I came across Universal Medicine a couple of years ago, back in 2016. Since then I have had countless sessions with practitioners and lived with people who study the teachings of Serge Benhayon.
At that time I was just about to turn 21, returning home from a year abroad and had heard of Serge Benhayon, read one of his books and was quite intrigued to find out more.
What I found was that attending the workshops and presentations held by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine required an enormous amount of honesty and a willingness to understand my behaviours, and sometimes change those into self-loving and humanity-loving ones.
During the first year of my engagement with Universal Medicine I found it difficult to face everything I was feeling. Throughout my life I had built a persona of a ‘positive,’ ‘nice’ girl who would do anything for her family, friends and anybody really.
Through my work with Universal Medicine I began to realise just how manipulative these behaviours can be. The ‘nice’ is used as a form of protection to make sure that I am liked by everybody around me and remain on the ‘good’ side of people.
More so, this behaviour guaranteed that I was seen as something more than others. As ‘nice’ people we can often hold an arrogance of ‘better than.’ On a superficial level, we come across as better people, kinder and more caring because we put others first. This veil though can hide layers of anger, resentment and bitterness as it was in my case.
Through my process I have come to realise some unhealthy habits when it came to relationships with people closest to me such as family – I always used to end up right in the middle of any argument, any dispute, trying to save the situation and make sure peace was kept.
Growing up and studying psychology, I blamed all of my ‘issues’ on my upbringing. For as long as I can remember, I held things which have happened against my parents, my brother, cousins, aunts, uncles and pretty much anybody involved in my development.
For a while, the more I noticed my not so nice side and behaviours, the more the blame of others increased. I did not want to let go of what I was so sold out to – the nice girl. I was content in my lifestyle, but the drinking, smoking, bulimia and constant self-consciousness was whispering that what I had carved out for myself, may not actually be it.
So, increasing my honesty and awareness only meant that I can begin to see all the ways in which I am not loving with myself. It is then up to me to start taking steps to change these behaviours… and this is where the difficulty comes for me.
But, two years down the line and with enormous support from my practitioners, fellow students, friends and Serge Benhayon – who has treated me with nothing less than utmost respect and fathering care – I have started to take small steps. With honesty, a little bit more integrity in my life and a greater strength from within, I know that I can deal with everything that comes my way.
All of the ‘childhood issues’ a degree in Psychology might have cemented, have been completely debased by the teachings of this wise man and I no longer hold a grudge against my parents and family members. In truth, I hold a deeper understanding of why humanity is where it is because using ‘childhood incidents’ as an excuse to stay in self-abusive patterns is a very convenient way to remain irresponsible and not address the choices we are making as adults.
Thank you Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon, Miranda Benhayon, and every single other person associated and working with Universal Medicine, I feel much more empowered to live my life from honesty and my own way.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Being Nice
We are not our hurts
Our tendency to blame others and the freedom responsibility brings
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
Shedding the cloak of ‘nice’ we may discover that we are so much more, magnificent.
“With honesty, a little bit more integrity in my life and a greater strength from within, I know that I can deal with everything that comes my way.” This is beautiful to read Viktorya. When we are honest and face up to our responsibilities with support we can tackle anything.
Being nice is like of veneer that keeps things at the agreed surface level and something we have used for a very long time in society to avoid what is really going on.
Being nice also avoids honesty and avoids facing up to what is there to be expressed. I know this from personal experience.
A veneer of niceness can cover a lot of bitterness and resentment, ‘This veil though can hide layers of anger, resentment and bitterness as it was in my case.’
Protecting others just tells others in a non verbal way that they are not up to whatever it is you are protecting them from; it disempowers them rather than protects them and feeds a need in us to makes us feel like we are useful, needed, perhaps even loved. I take my hat off to you and deeply appreciate your blog.
People behaving good and nice are hard to fault because it is our desired behaviour in society but when the good and nice are a way to survive in life and are actually not coming from love and someone who loves themselves this is just a facade.
“With honesty, a little bit more integrity in my life and a greater strength from within, I know that I can deal with everything that comes my way..” Yes, we are never given more than we are able to deal with.
And Universal Medicine provides the tools with which to deal with life.
I don’t know a lot about psychology, but without taking the aspect of esoteric into consideration, I don’t quite see how it can truly support people with so-called ‘issues’. It feels like it will have to have something/someone to blame, but ‘blame’ is not ok, so we would forever be naval-gazing, trying to get somewhere, trying to become something ‘better’ just like a dog chasing its own tail.
Yes, I feel we are all trying to explain why we feel the way we do and all the mental health professions work to look at those explanations but if we don’t take into consideration the energetic and consider the relationship between soul and spirit we will never offer freedom from patterns of behaviour that are dysfunctional in our lives.
Having tried many previous ways to deal with my ‘issues’ – and failed – Universal Medicine is the only way I have found to allow complete healing.
When we are blaming someone, we make ourselves the victim; and we do not take responsibility for our part in the situation.
I resonated with blaming others for our hurts, when we are just as much accountable to this. For me, anger was my go to, and I needed to control things, so I wouldn’t get hurt. I feel from time to time, this can still play out, it is forever refining.
I have no regrets in meeting Serge Benhayon, his family or Universal Medicine. If I hadn’t met them, my life would not have been a pretty picture, burnt out, angry with the world and seeing a psychologist or a counsellor by now.
I now love life with its ups and downs, and the process doesn’t happen over night. I too received the support from practitioners and the workshops. I have never learnt so much about myself and I’ve formed a truer and honest relationship with myself, much different than before.
The teachings of the Ageless Wisdom does indeed help us to place the responsibility for all our woes at our own feet and to not use blame as a way to avoid this responsibility.
It is always important to look at, and take responsibility for our part in any situation.
Honesty is a much needed quality in the world today and what you have shared takes us much deeper than just not telling lies, inviting us to be super honest with ourselves and each other about everything.
I have learnt and understand so much about myself and life since knowing Serge Benhayon. I spent years when I was younger under the care of a top psychologist in their field of work. They were a psychologist and a psychotherapist and I would say looking back that they didn’t help my situation; they didn’t get to the nub of my depression or mental illness. Serge Benhayon on the other hand with no formal education in the field of psychology has supported me in less time to be completely free of any mental health issues. That is phenomenal. With mental illness rising to such a degree that now children are suffering from mental ill health, I would have thought someone would be knocking on the Clinic door of Universal Medicine to ask how is it possible? And I am not the only one who has transformed their lives. Thanks to the support of Universal Medicine there are now thousands of us.
It surprises me too that more people aren’t open to the work of Universal Medicine when there are so many profound healing stories – such as yours- that have enabled people to come back from both physical and mental illness and to live a purposeful life, contributing to society
Serge Benhayon, and Universal Medicine, are in my experience and observations, the only ones that truly help people to heal from their traumas, or childhood issues.
If one is willing to be truly honest, wish to truly heal and really know yourself then there is nothing more profound, supportive and practical that what is presented by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the Healing Modalities.
It’s interesting how we take on these roles within our families. I took on the role of being there for everyone and making myself indispensable to the family, as in I was the one they called upon to help with an issue or confide in. The trouble with this (amongst other things) is you get to the point where you can’t say no and give your power away but you think you are the one in control.
I too conspired to be the person everyone came to, I felt it was my duty and my call. Yet I just disempowered people and powdered my own ego because then I felt needed, wanted, useful and that I had a purpose. Considering it now it is a pernicious behaviour.
Understanding our past can reveal where we separated from the love that we are, whilst blaming can interfere with our own process of acceptance and understanding.
Another great example of how far we can wander from who we truly are by trying to fit in to a picture of our own or one we perceive others have. There is nothing but chaos in this existence as we mutate and modify ourselves in a desperate attempt to fit in, get recognition and/or feel like we belong. The beauty and simplicity of living who we truly are, qualities, strengths, weaknesses and all, allows life’s magic to flow.
Honestly, Honesty is the greatest stepping stone on our return to being a Student of The Livingness, especially when we start to understand the connection we have to essences and how being at-least honest deepens that connect-ability.
The fathering care I also receive from Serge Benhayon is unlike any other. It is a gift to feel so appreciated and important. It has also allowed me to see the difference between truth and family and how we have used the term family to not treat each other with the respect and love we all know.
To understand what responsibility really means, has allowed me to build my love affair with this word/activity and the impact it has in our lives.
Honesty, a beautiful word, a word of healing and healing brings clarity and power. I feel the Universal Medicine courses I have attended have offered me the space to explore honestly what I am constructed of and personally choose to clear out the debris that stops this vehicle working smoothly. I say thank you.
It is so interesting to ponder how we “carve out” particular patterns and ways of being to bring relief to the tension that we are feeling in life. Whilst they provide the exact type of avoidance or relief we seek that do nothing to help address, or be with what is disturbing us.
Accepting the level of Love that can be reflected by us is a part of our journey of returning to our essences or innate self, and once found, life is turned some-what on it head in the most glorious ways.
Being nice I thought would bring me popularity, to not feel rejected and lonely but to be liked by everyone. It has worked to some degree but on a superficial level. What I am finding now is that as I learn to express the truth of who I am people are not buying into the niceness any more; people can feel and sense that there is more to me, they want me to express even if I am going to cause discomfort or ruffle a few feathers. Being nice is nothing but protection, a way of being to try and cover the power that lies within but people are not fooled by it no matter how hard we try to act and play something we are not.
When people play being nice, it can often be felt by another, and then you wonder what the person is like in truth.
‘Nice’ and ‘good’ are qualities to avoid as they mask a falseness and deceive. Better to be true to self and share that quality with others, then others get to feel all of you and you all of them.
Yes, nice and good energies both feel false and horrible, truth presents it as it is, which is real.
To understand our own behaviour supports us to understand other’s too, and chips away at the urge to judge self and others.
I agree Kehinde. The more understanding I bring into my relationship with myself the more understanding I bring to life and all the people I meet.
Becoming aware of forces affecting behaviour is important, but never does it remove the responsibility we have to choose behaviours that best serve ourselves and others.
When we are truly ourselves we are natural loving and considerate of others.
As soon as we get in the blame game we have lost the plot and it is time to take our bat and ball and go Home! To paraphrase, reconnecting to our Inner-Heart and then we know the truth and thus can heal and reconnect to our divinity, or Home.
When we are blaming, we are not looking at our part in the situation, and taking responsibility for what we have contributed.
Powerful words Rik! What can be false as a community, where everybody cares for another?
Being nice and doing “good” is more evil, than someone punching in your face. I rather prefer the second option. As someone who is nice is like a fish, which always tries to slip out of your hands, you cannot grab it whilst it communicates something seemingly totally different.
It is the comfortable way to blame everything and everyone for why we are behaving how we are behaving. It is convenient, but it will never support you to come back to your true power and essence which we all miss and let go of- which in fact is the greatest pain we all carry inside us.
Being ‘nice’, being ‘good’ as a form of protection can be a very difficult habit to renounce because of the apparent benefits from being so and the honesty that is then called for on renouncing it. However, on doing so life becomes simpler, honest and true and thereby freeing and empowering.
Thank you Victoria for what you have shared here,
I too was “using ‘childhood incidents’ as an excuse to stay in self-abusive patterns ” and I agree it “is a very convenient way to remain irresponsible and not address the choices we are making as adults.”
Since attending universal medicine events and receiving deeply healing sessions with Serge Benhayon and other practitioners I have come to a place of more deeply understanding and accepting myself and family with the knowing that we are not our behaviours but something much deeper and richer within.
My behaviour and that of my parents can at times be incongruent with that deeper essence of who we are, resulting in a behaviour that doesn’t reflect the deeper loving aspect of our true self.
It is with this understanding that I have started to become more aware and reconnect to that true essence or soulful part of me. As a result I understand that equally exists in all as we all have that deeper essence within but may not always choose to access it.
It is from this place I feel more able to deeply love, accept and observe what is really occurring in my relationships with myself and others and as a result take more responsibility.
Taking responsibility for ourselves, and our part in all situations is important, ‘When we are blaming, we are not looking at our part in the situation, and taking responsibility for what we have contributed.’
