Most of us go through life with varying relationships with family members, friends, colleagues or neighbours. And most likely we all have, or had, at least one best friend, be it mother, father, a playmate, school friend or lover. With them we feel at ease; we trust them with our deepest thoughts and feelings; we reveal much more to them than to anybody else.
I had two such friends in my life. As a small child I had a ‘best friend’ that I spent my pre-school years with. We were exploring ourselves and life together with uninhibited curiosity and joy.
That ended when our parents sent us to different schools. Apparently I was a ‘bad influence’ on my friend – too wild and free. I was heartbroken and withdrew into a previously unknown shyness that I found difficult to let go of for a long, long time. It still holds me in shackles from time to time, even though I have healed most of the hurts from my childhood.
After that hurtful experience, I never had another friend, let alone a best friend – until I met my loving partner many years later.
With him I started opening up and trusting again, slowly and carefully letting myself be seen. And after many years of testing the waters with him, I learned to open up to more and more people.
My story is probably familiar to many people. We start off as an open, joyful child with free expression and no fear of consequences, then we experience rejection and judgement, grow up and build up walls of protection around us. We then feel separated from everybody, except from our best friends, if we have them. And even those best friends will most likely not get the full version of our true being any more, as we have learned to adjust to the ‘adult’ way of behaviour, which is measured and tainted by all the hurts and disappointments of our childhood and teenage years.
The ‘adult’ way of life – being very reserved with people we don’t know, smiling only to our neighbours or people that fit our criteria of what good people should look like, but looking away when strangers look at us, being very polite and friendly but showing no honest interest in the other person, being uncomfortable at parties or gatherings where we don’t know most of the people, where they are all friendly and familiar with each other and we feel like an outsider. All this is not the connection we really want, but we pretend that all is good when inside we feel disconnected, protective and lonely.
But what we all crave deep within is that intimate connection to others that we had as a child. We don’t want to be held back by our self-consciousness and fears. It feels like a prison; it makes us sad and lonely. Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us. That is just one moment, but our holding back is with us all of the time. It’s a structure that holds us in a certain energy even when we are alone.
So why are we so afraid to let our guard down? What does it do to us when somebody doesn’t like what we do or say, or what we look like? Apart from pressing all the buttons and reminding us of past experiences and bringing up those hurts again, it then reaffirms the held belief that we are not good enough just as we are.
I had that belief for so long that, even when I had addressed those old hurts, I still found it hard to believe that I am actually a lovable person; that the sweetness, goodness and love that I feel inside is good enough and of value for others.
So many of us feel that way, but what do we do about it? Mostly, we wait for others to first prove to us that they will not hurt us. Do we really expect that other people, those strangers that we hold so far away from us, will come to us and tell us that they like us and they would love to see and hear the true version of ourselves, and that we don’t need to feel afraid because they will love us no matter what? We all know that that will not happen, but somehow we still hope. So why don’t we give what we hope to come from others to ourselves, love ourselves no matter what, then make the first step towards the other – by just being open, not holding back – and offer our true sweet nature and see what happens?
For me, the only way out of that deeply held belief in the lack of self-worth, the shyness and sometimes crippling self-consciousness, is to come out of my perceived safe haven.
Step by step, I do what feels possible, trying out different avenues to meet and connect to people and open up more and more. With that comes the experience of how people respond or react to me and it has been the most wonderful journey. People are actually all pretty much the same. They all have a goodness and loveliness inside them and most of them love to share it. I never had so many friends before, even if it is just for a moment.
We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly. We just have to hold ourselves in our natural essence, just be who we truly are deep inside – whether there is a sweetness, tenderness, joyfulness or just a willingness to be present within us – and then keep our hearts and minds open, welcoming the other into our presence and receiving theirs. There is no need to perform, or do or say anything in particular, just allowing ourselves to express what comes naturally in any situation. Sometimes just a smile or simple “hello” opens the door to another heart. You can see it in their eyes – it’s a wonderful light, so beautiful equally in everybody.
I often feel like a child; simple, innocent, joyful and filled with love. And with the experience, wisdom and awareness of the grown woman that I am now, there is an understanding that we are all very similar inside. Everyone is love and has their own way of expressing it. And if they don’t show it, it is no reason for me to feel inhibited in any way, but to understand that everybody is on their own chosen path in life.
If we would only allow ourselves to be what we deep inside know to be true, we can live and connect with each other in this free and intimate way that we secretly all crave for. It’s the easiest, most natural thing in the world.
By Regina Perlwitz, housewife, 60, Mullumbimby, Australia
Further Reading:
The Science of Hurts
Self-worth and self-development – does it work?
What is a True Relationship and How Does that Feel?
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
Shirley-Ann, I agree with what you are sharing that adults have all these different barriers around them so that they don’t always understand that a child is very sensitive and should be honoured in their sensitivity and we can avoid incidents if we bring understanding to the fore.
I had a similar experience as a child that I too was
‘a ‘bad influence’ on my friend – too wild and free.’
It’s not until I met Serge Benhayon and started to understand energy and how there is an energy that constantly works against us for ever trying to stop our awareness and thwarting all possibilities to return to our soul that it dawned on me, that actually my best friend was a ‘bad’ influence on me because when I was with this friend or their family I would behave in a way that was not me, just to fit in and to be liked as I could feel just how much the parent disliked me. Looking back I should have stayed away so that I could trust what I knew to be true rather than giving all that away just to be liked and accepted. When I was young to be accepted was so strong in me I would do almost anything to be recognised as just being alive.
Our Inner-most is a relationship that never leaves us, it is that we let it go as the impositions seem too much, but once we re-connect and understand it is our choice to live from our Essence, Inner-most-heart/Soul and the amazing Joy and ensuing Appreciation of our divinity as normal. It is the Truest feeling in the world.
Building a relationship with self, connecting to our essence, ‘to hold ourselves in our natural essence, just be who we truly are deep inside – whether there is a sweetness, tenderness, joyfulness or just a willingness to be present within us ‘.
Absolutely, so lets do it 🙌✨❤️. I am appreciating more and more just how I am allowing this and starting to truly live this 😍 ‘If we would only allow ourselves to be what we deep inside know to be true, we can live and connect with each other in this free and intimate way that we secretly all crave for. It’s the easiest, most natural thing in the world.’
We all love being connected, ‘what we all crave deep within is that intimate connection to others that we had as a child.’
If we are cherished right from the beginning and taught to hold ourselves in absolute love and know ourselves then less and less is likely to rock our boat. So if someone doesn’t like us or rejects us it is like water off a ducks back and doesn’t affect us as it did with you for a long time as it did with you ‘I was heartbroken and withdrew into a previously unknown shyness that I found difficult to let go of for a long, long time.’
This just shows how hurtful experiences can affect people for years!
And so people build walls of protection to try and not be hurt, We start off as an open, joyful child with free expression and no fear of consequences, then we experience rejection and judgement, grow up and build up walls of protection around us.’
‘If we would only allow ourselves to be what we deep inside know to be true, we can live and connect with each other in this free and intimate way that we secretly all crave for. It’s the easiest, most natural thing in the world.’ Sounds good to me ✨
Regina what you have shared one day will be re-established as a truth once again, and that is, our bodies are structured to, or aligned to a certain energy and until we heal the hurts that we carry with us from past lives and this lifetime, we are unable to break this structure down so that we can once again move freely in our movements and feel what it is to be our true selves once again.
That will definitely be a moment to celebrate when true truth is fully re-established in our society and we understand and know not only who we are but also the truth about energy, our origins and also our purpose.
That will be worth celebrating, when truth is what is lived and embodied by all.
So rather than focus on the fear, which is the emotion that feeds the behaviours what we deem to keep ourselves ‘safe’, instead we focus on building a relationship with who we are and learn to appreciate that in full. That sounds like a foundational approach to living life.
When we don’t let our guard down and don’t let anyone in we miss out on so much of life.
I agree LE. Life is designed to flow in, out and through us and so putting up a guard is liking constructing a damn, it interferes with the natural flow of things.
Alexis Stewart when I read your comment I immediately had this vision of the tide and the pull of the moon that allows the in and the out breath of the tide on our shores. Heavens breath.
Reading this blog has reminded me of how much we want others to show us that we are worth being friends with. Maybe it’s worthwhile being friends with ourselves first and the rest will come naturally but I know we don’t necessarily tell ourselves this when we are teenagers.
As teenagers, and even adults, parties can be challenging for some, ‘being uncomfortable at parties or gatherings where we don’t know most of the people, where they are all friendly and familiar with each other and we feel like an outsider. All this is not the connection we really want, but we pretend that all is good when inside we feel disconnected, protective and lonely.’
I’ve been wondering about the guard I put up. There are still only certain angles I show to certain people at certain times. It’s an effort and I still get anxious about spending long periods of time with people in case the guard falls. What I’m realising is that when the guard falls, there may be a momentary upset, a hurt released, a vulnerability shown, but underneath that is always a loveliness to be shared and enjoyed with others.
Yep its crazy how we put so much effort and energy in keeping up a guard when it is so easy to let this go and feel the sweetness and loveliness that we are and allow others to feel this as well. The awesome thing is this, the loveliness within, never goes it is always there and can never be tarnished ✨
I had an experience of this recently Vicky, to me it feels as though there are veils that keep us in the separation to God. it seemed to be that I could feel the power of someone’s words and it was as though a sword had slashed through the veil to expose the joy that was locked away. My whole body feels different. There is a grandness that is God that we are deliberately kept away from. We have allowed false religions to come between us and God; this is the grief we carry with us for lifetimes until we reconnect back to the essence of God again.
Embracing our sweetness, and sharing it with others, then allows other people to share who they are, ‘it is so easy to let this go and feel the sweetness and loveliness that we are and allow others to feel this as well.’
Putting up a wall of protection, stops our love going out, and equally us receiving love,’Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us. That is just one moment, but our holding back is with us all of the time. It’s a structure that holds us in a certain energy even when we are alone.’
Regina, what you have shared is very interesing as most of us walk around with some form of guard or protection however subtle it might be. I get to feel how I can let this go, how I can drop it, in sessions or events on the weekends with Universal Medicine, but then I find myself taking back the guard soon afterwards and holding people at a distance – perhaps not obviously so to everyone else, but I can feel like a mistrust that creeps in little by little and the openness that is reduced. Thankfully I am aware of this and can choose to keep coming back to the trust and openness. It is a work in progress.
Yes, there are clearly certain situations, places and people, where we feel we can ‘let our guard down’ where we feel we can trust, and other situations, places and people, with whom and where we do not feel safe and therefore keep our guard firmly up. This awareness is medicine!
Our hurts are indeed like shackles that hold us back from walking and moving with the potential of our grace until we heal and let them go.
Suse I’m really feeling the self made shackles this morning, It’s as though there is a part of me that is determined to stay stuck in misery. I can feel how this other part of me is having a hissy fit as it has been exposed as not being it.
“If we would only allow ourselves to be what we deep inside know to be true, we can live and connect with each other in this free and intimate way that we secretly all crave for. It’s the easiest, most natural thing in the world.” So true Regina – if only…..
‘love ourselves no matter what, then make the first step towards the other – by just being open, not holding back – and offer our true sweet nature and see what happens?’ I love this. When I do offer this some people jump feet first into being open and friendly – I remember waiting in hospital and soon a whole row of people were talking as if we’d known each other for years. It was a very beautiful experience. What scuppers it is whenever I go into self-doubt and become self-consciousness, then the other person picks up on this and we can both go back into the usual restrictive norms most of us live by. I don’t often do this and opt for, worst case scenario, feeling an open hearted fool.
Self doubt is such a killer. Appreciation supports me when I go into this. Also forgetting about self and concentrating on what’s needed in the moment.
‘But what we all crave deep within is that intimate connection to others that we had as a child. We don’t want to be held back by our self-consciousness and fears.’ Reading this makes me realise how open and loving young children are – there is a joy and a trust and a love that is very beautiful to feel. As adults we usually don’t have this same openness and unconditional love for others.
I agree Rebecca watching children go up to complete strangers and start chatting to them about everything that’s going on in their world, who wouldn’t open up to such unconditional love. I have watched how the older person responds back with the same love… we are love, we come from love and when love is expressed it comes back.
Toddlers and young children are naturally open, joyful and fun, it is very beautiful to feel.
It can be devastating to lose friends when you’re younger and being in the army this was very common for me. I got to the point where I thought there was no point because either my friend would have to leave or I would. I’ve never forgotten that first day at school feeling and the awkwardness that comes with not knowing anyone.
My parents moved around the UK a lot, so by the time I had some new friends we would be moving again; yes, I hated going to new schools not knowing anyone, yet that happened with each school I attended.
It’s like we don’t really know what it would truly be like to be with others if we allowed ourselves to just be who we are, that we haven’t quite given that a full go yet. A part of me wants to say that it feels like I have only been living the after effects of having my true essence crushed, and I do not actually have clear memory of pure joy of just being me. No wonder it has been very hard to regain trust in others and in myself, to feel that it is okay to just be me. Then another part does know that the true light was never lost and how simple it actually might be to just surrender if I allow it.
I related to this blog as I have had similar experiences growing up as a child. I had a younger sibling I got on very well with. And then something changed over the years and both were going through something at the same time and our hurts got in the way of being with each other. At times I wonder if we were coping with what life was throwing at us and didn’t know how to handle it.
Now it’s bringing that understanding and I find myself responding differently to what life has been sending me, by connecting to myself more. It can be that simple, if we choose it.
I haven’t thought about this for many years but I remember being devastated by a childhood friend moving to a different county. I had finally found a friend I felt at ease with and with whom I felt I could open my heart up to. I was so angry with God, with life that this chance to be me with someone was taken away. I felt pretty rubbish about myself so retreated more from being honest about what I thought or felt, always looking for that same feeling I had had with my friend with someone else. I felt very uncomfortable with people I felt didn’t have issues, and attracted to those who did. It’s taken a fair few years to realise all the stuff I felt awful about that I could feel inside wasn’t actually who I am but emotions I’d taken on board.
Connecting to my essence and how lovely I actually am means that I can share who I am with people, I can also share any stuff that doesn’t feel great because I know it isn’t me and sharing does support me in letting it go. I can still fall into feeling ashamed for choices that aren’t loving, but I then look at myself from love and get the understanding needed to heal. Writing this I can see how much I pushed people away when I wasn’t ready to accept myself.
I have pushed people away too, now I am learning to stop doing that, ‘ love ourselves no matter what, then make the first step towards the other – by just being open, not holding back – and offer our true sweet nature and see what happens?’
I feel like letting our guard down and holding back are two completely different things it feels like letting our (or not letting our guard is) is because we are afraid to be or feel vulnerable .. maybe think we will get hurt. And holding back is not expressing all there is to express .. it is like not letting ourselves be all that we truly are but staying in a very small box. Neither are love and neither are natural yet we seem to currently live this way more then allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and allowing ourselves to be all that we are. My understanding of being vulnerable is not completely different from when I was younger. When I was younger I would think being vulnerable was being weak even stupid but now I see being vulnerable is not being afraid to be all who we truly are and so on reflection maybe the two are very similar and interlinked after all?
I feel so adjusted to live in this society, I feel like a bolt that has got rusted and stuck, so that when someone comes along and offers a different way to be; I’m so rusted up with ideals, beliefs, pictures of how society expects me to behave it feels impossible to move. The easing oil to become unstuck is love understanding and appreciation.
Love this analogy, thank you Mary
What a great way to start to understand why change is so hard, we have come to find ourselves defined by the rust, when we were shining, sparkling and efficient bolts in the first place!
Lucy absolutely I wrote that comment back in 2018 and the analogy of a rusted bolt is still relevant. The wall of protection which are all the ideals, beliefs, projections, justifications I have built for myself seems so thick and impenetrable. The question I ask myself is why is there such a resistance to the love that is constantly on offer, it makes no sense at all to me.
From experience the more I let down barriers and open up, willing to let others in the lovelier it feels within my body.
In those walls of protection we contract way from living in harmony and an interdependence with others.
I am still learning to let the walls go, and stay open and connected to myself and everyone, ‘I do what feels possible, trying out different avenues to meet and connect to people and open up more and more. With that comes the experience of how people respond or react to me’.
“I often feel like a child; simple, innocent, joyful and filled with love. And with the experience, wisdom and awareness of the grown woman that I am now, there is an understanding that we are all very similar inside.” How beautiful that we can still feel this innocence of a child, even when we are older if we so choose. Such a precious reminder of who we truly are.
The more that we love ourselves the easier it is to be with others without imposing on them that they should be different from how they are.
Yep because the more we love ourselves the less we need from others so hence don’t impose on others. Makes sense.
‘We don’t want to be held back by our self-consciousness and fears. It feels like a prison; it makes us sad and lonely.’ This is well expressed. Our fears and self-consciousness do imprison us. We need to learn to live in a way that counters self-consciousness and fear so that we can live more of the gorgeousness we truly are.
We are separated because we like to be recognised, we like to get a pat on the back and in that we do everything and anything to stand out and be better than those around.
The only way that our relationships can work is to start with honesty because without that we have nothing.
This is really interesting and pondering on this I can feel that this is the case; ‘Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us.’
It’s interesting that we think that just because someone is a small child that they would not feel hurt or disappointed by having a friend move away. But no matter our age it does. No matter our age we need to be supported to process these things, not think that they are young enough, they’ll get over it. Often these experiences are formative in our younger years.
Waiting for others to prove that they will not hurt us before we allow ourselves to love them is never going to work and is extremely disempowering. We can choose to love no matter what another is doing.
That makes sense Elizabeth, choosing to love no matter what another is doing.
I Love becoming more open with people, a talk in a queue, waiting for the Docter, bumping into someone, can be a meaningful connection and not an irritation or inconvenience.
I have found since I have been working on myself, discarding all that which doesn’t belong to me anymore. and getting to know the true me, my guards are coming down. I have approached and spoken to people I would have reluctantly gone over to say hi to. There is this impulse, whilst before the effort was for another reason and that was to be liked, or to be noticed.
A big move to forwardness and knowing we are here together as one and not the separate ones.
Awesome observation, I have also felt this in my life and it is a marker for me, if it feels a little raw, and my heels little dug in gently ask myself to give it go, and yes expansion is the word from stepping out of our comfort.
It is true that as I have stopped holding back, I am noticing that I feel a lot closer to people I meet on the street, not just family and friends, an openness with others allows intimacy to be felt and known.
Regina you are correct in that many of us had the innocence, joy and love of a child and then something occurs for them, whether it is an incident or being continuously belittled. I can totally relate to this.
But the statement that is standing our for me is ‘our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us’ – is quite a big revelation and I ponder on this many a times – expression is everything, it either heals or harms.
Shushila I have discovered our own holding back as Regina has said ‘our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us’ is true I have held back for years and can now feel the effects of the holding back has on my body of living in the constant nervous energy which drains my body so that I feel lethargic and want to withdraw from life. It’s such a set up by my spirit to keep me away from God.
You show the cycle we are in and continue to repeat lifetime after lifetime, from child to adult. From being open and free, to being shut down and separate from each other. Holding back our love is something we learn, it is not our natural way. So one of life’s purposes is to reconnect to the love that supports us all.
It would be an absolute revelation for most adults if we were able to live just one full day in the body of a child. Sure we probably wouldn’t have dinner ‘on time’ but we’d be feeling so amazing that it really wouldn’t matter.
We can learn fast as kids to play the game and do the right things to appear like everything is ok, but underneath it all we know it is all fake and though the game playing hurts, the greater hurt is knowing that everyone is playing the game and pretending that it is real.
Regina, this is a gorgeous sharing about how you have experienced hurts but also how you have learned to let them go and embraced love again.
“Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us”. Even though I still hold back in varying degrees at times, I know the harm that this does to your body. The reaction we fear happening from others is nowhere near the harm we do to ourselves.
“being very polite and friendly but showing no honest interest in the other person” I have done that and I have that done to me and both of them feel pretty foul. It is a good one to call out and see if it is true for you and to feel the effects of it.
Quite often if I react to something that is being done to me, I will reflect on if I have ever done that to someone else. More often than not, the answer is yes in some shape or form and then I become appreciative of it because I know how awful it can feel when I do it to others which allows the space for me to choose differently next time.
Being ‘polite and friendly’ offers nothing of truth to anyone, it is one of the millions and trillions of ways that we silently say ‘you’re not having access to me and I’m not interested in having access to you’.
We can let our hurts hold us back – but then the world misses out on who we are. So this seems like a needed experiment to be ourselves with others.
There is no logic whatsoever to the separation and disconnection between so many in this world. It is innately natural for us to be very connected and very intimate and loving with all. The only reason it is not is because of the way of life we have settled for which is far far less than the grandness we truly are.
‘It is innately natural for us to be very connected and very intimate and loving with all’ agreed Joshua and yet we can walk through a crowded city and not make eye contact with a single other person, we can sit on a packed train and not speak to anyone and we can pass each other in the street and not even acknowledge each other’s existence. All of this unnatural way of being takes effort as well as taking its toll on our bodies.
‘Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us. That is just one moment, but our holding back is with us all of the time. It’s a structure that holds us in a certain energy even when we are alone.’ Very true Regina it determines our movements when we are in this structure, instead of feeling the space in our body and in the way we can move when we express who we are.
There is a whole re-parenting thing going on for me at the moment. Rather than living in the shadow of hurts from my past, I am bringing the child I was into adulthood, supported, loved, honoured and seen for the true qualities held… it is fun.
Me too Matilda. I was such a glorious child and childhood was also glorious. What I am discovering is that by returning to the gorgeousness of me as a child, life is becoming truly sumptuous again.
Sometimes we have things that happen at a young age that are configured to confirm to us how the world is and then we can often go into an older pattern (far older than this life time) that will stunt us. But the beautiful thing that you have shown us all Regina, is that despite this, we all have a choice to not have that govern our life but indeed that we can discard these old patterns that no longer serve us and that we have the choice to work through our hurts and be truly free to simply be and let the world see this even if it is stage by stage, increment by increment.
Henrietta I agree with you we all have older patterns going back many lifetimes that will stunt us until we let them go. For many of us we do not fully appreciate just how much they influence the life that we are experiencing now.
This is so beautifully shared Regina and so true: “Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us. That is just one moment, but our holding back is with us all of the time. It’s a structure that holds us in a certain energy even when we are alone.” – We cannot hide or run away from ourselves and how we feel, so we might as well learn to work with this and keep opening up more and more despite how challenging this can feel at times!
