Recently at a workshop presented by Serge Benhayon, Serge shared that as a society we are far too polite and nice with each other, with no one really being prepared to call out what is truly going on for another.
He shared that sometimes things need to be said to support another to look at what is going on for them.
He used the example of saying to a woman, “Hey, I have noticed you have put on a couple of kilos, is everything okay?” Initially the audience laughed at the thought of saying that to another, especially to a woman. The audience was clearly uncomfortable, challenged by all the beliefs and ideals that tell us you don’t say that. Imagine a woman’s reaction to that?
Serge went on to express that if it were delivered from true love and care, anyone would be open to hearing that.
I, in fact, have experienced this to be true on both counts: as the one expressing the truth and love, and as the one being on the receiving end of this level of love and truth.
Recently a very dear friend of mine, who happens to be a photographer, told me that my birthday present from him was to be a photographic portrait session. I was deeply touched and of course said “Thank you.”
He immediately followed that with, “Yes, but I will not photograph you until those dark circles are gone from under your eyes.” I had a moment of shocked silence, but also a deep realisation of just how much this man loves me.
Truthfully, in that moment, I realised just how much he loved me to say what he did.
I knew it had nothing to do with my looks, as he could easily cover up the dark circles, but rather it was everything to do with his concern as to why I was so tired and/or run down.
What was equally funny was he too was slightly shocked and I could tell he was bracing himself for a possible negative reaction from me.
I could tell he was totally relieved when I burst out laughing and expressed my appreciation for what he had said, which very much confirmed that I knew it came from all the love I know he has for me. His expression just simply confirmed this love to me.
Since this beautiful exchange, I have continually reflected on that comment. For many reasons:
- Firstly, to seriously look at why I do have dark circles under my eyes.
- Secondly, to consider what it must be like for others to want to express like that, but believe they can’t in a world that says it is rude and impolite, instead of the love that it truly is.
- And, finally, to reflect on what it feels like to be loved so openly and honestly like that.
For me, this is true love and I for one am forever appreciative of it. Thank you deeply, dear friend (Alan Johnston), for loving me so much that you were prepared to express the truth, no matter the possible consequences, and thank you deeply Serge Benhayon for your continual inspiration in leading the way back to what true love is, and for equally always loving me enough to express the truth.
In the ten years I have known you, you have never held back from expressing. Your love is beyond measure and you are prepared to say whatever is needed, regardless of the reaction.
Which leads me to a point of question. Why do we react when truth is expressed?
Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?
Is it sometimes far easier to ignore what is being presented and/or find a way to blame or make the one expressing truth wrong, rather than take responsibility for what needs changing and accept the gift that is being offered?
Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.
Without this level of expression, we will stay stuck in the niceties and pleasantries of everyday conversation and hence, away from the truth we all need to evolve back to the truly divine and glorious beings that we are.
Published with permission of Alan Johnston
By Caroline Raphael, Goonellabah, Australia
Further Reading:
The highest form of intelligence is love
Truth – Expressing in Full
Trusting out ‘True Voice’ and Expression
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
What an awesome birthday present, much more than a beautiful picture but one with much more depth because of the truth the present was delivered with and the way you accepted it.
Reaction to truth comes because we aim at controlling what we emanate, what we project out and we may well find out that what people see is not what we would like them to see. Yet, expressing what they do see is a profound act of love that rescues us from the illusion we are trying to live under. It is like they say, nice try but because I love you I will dare not to buy what you are offering me because in truth there is not true offer to you.
Truth can be very confrontational in as much as we get to see just how far from truth we are living.
Which leads me to a point of question. Why do we react when truth is expressed?
Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?
I believe this to be true, I feel we don’t like change until we are forced to re think our lives because of illness and disease and I have noticed that people won’t even change then. They expect the medical profession to cure them so they can continue living how they have always lived.
It says a lot about the person to be able to be open to hear those kind of truths, because it is not always easy to not react and feel the blessing and opportunity it actually offers us to heal and let go unhealthy patterns that keep us small.
Your example of a truly loving gesture from Alan about your eyes, Caroline, reminded me of a friend of mine who at one point during a Universal Medicine workshop (when I was repeatedly talking with her and nudging her during the presentation) turned to me and basically called out how I had never grown up and was in need of constant attention. At first, this comment really threw me back on my heels, and I felt a bit hurt by the bluntness of it. But after I let it settle for a few hours I could really see the truth of what she was sharing in her observation, I thanked her for exposing it, and this became the catalyst for some deeper healing regarding my childhood relationships that had affected me into adulthood.
Great example Michael of the healing power of love and of course your openness and willingness to feel the truth in her words and go for more love in your body and life.
If what is said from one person to another is with true genuine care then after a period of shock (from the person receiving it) this will be felt, and like you expressed afterwards it gave you time to reflect on why were you so tired. I guess this is also a lesson in not taking things personally.
I observe when I express with simplicity my students understand things more clearly. Soon as there’s complications then everything becomes complicated.
I too have been inspired by Serge Benhayon and I know my expression has changed over the years. There are many a times I have had to express the truth and when I know who I am and stay steady, it removes the personal aspect to it. I know there is more to refine, and I love being part of the refining process, whether with tears or whether with joy.
I LOVE this blog, true expression is from love and not from hurts. We take things so personally when something is said about our bodies, families, etc If we look at the intention behind this then we can feel where it is coming from.
If we lovingly express what we observe in another it is an opportunity to inspire another to feel their own truth as to what is truly going on, and leaving an opportunity for it to lovingly and supportively be addressed.
I think when you ask something with genuine care for another (and not judgement) then that can be felt, it may not always be accepted but that’s ok, there doesn’t need to be any attachment to what is offered…
We have been programmed to avoid reactions, to speak politely and to not rock the boat and it has done us all a great deal of harm. Yet we have to put our training wheels on and not expect to be able to turn that around overnight, there may well be quite a bit of clumsy expression as we remember what it was like to simply express from love again.
If the truth is indeed that we are all stupendous and glorious beings, then there can be no amount of truth to be held back, everything needs to be said up-front and real. Because this world as it is today does not reflect the gloriousness that we are, or potentially are depending on your standing. And if truth is the way back to knowing ourselves in full, then let it be here in everything, let the truth out.
The ‘niceties’ and social ‘politeness’ can prevent us from speaking or hearing the truth. When someone loves us enough to tell us the truth we know it is true but have been lying to ourselves to not take steps to be more honest with the way we are living.
It seems to me that we are either too polite and or nice with each other, or we are being very abusive with each other. Either way no one is calling out what is really going on in society. Except one man and he is ridiculed for actually explaining to the world how it is as he can clearly see how rotten our society has become. And we all know it has, it is whether we are prepared to do anything about it or are we going to let it slide further into the morass? To me it’s like watching a civilization rise and fall again.
True expression feels like a flow of things which are there to be expressed and it is not our role to determine the effect they have, only the quality we are in when we express them which in turn determines what is there to be expressed. Feels amazing when you allow this – expression from the heart.
Being nice and polite is a way of holding back love… especially when we stand in front of someone and don’t mention what is so glaringly obviously going on for them. It’s a level of intimacy we are not willing to go to, for fear of reactions or being perceived as being rude. I love how young children don’t have an issue with expressing truth to another… like pointing out a pimple or how you look tired or your voice has changed etc. The problem is, how the receiving person and their parent responds to that, that either confirms them or squashes them.
It does take love to express something that nice, polite society would keep to itself. If you really love someone, do you let them become overweight, indulge in emotions, foods, substances etc. or would you remind them that they are worthy of a life and love far greater than that?
“Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?”
From my own experience I would say yes to your question Caroline, I know that sometimes I am told the truth lovingly so but I am in resistance to it because it means that a change is needed in the way I’m living and sometimes it feels more comfortable to stay as I am. But thankfully my body doesn’t work like that and after a few huffs and puffs from me I make the adjustments and actually feel so much better for the adjustment, much lighter in my body. Then I wonder why I made such a fuss in the first place? It makes no sense in resisting the inevitable which is for us all to return to the absoluteness of who we truly are and not be swayed by the mind that is quite frankly cold and heartless.
