by Sandra Williamson, Brisbane
For as long as I can remember, my life has been run by what I only now understand as my version of a ‘black hole’.
Just the other day I finally put together what this black hole has truly been like to live with. It is a place of busyness – so busy it leads to overwhelm and exhaustion. This is to avoid feeling what I believed was the alternative –a very dark place of isolation where I feel all alone.
The things that tip me into that hole and consequent busyness are: not feeling included, and not feeling enough. The ‘not enough’ feeling comes from trying to prove myself so I will be included. Being busy sets up a chain reaction of overwhelm and exhaustion, which supports another level of, you guessed it… staying busy. The busy has been all about not wanting to feel any pain within myself and in the people around me. So to avoid these feelings, exhaustion became my escape.
I reflected what a good day was, and for me it was a day where I didn’t feel left out, where I felt like ‘I am enough’, I didn’t get into overwhelm from all the things I felt I needed to do… and at the end of the day, I wasn’t exhausted.
I am very pleased to say that since participating in Universal Medicine workshops:
- the overwhelm of life is now reducing to rare moments,
- the being-left-out-feeling is exposing itself in its truer light, enabling me to feel and see beyond the surface of the trigger,
- the not-being-enough I’m now sure goes hand in hand with feeling left out,
- I start each day with much more awareness of what and how much I plan to do in a day,
- sometimes I even give myself time off for me and whatever I want to do in that time,
- the great part is that the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with.
This is a wonderful feeling because I get to wake up feeling more of me, and do the things in my day with more of me.
So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play. As a result there are less black hole opportunities, less busy-ness, less overwhelm, less exhaustion – and there is more me.
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
It’s very easy to hide under a facade of busyness, but what happens and who are we at the end of the busy period? Or when our bodies get so exhausted that they can’t cope and can’t function properly, let alone have enough energy to be busy? I am learning every day how true vitality comes from knowing who we truly are, being really honest about where we are at, and completely taking care of and looking after ourselves in every way. With that, there is no need for busyness: hard work and long hours, but in a steady and consistent way, not lost in the franticness of our own creation.
It is really interesting that here you describe that the black hole to you was busyness ‘Just the other day I finally put together what this black hole has truly been like to live with. It is a place of busyness – so busy it leads to overwhelm and exhaustion. This is to avoid feeling what I believed was the alternative –a very dark place of isolation where I feel all alone’ as I would say currently in society we associate a black hole feeling when a person is withdrawn from life not busy! But this is something I have been aware of in the last week or so. I have seen how the ‘busyness’ or drive has kept me away from the connection and stillness of who I truly am and been under the illusion that if I am ‘busy’ then I am doing something. But what am I ‘doing’ if when I am doing it I am not truly connected to me? A timely blog to read.
I am becoming more and more aware how much support there is for us when we connect to our essence, then there is no need to prove ourselves because we know we are more than enough. It is only when I disconnect, the idea or the playcard ‘ I am not enough’ comes out and I have to fulfill something in the outer world and thus start wanting to prove myself.
‘So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play.’ This is quite a turn around, for how many of us are really willing to see the game that it is?
We can only fall into a black hole when we turn away from the light.
When connecting with the fact that there are lots of things to be done I’ve noticed in myself that I can go into a push or drive to ‘get it done’ but with a busy-ness that actually slows me down and makes me feel depleted as I’m thinking about too many things at once rather than being present in my body with what I’m doing. And when I let go of that kind of drive the quality in how I do things changes, so there’s purpose there in the presence and things get done in a way that feels harmonious all round.
God is always there, but sometimes we are not and then we can feel left out. The only way we can feel left out is when we disconnect from our essence and leave ourselves and even then our essence always remains intact, it is only our connection we are missing and yes that is exhausting!
We feel left out and we feel locked out and thus we spend an eternity waiting for someone to ‘let us back in’, all the while ignoring the keys that lay in our hand.
Yes all just one breath away…
Being busy we can feel we are accomplishing so much yet it can be a distraction from those things we really should be doing because they seem unpleasant or too difficult to do. However, they do not go away and the longer they are left the more difficult it becomes to address them.
Reading this blog and comments again reminds me that it is my own choice to live in such a way ie ‘keeping busy’ so that I become so exhausted that I do not have to feel what is going on around me.
Is it a black hole, or is it simply the attempt to reduce life to a point around which we find it comfortable to spin around going nowhere just to avoid connecting to the fact that we are doing this to avoid meeting us in our truth?
To not give up oneself involves being honest of where we are at and engaging in our own healing process. This article is such a wonderful example of such a healing process.
Exhaustion is very depleting yet most of the world population live with it and in many ways considers it normal. There is nothing normal about being exhausted as it reveals that how we are living is not working.
You raise such an important point to consider Sandra, that we need energy to put ourselves to sleep in order to have that restorative sleep. Otherwise even though we can pass out in exhaustion at the end of the day and sleep long and hard, we can often wake up not feeling refreshed and restored.
It’s a great place to start – to catch when you do not feel enough. The fact that your aware of it means you are worth more and the opportunity to claim the more that is there to claim. .
How much we do to avoid feeling incompetent or similar feeling…. And by doing that, for example go into busyness, we cut ourselves off from all our feelings, so also from feeling amazing.
We can go into a black hole, deny the world, isolate ourselves, come off the grid, live on a deserted island and still nothing will be able to fill the void of the lack of love in our lives.
True Viktoria, we can try what ever we wan, but if it doesn’t come from the love we are or don’t want to acknowledge, we can build a body of love nothing will fulfill and we can keep on searching.
Something I have noticed often when asking other men how they have been going lately (especially at work) is that they usually respond by saying they have been keeping really busy. It’s as if being busy is the major objective and if you have not been busy you have failed in some way. But as Sandra has described here, a drive to keep busy stops us from feeling all there is to feel and learn from in our lives sometimes, and is almost numbing.
I have been pondering on what being more of me means and when I was walking this morning I was feeling how much more present in my body I was and how delicate I felt and how delicately I was moving. Being more present has supported me to re-connect with my delicateness which is being more of me.
What you have shared Sandra shows how sensitive we all are and how far we will go to not feel that which feels too much, whether it is food, drugs, alcohol or ways to exhaust ourselves we want to avoid how terrible parts of life can feel. I have to wonder if we all were more equipped and supported to feel then we may just start dealing with things and then changing life, so that each day would be more than just liveable but actually joyful.
Being busy is a great way to distract ourselves from what really needs to be felt or done.
Wow. I can really feel how poisonous the thought ‘I am not enough’ etc. is and how that erodes us from inside, creating many layers of manifestation. It is crazy, we are not even that, yet there are many, many of us who get caught in that type of thought and spend lifetimes getting identified with, and often drowned in something that does not even exist. It is so liberating when we can recognise this just as the game that it really is.
Amazing isn’t it, that in life we distract ourselves with pain and nervous energy, but we do. In fact we go to incredibly painful measures to not be and live the love that we truly are.
It is great you have this awareness and are able to see this ‘busy has been all about not wanting to feel any pain within myself and in the people around me.’ as well as staying busy because you don’t want to feel left out. And then as you have said with this awareness you have then been able to heal and change this .. AMAZING ✨
I remember I used to have feelings of being left out especially in my late teens and I agree, this feeling does come hand in hand with feelings of not enough. I have learnt that the more I connect and appreciate myself the more I feel the fullness of who I am.
Business, overwhelm, exhaustion, these are all cards we like to play…but in the end we are the game players, and there is no one else to blame for the way our lives pan out. And so it is time to take responsibility and begin to see that we hold the cards, and we are the ones playing the game. So let’s start playing it more smartly and put aside the cards that stunt us, and instead pick the cards that will support us – and play those ones instead. Life is not about luck or random happenings, it is about holding the deck of cards you have been dealt and realising this is your lot for many reasons, but how you play this lot is what determines the outcome, not the cards themselves.
Taking time off is important in allowing the body to re-charge, but what we can find is that the type of ‘time off’ that we take can either boost us and support us in the work that we do, or it can stunt us and hinder us in the work that we do. For example, sometimes I will feel like a need some time off, and I will check out on my screen (computer, TV, phone with apps etc). and when I ‘come back’ from this I feel more scattered and more lost and less able to do things. Whereas if I take some time off in the way of a walk out in nature, some time with my dog or a play with my son, a massage for me…etc then these moments regenerate me and give me more purpose to get back and work with what needs to be done. Amazing to clock the difference when it happens and I have chosen an activity that supports me rather than drops me.
Awesome points you have made here Sandra! Being busy and even using the word busy can be exhausting. And these days in all honesty, everyone can feel the intensity of life with how much there is to do and get done. For me there is still a learning in not feeling pressured by the many demands in life, and learning to surrender to simply being, in and among the mayhem and the juggle of one thing and the next. But one thing I have learnt is that with the more we challenge ourselves, the more we can learn to handle things. No different to how nothing in life ever really prepares you for having children and then juggling children with work and life, and yet when the children come into your life, you learn fast to adjust and adapt and ‘deal’ with it all…And this is life – we learn on the go, each situation requiring something different…and so it is the same with life and its intensity – we get handed one thing after another, and we learn to juggle, to be with it all, and this is the learning curve. I know for one that I thrive under the ‘pressures’ and ‘demands’ that are placed upon me, for it makes me realise all that I am and all that I am capable of, and each challenge offers me a way to grow…which is why we are here after all.
‘So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play.’ And make the choice to align to what we know is true, to honour what we feel and build our livingness, to feel confident within whatever comes along.That’s basically my work in progress at the moment.
“the not-being-enough I’m now sure goes hand in hand with feeling left out” – agree Sandra, because how I see and experience it, is that when you don’t feel enough there’s a neediness, and so who wants to include that neediness? Being full, feeling enough leads to acceptance – of oneself in whatever the situation, it leads also to being real and in this who would not want to be with and be including of that?!
Overwhelm and exhaustion are symptoms of living a life that is disconnected.
It is that simple isn’t it and we try to make it very complex trying to find all kind of solutions instead of feeling the answer is just within ourselves.
Spot on Elizabeth, and so it is important to look at how and why that disconnection is happening, and work backwards to bring it back. For in the end, there is nothing of value that we bring in disconnection, however, in connection we bring so much to all.
Great point Elizabeth and this is why exhaustion and overwhelm is a world plague because so many people are living in disconnection.
How very awesome that you made your way out of the ‘black hole’ Sandra as it is not always an easy thing to do. But you have clearly shown that life in this often all consuming hole does not have to be permanent, that there is always a way out, with your way out being inspired by the teachings of Universal Medicine.
Sometimes it feels like others are pushing us to complete things and meet deadlines but what makes the difference for us is the quality that we choose to be our way. Honouring our bodies and ourselves first, and often we stay up late one night for example that we make sure we allow more rest and more care for ourselves the next day.
I find that Universal Medicine through their courses, modalities, and practitioners offer an invitation for humanity to deeply explore and engage with life. On a personal note, to look openly, honestly and lovingly at our own lives and see what is working and what is not, and to make our own choices about how we want to live them. It is like they offer a STOP moment to ask, is this what i want? And is there more? As you have done here, stopped (or slowed down) the busyness train, and looked at how else you could live your life.
This blog really helped me understand how I had also used exhaustion through pushing myself with a serious drive to feel ‘like I really accomplished something’ at the end of the day based on a need to fit in and be included. But not until reading this blog was I able to see the connection between trying to be included and my old pattern of not feeling enough in life. It makes a lot of sense, indeed.
In developing a relationship with our essence, we are consequently building a relationship with love. When we have a marker of what love feels like in our bodies we soon realise when we are not living this love, as such have the power to make the necessary adjustments so the we can live more and more in honor of who we are.
‘So to avoid these feelings, exhaustion became my escape.’ How honest is this line! Few people would admit that they will run themselves ragged simply so they didn’t have to feel their sadness etc. I’ve definitely done this for a huge chunk of my life, although I wasn’t aware of it. And often we’re not. We’re so trapped by the darkness of the black hole, that it’s just the drama of everything that is going on that remains our main focus. But when we step out of it and are willing to say ‘enough’s enough’, we realise we have to face life in order to start enjoying it.
Sounds like a win,win situation Sandra. You have turned your life around thanks to Universal Medicine. There are hundreds of thousands of people living a fulfilling and joy filled life due to this organisation. I too are one of these people.
Spot on Mary Louise – Universal Medicine and its teachings offers a different way of being that is life transforming in a beautiful way. I can certainly say that I would not be where I am today with all the beauty in my life, if it was not for having encountered Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine, and having embraced so much of what has been shared as a lived wisdom.
I too know the keeping busy syndrome, first introduced to me as a child as I felt the adults around couldn’t cope with my sadness. This led to a life-long activity of busy-ness so I didn’t have to feel my feelings. Since attending Universal Medicine presentations and having Esoteric healing sessions I have almost let go of this. Huge appreciation for Serge Benhayon for bringing forth the Ageless Wisdom teachings, for us all to grow, learn from and evolve.
True, when we observe and don’t go into it there is more space for us to express ourselves and more ease within the day or the more we express ourselves the more space there is and the less complications there are.
It has been interesting to discover that the way I live in life can either exhaust and deplete me or energise me.
I agree Jenny. To realise that it is all of our own doing has been an empowering revelation, one that has and continues to inspire me every day, to be aware of where my choices are coming from.
Less ‘black holes’ and more ‘whole-ness’. And more self-awareness too. Sounds truly empowering Sandra.
Thinking you think and getting caught up with the thoughts that are fed to us on a continuous basis is exhausting.
What is so beautifully revealed here is that we need energy to put ourselves to sleep and to allow for true restoration to occur. This contradicts the notion that we wear ourselves out during the day and simply get a good night’s sleep without considering the quality that we hold during the day.
Being present in our bodies allows us to identify the ways we have managed life to get by, feeling the extent of this can sometimes be overwhelming as it is far from the truth of our connection to self and the clarity and flow that is natural from this way of being.
It is totally exhausting moving in a way that leaves our connection to our body behind as we are then propelled forward by the mental energy of the head. Exhausting even thinking about it but is a trap I often find myself in.
I think it’s great how from reflecting on how you were feeling and the way you’d been living you got to a greater awareness of what was going on within yourself and from that could then be more aware of the kind of choices you make and how you now react or respond to life.