When we don’t deal with our hurts we live a life of protection and separation to others, I know I felt like this for many years until I began to unravel and let go of hurts I was holding the world ransom to. It is deeply healing and very powerful to address our hurts and to feel a deeper connection with others from this.
‘Uninhibited curiosity and joy’ – 4 words that have given me a project for the day. What will one day be like if I approach it with these qualities? Let’s see.
Well said Matilda, and these 4 words really can be applied to every day and every moment, as if it was our last day or last breath and to be enjoyed to the max and milked to the max.
“For me, the only way out of that deeply held belief in the lack of self-worth, the shyness and sometimes crippling self-consciousness, is to come out of my perceived safe haven.” Unless we step-out of our ‘safe havens’ nothing will change and the irony is that these havens are an illusion of safety as in fact keep us in the prisons of our suffering.
Step by step, without waver, coming out of our ‘safe’ havens and opening up to the magic of relationships (as in all our interactions with other people) for the learning, reflections and return to the fullness of everything life offers. Thank you, Regina.
These early wounds stay with us and fester unless we catch the pattern of behaviour that exposes them. This is a great blog that shows how worthwhile it is to take the time to see what influences some of the patterns of behaviour we feel we have no control over.
I love it when another is the one opening the door to their heart to me, perhaps I being preoccupied, but they are there saying come back to connection in their smile or greeting.
Yes very delicious, and isn’t this what they feel in us when we do the same?
The goal is to never close the door to anyone but to live in a way that provides constant access to anyone and everyone. To live in a way that is transparent and accessible to all, always.
The title lifts us up already, for we are here together, hence being separated makes no sense really. So why are we separated? What have we decided by our free will to let go of that it has come so far way..?
What a great sharing about the harm we do to ourselves in trying to protect ourselves, and how we can let this way of living go.
“as we have learned to adjust to the ‘adult’ way of behaviour, which is measured and tainted by all the hurts and disappointments of our childhood and teenage years.” I wish more people talked about this and this was more publicly and widely known. It explains a lot of adult behaviour when we understand how many hurts are carried in our bodies (and then how simple it can be to heal them thanks to Universal Medicine).
Yeah totally Sarah it is well known how we maladapt from hurts but what Universal Medicine gives us is ways to heal them from our body whereas most ways try to help you think/talk about it but it doesn’t actually truly heal those hurts. So many of us have healed those maladaptions so we are living much more innocently and childlike.
So true Vanessa, we only truly heal our hurts when we heal them from our body.
‘But what we all crave deep within is that intimate connection but first craving this intimate connection with me! It seems that we spend our life looking for things on the outside when, everything or all that we are searching for is in fact innately within. Ironic really. And then the more we allow and give ourselves permission to truly connect with this then of course all of our relationships, even the ones where we just pass someone by in the street, benefit from this. I truly believe that if it were not for knowing Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon and attending the Sacred Esoteric Healing courses I would still very much be the lost, hurt and unaware person I was before meeting them. And on reflection here I can feel I have also started to re-claim the woman I truly am as well.
Yeah it’s good to reflect on how life was and how life is after. I am not there on being open-hearted like a child, but I am much more open and feels so much better than the hardness and total protection before.
When the world we know as a child begins to get complicated, a little scary and those around us don’t seem to understand what it is we need from them, so many of us start to build a “safe haven”, a place where we can pretend to live the life we create in our minds, but a place that actually dis-connects us from not only ourselves but all those around us. Unfortunately, once built, this so-called haven is very difficult to demolish but with a loving commitment and one step at a time we can finally open ourselves up to life and to others once again.
Yes, we build a safe haven to do the most sensible thing we know how to do…to keep ourselves safe! Yet all it does is build a wall that means we cannot see when there is danger that we need to pay attention to so we are not safe at all and then complain we were taken by surprise!
I agree Lucy that the walls of protection we build because we believe they will keep us safe, usually end us with consequences more far reaching that we realise at the time, but at the time of building the need to be safe overrides everything else. These sorts of walls may be invisible but they act like walls built of concrete, walls we can’t see through, around or over, that is until some major event in our lives causes them to come tumbling down.
Only when we allow ourselves to be who we are with no reservation (without perfection) and to express and share that treasure with others we feel content and complete. We are made to share, complement and complete each other. It is the only way. Therefore separation is the poison we need to detox wherever we recognize it and the antidote is connection.
Pretty much all of us are living in disconnection from ourselves which means that we’re living in disconnection from everybody and everything else. We have to re-join ourselves first, to re-yoke ourselves back to our own Oneness so that we’re then able to re-unite with everybody else.
The greatest medicine, love and care we can give to ourselves is to not hold back and express ourselves in full.
“We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly” so so true Regina and if we all acted on this deep inner knowing then this world would come to be in harmony.
“So why don’t we give what we hope to come from others to ourselves, love ourselves no matter what, then make the first step towards the other – by just being open, not holding back – and offer our true sweet nature and see what happens?” – Beautifully said and even if what happens is rejection that doesn’t mean that we need to then put our guard back up for an open heart is the truest form of ‘protection’ we can ever have…
When we are not loaded down with hurts we naturally want to be with people as it is only our hurts that make us want to avoid people. Raise a child with love and they will love people.
Loving and trusting are inherent qualities in all of us which just goes to show how screwed up we’ve allowed ourselves to become in the fact that most of us are ‘naturally suspicious’ and mistrusting and the vast majority of us have taken our manufactured and loveless form of love to be love.
I agree, we all crave intimacy with another therefore it is our responsibility to get to know ourselves intimately first then we are able to be intimate with many others.
‘I never had so many friends before, even if it is just for a moment.’ I love this. It expresses the universality of us all isn’t dependant on time and earning that special place in another’s heart. I’m just this second realising how much I’ve invested in this belief. If I measure relationships by time and experiences shared I constantly hold people and myself to what has happened – this creates nostalgia or regret and both are emotions that take us away from the opportunities of connection right now. It creates judgement and stifles appreciation and responding to what’s next. Yes, it’s lovely to build in a long-term relationship but every new moment is a new opportunity to deepen. Resting on past laurels, isn’t it?
I can build a relationship every time I meet a person, whether I’ve met them before or not. We can re-write disrespectful relationships (if the other isn’t willing that doesn’t mean we can’t re-write our part) and, a big one for me who has hidden from people, not have a need to live by past experiences but start afresh, enjoying the friends of any moment.
The problem is that we have no physical register that we are here together; that underneath physical separation there are no energetic boundaries between us. So, this is something that comes to most people at most as an idea. The physical reality is what dominates. And the physical reality (that is not just physical just to be sure), is one were we get to experience different degrees of separation that are not true anyway. It is a self-created experience and reality we fall for.
It can take a while for us to let our guard down enough to get to the point where we no longer worry about what others think of us. After all, who said that everyone has to like what we do and say, and if they do not like it, then there must be something wrong with us – unfortunately, this is the stance we adopt when growing up. There is so much freedom when we let this go.
This a beautiful blog Regina and you are so clearly very beautiful, open, sweet and loving – you can feel it in every one of your words. You have just reminded me that one of my most favourite things to do is to talk with strangers as though they are my best friends. It is remarkable how people open up and what they share with you. Intimacy can be had in every moment with any one that is willing to go there with you. What a perfect blog to read as I move through the city and make my way to work.
It’s so important what you’ve shared about how it’s NATURAL for us to connect and develop relationships with other people, and keeping our distance is actually a forced behaviour that requires much more effort.
When we are young we naturally love every-body as we know we are all one. As we separate from ourselves and each other this diminishes until we become so disconnected that for many of us it is more natural to hurt one another than to hold each other in the love we all are.
The performance habit is very strong in me. I catch myself thinking that I have to deliver things in a certain way to be worthy of acceptance from others. Working with Universal Medicine and the support of articles such as these, endlessly inspire me to break this self-value crushing habit.
Yes, it’s wonderful to have it re-confirmed that just being me is enough. It’s becoming a far less alien feeling now that I am actually starting to be more present and feel how just being, really is enough, the love and beauty that can come through is very lovely.
Just because we all act as if we are strangers doesn’t mean it’s true – after all we’ve lived so many lives we’ve probably been best friends before. There’s nothing to be gained by seeing others as foreigners and everything to understand about how connected we are.
I am realising as I let go of my protection how much was there and how false it has been, based on fears that weren’t true and have kept me separate from from everyone. The joy I feel now when I meet people is wonderful to feel as I let go of the protection.
I’m coming to know what it is to let people in and it’s so lovely and joyful. Yes, I can feel what gets in the way at times but I also know this isn’t the truth of who I am and can choose to live with an open heart.
‘It’s the easiest, most natural thing in the world’ – I couldn’t agree more, and yet we make it so hard. When I think about the amount of effort it takes to keep ourselves small and away from our natural exuberance, it’s easy to see why we are so exhausted.
Exploring the real reason for our exhaustion epidemic would turn around the over-burdening crisis in our health care services… worth attention, yes?
We dont erect those walls away from people overnight, nor do they get torn down overnight. Yes in that moment of being open it feels so freeing and there are no walls, but the momentum of choosing the wall gets chipped away with each choice to be open.
It is just crazy to think that every single human being on this planet is from the same species, we all have legs, lungs, hearts, same amount of fingers (unless something has happened), but as a biological characteristic we all have the same make up. Yet, we find every little thing to be more, less or just different from others. We’re constantly looking for differences to compare who is better than whom. Is this how insecure we are really?
Two different consciousnesses running the body. One consciousness which is constantly pointing out our differences and the other which is constantly pointing us to the fact that not only are we all cut from the same cloth but that in truth there is only One Cloth. And that that ‘cloth’ is God.
You are so right there is no need to perform and I love this ‘sometimes just a smile or simple “hello” opens the door to another heart.’ Or to connect with another’s eyes. When we make it about true connection and people everything changes 💕
Intimacy re-claimed from ages of misinterpretation… thank you.
We have taken the real meaning of intimacy and basically annihilated it. True intimacy is the natural intertwining of us and God and yet most of us now consider ‘intimacy’ as having a sexual relationship with another. How dreadful to take something of such exquisite beauty and to cheapen it to such ugly levels, it’s actually quite revolting.
Beautiful to read this this morning, thank you Regina. I know the absolute truth of what you share.
We can be with our best friends and still feel separate. This depends entirely on what is going on internally for us. Connect with ourselves and we are connected with everyone.
That’s a great warning when we feel separate from others, that we have disconnected from our inner most. In connection with ourselves we are never separate from anyone.
We keep people out to protect ourselves but what we don’t realise is that we start to diminish ourselves. The lack of self-worth creeps in, and beliefs have us believe that we have nothing of value to offer a relationship; the fact of the matter is that we only have to be us and that is enough.
Keeping people out is so much more harming than letting people in. The question is why do we do this, when every part of us knows to let people in, as we are from the divine source.
As a child we just know how grand and magnificent we are but when that is not confirmed in us we slowly start to negate that knowing that we have of who we are. We have to learn to confirm ourselves irrespective of how another is with us.
It is our totally natural way to ‘have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly’… everything that is not this takes effort, resistance and struggle. This is a properly bonkers state of affairs to find ourselves in.
We are so blessed that we can have an open loving connection with anybody, we just need to choose it in each moment and allow the magic to unfold.
We are here to be God with everybody and for everybody to be God back, so that there is nothing, as in no-thing that is not Him.
We cannot condemn an entire humanity based on the actions of a few. This is a lesson we all must learn on our journey back to Soul. The hurts we have isolate us from each other and prevent us from expressing the great love that we each in essence are.
‘But what we all crave deep within is that intimate connection to others that we had as a child. We don’t want to be held back by our self-consciousness and fears. It feels like a prison’. Reading this I can feel how different we are with ourselves and each other when we are young children. Observing the way young children are with each other there is an openness, playfulness, lightheartedness and honesty. If something hurts then children express this and they also express their love of each other without holding back – this is very beautiful to see. As adults it often feels very controlled and serious how we are with each other – not the natural expression that we lived when we were young.
Regina I so loved this line when I read this “Everyone is love and has their own way of expressing it.” reading this shows us there can be no room for any judgment – we are all gorgeous and unique in our expression.
Beautiful Sam, absolutely true. We are all gorgeous and unique in our expression and there is no room for judgement.
We may all have different ways of expressing love but there is only One Love and that is The Love That Is God.
The other day I was in the shower and these words came to me: “I am not here to be anybody’s friend, I am here to be everybody’s friend”. There was a bit of a story before that as to why these words came ~ it felt very freeing and expansive!
Taking the a risk and letting one person in and learning to trust yourself again can be a very healing journey, for then there are many others to follow and walls of protection to come down.
Not trusting each other is a completely fabricated state of being. We’ve invented mistrust because our most natural state of being (Oneness) is so far beyond trust that trust doesn’t even exist.
In the past I have had a best friend and/or friends without really considering what that actually entails. Now my friendships are based on purpose and there are times I do not see certain friends much at all and that does not matter as the love remains and when we do connect, it is very deep.
I know that safe haven of withdrawal you talk of Regina and how isolating it can be, holding us apart from the connection we can have with anyone we meet. It is like a self inprisonment. Stepping out of it building trust in myself being me has lead to enjoying the connection I feel when I meet people.
That ‘safe haven of withdrawal’ is actually a very perilous place. The true safe haven is one of being stripped backed and raw with anyone and everyone equally. Now that I am able to be that my body is able to deeply rest.
“Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us” – This is very wise, Regina, and so true. What is most devastating is when you feel like you’ve lost yourself and the values you hold as dear, which are unique to every person. For me these include being absolute, honest and always coming back to what the truth is in a situation rather than what is right or wrong. Letting these things slip and becoming uncertain, lenient and aloof is a far cry from what I love and know myself to be.
Knowing we are one and connected is beautiful and great – but so often we still find ourselves living like we’re a selfish, hurt animal. This contrasting behaviour portrays the way our spirit has of dominating our body, no matter what our head knows. So whatever we do, the way forward I feel is to put the body first.
I agree, when we connect and put our body first, then the beauty all follows. There spirit has little control, as our body speaks louder and guides the way.
I used to think there was ‘the one’ person for me but have come to see that, as you say. ‘We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly.’ and there is no ‘one’ person rather an endless number of people with whom we can have loving interactions with. Some we may see more and maybe spend our life living with whist others will come and go. But no matter what in each moment with each person we meet we have the opportunity to be all the love that we are.
Often with the concept of friendship comes owner ship like ‘you’re my friend’ rather then connecting deeply with and loving who ever you are with at any given time.
Very true, the same goes with ‘you’re my wife’ or husband, the moment I have found myself doing this I have stopped appreciating the person for who they are and what they bring and usually take them for granted. It is like suddenly I have isolated them into a person neglecting the magnificent multi-dimensional being that they are.
Very true James, we box them into a package designed by our own mind which has nothing to do with who they truly are.
It is scary quite how many people I can look back and see that I have done this with without giving them the opportunity to simply be who they are as I have wanted even if its only a but, for them to be a certain way.
James your words really rang true for me when I read them. I can feel clearly how I do this with my family members, I see them as just that, ‘my family members’, rather than seeing them as the multidimensional beings that they are.
There is no need to make such statements as everyone is our friend and partner, we are a pool of connected people and therefore everyone is equal, when we just connect deeply we get both the blessing of true friendship and relationship.
And letting the love we have for one person enhance and develop all our relationships.
We seem to categorise relationships and what we can get out of them rather than them being the powerful reflection they can be. To hear you were heartbroken to be separated from your best friend shows that the parents had a picture of how that relationship should be, which is what most of us carry with us rather than allowing the freedom for a relationship to be an amazing learning.
Regina, I love this; ‘There is no need to perform, or do or say anything in particular, just allowing ourselves to express what comes naturally in any situation’. I can feel that this is what young children do – they simply say what they are feeling, it is a very natural expression. As adults it feels like we often have so much control over what we say and what we don’t. It feels like we put on voices – being nice and polite and not being our natural open and honest selves.
Sometimes it can take just one relationship with one person to open up the doors of our inner-hearts once again.
Very true Shami. And we can never ever underestimate the potential ripple effect of rekindling that inner-heart connection which brings healing not only that one person but like a domino effect allows them to rekindle others…. who then rekindle others… and so on.
People come into our lives and bring us gifts of learning, learning about ourselves, about others and how the world works. If we open our eyes to these gifts, life can become full of treasures.
‘We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly.’ This is so true it is just what we choose and how we choose to be with people and from experience I know being open and loving omg soooooo much better than putting up a barrier of protection or shutting people out.
I know and love it well too, Vicky, but still have plenty of ingrained behaviours that mess with this totally natural openness we have.
The more we expose these behaviours, the easier it be comes to have the loving connection with everyone.
I feel that a lot of people feel lonelier being with other people than when we are alone. I feel the tension of the gap between the love that I and we are capable of sharing with each other and the huge deterioration from that potential we have allowed in society. Luckily that tension exists, so no matter how far we try to separate from each other, we will know the call to come back to oneness.
It is so true that we can act as if these rejections do not touch us and all the while we harden and withdraw from life more or more or seek to hurt back.
‘We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly’… I totally get this, meeting people in my work maybe only once and maybe only for a few moments… and knowing how life changing and heart warming these meetings can be.
What a beautiful invitation to come out of the shadows and share ourselves fully with others. Very risky but oh so worth it.
Yes, the freedom we feel as a child is in every cell of our bodies and then we feel a rejection of that openness and it seems from that moment “we wait for others to first prove to us that they will not hurt us”
‘We start off as an open, joyful child with free expression and no fear of consequences, then we experience rejection and judgement, grow up and build up walls of protection around us’. A familiar story, and when we hit these low points and disappointments, what we need most is to share our feelings with another. We can be that ‘brother’, on hand to listen and give meaning to what has happened, rather than be devastated by it. Each one of us has an important role to play: offering wisdom, encouraging them to talk openly and guiding them towards an understanding of the bigger picture
We let our hurts reduce us and come between us and our relationships – including our relationship with self.
Very true Jenny, healing hurts is key to deepening our relationship with self first and then with others.
One day we’ll all live so connected to our souls that being hurt won’t be an option, we simply won’t entertain such nonsense.
Thinking we are seperate is one of the hugest lies in life, allowing irresponsibility, indulgence and blame to be rife. Life’s not just about us working together but realising we are all from the same source. Just because some of us behave like islands, doesn’t change the truth of this world. Thank you Regina, for reminding me.
We can behave like islands but are all joined under the sea… simple.
A great point to remember that “everyone is love and has their own way of expressing it. And if they don’t show it, to understand that everybody is on their own chosen path in life.” This allows us to be far more open to living and accepting of all others, as well as ourselves.
The mistake the entertainment business is built on, is a need to have the audience like us before we like ourselves. It’s not a mistake really but a way to guarantee the dependence we will have on others to give us love, this industry operates on need.
There is nothing better than having the joy of a true loving friend as a best friend. It’s not often that this is the case in many friendships where comfort and convenience take hold.
Opening up to others is not difficult when we open up to ourselves, when we connect to our innermost we connect to a strength that no attack is bigger than.
Love how children relate with each other. There is no expectations, attachments, judgments or strategies to be liked and accepted. There is no need to say or do anything in particular. Just an ease and an openess that inspires me to bring it to the ‘adult’ way of life.
I remember my first workshop of Universal Medicine very well. Once I arrived there I felt nervous, shy and withdrew. However instantly I received the support from some people there. Even I didn’t know them, they received me with a true smile, I felt observed but in a very loving way…then I could feel a beautiful warmth from within and I could open up to the amazing presentation held by Serge Benhayon that changed my life. The effects of being open and loving with others can be very healing and supportive.
This night I had a signifcant dream related to this blog. I was in a party with friends. They didn’t seem to really appreciate my presence there. Even as they smiled at me in a very polite way I could not feel really welcomed. I felt open and very observant of the situation, with no reaction, but reading what was going on. It was very new for me feeling so solid and with such a clarity in that moment, as in the past I felt not good enough, wrong, sad and very alone in these kind of situations.
After reading your amazing words Regina I feel inspired to meet people with my open heart. I know deep within that the fear of being rejected have moulded my true, fresh and natural expression, but I’m ready to bring it out again. Thank you.
Regina, the way you write about our adult life is very telling: the way we hold back, offering polite but shallow conversation when all the while we are craving for an intimacy that deep inside we all know is there.
I agree. Any transition in life can be difficult and our loving support for those going through these transitions can make the world of difference .
We only have to walk down the street, around the park or through the mall with many others walking towards us to realise how many of us live in separation to our fellow brothers and sisters. You can almost hear them saying – please don’t talk to me – as they cast their eyes downward and keep on walking. I used to be one who did just this but these days I don’t hold back; I look lovingly at them and if they choose to look up I smile and say hello. For as you say Regina, “Sometimes just a smile or simple “hello” opens the door to another heart.”
“If we would only allow ourselves to be what we deep inside know to be true, we can live and connect with each other in this free and intimate way that we secretly all crave for. It’s the easiest, most natural thing in the world.” – well said Regina, it is something we all yearn for and yet struggle with so much despite it being the most natural thing for us! We may have forgotten, but the beautiful thing is that it is something that we naturally know to do, so re-turning to that way of being is absolutely possible, as it is not about having to learn something new, but rather returning to something we already know!
‘Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us.’ This is key to remember as it can be so easy to get caught up in the hurt of another and go into blame. I am beginning to understand that the more I bring myself, with less holding back, the less I am affected by others.
‘We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly.’ This is true, especially when we meet with older people who have dementia, there is a light within that we can feel and it is so beautiful when we can connect with that through eyes, and words are not always necessary.
‘We are Here Together, so Why are we so Separated?’ What if there is a grand plan that we have missed, ignored and buried, and so we are actually working against everything we truly want in life.
I have been coming to Vietnam for many years and have loved the closeness and loving attitude that is a natural way of being, in everyone. These are just my observations; there are now coffee shops where there were tailors, bread is replacing rice, selfies are part of youth, and there is obesity creeping in. The world is getting smaller, but we are getting farther away from everyone and our selves by our choices.
I remembered reading this blog how much I loved my first best friend at primary school, we adored each other, so much love freely flowing in abundance, there was no holding back in how we felt about each other. Thanks for the reminder, and a reflection for me as to how am I living with me and my relationships today.
There is an irony to the question as we are here because we separated once to now learn again to unify as one brotherhood so that we all will be part of the oneness we have separated from once again.
Its is such a shame that childhood hurts can have such a negative effect on our entire lives if we don’t get the opportunity to heal them and even if we do heal most of them, there can be still a certain amount of protection or reserve that keeps us fully from being ourselves.
