Learning to Find Me and Live My Life

Throughout my life I have been many things to anyone and everyone; and until recently, nothing to myself.

My father had won a scholarship to the local King’s School (as inaugurated by Henry VIII) and so I was drilled into following in his footsteps. I didn’t, and all in all, I must have proved a great disappointment to him and never earned his respect.

My first husband tried drilling into me the change of chord in The Sultans of Swing, but as I couldn’t hear it, his frustration was meted out by his fists. I was also blamed for the weather and his consistently unhappy days at work.

I could never please him: firstly I was to be his mother, then Petula Clarke and later Debbie Harry. My hairstyles would change at his whim, the way I walked, the clothes… I became his Sindy doll, but again, I was a disappointment to him. I escaped with my young daughters before the inevitable consequences of all those disappointments were enacted more forcefully.

And so my life continued trying to please people for fear of disappointing them and taking the blame for being a failure.

Then one rainy day at St. Andrew’s in Scotland I heard myself telling someone, “I’m not important!” The words resonated deep within and then sank from memory.

Awakening my Curiosity

Many years later I was urgently flagged down on the motorway to discover that my car had been leaking petrol for miles. Waiting in the nearest service station for a tow and being plied with as much black coffee as I could drink, I shakily reviewed what might have happened that day.

My thoughts were terrifying and led me to consider all my near-death experiences: suffocation as a new-born; an emergency caesarean that almost killed both of us; an attempted drowning in the kitchen sink; being raped at knife-point, narrowly avoiding being stabbed in the back; waking up at the wheel of my car, just in time to avoid careering into a bridge stanchion when suffering with a virus:

  • Why had I been spared?
  • Had I perhaps not fulfilled my purpose?
  • Was someone watching over me?
  • Where were all these calamities leading me?

I didn’t know!

It was an awakening that felt quite haunting, heavy and also un-answerable; and yet my curiosity had been awakened. I woke up to the many years of loneliness in my second marriage, investing my love and happiness into caring for our pets, and so I became aware of the words, ‘to find me and to be free.’ I passed them off as meaningless and they remained buried for years.

Looking for Answers – the Spiritual New Age Route

Before our twentieth year together I extricated myself from this marriage and ventured down the spiritual new age route… and I was successful. I happily followed the winding mystical paths of Reiki, crystals and self-styled psychics, gurus, seers and hungrily read promising books; then the doubts started to set in.

There were no true answers – it was as though these people didn’t know anything about their own professed subjects, or that their experiences were not genuine. I began to feel cheated; teased or toyed-with. And so this time I realised my own disappointment! I knew that I was not going to find my answers there…

Some while later, one sunny day while walking my dog, I sat in a flower meadow alive with the buzzing of insects, and watched him play in the pond to cool down. Absorbing the warmth of the sun I felt at peace, a oneness with me; and then I felt that lovely warm glow deep inside. And so the words that I had heard many years ago, which had remained meaningless until that very moment, rang gently in my ears: ‘to find me, to be free.’

I realised that there was no ‘me’. I didn’t know what I liked or disliked, let alone who I was. I had always fitted in with others, liking what they liked, disliking what they disliked.

Somewhere in my life I had lost me!

I then accepted that the next phase in my life would be about me and only me. No partners. Just me and my dog Henry.

Personal development courses followed, and this group work brought tears and self-realisations as I remembered a phrase from years ago, “I am not important.” I gained greater self-confidence and a small sense of ownership of me, but still, that warm inner glow seemed only accessible when we were out in nature, walking together and having fun! It was not a constant, let alone a regular or familiar feeling; just one that I craved.

Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon & Connecting with Me

Then one day I was given a copy of The Way of Initiation by Serge Benhayon. It sat on my bookcase for months; it was a thick book, over 700 pages, and it looked like a heavy read. I had noticed in horror the word ‘God’ and balked at the assumed religious dogma.

How wrong I was! And so I read this purple book when I felt that I was ready. This time I was determined to not be fooled again!

As a result, and in order to substantiate Serge’s words and to improve my not-so-classic education, I purchased a number of philosophical and science books. My first purple books are littered with post-it notes and my own hand-written annotations where I have sought confirmations and substantiations; but more than anything, as I became familiar with Serge’s words, I began to realise that they made utter sense. They felt right.

