Dear Me: A Letter to My Relationship with Me

Dear Me,

We’ve had an up and down relationship over the years, but I’ve recently reached a point in my life where I really felt like re-connecting with you.

I know that mostly I’ve tried hard to ignore you, drowning you out with a million distractions. Every time you turned up I freaked out and ran the other way. And when you started talking to me through my body – well! That was the last straw! I wanted nothing more to do with you. I shut you down and that was that – you left me in peace, with the numbness that I was seeking so that I didn’t have to even look in your direction. You were asking me to commit to being with you, and to be who I was, and I wasn’t ready to give up the life I’d created. I’ve always known you were there, waiting for me to connect to you, but I liked to take my time, flirting with many versions of you that weren’t really it. Each time they disappointed me.

Like the time I dated RightandWrong, thinking that was you. He made things easy for me, and we hit it off immediately. All I had to do was revert back to the list of pictures he had of what was right and what was wrong, to make all my decisions on. I thought I loved being with him, but actually what I loved is the recognition I got from the right, and the dramas of the wrong. I started to realise that I didn’t have any sense of what I felt was true, and nothing true to say, just a polite and socially acceptable version of myself, based on that list. And when I got things wrong, I’d feel bad about myself, and treat others with the same harsh judgment. RightandWrong was really bad for my self-esteem, so eventually I had to leave.

Then there was the time I dated Loyalty. Loyalty was awesome to start with. I had such a massive crush on him because he made me feel like a rockstar and look SO good, and I got loads of recognition for being with him. I made myself into the perfect friend, daughter, sister, worker… whatever role I could get my hands on, I was determined to show my Loyalty off to others. And the best bit was, they loved him too! Loyalty and I would do anything for them – stressing ourselves out over the slightest of things, being all things to all people, all of the time. But living as fake superheroes eventually took its toll. We didn’t have time for ourselves anymore, and we realised that being all things to all people, to the detriment of ourselves, just wasn’t it. So … again, it didn’t last.

After Loyalty, I went out with Fence-Sitter. Now this one I thought would be different. He had potential. No arguments, super chilled, seeing all things from all sides. Except… his favourite colour was fence-colour beige, and he didn’t want to go anywhere. I mean anywhere, ever. He was kind of obsessed with hanging out on the fence, and in the end all we did was just sit on the fence, watching and waiting for things to be safe enough to climb down. But it turns out that by sitting there on the fence, the chaos around us didn’t just continue to happen, it got worse. Just by us not doing anything, not acting. It didn’t matter which side of the fence we were looking over, things down there were not good – and observing them wasn’t going to make them go away. Fence-Sitter gave me security, and it felt very comfortable, but we were totally cut off from everyone else, in our own world of oblivion.

I started to feel that none of these versions was right for me, but in my anxiety I turned further away from you and as a last resort I went out with Numbness. With him I felt… nothing at all. While my life was a bit bland, it didn’t really matter because I had the perfect excuse to not do anything, to not take action, because I couldn’t even feel what was going on around me. Then something happened. Bullying took place right in front of my eyes, and I didn’t even want to see it or feel it. I froze, and found myself totally unwilling and seemingly unable to act. It was devastating as I could feel how my doing nothing affected everyone, those that I loved, and allowed the abuse to continue.

So after all that I’m taking a break. I decided not to date any more versions of you, and to allow you back into my life, to feel what it would be like to be just with you. With the space, I’m starting to let go of relying on my head and on others to tell me who I am.

When I started to do things like the Gentle Breath Meditation™ to connect to and feel more deeply who I am, underneath all of the ‘stuff’ – the ideas we take on, the things we think we’re supposed to be – I started to feel more space. And in that space you appeared, tentatively at first, and then more and more often. You started to show me who I am: nothing of what I thought I was supposed to be, and everything about who I actually am but have fought against for so long.

I’ve worn myself out with fighting you, and with that I’m more open to seeing you for who you really are, and not who I thought you were.

I love the way you’re just not personal, and don’t take anything personally. You show me who I am, without hiding anything, and without criticism, and give me the space to be and love me. You have offered me countless opportunities to speak up, most of which I’ve rejected, out of an invented fear that the world will go nuts if I dare speak in your name. But no matter how many detours I take, however long I delay, you’re always there, waiting for me to reconnect to you in my own time.

Your steadiness and patience is inspirational, your love, endless. I’ve realised that none of my other relationships can give me anything that I’m not already, and that none of them will have any foundation unless I’m prepared to build a true relationship with you first: the real Me.

High five, Me – you’re pretty awesome.

Love,
B

By B, UK

Further Reading:
A Letter to my 13 year old Self
Our Relationship with Ourselves is the Start of All Things
Returning to our essence

470 thoughts on “Dear Me: A Letter to My Relationship with Me

  1. Developing a relationship with self has two parts (at least). There is an ‘easy’ part and that is to be able to connect deeply to ourselves and appreciate the beauty, solidness, endless thoroughness that we are. This is life changing. It is very confirming and gives you an anchor, a weight that helps you to move differently. There is another part: to relate to the character we have become, which has an underlying (even remote) truth. That is very confirming too but on a totally different level.

  2. A true relationship with myself and who I truly am is necessary for me to bring the fullness of why I came to earth, to all of life.

  3. It’s never too late to work on a relationship. Our soul is always there to welcome us no matter what we have done or how distant we have been.

  4. We can try to flee away for years, lifetimes even but there comes a moment in time where we have to surrender to the intelligence of the body who will lead us back to our true origins. So what is wise, to remain in ignorance for the rest of our life or make the choice to reconnect to the stillness and delicacy our body has on offer for us?