We do seem to live in this superficial world where we ask the question ‘how are you’ but we don’t expect anyone to really tell us how they are.
Interestingly enough when I was asked by people how I was that day I told them with complete honesty how I was feeling which was pretty rough as I hadn’t been well. And surprisingly the people I was engaging with actually opened up themselves and told me how they were that day. It seems to me that it just takes one person to honestly open up and that allows others the same opportunity if they want to take it, the choice is always theirs.
Yes, it only takes one and the refection is enough to crack the images we all live up to.
Yes, it is this cushioning of people and situations that keep the world the way it is because if we all shared from our hearts what we truly feel, life would be very very different. I have had so many instances that people say they don’t like the systems that are in place or when things are unfair but they never would say it so someone who could change something about it out of fear of being attacked or affected by it negatively in any other way but this keeps everything the same.
True friends are willing to express lovingly regardless of any reaction on our part as they care too much to let us abuse ourselves.
What a gift you were offered by Alan – the photographic session was extra – the true gem was being offered the opportunity to evolve by recognising that you were not treating yourself lovingly.
It does actually take love to share something that you have observed in a person to support them out of a pattern that is harming them. I find that people can stay in an emotional state for a lifetime as others are unwilling to address it. Instead they might avoid, pander, offer sympathy etc. all of which confirm the person as the lesser being they are behaving and does not offer any way out.
We can be direct and it can be from a true care and concern for another, not in any way a put down as you say but an invitation to say hey I see you and can see something’s up and in that we offer each other the opportunity to be more honest and true to ourselves, and to genuinely support one another.
We’ve really made a big deal out of the truth- to the point where it feels forbidden and life-threatening. Dramatic I know, but it can feel that saying the truth can cause the floor to cave in and swallow everything in sight- such is the fear that we have built up around it. but it’s also not just in verbal expression that we hold back the truth. The way that we move can hold back the truth if we are not moving in connection to ourselves, and this guarantees that the truth will do anything but bubble out of us when it comes to speaking to others.
In niceness nothing ever changes.. we stay stuck in the same patterns, blind to our behaviours that we need others to sometimes point out, lovingly. I hold back out of fear of another’s reaction, and so I make it a big thing, when really, me just being me, and saying what I can feel, with the care and love that is so naturally there, is all that is ever needed. No big deal, no story or drama, just keeping it simple.
It is interesting to observe how much we as a society hold back expressing what we feel or notice so that we don’t ‘upset’ another. However, as you have shared Caroline, there is no greater offering we can share with another that the gift of absolute truth, as we are honouring who they truly are in essence, and of course ourselves equally so. When we allow the truth to be expressed, without protection or reserve, we allow the opportunity for evolution, as such our relationships deepen with a greater connection to love, to who we are in essence.
When we don’t hold back from expressing the truth we offer another an opportunity to deepen and evolve, and if don’t express truth everyone remains silent and we all stay stuck.
That’s it Anna, and it’s a very individual way to live instead of living and returning to brotherhood.
“He shared that sometimes things need to be said to support another to look at what is going on for them.” Discussing this with a friend recently. If we don’t – lovingly – call each other out – we may continue blissfully unaware of the harm or reactions we are causing, It is also the ‘how’ we call out. If done lovingly and with understanding rather than from judgement then it can be very supportive.
“Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed” – I love this. It is the way I am with others that would determine how they would express themselves with me. If I am obviously so reactive and judgmental, or withdrawn and closed off, I don’t think I can expect anyone to be totally open and honest in how they communicate with me.
Truth is a movement that disarm us if it is expressed in the energy of truth. There is nowhere to go; there is nowhere else where you would like to go.
And the wonderful thing is , that words expressed truly from the inner heart will never ever leave another feeling less, but will always build a bridge back to re-connection.
Some of the more potential ‘ouch’ situations, have given me the most growth. I think deep down we all want to know the truth, sometimes a comment from a friend can be the impetus to stop the runaway train that you want to stop but dont know how.
So true Sarah – it is the greatest support with can offer each other, a true act of love.
It’s beautiful to read of the true love and care that was expressed to you and it reminds me how this is a truly intimate way of expressing with one another, naturally open and not held back by pictures of what we think we should or shouldn’t say…
Truth is light and expanding when allowed and accepted, a very different feeling form niceties that’s for sure.
Love has nothing to do with being sympathetic and being nice or giving my power away in one way or the other and in truth I know what love is as it is inside my body. I am learning to express from there and feel when love is expressed to me, both ways can feel very uncomfortable but as you so beautifully have expressed; ‘Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.
Just gorgeous to read Caroline, to have the truth spoken to you in love what a beautiful gift you gave to each other in your openness to receive Alan’s love, a true blessing for all.
It is a known fact that friends often mirror each other, I have seen it when groups of people come into the cafe I own and they will often dress similar and all order mugs of Cappuccinos.
In this case, you and Allan are very different people but what you do mirror is the ability to put truth above niceties. The reason you love these qualities in Alan is because you hold them so strong within yourself. Alan and you are two, powerful, truthful and brave people, I appreciate you both.
It may sound strange to what many believe love to be but love is not always feeling comfortable but at times quite challenging. Love comes with truth and vice versa and has really nothing to do with pandering, being nice or sympathy, a lesson most have to learn as the version of love we are familiar with we have learned in our families and often is far from what love truly is.
Very true Alex. The idea of that love is to be always agreeing with someone, making them feel comfortable and that we should not say what we feel because we ‘love’ this person and don’t want to upset them is very strong in society but it is not true love. True love gets us out of unloving behaviours that keep us small and this can at times be challenging or exposing, but I found if I say yes to what has been shared I feel in time much greater than I did before when I was locked in my own lies thinking them to be the truth.
Presented (or confronted) with truth the lies we tell ourselves and hence everyone else are exposed. How to continue living a lie once it is exposed? It only works as long as one can pretend it to be okay or being the truth.
Give me the truth any day over superficial pleasantries that are expressed from courtesy rather than Love.
There is so much love when someone speaks the truth they feel about us because this allows us to be aware and make changes if we want. The power of reflection brings to us the power of responsibility. What a huge gift! is this.
I absolutely love this about Serge Benhayon, his love for people is so deep that he is prepared to ask these questions and he holds you in a way that you know there is absolutely no judgement in it- just understanding and an opportunity to heal something which is not supporting you- that is a true friend.
There is a way to be honest and open with another that is truly supportive, it comes with no judgement and is like an appeal to say that you know something’s up and that you know they’re worth more than that. It brings a deeper meaning to the phrase ‘pulling someone up’ because in truth we can be helping another up or back to being more true to who they really are.
It is only when we express the truth that we are able to access greater level of wisdom, for truth is holding of another and always offering the opportunity to evolve and never to belittle or make feel less.
I love how you laughed and were able to not react, this shows a level of honesty in yourself and love for yourself beyond your looks. Very inspiring.
“Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?”
“Is it sometimes far easier to ignore what is being presented and/or find a way to blame or make the one expressing truth wrong, rather than take responsibility for what needs changing and accept the gift that is being offered?”
The truth is not the easiest pill to swallow, but once you swallow it, there is no going back, just like in the Matrix (!) and you get to see who really does love you and who does not, and you get to feel just how much you love yourself too (or not)! And you also get to feel so much more…So are you ready?
“Serge went on to express that if it were delivered from true love and care, anyone would be open to hearing that”… it is about learning to express more honestly and openly with each other. Though we must be careful about how we deliver things and make sure that we are actually coming from a space that is truly honouring another. How different would our lives be if we dropped the ‘nice’ mask and shared from a true space? I have some dear friends who speak to me like this – always delivering the truth and giving me an opportunity to learn and grow. It often does hurt when I hear them say these things, but it is not a hurt that comes from what they have said, it is a hurt that comes from realising the choices I have made that have limited me in my life – and so I am always appreciative of the new opportunity that has been offered to me with this awareness given from another, because then I know I am in a position to make a different choice, and one that hopefully will be far more supportive and true for me.