I also discovered the Universal Medicine website and in a feeding frenzy devoured what was then on offer. I downloaded radio interviews and listened eagerly, over and over again, to the presenter chatting to this wonderful, all-knowing, content family man, who quite simply, just made sense.

There was much talk of the Gentle Breath Meditation; it seemed the key to everything, but back then I had not read the all-important first book, nor discovered the audio downloads!

The following Easter I sat with my first esoteric practitioner and whilst some of her words irked me, I felt a stillness and a belonging in her company. My eyes had been opened. Since then I have had more sessions, attended my first webcast where I interacted freely and honestly with others; and attended my first workshops.

It was remarkable and I still remember the warm glow within as my inner heart opened and I started to connect to me.

I can now feel and be comfortable with the fact that I am a nurturer, a mother, someone who cares deeply about others and who wants to help and share her experiences. I am a home-maker, a carer, a guardian.

But of more importance, I am now realising that I am nurturing myself and accepting that after some 45 years of toil and hardship, in-truth self-imposed, my body and physiology need time to heal too.

I started with the little things, like responding to my body’s needs immediately rather than putting them off until they were convenient, such as: making a drink when I felt thirsty, rather than delaying for another hour or so whilst I double-checked columns of data; answering calls of nature rather than diverting my attention to my computer screen; and getting up from my desk to actually get my lunch when I felt hungry rather than when it was convenient.

Just easy little things, but they made such a difference, learning to give my body preference over what I was doing; my functionality. Giving up coffee showed me how much my body had been suffering from stress. I am learning what my body likes and does not like and more importantly, acknowledging this and doing something about it.

My friends and colleagues began to respond to the gentleness I brought with me every day and these relationships changed and became more meaningful.

I regularly listen to Serge Benhayon’s presentations and each time I hear something different; something I hadn’t heard or grasped properly before, or possibly his words talk to a deeper level and become more meaningful.

There are days when I feel my connection to myself most of the time and days when it evaporates fairly quickly, when I lapse a little and my mind distracts my body from letting me know that it needs attention.

I still have lots to learn and feel for myself, the key is the doing for myself as the more I do, the more I feel – short steps become longer steps, as opportunities, lessons I learn for myself, or alternative ways, open up.

The main investment turns out to be the loving choices that I make for me. Each small step counts, as does the Gentle Breath Meditation™, which is my key to Me!

My life has become a focused path and I know that my journey is not a solitary one for we are all returning home.

A lovely warm inner glow has replaced the former emptiness.

This developing love within is inspiring me to dig deeper into my past and is supporting me as I discover my hidden secrets and darkest nightmares, to confront my lies and to learn about honesty – truthfully feeling into what it is I like and that which I dislike.

To be free — To be me!

I have been inspired by Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine presentations and workshops I have attended in my journey to find Me and to Live My Life in truth and love.

By Maggie

Further Reading:
Using the Gentle Breath Meditation to Connect
Gentle Breath Meditation™ – How It has Supported Me to Feel Again
Time For Me…To Re-connect To The Love Within

1,007 thoughts on “Learning to Find Me and Live My Life

  1. This is a discovery we all make, ‘My first purple books are littered with post-it notes and my own hand-written annotations where I have sought confirmations and substantiations; but more than anything, as I became familiar with Serge’s words, I began to realise that they made utter sense. They felt right.’ Everything that Serge Benhayon says in relation to life makes sense. There is not an ounce of ownership in what he is saying, no haughtiness or superiority, but instead an absolute humbleness of knowing that he lives in a way that has immediate access to a grandness of intelligence beyond this planet. We have allowed ourselves to become so ignorant of the universe we live in, but Serge Benhayon lives from the universe back to Earth and that is why he is able to impart the truth of who we are. Then it is our choice to believe what is said or not. But there is a deep knowing within us all that cannot be denied and it is that deep knowing that resonates with the presentations of Serge Benhayon so that we know that what is presented is the truth and then comes the realisation that if what is imparted is the truth then humanity has been lied to on so many levels and we can see this so clearly with what is occurring in our lives today. The level of deceit and corruption is so great we cannot fail but to see it all.

  2. WOW WOW WOW! Maggie you show everyone that no matter what has happened in life through self-love, true healing and different movements and choices it can be completely turned around ‘A lovely warm inner glow has replaced the former emptiness.’ Definitely something to celebrate. Your honest blog is a read for EVERYONE.

