Re-Connecting With Mum and Dad

by Jennifer Smith, Registered Nurse, Maclean NSW

I have just come home after spending 9 days with my parents, younger brother and Panda (the family dog) in my childhood home. This is the longest I have been with them since moving out over 20 years ago. Over those 20 years, not only has there been physical distance between us, but also a distance had been created with our relationships. Not through the fault of anyone. We had all just let it happen that way.

For me, I had made my life so busy with travelling and socialising with friends initially, and then finally it was all about work, career and making a business. Whenever I went to Sydney for anything I would try to “fit in mum and dad”. I would go and have a meal at home or a cup of tea – always just a pop-in visit. I was too busy doing a course of some description to improve or better myself, or improve work prospects. I had such a drive to improve and impress.

Although I knew my parents well, they almost seemed like strangers at the same time. What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself.  By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too.

As I have attended Universal Medicine courses and sessions with their practitioners, I have been able to more clearly see this pattern. By gradually making more nurturing and loving changes for how I care for me, I have begun to meet me –  and discovered a Beauty-Full Woman.

Prior to my holiday at Mum and Dad’s, on the last pop-in visit we met for brunch. My family were sitting in the cafe and I was the last one to arrive. As I sat and greeted them all, I felt an overwhelming sense that I was deeply loved. It was so lovely, but deeply sad at the same time, because I had kept myself in a state that I could not see or feel that. After then, I knew that when I next had leave I had to be with my parents for more than a pop-in visit and a cup of tea.

It was like no time had passed at all. Dad and I walked in the early mornings. Mum and I went bra shopping. We ate meals together. Nothing flash, just us all being together. Yes, living with Mum and Dad, even for a short time, did bring up some childhood issues for me, but it just felt so different. I was more able to accept them just as they are and not judge them or their relationship and not react, as I would have previously. They also showed great acceptance of the changes I have been making.

I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.

I am so pleased that I have got off my bum to re-establish a true relationship with my parents. I missed them when I left, in fact I now realise that it’s 20 years worth. That’s ok though, for the re-connection is on a new basis for me and I know that it will now be different for all of us.

455 thoughts on “Re-Connecting With Mum and Dad

  1. It is only by appreciating what is true in another that we can see through all that is not of this truth and thus stands in the way of us truly connecting with each other. This enables us to have a greater acceptance of the way things are without needing it to be a certain way of shying away from reading in full all that is being presented for us to examine through the relationships we have with one another. Making life about love and about people is our only way home from the cold fringes of a way of living in which we have sought recognition for what we ‘do’ rather than appreciating exactly who we are and what we bring to the table in the rich banquet of life.

  2. A great blog. If people seem like strangers to us, particularly our parents! Then I feel the question we need to ask is why are we not letting them in to our lives and hearts and if we are to then feel is it protection they are holding onto in order to not let others in. Beautifull you felt what you needed to change here and in turn how your relationship with your family has changed.

  3. I love how it seems to happen naturally – that we start giving ourselves more love and without making any conscious effort we feel more available to others, like love expands us and it feels natural for us to be more open and loving with others and some old, stale relationships get reignited.

  4. How amazing and inspiring to hear about the impact of revisiting relationships and rewriting the foundations on which they sit. How many of us go through life in the rut of a pattern set up in a relationship when it is absolutely in our power to revitalise it?

    1. Beautifully shared Matilda. Being open to re-imprinting our relationships offers us the great opportunity to explore, reveal and realise just how amazing the power of true connection is, along with the joy of what can unfold for us through the evolution available.

  5. Everybody deserves to be connected to whether they are close to us or not so close, and the impression this leaves on another is lasting…

  6. It is beautiful to feel how the quality of our relationships naturally deepen and become more honest when we are open and willing to truly connect with each other. As we discover that there much to appreciate and equally as much to share with each other, our lives enrichen with a deepening connection to a quality that reflects the truth of who we all are in essence.

  7. This is a heart warming and very inspiring blog that shows us it is never too late to re-imprint our relationships no matter who they are and how old we are.

  8. Beautiful to take the time to truly connect, to ourselves and then with others. Taking time to be love with your family Jennifer is so inspiring, allowing them to be who they are and feeling how much you are loved by them.

  9. The more we love ourselves, the more we naturally love others…and any ‘issues’ become insignificant and easily addressed because of our foundation of love. Such a simple yet powerful formula.

  10. I have distanced myself from my parents over the last few years big time, not because of anything to do with them, but because I am so resentful towards the way I was brought up and the judgements and the blame I still hold for them. I know that the ball has started rolling, and soon I will open up to the world, including my parents, and my love will pour out. However, baby steps until then 🙂

  11. This has been playing out in my life for the last few months – my elderly parents.

    I alone visited them in the UK and I had them for my self, the rest of the family are scattered around the country or overseas. It did feel different being with them and there was a level of sadness because of the choices they had made yet at the same time I was feeling a depth of love I had never held towards them before. I showed them that I was no longer the 5th child, I was a woman with my own story to share with others.

