Exhaustion: Living in a Black Hole

by Sandra Williamson, Brisbane

For as long as I can remember, my life has been run by what I only now understand as my version of a ‘black hole’.

Just the other day I finally put together what this black hole has truly been like to live with. It is a place of busyness – so busy it leads to overwhelm and exhaustion. This is to avoid feeling what I believed was the alternative –a very dark place of isolation where I feel all alone.

The things that tip me into that hole and consequent busyness are: not feeling included, and not feeling enough. The ‘not enough’ feeling comes from trying to prove myself so I will be included. Being busy sets up a chain reaction of overwhelm and exhaustion, which supports another level of, you guessed it… staying busy. The busy has been all about not wanting to feel any pain within myself and in the people around me. So to avoid these feelings, exhaustion became my escape.

I reflected what a good day was, and for me it was a day where I didn’t feel left out, where I felt like ‘I am enough’, I didn’t get into overwhelm from all the things I felt I needed to do… and at the end of the day, I wasn’t exhausted.

I am very pleased to say that since participating in Universal Medicine workshops:

  • the overwhelm of life is now reducing to rare moments,
  • the being-left-out-feeling is exposing itself in its truer light, enabling me to feel and see beyond the surface of the trigger,
  • the not-being-enough I’m now sure goes hand in hand with feeling left out,
  • I start each day with much more awareness of what and how much I plan to do in a day,
  • sometimes I even give myself time off for me and whatever I want to do in that time,
  • the great part is that the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with.

This is a wonderful feeling because I get to wake up feeling more of me, and do the things in my day with more of me.

So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play. As a result there are less black hole opportunities, less busy-ness, less overwhelm, less exhaustion – and there is more me.

616 thoughts on “Exhaustion: Living in a Black Hole

  1. The thoughts to undermine us are continually being fed to us. We only buy into them because we think we are individual and therefore have identified with anything to do with the ‘I’. We are easy bait then because instead of knowing we are a part of the whole we become invested in the ‘I’ and our only real interest is the security and recognition of the individual ‘I’. This is exhausting for at no time can we simply allow ourselves to be as we are, purely acting on the impulses of the inner heart – that space within that is obedient to returning to the harmony of the whole.

  2. Living in a black hole doesn’t mean we physically are void from life, however our beauty, joy, vitality and sparkle are not present. That’s who we truly are, a bright and sparkly being inside the body and not just human.

  3. The one line that stood out for me in this read was “the great part is that the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with”, which sounds wonderful, getting to sleep feeling more (of) me is my new goal, thanks for the inspiration.

  4. It’s very easy to hide under a facade of busyness, but what happens and who are we at the end of the busy period? Or when our bodies get so exhausted that they can’t cope and can’t function properly, let alone have enough energy to be busy? I am learning every day how true vitality comes from knowing who we truly are, being really honest about where we are at, and completely taking care of and looking after ourselves in every way. With that, there is no need for busyness: hard work and long hours, but in a steady and consistent way, not lost in the franticness of our own creation.

  5. It is really interesting that here you describe that the black hole to you was busyness ‘Just the other day I finally put together what this black hole has truly been like to live with. It is a place of busyness – so busy it leads to overwhelm and exhaustion. This is to avoid feeling what I believed was the alternative –a very dark place of isolation where I feel all alone’ as I would say currently in society we associate a black hole feeling when a person is withdrawn from life not busy! But this is something I have been aware of in the last week or so. I have seen how the ‘busyness’ or drive has kept me away from the connection and stillness of who I truly am and been under the illusion that if I am ‘busy’ then I am doing something. But what am I ‘doing’ if when I am doing it I am not truly connected to me? A timely blog to read.

  6. I am becoming more and more aware how much support there is for us when we connect to our essence, then there is no need to prove ourselves because we know we are more than enough. It is only when I disconnect, the idea or the playcard ‘ I am not enough’ comes out and I have to fulfill something in the outer world and thus start wanting to prove myself.

  7. ‘So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play.’ This is quite a turn around, for how many of us are really willing to see the game that it is?

  8. When connecting with the fact that there are lots of things to be done I’ve noticed in myself that I can go into a push or drive to ‘get it done’ but with a busy-ness that actually slows me down and makes me feel depleted as I’m thinking about too many things at once rather than being present in my body with what I’m doing. And when I let go of that kind of drive the quality in how I do things changes, so there’s purpose there in the presence and things get done in a way that feels harmonious all round.

  9. God is always there, but sometimes we are not and then we can feel left out. The only way we can feel left out is when we disconnect from our essence and leave ourselves and even then our essence always remains intact, it is only our connection we are missing and yes that is exhausting!

    1. We feel left out and we feel locked out and thus we spend an eternity waiting for someone to ‘let us back in’, all the while ignoring the keys that lay in our hand.

  10. Being busy we can feel we are accomplishing so much yet it can be a distraction from those things we really should be doing because they seem unpleasant or too difficult to do. However, they do not go away and the longer they are left the more difficult it becomes to address them.