  3. The simplicity that the level of Love that you are sharing Maggie, is life changing in the most glorious ways, and as we re-learn to appreciate our essences, inner-most or Soul-full connection, which are all one in the same, and thus once reconnected life becomes so Joy-full and harmonious.

  4. I love your openness to share how you have lived your life and the steps you took to change your relationship with yourself first which naturally impacts on others. Learning to find ourselves again underneath all the ideals, beliefs and pictures we have willing absorbed from others in an effort to please and to be seen and recognised by them and the world is a huge trap that we fall into because it actually stops us from ever discovering a sense of who we are.

  5. Maggie for many of us we can and do get lost in life and there is a point I feel that we get to, when we come to the conclusion that nothing makes sense, that we have been sold a bag of bones. From this some people despair and give up all together and seriously check out on life, and there are some who just cannot give up just yet. Many people have come across Serge Benhayon and have felt that what he says makes sense; this starts a process of re-evaluation of ourselves by picking apart all those negative thoughts we have had and asks the question where do they come from? This can then allow a deeper access to that part that we have disconnected from, and it is this disconnection that gives us the feelings of despair, depression and loneliness. Reconnect and all those negative feeling just seem to evaporate.

  6. It’s such a shame we lose ourselves, as much as our parents intend well and often do their best, we are in a system of life that doesn’t value and treasure the inner being, and have been for generations. We know something is missing and most of us search outside of ourselves, but the ache or emptiness doesn’t leave, and all along it’s simply us that’s missing, the gorgeous, simple, true essence of ourselves. I know the feeling Maggie, it’s truly amazing coming home to myself and realising that the simple person I am is more than enough.

    1. Melinda I agree we cannot blame our parents that is now far too obvious we can spend our entire lifetime blaming something for our misfortunes. If we bring it back to how we are living that would make more sense. A customer was talking to me recently and they describe their life as being caught in a tornado that is spinning so fast, they want to get to the centre of the eye where the air is calm but if they do that then they feel they would be letting their family down as they are the main provider for them. But they so hate the speed of life where they don’t feel settled with themselves. How many of us feel this? We may not express it in quite the same way but I know so many people feel overwhelmed by life and want to get off the spinning wheel but stay on for the sake of security. It’s the security of having a job earning enough money to put food on the table that keeps us all in the spin of life, but this is not living this is existing.

    2. We search outside ourselves, and know something is missing, when all along it is us we are missing, our essence, our innermost.

  7. On reading this I reflected how many people in the world feel or think they are not important? I am sure the figures are shocking. It is awesome you let this lie go and are now starting to live all that you are ✨

  8. Your sharing is very honest and generous Maggie. The moment when you sat with your dog and made the choice to walk in your own touched me deeply and inspired me, because for so long I’ve been waiting for a partner to receive attention and to be liked. Now I’m realizing how fooled I was but sometimes the belief about I’m not worthy enough being single arises. It’s time to deepen in connecting with my heart and even though there is sadness coming up I feel joy for confronting this lie and to embrace the beautiful woman I am. Thanks for sharing with so much love and understanding.

    1. Dear Inma, go for it! With love and with 360′ understanding because behind every sadness there is a truth waiting to be re-born.

      The shattering of a lie, un-truth, false expectation, self-imposition, self-restraint…

      The more we tear down, the more we re-build our true selves, the more sensitive and delicate and fragile we become.

      Less is most definitely more as we cast off the “what is not” revealing so much more of the “what is”.

      Pure love.

      1. Dear Maggie,

        Thank you for your words. Reading you brings me to appreciate the healing process in which we are in. The more I let go the protection and control, the more joy, beauty, empowerment and vitality I can feel within my body.

        I can feel the endless support from Universal Medicine and my felow students. Being open to the beholding love we have within and share with each other is so exquiste and confirming about the purpose of this life.

        Realizing how beautiful actually is being alive and in a constant learning, because we open up to grow and to return to the natural joy inside us.

        That’s something worth to be celebrated.

        Much love

      2. Shattering is a great word to use because we do have to shatter all the illusions we have been brought up to believe from every angle is true when its the total opposite. Life is a complete lie such a set up that we get moulded into from young so that we think we do not know any different and some people want to stay in the not knowing and that is fine, but for those people who have woken up to feel that there must be more to life than the drudgery they are experiencing then let them find out the truth. One of the greatest evils in the world is that the truth has always been hunted down and squashed by the controlling few, humanity has no idea just how controlled we are.

