At 62 my life felt as though it was falling apart. This feeling of inadequacy and not knowing how to deal with life had been present throughout my entire life. As a child I felt unable to take care of myself and to feel what was truly OK for me: I could not understand why it was so difficult to love and be loved. I spent my entire life looking for love.
This pattern continued until I was forced to change at the age of 47. I began to see that I did have choices in the way I lived and experienced life and with this I began to change the way I felt about myself. I tried various self-help groups and therapies and they all appeared to work for a short time.
However, when my mother died I knew I had reached a breaking point. When I was younger, I had turned to drink as a way to ‘get me through life’ and later on I replaced the alcohol with numbing out on television and films. At this time, numbing no longer felt like an option. I needed some help and support and so I booked a session with an esoteric practitioner.
I was introduced to the ‘Gentle Breath Meditation’ and over a few weeks, as I began to open up, I knew that I needed to know more. It was suggested that I read The Way It Is by Serge Benhayon.
These two things – the meditation and reading this particular book – gave me little moments when my body calmed down from all the restless activity that continually went on in my head. This subtly but profoundly began to change my whole life. I felt more connected to myself and to the world. It felt as though I now had some command over how I was in the world – a way ‘to be’, without constantly losing who I was.
Within a year of my first session of Esoteric Healing – a gentle and non-imposing session that allows the client the space to connect to their body and let go of the busy-ness of the day – I attended Universal Medicine’s Heart Chakra 1 and 2 workshops at the Sound Foundation in Somerset. I found these workshops challenging and beautiful at the same time. I knew that what was presented by Serge Benhayon was undoubtedly ‘the truth’. I had wondered before about the meaning of life but not really looked in any depth as to whether or not I was living a life that was truth-full and true.
I was struck by the very ordinariness of Serge Benhayon. I am not sure what I expected, but probably someone who fitted into a certain stereotype. He was no superstar – he was just a normal guy but he had an extraordinary warmth and love that shone through, and a directness that was disarming. His manner was the same whomsoever he was talking with – a sense of equality that made you feel totally at ease. This man was without arrogance. He had a sense of humility and grace, and a love that was easily felt.
Through Serge’s example of family life and the way he lives his life, everything that he offered always felt possible. I could see that all we need to do is to keep life simple and to respect our truth.
Subsequently I attended Sacred Esoteric Healing (SEH) Level 1 and Level 2. During SEH Level 2 I was very aware of the profound and deep healing that was taking place. This course offered the opportunity to let go of childhood hurts and issues, and to release some of the pain held in my body. My body shape changed as my body had re-configured and the excess weight around my hips seemed to fall away.
I have been inspired to change my own life in a way that is truly amazing. I am now building different relationships with myself and with family and friends. My relationships now are based on honesty, where I lovingly reveal all those little things that I have held back on and kept hidden for so long. I was so ashamed of who I was deep down inside but now, as I open up, I realise that we are not so very different from one another – that no one is perfect and that it is OK to be me.
I have developed a new relationship with myself and have built self-respect and self-love into my life, which means I can also offer respect to others and allow them to find their own path. In this way I am able to understand and relate to everyone. It is wonderful to now experience real relationships where I do not need to be anything but myself.
Everything that I have heard Serge Benhayon say over the years has made sense.
I have an overwhelming feeling of coming home … back to the roots of where I came from in the first place. I am gradually building a foundation where love is the essence of my life and who I am.
by Susan Lee, Colchester, England
Further Reading:
Serge Benhayon – An Amazing Role Model
A True Love Letter for Serge Benhayon
My Life After Serge Benhayon’s Presentation Only Confirmed And Refined What I Had Connected To Before
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
Serge Benhayon is such an inspiration to everyone. There is a depth of quality to him that to me personally feels other worldly. He walks heaven on earth so that everyone has an opportunity to feel this, or not, the choice is ours alone. For many people they cannot believe that such love can again be felt and so they reject the love they can so easily feel because they do not want to be hurt again. A bit like the old saying ‘once bitten twice shy’. When we have been so crushed by the prevailing energy, understandably it’s hard to open up again to the love on offer.
Thank you Susan. Finding Serge Benhayon was a home coming on so many levels, and the steps were all a returning, so that the path of return is a deepening on the foundation of being gentle. We all started with being at-least-gentle, as home-coming from being so lost has to have a solid foundation so we can evolve to form a deeper way of living. We have the power within to deepen to a deeper-level than the foundational gentleness we started our home-coming with.