    Despite their spate of illnesses, I couldn’t help but be with them in a love I hadn’t allowed out before. And finally I had this huge appreciation of what they had bought into my life. Despite the distance, I call them regularly, it is so lovely seeing their faces on Face Time, their in the 80’s and know how to use Face Time – I love technology.

    It’s never too late to not only reconnect with mum and dad but reconnect with me too.

  12. I love the action that you took here in that you felt just how much you were loved by your family and on reflection acknowledged that the next time you saw them it needed to be longer than a fleeting visit .. and I just know they would have loved spending that quality time with you.

  13. Creating space and having a willingness to reconnect with others is super healing for all, as we are able to reimprint our relationships with a new level of truth and love.

  14. My experience is that when you begin to start working things out within yourself it begins to change the way you see all people and all your relationships; you start to see that other people are the same as you and that everyone has difficult things to face and that nothing is ever personal, and you start to live with an understanding and love for people and what they too also have to face. It changes your whole perspective on life.

  15. I had the most amazing day with my parents a couple of days ago, Instead of the judgement I would bring with me every time I saw them, this time I just brought myself. It was just lovely to be with them and realise how cute they are.

    1. That’s it Viktoria “…realise how cute they are.”, most of us don’t like being treated like the child, especially when we are adults, yet most the time as the ‘child’ we tend to do the same back to ‘our parents’ and only look at them as parents. Instead as the gorgeous people we get to live our lives with, who also had childhoods, were teenagers, went to school, had issues, love to be playful etc. We can learn so much when we let go of labels and see each other for who we are.

  16. We can take for granted love for ourselves and others but if we do not nurture our relationship with love then it fades.

  17. This is a beautiful blog Jennifer, when we bring acceptance and love to any relationship it has the opportunity to deepen and become more true.

  18. Beautiful to read how you re-connected with your mum and dad, it is easier to drop in for a cup of tea, ticking the box of visiting our parents, yet when we build deeper relationships and connections there is so much more to be shared, that it enriches everyone involved.

  19. Jennifer what you have shared is so beautiful as it warms my heart. Yes we can re-connect to ourself or to others in every second of our live and that is the true gift we all have inside of us.

  20. I recognize this situation within myself, even though I might be younger and I still live with one parent , my mom, I can clearly see that I have avoided letting them in. Especially my biological father, whom I have not lived with since I was 3 years old. And so, how I am now seeing that by avoiding contact in whatever way – I am actually resisting my own evolution to grow with all people that are close around me. So that is time to re-imprint, and let myself out , be seen in the open and embrace all the relationships I have. Thank you for awakening this subject.

  21. Making space to rekindle relationships is really important, it gives us a chance to re-imprint the past, to make relationships about true connection is very loving, and that love can be deeply felt by all.

  22. How beautiful and thanks for sharing Jen. Re-connection doesn’t need anything fancy – just a coming and a being together. I love staying with family and slotting into their rhythm and routine for a period – doing the everyday things of life together. Being me with them.

  23. 20 years of missing that connection with our parents, I am sure there are way too many of us who read this blog who would like to re-live a fair bit of the time we have had with our parents. What you share here inspires me to know that it can start at any age, we can take time to re-connect and make space for the relationship as it is now, not as it was then.

  24. Amazing that relationships can be reformed, re-defined and given a new beginning – our relationships can evolve and this is beautiful testimony to that Jen, thankyou.

  25. I can relate to the busyness and drifting apart from my relationships, even this morning I did say to myself – am I avoiding how loving I now am and can share with another? and reading this has confirmed such and inspiring to get off my bum and do something about it! Thank you Jen.

  26. Although I had a fairly close relationship with my parents, it now seems clearer that the quality of the relationships struggled to evolve, and we kept each other at arms length – such a waste of time.

  27. What an inspiring experience to read right now. My parents in-laws are visiting us at the moment and I can see how I have distanced myself with keeping busy. I can already feel areas in which I could surrender, allow and appreciate more that would support our relationship.

  28. How we are in ourselves makes such a difference in how we perceive life and how we are with family. In contrast to all the family fights and tensions that are the norm, it can be just really simple to be with family.

  29. “I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.” How beautiful that you can now see them for who they truly are, not from your hurts or theirs for that matter. Very amazing.

  30. It is interesting how we let the relationship with our immediate family slip away as if of no worth, and yet these are people we grew up with. I can relate to getting busy with work, marriage and travelling overseas, that resulted in having little contact with my parents and my siblings. Then, later on, moving back to the same town as my parents and siblings, which initiated a closer relationship.

  31. Recently I re-connected with some friends that I have not seen for awhile and it was beautiful to feel that no matter how long it has been since we have seen each other the love and care towards each other is there and never in fact changes.

  32. It’s so easy to get caught up in our day to day and not see and feel how much we can miss how much others care for us and that we can just spend time together and be with them without fuss or need. The more we care for ourselves the more we allow others to be with and care for us.

  33. This is beautiful that you made time to re-connect with your parents in this way. It can be easy to get caught in the ‘doing’ of life that we can neglect our relationships, but making the time to spend time with the people we love is a gorgeous thing.

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