  9. Thank you for sharing, it is amazing how easily we can ‘lose’ ourselves in life, in relationships, in work in pretty much anything. It is not about saying no to them, rather staying true to what we know and feel and bringing our all to them, and then it is amazing how they all change without even trying.

      1. They are, and the more we express what we feel, the more clear what we feel becomes. So initially we may not know why we feel a certain way, but then after a while we get to see and then put the pieces together and it all makes sense. First thing though is expressing and staying true to what we know and feel.

    1. I agree James and how much do we accept and tolerate abuse in our lives and not say anything allowing it to be the norm. This should never be the way (and certainly is not the way!). The moment we up the self love it is impossible to allow it any longer.

      1. I am now appreciating that our Livingness, self-care, self-love, etc., etc. develops incrementally.

        Nothing just stops or goes away that simply.

        The more we deepen our Livingness, our self-love, our self-care, etc., the deeper we surrender our sensitivities and vulnerabilities to abuse.

        But abuse itself is many-layered; and whilst we become aware of certain levels of abuse within our own lives; it is only with our indefinitely deepening our surrendering of the protections we have used to deny the abuse previously that we “discover” even deeper levels of abuse, sometimes more subtle and insidious than previously.

        It is only by remaining true to ourselves, deepening and accepting our newer levels of sensitivity and by feeling and accepting more levels of our abuse in our lives that we can finally break free of it all and declare our bodies and surrounding atma as areas of zero tolerance to abuse.

        We must always be willing to “go-there”, to accept that there is more and more to eradicate before we are utterly free of it.

        None of us can afford to compromise and accept lower levels of abuse just to fit in with family units and relationships.

        To be utterly totally free of abuse can take many years of courage, self-love, determination and discipline.

      2. It is great to look back and see what we used to accept as normal and now see it as anything but normal. We so often accept mere decency and respect as love but it is only the building blocks. It is not beating ourselves up either just being real about what is and what is not love.

      3. Abuse can be as simple as not honouring what our body says, ‘I started with the little things, like responding to my body’s needs immediately rather than putting them off until they were convenient, such as: making a drink when I felt thirsty, rather than delaying for another hour or so’.

    2. ‘It is not about saying no to them, rather staying true’ Absolutely. Saying YES to truth and love and then of course this naturally ripples out to all our relationships.

  10. Ironic how when you don’t live up to the imposing and unrealistic expectations of others they can be both disappointed and disrespectful.

    1. Yes Suse, but also my own disappointment and disrespectfulness to myself when I have failed to meet up to my own unrealistic expectations.

      It is at this point that my own complete honesty is required.

      To “go-there” and to learn or accept that this is a well-worn pattern of behaviours by me, learned from others to keep me feeling small. I slip up, I get carried away with emotional baggage sometimes, but these days I am realising this more frequently and sooner.

      And; most importantly, I am beginning to be much kinder and gentler to myself and with myself.

      I love my life now. Yes, it still has many ups and downs, but most days I will learn, or recognise something more about myself.

      Today, I am finally beginning to appreciate all that I have done, purely for myself, since those early days in 2005 by that pond when I realised for the first time that there had been no me in my life.

      1. Your reply caught my attention
        “To “go-there” and to learn or accept that this is a well-worn pattern of behaviour by me, learned from others to keep me feeling small. I slip up, I get carried away with emotional baggage sometimes, but these days I am realising this more frequently and sooner.”
        I feel this is a necessary process we all go through as we rediscover and reclaim more of ourselves, catching those well worn patterns of behaviour is a great start.

      2. “I feel this is a necessary process we all go through as we rediscover and reclaim more of ourselves, catching those well worn patterns of behaviour is a great start.”

        Absolutely Mary, in fact this is one of our main tools, or keys; and the more we recognise and practise this, the more practiced and incorporated into our daily lives, this becomes.

  11. “I still remember the warm glow within as my inner heart opened and I started to connect to me.” When we feel such a warm glow as this, there is no mistaking that what we are feeling is undeniable. I was talking to someone recently who had the same experience having only just discovered these amazing books and felt clearly that they wanted to know more because of the strong connection they felt with what was held in those pages.

  12. I deeply appreciate how we are offered ‘stop and reflect’ moments in our life when we are so caught up in our dramas that we can’t see ‘the wood for the trees’. Just to be offered the opportunity to question what’s going on is so powerful. It creates space and the opportunity to see beyond the often self-destructive path we have been on.

