A Four Week Computer Course with Simon Asquith that Changed my Life

A bold statement you may think but allow me to elaborate. Last year I signed up for a basic four week computer course with Simon Asquith. Up until that point my relationship with computers had been, what can only be described as ‘rather strained’. My relationship was ok as long as I stuck to basic emailing and didn’t try to do anything new, but as soon as I tried to do anything new, I invariably ended up spending what felt like an inordinate length of time repeating the same dead end moves over and over again, getting increasingly more frustrated, until I eventually had some sort of minor breakdown.

And as far as my relationship with social media went, well we were not even on speaking terms, I had blanked her from the very beginning.

On gathering online in week one, it was of no surprise at all to find out that the other 3 woman on the course were of a similar age to me and a brief chat was enough to reveal that we all shared similar experiences and feelings about our relationship with computers and social media; that is, apart from one of the other women who had been working with Simon previously and whose relationship with computers was enviably healthier.

So after our initial sharing I was keen to get on and learn, I sat poised, ready to put pen to paper, eager to write down some steps that would enable me to ‘friend someone’ on Facebook or tweet a funny incident on Twitter. I could feel the frustration in my body rise when Simon suggested that we delve a little deeper into our relationship with computers. I didn’t have time for that, or so I felt. So it was with some reluctance that I sat and listened to what the others had to say.

What I found astonishing is the speed with which things transpired for everyone in the group. With the gentle and masterful guidance of Simon, we were each able to start to unpick the stitches – that up until that point, had held a rather taut canopy over our view of our relationship with computers and indeed technology in general. What I began to clearly see, is that I was actually invested in my relationship with computers and social media being difficult. You see, when I got honest with myself, I discovered that I like to see myself as someone who doesn’t ‘run with the herd’ and so as the herd were all running with social media, I was intent on running the other way!

In an instant I was able to recall that I had been the last person that I knew to get a mobile phone and then having got a phone, (reluctantly and purely out of necessity) I was the last person to get a smart phone. Specific instances seemed to be automatically coming up from my body, as if some invisible secretary had been sent to find files that would serve as evidence for my newly awakened suspicions. For example, I recalled being asked by a security guard for my mobile phone number and with a silent drum roll, I shared that I didn’t have a phone. I then waited rather expectantly for some sort of recognition. The level of surprise in his voice about the fact that I didn’t have a phone, was hardly detectable – but like a junky who has just found a spec of heroin, I snuffled it up none the less.

Similarly I recalled getting lost on the way to see my son play basketball. I pulled over and asked someone for directions, they used their phone to look up where the courts were and enquired as to how come I didn’t have that facility on my phone. Ah wonderful, another opportunity to show how special I was. What seemed to escape me completely was that in order for me to seemingly stand out from the crowd, for what amounted to a matter of seconds, I was actually choosing to make life pretty damn hard for myself!

What I have come to understand from attending presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is that the part of me that I can feel that is on the constant lookout for any skerrick of recognition is called the spirit, and it is forever looking to know itself through identification. The more that I am able to let go of identification, the more I can feel that I am connecting to my soul, which is the inner-most part of all of us. When I glimpse my soul, I can feel how voluminous it is and how it needs nothing to confirm itself, it is, in itself a living knowingness.

As a result of beginning to understand the difference between spirit and soul, I can feel in my body that not only does the spirit have an insatiable appetite, but also that it will take anything at all that sets it apart from others. I myself have paraded the most awful details about myself to others, purely for the nod of acknowledgement that I knew my appalling behaviour would get. A raised eyebrow, a frown, a shake of the head, a tut-tut, a look of disgust and even rejection are all forms of recognition that I was seeking identification by, regardless of how that recognition came.

As if I hadn’t accumulated enough evidence already, another more recent scenario resurfaced from my body. I had gone to lunch with work colleagues and the conversation had turned to Facebook. I was the only person on the table who wasn’t on Facebook and I could feel myself absolutely relishing the attention that I was getting. I was confirmed, again just for the length of time that the spotlight was on me and my spirit was loving the time and attention!

What I was getting to see more and more clearly was that it was actually ‘me that had set up my whole dire relationship with technology and social media. My relationship with technology and social media was simply a reflection of a part of me that wanted to stand out from the crowd.

