First Time Mum: Realising Control is just too much Hard Work

by Trish Mazur, Marine Charter Co-ordinator, Gold Coast, Australia

I had my first child recently, during the time I have been attending Universal Medicine (UniMed) workshops and courses. The support I have received from the UniMed workshops has helped me to look and focus on myself and has given me an understanding that I am responsible for the choices that I make in my life.

By focussing on myself and not blaming others around me for the things I don’t like about my life, my relationship with myself and others has only grown and blossomed as a result. It has also enabled me to make the ongoing small changes to start living the way I want to live, and not wait for others to change.

UniMed has helped me see how and why I have always needed to control things in my life. Being open to taking responsibility for my choices has made me feel like I have the power to change my life and consequently has just made the whole experience of being pregnant, as well as having a baby, amazing. Of course, not without bumps along the away (excuse the pun), but it has just made it so simple.

Control was a big issue for me; letting go of that control makes me feel like I actually have more control of my life… go figure!

It’s allowed me to go with the flow and accept the changes my body needed to make to accommodate a growing baby, rather than be down on myself that I didn’t look like society’s ‘ideal’ of what a pregnant woman should look like.

It has allowed me to adjust with the financial changes that my partner and I had to face. We have been able to lovingly simplify and prioritise what is important and needed, and what is not.

For me, letting go of that control allows things to happen – to unfold beautifully and naturally as and when they are meant to (not ideally either) rather than forcefully, which had previously always been my style. This then also allows me to know what to do when I need to do anything – rather than using every bit of myself to be ahead of the game and know everything there is to know before it even happens, if it ever happens.

Feels crazy now to think that this was how I used to live. So much wasted energy, so much stress just thinking about trying to control everything.

UniMed has helped me feel what is right for me and my baby (previously, I feel I would be more concerned about living my life according to what others would feel is right for me), as well as helping me feel that I am capable of what is needed.

Life would have definitely been a totally different story without UniMed. Thank goodness for Universal Medicine.

382 thoughts on “First Time Mum: Realising Control is just too much Hard Work

  1. ‘It has also enabled me to make the ongoing small changes to start living the way I want to live, and not wait for others to change’ We can waste so much energy/time trying to get others to change, hoping that others will change, waiting for others to change. Attending to ourselves is the first responsibility we have.

  2. Sometimes life presents us with things that might feel a little bit challenging but in truth, they are actually opportunities to grow and evolve. When we let go of control we can feel a very precious, detailed and divine order at the other end, and even if it might feel we lose some form of control the order we can live by lest of control is way more enjoyable and not at all draining.

  3. Every time I learn more about control, or more so, more about allowing, accepting and observing I realise how useless and destructive control is. It serves nothing and no-one. It hardens our body and is exhausting. Making choices from our truth allows us space to feel what is next.

  4. Thank you, for it leaves us to feel that mother is nothing to do with fitting in, ticking boxes or doing it hard… It is about surrender to yourself as a woman and see what nurturing qualities lay ahead. Of course guiding the children with a discipline that is called love.

  5. Great blog Trish, I can very much relate and I am learning to let go of control too. I find control pushes people away, it is a form of protection that is very much fear based and letting go of control feels less stressful, hard and complicated. Life can be so simple and joyful when we let go of control. It allows things to unfold and opens up opportunities for us to learn and evolve.

  6. I was chatting to a friend yesterday on how much control plays out on having to be on the ‘front foot’. Always making sure you are prepared for anything…and you are quite right, it is exhausting!

    1. Yes, it is exhausting to live with control and perhaps this is why so many people are exhausted in our society. Control seems to play out in more ways than we realise and it is commonly accept as normal. So, it is great to nominate how harmful it is to run with control as it creates disconnection and complication.

  7. It feels so freeing to let go of control. I find the more I do, the less tension I hold and the more free I am to be me.

  8. To control everything asks so much effort and it does not lead to anything that is worth mentioning, maybe we can be proud of what we have accomplished, but when we are honest the next is already there ready for us to control. It is exhausting.

  9. Life is a simple cycle and when we are born the impact from our previous incarnation will have an effect on this our current life. So when we understand how we have a divine purpose, would it not be responsible to live always in a way that shows respect and decency to others and thus develop good karma?

  10. The support we get from Universal Medicine has to do with re-discovering the beauty of movement and re-imprinting it. We live moving around music that we sync to, independently to whether is true for us or not. But, we take this for granted. When you realize what are we taking for granted and how devastating it is for us, everything changes.

  11. I am finding that when I am in control mode, like when wanting things to play out in a certain way, expecting certain outcomes, anticipation how people will respond or should respond to situations and not embracing all the challenges in my life, that I get exhausted, frustrated and resentful. Whereas when I am allowing things to unfold in their own space and meeting life with an allowing and an openness, I feel vital and in harmony with the flow of the universe.