Thank you Caroline – we are expressing what we are allowing.. And so the more love we allow, the more we can express. Incredible to feel that you have taken that support to allow more and more of that truth – that it is in fact – simple.
When we express from niceness our bodies need to harden and be in protection as that is not a natural flow, it is only when we express from the wisdom within our bodies that truth and the simplicity of the divine is experienced.
I love the honesty and full expression of this sharing. We certainly hold back more than we need to with each other but all the while we don’t consider the huge love that comes with honesty,
I love this blog, I love that it highlights how truth can be spoken and we can react because we don’t want to hear what the other person is saying. It is like it triggers a feeling of being rejected, yet that is the complete opposite if it is coming from love! People who speak up are often the ones who are considered ‘difficult’ and people who stay quiet, the ‘good’ people seem to be the ones we are more comfortable around, but how much harm is that holding back doing to all our bodies? Could this be part of the rise in poor mental health we see?
‘Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.’ Just the other day I missed an opportunity to express the truth and I stepped in the ‘nice girl ‘ I have always been and still use a lot. It felt horrible in my body and being honest about it for myself helps me to stop this behaviour that is in truth not me.
The truth can literally wake us up to facts we are choosing to ignore – and I see nothing wrong with that.
The key to all relationships is simplicity, if sharing what there is to be said is not simple then the relationship isn’t being held with equality for both.
Such a supporting blog this is and truly inspiring. There are so many times I could call out something for another but do not, and am just asking the question why I do this? What comes up is that it makes life easier and I do not have to deal with any possible reactions from the other….. With reading this blog, I can feel this is not loving at all and that we are not here to have an ‘easy life’, we are here to bring truth and in bringing truth expressed with love we truly serve another. Not forgetting it is their choice what they do with that truth.
It’s actually really vital that we do lovingly express the truth when we feel to, not as a rule but sensitively felt into, because there are opportunities from what is presented for the person to grow and evolve. Staying where we are and how we are is not how we are meant to be, as even when we are doing well there is more. It can be disconcerting at first to have people speak this way but when you realise the love and benefits on offer politeness is seen for what it is – a holding back and a lie.
Expressing truthfully and based on love is refreshing and a true ice breaker – a reality check, especially between friends, that allows another to weigh up what has been offered and move on from a stuckness or perceived state of ‘normalcy’ that is far from natural, no matter how widely acceptable it may be.
Perfect reading for me this morning as one who has recognised that despite having a great voice, I hold back expressing what I feel for fear of reaction – and rejection. The fact is that when I do choose to express what I am feeling in full, the vast majority of people feel how true my expression is and are blessed by it. Not everyone of course but most. My reticence is due to a hurt I hold within so it is this I need to deal with. Holding back serves no one in truth.
Is it possible we react when truth is spoken from another because we are already in reaction to the truths our own bodies are saying? For me this isn’t a question but fact for the more I accept the truths from my body the more I accept the truth delivered by another as they are one and the same.
I love the openness and the fragility that is felt in this – a naturalness that feels so normal to be with each other.
The way something is delivered does make all the difference – if there is true love and care behind it or if it is from judgement it feels very different to receive!
How interesting is that we have a false image of what is to support another one by not disturbing how another person moves in life? We all know how to read movement. So, we all know that it is precisely the way someone moves that brings disharmony and disarray to life. So, are we still choosing not to help the person to feel into and reflect upon this? If so, why? It is not about the other person; it is about us.
Holding back our expression is a contraction on our bodies, the moment we expressed in full we offer another an opportunity to evolve and we can break away from the shackles of limiting beliefs that keep us playing small and not embracing the magnitude of our light.
When truth is expressed, sometimes we feel our cover has been blown away and our lies and masks been exposed, and I know for myself I have taken it as an offence even if no attack or malice was intended. It is beautiful when love is received as intended no matter how it may come out, as that is a confirmation of the equal love on both ends.
Thank you Caroline. I have often seen a friend carrying extra weight and been concerned but have not often remarked upon it or asked what is going on for them. I can see how I am holding back my expression and my care and support from them.
This breaks the mould, as we are taught to be nice to one another – what if we were taught to be truthful and loving to one another?
I feel like receiving the truth can be so difficult/challenging because it strikes a deep chord within us – and in that knowing of the truth we can react by outwardly expressing the self rage we have for not living that particular way. Perhaps not in all cases, but it can certainly be one way of reaction.
So true, we haven’t been told anything we don’t already know we are just furious at ourselves for not acting on it sooner and feel exposed for our own self-abusive delay! Oh we have so much to learn about living our truth without such damaging resistance 🙂 One step at a time perhaps, with a few tumbles and stumbles along the way.
It sounds like Alan here wasn’t speaking out of reaction, a big hang up for a lot of us that results in us not always speaking from a place of love. And so it really is about where the sentiment is coming from and how it is delivered.
When I was a child and I expressed the truth, I was told I was as subtle as a brick in the face, or that I would never make a diplomat because I was too frank and forthright. So I learnt to stay quiet and have conversations in my head instead. I have always preferred that someone tells me the truth rather than what they think I want to hear. As uncomfortable as it is at times to hear the truth at least you know where you stand. I know someone who unfailingly tells me the truth and I so appreciate that they do as I have become so clever, and lie to myself to justify my myself.
Mary your comment reminded me of how staying in comfort and not growing beyond that comfort zone is often the true reason to shut down frankness and truth. It’s interesting that speaking the truth forthrightly is natural for kids, they are reflecting that it’s natural for us all in our expression. Yes truth might make us temporarily uncomfortable, but isn’t it better than living a comfortable lie?
What is shared here highlights how niceties and politeness do not equate to love, but actually restrict our relationships from deepening. In fact in being nice or polite we are not being genuine; we are being dis-honest by withholding the truth we do actually feel. It is only through expressing our love and speaking the truth we feel, that our relationships become genuine and will deepen offering us the opportunity to evolve.
It feels very loving to express what needs to be expressed to another without fear of reaction, or rejection or avoidance… and even with a reaction, a seed has been planted for another that can bloom whenever they choose, this is why it is so important not to hold back from expressing truth to another.
Society has a fairly entrenched pattern of pleasantries and politeness, even in childhood in the innocence of speaking the truth we may be told “don’t be rude”. It’s a great topic to explore because truth is not harmful when it’s expressed with love, and conversations like this challenge the status quo we have all accepted to not speak the truth. Very inspiring, I’ll be taking a look at my own life and where the truth could be expressed.
‘Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.’ It is not what we say but how we say it, the energy behind it, so building love in our bodies is essential to expressing love and being able to tell someone that for example they have dark rings round their eyes and for that to be accepted welcomingly. Our openness to receiving such observations without reaction is also dependent in the love we hold. Appreciating ourselves supports us in building this love.
So true and spot on Elaine, it is not what we say but how we say it, and when we express from a body that has been building love, another is able to feel this and be more open to receiving what they most likely need to hear in that moment, so our expression from a body of love always serves another.
The more we learn to truly express to each other the more evolved and loving our relationships will become, it is our lack of expression that is damaging relationships and keeping us all stuck in lesser versions of ourselves. I can feel the responsibility I have in bringing true expression into all my relationships not just the ones I feel it is safe to do this in and how inspiring and supportive this can be for us all.
Being nice can be quite poisonous for sure, but moreover there is also an art in being appreciative even in expressing a truth that may be uncomfortable. That is what I feel Alan so expertly expressed, a love and appreciation in an honest assessment of another’s wellbeing.
‘Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed’. This is gold and LOVE is the key ingredient in all our sharing and expressing.
Endeavouring to follow a path in which there is any falseness can only eventually lead to a ‘roadblock’. It is only through Truth can we evolve.
This is so real Caroline, in expressing the truth with love as Alan has done, instead of thinking it but not speaking it out of fear of offending or just buying into the niceties of life which have no foundation in truth.
Expressing an uncomfortable truth to someone can sometimes be the most loving thing we can do for someone.
