My Journey Back to God

I started out in life with a very warped notion of who or what is God. I understood from my Catholic upbringing that he was a man in a robe, sitting on a throne in an area of the sky called Heaven. I imagined him to be a bit like ‘big brother,’ observing our every move.

I understood from what was shared with me that he was someone who was judgemental and had the power to send people to hell for all eternity.

I also realised that he practised favouritism, as I was told that the Catholic Church was the only true church on earth and therefore only Catholics could be redeemed and enter the kingdom of God. All those outside his favoured religion were heretics and would be sent to hell, as nothing unclean could be in God’s presence.

I also saw him as someone who demanded absolute obedience to his laws. So, to me he was someone to be fearful of, as he would punish those who did not live by his rules.

I now realise that what I learnt from the ministers of the Catholic faith was not the truth, but a version that was possibly created to hamper me, and many of the 1.2 billion Catholics in the world, from finding God. We were led to believe that he was in Heaven, while all the time he is much closer to home: in fact so close he is within us.

Around the age of eighteen I moved away from the church, and the unloving God who resided in the sky.

Knowing that there was a bigger picture to life, I embarked on a search that lasted nearly 40 years in an attempt to discover what I thought was the meaning of life, but I now know I was searching for God.

I looked high and low in my search. I allowed myself to be enticed by the many new age spiritual practices, from tarot cards and crystals right up to having sessions with a trance medium. All of this seemed to bring temporary relief from the deep unrest within me. This relief was short lived because I was searching outside of myself for answers, not realising that these were much closer to home; so close in fact they were inside me, in my inner heart.

This realisation started to dawn on me when I attended a presentation by a man called Serge Benhayon. The first few times I heard Serge mention God, I felt uncomfortable and I remember wishing that he would move onto another topic. Gradually my resistance subsided as I started to discard the notions that I had held for so long about the nature of God. The God that Serge spoke of and has a relationship with felt so different to the one that I learnt about when I was growing up. The God that I started to become aware of loved us all equally as we are all his children, whatever church or religion we belong to. A defining moment for me was hearing that God is love and to know that he lives in us all and that we can connect with him through our inner hearts. No need to go through Priests, Vicars or Popes. No third party needed.

I now know God to be love, and that he resides within us all: he is also all around us, in all the animals and plants, the planet and the universe.

As God is love, by being his Son I too am love, as is everybody else, equally so. It is up to us individually and collectively how much we allow ourselves to be love and to express it.

Now that I know the nature of God, I am in the process of unfolding a deeper connection with him. The focus of my life now is to let go of what is not love, so that I can receive and express more love. I am doing this by being more loving in how I care for me and my body and all that I come in contact with, by dealing with my issues and hurts and by introducing rhythms into my life that are supportive of me in my connection to my inner heart, the doorway to God.

It has been mainly a long, wayward and painful journey that I embarked on when I made the decision to separate from God’s love. Knowing that I am now on the path of return to what I parted from…  feels Simply Divine.

By Elizabeth McCann, retired from radiography and now committed to various voluntary roles within my local community, Salisbury, UK

Further Reading:
God’s Waiting Room
We cannot be without God and Religion
Living religion: a relationship with self, love and God

208 thoughts on “My Journey Back to God

  1. “I also saw him as someone who demanded absolute obedience to his laws”. Interesting really because the Laws of God permeate our every particle and therefore our bodies are very innately obedient to God’s laws. When we meet this kind of imposed religious obedience it tends to be generated by human interpretation that flies in the face of God’s Love and Divine Order.

    1. Obedience to God feels to me more like allowing the gentle current of a stream take me, which is in stark opposition to the feeling of strict compliance that accompanies many religious practices.

  2. Something I have always known but never heard presented until I met Serge Benhayon is that we do not need an intermediary in order to talk to God. Ever since I was little talking to God was the most natural thing in my life, a knowing I was born with because we, all of us, are an immutable part of the Divine.

  3. ‘I now realise that what I learnt from the ministers of the Catholic faith was not the truth, but a version that was possibly created to hamper me, and many of the 1.2 billion Catholics in the world, from finding God.’

    When I consider this it’s huge. I’d also say the numbers are far greater ( for example, I’m not a Catholic, wasn’t brought up as one but with Catholic values, especially around devaluing of women and original sin, I really absorbed). The Catholic and other religious versions of God as outside of who we are isn’t what I feel to be true at all.

    Let’s say, what if what I feel to be true is true, how is it that so many worship a God that is all that is said in this blog? I get the appeal of having faith in something that constantly asks me to hand over my power to something that asks me not to be responsible, not connected to what truly needs to be done or said in a quality that is honouring of all including myself, especially if that incurs persecution. Ignorance is bliss but it’s not a joy to not know that everything I do or say has an effect on the world. How strong is the indoctrination that it is wrong and disrespectful of God to say we are, in essence, His equal? How difficult, beautiful, honest, humble, harmonious etc. to see how far we have fallen to not know this and then choose to walk through all our past mistakes with love, returning to who we are.

