From the time I was a young boy, I knew my gentle and caring nature. I was also drawn to the beauty and divinity, and could really feel the beautiful essence, of women. I loved the deeply nurturing aspects of women and found that I could connect easily with them and started to develop relationships that were based on a foundation of just being together, without need or imposition. Women felt at ease around me too, and I with them. At school, I often opted to spend time playing with the girls in recess breaks at school, over the rough games that were being played by the boys.
Just as I was entering into being a teenager, things started to change. At home the tension was building between my parents, leading to them separating. At the time, I felt devastated. Yes, there was the anger and hurt around my parents separating, but also I had forgotten the beautiful connection that I had with myself. I started desperately seeking connection outside myself to try to fill this huge void I was feeling inside. I soon discovered there were many ways I could do this – from alcohol and drugs, to food and sex. The way I was using these substances was purely abusive; they were my band-aids to keep everything together to be able to function with some normality in life. They offered a numbing effect for me to forget the pain, but only for so long.
I also found comfort in being with women now as it offered a distraction from what I would otherwise have to feel. These relationships became ones based on a need from where I would want to connect with women to find that nurturing essence I felt was missing in my life. These relationships never felt satisfying for me, yet there was always a yearning to be in a relationship when I wasn’t in one; and when I was in one, I always thought it wasn’t the right one, and so would be constantly on the lookout for something I perceived as being better. I thought it would be the one thing, to find the perfect relationship that would fix everything I was feeling.
This deep dissatisfaction went on for many years and I always felt I was in a cycle of seeking fulfilment in relationships but never finding it.
Years later, after repeating this cycle many times and faced now with a marriage divorce of my own to deal with, realising that the vices I had used to patch things up were no longer working, I felt the opportunity to really have a good look at what was going on here. This was a crossroads, as I knew I couldn’t go back to the ways of the past as that had just created a misery time and time again. But where to now?
At this time I met Serge Benhayon and the practitioners from Universal Medicine. What was presented here was the possibility that I could re-develop a loving relationship with myself; that by listening and by being truly with me, this relationship with myself could be the foundation for the way I live and love.
This in the beginning was something that felt foreign to me as it had been some time since I had felt this connection, but at the same time, I had an inkling of something deep down that felt familiar. For so long I had not taken care of myself, even to the level of neglecting basic self-care. I started with small things such as the way I made my bed and how I got dressed in the morning. By starting to feel everything I was doing, I began to really feel me again. Even though I hadn’t felt this way for a long time, it started to feel familiar again. I started to feel that I was building a relationship with myself that was true. There weren’t the highs and lows of other relationships I had been in, but a more constant connection, as long as I chose to be open and make the choice to be present in this relationship with myself. From the subtle beginnings of feeling and making the smaller choices in my life, I found I was inspired to build on and to expand them into other areas of my life.
I now feel the loving commitment of the ever-developing relationship with myself… not perfect, sometimes a little wobbly as I let go of old patterns and behaviours, but a lot more honest than it’s ever been. This re-connection – a returning to my true essence – has multiple effects, one being that other relationships, such as in intimate relationships, relationships with friends, workmates and the wider community are also changing. I’m feeling more engaged in the world, being able to bring so much more of me to relationships with everyone I meet and in all I do. I feel that with the depth of intimacy lived with myself in my own life, I feel more equipped to not just cope with life, but to be able to live with joy and harmony and take these lived qualities of true relationship with me in all I do.
By Chris Vale, Bunbury, Western Australia
Further Reading:
Discovering true relationship
Building true relationships
What is a Relationship with Myself?
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
There are now thousands upon thousands of people around the world from all walks of life who have been introduced to Serge Benhayon and the Ageless Wisdom. To re-develop a relationship with oneself is the greatest gift humanity has been given. As we re-develop this way of being, it changes all our relationships as the love we have for ourselves is shared with everyone we meet, even as we pass by people on the street they get to feel the love that we have re-connected back to, which gives them an opportunity to reconnect back to this loving way too. Now that is amazing!
