At War With Ourselves

“We can never deal with the problems of the world if we don’t deal with our own personal problems first.” Serge Benhayon (1)

Have you ever looked out at life and felt overwhelmed or saddened by the conflict around us? There is war on the news, conflict and unrest on the streets, conflict and tension in workplaces, and there can be tension and unsettlement in our homes and our personal relationships. And for all this conflict and tension we can get so used to it being around in every walk of life that we consider it as ‘normal’, and just the way it is. Yet deep down inside us we know that this isn’t our natural state.

I know that for conflict and tension in the workplace, I have mediated, facilitated and supported many workplace teams and employees to see whether there is potential to bring a settlement to the issues in hand. I have also done the same in relationships with others – tried to come to some agreement or resolution. But I have found it infrequent that a workplace team or home situation finds complete settlement. What I have observed in others and in myself is that unless we look at the conflict or tension within ourselves first and foremost, no matter what we do, we carry that tension into every other relationship.

But what if a way to bring change to wars and conflicts we have in the world, in our communities, workplaces or homes, starts with looking at the war within ourselves?

Let me explain.

I have recently become aware that one of the biggest wars is the war within myself. This can stem from a number of things, but it literally feels like I am fighting myself – fighting my body, and fighting something deep inside of me. I could use excuses to blame those around me, or to blame a situation, or circumstance, but when push comes to shove – in the end, it is me fighting with me.

An example of this is when some part of me wants to eat something and my whole body is screaming, “No! Not that food again!” I may stand at the fridge with this inner battle going on – there is no one else involved, only me with me. Or I may become aware of something in the way I am living my life, a habit or pattern of behaviour which in truth is not supporting me – and once I am aware of it I resist the choice to understand it in full, or I may see it for what it is and I still resist simply letting go of it.

This sets up a chain reaction… one where I feel frustrated – with myself. My jaw tenses up, I get a sharp uncomfortable pain under my right rib, and, I get hot and sweaty. And I can be that stubborn for this to go on for a little while; sometimes hours. On top of that, I get even more frustrated because I have been feeling frustrated for hours, which brings in more tension. When I am feeling like this, I know this as being at war with myself.

As I am writing this I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person on earth that can in their own way, feel at war with themselves. If this is so, isn’t this the place to start when faced with a world that has a lot of war, tension, conflict and hostility? I certainly know I can feel pretty grumpy, perhaps even hostile, when I’m having a war with myself. In my experience when I am at work, or at home with family or friends, this has a ripple effect and creeps into all my relationships, no matter how hard I try and contain it.

What I also know is that during the last 14 years since I have been attending Universal Medicine workshops with the presentations by Serge Benhayon, that there is another way, and the more I lovingly understand and deal with this conflict within myself, the more the ripple effect also affects wherever I am, in that relationships at home, in life and work, have changed. So much so that people often comment, “Whenever you are around everything feels so simple and easy, and we work well together.”

So where do we start with this war within ourselves?

One of the greatest things we have, yet we can be at war with the most, is our physical body. Yes, right under our very nose we have pure gold, something that is beyond wise, that when we allow it, has a natural rhythm. It actually knows how to respond to any and every given situation – and I mean any and every situation – whether it is choosing a food to eat, or buying a pair of shoes, or knowing when to go to bed, or whether or not that new job is true for us.

The body knows everything.

To tap into this inordinate wisdom, we need to first start to build a relationship with our body – moment by moment, day by day experimenting through daily living choices, staying focussed, paying attention to the body as we move and understanding how it communicates to us.

Part of the war with ourselves is that we can be at odds with our body and thus make daily life – and indeed all our life – harder as we fight against our natural rhythm; or we can surrender to the wisdom of the body and allow it to show us and lead the way. There is so much to learn from our body. Who needs to go to school (ha-ha) when our body is one of the greatest teachers and sources of intelligence and wisdom that we have?

‘The more you get to know about your body,
The more you get to know about life, This is called self-mastery.”
Serge Benhayon (2)

 I also have come to know through the teachings of Serge Benhayon, that the war within myself is a ‘tug-of-war’ where I am resisting the fact that I know I am grander than the boundaries of my physical flesh, as within me and within us all there is a spark of light that shines so brightly. Through connecting to this spark of light, my essence, I feel at home, and this feeling brings a settlement to my body – and at this moment there is no war, nor conflict.

So I am learning that healing the war inside of me starts by learning to live from my body, and building a consistent connection to my inner essence. And the more I am able to do this, it not only brings a settlement to my own body, it brings a settlement to the relationships I have with others and to those around me at work and in life. What if this is a way to bring about true change to all conflict and war?