“Why do we react when truth is expressed?” I know I can react when I hear truth expressed with love because it is a truth that I am aware of but have not chosen to make the necessary change and it is uncomfortable when it is so readable to another.
Not holding back expressing in a loving and truly caring way to another feels like it brings a deeper level of true intimacy – in really seeing and meeting someone and caring enough to open up something with them that may be normally glossed over or ignored.
Oh my god I totally agree with this ‘ we are far too polite and nice with each other’ I hate it – it feels horrible, but ….. aaggghhh I realised the other day I am nice and polite! I worry too much about what other people think. An exhausting way to live, but then I have to ask the question why do I care, why am I invested in other people liking me – it keeps me small.
That is such a pivotal moment in your relationship Caroline, when we say something truthful to another and they accept it, then it provides the space for the relationship to deepen. We all crave connection so being truthful even when it might be hard to receive is what will make any relationship meaningful, after all who really wants pleasantries?
Not holding back from expressing an uncomfortable truth within a relationship is definitely a mark of commitment to the relationship.
Truth is a beautiful thing as are friendships based on Truth. Here is a blog I wrote on a similar topic: https://truthaboutuniversalmedicine.com/2016/10/04/liane-mandalis-me-and-all-of-humanity/
Why do we react when truth is expressed? Because, when the truth is heard or expressed it exposes all the times where the truth was pushed aside for a more convenient or watered down version… Ouch. But truth doesn’t judge and it doesn’t reserve itself for a select few. It is for all the time and we all have access to it.
The way something is delivered makes all the difference to how it is received. Thanks Caroline
A beautiful article on developing true friendships.
Thank you Caroline for your article about expressing true love in a simply beautiful way by being honest with what we say to another. By both being open to receive, we deepen our love and appreciation of each other.
‘Why do we react when truth is expressed?’ I know I am guilty of this at times, it is because in that moment I know I have been exposed and I react because I have already felt it within and once it is ‘out there’ then I feel the tension of leaving my comfort zone and having to do something about it.
Speaking from our heart as we once did as children without letting the mind interfere, is a gift to rediscover that no niceness in the world can top.
What a powerful example Caroline of someone speaking the truth along side you accepting and hearing what is being said; it works beautifully on all levels.
Thank you Caroline. There is nothing nice about being nice as everyone knows they are being played whether they choose to be aware of it or not. When things really fall apart we often look back and wonder why it is that none of the people we hold dear brought our waywardness to our attention. True love means expressing the truth in full to the best of our ability and the truth is inseparable from love.
It’s all about where the expression is coming from – are we saying something out of jealousy, are we name calling or are we expressing from and with love. The example you provide, Caroline, shows that love can be felt, even in a situation which could appear to be rude. Thanks for sharing this with us all.
We really have watered down what love and truth are, such that their expression have become about how you can speak so as not to disturb another, we’ve all made these silent pacts to turn a blind eye to what is truly going on as long as we’re left alone. Yet this is a fallacy and we get shocked and uncomfortable with those who do speak truth as we know we’re held back and it requires us to look at how we are and how we live. How can we sit by and watch another rot in comfort, yet we do often. Truth is being willing to express no matter what.
It really challenges our beliefs about being polite and nice when someone is up front and says it as it is, and yes we do need more of this, but it is how it is said which we need to become more aware of, as in what is the energy behind the words.
Expressing with love is the key here. I know myself for expressing what I see and feel, but often it comes out with a reaction, a hardness. This has an opposite effect on the other. It closes the other down and the message is gone. I am practicing to trust my feeling and don’t go into reaction, but just honour what I feel and if needed, I share it with the other. It requires a level of vulnerability of me, which is new to me, but so worth it. It opens up and deepens the connection like with you and your friend.
I grew up being the the epitome of the polite young man, at least with people I did not know! I was softly spoken, always would open the door for others, would hardly ever make a bad remark about someone etc.. But all this did was lead to me end up exhausted, pretty unhappy and struggling to get through the day. Politeness does not work as it keeps things the way they are, in fact it glorifies them. I know for me I need the truth, the reality of a situation otherwise I easily get caught in it thinking it is all there is.
Two absolutely is a two way street. When true love is expressed as your friend has towards you, your openness in recognizing that to be love allowed the relationship between you to deepen. There is always someone there who would be willing to express this love to us, and allow us to do the same, we just have to recognize it.
“Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?” for me this is true, there is an accountability that I want to slink away from. I have recently been looking at love, there is the feel good and often false kind, or the truth of love that may not be all pretty and wrapped up in a package of nice and polite, but it comes with true care.
We are all sensitive beings so the quality with which we deliver truth has to be from love with not a drop of emotion in it. Sometimes when another delivers truth which is said in reaction it is very often not the truth that makes me feel uncomfortable but the way in which they have said it. This may sound as a means of avoiding truth spoken but it is very important to me which I am learning and that is to speak truth with love.
We really do stymie ourselves often denying the truth we know, and the support of others is bringing truth to us. When I react to truth spoken there’s usually two things, either it’s been expressed with judgement, or I know absolutely what they’ve said is true, and crucially I’ve felt it and ignored it – now while at times it can be the first, it’s when it’s the second that I really can see and feel (once I’ve gotten over any reaction I have), how loving it is and how much the other cares, and that this is love lived. There is not enough of this in the world, so here’s to living more in this very loving and beautiful way.
What I have recently discovered is that expressing truth is not soft, nice or squishy but very firm, strong and hugely powerful. By being nice is not always linked to truth, but to discern the energy behind what is expressed to feel what we have received is truth or not. I also realised that sometimes when we are not ready to accept truth, it can feel a bit confronting when someone expresses truth to us. For me, even though at times I may find truth confronting, I would much prefer to receive it so I can learn and understand what is actually going on. Truth allows us space to heal and this is always a gift no matter who we receive this from.
I tried this the other day… just noticing that someone I knew has put on a lot of weight recently, and he looks stressed with everything that is going on in his life. It was a little surprising (for both of us) when I expressed this and we did not quite know what to do with it. But at the same time I could see that he was pondering it as well. It’s not a particularly common thing to talk about, but at the same time, why not?
I love this Caroline, imagine how different all relationships would be if we lived expressing in this true way, we would stop the ‘being nice’ routine and connect more deeply with another allowing the space for us all to evolve and be who we truly are.
Thank you Caroline, you’ve hit the nail in the head about what is lacking in relationships today which are mostly based on pleasantries and niceness that offer no evolution to anyone, and it is this type of honest communication you have shared with us based on love and truth which naturally allows a deeper level of intimacy between people.
I experienced this just yesterday – I felt something and didn’t tell the person what I was feeling, and it wasn’t until a friend of mine pointed out why I hadn’t said anything that i got to feel how by holding back it meant that person didn’t get to learn or grow from being told what I had observed.
It’s crazy how we allow our politeness to get in the way or stop us to not express truth to another. When we see people we know are struggling or are not doing well we often politely don’t say anything so as not to offend. This is then confirming the person to be OK or not question there choices etc. When expressed lovingly without attachment it can be a very helpful and caring act to another. As humanity we need to be more honest and transparent as it allows for us to grow and evolve by clocking and calling out all manner of things with truth and love of course.
I love what you have shared here… that to hear truth we need to be open enough to allow it to be spoken and willing to see it as the gift it is and be willing to take responsibility and do what is needed to address it without reaction. The world would benefit greatly from this level of expression and the love offered within it and stopping the hiding and burying beneath the polite pleasantries we all know too well.
When we express in love there can only be truth and that is felt by another.
Our language is so restricted by the nice and politeness.
It is also wise to note that you can swear out loud and be nice.
Offer compassion, love and understanding in all interaction we set new standards on communicating with one another.
A great question to ask ourselves is, are we prepared to say what is needed, the truth, regardless of the reaction or consequences all the time?
This is a great reminder in the importance of loving someone so much that you can not not express the truth to them. I still feel the challenge within me regarding this one and how on some levels I stay ‘nice’ which is not loving myself or any others. ‘Nice’ is in fact pretty incidious. Thank you for all the detail you have written in this blog including your dear friend Alan’s slight look of shock after expressing to you about the dark circles under your eyes; it shows how expressing true love is not ‘pre-planned’ but when we get ourselves out of the way is something that spontaneously comes through us. Another learning for me.
