At War With Ourselves

“We can never deal with the problems of the world if we don’t deal with our own personal problems first.” Serge Benhayon (1)

Have you ever looked out at life and felt overwhelmed or saddened by the conflict around us? There is war on the news, conflict and unrest on the streets, conflict and tension in workplaces, and there can be tension and unsettlement in our homes and our personal relationships. And for all this conflict and tension we can get so used to it being around in every walk of life that we consider it as ‘normal’, and just the way it is. Yet deep down inside us we know that this isn’t our natural state.

I know that for conflict and tension in the workplace, I have mediated, facilitated and supported many workplace teams and employees to see whether there is potential to bring a settlement to the issues in hand. I have also done the same in relationships with others – tried to come to some agreement or resolution. But I have found it infrequent that a workplace team or home situation finds complete settlement. What I have observed in others and in myself is that unless we look at the conflict or tension within ourselves first and foremost, no matter what we do, we carry that tension into every other relationship.

But what if a way to bring change to wars and conflicts we have in the world, in our communities, workplaces or homes, starts with looking at the war within ourselves?

Let me explain.

I have recently become aware that one of the biggest wars is the war within myself. This can stem from a number of things, but it literally feels like I am fighting myself – fighting my body, and fighting something deep inside of me. I could use excuses to blame those around me, or to blame a situation, or circumstance, but when push comes to shove – in the end, it is me fighting with me.

An example of this is when some part of me wants to eat something and my whole body is screaming, “No! Not that food again!” I may stand at the fridge with this inner battle going on – there is no one else involved, only me with me. Or I may become aware of something in the way I am living my life, a habit or pattern of behaviour which in truth is not supporting me – and once I am aware of it I resist the choice to understand it in full, or I may see it for what it is and I still resist simply letting go of it.

This sets up a chain reaction… one where I feel frustrated – with myself. My jaw tenses up, I get a sharp uncomfortable pain under my right rib, and, I get hot and sweaty. And I can be that stubborn for this to go on for a little while; sometimes hours. On top of that, I get even more frustrated because I have been feeling frustrated for hours, which brings in more tension. When I am feeling like this, I know this as being at war with myself.

As I am writing this I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person on earth that can in their own way, feel at war with themselves. If this is so, isn’t this the place to start when faced with a world that has a lot of war, tension, conflict and hostility? I certainly know I can feel pretty grumpy, perhaps even hostile, when I’m having a war with myself. In my experience when I am at work, or at home with family or friends, this has a ripple effect and creeps into all my relationships, no matter how hard I try and contain it.

What I also know is that during the last 14 years since I have been attending Universal Medicine workshops with the presentations by Serge Benhayon, that there is another way, and the more I lovingly understand and deal with this conflict within myself, the more the ripple effect also affects wherever I am, in that relationships at home, in life and work, have changed. So much so that people often comment, “Whenever you are around everything feels so simple and easy, and we work well together.”

So where do we start with this war within ourselves?

One of the greatest things we have, yet we can be at war with the most, is our physical body. Yes, right under our very nose we have pure gold, something that is beyond wise, that when we allow it, has a natural rhythm. It actually knows how to respond to any and every given situation – and I mean any and every situation – whether it is choosing a food to eat, or buying a pair of shoes, or knowing when to go to bed, or whether or not that new job is true for us.

The body knows everything.

To tap into this inordinate wisdom, we need to first start to build a relationship with our body – moment by moment, day by day experimenting through daily living choices, staying focussed, paying attention to the body as we move and understanding how it communicates to us.

Part of the war with ourselves is that we can be at odds with our body and thus make daily life – and indeed all our life – harder as we fight against our natural rhythm; or we can surrender to the wisdom of the body and allow it to show us and lead the way. There is so much to learn from our body. Who needs to go to school (ha-ha) when our body is one of the greatest teachers and sources of intelligence and wisdom that we have?

‘The more you get to know about your body,
The more you get to know about life, This is called self-mastery.”
Serge Benhayon (2)

 I also have come to know through the teachings of Serge Benhayon, that the war within myself is a ‘tug-of-war’ where I am resisting the fact that I know I am grander than the boundaries of my physical flesh, as within me and within us all there is a spark of light that shines so brightly. Through connecting to this spark of light, my essence, I feel at home, and this feeling brings a settlement to my body – and at this moment there is no war, nor conflict.

