My Journey Back to God

I started out in life with a very warped notion of who or what is God. I understood from my Catholic upbringing that he was a man in a robe, sitting on a throne in an area of the sky called Heaven. I imagined him to be a bit like ‘big brother,’ observing our every move.

I understood from what was shared with me that he was someone who was judgemental and had the power to send people to hell for all eternity.

I also realised that he practised favouritism, as I was told that the Catholic Church was the only true church on earth and therefore only Catholics could be redeemed and enter the kingdom of God. All those outside his favoured religion were heretics and would be sent to hell, as nothing unclean could be in God’s presence.

I also saw him as someone who demanded absolute obedience to his laws. So, to me he was someone to be fearful of, as he would punish those who did not live by his rules.

I now realise that what I learnt from the ministers of the Catholic faith was not the truth, but a version that was possibly created to hamper me, and many of the 1.2 billion Catholics in the world, from finding God. We were led to believe that he was in Heaven, while all the time he is much closer to home: in fact so close he is within us.

Around the age of eighteen I moved away from the church, and the unloving God who resided in the sky.

Knowing that there was a bigger picture to life, I embarked on a search that lasted nearly 40 years in an attempt to discover what I thought was the meaning of life, but I now know I was searching for God.

I looked high and low in my search. I allowed myself to be enticed by the many new age spiritual practices, from tarot cards and crystals right up to having sessions with a trance medium. All of this seemed to bring temporary relief from the deep unrest within me. This relief was short lived because I was searching outside of myself for answers, not realising that these were much closer to home; so close in fact they were inside me, in my inner heart.

This realisation started to dawn on me when I attended a presentation by a man called Serge Benhayon. The first few times I heard Serge mention God, I felt uncomfortable and I remember wishing that he would move onto another topic. Gradually my resistance subsided as I started to discard the notions that I had held for so long about the nature of God. The God that Serge spoke of and has a relationship with felt so different to the one that I learnt about when I was growing up. The God that I started to become aware of loved us all equally as we are all his children, whatever church or religion we belong to. A defining moment for me was hearing that God is love and to know that he lives in us all and that we can connect with him through our inner hearts. No need to go through Priests, Vicars or Popes. No third party needed.

I now know God to be love, and that he resides within us all: he is also all around us, in all the animals and plants, the planet and the universe.

As God is love, by being his Son I too am love, as is everybody else, equally so. It is up to us individually and collectively how much we allow ourselves to be love and to express it.

Now that I know the nature of God, I am in the process of unfolding a deeper connection with him. The focus of my life now is to let go of what is not love, so that I can receive and express more love. I am doing this by being more loving in how I care for me and my body and all that I come in contact with, by dealing with my issues and hurts and by introducing rhythms into my life that are supportive of me in my connection to my inner heart, the doorway to God.

It has been mainly a long, wayward and painful journey that I embarked on when I made the decision to separate from God’s love. Knowing that I am now on the path of return to what I parted from…  feels Simply Divine.

By Elizabeth McCann, retired from radiography and now committed to various voluntary roles within my local community, Salisbury, UK

Further Reading:
God’s Waiting Room
We cannot be without God and Religion
Living religion: a relationship with self, love and God

203 thoughts on “My Journey Back to God

  1. “The God that Serge spoke of and has a relationship with felt so different to the one that I learnt about when I was growing up. ” Same for me too, I had been brought up in a Church of England school with daily services and two on Sundays. God was an old man in the sky who would punish us. yet the pictures of Jesus on the wall were more benign. I preferred Jesus to God…… The pictures of God didn’t sit well with the unconditional nature of his love, which I learned about later. Learning about the true definition of the word religion and more about the unconditionality of God has been hugely important for me.

  2. It would seem – from speaking to people from different orthodox religions – that only ‘their God’ is the true God. Yet there is only one God! Until we learn to come together and have no concerns about our religious differences we will continue to have wars. Religious tolerance doesn’t last for long and the fragile peace breaks down and we have yet another religious war on earth. Coming together in brotherhood with understanding of others, rather than judgement, is one way to begin to avoid such wars.

  3. For me this just confirms the importance of discerning and also the responsibility we have towards others. For it is irresponsible to get another to believe an ideal or belief we have in order to make ourselves feel ‘better’.

  4. We have for life time’s been fed very warped notion of who or what is God.
    We look to the stars not with the wonderment of ages past but with an eye to find and conquer other planets for our own gain. We trash the outer space of our world with space junk not once considering what affect this many have. We are so arrogant we do not stop to consider that possibility that we are all part of something far grander and that this grandness should be treated with the utmost respect because it is indeed the belly of God we reside in.

    1. Most of us don’t give a monkey’s about what’s either inside or outside of us as long as our spirit reigns supreme. Our spirit being the part of us that operates as an individual and sees others as a means by which we can bolster our own sense of self. All for one and everyone for himself. It’s our downfall for sure.