So great to come back and read this for a wee kick up the pants, I am still far too nice and polite and still so far from expressing the truth from a loving place all the time, or even some of the time sometimes. I’m still too concerned about the reaction.
Why do we take offence when someone is actually deeply honest? This is not always the case of course but as you share how often do we say to a woman ‘why have you gained weight?’. It’s like we don’t want to expose each others ill (unloving) ways. It’s almost like a silent agreement, that I wont expose you if you don’t expose me. This approach leaves everyone in the sink when it comes to honesty and it’s such a fresh take when someone is not afraid to tell it like it is, with love of course. Children are usually very good at this.
All along we have been led to believe people would say nice things about us because they loved us, and we would in return reciprocate that – whilst our body would have known the truth/lies we have been sold and bought as love.
Beautifully expressed Caroline; fully expressing with love and care for the receiver is such a divine gift. It is also gifting deep love and care for ourselves. Thank you for highlighting this Caroline, what you have written is very inspirational.
Expressing our truth, when connected, from our inner heart is a powerful way to truly express.
It is so true, when we express from true love and care people are open to hearing it. It feels so lovely when someone express to me in this way and when it doesn’t come with any judgements or jealousy it is a true blessing. I am learning to express more and more from true love and care too as I can feel the healing it brings for myself and others.
I love what you have presented as “love in expression” to be Caroline, most of the time we think it is about holding back expressing the truth because it might upset others and so we live a life of niceness and politeness so not to rock the boat, this is damaging both for our bodies as we need to harden and carry all those burdens with us but also to others who don’t get to receive the opportunity for them to change behaviours that might be causing hardships in their lives.
Evolution is about expressing our truth and not hold back anything with another, even if there is some discomfort experienced we must remember we are here to live heaven on earth and be in the fullness of who we are.
This is such an inspiring sharing. Truth being expressed as a result of – and as well as, in order to build – how deep we go in our relationship with ourselves and another.
Remaining open enough to allow what needs to be expressed is great sharing… There are times that I think that I am being open but in actually fact I have created a wall of protection that stops the flow of True expression to be shared with me. In the past Serge has shared a truth for me to support a shift and sometimes it has taken a little while for this to actually sink in and for me to be really open with it. Letting go of how we think it needs to be and simply allowing what is there to be expressed in and out is fundemental. Thanks for sharing Caroline.
Looking back over my life I can remember times where maybe truth was spoken, but it came without love, in a mean way, flung around to create the most hurt. Emotions were flung around with it and there was fighting. In this world the rules of being nice were formed and we moved away from truth, just because it was all too painful.
I remember at school at about 12 years old, a fellow classmate said something to me I thought was mean. It puzzled me because I found I couldn’t react as l thought I should. I decided it was because she was such a nice person but now I understand that it was because she spoke truth and it came with love. There was nothing to react to, just something to consider.
So I understand how we got so far away from truth, but now we know what has happened we need to come back to the solidness that is love within us and speak from there. Love can only love you, it does not seek to hurt.
Caroline thanking you for sharing this beautiful blog, because it made me realise how often we hold back from taking our relationships deeper to another level purely by speaking the truth. Rather than being truthful we hold back and hang onto the niceties of life for fear of rejection or being judged, it made me really appreciate how loving it is to be truthful with another.
And to express in this way we have to have such a clear connection with ourselves and thence our inner heart, because it really is only the inner heart that can express with the clarity and true observation that is needed.
True love is the only love in my opinion, and this includes expressing the truth when it is needed, emotional love is really just people being needy, which we all know feels horrible for all concerned. Thanks for sharing an example of true love Caroline, ‘ this is true love and I for one am forever appreciative of it’, me too.
What you’ve shared in your blog Caroline introduces a totally different level of responsibility in friendships than many have otherwise known before. In any true relationship we have a duty to address and bring up anything we observe in the other person which implies they aren’t taking care of themselves or that they are expressing less in their lives than they could be.
People more and more are wanting truth, or at the very least honesty, no one really likes people being nice and polite it feels horrible for all concerned. Yes truth may be challenging at times, but is so needed in society, ‘Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?’
Love is the foundation for everything, and truth is so needed in everything, ‘Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.’
Thank You for sharing this. I have people like this in my life who just say it as it is. Often times it’s uncomfortable for me to hear and I feel myself bracing against what’s coming, but the more I stay open to truly contemplating whether there is any Truth in what is said, when I come to a point where I feel inside of me that “Yes what they are saying is true” – my life has changed ENORMOUSLY and this is having a beautiful impact on everyone else I then meet as I am much more open, engaging and loving.
Saying something out of love or out of reaction or hurt is the difference between having wars or no wars.
Check. There is so much in life we ignore or gloss over or go into blame mode so we do not truly see what is going on but what your blog so beautifully shares, is that when we do that, we keep the world in a state that we so often complain about. These moments of truths, delivered with love, are actually offerings to take us out of that state. And I know when I have had a love-truth bomb delivered to me, sometimes it initially shakes me, but then the offering was usually too good to resist and it has allowed me to review my life in a deeper way and let go of what is no longer needed.
“Nice’ is kind of nasty when you get down to it.
We are too preoccupied with politeness – making sure our children are raised to say please and thank you – but rarely do we consider that in doing so we are asking them to learn to wear a mask for society in order to ensure no-one is exposed for the true ugliness that lies just under the surface.
I still at times find myself being ‘nice’ and ‘pleasant’, not wanting to rock the boat or upset the apple cart. It is a quick as a flash reaction to what is going on around me, an ingrained behaviour that shows itself from time to time that I am working on, and the way to work on it is to remain consciously present and open, because it is with an open heart, and love without judgement, that allows love to flow naturally that supports me in supporting another. Your loving support of each other Caroline, is a lovely reflection of how relationships can be, honest, open and caring enough to say it as it is.
Hi Sandra, yes I agree being nice is an ingrained behaviour which I too still fall back into if I am not being as loving with myself as I can be so I then can’t be as loving and honest with others as I would truly want to be. What a beautiful reflection from Alan and Caroline about being true with each other in relationship.
We pander to each other far too much. And by pander I mean walk tippy-toed around the others persons issues so as to not push any buttons. This way of living is absolutely crazy when truly seen and felt because it is keeping everyone less and not raising them up above their issues and woes
“Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?” Brilliant question Caroline and could it be that we don’t like to hear the truth because we have become comfortable and stuck in our old patterns and beliefs that we don’t really want to hear the truth and prefer to stay in the comfort of that way of being because it will mean we may need to make adjustments or changes to our lifestyle. Change is a scary thing for many, but if we take steps to be more open and honest with what’s going on it’s amazing how even small changes can bring about magic revelations to our way of life and also opens us up to a world of opportunities of growth and learning. We know truth as it is felt from our bodies, it is from this honesty we can bring about amazing changes for a much brighter outlook on life. Thank you Caroline I love this blog!
“Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?”-
Absolutely, it takes honesty and responsibility to want to accept the truth when expressed by another, and then to make a positive change in our life. But what a difference this makes when the discussion is said from a deep love and concern for the other, and not from judgement, anger or need to control.
Thank you for this simple example of what it means to express in truth. It seems that when we express in truth and respond in truth there is no room for blame anymore only the knowing of what is the next step for us to take.
Serge Benhayon’s absolute dedication to Love is evident in everything about him, when he speaks any word it comes with this Love he is choosing to connect to. When he shares the truth with all of the Love that he is, we feel this Love and what is being shared – as hard as it maybe sometimes to listen, you feel 100% held in the Love and that there is no judgement. This is what true relationships are all about.
Self-doubt is another self-created way to avoid expressing truth. And unfortunately it is accepted by our society as a pattern that we feel pity for and explain with a traumatic history or childhood. In all respect for difficult childhoods it is for each of us to ponder on whether I am using my story as an excuse or giving my all to truly resolve it and heal self-doubt.