By Jane Keep, London, UK

Further Reading:
At war with ourselves
Developing a Relationship – with my Essence
What are we Really in Control of?


  1. Benhayon, S. (2011). Esoteric Teachings & Revelations: A New Study for Mankind. Unimed Publishing, p.86.
  2. Benhayon, S. (2011). Esoteric Teachings & Revelations: A New Study for Mankind. Unimed Publishing, p.105.

831 thoughts on “At War With Ourselves

  1. We cannot resolve an ill outside of us which we are ourselves carrying on the inside. Understanding this is so important, so if we ever truly wish to support a loving change, we know where we need to start.

  2. If there is even a smidgen of a possibility this is true then surely we should all be saying “I am in”. War, conflict, tolerance and disharmony around the world and in our own country are at a painfully high level and if we care about our fellow man we would be prepared to investigate this potential.

  3. It makes so much sense that if we carry that tension of fighting ourselves that we bring a disturbance to the people around us and add to the pool of tension, but when we drop the fight with ourselves and live in harmony with the essence of who we, are as well as with our body, we bring that harmony to others and reduce the tension and disturbance. Thank you Jane for your inspiring blog on the value of beginning all relationships with the one we have with ourselves, as that is the foundation we take to others.

  4. Its a fascinating relationship – to be in our bodies, so solid so strong… and within that we find everything that the universe has to offer – all the wisdom, knowledge and connection that we could ever dream of. Truly we are a miracle.

  5. When we are at war with ourselves it is also easy to be at war with people and with the rest of the world metaphorically speaking. Essentially how we treat ourselves has a direct impact on how we relate to others and the world. This brings the responsibility back to us and how we choose to live because every choice we make affects everything.

    1. We don’t really talk about the relationship we have with ourselves or that being the originating source of our inner disturbance, it’s such a vital conversation because of all the tension, blame, and conflict in the world.

  6. We have ingrained habits or behaviours which do not support us but have become so familiar that they are how we identify ourselves. In many cases it takes someone else to highlight these behaviours, because when you are in the mud all you see is the mud.

  7. Jane this is a brilliant blog to highlight the war that many of us are waging with ourselves for whatever reason. The war is so self destructive as it brings illness and disease to our bodies through the stress of our resistance to actually let go and surrender the body back to itself.

  8. The war within began the moment we as spirits separated from the love and light of the Soul. It is this inner battle that is at the root of all divisive acts that then play out between us.

    1. Very well said Liane and when we understand this then it is easy to understand why we have so much separation in this world and why there is so much conflict, angst, disharmony and corruption.

  9. “It literally feels like I am fighting myself – fighting my body, and fighting something deep inside of me”. I know this war very well as I will do anything to not let the real me out. When I do it feels the simplest most natural thing in the world and makes me aware of just how much energy I use to hold myself in.

    1. I know this well too, when I’m fighting myself it feels so justifiable and right so to speak, yet when I drop the fight and come back to being myself I wonder what the fuss was about because it feels so good being me again. There are lots of understandable reasons why we can fight ourselves though, but at some point we learn to continue to be ourselves and be the love we are despite other people’s discomfort with us doing so.

  10. I can really relate to this classic war within you have shared ‘In an example of this is when some part of me wants to eat something and my whole body is screaming, “No! Not that food again!” I may stand at the fridge with this inner battle going on – there is no one else involved, only me with me.’ And my body this week just went ‘you know what I have had enough! And I am starting to thankfully listen to this more. So instead of focusing on the war within (I have also done this in the past too literally focus on that and can share with you … yep you guessed it does not work), I am seeing more and more it is about connection. If we make it about true connection first with ourselves with no perfection then we start to make it about a true connection with others. Hence this gets greater and the war within gets smaller. One of the best tools I know in supporting this connection with ourselves is The Gentle Breath Meditation

  11. When we bring a body that is free from inner wars but instead full of the love that we are, we bring that as a possibility for others to choose as well.

    1. Very true Nico, and this is the responsibility we are all blessed with, to be love for ourselves and the rest of humanity. Why have this internal battle when we can choose to be love and live in harmony with ourselves and the rest of humanity?

      1. Yes, it makes no sense to the human body and it is our spirit that gives us the wayward thoughts and drive to behave otherwise.

  12. We see it regularly on the news that people who know the perpetrator of a massacre or the person that committed suicide confirming that they saw these persons being weighed down by that same inner war we are here talking about. They only reacted in a very extreme way possibly because of all the taken on hurts they already walked with.

  13. Living in a ‘sea’ of energy we are constantly making ripples even if we can’t see them, and so how we live does affect us all in some way and have an impact…

  14. If we go to a shopping centre and see a succession of people who are 50kg or more overweight and who have difficulties walking or even breathing then it would make sense if these people are at war with their own bodies – and losing.