‘the great part is that the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with.’ True, when we are exhausted we feel empty and void of who we are, there is no appreciation but a keep on going until we no longer are able to perform and have to surrender to our true nature.
Managing through life is not truly living. It is a mere existence of living with a big black gaping hole of not bringing the whole of you to life.
The feeling of being ‘left out’ is interesting . Feeling left out, or alone in a crowd is a feeling that I remember I had quite intently when I was young. By myself I was fine. But now I know much more who I am, my purpose, how I appreciate myself and live my life in a completely different way. I have no qualms about loneliness – the word does not exist for me any more.
To stopp a drive is such a honest moment as in this I am able to feel what is really going on. I love it how you describe it Sandra as it is an invitation to say more often yes to such honest moments.
“I start each day with much more awareness of what and how much I plan to do in a day“ – this is something to absolutely be appreciated, developing our ability to know exactly what a day calls for and following through with that. Purpose and having a download of ideas or initiatives that will support is amazing, and the second part is knowing when to execute each where there is the space for them, or by creating the space.
‘the not-being-enough I’m now sure goes hand in hand with feeling left out’. I never thought about it this way, or not in these simple terms and it makes so much sense. We put pressure on ourselves to keep up. What a game. Not one I want to play anymore.
The remedy for exhaustion seems very simple if we would honour the body and stay with it’s movements and the moment we are in, and yet the mind does not always listen. It is a choice we make though which is great to remember.
I also found out that being exhausted or in overwhelm is always because I chose it. I only can agree that we are the only one who can chose not to play this game and reveal it for what it is, something to bring us out of our natural flow.
It’s interesting to break down the many reasons people use busyness or other methods to get themselves exhausted – to not feel what’s bothering them, to bury their sensitivity, for recognition, because of low self worth, and because of beliefs or living to ideals, etc. There are many varied reasons but with the right support we can make the necessary changes to live a vital and self honouring life.
“It is a place of busyness – so busy it leads to overwhelm and exhaustion.” – This is a classic scenario to keep busy so as not to feel, something I am familiar with. But I have realised, it can also be a busyness to not attend to what is truly needed, another form of distraction.
I love when I come to the end of the day and I feel settled and complete, not from what I have achieved, but from the ease and flow of how the day has unfolded and the quality that allowed me to surrender to the flow and go with it.
We can become masters of distraction so as not to feel all that we are; we are never left out or feel emptiness when we include ourselves. Many people are suffering from exhaustion these days and our body’s are suffering the consequences. Meanwhile our body is communicating…. heh take a moment to re-connect and come back to me.
It’s a great point Victoria, that one of the things we also want to avoid is to feel our grandness, to be in the essence of who we are and our power, and therefore the responsibility we have to the all.
yes when we know ourselves for who we truly are, and not settle for reduced versions of us, we know how to respond in life with love and purpose. Reacting to life leaves us exhausted as it goes against our nature.
Anything that supports you to feel that there is more of you to be lived and enjoyed is something of pure gold.
Being busy seems to be a common antidote to stopping ourselves feeling what is going on in our body. The problem is that when we finally stop, whatever was going on that we were trying to ignore hasn’t gone away and to add to it we also feel more tired than we did in the first place. It is not always comfortable to truly feel what our body is showing us but if we bring honesty into the equation, and own how we are feeling, at least we then have a starting point in the process of healing whatever it is; or we can continue to keep running away, it is always our choice.
It is amazing to live without feeling exhausted or overwhelm. Feeling exhausted used to be normal for me but now, my new normal is not feeling any exhaustion or overwhelm because of the way I choose to live, look after myself and due to letting go of many things that didn’t support me. I now know feeling exhausted doesn’t just happen, it occurs due to my previous choices, the energy I choose to align to and the way I move affects how I feel in each moment.
Yes the power of our movements in connection with the body is so key. When I am with my body it is near impossible to move in a way that is outside its natural rhythm and so exhaustion it not possible. Though when the body is run from the mind it feels the drain.
That’s a key point about exhaustion being linked to running the body from the mind. No wonder exhaustion rates are skyrocketing worldwide as our whole society values mind based living, and the education process is a big part of making the mind the leader. But the true way forward is to return to whole body intelligence.
So empowering to feel the power of choice. No more victim mentality but taking responsibility for what we need to deal with.
Yes Thomas, and letting our body show us what is next.
It’s wonderful to feel the difference in our bodies when we stop to consider how we have moved may have pushed and or supported them through our day to day living. being aware of how we are moving makes a great deal of difference to our days because we are able to observe and gain clarity on our choices. This is a game changer in terms of vitality and support that can ultimately change the dynamics of our lives.
How many people are living in this black hole everyday and don’t even know what it is? So they go to vices hoping it will be relieved when the answer is within them all the time. I see so many people being busy and if they are not, the energy of busyness carries them forth unless like youself Sandra that awareness enables you to make different choices.
I was once in this vortex and indulged in coffee, tea, exercise, diets that I thought would just do it and none of these made a difference.
Since Universal Medicine I look at my choices to support me and these have an impact on my day. It’s not perfect but compared to 3 years ago I appreciate who I have become more and more.
I like what you have shared around it feeling like a black hole- and how there are things in your life that are shifting. That is amazing and shows that it is all about our choices and that we can change our life at any time.
I am finding for myself and many other women these days that busy is something we are unconsciously choosing to avoid feeling – the lack of love in our life, difficult relationships, what’s going on for our kids and society etc. It is also a way to get recognized, even though it is for what we do not who we are. This hyper vigilant nervous system way of living has to buckle at some point as it is not sustainable. No wonder there is so much exhaustion in people.
Great point Fiona, that the push and exhaustion is a way to get recognised by what we are doing. When our focus is outward without consideration of our inner (the who we are) there will always be a drain on the body as we have left the natural rhythm of our movements. The body is a wise master…
“…Being busy sets up a chain reaction of overwhelm and exhaustion, which supports another level of, you guessed it… staying busy…” How true this is!.. like a cat chasing its tail…
This is a beautiful exposé of what we set up for ourselves Sandra. I love how you are undoing a way of being that many including myself can relate to. I love your closing line . . . .” So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play. As a result there are less black hole opportunities, less busy-ness, less overwhelm, less exhaustion – and there is more me.”
“So to avoid these feelings, exhaustion became my escape.” That is a great point that exhaustion can be an escape, saying don’t ask me, look at me or ask me to be responsible because I am exhausted and not capable to do anything… The ultimate escape from life. The question though is always to ask why we feel to go into escape and not to blame and judge each other and ourselves.
I’ve noticed that pattern too of feeling not enough and going into more of “getting things done” – it’s quite a painful place because the idea of worth based on what we do is quite empty and often has an unreachable ideal like perfectionism attached – so not feeling enough is therefore continually perpetuated. Studying the work of Universal Medicine has been life changing in the sense of reconnecting to myself (to my essence) and making life about who I am and the quality I being and not what I do. It’s definitely a work in progress but it’s well worth 🙂 it.
Short but very profound Brendan – exhaustion is not something that happens to us, we choose it.
Its so easy to live a life of constant motion, but an equally important aspect of life is the rest… the opportunity to take a step back and appreciate and remember that there is so much space around us all the time no matter how busy we get.
A great blog to re read and connect back to self!
I agree that through the Universal Medicine workshops I have become far more aware of how I live my life and how that effects my body. It has been a journey of discovery to find that I no longer have to be beholden to the way life was, and totally understand that I was the creator of that life, the same as through changing my choices I am creating a more loving life for myself that fully supports me rather than just getting through it.
It’s a big ouch moment when we realise exhaustion is our own making. It’s an alignment to all that is not of our divineness. It’s like running a car with the wrong fuel, eventually it will become sluggish and stop running.
I recently felt myself slipping down the side of a black hole, not quite falling into it, but kind of hanging on the edge with one arm. Busy busy busy I was like a headless chook, huffing and puffing with all the things I needed to do for everyone. And then, it was brought to my attention through a friend that I was going into unnecessary overwhelm. That I was creating drama out of nothing simply because I didn’t even bother to ask for help or support with all that I was doing. This brought me back from my craziness and I realised that being a martyr is not really where it’s at….but being light and joyful and completely at ease is. So, I let it all go (as best I could), and just made everything simple again.
Thanks Elodie, what a gorgeous comment, I had to giggle because I have had moments like that too including recently and I felt like you were describing me. A great reminder about the seriousness of martyrdom and the option to be light and playful instead – thank you.
I am learning to not dismiss my knowing for every time I do I leak the vitality that supports me to be me during my day and end up feeling tired. I did not realise but beginning to understand the extent of allowing this to happen has had on my wellbeing and commitment to life.
What you have described so honestly here Sandra is something I am sure a lot of people can relate too. So you offer them a possibility to feel that there is a way out of such a blackhole – how inspiring is that!
Thank you Sandra for sharing your journey with us. I agree that to take care of ourselves throughout our day and making sure we have enough ” left over for us at the end of our day” makes so much sense.
Exhaustion is an indication of how far we have left ourselves from moving in true movements, as when we meet life with a focus on quality of movements we are always been energised as everything we do is always with a purpose to live as one and in connection with the all.
Agree Francisco I was just considering this before I read your comment and to reach exhaustion we have not been listening to our bodies, as we would have had many warnings before we reached exhaustion.
Peeling away the layers that kept you trapped Sandra is inspiring – once those layers have been exposed for what they are then their power to interfere with the quality of your life is finished for ever.
When we allow our busyness and thoughts to make us exhausted it can take more than one night sleep to restore balance and harmony in the body. Universal Medicine has inspired me to choose to live in a way that brings balance and harmony to my daytime activities and to my sleep.
We so desperately want to belong to something, to fit in and be identified with people around us or a community. To me, that spells out how much we miss our connection with our true inner self and the connection with God. We belong to so much more than we realise.
We belong so much more than we realise.. so true – how can we not belong to the universe and everything in it, when we are from it and made of it?
Wow Sandra the way you have healed exhaustion through attending Universal Medicine is powerful to read, considering exhaustion is huge amongst the population today what you share about this would be very inspiring and supportive for many to read.
A great analogy – the black hole- and I love you sharing about how there are things in your life that are shifting. That is amazing and shows that it is all about our choices and that we can change our life at any time.
An aspect of letting go of protecting myself from not feeling enough has been to appreciate it is more than ok to still be learning as I live. Thinking I need to do and know it all is exhausting and isolating and so un-loving and un-necessary. Appreciating ourselves in the little things is delicious when we let it ripple through our being and I’m discovering it shimmers back in delight.
The vicious circle of exhaustion. We get tired from not expressing, and taking on the energies of others, then, we use our tiredness as an excuse to not bring our full commitment (expression) to what we do.
Feeling ‘left out’ only exposes our relationship with ourself or .. lack of because if we loved ourselves to the max there would be no room to feel left out.
Images of physical black holes stand in the way of us being aware that often times we live in a (self-made) black hole.
The many ways we have learnt to manage life only buy us time for they do not address the underlying cause of our woes, which stem from the separation from our soul. It is through this connection that we can raise above the veil of illusion and reclaim our power as the sons of God that we all equally are.
The process of appreciation has been, and still is, a huge contributor to the way I feel about myself, others and life in general. This process brings us back to what is really going on and allows for much more spaciousness in the day and in our bodies.
Sometimes we just have to stop and reassess our way of living and what we say yes to. We can get caught up in the busyness of life and as you say end up in a black hole of exhaustion!
Thank you Sandra for a great sharing, I can relate to always being busy, especially in my past life, it was a great way to not feel what I was feeling, I have noticed lately that after coming home after work, when I am needing to rest and feeling into my day I sometimes get caught up with doing my emails which I recognise is a form of checking out to not feel what is really going on.
Becoming overwhelmed is a sure way to get exhausted, as it is very draining. Becoming overwhelmed is also a great way to avoid responsibility.
The busyness we go into in order to gain recognition, to ‘feel good’ or a sense of achievement is such an illusion, and a trap to keep us on the hunt to seek more attention, recognition and identification. But if we are to truly observe the end result, which is exhaustion, we see that what is being delivered is far from what we are truly seeking. In going into busyness we avoid accepting the responsibility of why we feel at a loss in the first place, as it is only through our choices that we are at any point in time. In our connection to ourselves we are guided to move in a way that is in honor of a quality that truly confirms who we are, never with an end point in sight. As through our connection to Soul we already are it all, in which every moment we can choose to bring more of who we are to whatever we do.
It is far better to focus on more of me than the lesser version. The way I have done that is to say no to the abusive thoughts and hence actions, and take the time to initiate and say Yes to my strengths.
Great point Rik, it is simpler and lovelier to focus on our qualities that reflect who we are with-in rather than give credit and kudos to the experiences that don’t actually come from our essence.
Busy-ness can be a very effective way of avoiding feeling ourselves and what is going on, and it’s interesting how that is often championed as a measure of success. At the end of a busy day, I know I can feel ‘good’, but I sometimes question whether that was because of me being me and having expressed in fullness, or because I was feeling elated because of how much I managed to do.
It’s so easy to live on that “black hole” of exhaustion, busyness, negative emotions and self talk – it’s actually now become quite normal as the bar for normal is no longer vitality, joy, true self contentment, or generally truly enjoying life. If we look around under the facade of “normal”, or having ticked the boxes of a supposed successful life, people are struggling, you can see it in their faces and bodies and hear it in their conversations. Our standards for human life have dropped and so what we will accept has dropped also. Because what we have is better than what’s going on in another country that’s doing very poorly we think it’s therefore acceptable again, because at least it’s not XYZ that’s happening overseas. But what if it’s just another but more bearable version of the misery of not living connected to our essence everyday – to the essence of who we truly are?
Being busy stops us from making those stop moments to feel how exhausted we really are, and what is behind the drive to busy all the time.
It is so interesting how the mind can play with us based on what issues we allow to run us and then the how this puts us into patterns of behaviour.
It is interesting Kristy – as there is always a quality of energy behind what we are choosing.
Busyness is a way of keeping ourselves distracted from what is there to be felt.
It’s so true Sandra exhaustion makes us feel like we are caught in a black hole – and trying to keep up with the busyness and hustle and bustle of today’s world only exacerbates it further.