So I am learning that healing the war inside of me starts by learning to live from my body, and building a consistent connection to my inner essence. And the more I am able to do this, it not only brings a settlement to my own body, it brings a settlement to the relationships I have with others and to those around me at work and in life. What if this is a way to bring about true change to all conflict and war?

By Jane Keep, London, UK

Further Reading:
At war with ourselves
Developing a Relationship – with my Essence
What are we Really in Control of?


  1. Benhayon, S. (2011). Esoteric Teachings & Revelations: A New Study for Mankind. Unimed Publishing, p.86.
  2. Benhayon, S. (2011). Esoteric Teachings & Revelations: A New Study for Mankind. Unimed Publishing, p.105.

753 thoughts on “At War With Ourselves

  1. A powerful and honest blog Jane. The war within is deeply unsettling as every particle in our body knows the truth of the spark abiding within, is our natural way to be – in true connection with our divine essence
    “Through connecting to this spark of light, my essence, I feel at home, and this feeling brings a settlement to my body – and at this moment there is no war, nor conflict”.

  2. We would live in a very different place if we would change our inner-world first. There is no need of battles nor revolutions just a surrender and a big amount of humbleness to recognize what’s our contribution to the whole. Deep down inside we all know what’s love, it’s what we crave most, it’s where we come from, so why do we resist?

  3. I’m realizing that my mind is a specialist in creating problems. There is always a ‘but’, a ‘what if’, a ‘not enough’…all thoughts that make me feel very tense and sad, when in fact I feel more amazing in my body than ever before. So where do these intrusive thoughts come from that prevent me from being in harmony with myself? For sure is not love. Self-care includes letting go of anything that feels not loving and choosing what’s my living truth at this moment. It’s always a joy having a choice to come back to my body which is forever waiting, unconditionally, with no judgments and expectations, with every time being an example of what true love is about.

  4. It definitely starts with ourselves, we can look around and see all the conflicts everywhere, the fighting and the wars all around the world but we all contribute by not accepting the responsibility we have for how we live, we cannot live like we are the only one who is living on this planet. And yes Jane, when we start to build a loving relationship with ourselves and accept that which the wisdom of our body is offering we reflect something different, our connection with the grandness of the universe.

  5. It’s true most of us want to jump in and save the planet before we have considered what our own well being programme looks like and how far it goes in saving ourselves. We can quite arrogantly think we are doing fine but on closer inspection there are many holes, many places where we know we are not bringing our all but instead taking the easier option….at least that is what we deem it to be.

  6. Definitely I have stood at the door of the fridge, or set out for a meeting, a day at work, the start of a conversation, being late again for x, y or z, piled into a physical activity with no thought for the how…. all these things and more have been done with the disconnection hovering in the foreground, but a knowing in the background. How about if I were to reverse that and bring what the body knows into the foreground, and allow that to inform my decisions and my movements. Imagine the difference!

    1. Agree, and the ripple effect not just of how your body feels, but the flow of everything, and the inspiration you offer others too. If workplaces were founded on presence in our body, connection to our innermost, understanding everything is energy, and that life is multidimensional it would have a profound effect of all workplaces – productivity and quality and Im pretty sure some work places would no longer exist as we would not feel the need for them.

  7. I’ve been having an inner war at the moment and even though I know it’s going to fail because I prefer to be with my body more than the angry, withdrawn, reactive thoughts and behaviours that make me feel tight. There’s this sense of losing something if I do surrender but it’s the aggression and want to fight that will be dropped, Can I live without it?

  8. I agree wholeheartedly Jane, and just this morning had my own experience of bringing settlement to my body and the impact that that had on my colleagues. There is always this one person at work that like clockwork is outwardly aggressive every Monday morning. The behaviour is quite antagonistic and quite off putting. This morning because I was not at war within myself (often this can be about the smallest thing) I was settled. I saw the behaviour from this person for what it is – another struggling with their own inner war – and I was able to not react and add to either one of our inner wars. And of course the situation dissipated quite quickly. Magic..

    1. beautiful sharing Terri-Anne and a blog in the making. I love what you share here “I saw the behaviour from this person for what it is – another struggling with their own inner war”.

  9. If you are settled within yourself you do not wage war against others. So, the key is to settle, because only then can you come to deeply appreciate what you have and what you offer others.

  10. I agree Jane the body is able to lead the way in its wisdom and knowing of who we truly are in our essence. When we choose to stop resisting and allow ourselves to surrender it is possible to realign to our body’s natural rhythm and to live by feeling from our body first to discern what is true and what is not.

