A Four Week Computer Course with Simon Asquith that Changed my Life

A bold statement you may think but allow me to elaborate. Last year I signed up for a basic four week computer course with Simon Asquith. Up until that point my relationship with computers had been, what can only be described as ‘rather strained’. My relationship was ok as long as I stuck to basic emailing and didn’t try to do anything new, but as soon as I tried to do anything new, I invariably ended up spending what felt like an inordinate length of time repeating the same dead end moves over and over again, getting increasingly more frustrated, until I eventually had some sort of minor breakdown.

And as far as my relationship with social media went, well we were not even on speaking terms, I had blanked her from the very beginning.

On gathering online in week one, it was of no surprise at all to find out that the other 3 woman on the course were of a similar age to me and a brief chat was enough to reveal that we all shared similar experiences and feelings about our relationship with computers and social media; that is, apart from one of the other women who had been working with Simon previously and whose relationship with computers was enviably healthier.

So after our initial sharing I was keen to get on and learn, I sat poised, ready to put pen to paper, eager to write down some steps that would enable me to ‘friend someone’ on Facebook or tweet a funny incident on Twitter. I could feel the frustration in my body rise when Simon suggested that we delve a little deeper into our relationship with computers. I didn’t have time for that, or so I felt. So it was with some reluctance that I sat and listened to what the others had to say.

What I found astonishing is the speed with which things transpired for everyone in the group. With the gentle and masterful guidance of Simon, we were each able to start to unpick the stitches – that up until that point, had held a rather taut canopy over our view of our relationship with computers and indeed technology in general. What I began to clearly see, is that I was actually invested in my relationship with computers and social media being difficult. You see, when I got honest with myself, I discovered that I like to see myself as someone who doesn’t ‘run with the herd’ and so as the herd were all running with social media, I was intent on running the other way!

In an instant I was able to recall that I had been the last person that I knew to get a mobile phone and then having got a phone, (reluctantly and purely out of necessity) I was the last person to get a smart phone. Specific instances seemed to be automatically coming up from my body, as if some invisible secretary had been sent to find files that would serve as evidence for my newly awakened suspicions. For example, I recalled being asked by a security guard for my mobile phone number and with a silent drum roll, I shared that I didn’t have a phone. I then waited rather expectantly for some sort of recognition. The level of surprise in his voice about the fact that I didn’t have a phone, was hardly detectable – but like a junky who has just found a spec of heroin, I snuffled it up none the less.

Similarly I recalled getting lost on the way to see my son play basketball. I pulled over and asked someone for directions, they used their phone to look up where the courts were and enquired as to how come I didn’t have that facility on my phone. Ah wonderful, another opportunity to show how special I was. What seemed to escape me completely was that in order for me to seemingly stand out from the crowd, for what amounted to a matter of seconds, I was actually choosing to make life pretty damn hard for myself!

What I have come to understand from attending presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is that the part of me that I can feel that is on the constant lookout for any skerrick of recognition is called the spirit, and it is forever looking to know itself through identification. The more that I am able to let go of identification, the more I can feel that I am connecting to my soul, which is the inner-most part of all of us. When I glimpse my soul, I can feel how voluminous it is and how it needs nothing to confirm itself, it is, in itself a living knowingness.

As a result of beginning to understand the difference between spirit and soul, I can feel in my body that not only does the spirit have an insatiable appetite, but also that it will take anything at all that sets it apart from others. I myself have paraded the most awful details about myself to others, purely for the nod of acknowledgement that I knew my appalling behaviour would get. A raised eyebrow, a frown, a shake of the head, a tut-tut, a look of disgust and even rejection are all forms of recognition that I was seeking identification by, regardless of how that recognition came.

As if I hadn’t accumulated enough evidence already, another more recent scenario resurfaced from my body. I had gone to lunch with work colleagues and the conversation had turned to Facebook. I was the only person on the table who wasn’t on Facebook and I could feel myself absolutely relishing the attention that I was getting. I was confirmed, again just for the length of time that the spotlight was on me and my spirit was loving the time and attention!

What I was getting to see more and more clearly was that it was actually ‘me that had set up my whole dire relationship with technology and social media. My relationship with technology and social media was simply a reflection of a part of me that wanted to stand out from the crowd.

What I have shared so far, I shared effortlessly with the computer course group but what I am about to share, had to be manually wrenched from my own throat. For most of my life I have felt like I was in competition with others, l felt that life was a bit like a horse race and I was constantly vying for position. As part of the imagined race, I had at times done things to hinder others’ attempts to get, what I perceived to be, ‘ahead of me’. What I could feel skulking deep within my body, was that part of my reluctance to enter into the world of social media was because I knew that the things I would share, would enable others to evolve – and part of me didn’t want others to evolve more than me. There, I said it.

As these revelations came out of my body, I could feel invisible blocks being lifted, I knew that my relationship with technology and social media had already changed. However it was not just my relationship with technology and social media that had shifted, because the revelation that Simon had supported me to come to was that our relationship with any-thing is merely a reflection of an aspect of our relationship with ourselves. Once we go into thinking that it is the object or indeed the other person that is to blame then we have lost sight of the fact that it is ‘us that has set it in motion.