‘the great part is that the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with.’ With exhaustion a world wide epidemic and many feeling completely spent when they collapse into bed, your blog offers support and a way forward to break the cycle of busyness.
Coming to terms that how we are living may well be exhausting and subsequently very taxing on the health of our bodies is a step that is very needed in our world today. For once this is accepted, we begin to think differently and our life naturally unfolds differently. This however can not be seen as a must do, or be a box ticking exercise. To truly adjust how we live to support our bodies is a very personal unfoldment, as each body and its rhythm is different and requires its own way of healing, which can only be felt, not imposed upon with what we think.
I love this Sandra, how without the exhaustion there is more of us, I’ve never quite seen it that way, so thank you. And your feeling of not being included is one I can feel and react to, and something I’m working with very strongly right now, so it’s a good reminder that it is in fact a game and to keep feeling how I am in each moment.
I like this- less black holes of exhaustion because you are choosing to be with yourself more throughout the day.
Not feeling enough and being excluded is debilitating, however there is a sense of freedom in knowing that this feeling comes from within and we have a choice to allow it to dominate or not. A great sharing thank you Sandra.
I lived in a black whole for 46 years. It was only when I came to Universal Medicine did I start climbing out and yep, I found an enormous amount of light not only with in me but all around me that I had been oblivious to because I had been so attached to my self-created black hole
How we see the world is very dependent on the choices we make and the way in which we live life.
This is an interesting read and makes me aware of how I used to hate not having plans and being alone – I was always trying to be out and fill up my day. But as I started to feel awful when staying out late or drinking alcohol, my Saturday nights tended to be me at home by myself and at first I didn’t know what to do with this. But then I was slowly able to develop a relationship with myself that now feels very familiar. i got to see how busy was a way to not look at me and my choices – and i started to appreciate myself and actually enjoy spending more time with me, and then taking that out into the world.
It seems like a setup to use busyness to avoid feeling loneliness or being left out. When we are busy with this underlying energy, our body is still running with the fear of being lonely and knows that this could happen at any time. This is exhausting and keeps us spinning in lack of self worth. It is great to see the game being played and that we don’t have to choose to play.
It is amazing how many things we will let get in the way of giving ourselves the space we need to truly rest, and when we do rest we tend to feel guilty about it. There are no end of excuses – I could give you a list as long as my arm, just for starters! Its crazy because if we gave our bodies the rest it really needed when it is needed, we would be so much more vital and ready to fulfill whatever lay ahead for us that day.
This is interesting as I never considered giving myself time, as much as I like to pretend I’m not busy all the time, I am, I fill my space up with doing. Now it’s not so much the jobs and work to be done it’s the quality of energy I do them in, often from my head – and not a stillness from my body. And if I’m totally honest I still let a guilt sneak in for resting. This is something I need to work on. I often see this in other women as well, that constant busyness and doing and feeling it’s not okay to stop or sit down.
A great awareness Sandra of the games we can continuously play from our heads and the simplicity of being able to make another choice to stop the game and live from how our body feels. The power of choice and living from our choices is pretty cool.
There are so many things that exhaust us, including many things that we use to mask and to alleviate ourselves of our exhaustion. And so, all too often life becomes a self-perpetuating cycle to the point where we accept our exhaustion as being normal.
I agree Adam, so many people have become complacent about the level of exhaustion they feel on a daily basis, we have really lowered the standards of what true health and well-being is when we accept exhaustion as ‘normal’.
Awesome, returning to our own love shines a light on the black hole making it smaller until finally it no longer exist for it is filled with light.
What an interesting expression – ‘I have something of me left to go to sleep with’. I’m pretty sure that most of the world assumes that we are to keep going until there is nothing left and then collapse in bed and demand that our bodies recuperate before we do the same again the next day. But to go to bed in a way where we are not pushing the body to the limits of exhaustion.. well it speaks for itself really.
A great sharing bringing a true understanding to the busyness and exhaustion of life we create in our lives and the true way we can live in the fullness of who we are allowing space for ourselves and everyone else from here. A real inspiration.
Yes Linda, this is true for me too. Going for a walk every day is especially a great support for me and allows me to reconnect on a deeper level.
‘It is a place of busyness – so busy it leads to overwhelm and exhaustion. This is to avoid feeling what I believed was the alternative –a very dark place of isolation where I feel all alone’. You have really nailed it here Sandra, and I recognise this too, the constant non-stop busyness, running and rushing around, making sure my days were over-full, all in order not to feel that I was all alone and therefore unsupported. And how many others fall into the busyness trap….and how many people out there feel all alone. Believing we are all alone is a great illusion and trick and it is this belief that keeps us stuck and choosing distractions and vices in order not to feel this. Discussing aloneness is a blog on its own, but truth is; we are never alone. The truth is we are deeply held and loved at all moments in time….. I’ve got to feel this through choosing The Way of The Livingness presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Beautiful realisation Sandra. It is always inspiring to hear about people who are able to shift out of such entrenched patterns and a way of living. It can feel as though we are ruled by such patterns especially ones that are life long and possibly even lifetimes long.
Inspiring to hear your experience of moving from ‘black hole’ and overwhelm to where you are now: feeling more of you, being self aware and taking responsibility. Important to share that we are masters of our own lives.
We live life in compartments, in parts and we appear to feel better if the part that is giving us the most grief is fixed. We don’t often look at the whole picture and see while one part maybe the loudest it is also the one that if fixed will bring us the most relief from having to then apply what we have seen to the rest. For me I can see it’s a trick and while it’s great support to look closely at whatever is reflecting loudly in your life we need to make sure we are seeing the whole picture. Otherwise all we do is make one part better and then something else will drop or we will have a period of things appearing balanced and then it will drop again. If we are looking for a long term healing of any situation then look how things are in all aspects of your life and bring them all up together. If you are exhausted and can see where the first part lies then yes heal that and then dedicate to the healing throughout the rest, if we stop at the first point then we have just made things better again.
Your contribution Ray is very timely and appreciated. Only a this morning I recorded in MyCycleApps the very same observation in my own life. One part of seemingly sorted, but in doing so another dropped. It is as you say a trick and without seeing the whole picture and bringing consistency to all areas of our lives, we are not truly moving or expanding.
It’s been interesting scanning down and reading your comments on this article, they have a flavour that makes sense to me. I loved the blog and related and enjoyed everything that was shared but I kind of finished it feeling like I had failed because I still have the feeling of overwhelm in my life regularly. I thought I had moved through “overwhelm” for a while there but I now I am faced once again with not feeling I am enough. Of having a to do list that can never be completely and any general connection to the essence of my my true self, is replaced by the scorn of what I have or I have not achieved in a day. When you reminding me that life is a cycle, a moment by moment choice to connect or not, I feel a freedom come over me and it brakes me out of the construct that doing “xyz” means I will feel better. I am not here to lead a life that is “better” than anybody else, I am here to emanate a quality that people recognise is home.
“Life is a cycle” and so is a year, a month, a week etc. There are smaller cycles within larger cycles. What is significant here is that if we look to ‘better’ then there is a focus, a picture that brings with it all manner of things. While if we look at whatever is hurting, hitting, annoying or frustrating us as merely a point in a cycle to feel, then we are free to move to the next point to feel it. We carry a better picture around that negates deliberately points to feel and that way we are always caught by the incompleteness of that cycle. We are here to feel and so it’s possible that that is all we need to do at times. Nothing is truly ever bigger or more important, everything is a point for us to feel and then step with that awareness to the next point in the cycle before us. You can never truly go backwards, only ignore or dismiss a feeling that allows a belief or picture to run inside you again. The perceptions of our “life cycle” we have would amaze us if we could see them but when you are in them, well you are in them.
What you describe here is very known to me, it is in everything, and it is only us that can pull ourselves out. Feeling enough comes in the end from ourselves, it is not the outside that determines our worth it is ourselves that play a game of being less, it is us that can choose to step out of it and show our full glory.
I know that trigger very well; the feeling of being left out, not being included, being alone and yes I agree, not being enough, AND there must be something wrong with me, went side by side with feeling left out. These days I am appreciating how far I have come and I have so much to appreciate especially now that I let people in and share more of myself – thus there is just no space for that old feeling to hold true.
‘some of me to go to sleep with’ that really changes how we see life and sleep, it’s not about being present in short bursts but the long consistent way, there in each moment and living in a way which supports us to do this. And reading this Sandra I can feel how I can make more time for me, and allow that space in my day, I do not have to be always busy, I can just be.
Bingo Sandra! How cool is that. Practising being you appears to be paying off, more and more each day comes around!
It is interesting to see the different patterns one can choose to not feel the pain of the separation from ourselves and that bigger plan we are part off, which is to live our life in full and bring all to it to the best of our abilities. I do recognise the pattern you describe here too Sandra, to go into the business to give myself a feeling of worth. But after doing this for many years it has become a pattern which is sometimes difficult to see and to stop and is continuously banking on my body’s energy resources and in that I was depleting my body on many levels.
Whenever I read a blog like this one I can see what is being said but it always seems like there is an achievement to it. It is like, do this and then that, and then whatever it is is taken care of, almost like a problem solved type thing. I’m not saying it doesn’t work or it isn’t true but we have a perception that it ends, stops almost. From what I see and read from Universal Medicine wouldn’t there be layers to everything and so while you heal or become aware of something or one level that would make space for becoming aware of the next and so on. It just seems like we have a perception we arrive at a place after doing ‘xyz’, when in fact we do, but it’s not a resting place but a step in the foundation for another step.
Absolutely Ray. There is no end point, no resting place, “but a step in the foundation for another step.”
Beautifully said. Here in lies our responsibility and grace. The grace to accept the constant offering of our next step, movement towards our soulful self and the responsibility to adjust how we live to support it.
It’s funny how perceptions work and I agree with what you are saying. Yet I find myself seeing a movement that moves forward, walks forward in a line and yet everything here on our plane of life is a cycle and hence moves in circles, you return to the same spot. So we don’t move forward like we perceive and in fact we don’t truly move at all. You could stand still and still take the next step, in fact you could take 10 steps in 10 seconds and not move an inch. This maybe confusing and I’m not trying to be clever or trick you but our perceptions hold us in place and don’t allow us the natural freedom that’s truly there. You don’t need to do anything, everything is already in place and laid out before you and the speed and the way you make the “movement towards our soulful self” is our choice in every way, in every moment.
Living believing “I am not enough” had me trapped in a cycle of needing to be recognized and accepted, which ultimately caused great heartache and a feeling of exhaustion. What I have discovered recently is that this living way was based on another and there response to me, something that no matter how hard I tried, was never the response I wanted. Letting go of this has been gradual, but what is sitting underneath is a steady unconditional, understanding love that continues to expose any where the old need arises. The strength in seeing such ways as the falseness they are is returning grace to my life. The grace of holding myself lovingly and understanding the choices I and others may be making.
It is quite beautiful to discover that one can ‘fill’ oneself with oneself and then in daily life experience it how that feels. As you describe there are less gaps, less busyness and more fullness and contentedness of and with oneself.
How enjoyable it is to read this honest and very relatable blog Sandra. I love how you have changed your relationship with yourself and from this re-connection within, there are ‘less black hole opportunities’ to fall into!
“So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play. As a result there are less black hole opportunities, less busy-ness, less overwhelm, less exhaustion – and there is more me”.
It is indeed a choice when we become aware of our patterns and we can see it is just a game we play. The choice is simple as it is either to continue with the game we are playing or to stop and reconnect to that tender and delicate body instead and to start to live that religious life, The Way of The Livingness, we are all part of.
I can very much relate to this feeling of ‘being left out’ which for me was often like a ‘ not feeling part of’. What I got to understand is that the choice is on my side whether to be part of the whole or not and that this feeling shows up when I chose to separate from myself and my connection to All, which includes people, God and the universe.
What a great blog and a great reminder of the game that is at play by our spirit to keep us in this perpetual cycle of busy-ness. It is like a black hole and way too easy to get lost in. Thank you for the step back, I could feel my body let go as I read your blog, shoulders, the way I was sitting, tension I wasn’t even aware I was holding.
I love how you share that when you see ‘the game’ you make the choice not to play it. I find thoughts can come into my head first thing in the morning trying to disrupt my day by telling me there is too much to do. These thoughts are trying to push me into motion/busyness and overwhelm and it is great to stop them by creating space and connecting to my body and how it feels. It is this yummy feeling that I then take into my day.
The trouble is this black hole you speak of Sandra has become the norm for many and they do not question that life can be any other way. We are led to believe that life is complicated and that in order to improve your health and your life in general we would have to put a huge amount of effort into things such as dieting, hard exercise, spiritual enlightenment, in fact all kinds of things to make things better, but the biggest lie of all is that the simplest of things and choices make a huge impact long term.
And ultimately, by perpetuating the ‘game’ of not feeling enough, or feeling left out, are we not just side-stepping the responsibility we have to heal and bring ourselves fully to life which in turn inspires others to do the same. The power of reflection vs. the self-indulgent irresponsibility. It’s a choice.
This is inspiring to read Sandra. The busyness and overwhelm of life is something I’m sure most people wrestle with. It’s great to read and feel that you have found a way to start to change this.
This is an awesome blog Sandra, many people worldwide are living with exhaustion – it has become quite a ‘norm’ in society where many seek relief through coffee and sugar, becoming honest about this is key to understanding yourself and what simple loving choices you can make that will support you.
SO many people are living in, around or have taken permanent residence in, the black hole that you describe Sandra… what we have been able to experience is that we can actually gently breath our way out of something that we thought was so tenacious.
mmm this certainly offers another point for us all to consider, the little moments of black hole that add up and contribute to the abandoning of self and the exhaustion that comes with trying to keep up. Being aware of this gives us a choice to be more aware and with no dollars attached, simply a dedication to supporting ourselves,to turn around exhaustion.
This was interesting as reading the title of the blog with ‘Living in a Black Hole’ I was expecting it to be about depression but instead it was about being busyness to avoid feeling misery, pain or exhaustion that eventually led to exhaustion. Could it be possible that if we truly stopped, felt and addressed the misery, pain, sadness, anxiety, depression, there would innately lie love, joy, beauty and vitality to be connected to?
