A bold statement you may think but allow me to elaborate. Last year I signed up for a basic four week computer course with Simon Asquith. Up until that point my relationship with computers had been, what can only be described as ‘rather strained’. My relationship was ok as long as I stuck to basic emailing and didn’t try to do anything new, but as soon as I tried to do anything new, I invariably ended up spending what felt like an inordinate length of time repeating the same dead end moves over and over again, getting increasingly more frustrated, until I eventually had some sort of minor breakdown.
And as far as my relationship with social media went, well we were not even on speaking terms, I had blanked her from the very beginning.
On gathering online in week one, it was of no surprise at all to find out that the other 3 woman on the course were of a similar age to me and a brief chat was enough to reveal that we all shared similar experiences and feelings about our relationship with computers and social media; that is, apart from one of the other women who had been working with Simon previously and whose relationship with computers was enviably healthier.
So after our initial sharing I was keen to get on and learn, I sat poised, ready to put pen to paper, eager to write down some steps that would enable me to ‘friend someone’ on Facebook or tweet a funny incident on Twitter. I could feel the frustration in my body rise when Simon suggested that we delve a little deeper into our relationship with computers. I didn’t have time for that, or so I felt. So it was with some reluctance that I sat and listened to what the others had to say.
What I found astonishing is the speed with which things transpired for everyone in the group. With the gentle and masterful guidance of Simon, we were each able to start to unpick the stitches – that up until that point, had held a rather taut canopy over our view of our relationship with computers and indeed technology in general. What I began to clearly see, is that I was actually invested in my relationship with computers and social media being difficult. You see, when I got honest with myself, I discovered that I like to see myself as someone who doesn’t ‘run with the herd’ and so as the herd were all running with social media, I was intent on running the other way!
In an instant I was able to recall that I had been the last person that I knew to get a mobile phone and then having got a phone, (reluctantly and purely out of necessity) I was the last person to get a smart phone. Specific instances seemed to be automatically coming up from my body, as if some invisible secretary had been sent to find files that would serve as evidence for my newly awakened suspicions. For example, I recalled being asked by a security guard for my mobile phone number and with a silent drum roll, I shared that I didn’t have a phone. I then waited rather expectantly for some sort of recognition. The level of surprise in his voice about the fact that I didn’t have a phone, was hardly detectable – but like a junky who has just found a spec of heroin, I snuffled it up none the less.
Similarly I recalled getting lost on the way to see my son play basketball. I pulled over and asked someone for directions, they used their phone to look up where the courts were and enquired as to how come I didn’t have that facility on my phone. Ah wonderful, another opportunity to show how special I was. What seemed to escape me completely was that in order for me to seemingly stand out from the crowd, for what amounted to a matter of seconds, I was actually choosing to make life pretty damn hard for myself!
What I have come to understand from attending presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is that the part of me that I can feel that is on the constant lookout for any skerrick of recognition is called the spirit, and it is forever looking to know itself through identification. The more that I am able to let go of identification, the more I can feel that I am connecting to my soul, which is the inner-most part of all of us. When I glimpse my soul, I can feel how voluminous it is and how it needs nothing to confirm itself, it is, in itself a living knowingness.
As a result of beginning to understand the difference between spirit and soul, I can feel in my body that not only does the spirit have an insatiable appetite, but also that it will take anything at all that sets it apart from others. I myself have paraded the most awful details about myself to others, purely for the nod of acknowledgement that I knew my appalling behaviour would get. A raised eyebrow, a frown, a shake of the head, a tut-tut, a look of disgust and even rejection are all forms of recognition that I was seeking identification by, regardless of how that recognition came.
As if I hadn’t accumulated enough evidence already, another more recent scenario resurfaced from my body. I had gone to lunch with work colleagues and the conversation had turned to Facebook. I was the only person on the table who wasn’t on Facebook and I could feel myself absolutely relishing the attention that I was getting. I was confirmed, again just for the length of time that the spotlight was on me and my spirit was loving the time and attention!