The one who is at one with himself never will be separated from another, even when the other feels separated from them.
It’s common for us to have a couple of friends we trust and let them in, to an extent at least – believing that we are being ourselves with them, and yet years can go by without us truly letting the other person in. This can happen when we do not truly know ourselves without our ideals and beliefs and in effect are acting out the best possible version of ourselves at that time.
That inner knowing is so simple, so sweet – irresistible if we but choose it.
I have noticed recently that those on the autistic spectrum that I work with have become more open and our relationships are becoming much more spacious. I feel that a trust is being deepened as they feel the consistency in me over time and as I become more honest and transparent in how I feel allowing my own vulnerability to be seen.
Rejection can be so stifling and holds us back from opening up to being all the love that we are just in case we lose the love again. So it is a self perpetuating cycle until we go no, I am going to be all the love I am regardless. I also find that if a part of me is holding’ but what if they reject me?’ then I am not being the love that I am and so I feel rejected! It is quite amazing how much we create our reality to suit whatever story we are running with.
So true, we create the situation we most fear because we don’t open up in full! It is therefore a self-perpetuating cycle where we feel everyone else is to blame.
It is amazing how we create exactly what we either want or don’t want – either way it is a perfect set up. It mocks our intelligence when we can repeatedly say over and over again don’t do this or that and then find ourselves doing the very same thing.
Yes James! It has got to be right up there with the definition of crazy, yet we are all masters of it…go figure!
Go figure indeed – and we are the seemingly most advanced intelligent species!
“We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly” – the other day on the street I heard a loud dropping sound and turned to see a lady who unfortunately had fallen down onto the pavement. I immediately went to her and with my eyes looked into hers, instantly connecting as I helped her up. In that fragile moment for her, I saw our connection as timeless, with deep understanding with the beauty of complete equalness between us. After I helped her onto her feet, hailed a cab and lifted her luggage into the car, our eyes continued to communicate everything in split seconds …. it was afterwards when I reflected on the situation, I saw just how our natural way is one of connection and that through this we work together, support each other, to operate as one. Because we are one.
This has become more and more apparent to me, how children and young people are prepared for relationships or friendships (especially going wrong), when they move from primary to secondary and we need to support them more with this, particularly building and confirming their relationship with themselves from young, so they have more body confidence, self-worth and self-esteem.
I have found my own self judgement and criticism to be the biggest seperator between me and others.
Me too Aimee – it stops me from being myself and so keeps me away from others. Yet when I let it go, suddenly I am there with people and feel all the support and love imaginable. It goes to show quite how much we create the reality we live in. We go around judging ourselves thinking who would want to be with us and so, naturally who would when we are being like that!!
We give more energy to what we are not than to what we are, so why not turn this around like Regina is proposing, to experience the loveliness of ourselves in connection with others.
It makes such a difference – start with the love we are and live it in full and then what is not love has no room.
We take words and things people say to heart and decide to storm off, when if they’re not right and speaking the truth, this is when people need loving the most. It’s time we saw that life is here for us to move closer together not further apart. Thank you Regina!
Eventually we’ll all move so close together that any semblance of there being a divide will disappear completely and we’ll return to being the One and Only that we all are.
“We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly” – totally agree with you Regina.. the more I have built an open and honest relationship with myself, the easier I find it is to be (this) with others, and also to naturally want to connect with people… And the beautiful thing is that when you do do this, you find the person so similar and familiar to yourself to confirm the fact that we’re cut from the same cloth – of humanity, where we are one big family.
“Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us.” What a great line to read and explore, as I have been one that holds back far too much back to the point it has made me very ill at times.
Totally agree kevmchardy ‘our holding back is a structure’ this really gave the feeling of the tension which develops in the muscles, tendons and the entire connective tissue in the body from our living and repeating that holding – and what that potentially develops into in the body.
Just because another person is holding back from sharing their love doesn’t mean that I need to echo their way of relating. I can stay with and in love and express it naturally so and it is up to them to either respond or react and for me to allow them that. Not judging, giving or receiving love but being love with the power and beauty it represents.
To take a risk and remain open to another is well worth it when we have experienced the prison of protection and withdraw for fear of being hurt.
The more we open up to people the more we realise we are not our hurts, indeed we are so much more…
The things that we say have hurt us, in truth haven’t. The constantness of our being can’t ever be hurt but we pretend that we’ve been hurt and limp along licking our imaginary wounds. But when we do heal our imaginary hurts we realise that we were and always are beautifully intact and completely unblemished.
It is so simple, yet many find it the most challenging thing to stay open, no matter what or who we come across. Yet the joy felt in ones body when you feel that intimate connection with another, no matter if this is a fleeting moment walking along the street is priceless. And once felt is the foundation that supports us to do the same more often. In time, I know that being open, understanding and ready to respond to anything or anyone that comes my way will again be the way I live. For each day there are more instances where this occurs in my life and I celebrate this as it is not just for me, but also for everyone that I connect with.
“Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us.”
Now this is a sentence the whole world needs to hear.
Allowing others in, without any protection, is what we are all re-learning to do in different degrees. It is almost like we isolate ourselves if we allow our past hurts to dictate our current choices. Letting go of our hurts and remaining open is such a rewarding exercise.
There is such a relief and settlement in not performing to others and sharing ourselves in an authentic way.
When we hold back ourselves waiting for them to be open are we not holding them to ransom? “So why don’t we give what we hope to come from others to ourselves, love ourselves no matter what, then make the first step towards the other – by just being open, not holding back – and offer our true sweet nature and see what happens?’
As has recently been shown to us – we can have abuse going on in a neighbourhood but because everyone keeps separate – no one says ‘what is going on as something does not feel right’ But as we become more shut down as adults, it is about ‘us’ first – which stops us from connecting with humanity and actually supporting each other naturally as one big community.
“We start off as an open, joyful child with free expression and no fear of consequences, then we experience rejection and judgement, grow up and build up walls of protection around us.” Yes I can completely resonate with this, I built up many walls of protection having experienced rejection and judgement.
Such a great awareness to have that another’s moment of holding back love towards us is a minuscule drop compared to what we can do to ourselves over a life time. Yet focus can go to the other person and we can ignore our own part in holding ourselves back in love.
Not only do we separate ourselves from the rest of humanity, it feels like we have separated from ourselves too, which gives us an empty and incomplete feeling, when we start to reconnect back to who we truly are the separation is no longer felt and we start to open up and express from our essence.
Taking the initiative in relationships rather than waiting for the other person is the key to our own evolution and support of others.
Very true Thomas, by not taking the initiative when feeling the opportunity is a vote for holding back everybody.
There is no reason to hold back our love, our being who we are, if someone else decides to reject it. Dealing with our own hurts supports us to see that a rejection is not about us, its about the person who is making a choice at the time to reject that same love within them.
Last night I was supporting a resident with her evening routine, she started to talk to me about the concerts that are held in the Aged Care Home every couple of weeks and how bad and boring they are and how most of the residents fall asleep. The way she painted the scene was super humorous and we both cracked up laughing at the idea of all these elderly people sleeping through these monotonous concerts. It was like we were both kids enjoying a good laugh about nothing really, just enjoying being with each other.
I agree Regina, and connecting to our essence means we are open to connecting with others equally. If we are hard and shut off from ourselves this impacts on everyone we meet and the quality of our connection.
My garden fence blew down in a storm recently and I can see how that old fence had actually outran it’s usefulness. I may need to put up a very low one to protect the plants but how lovely to look out of my kitchen window and see so much further and so much more.
‘I often feel like a child; simple, innocent, joyful and filled with love.’ Me too. And it is becoming more natural for me to express this love and joy simply and openly with others… also coming to appreciate the wisdom of every child.
I am finding the more we connect to that quality of love within, the more we can feel like a child, simple, innocent and joyful.
Being open is also an invitation to be raw and real with people and from this place of honesty and openness, we not only find great depth in our relationships but intimacy too and this is what life is all about.
After a lifetime of skirting around on the surface it feels so wonderful to be getting more and more intimate with life. Knitting myself deeper and deeper back into the belly of life until one day there will be no me and no belly, just life.
In the course of my work yesterday I met a few gentleman, who I previously had not met. It was a meeting of less than one hour. It was an example of what you shared Regina, that “We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly”. When we allow ourselves to have these moments with others, it is like we are giving ourselves an opportunity to heal the hurts of previous interactions. In being open with others in this way we ourselves are open to letting go of those hurts that we use as protection.
‘True Regina, holding back is a structure that keeps us where we are, a certain energy that can feel comfortable but also can be very uncomfortable as it is not who we truly are. I love what you’ve shared ‘We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly’ that’s my experience too and I love those unexpected lovely moments with so called strangers on my way out of the holding back.
The intimacy we first felt from within ourselves as a young child is the same connection we crave now and yet all it takes is the surrender to the what is. To know how beautiful the return to this connection is and how much more we then open up to other’s, the world and beyond. We are here to support each other to return to ourselves and it is from here that our intimacy for self blossoms and flourishes to then bring all together.
We not only crave the intimate connection we had with others when we were young, we crave the intimate connection we had with ourselves, before we started looking outside of ourselves for answers.
Well said. And then we are on a false search for something, connections and/or relationships, off track from finding what we are looking for. Our connection starts with our relationship with ourselves… a quality that is always there within us, so simple and so natural.
Not holding back means being open to share myself with others even with the risk of being hurt.
This blog reminds me how far I have come in the way I relate to others. It also reminds me that many, if not most people are very anxious in social situations. We are made to be with each other and there is so much beauty to discover when we approach each other with openness.
“But what we all crave deep within is that intimate connection to others that we had as a child”. I agree that this is what we all want, to be valued and cherished just for who we are. When this doesn’t happen, we get all the crazy behaviours most of us carry on with in life. Some of these are socially acceptable like being a ‘successful’ workaholic to avoid feeling the emptiness others go for the more obvious signs of hurt, like drug and alcohol abuse.
If we are simply connected with ourselves and in the enjoyment of that we naturally will share this joy and connection with everybody we meet, without any holding back or reservedness.
It is true, inside everyone of us, no matter the size, stature, posture or creed, is a natural sweetness and tenderness; in that, we are all the same.
‘We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly’ – this is a beautiful point of inspiration as I step into my day visiting a city for the first time.
Regina I really like what you say about not holding back your expression with someone even if they are. This is truly loving and deeply caring for oneself as well as the person we are with, as what comes through us to express is not for us to hold onto.
What I have observed from my own movements lately is how I can shy away or hold back my authority depending on who I am with. This then shows me the pictures I carry, particularly if there are women who are seen or pictured to be older, I find anxiety can creep in and I feel as if what I share is not enough. This has been an interesting observation and what has helped me to see past this is that when I hold myself and feel my body the doubt, or comparison melts away as I feel how similar we all are and that each expression is not only individually needed but also aids in each of our evolutions through sharing and connecting together.
Maybe this will happen one day … or is happening in some parts of the world; ‘Do we really expect that other people, those strangers that we hold so far away from us, will come to us and tell us that they like us and they would love to see and hear the true version of ourselves, and that we don’t need to feel afraid because they will love us no matter what?’ This has just helped me reflect on the work I do with young people and working with my colleagues in that do I truly hold them in a space that allows them to be all they are without holding ANY pictures, perceptions, assumptions or versions of themselves I ‘think’ they are!
The moment we isolate ourselves by the identification of self, i.e. pursue individuality we already have separated from the oneness we come from and belong to. Invested in individuality we must confirm that separation over and over again and that we do by not being in harmony with each other.
Separate from yourself and you are separated from everyone else. Be connected with yourself and you are connected with everyone else.
Simple and inspiring… bringing home our responsibility in relationships. Thank you, Alex.
Simple and so true, it comes back to connecting with self, which connects us to all. We are all from the one divine source.
I heard this expression today “the standard we walk past is the standard we accept”. This is what we do in relationship with each other, we accept a lack of intimacy and this becomes the standard we accept in society, when all along we crave intimacy and true connection.
Everyone is love and has their own way of expressing it. And if they don’t show it, it is no reason for me to feel inhibited in any way, but to understand that everybody is on their own chosen path in life. Very wise and holds everyone in equalness.
It is as life sets us up to be hurt so we do close down and become measured versions of ourselves, but at the end of the day it is our choice to do so. So the shutting down thing is worse for us than the hurt that might come our way, this is a great way to look at it but we are not only hurting ourselves but we are also effecting others and stopping others from coming out of their shells when we hold back from who we truly are.
What I have come to understand is that we are so separated because we are so disconnected to ourselves. This automatically leads to a disconnection and separation to all those around us as we do not have it as a foundation within ourselves. This is why Universal Medicine has been something that has made complete and utter sense, the modalities, workshops and presentations all support and are based on connection to our innate beings first and foremost. From here we can heal the separation.
“I was heartbroken and withdrew into a previously unknown shyness that I found difficult to let go of for a long, long time.” If we knew the full extent of the pain and devastation that our childhood hurts carry, we would firstly never inflict this on any child, and secondly we would not allow such pain to be a part of our own lives as we would learn to deal with every hurt when it happened. It is only in this way that we will all eventually live lives that are harmonious and deeply honouring of ourselves and others.
I’ve recently become aware of how quickly I put up a wall when my openness is not received as I anticipate it will be. I realise it is conditional. I’ll be open, but only if you are too. If you’re not, then see you later, I’ll go back to being behind closed walls.
Yes we all crave an intimate relationship with ourselves and with another. We love connecting deeply with another and feel so complete when we have this loving connection.
Beautifully said. The love and connection with ourselves and others is our deepest knowing and craving, as it is the oneness we all know and are. The separation of the world is a far cry from who we are or what we truly want.
Underneath all the layers of mistrust and protection we foster the hurt of being in separation to all those we innately know we are connected and at one with. What if we are wrong in thinking we need the protection to not get hurt because all along we are far more hurt by the fact that we have this protection, much more so then any individual could ever truly hurt us?
Being true to ourselves and presenting our true selves to others is a super simple way to be; it builds us from the inside out and allows for open and nourishing relationships.
‘it builds us from the inside out’ yes this is so important Matilda, to have this as our foundation for our relationships.
We go into relationships of different kinds. Some help us mostly to confirm and develop ourselves and what is true about us. Others help us to see clearly (hence to discard) what does not truly allow to bring the true (in) us. Regarding these, the key is to be able to appreciate what is that they brought to us. At the end both work in our favor, yet the ride has a different flavor.
The key is to be in the relationships, and take all of us into those… warts and all. That way its real and the other person feels that in its fullness and can’t help but respond.
It feels so sad that we coup ourselves up behind acceptable behaviour. The freedom that we knew as children to express who we naturally are is so often dampened due to this. Once we become aware of this contraction in the body It is actually painful.
We are not unlike the mollusc…waiting until the coast is clear and then slowly emerging out of our shell when we feel that it is safe to do so. Also like the mollusc we have a squishy (delicate) inside that we think we have to protect by creating a hardened exterior beneath which we hide should we feel threatened. Thus the lesson of the mollusc is to emerge fully into the light of day and know that no matter the terrain we find ourselves in, there is a way to be and move that assures us that we will not get stepped on, a way that is carved by all the love that we are and no less than this.
My feeling is that is what hurts us the most and what has snowballed it to be the extreme place it is today. We desperate know that we are to be together in harmony and yet nothing around us supports this and we have confirmed to the separated ways be it in an obvious or subtle way.
Yes the so-called ‘adult way of life’ is overdue for a complete review, given that it clearly does not work as all the violence and general unrest shows.
“Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us.” This perhaps one of the hardest hurts to heal for as you say it seems impossible to believe one is a lovable person. Sharing your experience and approach, Regina, is very inspiring, helpful and practical. Thank you.
It is such a set-up: we get hurt and withdraw and then this withdrawal causes us more hurt than what originally hurt us yet we focus only on the originating hurt and turn a blind eye to every move we made thereafter that cemented this hurt deeper in where it does not in-truth belong.
To return to how we lived and expressed as children, who can be so wise…… this growing-up thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be if we don’t retain the natural connection to our innermost.
Intimacy in a relationship is the key ingredient, without which it all feels superficial. I am here not talking about sexual intimacy, I mean the kind where you share openly and deeply how you feel and what is happening for you. As human beings part of our healing is to open back up to this intimacy and re-embrace what we may have once stepped away from. And this begins first with self – we develop first the relationship with self that allows the communication and honouring of how we feel, and then this naturally transfers to another in how we are. A win win situation.
Sometimes we can hold a big guard with the very ones we so-called ‘love the most’ – our own family or partners. This can be due to past hurts and then the barrier comes up and we function in life together rather than open our selves up fully to each other. But such situations are really opportunities to explore more deeply what is interfering and then to overcome this so that we can indeed grow and evolve. For relationships abound around us and are the way for us to accelerate our growth in more ways that we may realise.
To return to how we lived and expressed as children, who can be so wise…… this growing-up thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be if we don’t retain the natural connection to our innermost.
“If we would only allow ourselves to be what we deep inside know to be true, we can live and connect with each other in this free and intimate way that we secretly all crave for. It’s the easiest, most natural thing in the world.” The key to this is to give ourselves permission to fully live and express what we feel is true for us. And when we do, it does literally change our lives.
Its so common to have relationships, friendships where we spend time doing things together, but can still feel a barrier in our bodies, and even though we long for a deep connection we sometimes let ideals and beliefs get in the way, when the true way of relationship has not beliefs but explores multimentionality together.
Not only do we crave an intimate connection with another, we crave an intimate relationship with our self. In fact this is more important to us then having it with another.
“I never had so many friends before, even if it is just for a moment.” I love this, it expresses how we can be open and embracing with everyone during our day, that we do not have to draw lines, that every moment and every encounter is precious.
What a great title worthy of great consideration. We all are born and die, we all go around the sun year after year and yet we’ve created such divide between us. I love the depth of understanding and love you express here, the embrace that we are all on our own paths and so differ in our expression of the love that we are. I am particularly inspired because if someone else isn’t choosing to accept and embrace this love within, it doesn’t mean I can’t. Indeed, those who do express without reservation give those who don’t permission to do so too.
This is a fantastic blog, Regina, because it really exposes the harm in contracting and holding back our natural way of being. We are not meant to be hanging back in the shadows but standing in the full light of day with all of who we are, as a reflection for all and with an openness to love.
Maybe it is through knowing our universal connections that true love can really be expressed in this life.
Expression is the most important thing. When we express what we are truly feeling, without reaction or neediness. It is out or our body and on the table, and it is amazing how people respond when they feel realness and authenticity – even if they don’t necessarily agree.
Having lived in the shadows most of my life I’m starting to come forth and express without an attachment to an outcome (usually a need to feel safe). There is a very different quality that people do respond to – something your comment Jenny is inspiring me to observe and commit to.
Not holding back what feels truly natural is the best medicine. To come to this point we have to strip away the pictures and beliefs we have taken on throughout life that says we cannot be this.
When we live in a guarded or protected way, it is like we are ‘bracing ourselves against life’ and this actually translates to a physical reaction in the body. We physically brace ourselves to guard and protect and these layers cause a hardening in our body. It is an emotional hardness which causes disharmony in the body. It is not something to give yourself a hard time about (don’t want to add to it!) but it is something to be aware of and then like you Regina, look at what you are bracing yourself against and in your own time, return to true love which needs no protecting at all.
If we stop to consider we do lead very contracted lives and I have to wonder why we as a race of human- beings have set ourselves up where we live in fear and isolation of each other. It’s like this doctrination starts from a very early age and is set in stone by the time we reach adulthood. We do remember how free we were as children especially the older generation. When I look around at the current generation they appear to be in lock down. Their leisure time is completely taken up with some sort of sporting activity, they are encouraged to be on some sort of social media gadget. I have noticed they never seem to have time to just be and just play. What I have also noticed is that children have been so… again I feel to use the word indoctrinated not to speak to strangers that if you say hello to them they look at you in stunned silence, how is it we have become so separated from each other that we have allowed fear to creep in amongst us.
It is a wonder that we have not learnt after all the time we have had to care for our kids more deeply letting them express and be open to not shutting down from the world through being hurt unnecessarily. This is a cycle that needs to be broken because from the hurts all the problems arise.
Yes an experience like that at a young age can be very crushimg of our natural joy and love if we have not grown up learning to trust our feelings and talk about what happens. True parenting is therefore so important. But as you shared we can start this at any time and come back to our natural expression.
A beautiful blog about how we never actually change who we are from deep within, only our connection to our innermost place can waver…
We innately want to be together, and it is only hurt that keeps us from that. It is inevitable that we will get hurt on a regular basis, so it is so important to learn how to deal with our hurts. We can either bury the hurts and in doing so hold on to them, shut ourselves down and shut others out, or we can lovingly allow ourselves to feel the hurt in order to let it go which leaves us free to be open with others.
Well said, it is so easy to look at others and blame them for not loving us but what if it was actually us who was not being loving in the 1st place. What if we started to truly live the love we know and feel within would things change? I know for me that is the case, sure I may not get the most ‘loving’ response from everything when I look purely from my eyes but most people do open up and respond. In fact the more loving I am with myself the more I get surprised at how loving other people are, especially complete strangers. As you said: ‘Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us’. So what is there to wait, why hold back?!
We are only truly intimate with one another when we are intimate with ourselves. Sometimes the people in our lives are here to show us and support us in deepening this intimacy with ourselves, if they are here to truly love us.
This is beautiful Regina. Behind all our facades we are at the core all one and the same. However, when we ourselves separate from the love we are, our Soul, we diminish our awareness of the wisdom that resides therein, and our sense of who we truly are and the oneness we are part of becomes a distant flicker. It is a flicker that can never be extinguished, it is only us that thwarts its ignition, through the protection we construct to harbour our hurts. But as you shared, deep down we know the flicker awaits to be ignited, and we do experience how we fire up whenever we connect to love, to our Soul, and even greater so when we connect with others.
As adults it becomes normal to incarcerate ourselves through putting up the walls of protection and not being honest and open about what’s going on, even to ourselves.
But it never feels natural or normal to isolate ourselves, and what is there to protect, anyway? When we’re aligning to a fundamental energy of being who we are, there is no need for protection because we’re part of the greater whole anyway.
We all learn to conform to what is accepted, liked or gets a rise out of someone else, a rebel seeks attention just as someone who conforms. We do not allow ourselves to stay free as we are as children. Now as an adult I am aware of many of the compromises I have made to be the adult I turned into, and I am making steps back to that freedom of childhood, along with with an ageless wisdom that is developing. We can all choose this if we want to and in so doing, build a deeper relationship with ourselves, meaning we can also do so with everyone else.
