Re-Connecting With Mum and Dad

by Jennifer Smith, Registered Nurse, Maclean NSW

I have just come home after spending 9 days with my parents, younger brother and Panda (the family dog) in my childhood home. This is the longest I have been with them since moving out over 20 years ago. Over those 20 years, not only has there been physical distance between us, but also a distance had been created with our relationships. Not through the fault of anyone. We had all just let it happen that way.

For me, I had made my life so busy with travelling and socialising with friends initially, and then finally it was all about work, career and making a business. Whenever I went to Sydney for anything I would try to “fit in mum and dad”. I would go and have a meal at home or a cup of tea – always just a pop-in visit. I was too busy doing a course of some description to improve or better myself, or improve work prospects. I had such a drive to improve and impress.

Although I knew my parents well, they almost seemed like strangers at the same time. What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself.  By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too.

As I have attended Universal Medicine courses and sessions with their practitioners, I have been able to more clearly see this pattern. By gradually making more nurturing and loving changes for how I care for me, I have begun to meet me –  and discovered a Beauty-Full Woman.

Prior to my holiday at Mum and Dad’s, on the last pop-in visit we met for brunch. My family were sitting in the cafe and I was the last one to arrive. As I sat and greeted them all, I felt an overwhelming sense that I was deeply loved. It was so lovely, but deeply sad at the same time, because I had kept myself in a state that I could not see or feel that. After then, I knew that when I next had leave I had to be with my parents for more than a pop-in visit and a cup of tea.

It was like no time had passed at all. Dad and I walked in the early mornings. Mum and I went bra shopping. We ate meals together. Nothing flash, just us all being together. Yes, living with Mum and Dad, even for a short time, did bring up some childhood issues for me, but it just felt so different. I was more able to accept them just as they are and not judge them or their relationship and not react, as I would have previously. They also showed great acceptance of the changes I have been making.

I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.

I am so pleased that I have got off my bum to re-establish a true relationship with my parents. I missed them when I left, in fact I now realise that it’s 20 years worth. That’s ok though, for the re-connection is on a new basis for me and I know that it will now be different for all of us.

504 thoughts on “Re-Connecting With Mum and Dad

  1. It really is the extraordinary in the ordinary that brings the magic to our day to day life, for those walks and talks we share with our family and friends are absolutely precious.

  2. The key is commitment to love, whatever way that means in that particular relationship, to be open (transparent to let yourself be seen and see the other), and truly there-in is what is needed.

  3. Seeing things for what they actually are and not what you want them to be is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and others. It is the expectations that we place on each other that does the damage.

  4. What a great way to clear old childhood issues and patterns by spending some quality time with parents. By standing back and being able to observe what comes up we can get a very different understanding of what is going on and what hurts we have held onto for many, years and possibly life times.

  5. Great to hear and I almost got a bit teary myself as I feel I could have established a more intimate relationship with my parents. But at the same time it is what it is and I did what I could. .

  6. It is interesting how self-betterment and work success often leave behind the importance of nurturing the quality and the value of our family relationships.

  7. A relationship is when both sides are willing to go deeper. Sometimes one side is unwilling and that’s ok too, even if it is family, it does not mean everyone will come on board. Acceptance while not holding back ourselves is key.

  8. When we distance ourselves from someone it just means we have disconnected from ourselves. Change that and our relationships change.

    1. It feels horrible when said like that. Why on earth (literally) would we want to ‘fit-in’. Fit in with what I ask? With the lies and corruption, the games, the playing less? We are not here to fit in, rather be all the love that we are – so why not live that as our normal and let others ‘fit-in’ with us, after all it is our natural way of being.

  9. It is the judgement part of this article that is so huge. because it is rarely talked about how we can judge our parents and their choices, thinking perhaps that we have it all sorted – the younger brighter generation. When really they are just people too, who want to feel loved and accepted for who they are just as much as anyone else does. And I love the way that you have returned to the love that you have for them just as they have always loved you.