What I was getting to see more and more clearly was that it was actually ‘me’ that had set up my whole dire relationship with technology and social media. My relationship with technology and social media was simply a reflection of a part of me that wanted to stand out from the crowd.
What I have shared so far, I shared effortlessly with the computer course group but what I am about to share, had to be manually wrenched from my own throat. For most of my life I have felt like I was in competition with others, l felt that life was a bit like a horse race and I was constantly vying for position. As part of the imagined race, I had at times done things to hinder others’ attempts to get, what I perceived to be, ‘ahead of me’. What I could feel skulking deep within my body, was that part of my reluctance to enter into the world of social media was because I knew that the things I would share, would enable others to evolve – and part of me didn’t want others to evolve more than me. There, I said it.
As these revelations came out of my body, I could feel invisible blocks being lifted, I knew that my relationship with technology and social media had already changed. However it was not just my relationship with technology and social media that had shifted, because the revelation that Simon had supported me to come to was that our relationship with any-thing is merely a reflection of an aspect of our relationship with ourselves. Once we go into thinking that it is the object or indeed the other person that is to blame then we have lost sight of the fact that it is ‘us’ that has set it in motion.
I cannot finish this article without thanking Simon Asquith for the tender care with which he held and guided the group and for the opportunity to see and feel the true beauty and vulnerability that is naturally held within all men. When the group commented on the extraordinary wisdom that Simon was bringing through, he graciously side stepped the compliments but the truth is, it is his dedication to the way that he lives that allows such love and wisdom to flow through him.
By Alexis Stewart, a woman who is coming to feel her true worth, partner of an increasingly beautiful man, mum to a stunning boy, dedicated student of The Way of The Livingness, Care worker, Yoga Teacher
Related Reading:
I am Amazing just for Being Me
From Recognition to True Love – One Student’s Unfolding
Our Relationship with Ourselves is the Start of All Things
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
I am having some IT ‘button pushing’ for a while now, so a great reminder to read what those buttons are, and why they are occurring.
A beautifull reminder that we do in fact have relationships with everything and when we are willing to go there what is the sort of relationship we have with things ‘What I began to clearly see, is that I was actually invested in my relationship with computers and social media being difficult’ be it food, clothes, work, cleaning, school or erm even assignments (not that I can think of anyone in particular 😶😂) and how we are the ones that actually make it difficult or complicated! crazy. Sounds like an awesome course with an awesome teacher ✨
It is amazing how many blocks and resistances we can have to complicate what can be both simple and supportive. It is also amazing what support another can bring to us to remove and correct that resistance – which as you shared Alexis can be life changing.
Great to discover what these blocks are, and so let them go, ‘You see, when I got honest with myself, I discovered that I like to see myself as someone who doesn’t ‘run with the herd’ and so as the herd were all running with social media, I was intent on running the other way!’
Thank you Alexis, what a great opportunity for deeper self honesty and understanding when we allow ourselves to see more clearly why we are resisting change in any way, shape or form.
This shows how great it is when we address the underlying issue instead of just the obvious lack of skills etc., because as in Alexis case it was not that she couldn’t do it practically but because there was a perceived underlying advance in not learning to do it.
Alexis uncovered what else was at play in her not being active with computers and social media, an essential part of moving forward.
That need to identify ourselves can come in so many forms – being exhausted and dramatic about it, disorganised, being the angry person, the ‘quiet’ one, being polite.. even checking ourselves out in the mirror to see that yes, we’re still there, and yes, we’re doing okay, can be a form of identification, ticking our own self created boxes of acceptance. The more we get to know ourselves through taking deep care of our bodies, the less we need to rely on our relationships with things – even our own behaviours, to identify ourselves by and with, and get recognition from.
We are all returning to a time when we will all know ourselves to be the body of God and nothing else.