  12. I often get caught in controlling how I want my work tasks to complete. When I finally get to what I wanted to get to it completes quickly or if I go against the flow it backfires.

  13. “letting go of that control allows things to happen” – Your article is a great example of those situations when we try to control something, we try again, and again, and nothing seems to work, and yet when we let go or leave something to unfold it unravels in a way that may not be how we ‘thought’ it should have, but actually in the end everyone involved is supported and actually the outcome is better designed than we could have ever created ourselves.

  14. I agree – letting go of control is so much more liberating and puts us in charge of life. Trying to be in control always put me in anxiety and expectation which would never be fulfilled.

  15. Thanks Trish, there is a palpable joy in all the changes you have shared in your blog. This is a great line “letting go of that control allows things to happen – to unfold beautifully and naturally”, and how lovely to be in surrender and flow with it all.

  16. I know when I was pregnant I felt a beautiful stillness within that supported me to let go of control, it stayed for a while with me when the baby was born but there was no solid foundation, as there is now, to hold it so I related it to my pregnancy and not to what it is, a quality that’s within to connect to so we can let go of our controlling thoughts and behaviour.

  17. I agree Trish, being controlling is such a waste of energy and it is definitely draining. Letting go of control is something I am working on. I am beginning to recognise how it a strain on our relationships and sucks the joy out of everything we do when it is done under the form of control.

    1. There is also a lack of intimacy when we use control. We allow in an outer source of why something needs to be the way it is by using control, and allows it to get in the middle of relationships. It is more destructive than we often realise.

  18. Its quite amazing that you have felt to look at control in your life at a time when the choice to control is at its most intense, having your first child.

  19. “By focussing on myself and not blaming others around me for the things I don’t like about my life, my relationship with myself and others has only grown and blossomed as a result.”

    This sentence makes total sense….when we hold people to ransom to perform to the pictures in our head (spoken or unspoken) and/or we blame them for our choices, we impose on them, and we limit where the relationship can go. Let that go, and absolutely they can blossom without those restrictions.

  20. I have found that when control comes into play it is because there is a picture of how things ‘should’ be in order for us to achieve an outcome, mostly one of recognition or acceptance. Yet when we focus on what feels true, on developing loving relationship with our body and being, we discover that we already are complete and being guided by our connection to who we are, is everything we need to be, and very freeing.

    1. Spot on Carola, beautifully expressed. This is where I trip over again and again, from falling for control because I have a picture of how things ‘should’ be. And, when I do this, appreciation goes out the window and I am left feeling hurt, drained and disconnected. The part you shared about recognition and acceptance, I can relate to this because whenever I am seeking any form of recognition or acceptance, control kicks in straight away to run the show.

  21. ‘Life would have definitely been a totally different story without UniMed. Thank goodness for Universal Medicine.’ So many of us can say this now…I certainly can too.

  22. Everything is actually not making sense when we do not relate it to energy. Part of my deeper acceptance of life is because things (from my small vision) did not make sense, there seemed to be a whole (crucial) bond missing.. That Universal Medicine has brought to us, -the existing science of energy and this has brought back the laws of energy that has never been gone, we just moved in a way that made us deny it.

  23. That is super cool and such an important step to trust that you know what your body is telling you. Our lives have been surrounded by pictures so letting these go, and letting ourselves surrender and go with the flow is awesome, one of the bonuses to that is the children don’t feel any tension either or expectations being put on them.

  24. Your relationship with your child is more important than anything. Learning to honour that should be our normal so yes, thank heavens for Universal Medicine or we would still be trying to live to someone else’s ideal, eeek!

  25. It is a long time ago since I was a mother of a new born but I can still remember the way I wanted to control life so that everything would be perfect; that the baby would be a model baby and me, the model mother. But that certainly didn’t happen as trying to control anything, especially a baby, is an absolute futile exercise whereas getting out of my own way and allowing life to unfold ensures that life is way more simple and definitely not hard work.

  26. Is it not so that a lot of people would love it to be not so exhausted – here is one possibility to stop such exhaustion: “For me, letting go of that control allows things to happen – to unfold beautifully and naturally as and when they are meant to (not ideally either) rather than forcefully, which had previously always been my style.” Thank you Trish for not holding back what are you living now through the freshness of Universal Medicine.

  27. This really is very huge – to not wait anymore for others to change, but to simply live in a way that feels true for you. The depths of self-love here is ginormous as is a love for people because everyone has the right and the freedom to explore and live and learn according to their own path without feeling imposed upon by another person to change to suit their needs…

  28. Being controlling in life comes from not feeling solid in ourselves, hence insecurities can be triggered and control is how we try to not feel all this. Yet control is very abusive and manipulative and never truly resolves anything, at best control merely delays when we have to deal with something which by then is a bigger issue than it is today.

