Exhaustion: Living in a Black Hole

by Sandra Williamson, Brisbane

For as long as I can remember, my life has been run by what I only now understand as my version of a ‘black hole’.

Just the other day I finally put together what this black hole has truly been like to live with. It is a place of busyness – so busy it leads to overwhelm and exhaustion. This is to avoid feeling what I believed was the alternative –a very dark place of isolation where I feel all alone.

The things that tip me into that hole and consequent busyness are: not feeling included, and not feeling enough. The ‘not enough’ feeling comes from trying to prove myself so I will be included. Being busy sets up a chain reaction of overwhelm and exhaustion, which supports another level of, you guessed it… staying busy. The busy has been all about not wanting to feel any pain within myself and in the people around me. So to avoid these feelings, exhaustion became my escape.

I reflected what a good day was, and for me it was a day where I didn’t feel left out, where I felt like ‘I am enough’, I didn’t get into overwhelm from all the things I felt I needed to do… and at the end of the day, I wasn’t exhausted.

I am very pleased to say that since participating in Universal Medicine workshops:

  • the overwhelm of life is now reducing to rare moments,
  • the being-left-out-feeling is exposing itself in its truer light, enabling me to feel and see beyond the surface of the trigger,
  • the not-being-enough I’m now sure goes hand in hand with feeling left out,
  • I start each day with much more awareness of what and how much I plan to do in a day,
  • sometimes I even give myself time off for me and whatever I want to do in that time,
  • the great part is that the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with.

This is a wonderful feeling because I get to wake up feeling more of me, and do the things in my day with more of me.

So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play. As a result there are less black hole opportunities, less busy-ness, less overwhelm, less exhaustion – and there is more me.

533 thoughts on “Exhaustion: Living in a Black Hole

  1. A great analogy – the black hole- and I love you sharing about how there are things in your life that are shifting. That is amazing and shows that it is all about our choices and that we can change our life at any time.

  2. Wow Sandra the way you have healed exhaustion through attending Universal Medicine is powerful to read, considering exhaustion is huge amongst the population today what you share about this would be very inspiring and supportive for many to read.

  3. We so desperately want to belong to something, to fit in and be identified with people around us or a community. To me, that spells out how much we miss our connection with our true inner self and the connection with God. We belong to so much more than we realise.

    1. We belong so much more than we realise.. so true – how can we not belong to the universe and everything in it, when we are from it and made of it?

  4. When we allow our busyness and thoughts to make us exhausted it can take more than one night sleep to restore balance and harmony in the body. Universal Medicine has inspired me to choose to live in a way that brings balance and harmony to my daytime activities and to my sleep.

  5. Peeling away the layers that kept you trapped Sandra is inspiring – once those layers have been exposed for what they are then their power to interfere with the quality of your life is finished for ever.

  6. Exhaustion is an indication of how far we have left ourselves from moving in true movements, as when we meet life with a focus on quality of movements we are always been energised as everything we do is always with a purpose to live as one and in connection with the all.

  7. Thank you Sandra for sharing your journey with us. I agree that to take care of ourselves throughout our day and making sure we have enough ” left over for us at the end of our day” makes so much sense.

  8. What you have described so honestly here Sandra is something I am sure a lot of people can relate too. So you offer them a possibility to feel that there is a way out of such a blackhole – how inspiring is that!

  9. I am learning to not dismiss my knowing for every time I do I leak the vitality that supports me to be me during my day and end up feeling tired. I did not realise but beginning to understand the extent of allowing this to happen has had on my wellbeing and commitment to life.

  10. I recently felt myself slipping down the side of a black hole, not quite falling into it, but kind of hanging on the edge with one arm. Busy busy busy I was like a headless chook, huffing and puffing with all the things I needed to do for everyone. And then, it was brought to my attention through a friend that I was going into unnecessary overwhelm. That I was creating drama out of nothing simply because I didn’t even bother to ask for help or support with all that I was doing. This brought me back from my craziness and I realised that being a martyr is not really where it’s at….but being light and joyful and completely at ease is. So, I let it all go (as best I could), and just made everything simple again.

    1. Thanks Elodie, what a gorgeous comment, I had to giggle because I have had moments like that too including recently and I felt like you were describing me. A great reminder about the seriousness of martyrdom and the option to be light and playful instead – thank you.

  11. It’s a big ouch moment when we realise exhaustion is our own making. It’s an alignment to all that is not of our divineness. It’s like running a car with the wrong fuel, eventually it will become sluggish and stop running.