When we walk and live the Truth we already know within, everything feels enough and complete. Love having the opportunity through the work with Universal Medicine to heal what hurts us from the past and to come back to our loving and caring nature.
The separation we suffer from most is not the separation from others but from ourselves, by leaving the precious beings we really are.
Serge Benhayon supports us to re-connect with ourselves , ‘I had forgotten the beautiful connection that I had with myself.’
There is something quite remarkable about Serge Benhayon and the practitioners from Universal Medicine.
We have all been offered an opportunity to, as you say Chris, re-develop or re-connect back to this hidden Gem, this inner most love. To not live in the shadows, but to live in the full sun of life and the joy that this offers is unlike any experience so far in this life time.
As you have shared Chris, finding our Essence, Inner-most-heart/Soul, becomes so innate it becomes the Love and Non-imposing way of living we all have been searching for.
Most of our relationships with ourselves are chockers with what is not true, ideas, notions, fantasies, self recrimination, self doubt, worries, uncertainties, lack of trust, phobias, fears, anxiety, mistrust etc and we bring this whole rotten lot into every other relationship that we’re in. An absolute recipe for disaster.
Which is why it is imperative to heal and love ourselves.
What Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine offer are so foundational and very self-empowering. Once we understand the body as being key to the choices we make to love ourselves, we ourselves can change every part of our life so that it begins to hold, meet, and nurture the love we innately are.
Absolutely Melinda, Love exists in the most non-imposing way in our bodies when we align to our Souls, which is the empowering divine aspect in us all, as you have shared.
What Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has offered to the world will not be understood for many years to come. History will show once again via hindsight the depth and quality that is on offer to reconnect back to our soul and live from that aspect and not from the touted version given to us by the astral plane that has completely debased the energy of our true origins so that for the vast majority it feels as though we have lost all connection to our soul and the stars which is where we originally come from.
Our body is so important, to be connected with, to be present with our body is key, ‘ the choices we make to love ourselves, we ourselves can change every part of our life so that it begins to hold, meet, and nurture the love we innately are.’
Having true relationships, with oneself and with others is so valuable, it can’t be overestimated. Bringing honesty and transparency allows us to reveal who we are, with all our imperfections but also with our light – if we allow ourselves to shine.
Beautiful to reread your blog Chris. I can relate to much of what you write about. To move from looking to have relationships out of need, to knowing we have everything within us and building a great relationship with oneself is so empowering and sets one up for making and maintaining great relationships with others.
Relationship with self first and foremost is foundational to all other relationships, ‘we have everything within us and building a great relationship with oneself is so empowering’.
Yes, because we know that we too can develop that relationship, that it is not about perfection, or about ‘getting there’, but about a constant deepening and developing of that relationship with ourselves.
What you share here is a perfect example of not being able to have a true relationship with another till you have a true relationship with yourself. The former is demanding and needy, even in the subtler ways. The latter is respectful and decent at the bare minimum. Thank you for sharing with us that we can choose to redevelop the relationship with ourselves at any age.
I agree Lucy,
It as taken me many years to understand that it is impossible to have a true relationship with another till you have a true relationship with yourself.
For years I was filled with self loathing and it has taken many years to take the responsibility to build a relationship with me. Having started this journey I can honestly say it is the best journey to be on because there is always so much more to discover and as I open up again to the endless possibilities, it seems that others can feel the difference in me and want this for themselves too.
A true relationship with self is foundational for all our other relationships.
‘I’m feeling more engaged in the world, being able to bring so much more of me to relationships with everyone I meet and in all I do.’ I am really starting to see this in my life. What’s so lovely is seeing there is always more to feel, more to bring. I was once so afraid to go out into the world and now life doesn’t phase me as it once did because I’m bringing more of me to everything I do.
Karin these words caught my attention
“I’m bringing more of me to everything I do.”