Everyone seems to wait for someone else to make the first move, what if today you were the one to make the first move?
A beautiful question and invitation to not wait but bring on what we deep down feel and know to be true.
When I let myself observe and be inspired by the sparkle and sweetness of a young child, it awakens in me the same qualities – deeply vaulted after many years of learning to live otherwise but still safe and sound, totally intact and ready to be brought into the open again.
When you consider it if we are relating to another from our patterns and learnt behaviours we only have a very few people in our sphere that we can call our friends, sometimes only one if we are lucky, that we feel we can completely trust. And this in a world of 7.4 billion or so! . . . but when we are relating from a connection within ourselves we can relate to anyone and everyone as we are not reliant on them liking us as we understand that they may feel safer at that moment staying in their patterns and behaviours.
When you realise there’s 7.4 billion people in the world you can’t help but realise life is about people! It’s crazy it’s almost like we give our worst part to other people and keep the best part for ourselves, I wonder what the world would look like if we all truly made it about everyone.
Knowing that we are, in essence, all love, strips away so much of the complexity and reaction I have had in life and in relationships. It is like a grounding fact that means I can see beyond mine and other people’s behaviour.
‘My story is probably familiar to many people.’ – Indeed it is Regina – I would say that majority walk around with scars from childhood hurts that affects their adult life, however they may not all be consciously aware of it.
“After that hurtful experience, I never had another friend, let alone a best friend – until I met my loving partner many years later.” If anyone of us fully appreciated the impact that we had on another, we would surely behave in ways that were way more responsible with regard to bringing our awareness to any given situation. What a difference this would make to all our relationships.
“We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly” yes, but this doesn’t mean that relationship lasts – some will be for a few brief minutes, others much longer, but with no less quality..
I have not always had lots of friends, but valued the ones I did have. Friendship is one thing we crave from cradle to grave and with good reason. There is so much we learn from each other as equal sons of God, and friendship gives us the opportunity to grow , which is why we are all here in the first place.
Whenever I connected with how I felt I felt all the issues and emotions I’d taken on board and as they felt unpleasant I thought no-one would want to hang out with me because I didn’t want to hang out with me! The more I disconnected from myself the more I allowed emotions in and the more dirty I felt and uncomfortable with others who, I thought, would judge and reject me – even when I started to feel these emotions they weren’t actually a part of me, they were still present and unpleasant.
But now I’ve started to love me more and connect with my natural loveliness and value it, I feel why wouldn’t people want to hang out with me?
Togetherness is something we all crave, yet can allow so much to interefere with the simple joy of connecting with others.
Togetherness is something we all crave, yet can allow so much to interfere with the simple joy of connecting with others.
It is crazy how many barriers we can put up to stop and fight the one thing we all deeply crave and want.
It is our protections, reactions, hurts that stop us from simply connecting to the joy with others.
It’s really gorgeous what you’ve shared about the light being EQUAL in everyone; although some express their qualities of truth, integrity and care more, the basis of this and at the core is the same beating pulse in all of us.
What simply hurts the most is when we by our own choice close ourselves off form connections with other people as from essence we are interconnected as one and being connected and in continuous relationship with all people is our natural way to be.
Good point, we need to love ourselves no matter what. Given we are innately love, we need to know ourselves as that and not identify our selves by what we do, because this is not who we are or the mistakes we may make, as these are just opportunities to learn.
I have a friend who was actually a best friend for many years but one day his best friend from childhood double crossed him.The person he trusted the most left him not trusting anyone and therefore our friendship broke down and I watched him disregard all those who cared about him. I feel it will be a long time before he comes back to seeing that we are anything but separate.
Your consistent love is an important reflection for him Kevin.
I remember many a times the dread of being at a social gathering, or somewhere where there would be a lot of people and feeling this distinct unease and awkwardness. I couldn’t really do the small-talk but I was also very unsure of myself and in that, I couldn’t really see what was actually going on with everyone around me. And I would retract and contract, becoming a mouse in the corner.
It was only when I started to treat myself with preciousness and care and came to know and love myself for who I am that this awkwardness and lack of confidence completely went. In its place is now an understanding and the ability to observe – of how much we all long for connection and miss it so much when we don’t choose it in our lives – with ourselves first and then with others. And so it’s so common to go for an imitation of this connection – in superficial small-talk, alcohol to let our guards down etc. To admit how much we miss the love that we are is painful at first, but this pain is fleeting. The moment we let ourselves be honest about how much we long for love and connection and allow ourselves to deepen with this, our love returns
I can still hold back from allowing myself to be seen in full. One of the reasons is that I want to avoid the tension that is there which I have sensed and instead of accepting and welcoming it I want to pretend it is not there and override it, but it is a responsibility to present all of me in every moment, as this is my purpose to serving God and humanity.
We only get out what we put in and we have a saying that is somewhat similar in life for this. We don’t often apply this to everything though and if you look at things around you and in this case relationships with people then you could say what you are met with is what you meet with. If we are truly wanting things to change then what we put in, the quality that is and not the quantity is always the key. If in our eyes a relationship is ‘failing’ then to change it’s tune we need to change the input or the how we are in it. I have noticed the power in simply appreciating what you see in someone else, not critiquing but simply appreciating. This builds a level of care and ‘seeing’ that then holds the relationship in the same quality and gives it a point to stand on.
One of the biggest illusions that we allow every day is the illusion that we are separate from each other. There is only separation if we choose to have it.
Yes it is an illusion that we are separate from each other.
This thing about waiting for others to prove themselves is a big one…I can see how I have done this in relationships…the problem is if we are all doing it to each other, we will never have true intimacy with one another.
Beautiful Regina, many children go through withdrawal from life when they sense what is at play.
There is a beauty in being open with everyone rather than just reserving it for a select few. I love how when I am open with a stranger it gives them the opportunity to open up too.
“I love how when I am open with a stranger it gives them the opportunity to open up too.” I agree Rosie, I had an experience the other day, I was purchasing some makeup and a sales person started talking and I was just open and let her talk and before I knew it, she was there talking and sharing so openly, and she was so appreciative of me giving her the space to talk.
Yes, I experience this at work on the phone, if I am open and share a little, it invites the other to do the same, and I can actually feel how shocked some people are that they have told me so much. They feel comfortable, share and then worry that they shared too much, but that is never the case!
We separate from our self first, then we no longer are able to connect with others. When we re-connect again, the connection with others is instantly there if we choose it. And the greater intimacy we allow with ourselves, the greater intimacy we will have with another.
‘The ‘adult’ way of life’ – your observation of the adult way of life is spot on, we stop being our natural, innocent and joyful selves and we grow into a version of ourselves who is protected and hiding behind a facade and a never ending pretence.
We are so playful, joyful, light, loving, innocent, all embracing, spontaneous when we are young and then the hurt happens and we start to shut down all our natural qualities and become a shadow of our real self…..such a shame. At least through the teachings of Universal Medicine we have been offered tools that re-connect us back to our natural ways.
Most of us live in a way that says ‘you show me yours and I’ll show you mine’ All waiting for the other to drop their guard first. How would it be if we lived in a way that says ‘i’ll show you all of me’ with no attachment to how another will respond or react to that.
Beautiful Carolien – a very different way to approach the world than what currently is the norm.
“If we would only allow ourselves to be what we deep inside know to be true, we can live and connect with each other in this free and intimate way that we secretly all crave for. It’s the easiest, most natural thing in the world.”So true so beautiful and so inspiring thank you.
One of the keys in life is, when we have a truly loving relationship with one person, to learn how to bring that love to everybody else – that is a great learning to go through.
This is an important point, Regina – “our holding back is with us all of the time. It’s a structure that holds us in a certain energy even when we are alone.” Having held myself in contraction for most of my life, I can now see the harm in not sharing the fullness of who we are with the world.
That is the answer really isn’t it we all just need to open up, express how we feel, don’t hold back and just see what happens. Time and again I do this with great responses from people but I get a few knock backs and then wonder if it is worth which it, of course it is so the other thing is being consistent.
As adults we certainly do measure our intimacy, this isn’t from social appropriateness, it is from being hurt in the past, we know we can be rejected….so holding love and worth within ourselves is essential to live and express love with another. So how many of us are willing to love ourselves?
‘So why don’t we give what we hope to come from others to ourselves, love ourselves no matter what, then make the first step towards the other’. It really is a simple equation, which begs the questions, what do we resist bringing this depth of love to ourselves. Why can it feel easier to care for others than ourselves?
Perhaps because it is not true care until we care for ourselves first?
There is no one way to connect and the level we are able to connect is dependent on how intimate we allow ourselves to be with first us. Every single person in this world is at their own level in this and if we open up ourselves to see this truth, there is really amazing connection in this world and we can take the first step to trust.
Being open hearted is the most wonderful offering to everybody. What they might do with this is a choice but if we are truly open hearted then their choice doesn’t hurt us. This is a discovery about any relationship I’m learning.
” as we have learned to adjust to the ‘adult’ way of behaviour, which is measured and tainted by all the hurts and disappointments of our childhood and teenage years. ” this is such a clear statement as to how adults live and why we have such a separated world , thank you for sharing Regina
A great article Regina, one I can relate to, having kept myself hidden for most of my life. To simply be who we are, holding ourselves in this love and allowing that love to heal our hurts goes a long way in opening us up to other people. As I open up to others I can feel the joy of letting people in, even if it is just a simple smile and hello.
“If we would only allow ourselves to be what we deep inside know to be true” exactly this is what we all crave for, perhaps its time to to allow this, the more I do the greater my life has unfolded to be… and I am just at the start..
Regina, I really like the point you make about how if another person does not choose to express love, then that is not something that we need to react to or get upset by. All that is needed is that we express love ourselves and if another responds to that, great, if not that is fine also. It allows people to just come to things in their own time.
When we are not valued for all the beauty and wisdom we are and hold as children, we shut down our sweetness and inner essence that makes us truly who we are. Relearning to value ourselves again by letting go of these hurts that have built up is hard work but when we are able to let go of all the ‘crap’ we have carried around like excess baggage then the world opens up again and everything looks fresh and clear just as it did when we were children.
‘welcoming the other into our presence and receiving theirs’ This keeps it simple, with no pictures attached.
Reading this beautiful article I can feel the importance of first maintaining a deep tender loving acceptance and appreciation of ourselves, for with out first having made this a way of life, we cannot take our true beauty out to the world for others, and the connections, that actually support veryone to feel the equal beauty they too hold, cannot happen.
I agree and this “loving acceptance and appreciation of ourselves” doesn’t need to stay in our four walls. The greatest way to share this is to bring it to our world because “ourselves” holds everything within it and so it would make sense then to share this with everything. What we are saying is that at times we define “ourselves” as being this seperate thing, almost a ‘I will go over here and do this first and then bring it to you’ whereas we are all connected and so you can bring something to yourself through how you are with another.
I have experienced being open to people and everyone feeling like family but beyond this in this state I have been open to the universe and all it offers and been held in something so amazing that everything is looked after. A marker which is unforgettable.
It really is a step by step process to come out of hiding and back into the world, or you could say, a moment by moment approach bringing more and more of yourself for all the world to see. I feel we are all in this process in one way or another, as there is always more to uncover and bring to the world.
I am playing around with what it feels like to be open and loving while at the same time time observing myself when in the company of others. Some respond and welcome me but others resist and it is this resisting which I have felt rejection towards that I am observing and realising that it is not me but another’s reaction towards what is flowing through me… a revelation supporting me no end in my life.
Regina, this is really interesting, I had not considered it in this way before; ‘Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us. That is just one moment, but our holding back is with us all of the time.’
Regina, you are so incredibly gorgeous and your openness and steadiness in who you are is very inspiring.
Regardless of what our personality or outer appearance is, we are all so sensitive and appreciate when people respect this about us.
I feel that when we keep our hearts open to everyone then we feel those people in their essence first before anything else. This confirms back to us that we are all the same. And then what ever energy they are choosing is not actually them as their essence has all ready been felt and connected to.
When you look at a house with big padlocks on and huge walls all around, it can make us understand how exhausted we are, for we are carrying around these barricades every day ourselves. That’s not to mention the past hurts and grudges we store inside. So your beautiful words make me consider Regina, what would it be like to open up all the doors and windows and let other people in? For they are not the enemies and antagonists we have taken them to be.
‘your beautiful words make me consider Regina, what would it be like to open up all the doors and windows and let other people in? For they are not the enemies and antagonists we have taken them to be.’ – How true Joseph, perhaps we are our own worst enemies, keeping ourselves locked away from true connection and not living the love that we all innately are.
This is really beautiful, ‘I often feel like a child; simple, innocent, joyful and filled with love.’ Today I could feel how my insecurities get in the way of connecting with people – how I can go into I just want to get something done and ignore that fact there are people to connect with and there is a learning there for all parties that is missed if I put the tasks ahead of people. Lovely to let go of any self doubt and let people in.
I love this quote too and am up for embracing these qualities in my interactions with everyone I meet. It makes so much more sense than trying to micro manage my behaviour when it is governed by reactions and past hurts.
No star twinkles without the glow of the many other stars illuminating the space that surrounds them. So too must we light the earth upon which we walk with all the love that we are.
Lovely sharing Regina, and yes, it is simply a choice to see the beauty in another and honour their unique qualities so that we can open up to them as the true brothers that we all are regardless of gender, colour or race.
This quality of intimacy we crave in relationships is there for us to enjoy in our relationship with ourselves.
Our true expression is to be intimate and transparent and yet we seem to spend most of our lives hiding it, how crazy is that?
For me there has been a lot of resistance to showing my sweet innocent nature, that came with a fear of being crushed based on past experiences – this is something that I am now learning to heal and it is such a freedom to not be trapped in these old hurts anymore.
How easy it is to be love is confirmed by everything in nature around us, we cannot deny the universal intelligence we are from when we look at animals and nature in all their glory by just being who they are.
I love watching animals and insects simply going about their business, in the only way they know to. Very simple and very sure of what it is they are to do.
I have heard many people say to me that they can be surrounded by people wherever they go but still feel lonely. It is the connection with people we all want and we know when it is present and when it is missing.
I agree Andrew, this seems to be quite common – sadly, people don’t realise that because we are not connected, not to ourselves nor anyone else, we are in separation and that is bound to make us feel lonely unless we are absolutely numb and/or checked out.
‘Sometimes just a smile or simple “hello” opens the door to another heart. You can see it in their eyes – it’s a wonderful light, so beautiful equally in everybody.’ These moments are magic and my whole body sings with joy when they happen.
We can spend a lifetime trying to feel the people we feel safe and at ease with. Being one of those people who has tried this over and over, I am slowly getting that it has to come from within you. The only steady sure thing in life is the anchor and foundation you create internally, so that you are the steadiness in the storm.
These layers of protection don’t make any sense really as they deny us of the very love and intimacy we crave.
Yes, it is the “easiest, most natural thing in the world”.
To be open and to love in the way we are all fully capable of is not to be annoyed at if we don’t, but to be celebrated when we know we haven’t, as these moments teach us great wisdom. They show us, clearly, the falseness of our behaviour and if we accept this, then shows us the way to move forward, without the old behavior.
This is so beautiful. I know those moments when I have connected with so called strangers. Sometimes it’s just one glance but there is so much exchanged in that one moment. So much understanding between two souls.All we need to do is allow ourselves to be seen.
This is a common template that creates such hardness and separation within ourselves and everyone we meet. What if when we were growing up we were embraced and confirmed for being all that we need to be and that this is super duper special. That nothing we do can ever top this and that what ever we do is just and expression of this. Pretty much everything tells us we are not enough and that we are rejected for being who we are. This is a great starting point to address such ingrained beliefs that have been perpetuating generations after generations and with the work of The Way of The Livingness and Universal Medicine, I am and there are thousands of others that are letting go of such lies and connecting to our truth within.
Why do have to wait for disasters to reach-out to others? Is it that we lost our openness with others and the hurts have become scabs we don’t want to scratch? I wise man I know said that just because someone has hurt you in the past doesn’t mean the other 7+ billion should be tarred with the same brush! So, what are we waiting for?
There is so much in this, Regina, about letting go of our protection and meeting the world with our hearts open. This is in fact the only true protection, because when we are connected to ourselves we know the truth and can feel the soulful essence that resides within each and every one of us.
When I hold back, I protect my hurt. When I keep myself open to others, showing in my expression who I am, I give myself the opportunity of healing the hurt…. I evolve, expand, learn, grow, because in the connection with others there’s a lot to share for all to keep evolving, expanding, learning and growing too. In the end, this is what we are designed to, isn’t it?
I really appreciate this sharing, Amparo. That in holding back we hold onto our hurts and in opening up we have the opportunity to heal them. Simple and, although I falter at this at times, it makes so much sense.
Why is it that we do not connect to and be as loving with every body we meet, the same as we would connect to our dearest loved ones. It does not make sense, as we are all Sons of God from the same family, we all come from the one God.
I realize I have been searching for connection with people all my life, frustrated that there are people all around me yet I feel alone. With support from Simple Living Global I am healing my issues that have kept me from surrendering and allowing other people in.
I have felt alone because I have been missing myself, not wanting to feel me. By clearing out my issues, my self just naturally surfaces for everyone to see and connect with. No searching required, it just happens, because that is the way it is supposed to be.
I love this: ‘By clearing out my issues, my self just naturally surfaces for everyone to see and connect with.’ When I accept myself and appreciate all that I am, I’m not shy in speaking with people and not shy in sharing who I am. The magic is when people allow themselves this too.
‘We are Here Together, so Why are we so Separated? Simply put, and a great question Regina. So far, for me, Serge Benhayon with Universal Medicine is the only one who has shone light on our dilemma down to the finest and simplest detail.
One hurt is all it takes to set us on a path away from ourselves. But we have a choice to read each situation, to look at the hurt and not let it run our lives or carry us away. We are not our hurts but we sure act like we are!
‘We re not our hurts’ yes Nikki, I have found building a loving relationship with my body supports me to see that my hurts are not me. As I have got know the real me and continue to do so ‘the what is not’ becomes much clearer so it doesn’t have to taint my life and how I am with others.
If we’ve lived with a certain hurt for a long time, it can be quite hard to see that it is even there. In a recent scenario, my reactions gave it away.
‘But what we all crave deep within is that intimate connection to others that we had as a child’… just to say this to myself touches something deep inside that calls me to approach every interaction today with ever deepening openness and reverence for the power of relationships.
When we watch young children at play, do we reminisce the free and careless life we have disposed of to fit into something we are not? When our life moves fast, and we do not stop and look at an essential part of our-self we have left in our wake that, we can completely lose who we are! Children are a constant reminder of something we can never lose and is always within, just waiting to be let out to play again.
It is through self-acceptance that once again we can live and reflect the truth of who we are, with no compromise of that quality that offers healing to all.
It is through our depth of self acceptance and appreciate of who we are and what we bring we can live and reflect the truth of who we are.
“We are here together, so why are we so separated?” Yes, we come from one and return to one and we are all of the One. We are not so different from each other at all. Imagine if we all let love be our unifying way.
“I often feel like a child; simple, innocent, joyful and filled with love.” How lovely to allow the joy and natural expression of ourselves. Beautiful to feel.
The unfolding that is possible in relationships allows us to move and let go of the barriers we put in the way of being all that we are without reservation.
Regina thank you, for this such tender offering to us all to bring ourselves out even more and meet in the depth of our truest heart, a joy to feel.
‘We start off as an open, joyful child with free expression and no fear of consequences, then we experience rejection and judgement, grow up and build up walls of protection around us.’ – You have explained so well the process that makes us choose separation over connection.
A beautiful sharing Regina so true and lovely to have expressed” We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly. We just have to hold ourselves in our natural essence, just be who we truly are deep inside”
‘I often feel like a child; simple, innocent, joyful and filled with love’. Me too, Regina, and I sense this is because we never lose these qualities, they just get tucked away in the constructs and rules of being an adult… if connected to again and expressed in the world we get to feel the wonder that comes with them.
I agree Matilda – if we let others see our joy and innocence it is magical to feel how that opens up to allow them to connect to the same qualities in themselves.
I had a similar experience as a child where my best friends family felt I was a bad influence on their daughter. I could never understand why the other members of my family were acceptable but somehow I was not. I was very persistent however and never let them stop me, if they only knew of the hundreds of times I had crept into their house unnoticed to be with my best friend. Once, because I wasn’t allowed to have a sleep over I slept the night in my friends wardrobe, I would not be out done by anyone if I wanted to do something.
Avoiding taking deep care of ourselves leads to so many issues in life that we need not have. When we love ourselves we feel full and hence are not so concerned with other peoples reactions. When you feel great within you don’t want to give that up for anything.
Once I went to a Universal Medicine workshop and the exercise we did was very simple but it was life changing. We simply were asked to connect to our hearts and close our eyes, we just held that connection and then made a conscious choice to allow ourselves to feel that we were in fact in a room full of people. In that moment, we were asked to observe what our bodies did and not hold back from what our bodies were asking us to do. It was remarkable as I was literally being pulled like a magnet towards all the other people’s hearts in the room. I opened my eyes and I was heart to heart with a person I had never met. This was proof enough for me to know that we are all much more connected than we choose to acknowledge.
I have experienced this same thing Sarah at a Universal Medicine workshop.We were asked to partner up with someone we didnt know and stand in front of each other. We were then asked to connect to our hearts, close our eyes and let our bodies do the rest. Everyone was literally falling into each others arms as if, like you say, our hearts were like magnets, literally being pulled towards each other. A simple exercise that anyone can do, that certainly showed me and all the others in the room that we all have an innate connection with each other, and that to override this we have to use a force that takes a lot of energy to prevent it from happening.
Yes we may fight it, though the pull to union is natural when we surrender and let go. Holding back what is a natural flow of energy hurts the body, and the grander body of love we are all held in.
‘As a small child I had a ‘best friend’ that I spent my pre-school years with. We were exploring ourselves and life together with uninhibited curiosity and joy. That ended when our parents sent us to different schools. Apparently I was a ‘bad influence’ on my friend – too wild and free.’ – Two lives completely changed in that moment – it is incredible how we can impose our desicions on children without any concern of how this impacts them.
This ingrained way of living in protect and having our guard up is deeply hurting us as you say and It has taken me many years to chip away at it. Even though the minute I re-connected back to All of who I am and could feel the enormous Love that resides within, it was the reactions to others that kept shutting this down. It has been like a new born baby and re-training myself to go through life not absorbing and observing not by keeping a distance but by opening up and sharing the magnificent Love I feel within out and not compromising in this. Still to this day I catch myself reducing this in situations and I keep reminding myself that this is an old way of living. Shining bright and not feeling apologetic for it is exactly what is needed in a world that is so dark and lost.