What I have shared so far, I shared effortlessly with the computer course group but what I am about to share, had to be manually wrenched from my own throat. For most of my life I have felt like I was in competition with others, l felt that life was a bit like a horse race and I was constantly vying for position. As part of the imagined race, I had at times done things to hinder others’ attempts to get, what I perceived to be, ‘ahead of me’. What I could feel skulking deep within my body, was that part of my reluctance to enter into the world of social media was because I knew that the things I would share, would enable others to evolve – and part of me didn’t want others to evolve more than me. There, I said it.

As these revelations came out of my body, I could feel invisible blocks being lifted, I knew that my relationship with technology and social media had already changed. However it was not just my relationship with technology and social media that had shifted, because the revelation that Simon had supported me to come to was that our relationship with any-thing is merely a reflection of an aspect of our relationship with ourselves. Once we go into thinking that it is the object or indeed the other person that is to blame then we have lost sight of the fact that it is ‘us that has set it in motion.

I cannot finish this article without thanking Simon Asquith for the tender care with which he held and guided the group and for the opportunity to see and feel the true beauty and vulnerability that is naturally held within all men. When the group commented on the extraordinary wisdom that Simon was bringing through, he graciously side stepped the compliments but the truth is, it is his dedication to the way that he lives that allows such love and wisdom to flow through him.

By Alexis Stewart, a woman who is coming to feel her true worth, partner of an increasingly beautiful man, mum to a stunning boy, dedicated student of The Way of The Livingness, Care worker, Yoga Teacher

Related Reading:
I am Amazing just for Being Me
From Recognition to True Love – One Student’s Unfolding
Our Relationship with Ourselves is the Start of All Things

491 thoughts on “A Four Week Computer Course with Simon Asquith that Changed my Life

  1. I am starting to understand how my relationship to anything in my life is important. Thank you Alexis for exposing the fact that the spirit wants recognition. I have branched out a little more in to the world of technology but need to do a lot more!

  2. We can deny and protest all we like, but the situations in life we find ourselves in are no coincidence. I feel you have hit on a raw nerve for us all Alexis, where often our perceived weaknesses serve a purpose in keeping us trapped. Like a kids story book that gets read every night, we keep repeating the story to keep ourselves ‘safe’ and protected. But all this actually does is block our development and growth and what we have to bring to life.

  3. The fact that you booked to go on this computer course in the first place shows that you were willing to let go of the recognition you once relished in being a ‘technophobe’ … no wonder you had an invisible secretary downloading files of previous incidents!!! Your Soul obviously must have known what a clearing and healing this would be for you and so was getting prepared. And who would have thought going on a computer course would be a clearing and healing! This a testimony to Simon Asquith and the space he was holding for you during the course .. as well what you were willing to let go of.

  4. This is an amazing revealing blog of recognition of behaviour I see in myself. To stay seperate from others and not support them in any way by not living and sharing who I truly am, it is a huge subject to tackle and get to grips with to evolve ourselves and so evolve others.

      1. What became clear Matilda in reading your comment “Yes to this…taking responsibility for ourselves and in so doing giving everyone else the space to do the same, so that we can evolve together” is that the converse is also true, in that for the years that I didn’t take responsibility for myself I repeatedly encroached on the space of others, thereby hindering everyone’s ability to freely evolve together.

  5. ‘As soon as I tried to do anything new, I invariably ended up spending what felt like an inordinate length of time repeating the same dead end moves over and over again, getting increasingly more frustrated, until I eventually had some sort of minor breakdown’. I’m sure many can relate to this sentence! Great to read about someone who is coming through this with the right support…

  6. It’s incredible to observe how the need for some sort of individuality can completely rule the show, and in ways we would not have obviously detected.

  7. The description of wanting to get on and into the heart of the matter is one I have wrestled with for a long time. I’m not much for planning but sometimes it does pay to take a step back and analyse the situation. That in the long run can save a lot of wasted energy, particularly if we have a sort of spell to break for want of a better description, talking and reflecting is one way I have found that I have gained greater understanding and an easier way to do things. A clearing of a pattern of behaviour which is old and unwanted.