Thank you Sandra for a great article, one I can well relate to feeling left out and not being enough. In reclaiming and supporting us in a loving way this then leads to more of us with less need for the busyness to be part of our lives.
Exhaustion also leads to giving up on ourselves and on life which then can leads to depression and a whole host of other things. Supporting ourselves to live in a way that does not bring exhaustion is so important.
One of the biggest downfalls of exhaustion is that there is an inadequate amount of energy to share yourself with people.
Let only a sense of purpose for a career, the energy to make supportive moments in your life.
My current gauge to assess my energy levels is do I wake with energy in the morning or yearning for another few hours of sleep.
Sandra what is great is that you now have a choice, a very real and tangible choice rather than just accepting things the way they are. Thanks to Universal Medicine we are offered the opportunity to take responsibility for our lives rather than just trying to get through life, as I used to do as well, we can actually choose to live life. This may not make sense until you have tried it as before I used to think I was living but there is a big difference between trying to get through the day or life and actually living.
It was interesting to note that I wasn’t aware I was feeling exhausted from also choosing to live in a black hole. I thought it was pretty normal to feel this way and thought that as long as I was able to get up, go to work and look like I was functioning, everything was OK. But it wasn’t until I started to take better care of myself by embracing self-care and self-love inspired by Universal Medicine that I realised I was exhausted and how I was living was not truly supporting me. I was inspired to give myself a chance to stop and listen to my body, and this was the starting point to eliminating exhaustion. Now, I am so much more aware of what causes exhaustion and I know what is needed to make sure I don’t fall back into the black hole again.
How wonderful that you were able to identify what was behind, and feeding your “black hole” Sandra, giving you a starting point to begin to heal your life. I would say that many would be able to relate to this “black hole” and to what was fueling it, as we live in a world that encourages busy-ness and rewards doing, a world that is now full of people suffering from overload, overwhelm and exhaustion. I am sure that many would love to read that, yes; there is a way out of this hole which leads to a new and vital way of living.
I can very much relate to the feeling of being left out, and what I am noticing for me is it is actually me withdrawing myself, not participating, not being present in full. In the fullness of my open heart, I can feel myself as a very valid part of the whole.
It is such a pattern to fall into isn’t it Fumiyo, thinking that others are leaving us out, rather than us withdrawing ourselves or creating a need that is felt by others and not wanted. Great to bring it back to how we can be the change we want to be.
The truth is that most of my days are really awesome and filled with love, but an aspect of me is not appreciating that as much and continues to look for recognition and reward from the outside instead and from there I am going into the busyness, making me exhausted.
Holding back from expressing our love in full in life and thats not just in what we say but claiming this love in everything we feel to do is what I have been noticing is a massive void for energy. Commitment also goes out the window leaving us with exhaustion if not a degree of heaviness and tiredness. If love is there, express it – never hold an ounce back.
This was a really great blog for me to stumble upon as I seem to have been swallowed up by work at the moment. It is like if I think I have a spare moment or day more work comes along and I am exhausted most of the time, but this is a good reminder that taking the time to reconnect, feel where I’m at and then proceed in a more loving way.
What a beautiful foundation is presented by Universal Medicine. What I find now is that I recognise when I am not myself more easily and know how to bring myself back. This is not always perfect and I do take things on but I am so much more aware of this now and all I do is come back to the foundation I have built and support myself as best I can.
Me too Jennifer. I notice that I can often get caught up in things which I know are not supportive for me but it is with understanding and acceptance that allows me to simply reconnect back to myself again. If I choose to beat myself up for losing connection or for making a mistake I am more likely miss the opportunity to learn from my choices and mistakes.
Great you can see the game of not being enough. Also an awesome example of how we live and what we choose during the day affects our evening and …. the next day. Something, even though it sounds obvious I was not aware of until meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Everyone should know this ✨
‘at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with’ this feels super important. That we don’t just collapse at the end of the day, and end up peeling ourselves off the bed the next morning. It’s about being able to continue the way we are living during the day into the night and through into the next day… that is how to build consistency.
I remember the day when I first had an inkling that my feelings of not being included were all my own creation.
I so recognise this one. Being busy in order not to feel – and being afraid to feel my hurts because I thought they would overwhelm me. The reality has proved so different – feeling the hurts clears them and we can move on – true healing.
Busy-ness seems to be a modern day plague. Why is it we can’t say no, and then feel overwhelmed with all we have to do? Learning to connect with myself and ‘be’ first, this has transformed my life. Staying present with each thing I do contributes hugely too – having formerly been a pride-full multi-tasker.
Another way to numb is being busy. If this was a drug, it would probably be the most traded one.
When we are in the struggles of ‘not being enough’ we will also be seeking that ‘me’ time. The time to do things we are familiar with and identify ourselves by. But when we are bringing our all to life, we no longer need this for fulfilment as we are already living our all in life.
Having a picture of how we think we should be e.g accepted by and pleasing everyone is really undermining and a drain on our energy levels. Having greater self-awareness of any ideals or beliefs that we may be holding is so freeing and I love how you say Sandra that it leaves more space for you to be the real you!
‘Being busy sets up a chain reaction of overwhelm and exhaustion…’, I concur Sandra. I have been a master of this game for some time. It’s a very strong choice to avoid the space available in my body to feel, and instead keep the rat race going in my head and in all that I do.
Love this Sandra, the games we play to avoid the simplicity of love is crazy and way too complicated than it should be. As a society we put up with relief based strategies and not bother to look at the root cause.
This is very great to read as exhaustion is often linked to doing too much physically but as you say the way we live can be more exhaustive than how much we do.
Great to re-read this again, and lets face it everyone has a picture of what it means to be good enough, and they are not necessarily going to match. So if we overwork ourselves to look good and get results, some will pat us on the back and others will tell us it’s not worth it.
This is HUGE Sandra because nearly everywhere you look everyone is trying to manage stress, exhaustion and anxiety on top of their already very intense lives. Everyone is talking relief based strategies but no one, at least in my experience, has actually been talking truth and true healing.
“The ‘not enough’ feeling comes from trying to prove myself so I will be included.” I wonder for myself if the feeling of not being enough actually comes from the sense of not belonging, but having the need to belong and therefore trying to become the way I assume could bring me acceptance.
I can really relate to your blog Sandra. I used to feel exhausted all the time because I used to put other people’s needs before mine, disregard my feelings, went to bed late and ate food that was making me feel exhausted. The biggest one for me was food, it affected me almost immediately when I ate something that made me feel tired, I would not be able to function or think clearly. With my sleep pattern, I started shifting it by listening to the messages from my body as to when to go to bed. From my willingness to listen and honor my body, I now no longer feel exhausted, instead I feel much energised. The magic for me was simply being more aware of how my choices affected my body and how I feel. By listening to my body I was able to make more and more loving choices, this just keeps deepening the more I choose to be aware and trust what I feel.
“The ‘not enough’ feeling comes from trying to prove myself so I will be included.” Trying to prove ourselves, and let’s face it most people do it, brings huge disharmony into the body and sets us up for illness and disease.
Exhaustion seems to be a very common theme for almost everyone I have met. So I am not surprised to hear from people I know that exhaustion is our world-wide plague. What you’ve shared will support many people to understand what exhaustion is and how we create it and also how we can live in a way that eliminates exhaustion. I too have changed my way of living where exhaustion is no longer part of my life. I have had huge support from Universal Medicine teachings and from choosing to live The Way of The Livingness and now exhaustion for me is a thing of the past.
The busyness treadmill is familiar to me too, though it manifests as a result of feeling overly-responsible… which really springs from guilt at having lost the plot in terms of my true purpose and responsibility, which was always to support humanity to return to their naturally soulful state. Busyness is my justification for having dropped the ball and exhaustion has certainly been the result of my sense of needing to atone.
There are different ways of ‘black holing’ in life. Not all of them look like a black hole though. This does not change the fact.
What I love here is your willingness to feel and see what has been going on for you without any judgement. When we start to be honest with ourselves about how we are living a lot gets unpacked for us to see. For me Universal Medicine is an enormous guiding light helping me to come to that honesty within myself with such love.
Not being enough is such an interesting thought or feeling. Who sets the standard to say what IS enough? Why do so many of us think that we fall short of that standard and need to work extra hard at proving that we are indeed enough? We are so applauded for what we do and not so much for who we are that our doing far outweighs the being. It’s time to come back and claim that we are more then enough just by being ourselves.
I can very much relate to the ‘being included’ feeling and pretty much ran my whole schooling based on that being my goal. Grades and such didn’t really matter to me, it was all about fitting in and being included. I’m sure that if I had a sense of who I truly was, the connection I now feel within, it wouldn’t have mattered if I was included or not, because I would know that by virtue of being on this planet, in this Universe, I am included and a part of everything.
Interesting how much we crave ‘being included’ because I remember how horrible it felt to be excluded by others but what you’ve shared Rachael is so, so true. By being on this planet we are already a part of everything and everyone. No matter how much we want to exclude ourselves or others we cannot escape the fact that we are all deeply connected, connected to each other, to nature, to the Universe and to God, whether we like to acknowledge this or not we are always connected to everyone on this planet and beyond.
The OurCycles app has supported me in recognising the many good days I have, and even pointed out that there is always much to be appreciated in who I am, regardless of what events are going on in my day.
I have observed the cycle of exhaustion in my workplace where people are exhausted and feel overwhelmed and so leave things until the last minute because they rely on the adrenaline to get things done, this then creates more exhaustion and the cycle continues. Trying to support a team to shift from this place takes a multifaceted approach, as it generally impacts on their whole life so changes need to be made in many places.
Sandra thank you. I can relate well with what you say, the busy-ness and not feeling good enough to name but two that I got myself caught up in, but thanks to Universal Medicine I got shown there was another way of living, just being me, that showed these behaviours and beliefs up for what they are which allows me to choose to not be them when they pop up and not be exhausted by them, instead see them for what they are and let them go.
Living life from expectations of what the outside world can give us i.e recognition and/or acceptance is a far cry from what living with connection can bring. With one there is a huge need and anxiety of never being enough, whereas the other there is a feeling of coming home and there is no need or want of anything – everything is as it should be.
As I read your words I feel the power of allowing myself to connect to the reason that I choose behaviours that don’t serve me or anyone else. Thank you Sandra.
We are powerful beings and if at any stage we choose to avoid that which is our true nature we will seek behaviours that will most likely contribute to exhaustion in our bodies, as soon as we start to claim that power back by the way we live and the quality of our movements we create space in every cell of our being allowing us to live in harmony and joy within our bodies.
Fighting what we cannot stop feeling is exhausting us. So then it brings up the questions: What is there to be felt? What is there to be aware of? And What is my relationship with my feelings? Thank you Sandra.
Feeling exhausted is becoming more and more the norm. There is so much about life these days that can encourage you to keep going on the treadmill, feeding ourselves to stay alert and awake, numbing ourselves from what is truly going on. It sometimes takes illness or disease to help us to stop, but why should it have to be that way? We can begin to make choices before that happens, this is what true health and well-being is about, learning to live in a way that we are not exhausted, but vital and energised for each and every day.
Feeling less or that we are not good enough is fed by us not letting go of our old patterns and beliefs while completely undermining and distracting us from the fact that it is indeed all a game, a game that we simply do not have to play.
What I considered to be a ‘good day’ has completely changed since becoming a student of The Way of The Livingness – and no longer a surprise or relief to have had. It is the consistency of vitality, harmony and steadiness I have I’m my life that makes every day a good day, and I have come to realise that I just have to choose it.
In staying in the ‘playing small’ and the ‘not enough’, that ‘we don’t have what it takes’, means we do not have to make the step up towards greater responsibility – but if we understand that the responsibility is a joy to embrace and live, and that we are given an opportunity to deepen in every moment the love we hold for ourselves and others, then life as we knew it ceases, and a new life, one of love, of truth and of evolution for all is open for us all.
Feeling that we are ‘not enough’ is an evil insidious energy playing on us,and at the basis of so many destructive patterns we play out – but if can understand it is a choice to let this energy in, and that is because there is an investment in the comfort or familiarity of what it brings, then we can claim back our ability to choose differently.. ‘not enough’ is simply another way of keeping us away from the full glory of who we truly are, all equally, something that we can all connect to within.
Exhaustion can be a natural consequence as soon as we start to live operating from any ideal or belief we may hold, living for something that is outside of ourselves,and draining our energy, no matter how ‘right’ it may seem. If we learn to truly honour the guidance that comes through our body’s natural wisdom and the connection to our innermost, our Soul, then we live free from imposed ideals and beliefs and all the energy we need is there for us to serve in every day.
I love this blog. Knowing that when these thoughts come, that it is part of a game that likes to keep us as far away from being ourselves as possible, we are then very powerful and can deeply feel how wonderful we are.
What a notable difference Sandra – and the way you share this is very relatable to reflect to so many people that how we feel and how we live can change in an instant due to our movements and our choices. It is quite amazing to see just how simple it is.
Being busy and exhausted has become the norm in our society today. There isn’t a lot of room (unless we make it of course) to actually feel what life is about. We have a tendency to fill it up with stuff, people, conversations, kids, work, distractions – whatever they may be for each person, of which there are many. Around the merry go round we go. I agree that it can feel like a ‘black hole’, yet when we do make time for ourselves, start to stop and feel where we are truly at, not just get on the treadmill of life, things definitely feel calmer and more loving.
In talking with many others about exhaustion being so rife in the world today I am amazed at how many have either lived with deep exhaustion, or are still living with this unnatural condition. And behind it, and driving this state so many of us find ourselves in, is the busy-ness that we have come to consider normal in our lives, but if we are honest with ourselves is a very long way away from normal. I, like you Sandra, can attest to the fact that living in a “black hole” is definitely not much fun at all, and definitely not normal; not one little bit.
There is nothing more empowering than having the awareness to see the games that can be played and yet knowing you can choose another way.
Very relatable – you have exposed how feeling left out and not enough drain us of energy, ease and joy and really spoil the day, every day. Great that you looked deeper into it rather than just trying to treat the exhaustion with some quick fixes.
