How many Marriages & Relationships have been Improved?

by Joel L

The thing I have found confronting at times to accept and take responsibility for, is that there is a direct connection between the choices I make in each and every moment and the level of love or joy I experience.

I have also found taking responsibility for my own joy and love whilst in a relationship can be confronting at times. In my relationship, we are both committed to our own ‘way of the livingness’, but even then we can still react when the other finds something that used to feel okay, no longer feels like it supports them.

This is not a Universal Medicine phenomenon, but rather something most relationships experience… as one person grows it gives the other person a choice. It’s not always easy, and while I understand the reaction of a person who feels like their partner is changing the rules, at the end of the day and in my experience, there is always a choice… to grow together, or apart.

After seventeen years of marriage and about eight years applying what Universal Medicine presents, there is no doubt our relationship is now more than I could ever have expected love to be. There is more allowing of the other person to be who they are, more sexiness in how we move together, more honesty and more playfulness. I also feel like we are only just beginning.

I wonder how many other marriages or relationships have improved by making changes that bring a greater depth of love to them, and each other?

That would be a list worth seeing!

752 thoughts on “How many Marriages & Relationships have been Improved?

  1. “taking responsibility for my own joy and love whilst in a relationship can be confronting at times.“
    It can be a challenge if there are beliefs that we owe it to another to be something for them or any other number of beliefs. But since applying Universal Medicine’s teachings to my life ALL my relationships have deepened in their levels of decency, respect, genuine care and want to connect to others.

  2. There comes a time where the arrangements we accept in place of a true and loving relationship can no longer fill the gap and the aching pain we create for ourselves by living void of such love.

  3. You can add my relationship with my soon-to-be husband to your list of those that have improved by making changes that bring a greater depth of love to them Joel. My partner and I have been together for 13 years and had two children in that time. We both always swore we were never going to get married, my partner felt it wasn’t really necessary and I was in a lot of reaction to the marriages of comfort and convenience I have observed in my life and decided that such a stifling arrangement was not for me. The problem here being that instead of choosing to commit to life and reflect a true way to live that can help deconstruct the ideals and beliefs we carry, I instead judged others for the choices they made and then used this to not commit to life and love. Thanks to the teaching of Universal Medicine and the incredible support and guidance we have both received in the last 7 years from various practitioners and friends during this time, we have now come to a place where we realise that the love we have connected to and share between us is not only for us but for the many and this is something to be appreciated and celebrated with all.

  4. That is one of the most beautiful qualities about our relationships with others – there is always an opportunity to grow and deepen the relationship to a new level.

  5. Relationships need to keep evolving and deepening or they become mundane and functional and start to break down. Having an understanding that there will be times when we are growing and deepening at different times is important to high light, because without this understanding it can cause huge rifts in the relationship. I have found the most important thing is to not blame or expect another to make changes before they are ready. If we put pressure or demands on them then the sense of playfulness in a relationship is lost. but at the end of the day the choice is always ours to grow together, or grow apart.

  6. One of the things that has helped my marriage has been for us both to learn how to speak up. To say what we are feeling without the other going into reaction. This is something that has developed over time due to attending the Universal Medicine courses and is ongoing and is continuingly unfolding. Yes, it is enormously confronting at times, but it does give us both the opportunity to express ourselves and to dispel any pictures we are hanging onto.

    1. Yes Matts, very true, relationships with friends and family members as well as our partners we find ourselves in are growing and expanding too. It is very beautiful to observe and appreciate the changes whatever those changes are that are taking place within our relationships.

  7. I had the privilege of attending a wedding yesterday of two The Way of The Livingness students and it was one of the most beautiful weddings I have been to and felt. The deep love was clearly felt and the commitment to allow the love to forever unfold and deepen. It was truly exquisite.

  8. I am definitely on that list. I was in a relationship where I chose to grow. This set a constantly changing new standard. The relationship was true love and very spectacular. What was missing though, and the greatest healing, was to accept and embody how amazing it was in me. To own that love in my body. The love was grand but it is the necessary glue of life to appreciate that the love comes from a greater source and can be felt and held within the human frame.

  9. The wish that something has to deliver for us all the time in the same way is a vain attempt to control life. Although it may satisfy, temporarily, our wishes to have things under our own spin, it fights the more that life may bring us. So, it is a bit like setting our own measure of how we accept from life first and under what conditions and once the contract is signed, you live by it.

  10. When so many vile lies are publicly being spread with regards to Universal Medicine including how ‘they’ have been the cause of relationship break-ups it is both refreshing and needed to hear the truth. Also how irresponsible it is to blame an organisation, or indeed anyone else other than those in the relationship, for a breaking up a relationship! Ultimately a relationship is about the 2 people involved, their is no escaping this and their communication, intimacy and choices made with regards to both themselves and the other/each other. In truth we can never look on the outside to blame anyone BUT we can look at ourselves and take responsibility for the life we have lived, the path we have walked and the choices we have made including those with our relationships.