Today I was listening to an audio of Serge and the simplicity of his delivery allowed my to feel a stillness within – every day I feel appreciation for the blessing that he has brought to humanity and the world.
Thank you Susan I also enjoy the audio by Serge Benhayon, and it is a conformation of who we all are and The True power that is in all our voices as we have the ability to deepen our expression, thus our living ways are confirming express-ive-ness, as we are then building a solid foundation of a Deep-Humble-Appreciate-ive-ness, and this is confirming us in our essences with it’s unique expression.
Like you Susan, through the work of Serge Benhayon, my life has been transformed. Applying practical tools, I learned to know, love and be me, keep life simple and live with purpose – all essential ingredients.
I agree Kehinde and when we keep life simple and practical we begin to let go of all the distractions that take us away from who we are.
Keeping purpose in how we live is an important ingredient in our lives.
I have also felt a massive difference between living a version of myself that was not the real me and trying to be all things to all people, versus how I live now, which is just being me in all my relationships. It is a much easier and less stressful and tiring way to be and live.
Which leads me to ponder on why I have stayed away from this connection for so long?
So many people who have met Serge Benhayon have felt a desire to change how they interreact with life, that the version we have created of ourselves is not true. It takes some time to peel away the layers to find out who we truly are but it is so worth the time and effort. And what I find so interesting is that there is always more to discover about myself and those around me and to actually feel comfortable in my own skin when I’m with other so that I do not feel the desire to fit in to be liked anymore.
The point of difference with Universal Medicine was the integrity of the livingness in every presentation and the lack of hooks. I really appreciated this and it gave me space to connect to what I knew in every cell of my body to be Truth.
When we are confronted by someone who lives their life with consistency and integrity, it’s time to stop and to begin to feel the difference and become inspired to integrate this livingness into our own lives. It may take a while, but each step taken back towards our soul is felt in heaven.
The integrity and love that Serge Benhayon lives with is such an inspiration for many of us human beings.
Lucy you mention the word ‘hooks’ and I understand what you mean.There is no hooking energy behind the presentations of Universal Medicine. I felt the opposite of this recently, I was walking past a house that had the television on really loudly and I could feel the hooking energy of the program being broadcast. I could feel how the program wanted me to engage with it and become mesmerized, similar to a moth that gets distracted by a bright light. If we are not aware of all the different hooking energies that surround us, then it makes sense that we find it difficult to be who we are naturally because we live in a world that doesn’t allow for this.
Susan it’s a joy seeing you in this blog. I enjoyed reading your experience with Universal Medicine very much, it could be written by myself. I agree with you, ‘we are not so very different from one another – that no one is perfect and that it is OK to be me.’ This is a very refreshing realisation that makes me live my life with more joy, ease and settlement than ever before. Thanks for being you.
At this point in time I’m living my life surrounded by people from all ages who are learning to live love on a daily basis and I’m realizing how enriching this is. What I see in my fellows is a true beauty, a spark in their eyes, a graceful aliveness that is very refreshing and inspiring to me. They remind me that there is more joy and truth to be lived for all of us. No matter our age we can live it. After all it is how we were as a little child and how we all naturally are.
As you say it’s the reflection of others that seeds forth a feeling that we can be so much more and live a life that is grander than any dream could ever be. Feeling this enrichment allows us to nourish ourselves and each moment, and to build a foundation of love and joy in our lives which we can then take out into the world and inspire others.
“I have developed a new relationship with myself and have built self-respect and self-love into my life,” The presentations by Universal Medicine offer a way to live where I can feel the true purpose of life.
And feeling purpose is key to us unfolding – something that is pulling us – the magnetic pull that returns us to soul.
Building a foundation of self-respect and self-love is an important part of returning to being love.
The feeling of homecoming is profound and brings settlement to the body.
And this is what I can feel reflected in your comment Kehinde.
It’s beautiful to discard all inner and outer clothing we’ve worn that has dragged us down, and feel the loveliness of our true essence.
Discarding ‘all inner and outer clothing we’ve worn that has dragged us down’ allows us to feel a beautiful lightness and a new sense of purpose to emerge.
I agree Susan, alcohol can indeed be a great means to numb ourselves from what we don’t want to feel.
‘I was so ashamed of who I was deep down inside’ – how many of us have or do walk around with this feeling of not being good enough and secretly keep this to ourselves.
