I have always had a lack of finances, but then I have always had a consistent ‘lack of everything’, as nothing seemed to flow in my life. But how could my life flow when my long time habit was ‘overspending’, always playing catch up with my finances with any savings just being short term? This pattern was a big reflection of my life-force energy (kidney energy) and how I ‘overspent’: for example, I over-gave to others and put other’s needs before my own (so I could feel needed), which left very little energy for myself and suffice to say, left me exhausted.
What’s Kidney Energy got to do with my Finances?
This pattern continued for many years until about 6 years ago, when I started attending courses presented by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, which brought me so many realisations, along with a deeper understanding of my past choices. I realised that I had been living in a way that was draining my life force (my kidney energy) and that this was being reflected in my relationship with my finances!
I started to become aware that there were many ways that I had consistently been abusing my body and that had contributed to the draining of my kidney energy (energetically and physically). These included:
- Lack of commitment to life – sums up my life in a sentence; because I always believed that I did not belong ‘here’, and that there was no space for me to express all of who I am, which meant that I was not able to trust that I could fully support myself and meet my own needs. This created the huge tension and anxiety that I lived with, which without doubt, completely and utterly drained my life force, leaving my kidney bank on empty.
- Lack of quality sleep – mostly I underestimated the importance and function of sleep and would stay up late; not very wise, considering I was ‘overspending’ daily, meaning my body would have needed to go to bed extra early to recuperate, to recharge, to refuel and bring back into balance my ‘overspending’. In the morning I would wake exhausted, without enough fuel for the day ahead, and so I found myself tanking up on another fuel to cope – sugar!
- Lack of nourishing food – the sweet taste of sugar was my saviour and my downfall. It got me through the day, but at what cost? I became addicted and so dependent on sugar – and all kinds of comfort foods, including dairy and bread. Over-eating, eating too fast and eating sugar all drained my kidney energy.
- Lack of self-worth/Lack of Connection – I have always carried a feeling of ‘not deserving’ and not being ‘good enough’, and on top of that I was my own worst critic/self-basher and super judgmental, especially if I felt I got something wrong. I can feel now how harming and how harsh and unloving this was for my kidneys, which all negatively impacted my posture, how I carried myself and how I moved.
What’s The Connection?
What’s the connection between exhaustion and lack of finances? For me it was holding back my true expression – it is exhausting holding back love, the love that we are born with. It is exhausting not ever expressing feelings, and it is exhausting and toxic taking on the emotions of others. It is exhausting when we say to life, “I’m not playing or committing to this life game”, which immediately impacted (reduced, sucked and drained) my life force.
What I came to understand was that the kidneys energetically represent our life force, which in turn is linked to our finances. The relationship between money and kidney energy is a reflection of our relationship with money and our self-worth: how we are using it, what we are using it for, and our ability to use it to truly support ourselves and create abundance in our life (not just from a dollar value, but abundance in all areas of our life such as food choices, work, relationships) and this process for me began with self-care, simply taking care of myself, and most importantly ‘giving to myself’, because ‘I was worth it’.
Self-Care, Sacred Esoteric Healing and Esoteric Massage
Through self-care I began to feel what truly nourished my body and what didn’t. Giving to myself included all the support I now allowed in my life, such as attending the Sacred Esoteric Healing and Esoteric Massage courses.
Attending the Sacred Esoteric Healing courses, followed by the Esoteric Massage course (modalities presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine), I found an amazing support for my entire body, particularly from having Esoteric Kidney Massages. My kidneys have loved and appreciated the kidney massage after all the abuse and disregard of my body over the years. These courses were a fantastic support to help clear and heal so many of my old ways, my old behaviours and choices, and a big turn-around for me – spending energy wisely.
Space For Love
This ‘lack of everything’ I ran with for years equals ‘lack of love’. I can now feel so much more space for myself to express more of who I am. I have created the space for love (and life) to flow… and love does not overspend, love expands, deepens and is all encompassing, bringing simplicity, truth, connection, commitment, trust, support, appreciation and abundance into all areas of my life.