    1. To me saying that we are ‘God’s equal implies separation because in order for something to equal something else there must be a gap that supports comparison. But there is no gap between God and us. We are Him and He is us. No gap.

  4. “I now know God to be love, and that he resides within us all. ” The simple message of all those who have come here to remind humanity of who we are and a message that we evidently need reminding of a great many times.

  5. This goes to show it is simple a choice to stay in separation or not. Coming back to the body and allowing ourselves to feel what is really there is key in doing this. The Gentle Breath Meditation is a super supportive tool in allowing us to bring that true self love and self care back into our lives .

  6. This picture of God as judgemental and elusive encourages the fear and control which keeps us all searching. The simplicity of God being inside each and every one of us will challenge the status quo because it calls each and every one of us to be responsible in a way we have not been encouraged to be for eons.

    1. Yes the call to responsibility is being heard. Some are rallying against it trying to entice support to keep the status quo in place using whatever tactics they can; some are holding steady and some are watching. The call to responsibility is one being made on a universal level. We are being asked to return home like children of an evening. I know I don’t want to be staying out in the dark.

  7. The home of God in our bodies or “inner heart’, inner most, essences and esoteric, which are all one in the same has never left us, and it is up to us all to return from the corruption that we have allowed into our bodies. We have to be corrupted because our essence feels the reconnection to God as being natural.

  8. This hits the spot for me Elizabeth..’ God is love and to know that he lives in us all and that we can connect with him through our inner hearts.’ You are so right, we don’t need to find God through anyone else or go to a special place. God is here, right within us.

  9. This is very empowering and is a great reminder that it is simply a choice to be loving and to express it; ‘It is up to us individually and collectively how much we allow ourselves to be love and to express it.’

  10. I grew up with a warped notion about many things instilled in me through religion, education and our societal norms. Thanks to the Ageless Wisdom as presented by Serge Benhayon, I am unpicking the weave and re-discovering the immense Love of God within all of us. We are all God’s people and always have been, an immutable truth, which exposes the absurdity of all our religious and cultural persecution.

  11. ‘It is up to us individually and collectively how much we allow ourselves to be love and to express it.’ So true and the teachings of the various churches demand obedience to their way rather than allowing the unfolding of each person’s relationship with the love that we are and that we can share equally with all when we let go of the layers of protection that we have built up to avoid being hurt.

    1. It is so interesting the lengths we go to in order to protect ourselves from being hurt. In the avoidance, we can be less discerning of what is trying to control us.

  12. When we realise that our perceptions of God have been tampered with since childhood we are just at the beginning of a huge transformation and a wondrous journey back home that brings a deeper connection to God who becomes a constant presence in our life.

  13. “It has been mainly a long, wayward and painful journey that I embarked on when I made the decision to separate from God’s love.” This alone is an immense revelation. The fact that you are able to take responsibility for the pain caused by stepping away from God is incredibly empowering, a fact that flies in the face of so many touted beliefs that God abandoned us. It is a truth that resonates in my body too.

  14. ‘God is love and to know that he lives in us all and that we can connect with him through our inner hearts. No need to go through Priests, Vicars or Popes. No third party needed.’ This is really lovely and makes accessing God simple and everyday.

  15. To me, organised religion has not only totally bastardised the concept of God, but has complicated him. The truth of God is so utterly simple and so deeply profound; simple in that God is a beholding energy that is utterly exquisite to feel and profound because the depth of that feeling is infinite.

  16. I have found a way to live that takes full responsibility for me and how I treat others, which is something I had never considered before. I don’t feel that this way to live is taught in any of the other religions and perhaps if it was we would not have all the wars that have been fought on behalf of God. We would not have the arguments about who’s’ God is better than. We would not be in the separation to ourselves and each other. We have fallen for a massive lie concerning God and until we wake up and realise this we will suffer the consequences of the lie.

  17. “I started out in life with a very warped notion of who or what is God.” A notion that is a long way from the truth of God, deliberately so in order to keep humanity lost from our true divine origins and ignorant of the huge responsibility we have for ourselves and one another.

    1. Yes to this, but the problem with religion is that it has been so normalised and is so embedded into culture that to zoom out and take a look at all of this as an observer with the bigger picture in mind is a huge leap to jump. Until we can see through the falsity of organised religion from the standpoint of no longer being in need of it we will continue to get hooked into its teachings. When I became disillusioned with Catholicism at aged 17, I threw the baby out with the bath water and thought I was rejecting God by saying no to the Catholic church, which filled me with sadness. I wasn’t in fact, I just didn’t know how to access him and this was what I was sad about. Discovering that accessing God is so super natural, normal and easy has been a massive gift.