It is incredible how, just by thinking that you are not worth loving, the love that you are gets buried and with this much personal pain and anguish is caused.
‘Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us.’ The extent of this hurt can be so extreme to the point of life threatening physical illness or mental ill health.
Absolutely Karin – it is time we start to acknowledge that it is mainly our long term and not dealt with hurts, that actually makes us ill.
When we build protection, and learn to be a certain way because of the hurt we feel at being rejected and judged early on life we are at that point beginning to separate from ourselves and this causes the most hurt. Redeveloping this connection to our essence and all that we are is the first step to then not being separate to others.
When we make it about us as an individual we lose all touch with humanity.
“Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us.” What hurts us is our not being ourselves and watching who we become when we are holding back.
‘For me, the only way out of that deeply held belief in the lack of self-worth, the shyness and sometimes crippling self-consciousness, is to come out of my perceived safe haven.’ this is inspiring to feel. We have to go there to learn, we cannot do so from a place of comfort.
Approaching life every day with just the focus of ‘We are here together…’ would change everything.
I can only share that whenever I feel like someone else has emotionally ‘done something’ to me I always have something to learn about my behaviour. If I am looking for approval then I am not backing myself, I am leaving myself wide open. What a disservice to the team humanity we are all supposed to be working for.
I too recall pivotal moments in my childhood when I chose to shut down my natural curiosity, joy and playfulness in reaction to the crushing energy of right and wrong coming through others and being judged as having done something wrong or bad.
It is amazing how as human beings we have moments where we feel hurt and contract and let these moments be the focus and guide to how we choose to live, yet we have many more moments that have brought Joy, Love or simply a smile yet we are so quick to dismiss them and hold onto moments of hurt. I have learnt we can choose to heal those hurts and give equal focus to the moments of Joy and Love and as we appreciate these moments we start to notice them multiply. We either choose a life of struggle/pain or Joy/Love. We are the captain…..
When we have separated from ourselves, we have in affect separated from everyone else, even if we feel that we are close to some. When we have reunited with ourselves in full, we have then reunited with everyone else and there will be no holding back from anyone. We will be as transparent with somebody that we have only just met, as we are with our partners. What we become, in effect is a window through to God for everybody.
The understanding and acceptance you bring here is so important Regina… that if a person doesnt choose to express their innate love… “…it is no reason for me to feel inhibited in any way, but to understand that everybody is on their own chosen path in life.” Accepting where we are at, and where others are at, is a humbling experience and very honouring of one another.
“Everyone is love and has their own way of expressing it.” We each have our unique form of expression that is important and very necessary for the whole.
“We are Here Together, so Why are we so Separated?” Such a good question Regina, most people would not even ponder about this because it has become so normal to live in our little niches in life of family, friends and colleagues, that we don’t consider we could actually be living this openness and connectedness with everyone, not that we have to see everyone all the time, but we can be ourselves and enjoy each moment with every person – it would so change our lives!
It’s the bleeding obvious isn’t it?! Clearly we are all one human family sharing the same planet.
It is interesting that when what we really want is to be truly loved, our reactions can often be to shut people out or keep up guards, believing that helps keep us from being hurt, but the biggest hurt is not allowing your love out or others love in.
I find it interesting how so many of us have learnt to live our life not truly letting anyone know the full truth about us, it is like there is a common understanding that certain things we just don’t talk about, certainly not openly, and that some stuff is seen to be shameful and bad. And so we live our lives thinking we are the only ones carrying these ‘secrets’, when truth is that majority does.
Wow! What a power-full blog that brought up an awareness that allows us to feel how much we have shut down letting people in, and how early in our life this happened thus we have learned how to holding back our true expression. I clearly can remember at age 4 my first True friend, and when we separated as I had moved, we were always going to catch up but never did.
Then at age 9 my father died, so I indulged in another level of sadness and emotional term-oil that carried on until the presentations of Universal Medicine.
Thank God for Serge Benhayon, we can all feel the truth that is available for us all equally, and understand how emotions can rule our life!
So from being at-least honest with who we are and starting to understand life is about how we can re-connect to our Soul, so emotions become understood for the illusion they are.
It is delightful when you see children who have been encouraged to express themselves in full right from the start, to know their own bodies so well they can feel everything and be able to cope with what life throws at them, they have a confidence that is inspiring: they greet you with full eye contact and are not afraid to be open with you.
‘We were exploring ourselves and life together with uninhibited curiosity and joy.
This sentence struck me because our relationships as a child were like this and then as we grew older we became more and more guarded and the quality of our relationship with our self and others changed quite dramatically
This is a great reminder for us to allow and reflect to children to explore and find who they are rather than get caught in ideals and beliefs and behaviours that don’t feel true.
“All this is not the connection we really want, but we pretend that all is good when inside we feel disconnected, protective and lonely.”
Function is a killer for humanity, for how long can we continue to make life about existing when deep down we all know there is more we are not choosing to live and breathe.
That is such a classic way to approach life, wait for others to make the first move and to say that we are ok before sharing all of us. This for me has been a interesting process and now the more I am opening up with myself and willing to be a lot more intimate and honest it feels only natural to have this with all my other relationships.
Thank you Regina – it is so beautiful to honour and celebrate the childlike owner and innocence within us all.
When we are young and get rejected in any way shape or form, I remember I just could not understand, how I was so denied for who I was. If you don´t have a surrounding that supports your innate knowing and preciousness, than it is quite logical that you somehow start to question and becoming anxious, because getting abandoned is something we all don´t like or fear.Understanding and reading more about energy and how it plays out changed my way of dealing with that kind of rejection immensely. And embracing the knowing that I bring a quality to this world that is necessary and very important, no matter if it is accepted or not.
It seems like the more possessions we have, the more we need to protect. But when we drop the walls of protection, and trust people, there is so much we find we have in common, similar worries and concerns we share, we can really support each other in the world.
Its about letting people in, dropping the barriers and projection and embracing everyone as equals.
We are all like a drop of oil on water and try to keep to ourselves by putting up barriers to keep us separated from others. Without the walls, we naturally enjoin with others and become one as we are meant to be.
“what we all crave deep within is that intimate connection to others that we had as a child. We don’t want to be held back by our self-consciousness and fears. It feels like a prison; it makes us sad and lonely” So true and real in the world we live in so separately when this is so against all we are and our very essence and oneness. The simplicity of openness of a child is there for us always to choose again if we allow ourselves to heal our hurts and open up to the world joyfully.
Such a beautiful sharing Regina and the joy of connection in people’s eyes says everything lighting up and glorious from within.
There is no hiding in a moment of eye contact… I reckon that is why so many of us struggle with making and/or maintaining it.
I agree Matilda the power of eye contact is amazing the depth of the reading. I love looking into peoples eyes and connecting with them in that depth, so much is shared without words.
Sometimes the hurt of not remaining open and intimate with others can start very young in life – I cannot remember a time when I was not feeling trepidation from feeling what was going on with other people however it is amazing how easy it is to start to let go of this when we start to make choices to live in deeper connection to ourselves first and then bring this to others too.
The more we re-connect with true love within ourself the easier it is to recognise how we don’t need another to ‘love’ us in order to feel love or to be and express it ourself and with that we can let go of attachments, needs and conditions that we place on others and life and instead be love and true to who we are without conditions – a great gift for us all.
Relationships prove to us that there is no such thing as separation.
Regina, this is such a sharing where I can relate to as I had similar experiences. In the last days I pondered on the fact that our body is love and as such open in its nature. So we need to do nothing because we have got everything. So what are we doing with us and our bodies to shut them down?
If we see it from this perspective it seems ridiculous. It is like we have got everything and refuse to take all of it.
We can spend our whole lives living with people and yet still feel lonely. It is not the proximity that matters, it is the quality of our internal relationship that counts and a major part of healing our loneliness begins when we admit that we are missing being connected to us, a connection that was so naturally there as a child and is so willing to flourish again when we choose to seek and embrace it.
Beautiful reminder it is that depth of connection with ourselves that matter. When we build that quality within us we are never alone we are with the all.
“Everyone is love and has their own way of expressing it. And if they don’t show it, it is no reason for me to feel inhibited in any way, but to understand that everybody is on their own chosen path in life.” This is a beautiful reminder, allowing everyone to be in their own journey and know that we are all love and therefore express openly without holding back.
Yes True Amita, it is so easy to personalise things, to presume that we have done something wrong or are being ‘rejected’ but in truth, it is often nothing to do with us at all and simply our own insecurities keeping us less.
“I never had so many friends before, even if it is just for a moment.” I love this, it expresses exactly what you are describing, that we can have a deep and open relationship with everyone.
I wonder if one day the word ‘friend’ will become obsolete as it specifies a special relationship with a person and seems to by its very nature rule out all other relationships as not being friendships. So if all of our relationships become open and loving then there would be no need for the word ‘friend’
We can expect it, people will hurt each other. If we do not live fully with ourselves, we are bound to hurt each other. So protecting ourselves in the adult way really is just pushing what is fact under the carpet. I find that when I hold my stomach in, I would hold back what I feel and say, but when I practice just letting my stomach relax I just say what is felt. Sometimes it does come out a bit charged but it is more honest.
‘We were exploring ourselves and life together with uninhibited curiosity and joy.’ …. there is such a sense of grounded open-ness and trust, along with our curiosity here, because we know/knew that we can/could trust in our ability to feel and know the truth. We don’t ever have to ‘let this go’, it is always there within us.
There are a multitude of behaviours that we can go into out of reaction to all that we’re sensing around us and yet the connection with ourselves, in the very way you describe as a child Regina, would keep things simple and untainted.
The simplicity and innocence of a child offers a true and very real reflection.
Yes, we fight and resist what we want the most … is it because we are afraid we may get hurt if we lose it… so we hold back in the first place?
Before we can heal the separation with others, we have to heal the separation within ourselves
Healing the separation within ourselves starts with us having the honesty and awareness that this is what we have done, we may resist this first step as it’s confronting to acknowledge how much we have deeply hurt our selves. But it is the only way forward on our journey to fully re-claiming all of who we are.
Often a loving and honest observation from a friend jolts me out of a false groove of thought and the corresponding energy I am in. This helps me click back to a deeper sense of connection with myself. Such supportive interactions are so useful. When we are not quite our true selves, or we are a long way from it, how can we truly connect with another?
The question itself is a stop moment that exposes the ridiculousness of not being unified.
The title of your blog alone gives a clear snap shot of how there are millions of people in this whole world and yet there is so much discord and separation that exists between groups.
It’s very true, we get into patterns of protection much more than we realise, in order to avoid the depth of what we are feeling. And the key to truly understanding life and living without misery must be in living with no protection, to allow who we are to be freely out.
Because we have made life about security and not love, we have normalised protection at great expense to our natural connection with each other.
‘Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us.’ Once we realise what we feel and that we keep our feelings to ourselves it is possible to recognise that the sadness comes from our lack of communication in expressing what we feel. If we express what we feel as truth then there is no attachment to any outcome, reaction, recognition or acknowledgement, we are simply expressing what is there to be expressed.
Why don’t we let our guard down is a great question. I would add how are we moving / positing ourselves in life to hold such a guard / fortress? If we can let it down in moments surely this can be sustained.
We erroneously believe that we are stronger when we have our guard up but I have found that in letting my guard down I have synced back with the essence of life and this has brought a feeling that goes way beyond strength. The feeling is not easy to describe but perhaps ‘absoluteness’ comes close.
Being open to others and simply being ourselves not only mean that people are far more receptive and open but also that we received all that is there for us from the universe.
Michael thank you for reminder, that being open we receive all that is there for us from the universe.
I recognise that painful, awkward state when I was a child of being unable to open up to someone unless they opened up to me first until I met Serge Benhayon when it began to change. Holding back in this way makes us feel isolated and judgmental of ourselves which only makes us even more withdrawn. As I move through life now I am aware of how many people suffer the same, so both coming to the same place, and why many people world wide are experiencing the isolation it causes, and feelings of being inadequate. Sharing how we truly feel with someone brings a release, a warmth, a flow, that is otherwise lacking in our lives. This is where parenting can make a difference. If parents can encourage a child to feel and express their feelings instead of trying to escape them, then the withdrawing habit will not take hold.
When I read peoples history I find it every time interesting with what everyone gets confronted in life- everyone specifically, individually- depending on what you need to learn or look at. Nothing happens for no reason and it is all there to evolve no matter how painful it can be sometimes. Looking at life like this is pure magic for me.
We have to harden our bodies a great deal in order to cut off from one another. When we are able to heal our hurts and open up again, it has a profound effect on our health.
Yes we don’t realise how much we have to harden our body to cut off from one another, this hardness then causes alot of illness and disease in our body.
The London underground during rush hours allows us to pack in and see how close we can get to others without touching, no eye contact or speaking. How many carry that with them when they get off the train?
A few years ago, my mother moved into a small flat around other widowed elderly people and they all felt very lonely people together. They would occasionally get together for a celebration or a funeral, and actually find they had a lot to share. We can choose to live separated or together with other people at any time in our lives, it is our own choices we live with.
We are not tiny islands thrown randomly into the ocean and left to fend for ourselves. We are each the equal piece of a stupendous whole, made great by our union with each other.
When we meet new people we can almost presume they carry the same hurts and protection that we carry as everyone has been hurt deeply at some stage, as we are all such beautiful sensitive beings. Most people are longing to feel what true love feels like again, so its up to us to live it to break this crazy cycle of protection. Most people are good and the ones that aren’t have just been more hurt.
‘we all have, or had, at least one best friend, be it mother, father, a playmate, school friend or lover. With them we feel at ease; we trust them with our deepest thoughts and feelings;’ … what I am appreciating more and more is that this feeling of trust and ‘ease’ between people stems from our own relationship with ourself and our willingness to openly share our gorgeousness with everyone and the connection we feel when we are met with the same open-ness, which is a choice we are all free to make.
Yes. It all comes down to ourselves and our willingness to be open and transparent and actually letting people in, even when we face the risk of not being met the same way.
‘So why don’t we give what we hope to come from others to ourselves, love ourselves no matter what…’ for me this has meant giving up on waiting for Prince Charming to rescue me – the keeping myself trapped in an illusory prison of hope and desire to step out into taking responsibility for how my life is. Today this is seeing how grumpy I can be when I’m not in love with being me and what a drain this is for those around me. So serious!
After being born totally spherical with no ideas about right or wrong, or good or bad, we succumb to a world that is full of it, and lay that judgment on others.
Such a Fantastic question in your title… why would we miss the obvious ‘we are together so why are we do separate’
Yes, such a great question, reminds me of the phrase about being lonely when surrounded by people – something I felt acutely as a child. Yes, I’d noticed people preoccupied in their own bubble, where it felt like no-one wanted to come out and play. But rather than stay connected, I cut off from myself to not feel this pain, so then trapped myself in my own little bubble.
Great question, we like to indulge in individualism, staying in the self identification. When we let go of all this and connect to the oneness, togetherness there is great magic and expansion.
When we tone down the full version of ourselves with most people, even our ‘best friends’ don’t get the full version. I feel we morph so far away from our full version in the belief that this will protect us, that we lose sight of the full version and can’t just turn it on when we want to. This is something I have loved about Universal Medicine teachings. How we are with the person we are least open with is really how much we will be open and loving with anyone. This lifts the illusion of conditional love being true love and has allowed me to start coming back to true love.
I have found if I am open to connect with others, connection will be there. If I am not it won’t. It doesn’t matter who the person is, a work colleague, a family member, or a shop keeper. Connection is about warmth and an open heart regardless if they are a loved one, or a stranger.
I love what you’re sharing here, Heather. When we consider certain people to be ‘special’ or ‘nicer’ than others, presenting one face to one person and another to another, we incite a level of mis-trust, leading us to want to protect ourselves. Yet, we are all deeply loving and how we are with each other is prompted by how we are met – with an open heart or one that is encased in armour and hurt. It’s up to us all to meet in each in the way we would like to be met, not because we want to feel ‘good’, but because to do anything other than this is dis-honouring who we all are.
“Sometimes just a smile or simple “hello” opens the door to another heart.” It is true – I’m sure we’ve all had moments where a smile from someone has melted us. It doesn’t take much to open that door.
Nikki so true, it doen’t take much to open a door, a simple smile, a simple eye contact, a simple welcome.
Constellations, friendships come and go – in a couple of weeks I have an opportunity to meet an old school friend I haven’t seen since 1968 – 49 years ago – who knows why now or what will happen but it feels important that we meet.
We have made the most natural thing, to connecting with people unguarded a secret and or a privelage that may only be granted to a selected few.
“We are Here Together, so Why are we so Separated?” yes, because who really enjoys the coldness of separation, exclusivity, isolation… and also, who does not enjoy the warmth of unity, togetherness… and to feel unified with another.
‘Do we really expect that other people, those strangers that we hold so far away from us, will come to us and tell us that they like us and they would love to see and hear the true version of ourselves?’ This made me smile because my answer was ‘yes we do!’ These are pretty massive expectations to put on other people. The only true version of ourselves is the one that we let be seen, no one can show us our own true self. When we let others show our own true self, then we become like a mannequin that’s been layered up with clothes chosen by others.
We are all on our own paths but is when we weave ourselves amongst all other is how we create the fabric of life. We have a choice of whether the cloth we cut is soft and gentle or ruff as old boots.
Susan what I have only just come to realise is that all of my ‘varying’ relationships up until recently we’re all just variations on separation.
Our childhood innocence never abandons us, it just gets buried under all the critism and rejection, always waiting to be to re-connected to and expressed once more. Your experience here, returning to this innate essence within proves that it is always possible to heal the deepest hurts so that our hearts naturally open again to one another.
Holding back is like a self made prison in which we do not live that vibrancy that lives deep within, which we instead have tucked away because of us being hurt in any way shape or form. To understand that this hurt is actually a creation of our own way of dealing with life in which we hold back and with that dismiss an important expression in being shared. Actually, that to me is the hurt because we do not live and express in full what we are from deep within.
I agree deep down we are feeling the loneliness of being inauthentic, but the way we live and the things we use to medicate ourselves – food, alcohol, drugs, exercise, work, sex, etc – don’t allow us to consciously feel that sadnesss. That makes addressing lifestyle choices a pretty powerful tool for change.
How wonderful it would be to move in and through childhood with our (so-called) ‘wild and free’ selves intact and not punished for expressing in full.
It’s interesting how I’ll hold back because of a perceived reaction. This means I’m judging another based on what I think of them. Lo and behold when I give it my all – or all of me – it’s rare I ever get any negative reaction.
This is true, it is more common to get the reaction when you only give a part of what you have to offer and you hold back.
I reckon you can put ‘housewife and amazing woman’ on your signature.
This is a great idea!
So beautifully and openly shared Regina. If we open our hearts the love we are can’t help but flow.
It is curious that we tend to focus on those relatively few moments that hurt us, and choose to forget or ignore the millions of moments that our Soul, God, nature, the Universe and other people have supported us and still do on a daily basis.
Why are we so separated? Energetically we are all very much connected however we choose to believe that we are physically separated from one other… when in truth we are choosing to not connect to our very essence – that innate wisdom, love, joy and truth that is forever within, waiting for us to re-turn.
So beautifully shared Regina! This is as heart warming inspirational sharing. There is much that you share that I can relate to in my life also.
‘If we would only allow ourselves to be what we deep inside know to be true, we can live and connect with each other in this free and intimate way that we secretly all crave for.’ – There is such a simplicity and ease in what you share here, such stark contrast to the complications we often create and live our lives with.
I agree Eva, in fact we have made life so complicated that we no longer recognise what it is that we all want. Simply to be the love that we all are.
The greatest joy in connecting with another is feeling the freedom in our bodies,and not holding them hard or tense with another.
I fully agree with you Harry, it is that surrendered feeling in the body in which we are completely fine and confident to express and share the love we feel for one another in full.
‘We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly.’ … when we have it with ourselves first, by choosing to connect with the love that we are and then openly sharing our divine selves.
So true Alison!
We are all the One Divine open and loving one body of God, that is our starting point and so if we are not living that with everyone, then we must be making a choice not to be.
Gosh that just exposes how many of us … most of the world .. are currently making the choice not to be!
I felt my sweetness again reading this today, thank you.
Holding ourselves back from being the full love that we are for fear of getting hurt actually hurts us more than anything another people can do to us.
This reminds me of the book ‘The Little Prince’. One of the items is the protagonist meeting a man who drinks to forget. What does he want to forget? That he is drinking. We choose to be separate to forget as that choice is quite numbing. What do we want to forget? That we separated.
I know I held my love back as I felt this world did not deserve my love…I felt that the environment that I found myself in did not allow me to be myself, so I shut down. Utimately we hurt ourselves when we hold our natural essence of love back because all we truly want is to connect with others.
We think we can protect ourselves by holding back and protecting, but we actually hurt ourselves so much when we do that. We constantly fight our natural pull of just wanting to be together. This is something I witness and that always impresses me when a disaster or another tragic incident happens. When our neighbor dies all of a sudden the other neighbors connect. When a colleague dies in a company accident the employees that didn’t want to be together let go of their protection, open up and work together.
Beautiful blog Regina. I love the line “We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly.” It’s as if in that moment we forget all the hurts we carry and are simply ourselves expressing the love we are. This is our natural way of being. It’s the hurts we choose to carry that get in the way.
Clearing our hurts is the gift we give to ourselves, it’s truly self-loving.
Yes, not everybody would accept such an offer but we can make that offer at any time and this choice does not need to hurt us when it gets rejected.
Most people are drawn towards, if not melting in the presence of an open heart, even the most shut down person will feel the difference.
It seems that when we say ‘all is good’ in our lives these days we mean it in a relative sense. ‘I’m good…’ ‘compared to others whose lives are terrible’. But this is not a true measure of a great life. It’s a bit of a ‘can’t complain’ philosophy on life where we settle for not being ill rather than being full of vitality. Such vitality in my experience begins with this loving relationship with ourselves, an ever deepening love for ourselves that then extends outwards to our fellow man.
We could all be intimate with more people, with everybody in fact, by being more open, more transparent, and if we value ourselves and the qualities we bring, and reaction to our true expression will not hurt us.
It feels like the first step in being intimate with others is to first be intimate with ourselves. Being very open, honest and tender with ourselves, embracing our fragility and surrendering to the beauty of all that we are.