    1. More wisdom than we are ever going to find in books.. we carry this around with us, instantly accessible at any time, the greatest library of everything we need just a moment and a connection away.

  11. This is absolutely the way. A way which has a firm foundation that starts from ourselves rather than a wobbly or non-existent foundation that champions everything external but ultimately is futile because there is no truth to fall back on.

  12. When we work with others either in their own homes or in corporate settings, how we are in our own bodies affects what we meet everyday. The outside world mirrors our own internal world. I’ve witnessed the disruption caused to elder clients when carers enter their homes unsettled in themselves. Rather than connect to their own imbalance within, they often label the client as ‘difficult.’ It’s important to put our own house in order first.

    1. Ive observed this too “I’ve witnessed the disruption caused to elder clients when carers enter their homes unsettled in themselves” in healthcare and in other settings. The way we are really does have an impact on others.

  13. This blog brings me back to myself and a particular relationship I struggled with for years. I took to blaming: either looking outwards towards the other person or myself for not being good enough and getting it wrong. The cycle of self abuse was broken when I focused attention on myself and began to master me without any reference to anyone else. When I mastered me, I could read the true nature of this relationship, saw it for what it was and walked away without regret. I was blessed by the depth of learning I was given.

  14. I can really relate to being at war with my physical body and the fact that through it I can feel I am greater than its physical confines. My body tells me I am greater and I want to keep it confined to just the physical. Coming to understand and live in a physical body knowing I, like we all are, are multidimensional beings, that are living in a world made up of a physical reality and being settled with this can only but bring harmony to myself and all my relationships. So it totally makes sense that when I am not at war with myself this has a huge ripple effect in the world.

  15. Yes I’ve also experienced limitations of team development days designed to resolve conflicts between people, but usually only skim the surface. At best we can support the group to expose root causes of conflict and communicate more openly. The real work is begins with self:each person reflecting on tensions carried within themselves and brought to work.

  16. The tiniest sense of disharmony shows us that we are at war with the natural, universal harmony that eternally is. When we choose to be in disaccord with the universal harmony we are at fight with life.

  17. Whatever way we deal with any problems as long as we are not free of the problem (no identification) we cannot really solve the problem but only shift it in some way, hence why the root cause sustains and the problem will return in one way or another.

  18. In my experience the relationship that we have with ourselves and our body really is foundational to how we are in all other relationships and areas of our life and so, developing the honesty and connection we have with ourselves really does have a wider impact…

    1. Agree, and one of the founding principles in life that we could all be raised and educated to become more aware of this. If we were, things would feel really different in our relationships, and in our health.

  19. Jane, great article. This really makes sense and is very true from my own personal experience; ‘I have observed in others and in myself is that unless we look at the conflict or tension within ourselves first and foremost, no matter what we do, we carry that tension into every other relationship.’

  20. The quote from Serge Benhayon used at the beginning of this article is key to beginning to address all that needs to be addressed in the world from conflict to our rapidly declining health. Responsibility is the key here.

  21. I can understand how even the tension involved in the knowing that there is more to life than just material gain and recognition or acceptance from others can then carry over into all our relationships and spread in a negative way if we do not take that tension and convert it into self-loving and confirming behaviours.

  22. It is a fair point that you raise in this article, about addressing the tension we feel within ourselves before we go out and trying to resolve the issues of the world. And I do feel to add a question, about the possibility that there may always be a tension, because ultimately we are always being asked to go deeper, for more love to be expressed, for more love to be in our movements with eachother, for more understanding, for more grace, truth and harmony. So, there is no end to the tension as far as I can see because the expansions of the universe are never-ending. And perhaps it will not ever be a case of reaching the end where all conflict is gone, but rather an unfolding of conversations between ourselves and eachother where honesty and truth are revealed so that we may all evolve and work together to do so.

    1. Yes there will always be tension from an asking to go deeper. What I’m getting is a way of being that understands and embraces this tension as an indicator that there is more. Without it we would get very very comfortable being just where we’re at and no more. I may try to have this comfort but with any degree of honesty, I know the tension is always communicating there is more and asking me to lovingly go there.

  23. Heaven’s Wisdom shared with us right here, here it is again:
    ‘So I am learning that healing the war inside of me starts by learning to live from my body, and building a consistent connection to my inner essence. And the more I am able to do this, it not only brings a settlement to my own body, it brings a settlement to the relationships I have with others and to those around me at work and in life. What if this is a way to bring about true change to all conflict and war?’