  5. “I’m starting to let go of relying on my head and on others to tell me who I am.” I was reflecting on what you were saying here and realised just how different my life is since letting go of trying to think and work out who I am and instead let myself feel from my body who I am, how I am and what is true for me. Its a huge difference and once that I feel far more content and complete with today as a result.

  6. It is such a relief when we accept ourselves for who we are and what we are here to bring, and not try to be and do something that we think we should be. Once we accept, the fight is over and we have so much more energy as when we surrender and accept this we are allowing ourselves to be moved by this flow.

  7. There’s a million ways we can mould ourselves, whether it be the fence-sitter or the go-getter but all of these different versions of ourselves take an enormous amount of energy and time and effort. I think a massive part of being content in who you are is knowing that we are learning, we don’t need to be perfect and it’s ok to just be you and not need to be more or less or anything else.

  8. Today is one of those days where my body is writing a letter to me, asking me to pay attention to some energy leaving me and making clearer space especially in my core for what is next. Dear Me! I might say, in consternation, instead I choose to write an alternative letter that starts “Dear Me..” expressed with my love.

  9. I am always tickled by this idea of writing to yourself. We are so used to receiving bills and junk mail in the post. Imagine if we wrote ourselves reminders and received these timely love letters in the mail? I guess these days Email is more prevalent, but as our inbox fills up – what if one of these was a message from us, confirming our own beauty? Writing this has got me feeling B that every thing that we do, every move that we make we are effectively sending love letters to the future. For when we pick up that bag, put on that coat we get the energy it was done in. This is a much greater package than we think.

  10. A beautiful sharing of the absoluteness of being who we are ,loving ourselves and the immensity of this in the world.

  11. And I feel a deeper connection of total devotion and dedication is needed that will access the universality that my body truly holds and shine out Love and Grace that is infinite.

  12. This really reminds me of many things in life where we find the thing we know is perfect and all we wanted and then just to be sure, try out all the other things, only to find out in the end the first we felt was the best.

  13. A relationship with self is so important. I still keep finding that I can be so hard on myself and critical and demanding, but when I look at it in terms of how I could be with myself and my capacity to be supportive, understanding and loving and honest, this takes on a whole new meaning and makes me want to hang out with myself and deepen my relationship with myself in that way.

  14. When we fight ourselves consistently over a long period of time, could this be the beginnings of auto-immune conditions where the body begins to fight itself?

  15. It is never too late to re-establish a true relationship with oneself however it does not have to be until we have played out all the ‘roles’ and into older age. Pass this on to children by example and it is the greatest gift and education we can share.

  16. How we treat our body reflects everything about how we treat ourselves, hence we cannot say we love ourselves if this is not reflected in our relationship with our body in terms of what we eat, how we move etc.

  17. As others have also shared since being involved in Universal Medicine I’ve gone from an abusive, distant and runaway relationship with myself to one where I feel lost when I don’t feel connected, the depth of relationship I have with myself today is a total transformation.

  18. A great blog about people and how we can make true and deep changes from within that are genuine and absolutely game-changing…

  19. Thank you for sharing “I’ve worn myself out with fighting you, and with that I’m more open to seeing you for who you really are, and not who I thought you were.” In my later I do regret spending more time on others instead of myself. Despite what others say about me, I don’t know if I am awesome or not.

  20. It is the connection to ourselves that nourishes and sustains us and not any ideologies, opinions, beliefs or ideals.

  21. We can have relationships that we are dogged with, I will make it work at all costs. Or, could it be a bit like our relationship with a dog? It doesn’t take anything personally, never holds back its affection and will always wait you to come home.

  22. “I’ve worn myself out with fighting you, and with that I’m more open to seeing you for who you really are, and not who I thought you were.”

    It is an interesting pattern humanity has, that it needs to be humbled / worn out / struck with illness and/or disease / or a tragedy for us to be more open with ourselves and each other. This is why the work of Universal Medicine is so important, because it is not waiting for these events to happen, it is religiously and patiently showing us the true way forward, to lessen our walls of protection and to live our true selves in this world.

  23. The foundation we offer ourselves are essential for knowing who we are and what is true for us – there is no substitute no matter what is imposed. When we connect to our foundation it may seem like things are a little shaky for a while but as the foundations settle in the wobbles settle down and the impositions aren’t absorbed.

  24. The absolute joy and contentment of having a true and growing relationship with oneself is the opposite to a dismissive, abusive ,non loving ,judgemental way of living with and this says everything and allows the knowing of true responsibility and purpose in our lives of why we are here.

  25. It seems we take on all of these personas to be someone we feel will be accepted, recognised for whatever and yet when we discard those acting roles we find that there is a perfectly acceptable person inside that requires no effort.

  26. Going for a walk or even sitting talking to myself isn’t the actions of a crazy person, but when connected to my body there is a two way conversation in a way. The body is highly responsive to all my actions and it shows me how to best be with it and my true self.

  27. No matter how wayward we have been or how far we have strayed our soul did not give up on us, but waits patiently and confidently in the knowing that we will eventually see the error of our ways and reunite with it.

  28. Gorgeous blog – shedding your light over you and your relationship with yourself in the past and now. Brilliant to see the difference and notice the honesty you have come to with yourself.

  29. ‘But no matter how many detours I take, however long I delay, you’re always there, waiting for me to reconnect to you in my own time.’ And when we choose to make that connection we wonder why we held back for so long.

  30. When we choose comfort over truth, we do not grow and whilst there are many flavours of comfort, it is all one and the same.

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