Having fostered the blame on my parents, siblings and life in general, encouraged I have to say, by the psychiatrist I saw for many, many years. It was not until I met Serge Benhayon and his family and all the continuous support they have given me, that I came to understand that playing the victim was a huge excuse not to look at myself and the hurts I had been dragging around as an avoidance to not involve myself in life. I am continuing to deepen my understanding of the energy of life and how this plays an enormous part in its activity. None of this was part of my education growing up, and to me we are depriving our children of the basic building block of life by not explaining to them from day dot, that life is energy first before it is anything else.
Our education system is sorely lacking, ‘we are depriving our children of the basic building block of life by not explaining to them from day dot, that life is energy first before it is anything else.’
When we begin to understand that we have developed behaviours to protect ourselves from being hurt, we start to understand that everyone else has done the same thing. We begin to see that how we are through everything in life is seen and done through the veil of protecting our hurts. It really explains so much.
By taking the time to talk about our hurts and heal them, we give ourselves permission to let go of the control we feel we need to get through life, so it becomes less of a box ticking exercise of we have got to get through life. There is no enjoyment in living this way. If we were to again be honest with ourselves, we would agree there is no Joy as we cannot replace happiness with Joy because happiness is so transient.
Knowing we’re the same as all others and that everyone wears a protective shield of some sort supports us to not simply see or judge behaviour, but relate to the person behind the shield, their true essence.
“With honesty, a little bit more integrity in my life and a greater strength from within, I know that I can deal with everything that comes my way. What a beautiful understanding and place to be with expansion on our doorstep in every moment and movement we make.
It’s so easy to blame our parents and childhood issues for how our lives turn out, thus avoiding any responsibility for the part we play in shaping our lives.
What I have noticed is there can be a blur between a person and their behaviour. Sometimes it is easy to misinterpret a behaviour as if that behaviour soley identifies them, and then it is easy for judgment to come in and lace what we see or the relationship we may have with them. The ability to put aside the behaviour offers an opportunity to see a person for who they are, and introduces understanding which is a worthy ingredient for any relationship.
When we see someone for who they are first, we clearly see that who they are not is a behaviour, and we all have them. If we are seeing their behaviour as them and making a judgement, then we are the ones who need to stop and look at ourselves.
Who are we to judge in the first place, God does not judge, so why do we think it is ok to judge?
“With honesty, a little bit more integrity in my life and a greater strength from within, I know that I can deal with everything that comes my way.” It is striking, how when we grow in our inner confidence how it is possible to remain so much steadier when unexpected and more challenging situations come our way.
Blamig life, circumstances and other people turns us into powerless victims whose only kick is often the recognition we might garner from our tales of misery and dejection.
The blame game and victimhood go out the window when we become honest and start to deal with the fact that we have been making choices from early that were in reaction to our environment and the people closest to us that did not in truth support but undermined us further. And frequently we then become the absolute experts at this kind of self-destructive behaviour and far outdo anything that anyone could have ever done to us.
Very true, we know exactly to a tee how to self-destruct. It really does stop me in my tracks as I get a sense more deeply of the relationship I have with responsibility in my life and how there cannot ever be any blame or victimhood regardless of the events or situations we find ourselves in.
It is gorgeous to hear the story of someone reclaiming themselves and their power in knowing what is true for them and what is not. It is sadly not something you generally hear in society today. Usually it’s the other way where the story is about how someone came to live so far from their truth.
It is great to hear of someone claiming who they are in truth, their power and love, and not playing the game of being a victim to life.
Yes, you could say that the field of psychology and counselling cashes in on people being identified with their hurts. Universal Medicine breaks the mould by focusing on self-responsibility and the power to make choices and claiming what we feel is true.
Great point Janet. Ditto all the self- help books on the market. Taking responsibility for the part we play in life, our choices and behaviours is the path to true healing.
Yes Janet, I’ve only consulted a psychological counsellor once and it felt false. On this occasion, I was presented with a line of questioning that dwelt on past hurts and even explored the possibility of sexual abuse. This in itself felt abusive and manipulative, not holding. Universal Medicine supports us to heal ourselves by taking responsibility in the here and now through our choices and by releasing blame.
Kehinde2012 I spent years with a psychologist one of the top in the country at the time. We dwelt on past hurts and the psychologist became my crutch in life my go to and after a few years when they said I was sexually abused as a child I believed them. It gave me an excuse for my mental breakdown and illness. At last I had a label, at last I was a victim, I had an excuse not to live life but to play the ‘woes is me’ I’m a victim card. I played it very well until I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who supported me to start taking responsibility for my life. It took a while but I live a life free of depression and mental ill health. Now that to me is a miracle.
Yes Mary miracles are possible and you a living example of this. Serge Benhayon and The Way of the Livingness inspires and empowers us to live responsibly, free of crutches, whether it be an illness we identify with, psychologist we’re attached to or substance abuse.
Great point Janet. By focusing on one’s hurts keeps one imprisoned in the past and without resolution. As you say Kehinde, “Universal Medicine supports us to heal ourselves by taking responsibility in the here and now through our choices and by releasing blame” and by doing so we are able to move into our future free of the past.
“we are able to move into our future free of the past.” Thank you Jonathon. A rare quality to hold, but with the support of Universal Medicine, not rare at all. There was a time in my life when I thought I would never be free of past hurts and disappointments, now my body moves in a way that is full of Love, not my past.
Serge Benhayon, and Universal Medicine supports us to let go of our hurts, to look at what our part was in the situation, and so take responsibility for our life.
What goes on behind closed doors is exposed for the greed and corruption that some political and religious leaders get up to in the movie Robin Hood, produced by Otto Bathurst.
Yes, it also stops us beating ourselves up or blaming others and holding grudges. It releases something from our body which is healing in itself.
I feel I am a much more loving member of my family, a better friend and a more dedicated and conscientious worker as a result of being more honesty about my own behaviour and my need to be nice, acceptable and liked. It is debilitating in childhood and equally debilitating in adult life.
Understanding behaviours in terms of our hurts and rejections can be helpful to a point, and then there is our choice to reject ourselves and separate from the love that we are.
Universal Medicine has supported me immensely to see, but more importantly understand my extremely unloving behaviours towards myself and others without judgement, criticism or punishment. No more laying of blame outside of myself has been pivotal in my healing all the unresolved hurts that had been laying deep within. I am now in control of my life and the choices I make from the connection I now choose to embrace with myself and my body.
‘the more I noticed my not so nice side and behaviours, the more the blame of others increased’ – absolutely amazing that you stayed with yourself consistently and with honesty, to break through the ‘nice’.
How often do we collude with nice because we think it leaves us alone, but it is incredibly insidious because it hard to call out someone who is being nice because of the solid veneer that protects the niceness. We can feel it is fake, and the art is to not pander to, or entertain what does not feel true.
Understanding our behaviours is a Godsend because staying ignorant of what’s really playing out is how we keep ourselves spinning around in circles at our expense.
‘I no longer hold a grudge against my parents and family members’. This is great. I can feel how it is the norm to blame others and to not take responsibility for our lives and how we are. It is very empowering to know that our life is the result of our choices and that it is us who are responsible.
And it never ends as we become more aware of our behaviours that do not support us. Evolution is recognising and accepting the beauty and grace in every moment we sense a behaviour is abusive and no longer serves us; it is a commitment to then live the truth of who we are in that moment.
‘With honesty, a little bit more integrity in my life and a greater strength from within, I know that I can deal with everything that comes my way.’ I once heard someone say that we never get more than we can handle, Just today I was feeling completely overwhelmed by everything that has been happening in my life and was feeling so vulnerable that the smallest thing could set me off in tears, but when I stopped and allowed that connection, knowing that there is a constellation that happens whenever we are connected and a bit like joining the dots, people came to help just when needed and everything turned out fine.
Much can be hidden behind a polite smile and kind words.
However, whatever is hidden can be felt, energetically – hence the importance of us being super connected with our bodies, which never lie, allowing us to understand the truth of what is actually going on around us.
It is horrible because it is not really hidden in that we feel it is not nice at all but then are trained from a young age to override what we have felt. Therefore you not only get the poison of nice (which is very different to truth of love) but also the guilt, separation and self doubt if you are not trusting yourself and clear about what you have felt.
Yes true Nicola, it teaches us to not be 100% absolute in what we feel, and to override it with what we hear or see.
And hence we are far more well-equipped when we accept and get familiar with the energetic aspect of life.
Yes, Rosanna, to take things at face value alone is a refusal to feel what is really going on.
The veneer of nice we protect ourselves with can keep us stuck unless we chose to heal our issues and take responsibility for our own life rather than blaming others for the mess we find ourselves in. For me, as for many others, this was only possible when I started attending the presentations of Universal Medicine.
The more we are encouraged to stop and observe our behaviours and that of others, the more we bring an understanding that heals our hurts. Then we are empowered to move beyond the Blame Game, to take responsibility for the nonsensical and restore a way of life that holds all in equal respect, including ourselves and all our family members.
Understanding that everything is energy first and that we all have free will to make our own choices deeply supports us to not engage in the blame game, which just drains us and pulls us away from our own truth.
‘We’re not perfect’ …… so true Gill. What a load that takes off ourselves & everyone equally so in knowing that we’re not perfect & we don’t have to be. We can just stop ‘trying’ to be something we’re not naturally meant to be. It’s through that endless trying that the games develop, the manipulation & control seep in and the unloving behaviours affect our choices. As you have shared, it’s in the letting go of the trying to be perfect that we can then make different choices.
Universal Medicine has helped me immensely to understand both myself and the world what is really going on, and has brought an ever increasing depth of honesty and love to my life, my family and every one around me with a responsibility and commitment to life.
Same here and the list goes on and on including truth, joy and health.
It is no surprise that a large proportion of those who choose to study subjects such as psychology, mental health, counselling etc. are often seeking to understand their own lives. Such a great opportunity to then support others, not from the subjects of study, but from a true understanding of life from the presentations of Universal Medicine presenting the Ageless Wisdom and allowing us to return to the same deep knowing we have always had but chose to turn away from.
Universal Medicine has supported me to see how I used to relate myself to behaviors and not who I truly was. I would say I was a ‘nice’ person -but in truth this is someone who is willing to hold back what they truly observe. Very cunning.
Realising how we are ‘nice’ and the falseness that goes along with it can be exposing. However, it also reveals so much about what we investing in.
I’m deeply appreciating that, exposing the truth may be uncomfortable and confronting but equally, so liberating and a gorgeous opportunity to clear out what doesn’t belong, allowing more space for what does – LOVE.
Its a huge choice to be able to take the step to heal the hurts we have carried from childhood. It’s a very big step into self-responsibility. The end result is that no one is blamed for the choice made after the hurt and we no longer see that person as the person who has caused the hurt, but as another making a series of choices. We are able to remove ourselves from this and see the bigger picture. True healing in action. Its no surprise then this brings out the reaction in others, for we don’t like to see the lack of responsibly in our own choices.
I agree “In truth, I hold a deeper understanding of why humanity is where it is because using ‘childhood incidents’ as an excuse to stay in self-abusive patterns is a very convenient way to remain irresponsible and not address the choices we are making as adults.” I could have hung on to the issues that I was hurt by as I grew up, and there are many reasons that things are hung onto, but the truth is I am the only one who can heal my hurts, and I have, and I am. I hold no malice towards my family or anyone around me in my informative years. Letting go of the hurt has catapulted me into joy, acceptance and self empowerment, which continues to deepen.
Through my association with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have come to realise and understand some my unhealthy addictions to life. The worst one I feel is that I just function in life I go about my day in the function of getting through the day by focusing on what I need to do and at the moment it feels as though I’m wearing a strait jacket there’s no room for freedom of movement. And I hate the feeling this produces in my body that is aching to be more free flowing. This shows me just how much I want to control life rather than letting things unfold this feels like a big ask from a mind that has always been in control of my body for all these years, the great thing is I’m more aware of the hold my mind has over my body. I would never have got to this clarity of understanding if not for the support of Serge Benhayon and his family.
This is gold. To understand ourselves and why humanity is as it is. Surely this is what life should be about – honesty and willingness to go beneath the surface to expose and clear hidden hurts and resentments. And when we do, we’re no longer shackled to our past, but free to be in the world with openness and love.