That is so true Julie – and for me it feels as though there are many layers of lack of self worth that need to released and that only by being gentle and tender with ourselves can we lovingly emerge untarnished by the past.
I agree Susan, the pockets of lack of self-worth are insidious but when we do emerge we soon realise the lie we have bought into and the extent of that lie, and all of the unkind thoughts we have allowed ourselves to run with are so far from the truth of who we are.
I know this feeling of not being good enough has been something that definitely played out within the females on this planet.
Thank you Elizabeth – I have been inspired by the grace you live and with which you walk through life.
Serge like a true servant gets into the fullness of life — to be full is to commit in full.
And that is what we feel in his reflection – the power and beauty of a life committed to serve.
Susan, your new foundation of self-love and self-respect is inspiring us all. By building a relationship with yourself you are also deepening your relationship with others. You are sparkling and radiant on your photo, showering the world with your gorgeous smile and emanating love.
And this is what I notice in others as they return back home and re-connect to their soul.
‘Coming home’, yes, I do feel such a plonker sometimes for leaving ‘home’ for as long as I did and going on such a massive walkabout to find home again, pretending all along that I didn’t know where it was or how to get there, only to look up and see that I had only gone as far as the gate.
I love the down to earthiness of your comment – and the realisation that we have been going nowhere except round and round in circles reflects how easily we become lost when we disconnect from our soul.
‘Why is it so hard to love and be loved?’ Great question. I feel we spend so much time looking out to the world to understand why and rarely see the answers that are found with the re-connection to the stillness in our body.
So true Lucy – so many of us have used coping strategies that are complicated to get through life not realising that the simplicity of a connection to our inner heart and stillness is there awaiting our return.
Thank you Susan for your beautiful personal sharing of your journey of returning to being “… OK to be me”.
Your picture alone speaks a thousand words about your whole wellbeing, vitality and absolute joy of life.
Letting ourselves be who we are and being content with that is a huge strength and something that a lot of people want for themselves but are not sure how. Serge Benhayon doesn’t give instructions but offers a reflection for anyone who cares to look and be reminded that all we need to do is be, without criticism or critique but a deep understanding.
And what I love is that this ‘joy of life’ is shared with so many others – the healing that Serge offers us is something to honour and embrace.
Yes, I agree Rachel – this love that we feel is deeply beholding and allowing and expands our very being.
A huge strength indeed Rachel, it is so natural and easy to be ourselves yet everything around us seems to push us away from reconnecting to our power and reconnecting to love. It is awesome to read Susan’s blog and her sharing of how she returned home to reconnecting to her gorgeous self with ease and loving support. I too have a similar story of how deeply inspired I am by Serge Benhayon’s deeply loving reflection and the amazing people at Universal Medicine.
Yes, Chan it is beautiful that you were also impulsed – there are now so many who have begun the path of return that Serge inspires – and as we come together and share our experience this opens the door for others to re-connect to their innate way of living the truth in a way that embraces all of humanity.
You share one sentence here Susan which I feel is underneath so many people’s struggle and tension with themselves “I was so ashamed of who I was deep down inside”. This feeling is incredibly debilitating and can hold us to ransom, hampering any meaningful and foundational changes. Bringing understanding to why we do, say and think the way we do is vital to get below shame, because then we can stand in the truth of who we know ourselves to be.
When we choose to hang on to the shame, we are blocking our connection to our truth and condemning ourselves to endless misery.
So true Lucy and Serge Benhayon meets us “… in the truth of who we know ourselves to be”, which then allows us to meet ourselves and commence the journey home.
Very beautiful.
What is so life-changing, is that it is not something that is said, it is a feeling which re-ignites something in the body that burns forever more, calling us home. No matter our choices, we will always have a marker for what is Loving and what is not loving, what is Truth and what is not truth
Allowing ourselves to feel the ‘re-igniting’ within is the moment that we connect to the love and grace of God. ‘
Having that knowing between ‘what is Truth and what is not truth’ as a marker in one’s body makes it real and tangible rather than a mental thought or knowledge.
And surpasses any mental construct.
Lucy what you are sharing is so true. Many of us are so ashamed that we have buried this feeling so deep in our bodies that we are not aware it is there. Is this the unsettlement that we constantly live with, the shame of disconnecting to what we know to be true; our deep and abiding love of God?
