Until the age of 45, my life was very draining and exhausting. There was a feeling of something incomplete inside me, and I was always searching for what it might possibly be. I remember this restlessness in my stomach – even lying down and resting would not stop this nervous knocking inside me. I felt I had to be always on the go, looking for something to provide relief, and to feel I had found the right solution for this strong pulsation in my body.
I can still remember that it was very challenging to feel this nervous tension in my body. Nothing could stop this even though it seemed I had looked everywhere. This inner, ongoing drive needed release even if it was just for a short time. I used to ‘be good at’ so many things like painting, cooking, playing guitar and gardening. As someone who enjoyed art and craft, I was familiar with all the methods and techniques used in painting and sewing – sewing clothes and carnival costumes for groups, or designing feature walls, shop fronts and even renovating houses. Later it became the Natural Medicine modalities I used to work with the body.
I moved to Australia in 2003 to complete my training in Natural Medicine while working in a clinic in Brisbane. I was offering ZEN Shiatsu and also studying Psychoneuroimmunology (PNI) and Orthomolecular Medicine, Remedial Massage, Nutrition, Structural Alignment, Reflexology and Bio Mesotherapy. I felt strongly impulsed to learn everything about the natural ways to live with this body and being human in life. I always felt that there must be more to life. Every evening before sleep I would ask this question: “Is this all? I know there is more. Please, I want to know, I feel ready and I am sick of living a life that is missing something.”
So, I began searching further in so many ways: in art, music, shiatsu, love, supplementing, alternative modalities, and I was also following a German healer who had passed over. I was a member of his circle of friends before I came to Brisbane where I was introducing his work to Australia. I came to him by reading about his healings in a German natural medicine book. He did so-called healings through being channelled into a group of people. This began to feel untrue to me, as there was huge dogma behind it – and somehow it felt wrong to call a dead man down into a group of people, so he could do his healing work through us. Later I came to realise all this delay was a trick or distraction to not find my way back to the real deal. Once I gave up this channelling of someone who had passed over, I got to meet the real Healers’ Healer in Serge Benhayon.
A good friend came to visit us in Australia. We had studied together the same PNI in Germany. She stayed with my partner and me to do her work experience as a student of Natural Medicine. One day my friend told me that she was going to do a Universal Medicine Heart Chakra Workshop, and I became very interested to know more about the presenter, Serge Benhayon. I didn’t know a lot about him, but I knew I had to go there to meet this man. It was a strong pull – and I was open to learn something new.
So, we were sitting in a little community hall and Serge Benhayon came on stage. He started talking about the difference between the spirit and the Soul and that there is always energy first, and then what we see as the physical world, follows second to this. Wow, that man was talking about everything I was searching for, for so long, all in the first 30 minutes of his workshop.
I had wanted to know this all my life and I could feel all that he presented to be the truth in my body; this time no more deals with channelling, it was all inside of me. What a big difference! The truth that I was looking for outside was already inside of me, in the connection to my own Soul. And all of this came in 30 minutes.
This was big to realise: that all I have missed was myself! I didn’t have to search for anything any longer, and no-one can tell me what is right or wrong for me when I trust my inner connection. I felt this as a huge space where I could just re-align. Serge Benhayon was talking about the Inner-heart.
Later in the break I went to meet Serge personally and I introduced myself to him. Looking into his eyes was a very big moment I will never forget. This man was real, and he talked about energy as the normal thing to know: that there is a big difference between emotions and feelings and there is no need to search, only to re-align. So, I was open and willing to learn as I felt I could trust him. Here I was safe; this time it felt really good and true.
After this workshop I felt so deeply touched by my own love – as though it was waiting to be allowed to be felt again. Gosh! I realised that all I had been doing until that stage was just burying my inner feelings, hiding and playing small, and looking for recognition from others. It had been as if everyone else seemed to know what was good for me, expecting me to follow along. As a result, I had given up this beautiful connection of my own by reaching for someone who would confirm me as being good, beautiful or the one for them: where my only purpose was to be seen looking good with nice clothes, make-up, hairstyle and an ‘I can be that for you’ kind of behaviour.
Now that I have been introduced back to this innocent, tender, fragile and sweet essence that I am – I have set a new marker – a high standard that I do not want to leave again, and what I can say is that there is always more every day to explore from my essence; this is the real me, this is my real power. The woman that I am feels so lovely and strong in my Inner-connection.
What I have learned and am still learning each day, is to deepen this connection to myself and to my Soul, a multidimensional connection that I can feel within me, a big space like the sky above, between the stars and planets. This space is felt within me where nothing needs to be proved. It is part of the whole Universe so nothing to show or no need to be clever: just to be me in this essence as part of a much bigger picture, a bigger plan, a plan which I am a part of too!
Today I run my own company. I have learned not to search for success outside of me. I can say that I am settled and what a huge difference this makes in my body and my whole life. When I am aligned to my Soul, the settlement is felt inside me and living from this space always offers the next step as an impulse. This next ‘X’ (impulse) flows through my body and my next movement comes from this inner space. When I live this flow throughout my day in the knowing all is just perfect as it is, even if I am imperfect – there is nothing to control or to know. My deep trust of The Divine Plan is the key and no more inner drive is needed as it all comes to me. When I am aligned to Soul, I am the vehicle for its Divine energy.
By Monika Korb