Exhaustion: Living in a Black Hole

by Sandra Williamson, Brisbane

For as long as I can remember, my life has been run by what I only now understand as my version of a ‘black hole’.

Just the other day I finally put together what this black hole has truly been like to live with. It is a place of busyness – so busy it leads to overwhelm and exhaustion. This is to avoid feeling what I believed was the alternative –a very dark place of isolation where I feel all alone.

The things that tip me into that hole and consequent busyness are: not feeling included, and not feeling enough. The ‘not enough’ feeling comes from trying to prove myself so I will be included. Being busy sets up a chain reaction of overwhelm and exhaustion, which supports another level of, you guessed it… staying busy. The busy has been all about not wanting to feel any pain within myself and in the people around me. So to avoid these feelings, exhaustion became my escape.

I reflected what a good day was, and for me it was a day where I didn’t feel left out, where I felt like ‘I am enough’, I didn’t get into overwhelm from all the things I felt I needed to do… and at the end of the day, I wasn’t exhausted.

I am very pleased to say that since participating in Universal Medicine workshops:

  • the overwhelm of life is now reducing to rare moments,
  • the being-left-out-feeling is exposing itself in its truer light, enabling me to feel and see beyond the surface of the trigger,
  • the not-being-enough I’m now sure goes hand in hand with feeling left out,
  • I start each day with much more awareness of what and how much I plan to do in a day,
  • sometimes I even give myself time off for me and whatever I want to do in that time,
  • the great part is that the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with.

This is a wonderful feeling because I get to wake up feeling more of me, and do the things in my day with more of me.

So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play. As a result there are less black hole opportunities, less busy-ness, less overwhelm, less exhaustion – and there is more me.

636 thoughts on “Exhaustion: Living in a Black Hole

  1. I was talking on the phone recently to a colleague who works in another office when it struck me how fast they were speaking. There was no time for an intake or out take of breath, oddly enough they were salivating over their words literally spitting them out like a machine gun. They were so stressed and were not at all aware of how they were speaking. It was obvious to me that this was a normal way of conversing. How is it we have got ourselves into such a state of over activity that busyness doesn’t even describe our days any more. Another colleague mentioned they were so busy they had not had time to have a break or drink water! Seriously what are we doing to ourselves when we forget to hydrate, that surely is a recipe for disaster? We have put the emphasis on doing rather than being, I know, as I have done this for years. But there is a difference in the being, where you can actually get far more accomplished and time seems to expand. Whereas in the doing, there never seemed to be enough time in the day.

  2. Thank you a Sandra for all you have shared here. I have recently realised how I use busyness to avoid what I am feeling, which of course then leads to exhaustion and a deeper level of checking out from my sensitivity and awareness. We are a society that focuses on what we think and not what we feel, yet we are feeling enormous amounts throughout our day which we may not feel confident to deal with. I’m learning to be present with what I am feeling and support myself.

  3. Not feeling included – for me this comes after my not wanting to be part of something, a feeble attempt to justify my choice to separate.

  4. ‘So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play.’ To see this clearly for what it is, is truly liberating.

  5. When I feel I am enough I listen and give to myself what is needed otherwise the picture, investment or belief continues to run and be dominant within my body. We are so much more than what society imposes upon us.

  6. Returning ourselves to ourselves begins with the relationship we have with ourselves. Is it based on love and true care or is it about getting through the day?

  7. When we run ourselves into the ground, we get stuck in the cycle of feeling less. As a result we can’t possibly see the more that we are.

    1. Jennifer, when we get stuck in the cycle of feeling less this is when we need someone to remind us that we are more than just flesh and blood living an existence. Thankfully there are many that can reflect this to the world and it is such a relief to know that the balance of the world is changing so that these feelings of being less than will be replaced with the grandness that we are if we are left alone and not interfered with by society and its expectations.

  8. We are very good at finding a myriad of things to occupy us to avoid feeling the emptiness within, but eventually nothing can touch the void other than learning to truly love who we are. And by opening ourselves up to let others in as well, we eventually find that we are love filled and the void disappears.

  9. Through the presentations of Universal Medicine, I have found that the more awareness I have about my body, and how it feels is a greater guide than my mind. The body knows what choices to make and from there supporting the body is key as it naturally supports us back.

  10. From feeling alone and not good enough to living aware and with a true sense of who you are. That’s something to celebrate Sandra. The power and simplicity in how you described what you lived since participating in Universal Medicine workshops touches my heart. It makes me realize that we always have a choice, living isolated in the black hole OR opening up to the infinite space of love inside us.

  11. Universal Medicine brings an opportunity to strengthen our awareness around these topics, the presentations and workshops are there to talk about and address things which are swept under the rug in other events or in our society in general. As one becomes more aware, they have a choice – change what they are becoming aware of or react and dig themselves into a deeper hole. Many are writing about their experiences simply because these issues are to be raised and discussed, and although we can all relate to a feeling of emptiness, a feeling of “there must be more to life than this”, not many of us are willing to go there and admit it. And while that’s the case, the majority will find every opportunity to bring down the common sense that is presented through the simple science of energy.

  12. Ah interesting, we go into business to avoid feeling the pain of “not being good enough” – a label we put on ourselves and hold tight to. It is so ingrained in our behaviour because as we move in alignment with that energy it gets deeper into our system, from our muscles into our bones. I see it in my every day, when my colleagues go into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, the insecurity in me can rise up and i can begin to question whether they’re talking about me, should I go into the kitchen and pretend like I am doing something to make sure I am part of it also. Or, when I am focused on what I am doing and feeling content, I don’t even notice it happen, or if I do I don’t feel threatened or not included in what’s going on.

  13. Having experienced the ‘black hole’ of depression I also remember it coming on when I was doing too much and feeling overwhelmed when I was studying, looking after two children and going to work. The exhaustion would hit me like a rock and all the strength would go out of my body. It makes sense to me that exhaustion is contributing to depression.

  14. “I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play.” I am working on that one, the choosing not to play. Thank you for the reminder that it is a choice.

  15. So interesting how we can drive ourselves into these black holes, thinking that we are doing well because we are doing so much, whereas in fact it has the complete opposite effect. There is so much wisdom, support and true healing available to us when we choose to look behind this drive, and start to understand the real reasons for why we live the way we do.

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