    1. Fiona I agree when we are given stop and reflect moments they can be very powerful if we can get past the rage of the spirit that has been caught out and exposed in all its trickery to keep us all stupid and small so that it can continue getting it’s own way over us.

  13. “I still remember the warm glow within as my inner heart opened and I started to connect to me.” Every time we reconnect to our inner being we feel the love of who we are.

  14. Like you Maggie “I know that my journey is not a solitary one for we are all returning home” and at this time we may not know where home is, but if we stop and be with ourselves long enough we can get a sense that, yes, we are. And what is so beautiful about rediscovering the amazing beings that we are, is that this discovery is not just for us, but for humanity.

  15. “To be free — To be me!” – to actually be free we need to know who we truly are, otherwise who we are is not free of what we are not.

  16. ‘To be free – to be me’ – absolutely. Life may try telling us otherwise, but true freedom is to be and live all that we are in our essence unapologetically until we find that the ‘me’ is because of ‘us’.

  17. Thank you Maggie, it is always touching reading your story, an honest account of a woman finding her way back to herself. I thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine because I could not live the unbearable existence I was in, nor could I find a way to heal myself from the many experiences that had deeply hurt me. I’m now a continuing blossoming flower – like yourself. All the best to you Maggie and I hope you will write another blog and/or an update.

    1. Thank you Melinda; I agree with you totally. I remember well my worst day and realising then that there was only one way to go. I used all my courage then, floundered many times, but never questioned where and why, just the how… and then the purple books came to me. Such a gift! My tool box is now far better equipped as I am learning that it’s all about me and my reactions or rather responses to the dramas in my life.

      As for blogs: several are in the pipeline!

  18. Many millions of people live the way you did, moving from one difficulty to another. Do more than very few ever come out of it?

    1. I feel that we all have our triggers, that ‘bottom of the barrel’ scenario, or life-changing event at some point in our lifetimes. We could pass many on the streets who, but for too many hurried-reactions, would be walking with us now. The time will come for us all, uniquely when we are all ready. Our life-stories and therefore our momentums are different and individual.

      To complete what we start, we must first be solid in our choices Christoph.

      Should we not all aim to be truthful, loving and supportive role models for all those teetering on the edge of dipping their toes in the water? Are we not offering them our ‘tool boxes’…?

  19. Beautifully said. We can find ‘me’ in the self-care, self-love and nurturing, only to find that it is not just ‘me’, and that we are part of the ‘all’.

      1. Yes James we are living on the surface of life like those little creatures called Pond Skaters, that do not break the surface tension of the water as they move. We cannot fathom that there is so much more to discover underneath life as we know it.

  20. “Giving up coffee showed me how much my body had been suffering from stress” Amazing Maggie, I love this example as it shows how we use substances to cover up, pep up or drown out what’s really going on for us on an emotional and/or physiological level.

    1. Being able to give up coffee, i.e. having a choice whether to drink coffee or not, is an amazing achievement and beyond most of us.

      1. Wow, thank you Christoph! To me then, it was a no-brainer. My body was feeling overrun with ‘something’; but it was only after giving up the coffee and experiencing all the pain which it had been masking that I understood that the ‘something’ was anxiety! I am still living with anxiety, but it is far, far less than it was back then. Suffering with the aches and pains as the anxiety surfaced in my body gave me the courage to ask my managers to work from home twice a week; which is what I did until I left. I was in a no-win situation at work; so I ended the drama.

  21. In many ways it is a miracle you are still alive but our Soul calls the shots on that one and thus, there is obviously more to reclaim, redress and more to write, please.

  22. The expectations placed on us from our parents can be as heavy as stone, but it’s up to us to choose to carry that stone or not even engage with it. When we feel the freedom of living our own lives, breathing our own breaths, the demands of the outside world become somewhat irrelevant.

      1. I don’t think it’s the hardest part, in fact realising this brings a lightness and a freedom for us to move in whatever way we like. Perhaps if it is hard it is because the expectations actually come from us, and it is something we have laced on ourselves in the illusion that it was casted upon us.

  23. ‘I started with the little things, like responding to my body’s needs immediately rather than putting them off until they were convenient,’ This is a great reminder Maggie, as the small things we do that are nurturing or caring all build towards a very solid foundation of love in our body.