I cannot finish this article without thanking Simon Asquith for the tender care with which he held and guided the group and for the opportunity to see and feel the true beauty and vulnerability that is naturally held within all men. When the group commented on the extraordinary wisdom that Simon was bringing through, he graciously side stepped the compliments but the truth is, it is his dedication to the way that he lives that allows such love and wisdom to flow through him.

By Alexis Stewart, a woman who is coming to feel her true worth, partner of an increasingly beautiful man, mum to a stunning boy, dedicated student of The Way of The Livingness, Care worker, Yoga Teacher

Related Reading:
I am Amazing just for Being Me
From Recognition to True Love – One Student’s Unfolding
Our Relationship with Ourselves is the Start of All Things

541 thoughts on “A Four Week Computer Course with Simon Asquith that Changed my Life

  1. I understand that everything in life is about relationships, but the way you used this word in this blog Alexis made me consider, that perhaps what you share here about computers has a lot to offer me in relation to how I am with others. I often think I am doing everything I can, but am somehow doomed to experience ongoing issues. What I am not seeing is that I’m creating these difficulties myself with my self-fulfilling prophesy style beliefs. What if there are simple and practical things I can do right now that would make my day to day life easy? It’s might not compute but you’ve helped me see, it’s completely possible.

  2. Great point that Simon raised it can be so easy to blame the computer or technology for our misgivings or failure to learn when we haven’t built a true relationship with ourselves first and have not considered this as part of the learning.. I know the more I use something on a regular basis the more comfortable I am with venturing into knowing more about it but I can also see where there are blocks that i don’t even try to explore. This is where a loving caring teacher like Simon is a great support to shift these blocks by showing how simple and easy it can be if we are loving and supportive with ourselves first.

  3. Hi Alexis, some great points here, and it’s an interesting study to what’s underneath our decisions and how things play out. We can get caught up on the physical surface of why we think we do certain things, that we just don’t want a phone etc, but it’s actually very much to do with our relationship with ourselves and evolution.

    1. Indeed Melinda and something that I keep returning to, is something that Serge Benhayon has presented repeatedly and that is that ‘everything is energy and therefore everything is because of energy’ and so if I am resistant to something, there must be an energy that is impulsing that resistance and as all resistance is a sign that there is an energetic force at play that is working directly against soul energy, then this is a clear flag that there is something for me to look more closely at.

  4. We make things so complicated and difficult. We run programs in our mind to tell ourselves everything is hard, when the truth is completely the opposite. All we have to do is choose to make things simple. Take action and embrace any obstacle we face, but see apparent difficulty as a creation of our mind and the illusion that it it is. Thank you Alexis for this blog and showing how the way we self sabotage just does not compute.

  5. “What I could feel skulking deep within my body, was that part of my reluctance to enter into the world of social media was because I knew that the things I would share, would enable others to evolve – and part of me didn’t want others to evolve more than me.” Love your honesty Alexis. i know people who pride themselves on not being into Social media or computers – or maths – the list can go on. Delving beneath the reason why we don’t want to get into something reveals so much – and gives us opportunities to evolve.

  6. Yes Alexis, everything is related to everything all of the time. We learn everything we need to at any given moment through reflection.

  7. Alexis one thing I appreciate about your writing is in how much of you you share. In a world that feels like people increasingly blank themselves out, it’s wonderful to be able to feel the person you are, and the qualities you have and openly share in your writing – for me that’s delightful!

    And I appreciated this line about the spirit and the way it plays the game of recognition “it will take anything at all that sets it apart from others”. How much do we avoid the beauty of oneness!

  8. So often we put up blocks saying I can’t do that but have not actually fully given it a go. It feels like we so often start out defeated rather than actually fully giving things a go. I know this has been the case for me with love giving up on it without actually living what I know is true in full, it is a set up that guarantees we will fail. So are we actually willing to go there and give it our all before saying it’s not possible?

  9. You are right that the spirit, the individuated part of us is desperate to be noticed for being unique. It doesn’t matter if that being homeless, the way we dress or having a quirky habit. It’s all like a drug that the sprit believes it needs to survive. Understanding this helps a lot in life, as the choices the spirit makes can be self-harming and not make sense to the human part of us. It’s not logical but it makes sense when you can see the currency of the spirit is individuality, self, recognition.

  10. The thing about getting attention or recognition for something is that we have to be in misery in the first place to crave that sort of thing. So whether we get it and feel elated or we don’t get it, either way we are actually in misery.

  11. ..If we are lucky enough, fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time with the right people, we can feel what nurturing in education can be like… And then we have the potential to bring it to our children and our grandchildren.

    1. ‘Luck’ and ‘fortune’ are words that we use purely because we don’t allow ourselves to admit that we know that it is it our movements that are governing life right down to the minutest detail. Once we do admit that it is us and us alone that are bringing every-thing into being then the words ‘luck’ and ‘fortune’ will become obsolete.

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