  11. Reading this blog and comments again reminds me that it is my own choice to live in such a way ie ‘keeping busy’ so that I become so exhausted that I do not have to feel what is going on around me.

  12. Is it a black hole, or is it simply the attempt to reduce life to a point around which we find it comfortable to spin around going nowhere just to avoid connecting to the fact that we are doing this to avoid meeting us in our truth?

  13. To not give up oneself involves being honest of where we are at and engaging in our own healing process. This article is such a wonderful example of such a healing process.

  14. I totally agree Sandra, Universal Medicine workshops are a huge support when it comes to identifying the root causes of the dis-ease both within ourselves and within our life. Before attending these transformative workshops, I felt how disharmonious my life was, but was at a loss as to what to do about it. But with the tools shared by Serge Benhayon and all the Universal Medicine practitioners, I was able to identify and heal the underlying causes as to why I had chosen to live in a Black Hole in the first place.

  15. Exhaustion is very depleting yet most of the world population live with it and in many ways considers it normal. There is nothing normal about being exhausted as it reveals that how we are living is not working.

  16. We make it so easy to get distracted and caught up in the busyness of life that we forget to connect back to our true nature and honour the feelings in our body that is clearly communicating how to move in a true rhythm and flow that is naturally energising.

  17. You raise such an important point to consider Sandra, that we need energy to put ourselves to sleep in order to have that restorative sleep. Otherwise even though we can pass out in exhaustion at the end of the day and sleep long and hard, we can often wake up not feeling refreshed and restored.

  18. It’s a great place to start – to catch when you do not feel enough. The fact that your aware of it means you are worth more and the opportunity to claim the more that is there to claim. .

  19. How much we do to avoid feeling incompetent or similar feeling…. And by doing that, for example go into busyness, we cut ourselves off from all our feelings, so also from feeling amazing.

  20. We can go into a black hole, deny the world, isolate ourselves, come off the grid, live on a deserted island and still nothing will be able to fill the void of the lack of love in our lives.

  21. Something I have noticed often when asking other men how they have been going lately (especially at work) is that they usually respond by saying they have been keeping really busy. It’s as if being busy is the major objective and if you have not been busy you have failed in some way. But as Sandra has described here, a drive to keep busy stops us from feeling all there is to feel and learn from in our lives sometimes, and is almost numbing.

  22. I have been pondering on what being more of me means and when I was walking this morning I was feeling how much more present in my body I was and how delicate I felt and how delicately I was moving. Being more present has supported me to re-connect with my delicateness which is being more of me.

  23. What you have shared Sandra shows how sensitive we all are and how far we will go to not feel that which feels too much, whether it is food, drugs, alcohol or ways to exhaust ourselves we want to avoid how terrible parts of life can feel. I have to wonder if we all were more equipped and supported to feel then we may just start dealing with things and then changing life, so that each day would be more than just liveable but actually joyful.

  24. Wow. I can really feel how poisonous the thought ‘I am not enough’ etc. is and how that erodes us from inside, creating many layers of manifestation. It is crazy, we are not even that, yet there are many, many of us who get caught in that type of thought and spend lifetimes getting identified with, and often drowned in something that does not even exist. It is so liberating when we can recognise this just as the game that it really is.

  25. Amazing isn’t it, that in life we distract ourselves with pain and nervous energy, but we do. In fact we go to incredibly painful measures to not be and live the love that we truly are.

  26. It is great you have this awareness and are able to see this ‘busy has been all about not wanting to feel any pain within myself and in the people around me.’ as well as staying busy because you don’t want to feel left out. And then as you have said with this awareness you have then been able to heal and change this .. AMAZING ✨

  27. I remember I used to have feelings of being left out especially in my late teens and I agree, this feeling does come hand in hand with feelings of not enough. I have learnt that the more I connect and appreciate myself the more I feel the fullness of who I am.

  28. Business, overwhelm, exhaustion, these are all cards we like to play…but in the end we are the game players, and there is no one else to blame for the way our lives pan out. And so it is time to take responsibility and begin to see that we hold the cards, and we are the ones playing the game. So let’s start playing it more smartly and put aside the cards that stunt us, and instead pick the cards that will support us – and play those ones instead. Life is not about luck or random happenings, it is about holding the deck of cards you have been dealt and realising this is your lot for many reasons, but how you play this lot is what determines the outcome, not the cards themselves.

  29. Taking time off is important in allowing the body to re-charge, but what we can find is that the type of ‘time off’ that we take can either boost us and support us in the work that we do, or it can stunt us and hinder us in the work that we do. For example, sometimes I will feel like a need some time off, and I will check out on my screen (computer, TV, phone with apps etc). and when I ‘come back’ from this I feel more scattered and more lost and less able to do things. Whereas if I take some time off in the way of a walk out in nature, some time with my dog or a play with my son, a massage for me…etc then these moments regenerate me and give me more purpose to get back and work with what needs to be done. Amazing to clock the difference when it happens and I have chosen an activity that supports me rather than drops me.

