We are Here Together, so Why are we so Separated?

Most of us go through life with varying relationships with family members, friends, colleagues or neighbours. And most likely we all have, or had, at least one best friend, be it mother, father, a playmate, school friend or lover. With them we feel at ease; we trust them with our deepest thoughts and feelings; we reveal much more to them than to anybody else.

I had two such friends in my life. As a small child I had a ‘best friend’ that I spent my pre-school years with. We were exploring ourselves and life together with uninhibited curiosity and joy.

That ended when our parents sent us to different schools. Apparently I was a ‘bad influence’ on my friend too wild and free. I was heartbroken and withdrew into a previously unknown shyness that I found difficult to let go of for a long, long time. It still holds me in shackles from time to time, even though I have healed most of the hurts from my childhood.

After that hurtful experience, I never had another friend, let alone a best friend – until I met my loving partner many years later.

With him I started opening up and trusting again, slowly and carefully letting myself be seen. And after many years of testing the waters with him, I learned to open up to more and more people.

My story is probably familiar to many people. We start off as an open, joyful child with free expression and no fear of consequences, then we experience rejection and judgement, grow up and build up walls of protection around us. We then feel separated from everybody, except from our best friends, if we have them. And even those best friends will most likely not get the full version of our true being any more, as we have learned to adjust to the ‘adult’ way of behaviour, which is measured and tainted by all the hurts and disappointments of our childhood and teenage years.

The ‘adult’ way of life – being very reserved with people we don’t know, smiling only to our neighbours or people that fit our criteria of what good people should look like, but looking away when strangers look at us, being very polite and friendly but showing no honest interest in the other person, being uncomfortable at parties or gatherings where we don’t know most of the people, where they are all friendly and familiar with each other and we feel like an outsider. All this is not the connection we really want, but we pretend that all is good when inside we feel disconnected, protective and lonely.

But what we all crave deep within is that intimate connection to others that we had as a child. We don’t want to be held back by our self-consciousness and fears. It feels like a prison; it makes us sad and lonely. Our own holding back actually hurts much more than a negative reaction of another towards us. That is just one moment, but our holding back is with us all of the time. It’s a structure that holds us in a certain energy even when we are alone.

So why are we so afraid to let our guard down? What does it do to us when somebody doesn’t like what we do or say, or what we look like? Apart from pressing all the buttons and reminding us of past experiences and bringing up those hurts again, it then reaffirms the held belief that we are not good enough just as we are.

I had that belief for so long that, even when I had addressed those old hurts, I still found it hard to believe that I am actually a lovable person; that the sweetness, goodness and love that I feel inside is good enough and of value for others.

So many of us feel that way, but what do we do about it? Mostly, we wait for others to first prove to us that they will not hurt us. Do we really expect that other people, those strangers that we hold so far away from us, will come to us and tell us that they like us and they would love to see and hear the true version of ourselves, and that we don’t need to feel afraid because they will love us no matter what? We all know that that will not happen, but somehow we still hope. So why don’t we give what we hope to come from others to ourselves, love ourselves no matter what, then make the first step towards the other – by just being open, not holding back – and offer our true sweet nature and see what happens?

For me, the only way out of that deeply held belief in the lack of self-worth, the shyness and sometimes crippling self-consciousness, is to come out of my perceived safe haven.

Step by step, I do what feels possible, trying out different avenues to meet and connect to people and open up more and more. With that comes the experience of how people respond or react to me and it has been the most wonderful journey. People are actually all pretty much the same. They all have a goodness and loveliness inside them and most of them love to share it. I never had so many friends before, even if it is just for a moment.

We can have an open and loving connection with anybody, instantly. We just have to hold ourselves in our natural essence, just be who we truly are deep inside – whether there is a sweetness, tenderness, joyfulness or just a willingness to be present within us – and then keep our hearts and minds open, welcoming the other into our presence and receiving theirs. There is no need to perform, or do or say anything in particular, just allowing ourselves to express what comes naturally in any situation. Sometimes just a smile or simple “hello” opens the door to another heart. You can see it in their eyes – it’s a wonderful light, so beautiful equally in everybody.

I often feel like a child; simple, innocent, joyful and filled with love. And with the experience, wisdom and awareness of the grown woman that I am now, there is an understanding that we are all very similar inside. Everyone is love and has their own way of expressing it. And if they don’t show it, it is no reason for me to feel inhibited in any way, but to understand that everybody is on their own chosen path in life.

If we would only allow ourselves to be what we deep inside know to be true, we can live and connect with each other in this free and intimate way that we secretly all crave for. It’s the easiest, most natural thing in the world.

By Regina Perlwitz, housewife, 60, Mullumbimby, Australia

Further Reading:
The Science of Hurts
Self-worth and self-development – does it work?
What is a True Relationship and How Does that Feel?