This is a great question Caroline: “Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?” We can react to truth being spoken, no doubt we’ve all experienced this, and yet, what a powerful opportunity awaits us if we go beyond defence and blame? An opportunity to release ourselves from ways of thinking and living that may have had us enshackled, that may have held back our own fullness of expression that is there to be shared.
Well said Golnaz and Caroline. The love in the communication is something we can all bring, and something we can learn to let ourselves bring, through experiences that show us where we’ve held it back. When delivered with love and without complication, it’s simple – the truth is there. Whether reacted to or embraced, there is a clarity and a knowing that what’s been shared is from love.
This story is such a beautiful example. Thank-you Caroline and Alan for this being shared.
There have been many times in my life that I have chosen to go against what I felt was true, usually because I did not want to increase my level of responsibility, or I did not want to accept my accountability in something or another. During those times I have been thankful if no one else said anything and I could ‘get away with it’. But if I am honest after each one of these instances I liked myself less, and I felt as if those people knew me less. I would much rather someone did communicate as in this article in a way that says ‘ I completely love and care about you, AND this is what I observe’. The love bit is important, because without it I would want to run for the trees. Alan’s communication and the love with which he communicated is a great example.
Niceness is a societal epidemic – it certainly rules the workplace, hiding the stress and tension simmering beneath the surface. I’ve noticed the reality is either not talked about, or is raised only in sarcastic tones in the lunch room. I noticed this the other morning as I greeted a work colleague who I know is under a lot of pressure in their role. We passed each other in the hallway and I asked how she was. “Oh fine” she replied, but within a couple of seconds she called to me jokingly “you don’t want to hear the truth”. But the reality is I did want to genuinely know how she is and I told her so, expressing that it was OK to get it off her chest. This brief interaction, and your blog, have highlighted how normal it is to not express the truth, but instead we keep our feelings tucked neatly away inside while pasting a happy smile on our face.
This article has definitely made me stop and ponder…..it is true, there is too much niceness and not enough calling out the truth, of what is truly going on. What a great exposure on niceness.
Being fully honest in our society is not a common thing in reality. Most people will either say the nice thing to be polite, OR they will say the things that might come across as caring such as “you are looking unwell today, is everything ok?” but often it will come loaded to put you down or to imply you are sick. I have certainly experienced both of these situations – and the latter one, where someone clearly is trying to put you down is an awful thing to be on the receiving end of. And then there is too what Caroline has so beautifully shared in her blog here – there is the case where someone who has genuine concern and love for you will say something along the lines of “you look tired today – is everything ok?” – the words are quasi the same as before, however they are delivered with a total understanding and a holding of the other person so much so that they can feel the warmth and genuine care. Now this is a completely different scenario and one that we feel is a healing as it offers an opportunity for us to express more honestly what is going on for us in our lives. Thank you Caroline for opening the conversation about being honest and being here to support each other.
“we are far too polite and nice with each other, with no one really being prepared to call out what is truly going on for another. He shared that sometimes things need to be said to support another to look at what is going on for them.” So true, we seem to keep our head in the sand to not step on others toes. How awesome would it be if we were a bit like Alan and expressed our love and care for one another without the fear of the reaction. The world would be a different place.
Denying the truth creates a greater disharmony between people. When this is happening it takes more ‘politeness’ to counter the disharmony because of not being willing to say what it is that was there to be said in the first place. When it finally comes to the point where it is said there are layers of extra stuff that also need to be cleared. Simpler to say it with loving truth in the first place.
I could write a book about what I don’t like about “niceness”. I love true joy, I love people who express themselves, I love truth, and I love being real. I can’t stand nice, it is a shadow and no match for love.
There are many products on the market to cover up those dark circles under the eyes, they encourage us to go on with our disregarding ways and give an image that everything is ok when it is not. To truly address a symptom like dark circles under the eyes is to explore how and why this might be and take responsibility in making changes that will alter the end result and in this case lead to to true representation of us in any photo.
It is so true that as a society we avoid expressing truth to be nice and polite. We can all feel the falsity in it but often we play along by being polite back and forth. Whereas expressing truth and love cuts the niceties and asks us to be honest and take responsibility for what is really going on.
And as Caroline says, Chan Ly, “Secondly, to consider what it must be like for others to want to express like that, but believe they can’t in a world that says it is rude and impolite, instead of the love that it truly is.” it is these cultural norms that are so ingrained in us from early upbringing through instruction and observation, that make it very difficult for us to expose what really lies underneath these “good manners” which keep us from truly connecting with another. My experience is that it is because I am scared of the reaction from the other and being hurt myself as well as hurting them, and underneath that there are many, many old experiences that have to be felt and cleared before we can feel truly loving in expressing the simplicity of truth.
Caroline how beautiful to have a friend who is prepared to be open and honest and not back away from the truth that he felt, we so often notice things about people yet we never take the time to lovingly speak the truth of what we feel with them.
Could it be possible that telling the truth would stop all the blame games? And by playing no games life would become more joy-full? Then in finding true joy in our lives we would reflect this joy-full-ness and our evolution would be accelerated!
There is such a difference when we express to truly support another rather than expressing somehow wanting them to change and be something else/different. When we express holding the person in the love they are, our words are always heard even if we may not always get the response we think we should! One thing I have to keep bringing it back to is we communicate far more with our bodies than with words.
How beautiful is it to speak the truth? It can totally transform a moment with a friend that is ‘okay’ into a moment that is spacious, loving & uniting…
Expressing truthfully does not necessarily make you a popular person with everyone, however, so long as we deliver with love, then we know that it does respect and honour the other person and ourselves fully.
Serge Benhayon has inspired me hugely too with my expression – I now appreciate much more what I have to say and present and much more confidence in saying it without any need or attachment to a certain outcome. I’m far from perfect but have made big changes and definitely want to continue developing my openness with communication.
“Is it sometimes far easier to ignore what is being presented and/or find a way to blame or make the one expressing truth wrong, rather than take responsibility for what needs changing and accept the gift that is being offered?” Absolutely it is easier in the short term to not address our issues and shoot the messenger so to speak. However, this is ultimately detrimental in the long run. If we don’t accept responsibility for our issues and deal with them they will compound until we are forced to deal with them in one way or another.
In my experience, one of the greatest gifts (and there are many equally as great!) received when attending presentations by Serge Benhayon, founder of Universal Medicine, has been his straight delivery of truth, expressed in a way that can be felt in my body which knows this as true (even if uncomfortable in the moment). Being delivered from love, rather than something laced with critique or judgment opens the possibility for making new choices and return to live from love, as Serge lives and walks the way 24/7.
When we are polite and nice we hurt people more than when we lovingly present the truth. We basically motivate people to keep on going with the unloving behavior, getting deeper and deeper into self-abuse. Speaking truth always offers a moment to stop, choose differently and evolve.
This is a beautiful and timely reminder Caroline of not only presenting truth but not holding back. The essential aspect of being able to express truth in this manner is holding the other in absolute love.
To feel and discern whether someone is expressing from love is so important. It can occur in the moment of that expression, when we choose to be living with openness and sensitivity and that in turn comes from trusting ourselves. Being drawn to situations which will provide just what we need to keep unfolding our expression of love, reflects great things about what we are choosing, especially if they are provided from a quality of care and tenderness.
What you have expressed here Caroline is a wonderful reminder to lovingly speak the truth and equally, with deep love for self, be open and appreciative to hearing the truth;
“Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed”.
Your blog exposes Caroline how, as a society we are so not used to the truth. We go around it, we bump into it, we run from it but rarely do we face it head on and say it how it is. Politics, media and our education are good examples of this, but it is in our everyday actions that compound the energy of falsity by not saying what we know to be true, by beating around the bush and pretending we don’t know when we do. The biggest lies are the lies we tell ourselves.
Caroline my life until a few years ago revolved around me checking every single word I would say for “what will the other person think” as well as “is that the right thing to say” and many other things. It was at the point that what I felt was never expressed. What I love is the simplicity in your article as it shows us the power of expressing truth and how this is so deeply needed in the world. It also shows what true friendships are about, truth not niceness.