  8. ‘,,,that our relationship with any-thing is merely a reflection of an aspect of our relationship with ourselves…’ – this is so true and I really love what is shared here – and wow I can really see the truth in this. The fact is we have a relationship with everything and it is all on different levels – and this is a great reflection to where we are in ourselves. I know my relationship with food and my spirit wanting to be rebellious sometimes is reflective of me not truly nurturing myself – wow everything comes around to show us where we can deepen.

  9. We can create difficulties in life to not have to feel amazing… sounds silly but I have experienced this too and life on earth alone is one big example of this: how we can make life very difficult for ourselves. Yet why? It does make sense that it is to avoid simplicity and evolving back to living lovingly from the impulses of our Soul and in that way inspiring everyone to do the same.

    1. It really highlights how powerful our choices are – it’s like the saying ‘be careful what you wish for’ or in this case – what we choose comes with responsibility because what we express will then be the love we and everyone else can also choose and re-choose from.

  10. I love how you went to Simon for some straight forward valuable tips and he asked you to go to another level that was so, so much more, which you did. I can turn up to training and have an attitude of, just give me what I what want to know and then I can carry on doing a ‘good job’. But when I don’t observe and read a situation and what it’s calling for – when I want to stay unaware and settle for plastering up the cracks – then everyone loses, big time. Same is true when I’m being asked to just deliver solutions and I don’t heed the call to bring through what’s actually being called for, because it does require me to live in a way that isn’t about recognition, but a humble and beautiful allowing of what is there to be expressed so all benefit and grow.

  11. The depth of honesty shared here is without doubt inspiring, pattern busting and transformative. Since first reading this article, I have put myself under a microscope to investigate my true levels of honesty and it has been revealing and shocking… it has also meant I have had very clear choices and support to change and the ongoing impact is huge. What I find amazing is how simple life is without the veils of lies and facades I have lived enmeshed with – the truth is simply that… the truth.

  12. I love your style of writing Alexis – this line was a corker – “Specific instances seemed to be automatically coming up from my body, as if some invisible secretary had been sent to find files that would serve as evidence for my newly awakened suspicions.”

    But jokes aside, when we make a decision to be honest and get real about something, the body and Soul come together to support you to find and see the truth. It is the magic of God at work.

  13. How often do we try to address a problem, issue or area of doubt whilst trying SO hard to not look at the actual CAUSE of this issue…. Only to find that a quick band-aid approach doesn’t work and we’re going to circle back to the same point anyway!

  14. Funny how we can feel stagnant or stuck on one area of our life and so we cannot in effect move on in other areas either – and then when something clears from this one area, it is like a rubber band effect where everything then has permission to move on with seemingly amazing speed. There is a time that we must allow for ourselves to explore those areas and give permission for it to unfold, in its own time…

    1. Well said Henrietta. The truth is there is no such thing as ‘one area’ of our lives because life can’t be segmented as such. Our life is simply One life where each assumed ‘segment’ bleeds into the other, so you are spot on when you say that one area affects another. Certainly I have found that clearing my block with computers and technology has lifted a massive block from my body, and that block was in fact affecting all areas of my entire life because the block was with me all ways and hence the space that the removal of the block has left is also with me always.

  15. Part of truly taking in what another offers is to allow ourselves to be students, that way we are open to the reflection that another brings.

  16. Thank you Alexis for sharing this. It confirms so much of what I have been experiencing lately in that I have invested in life being hard. Because in the victimhood, ‘sneaky’ behaviours, withdrawing and temper tantrums I get identification. And the spirit absolutely loves all of this and cannot get enough. The more I listen to my body in these moments of loving/relishing in identification the more I feel the truth of what that love and investment in being recognised truly is.

    1. Leigh, thanks for pointing out that ‘the spirit can’t get enough’ because it can’t, it’s appetite for identification is absolutely insatiable and it will take anything, literally anything at all that sets it apart from others.

      1. It is always good to have this reminder of the insatiable spirit, who will do everything possible to not feel the fullness of love it has separated from to live in a lesser form. It does not card if it trashes the body in the process as there is always another one to hop into next lifetime to repeat the process all over again (until we make the choice stop the cycle and return to love in full).

  17. It is never too late to learn new things and what is great is that everything is a reflection if we choose to see it. We can then either embrace it and learn from it or fight and resist it. The choice is always ours.