And the tool kit that Universal Medicine supplies keeps on expanding, providing yet more ways to observe ourselves, explore and expand our awareness of who we are and how we maximise the wise and loving essence in all of us.
“…who would do anything for her family, friends and anybody really.” We are taught that this is the good way to be – yet what about doing stuff for ourselves? what about looking after ourselves? It’s so topsy-turvy the way the whole thing is set up – a massive, massive set up, that is perfectly designed to hold us back from our true power.
“I know that I can deal with everything that comes my way.” There are very young women in the world with that level of foundation and inner confidence – thank you for the inspiration that you are offering. A bright light amongst the often dark lives that so many are living.
Yeah I was work shopping with another woman who really didn’t have self worth issues it was so refreshing to experience this it is incredibly unusual.
And yet when we see it or experience it in another, or in ourselves, it actually feels utterly normal…how it is meant to be…a space in which the truth of the person blossoms.
Understanding why we behave the way we do brings revelation, we get to the root cause and can make lasting change; managing our behaviours maintains the status quo – nothing changes.
Studying with Universal Medicine brings an honesty that can be confronting but it is super worthwhile going there.
Honesty is confronting when we have wilfully chosen to avoid it.
It isn’t until we are willing to surrender and be open to the truth that we realise the enormity of the lie we have been living. However, would we rather be free of the lies and live the love that we are, or continue with the lies?
Its true that the mental health industry in general and in fact the world is geared towards managing but not to truly understanding behaviour. Management is not sustainable whilst we are truly willing to look deeper at what is really going on underneath.
Management is a survival technique where as truly looking under the behaviour for the root cause of the discontent it is always invariably to do with a lack of connection.
To truly understand ourselves and hence other people too, requires us to relinquish judgment, comparison and jealousy in order to arrive in a place of neutral observation. From here we are empowered to see a multitude of reasons behind every action and hence bring greater awareness to the quality of our choices and their subsequent outcomes.
There are thousands of people who have received the wisdom that Universal Medicine offers, every word presented or every healing technique received, in my experience has built an inner understanding and an experience that has changed and evolved every aspect of life.
‘So, increasing my honesty and awareness only meant that I can begin to see all the ways in which I am not loving with myself. It is then up to me to start taking steps to change these behaviours… and this is where the difficulty comes for me.’ This can be the very reason that we resist returning to the awareness we left behind and is otherwise waiting for us.
Being open to the truth means being open to accepting that we have been wrong, that our choices have been based on a lie, an un-truth. Where we are in our lives may feel ‘comfortable’ however, whilst we continue to stay inside ‘the cave’, however amazing that cave may feel to us, it’s still a cave and we can’t imagine how gloriously divine it is to step outside into the sunshine until we choose to do so.
For me the world got so much bigger through the presentations of Serge Benhayon. I realized how focused I had been on my life and how things were going there and didn’t really care about people in other parts of the world. The realization that we are all connected and can only get things done when we work together in brotherhood made so much sense and was palpable in my whole body. But also the realization that there is so much more than the physical we can see with our eyes and that we are part of the universe.
Love this expression, the ‘world got bigger’ the me and the I makes our life super narrow and small, beginning to consider the All, our impact and purpose in life, this brings a sense of space for sure.
I have found that a lot of my detrimental behaviours come from an underlying hurt and reaction to what I have seen, felt or sensed. There is a lot going on in the world and we are not here to be perfect, but the more I see each moment that presents itself as an opportunity to learn, the less reactive I am and the more willing I am to see it for what it is.
Beautifully said, I can see this occurring in my life, the more I am open to learn, the less I react…with less reaction it is much more simple to have clarity about the next steps to take.
It sure is Samantha. What I love is how much we can learn when we are open to it that seemingly tough obstacles or situations melt away so quickly when we let go of needing them to be a certain way and allow them to just be what they are.
Yes when the challenges come, they can feel like a bump rather than a mountain, or some times, even like just another day, same day quality, rather than any bumps. I have lots going on in my life, some things that there is no way I could have handled them 10 – 20 years ago, but now I can with a deep level of love, joy and steadiness in my day.
That is great Samantha and shows how the way we are with ourselves and how we are living directly affects how we see life and what is happening.
How many people use the crutch of childhood issues not to move forward? When they are the key that releases us!
To focus attention on others takes us further away from ourselves and we stay exactly where we are. It is our behaviour that matters and when we put our own house in order, many so called issues cease to exist.
Yes blaming others or ourselves does not change anything yet when we take it deeper the awareness and understanding that we can access is great.
Once we start to acknowledge the behaviours we have taken on, those ways of being that are not who we are, then we begin to truly heal.
The Ageless Wisdom as presented by Serge Benhayon can be confronting to people because it has at its very foundation energetic integrity and energetic responsibility – neither of which are foundational from very young or in our everyday lives … and so we are faced with all our irresponsible choices but the key is that it is offered in a loving way if we allow ourselves to feel this true support and not react.
The name of the game here is in understanding that all our behaviours, thoughts actions and words are all impulsed, either by an energy that holds all equal in light and love, or by an energy that milks our emotions to the ‘nth degree. When we are empowered to know how to actively come home to the love within us, we can finally take responsibility for our destiny once more, and relinquish our need to blame others for what we set in motion a long time ago.
There’s an important part of the title of this blog “…through my experience…” I find that it is the lessons that I live rather than the lessons that I hear which have much more chance of sticking with me.
Wise distinction to make Otto, and true.
I love the fact that you have picked this up as it is really important and also great for me to read right now. Although another can offer us a learning or expansion with something if we do to actually feel it, try it out or live it for ourselves there is not real learning, healing or understanding. Similarly it is trusting and honouring ourselves when something does not feel right.
Understanding our behaviours and understanding the forces that affect our behaviours. I am ever thankful to Universal Medicine for this profound and evolving education.
Ditto Otto. Life has taken on a whole new meaning to what I had been living prior to attending the Universal Medicine workshops. What they present is true education without a doubt.
And I just attended another month of presentations and yet again a whole new level of understanding, awareness and wisdom is offered to us all. Universal Medicine makes this crazy world make absolute sense! And if that is fully understood and embraced then it is a very liberating, inspiring and powerful gift for all of humanity.
Yes, understanding forces that affect our behaviour is a great teaching and awareness to have, highlighting that not everything we experience and react to stems from, or can be blamed upon unresolved childhood issues.
So could we say that ‘blaming unresolved childhood issues’ is actually an indulgence that allows us to avoid responsibility? Could we say that many forms of therapy and psychology are in fact selling irresponsibility? Something that I certainly and gladly bought for years preferring to be allowed to carry on with my life as it was, than to stop, look in the mirror and accept that these were my choices, that I am responsible for, thus it is up to me to move the changes in my life.
Yes Otto, understanding the forces that affect our behaviours is fundamental to life and without Universal Medicine and this profound education, I would be less able to hold myself as I do in life.
Absolutely Otto … The two must always go together. Understanding the forces affecting behaviour is the key and this is what needs to be shared and taught from when we are very young as it brings great understanding to the whole of life.
Absolutely. Removes blame and finger pointing. Encourages responsibility.
The fact that you only came to Universal Medicine 2 years ago and have let go and changed so much is for me proof of the efficacy and immense value of the Teachings of Universal Medicine, its Healing Modalities, quality of practitioners and the reflection from Serge Benhayon, his family and the student body.
We all want to feel liked and loved and most of us think that only comes from outside but when we like ourselves and truly love ourselves no matter what, it doesn’t matter what other people think, we know we are fundamentally OK and we don’t need any confirmation from outside.
The more we understand who we truly are, the more the inexplicable becomes clear and we are empowered to redress the ills we have created through our ignorant and arrogant behaviours.
All behaviours have either a starting point of love or not and that’s a fact.
And when our behaviour isn’t loving – we don’t like the truth, our spirit doesn’t like being called out, like a ‘naughty child’ who knows better, but is wilfully choosing to ‘break the rules’ anyway, irrespective of the consequences on us and everyone else.
Finding our True way in life has to fit our journey as we all walked into the position we are in and all will make the True movements to expand their own awareness then if we so chose we can make our way out the door to our awaiting Loving self.
The reaction of some in our society to the work of Universal Medicine is a reflection of where we are at and how very far we have strayed from living in a true way together. Which, ironically, shows how very needed these teachings are – re-connecting with the truth is the only path out of this self created mess we are in today.
The moment we are willing to address our adopted behaviours is the moment we begin the path of true liberation.
Yes. We are innately free, until we start allowing our life to move us.
It actually does feel like we are physically removing the weighty shackles that have held us back and kept us trapped in our own self created mess when we choose to nominate and address our ‘adopted behaviours’.
As a whole to not feel the pain of our buried hurts we have allowed ourselves to be caught up in laying blame, making judgement and manufacturing false accusations about people and their businesses solely because of what is being reflected through the way they chose to live and operate their businesses, consistently on a daily basis. Universal Medicine is showing us the way back to love and how life is truly meant to be lived in harmony with everyone equally so. By taking responsibility in the way we choose to live, daily and providing us with the tools on how to identify our ‘unloving behaviours’ without judgement, blame or shame. Simply showing us how to open up to loving ourselves through understanding, acceptance and forgiveness of ourselves and then all others. To live from our inner hearts and express from our divine essence is how we all naturally designed to be.
“On a superficial level, we come across as better people, kinder and more caring because we put others first. This veil though can hide layers of anger, resentment and bitterness as it was in my case.” From experience of being nice it is indeed a great place to hide. The most sinister part of it though is when others think you are so lovely and caring and don’t feel past the facade. This is how a lot of us get fooled by what is on the surface in life. If we were to observe the movement of a nice person we would get a very different picture.
We seem to really like theories that offer a picture in which we are a hapless recipient of what life deals out, and we are justified for our ongoing choices that are far from supportive, loving or honouring of the level of power we actually have. We like blaming things on genes, viruses, the Sun, the microwave, our parents, our teachers, the government, and at times we have the flavour of the time such as the communists, the unions, the immigrants, global warming. Not suggesting that these have no impact, but what is glaringly apparent in how these theories tend to ignore personal responsibility and the significant part we each play in the whole scenario.
I love how Universal Medicine does not promote blaming anyone or anything, justifying something that is not loving or supportive, and instead always supports a greater level of understanding, awareness and responsibility.
So true Golnaz – the reflection that Universal Medicine offers in never blaming, judging, justifying is true love and the only path forward for humanity. To hold each other in love allows the space for the other person to connect with their own love and feel the pull to live this truth.
Agree. True success, true wisdom and true maturity. Deeply inspiring
Life is at times inexplicable, insane, intense and horrendous. The way people are with each other, the state of our health, the amount of conflict….it can be over-whelming. Universal Medicine has opened my eyes to all of this but then also supported me in understanding it all. The more I understand, the more supported I am to see more – an ever expansion of awareness. But the key is the support – because without that then it’s all too much and we bring in the protection, denial and retreat – which is not surprising – it’s brutal out there.
The support that Universal offers is enormous – it offers a very steady, consistent reflection to anyone who is interested that there is another way to live, a way that honours the truth of who we all are. In that, there is no judgment whatsoever for how anyone is living right now, or if people choose to walk away, there is no attachment to whether people choose to accept these teachings as their truth or not. It’s the unwavering commitment to always presenting what is true that I feel the most. We all wobble at times and there is absolutely nothing in this world that supports us more than the truth. It’s up to us how open we are to hearing it.
The vast majority of us engineer all of our relationships with the specific intention of retarding not only our evolution but the evolution of others.
For me there is a reassurance meeting and having sessions with Universal Medicine students and practitioners, knowing that they live to a certain standard of ethics, none of us perfect, but there is an understanding of the deeper layers of what life’s truly about.
I value this greatly too Carmel, because of this I know the high standard and quality it brings to a session – or any other service provided.
I am with you on that one Carmel. It is reassuring to be around people that are willing to peer beneath the surface of it all and although this may at times be confronting, it is very liberating because it begins to free us from the prison of ideals and beliefs that have held us captive for so long.