  10. We cannot ever change another and yet there is always an opportunity to open ourselves and drop our judgements towards another. There feels such an opening to your family described in this blog.

  11. ‘What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself’. Jennifer, I have only recently come to this realisation too… how I am with others is a true reflection of how I am with myself, for how could it be any different as we are all one and come from the same source.

    1. Absoltuley Elizabeth. This is such a great reminder, and something that I know I can go deeper with myself.

  12. Imagine that, we can often blame our family members for what has not worked for us in life, rather than observing what our choices were and appreciating our choices to remain true to ourselves.

  13. It is such a different kettle of fish when we remove our judgement and blame from our family members and see them as equal to ourselves in our innermost.

    1. So true jennym. It is very humbling to see others in this way, particualrly when we may have had disagreements with them in the past. Thankyou for highlighting this.

  14. Spending time with parents for me is like a little test to see where I am really at. I could be getting on well with friends, colleagues etc., job might be going well… then I visit my parents and the ugly stuff gets triggered and I am back being their child again. In the past I thought it was them, so I stayed away as long as I did. But what I know now as I deepen my connection with myself is that I cannot have a truly loving relationship with anyone if I don’t have one with myself first. And with parents, it feels like we either know that they love us unconditionally, or want to test if they really do, and we act as though we have a right to push them no end. Isn’t that how the majority of humanity is with God? It is lovely when I can truly feel that I am equal to them, and I can truly love and appreciate them, not because they are my parents, but because of who they are.

  15. It is interesting how close family members often avoid intimacy and openness with each other, I guess as I way to avoid feeling that sadness of separation, and yet perpetuating it at the same time. Thank you for this inspiration to get in touch.

  16. Thank you Jennifer, the support Universal Medicine provides with workshops, presentations, and their esoteric healing modalities can open us up to seeing how we are in life, seeing our momentums and patterns, and as they clear we can come back to living from the simplicity of love again.

  17. It is never to late to reconnect to the love that was already always there, no judgment or blame is needed, just to feel the glory of the reunion and the blessings and healing it brings along.

  18. Quite often we fail to see how amazing our families are and take them for granted. I suppose it’s because our hurts get in the way and dictate to us the relationship we will have with them, but in the long run, it’s such as waste.

  19. Enormous healing comes from re-connecting to someone, whether it be a past lover, friend or relative. Our whole lives deepen as a result which benefits everyone we meet thereafter.

    1. Yes Thomas, how you describe this re-connection is to me multi dimensional and how things in reality work in the multi dimensional world we are all part of, if we like it or not.

  20. As adult ‘kids’ we think we know our parents. But in most cases, they have played a role, the mother or the father, and we do not get to see or feel the fullness of who they are. This already sets up a distance and separation that strains relationships. It is easy to understand then how easily the excuses of being too busy for mum and dad can kick in.

  21. I too know the power of accepting my parents for who they are. It takes away so much pressure to impress and prove myself. It also allows them the space to actually get to know the person I am, and me to get to know them as people. It is like the actual roles of “parent” and “child” disappear and we again become people that love each other dearly.

  22. This is a beautiful example of how if we accept ourselves and others for who we/they are and not want them to be different we can have very loving relationships with them.

  23. In allowing ourselves to be together in openness and love, there is nothing more needed, as sharing ourselves, who we really are is everything. When we begin to focus on living love for ourselves and healing our hurts, we bring to all our relationship a greater understanding of love, and that this is what we all in essence crave, long to live and share with each other.

  24. My mother died when I was in the peak of madness. I was under a guru, literally, as I was giving my power away big time. My mother died pretty soon after me telling her that I was going to buy a property for the guru to set up a community with the money she was leaving me….not a good time to share that with her….on her death bed…but I feel she knew I was going to come good as she did not banish me from the will and come good I did, thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, who is very far away from being a guru!

  25. Re-imprinting our relationships for the true better benefits all, as it allows a fresh start and opportunity to deepen with each other.

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