Exhaustion is a huge part of many peoples lives these days. It is no longer just for the over worked mother, or parent holding down 2 jobs. It is most people, teenagers pushing themselves to align to all that society pressures them to be, technology pressures, work and life pressures whoever you are. We are so accustomed to the busyness of life that we find it very difficult to switch off and truly be with ourselves and develop deeper relationships with ourselves. This is what needs to be addressed before exhaustion changes.
“It is a place of busyness – so busy it leads to overwhelm and exhaustion.” I so can relate to this, I have lived a life of busyness for as long as I can remember and have had the overwhelm and exhaustion in my body, I was hiding from connecting to my power and responsibility of life. Once I started connecting to this awareness with the Support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, the exhaustion started to fade. I have also been working on the overwhelm and letting go of the busyness, by looking at working in more self honouring way.
Hiding behind being busy and mistaking activity and even productive for quality is such a powerful thing to reflect on, thanks for raising this Sandra.
Keeping busy – such a familiar one for me. Since attending Universal Medicine presentations I now appreciate the quality of who I am more than what I can do in a day – major turn-around! The busy-ness merry-go-round can lead to exhaustion and even chronic fatigue. Stop, re-connect, feel……
Giving ourselves the space to stop and feel allows us to reconnect with ourselves and we realize what we were truly missing.
That is a great exposure Sandra, we stay busy so we do not have to feel all we are feeling.
Life can become very much like a black hole where we get sucked up into being too busy to really connect with ourselves or those around us. We run around ticking boxes and making it look like everything is under control, but in the end, really we are only just keeping things together and managing the situation. But enter space, and a moment here and there to connect, to be together with self or another and things begin to magically change. This is a big learning to allow more space into life so we don’t feel swept up in the momentums, so we don’t feel washed away with all that is happening. Thank you Sandra for the reminder to slow down and allow that space to unfold and offer the opportunity for a deeper connection.
Gorgeous Sandra. The fear of missing out exposes how overwhelm is actually constructed from a place of looking after ‘self’ without regard for others. Quite a stark contrast to the story I have told myself that overwhelm occurs when others impose on me! Thank you for exposing this here.
I feel a big thing about exhaustion and not having it – is not needing people, situations or the world to be a certain way or wanting people to get it. Being willing to see truth and the reality of what’s really going on around us all.
Even sitting still I can exhaust my body and my nervous energy system with the thoughts I choose. I can do it when I am sleeping as well, if I have not let go of the day, taken on other peoples stuff, world issues (which is a big one for me) or reacted to anything throughout the day.
Thank you Sandra, I can very much relate to this ” not feeling enough. ” which triggers a belief I have to prove myself, through a lack of sell worth, which through my choices, has left my body totally exhausted.
It is a WonderFull feeling when clarity and truth fall upon our ill behaviours, beliefs and hurts etc and we get to feel they are not really us but instead more of the loveliness that is innately within us. Reading your blog made me realise, see and feel how I keep myself busy to not feel the absolute stillness within and the power and love I bring to everything. Crazy really .. why would I not want to feel that!
It has taken me a while to realise this but being in overwhelm is not a natural occurrence but a choice.
Sandra, I too can relate to this ‘black hole’ experience of busy-ness. And how we make ourselves feels so busy there is little time for anything else. It is crazy how we can get so ‘sucked in’ and then lost in the darkness. And meanwhile the light continues to shine outside should we just choose to stop playing that game. When we are stuck in the black hole, it feels like the hardest thing to get out. But when we are out, it feels like the simplest thing ever, and we get to realise how pointless, and sorry, but also ridiculous, it is to hang out in the black hole!
When our busyness keeps us in overdrive and running to an unrelenting frantic pace it indeed feels just like a proverbial black hole of exhaustion.
Letting go of ideals and expectations of others and life and self, I have found helps profoundly where exhaustions is concerned and the feeling of being left out.
“So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play.” This is great Sandra as I too see the little games we can go into about feeling left out of situations or not being enough, but we can change it instantly from adjusting our movements in any given moment. We hold the power of our presence a valuable key for living life today.
You’ve started a great conversation here, Sandra. We isolate the cause of exhaustion to over work, nor caring for ourselves, having too many roles and responsibilities, but what if these are our choices to create a welcome distraction from what we are feeling beneath? Could all exhaustion actually be a choice and have its roots in the things we don’t want or feel equipped to feel?
It is incredible the things that we will do in order to distract and not to feel. We can if we choose to, be in a constant state of motion, day and night. We think we switch off during the night, but in fact we do not. We can continue in that busyness and it flow through into the next day. This means the body never truly gets to become still, which is its natural way of being. There is a lot for us to master in this space.
The way you have dealt with your exhaustion in such a loving and honouring way reveals how truly simple it is to heal this issue with honesty and love. Yet despite such ease, exhaustion is an ever increasingly common issue for most people. Where are we at as a human race with this being the case?
It is so wonderful really when you see that feeling of being left out and not being enough for what it is. Cutting off that way into doubt for me was life changing. We are enough and we need to always know that as a certainly within our smallest cells and beyond.
“So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play”. A beautiful awareness Sandra; taking responsible for our own quality of livingness is so important. Choosing not to play the game, how awesome and inspiring is that.
Growing up in a stressed and busy environment is something that probably most of us experience. Given that this is the marker for our normal it is quite stunning to have something like Universal Medicine. None of the presenters are in busyness and they support thousands to get out of it. I have not seen something alike.
Attending the Universal Medicine courses I learned to focus on being enough. This, practiced day by day, little by little had an immense effect on my life. It helps to end depression, the constant busyness, it even changes the way of breathing. There is a beautiful yummy pause at the end of the outbreath and at the end of the inbreath. Moments of stillness where there is time to observe, feel, explore, cherish what has just happened. If what has happened was not pleasant I can get a feeling for how this occurred when I take those moments of stillness and observation.
I love how you describe exhaustion as an escape from life. So true if we feel exhausted there is an excuse to not be fully in life. Seeing it is us who create the exhaustion in the first place is a huge eye opener and so empowering to make different choices and take charge over our own lives.
Most of my life I had the feeling of not really belonging and being perplexed about why not and what did I have to do to feel I fitted in. When I listened to the presentations and workshops of Universal Medicine I had the realisation that I didn’t know who I truly was so no surprise that I didn’t feel that I belonged. As I deepen my knowing and love for who I am I know I belong to the brotherhood of the Universe and humanity. A joy of coming home to where I came from.
When we allow ourselves to get caught in the doing and are living from the outside rather than from the natural knowingness that we have from within, our body gets exhausted; when we simply choose to honour ourselves from within, we change everything.
Yes, when we choose to allow our actions to be impulsed from the inside rather than responding that which is outside of us, we put ourselves into a natural flow that brings a quality to all we do and also supports our body in the doing of those things. Hence, we can be equally, if not more productive without the exhaustion.
Choosing to go deeper and uncover what is driving you Sandra brings the broader understanding that you are only one of many in Humanity that are allowing what is not true to drive their lives. We are all responsible for bringing more of who we truly are, to each moment everyday, by exposing these behaviours. It is a beautiful thing to be living all the amazingness we are and to choose to bring the reflection of this to others, changing the cycles of self abuse that can happen. Thanks Sandra for sharing.
Sandra I can really relate to much of your sharing in my own life. I seem to get overwhelmed at times when things pile up and I take on too much. I can see I need to let go of the expectations I have. Thank you.
I know I exhaust myself when I am trying to do too much and be a perfectionist. Learning to self-care and saying ‘no’ at times has been key to not exhausting myself.
Mine is a constant feeling of being left behind and knowing that it’s my choices that are causing that – there’s a busyness and an exhausted and contrasting can’t-be-botheredness going on that is a lot to do with how much I waste time on things that don’t really matter and don’t spend time on the things that do. We often do things for other people but won’t do the same for ourselves, and the exhaustion means that the quality in which we do everything is less, so it’s not serving anyone. We have to take responsibility for ourselves first.
I can relate to what you share Carmel, I often procrastinate on the things in life that will support me and make life easier. It is a way I sabotage myself and create unnecessary complication instead of knowing that joy and simplicity can be lived in each moment if we choose, it really is that easy to break these old patterns that hold us back.
“So when the challenges of being-left-out and not-being-enough pop up, I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play.” Awesome statement Sandra bringing it back to the fact is our own responsibility for the quality of our life.
You have nailed this Sandra – low self worth is a game we play and an insidious one! The Women in Livingness Magazine Edition 2 also nails this completely and shows us how it is our choice to have self esteem or not. This magazine is setting standards world wide on how to recognise and deal with low self worth. http://www.wilmagazine.com/view-magazine.html
Busyness, doing and the black hole are all expressions of our hurts, they conveniently hide our love and our light. Thank you Sandra for your honesty and for the lovely gentle reminder to deal with our hurts and emotions with great self-love and nurturing.
Congratulations on being able to change your rhythm…so that at the end of the day you are able to go to sleep with you, and wake up with you, rather than continue the cycle of exhaustion…often leading to depression.
I find it interesting that busyness was to “avoid feeling what I believed was the alternative –a very dark place of isolation where I feel all alone.”
We can always look ahead to prejudge, and see if what is ahead is desired or not. I guess these pictures we hold mean that often we won’t even go there so to say to experience whether it is true or not, nor finding out if by going there it can all change…bringing the ‘light to the darkness’ so to say.
Sandra, such a great blog, calling out the ‘black hole’, I can relate to the falling into the black hole in the past. Getting into that busyness and lack of self worth cycle which is always a cycle to nowhere, nowhere self loving or self honouring anyway. But I too since attending Universal Medicine workshops learned about what it means to self care, self honour and progressed to self love. It has been challenging at times along the way, as there is not golden pill you can swallow to miraculously be loving with yourself all the time. There is a daily choice one has to commit to, to bring awareness to what are the unloving behaviours and slowly make new choices, more loving ones. This comes with dedication and commitment and ultimately, responsibility.
Thank you Sandra. Since attending Universal Medicine workshops, I have become more attuned to listening to my body and listening for the signals that tell me when I have pushed myself or left the connection with myself to ‘do’ a job. My body is my marker now and learning to hold true the quality of gentleness and stillness as a reference point to come back to. This is a life changer for me and has certainly deepened a beautiful respect and honouring for myself and my body.
We can blame the world for our overwhelm, which as you’ve explored Sandra, feels like the byproduct of self-doubt and bitter critique. This is ultimately the games we use to hold ourselves back, yet once they are named and known for the foul play they are we can liberate ourselves from any shackles and know we have a choice. For me, the game is called out by feeling the enormity of who I am and I now understand why self love is important in this respect, to bridge us to the love we are from.
“For me, the game is called out by feeling the enormity of who I am and I now understand why self love is important in this respect, to bridge us to the love we are from.” Wise words, thank you Rachel.
It is definitely a foul but also a fools game we play, and it never ends when we allow ourselves to give this our energy instead of loving ourselves and allowing ourselves, like you say Rachael, to feel and live the enormity of who we are and choose to love ourselves first.
I much prefer to be a spectator in the game than playing these days. The awareness gained from sitting on the sidelines is huge and helps to see why the games start in the first place. Being more accepting and gentle on myself has helped me greatly in overcoming the many games I have played throughout my life.
Thank You Sandra Williamson for a short very readable and accessible blog about Exhaustion which is a worldwide problem today. Being depleted of our true natural rest is because of the motion of “being busy” as you say is a chain reaction. Its like you just can’t stop and who better to know this than myself from my own experience. Nothing could stop me until I got seriously ill and even then I was up after major surgery wanting to get back into the busy busy stuff with absolutely no regard for my body.
My understanding and lived experience is that we do not address the exhaustion and then it creeps up to a point where we start to feel overwhelmed in certain areas of our life. If we do not stop, ask questions or even contemplate resting then it gets to a point where all areas of our life feel “overwhelming”. This is what I call the ‘danger zone’ as this is where it is hard to make changes to truly stop and rest so that the exhaustion can be addressed.
“I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play” and we all have the choice to get caught up in the many forms of distraction whatever they are, be it busyness or watching and absorbing what is there to entertain us etc etc. Or we can choose to appreciate, accept and foster the preciousness and tenderness we naturally are and just simply be ourselves.
The level of honesty you allowed in your life Sandra exposed these patterns and gave you an opportunity to heal. I too was part of this game in the past and can feel how I used it to distract myself in life, create more complication and to basically withdraw because I felt overwhelmed. The game is up now and I won’t use it to hold myself back anymore, Universal Medicine has inspired and supported many of us to let go of old patterns and embrace love and truth in our lives – thank you for this beautiful reminder.
I have had the same cycles be exposed in myself as well Sandra, I still have to be aware of them in my life, but just like you I’m aware of the game now and observe it much more than get caught in it.
Observation – That is so key kimweston2 and something I too am learning – that I have a choice to be playing and living out that game, indulging in those thoughts of doubt and self harassment or I can know full well that it is not me and will not be unless I choose it to be.
It’s funny how often time the business, stress and overwhelm are all set up by ourselves, for ourselves… As if we want to fail. I know I often have a large stuff on my plate, yet some how I still waste the time on meaningless things, to distract myself from what I have to complete… which in turn just delays the stress and overwhelm… saving it for a later date, at a much higher intensity. It’s a cyclic and paradoxical pattern that many fall into in order to distract from feeling what is really going on in their lives, and providing support and foundations for themselves and their future…
Well said Jaya, I totally know that game of distraction and procrastination. We do set it up and for me the overwhelm stays as I continually think about what I need to be doing while I’m faffing about doing everything and anything but that – as you said, this makes way for the intensity to rise also. The antidote? Perhaps staying with myself and doing what is needed rather than thinking about it! That way there is no room for doubt to creep in and tell me I’m not good enough or will fail and the task.
Oh yes Jaya, well said, I know that one. It is a deep seeded way that School and University work especially…and the world completely supports this stimulation and procrastination. I have definitely not mastered this yet, for me though it is about learning to commit to life, to build a rhythm where I support myself equally to working and not leaving things to the last minute (plus going against the trend)…and bringing it back to the body.
This is interesting for me to read Sandra as I too am absolutely so busy I can never fit everything that needs to be done in a day. Something I need to ponder on to see clearer. Thank you.
