At that time I was just about to turn 21, returning home from a year abroad and had heard of Serge Benhayon, read one of his books and was quite intrigued to find out more.
What I found was that attending the workshops and presentations held by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine required an enormous amount of honesty and a willingness to understand my behaviours, and sometimes change those into self-loving and humanity-loving ones.
During the first year of my engagement with Universal Medicine I found it difficult to face everything I was feeling. Throughout my life I had built a persona of a ‘positive,’ ‘nice’ girl who would do anything for her family, friends and anybody really.
Through my work with Universal Medicine I began to realise just how manipulative these behaviours can be. The ‘nice’ is used as a form of protection to make sure that I am liked by everybody around me and remain on the ‘good’ side of people.
More so, this behaviour guaranteed that I was seen as something more than others. As ‘nice’ people we can often hold an arrogance of ‘better than.’ On a superficial level, we come across as better people, kinder and more caring because we put others first. This veil though can hide layers of anger, resentment and bitterness as it was in my case.
Through my process I have come to realise some unhealthy habits when it came to relationships with people closest to me such as family – I always used to end up right in the middle of any argument, any dispute, trying to save the situation and make sure peace was kept.
Growing up and studying psychology, I blamed all of my ‘issues’ on my upbringing. For as long as I can remember, I held things which have happened against my parents, my brother, cousins, aunts, uncles and pretty much anybody involved in my development.
For a while, the more I noticed my not so nice side and behaviours, the more the blame of others increased. I did not want to let go of what I was so sold out to – the nice girl. I was content in my lifestyle, but the drinking, smoking, bulimia and constant self-consciousness was whispering that what I had carved out for myself, may not actually be it.
So, increasing my honesty and awareness only meant that I can begin to see all the ways in which I am not loving with myself. It is then up to me to start taking steps to change these behaviours… and this is where the difficulty comes for me.
But, two years down the line and with enormous support from my practitioners, fellow students, friends and Serge Benhayon – who has treated me with nothing less than utmost respect and fathering care – I have started to take small steps. With honesty, a little bit more integrity in my life and a greater strength from within, I know that I can deal with everything that comes my way.
All of the ‘childhood issues’ a degree in Psychology might have cemented, have been completely debased by the teachings of this wise man and I no longer hold a grudge against my parents and family members. In truth, I hold a deeper understanding of why humanity is where it is because using ‘childhood incidents’ as an excuse to stay in self-abusive patterns is a very convenient way to remain irresponsible and not address the choices we are making as adults.
Thank you Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon, Miranda Benhayon, and every single other person associated and working with Universal Medicine, I feel much more empowered to live my life from honesty and my own way.
By Viktoria Stoykova, Operations Assistant, London, United Kingdom