For most of my life I have used my mind to plan, organise and arrange every detail of the day-to-day. This calculation was mostly time based, as in when I would do things and what order I would do them in. Not only was each day planned to the minute, I would have things in place for months ahead.
To a large extent this really worked for me. I have been able to create a successful career, travel, become a homeowner, all the while managing family, work and relationships. Often I felt like a juggler with a lot of balls in the air – or one of those ‘plate spinners’ who would have a set of plates balancing on sticks where the aim was to keep all of the plates spinning so they wouldn’t fall to the ground. So yes, although this worked for me to a point – it was exhausting. All of the mental energy that went into this planning and calculation would sometimes leave me lying awake at night, allowing the same thoughts to swirl in my head, thinking that this was the way to be on top of everything and be in control of everything and everyone around me.
Reflecting back on this way of living now, I can see how it gave me a sense of control over my surroundings and with that, a sense of being safe in a world that had shown me it could be anything but safe. If I allowed myself to let my guard down, there might be some incident or experience that would come along and throw me off track, and at the time I really questioned whether I had the resources within myself to be able to deal with what had or would come my way. It was me against the world.
Throughout my childhood there had been experiences where I hadn’t felt safe, safe to be myself, safe to express what I was feeling and sometimes physically safe in a turbulent family environment.
Yet, there was always something deep inside me that also knew that I was constantly supported and held in a way that was far beyond the level of control and safety that was offered by my own calculation of life, down to the smallest detail. There was a sense and knowing that there was something more to life, more to me than just the details of the day-to-day and all that the world had told me that life was about. There was an inner part of me that felt more subtle and, when connecting to a sensitivity that I held deep within, I knew that there was more to life than the constant stream of thoughts and the worries about life that I’d made my exclusive focus.
Recognising the hold my mind has had over me, gradually and incrementally surrendering to the wisdom of my body and my own innate knowing, has awakened in me the connection I have to my own Soul – the body of love that is ever present and connects me not only to the deeper part of me, but also to God, the inner sense of something that we all connect to.
Something as simple as seeing a rainbow at the end of day where I felt I had been fully present in my work or a kookaburra sitting on a branch in the garden when I was feeling joyful after a phone call with a friend. Even as a child I had shared with my family that the rays coming from behind a cloud as the sun went down, to me represented God and something that I could connect with; it was something I could feel and know beyond what I had been taught.
When I accept that there is something greater than me that I am an integral part of and I let go of the control I have been exerting over my life, things begin to flow. When I go into calculation, I can feel that I am ahead of myself and not deeply connected to my body. I’ve observed this often leads to a sense of frustration when things don’t play out the way I have so carefully and meticulously imagined they should. However, when I am fully present with my body, there is a deep sense of presence and a connection to a well of wisdom that resides within, informing me of my next movement, a movement in line with what’s needed, not just for myself, but for everyone around me in that moment.
This gives way to a feeling of spaciousness where there is no rush, drive or push to attain and my body feels at ease and free of tension. This space and flow of movement in my body offers me the opportunity to respond to the next moment in the same way. This establishes a foundation of movement for responding to a flow of true impulses. There is a sense of detachment from outcomes and results, and I have the ability to more fully observe what is playing out around me.
Everything that needs to be attended to on a day-to-day basis is completed with more ease and a deep appreciation that my value is not in what I do or achieve, it is in the qualities that I am able to access when connected to a body of love that is innately within me. With that I bring a quality to every interaction and activity. It is these Soul based qualities of steadiness, integrity and a deep sense of harmony, that I connect to within that I unwaveringly know will support me and others. I have also come to accept and appreciate that my sensitivity is my greatest strength in that it allows me to read life and bring understanding to people and situations. Letting go of control and calculation and accepting that I can surrender to the Love of my Soul, instead of the thought processes from my head, is the unfolding foundation upon which I now live and move on a daily basis.
Observing the moments when I go into planning and calculation, I ask myself is this how my Soul would handle things? Developing a deeper relationship with my body, caring for it through the loving choices I make with food, exercise and sleep, has given me a foundation where I am able to more fully connect with my own inner knowing – the voice of my Soul. In this surrender I have found a deep sense of settlement that is far beyond the temporal safety of seeming control I had so dearly clung to – profoundly changing the way I live and move through life.
MF, Australia
Further Reading:
What are we Really in Control of?
The Strength and Power of Connection
He who controls movement controls it all
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
I understand what you are expressing here MF, ‘Throughout my childhood there had been experiences where I hadn’t felt safe, safe to be myself, safe to express what I was feeling and sometimes physically safe in a turbulent family environment.’ The world is set up in a such a way that we do not feel safe, so seek security this can occur from a very small age. Many people live within a turbulent family. We are set up with a false understanding of what it is to be family because so very often it is within the ‘family’ that most abuse is experienced. It is high time we reevaluated the meaning of family as surely it shouldn’t mean the right to abuse because we are part of a family and that somehow it gives someone within the family the right to dominant and abuse others just because they are family.
Using the mind to setup a life based on safety, control, planned details and locked in plans means that the world only get part a small of us. There is so much more within us that is on offer and by observing, allowing and learning then responding to what is true is a gift that all on the receiving end are nurtured by.
We are totally held and eternally cared for in every moment of life (and death). Whilst things might not go as per the pictures we’re fed, this fact never ever changes. Makes all the dramas we have look like the fabrication and ridiculousness they really are!
It is indeed utterly exhausting and anything but joyful or spacious to live life by clutching the rudder or steering wheel, knuckles turning white from the effort and rampant unsettlement proliferating. It is an anti-body and anti-Soul way of being, more akin to a hamster wheel in a small cage whereas living from and with one’s body and Soul offers ease and flow and ultimate spaciousness. And everything still gets done, albeit not in the manner we might have planned or anticipated. It just gets grander and more magnificent.
I can totally relate to what you have shared here MF
“It was me against the world.”
I feel I came into the world fighting, life has felt to be a constant battle as you say it’s me against the world.
For many years now I have heard that we do not think, that we are given the thoughts to think. Bringing this teaching into the body to be felt has changed everything. What better way to control a race of human- beings by hiding from them the fact that they do not think, that we are literally empty vessels with energy passing through us and if we do not discern what energy it is we are allowing through our bodies then we are easily controlled.
For example, what if I have been constantly fed the thought that I have to fight life? What a brilliant set up! Because while I feel I have to fight life I am looking outside of myself. There is no surrender, no settlement and no connection to the soul. It’s a total set up from start to finish. I thank God every day for Serge Benhayon because through the presentations of the Ageless Wisdom I have been able to at least see some of the lies we are constantly fed to keep humanity distracted from reconnecting back to our soul, the one soul we all come from.
MF you have clearly shown us the effects of a mind based world that we can all relate to. You have also discovered there is another choice which is to deeply surrender to our soul.
“In this surrender I have found a deep sense of settlement that is far beyond the temporal safety of seeming control I had so dearly clung to – profoundly changing the way I live and move through life.”