Over the last 13 years I have heard so many people share on meeting Serge Benhayon that they were struck by his “ordinariness”, as was I. Serge was unlike any presenter I had ever encountered and I was so inspired by the fact he wasn’t trying to sell me anything, trying to convince me that his way was the only way, but that he simply presented what he knows to be true and then allowed me to find my way to the truth in my own time.
Yes, Ingrid, when someone offers us the space to be totally ourselves we can feel the love pouring through us and out into the world……..
This is so true Susan, but we appear to live in a world where this doesn’t happen very often as most of the time we are expected to fit into the boxes society has built for us and if we dare move out of those boxes we are sometimes judged very harshly. But how supportive and refreshing it is to have somewhere offer us this space, a precious opportunity to get to know ourselves a little more, free of any pressure but filled with love and endless possibilities.
Yes, Ingrid, I feel so extraordinarily blessed to have found a space where I can begin to explore the preciousness of who I am and in turn being able to offer this to another and hence expand the space to include all of humanity.
This is one of the many, many things I love about Serge Benhayon’s presentations, he simply presents the truth and leaves it up to us what we do with it. This is an exquisite example of love and a non-imposing way to present.
Yes, I agree Chan – the power is in the beholding and not as often perceived in the imposition.
Not forgetting that Serge’s ordinariness is extra-ordinary. He’s not trying to be someone, is just simply himself and reflects truth back to us, as you say, to find our own truth when we’re ready.
And it is that reflection which is so extra-ordinary, as it is one we have not experienced for a very long time. It is a reflection which can inspire someone to say yes to what it comes with, or one that may turn someone away, as they are not ready to receive it. Either way, Serge Benhayon loves all equally so, and there is definitely no judgement for the one who turns away, simply an understanding of where they are in their lives.
“And it is that reflection which is so extra-ordinary, as it is one we have not experienced for a very long time.” Yes Ingrid, I’ve met no one this life time that inspired and loved me in a way that supported me to love and appreciate myself. It did not come from ‘family’, friends, conventional religion or education, but through the humble ways of a man who ‘loves all equally’ and inspires many to hold that same quality within.
I appreciate that when faced with the reflection of Serge Benhayon there was no moment of hesitation – there was a sense of completion and confirmation within that infused my body with that same love.
What a man who offers the same love to all equally and endlessly……..
Serge Benhayon is extra-ordinary in his ordinariness, ‘He was no superstar – he was just a normal guy but he had an extraordinary warmth and love that shone through’.
Thank you Susan for it exposes the fact that when we are connected we are so normal, and actually that we bring something alive by being our energetic selves that are full of truth, love and spunk !
We certainly do – our aliveness is truly apparent as we see students of the Ageless Wisdom looking younger year by year, rather than what is to be considered ‘normal’ – ageing and losing their natural vitality.
Susan reading through your blog again I can see my own life before and after finding Serge and Universal Medicine. Our outer lives might be different in the way we struggled, and the specific hurts we had and the behaviours we used to manage them, but the love and joy of reconnecting to and living from our essence (soul) is the same.
Yes, Melinda – that is so true – and joy surely is the quality that unites us all back to a oneness.
Yes, the before and after is marked with a searching, aching feeling and then a feeling that things actually make lots of sense when you understand there is a spirit and a soul and that we are made of energy and therefore the quality of movement we choose will influence how we see, feel and experience everything.
Realising the power of our movements is power indeed and such a simple tool to employ.
We have robbed ourselves of so many basics of life and replaced them with ‘box ticking’. To me there is no richness to ticking boxes, it is a painful and boring exercise to get through. Whereas what has been presented by Universal Medicine is a way of living that is full of the richness of life that is so missing in our society. At least Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have given us all a choice.
“All we need to do is to keep life simple and to respect our truth” – absolutely. Even in our attempt to change ourselves and our life for the better, we often invite complication, wondering whether we are doing it right or not. I love how so simply you have captured this. Thank you, Susan.
It’s interesting how much we subscribe to complication when we know all along that we deliberately go out of our way to invite this into our lives. We have allowed our lives to meander off track for so very long that we feel we are in ‘control’ when this is so far from the truth and who we are – and know that we can feel this is our intrinsicly, intuitive and Godly way.