  18. The journey back to God – how is it that if we were to start a conversation talking about this, that people all too often dismiss it as trivial to their everyday life, crazy but true. Even small things such as getting to work, having lunch and getting home from work, these are all seen as more important by and large.

  19. What I love about this blog is that it doesn’t matter where we started out in life – we can always return to a true relationship with God, a true sense of our purpose and the beauty of living that in our lives.

  20. We always know that God is within us, but so many of our religious and educational structures in our world attempt to close this knowing down. The teachings of Universal Medicine support us to come home to what we know is true within, to nurture our knowing, empowering us to reclaim our connection to God so we can re-align to and live his Love on a normal daily basis in all we do.

  21. I am starting to live from the God that I am and everything is starting to fall into place. Everything ties back to being an expression of God in the human body. There is nothing outside of that, there is no down time from it, it is becoming the purpose in all that I do and there is nothing more that I could ever want to do more than this.

  22. I strongly believe Elizabeth, that from what I was taught from an early age about the Roman Catholic faith it is not a true religion at all. To me it is a way to control the masses. The RCC is one of the richest organizations in the world, if not the richest, yet we have such poverty, homelessness etc. If the ministers actually acted on half of what they preach, maybe there would not be such a stark disparity between the haves and the have nots. My other question would have to be how come they have such wealth? Where did it originate from?

  23. It feels like the ‘warped’ version of God is quite normal because we were taught so many conflicting stories from school or friends and family as we grow up. Only when we seek and find God is what we know is inside us do we start to understand we are all the Love that is so preached about.

  24. I could never believe or trust in a God that favoured separation between people and other religions. Until some one could explain to me why different religions fought against each other, I remained unconvinced. True religion is non-denominational, it is universal. We are all equal and children of God. And more so, the God we felt so separate from, we now find is within us all. With this understanding, there’s nothing to fight about, simply love each brother as the God they truly are.

    1. Having been raised a Catholic from birth there was a part of me as a child that fell for the idea that when you were in the Catholic club you were ok and that you tolerated other religions even though you ‘knew’ they weren’t getting in to Heaven. However there was another large part of me that couldn’t quite swallow it whole. A religion that says it is love but then dismisses others and says that they are not good enough (well it said that I wasn’t good enough too) isn’t a religion that practices love after all.

      1. Deep down we know, don’t we? Any religion that doesn’t practice love is not a true religion.

    2. Currently our separatist view of ourselves, life and one another stands in the way of us being able to recognise either the God in us or the God in another. Change our view of ourselves and we change our view of others and of life. It’s simple change starts with us.

  25. Humanity always seeks to smear God with all our emotional issues and judgments, but God does not hold one iota of judgment, condemnation or angst towards us, despite the horrors we unleash on each other. We are deeply loved, each and everyone of us, a truth that Serge Benhayon is restoring in this world through his living example and all encompassing teachings.

  26. When you think that we have access to God every minute of every day, yet we have been conditioned to think that there are those who know God more, and have the authority to tell us how it is with their version of the truth. You can see how far we have strayed from knowing the truth for ourselves. It puts a whole new meaning to ‘giving your power away’,

    1. That connection is so gorgeously natural when we are children but that connection is conditioned out of us as we grow. It has to be enormously powerful and there has to be something rather forceful that doesn’t want us to live it as adults for us to so blindly toss it aside in favour of security and function.

  27. I can fully relate to your journey of having the teachings of a vengeful God that would punish the non-believing and walked away from the whole religious everything. Many years later at a presentation by Serge Benhayon, I also cringed at the word God and religion. But have come to understand how over time that the words have become bastardized and the true meaning of both words. It is something that resides within us all and we have to choose to ignore it.

  28. ‘No third party needed.’ So true and goes to show just how corrupt religions are that ask us to go through someone or some ritual in order to do so when all we need do is connect within.

  29. How enormously, twistedly, far from the undying everyday simple grand reality of God’s ever-present beholding warmth in us all, the many institutional religions’ dogmas are. How incredibly deeply harmful to pummel a child, who is naturally brimming with godliness and vibrant warm connection, into the twisted, tainted, coldness of a false, judging, damning, apparently superior God to bow down to and fear.
    God’s love is beyond any lie that anything ‘unclean’ could be in his presence – his arms are open to all always, and never could there be a drop of shame or dirtying or diminishment or favouritism or selectiveness in any way of we who are – All an equal spark of him – instead a forever invitation to come and dine at his table as equals and be the love we forever innately hold within waiting to be unlocked and lived.