I totally agree, Carmel. The first time I had a session from a Universal Medicine Practitioner I was struck by the the level of care and integrity and the enormous love with which I was held in. It made me realise how very important it is to discern the energetic quality of someone before allowing them to put their hands on you.
The world is an intense place. All of us need the support of a different reflection to support us to see the light within the quagmire. That is what these sessions can be.
These teachings change lives, restoring true commitment, integrity and respect to thousands of people. When we are re-united with the truth of who we are it empowers us to completely transform how we live each day, improving our health and productivity beyond all measure and giving back so much to our societies as a consequence.
The web of attachments and the arrangements within families are very intricate and complicated, it’s easy to feel trapped. It’s as though there is a strong energy wanting me to believe that I have to be a certain way to fit in and be accepted, otherwise I will ‘upset everything’ – however, I realise that perhaps I am here in my family to do just that, disrupt the arrangement and live the truth of who I am, offering a reflection that there is another way to live, a true way.
Honesty is the key to successful relationships, without it, our relationships could very quickly be disharmonious, full of tension and full of complications.
Without honesty, we are in arrangements with each other, playing games, allowing ourselves to be fixated on things that don’t matter, while ignoring the things that do,
It does require a huge amount of honesty and also love to look at all our behaviours. This is what I have found that Universal Medicine has reintroduced me to, healing in a way that is true and loving.
There are so many things in society that have the façade of being wonderful, yet when you start to peel back the layers the rot starts to show. For most of my life I held great pride in my drive to be ‘good’, ‘nice’ and tick all the boxes of a morally decent person. Yet when you start to witness and experience what it could be like to trust your inner heart and respond to life with that level of love and awareness, so much of what you held as amazing is shown up to be – at best – just a tip of the iceberg , but more often an imposter of the gloriousness that is actually your true expression.
I am currently in a caring role and it is reflecting to me all the time how much I have been trying to be nice, helpful, and supportive and I am learning to back off, to allow others the space to care for themselves, allowing dignity and respect at all times. It comes from a need to please and in fact all I need to be is be myself, be love, and as long as I stay connected to my inner heart I will always know what and how much to do.
Being in the role of carer has brought me closer to understanding myself. The quality of care given to clients reflecting the quality of care I give myself. It is not what we do, but how we do what we do and as you say standing back, becoming the observer and creating space is much more supportive than wanting to help.
Nothing beats getting honest with ourselves. Lies and false pictures must be dismantled and disposed of before we can truly be self and others.
Absolutely Kehinde, to be love there is no link or hint of dishonesty and false pictures. Once we commit to letting these go, we are free to be ourselves, to express the love we are.
Deepening our honesty with ourselves is like an on going, very loving, spring clean. There is a gorgeous feeling of lightness and spaciousness as we gently discard anything that doesn’t belong, clearing out the nooks and crannies that have been harbouring anything that we’ve not wanted to feel and chosen to bury, allowing it to fester and taint our expression.
To see ourselves clearly, without filters and with understanding opens the way for us to become more true to ourselves.
What allows me to know this too is the understanding that everything happens for a reason, to support me on my journey back to living the fullness of who I truly am. Sometimes I allow myself to get pulled away from this knowing – simply choosing to re-connect with my body allows me to once again feel and know the truth.
Being nice is just another way to hide.
‘All of the ‘childhood issues’ a degree in Psychology might have cemented, have been completely debased by the teachings of this wise man and I no longer hold a grudge against my parents and family members.’ – when we are open to the possibility that everything happens for a reason – absolutely nothing is ‘random’, we no longer have ‘issues’ – rather, examples of learning that we are struggling to understand. The learning will continue to be presented to us in slightly different ways until we are ready and able to ‘get’ what is being presented to us. It’s actually incredibly beautiful how this all constellates just for us, for our own evolution.
“when we are open to the possibility that everything happens for a reason – absolutely nothing is ‘random’, we no longer have ‘issues’ – rather, examples of learning that we are struggling to understand.”
Knowing we are here to deepen and learn, every event presented with perfect precision to support us on our way, gives life purpose.
I also held blame for how my life had unfolded, but now I go much deeper and look at my part in how life unfolds in this choice. An honest path, I no longer blame anyone else and have chosen to learn from it.
“During the first year of my engagement with Universal Medicine I found it difficult to face everything I was feeling.” Me too but for different reasons. My self loathing was intense so I found it very hard to accept love but with steady attendance and extremely tender healing these toxic emotions have been erased from my body. These days I find it easy to express and share my love with everyone, self included, a natural consequence of having been empowered to connect to the eternal source of Love within me.
I love your honesty Liane, I too have adopted a facade of being nice. I recently realised how dishonest this is due to the nature of holding back how I truly feel under the disguise of being nice.
It is a very miserable place to be when we actively blame others and our situation for where we are at. The only way out of this misery is to actually take responsibility for everything in life and stop blaming. Hence, taking responsibility is a very joyful expression and choice.
Blame opens the flood gates for so many other things like, bitterness, resentment, frustration, anger, blindsidedness and also lividness, which when you consider that it’s actually not true is tragic.
When we blame other people, deep down we know it’s not true. It doesn’t actually make us feel better at all, in fact more often than not, we feel worse.
But what blame does do is that it temporarily takes us off the hook and that’s perfect because avoidance is the name of the game.
Gigantic and very inspiring wisdom. Your words build a bridge that we can all cross.
There are so many grudges, neurosis, issues, angsts, insecurities and the rest that I could be carrying through my life…I am by no means free of them all, but it is amazing to appreciate how much Universal Medicine has supported me in freeing myself from these earthly shackles.
Exactly, same for me Otto, and I am deeply, deeply grateful for Universal Medicine’s teaching and support. They have shown me how easy it is to live without these earthly shackles and I have let go of so much of what was holding me back from expressing who I am. My life has less drama, issues, and angst, I now live with much more settlement and joy in my body and feel free to express love and truth. What Universal Medicine offers is truly amazing, life-changing and can support us to shift our current world issues.
And as the playing field gets more intense my appreciation of Universal Medicine deepens.
It is so much lovelier to feel equality with others than to create a safe place by feeling better than other by being nice and pleasing.
It is an invaluable support offered by Universal Medicine for people to resolve and heal their issues and hurts – to reflect on and observe the areas we are holding onto, then without the slightest enticement to judge or blame ourself or anyone else, to deepen our understanding and awareness and so reclaim the power, love and responsibility that was abandoned. If this level of supporting one another was truly embraced in society, our world would be transformed beyond recognition.
One day we will awaken to the fact that we are so much more than what we do. Till then we will continue to experience the measuredness that comes from this contracted way of living.
Understanding our behaviours and getting super honest about them are the first steps to changing them.
The body is the greatest tool we have for understanding ourselves, others and life. The more I listen to it the more messages I receive from it and the more I understand.
If it was common for people to listen to the wisdom of their body, I sense there would not be the extent of illness and disease that is so present in the world today.
I agree that we use ‘nice’ as a form of protection to fit into life so that we do not stand out. If you stand out in life the chances are you get mown down by those people who cannot abide to see or feel anyone as being different to the majority. So my question has to be what are we afraid of?
‘I began to realise just how manipulative these behaviours can be.’ such is our need to try to control life and feel protected. Learning to surrender and let go of control begins to change everything.
The first step with choosing honesty is to be open to the possibility that we have been tricked, that we have bought into an illusion, a false way of being, a game that keeps us peddling away on the treadmill, with us ‘thinking’ – this is IT – when in fact here is another way to be – a true way. We have to open to considering that everything we every thought to be true, is not.
We have come to know ourselves through our behaviours and yet none of our behaviours are us.
Which explains why we are living in such an ‘ungodly’ way …. we identify with what we are not without any appreciation for the divine beings that we truly are.
As I listened more and more to the presentations of Serge Benhayon sometimes I felt like a naughty girl because I was creating pictures of how I thought I should be and every time I failed to meet those pictures I judged myself. Serge never judged, he simply presented the way he lives which is the way we could all choose. The judgement I felt was my own, judging myself for not making those same choices.
I have experienced what feels like guilt, for choosing comfort over truth. However, there is no reason to feel any guilt if my next choice is for the truth – only if I am still wanting to choose comfort, when I know what the truth is, but am resisting going there.
The pictures we create in life can be really crippling. What I have loved and appreciated so much about Serge is that the quality he holds you in goes way beyond those self-imposed constraints so that you can feel their falsity. The fact that you felt the judgment was your own was a testament indeed to that most amazing quality. Once we recognise the hardness in our own self-judgement by simply being juxtaposed to it, we have a marker for how we can live through his reflection. I have felt so blessed to feel from Serge not just this lack of judgment but absolute love and total acceptance, time and time and time again; a constant reminder of the awesomeness I am, we are, and where we come from!
Yes, judgement of any kind kills any change of our making loving choices.
When I am helping my kids with school work I can see the huge difference between an intellectual knowing of the facts or an absolute understanding. The former falls apart as soon as the width of the subject is expanded or goes even slightly off-piste. Whereas an understanding can be taken in any direction and its foundation is unshakeable. Thus I love what you share in this blog – about getting a true understanding of what is at play.
At school, the kids are always so much more engaged when the learning isn’t just a tick box exercise. When a teacher can support the kids to see something in its much bigger context that brings meaning to life or has a sense of purpose they get inspired.
Kids love to play big – proven by the fact that they are always asking “why?”
One form of learning feels dead and the other feels alive and for kids, whose bodies are still alive with a vibrancy then it’s easy to see why they gravitate towards a style of learning that carries the pulse of life.
With the way things are in the education system at the moment when accountability is through the roof in a very unsupported way, teachers feel like they have to jump through hoops and plan lessons that fit the structure they are being asked to work to. This does not encourage teachers to connect with the kids delivering in truth what is needed in the moment, as they feel they have to be seen to deliver what is needed to keep their jobs.
Interesting that Universal Medicine can appeal to young adults as well.
Every Universal Medicine course and presentation enriches our connection to our inherent virtues. Qualities that are not of this world, but ones that are sorely needed in bulk to enable us to truly address the loveless existence we call Life.
“understanding my behaviours” – that is what I would call success in this world.
Yes Otto! Understanding our behaviours allows us the slack, no need to be hard, harsh or judgmental, we can let go and take the opportunity to change whatever we know is playing out. It brings a loving way back into our lives.
When kids are supported to understand their behaviours it is gorgeous to see how much they let go of that hardness or self-judgment – to me, a joy and a huge success – way over and above any satisfaction a pass grade ever could achieve!
Unless we are willing to be super honest and look at our behaviours and how we communicate in life, we remain stuck in old patterns that guarantee we keep going round in circles life times after life times, not ever really changing anything
True and when we start to allow a deeper understanding of ourselves we also have the same for others.
Yes and anything that is not loving or supportive starts to stand out as we go deeper with our understanding.
Getting honest about life is a real gift you give to not only yourself but those around you. It offers an invitation for others to do the same. I saw a comment on this blog that when someone sniffs out and explores truth, it gives a settlement in his body. Imagine if we all did that? What would happen?
It certainly is Sarah and great point. I love honesty, I love it when I embrace it and I love it when I meet people who are absolutely honest. It is very settling to be honest, but when we are dishonest there is a deep unsettlement because it is not natural for us to be this way. I find our world is a very unsettling place because it is currently run by a lot of dishonesty. And, we can certainly change this by simply choosing to be honest more and more.
Few know that dishonesty is a harbinger of discontent and un-settlement. When we’re honest with ourselves, with nothing held back, the body finds settlement for it no longer has to fight to keep something hidden.
All of our emotional reactions are then a choice to not be who we truly are in essence.
Being ’nice’ was something my mother shared from when she grew up in the 1920s and 30s, it was always something to do with eating and therefore we could never be ‘nice’, as that’s what different foods were. Now a generation or two later the meaning of the word has to do with being kind, good and polite etc.
Where has the decency and respect gone, as these are words that are difficult to pervert?
As we grow up we make up our own words to be different and consider ourselves smarter than the previous generation. This also creates an individuality that disconnects us from the truth of brotherhood. Then we also are so addicted to blaming others and this is not being respect-full. Especially of those who are now sharing the Truth of a Livingness that is openly there for everyone.