    1. Yes, we rarely reduce it to that level of simplicity but the war with ourselves is rarely hidden and more often the physical signs are clear as day. Whether we want to be honest enough to do anything about them is a whole different matter.

    1. Until we all will acknowledge the fact that we are the creators of this the madness, which is being at odds to our true nature, the madness will go on.

  15. War, strife and conflict are the outward signs of what we carry inside and no amount of doctoring, mediating and cajoling can ever truly lead to the harmony that goes well beyond peace if the inner turmoil has not been addressed.

    1. Well said Gabriele. As there is no foundation for the harmony if it does not come from within first. Words and talk can seem great, as can knowledge, and a lot of activity – but if it is not matched by the integrity of the way the body is living in line with its true harmony, then there is nothing to ‘hang’ it on and hence we keep reverting back to old ways.

  16. “It literally feels like I am fighting myself – fighting my body, and fighting something deep inside of me”. This is the greatest war I can feel too. I can lay down to relax/rest and I will find I am unable to completely let go. It is the tension of holding my true self in, which takes a lot of effort. Whereas when I do surrender there is no war in me and I do not need to change or fix anything in the world.

      1. The word surrender when used in this way is also a confirmation of the love that is already inside us and that we can return to expressing with, rather than fighting it by thinking that it’s not there, or that we’re not worth it…

    1. It’s a beautiful comment Fiona and very relatable. Your use of the words ‘war’ and ‘surrender’ here point to the true meanings of the words, rather than their more common use related to soldiers and submitting to an enemy. Your comment also highlights that there is only one of two choices for each human being, to be in war or conflict with ourselves by separating from our true essence, or surrender to all we are and fully be ourselves.

  17. I find when I wake up and my thoughts are unloving or destructive, I now know this is harming my body. Years ago I would have allowed my mind to just continue with these thoughts and no care with the repercussions till I met Serge Benhayon and the responsibility I have to my body but how I do what I do would affect others too.

    If we are gentle and loving with ourselves surely this would impact on everyone around us?

    I observe where I work how some people only know what busyness is and they can’t cope with the quietness or gentle pace.

    Its takes momentum but the more you continue this momentum the more it becomes your daily rhythm – something for me to still master. And if I can appreciate, I appreciate that I am more aware of this and still willing to go there and remove the rhythms that have become ill for my body.

    1. Busyness is often the avoidance of a pause that would allow the reality of things to come into our awareness; we mainly prefer things to be left as they are, no matter how devastating and cruelling.

      1. I agree – when I was younger, and before I met Serge Benhayon, I was constantly busy-ing myself as in moments when I paused I would feel anxiety, angst, loneliness, sadness and exhaustion, and I didn’t want to feel those things, so being busy was a way to avoid feeling them, until one day I was ill – so ill that I had a number of medical conditions, and a stop moment of 6 weeks rest/off work – and it was only then that I began to look at the way I had been living, and to observe life more deeply.

  18. ‘The body knows everything.’ A truth we cannot deny, but yet we try everything to not feel and live this truth. It is absolutely my way forward to live in rhythm with my own body and to honour it in every moment and movement, and I know there is lots to learn as I make mistakes along the way and that’s okay, my body is always in for a new start even every second of the day.

    1. and the funny thing is – while we ‘try everything to not feel and live this truth’ – we are actually confirming that we do know, and we know that the body knows everything!

  19. I loved reading this blog, there is so much truth to this. What is the point of helping others when we haven’t started helping us first.

    It’s like the healing practitioner or health professional who is providing a service yet their inner health is not in a good state of affairs too. So what are you/we doing, healing or harming?

    I agree there is much to master about our bodies and I love the discovering part, warts and all.

  20. Even the smallest disharmony within ourselves ill affects those around us. This is a huge responsibility to grasp and to one day live.

    1. to learn to live with that degree of understanding is a game changer – as we realise the more we take responsibility for what we do, say, think, the way we move, the more responsibility there is to take.

  21. I once read a funny book about the competitive card game Bridge where the protagonist said ‘advance retaliation is much the best form of retaliation’. In other words, attack before anybody else has made a move. We do the same – we attack ourselves before others do. Why? Because others then won’t feel the need to attack us, which quite a few do when we present ourselves in our fullness and vastness.

    1. The sneaky insidiousness of the games we play is endless – which then leaves the question as to why we do this? why spend so much time and effort on those games? In the end deep down we know it is not true, but some part of us ‘buys into’ those games as being a way of living – yet it is far far away from our true nature.

  22. When we don’t want to connect to or feel what we’re registering in our bodies, we’re not wanting to be aware and awake of what’s going on in life.

