Re-Connecting With Mum and Dad

by Jennifer Smith, Registered Nurse, Maclean NSW

I have just come home after spending 9 days with my parents, younger brother and Panda (the family dog) in my childhood home. This is the longest I have been with them since moving out over 20 years ago. Over those 20 years, not only has there been physical distance between us, but also a distance had been created with our relationships. Not through the fault of anyone. We had all just let it happen that way.

For me, I had made my life so busy with travelling and socialising with friends initially, and then finally it was all about work, career and making a business. Whenever I went to Sydney for anything I would try to “fit in mum and dad”. I would go and have a meal at home or a cup of tea – always just a pop-in visit. I was too busy doing a course of some description to improve or better myself, or improve work prospects. I had such a drive to improve and impress.

Although I knew my parents well, they almost seemed like strangers at the same time. What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself.  By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too.

As I have attended Universal Medicine courses and sessions with their practitioners, I have been able to more clearly see this pattern. By gradually making more nurturing and loving changes for how I care for me, I have begun to meet me –  and discovered a Beauty-Full Woman.

Prior to my holiday at Mum and Dad’s, on the last pop-in visit we met for brunch. My family were sitting in the cafe and I was the last one to arrive. As I sat and greeted them all, I felt an overwhelming sense that I was deeply loved. It was so lovely, but deeply sad at the same time, because I had kept myself in a state that I could not see or feel that. After then, I knew that when I next had leave I had to be with my parents for more than a pop-in visit and a cup of tea.

It was like no time had passed at all. Dad and I walked in the early mornings. Mum and I went bra shopping. We ate meals together. Nothing flash, just us all being together. Yes, living with Mum and Dad, even for a short time, did bring up some childhood issues for me, but it just felt so different. I was more able to accept them just as they are and not judge them or their relationship and not react, as I would have previously. They also showed great acceptance of the changes I have been making.

I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.

I am so pleased that I have got off my bum to re-establish a true relationship with my parents. I missed them when I left, in fact I now realise that it’s 20 years worth. That’s ok though, for the re-connection is on a new basis for me and I know that it will now be different for all of us.

435 thoughts on “Re-Connecting With Mum and Dad

  1. It is only by appreciating what is true in another that we can see through all that is not of this truth and thus stands in the way of us truly connecting with each other. This enables us to have a greater acceptance of the way things are without needing it to be a certain way of shying away from reading in full all that is being presented for us to examine through the relationships we have with one another. Making life about love and about people is our only way home from the cold fringes of a way of living in which we have sought recognition for what we ‘do’ rather than appreciating exactly who we are and what we bring to the table in the rich banquet of life.

  2. A great blog. If people seem like strangers to us, particularly our parents! Then I feel the question we need to ask is why are we not letting them in to our lives and hearts and if we are to then feel is it protection they are holding onto in order to not let others in. Beautifull you felt what you needed to change here and in turn how your relationship with your family has changed.

  3. I love how it seems to happen naturally – that we start giving ourselves more love and without making any conscious effort we feel more available to others, like love expands us and it feels natural for us to be more open and loving with others and some old, stale relationships get reignited.

  4. How amazing and inspiring to hear about the impact of revisiting relationships and rewriting the foundations on which they sit. How many of us go through life in the rut of a pattern set up in a relationship when it is absolutely in our power to revitalise it?

    1. Beautifully shared Matilda. Being open to re-imprinting our relationships offers us the great opportunity to explore, reveal and realise just how amazing the power of true connection is, along with the joy of what can unfold for us through the evolution available.

  5. Everybody deserves to be connected to whether they are close to us or not so close, and the impression this leaves on another is lasting…

  6. It is beautiful to feel how the quality of our relationships naturally deepen and become more honest when we are open and willing to truly connect with each other. As we discover that there much to appreciate and equally as much to share with each other, our lives enrichen with a deepening connection to a quality that reflects the truth of who we all are in essence.

  7. This is a heart warming and very inspiring blog that shows us it is never too late to re-imprint our relationships no matter who they are and how old we are.

  8. Beautiful to take the time to truly connect, to ourselves and then with others. Taking time to be love with your family Jennifer is so inspiring, allowing them to be who they are and feeling how much you are loved by them.

  9. The more we love ourselves, the more we naturally love others…and any ‘issues’ become insignificant and easily addressed because of our foundation of love. Such a simple yet powerful formula.

  10. I have distanced myself from my parents over the last few years big time, not because of anything to do with them, but because I am so resentful towards the way I was brought up and the judgements and the blame I still hold for them. I know that the ball has started rolling, and soon I will open up to the world, including my parents, and my love will pour out. However, baby steps until then 🙂

  11. This has been playing out in my life for the last few months – my elderly parents.

    I alone visited them in the UK and I had them for my self, the rest of the family are scattered around the country or overseas. It did feel different being with them and there was a level of sadness because of the choices they had made yet at the same time I was feeling a depth of love I had never held towards them before. I showed them that I was no longer the 5th child, I was a woman with my own story to share with others.

    Despite their spate of illnesses, I couldn’t help but be with them in a love I hadn’t allowed out before. And finally I had this huge appreciation of what they had bought into my life. Despite the distance, I call them regularly, it is so lovely seeing their faces on Face Time, their in the 80’s and know how to use Face Time – I love technology.

    It’s never too late to not only reconnect with mum and dad but reconnect with me too.

  12. I love the action that you took here in that you felt just how much you were loved by your family and on reflection acknowledged that the next time you saw them it needed to be longer than a fleeting visit .. and I just know they would have loved spending that quality time with you.

  13. Creating space and having a willingness to reconnect with others is super healing for all, as we are able to reimprint our relationships with a new level of truth and love.

  14. My experience is that when you begin to start working things out within yourself it begins to change the way you see all people and all your relationships; you start to see that other people are the same as you and that everyone has difficult things to face and that nothing is ever personal, and you start to live with an understanding and love for people and what they too also have to face. It changes your whole perspective on life.

  15. I had the most amazing day with my parents a couple of days ago, Instead of the judgement I would bring with me every time I saw them, this time I just brought myself. It was just lovely to be with them and realise how cute they are.

  16. We can take for granted love for ourselves and others but if we do not nurture our relationship with love then it fades.

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