“…in that moment, I realised just how much he loved me to say what he did.” This shows a true and deep care for another. To love someone enough to never want to see them as less than who they are. I know I have been offered this support on many occasions, unfortunately I do react at times and can’t see the comments for the true loving support that they are, but this is my issue, not the issue of the person offering the support.
The time is here when people are ready to hear the simple truths. People want support, they want true friends that will be honestly open and expressive, they want a real life. The time of hiding from saying what is there to be said is past.
Beautifully said with such conviction Heather. Through truth, combined with love we can support each other to evolve. Without truth, we stay the same, we stay in comfort and nothing changes. Truth helps us to access more of ourselves which in turn supports not just each of us individually but pulls us all up collectively.
It is so refreshing to be able to express truth and not go into any anxiety or fear about the reaction of another. But more often than not, when we communicate in this way, there is a deepening of a relationship leading to even more honesty and openness. It really is a win win situation.
Beautiful line: “we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.” So true it is about feeling that telling the truth to someone is the most loving thing you can do even if it may be confronting. Actually not saying anything is complacent and showing a disregard, yet I agree it is also about saying it with love and understanding and not just blast everything out under the guise of it being ‘loving’ someone.
To truly express like this feels like a breath of fresh air as I can feel the contortions I have put myself in to be polite and nice through all of my life. To express the truth lovingly is not only amazing for the person speaking it but also for the person hearing it. I need to give this more of a go!
What I find is often the things that we hold back are often the things that need to be said the most, and it’s the things that truly let someone knows that you care and offers them support to change. I feel you are correct, in saying it’s about the love you say it in, if there’s any judgement the person will naturally hear it as criticism.
There is no greater friend than one who does not hold back from telling us the truth, even if there is the possibility that it will be painful to hear. As you say, Caroline, it is a two-way streak though, we also have to be open to hearing it for the friendship, the love, to be there.
The true expression of another reveals where we are not expressing in truth ourselves.
Thank God for those in our lives that are prepared to offer Truth rather than pleasantries – we can trust their sincerity and Love for we are all fully aware there is otherwise a game being played when another holds back the truth to deliver a false alternative.
How beautiful, and how blessed we are to have a friend who will tell us the truth, and won’t let us ignore what we don’t always want to look at. Preventative medicine at its most loving, perhaps?
It’s really beautiful that Alan felt he could express so playfully and lovingly like this in this situation. There is a fine line of feeling exactly how and when something exposing like this can be expressed, because said at the wrong time or in the slightly wrong way it can actually result in the person attacking themselves. However, as stated in this article if we are holding the person in deep love without holding back we will subconsciously know exactly when to say something and how and it will come out even to our own surprise.
Yes, managing this balance can be a fine line but I am finding that the more I am willing to take the risk and not hold back, so I am managing to do so lovingly and it be correct.
Well said Caroline ‘ Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed. Without this level of expression, we will stay stuck in the niceties and pleasantries of everyday conversation and hence, away from the truth we all need to evolve back to the truly divine and glorious beings that we are.’
This is so true Caroline. To support another in this way requires an absolute love, connection and offering of true support for another.
When we behold another in love equally to the love that we hold ourselves in, the words to be expressed are there to be shared.
This is a great example of a deeper level of truth that is required for all relationships to grow and evolve. I have noticed how I can tippy toe around a subject when it’s much easier to come out with what I’m trying to say, not brusquely but holding the person in love and respect. Since realising this after re-reading your blog Caroline, it gets easier to do as I gain more clarity and awareness.
The love in the simplicity of true expression stands out so clearly Caroline thank you . It feels beautiful to be able to be open to express this way and to be able to receive this love also and is very inspiring. Living in the beauty of the divine beings we are is inspirational and very very real in a world that does not offer us this by our very creation and way. A time for change is here and very ready and needed.
It’s true … when we deliver true care and compassion to another it does not come with imposition nor judgement of any kind, it comes with a holding of love between two people and a genuine, respectful concern for each other’s true wellness. More open communication between us all please! this level of care is what the world truly needs and the best part is that it comes to us naturally.
So true Cherise and for me the key ingredient you’ve identified is the ‘holding of love’. I’ve found that when that is there, true concern can be expressed with the utmost respect and reflecting your deep care for the other.
What touches my heart is the simplicity of expression and the simplicity only can come from honesty and truth. This is felt in the expression between you and your friend.
seems that we have lost these abilities because we have agreements with one another to not go there. Instead we have put in place unwritten social ethics that tell us how to communicate to one another in a protected manner, a manner that is void of any true expression but loaded with politeness, in fact all to not ‘rock the boat’ but keeping everything as it is.
Caroline reading this I was struck by how much we hold each other in the niceness game, how much we hold ourselves and others away from truth with not expressing it or reacting when it’s expressed. Yet we know truth deeply in our bones and we’ve settled for pleasant and nice and actually lies. And the key is indeed responsibility – we know what we choose and how we live impacts us and at times we do not want to see this or make changes to more clearly support ourselves and that is odd but also telling of how willing we are to see truth; and the thing is despite our many efforts to deny it truth will always out and our bodies very clearly show us. So the bigger question for me today is why do we delay as eventually we embrace truth. Why do we play this nice game when we don’t have to? There is a clear choice here. And isn’t it so refreshing when someone speaks truth it frees us all and leaves a wider space for more truth to be lived and expressed.
Wow, what kind of openess and love is felt between you both. This already shows the openness of your expressions.
It makes me realise the complexity we go into when we are not expressing the simplicity of what is actually there to be said.
We don’t express truth because we feel we may hurt another person’s feelings and so we ‘keep the peace’ and say nothing. There is, however a responsibility in ensuring that what is spoken about is true and not something that is imagined or simply not true.
Maybe its that as a race of people, we have become have so used to protection and being on guard, that it is easy to mis-interpret and take things personally when a comment is said with a genuine care and love, instead of simply hearing the words and recognising the truth in them. The honesty works both ways, from the one speaking to, and the one receiving and hearing the words.
I will be pondering on just how open I actually am when it comes to accepting the loving comments of those around me and how conditional I can make this acceptance of love from others.
Honesty is often not the pretty picture we envisage it to be, but even if the honesty that’s offered is slightly uncomfortable it is a golden opportunity.
I am beginning to discover this ease and simplicity in expression myself – where as before so little of what I saw and felt was communicated, I am now making the conscious effort to express myself and the ease that then creates, is in my body.
Being honest about how we feel and tender with each other in the delivery of this are so crucial in any relationship for if we cannot be at least open and respectful with each other how can there be any trust developed and any love grown?
I know that there are still many times in my life when I hesitate from speaking what I truly feel because of a potential negative reaction from the other person, but I am beginning to realise that this is actually abusive as it cuts me off from others and prevents any true connection or closeness being there in the relationship.
It’s also important to express truth yourself, for example if someone asks ‘ how are you doing’ to simply be truthful and say ‘I’m exhausted, I’m amazing, I feel super awesome, delicate and light’ or whatever we are feeling, no big fanfares or trumpets simply as it is, not holding back, as it gives another, from my experience the opportunity to feel or express how they really are, sometimes it stops another in their tracks. But it’s way much better than saying I’m fine, as this doesn’t support anyone, it’s not the truth and a cover up, generally for not feeling what’s going on.
The more I read this blog, the more I can feel how deeply awful it is to not speak up and tell the truth. Even in the tinniest of things, not just when we have been told to, I’m thinking of school. People need to hear it and feel it, otherwise how will we ever know who we really are. For example I know I would not be where I am today, if Serge Benahyon had held back expressing love.
‘His expression just simply confirmed this love to me.’ It’s true – why do we not speak up, or speak truth to those we care about and love, including ourselves, when we are living in a way that is completely degenerating ourselves. This is not love. What is it about us that makes us want to stay quiet or not rock the boat, I often get told to be quiet, don’t say anything, you’re making it worse, but I know for a fact this is because it’s exposing things people don’t want to hear, feel or see, as it mean they would have to look at themselves.