  11. It was through Universal Medicine that I came to understand the importance of building a loving relationship with my true self, as this is what will form the foundation to all the other relationships that I will have in my life.

    1. Elizabeth on reflection this is also true for me and something to deeply appreciate in just how much Universal Medicine have supported and helped me in building a true foundation with regards to a relationship with myself and all others. These basic principals should be taught in all schools then no extra work would have to be done to support children and young people with lack of self-love, self-care, self-worth, self-esteem and true body confidence because they would not be lacking in any of this; instead they would be able to claim who they truly are with purpose and confidence.

      1. I agree Vicky. It would be super supportive if the foundations for have a loving relationship both with ourselves and all others, were shared with, and reflected to children from a very young age. I feel sure this would make the world of a difference as they grew up, to how they feel about themselves and also about others.

  12. What you bring in this blog here Joel is that if we are committed to bringing more of the love that we are to relationships, we do not need to rely or strive to keep our relationships fresh and alive. They would all just deepen in the levels of respect and beholding of another.

    1. That is so true Jenny, how many couples seek stimulation and new activities to either try to mend their relationship or spark the love they think they’ve lost. We only have to be honest and express what we feel and know that the love from where we deepen our relationship is there inside us, no outside influence needed.

  13. “There is a direct connection between the choices I make in each and every moment and the level of love or joy I experience” – in reading this, I can feel how my mind just wants to jump in to figure out the ‘right’ answer for every moment, and how that leaves very little space for love and joy.

  14. In most relationships, we often play the blame/guilt card and find a way to manage to keep the arrangement that serves each part mutually. What Universal Medicine is presenting is a possibility for us to take it to a deeper level – if we each so choose.

  15. It can seem scary when relationships face change because one person is growing, but it’s truly delightful when the choice is made to grow together. Love in it’s true sense takes many forms we may not consider “love”, and to me one is to evolve and grow together. It can seem loving for things to stay the same so no one is disturbed, but is this love or comfort? I am realising more and more how evolution is a constant cycle of growth or expansion, and I have learnt how to allow the changes that come with that to be in my relationship, and at times it is scary but overall it’s been a very positive experience. Thanks to Universal Medicine I definitely have more love in every relationship now as it’s been my choice to grow. Some friendships have said “no” and others have said “yes” to the growth, and that has been challenging at times but ultimately all I can be responsible for is my own “yes” to love and evolution.

  16. Making our relation-ship about Love, which is “applying what Universal Medicine presents,” has changed everything about the way I see and interact with people. My whole thought process is now see-correcting/feeling to bring a unifying energy to the best of my ability and not in a weak way but in sharing with others to empower what is True.

  17. Since applying what Universal Medicine presents my relationship with myself has deepened on so many levels and as a result, so has all my other relationships.

  18. Me and my sister started an experiment/month ‘challenge’ in February to deepen the quality of dinner times by changing the way we approach our meal at the end of the day. How incredible would it be to commit to a challenge, even just for a week, to deepening the love in our relationships in EVERY interaction? No reactions allowed.

  19. Without the deep and loving understanding and support presented by Universal Medicine for what relationship is all about and what is required to develop the full potential in relationship, I would either have given up on it or settled for the very reduced and mostly hurtful version I have known before and is the very accepted and thus normal version in society.

    1. That is very true Alexander, Universal Medicine has provided many amazing reflections for true relationships which has changed the marker for what’s possible for many people.

  20. All I know is that Universal Medicine has been the best tonic for my marriage and after 18 years the intimacy is still deepening, as is the playfulness and love. When we focus on taking responsibility for and healing our hurts, it paves the way for genuine respect and integrity to be resurrected, bringing with it a whole new level of discovery and joy.

  21. When we bring the principles of integrity, responsibility, lightness, purpose and genuine love to our relationships they are naturally successful on every level. These principles are what Universal Medicine presents and when lived our relationships deepen beyond what we could ever imagine.

  22. I can add my marriage to the list. My wife and I have now been together for twenty years and I doubt if we would still be together if not for Universal Medicine. Through the loving support of what Universal Medicine presents we have been able to heal our unresolved hurts that had made it so difficult and painful at times to be together.

    1. After 30 years of being together, I agree with what you have shared Jonathan, our relationship just keeps on improving. It is amazing how much we have changed, and applying the Universal Medicine model is breath taking, which also then flows to all our relationships.

    2. Thank you for your comment, I realised as I read your words that as we clear the hurts out of our own body they are no longer there influencing the space between ourselves and everyone we interact with. As we clear our hurts we are more able to feel and connect to the essence of love we are within, and allow our love to be there in all of our relationships.

      1. Yes, beautifully expressed Melinda. As one heals the hurts there is no longer the need for the protection and defence patterns we develop to stop us feeling the hurt. The irony is they may stop us feeling hurt, yet in doing so, they also stop us feeling love. As you say, heal the hurts and then we can feel love and be the love we are.

