After a recent Esoteric Yoga session, we spoke about the beauty of the ‘commitment’ that the practitioner had felt in my body.
This is something that I had never appreciated myself nor accepted before as there has always been this ‘lack of self-worth’ going on, almost a determination to remain lesser in ‘abusive self-thought’. This has been so entrenched and fed to me throughout my life that it has become a belief that has then perpetuated and kept this energy in circulation. So, in effect it had until that moment entrapped me in an imprisoning way that ‘I’ myself had created – a feeling of lack of commitment coming from “What’s the use?” and therefore manifesting as a sick kind of indulgence that then plays out as ‘the lack of Commitment to Life’.
So, what an incredibly powerful session this one hour of Esoteric Yoga was, reflecting to me that I had always thought that the ‘Commitment to Life’ was a thinking thing, a mindset. However, I have since realised it is not, it’s a movement – in this sense, movement meaning how and from what source and energetic quality we choose to live our life.
On the following Sunday, whilst walking, there was a noticeable difference as I could feel the energetic quality of my movements. I was really ‘in my body’ and could feel the movements of the muscles either side of my spine in detail, as to where there was tightness, where there was freer movement, where there was a twinge. My whole body felt more alive, light and connected so there was much more awareness made only possible from being in my body and not ‘in my head’. I felt a lot of joy from simply being in my body.
Monday provided one of the most important lessons of consequences of what can happen when I choose to not stay in the body and I am not living with this level of Commitment and Purpose.
My movements on this day certainly were not of that same quality.
Driven by my mind, I could not feel my body, could not feel when it had to harden in order to complete some tasks and those ‘whoops’ moments where no true care can be found; this then resulted in me pushing my body unnecessarily so.
It was not until I had stopped after completing the project that I felt just how exhausted I was, so in the evening I ran a hot bath and added magnesium salts to support my body. Soon after my bath I went to bed, at around 7.00pm.
That same night my body woke me up with pain, everything in my whole body hurt, the weaker areas of my body being more painful. The pain was so intense I cried and in that moment was given a very big talking to from my body. It was a very humbling moment, one that brought me back to a level of honesty that opened me up to the truth of feeling what I myself had caused, not only that day but looking back on many other occasions. And I was then open to feeling into the deeper message my wise body was presenting: “You were given the marker of true Commitment, feeling its divinely supportive energy – this is the way forward for you, otherwise there are big consequences.”
A few hours later, whilst waking up at daylight from all that had occurred during the night, my feeling was to simply be still as my body felt super sensitive and I just wanted to stay with that feeling of sensitivity.
I heard my housemate in the kitchen but this time I was not only hearing from my ‘hearing sense’ – it was as if my whole body was receiving the energetic vibrations of their movements from another deeper level of understanding of what was going on for them.
It was an incredible moment and is something that I had not experienced before; there was no thinking, it was as if I could feel everything that was going on in the kitchen for them. I could feel a hardness there, yet a sadness under the hardness. And when things were being moved around or put down or bumped together, although quite harshly or loudly at times, it did not affect me like it usually does.
Instead, it was like I was observing without seeing, as it was all being felt; almost as if the movements were a vibrational braille and my body could feel them and read them without any need to see with my eyes, as if another sense from within was feeling and merging with all the space around as one space.
And as previously mentioned, no thought – just super awareness that held understanding and appreciation for feeling energy, feeling the varying vibrations of energy and how each then influenced the body’s quality of movement.
There was a love there for them that had not been felt before; not a mushy, emotional love but a love and appreciation of being privy to understanding another human being with ‘the being’ part being felt as never before.
In the past, my thoughts were of critique and judgement but none of this was there anymore; it was all gone. It was as if these had dissolved and transmuted through and out of my body when surrendering to its sensitivity.
The deeper my commitment to remaining with my gentle breath, the easier it became to go with the flow of this unfolding process of what was happening – the expanding outwardly of my inner being, emanating out and beyond.
It allowed a level of confirmation of the fact I am, and we all are, comprised of these same vibrational particles that enable the quality of the Love I felt for another fellow human being, aware we are much more than our physical body. I know I am of this Love yet, like most of mankind, I do not always choose to live it.
And all from a ‘Knowing’, not a believing.
Then came, “I’ve known this feeling before; it is not something new to get excited about at all,” for I realised soberly that it has always been there… ‘it’ had not gone anywhere, but I had. I’d made a choice to live my life from my head where it is impossible to feel and therefore not possible to access ‘that’.
I admitted this all with tenderness and no critique; it was the ‘I’ aspect of me which had been reducing me to think of my being and all other beings as less when all of us are not. In fact, we are all equal in our essence.
I know and feel the equalising God aspect of me now and it’s waiting there for us all to access, that being possible only through our body and the energetic quality of our movements and definitely not from the mind alone.
When I got out of bed, I remembered how my commitment had felt so supportive when in the Esoteric Yoga session; that when fully present and in my body, I can naturally bring this divine energetic quality, the quality of God, to all those I meet through everyday activities of living life – simply from reflecting this out. Through these regular Esoteric Yoga sessions, I have supported my body to move in a way it was divinely designed to live.