    1. …and it’s those little things which somehow repeat over and over which are taking us deeper and deeper as we peel off layers of our unwanted behaviours, getting us closer to who we really are.

  24. It is interesting how the new age spirituality that is offered these days seems to readily promise ‘finding yourself’, but time and time again I hear people talk about how they could never really find themselves there in these pursuits, and are left with a continual search and an ever deepening desire for truth. In my view, the reason these pursuits do not deliver the truth we are all searching for is nothing to do with the people who attend or present there, it is merely because the one whole and complete truth that is so ultimately fulfilling is found deep within our inner-most hearts, which is the doorway to the soul, where true truth is only just the beginning and as this cannot be found in any outer source. Nothing can deliver this unto us, it is a journey of discovery for ourselves – thus, we are our own salvation, with the deepest love.

    1. Absolutely Shami, but the trick is to become aware of this. The world is geared-up to us to look externally of ourselves as introspection is seen as self-indulgent nonsense. Sharing our lives with Serge is the greatest of blessings, but without being introduced to his books I may not have found him. But that in itself is another avenue!

  25. There is something about Serge Benhayon, his presentations and workshops that ring true and like you Maggie, my life has become very focused and purposeful, not as it used to be which was rudderless being tossed around by the vagaries of life. As we discover the hidden aspects of ourselves and heal the hurts that we have accumulated since we were young, there is a discovery to be made that we are actually the most amazing human-beings. I have discovered it is the being that makes us so amazing, our being has a foot as it were in the Universe and knows all there is to know. This is our true intelligence not what we learn by rote from books and people who have read these books before us it is all regurgitated information. And have we learnt anything from this regurgitated information the answer has to be NO we haven’t.

  26. We tend to judge ourselves because of how we used to be in the world, with others and self. It may appear that we did not do much for us. Yet, if this is what we say we miss a point: the not appearing to do much for us was hard work around the clock to avoid evolution. This is what we did for us. Yet, if this is true, what did we really offer others?

    1. Yes, we possibly are, or were, addicted to tension in all its many guises because it kept us busy and away from looking, let alone questioning what it was that we were avoiding in the first place!

  27. “Throughout my life I have been many things to anyone and everyone; and until recently, nothing to myself” – if one ever really truly wants to change their life, seeing how life is and importantly the part we’ve played in our own life i.e. are we present or absent in it, provides the greatest healing where we can take charge. I still remember well a few years ago the realisation that I had been choosing to live life and seeing it metaphorically as washing “my delicates” on someone else’s “90 degree washing machine spin cycle” – that visual representation was enough to see how misshapen i’d allowed myself to become over time and what was therefore needing to occur going forward.

    1. I have realised Zofia that any metaphor or analagy will do; and it’s that when we start asking these vital questions of ourselves, just how many vital, or pertinent phrases we hear which bring us to stop moments. It is true that the more we help ourselves, the more assistance we are offered. It is our choice whether or not we listen.

    2. Great analogy.. when we live life according to someone else’s/the world’s cycle – or spin – then it’s not at all surprising that we end up feeling out of sorts, totally disconnected to our own true rhythm. We do know what our true rhythm and way of living is, and naturally live that when we start to ditch the pictures of what we think that looks like, or what/how we think we need to be for others (but essentially for ourselves, to ‘fit in’), and listen to what our bodies are saying.

  28. Gosh how awful and abusive that all these people wanted you to be something and someone you are not which is impossible and then were disappointed. How awful and abusive that we so often do that to ourselves. How ridiculous when who we truly are is magnificent and glorious beyond words. What a wonderful world it will be when we all eventually live and enjoy the truth of who all we already are at essence.

    1. Our temporal lives are surrounded by empty people struggling to cope and make sense of the card hand they have been dealt in life. The world is made up of those of us who are asking the pertinent questions about Life; seeking the Truth; and those who aren’t because they are not yet ready to glimpse at the Truth. The more of us who can reflect back how truly loving the Truth really is; how supportive; and how we are learning to master our own livingness, the more curious and tempted they will become. Love, genuine truthful love, WILL conquer all Nicola; and as you say, “…what a wonderful world it will be…”.

  29. Your sharing of telling someone “I’m not important” reminded me of how often people say “it’s just me” as if they are not important. Even the word “just” often reflects that we are justifying ourselves – but everyone is equally priceless and gorgeous!

