Relationships, Me and God

Relationships had never been my strong point. I had them, was in them, did not need them, but still managed to end up in them.

They were unavoidable… relationships were and are everywhere. We have relationships with everyone we meet: big, small, long term or short, we are all in one in one way or another.

However for me it was how I was in and around people that determined the kinds of relationships I had. For the most they were ‘good’ – they were reasonably safe. We had an exchange, we supported each other in what was needed: company, conversation, support in times of struggle and drama.

All these things most of us want and seek in a relationship, but is it what a true relationship is or should be? Or is it a level of comfort, an opportunity for us to continue along in life, not being asked to go deeper, to be transparent, completely open and surrendered to another, willing to reveal or live in our true state of tenderness and vulnerability?

There was no way I was prepared to allow myself to be totally transparent, tender, vulnerable or gentle, totally surrendering to another in all that was me and fully letting them in. I harboured way too many hurts of the past and pictures and images of how I wanted things to be, forever shifting the goal posts so that even if another got close to ticking the boxes, I would shift the goal and add a few more restrictions and demands into the mix. Meaning I would never have to fully let them in because they would never be able to live up to my ideal of how they and the relationship should be.

Expectations were high, their love for me always having to be proven – an unrealistic but safe way to play the relationship game.

This was a game I was very good at – one that, if I allowed it, could go on for my entire life, entering into relationships of convenience, arrangements that allowed me to stay where I was, holding others out, never letting them in to see just how vulnerable and tender I am.

Building my exterior armour, forever in the fear of being hurt, let down or disappointed. Brilliant really, what a great excuse I had set up, lived and played out my entire life. With friends, partners and family, no one was exempt from the standards I had set. Relationships of convenience, we both got what we wanted without having to let ourselves get too intimate, too seen or exposed.

I thought I was being loving, open, honest and supportive of others, but all the while I was forever gauging how I could keep them at a safe distance, protecting myself from the possibility of being hurt. The only true hurt that was occurring was me keeping myself held so tightly, so hard and withdrawn that I ached for true love, to allow myself to just be.

Clever and cunning are we, setting up ourselves and another in a game, you can almost see the pieces being moved by another hand, manipulation at its best, and we are the big-time players, all in the name of perceived protection. Demanding the love and support of another and yet not prepared to give that ourselves.

This is a game that no-one can win.

I have been observing myself in relationships, and it has been exposing, challenging a new level of responsibility I have not allowed myself to go to before.

The manipulation… how I set my partner up to fail in a deliberate attempt to justify the images I hold, the expectations I have of him. Doing things that I know will get a reaction from him, setting him up so when he does react I have an “I told you so” that justifies why I don’t open up and surrender in full. If he reacts, gets angry, doesn’t do something I’ve asked him to do, I’m justified in my actions and thoughts. Absurd, ridiculous, cunning and sneaky, knowing exactly what I am doing, setting the board, making the moves, then calling the shots.

The more I observe my behaviour the more I see how it plays out – excuses, justifications, deliberate sabotage. Asking myself: do I really want to be loved, what am I so afraid of, what is it I am really keeping at bay? I have spent many years keeping people at what I thought was a safe distance, entering into relationships that are safe, that allow and support me to continue playing my game of denial and protection.

Recently I became aware that the demands I have placed on my partner were all to avoid and hold back my own connection, not allowing the love to pour in and through me from my one love.

God’s love, it pours in and through all of us, and it is us who at any cost will hold that back, keep it at bay.

My partner was the perfect distraction and point of focus with me, demanding he love me and prove his love and dedication to me, all the while knowing that no matter what he did, I would continue to avoid the love on offer from above.

God’s love is forever running through my veins: it is felt and cannot be ignored. We can attempt to override it with the many distraction, addictions and games we play, but never does it stop knocking.

For some of us that knock becomes louder, more obvious, unavoidable. It is here we have a choice –– do we bring our focus to that which is within, allow that out, to truly love ourselves and others? No games, no pawns, no more moving of the goal posts, instead surrendering to the love that is on offer, putting an end to the need of love from another?

Simplicity is revealed: God’s love is stronger than, and can hold us deeper than, any emotional love from another. To surrender to and allow this brings a whole new dimension and understanding to relationships as I had known them to be.

In the past we were like pieces of a puzzle that fitted together, filling each other’s gaps and needs. Once I realised I had to fill my own gaps by loving and appreciating myself, allowing the Love of God in, my relationships changed dramatically. There was no longer a need; the expectations and pictures of how it should all be fell away, there was now an allowing of myself and others I had never had before.

As I become more allowing of the love on offer, surrendering to the will of God, Heaven that is knocking on my door, I can feel my levels of protection fall away and I am opening up to the potential of true relationships, to be seen warts and all, no judgement or criticism of self or others.

The spark we carry within burns bright: avoidance can only dim the spark, but never can we extinguish the love that pours in and through us.

By Nicole Serafin, 46, NSW, Australia

Published with permission of my partner.