So true and quite bizarre if we really consider what we do to our bodies when we get stressed, tired and busy. “Being busy sets up a chain reaction of overwhelm and exhaustion, which supports another level of, you guessed it… staying busy.” I know I have on so many occasions in life exhausted myself and become stressed because I have not been looking after myself and getting too busy, it is a serious cycle that plays out gain and again. For me now things are changing….I am finding that life is much more about the preparation, having a foundation that supports me and being honest abut how I feel in the moment. Supporting my life in this way has meant the frantic busyness that often used to control my body and my mind is dissipating and revealing as you said more of the real me.
Thanks Sandra, simple explanation of what we do when we don’t feel we are enough. For me, it was never about getting busy, quite the opposite, but the same result, exhaustion. It is as simple as doing what we innately know to look after our selves, consistently, that allows us to be more of who we are and therefore less room for not being enough and feeling shattered all day. As much as I know all of the energy available to me, I am always amazed at how I still don’t consistently choose to be all of me. A deeper issue of not adoring myself is taking longer to let go of, I have nothing better to do with the rest of this life!
Sandra I know the feeling of being left out really well. There were times at school when I made the decision that I would fit in by becoming a different person, so I was in, however I couldn’t sustain it, I was exhausted and as soon as I stopped being the fake me the friendships based on the lie faded away. I definitely did not think I was enough. Coming into big events like the Universal Medicine Weekends brought up all those old feelings about not fitting in, and I acknowledged the feelings and sat with them. They are awful, unpleasant feelings but I realised they are an old perception, a hangover from those cliques we didn’t belong to. Another person could be equally by themselves and be totally happy with this. This time was different, someone came and chatted and asked me to come over and sit with them. I did not have to be anyone but me. Even if that hadn’t happened, now I know I am enough and being with me is enough too. Sometimes I go and chat to someone I don’t know and invite them over.
What a great trap exhaustion, feeling overwhelmed and keeping ‘busy’ are…! These are traps I have been well familiar with, and in fact noticed that while I was in the trap, that although there was an awareness of feeling trapped – at the same time – there was also the overwhelm of not knowing how to get out of the trap (& a part of me to be honest that didn’t want to get out of the trap because it meant I could avoid responsibility)… So much of this related back to my self-worth, and it has only been through beginning to take more care of myself and to really start being honest and taking responsibility for my choices that I too have been able to get out of the black hole trap of exhaustion, and it feels awesome (!).
At times I worry when I’m not busy, it’s like I gauge my self worth on how busy I am. So your article gives me something to feel into.
So very true Joe, it can be uncomfortable for us to stop and just be with ourselves when we have used busyness and doingness to base our self worth on.
Sandra I love how you describe the ‘black hole’ of busyness and exhaustion. I can absolutely relate. It is a real revelation to see busyness and exhaustion as an escape. I often find myself on my phone before bed ‘exhausting’ myself so that I do not have to be with me before my head hits the pillow. This blog reminds me of what I am missing out on when I choose to do this.
I loved the total honesty of how your describe the black hole of exhaustion and how it shadows our whole every day life. Beautifully shared Sandra.
I can very easily relate to what you have shared here Sandra. As a single parent for many years I now know that I was living in continual state of exhaustion. I did have an awareness of this but each time I stopped I was so overwhelmed as to how I was feeling that I would try everything I could think of (eating, reading, drinking, TV) to ignore and numb what my body was trying to tell me. Eventually I would be stopped in my tracks by an illness or injury, get myself through it, and then start the cycle all over again; a very exhausting and damaging cycle to be in, not only impacting heavily on me, but also on my children. Like you Sandra I have finally found another way to live, and the days of exhaustion, disregard for my body and excessive busy-ness are slowly becoming fewer and fewer.
This is so beautifully expressed Ingrid. I know I too have used a huge range of ‘props’ to keep myself going. Food, alcohol, music, TV and loads of coffee to name a few. I have cleaned up my act a bit cutting many of these things out yet the same exhaustion pattern is still there. Now I find myself using fruit, drive, social media, bargaining (rewards) and approval to keep going. I am feeling there are many layers to this exhaustion game…
What a big challenge is still for me, is “sometimes I even give myself time off for me and whatever I want to do in that time,”. For me that is still difficult to do. Time just for myself and not ticking the boxes on the to do list all the time. What I learn these days is, I’m precious like everybody else and it is important to nurture myself by listening to my body.
Busyness and doingness were my middle names for a long time. Since a few years I am more into beingness and stillness. But, yes there is a but, on a subtle level there was still a doingness I couldn’t place, understand. And then I got it, just like Sandra mentions, deep down there was, still is at moments, a belief that I am not enough. So that makes me go into doing. It is like convincing others that through my doing I am enough. But never enough by just who I am. What an insight! I am observing now when I tend to go in this old pattern and just nominate it – to myself or to others when it occurs. What an energy saver!
Sandra I could really feel how you were finding a new way of being. When we get caught up in the busyness of life we get distracted and are unable to feel what is really going on. When this happens we make decisions from outside ourselves and not true decisions from within.
Wise words Sally, I needed to read that today, as I’ve been busy outside and got distracted from being still inside.
Nowadays it seems that everybody is busy and if you are not, you are odd, not normal or probably your life must be kind of dull. Why is being busy the norm, I wonder. Could it be, like you share Sandra, that with keeping ourselves busy, we don’t have the time to actually feel how we are doing and in that way, we can avoid whatever is truly going on? Being busy is a great distraction until the body says it is time to stop.
It is empowering when we can bring awareness to the games we play to manage life such as worrying, living with nervous energy and general busyness which ultimately lead us to feeling exhausted/ depressed and once stopped we can allow ourselves to feel what’s there to be felt and dealt in life.
“Anything that leaves us exhausted in not actually true” – this is what I am discovering! In fact I didn’t realise – prior to being introduced to Universal Medicine – exactly ‘how’ exhausting my life was and how much investment I had in being driven by external pressures or expectations. As a result of being much more aware of my choices and how I truly feel about them, I have discovered there is way to live that is from my body and what is within.
I love when you say “the great part is that the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with.” To literally fall exhausted into bed is so much the norm that we don’t even consider to go to bed feeling vital, but this is so important as it is how we bring ourselves to sleep and deeply rest to wake up with the same vitality the next morning. Thank you Sandra for sharing!
It’s interesting the many ways we have of getting recognition for the doing instead of just being ourselves and then defining ourselves within those things we see as being useful or needed in some way, as though these things make us worth having around.
I also have been looking at this doing business since attending the events at Universal Medicine and building that relationship and appreciation for oneself makes you realise that you are enough.
I can relate to this attraction of the black hole of constant busyness to justify my existence to myself and having to be seen to be doing something ‘useful’ to we recognised. This deeply ingrained lack of self-worth has been exposed with my participation in Universal Medicine events and I am learning to appreciate myself for who I truly am and all that I have to share just by being me.
The interesting thing that I have found is that being busy does not automatically mean that I will be feeling exhausted. If I become consumed by being busy and ticking things off my to do list, then exhaustion is not far away because it’s been all about doing and achieving and not about how it is that I go about being busy. Understanding and working with this has only occurred since attending workshops with Universal Medicine. I still feel tired and on occassion I feel exhausted, but no where near as often. I recall coming home from work and heading straight for the lounge, lying down and falling asleep until dinner, after which I then laid back on the lounge to fall asleep yet again. I’m very pleased that this is no longer the case.
An insightful article exposing the drive and subsequent harm that comes from feeling less, and the true healing that can come through Universal Medicine when you choose to feel and take responsibility for what is truly going on. Awesome.
So true, I have been down that road to be busy to be accepted, it’s so very draining. When I finally realised I am enough already, the energy level began to rise and the wasted energy on being accepted stopped in its tracks.
thanks Sandra. My understanding of a good day now has changed forever. a Great day is one where I feel I have fully expressed myself, and experienced joy. It used to be if I “did” something good or did something creative with food. This way of living energises me and I go to bed knowing I will be okay and that tomorrow will be a good day as well.
Such a clever games, I have played…to FEEL included we get busy, so we don’t FEEL how disconnected we truly are.
Well said Joel. Games indeed.
Wow what a game we play to not feel what is there to be felt. It makes sense we end up exhausted as we are so busy distracting ourselves from what we don’t want to see let alone feel! Love the way you have brought it back to the simplicity Sandra, choosing you and looking at the choices you are making. There is true responsibility in that and it stops the game. A beautifully exposing blog.
Wow Sandra. Thankyou for this blog. This rang for me:The things that tip me into that hole and consequent busyness are: not feeling included, and not feeling enough. I get that quite often and too, turn myself racy to try and stay unaware of that feeling. Not being left out has been a prominent thing in my life and slowly I’ve begun to realise it more and more of where it sneaks in.
Being busy and overwhelm are exhausting saboteurs for me too, and creates a convenient numbing cycle.This blogs reminds me of the words -stop, stay, feel. To stop when I am feeling something, and stay with it for a moment so that I can actually feel it. I have also noticed in an instant I can go from being connected and present to feeling rushed or that I will be caught out as ‘not enough’ so I slip into making the activity about function and what I am doing is made more important than me. When I eventually choose to stop, stay and feel – and the stay is key for me, space to at least be honest is made.
it is amazing that we can make ourselves so busy that we end up exhausted and then comes myriad problems – depression, lack of confidence, no zest for life. It is a set-up! We can achieve much in our day and still feel completely vital – but it depends entirely on the quality in which we are doing things and the choices we are making in what we fill our lives with. You have taken wonderful steps to being present with yourself throughout your day and have already noticed the vast difference in your life from making loving choices Sandra.
Having struggled with feeling that I was ‘not enough’ all my life I can really relate to using busyness as a way of avoiding feeling. I have recently revealed a deeper layer of this so it is great to read your blog today. Thank you for inspiring me to explore this and choose not to escape into exhaustion.
Me too Helen. For me it was not only being busy but being very competent too and creating part of my life where I make myself ‘needed’. It’s a real blessing that I have much more awareness to this pattern now.
A great blog Sandra – I love this; ” I get to wake up feeling more of me, and do the things in my day with more of me.” Me too! Life is so much more vital since I discovered Universal Medicine and everything Serge Benhayon says makes SO much sense.
Game over!!
You have described a cycle many get into when they lose connection to themselves, I have felt this cycle and struggled for years not knowing how to break it. Living this cycle built resentment and frustration towards and with others. The moment I made the choice to care for myself and practice that self care everyday, I noticed a real connection and valuing of who I truly was and the need for recognition and acknowledgement from outside of me became less. Feeling more love within me meant I had more love to ‘Be’ in the presence of others and this was felt in all relationships. Great Blog Sandra, just by choosing to connect more to who we truly are, magic starts happens.
Thanks for your blog Sandra. It feels empowering for you to take responsibility for your choices and to choose whether or not to ‘play the game.’
Sandra, thank you for writing a blog that so many of us can relate to. I know I certainly have lived a life keeping myself busy in an attempt to not feel, ending up exhausted at the end of the day. It is a great point in which Sandra shares ”I start each day with much more awareness of what and how much I plan to do in a day”. This is key for me as so often in the past I would set out to do a lot more than what my body was capable of doing to not only feel ‘washed out’ but also to feel a disappointment. I am learning to accept how much I have done during the day, but more to the point, I am placing my priority on me and how I am feeling and the quality of my energy rather than on how much I have done. The overwhelming feeling does creep in but I am learning to stay with me and trust.
Thank you Caroline Francis I found this really supportive ‘I am placing my priority on me and how I am feeling and the quality of my energy rather than on how much I have done.’
Sandra thank you for sharing your experiences with us, how awesome you chose to make different choices and from that changed your life around. You are a living example of how simple choosing love can be.
It’s empowering when we reach a point that we can call out our own insecurities for what they are and the negative effects they have on our lives. Fantastic that you recognised what was going on for you and were able to turn it around in your life to no longer have to reside in the back hole! There is a beautiful light shining brightly with your name on it!
Sandra, you have raised a topic that many, including myself, can relate to. We often accept ‘busyness’ and ‘exhaustion’ so readily rather than even dare to ask the most basic of questions such as, ‘does this feel right to live this way?’. As I am opening up more I am finding more and more pockets of how I have been avoiding these types of questions. It has been a blessing to be able to keep letting go of these old patterns and come back to a more harmonious way of living. Thank you!
” the great part is that the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with.” I love this, it is so true. Sometimes we can run ourselves ragged with doing and/or thinking and there is nothing left for us at the end of the day. This is a lovely reminder to stay with me, to be there for myself and keep on choosing that connection. Thank you.
Sandra you have inspired me to look deeper and bring understanding to the reason I choose overwhelm and exhaustion. For me I feel it is a protection and a way to avoid letting people in. Being too tired to connect is the perfect excuse. I can also feel that I use ‘not enough’ to stay stuck in an exhaustion cycle. Thank you for sharing this, exhaustion is an epidemic but your words make it clear it is an epidemic we have chosen.
If we say we are busy it is socially accepted, everyone nods as if to say, yes you are doing well in society. No one asks how come you experience your life as busy? Or where are you in the busyness? So we all keep each other in the illusion that we are doing fine.
I agree delorme2013d and thats why we are championing an achievement-oriented society and allow ourselves not to see the other side e.g. that exhaustion and burn outs are increasing and getting more and more a new illness.
I agree Delorne2013d it is a socially acceptable “explain all away – just don’t ask me to actually look at or feel what is really going on” answer. And it works – for many. Where I see it not working is in our ‘Elders’. People in their 70’s and 80’s haven’t had the rush and push in their lives like generations younger are choosing.
When I talk with the Elders I meet they are a bit baffled at what is keeping their children and grand children so busy that they can’t come and visit. They then start to feel lonely, neglected and depressed.
Modern times have created modern illness and depression and exhaustion are up there at the top. If we stopped and visited our Elders there would be much less depression amongst everyone.
Busyness is something I always took for granted as being part of being a woman – we take care of things and people. But recently I have realised that busyness is a game, that I have used to feel valuable, needed, important and too busy to feel me, or anything I don’t want to feel going on around me. I am also starting to realise that overwhelm is something I can deliberately choose too, in order to not feel or have an excuse. Some days now I feel space and I get so much done, but don’t feel drained at the end. This is how I want to live and how I now know I can live.