    1. You made me smile reading this Nicola! My late-husband’s grandmother would phone us and by means of introduction would say, “It’s only me dear!”. I look back at her memory now and can’t equate all that she was with the word “only”!

      1. Yes isn’t it awful how we do that rather than it’s ME!…. HELLO ❤

  30. I truly love reading The Way of Initiation book by Serge Benhayon, it’s genuinely enriching and really helps you connect with a deeper aspect of yourself and understand how you are in life and the impact this has on not only ourselves but everyone else as well, it is very beautiful.

  31. ‘to find me and to be free.’ – the one call from within we are all receiving, patiently waiting for us to listen and respond to, the one eternal pull that never gives up on us, knowing that one day we will return home.

  32. Lovely sharing, ‘A lovely warm inner glow has replaced the former emptiness.’ what an awesome feeling – I know myself that nothing outside of me, no matter how tantalising can ever, or will ever match up to the sense of love I feel within when I surrender to the warm inner glow – it is such an all embracing beholding energy – it makes me question why I do not choose it 24/7!

      1. Indeed James! Perfection is many things to different people: some feel that life would be boring if we were all perfect; and others feel that it would be absolute bliss with so much freedom to enjoy life and celebrate with one another.

  33. ‘I started with the little things, like responding to my body’s needs immediately rather than putting them off until they were convenient,’ I love this, because we so often override our body’s requests and the more we honour it, the more consistent the communication between us and our body becomes and we begin to engage in a more natural flow.

  34. ‘And so my life continued trying to please people for fear of disappointing them and taking the blame for being a failure.’ This is a round-a-bout designed to keep us on the back foot and constantly in the search to ‘please’ others ( because we never truly can) and away from our true power.

    1. Trying to please others is impossible long term, just like trying to help others is as well. Ultimately the best help I can be for others and the best way to please them, is to simply live the love that I am and then naturally as I look after myself, they too will be looked after but not in a ‘you need help way’, rather ‘you are love so live it way’. Otherwise without realising it we are putting others down thinking they need help, when really no one needs help, we just often need a reminder of the love that we are.

    2. …and yet Jenny, my mother used to tell me, or on reflection possibly warn me that if we’re pleasing everyone else, we are never pleasing ourselves! The word ‘selfish’ is an over-used word.

  35. I’ve not experienced the violence that you and many women have, but I still gave my power away to everyone else and completely lost myself in my first marriage, trying to get it right as a mother, wife and a Personal Development Coach. I was presenting talks but not living what I presented. Like you I didn’t know who the true me was and it’s only since meeting Serge Benhayon in 2005 that I have begun to allow myself to feel what is going on in my body and to connect with my inner heart.

    1. Yes, it’s a real ‘coming home’-feeling ❤ Rather than having a two-week pain around my head, neck and shoulders when I gave up caffeine all those years ago; I am now experiencing exactly the same pain, but now I am letting go of all my controlling: it’s dropping away! I love the way our bodies deepen our awareness just when we’re ready Carmel.

  36. Reading this article today has been a direct gift from heaven, it has awoken a knowing from inside of me and triggered a choice to begin to unravel the many ways of living and being that I choose, ways I know that hold back the clarity and true loving presence that I am. Our world needs the fullness of our presence, not a watered down version that will fit in. I can feel a deeper commitment to my life and the reasons to care deeply for my body are no longer for personal gain, but are becoming more and more about the responsibility I have to share my full presence with everyone I meet.

    1. It is amazing Leigh how, over 3 years ago when I first draughted this; it is now still the ‘little things’, but that they’re deeper.

      Today I realise just how much I can berate myself for not achieving all that I could have in a day: I am putting myself at odds with my body!

      My body wants to slow down, to be gentle and respectful, supportive of me; and this I allow.

      But later, I find that I am chastising myself because I could have accomplished more.

      I acknowledge now that I am no longer that person who exhausted herself to please others, to achieve my own goals; to gain some form of unqualified success, respect or expectation from an unknown audience, which I now realise is actually me.

      I have been trying to live upto my own false expectations and berating myself for failing.

      Now I am beginning to accept that I am not that person; I am me and I am very different.

      The more that I become more of me, the more responsibility I feel about my words and actions, for it is not just about my choices; but my gracefulness behind, or what is motivating those choices.

      That in each moment I can either deliver harmfulness or healing: love.

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