  30. Awesome points you have made here Sandra! Being busy and even using the word busy can be exhausting. And these days in all honesty, everyone can feel the intensity of life with how much there is to do and get done. For me there is still a learning in not feeling pressured by the many demands in life, and learning to surrender to simply being, in and among the mayhem and the juggle of one thing and the next. But one thing I have learnt is that with the more we challenge ourselves, the more we can learn to handle things. No different to how nothing in life ever really prepares you for having children and then juggling children with work and life, and yet when the children come into your life, you learn fast to adjust and adapt and ‘deal’ with it all…And this is life – we learn on the go, each situation requiring something different…and so it is the same with life and its intensity – we get handed one thing after another, and we learn to juggle, to be with it all, and this is the learning curve. I know for one that I thrive under the ‘pressures’ and ‘demands’ that are placed upon me, for it makes me realise all that I am and all that I am capable of, and each challenge offers me a way to grow…which is why we are here after all.

  31. ‘So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play.’ And make the choice to align to what we know is true, to honour what we feel and build our livingness, to feel confident within whatever comes along.That’s basically my work in progress at the moment.

  32. “the not-being-enough I’m now sure goes hand in hand with feeling left out” – agree Sandra, because how I see and experience it, is that when you don’t feel enough there’s a neediness, and so who wants to include that neediness? Being full, feeling enough leads to acceptance – of oneself in whatever the situation, it leads also to being real and in this who would not want to be with and be including of that?!

    1. Spot on Elizabeth, and so it is important to look at how and why that disconnection is happening, and work backwards to bring it back. For in the end, there is nothing of value that we bring in disconnection, however, in connection we bring so much to all.

    2. Great point Elizabeth and this is why exhaustion and overwhelm is a world plague because so many people are living in disconnection.

  33. Great to expose how we drive ourselves into exhaustion by keeping busy from not wanting to deal with what we are feeling in our body. Learning to reconnect back to our natural rhythm is possible through establishing a true presence and quality, that through consistency and commitment builds a true flow in our movements that is self-energising.

  34. How very awesome that you made your way out of the ‘black hole’ Sandra as it is not always an easy thing to do. But you have clearly shown that life in this often all consuming hole does not have to be permanent, that there is always a way out, with your way out being inspired by the teachings of Universal Medicine.

  35. Sometimes it feels like others are pushing us to complete things and meet deadlines but what makes the difference for us is the quality that we choose to be our way. Honouring our bodies and ourselves first, and often we stay up late one night for example that we make sure we allow more rest and more care for ourselves the next day.

  36. I find that Universal Medicine through their courses, modalities, and practitioners offer an invitation for humanity to deeply explore and engage with life. On a personal note, to look openly, honestly and lovingly at our own lives and see what is working and what is not, and to make our own choices about how we want to live them. It is like they offer a STOP moment to ask, is this what i want? And is there more? As you have done here, stopped (or slowed down) the busyness train, and looked at how else you could live your life.

  37. This blog really helped me understand how I had also used exhaustion through pushing myself with a serious drive to feel ‘like I really accomplished something’ at the end of the day based on a need to fit in and be included. But not until reading this blog was I able to see the connection between trying to be included and my old pattern of not feeling enough in life. It makes a lot of sense, indeed.

  38. In developing a relationship with our essence, we are consequently building a relationship with love. When we have a marker of what love feels like in our bodies we soon realise when we are not living this love, as such have the power to make the necessary adjustments so the we can live more and more in honor of who we are.

  39. ‘So to avoid these feelings, exhaustion became my escape.’ How honest is this line! Few people would admit that they will run themselves ragged simply so they didn’t have to feel their sadness etc. I’ve definitely done this for a huge chunk of my life, although I wasn’t aware of it. And often we’re not. We’re so trapped by the darkness of the black hole, that it’s just the drama of everything that is going on that remains our main focus. But when we step out of it and are willing to say ‘enough’s enough’, we realise we have to face life in order to start enjoying it.

  40. Sounds like a win,win situation Sandra. You have turned your life around thanks to Universal Medicine. There are hundreds of thousands of people living a fulfilling and joy filled life due to this organisation. I too are one of these people.

    1. Spot on Mary Louise – Universal Medicine and its teachings offers a different way of being that is life transforming in a beautiful way. I can certainly say that I would not be where I am today with all the beauty in my life, if it was not for having encountered Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine, and having embraced so much of what has been shared as a lived wisdom.

  41. I too know the keeping busy syndrome, first introduced to me as a child as I felt the adults around couldn’t cope with my sadness. This led to a life-long activity of busy-ness so I didn’t have to feel my feelings. Since attending Universal Medicine presentations and having Esoteric healing sessions I have almost let go of this. Huge appreciation for Serge Benhayon for bringing forth the Ageless Wisdom teachings, for us all to grow, learn from and evolve.

  42. True, when we observe and don’t go into it there is more space for us to express ourselves and more ease within the day or the more we express ourselves the more space there is and the less complications there are.

    1. I agree Jenny. To realise that it is all of our own doing has been an empowering revelation, one that has and continues to inspire me every day, to be aware of where my choices are coming from.

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