When I was younger I remember knowing that God was with me – it was simple. I started going to a catholic primary school and they would talk about God. I remember reacting because I love God and felt him in and around me – it was very simple. The way they spoke of him felt like fragments of truth wrapped up in lots of lies.
My mum and I would speak of God a lot when I was younger and she would say that God is not something outside of you, he is not some guy in the sky with a grey beard judging you, but he is within your heart… always. He is love.
I remember a friend saying to me when I was about ten, why would you believe in a God that allows so much tragedy to happen in the world? I told her about this poem we had on the back of our toilet door with two sets of footprints in the sand and when there was only one set of foot prints that appeared, was when the person was going through their hardest time – this is when God was holding them. This was the simplicity of the connection I felt with God at the time. But she was angry at God. I remember feeling how can you blame God for what people do to each other, that’s our responsibility not God’s. I felt so conflicted by the truth of what I felt God is and the anger my friend was feeling and started to question, “Why doesn’t she feel God like I do?”
I was frustrated and upset that my friend didn’t feel God in the same way I felt God and that what God is has been completely misinterpreted. And so I learnt from a young age to shut down my truth because people might react. God was not something to talk to many people about because you were often judged, made fun of like you’re crazy because you believe in something you can’t see, or the way they spoke of God was like an almighty being – judging and condemning you. But for me it was simple… I felt it as, we can’t see love yet we definitely know when something isn’t loving or when it is. That is the same with Feeling God… it is like breathing.
So, for many years I shut down to the knowing that within me is God and when the topic came up in conversations, “Do you believe in God?”, the response would be that I believe in something greater than us like the universe… but would never use the word God. I could feel how much people were angry and upset at God and the feeling of being abandoned and the blame they placed on God.
The way Serge Benhayon spoke of the simplicity of God and how to reconnect to the body through a Gentle Breath MeditationTM felt like coming home to my best friend that I had tried to ignore, but was always there. Instantly I could feel a settlement within my body even though it was quite anxious a lot of the time.
I could feel God within me when I gently breathed in and out, and around me, – like being held just by connecting to my body through my breath.
I love how feeling God is actually a very simple and practical thing. Whenever I feel like life is overwhelming, I know I can choose to just come back to a gentle breath and feel my connection with God within my body.
I can reflect back on my life now and see that all my issues with God were my own doing by taking on ideals and beliefs of what God is from outside of me and not staying with the truth of what I know God is and what I felt within.
Simply connecting to my breath and feeling the space this creates in my body and around me allows me to feel a connection to God. I’ve realised that anyone’s ideas or understandings about God is their experience and not mine to take on and the clarity I feel with God is something I deeply cherish and am honouring.
By Jemma Woodgate, Hair and Makeup Artist, Australia