Universal Medicine brings simplicity back into our lives. Life is not complicated if we are willing to be honest and live by our deepest truth.
I have a friend who does not do an ounce of nice and I have to say that it is very inspiring to observe. Great learning.
To be where I am now and have an understanding by feeling what ideals, beliefs, patterns and habits have had on my body, my mental state of being and my connection to my innermost, is very different today. Huge appreciation to Serge Benhayon and the teachings of Universal Medicine and The Way of The Livingness principles.
Universal Medicine presentations have helped me deepen my understanding and awareness of myself and life in general: to see through what is not true and to recognise what is.
There is nothing more healing then being held in absolute love as in this reflection what is not love will show itself. We get to see our behaviours and choices and therefor are given a free willed choice to either stay in them or not.
Honesty brings self-responsibility and frees of of the prison of blame and victimhood.
Much as we may have found it convenient to blame and project the responsibility onto someone else there is no more self empowering thing than to understand and accept self responsibility.
I have found this too Rosanna, the term imprisonment is quite accurate, as even though we may like the comfort of blaming, it stops us from becoming who we truly are and majorly disempowers us.
One of the most beautiful insights the understanding of everything being energy brings is that our behaviours are not us. From this point honesty is much more easy and change can be embraced without identifying ourselves with the behaviours of the past.
Beautifully said, there is much power in truly observing ourselves and our behaviour and the clarity we can get to through that, something which Universal Medicine hugely supports with.
Yes and opening up to being more aware of them is the first step in us being able to then let them go.
If in a situation we have an ideal or fixed picture in our mind about how we think it ought to be going and are attached to trying to make it fit that ideal then it stops us from truly feeling all that is going on both within and around us and from being truly responsive to that…
Whenever we place another before ourselves regardless how ‘nice’ we are being there will be consequences for our movements because we are not being true to ourselves. Seeking the love outside of ourselves by being ‘nice’ can never replace the connection to self and the universe – the love that is there and has always been there within and the reflection on the outside.
We don’t want to look at how we have contributed to the lies so we blame others.
We also blame ourselves – indulging in self-criticism allows us to deny admitting what we have done, being honest about it and then getting on with moving differently. It’s the same as blaming others in that nothing changes.
I also do not know where I’d be without Universal Medicine and the Ancient Wisdom, without it I feel I would still be totally lost because I have never come across anything before that rings so true.
Universal Medicine has reminded me of who I truly am and all that I am a part of – for this, and so much more, I will always be eternally grateful.
‘I always used to end up right in the middle of any argument, any dispute, trying to save the situation and make sure peace was kept.’ I’m learning this with our dog right now – she seems fine but wary of other dogs and then a fight starts and I want to stop it, not wanting either dog to be hurt, but perhaps I should simply leave them to sort it for themselves.
We have so much to observe and learn from all around us and all we need to do sometimes is nothing but hold the situation.
I would say to just leave it is then bringing another ideal into the situation (as in it’s just for them to sort out) rather than staying open to being more aware and responsive of what is truly needed and how to handle/ stop it.
True understanding empowers us to reclaim our innate integrity and thereby confirm the love within us that naturally underpins our true behaviours. Once we have re-established this inner connection we are able to once again to feel and know the difference between the still and constant Love in our hearts and the erratic emotions that continually seek to beguile us.
I’ll second that Lucinda and have realised just how much love I was shutting out toward me and from me to others by my insistence that others were at least partly to blame for things which I felt hurt by. Letting go of this has been deeply revealing and my appreciation to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine could not be deeper.
We can study the temporal matters as these skills are needed in our societies to make life work. The energetic aspect Serge is bringing to it though makes what we can bring through with the skills we have learned so much more valuable once we look to the whole.
Absolute honesty is very easy for our bodies. Only when we want to think it over, then through complication the insecurity comes in.
The more we choose honesty, the more aware we are of how ‘dis-honest’ we are as a society with all our games and arrangements with each other. It’s exhausting and deeply dishonouring to live in this way.
Key in becoming more honest in our movements and behaviour is to quiet the mind and to let our body speak instead.
That is a very good point and implies that complication is less than honest.
And we could use complication as a marker in our daily lives. It shows that we have become dishonest to our purpose in life.
‘The ‘nice’ is used as a form of protection to make sure that I am liked by everybody around me and remain on the ‘good’ side of people.’ I am learning just how evil the energy of ‘nice’ is, and how draining it can be on both sides.
Nice pretends to be something it is not – it’s a facade to hide the ugly truth of what lies underneath. The worst part is the deceit.
“With honesty, a little bit more integrity in my life and a greater strength from within, I know that I can deal with everything that comes my way.” A huge awakening. From one who believed they were a victim of upbringing, to someone who chose to empower themselves.
Behaviours are barnacles hidden under our boat, that left unchecked slow us down in life if we do not address them.
Awesome analogy. Love it Steve.
“I blamed all of my ‘issues’ on my upbringing.” Universal Medicine empowers us to heal the hurts experienced in childhood, which puts us in a clearer place to understand our parents in a new light and hence break the chain of reactions that get handed down from generation to generation without question.
Yes Rowena when we have cleared the energy of these hurts the way is open to honest and loving relationships with our family and break with the endless repetition of behaviours which were ‘normal’ in the context of familylife and like you say too were handed down from every generation.
Honesty and integrity are characteristics that will carry us far in life and deep within -worthy investments indeed!
Understanding our behaviours goes a long way to prizing them off of our lives.
For sure understanding helps unravel a harmful behaviour in my experience, to de-base it, and make it clearer the choices we have in how we can live from that moment on…
I am realising that holding on to my childhood issues is like a baby wanting to hold back on growing up – and the only result is that I cannot be the amazing person I am in my essence.
What a great realisation Susan. By holding on to any issues we are keeping ourselves stuck firmly in one picture or another, and hugely undermining our ability to be open, observe and receive all that life has to offer us. We “cannot be the amazing person we are in our essence”. It is a self maintained prison.
We are taught to be “nice” instead of being taught to be true to ourselves. This says a lot about why the world is as it is currently.
Absolutely Elizabeth … we are not taught to be true and so ‘nice’ and ‘good’ are the world we live in – and we wonder why it is the way it is. Bring truth to the table and there will be much indigestion but it is so needed to create a new foundation for humanity.
‘During the first year of my engagement with Universal Medicine I found it difficult to face everything I was feeling.’ Universal Medicine presents such truth that we are constantly asked to look very deeply at life, it can feel very uncomfortable to feel exactly what we have been choosing that is not of the same truth and true love – yet I would have it no other way, the value to us all that this way of living reveals, is priceless.
The truth often is uncomfortable as we have to face the fact that we have wilfully chosen to avoid it, turning a blind eye so we can do whatever we want to do. We tell our selves stories to justify our behaviour, yet, the truth remains the truth.
I agree it can be quite exposing to see what we have been choosing energetically in how we’ve been living at times but if we leave judgement and regret out of it then it becomes much simpler to observe and learn and not identify ourselves by it but instead bring our focus to how we then choose to live in the current moment…
Nice will always asks us to be alert, to focus on others, a very exhausting way to live I know so well and I truly hate what it does, how we, with choosing this energy, create a veil to not come to what is true. Being true is effortless to and the most loving thing we can offer humanity.
Spot on Annelies – it is exhausting to be constantly trying to please others and forget about ourselves. However, in the beginning it is difficult to drop this as a habit, but once dropped then it does become effortless to live in a way that does not focus on pleasing another – and in this we get to feel how we are of equal importance to anyone else and how we all matter the same.
‘I truly hate what it does, how we, with choosing this energy, create a veil to not come to what is true.’ – I love what you share here Annelies, how being nice allows us to stay in our own created ‘story’, well away from the truth.
Being ‘nice’, being ‘good’ are masks that hide a multitude of thoughts, feelings and emotions that fester within the body.
In changing how we are with ourselves we change how we are with others. The more willing we are to truly see where we allow abuse and corruption in our lives the easier it is to see it everywhere and when we truly call out what if not loving in it we will get purpose and act on it.
Very true Alison and a great point. The moment we blame another or hold a grudge we are saying it had nothing to do with us and we were purely innocent victims. Yet everything happens for a reason and the more we see it this way the more we can learn from what is before us rather than reacting to it or fearing it, so then ultimately we can love more of the love we naturally are.
Something I have found is how much I molded myself to fit in with the world and others – throughout school I found this exhausting wanting to fit in and be part of every group yet not really being satisfied with any group! It was exhausting. What Universal Medicine has done has been to give me permission to simply be myself without all this trying to be someone or something for everyone else.
It can be confronting to face the choices we have made in life and we can feel exposed by presentations or people who do offer this however if we do not like it, we can simply walk away and carry on making our choices as we feel fit. On the other hand, we can be open and embrace the opportunity as is described here and allow the unfolding to begin.
Honesty is a great foundation to have. Not as in not telling lies to people, but as in being as honest with ourselves (a developing relationship I realise) as we can be, so that we are not living under any illusion of how things are and/or how we are.
It is a great foundation and our body gives us a sincere marker for that – being aware of our whole body and how we’re feeling and what we’re sensing around us gives us a real insight into the choices we have made and the ones available to us.
Thanks to Universal Medicine I now see how pointless it is to blame anyone or anything for what I’m feeling or what I’m going through. It feels like it disempowers and stifles us when we blame.
Understanding the real reasons behind our behaviours empowers us to realise that the choices we make in life are made largely to suppress the immense love that lies within us. Once this is felt within it becomes obvious that this voluntary choice to dim our love comes down to the fact that the world we have created does not welcome such honest wisdom and absolute truth.
We can blame others, or we can begin to understand our part and change that, and in that we change everything; having an organisation like Universal Medicine has been a huge support in this evolution for many including me, I would not be so settled in myself today were it not for their support.
From blame to embracing the part we play (responsibility) is a life changing shift, yes. And working with Universal Medicine has definitely supported me to embrace the true meaning of responsibility, not a burden or duty, but a way be to be that is in accord with humanity as a whole.
Yes, Monica, Universal Medicine has been an immense support to stop blaming others and to get underneath the blame however painful that may have been to do; to see, understand and take responsibility for how I contributed to my own suffering. This was, and is, done with limitless love and no judgment, which enables that journey to be undertaken.
Beautifully said Monica, the understanding through the presentations and courses that Universal Medicine offer are both supportive and evolutionary in every way.
Manipulative behaviours are exhausting – being true to ourselves takes no effort.
It takes no effort and it is so very confirming and honouring of who we truly are. As we honour ourselves, we are equally honouring everyone else.
This is so inspiring Alison … to honour ourselves is to honour everyone else equally so. How beautiful is this.
I find myself back here and appreciating more deeply from your blog the opportunity we have to take responsibility for our own behaviour. No need to blame or judge, no need to pretend, but a great need for Love in our lives and in this world. It is very much our choice in the end.
I have come to understand life itself through my experience with Universal Medicine. Valuable beyond measure.
Same here Alexis, it’s made the world of difference to me understanding what is and what is not true. Helping make sense of the falsity that presents as truth but feels untrue.
Being a student of Universal Medicine simply by living life in full gives us so much understanding about what life is truly about and what it’s not.
‘Throughout my life I had built a persona of a ‘positive,’ ‘nice’ girl who would do anything for her family, friends and anybody really.’ It’ amazing to look back and see the personas we have created for others to see but even more revealing when we feel why we have chosen them.
Choosing to be ourselves is one choice and one choice only.
If we are not choosing to love ourselves first and honour the truth of who we are, everything that we do and offer others is based on a lie – a false way of being. So what is it that we are actually offering them anyway?
We are merely continuing the arrangement that we too often fall into with each other so we can all remain comfortable and irresponsible – but our behaviours are becoming more and more extreme as a consequence of us not wanting to face the truth of how we are living. Whether that is through our eating patterns, drugs, alcohol, excessive exercise, excessive screen time ….. We are hurting, deeply so, as deep down we all know the truth, that there is another way to be. We so want to get there, but first we must allow awareness and honesty, the only path forward is one of responsibility.
“…and was quite intrigued to find out more.” When I read this, when I hear about people who gets a sniff of a truth and then follows their noses to explore further, it brings a settlement to my body. Amongst all the chaos and carnage in the world, we do always know.
