Re-united with God

God was never mentioned when I was growing up; not because my parents were anti-God, it’s just that they weren’t ‘believers.’ They were fairly unusual in that they got married in a registry office, again not because they could categorically say that there wasn’t a God but because they couldn’t categorically say that there was. I love the absolute integrity of my parents.

My experience with organised religion boiled down to one very boring couple of hours at Sunday school and joining in enthusiastically with the choruses of hymns at Christmas time. I remember Dad trying to ‘find God’ at one stage in his life, which constituted his going to bible classes and then promptly being asked to leave because he was asking too many probing questions. (God, I love my Dad).

But here’s the startling thing; even though I didn’t have any organised religion in my life, I can now see, looking back, that as a kid the way that I lived was truly religious. It didn’t matter that I never said His name, God was very known to me – very, very known indeed.

My intimacy with God continued until about the age of nine, at which time Dad got a promotion at work and so my family moved from our idyllic village in rural Yorkshire to what I felt was a monstrosity of a town just north of London. The move had a massive effect on me, the extent of which has only come to light in recent years. I never doubted that the move devastated me, but it’s only in the last couple of years that I have fully realised that the most significant effect that the move had on me was that I seemingly lost my connection to God.

I always knew that I missed the countryside and that the bullying at school was traumatic, but I never consciously realised that the greatest hurt by far was choosing to step away from my beloved God. But you see, because no one had ever spoken to me about what true connection to God was, I never consciously knew that God and I were one and the same and so consequently I didn’t realise that when I chose to step away from myself, I was also choosing to step away from God.

We’ve constructed so many false and misleading notions around what it is to be religious that I never considered that as a child I was deeply religious: in fact, I assumed that because my family never went to church and because I never prayed  – that’s not strictly true, I do remember praying once, that if I was going to be murdered could God arrange it to happen after my cross country competition, because I really wanted to run in the race – that I wasn’t religious. How poisonous are our beliefs when they can get us to believe the exact opposite to the truth? And is that, in fact, the purpose of a belief – to deliberately steer us away from the truth?

It has taken my reunification with God to realise that as a child I knew Him intimately. If you asked me to explain who God is or how He feels, then I couldn’t, other than to say He feels like the deepest part of me.

What I can answer however, is how I have been able to get back to God, and that very simply has been to restore my body to the pristine condition that it was in as a child. Before the age of nine I lived life from my body and then when trauma hit, it changed the relationship that I had with my body. Rather than my body being the beautiful, sensitive, surrendered, interactive home that it was, my body became a means with which to protect myself from the potential attacks that I perceived were coming my way. I put up a physical barrier by hardening my body, never realising that I was also putting up a barrier to God.

God never ever walks away from any of us; it’s always us that choose to walk away from Him. Not that we can ever, in truth, walk away from Him, because God is threaded all the way through who we are, but the way that we choose to conduct ourselves ensures that we’re not able to feel His living breath deep within us.

And so my re-unification with God has been a gradual process but one that has been very physical – there has been nothing intellectual about it – it has very much taken place in my body. I have had to turf out everything that does not belong in my body:  ideals about how things should be, beliefs (all of them because there is not one belief that is true), notions, ideas, images, imaginings, every thing that does not come from truth.

I have had to re-visit things that have hurt me in order to release the hold that they have had over my body. By restoring my body back to its original condition, it has enabled me to be able to feel God again and to realise that God is within us all of the time, He is never not there; it’s simply that life is set up in such a way so as to interfere with the medium through which we feel Him, and that is through our bodies.

By Alexis Stewart, a woman who at last feels that she is doing what it is that she is here to do, Sydney, Australia

Further Reading:
God’s Waiting Room
God. It’s a Science
We cannot be without God and Religion

602 thoughts on “Re-united with God

  1. Powerful thank you shedding the truth on connection. When we leave it, we leave ourselves, humanity and God.

  2. Reading this is asking me to consider my relationship with God as an adult and a child. I’m realising that I do know God and it’s lovely to realise there is a relationship that the more I deepen my awareness of it the more I reflect and know I also had it as a child but dismissed it because it didn’t fit what I was told was a relationship with God looked like. How lovely to stop assuming there wasn’t a relationship because if I ignore what’s there how does one build from it?

  3. The knowing of God within us is deeply beautiful amazing and real and the believing in him out side up there somewhere that we are not worthy of,what a difference and something robed from us that is truly evil.

  4. My experience of God since attending workshops with Universal Medicine has become very personal, in that I feel God within me, and this knowing of God has taken away the ideals (and desire to not know God) that I grew up with. God is not something I experience in a place like a church, but rather a knowing the walks beside me in every step through life.

  5. So many of us are willing to acknowledge that God exists but prefer to believe we can keep him at arms length like an estranged ex wife. God is us, it’s just down to us to wake up and realise.

  6. God is all about people hence the direct knowing of God is for us being with people in a way that God would be with people if he were to be a physical person. We get to know our own divinity with and through people and thus know God.

  7. ‘How poisonous are our beliefs when they can get us to believe the exact opposite to the truth?’ – Yes, beliefs are carefully designed to keep us controlled and by that, unable to discern truth.

  8. As I went for a walk today I pondered some more on “who am I talking to?” inside myself when I choose to embrace more than talking to myself. I felt that I could be more conscious of talking to God rather as I did unconsciously as a child, and that in truth we are always talking to everyone in the Universe, its just a matter of whether or not we and they are aware of it.

  9. This morning I woke up and the first thing I said within myself was “good morning God” as I realised that I am never alone. It felt wonderful.

  10. I feel that as children we all have a propensity to do this
    “Rather than my body being the beautiful, sensitive, surrendered, interactive home that it was, my body became a means with which to protect myself from the potential attacks that I perceived were coming my way. I put up a physical barrier by hardening my body, never realising that I was also putting up a barrier to God.”
    We have not been taught about energy and the affects it has on our bodies. It was not until 1999 that the world started to hear about energy and the crippling affect the astral energy has on our bodies. Bringing back to life the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom has enabled us all to connect back to those teachings that knew all about the science of energy and it’s out play on human life.

  11. Believing in God versus knowing God. Two different things – one is from the head and one is from the body.

  12. Religious institutions do not like it when we ask too many questions, for there are many things that often don’t make sense and they cannot explain. When Serge Benhayon shares true religion that makes sense, the questions and answers that follow are ones that support all around.

  13. The most powerful and gorgeous thing is to realise that God is always there, a spark within us, and even in our darkest moment we are only a movement, a re-connection away from God.

  14. Religion is a re-turn to all that is sacred, holy and divine within us. God never left us, for how can he when he is all around us and within us and only ever a breath away when we have disconnected from this space.

  15. “How poisonous are our beliefs when they can get us to believe the exact opposite to the truth?” . . .Yes, I can now see how beliefs were constructed to counter truth.

    1. Sure what I mean when I say that I have restored my body to it’s original pristine condition, is that I have turfed beliefs out of it, as well as ditched most of the pictures about life, that I clogged it up with. But perhaps most significantly, I have removed most of the ideas and images as to who I believed myself to be and as a result, have been left with who I actually am, which, of course, is who we all naturally are, the living consciousness of God.

  16. Alexis, you are a deeply inspiring kind woman, I love reading your blogs – a fiery light and reflection for others to know their true purpose in life too.
    ‘Alexis Stewart, a woman who at last feels that she is doing what it is that she is here to do’,

  17. I love how you share that no matter what you had an intimate relationship with God. We all do, we were all created by his breath forth so it is in our very own make up, in our particles and to the core. Re-igniting such a precious relationship for all of us is one of returning home and embracing all that we are.

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