Love – self-love – has been my medication that I am never going to give up on again.
With the currency of love and appreciation flowing through my veins, my financial bank and my kidney bank are flourishing and fuller, and expanding by the day, now that I have my own private and discerning bank manager – moi – and the bank manager is saying YES to Love and to ‘playing’ in life again.
By Jacqueline McFadden, Esoteric Healing Practitioner, Scotland
Related Reading:
Self-Care, Self-Love and Nurturing in University
Exhaustion: Living in a Black Hole
Self Care – ‘Walking the Talk’
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
It’s amazing how we do, or would do so many things for other people, be it spending money, going to the shops to pick something up, even the tiniest littlest of things, yet we don’t or wouldn’t do this for ourselves. This is when we have a great opportunity to stop and ask ourselves why. Why would I do that for someone else but not me, then change it. A simple choice in the moment to change an old pattern and value and build our worth up. You can physically feel this in your body, its like filling up your one internal energy bank with loving worth-full energy. It feels great to do this for ourselves, we look to others to do this, but truth be told, no-one can. But what a great opportunity for ourselves.
I’ve struggled with finances for a few years now but recently the situation has improved. Yes I got more work/pay but that’s not what’s done it. I feel that active care for myself has been a major factor and being responsible with my money is a form of self-care.
Reading your blog I became more aware of my kidneys and gave myself time to feel into how they feel. It just goes to show how we can go about our way and day not being fully aware of ourselves and our body yet this is the more supportive way to live … to be aware of ourselves and our body for true wellbeing. I wonder if every person did this, look care, love and responsibility for our body if this would decrease the pressure with medical professionals .. most probably ❤️
It is always important to connect with our body and see how it feels, what messages is it sending to ourselves, ‘I started to become aware that there were many ways that I had consistently been abusing my body and that had contributed to the draining of my kidney energy’.
I love what you say Jacqueline
‘because I always believed that I did not belong ‘here’’
I never felt I belonged here and it has always been a sore point with me. Then Meeting Serge Benhayon the not belonging ‘here’ made sense at last because we do not belong here on earth we have built a completely false life here on earth and it is now our reality. This is the unsettlement that we all try so hard to run away from. Being able to say and feel I don’t belong here, is great because I’m not sure how long I will be here but I know it is not home and at some point, we will all return to our origins. This may seem to be an unreal fantasy for some but that’s because we have heavily bought into the illusion we currently exist in, to break this will take some time but the illusion will dissolve like the early morning mist on a summers day and the truth of us all will be revealed.
This also resonated with me Mary ‘because I always believed that I did not belong ‘here’, and that there was no space for me to express all of who I am, which meant that I was not able to trust that I could fully support myself and meet my own needs’ I definitely had a lack of self worth when growing up and this had a knock on affect for a long time in my life. In reading this I wondered how many people in the world actually feel they do not belong here or are not worthy of true love? This is key and for me I feel this is where our education needs to be at, teaching energetic awareness alongside supporting our younger generations to know and feel what true self-love, self-worth and self-esteem are as well as deeply cherishing them and holding them in love so no one person ever feels this again.
What a practical way to live life as so much is obtained when we understand bodily energy and how love builds appreciation and the bank balance.
For me I’ve never been completely broke, there’s been savings in the background from parents etc. However my own earnings were pitiful at first. There was wealth and support available but I didn’t see it nor value myself as being worth it. That’s all changed now as I value myself more and more and it reflects in my relationship with money.
The more connected to and aware of my body I am, the more I connect the dots between how my body functions and the choices I make, including what I feel impacts upon my kidneys and my vitality. It’s all there for us to become students of, all we need is awareness and a willingness to learn from our choices in daily life. It’s the most important classroom we can become a part of.
“I always believed that I did not belong ‘here’……… I was not able to trust that I could fully support myself and meet my own needs.” I’m sure the feeling of not belonging on this planet is familiar to many of us. Great to read this and to link it with the lack of commitment to life in general. I’ve been working on this for a whole now and I do feel much more present in my body these days – more solid and grounded.