We can be very harsh on judging ourselves, and when we do we feel like we lose a great deal of our self-worth and confidence. Through the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine it has become clear to me that all the choices we make matter, and the more self loving we become, the more joyful and fulfilling our lives are, and when things go wrong we no longer need to beat ourselves up, but be tender and loving towards ourselves instead.
Oh, so true Sally – I have reached a point where judgement no longer feels an acceptable way to behave towards myself or another and only serves to separate us and increase our need for individualism. Being self loving and caring and offering myself a greater depth of nurturing allows moments where I can feel my deep inner beauty and feel at one with myself – and with others – and the Universe at large.
This feels like a key part of the healing for judgement – being self-loving towards ourselves and bringing a depth of caring that offers us a very tangible sense of our essence. Who we are below all the judgements of the things we think we ought or ought not to be.
Judgement feels very heavy and a huge diversion and contraction away from being the innately Divine Beings that is our innate way.
This is deeply beautiful to read Susan, how inspiring to read of the steps you took to reclaim who you truly are and to let go of old patterns and hurts that held you back. It is always lovely to read of another’s journey back to love and their Soul.
And what is even more beautiful is that this unfolding continues and is forever evolving as I am realising that the moments of comfort that I once sought are becoming less as the expansion that we feel within leaves no space for plateaus – the more we embrace the more we are given – and the more that is poured through us.
It makes sense to me that the more truly connected to ourselves we feel the more truly connected with the world we can also be as it’s like we bring that inner-connection with us into all that we do and engage with rather than it being about needing the world to bring it to us…
Yes, it feels more responsible and much less imposing. We are far more ‘needy’ than we realise when we do not have that foundation of self-love inside.
Self love not only enriches us, as it can become a quality that we share world wide.
A testimony of love AND Serge Benhayon — the two go hand IN hand. I too was not equipped to deal with life .. now it’s my sole responsibility to be honest and receive the reflection from others showing me where I am at. Tool after tool has been given to us and offered to apply in The Way of The Livingness .. as Susan has concluded to be who we are in essence – LOVE ❤️
To feel that we have no choices is a profound choice in denial of our essence.
Susan this stands out for me
“Everything that I have heard Serge Benhayon say over the years has made sense.”
When I look around at our current way of living I feel it is history repeating itself all over again, as we appear to have learnt nothing from our past behaviours. We may be more technically advanced so it looks as though we are advancing going forward, but really we are descending back into animalistic behaviours which are gross to say the least. To me the one person that stands out is Serge Benhayon who is prepared to tell humanity the truth which is going against what we want to hear, but never the less we need to be given a reality check and to be honest, he is the only person I know who has the guts to stand up against the tide and speak up and out and by his very living way, reflect back to us all that there is a different way to be and live.
Reading your words Mary I feel a sense of humility and a deepening of my appreciation……what a man!
And Serge lives and speaks truth with such humility, ‘This man was without arrogance. He had a sense of humility and grace, and a love that was easily felt.’
When we express ‘from the quality of our essence and the wisdom of our inner knowing’ we bring truth to the whole world.
When something doesn’t last, it can be seen as a temporary fix. Temporary fixes do not work as we’re simply on a merry go round buying time, trying various and many temporary fixes. Universal Medicine is no temporary fix as it continuously supports me to be all that I am in the real sense of the word and so much more.
Yes, Caroline – it feels beautiful to reflect and consider all the many blessing that have flowed my way since I found Universal Medicine and the Ageless Wisdom. It has offered me a reality and a space that allows me to take my relationships deeper – there is nothing airy fairy as you can feel the changes and the impact on the body and how this supports me in my daily living. My whole life has changed not just a part.
Beautiful and it is incredibly inspiring when we do take responsibility and make those changes as they have an impact on everything and everyone around us and beyond no matter how small or big we may think those changes are.
Thank you Susan, it’s a joy to read of your return to the love you innately are, and your beautiful photo shares the truth of how life now is for you. This sums up so much about relationships and how our return to the essence of love within can transform how we are with people; “It is wonderful to now experience real relationships where I do not need to be anything but myself.”
As we return to our essence we begin to realise what has been missing in our lives is an honesty in the quality of love – we have settled for far less than what and who we truly are, when in truth we are born to be love and nothing less. Knowing I can be myself allows me to let go of any hindrances to living love.
” This man ( Serge Benhayon ) was without arrogance. He had a sense of humility and grace, and a love that was easily felt. ‘
This is so true Susan.
And very beautiful to fully appreciate………