We all know truth … it is whether we are willing to be guided by it or not that determines the world we live in.
If we look around us then we can see what a world looks like when it has been built on lies.
But even though we do not always choose to life our truth, we are being given endless opportunity.
‘Through my process I have come to realise some unhealthy habits when it came to relationships with people closest to me such as family…’ Yes, I’ve realised many, many unhealthy ways I was with family and people I was in contact with – it’s still an unfolding process which feels very loving. It’s a joy letting people in more and loving people more, letting go of old hurts and starting afresh.
We are different with our family than with strangers and colleagues in the world. It is only when you stop to consider why that is, that you have the potential to uncover patterns of behaviour about the way you react or respond in relationship, and then decide to repeat or redo.
I spent over 30 years, possibly longer, attending therapy groups, courses and having Inner Child counselling, I even trained as a counsellor so that I could help other people. Looking back it was sheer arrogance, thinking I could help other people when all the while my own life was in a mess. The presentations of Serge Benhayon have helped me to understand about the energy that flows through us, the choices we make to align with that energy and therefore the events that happen as a result of those choices. I’ve learned the difference between emotions and feelings and how to live in a less stressful way so that I am not exhausted all the time. The idea of self care being important and the quality of our being as we move through life – there are so many different aspects to be aware of.
Since attending Universal Medicine courses my relationship has changed with myself and with everyone I know. After a period of healing, you soon get to realise that the person you thought you were was an imposter and the things that we have subscribed to are only there to serve our separation from each other.
Very true and wise words; ‘With honesty, a little bit more integrity in my life and a greater strength from within, I know that I can deal with everything that comes my way.’ Nothing that is before us is ever too big for us to handle rather it is there as an opportunity for us to learn from and grow, even if it may not seem that way at the time!
We can’t go wrong with truth but nice will always go pear shaped at some stage of the game.
Agreed. And truth is something very worth standing tall for and consistently unveiling.
I agree, nice does not lead us anywhere but further away from the truth.
Nice (a way I know so well) can be the sweet icing that hides a rather poisonous cake that we ask people to swallow in their relationships with us. Its intensely dishonest and we do it to hide or protect what is really going on, and thereby provide us with a way of avoiding our issues, ensuring we stay buried in them.
“increasing my honesty and awareness only meant that I can begin to see all the ways in which I am not loving with myself. It is then up to me to start taking steps to change these behaviours” Beautifully said Victoria the depth of wisdom and understanding offered to us by Universal Medicine is life changing on many levels and a gift to all humanity.
The simple thing is that when I understand or have understanding, then I feel better for the space it creates inside of me. In space, we see more and can observe more too.
‘Being yourself however, does take some courage in our current world, but in saying this it is about bringing deep respect and care for self and another and never about being rude or disrespectful to another or self.’ – we can’t expect others to honour and respect us if we do not choose to do this for ourselves first. When we are nice, we are dis-honouring ourselves by dis-missing the truth of who we are, muting our expression of truth and offering instead what we ‘think’ others want to hear. No wonder there is a feisty pit of resentment and bitterness underneath nice.
‘The ‘nice’ is used as a form of protection to make sure that I am liked by everybody around me and remain on the ‘good’ side of people.’ – I can feel the perceived safety in this too – no one would be so brazen as to ‘attack’ the ‘nice’ person. This exposes the falsity in nice – which has more to do with our own protection and how we are perceived by others, than an expression of love for another.
‘Niceness’ is a horrible silent killer, I have hidden behind it for years but it changes nothing and just keeps me in a ‘safe’ bubble seemingly ok but not really happy or content.
Definitely worth it, especially once the root cause is established, then we can get on with True Healing and not just a band-aid that opens another area of life to abuse. Being nice is an absolutely abusive way of living.
If you want an honest opinion or a true answer about something, then do not ask a ‘nice’ person. I speak from experience – from having been a nice person and still falling for it, and also from having asked nice people.
Nice is never the simple truth – there is much to consider and to be aware of when being ‘nice’. Nice is calculating.
I have not asked certain people for advice because I have known that it might be measured/tainted or biased by their own issues and pictures – and this is a wise choice. BUT – I have also not asked certain people for advice because I have not wanted to hear the full truth that I know they would deliver me – and this is a very unwise choice. Or, another thing that I can do is try to measure the advice that I might get by measuring how much I reveal – again, super unwise. I can still feel a resistance to learning.
Being ‘nice’ is another way of manipulating others to so called like the persona you present. The more you invest in the niceness, the less you invest in presenting the true you to everyone else. People do not like ‘nice people’ per se BUT what they ‘like’ is the fact that this person will say yes to please others and so they can be assured that the person will not speak up about what truly feels right for them in the situation, and so they will do as asked. Meanwhile the resentment and frustration builds in the so called ‘nice’ one and then one day it comes out in an icy explosion and so you lose trust in the person and how they behave and what they say as being true or not.
The personas we take on of ‘nice,’ ‘positive’ and ‘good’ are so detrimental to our health and well being … because we are not being true to ourselves but living our lives according to others.
Sometimes the hardest thing can be to honour who we really are and then get the reaction back from people because we don’t meet their picture. But I love what you share about when we do start to honour ourselves and stand firm with what we know the truth to be no matter what.
Blame, judge, criticise, we can be very negative about others and even about ourselves and when we stop all those negative behaviours and take responsibility for our choices it helps us to understand what is going on in our lives.
I would say that being so harsh and critical starts very firmly at home, our inner home. It is super supportive to understand this when you see someone else being critical that what is being expressed is only a fraction of the inner critic.
And it really does not take much to appreciate either ourselves or others. Such a simple thing and yet so lacking in friendships, relationships, family, work or our society today.
Nice is not so nice after all, as I have come to learn about this behaviour I had adopted throughout my life, nice and good cover up so much of what lies underneath unexpressed, I am learning that it is not the good and nice that life is all about but but what is true, what is felt in the body.
I would agree with what you share, ‘With honesty, a little bit more integrity in my life and a greater strength from within, I know that I can deal with everything that comes my way.’ I would also add wanting to learn from every situation supports dealing with everything that comes our way too.
‘The ‘nice’ is used as a form of protection’, I love the paradox here, and it shows that there is far more going on in our communication when we are willing to feel energetic quality.
We can say that the studies which are presented to us at the university are not from truth but designed to keep the status quo in which people only live a mere part of who they truly are.
The more we understand that our behaviours are just a way to hold back our natural available responsibility to life, the easier it is to let these behaviours go that we then find have only brought us misery by living half of even less of who we truly are and effortless can bring to this world.
‘So, increasing my honesty and awareness only meant that I can begin to see all the ways in which I am not loving with myself.’ It can take a certain amount of self-appreciation to begin to get honest, or a devastating wake up call – either way the quality of what we live is felt in everything we do whether we can admit to it or not.
If we are wanting things to be different from how they are there is usually a blame i there – and a hurt – it is impossible to come to truth if we are not allowing a deeper honesty.
Well said Elaine – and we must speak the percieved blame so that we are honest in voicing what we are feeling, but at the same time the willingness to look at what has really happened without blame of anyone but an understanding of where we have allowed something to come in and affect us is key. This is the deeper honesty that is needed in order to heal and truly move on. Blame is never a part of any healing.
I hate the word ‘nice’ as it puts us all into a strait jacket of conformity to me ‘nice’ is a performing word we do things to be seen as ‘nice’ even if it means we ourselves feel angry,resentful or frustrated acting in this way hence the strait jacket. And the conformity starts at a very young age when we are encouraged to play ‘nicely’ or be ‘nice’ to each other. How can you be ‘nice’ when you are raging on the inside it is a completely false and destructive word.
Nice is like a paint we apply to life to make it look more the way we like. But it doesn’t matter how much we apply, what’s underneath is impossible to deny, so ultimately being nice is a huge waste of time and very messy. After all who are we kidding? The real artist in life is God.
This is an awesome analogy Joseph … ‘nice’ being layers and layers of paint, trying to make life look how we want it, but as you say it never works, because how we truly feel underneath all those layers remains and is always felt by others even if we refuse to feel it. So in effect, it is a total waste of time, and the effort in the trying. I’ts way simpler and far less effort to be honest and express the truth of how we feel right from the beginning.
Awesome Joseph! Love the artistic flair you have added here and the play on words!
“Growing up and studying psychology, I blamed all of my ‘issues’ on my upbringing” – yes it’s easy to blame though more freeing to understand.
Blame is a huge red herring and one that most people have bought into. When we hear about the struggle and hardship of another we tend to commiserate and comfort rather than understand that it is our spirit that loves to get itself ensnared in trauma, grief, blame, revenge, hate, bitterness and anger; whereas our soul views it all from afar and knows that it carries not a single blemish.
The world around us opens like a flower when we have a spring cleanout of our blame cupboard.
Oh the world would be such a better place if we replaced nice for truth and all just got on with it.
The being nice is just a cloak we hide who we truly are and could express under.
True kevmchardy, you know where you stand with truth.
Agree Kev … if we were all honest and expressed truth without reservation, our lives and this world would be very different.
Playing the nice, good, indifferent, I know better, sarcasm and critique cards only deepens our understanding of being an individual, and thus confirms our separation and separates us further from our equal brothers and sisters. As we are all one and the same when we return or re-connect to the Love and Truth we all are.
Awesome Joshua. When we identify ourselves with our issues we can get very lost, feel miserable and fall into the victimhood cycle that gets us nowhere. To heal and understand that our issues are not who we are and they don’t own us then we are free to be ourselves and feel more equipped to heal any issues that may arise.
The more I study Universal Medicine and embody the teachings, the more I come to understand the root causes of my behaviours. The deeper I go, the clearer it becomes that all and everything that happens to me is a result of my own choices and therefore is my complete responsibility to address. As I continue it becomes blindly obvious that there is no end to the Love that we are.
I love how you depict the ‘nice’ quality and what is actually going on is the need to acceptance and everyone to like us so, a form of protection and not having to live all that we are. Super manipulative.
It’s great being honest about the under belly of nice and how it’s really not so nice at all! It serves to undermine others but in a way that, unless they are reading the situation, won’t cotton onto so readily. So rather than support a person to come back to themselves it takes them further away and asks them to be grateful!
There is a shocking amount of control and manipulation with nice.
I love that feeling of knowing we can handle anything that comes our way, like going to an exam with all the answers already known. What we get offered in life we are able to handle it is as simple as that.
Yes, we make a lot of noise about nothing in life keeping us worried and busy with doubt and stress, all the while we are never put into a situation we are not equipped to handle.
How empowering is it to set yourself and your family free of blaming them for what is wrong in your life. There is always a hurt underneath a blame that wants to be felt, addressed and let go off.
Studying psychology and then coming to Universal medicine I realise now that without understanding the psychology of the spirit we cannot truly understand the human being.
I have the same experience Rosanna, the spirit is left out in almost every educational aspect and yet without understanding the importance of the role our spirit has in every aspect of our life is crucial to understand ourselves and others.
Agree Monika, knowing the traits of the spirit and the soul are crucial to living life in harmony and joy in ourselves and with others.
“I did not want to let go of what I was so sold out to – the nice girl.” This I find the hardest to do… to accept that I am not who I thought I was, that I am not the persona I had placed myself to be, to fit into this world.
I am allowing myself to feel how unloving and hard ‘nice’ actually is – it’s hard to let go of the protection, yet very beautiful when I do, there is a rawness and vulnerability which I’ve resisted feeling for a very long time. I deeply appreciate all these blogs that support us to unpack and expose what we are not, so we can re-claim the beauty of who we are.
Being ‘nice’ and ‘good’ come with an agenda – to make us feel ‘better’ about ourselves … when in truth there is an underlying feeling of lack of self-worth and or self-loathing motivating us to be nice, do good.
The ‘nice’ seeks to be liked by everyone around them, rather than loving themselves first and then bringing that quality to all relationships.
Wow, brilliant Paula, it is so true what you’ve shared. I was very good at being nice and what you’ve shared explains so much. I have let go of being nice because I realised I wasn’t being me, I now feel great. I have also let go of needing people to like me because I am more settled within myself, I feel more confident and loving. Dropping nice and being more honest and true is so much more supportive for myself and everyone around me, and learning to bring true quality into all my relationships.