  30. We became so alienated from God we are needing a ‘professional’ telling us what is what, and that professional is the biggest corruption of all that keeps telling us we do not know God. Walking away from their version of god already says that we actually do know.

  31. Connecting to God doesn’t have to be confined to a particular building, person or ritual. It is available to us all day long whether we are on our own or in company, we are forever an immutable part of God.

  32. Growing up, religion and how God was portrayed, used to really puzzle me, so much so that I really didn’t want to have anything to do with either. The idea of God with a white beard, sitting above on a gilded chair from which he judged me, and others, often had me doubting the truth of what I felt inside; that is, the symbolic figure was not the God I knew; thus my confusion. So, when I was presented with the truth of God by Serge Benhayon, it resonated deeply within me, and finally God was moved from his perceived place of residence and back into my heart where he actually had been, all the time.

  33. Open up to God being simply a part of our essences makes so much sense and it gives rise to the question of what is behind religious organisations that have taken us down the garden path with half-truths?

  34. “The God that I started to become aware of loved us all equally as we are all his children, whatever church or religion we belong to.” True religion never seeks to separate us, but to hold us all as equal Sons of a one Divine Being, a living truth that Serge Benhayon presents and lives to the hilt, a rare but heavenly quality in a world that champions the individual.

  35. It is very interesting to feel our resistance to the subject of God, but that shows us the earlier teachings we had did not resonate true to us, so it’s no wonder we have felt this in the body.. we have been protecting ourselves from what we knew did not feel true.

    1. As children, we have not been tainted by the world, for the exceptions to the truth. What if we feel the falseness of the religion we were taught, as truth? Do we just paint all religions with the same brush and never give it another thought? Until we get that feeling that there is another way.

  36. The word God and religion had become a dirty word in my book because all of the searching for the truth had been tainted by the different versions out there, which only served to confuse matters even more. Universal Medicine helped me to see that it wasn’t God who walked away from me but the other way around; it was my choice to take on the offerings of the different religions I dabbled with but inside I already had all of the truth and the answers I was searching for.

  37. Throughout history, how many wars were fought over God, that mine is better than yours? It still goes on today. Are these battles just some grand plan to keep us in separation and from knowing the real truth, that God resides within us all equally!

  38. We get told and sold so many images, pictures and ideals about who or what God is but could the truth be that we all know God equally so in the stillness of our inner hearts?

  39. We need to question any religion that portrays God as dominating, as a bully, a brute, or a thug, and based on the genocides and other abuses perpetrated by the Catholic Church including pedophilia and torture, we can see the outcome of such a belief system and the justification it provides to harm others in absolute coldness and supremacy energy.

  40. That God is within us goes against most religions. In the past I would have been so angry, blaming said religions for putting myself and people off. But now it’s really a choice to be loving and say yep, I bought the lies, they suited me in carrying on with being unloving.

    What I find interesting is that there is a lot of talk today about being distracted, mobile phones, technology etc. and that it’s a relatively new thing. But it’s not at all. These big religions do the biggest distraction ever by saying look away from what’s within. Isn’t our looking away the start and then we seek anything outside of ourselves to stop the pain of having walked away from ourselves?

  41. It is remarkable to now have an ever expanding community of people who know the truth about God, and no longer fear the word ‘religion’ This quiet revolution taking place of people re-claiming God for themselves means humanity gets to feel this quality through their own presence and expression.

  42. Like many religions of that ilk you can walk away from it and say you no longer believe in that faith. But I have discovered that it is a consciousness that saturates your body and it is extremely difficult to eradicate. If there is one piece left in the body it can fester and colour your perspective of yourself, life and others. It is pernicious and in my personal opinion as an ex Roman Catholic evil. And I sincerely hope that one day it will be fully exposed for the true evil it is and the damage it has caused by stunting our evolution back to our soul.

  43. “The focus of my life now is to let go of what is not love, so that I can receive and express more love.” Such a simple and powerful focus to have in life, one that restores the sparkle to life and brings deep contentment within.

  44. “The God that I started to become aware of loved us all equally as we are all his children, whatever church or religion we belong to. ” I so agree. Many religions have bastardised this truth – preferring their manmade ideas of separation and saying that ‘my God is the only true version’…. How can there be more than one version of God? We humans tend to complicate, yet God is simplicity and loves us all regardless. True unconditional love. .

  45. I too was led to believe that God was in heaven and that I had to be a ‘good’ girl otherwise I would end up in hell. It is a belief that many have fallen for riddled with evil through one’s livingness in the ‘good’ and ‘nice.’ How I have fallen for this way of being however the more I acknowledge this in my own life the more I acknowledge it in others.

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