  12. I agree that through the Universal Medicine workshops I have become far more aware of how I live my life and how that effects my body. It has been a journey of discovery to find that I no longer have to be beholden to the way life was, and totally understand that I was the creator of that life, the same as through changing my choices I am creating a more loving life for myself that fully supports me rather than just getting through it.

  13. When we define a ‘good day’ on not feeling left out etc. we have lost the true essence of how Amazing our days can be…

  14. Its so easy to live a life of constant motion, but an equally important aspect of life is the rest… the opportunity to take a step back and appreciate and remember that there is so much space around us all the time no matter how busy we get.

  15. I’ve noticed that pattern too of feeling not enough and going into more of “getting things done” – it’s quite a painful place because the idea of worth based on what we do is quite empty and often has an unreachable ideal like perfectionism attached – so not feeling enough is therefore continually perpetuated. Studying the work of Universal Medicine has been life changing in the sense of reconnecting to myself (to my essence) and making life about who I am and the quality I being and not what I do. It’s definitely a work in progress but it’s well worth 🙂 it.

  16. “So to avoid these feelings, exhaustion became my escape.” That is a great point that exhaustion can be an escape, saying don’t ask me, look at me or ask me to be responsible because I am exhausted and not capable to do anything… The ultimate escape from life. The question though is always to ask why we feel to go into escape and not to blame and judge each other and ourselves.

  17. This is a beautiful exposé of what we set up for ourselves Sandra. I love how you are undoing a way of being that many including myself can relate to. I love your closing line . . . .” So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play. As a result there are less black hole opportunities, less busy-ness, less overwhelm, less exhaustion – and there is more me.”

  18. “…Being busy sets up a chain reaction of overwhelm and exhaustion, which supports another level of, you guessed it… staying busy…” How true this is!.. like a cat chasing its tail…

  19. I am finding for myself and many other women these days that busy is something we are unconsciously choosing to avoid feeling – the lack of love in our life, difficult relationships, what’s going on for our kids and society etc. It is also a way to get recognized, even though it is for what we do not who we are. This hyper vigilant nervous system way of living has to buckle at some point as it is not sustainable. No wonder there is so much exhaustion in people.

  20. I agree Sandra it is lovely when we steer our way out of exhaustion and the ‘black hole’ feeling from going into overwhelm and busyness. Learning to connect and build a quality of presence with myself and my body has deepened my awareness so that I no longer push myself in the way I used to and listen to what my body is communicating. The more I align to my body’s natural rhythm the more energy I have.

  21. I like what you have shared around it feeling like a black hole- and how there are things in your life that are shifting. That is amazing and shows that it is all about our choices and that we can change our life at any time.

  22. How many people are living in this black hole everyday and don’t even know what it is? So they go to vices hoping it will be relieved when the answer is within them all the time. I see so many people being busy and if they are not, the energy of busyness carries them forth unless like youself Sandra that awareness enables you to make different choices.

    I was once in this vortex and indulged in coffee, tea, exercise, diets that I thought would just do it and none of these made a difference.

    Since Universal Medicine I look at my choices to support me and these have an impact on my day. It’s not perfect but compared to 3 years ago I appreciate who I have become more and more.

  23. It’s wonderful to feel the difference in our bodies when we stop to consider how we have moved may have pushed and or supported them through our day to day living. being aware of how we are moving makes a great deal of difference to our days because we are able to observe and gain clarity on our choices. This is a game changer in terms of vitality and support that can ultimately change the dynamics of our lives.

  24. It is amazing to live without feeling exhausted or overwhelm. Feeling exhausted used to be normal for me but now, my new normal is not feeling any exhaustion or overwhelm because of the way I choose to live, look after myself and due to letting go of many things that didn’t support me. I now know feeling exhausted doesn’t just happen, it occurs due to my previous choices, the energy I choose to align to and the way I move affects how I feel in each moment.

  25. Being busy seems to be a common antidote to stopping ourselves feeling what is going on in our body. The problem is that when we finally stop, whatever was going on that we were trying to ignore hasn’t gone away and to add to it we also feel more tired than we did in the first place. It is not always comfortable to truly feel what our body is showing us but if we bring honesty into the equation, and own how we are feeling, at least we then have a starting point in the process of healing whatever it is; or we can continue to keep running away, it is always our choice.

  26. It is a great feeling when we build our awareness to see the games we play to keep small and distract ourselves keeping busy and pushing our body to exhaustion. Knowing we are able to choose differently is empowering and in letting go of what is not true we feel more of our true selves.

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