It seems to me that most forms of therapy (and I have tried many) just apportion the blame in different directions and rarely, if ever, ask us to take our own responsibility for our own choices. Which, if you consider this from a big picture viewpoint, means that we all just go round and round in the same circles.
This brilliant blog rips the lid off ‘nice’. One of my games was ‘being honest’…when in truth there was zero honesty in it…but I would play it as a card, a protection, I would say things like “I’m being honest…” or “can I tell you the truth…” or “honestly speaking, I….” all of which were just very calculated, pre-laid defence systems that pretended to show it all, but kept me firmly under lock and key.
Once we understand, then we have the power to implement change. Without that understanding any moves we make won’t have the authority needed to maintain that foundation. This is huge; so many of us do stuff on a whim, out of reaction, because someone tells us to, from peer pressure or out of sheer desperation. We need to take the time, honesty and commitment to first understand so that then becomes a foundation we can build upon.
I totally relate to being trapped in nice and it is great to read your sharing and get the reflection that nice is not true and that only we can shift from investing in nice.
And the harm it does to your body when playing nice.
This blog and your story is a brilliant advert for honesty.
There is enormous power in a true expression – unfiltered.
To be in your early twenties and have released childhood issues and baggage is a blessing, for most people it takes decades to get there and some never get there.
” I no longer hold a grudge against my parents and family members. ” To stop blaming others and take responsibility for our own lives sets us free to live our lives unencumbered and purposefully. To cast an eye of understanding on our parents and humanity is a mark of true wisdom.
You’ve shown that unless unaddressed, child hood hurts can hold us back and stop us from being all that we are otherwise. I hold the power of Sacred Esoteric Healing modalities dearly because of this very reason.
I love the depth of wisdom presented by Universal Medicine and the down to earth practical support in finding our own way forward with it, in our own time, without ever any expectation or judgment in what we choose, even when rejecting what is offered. The absolute space, love and honouring I constantly receive has been a perfect reflection that has inspired me to start to explore that way of being with myself and with other people.
As a child the behaviour of being ‘nice and good’ was drummed into me as a virtue – if this was not expressed,, love would be withdrawn for misbehaving. From presentations of the Ancient Wisdom Teachings I have really felt the undercurrent of cloying manipulation that nice and good actually cause. A huge burden to be carrying and very freeing to release.
same here Stephanie, be nice and good was also drummed into me too from a very young age and I started to adhere to these rules and conditions so I could be liked. I can see so clearly how harmful this was because this teaches us to be dishonest, to push our feelings aside and follow these rules and conditions. I can also see that wanting to be liked is a fear of rejection and our society seems to reject truth and honesty and tend to celebrate the opposite.
There is always something to look at and learn from, no matter how we have mastered some aspects of life.
One of the biggest changes for me from meeting Serge Benhayon has been letting go of blame of my parents, family and friends. I can feel how stifling and restrictive it is now to blame anyone. And also imposing onto another my own stuff.
I could not agree with the title of the blog more ‘Understanding my behaviours through my experience with Universal Medicine’ in that through Universal Medicine I have TRULY got to understand the true root of my behaviours, patterns, ideals and beliefs and because I have truly got to the root cause it has meant I have been able to be more aware of them, let go of them and start to come back to the truth of who I am which is a never-ending unfolding journey. Before Universal Medicine I went to many other people, tried lots of different modalities, read lots of different books but nothing actually changed, in fact it got worse.
It is interesting how when we look at our behaviours so many of them are influenced by events from the past. So we go into situations already loaded with beliefs and ideas about how it will be, rather than going in fresh and actually seeing what is there to be seen.
Having spent years being invested in and blaming my childhood issues to avoid taking responsibility for my own life it has been extremely confronting at times to address how much I have hidden behind the nice card and to explore dismantling this persona which has held me back from fully participating in life. I value the loving friends I now have who are willing to challenge my old patterns of behaviour and also reflect to me a loving openness that is truly inspiring.
The greatest thing about understanding is that it helps me to accept what I have difficulty in letting go off. Understanding creates space and spaciousness.
Through Universal Medicine I have come to understand my choices and behaviours with far more clarity and why I choose them. Having this understanding enables me to make changes that are truly supportive and long lasting.
This is exactly my experience, Rachel and since understanding my choices and behaviors I have far more understanding for other’s choices as well, which makes life a whole lot more simpler.
Yes, there is a lot about “nice” that is not nice at all!
When we choose to live in a way that places ourselves on the ‘good side’ of people we abuse our body and our entire being. True love is not a movement for another but a movement that truly honours and holds us the precious beings we are.
To me ‘nice’ has become a horrible, sickly, ingratiating word. It’s as though there is a deliberate effort to conform to society. It’s as though we can say to society you are not allowed to hurt me because I’m being ‘nice’ and conforming to your wants and needs.
Once we can accept that where we are at is all down to our own choices without blaming anyone for where we are at, that is when we can more on and make changes that seriously improve our health and wellbeing.
I was the ultimate peace keeper too, and I always thought that was my job. The only problem was that it was me who suffered the most as a result in making everyone else happy. Oh, what a painful way to live and a total squandering of my precious energy. Finally, thanks to choosing to live the wisdom shared at Universal Medicine events, my peace-keeping days are well and truly over.
When we choose to become more aware of the true origin of our issues, we can come to the insight that possibly we are the main creators of these in the first place, and cannot blame anyone, even not ourselves as in that blaming makes absolutely no sense.
We are continuously told that our issues in life are from the way we are raised which makes it easy to blame that and the systems and people involved instead of taking responsibility and include your own doing in that process.
What an amazing maturating process – some people never ever get there, instead holding on to childhood hurts and the whole world to ransom for what one, two, possibly three people ‘did to them’.
I totally agree, Gabriele – confirmation of the fact that we can deepen our wisdom at any age, depending on our open-ness and willingness to do so.
Agreed. This is top level maturity, top level self-parenting. It’s wisdom that most never get close to.
“With honesty, a little bit more integrity in my life and a greater strength from within, I know that I can deal with everything that comes my way.” This is a very simple recipe but by using such beautiful ingredients it is literally amazing as to what is possible.
One of the most profound lessons I’ve learnt recently is that if I feel at all stressed and my body starts to tense my normal pattern is to go into control – however, the greatest gift I can offer myself is to let go and surrender, allowing my body to guide me, rather than the other way around.
Universal Medicine has been huge in terms helping me to understand why I do things, where I blame others and the impact of all my own choices on everything that happens to me in this life and from lifetimes before
The more we understand our own behaviour, the more understanding we have for the behaviour of others and this in itself offers a powerful reflection for others to feel. We all have our own ‘stuff’ to work through, but with awareness and understanding we can support each other, rather than judge and compare, which only fosters separation.
I have gleaned a whole new understanding about what true responsibility is through the teachings of Universal Medicine. It is actually very liberating and empowering when we take responsibility for our life.
Love your honesty Carmel. When we understand why we do things, we can make different choices. Universal Medicine has supported many to look honestly at their lives, take responsibility for where they are and walk free of the strangleholds of blame and resentment
I have played the nice card often throughout my life and can also add my testimony to the seething resentment that can lay underneath the nice facade. Thanks to Universal Medicine I am working through both of these and building my commitment to love and truth.
I have never understood my behaviours as I have done with Universal Medicine. There are theories that go a little of the way but not the full understanding that Universal Medicine offers. My experience is that if the full understanding is not connected to, then a partial one cannot provide what is needed for healing to occur.
So true. It is only when we commit to lovingly exploring our past behaviours, and changing old patterns that true healing can occur. Despite many attempts prior to attending Universal Medicine presentations, nothing gave me the wider understanding of the current loveless state of humanity, and the key to addressing my issues and building a foundation of loving care from which to re-engage in life, and commit to living in a way that heals and not harms myself and others.
I have also have never understood my behaviours as much as I do now. Understanding them in a way that does not condemn me or make me less or bad, but to see that I am not my behaviours and once I understand why I am acting in a particular way I can let it go.
When we make honesty our foundation it is the best and most loving support for all our relationships but when we choose dishonesty, it is easy to blame everything under the sun for our choices, which then leaves us stuck in misery.
Living a dishonest life is a sure recipe for a very wobbly foundation. And once the honesty is exposed, as it usually is, it is very hard to stop the wobble, unless honesty is brought into our lives and our foundation re-built.
‘Be good’ and ‘be nice’ are words spoken and behaviours encouraged from very young – eg: Christmas time has its theme of being good to get pressies from Santa, however they are false ways of being in life. Good and nice are facades we hide behind while our true feelings and expression boil away behind – and its not like we and others cant feel whats boiling behind the scenes, and it takes so much time and effort being something we are not … far wiser to be true and honestly express – it may or may not be well received but if humanity is ever to change this mess we have created, truth and honesty have to come to the fore.
Great point re be good for Santa Claus as we build up to another Christmas. It does show how the good nice things pervade our society and there is nothing at all good or nice about good and nice. What matters is truth and love and that is something else altogether.
The healing courses I have attended with Universal Medicine have supported me to develop so much understanding.
What a beautiful blog showing where observation and honesty can get us to.
It’s truly empowering to be supported to take loving responsibility for our behaviour and to fully understand where a behaviour is coming from rather than to just blame it on others.
Blaming others keeps us disempowered and unable to address the real issue, unable to heal and move on. Is it possible that some prefer it that way? That we might choose not to grow up and take responsibility but rather remain under the cloak and in the comfort of victimhood?
Yes it is a truly loving act.
Never has anything made life and my own behaviour and experiences more understandable than Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon – not because they have given me the answers but because they have shown how to re-connect to a way of knowing from inside me which is confirmed by life itself.
We are addicted to being nice and fitting in. No one wants to be the black sheep and stand out. Yet what if things only change by not following what society expects of us rather bringing all of us and doing what we feel to do and by doing this everyone then benefits.
So we all need to die our hair black bar-none. Then we all reflect the same quality or essence and will not judge another!
Love it Greg, the cult of the black haired!
Blame is a very convenient way to avoid responsibility for our choices … and totally dishonest.
Being good and nice got me into more trouble than not, being true and real and me got me out of it.
That is a piece of painting gold. That’s the kind of thing I’d like to have heard from my grand-parents or something – true ‘elder wisdom’. My grand-parents never discovered this truth, which is fine and their journey…so I was wise enough to go and find Serge Benhayon!
‘The ‘nice’ is used as a form of protection to make sure that I am liked by everybody around me and remain on the ‘good’ side of people.’ – I love what you expose with nice – how it’s actually quite manipulative and it can be masking very unsavoury layers hiding underneath – such as bitterness, resentment. I feel there could be some jealousy underneath how nice I have been – it feels pretty awesome to unpack this.
When we understand our own behaviours we understand people and life itself.
As someone who was brought up with the ‘ethics’ of being nice I can say that being ‘nice’ does veil layers of resentment, bitterness and frustration because it is a false premise to put others first.
Attending the workshops and presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is not ‘a walk in the park’ in the sense that it requires from one “an enormous amount of honesty and a willingness to understand my behaviours, and sometimes change those into self-loving and humanity-loving ones” and this can be very challenging. However, if one is willing to make the changes walking in the park of life is so much rewarding and joyful.
“With honesty, a little bit more integrity in my life and a greater strength from within, I know that I can deal with everything that comes my way.” The real result of successful parenting.
Once we become aware of ‘nice’ it is actually quite ugly. Not only does it keep us from being honest and looking at our issues that lie under the surface of being nice, it keeps the status quo in life because it is very difficult to pull a nice person up. We have accepted ‘nice’ as being ok because we think it does not affect us in the same way as someone being upfront and angry.
Being nice is an insurance policy that we use to dodge any ugly responses from people in fear of being hurt and then having the pain of internalising the rejection.
Nice is like a dagger of ice that cuts the connection between us and other people. It’s a cloak we wear so others don’t bother us this life – a mechanism to ensure we’ll all get along – but we don’t do we? Isn’t it time we admitted on a very basic level that nice doesn’t even do what we want it to?