  5. I was raised as a Roman Catholic and was told like you Elizabeth that God was a man in a robe, sitting on a throne in an area of the sky called Heaven, observing our every move. That he was judgmental, very angry and had the power to send people to hell for all eternity if you did not obey him by being good.
    But I did not believe any of this, it did not fit what I knew in my heart to be true. There were some people that could feel I didn’t believe their version of God, and so my childhood was far from ideal. After all non- believers get punished just as much as believers in this false ideology of institutionalized religion. I personally don’t care what other people want to believe, that’s up to them. What I do care about and hate, is when people insist on telling me what they believe is true, and that I have to conform to their ideology because they are right and I am wrong.

  6. It feels very beautiful to hear God spoken about in this way, free of the confusion and misleading beliefs of so many of our religions. Thank you Elizabeth for reminding me how much I love returning to God and how natural this pull is.

  7. I love how the focus of your life is to let go of all that is not love. How simply beautiful. No need for anything else because all the is true will come from this.

  8. It’s like the different religions trademark God and present their version. It’s the equivalent to trademarking air. In the same way, we could say the sun is purple and believe that it is, the truth about the sun is still there. It’s the same with God, once we drop the beliefs and all we have been told, and simple feel for ourselves, we can then know the truth of God from within ourselves.

    1. I feel we all know instinctively there is something that we can feel within us that is unsullied and magical. It’s a knowing that we are part of something stupendous, and no one can take this from us unless we give our power away to them. And I feel this is what we have done and how institutionalized religion began.

  9. I had not grown up being particularly religious but always knew there was a God, however at some point I had fear instilled in me of him. All that has changed from Serge Benhayon’s presentations of and about God, A God I know I know and am connecting more deeply with as I deal with my hurts and beliefs.
    ‘As God is love, by being his Son I too am love, as is everybody else, equally so.’ This is what I love about the religion Serge talks of, there is no greater than thou, no select few, we are all equal, of the same essence, that of God, a part of God, there to be claimed and lived in it’s fullness through our living way, love.

  10. I am a Catholic, by birth and by choice. You have to understand that most of the stories we were told as kids are similar to those we were told about doctors, nurses and hospitals. Most of these stories were told with the aim of instilling respect to God. However, it is a great thing indeed that you are back again and I thank God that your search was fruitful. Remain blessed, Sister

  11. So much money is spent on places of ‘worship’ whereas all we ever need is to know God is already in our hearts.

  12. When I heard Serge Benhayon present about God I too felt uncomfortable. If I hadn’t had years of observing Serge Benhayon and his total love for people I’d have walked away. But here was a man whom I had complete respect for – what he presented and also lived had earned my trust of him. So I listened despite my internal reactions to the word God and religion.

    What I’ve come to realise is my reactions weren’t about being anti-God or religion, it was that I know God and what religion truly is, that it comes from a love that we all are, and that it was the bastardisation of them by institutionalised religion and bigotry inherent in this, that I had a problem with. This is great to know as I can now return to God, dropping any man made impediments I’d taken on board along the way.

    1. What you have expressed Karin makes complete sense to me. We all have a personal relationship with God, we cannot but have as we live in his atmic body. He is the universe and we are a part of the universe …fact.

  13. I now know God to be love, and that he resides within us all: he is also all around us, in all the animals and plants, the planet and the universe.’ At last Elizabeth, the searching can cease when we know in our bodies the truth about God.

  14. It was definitely a long, wayward and painful journey that I too have embarked on with the decision to separate from God’s love, but it feels like it was necessary to bring us back full circle to reconnecting again because of the place we were at, at that time. This brings the understanding that no-one can tell anyone what to do, we will return to find God at our own pace.

  15. The distractions are always there but so is God waiting patiently for us all to return. The wiggly wayward path is done Elizabeth, you have now navigated it and found your way through it, and show us all the way to be so steadfast in our return.

  16. It is hard work to walk away from God. It takes a constant intellectual effort and justification. Turning back to him is natural and simple, particularly when we accept the undoing of the choices we made in our waywardness.

  17. I can relate to the convoluted journey you describe Elizabeth of searching beyond various images and ideologies we have been given, to also find God is already within us all the time.

  18. Conventional religion did not speak to me as a child or adult. I heard the words, read the scriptures but did not relate to the version of religion practised by ministers and attendees. There was talk of a relationship with God, but few knew how to offer this deep connection in everyday life and dared not hold the understanding that God resides within all of us. Disillusioned, I walked away and like so many others only found my way back to true religion through the Ageless Wisdom teachings and presentations of Serge Benhayon.

  19. Indeed such a warped idea of God we have all been fed, In the structured religion i grew up in God was portrayed as a harsh judging authority figure that was totally out of reach for us all. I’ve come to realise how harming this deeply entrenched belief is. And to now re-know what God is, not separate from me, but a nurturing, deeply embracing divine Love that is always communicating to me that I too are one and the same as him.

