Back in 2013 I spent a 4-day holiday with my sisters and their families in a 100sqm apartment in the middle of the city of Barcelona with five adults, three teenagers and one child.
We had the most amazing time together, preparing all meals by ourselves, including the grocery shopping, catering to all the different dietary needs, going to bed when the city just wakes up and rising when the city goes to sleep – including the teenagers, who were very cooperative and in flow with the family and took responsibility and cooked their own healthy meals, according to their own needs, which impressed me deeply.
And all this without fighting, bickering or negative talk; everybody including the kids got along.
Now this used to be not so normal in my family.
We would usually start the first big argument by dinner on the day we got together. Hardly ever a day passed by where not at least one person left the room hurt, or someone was crying or screaming. There was constant bickering about who does what and who always did this and who never did that and why does it always have to be me… like a record playing over and over again. You pretty much could predict what was going to happen each time and how the different family members would react.
But over the last years with the amazing inspiration from Serge Benhayon, his family and the Universal Medicine practitioners and students, new choices were made and things in my family and our behaviours towards each other actually changed and other family members got inspired along the way.
Now for me this is a miracle!
- We were stuck in the same rut, repeating itself for years.
- We genuinely tried hard to get out of it and to change our ways.
- We had many discussions on what needed to be done and many solutions were offered.
- And eventually we gave up because nothing ever changed…
And then unexpectedly through the mere reflection of a different life-style – as we were never told what to do or how to do it – we not only get along just fine, but interact lovingly with each other, including the young ones that are actually passing through the difficult transition from childhood to adulthood.
Isn’t that a miracle!?
My niece, who was 15 at the time, parted with the words: “I enjoyed spending time with you” and she meant it – even though she has a different lifestyle and certainly does not share all of my views.
What happened? We put the teachings of Universal Medicine into practice. Which is really simple – we started to listen to our bodies and made the focus of life first and foremost about love.
By Judith Andras, Beauty and Health Consultant, Cologne, Germany
Published with the permission of my family.
Further Reading:
What is a True Relationship and How Does that Feel?
A true family model for the 21st century
From reactions and tensions, to harmony within the family
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
I find the teachings of Universal Medicine very practical.
I am learning how to observe life rather than jump in to try and rescue or fix something. Recently a colleague was struggling with the reality that the pictures of life that they had built as a child were not coming to fruition and as an adult this wasn’t going down well with them and they blamed life, God etc., In the past I would have jumped in and tried to fix the problem or them or both. This time I just listened and gave them the space to come to their own understanding of how they were setting themselves up to fail in life again, so they could again give up by saying life is just too hard. The understanding I got back from this was that we are very hard on ourselves and the preset expectations which if not realised, then give us the excuse to bash ourselves up which is not only very abusive, but doesn’t get ourselves anywhere except going round in a circle going nowhere. The biggest realisation is that we can do this for lifetimes, and many of us have done this for lifetimes, it the perfect set up to not evolve.
Same here, I am learning how to stay observing life rather than to get involved and try and help people, ‘I am learning how to observe life rather than jump in to try and rescue or fix something.’
Making our way of living about Love at every turn certainly makes a difference in every relationship. The reciprocated Joy and then the ensuing appreciation we can share opens us to deepening in the way we express and communicate without any of the usual reactions we can go into.
Choosing to be Love, to live and embody the Love we innately are, and so naturally reflect that to other people.
Change the relationship with ourself and the ones around us also change.
True, we can’t change other people, but we can change ourselves, that then has a knock on effect.
The focus of our life being first and foremost about love should be our normal, yet we are so much more accustomed to search for a way to ease the tension. There is a chasm of difference between the two which is evident in the outcomes we live with on a day-to-day basis.
Even though it is a miracle it’s also so simple, as you have described, listening to your body and making life about love.
To say the words ‘making life about love’ sounds very ‘airy fairy’, it sounds like a romantic notion and not much else. But when we truly make life about love it’s actually very practical. Love isn’t a floaty idea, it’s something that comes about through the tangible application of self-care.
That is very true Alexis, as we return to the love we are it becomes a quality present and expressed in every part of life, cleaning the car, taking out the garbage bins, lawn mowing, etc, it’s super practical and a lot of fun!
It is also known by us all, there is not one of us that does not know love inside out.
It is simple, and very beautiful, making life about love, living that Love for all to see and feel.
What you have presented is the fact that we can change, we don’t have to argue, bicker be abusive and all those other ghastly carryings on that goes on within families. This isn’t true family life, its what we have made it to be and then just put up with the outplay. Serge Benhayon has by the way he interacts with his family shown humanity that there is another way to live. You can choose this or not. Those that like you Judith, have the greatest pleasure because it is then such a pleasure to be with family when they can be loving and respectful towards each other.
Finding the harmony and flow within each of you, and as all of you …. feels gorgeous and just goes to show how by choice we can change relationships to be more harmonious.
How much potential for love, harmony and support is being lost within families among the bickering and fighting of old repetitious patterns and unresolved hurts.