What has to happen to stop the lack of worth behaviours and engage with life in full?
People have a lot of lack of worth, and so can allow self abuse, or abuse into their lives, ‘Lack of self-worth/Lack of Connection – I have always carried a feeling of ‘not deserving’ and not being ‘good enough’, and on top of that I was my own worst critic/self-basher and super judgmental, especially if I felt I got something wrong.’
Our sleep, the way we sleep and prepare for sleep alone is so important and either supportive or not (depending on our relationship with ourselves and sleep) something I am still very much learning and was reminded of today.
Sleep is vital to our well-being, ‘Lack of quality sleep – mostly I underestimated the importance and function of sleep and would stay up late; not very wise’.
This adds a whole new dimension to honouring what we feel supports ourselves financially, emotionally, physically and soul-full-y.
Over the years the Universal Medicine courses have hugely supported me to bring in the self-love, self-care and self-worth for myself that was so missing, and much has shifted in my life. What I appreciate though is the constant refinement, it is not about getting to a point and then just stopping as our love for ourselves and others can and is forever deepening. With my finances I am currently looking at this in more detail and stopping spending on unnecessary things and it feels really good. Keeping it simple ✨
Yes a constant refining with everything we do in all areas of our lives. As you say there is no end point, And no point at all in comparing ourselves with others. We are all uniquely placed on our journey.
I realised as I read your blog Jacqueline that when we hold back from living our potential and committing ourselves in full in every moment we basically have one foot on the accelerator and one on the brake – no wonder we feel so exhausted.
Holding back our love, our expression will be draining, it is putting a break on who we truly are, ‘What’s the connection between exhaustion and lack of finances? For me it was holding back my true expression – it is exhausting holding back love, the love that we are born with.’
I loved this stated,’how we are using, what we are using it for, and our ability to use it to truly support ourselves and create abundance in our life’. As you so beautifully expressed, abundance comes in many forms. I feel if we take care of ourselves first, without perfection, then the rest of what is around us will be looked after and will fit into place. And when something doesn’t, then it is something for us to truly explore and see why. It’s another piece of the puzzle that is missing or tarnished and needs addressing.
It is key to take care of ourselves first, otherwise what foundation do we have to move on.
At one point when I was reading this blog, I was wondering if I had written this piece of spot on truth. Who would have thought that the kidneys energetically were linked to our life force and its taken me years to understand this.
I was in a similar state of being, burnt out and drained, dependent on stimulants such as coffee and sugar and to top it, staying up late to watch TV.
There is an art to finding this balance and it’s personal, I haven’t perfected it, however I can definitely add that my life and self-care has done a 360 degree turn and life could not be any better. I take my body to bed so much earlier then ever, more astute to foods that affect me. Stimulants removed and everything is being refined. Not because someone told me, but my body was screaming at me loudly enough and it was packing up basically.
If it wasn’t for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I cannot imagine what my life would have been like – I shudder with the thought of this. I deeply appreciate this change and it could easily have been someone or something else. And I have tried many other modalities which never went to the root cause of anything, in some respects it was just a band aid.
So thank God for bringing Serge Benhayon into my life and the Scared Esoteric Healing into my body.
I can agree with you here Shushila – “If it wasn’t for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I cannot imagine what my life would have been like…” I feel more in my body. more content, achieve more and eat better, exercise and feel younger than I did over ten years ago when I first heard about Universal Medicine. A personal testament to the art of true self-care and the quality of energy aligned to.
There’s actually so much in the little that we have and don’t appreciate. I am beginning to get a sense that abundance has nothing to do with how much we have. When we are in appreciation of our own preciousness, it feels as though there’s nothing more enriching than that, yet there’s so much more that is actually available and already flowing through us. If everything is energy, and that energy is flowing through us all the time, not appreciating is like just letting the gold going down the drain. It is in clocking and appreciating we confirm its value and can have a personal relationship with the richness that is forever being given to us.