Further Reading:
Appreciation in relationships
Relationships – Around and Around We Go
Relationships are always about evolving – the key to making relationships work

719 thoughts on “Relationships, Me and God

  1. We have so much to learn when it comes to relationships. Universal Medicine have truly supported me in having more awareness with this, starting with the relationship with myself ✨

  2. Some of the past ways of relationships you have described, felt very similar to how I felt about relationships too. And that behaviour of who I let in, how much I let in, still plays out now a days. However, as my relationship with God has evolved, so has my love for people, evolved too.

    Every single person I hold back from, is a reflection of what needs to be explored within me. When I am holding back from another, then I am holding back from another level of God too.

  3. ‘God’s love, it pours in and through all of us, and it is us who at any cost will hold that back, keep it at bay.’
    I for one am exhausted at keeping it at bay but it’s coming through me – how am I even thinking this is possible? Could it be that I’m filling up my body with all sorts of other energy that is toxic to my body and then I’m so full of rubbish I don’t get to feel the fact I am divine and there is a constant communication of this going on?

  4. Sometimes we may feel we are at a crossroads but we know which way to go. Keep deepening the love and appreciation for self and the reflection of a greater love begins to flow and comes our way.

  5. “Recently I became aware that the demands I have placed on my partner were all to avoid and hold back my own connection, not allowing the love to pour in and through me from my one love.” What an awesome realisation Nicole, one that evidently confirms that the quality of relationship is very clearly in our hands and hence exposes the games we play to avoid taking responsibility for the quality of our interactions.

  6. ‘God’s love is forever running through my veins: it is felt and cannot be ignored.’ I love reading this and saying to myself, just let go, just be, life is so simple if I drop all the resistance.

  7. God’s love not only embraces us 24/7, but it is always at the ready to flow through us and touch everyone and everything in our path – if we just let it. Considering this fact brings a whole deeper understanding of insidiousness of the protection, games and strategies we engage in life.

  8. We are responsible for filling our own gaps and getting ourselves into ‘love’. That way its a responsibility for each and every one of us to be there. And if we all meet in this pool of ‘love’ then we meet each other in full, as was intended, and not in need.

  9. I used to think that being transparent “warts and all” was the hard part but actually it’s being transparent “Glory and all” that is the seeming greater challenge at the moment.

    1. That I can understand Leigh, accepting the beauty and Glory of who we are does seem a challenge that we are clearly up for.

  10. It’s a huge stop moment to consider all the hurts we focus on outside of ourselves can be alleviated from accepting the love within, and by letting go of the pictures and expectations we place on others. I am working through pictures at the moment and now I’m becoming aware of them I’m floored by just how many I’ve subscribed to and given my power to. The problem with pictures is that they simply are not real and they often don’t eventuate, and so the set up is perfect to continue being hurt and feeling emotional by life not meeting our expectations. Even if we live the picture we have it doesn’t have any true substance, so it will fall apart at some point as life has many variables that don’t play ball with how we prefer life to be.

  11. “God’s love is stronger than, and can hold us deeper than, any emotional love from another”. It may take a while to get this, but once we do, relationships are changed for ever.

  12. Its only through relationships that we truly grow, relationships with our work colleagues, relationships with our family, relationships with the shop attendant, opening up, being who we are and allowing love in and out can sometimes feel super hard but is in truth the only way for us to go if we want to truly evolve.

    1. Yes, and I’ve felt it happen so naturally when I’ve dropped my protection – my judgement and comparison and started appreciating who I am and who we all are. Then gold happens naturally. We know what to do and say.

  13. Knowing how relationships of convenience of arrangements don’t work, we have something to work on, we can feel and express our vulnerability and tenderness instead. Relationships bring us an opportunity for constant reflection for us to learn.

  14. To be open to fully letting another in, is to drop the protection and see them for who they truly are, to either be inspired or to have no judgement in the choices they make, or have made and where they are at.

  15. I have recently come to realise that I have had a relationship with God most of my life. That relationship is my religion. I’ve never held with intermediaries between me and God, I like the direct approach.

  16. In relationships, we are constantly reflected back how we are behaving, whether we are reacting, whether we are judging or comparing, or whether we are holding someone where they are, I find it can change in a split second, but the knowing of God’s love pouring in and through all of us, is a huge support to feel how we behave is not who we are.

    1. It supports me to know the quality of relationships are more about myself than others. They reveal the truth of our relationship with self and willingness (or not) to respond lovingly to people regardless of how they present. It is always about us.

  17. To me God is the space that makes up our universe and that space has an intelligence that surpass anything our minds can know. What if our minds create what has already been created and it is just copying as a child copies from their parent. But it is just a copy; what if we stopped copying and instead tapped into the universal mind of space that constantly passes through us and lived from there? We seem to have tried everything else, have we tried living from the universal mind rather than our mind?

  18. All the relationships we ever have stay with us on some level – even if we choose not to see those people – and never can they not. If we choose to live love lovingly then everyone can feel that love if they choose to be open to feeling. It is the illusions of separation or severance that can be so challenging once we know the truth.

    1. That can be really obvious to most by being wary now after feeling burnt in a previous relationship. If there’s repetition then it’s within us that needs looking at and not them. But if there’s love in the relationship then it grows as we have love in more than that first relationship.

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