  18. Its great how in the course Simon asked you to go a little bit deeper and look at your relationship with computers, what is the energy you are bringing and moving when using a computer, its an interesting question which can be applied to anything we do – as there is always more than the physical so to speak, there is the energy that is driving our being.

    1. Harry yes indeed, there is so much more than the physical. We come from formlessness and are returning back to that same formlessness but for now we are in form and the form is supporting us to know who we are and know who we are not.

  19. Thank you Alexis, your sharing here lead me to realise it’s not the things we don’t know or understand that hold us back but the attitude and approach we have. This fear and anxiety is what provides the main obstacle – as thick as the China Wall – until we decide to drop it all and just come to the day’s events with a clean slate.

    1. Exactly Joseph, we get caught up in what’s in front of us, overlooking the fact that it is what’s inside of us that is bringing about what we experience ‘in front’ of us.

    1. Being on our own is a very unnatural and in some ways untrue state of being, as the truth is that whether we have anybody in close proximity to us or not, we are forever and always part of the complete whole, which encompasses the entire lot of every-thing and every-one.

  20. What an amazing blog, exposing our insatiable need for recognition in any way possible. It is our reluctance to evolve that is keeping us behind, and in this is keeping to seek recognition. We are able to be so much more when we allow ourselves to feel our wayward ways and get to feel the truth that we don’t need recognition as we are held by the love for ourselves and the love that is from all around us, our universality as human beings.

    1. You have expanded on this beautifully Benkt. We are regal beyond measure and yet shuffle the Earth as if we don’t have two brass farthings to rub together and all as a result of our own choices.

    1. Yes, yes and yes and when we don’t bring our love and care to something then it feels dead and lifeless. The love and care that we are speaking of is actually ‘us’ and so what we are in fact saying is ‘when we bring us to whatever it is that we are doing then we are in fact bringing love and care’.

    1. Which really goes to show that the alchemy hat can be worn by anyone, regardless of their exterior garb and as more and more people return to the truth of who we all are, then so too will the number of alchemists increase and be peppered throughout all levels of society.

  21. It’s fantastic to re-read your blog this morning Alexis as yesterday I attended one of Simon Asquith’s great ‘Media Classes’ – (soon to be re-titled Master Class for sure!). What was shared was the essence of your sharing, which is the experience we are having is based on our own approach and relationship with our computer. The computer can’t offer more than we are willing to share of our own willingness. Like all relationships we are pivotal in the quality that is reflected back.

  22. Yesterday I attended my first IT online class with Simon and Wow, it was an unravelling and so gently powerful! Like Alexis I’m seeing my problems with technology have actually been more about a pattern of disregard and not completing things and holding back in other areas of my life too … it was so important to feel that before diving into the practicalities of how to get things in order!

  23. A brilliant exposure of the smallest of detail can bring recognition and approval from another, rather than accepting ourselves. Thank you Alexis – an inspiring read.
    “I myself have paraded the most awful details about myself to others, purely for the nod of acknowledgement that I knew my appalling behaviour would get. A raised eyebrow, a frown, a shake of the head, a tut-tut, a look of disgust and even rejection are all forms of recognition that I was seeking identification by, regardless of how that recognition came”.

  24. Alexis, I can so relate to what you have shared in this article, thank you for your honesty and for being willing to go there, it exposes a lot in my relationship with technology and social media.

  25. I’ve just started a ‘Simon’ computer course and everything you have stated, Alexis about Simon Asquith’s presentation is my experience. Firstly what Simon presents is not just the nuts and bolts about how it works, but our actual relationship with technology. He has a very insightful and wise understanding that it is first about our relationship with technology, the opportunities technology offers us has a humanity and to expose any blocks such as what you have shared Alexis that gets in the way. Once we bring all this to the ‘workings’ of the computer, it is a whole new experience, I have discovered, it is one of openness, and ease, and not to leave out a confidence that is emerging…no more mystery around the computer. It is not mysterious at all.

  26. Wow. A difficult relationship of any sort is actually a hinderance of our own making. Your blog helps me to see that letting go of these abusive ways is as simple as being honest and understanding with myself.

  27. Letting go of doing it the hard way on our own and opening up to genuine support from others…beautiful.

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