by Sandra Williamson, Brisbane
For as long as I can remember, my life has been run by what I only now understand as my version of a ‘black hole’.
Just the other day I finally put together what this black hole has truly been like to live with. It is a place of busyness – so busy it leads to overwhelm and exhaustion. This is to avoid feeling what I believed was the alternative –a very dark place of isolation where I feel all alone.
The things that tip me into that hole and consequent busyness are: not feeling included, and not feeling enough. The ‘not enough’ feeling comes from trying to prove myself so I will be included. Being busy sets up a chain reaction of overwhelm and exhaustion, which supports another level of, you guessed it… staying busy. The busy has been all about not wanting to feel any pain within myself and in the people around me. So to avoid these feelings, exhaustion became my escape.
I reflected what a good day was, and for me it was a day where I didn’t feel left out, where I felt like ‘I am enough’, I didn’t get into overwhelm from all the things I felt I needed to do… and at the end of the day, I wasn’t exhausted.
I am very pleased to say that since participating in Universal Medicine workshops:
- the overwhelm of life is now reducing to rare moments,
- the being-left-out-feeling is exposing itself in its truer light, enabling me to feel and see beyond the surface of the trigger,
- the not-being-enough I’m now sure goes hand in hand with feeling left out,
- I start each day with much more awareness of what and how much I plan to do in a day,
- sometimes I even give myself time off for me and whatever I want to do in that time,
- the great part is that the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with.
This is a wonderful feeling because I get to wake up feeling more of me, and do the things in my day with more of me.
So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play. As a result there are less black hole opportunities, less busy-ness, less overwhelm, less exhaustion – and there is more me.