  23. What you are sharing here Jane is that feeling tension is in fact normal. Tension is going to be felt whilst we are at war with ourselves. It is an inner turmoil we run from and try to dull and ignore at all costs. Yet it also awakens us to the fact that there is more. There is more to us than we realise and allow to be.

    1. I have come to realise that this inner tension is actually normal, as there is always more of our true selves to let our and express. Each step I take back to my soul, the next step is always there calling me to keep returning.

  24. Our lack of self acceptance and acceptance of what is happening in life is indeed the biggest barrier to really being in the flow of life and letting in all the support that is there for us.

  25. Everyone has an inner tension, we cannot escape it – we can of course not be aware of it or we can be distracted enough to not pay attention to it as well.

  26. Jane thank you so much for the beautiful reflection that we must first look at the unrest within ourselves before we can truly be there on a larger scale supporting others and making true change. In fact once we have worked on that inner un-rest or dis-ease, then that alone is often the instigator for change around us on some level, be it visible or not.

  27. When we resist change and end up fighting the truth we feel in our body, the ripple effect of our unresolved inner unsettlement and tension comes with us everywhere affecting everyone. Pushing against our natural flow makes everything we experience complicated and dense, the exact opposite to what we know in our body when we allow ourselves to surrender and naturally align to the wisdom of our body’s true rhythm.

  28. The words ‘Self Mastery’ says to me that there is something grand and awesome to learn about and discover and to eventually be the master of.

  29. This blog is an insightful look into what happens in our lives and feels like an practical invitation to address this tension that we all live with.

  30. Of course, how can we not have war when we have an internal war, it makes complete sense, and it asks of us that we honour the tool which most clearly shows us what is true, our bodies, for without this we are swayed by ideals and things outside, without coming back to the truth our body innately knows. And if we deal with our own internal wars, then yes that impacts out there, and that will bring true change.

    1. Yes, that explains the irrationality in our outward behaviour where we act in ways that seemingly make no sense and fly in the face of logic and reason.

    2. well said Monica. There is a ripple effect of everything – so while we have an internal war going on it has a ripple effect in our lives, to all around us. I know when I feel grumpy or tense it affects my interaction with others, and the quality of my work too.

  31. ‘in the end, it is me fighting with me’… the simplicity of this is both confronting and inspiring, but I realise that being honest with myself about my inner battles is the only way to expose their madness.

  32. We ignore the body, we override the body, we poison the body with alcohol, emotions, sugar etc, and then we wonder why we get illness and disease.

  33. So powerful showing us that we are used to lack of responsibility – than our responsibility for our knowing and body intelligence. How wonderful this insight now is, for us all to deeply listen and extract out of this exactly what lights up our responsibility again. Love it.

  34. I feel you are right, surely all the conflict in the world starts first as a conflict within someone’s body that then starts to affect others and ultimately the whole world. Once we experience being completely surrendered and without conflict one can see how easily the world could be such a very different place, if we all connected to that place deep within each of us.

  35. If there is a tug of war going on in the world (more than the world around us) then there must be an unease within. The more settled I feel the less unease I have with the world around me.

  36. It makes total sense to me that if we were all truly at one with ourselves, we wouldn’t have arguments or conflict in the world, because what would there be to prove and argue against or for? We have made our world hugely unequal, so conflict and war is now what we consider to be normal. There’s no way we can have harmony on the Earth if we don’t connect to it first within ourselves.

  37. It seems to me that the reason so many of us are “at war with ourselves”, constantly, is because we grow up in an environment of conflict, where what we innately feel to be true is consistently denied and denigrated by those around us. And this conflict continues as we take on the beliefs and the behaviours of others without discerning whether they are true for us. Yes, our internal battle begins very young but it doesn’t matter how it long it has been raging there is always a choice to say no more, then choose to make changes to end the war and welcome harmony into our lives.

  38. Yes the body is the way. I found how often I have these little tensions or ‘holding on’s’ in my body whilst I am going about everything and anything I do in my day. And since I have become aware of them I feel so much more settled in myself, because I know I can truly make choices now that change how I feel in life just by simple surrendering in my body.

    1. So simple – when we are aware of something we have the power to change it. The truth is that we always have the choice to be aware of something and then to change how we respond to it, but the question is are we willing to see and feel what is perhaps uncomfortable and confronting, and then take responsibility to change our response?

  39. It is a great consideration to observe the smaller tension, irritations and frustrations that we have with ourselves and those around us and then to realize that this is in fact the base for all the larger conflicts we have in our world. If we cannot live in harmony with those directly around us, that share most of our views and standpoints then we will not know harmony.If we do not know harmony from within we will never find it on a larger scale and we will not end war and conflict in our world.

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