  20. …’ so close He is within us’. I love this line, to me it’s really playful (like playing hot/cold game of finding things) and reminds me to look within.

  21. I feel I was lucky in that my parents were not religious and imposed no religious belief system upon me. I was free therefore to explore my own relationship with God and this I did but my relationship with him daily consisted of asking him to take care of those close to me and myself of course. Something that he was already doing and didn’t exactly need to be nagged by me. So my relationship with God like my relationship to myself was kept as a shallow one. What I am now realising that both these relationships can be forever deepened and that is the way out of this human made mess we are in.

  22. God is the Universal feeling that is within us all. Spectacular and both ordinary at the same time. We all knew it as kids and never thought twice about it as it was quite simply who we were and what we knew.

  23. I was always confused as a child when one was taught that ‘the Kingdom of Heaven is within’ yet one never seemed to be taught how ‘go’ there, nor exactly what it meant, yet it felt that was important and beautiful. It was not until Serge Benhayon’s presentations on religion that my confusion has been dissolved and my connection to ‘the Kingdom’ is deepening.

    1. Yes and I was confused by being taught this and the contradictory notion that God was only found outside of myself. It’s no wonder my impression of theology is that it is a complicated business.

  24. God is within us all which is why the world is set up to constantly distract us from ourselves. The forces that seek to delay our return to knowing in full that we are God, know that they can’t stop us from being God because we are already Him. All they can do is to temporarily distract us from re-connecting back to ourselves because in that re-connection the truth is known.

    1. Yes, for me it’s helpful to clock all the distractions and not get irritated! I’m more able to do this. For example in the supermarket where they have their own radio stations; at the swimming pool where they play pop music and all around us are moving images, music. I’m learning I can stay still amongst it all.

      1. Brilliant that’s it isn’t it Karin, to steer a steady ship right through the middle of the distractions, the noise, the emotions and all of the things that come from both within us and outside of us to knock us off course. And the only way to truly do this is to reinstate God at the helm.

  25. Like a polluted river, institutional religions poisoned our understanding of God and religion and drove many of us away. With The Way of the Livingness the compass is reset and we return to a true relationship with God, direct, intimate, loving and simple.

  26. Listening to Serge Benhayon present was like a breath of fresh air because he confirmed what I already knew and cleared up the things that I had puzzled over all of my adult life. Along with giving me the opportunity to open my eyes to the things that I didn’t want to acknowledge.

  27. If God is everything and the mighty being that he is, surely it makes sense that we at least acknowledge this ourselves. Who has the right to interfere with our relationship with God and for what purpose?

  28. We are all on our journey back to God, like it or not. I love how my studies with Universal Medicine have enabled me to raise my awareness of the process and appreciate every step of the journey.

  29. So many of our societal norms and religious perceptions have actually been designed to take us away from what we innately know, that God resides within us, an infinite source of wisdom that we connect to all day long, particularly when supported by Ageless Wisdom and The Way of the Livingness.

  30. Many will relate to what you share Elizabeth. As children we were given a false picture of God, someone who lives outside of us, controls, demands, instills fear, not love. This indoctrination from childhood, becomes entrenched and difficult to relinquish, even though we know they are not true. We’re blessed to move from here to having a personal and loving relationship with a God that lives within us all.

    1. If we could simply communicate to children that when they are themselves they are naturally connected to God and that this is perfectly natural and normal, we would end up having a very different perception of him and relationship too.

      1. I agree Michelle, We are closest to God as children and to have this confirmed and supported would be the best and most loving form of education.

      2. The truth is we know this. That is why when we look at a child we feel so joyful, because we can feel this connection they have. The exact same that is within us that we know. We make it so complicated when it is oh so very simple.

  31. All I can say is this; Thank God for Serge Benhayon as he has restored the truth of God/Religion here on earth. It is going to take a few hundreds of years or more for humanity and the world to actually grasp what it is that he has grounded for all of us, the absolute truth of our divinity and our place in the universe.

  32. It’s taken me 40 years of searching too Elizabeth.to know the truth of God. The more we deepen this journey now with God, the less likely we are to get so lost again.

    1. It is sad when we lose something and spend ages, years and lives, trying to find it when we already had and have it!!!!!!

  33. Religion as we have come to define it very nearly killed the relationship with God that I had totally naturally as a child. I was confused by the accepted belief that he was someone to fear when in my conversations with him all I felt was love, understanding, absolute acceptance and support. When I came across The Way of the Livingness it was a return to the purity of my relationship with God and it has felt true and clear ever since.

    1. A form of abuse when as children the gold of our natural and loving relationship with God is supplanted with base metal. To have found your way home Matilda is pure alchemy.

      1. So true Kehinde and Matilda. It is quite shocking how this ‘base metal’ implantation then affects our adult views of the world that makes us loose sight not only of our own gold, but the gold inside others too.

      2. Oh, how would it be if our gold as children was/is polished rather than tarnished. Now that we are polishing ours it can be a reflection for others, particularly the children.

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