The ‘adult’ way of life, hiding behind our walls of protection keeps us stuck in and others stuck out. We can undo when we connect to how we felt as playful children, it is that easy.
Being truly open to people changes relationships without any trying.
“We are Here Together, so Why are we so Separated?”
My take on this is that we are so governed by ideals, beliefs and ingrained patterns this keeps us separated. I feel from my own experience that if we were to all work on these then when they have fallen away we would be left in the beauty of who we truly are and then we would feel beyond any doubt that we are all the same everyone of us.
Regina, this feels key; ‘love ourselves no matter what’, I can feel that we have understanding, appreciation and acceptance of ourselves no matter what is going on, then this holding ourselves in love will allow us to be open, understanding and loving with others too.
“Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us.” This is gold. When we truly realize this, we open up the doors for immense healing in the knowing that how we meet the world first sets the foundation for the quality of all our relationships.
It took me a long time to get my head around the fact we are all connected, as the physicality of us as individuals was very hard to get past. It was only through my experiences during Sacred Esoteric Healing and the other Universal Medicine therapies that I came to realise the truth of it. Feeling connected to everyone occurs when I am connected with the innermost part of myself.. as that is the common denominator. And since that is an energy, not something physically tangible, it is not something that can be seen, only felt and known from within the body.
How many times have parents been outed and embarrassed by their children in public when they are just 100% open? What is there to be exposed, if our cupboard of secrets is empty?
Great point Regina and one that is familiar to many of us.
As we layer ourselves with protection, we measure & calculate how much of ourselves we are willing to show.
Indeed I accepted this self imposed prison, this separation as my every day normal.
For me personally it was the gentle breath meditation that re-connected me to a purity within myself that I could feel was free of all this protection. As i practiced this breath with more consistency, I began to trust and appreciate more of what i could feel and see. Through being more connected to my body, my posture & movements felt more settled and still and the heady expectations and judgements of old began to fall away. Receiving another in this way is amazing as there is a open equality which clears the way for our true natural expression.
“We start off as an open, joyful child with free expression and no fear of consequences, then we experience rejection and judgement, grow up and build up walls of protection around us.” How different we would be as a humanity if this joyful child was always honoured, deeply loved and given the freedom to express what he or she felt at all times? We would no doubt be living in a very different place if this were the case.
‘Mostly, we wait for others to first prove to us that they will not hurt us.’ – yet, if we all feel this way, we are enabling each other to stay held in our fear and hurts. By choosing to love ourselves, unreservedly so, it doesn’t matter if someone reacts to our open loving expression, we will know that they have their own hurts to work through, allowing us to have understanding for what is going on, rather than feeling hurt our selves.
‘our holding back is with us all of the time. It’s a structure that holds us in a certain energy even when we are alone.’ – we become so used to ‘holding back’, that it becomes normal for us to do so. It’s not until we are made aware of what we are actually doing that we realise, not only how much we are harming ourselves and stifling our relationships, but that we don’t have to live this way.
This is so true Alison, and yet, it is through another that we realise the pattern of holding back, which shows us how we are pulled up and out of holding back through being inspired by another. Just shows how we are made to be in relationship with each other.
“We are Here Together, so Why are we so Separated?”, we’re not, it’s just that we work tirelessly to give the impression that we are.
I had to laugh with joy when I read your comment, Alexis. It’s so true, we are never truly separated, maybe I should have written ‘feel’ so separated….
Great blog, sometimes it is just these small moments in our lives that we allow to define our entire view of ourselves.
“We are here together, so why are we so separated?” We are so separated from ourselves that we cant see the potential of us being together. When we… “… allow ourselves to be what we deep inside know to be true…” we naturally connect with others in the same way – it is all there within us, if we so choose to go there.
Reconnecting to living that simplicity we enjoyed as a child allows us to live wise, joyful and lovingly.
Yes Rosanna, how wise children live and yet we tend to place that accolade to older people who often have shut down from their innate child like wonder at the world.
The childlike wonder in such simple things comes from that total enjoyment of being you, – you can see it in any little baby playing with their own toes, or toddler exploring the most simple object.
‘We start off as an open, joyful child with free expression and no fear of consequences, then we experience rejection and judgement, grow up and build up walls of protection around us.’ – How very true, having our joy, innocence and fearlessness crushed can take a lot to rebuild.
The title reveals the illusion we are in on this plane of life (currently).. So this wakes us up — to why we are actually here together – and what this purpose now is that is the opposite of what we are now most of the time living.
“it then reaffirms the held belief that we are not good enough just as we are.” thats hit, it hits the nail on the head but in a session today we discussed how its not just about not being good enough is about how we can want to be perfect, to get things right rather than appreciate we are always going to learn and we will make mistakes – time to explore and embrace that.
It is true that we often leave others to make the first move. Just today I was at a networking event and it was a crowd of strangers – a common situation of everyone feeling a bit out of place and not knowing what to say. We seem to set these situations up because we aren’t naturally open as adults.
I love your description of being child like, so delicious and wonderful to hear that you have connected to this simple joy.
Its true our holding back because of fear, self-doubt and self-consciousness is an absolute prison, one I self-imposed for a very long time. Once I discovered I have absolute choice in this I have started to live in full with the joy, delight and wonder of childhood returning.
It is ironic that “mostly, we wait for others to first prove to us that they will not hurt us”. If we all hold back our “true sweet nature” or protect it with a put-on behaviour, we will forever stay in a stale-mate, with none of us feeling the joy of expressing all that we are or the exquisiteness of the true essence of another.
I love what you write here breaking down how simple it is to be in relationships. As you say just be with the qualities you feel within in, open your heart and let others feel this.
‘We start off as an open, joyful child with free expression and no fear of consequences, then we experience rejection and judgement, grow up and build up walls of protection around us.’ So many of us experience this but it is not irreversible. Yes, it can be a challenge to learn how to trust and be open again but the joy that is available to us is limitless.
I had a best friend when I was in primary school, I loved her to bits, then she moved a few suburbs away and moved schools. I was devastated I felt like my world had been torn apart. I think it had such an impact on me because I did not have a very loving home and my love for my family was rarely let in. She was some-one who loved being loved and loved loving back. I had no one to talk to about what happened, as when I did mention I was told there are plenty of other nice kids to be friends with. In hindsight these responses came from people who I felt had already closed down their hearts and no longer remembered love.
My understanding of true friendship is being constantly re-written as I become a truer friend of myself. It sounds crazy – but I am only just learning to be my own friend; to truly love myself; transparently, honestly and without-judgement. Which, of course, makes me a truer friend to others.
“The ‘adult’ way of life” as you’ve described is very limiting. There are 7.5 billion + people in the world, and choosing to only connect with those who live in close proximity (such as our family or neighbours) or who tick our boxes of what ‘good people’ look like, means that our relationships are completely restricted. Diversity, getting out there in the world, meeting new people and developing relationships is what makes life enriched.
Very well said, Regina – “…our holding back is with us all of the time. It’s a structure that holds us in a certain energy even when we are alone”. This really exposes the imprisonment of protection once and for all.
Thank you Regina – this struck a chord in me.
“We don’t want to be held back by our self-consciousness and fears. It feels like a prison; it makes us sad and lonely. Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us”. Very true words that missing our natural connection with people feels much worse than any rejection. You are right that we wait for other people to prove that we are lovable instead of loving ourselves first, then taking that love to meet people.
What I realized is the more open I live my essence and not holding it back, the more people feel to express how amazing I am, how beautiful I am, even ” fall in love” etc etc. Not needing them to say this, it is quite magical how they respond to the energy you offer. They might say: you have so beautiful eyes, but in fact they are responding to the energy I reflect. It is not about me, although I make it possible as I am not holding back and meeting people with an open heart and no reservation. Do we not all have this responsibility to remind people of who they really are?
Put that way Steffi what an awesome responsibility !
I like the fact that you are revealing here, that it hurts us much more holding back constantly instead of being a couple of times rejected in situations. We live and meet people in this self made prison, that locks us away from us to be “secure”. To what prize ? Regarding the fact, that being ” secure” is an illusion as the best way of protection is to be open and reading what comes through people all the time.
I sat on a tube train, a man entered the compartment and sat opposite me. As he sat down, I was aware of his presence. He looked at me and smiled. I felt he wanted to connect but unsure, I held back. He spoke to me and said ‘You’re from Africa, aren’t you?’ I put down my reading, looked at him and said, ‘Yes I was born there.’ A conversation opened up between us, he shared much about his life, he was a jewellery maker. I share this because, my first instinct, based on a previous experience, was to put up a barrier. Not until I connected within was I able to let go of this and connect with him in the here and now… To be truly open is to let go of long-held beliefs and preconceptions.
Kehinde, there have so many times that I have held back when there has been an opening to connect with another… there is such a sweetness when we let the barriers down and allow the other in.
I have a work colleague who I have known since I started work with this particular company 17 years ago. We have over the years worked very closely together but just recently I have noticed a change in my colleague that they are accepting the intimacy that I hold them in. And this was borne out yesterday we had a long conversation about work over the phone and I naturally said to them as I was closing the conversation ” I love you” and meant it not in the sickly emotional way, but in a deep regard and companionship. And they naturally answered back “love you to”. Our way of life is totally opposite to each other yet we always hold each other with deep respect and value. Imagine what it could be like to live this way with everyone what a difference this would make to our world.
That level of decency and love would quite simply change the world.
“I often feel like a child; simple, innocent, joyful and filled with love.” What a miracle to be able to say this as a grown adult who has ‘seen a bit of life’ so to speak. Re-connecting to our inner essence brings us home to this most God given quality, the limitless innocent joy of life, a quality that burns inside us all and one that can flare up in an instant to embrace another whether it be a stranger or a friend.
There are 7.6 billion of us here now! How many of us do not even know our neighbours names? When we hold ourselves in our natural essence, everyone we meet, even if just for just a moment becomes neighbours like when we were young.
It is true, we start out open and trusting of everyone and then slowly close down and protect ourselves – which is a big illusion because we cannot stop the energy that flows through us all of the time only numb ourselves to what we are feeling. No different than the walls of our house cannot stop energy flowing through our houses. It seems there is a lot that we do not want to acknowledge and feel the ugliness of, but we can still feel it regardless even if we do harden ourselves not to feel. In fact, we make life harder by going into protection.
Oh the absolute gay abandon of being a child. The free expression. The way that energy simply passes in and through our bodies, it feels nothing short of incredible to be back in that place now, held so lovingly in God’s hand. Home again.
Beautiful, Alexis…the joy and freedom of stepping out of the cold and dark imprisonment of protection back into the warm embrace of God’s love.
It is an illusion that we are able to reveal more to some than others. The level of intimacy that we are prepared to share with another can’t be calibrated dependant on who we are with. Yes, for many of us it does feel like that but the truth is either we are living ‘access all areas’ with everyone or we are not. Often the ‘personal details’ that we disclose to a select few are not actually true intimacy, they are sanitised tit bits to make us and others feel that we are sharing something of ourselves, when in truth we are not.
‘Often the ‘personal details’ that we disclose to a select few are not actually true intimacy, they are sanitised titbits to make us and others feel that we are sharing something of ourselves, when in truth we are not.’ A very pertinent point Alexis. If I am holding on to my protection tightly with one person it travels with me, unless of course I deal with it and can let it go..
We carry the pain of our separation around with us wherever we go.
‘So why don’t we give what we hope to come from others to ourselves, love ourselves no matter what, then make the first step towards the other – by just being open, not holding back – and offer our true sweet nature and see what happens?’ Feels like this is how we open life up to be a celebration of who we are!
Reading the title of your blog it occurred to me that many are only connected in their separation – almost like a deal that we have all made along the lines of the king has no clothes on story – everyone sharing the same lie and having become accustomed to it and threatened when someone truly connects or tells the truth and it all comes tumbling down.
Absolutely Nicola, it is not our natural way to think and live that we are separate.
Love this Nicola. Yes we have all colluded in one gargantuan lie, haven’t we; a lie that has accepted a consciousness that is so contra and false to the love that we innately are. We all feel it keenly (and in many cases desperately) and yet continue to deny that we are living in disconnect from ourselves and therefore with each other.
‘Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us.’ – I know this very well, holding back has been a huge pattern in my life and I am still learning the freedom that lies in trancparency and truly letting people see all of me.
I have had some great best friends, and come to accept that over the years we have changed a lot, or at least I know I have. With this change, I can feel a distance between us at times, but at the same time it is just important to have the understanding that the love is still there but just how we relate to each other has changed because we don’t do the same things as we used to. With some friends, we have had time apart and then re connected and it has been great, as in that time we have gone off and learnt and come back to inspire and share with each other.
When I find myself taking on ‘problems’ that do not belong to me, it really upsets my rhythm and I can feel how I can withdraw. Yet, being open and loving makes it so much easier to handle the pressures in life as we have the clarity to see things for what they are and to feel what is needed in any situation.
‘Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us. ‘ Very true Regina. I t is up to us to make that step out into the world , bringing everything that, deep down, we know we truly are.
As I came home today, I met a new neighbour. I said hello and introduced myself and we made an instant connection. It was very lovely to be so open with someone I have never met before, and whatsmore it was very simple. It is crazy how we hold ourselves back from being open with others and keep to our own lives when we all have so much to share with each other.
Serge Benhayon’s presentations about relationships has helped me see that yes we may have been hurt by one, two or several people in our life, but it wasn’t the whole of the several billion in humanity that hurt us. So why colour our view of everyone, including even the closest people, and treat them as if they are guilty until they manage to tick our boxes and prove otherwise.
When I consider this, it does seem crazy that I can go around protecting myself against the whole of humanity because I felt hurt by someone or a group of people at some stage over the many many days I have lived in this life alone. It is simply a choice.
It’s so true what you say Regina – we do know that it is possible to connect for as you say we are all the same once we peel away the layers that have held us back from allowing others to see us as we know we are within. I use to find it so frustrating that I didn’t feel I could communicate to others all the wonder and love I held inside. It feels healing to begin to start allowing others to see the beautiful woman that resides within.
It is deeply sad the shackles we bind ourselves in. It’s always so inspiring to read about those who have set themselves free. Thanks for sharing.
I’ve always had just one girlfriend – wherever I’ve lived, whether it be at home or at boarding school, at University or in my married life as we moved about. Some I’ve kept in touch with, some I’ve lost contact with, but the support they have given me has always been very important at the time. In recent years this has changed and now I’m in a new country in a new relationship and although I have several female friends who I can call upon, there is no-one specific. It is a different feeling and maybe a reflection of my developing self love and my opening to deeper intimacy with everyone.
The distance I may have kept from another is primarily out of protection, not wanting to be seen, and there are all manner of ideas and beliefs that allow me to stay in that protective (cut-off) state, one of them I noticed this morning was the idea that I took on somewhere along the way, that I am not enough – a secondary reason or justification to not just be open, transparent and loving.
It takes a lot of energy to hold back simply being loving with others, being true to who we are, and yet it can seem like a normal thing to do as we can get very familiar with being that way… But with self-reflection and honesty with ourself we have the opportunity to let go of the walls of protection and release our inner spark with all instead.
“But what we all crave deep within is that intimate connection to others that we had as a child.” So true and we spend a lot of time seeking it in the outside world when it resides within us all the time. Waiting for another to give what is already inside us can never work. The key to a true relationship starts with building a truly loving one with our selves.
To divide and separate appears to be a consciousness running through businesses now as the trend continues to grow in bringing systems into place that are organising their staff into working alone from home and feeling isolated rather than being in an office with a team.
It is so important to address our hurts properly as I have often brushed them under the carpet kidding myself that I was ok with a relationship or friendship ending or I totally numbing myself with alcohol which only added another layer of bricks to my wall.
When I’m wallowing in my hurts I find it very difficult to connect to people but once I let go, I feel so much lighter, more open and approachable. Why would we choose to hold onto our hurts if it causes us so much tension, pain and dis-ease?
There is so much more to share of who we are and how we feel inside if we let go of the protection that not only hold ourselves imprisoned, but also tries to keep everyone we meet in that same place too.
‘love ourselves no matter what, then make the first step towards the other –’ I have found this to be true Regina. Instead of waiting for another to make the first move, we can drop our guard and open up. When we do even broken or strained relationships can be healed. Love is the healing ingredient.
This is a very similiar story indeed. Its very interesting recognise all the dofferent ways protection can play out in our lives.
“We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly” – I so agree, and know this happens from its opposite because when there’s grumpiness or irritation for example, there’s a closed door and communication/exchange with people is hard, typically shorter or more curt. And when there is not this quality, the person instantly warms to you/you to them, and the meeting lasts the length it needs to and isn’t ever cut short.
When we close the door, we can actually feel how much it hurts us, to hold back our natural expression and stifle the loving connected-ness that we all crave so much. We have to work really hard to resist this …. how crazy that these learnt patterns have often become more natural to us than our true way of being. Fortunately, it’s as easy to re-open the door as it is to close it.
I’ve got very early memories of feeling how I wasn’t seen as a child and that I came into this world a little weary! But now I’m coming out of hiding gradually and dealing with the hurts that are being uncovered the less I hide and there are days when the world feels completely open and connections are there with people I’ve never met before and I’m starting to discover the feeling of family and it’s got no boundaries.
A beautiful sharing Regina, I can so relate to being reserved with people, feeling uncomfortable in groups of people, but along the way I always enjoyed seeing people who were just who they were, no airs or graces. I am at last learning to open up to people , let them in and let them see me, I just love the moments of connection that I have with people, the hello with a smile as the eyes meet, brief but oh so joyful.
The big thing I read this morning, in what you say Regina, is that if we hang back and wait for others to make the first move, to offer us gentleness, kindness and Love it will never work. It’s up to us to bring this to life, then perhaps we will look around and see our world in a different light.
Going out and meeting people with that demand under your skin is already tainted with a condition and can´t be true. Love knows no condition.
This blog is a real gem Regina. As I read it I found my heart open and fill with joy. I could feel the life and love in your words. Thank you for sharing.
Love what you offer here – that rather than holding others to ransom so that we don’t get hurt (again), we instead start with loving ourselves no matter what.
There are so many traits and characteristics that are used to separate us it just can’t be a coincidence, this work must be intentional and if it is then we must ask Why?
When we let our guard drop, we allow ourselves to connect with each other in the love that we all are, the bond that reminds us that we are all part of the same whole. It feels incredibly joyful to share these moments with each other, however brief they may be.
Alison the key that you share here for me to understand is “when we let our guard drop” it strikes me that the guard is indeed what keeps us separate not just from others but also from ourselves.
It is interesting how quickly we can shut down, even with someone we love and trust. For example, say we change and want to take more responsibility for the way we are living, this can be very confronting for others as we are no longer interested in partaking in things we now consider to be unloving for ourselves. It’s easy for the other person to feel rejected and they may be annoyed, start to build a wall, and even grieve a little for their buddy who used to be so much ‘fun’. Whilst we, in return, may feel quite hurt by the cold shoulder and wonder why they can’t feel that we are still the same person, we are just choosing to be more loving with ourselves. The more we allow ourselves to just be the love that we are, the safer the other person will feel and they will also get to feel how truly yummy we are, rather than being met with the cold shield of protection put up in reaction to our hurt.
When we are open, loving and full of joy it offers a reflection for another to also claim that in themselves… a gift that potentially keeps on being shared.
Children arrive here so open, loving and full of joy… and then over time because of hurts we as adults have contained and restricted that love and joy – measuring it out in minute doses here and there. It sounds crazy and doesn’t make sense at all when we truly consider this. Why hold back something that is so innate within us, that is naturally part of who we are?!
I can remember going to a party with my then partner years ago. I didn’t want to be there because I knew I was not going to know anyone and it was all very ‘cliquey’. I ended up in the kitchen and ate my way through a whole pack of Blue cheese with French bread, this became my solace.
“The ‘adult’ way of life” – this brings up a lot of images for me from when I was younger, wanting to grow up as things didn’t make sense to then realising actually adults don’t have the answers and I was wise when I was younger and the adult way of life is the opposite of what I truly feel, and that left me confused. Enter Universal Medicine and everything changes.
Yes Susan what is going on with humanity, or what is off with humanity? Could it be we are off-ered a love-less existence that has emotional love that keeps us from “our natural essence,” which is the True-Love-of-the-Soul?
It is great that you have shared this Regina, lovely to read your blog as it gives me even more understanding about you and in that, how others may be too.
As I read your blog, I really had to appreciate how I was brought up, encouraged to talk to strangers and love the fact that I was able to travel the world and meet all different people from all walks of life. Today I still find myself talking to strangers and I love the connection and the reflections we bring to each other.
“I still found it hard to believe that I am actually a lovable person; that the sweetness, goodness and love that I feel inside is good enough and of value for others.” Reading this I can feel that I still play myself down and yet when I see others do this to themselves I find myself shaking my head in disbelief.
It’s amazing how quick we are to dismiss ourselves, yet when we see others do it to themselves it seems crazy that they’re blind to their own beauty in what they bring. We see the reduced version of ourselves that we’ve made ourselves into, when in actual fact the only person we’re kidding is us – because everyone else can see right through it.
It’s been pointed out to me more than once to check out what investment I have in reducing myself?
“make the first step towards the other – by just being open, not holding back – and offer our true sweet nature and see what happens?”
When that is offered to me, it is like a breath of fresh air. I warm instantly, my heart is open, often a smile is on my dial and I am engaged. It is very refreshing and inspiring when someone offers their true sweet nature.
The constant pressure that we all have to apply to give the illusion that we are separate is intense because we have to permanently counter the exact opposite force that is forever pulling us back together. If we stopped countering this natural pull then we’d all end up in each others arms overnight.
Regina mentions that there is a form of prison we form around ourselves; made of protection where we dont share who we are, we don’t let love in or out.
I have always found it absurd that there are so many of us and yet we create prisons of isolation…
Since re-discovering the Ageless Wisdom I have healed a lot of my hurts and as a result it has become very natural, once again (like when I was a young child) to simply share myself lovingly and be very real with anyone I meet who is open to sharing a true connection with me… my life has become very fulfilling, purposeful and so rich.
I love being reminded: ‘we are all very similar inside. Everyone is love and has their own way of expressing it. And if they don’t show it, it is no reason for me to feel inhibited in any way, but to understand that everybody is on their own chosen path in life.’ Accepting and understanding where another is at takes away the pressure of taking things personal and of imposing my ways on to another.
Yes Monika, not taking it personally and staying present with ourselves allows another the space to feel and choose differently when they are ready. Accepting and understanding myself supports me to accept and understand another.