    Please lets make this our front news. Actually first news that carry full and whole truth. No images, no parts — a whole honesty and it applies to us all so well.

  24. We are at war with our bodies. Nothing confirms this more than when we experience a significant illness or disease. Even medical professionals wage war on diseases to reach a cure. We fight until we can’t fight anymore. But as with ‘war’, we know that it only produces more war, more sadness and more of what we are trying to stop by using war. One can only feel that this is the same with illness and disease. It’s not about the treatment necessarily but the approach to treatment and our approach to ourselves as we travel through this time. It’s no wonder that people and the end of life, after battling disease, feel so ‘defeated’ and exhausted. We do need a whole re-evaluation of this for war of any description does not work.

    1. I agree and with the rise in certain types of illness and disease such as auto-immune diseases where we are fighting our body/light we really are at war with our bodies.

  25. I have never felt the truth of this more than I do now. The more peace/stillness I find within, the more I notice the enemy within begins the fight to disrupt it. When the enemy is in control, it disrupts not only my stillness within, but all that lays in its path.

  26. Today I was hearing and reading the choices of people who were letting their physical bodies be ransacked by others’ abuse in the most extreme of ways and then repeatedly returning to and engaging with the abuse because that is what they have known most of their lives. I wondered what I could offer in way of reflection.

    I have to be lovingly honest – I am not living the truth that we don’t need to let abuse in our bodies by how we move. I’ve got caught up in self-judgement which is an abuse in itself. I can keep myself locked into my choices that are terrible, I feel terrible in my body and so I’m doing a terrible job at life! But there is a part of me that is never tarnished, and when I connect I can drop all the critique and illusion that I can never return to love because we can all return to love. That is the beauty of healing. How powerful to live in a way that reflects the fact that no abuse can touch you when you live connected to your essence, that each particle can realign to love and true purpose and all we need to do is be.

  27. As we can see as a reality in our societies, this inner conflict or little wars in ourselves cannot be contained but will constantly look for ways to give relief to this inner tension it builds up in our body. And from this action, we all are unconsciously part of, it is magnified throughout the world resulting in the outer wars that are constantly being battled out amongst countries and different groups of people.

  28. The inner battles might seem insignificant and small compared to the wars we see between countries being fought out on the battle fields, but in truth are both from the same source and interconnected.

    1. Very true Nico. The ‘battles’ have to begin somewhere and it could be the tiniest of movements away from our loving core.

      1. So in that we actually have the answer to all the wars in the world. It all begins with ourselves to choose differently, not from our common array of choices, but instead to choose to live to our nature and to reconnect with our soul instead.

    2. Well said Nico – we all have a part to play in every thing that happens on this planet including war – the way we live on a daily basis either harms or heals the planet.

      1. Yes Jane, and until this energetic fact is recognized, the external wars will not stop to exist, no matter how much effort we put in the peace progresses.

  29. It’s great to read this blog today as I feel how my body is and how I’ve been ignoring it, and yet it speaks patiently each and every moment and it always shows me the truth of who I am and what is needed in each moment, I just needed reminding that it’s about listening to and nurturing my relationship with my body, and the quality in how I am with it. Thank you.

  30. What if the war inside is all our own doing from our separation from our natural state of being, our inner hearts?

  31. When we don’t completely resolve the tension within ourselves therefore affecting our relationships at home or in the workplace etc., what I see is that it just becomes a way of tolerating each other. Yes some of what is there to be looked at and felt has come out but the real healing many times has not fully taken place… and that healing comes from our own backyard.

  32. This blog is timely and I can see humour in it. It invites us to spot the games we play within and act on them without self-bashing. It’s part of the play of life, to think we’ve mastered something to find we’re in exactly the same place. We’re ever evolving and each day given opportunities to face the same choices as the day before. True mastery chooses energy first, nothing else.

  33. ‘we can surrender to the wisdom of the body and allow it to show us and lead the way’. This is true mastery.

  34. I love this blog Jane for its honesty. It’s true what you say: many of us sit on sofas overwhelmed by events and wars on TV screens, yet remain oblivious to our own internal wars. First bring peace and harmony to our own body, then take this out into the world.

    1. That feels the way to go Kehinde, because when we connect to that inner peace, or better said inner stillness, there is nothing that wants to argue or to fight, not to mention to go to war with other human beings.