Absolutely Suse… and the thing is, we can only change ourselves. By imposing on others how we want them to be is the fundamental problem we face in our relationships. When a whole family chooses to work on their stuff individually and make the individual changes then collectively this can have an amazing impact on the whole group.
Very true, yet what I have seen is that whilst we are so busy thinking it is someone else’s’ issue we simply go round and round in circles.
rachelmurtagh1 I am just beginning to realise just how imposing we are on ourselves and other people. We constantly project on to others how we want them to be so that they fit the picture of our expectations, which is putting them into a straight-jacket of life and not allowing them to have the freedom of their own sense of life.
This really inspires me, Judith, as I can feel how the same can be applied to other configurations, like work place, for example. While we may not have the obvious arguments as we would allow within our own family, less-than-love is often present in many relationships/arrangements. There’s so much more than we can imagine that can be brought through when we commit to just simply being who we are.
It’s great to read this and ponder on a recent visit from my sibling, they were visiting from the UK in December and had dinner with me on Christmas day. I pondered on the morning and I alone cooked from 5am, and cooked everything (as I wanted to), and had plenty of time for me too and I really loved the flow I was in.
When 6 of my adult family members came, I just loved how they felt at home, I observed a flow occurring. The conversation was amazing, we laughed, no one was bickering and I could feel a joy and an ease of being with each other.
It only takes one to set the scene, and it takes only one to keep that rhythm going. Reunions are possible without the madness.
“It only takes one to set the scene, and it takes only one to keep that rhythm going” – I love this, Shushilla. It totally undoes our want to blame.
Shushila what you have shared is a great observation
“It only takes one to set the scene, and it takes only one to keep that rhythm going. Reunions are possible without the madness.”
There is a family reunion coming soon and there is a member of the family that has become seriously ill and I can feel how everyone has become very emotional about the health issue and has gone into sympathy and wants to gossip about it. This will not support the person who is ill or change anything, so what is it about us that wants to indulge in such gossip? Why do we want to gloat over another’s ill health when actually it may be the best thing that has ever happened to them. It is possible it is a clearing of all the ill energy they have been living in so that in their next life they are clear of that ill energy so therefore have the greater possibility to reconnect back to God and the universe. Is it possible that if we approached life in this way we would develop a greater understanding of life and our part in it.
Often in family gatherings and parties, I have witnessed some form of reaction and conflict. I used to react back by getting upset about it. But now, I realise there is much to learn when we simply observe and appreciate what we are being shown.
It is great if we can stay observing of the situations.
A great example of parenting here – if they are constantly watching your movements, when you start moving in harmony together, they can naturally feel and respond to that.
Gorgeous Judith. Thank you for letting us know what is possible to be magic on earth. Coming from madness to re-union.
And that is what I love most about love – that the moment you live it, it doesn’t just leave what was not love behind, it dissolves it so more love can be lived in its place.
Love is actually our natural way of being and we just have to give ourselves permission to show this to others around us and let it all out.
I agree Lieke and even when we are not being treated with love, it doesn’t mean we should hold back, if anything, in these instances love is exactly what is needed to be expressed and never held back otherwise we easily join the lovelessness. And, love is not soft, submissive or weak, it is deeply powerful, cuts through any form of ill energy when it is fully expressed.
I have always disliked the family hurts that happen at gatherings, only to come way and feel terribly sad that I had not been fully loving and sweet with each and every person. The beautiful thing about life though, is that we are always given another chance, just like in this article, where – eventually – you all got it right and were able to remain open with each other.
Me too, when the gatherings are about bickering there is no pull to put yourself in that situation more regularly; but the opportunity always comes round again and each time we can choose to be the change we want to see in our lives.
What I have observed in our society is that people tend to keep to themselves and there is such a divide amongst us. However, when a natural disaster occurs, people put aside their differences and are willing to see that deep inside, we are all the same and are happy to band together, to cooperate and to be caring and show love. What Judith has shared here is that we do not have to wait for the natural disaster, as we can choose to do this without the calamity as really, it is our natural way of being.
When people come together and genuinely care for each other, put aside their differences and allow themselves to be a part of the whole, magic happens – and yet this magic is our most natural way of being.
When we come together from a place of connection that first comes from the ability to connect with ourselves the whole world changes.
Henrietta when we can stop and just give ourselves some space from the fast pace we seem to want to live life at there is a deep magic to be felt it is always there ready to be tapped into all we have to do is give ourselves permission to immerse ourselves in and with the magic of life.
‘What happened? We put the teachings of Universal Medicine into practice’ Your sharing, Judith is a very cool example of what can happen when a large group applies the very practical and down to earth teachings of Universal Medicine. From family madness to miracle reunion says it all.
I cannot recall the last holiday I had with my entire family except being with my 3 other sisters just over four years ago. We visited New York and stayed in a one bedroom apartment. We developed a really good rhythm of sharing this one room and one bathroom. But during the trip something kicked off between one of my sisters and I, creating an angst between us that continued for another week.
After reading your blog, I pondered on this incident. It is a shame that family feuds continue for years over a simple misunderstanding or misconception. I often feel anxiety whenever I hear of a family member coming to visit me, and it all stems around traditional expectations and judgments of how things need to be.