The game we play at ‘being left out’ and ‘not good enough’ is something that we have woven into our lives since early childhood. I can remember that feeling from the age of three and it is something that I had become very good at, except I felt awful when I was doing the story of it and felt even more isolated. Now, thanks to Universal Medicine, I feel the glorious me. There is an occasional trigger that starts to set up the story of ‘I am not good enough’ but now I am good enough to put a stop on it.
Thank you, Sandra. Your blog has just offered me a great pit stop to get into the honesty of how I am really feeling in my body – I am exhausted. I eat well, I rest well, I seem to tick all the right boxes for taking a good care of myself, yet I feel exhausted. For me, it’s in the way I communicate with the others. It feels like whenever I am not being fully myself in expression, or in interactions, something leaves a trail or a residue in my body and it builds up as hardness or tension and makes me heavy. It makes sense that it takes up so much energy when we go against being our natural self.
My version of The Black Hole has been a very very comfortable and familiar place and I really didn’t ever think that I would be without regular visits. But, slowly slowly, through more acceptance and trust of myself and who I am, the depth of the hole is getting shallower.
I can certainly relate to that Elodie. Accepting and trusting myself has made the depth of my hole shallower and with that accepting and trusting of myself it has allowed me to accept and trust others just as much.
What a great sharing. I loved the clarity and simplicity of unraveling what your exhaustion was really about.
Thank you Sandra for sharing the reasons you have discovered for living a constantly busy life which inevitably leads to exhaustion and overwhelm, which I can really relate to, and it is so beautiful to read that now you ‘get to wake up feeling more of me, and do the things in my day with more of me.’
More you.. sounds like an amazing start to each day!!
Great blog, it really exposes the root cause of exhaustion and why we don’t have joy-full lives.
I agree, going to bed with a feeling of me helps me to feel more of me in the morning. When I do that I feel better in the morning and don’t go into overwhelm because I am already tired. Then there is more space to express myself, feel joy and claim what I really want to do in that day.
I love how you say Harry “Then there is more space to express myself, feel joy and claim what I really want to do in that day.” The claim what I really feel today is what I’m finding so important for me, understanding the difference between what the head wants to think and the body really knows.
Thank you Sandra. Using business as a way of distraction and avoiding deep seated pain was my way of living. I still have to check myself from time to time, but life is so much more enjoyable now that I have left this frantic way of being behind me.
Thank you Sandra it is really empowering what you write: “I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play.”
Hi Sandra, I can totally relate to using busyness as a way to not connect with myself or others around me. I’m now realising how it’s OK to be busy, just as long as I stay connected with myself when I doing everything and to honour when I’m actually tired – that’s it’s OK not to have EVERYTHING done. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Thank you Sandra this is so great, how when we bring in awareness to what is truly going on for us, it gives us back our power and an opportunity to evolve and clear what we have previously chosen.
“the great part is that the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with.” “This is a wonderful feeling because I get to wake up feeling more of me, and do the things in my day with more of me.” I love this cycle that you talk about Sandra.
Awesome.
Yes it all makes sense, and I can definitely relate to similar experiences.
It seems we can either be in a healing cycle (like above, and not playing the game) or a destructive cycle (of not feeling enough, and the downward spiral this creates).
If we see the game we play, whatever game we play we discover who we are. And with this a freedom to be who we are comes in to play. Whenever I step out of the game, in my case to withdraw, I feel me and my power. Thank you for sharing your black hole.
That’s a really great point Annelies – that whatever game we play we discover who we are – it takes out the possibility of beating ourselves up when our games are exposed so we can get on with who we truly are.
The busyness we tend to go into is simply a diversion tactic to keep us from feeling the exhausted state we are in. Problem being we keep busy to not feel exhausted but the more we do the more exhausted we feel, we are on a merry-go-round that is increasing in speed all the time.
Well said Tonysteenson, it is just a viscous cycle that just keeps feeding itself until the body cannot cope with the exhaustion and the build up of stress any more.We hit the wall and there lies the opportunity to either take responsibility and make changes to the way we live or somehow recover and then go back into the same way of living to repeat it all again.
One would think that after hitting the wall several (hundred) times we would take notice. I know I have had the attitude of this time I will get it right, only to go head first into the wall again. We can be a creature of habit at times.
I know exactly what you mean tonysteenson, there have been, and still are, times when I know that I am being blocked to do something but yet I still push to get it done. I would like to say that this is a male pride thing going on but it appears the ladies have the same issue.
I agree Tim that the male pride does play a part in this, we don’t like to admit our way isn’t working so we keep hurting ourselves trying to prove that it does work. Stubbornness gets us nowhere.
There is such power in seeing whatever is being triggered – in this case the being-left-out-feeling – and as you say “exposing itself in its truer light, enabling me to feel and see beyond the surface of the trigger”. As humans we can spend so much time on the trigger – dissecting it within an inch of its life (she said, he said, then that happened etc…) but the trick I am learning is actually to see beyond the trigger and what is really going on behind the scenes. That is where the gold lies. It takes a certain commitment and discipline to go there but it is amazing when you do. As you have so beautifully shared in this blog.
It’s great to be able to go to bed not exhausted. This is something that I have found happens less and less as I put the principles in place shared by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine about ways that we can live and thus prepare for bed that support us to have a deep sleep. One thing I have found really helpful is doing things in the same order in preparation for bed e.g when I wash the dishes, clean my teeth, change into my bed clothes, etc. I then start to develop a rhythm and become very ordered but not controlled in the way that I put myself to bed. As I continue to build on that and keep things the same I begin to see more behaviours that hinder me in my day/life, this game play that can eventually affect the quality of my sleep.
shevonsimon, thank you for the inspiration to have an order to my going to bed routine. It feels like this would support me to be more realistic about how much time I need for what needs doing at the end of the day, and allow for a better quality of sleep and more consistent rhythm in my life.
I can definitely say from experience that there is a definitive link between depression and exhaustion. When we are exhausted, life seems much bleaker than it is, and often we use the busyness of life to hide the fact that we are exhausted and/or depressed.
Great point Adam. It seems that exhaustion is acceptable in our society yet there is still a stigma attached around depression. Even though I absolutely agree with what Adam is saying here, the link between depression and exhaustion stirs much within me. I have lived an exhausted life for several years and it was ok for me to say I was exhausted yet I denied I was feeling depressed. This is impossible as Adam expresses, you cannot have the one without the other. Thank you for your comment.
As Caroline and Brendan have commented, Adam, I agree that this is a significant point you make. The acceptance in society of being exhausted, in most cases conveys the impression that the individual is doing their best and it is the world that is to imposing, rather than the individual not taking responsibility. While with depression, it is conceived that it is the individual that is not ‘pulling their weight’, and therefore is something to be ashamed of.
Thank you Sandra, I can relate to what you are sharing. My black hole experience used to be and still is at times withdrawing from life in being in a kind of frozen state (quite the opposite of being busy) but the outcome is the same feeling overwhelmed and not being enough. And I love how you say ‘there is more me’ the less we play the game, whatever our game might be.
Absolutely spot on Sandra, such a relatable post: keeping busy to not feel the pain within self but also within others, what a buffer and protection and i feel helps explains the reason for the overwhelm and exhaustion that so many of us tend to default towards and experience ending up with things like job fatigue, burnout and generally stress.. where we push ourselves to do more, from not feeling good enough. Wow, I’m considering that ‘keeping busy to not feel’ is an illness in itself. And spotting this, and then choosing differently the required medicine.
Awesome Zofia – love what you have shared here about the ‘keeping busy to not feel’ is actually an illness. What Sandra has shared is her recognition of this and how she is choosing to make different choices from that awareness which is her medicine. Whats more this medicine is free – it rightfully belongs to us, it’s who we are!
Beautiful comment Marcia – true medicine!
Marcia that is such a beautiful and powerful distinction you highlight. “This form of medicine is free – It rightly belongs to us, it is who we are”. Wow this to be remembered and lived always, thank you.
I love what you’ve added here Marcia, illness can be very subtle and that busyness to not feel is one for sure. And I love it, of course the medicine is us and it’s free.
Zofia, your comment, “Wow, I’m considering that ‘keeping busy to not feel’ is an illness in itself. And spotting this, and then choosing differently the required medicine” is an ‘illness’ I so recognise in myself. I have written about learning to feel my feelings – and still am learning – rather than busy myself with distraction and doing, rather than just being and doing from that place of stillness, which we all have innately within. It is a matter of making a new choice in every moment.
It is true Sue, the keeping busy to not feel is a huge illness in society and puts a stop in the way of actually enjoying ourselves with our work, which is the best form of medicine – ‘working in joy all of the time’
I can related to what you have shared about busyness Sandra. It is so inspiring to read how you have found another way to live your day, with more of you, and to choose to not play the games that simply hold us back from being the greatness that we truly are. I too have learned this way to live is truly wonderful.
I can relate to what was said about exhaustion, as lately I seem to be tired/exhausted a lot of the time, but from teachings and presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I know now that to turn this around is to address the way I live and have been living, it is that simple.
Beautiful sharing Sandra! It is us playing games not willing to step into self love or confront our feelings when we get busy or exhausted. That’s my experience too…*
Beautifully said Sandra, I agree. Since being introduced to Universal Medicine coarses, I too have more of me to go to sleep with at the end of my day. I have less overwhelm and exhaustion on waking,leave alone by the end of my day. My life now is contributing and vital.
Yes it’s true Joseph exhaustion is an escape, and it is something to fill the black hole. The more I consistently hold my re-connection back to me the smaller the hole for me to fall back into. The emptiness is filled more and more with being me and no there is no exhaustion. I’m loving this.
How you describe busyness as a black hole is so spot on Sandra. All the time we think we are getting somewhere or getting something done, yet in fact we are locked in this same place all along. I haven’t read before of exhaustion being an escape – that feels so true and something I can see I have chosen in my own life. It is inspiring to read your process back to your natural place in life.
It’s usually the second or third word out of someone’s mouth on asking how he or she are going – ‘Good but Busy’ or ‘yeah not too bad, Busy’. Almost to the point that if we are not busy we are seen as not pulling our weight! Interesting then that busyness is another way for us all to not feel and accept where we truly are at? A black hole indeed, I’ve had one that I am certainly working on pulling myself out of.
Thanks Sandra, lots of very profound statements here, you have a beautiful way with words. One that stood out was: ‘the great part is that the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with.’
Great blog Sandra. Very open and honest. Busyness and exhaustion are all too familiar feelings. It is awesome that you have chosen to sit and feel your triggers and heal so you can be connected to the real you.
Thank you Sandra – reading your blog I realised that I too have used exhaustion as an escape. This is a revelation for me as I often feel exhausted and overwhelmed by all I feel I have to do to be ‘enough’. You expose that this is actually a choice and I can choose differently.
Thank you Sandra, I can so relate to using busyness to avoid having to feel where I am at. It is crazy that we avoid feeling how we feel and use things like food, distraction and busyness to numb ourselves. Feeling is our natural way to be and I am learning slowly to accept what I feel rather than avoid it. The presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have been supporting me to re-learn this.
busyness, overwhelm, exaustion …. all to familiar to me too sandra. Living in this way for me is exactly as you describe. Horrible. I too am learning to self care and make choices that more support me as a posed to everyone else that is around me. It is so lovely how you are building more and more of you and the way that you describe coming home from work and still having a little bit of you left clearly identifies how much we ‘give’ out in a day with all our duties and responsibilities that we have inside our work. It is so important to accept ourselves and continue to love ourselves because it is only through doing so that we are able to be more of the real us in the world. Totally relate to you here Sandra. Thank for this beautiful blog.
Dear Sandra, right at this point in my life I am finding myself about to be much busier than I was a month ago. Knowing this I have begun to ponder on just how I am going to live as this occurs in my life. I don’t feel overwhelmed, I do however feel a little unsure as to how it will all fall into place. I do know deeply that my rhythm and how I live in the business is what holds the key. Reading your blog has allowed me to drop deeper into my body and feel there the absoluteness of knowing exactly how to live in each moment. Reminding me that the unsureness that arose is only there because I moved ahead of where I am. Maintaining my self care regime and rhythm is what will truly support me in the coming months.
I’m sure feeling like you are in a black hole would be a terrible way to get through life Sandra, and by being honest about what was going on for you and being able to address it from a place of truth has enabled you to turn your life around. Beautiful and well done – enjoy being with more of you every day!
I have always been a very busy person. Always saying yes and putting my hand up. I put production ahead of how I was feeling. Pleasing everyone and never asking myself what Daniel wanted. I saw exhaustion as a weakness not my body saying “Hello what are you doing, slow down”.
Allowing time to feel was scary at first but to be honest I have always known that there are things to deal with but hiding behind all these other tasks has been convenient for me. No matter how fast you operate or run they are just there waiting for you as soon as you slow down.
Thank you so much for sharing your black hole moments. I’ve always had a huge feeling of being left out. In my head I was the one who was left with the older generation whilst the young children left with the Piped Piper for happy times in the mountain. Since Universal Medicine and seeing people role model being completely at ease with themselves with or without people has inspired me to be more with myself.
I love what you say about going to bed with yourself and waking up with yourself more as a result and that that is building. This is very inspiring as evenings are where I am less busy and going to bed can be challenging because I am by myself -although I’m not feeling alone anymore which is a miracle.
To stop and truly feel can be very challenging but oh so rewarding exercise when actually chosen! Something I need to remind myself of often..
The social pressure on being busy is very strong. It’s like you are somewhat of a lesser person if you’re not. We say to each other, yeah, I am doing well, I am very busy and then we are all reassured our bubble will remain the same. Takes a while to get out of that, but I know I am doing more than before without getting exhausted, and time is not so much an issue anymore.
I like the way you write about being with yourself more during the day and the fact that you do not feel left out and therefore do not need someone else to validate you. This makes sense.
Sandra, I appreciate your description of the impacts of ‘busyness’ in your life. It is an area I am becoming more aware of day by day as I am facing the fact that I am constantly exhausted at the end of each day. As you say, that is what I then take with me when I go to sleep and carry on into the next day and so on. I also have found attending Universal Medicine and having sessions with esoteric practitioners very supportive as I work to address these old patterns.