  35. Dealing with our own stuff first – i.e. our own frustrations and tensions- and the ripple effect this then has on all of our relationships is never really talked about in society – and perhaps that’s why war is still so widespread, and we even have war at all. It’s far easier to blame countries, governments and others outside of us for engaging in wars, but when we get really honest, of course there would be war in the world, if there is a war within ourselves that we’re waging on a daily basis, against our own bodies.

  36. “‘The more you get to know about your body,
    The more you get to know about life, This is called self-mastery.” – Serge Benhayon

    When the truth is so clearly spelt out we must ask why then is nearly all our education about the mind and what knowledge we can acquire.

    1. Agree Sam – its crazy with the illness and disease statistics globally that our body does not feature as foundational in education, schooling and upbringing.

  37. To built a deeply loving relationship with our body brings pure joy and harmony to ourselves and others.
    And to start it can be very simple, by just choosing to type your words gently in the computer, the gentleness will then resonate through your fingers, hands and arms from the precious movement.

  38. From my own experience I know that I was, more often than not, at war with myself and this was because I couldn’t face the truth of the reality of my life. To stop and to make the choice to take a long and honest look at how I was living was too scary to do, so up went the barricades and the truth was buried. But as I have come to know it never went away, so when I was ready to take the look within there it was, offering me a life that was way more enjoyable to live and definitely more simple than the complicated, war-torn life I had been living for so long.

  39. Once again I come back to this blog and am reminded to stay present with myself, not with what is going on outside of me whether near or far. We are held in love, so sink back and feel the support that offers. Like a yummy cloud. When you feel that surrender and support that we are held in we could not even contemplate being harsh on ourselves or beating anyone else up – it just cannot be.

    1. So true Lucy – and even the slightest raise of a voice, or rev of a car in frustration, or angry look feels abusive. To think that when we are not choosing to be aware of this, and we are not learning to regard ourselves, we take so many behaviours as the ‘norm’ when they are far from the normal and natural way of being.

    2. Brilliant observation Lucy. When we consider our own bodies as if they were a newborn babies’, how could we possibly do anything in disregard to them? It’s funny how it usually takes getting some form of illness or disease to show us just how fragile and tender our bodies are, and how it takes real nurturing and holding ourselves delicately to bring us back to health. But if we treated ourselves like that all the time, this could limit the inner battle that goes on. I love everything about this blog of Jane’s, as it brings the world’s problems of conflict back to the responsibility of us, since we are the one’s as individuals that eventually make up the governments and military that go to war in the first place. I can feel how much when I am choosing to struggle with eating a certain food that I know does not support me, this tension gets transferred to all my relationships, but the issue is not with the food, it’s with being able to handle the responsibility of feeling more of what’s going on in my life and other’s and living with more love.

    3. Great reminder Lucy that there is nothing to go out and get, nothing we need to do or prove to feel that sense of steadiness and knowing of who we are. It doesn’t matter what we have or haven’t done, we all have equal access to that support and ability to surrender to something greater than ourselves, any time we choose it.

  40. Jane this is such a great read as I feel I have been at war with myself for lifetimes, not just this life – fighting what I know to be true, I have discovered that fighting myself and the truth of what I know is exhausting on my body and so no wonder I ate and drank to numb myself and checked out on life, actually I was checking out on myself and the everything I know to be true. It has at times been a painfully slow process coming back to the light and reclaiming the fact that it resides within me and everyone else on this earth.

    1. I’m just realising now reading your comment Mary, that from an early age I realised it was easier for me to fight with myself then to go up against adults or friends in my life that said I was wrong or silly for feeling a certain way. Fighting against ourselves is still the same and harming as fighting with another.

  41. It is amazing to know we have such a wealth of knowing beneath our noses, that is just waiting to be opened like some big ancient library, with everything there we need for our journey back to God.

    1. Agree – and yet we bludgeon our body with food, drink, other substances or distractions and busyness – and then moan because we are a victim in life, when we have chosen it to be that way. The body is a sure fire way to return to truth.

  42. “The body knows everything” – or everything is known by the body. When i started to pay attention to my body i started to pay closer attention to the details of life. The more i listened to my body and its messages the more i realised the massive and vast knowingness it holds and in turn i hold through being deeper connected to my whole body.

  43. ‘The more you get to know about your body
    The more you get to know about life, This ‘is called self-mastery.” Our bodies are like universes themselves and as we allow ourselves to connect and respect and begin to even honor our bodies they show us our way back to soul.

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