  23. Your opening sentence says it all Joel and is exactly what I also realised was coming between me and the life I longed to live. Since embracing responsibility in my life and for the life I am living, every aspect of my life has enriched beyond measure. Although it felt challenging at first, as it certainly is eye opening observing what we settle for, ultimately it has been empowering very step of the way, to bring awareness to what it is I am saying ‘yes’ to.

    1. Amazing Carola, I love what you’ve shared. I too am beginning to see and be more aware of the things I have said yes to. With this awareness I can feel how some choices in the past were not loving but being open to see this means I am more able to correct these choices, heal and move on from them. Having greater awareness is certainly empowering.

  24. For me the length of a marriage is not a success but the quality and individual growth that each person experiences and chose during the time of the marriage. And even if that means that these two people separate because the evolution asks for a change. That is true success in a marriage, as love does not ask if you wear a ring or not. It is, no matter what kind of relation you have with someone.

  25. Saying Yes to yourself and walking the path of surrendering to your essence is the best relationship advice you can give to someone. It has nothing to do with the other, why you feel or how you feel. It always comes back to your own choices of moving on and expanding, or staying stuck and wanting to have problems.

  26. I experience a constant lifting up exchange within my relationship with my partner. That is the true purpose of a relationship in my eyes. We are constellated because we are perfectly designed to support the other to come back to the grandness of who they truly are, why waste time in your own evolution and go for less and comfort in a relationship?

    1. Thank you Stefanie for your words about why you are with your partner “because we are perfectly designed to support the other to come back to the grandness of who they truly are.” The true purpose of relationships!

  27. There have been many times when my partner has shared how a certain behaviour I tend to go to is no longer feeling right for our relationship, and I could feel how I did not want to believe this or look into it deeper as it basically challenged my comfortable way of living together. But when I have allowed myself to get honest and really feel if this was true for us and then deal with what lead to the behaviour in the first place, we have grown together and connected more deeply than before. This exchange has worked both ways, even though it can at first be a bumpy ride when we are resisting the responsibility that comes with stepping up our level of love.

  28. The inspiration of how our relationships change when we deepen our relationship with ourselves, getting to know and appreciate our qualities and being prepared to explore and work on the hurts we carry that trigger reactions and protection.

    1. It is so true Matilda, that when we deepen a loving relationship with ourselves, this quality of love enriches and touches every aspect of our lives with greater truth and honesty.

  29. Absolutely Joel, the responsibility of the choices we make in each moment. And not that this is a burden or critique on oneself, but a loving way of seeing how our actions affect others. The first responsibility comes with our relationship with our bodies.

  30. Wanting someone else to supply the joy and to fill us up with love is pointless because we are the only ones that can do that for ourselves. The other person in the relationship only feels our neediness and demands on them. It is then an amazing opportunity and gift when the other person doesn’t play into it and holds them in the knowing that they are complete as is.

  31. “I have also found taking responsibility for my own joy and love whilst in a relationship can be confronting at times.” Great point Joel I can see that I can look for others when things are not going well and I am not feeling joyful myself, which is not only imposing it does not support a relationship to grow.

  32. Thank you Joel for sharing your experience with growing in your relationship. I have to admit that in my relationship with my husband there is an expansion as well. I am sure that without meeting Serge Benhayon our marriage would not have that depth, intimacy, trust, joy, understanding, freshness, playfulness and supporting the other in being more themselves!

  33. It is through the teachings of Universal Medicine that I have come to understand, that the most important relationship that I have is with my own evolution, as the more I say yes to the volume of what is there to come through me the more joy and true intimacy there is in all my relationships.

  34. So true Joel. What you present brings it back to this question – do we really want other people to heal and be the grandness they naturally are? Or do we prefer to keep ahead of the crowd in an endless race to compete for who is the best? The second option is not really an option at all but a sure fire path to living in misery, isolation, self-doubt and pain. It’s time we finally saw that there’s no space for self in this world.

  35. Being open to develop and grow alongside someone in a relationship can be both exposing and very inspiring. Opting for comfy and familiar or being prepared to unfold and change? This can also be applied to our relationship with ourselves and I am opting for option 2!

  36. Allowing another to be who they truly are is the only way that relationships can thrive and evolve and we cannot do this if we are not being true to ourselves. The Way of The Livingness supports us in every way to live true to ourselves and therefore enhances our relationships in every way

  37. Joy never expires! So it is up to us how much credit we give it. Simple, just like The Way of The Livingness. Thank you for writing this blog , that carries a truly profound message.

  38. It is through living The Way of The Livingness, that we understand that it is our responsibility to develop and commit to our relationship with self first, as it is from this foundation that we can reflect our truth, our sexiness and wisdom to others to be inspired and be more of who they truly are. True medicine!

  39. It is natural in my eyes for us to unfold and change our ways as we evolve or perhaps dig our heels in and go the other way and so it’s not helpful to label relationships as ‘failures’ just because a couple have split up or divorced because that may have been the best thing for both of them at the time…

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