  29. There is a big difference between living in anxiousness and nervous energy controlling what is ahead to being aware of what is needed in the future to support oneself. The latter is a knowing that comes from a connection to self where what is impulsed from our soul perfectly supports us what is needed; the other drains and is exhausting depleting us with emotions running through the body.

  30. We have so many pictures of how we want our lives to be that we use control to try and make what we want happen, which then leads to frustration, disappointment, and complexity. Letting go of control brings with it a sense of easeful-ness harmony and flow to our lives.

    1. I agree Jill and it can be easy to forget how much control actually creates disharmony and lack of flow, especially if we have lived with it for a long time. It is when we choose to let go of control that we get to experience how simple, fun and harmonious life can be.

  31. What Universal Medicine brings to be people is the missing link to life – we are forever energetic before we are anything else, and we can use some support to come back to that. Now and forever.

  32. Being able to let go of control is huge, but very liberating and you can realize that it was not needed anyway and how much you were standing in your own way. That when you do let go, that creates the space for others to come forward and be more of who that are what could be needed for everyones evolution.

  33. Ah- ha – this is totally rocking the comfort of being in control.. and the discovery that it actually does not get us anywhere.. As you shared, this will only be a very discomforting experience at the end and makes us rather exhausted.

    1. I like your playfulness Danna and I agree, it is very uncomfortable to be in control because it creates stress, anxiety, fear and complication, it doesn’t sound fun does it? But, why is it then so common to see control play out in life?

      1. yes Chanly, It keeps us safe, safe from a potential trigger of hurt.. Control is somehow safe, even though deep inside our body it is highly uncomfortable and unnatural. As we are designed to LOVE.

  34. When we let go of control, we are able to live a life that is naturally true for us, it has its own natural rhythm and flow, and we are no longer pushing against ourselves.

  35. Letting go of control gave you more control. I totally get that!! This is something I have played with also…through experimenting with simply trusting things to fall into place and actually allowing myself to work with the flow and order of things rather than trying to orchestrate them. IT WORKS! Wish I could say this was my default setting, but for now it’s still a work in progress as old habits die hard.

    1. Something I’m learning to let go of controlling at the moment is time. When I live from my head, and pictures of what I think I need to do, by when, it feels very hard and controlling and and I get stressed out when I fail to meet my own self-imposed deadlines.. even as I write that I can see how unnecessary that is! Learning to live from my body is a much more loving, and less controlling way to be – and magically there is always enough time for everything that needs to be done.

      1. Yes those self-imposed deadlines are there as huge expectations on ourselves, never a support but an extra layer on our true selves to make us anxious and to feel we are not enough although we try so hard.

  36. It’s amazing when we let go control life can just flow and it becomes so much more than we would often have allowed with our control. I love what you share here and how Universal Medicine has allowed you to live what is needed to support you and your family and to feel you know what that is in you. That’s true support and a real gift.

  37. Letting go and allowing our bodies to be simplifies life and brings harmony back to our movements. Not only does it free us from stress but others feel the difference to and it allows them to honour their own feelings and move and me just as they feel to as well.

    1. yes, this has been one of the biggest things I have learnt about letting go of control, the fact that others are benefitting from me not trying to control everything – and I didn’t realise I was!

  38. Thankyou Trish, I could really relate to this line “… using every bit of myself to be ahead of the game and know everything there is to know before it even happens, if it ever happens.” I hadn’t realised til I read this the amount of over-preparation I am doing internally for the future, instead of trusting in myself and taking care of the basics.

  39. ‘Letting go of that control allows things to happen – to unfold beautifully and naturally as and when they are meant to.’ Awesome reminder Trish, letting go of control has been a game changer in my life too as it is so exhausting living with the control and the constant pictures – this is a work in progress that has been such an important and loving step to take in my life.

  40. Control is basically about trust. Trusting that we don’t have to do ourselves and that we don’t need to plan everything ahead. Control in that way gives fake strength, a hardening, and is one of the ways to not be in the body and feel what is needed.

  41. When a woman is pregnant, she has a growing baby in her belly. When the woman is also growing in terms of awareness and in terms of her standing in the world, what she can bring to the growing baby is no less than the world.

  42. Ironically when we seek to control or think we are in control we are actually being controlled…

  43. “For me, letting go of that control allows things to happen – to unfold beautifully and naturally as and when they are meant to (not ideally either) rather than forcefully, which had previously always been my style. ” with control there is always a picture of how we think things need to be, and when they don’t we end up with anxiousness frustration and the need for more control, letting go and allowing life to unfold in it’s natural way brings an ease-fullness and a simplicity to life.

  44. I am a new mum and it is great to read this sharing. What I also feel is that the more I simply allow my daughter to just be herself, the more she is herself. As soon as I worry or have a picture – it all goes wrong – nothing flows. This blog breaks the illusion that parenting needs to follow books or advice. We know it all, it is just about trusting.

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