If we removed these expectations of how things need to be by honouring and respecting everyone’s rhythms, how would life really be, including holidays too?
Expectations are responsible for a lot of angst; we project on to others how we want them to be so that they fit the picture of our expectations, and when they don’t fit that picture we get upset and ratty.
What you describe – the harmonious living and eating together of a big family in a small place probably isn’t normal in just about any family. Amazing that you have managed this!
Spot on Christophe – the current societal “normal” is certainly not that of harmonious relationships in our homes. Whilst the “real normal” is harmonious relationships, we often allow our hurts and patterns and behaviours to interfere with this and over time we have created a ‘new normal’ which is so far from our true normal way of being with each other.
I loved reading this blog, and totally can understand about the bickering and falling out that occurs when families come together. There is no need for this and there is another way to being with family and I loved how it all flowed, respect for one another, sharing with one another and doing totally the opposite to the city you were visiting. The flow of harmony could be felt.
And that’s it in a nutshell, ‘we started to listen to our bodies and made the focus of life first and foremost about love.’ … we can focus on all that is wrong or we can make our lives about love and our bodies which show us the truth of how we live can support us in this.
Through The Way of the Livingness, we begin to transform ourselves and when we do how we approach life changes. Things formerly thought difficult or burdensome no longer are and become effortless. This is miraculous.
If we sincerely want to deepen family or any relationships it has to come from within ourselves first. Deepening of relationship with self supports us to be open, unimposing without expectations. Simply and lovingly being ourselves guides us into true movement.
Interesting thing about family feuds is that most of us can probably remember having them – the screaming, yelling and tantrums by both adults and kids. But do we remember what they were about or why they started in the first place? I know I can’t. I remember the aftermath but not the initial start, which makes me think it was never actually about something in particular, but more the expression of all the angst and stress people are in from their days and lives. The teens with their angst about school and relationships, adults about their jobs and money and their relationships etc.
So often the things we blow up about with anger and rage are often not the cause of these feelings but simply triggers for the ill energy to be expressed and to harm due to the loveless way we have chosen to live.
We remember the feeling during periods of unrest with family, how horrible it all felt, and the lingering of that feeling, that loveless way of being is why so many of us have not relished family gatherings.
Most people are given up to the point where they are convinced there is no other way but to just put up with the hurt they feel from the madness that is the current way of human life. But do not give up! There is another way and this family is living proof of the fact.
Such a divine example of the fact that when we make life about love, miracles actually do happen, and your family reunion was definitely one of those miracles. I absolutely appreciate that in our midst we have a family, the Benhayon’s, who constantly and consistently offer us the most profound reflection of what true family is, as their family has built a super solid foundation for life based on love.
Thank God for the Benhayon’s being on planet earth and showing us what true love and family look and feel like.
‘Which is really simple – we started to listen to our bodies and made the focus of life first and foremost about love’.- in any language, relationship, culture or life situation this practical and foundational truth does not change. I loved this Judith – Thank you so much for sharing.
Yes Shirley-Ann, what we offer another when we are in connection to our essence is powerful, we can brings so much to ourselves and others when we make this a ‘normal’ in our life.
‘We started to listen to our bodies and made the focus of life first and foremost about love.’ Beautiful Judith, our relationships transform as well as our lives, when we make everything about love… magic happens.
We are blind to the fact that there can be another way, and only till we are open to the possibility and try it, do we see/feel the full effect of it.
To embrace a way of living that takes responsibility for ourselves means that when we come together we are more likely to be respectful and in harmony with each other. What you share here is very inspiring.
And when we come together like that it has a ripple effect on everyone else around us.
We are born into the families that we have for a reason. Once we understand this then we can begin to heal what is there to be healed and that is what brings a family constellation alive.
When we are more present with ourselves we also are more aware of what we communicate and how to express ourselves in a way that others can hear us in their hearts as we speak from the heart..
This sounds so gorgeous especially the rhythm of you all rising and sleeping together with nature rather than the city. I am loving the summer mornings in the UK right now .. really appreciate this time of the year ☀️🌳
Yes, morning is a beautiful time, even when it is still dark.
I love how true love in the family is so understanding and naturally harmonious with everyone no matter where anyone is at or what is going on for them. It is emotional reactions and judgement that get in the way of this natural way of living.
Re-union is a beautiful word. It carries much more power than reunion.
Beautiful Blog Judith, it is indeed a miracle – families all around the world go through the “who’s turn is it”, “why is it always my job”, “you never do..” every day of the year. I have lived in many share houses and although my housemates were not blood related we still went through the same “family dynamic” – it seems it is a human condition, an ill-held one. If I ever have an issue/problem with another and cannot get along with them or at least appreciate something about them, it is always because I am unsettled within myself. It is as you say Judith, the moment I bring love in, first love and appreciate myself I cannot not love and appreciate another.
True, we have to have a foundation of love and appreciation for self before we can share this with the world.
Love is what we need in practise, The Way of The Livingness is support in your daily living of building this love, it has been for me all these years and continues to do so.