472 thoughts on “We are Here Together, so Why are we so Separated?

  1. When we watch young children at play, do we reminisce the free and careless life we have disposed of to fit into something we are not? When our life moves fast, and we do not stop and look at an essential part of our-self we have left in our wake that, we can completely lose who we are! Children are a constant reminder of something we can never lose and is always within, just waiting to be let out to play again.

  2. ‘But what we all crave deep within is that intimate connection to others that we had as a child’… just to say this to myself touches something deep inside that calls me to approach every interaction today with ever deepening openness and reverence for the power of relationships.

  3. One hurt is all it takes to set us on a path away from ourselves. But we have a choice to read each situation, to look at the hurt and not let it run our lives or carry us away. We are not our hurts but we sure act like we are!

  4. ‘We are Here Together, so Why are we so Separated? Simply put, and a great question Regina. So far, for me, Serge Benhayon with Universal Medicine is the only one who has shone light on our dilemma down to the finest and simplest detail.

  5. It is interesting how we all crave connection and intimacy with each other yet close ourselves off from the very thing we are craving through holding on to and not letting go of what we take on that is not true and smothers our natural expression.

  6. I realize I have been searching for connection with people all my life, frustrated that there are people all around me yet I feel alone. With support from Simple Living Global I am healing my issues that have kept me from surrendering and allowing other people in.
    I have felt alone because I have been missing myself, not wanting to feel me. By clearing out my issues, my self just naturally surfaces for everyone to see and connect with. No searching required, it just happens, because that is the way it is supposed to be.

    1. I love this: ‘By clearing out my issues, my self just naturally surfaces for everyone to see and connect with.’ When I accept myself and appreciate all that I am, I’m not shy in speaking with people and not shy in sharing who I am. The magic is when people allow themselves this too.

  7. Why is it that we do not connect to and be as loving with every body we meet, the same as we would connect to our dearest loved ones. It does not make sense, as we are all Sons of God from the same family, we all come from the one God.

  8. When I hold back, I protect my hurt. When I keep myself open to others, showing in my expression who I am, I give myself the opportunity of healing the hurt…. I evolve, expand, learn, grow, because in the connection with others there’s a lot to share for all to keep evolving, expanding, learning and growing too. In the end, this is what we are designed to, isn’t it?

  9. There is so much in this, Regina, about letting go of our protection and meeting the world with our hearts open. This is in fact the only true protection, because when we are connected to ourselves we know the truth and can feel the soulful essence that resides within each and every one of us.

  10. Why do have to wait for disasters to reach-out to others? Is it that we lost our openness with others and the hurts have become scabs we don’t want to scratch? I wise man I know said that just because someone has hurt you in the past doesn’t mean the other 7+ billion should be tarred with the same brush! So, what are we waiting for?

  11. When we are very young we are so fragile and yet we are made to harden up and this hardening shapes the rest of our lives. We need to start treasuring our young and to raise them to be the sensitive beings that they are, not kill off their sensitivity which has been the way so far.

  12. This is a common template that creates such hardness and separation within ourselves and everyone we meet. What if when we were growing up we were embraced and confirmed for being all that we need to be and that this is super duper special. That nothing we do can ever top this and that what ever we do is just and expression of this. Pretty much everything tells us we are not enough and that we are rejected for being who we are. This is a great starting point to address such ingrained beliefs that have been perpetuating generations after generations and with the work of The Way of The Livingness and Universal Medicine, I am and there are thousands of others that are letting go of such lies and connecting to our truth within.

  13. This is so beautiful. I know those moments when I have connected with so called strangers. Sometimes it’s just one glance but there is so much exchanged in that one moment. So much understanding between two souls.All we need to do is allow ourselves to be seen.

  14. Yes, it is the “easiest, most natural thing in the world”.
    To be open and to love in the way we are all fully capable of is not to be annoyed at if we don’t, but to be celebrated when we know we haven’t, as these moments teach us great wisdom. They show us, clearly, the falseness of our behaviour and if we accept this, then shows us the way to move forward, without the old behavior.

  15. We can spend a lifetime trying to feel the people we feel safe and at ease with. Being one of those people who has tried this over and over, I am slowly getting that it has to come from within you. The only steady sure thing in life is the anchor and foundation you create internally, so that you are the steadiness in the storm.

  16. ‘Sometimes just a smile or simple “hello” opens the door to another heart. You can see it in their eyes – it’s a wonderful light, so beautiful equally in everybody.’ These moments are magic and my whole body sings with joy when they happen.

  17. I have heard many people say to me that they can be surrounded by people wherever they go but still feel lonely. It is the connection with people we all want and we know when it is present and when it is missing.

  18. How easy it is to be love is confirmed by everything in nature around us, we cannot deny the universal intelligence we are from when we look at animals and nature in all their glory by just being who they are.

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