Thank you for this clear description of what actually happens when we go into doing to get the reward, because we don’t really appreciate ourselves and we feel not enough. It is indeed a big dark black hole, where we so easily get lost… But it is amazing when we get out and feel that we as our true selves are more than enough.
Thank you Sandra for your awesome article, I loved the part where you shared:
‘ As a result there are less black hole opportunities, less busy-ness, less overwhelm, less exhaustion – and there is more me.’
What a celebration it is to have more of ourselves and more connection to our bodies.
Wow Sandra, the changes you speak of are no ‘small thing’ whatsoever… this is the stuff of true preventative medicine, the awarenesses and life choices that can support us to live in a truly vital way.
It is particularly pertinent reading this blog today, as there is someone close to me who has difficulty with depression at this time. I can see how the constant ‘busyness’, as you’ve described, has been a feature of this person’s life, up until the point that the body just couldn’t keep up anymore. A little lightbulb has gone on in reading your blog today, in regards to this person I know, and for how long the ‘way they were’ (constantly busy and ‘doing’) was actually masking much deeper issues. Thank-you.
It is becoming obvious, how I create anxiousness, business and overwhelm to avoid feeling, what is truly there. And under a layer of hurt, I more and more often find Love.
Sandra that sounds amazing – how incredible to be able to step out of such an exhausting and stressful cycle.
How amazing and life changing that you now have the awareness to see “the game” and from there the choice to not “play” .
I love how you write “at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with”. Unlike in the past I do fall asleep feeling me too these days (thanks Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine!) and that is something that I totally cherish – one has to live this to really grasp the depth of what this means, implies and feels like.
To me the ‘black hole’ is a manipulative, exhausted, draining and overwhelming game many of us play. The game’s purpose is to make sure we don’t bring our amazing, light, playful, joyful and beautiful bodies to our work, friends, family and everywhere we go.
I really relate to the using Busy-ness as a means to numb. Thanks for your reflections Sandra.
“I am enough”… A very powerful statement.
Thank you Sandra for the beautiful way you have shared about a world epidemic, exhaustion is everywhere, we live so drained we don’t even realise how much in society.
It’s such a great feeling when we finally start to see the game we are being played in. Felt a lot of the game I’m caught in while reading your blog, thanks for sharing Sandra.
Beautiful Sandra, ‘the great part is the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with’. I can really feel how lovely this is, that rather than collapsing into bed exhausted, it’s possible to go to bed lovingly and wake up feeling more refreshed as a result rather than still feeling tired, so simple but so powerful.
Thank you Sandra, awesome blog. I was talking to my partner about this topic last night. I can see him going into overwhelm and heaviness with all the jobs he has to do. I recognise that we all have work to carry out on a daily basis, some of us have more than others but how we handle and view our work load makes it enjoyable or harmful. Going into stress and identifying ourselves with overwhelmed in effect slows us down and causes us more harm. Taking time out to care for ourselves and rejuvenate is very important but sometimes we let self-doubt and judgement stop us. Beautiful reminder for us to reconnect, take time out to self-nurture and self -care.
You expose so well Sandra this never ending cycle that I was once in. This is a constant looping, going around, which one can hide behind. We miss out on living our vitality and our joy when we get caught in this.
Joshua thank you for highlighting joy and vitality in everyday living. These two are absolute bonuses of choosing to complete the cycle of being in the black hole.
Oh yes Joshua I can relate to this as well – if I am missing my vitality and joy then I know I am in this constant looping . . .
Love the simplicity of this blog, you have highlighted how easy it is to fall into the busyness of “doing” just as a way to manage the tensions in life, eventually leading to feeling exhausted. And also the power we hold with the choices we make everyday.
Thank you for sharing on this important topic. Busyness has become like a social disease, it is like if you are not busy you are not living an interesting life. You have to be busy professionally to show that you are successful, you have to have a busy social schedule to show how many friends you have, etc. I too lived this super busy life and it was a big hiding and assuming true responsibility. There is such a big difference between being busy and dedicated to a true cause!
Thank you Sandra for your blog, it has brought up some black holes for me to look at. My black holes may have been brought on by different issues and causes but I do know the feeling of not being good enough or feeling like I didn’t fit in anywhere. Some of this has been connected to aging and feeling depressed triggered by death in the family or at one point the loss of an animal. All showing me that I didn’t feel I was enough without these people and pets being with me in person. I have been more aware of just how fortunate I am to have the Teachings of the Ancient Wisdom , through Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine family who are so supportive. At last I am feeling equal to all and learning that Self Love and Nurture are so important, if I can’t give me Love who can.
This is certainly another way to look at problems of self worth, imagine it was a diagnosed disease, while it doesn’t kill us it can certainly make for a very unhappy life. So from that point of view it is worth treating. Universal Medicine has certainly given great help to assist in removing lack of self worth from my life.
“Just the other day I finally put together what this black hole has truly been like to live with. It is a place of busyness – so busy it leads to overwhelm and exhaustion.” I can so relate to the ‘busy-ness’. Encouraged at school to ‘do something useful’ I have embodied that into my life. Gradually letting go of this and now knowing it is the quality in which I ‘do’, not how much, has been a revelation for me.
I love your honest sharing Sandra to such a relatable topic. In breaking the cycle that led to your exhaustion you have given yourself the greatest gift of ‘more you’ this is very inspiring for me.
I think there are many of us that can relate to the ‘black hole’ Sandra; and it is especially hard to climb out of a hole when you’re exhausted!
Thank you for sharing what you have learnt and observed about yourself. I know that the doing and busyness can be such a trap – but one that I am falling into less and less. The hole is now a tiny dot the more I value myself.
Sandra I loved the line ‘the great part is that the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with.’ I had never considered that I needed any me left to be able to go to sleep until I met Serge Benhayon and understood how we live in cycles. I had thought that it was normal to collapse at the end of the day into sleep and wake up feeling not much different. Now, like you, the way I choose to live my day is totally different and exhaustion no longer has a role.
Thank you, Sandra, for sharing your way. Sometimes I feel this “black hole” and find it difficult to just be. But with everyday practice of loving choices it becomes easier. Being aware of what causes it also helps to change the pattern, not get busy to avoid the feeling of not being enough or not belonging. I like how by refusing playing the game you reduce exhaustion and feel more you.
I use to go to that black hole as well Sandra and so relate to everything you’ve said. I especially loved the point you made when you said about ‘not playing that game’ and ‘making different choices’ as to how you live. I still go into the doing/busyness at times mainly at work but I find this is more of an old behaviour of mine. If I am more aware of when I am doing this then I am able to stop, feel and reconnect.
Very true Sandra, we ‘read’ life through the lenses of our hurt. Hence a good day for anyone is a day where the hurt did not ‘visit’ you. And we structure our live so to prevent this visit to occur as much as we can. The image to me is not so much a black hole but a panopticon (surveilling without being watched).Naturally, we live in constant anxiousness.
Feeling left out was a huge thing for me too and my antidote was to be really busy so I couldn’t join in anyway. I’m still occasionally grappling with that but it no longer has the hold on me that it did and when I feel it, I don’t play the game with it and take time to come back to myself and really see how I have played into the drama of it.
So being busy is a way to not feel all sorts of things. The cost of not feeling all sorts of things is very high, you miss out on the good as well as the more unpleasant things.
The good things are so worth it and the other stuff is rewarding when you deal with it.
Sandra I love the simplicity in which you express what I feel would be fair to say an epidemic in society as has been highlighted in the above comments. The epidemic of ‘busy.’ And ironically we are too ‘busy’ to appropriately and truthfully address the matter in fact, as we are lost in the spin of life and all that we are lead to believe we have to achieve to be successful and fit in. It could be fair to say we get off on my momentum of racy activities, doings of the day, efforts to prove ourselves, as we are often returned to what it is we are seeking even if for only a fleeting moment as we tick another box, find another solution or gain the approving commentary we were aiming for. Yet in all the trying, all the box ticking, all of the seeking for recognition from the outside world, these exact endeavours only dig the black hole a little deeper, and often amplify any experience of anxiousness and over-whelm a little more.
“Beware the barrenness of a busy life.” ~Socrates
Through your writing Sandra I now understand the wisdom shared in Socrates quote above, which I am then prompted to ask, at what cost is the ‘busy’ life having on society? We know it affects our health and quality of well-being, it simply doesn’t make sense we choose this barren way of living when we feel this fact. Sandra I appreciate all that you have offered in its amazing simplicity, as you have stepped off the spinning wheel of busy, gaining perspective of what’s important. You ☺. And with your new increasing awareness, expressed how you now live as you within life without the tiring cycle, which is very inspiring and freeing to feel.
Well said Sandra and Emilia. I completely agree we have an epidemic of busy-ness in society turning many human beings into human doings.
“The things that tip me into that hole and consequent busyness are: not feeling included, and not feeling enough. The ‘not enough’ feeling comes from trying to prove myself so I will be included. Being busy sets up a chain reaction of overwhelm and exhaustion.” I can so relate to this Sandra, as being a way I used to live and now realising it was all a choice. Keeping busy as a way of not feeling – and not wanting to feel. “I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play.” Great blog, thankyou.
Beautiful blog Sandra. I found your honesty and your new found clarity deeply inspiring. I know the busyness deal very well, its a great one to not have to feel the hurts. From my experience, busyness just takes me further from myself, and at some point in my cycle, the stop comes and its more painful to feel the accumulated hurts at this time. Best to deal with them as they come, as I am now beginning to do, rather then a whole stockpile I have been burying underneath all the doing!!
Beautifully expressed Anna. I do agree busyness is there to cover up your hurts and therefore takes you further away from you. For me busyness mainly happens at work and if I am in that energy my day starts off with complication. On the reverse if I am connected with me the day seems to go smoothly. It is a matter of which energy you choose.
Sandra wow this trap that I have fallen into and one many people could relate to. What I got from what you shared is that we have a choice to go down the black hole and the importance of addressing why we don’t feel enough and why we feel left out. Thanks for the lovely reminder!
Awesome blog, I can relate to absolutely everything that you talked about in the black whole, that’s just such a cool way of looking at it. I loved hearing about the changes that have happened in your life since being involved with Universal Medicine and how much more lovelier those choices sound, then being sucked into the black whole.
That is so true Madeline; the choices that support me are so much lovelier than the alternative (huge understatement). It defies reason why we would choose anything else.
Greg I can so relate to the list that just starts writing itself – seemingly out of nowhere! I know now it isn’t out of nowhere but it can jump in so quick and still be very commanding it’s almost believable for a few seconds. It’s good to read your version (it seems the same as mine) and great to get it out in the open more, rather than play a little ping pong match with the mind process. See it for the game that it is.
Beautiful Sandra! Thank you for sharing so honestly. It’s incredible how easy it is to use busyness to avoid feeling and dealing with what is actually unsettling us. And that going into this busyness then brings another level of things to deal with – living your day rushing, cramming things in, and dealing with exhaustion or anxiousness about having such a “full plate”, to name but a few.
I totally agree with you Sandra, it is such a ‘game’. The exhaustion I can remember with playing the ‘not good enough’ game, was so painful I would cry and be so up and down, and take it out on those closest to me. Now I am a lot more honest with myself, what I have got myself involved in, if I pushed myself or said yes too much when I didn’t feel to, over my day and take more responsibility for it. Its a work in progress and there are many times where I stop and go wait a minute, why did I say yes to this or that but as you shared Sandra – “…I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play. As a result there are less black hole opportunities, less busy-ness, less overwhelm, less exhaustion – and there is more me.”
It is a game we play with ourselves Sandra, the continual cycle of never feeling enough and then trying to cover it up with being constantly busy and ending up tired and irritable and then blaming others for how we feel. The more I see the game the less I want to play.
Yes I agree. It is an epidemic that is feeding the epidemics of the physical diseases you list. What if the headlines were to change?
I know what you mean Sandra, I have also spent a lot of time caught up in black holes and Universal Medicine has shown me how to make the choices to get out again.
It is a game indeed and I have played it too, very well. The keeping busy works perfect for not having to feel, then we need to be more busy to additionally not feel we are getting very tired and in the end we just collapse on the couch to tired to do anything which is the greatest excuse to just switch on the tv and check out. In this wheel we never need to stop and check in and avoid everything there is to feel.
Sandra you nailed it for me! If we can just realise what we are doing to ourselves we can start to break the cycle but its SO quick, sneaky and ready to be busy again before you know it..you have to dig deep and expose the untruths
Thank you Sandra for your honesty. Amazing how we can settle for the busyness to avoid feeling the messages our bodies send all the time. Great turnaround, Sandra.
Great point GD – anything to avoid feeling what our body is sharing. Such a game that so many of us have been playing.
Very clear and compact sharing. Thank you Sandra. As I often act from a place where I am not good enough – I know the giant you write about.
Lately I was able to grasp the falseness, like you say, the game of it and only with this deeper awareness, concerning the imprisonment, am I able to be more aware when it creeps in.
Thank you Sandra, ‘I can now ‘see the game’ for what it is and choose not to play’. This sentence made me realise how much the feeling of not being good enough is a game I can play with myself.
Sandra,I too am familiar with the ‘black hole’. Until meeting Serge Benhayon and becoming a student of the livingness that hole seemed bottomless. Now it doesn’t seem so hard to fill in, just a little soul full of self love, nurturing and self awareness every day.
Thank you Sandra. I can relate to keeping busy to prove myself and the consequent overwhelm and exhaustion.
‘Choosing not to play the game’; that is really powerful and hugely relevant to my teenage self.
Awesome Sandra that you have seen through the game of being busy to avoid being with you. Your sharing also highlights how we can settle for busyness and exhaustion as a normal way to live life when it is far from it.
I love how you have put this Sandra “the great part is that the exhaustion is lifting and at the end of the day I have some of me left to go to sleep with” – and awesome reminder for all of us. We go to bed with what we are living in that moment.
Sandra, I can totally relate to what you have shared, especially about the black hole and using the busy-ness antidote to the feelings of alone-ness and of not being enough. And how wonderful that you found the answers to the way you were existing through the Universal Medicine presentations. The changes in your life are amazing and your words “I have some of me left to go to sleep with” really resonated with me. Many reminders here about where I have also been and how far I have come.