It is giving ourselves permission to unfold everything that we have held in protection to be seen. The fact that each and everyone of us is precious, delicate, sensitive and this is what we have all hidden away because the world doesn’t feel safe enough to express who we are in truth.
Universal Medicine is showing humanity that actually it is okay to re-connect to this inner beauty and in fact it is what the world is craving, true intimacy.
It is a win win situation when we truly cherish and love ourselves more of course we will bring this to all our other relationships and have more of a commitment in life ✨
So True Vicky, Love is an ever-expanding evolutionary experience that we take into every situation.
The more we love ourselves, the more love we have to share.
‘I soon discovered there were many ways I could do this – from alcohol and drugs, to food and sex.’ It’s crazy what we do in order not to feel. From experience we make the actual thought or experience far worse than it really is because when we are finally willing to go there and feel it, we realise that it is not bigger than us but actually our love is bigger than it.
Well stated Vicky. When I have finally found the ability to address old hurts it has always amazed me how quickly and easily they have cleared the moment I have been willing to go there. The sense of space and openness after the fact has always inspired me, and with every hurt released I have wondered how on earth I could have held on to the poison for so long…
Yes it feels trick to keep us from knowing who we truly are. I too was astonished when a long held hurt just seemed to evaporate so speedily, after holding onto it for so long. Such a feeling of freedom afterwards.
Well said! We run and we hide from situations sometimes that feel bigger than we can cope with but each time I stay and deal with it head on, I find that I have all the skills needed to deal with it and the outcome is SO much simpler!
Chris thanks for being so honest about your life
“I had forgotten the beautiful connection that I had with myself. I started desperately seeking connection outside myself to try to fill this huge void I was feeling inside. I soon discovered there were many ways I could do this – from alcohol and drugs, to food and sex. The way I was using these substances was purely abusive; they were my band-aids to keep everything together to be able to function with some normality in life. They offered a numbing effect for me to forget the pain, but only for so long.”
When we lose the connection with ourselves we do the most silly, crazy things just as you have written. I wonder why we don’t just stop and reconnect back again. We can be out for life times before we make the stop and reconnect, was it worth all the heart ache and stress? no not at all, there’s just more of the illusion we fall into to unpick.
When there are more and more people in the world who have a loving foundation and deep connection with themselves it will be far easier for others to choose this instead of seeking connection outside of themselves or not wanting to feel the void/pain within themselves that has been created (I know that one from past experience) because there will be more people in the world reflecting to others a different and true way so it will be easier for others to choose this instead ✨ #tidesareturningbacktolove
Yes, like the 100th monkey, even if we aren’t in physical connection, offering a reflection with others, the momentum of love and truth builds until a tipping point will be reached…..
We wait for someone to look after us, to save us, and abdicate responsibility for many years. I love what you share that it is never too late.
I believe Lucy these traits that we all have are held over from some religion, that we have got caught up in, in previous lives. If we look back to the ‘dark ages’ that period of history has been called that for a reason. The reason being that religion held sway over many lives. As that energy loses its grip on religion it has moved into Science and now Science is being used to control humanity. We have yet to wake up to the fact that we are controlled by an unseen energy that uses the human body for its own pleasure, we are mere puppets if we do not take back control.
When it is about us being responsible, and taking care of ourselves, ‘I started with small things such as the way I made my bed and how I got dressed in the morning. By starting to feel everything I was doing, I began to really feel me again. Even though I hadn’t felt this way for a long time, it started to feel familiar again. I started to feel that I was building a relationship with myself that was true.’
‘I thought it would be the one thing, to find the perfect relationship that would fix everything I was feeling.’ Isn’t this the thing that we are all taught from young that will bring deep contentment and fulfilment with all our fairy stories and happily ever afters? It explains, in part why we are so discontent in our relationships as the idealised picture can never be realised… and the rest is that truly, until we find contentment in ourselves we will never find contentment with another.