Identification, can still play out in many of our lives, even though it can be more subtle, ‘What I have come to understand from attending presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is that the part of me that I can feel that is on the constant lookout for any skerrick of recognition is called the spirit, and it is forever looking to know itself through identification.’
Amazing how the spirit goes after the taste of recognition more than anything – and it really doesn’t care what it tastes like.
We can so limit ourselves, ‘What I began to clearly see, is that I was actually invested in my relationship with computers and social media being difficult.’
Looking at our relationship with the technology we use everyday is well worth it, some days I work all day at the computer and I know for sure there is more I need to understand about how I use it, my posture and reading the energy of the technology I use, we should not ignore how things feel, it can be exhausting and harmful.
We certainly set ourselves up in so many ways to avoid taking responsibility for ourselves.
This has got me wondering about which areas of my life I choose a repeat record to play out for recognition regardless of how miserable the outcomes are.
A resistance to connecting with others via current social media can be as distracting as those who are obsessively addicted to the small screen clutched in their hand.
I couldn’t agree more about the comment that not being good at computers can suit us completely because then we don’t have to engage, to step up or to step out of our comfort zone. I often feel a bit of frustration when I am asked to help someone I know can’t be bothered to learn something for themselves.
Lucy, I have spent a lifetime asking others to either show me how to do something or asking them to do something for me, rather than getting on and doing it myself or working out how to do it. It is a very self limiting behaviour and has been called out yet again recently by someone in my life. They, in no uncertain terms, let me know that what I am doing is dumbing myself down and they weren’t going to accept this watered down version of me. Time for me to go deeper again. And also just to add that it is so very supportive when we can lovingly call things out in others, this is one of the many ways that we can support our fellow brothers to evolve.
Yes, I play this game in other areas of my life too so that I don’t have to take responsibility for what is being asked of me.
I have also attended a course with Simon on computers and found the way he presents is very inspiring and supportive, breaking down all the beliefs and ideals we hold about ourselves that is just a game we play so that we can further delay.
As is so often the case, its not that things are necessarily that hard to do, but if our relationship to them gets in the way and turns the molehill into a mountain then it can seem impossible. Beautiful confirmation that Simon offers such a simple, lived reflection to let you put your stuff down and just see it for what it is.
‘That our relationship with any-thing is merely a reflection of an aspect of our relationship with ourselves. …..then we have lost sight of the fact that it is ‘us’ that has set it in motion’ – this is so true. We make it about others and all it is mirroring what needs to be addressed or healed.
“…. the revelation that Simon had supported me to come to was that our relationship with any-thing is merely a reflection of an aspect of our relationship with ourselves.” Understanding and applying this to one’s life can free us from ‘the world doing me, to me doing the world’.
It is hugely ironic that the thing we so greatly crave, recognition, has the consequences we would so often not choose.
What a beautiful way to approach a relationship with technology – take the time to unhook the anchors that stop you FIRST… debunk the myths and mysteries that we carry around, and then get into the practical aspects. Once the initial work is done, then you can see clearly, and increasingly computers are about makings things easy – not difficult.
Great summary Simon, and I can’t help thinking this approach could be applied to other relationships in our lives.
I adore the honest and funny way you write. I also love what you have shared on social media. It is confirming and evolutionary for me and for many others, that is a win win situation for all.
And just imagine if every teacher, everyone who instructed anything, knew that, as Simon demonstrated, all we have to do is hold people with love, and they will learn whatever it is that they are there to learn.
I really enjoyed reading this super-honest account of how your spirit had created an ‘issue with computers’ in order to keep the identification and competition going and feed itself. It helped me see how I do similar things in different areas of my life and is a great reminder of everything that occurs in our life is a reflection of our inner relationship with ourself first. Living in reaction to outside events keeps us from feeling this fact so much, and we lose the opportunity to evolve through reading the source of why things are happening in our lives when we do so.