that will bring true change.

    1. Yes, that explains the irrationality in our outward behaviour where we act in ways that seemingly make no sense and fly in the face of logic and reason.

  12. ‘in the end, it is me fighting with me’… the simplicity of this is both confronting and inspiring, but I realise that being honest with myself about my inner battles is the only way to expose their madness.

  13. We ignore the body, we override the body, we poison the body with alcohol, emotions, sugar etc, and then we wonder why we get illness and disease.

  14. So powerful showing us that we are used to lack of responsibility – than our responsibility for our knowing and body intelligence. How wonderful this insight now is, for us all to deeply listen and extract out of this exactly what lights up our responsibility again. Love it.

  15. I feel you are right, surely all the conflict in the world starts first as a conflict within someone’s body that then starts to affect others and ultimately the whole world. Once we experience being completely surrendered and without conflict one can see how easily the world could be such a very different place, if we all connected to that place deep within each of us.

  16. If there is a tug of war going on in the world (more than the world around us) then there must be an unease within. The more settled I feel the less unease I have with the world around me.

  17. It makes total sense to me that if we were all truly at one with ourselves, we wouldn’t have arguments or conflict in the world, because what would there be to prove and argue against or for? We have made our world hugely unequal, so conflict and war is now what we consider to be normal. There’s no way we can have harmony on the Earth if we don’t connect to it first within ourselves.

  18. It seems to me that the reason so many of us are “at war with ourselves”, constantly, is because we grow up in an environment of conflict, where what we innately feel to be true is consistently denied and denigrated by those around us. And this conflict continues as we take on the beliefs and the behaviours of others without discerning whether they are true for us. Yes, our internal battle begins very young but it doesn’t matter how it long it has been raging there is always a choice to say no more, then choose to make changes to end the war and welcome harmony into our lives.

  19. Yes the body is the way. I found how often I have these little tensions or ‘holding on’s’ in my body whilst I am going about everything and anything I do in my day. And since I have become aware of them I feel so much more settled in myself, because I know I can truly make choices now that change how I feel in life just by simple surrendering in my body.

  20. It is a great consideration to observe the smaller tension, irritations and frustrations that we have with ourselves and those around us and then to realize that this is in fact the base for all the larger conflicts we have in our world. If we cannot live in harmony with those directly around us, that share most of our views and standpoints then we will not know harmony.If we do not know harmony from within we will never find it on a larger scale and we will not end war and conflict in our world.

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