‘Do we really expect that other people, those strangers that we hold so far away from us, will come to us and tell us that they like us and they would love to see and hear the true version of ourselves, and that we don’t need to feel afraid because they will love us no matter what?’ Yes, I am afraid that is what we do expect, or at least what I expected – that is until I understood that I am the creator of everything that comes back to me. However for me to arrive at this understanding I did have to meet someone who knew the true version of me and held me lovingly accountable to this. It is thanks to Serge Benhayon that my relationship with myself has expanded and grown and that I continue to explore more deeply what it is to be the true version of who I am. It is only by the science of reflection that we get to understand and feel the enormous potential of who we are.
I love the openness I have with some close friends and family, but the question I can feel is why is that not with all my relationships with everyone? I can feel the possibility of completing my side of all relationships, then the relationship will be to the potential it can be by our letting go of the protection and hurts, and holding ourselves and everyone with the Love we all deserve.
Yes, it feels so unnatural to me now how we can be reserved with one another, when there is so much of ourselves to share and enjoy. There is nothing more beautiful in life than connection, and this can be even with a stranger if we are open to it.
Yes Janet, and may I add our connection feels like a blessing that is forever deepening as we let more Love in more Love is expanded so therefore our Loving Ways becomes available for others to feel.
Kids don’t shake hands, ask each other about the weather or discuss what they do for a living when they meet each other.
Great call!
Haha no they don´t. They often get forced by their parents to shake hands or say Hi or Bye. I really don’t like that, as the child gets already trained how to behave in the world instead of showing their innocent expression. Kids are also just quiet and don’t try to fill any non talked space. They feel at ease with space and love to move in it.
Rejection and judgement feel the polar opposite to when we know how it feels to be met for who you truly are.
After a lifetime of judging others, I am only just coming to realise that judgement is rejection.
Loving ourselves no matter what is a great first step and then, next step, is to love another with no expectations and then, if who ever we love does not reciprocate, we do not get hurt, because we are love and we do not need their love. We simply love them more
Thank you Mary Louise I just put in a new word into my english vocabulary : I like ” reciprocate ” 🙂 Never heard about it before…. When you truly accept and appreciate the love that you are, whenever someone is expressing this towards you it is also no high moment it feels and is a simple confirmation. Because you know it because you live it *
Interesting we can convince ourselves the perceived safe haven is the way to protect ourselves yet it keeps us so isolated from each other, holding each other out of our hearts.
Yes, this ‘safe haven’ pays far too high a price and causes great physical harm to our bodies because we’re holding in the love that just wants to come out and celebrate who we are!
So true Ruth, and the side-effects or consequence of this protection is worn in our body’s vascular system and heart, as protection not only holds love back to others, but it holds the expression of self-love back towards ourselves.
It doesn’t make sense, does it? And yet this seems to be our default modus operandi waiting for others to prove themselves before we are willing to open up and allow our vulnerability to be transparent. Being honest about this is one thing, but have I really allowed myself to feel it and to feel how many conditions I still put on the world to feed me something back before I am willing to let go and simply be myself in full?
To be able to trust is deeply beautiful and to receive this trust from another is deeply fulfilling also. Trust is natural for human beings and I agree there is nothing as amazing as giving ourselves what we are looking for in the world, and to discover that we are a well of love within ourselves.
Opening up to others really has enabled me to see that we are all the same.
I know I still hold back at times and avoid people. But when I don’t hold back and embrace encounters with people instead my life is so much more joyful.
“We start off as an open, joyful child with free expression and no fear of consequences, then we experience rejection and judgement, grow up and build up walls of protection around us.” Our life’s work now is learning to peel back those layers of protection and to return to that natural, joyful way of expressing that we all know so well, but so many have simply lost touch with, and to show and inspire others that it is entirely possible.
You have raised a great question Regina. Sometimes we can resist going to the next step in a relationship and allowing ourselves deeper levels of intimacy. It’s almost as if a negative ‘what if’ blocks our passage. When I am in the flow of honouring and loving myself this shyness can be very sweet and innocent and yet the expression that comes from my mouth doesn’t always echo my true feelings. Allowing our vulnerability as we open to whatever may come back from our sharing of ourselves and our real feelings is a great gift we can give ourselves and slowly builds a stronger foundation whereby we can dare to express all the love that we are.
A very beautiful and real sharing Regina thank you “Sometimes just a smile or simple “hello” opens the door to another heart. You can see it in their eyes – it’s a wonderful light, so beautiful equally in everybody.”
Wise words about holding back Regina. The choice to hold back affects us everyday, as if we are living in the pain of our hurts constantly. It is true that we may face rejection when we speak up, but at least when we do, we are expressing ourselves. If not, are we not simply rejecting ourselves anyway?
‘So why don’t we give what we hope to come from others to ourselves, love ourselves no matter what, then make the first step towards the other’ – beautiful and so simple. When we have the awareness that we, and others, are living a version of ourselves that could be so much richer, we have a responsibility to take action – it hurts us to hold back what we know to be true, when we live it everyone is offered a healing.
When I met true love I met a consistency that never wavers and it is this quality that allowed me space to feel my pain, release it and see beyond it to the consequences of my choices that led to the hurt. When I realize this factor it empowers me to make different choices that have led me to opening my heart once more. I always have a choice, to remain a closed door or to begin to open up the shutters and let some sunlight out.
Being open and loving to people can really make a difference because the person that meets you might just be needing your reflection at that time. When we hold back the other misses out too and that is how we sustain the world as it is, because it is so normal to hold back even though it should not be and is not our true normal.
I never had one best friend growing up, looking back on it, I had a number of very close friends who were all in slightly different friendship groups. Whilst I wasn’t aware of it at the time, this allowed me to move between groups when things became ‘bitchy’ as they were apt to do at an all girls school. It seems I learnt avoidance at a very young age.
Regina, this is so gorgeous; ‘love ourselves no matter what, then make the first step towards the other – by just being open, not holding back – and offer our true sweet nature and see what happens?’ This feels very simple and very lovely, I have noticed how I used to be very closed down to people unless they were very close friends, I would not see the point in having a conversation with someone that I barely knew – it seemed like a waste of time and I was not interested, yesterday I noticed that I do not do this anymore, that I feel the joy and importance of caring for and being interested in others, even though I had a lot I needed to do I stopped and engaged with two people that I have met a few times before, I made sure I did not excuse myself and rush off and instead enjoyed being with them and felt open, light and joyful. I now love these interactions with others – what a turnaround.
When we express what we want to do and other people raise objections or make out that our ideas are stupid, we react. Arguments are so easily started in any relationships, whether it be with siblings, partners or work colleagues. We all want to be listened to and when we are not we feel rejected and hurt. Once an argument is started it is hard to stop, because we all like to be right, but if one person can recognise that energy is at play and calls it, then it is easier to let go of the need to be right and restore harmony instead.
This blog speaks to me loudly for I have lived my life in a shell from time to time and have always been bad at big social occasions unless I was drinking and that certainly wasn’t the real me. What I have found when I am able to be myself and be totally open is that it does feel amazing and there is nothing to be afraid of and people generally do open up themselves.
When I feel beautiful and amazing and come into the presence of another that for whatever reason may not be feeling the same as me, it is everything in that moment to read them and the situation, otherwise I can take on their emotions and drop from feeling great. It is very true that where we all are is exactly where we are to be, but that doesn’t mean that I hold back from feeling the amazingness to fit in with others.
Thanks Regina, a beautiful reminder that we are here to connect, and not to live in separation from true selves and from others. Letting even one person in deeply has a profound effect on all relationships l’ve found… so I can completely understand why shutting out even one, shuts out everyone.
I agree, because if there is just a bit of doubt or fear with one person, that also creeps in with all others. And the person who you meet, can feel it on some level, that there is fear there or judgement and then they actually feel rejected because they are not accepted just the way they are.
Yes it’s fascinating to see the domino effect on others of how we are feeling ourselves, of what we might be holding by way of protection, judgement, critique and so on. It’s easier to understand how the world has become the way it has once this dynamic is seen and understood.
It really is a domino effect because I have noticed that if I fall over, so does my daughter in a sense because she lives with me and feels it all even if I try to protect her from whatever it is I am going through.
Yes totally agree… I notice even if l’m feeling a bit irritated with something, that my partner is more likely to become the same way after a while. If I express feeling that way to him however it can often disperse it and there’s no flow on effect.
It is important and responsible to own our own stuff and not share it and spread it to others like a virus.
Yes absolutely… otherwise we are just in one big circular domino game with everyone around us. Being prepared to be the one who steps out of the game and actually deals with your stuff has a profound affect on everyone else.
I like how you describe this Jennifer, as I have often been one to step out or speak up and at times it can be uncomfortable but if we see the bigger picture, we see that it needs to be done not just for ourselves but for everyone.
Yes exactly Rosie… beautifully said.
And even if we open up to our partner initially, I have found that over time we put up our shield and close up again.
Our hurts run our lives and create tension within our bodies until we are prepared to look at them and heal them… and then our bodies thank us for letting them go – we feel so much lighter and freer.
So true Paula, holding onto our hurts stops us from experience and living in joy. Often we use our hurts to push people away, to withdraw, isolate ourselves, but what we crave more is to be love, to be with people and to be joyful. Holding onto our hurts simply stops us being ourselves.
Regina I loved reading the commonality and innocence of this blog, I could feel the beauty of innocence inside me and also there in all of us to experience the same/similar.
We are here together because we separated, from the Oneness we all hail from. The task now is to come together, one person at a time, to bring about our return.
“Do we really expect that other people, those strangers that we hold so far away from us, will come to us and tell us that they like us and they would love to see and hear the true version of ourselves, and that we don’t need to feel afraid because they will love us no matter what?” All too often we almost hold people for ransom in the sense that we are waiting for them to open up to us with real love and vulnerability. Some people hold onto this posture for a lifetime, staying in protection behind a wall to not get hurt again. But Regina has really brought up a beautiful point about how we need to take the initiative and love and accept ourselves fully first, and then make the ‘first move’ towards others. In my experience it has been amazing to see the responses of people when I have made even the most subtle gesture of care or connection with them, as many people are just waiting for someone to reach out to them like this so they can then feel safe to do the same with others again, which is our true nature to do so.
I am now much more open with people in my life than I have ever been in the past. I am much more free in expressing my love and sharing myself with others. This has been huge for me as previously I was very shy and held back a lot. I now have incredible relationships in my life and every day these just get richer.
Comfy numbness or true connection? I am going with option 2.
Oh the comfort of numbness is so addictive, we love it, truly we do. Well we think we love it but in truth we don’t because it’s always buddied up with an internal feeling of unrest that although we may not consciously register it, it is none the less registered by our bodies, constantly.
‘We don’t want to be held back by our self-consciousness and fears.’ I cried when I read this sentence this evening… it is so simple, so true and so exposing of the madness of keeping ourselves at arm’s length from one another.
Regina, you were “too wild and free”? Perhaps there was too much love between you and your best friend making everybody else feel how different their relationships were?
I like how you describe being childlike, simple, innocent, joyful and filled with love together with the experience, wisdom and awareness of the grown woman. I can relate to that it is a great description.
It’s crazy that we imprison ourselves because we fear rejection when if only we reconnected to the simple joy we had as children we would realise that everyone is a potential friend and we are given multiple opportunities every day to connect – the choice is ours.
‘ Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us.’ – Wow this line really hits home. I have certainly had situations where I hold back out of protection, but you nailed it by exposing that actually holding back hurts more than a negative reaction. This is really something to take away and feel into. Thank you.
You are spot on with this blog, we all want the same thing deep down and why not take all the things we want and expect from another and give it to ourselves? That type of self-love and care is what will turn the tides and break the current trends we are seeing in ill health. Think about it, if the majority of modern illness and disease is lifestyle related then the type of life style we choose comes back to the relationship with have with ourselves, its simple maths really…more self-love = less illness and disease! Brilliant blog, I am glad you busted out of your shy bubble to write this one.
Really beautiful to read thank you Regina.
When I read this article that is what I am reminded of, the relationship that we have with ourselves and how this then impacts all other relationships from there. We can sit in a corner and lock ourselves away and that is a choice, or we can step by step go further into the world, being aware of not only what is happening around us but aware more and more of how and what we are feeling. It’s almost like we need not to sort anything out but more continue to be aware of what we are feeling and how we are internally talking to ourselves.
We are a mass of particles in constant communication with each other, to behave as if we are separate makes as much sense as parts of the ocean seeing themselves as separate from the body of water in which they reside.
The world looks completely different and so joyful with this foundational view: ”People are actually all pretty much the same. They all have a goodness and loveliness inside them and most of them love to share it’.
A great sharing Regina, thank you. Yes I can relate very much, how growing up I started closing down more and more, the lightness and joy I was, out of a need to be accepted. Many of us do that; and live a lesser version of the magnificent shining lights we are from birth. And then we wonder why life isn’t working so well; why relationships can be so testing. Now that I have allowed myself to just be me again, more and more, my relationships are much easier, more fun and deeper. Yes, I can still get hurt if someone decides to reject me for who I am, but I now know not to make myself wrong, but hold steadfast, bringing understanding to where they are at, and deepening the love and support I hold myself in.
Beautifully presented 😊😊
I have also written something
https://scarsdohurt.wordpress.com/2017/11/04/how-to-prevent-ourselves-from-getting-raped-according-to-our-society/
I really love this blog and it has struck a very resonating chord with me; there truly is no greater gift that we can give ourselves than our own love.
Beautifully said Otto… “there truly is no greater gift that we can give ourselves than our own love.” This is very inspirational – worth putting on my fridge as a reminder, thank you.
I agree with you entirely. But then that also exposes the insanity of the way we live. Love is the cheapest, easiest, quickest, 24/7 available gift that we could ever get – and we can give it to ourselves – we don’t even need a friend, family member and especially don’t need a special occasion to justify it!! What could be easier and simpler? But yet, we don’t. It’s worth really pondering this.
Yes Otto, it is the most beautiful gift we can give to ourselves and to all others.
“So why don’t we give what we hope to come from others to ourselves.” When you express it as simply and profoundly as this, it does indeed seem idiotic that we hold ourselves as hostages to that which we crave the most. But I also find this brilliant question incredibly empowering and as I sit here and ponder it I am filled with sweetness, innocence and love – all given to me by me!
“… love ourselves no matter what …” is Relationship 101, and if love is the common thread within and between each human being, brotherhood prevails.
Yes johannebrown17, when we love ourselves first, we are naturally more loving with others.
Developing a relationship with ourselves is akin to being our own best friend, and when this unconditional love for ourselves has a sound foundation, we bring this solidness of love and truth to all relationship we encounter.
Allowing ourselves to be open with other people by letting go of old hurts in the only way that we can build true and intimate relationships.
‘love ourselves no matter what, then make the first step towards the other – by just being open, not holding back – and offer our true sweet nature and see what happens?’ Yes, this can lead to the most surprising and delightful interactions.
Asking ourselves why we don’t completely honour or even respect oneself opens a great doorway to learning.
This was an absolutely beautiful blog Regina, from start to end I really enjoyed reading it. It’s so true that we all may feel this amazing spark inside us, but have gotten so used to our barriers and forms of protection that we have forgotten how to communicate in true freedom.
So true Regina, everything we do everything we say often tends to confirm that we are seperate in a big way. I am me, you are you we are all alone in this world. This is the philosophy we are consistently raised up with. But its simply not true. So why do we continue on with this rationale? To me the reason is it’s allows us to perpetuate individuality, irresponsibility and continue creating dramas. Sadly this comes at all of our expense for as you show Regina – we are all one at heart.
“I never had so many friends before, even if it is just for a moment.” Love this. Particularly because it is true of my life now too. Even a fleeting true connection with another has the fullness and warmth of close relationships. It’s humbling and nourishing to feel.
Yes, it can even be a glance while walking past each other at a busy airport.
Yes, this is my experience too – a true connection through a glance, when eyes meet with another in full in everyday places in one glance – in a supermarket, in the street. I agree Lucy, It is humbling and nourishing to feel.
No-one hurts us more than we hurt ourselves by holding back the love that we are.
Thats crazy right ‘No-one hurts us more than we hurt ourselves’ but its so true!
So true. The ultimate rejection that cuts the deepest is our rejection of ourselves.
The separation starts within and then spreads it’s tentacle like energy throughout towns cities and nations till we end up with wars, corruption and horrific crimes against humanity.
This really wakes me up to the responsibility on offer to us all to reverse this pattern, building a loving relationship with ourselves that ripples out to all our interactions with others and ends up making it impossible for any kind of conflict with, or harm to, others.
So true Michael, it is like a one-way-road-net-work of energy taking us deeper into the forest of gloom and doom!
Against this tide we have now rediscovered the Love-ing-way-net-work, that connects us all no matter how lost we feel we are or who we turn to, because Love, is just around the corner!
Those ripples that we often do not fully appreciate in their far-reachingness and power whilst we emanate them.
Beautiful Regina thank you.’Sometimes just a smile or simple “hello” opens the door to another heart.’ I had just this the other day on a rather packed tube, my eyes met with another woman’s, we both beamed a big smile.. the connection was felt and appreciated.
What’s amazing is how the connections we have with family, friends, colleagues, peers and strangers (or ‘new’ people in our lives), with purpose, can open up incredible opportunities to support each other and work together on various projects. A ‘project’ may not be a piece of work as such, but something as simple as order in the kitchen is a pioneering activity that introduces a new level of order into the home!
I love this blog Regina,while reading it I reflected on my relationships at my new job and regardless of how they are with me I am mostly very loving with them. This feels very different from the past were I would have not allowed my self to love them because of the fear of rejection.
Whilst being away for the weekend with my niece and nephew we were playing on the beach… (it was a gorgeous autumn day, very recently). They wanted to dig a hole in the sand to get to Australia. Another little boy who was a complete stranger came up to them and said, ‘I hear you want to dig a hole to Australia can I help you?’ They then spent the next part of the hour playing together like they had known each other for years. There was absolutely no separation, only connection and joy… now if only as adults, we could be as open to others, as kids naturally are – letting go of our defenses and protections everything would shift.
“Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us ” This is so true and something that I have experienced myself. To see and feel another flourish when you know that you are capable of the same and more but are not living that is something I would not recommend is repeated too often. Simply by beginning to appreciate oneself it is possible to change this pattern, so that holding back eventually becomes a thing of the past.
I love the title of this blog as it really busts through the consciousness we have aligned to that says we are separate. When I look at the bigger context of planet Earth in amongst the billions and billions of planets and stars in the universe, not only do I get a sense of wonderment but I also see us on Earth as one – here we all are contained in one very small area and yet we choose to bicker and fight. Like children, we are contained until we can learn not only just to get on, but to completely let go of our individualism and make the love we really are the main focus in everything we do.
Yes Regina, your story IS very familiar to me “With him I started opening up and trusting again, slowly and carefully letting myself be seen. And after many years of testing the waters with him, I learned to open up to more and more people.” The more we know and accept who we are the more transparent and willing to be seen we naturally become.
I reckon one of the biggest reasons for separation is that we take other people’s actions personally, instead of seeing them as their own opportunity to learn and perhaps master something they’ve struggled with for a long time.
Beautiful Regina. Thank you for sharing your beautiful essence with us.
“Sometimes just a smile or simple “hello” opens the door to another heart.” Yes, Regina, so simple and so true.
It’s a great question. Truly connecting with another human being is a joy-full experience. So why do we avoid it ‘like the plague’? It doesn’t make any sense – unless we prefer living in misery rather than joy for some reason.
How come we start off with such a natural knowing of life which then gets crushed or squeezed from us as we conform to a way of living that is like being put in a straight jacket or self imposed prison. The movement is so insidious we are almost unaware it is taking place, or if we do and rebel the consequences are harsh.
We carry our hurts with us and these childhood hurts taint how we view life and can cripple how we are as adults. I met a beautiful young person who had attempted to take their life. By talking to this person I felt it was a cry for help as they were in the overwhelm of their experience as a child which was un dealt with and this overwhelm led to this person feeling the only way out from the tension in their body was to kill themselves. This to me is a result of our society thinking that children are somehow inferior to adults just because they are children. But children have a vast knowledge that they can tap into and this should not be discounted because of their age.
“Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us.” This is a truism that I did not come to realise or appreciate until meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and in doing so has enabled me to heal so many unresolved hurts, which has then allowed the beautiful ‘little boy’ in me to progressively come out of hiding and protection.
Beautiful how love, true unimposing consistent love, restores our trust within our selves and with each other.
Great title Regina – the feeling of separation from others is common amongst people, however sociable or busy life may be with distractions to fill the void.
‘We are here together, so why are we so separated’
Regina, I have observed how this belief is held by so many; ‘the held belief that we are not good enough just as we are.’ I certainly felt like this about myself most of my adult life and the more I open up and talk with other women I have heard how they have and often still do feel this way too. It is very beautiful that you have been letting go of hurts and that you are returning to feeling your natural joy and innocence – this shows us all what is possible, thank you.
“We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly.” We can hold back and wait for people to come to us, reserved ,in protection and in the resistance of the love that we truly are or we can remain open to what ever is there for us to learn from next. It is always a choice and one I am beginning to fully appreciate.
It’s the connection to the essence of who we are that also takes the awkwardness and shyness out of meeting people and makes our connections with others, honest, open and most of all anxious free. In connecting to our innate playful and joyous selves we are in effect connecting to the all and that is a beautiful way to experience and learn from life as we live it. Thank you Regina for this wonderful blog.
It is interesting to consider that everything we are longing for in life is already in us, we only have to peel back the layers of protection we have build on top of it one by one to have access to it once again.
I have also found that by opening up everything I am is an offer to others to do the same. Our love for ourselves and all others is an automatic response that has just not been activated for many years… something we never lose.
I have noticed many years ago how people open up, sometimes with much delight, when you ask them for help, like directions for a street or the next petrol station. Everybody loves to help, it’s a chance to connect as human beings with no strings attached, a small reminder of the open, spontaneous connections we made as children.
At this point in time I seem to been see-sawing between opening up to others and loving it and them and finding it all very joyful; and contracting away from others because of what I sense or can feel about them when I’m out and about. It’s been suggested that I bring in more of the understanding and appreciation that we are all divine first, essence first, rather than what is not that. This feels like good advice.
Yes, that is one of my tools as well. Not easy, sometimes I fail and need a bit of distance to the situation or person to come back to me. But the more I live with the intention to be open and connected to the divine essence of all, the steadier I can be ‘out there’ in the thick of it. Letting the other be as they choose, rather than wishing/wanting they’d see the light that they are, feels very expansive, as I then know that we will all be back in love as one, eventually. In a way we are, they just don’t know it yet.