I tried it and I have done it, being nice is not working as I was only using it to cover my frustration, anger, despondency etc. with people and with life.
When we express honestly we can inspire others to make changes in their life. It doesn’t matter the age, the place we live in, the circunstances…we always have the choice in front of us to be more loving and gentle with the beautiful beings we really are.
“(…) using ‘childhood incidents’ as an excuse to stay in self-abusive patterns is a very convenient way to remain irresponsible and not address the choices we are making as adults.” Yes, it is very common that we stay in abusive patterns because we can’t let go of a situation that happened in our childhood. Even though we are now adults fully capable of understanding why things happened, and then make the choices to heal. This behaviour is being confirmed by anyone and everyone and therefore never challenged so we can stay stuck in a loop, although in the end it is of course always our choice.
Dear Victoria what I love most on your wonderful blog is your honesty! It is such an invitation to be honest as well. Most of us could change too if we choose this honesty for ourselves. For me honesty to myself is the first step!
I have also done the nice behaviour when I wanted to be liked or fit in but I think most people feel when it is not genuine so it never really works and we are not being true to ourselves so no more Mr nice guy!
Absolutely true – ‘I can deal with everything that comes my way’ however when we find ourselves in the moment fighting what comes our way it can feel very challenging but that is only because we make it so. We have a choice – always, – to fight or deepen our surrender to what is being offered.
As a parent I often spoke to my son ‘nicely’ whilst a plethora of ‘not so nice’ emotions bubbled away just underneath the surface.
I pretty much flipped from being the nasty girl to the nice girl overnight. Both characters served the same purpose, which was to stop people from accessing the real me and therefore being able to hurt me.
I love your honesty here and it is not easy, or rather I should say, on the whole we are not a deeply honest society willing to be accountable for our thoughts and actions. Instead we find it far easier to point the finger and blame at someone else; something I can very much relate with, but can really appreciate that I do this far less now if at all, but acknowledge there is still another layer of honesty I can go to.
This has been my pattern too, the nice girl who keeps people happy and tries to keep the peace. I also found that this was used not because I am nice (there is no such thing in the soul) but to hide my true self behind a role where no one would ask to see the real me. Once you start to be honest about this, the love for yourself and other people can gradually come back.
Blaming one’s parents and childhood upbringing is a great ‘get-out-of-jail-card’ that excuses one from taking responsibility for oneself resulting in being a victim to the world.
Yes, it stunts us horribly, well, we stunt ourselves more than anything that is done to us , that is the irony.
Very well said jstewart51, and I have seen this a lot and it doesn’t get us anywhere, blaming and staying in victimhood simply creates a life of misery and more hurts. It is a self-created prison that gets us very stuck in misery until we choose to take responsibility. The only ticket/key out of this prison is Responsibility.
Yes, and that Responsibility is to accept that even if we were not supported, loved and met for who we truly are as a child we are no longer a child and now can choose for ourselves how we are nurtured – our misery is the consequences of our choices.
It is great to read a testimony for Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon that is so honest.
Yes, being nice is a clever protection, because though it feels ugly it’s dishonest and hides behind being ‘good’, so thinks it is superior and is untouchable. All the more reason for us to discern energy and not be fooled and not be afraid to call out what’s not love.
‘ I always used to end up right in the middle of any argument, any dispute, trying to save the situation and make sure peace was kept.’ I used to be the first to dive in and get involved in a fight. It was a false sense of purpose that I sought to cover up all my anger, bitterness and resentment. Basically I was very lost and was hurting.
I realise it’s not up to me to save the world (yes I, like everyone, have a big and essential part to play) but not in the way I was, which was basically determining according to me who was right and who was wrong, who deserved defending and who didn’t. Now it’s for me to discern if there is anything to say or not. To let people have their consequences and understand there is information that I am not privy to so I don’t need to live in a bubble of blame and the world is unfair. It’s also for me to love myself unconditionally and not put myself under daily judgement because I can be brutal! Not so much now but growing up, I was so exacting on myself.
Can so relate Karin, it is such arrogance huh! Still working on this right and wrong stuff but reading this helps bring more understanding.
Amazing. It can be very easy to fall into “the more I noticed my not so nice side and behaviours, the more the blame of others increased.” When we blame others we don’t need to look at our part in it all. Even when we can’t change the outcome, we can still look at how much we let it define our future.
Very true. The more precisely we see what is happening, the more power we have to change the situation, especially if we bring truth and honesty to the situation.
Being nice is a veneer that we present to the world. It’s pleasing to all regardless of the circumstances. It bends over backwards to appease. Meanwhile there is an undercurrent of all that has been bottled up; anger, frustration, issues with self-worth.
Beneath the thin veneer of niceness lurks a seething rage that is born from not honouring what is true.
Yep, give me the up front angry person over the put-on nice and friendly any day.
Thank you, Liane – you’ve just well and truly nailed ‘niceness’ – so liberating to expose what lies beneath. It’s not until we get to the root cause of any behaviour that we can to start address it and be rid of it for good.
Powerful! I know exactly what you mean, and how dishonest is it to be nice when rage is bubbling underneath?
Its very beautiful to see the steps that you have taken, the honesty, the self-love and increasing awareness which leads to more honesty. All so you see what you have chosen in way of non loving behaviours to cover up the hurts of childhood. Currently most of humanity don’t see the influence this holds over us and the devastation this is causing. Unfortunately we thing all these behaviours are a normal part of being in human life. We are yet to see that there is another way. This is where articles such as this highlight that there is.
Great sharing Richard and by being honest, there is no room for being nice, honesty cuts through any niceness and gets straight to the point and to the truth.
It is so common to blame others for our hurts but this blame game hurts us even more. It keeps us stuck in the past and not able to move forward in letting people in. It holds people at a distance and it keeps us away from feeling the potential and love that is there. If we hold onto our hurts it is irresponsible because it creates more hurts, and therefore, the cycle of abuse continues.
I so recognise the need to be ‘nice’ and a ‘good girl’ trying to get everything right, trying to fix people, oh yes, it was all there, as a way of being recognised as a worth while human being and all the time my sense of self worth was rock bottom, I only valued what I could do never who I truly am. That is now changing as I begin to appreciate the qualities I bring. I am letting go of the need to please others, letting go of sympathy and have stopped being so ‘nice’.
I can really relate Carmel, one thing that’s been key for me is getting to know myself and my qualities, to reconnect to the true me and build on being consistently with myself, that then highlights what’s not true and doesn’t belong like being nice and sympathetic. It’s an ongoing process because certain behaviours feel pretty normal after so many years, but what I find so supportive about Serge’s approach is that healing and true life change is not just in the discarding of what’s not true, it’s in the living of who we truly are.
I struggled with nice vs true. I had a condition on what I wanted nice to look like and how it would override what was true. Its been great to see how damaging nice really is and how it is a cover for not wanting to be ourselves.
What is really more important to us, how something ‘looks’ or how something feels.
It sure is a killer yet something that people like and accept because they would far rather be left alone to continue on in their ill foray rather than choose the truth they know, but do not want to see because it may mean they have to look at the consequences of what they are doing.
The magic and hard work Universal Medicine can inspire us to do is beautifully and simply described here by Victoria.
Nothing helped me get free of my unloving ways, my hurts and stuckness until I came to the honesty and constant love offered by Universal Medicine.
Blaming parents and family is a great way to negate responsibility for our own behaviours and choices we make in life
‘Throughout my life I had built a persona of a ‘positive,’ ‘nice’ girl who would do anything for her family, friends and anybody really.’ this reminds me of a sometimes nice smile which feels awful if it creeps on my face.
Blaming someone, one thing or another, encouraged by so many so-called ‘authorities’ on dealing with our issues, is a huge get out clause to personal responsibility. This is ironically one of the most disempowering responses we can relate to life with.
Being nice is a lie with short lived benefits. It offers protection and comfort but robs us of our true expression. By our own choice of course.
I also relate to how life makes us feel the need to be nice, and yet that is the one thing that made me want to give up on life. It’s great to feel that when we are honest, as you’ve shared, that we are able to deal with whatever does come our way. And in that heal the past to truly move forward.
The more it gets picked apart, I am seeing how ‘nice’ is actually the opposite of what it claims to be.
From awareness, we cannot help but grow from the realisations and develop as a human being.
I agree, awareness really is the key isn’t it, for without it there would be no evolution. My understanding is that true evolution is the evolution of consciousness, and not making life about ‘being bigger, better or faster’ I am appreciating my own deeper level of awareness – and what exactly IS awareness? Breaking it down, it is just a deeper connection with our true selves – our innermost being, the being that IS everything.
Holding onto our hurts and blaming everything on the parents I feel is quite a common trait we use to hold ourselves back, I know I have and can see it in other family members also. It’s a convenient excuse for us to not look at our own part we play in every situation.
This is true Julie, I know I have played this card many times over, making it an excuse to not move on. Once I clocked it and took responsibility, my life became simper and I began to become the person I knew myself to be deep down, not the shadow that hid behind blaming others.
Very well said Julie, this is what I have seen play out in many families. When we choose to blame it means we avoid taking responsibility, hence there is zero evolution in our relationships when blame is present.
Universal Medicine supports us all to look at the underlying cause of why we behave as we do and to feel the truth.
Very simply put Mary, and so true. Without Universal Medicine I would probably still be blaming my parents, friends, colleagues etc etc just to avoid taking responsibility for my own choices.
Agreed Sandra, I would blame everyone else but myself. Being honest now life is so much different and more full and loving and there is very little blame if any and if the blame does come up I know there is something I’m avoiding.
“With honesty, a little bit more integrity in my life and a greater strength from within, I know that I can deal with everything that comes my way.” This is great Viktorya. I have found asking for support from others further along the way plus self appreciation can go a long way to enable us to deal with whatever arises in life.
The fact that we do not have issues – is an amazing thing, we are practically being told that we are free. But then again, the experience of hurt is just as real, and we learn to see the responsibility part that we previously were not willing to see, let alone take, and accepting this journey as a learning where ‘I don’t know’ or even ‘I don’t want to know’ is very ok and we don’t have to place ourselves somewhere on the right/wrong polarity scale is a learning in itself.
Hidden issues never stay that way and tend to float to the top at the most inconvenient moments. These are your moments to choose; to deal with them or dig a deeper hole.
Responsibility. Honesty. Integrity. Things that are not top of our bucket lists these days but they work wonders when applied to our everyday. Criticise Universal Medicine all you like but all you are doing is shooting the messenger who’s reminding you what’s truly important in life.
Yeah the playing nice card is a great one for keeping the peace whilst internally seething with resentment! It’s easy to feel this in ourselves and others though. I love your confirmation that you are now on track to living more yourself without the pressure to be nice.
Great point about the pressure of being nice.. any form of behaviour that doesn’t come from the truth of what we’re feeling creates a pressure in our bodies, within ourselves and in our relationships.
Very true, the whole nice card is something I know very well and have pretty much mastered it. It is like when I have caught myself saying sorry to someone when they have walked into me – completely ridiculous but it can come out like auto pilot and is exhausting and restricting on the body as it means I am not saying what is there to be said.
There’s a certain reptillian energy in niceness.
I have to say, it is only when you are prepared to see that pattern in your own behaviour that you have a hope of recognising it in another! I had no idea how resentful I was of being nice till I looked in the mirror at my clenched jaw 8 years ago and realised something needed to change.
I too have come to understand my behaviours through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, behaviours which often made my life a misery, but were so very hard to break. It was with the wisdom shared by Serge and by making the choice to take a long, honest look at my life that I began to see the patterns and, in some cases, the starting points of these behaviours. It hasn’t been easy at times to do, but boy has it been absolutely worth it, as these behaviours are slowly being dismantled, one by one.
So many of us do blame our childhood issues for how we are and conveniently stay stuck in the comfort of them to avoid facing up to what is really going on so great blog on exposing the truth that is there if we are up to choosing it.
It is a deep refusal to take responsibility for the hurt we feel when we have not lived true to our essence which is love.
It sure is Liane and also also be crippling for our entire lifetime if we do not see our part to play in it and stay stuck blaming others.
We’re absolutely dedicated to not being love because if we weren’t then we would.