So true, we are taught this from young through all the Disney movies, someone will come to complete you. Yet we are then forever searching and never truly content in ourselves.
It’s a set up isn’t it? We innocently share these stories to our kids without realising what ideals we are setting them up for. If we don’t have a picture we can be real with what is in front of us.
Yes, I certainly went for the fairy tale because I didn’t want to admit I’d stopped loving myself. It seemed easier to keep searching for the one than stop to feel how I’d abandoned myself. I’d feared the pain and loneliness would be too much when actually it isn’t, Being with myself is really lovely.
Ah looking for a fairytale and thinking that it is going to come to save us. That searching always takes us further and further away from the simple knowing that it is right inside us all the time. What an evil seed to plant with children.
Lucy I remember when I was very young at infant school and looking out of the window and wishing a knight in shining armour on a dashing grey horse would come and rescue me from the classroom and the mundaneness of life I was already feeling. The painful truth is no one can rescue us, we have to rescue ourselves. This can take a while because first we have to feel and understand we are worth rescuing. This is where Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine plays such a key part in turning our lives around. We can with support change our lives completely, if we are willing to take those first steps.
Yes having idealised pictures and expectations are are killers in any real relationship. Seeking perfection – a recipe for discontent.
Pictures, beliefs, and expectations are not conducive to a healthy and loving relationship.
Most of us are so disappointed. As you say Rachel from a young age we’re fed the picture of romance and all it’s promises and then we meet someone and the adrenaline and sex filled first years often appear to confirm the image that we have that love can be delivered by another but then gradually or not so gradually ‘the rot starts to set in’ and most of us are left living in relationships of convenience which we substitute with all manner of distractions ranging from having kids to base jumping.
I see so many of my friends in a marriage they would rather not be in because the pictures and ideals they were sold when they were young about marriage and life in no way matched up to the present reality. This is the rot you speak of Alexis, when they discuss their relationships within the group of friends its as though they feel betrayed by life, they were sold something that bares no truth or reality to what they are currently living. We could say that we didn’t read the small print of life’s contract. So if we pass over in the feeling of given-up-ness and betrayal then that is what we will return to until we break the cycle this can take many life times or not depending how willing we are to admit that the lives we have lived was not it. Then the healing can take place.
Very true, ‘ truly, until we find contentment in ourselves we will never find contentment with another.’
Crossroads always offer us alternatives – we can make the choice to stay marking time where we are, we can revert to old patterns or, we can be open to new beginnings. The choice is ours.
What I can feel now is how it feels like I have just been giving lip-service to this loving-myself and deepening-the-relationship-with-myself thing, that there’s a whole other level awaiting, that this is a constant, on-going unfoldment, and I don’t even have to go anywhere for that, but just be here.
‘I don’t even have to go anywhere for that, but just be here.’ I love this Fumiyo as I can feel that I am being called to go deeper in my relationship with self, but there is some resistance. What you are sharing is so beautiful in its simplicity. Just be here. Gorgeous.
michelle819 why do we put up so much resistance to building a deeper more loving relationship with ourselves? I can definitely feel that there is a part of me that I now understand is my spirit that is in complete resistance to the return to my soul and finds anything to delay.
Beautifully and simply expressed Fumiyo.
As I read this blog again, I found another piece of gem relevant to where I am in my life, ‘nurturing essence I felt was missing in my life’ and ‘I started to feel that I was building a relationship with myself that was true’. Both of these statements are ringing to my body, as reflections of where I am with my own livingness and how I am treating my body in and with life.
There is much to ponder here, nurturing begins with you first, just like the way they say on a flight, that if oxygen is needed, put yours on first before helping another.
Have I truely built a relationship with myself first or for others first? I feel the latter is more the case for me and I am sure for many others too. It’s time to change things now.
Agreed, it has to begin with us, because one uses the truth barometer of our body to let us know what is tender, gentle and nurturing and the other waits for someone to tell us from their bodies – which is a totally different relationship and experience to our own.