The magical thing about being in connection with other people is – you never know what will happen. So I have learned that even if a connection is short or shallow it will leave something. The question is, if I allow myself to feel it, as sometimes it seems to be much easier to be not so aware about it.
I can relate to what you have shared Regina about having to ‘test the waters’ first after having been hurt. We can retreat away and not want to engage in the world again for fear of being hurt all over again. Yet this is a self imposed prison, a prison without bars that we simply choose to stay in, rather than shed the hurts and embrace the world again. But depending on how hurt we have been, it is about allowing ourselves to build back the trust and then simply going for it again. And it does not mean that we will not get hurt again, but hopefully at that point we will be able to express the hurt, understand it and respond in a way that allows us to grow rather than shrink! An on-going learning process for me!
Regina, what a gorgeous sharing of you in this blog – letting yourself and your joy be seen for the exquisite beauty that you/we all are!
Lots of wisdom here Regina and very relatable to the common human experience. I particularly found this line supportive for me “Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us. That is just one moment, but our holding back is with us all of the time. It’s a structure that holds us in a certain energy even when we are alone.” This is so true, the moment of hurt or rejection etc passes but we are caged by our own choice to hold back for life – unless we choose to change it by being our full selves again.
I recall a child coming up to me many years ago in a shopping centre and just grabbed my hand. I originally thought that he thought I was his mum and got upset when he realised I was not. But there is more at play here when we consider how open children naturally are. A child will simply respond to what they are feeling. As I ponder this, his reaction of tears was possibly the result of my own reaction to close down the the initial response of a child.
What a shame that we allow fear and self doubt to creep into our way of interacting with others as we get older.
A very real and very true exposing of the human condition and the behaviors we adopt. Universal Medicine and ‘The Way of The Livingness” is the only truth I have come to that offers another pathway of deeper self-love and love for others, if one is willing to embrace it wholeheartedly. This is a daily work-in-progress.
Regina, this blog is such a joy and it makes so much sense, after all it is indeed our holding back that hurts us more as it’s with us even when we’re alone, and to meet another offering all of us and giving them the grace and space to be who they are is such a gift both to ourselves and others. It’s spreading love all around.
If we didn’t hold back, as in truly didn’t hold back then we would never ever feel alone, it would be impossible to ever feel this way because the floodgates would be open and truth, Oneness and brotherhood would come rushing in.
‘That is just one moment, but our holding back is with us all of the time. It’s a structure that holds us in a certain energy even when we are alone.’ I have lived this self-imposed exile most of my life and it really isn’t me. I am aware the more I let people in the more aware of my hurts I am and the opportunity to let them go and being tender with myself within the process. What I know is even when a person doesn’t want to know me I can still stay open and let them in – that’s far less painful and far more fun than retreating into my hurts. Indeed, today I was driving home and realised how much I still am protecting my hurts from being triggered by avoiding people, situations, life! and how, if I commit to feeling whatever comes up without judgement, rich life could be and is.
‘… smiling only to our neighbours or people that fit our criteria of what good people should look like, but looking away when strangers look at us’ …. yes, this is exactly what I used to do. It’s interesting and shocking how strongly I held that picture of what ‘safe’, ‘nice’ people look like. As you share, we are all the same in terms of the love we all are, the only difference is how much of our love we let out and share with each other and feel for ourselves. When we drop our protection and allow ourselves to be open, we can feel the love in each other, we can feel when someone is not safe because of the energy they are aligning to.
This idea of ‘safe’ is such a corruption and not true at all. We stopped feeling the true energy of everything, because the veil of hurt, disappointment and emotional pain taints everything. So we stop trusting in our ability to feel energy and try to protect ourselves from all that hurt that is already in us. Quite insane, really.
What a gorgeous article, Regina, thank you for reminding us all of the lightness of being we all have as children and can choose to connect with once again by dropping the shackles of ‘holding back’ and allowing our sweet tenderness to be shared in our every expression.
‘…the shackles of holding back’ – beautifully put, Alison – a very precise description of the self imposed incarceration that is so against our natural tender open way to be in the world.
So true Regina, how a negative reaction from another…”… is just one moment, but our holding back is with us all of the time. It’s a structure that holds us in a certain energy even when we are alone.” And maintaining that structure creates an enormous amount of tension in our bodies and in our lives, and ultimately, is exhausting!
Lovely sharing Regina, we are all here together and how enriched our lives are when we open to each other. It hurts us more to hold back love… that’s nature is to express.
Regina this is a beautiful blog with much alchemy at play. It offered many moments to feel one’s divineness and connect to the truth that we are all made of the same divine love.
I felt this today how I love others but when it comes to maybe loving a potential partner I hold back and go into protection a bit which was good to feel as now I am allowing myself to feel this I can start to let it go ”love ourselves no matter what, then make the first step towards the other – by just being open, not holding back – and offer our true sweet nature and see what happens?
So often we have assumptions about the other, maybe they remind us of a person from the past, maybe they have behaved a certain way before, and we are already in reaction before anything happened. We impose that on the other and that robs us both from freely expressing what is there now.
Well said, Vicky. We may still guard particular hurts, but once we are honest and aware of what we are holding onto, it is much easier to let go and open up again. And as you say, when we truly love ourselves, there is no longer any investment or need from another, just the joy of connection.
I have witness how destructive and harmful it is when someone holds onto their hurts and choose to live in the past. The hurts propels them to blame, stay in victim mode and behave in loveless ways that then projects abuse onto themselves and others. Your blog Regina shows us what is possible and that our deepest hurt stems from not living the love we are.
Yes, this is a very inspirational blog to help others to follow your example, Regina, to let go of their hurts and return to the beauty they once were as a child.
A deeply beautiful blog Regina. – ‘Sometimes just a smile or simple “hello” opens the door to another heart. You can see it in their eyes – it’s a wonderful light, so beautiful equally in everybody.’ – When we truly connect it is easy to recognise the equallity in each other.
Indeed Eva, to me it feels like an invitation but too as a willingness to see the beauty in all people we meet in spite of their behaviours.
Yes. And also, in the vein of this blog, sometimes just a simple ‘hello’ to myself opens my own heart more. It may sound silly, but just stopping, checking in with myself and really saying ‘hello’ to myself, appreciating myself and drinking in the feeling of just being with myself is such a joy. So yes, say hello and open our hearts to others – but also, do it to ourselves.
Regina I love how you expose the very way our society is currently shaped, well our adult society for that matter, given how the truth that the future of society is in the openness of our children, the age before we shut down out of hurts, and a reminder that life does not have to be walked in pain but in joy.
Yesterday I turned up to my friends place and she was chatting to her neighbours, who were 2 adults and 2 kids. The kids were young 5/6 and under 1. I was introduced to them all and they were all warm and welcoming. But I noted that the youngest one was fully themselves, and beaming out excitement at new people, new things, new experiences, there was no holding back. With the adults, there was holding back, and polite conversation. It was so interesting to observe and then read this article this morning.
What a cool observation Sarah. It is silly that we do that, because, what for ultimately? Starting the discussion around how we choose to hold on to hurts and live in protection is well worth it.
So beautiful to observe in children Sarah, and just like Regina has mentioned in her blog, there is a certain childlike awe about life when we really let ourselves feel the connections deeply.
We are each a tiny spark of light from the same majestic flame of love that burns deep within us all. Reconnecting with this brings us back to our true selves and with this brings us back to a very genuine open-hearted connection with all others. It is well worth the journey home to such warmth after being out in the cold for so long.
Totally gorgeous Liane.
Very true Liane, time to come in from the cold.
It is so true that the rejection we feel as a child can haunt our behaviour for much of our lives. This blog offers an opportunity to see how not clocking the hurt of the rejection can have such a large ripple effect. Building that relationship with ourselves is the only way I have found to build a solid foundation that does not need others to ‘like’ me any more. Once there is a need there, there is an opening to give power to another person over how we feel about ourselves. That sounds illogical but it is there. Once we seal the door to the need by building that solid foundation we see and feel ourselves as part of the whole we are from and not the separate beings we have come to think we are.
Regina this is such a stunning sharing from your heart and when it is openly practiced by the majority, then we shall have true religion on Earth.
Yes, Alexis, let’s make a start. Every one person will make a big difference, as our intentions and action affect everybody. And practising it makes my love expand…..
It is only recently that I have realised that the ‘open me’ that I wholeheartedly believed was me, was actually a ‘closed right up me’, a ‘peeking out from behind the turrets me’. It is only since realising this that I have been able to come out from behind my boarded up walls.
Most adults walk around like tin soldiers, arms and legs swinging mechanically, squeezing small sound bites of polite exchanges to one another. The truth is we are all the living expression of love, this way of living is a long way from how love would choose to live.
Regina this is such an important point that you have raised “Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us. That is just one moment, but our holding back is with us all of the time. It’s a structure that holds us in a certain energy even when we are alone“. The damage of holding back who we are, puts a permanent strain on our bodies.
So very true – our greatest hurt is holding back the great love that we are and not the perceived hurt seemingly inflicted on us from another.
What you’ve shared Liane and Alexis proves to me how powerful we all are, it highlights that no-one can deeply hurt us, therefore the need to protect ourselves is perhaps a disguise and a way to avoid being love.
Regina, this is very lovely and I have felt this many times before; ‘We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly’, there is in our society an idea that we have to have known someone for a long time and to have had shared experiences together to be close and intimate with them, but I have felt that this doesn’t have to be the case, I have found it lovely to be open and friendly with people on buses, in shops, in the park, it feels very lovely to allow people in whether we know them or not and when this happens i realise how natural it is for us all to be open and caring with each other, this feels like true community and true family.
I agree Rebecca, I now have an open door policy where people can step right up and walk in at any time. It means that I no longer need to waste an inordinate amount of energy in trying to keep the door shut all the time.
That’s beautiful Regina and I too have experienced such. When I open up to others I may have only met for a few minutes but I feel so at ease and a feeling of knowing the other for much longer. The conversations I’ve had at the checkout for example go far deeper than the ‘adult acquaintance’/ first meeting.
You remind me of a flower, Regina. Slowly unfolding your petals to be open, receiving the sunshine, bringing joy to those around. How lovely you are.
Beautyfull sharing love how you came back to your essence and could heal that hurt from childhood through the loving support of your partner and being willing to go there and open up again.
Beautiful Regina, it is so confirming of what we all deserve.
I can remember that awful crippling feeling of not belonging in a group or thinking I had to be someone else or wasn’t cool enough. By what we see around us we subscribe to that we are seperate to each other by how we identify ourselves. Crazy really when within we are all the same, it’s our outer expression of inner qualities that may seem different.
What I love about Universal Medicine workshops and courses etc is working with strangers and holding a deep connection like you are best friends. On many occasions connecting to another’s essence I have literally fallen in love.
This is beautiful to read Regina, the freedom you have returned to from your childhood is palpable in every word.
‘We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly.’ This is true. I used to be afraid to make eye contact with strangers but now I say hello to everyone who passes by my house or who I pass on the street, and sometimes I’m ignored but mostly I get a lovely smile back that surprises me. More recently my new neighbours have started waving to me first, which feels lovely.
This is so important Carmel so as to break the consciousness , all it ever takes is one person to express in the honour and truth of who they are and this in turn gives others the seeming permission to release themselves from the bondage of fear.
The simplicity of this most ordinary thing engaged in connection is beautiful “Sometimes just a smile or simple “hello” opens the door to another heart. You can see it in their eyes”
Deeply gorgeous and deeply touching to read and like you say I too have had virtually the same experiences in life. Yet they do not make sense to our nature. It is not in our nature to be disconnected and closed to others yet it feels familiar. It makes me wonder if there is a collective agreement and collusion that we don’t dare to be open to one another as it might be too exposing, too loving and dare I say too amazing!
It is crazy how we put up barriers with others and then wait for them to dismantle when all along the key is within us to unlock our hearts and share our essence with others with no expectations and from this the most beautiful and intimate connections happen with so called strangers.
This is a great question, and really brings us to attention: “We are here together, so whey are we so separated?” Why indeed?! It really does not make sense that we push away the one thing we crave the most – connection, and ultimately, brotherhood.
Gorgeous Regina… we do live so separately – not only from others but from ourselves – and yet deep, intimate connection is what every one of us crave… and that deep connection is with ourselves and with others.
Yes, yes, yes, Regina. Because love is the common denominator within each and every one of us, when we walk and talk with all of our naturally loving selves, it is an invitation for another to do the same.
It is so true Regina, that when we close the doors on others, it is actually ourselves that gets locked inside.
A beautiful reminder Regina, of what is possible when we are willing to let go of our hurts, “We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly.” If we know this to be true, why would we not want to be open to everyone we meet and to the endless opportunities that are consequently available to us?
Brilliant Regina, I feel you speak for us all. I too remember having great friends when I was young, things were uncomplicated, easy and clear. We just liked to be together everywhere. Yet suddenly when we hit a certain age we stopped seeing each other and things fell apart. Looking back I feel like I took this experience to heart and brought it to every person I met moving forward. ‘Can I trust you?’’Will you stick around?’’Will you lie and let me down?’. So much seriousness and doubt is at play when we forget our innocence inside.
Very beautiful, Regina. You say your story is probably familiar to many people, and I agree with you and what I can feel is how I have been behaving as if I was the only person with that problem and no one would understand. It feels like there is a strong desire to be an individual in that way of being, so the way I would manage life would naturally be preserving and affirming that hurt that would identify myself.
Whenever I observe my children make friends instantly with other children I always marvel at the ease of it. On a beach in Cornwall over half term, my children decided they were going to dig a hole in the sand to Australia. Another child nearby overheard them and came over and asked if he could help. What followed was a lot of fun and a lovely connection. This way is so natural and each time I observe it I am reminded how much as adults we have contracted and have set up walls of protection.
I agree Regina, holding back is a structure which is with us 24/7 and not only when we are with other people, it is letting thoughts in that confirm that holding back is safe as if we don’t know anything else. But we do know and feel our natural expression is there and it is only a choice to move differently and to say no to the endless thoughts that do not support in any way. When we start to open up, we free the body from this tight structure and we can be our joyful self again.
Regina I totally agree – to connect with others deeply is what we all crave and it is the simplest thing in the works because we are naturally designed to connect. But where we go wrong is in our desire – because that is what it is – to hold on to our hurts. Our hurts fuel us with drama and a false sense of purpose – we have something to focus on that keeps us individual – which is the aim.
It’s only when we renounce this pattern in ourselves that we then connect deeply within – and from there we naturally connect deeply with others. If we don’t go there, all we put out is our un-met needs, those empty pockets within us that have hurt inside of them instead of our own love.
It’s a great point that a negative or perceived to be negative reaction of another towards us is just one moment and yet if we react back to that by withdrawing, holding back and putting up a guard that is something that we can carry round with us for much longer and actually hurts us more than the original incident…
‘I never had so many friends before, even if it is just for a moment.’ I love this comment Regina – that we can have instant friends, anytime we choose to connect to ourselves and others. That friendship isn’t defined by a time period or geographical proximity opens it up and expands it beyond measure.
Becoming more aware of the protective measures that I take in relationships is very revealing and allows me an opportunity to change these outworn and outmoded ways of being. It may seem very risky but if I am connected to the love that I am and express how I really feel this honesty allows for a deepening, there is no such thing as failure, there is but more love to open to and embrace.
Yes our choice to retreat into our safe haven is never one that is truly asked for by the outside world, it is us who choose it and realising this can be very freeing, because it means we can also step back out of it.
so true! No one openly says can you withdraw please! But I wonder if we are not used to the responsibility and the commitment to expressing and so want some ‘time off’ before we are ‘on’ again! Heavens that is a whole other blog!
Most of us don’t ‘retreat into our safe haven’, our safe haven is our permanent residence and we might not even stick our head out to take a look even just briefly in an entire lifetime.
“It’s the easiest, most natural thing in the world.”… to be ourselves and yet we managed to put up so many barriers to hide and protect our innately beautiful selves. I have done this for 62 years. I would have the occasional bouts of feeling confident and allowing a bit more of myself to be seen only to have someone say something and I would retreat back into my protective shell of hurts. It is in the last year or so I have begun to allow myself to be really seen and not recoil the moment things aren’t going so well and I am loving it, everything in my life is opening up my work, my relationships, family, there is a lightness that I used to feel as a child is now back in my life.
I feel that most of us can relate to this experience
“We start off as an open, joyful child with free expression and no fear of consequences, then we experience rejection and judgment, grow up and build up walls of protection around us.”
Having let down some of my protection it is then interesting to observe how cut off and or boxed in and separated from each other we are as a race of human beings. I have a friend who is ‘nice’ and hides behind this wall of ‘niceness’ which is put out to the world; I can now feel that actually they are petrified of life. And this is the boxing in as we reduce ourselves and live very contracted from the grandness we actually are.
Holding ourselves in love no matter what comes our way can change instantly a relationship even when we attend a party where we don’t know many people. We don’t need to say anything but others respond as they can feel the warmth and love inside us. It is so beautiful when people who we have never met come up and want to talk even if it is brief eg. in a supermarket… they feel safe with us.
This is a gorgeous, inspiring and very relatable blog. How easy it is to be in connection with you Regina!
“We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly.” – We just have to a true, open and loving connection first with our self.
“We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly.” I know that for most of my life no one would have been able to have an open and loving connection with me, I reckon even Jesus would have struggled. I was as hard as nails, incredibly reactionary, full of self doubt, in constant fear of being hurt and permanently on the attack. Hardly ingredients for an open and loving connection!
Thank you, Regina. You offer us all an explanation of why we choose to disconnect from the eternal joy within our selves as a consequence of being hurt, particularly when we are children. Re-connecting to our tender essence and treasuring this connection beyond everything else restores true purpose and relationship to the world again. It heals the hurts that put a dent in our connection and then it becomes easy to talk and share our selves with everyone, close friend and stranger alike, a flow of loving expression that can no longer be held back.
The impact of jealousy from adults to children when the children share a deep, open and loving connection with each other and expose this lack in the lives of the adults can have lasting effect. We are all children at heart and can all choose to reconnect to each other with openness and love.
‘Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us.’ I felt this just yesterday… with a strong impulse I wanted to say hello to someone, but I held back. After, I felt really uncomfortable and contracted not by the fact I didn’t say hello, but because I ignored a strong impulse to act.
“if we would only allow ourselves to be what we deep inside know to be true, we can live and connect with each other in this free and intimate way that we secretly all crave for.” So true Regina. Yet so often we go around hiding the amazing beings we truly are. Learning to love ourselves deeply first is the first step.
A beautiful blog Regina. “Everyone is love and has their own way of expressing it. And if they don’t show it, it is no reason for me to feel inhibited in any way”. When we respond with understanding judgement falls to the wind. Knowing we are all love deep inside has transformed my view of humanity – its just our behaviours that can be found lacking….
When I commit to life there is no holding back whether that is with others or on my own but in the commitment connection to myself and the All is everything.
I often observe how hard we try to not connect with each other. We do so much to avoid making that connection with another – but why, when it is such a lovely thing to truly meet someone? When it happens faces light up and so do people but all too often we ‘chalk it off’ to a random ‘nice person’ rather than consider that everyone has this spark of light within them and longs for such a connection. It is true that we suffer hurts and live in protection rather than risk feeling that again – but in such instances, we are surely living under the cloud of hurt constantly are we not? How would it be to break out of that ‘prison’ and start to enjoy connecting with others once again? Worth the risk in my view.
I can have ticked the box of, ‘the adult way of life”, I have ‘been there done that’ most of this life. I had put my intimate connection to self and others on the shelf long ago and forgot it existed. When we come back to ourselves, we become the flower that is forever open to all.
Steve I too thought that I had ‘been there and done that’ in so many different areas of my life and was quite shocked to realise that in truth I had done nothing other than to have gone around and around in circles, achieving nothing other than repetition. And what I had been repeating was the same choice to align to a consciousness that wasn’t true. Over and over again just in lots of different ways. And it’s the falseness of the ‘different ways’ that allowed me to kid myself that I was ‘getting somewhere’ and ‘achieving something’ when all along I was digging myself deeper into the illusion.
Thankyou Regina, it is always a pleasure to read about someone returning to a relationship with their own sweetness by letting people in and being a part of the world. This goes to show and fully confirm for me that the way back to knowing who we are is through brotherhood.
As an adult, it is easy to have friends who actually don’t really know us as we keep so much of ourselves hidden, even from ourselves. We act out how we think people want us to be and this can change according to the characters of our friends, so how much of the relationships are genuine. Once we truly know ourselves then we are content with what we present to the world and the fact that we do not need to be anything other than ourselves – we are enough for being us.
In a world where we tend to live closed down from those around us much of the time I love how you have brought the re-connection to another in such a simple way. “Sometimes just a smile or simple “hello” opens the door to another heart.” There is nothing complicated about that and in doing so we have the potential to open not just one heart, but many hearts.
There is so much wisdom flowing out of this blog, what you have written about here has certainly happened to me in one way or another. I am so often afraid to come out of my shell but when I do there is never anything to be afraid of and there is no need of the protective wall I have so meticulously constructed.
I hear you kevmchardy. If I don’t hold back I never regret it. We’re all just waiting for others the be love first so if we actually stop waiting and just go first, others around us start to open up and let their love out too.
Simply brilliant Regina
The only way we can really protect ourselves from rejection is to not hide ourselves and express ourselves without holding back. No the world will not all love us and some people will reject us, but when we are expressing in our fullness step by step we embody more and more the steadiness with ourselves and we become stronger. Deepening into that we also begin to see the world as it is, allow others to make their choices, understand beyond what we can superficially see and still hold humanity as equal, also a step by step process that we refine and deepen continuously.
Regina, a beautiful sharing and one many will relate to. When we trust and love ourselves, the world is a place we want to be in, and we begin to love people, all of them equally. As you say, there’s no need to perform, “just allowing ourselves to express what comes naturally in any situation” In other words simply being ourselves.
I am touched by reading this blog this morning as I do recognise so much of what is being shared. We actually are the creators of our own imprisonment and we are the only ones who have the key to unlock it by returning to that same way of being as we where as a child.
Beautiful blog Regina, thank you for reminding us how natural it is to be open, loving and willing to connect to people. To let down our guard and be the love, because what hurts us more is our protection and avoiding the love that is already present in us all.
Yep, on one level it is natural to be ‘open, loving and willing to connect with people’, but then again because most of us don’t live like this, then it feels utterly alien to live this way.