Inspired by this blog last week, I shared with someone I care about very deeply, something that I felt was hard to share in the sense they may not like what had to be said and react to it, as they have when I have shared in the past. But with the realisation form this blog, the reason they reacted to it, is because I was first in reaction myself and expressing from hurt. This time I simply shared from love and care, and expressed that to them – the turnaround was huge, there was no shouting, no volatile reaction, their whole body was totally open, they listened to everything. The only time reaction came in was at the ned, when I began to talk about food, but I knew myself in that moment I was going into preaching/ telling ( there is nothing worse , well there are a few things, than being told what to do,) them hence the reaction from this person as it was not coming from love, so I stopped.
This sharing makes me see how the ‘simplicity of true expression’ is so not always simply lived with ease in my life. It amazes me how something so simple cannot be easy to live. What I am learning from this ongoing process is that for something to be expressed truthfully, and not from reaction or judgment, the ‘I’ had to be truth-full. And it is beautiful when it is received as intended, but understanding that that may not always happen is something I need to keep reminding myself.
It is funny how when I hear about us all being polite and nice immediately the ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘excuse me’ come to mind – even if it was not my fault so often it has been instantaneous response. It is like I apologise for the fact that I am here, rather than claim the fact that hey I am here, deal with it! All my life this has been a common occurrence. Since meeting Serge Benhayon I have grown my confidence and now it is not a regularity but it still comes out and I see it with others. I now pull them up on it and say you have nothing to be sorry about and they always laugh. We are not bad people and have nothing to be sorry about – it is time we learnt this.
I agree James we should never feel like we have to apologise for or justify our own existence for we are all equally amazing and we all bring something valuable to the world.
The moment we even start to or try to justify we are lessening ourselves and what we bring. We are essentially trying to fit in with others instead of staying strong with our truth. Justification is a killer, it is something I know far too well as lived with it for most of my life growing up. I now catch myself when I try to justify something – essentially I know it all comes down to energy so there is no excuse or reason to justify. If it is truth then there is no need to dull it down. And if it is not then I have to take responsibility.
It is very beautiful to have an exchange with someone that is open and honest, even though at times it may be painful to be on the receiving end of the truth. But when something is shared in this way it allows for an honouring of another and a deepening of the relationship between both people so that eventually there comes a point where both are able to accept what is being said with no need for reaction, only an understanding and acceptance of each other.
I have been reflecting a lot recently on just this subject, how when something is shared with only love and concern for another how rare it is that this will create reaction, and if it does then the reaction is just a part of the process, and there is healing in the words and it is always worth saying what we know in our bodies really needs to be said. Sometimes this is to upset the apple cart as the way things are is not truly love, and that love is not a fairy tale but an ever evolving process that can at times feel awkward and challenging.
A true friend will tell us what we deep-down want to hear – the truth, rather than what we “need” to hear.
This way of living is conditioned so deeply being polite and nice, not to offend or hurt someone. It is great to read your experience with this Caroline and I too can share great gratitude and appreciation for Serge Benhayon and all the Love that he holds each and every single one of us in. To be told with the utmost Love and understanding by someone that a way that you are choosing to live is creating your misery is unique because of the Absolute Love that Serge holds you in. I have experienced this, and it took a while to digest what had been said, but once I got it and felt the truth of it in my body I knew that I could no longer keep choosing it any longer. In that moment I made it about Love and returning to who I am innately designed to be.
Caroline, what strikes me about what you bring here is the crazy detour we make from the truth, for inevitably by the nature of truth being truth we will always arrive at in the end. Reading and discerning situations beyond the peripheral niceties is a skill we are all masters of.
When we express truth and it is felt by another it allows the other person to equally respond from truth.
This truly feels beautiful and expansive. Whereas when we hold back from saying what we feel to say, we feel constricted around the chest or in the throat and the other person has no reflection to learn and evolve.
It is incredibly beautiful when a child expresses open and honestly but unfortunately it is not always welcomed especially as we live in a society where children are seen as inferior. I am blessed to have a child that doesn’t hold back in his expression. He is six years old and has always spoken up what’s on his mind. I find myself cringing sometimes at some of the things he comes out with but when it is said innocently and as matter of fact there is so much he offers. I am learning so much from him in more ways than one especially when an adult would react to what he had said as occasionally I would say something to him only because of their reaction and this I now know was not love.
“Why do we react when truth is expressed?” why are we so afraid of the truth, when truth is what we are ultimately seeking? I know in the past wanting to be seen as getting things right has meant that if someone expressed the truth it would expose the lie I have been living and shatter the cosy comfortable life I had created. It took me a long time to see that being exposed for the lie I was living offered me a loving choice to change something I was not willing to see for myself.
Caroline, l absolutely love this blog. I have lived most of my life being the ‘good’ girl and therefore playing the game of being nice and polite in every situation.This is changing and I am feeling so much more energised from expressing the real me as opposed the false version. What I am noticing too is that others are much more honest with me and although this may feel uncomfortable at times I give myself the space to welcome it for I know when something is expressed with love I am given a gorgeous opportunity to grow.
‘Why do we react when truth is expressed?’ – being exposed can only happen when we have not chosen to re-connect to who we really are and doubt our worth. Comparison, competition and jealousy are toxic and with society constantly presenting the way a person should look, the life they should live and the signs of success, it is easy to get caught up in this and live what is dictated instead of claiming how gorgeous we are separate to this. Claiming and living the love we are without any comparison, competition or jealousy means that no matter what is presented to us we are solid in knowing the truth – we are amazing.
This is a birthday present that will last a life time and what a gift it is! So inspired were you Caroline that you have shared your gift with the world and we all get to benefit. This is the power of true gift giving!
It is disturbing to even consider the fact and the truth that we would hold back speaking truth. What is really going on that we would not be honest with each other? It says to me that I am hurt and cannot truly feel in a constant and claimed way that I am enough already with out being perfect. Thus when my imperfection is expressed to me, I react and want to protect myself instead of being open appreciative of what has been expressed. Thank you Caroline for your inspiration!
It makes complete sense for those who care for us to offer us a true reflection of how we are living and not to support us in choices which are doing us harm. This exposes the absolute harm in sympathy in contrast to the support of love and compassion.
Not speaking up and telling it like it is seems to be a global phenomena that has kept many, very much including myself, under the shroud of polite interaction when actually it could be said that – when we do not speak up we are saying yes to that which we would other wise say a very definite no.
Niceness can indeed rob us of the opportunity to hear a truth, and so we play the nice game together as a contract to not have another expose and potentially call a halt to a momentum, or a pattern that we have been running – something we may feel we need to survive or protect from a deep hurt, but is what in truth is keeping us away from true awareness, understanding and true healing.
When someone is open and lovingly honest with us, when it comes with absolutely no judgement, they give us an opportunity to look at what is truly happening in our lives and heal it. Their truth is spoken to aid our growth and we both grow from it.
When we truly love ourselves, we can truly love and support others and sometimes that can be as simple as giving someone a hug, or a smile, making eye contact, or asking some-one, are you alright? There are countless ways to express love.
Caroline, great article, I can really feel how in society we are so polite, never wanting to upset anyone, we are more likely to say to others what we have noticed about someone behind their back rather than say it to the person, I absolutely agree with what you have written here; ‘Without this level of expression, we will stay stuck in the niceties and pleasantries of everyday conversation and hence, away from the truth we all need to evolve back to the truly divine and glorious beings that we are.’
This is a great topic to share and talk about. Even the most so called ‘harshest’ comment, delivered with absolute love for the other person, dis-arms any knee jerk reaction back because the quality of love that it is delivered with, melts you and you know instantly it is there with the intention to evolve and never a put down.
Staying with niceties and pleasantries can be a distraction from letting ourselves deepen our relationships with each other. However, sharing the truth with another must always be down with the utmost care and respect and love for another, always holding them as equal and never with the intent to hurt them in any way. And when one has a willingness to be open and receive in full honesty from another, then it means the care and love can be reciprocated, and the relationship has room to grow and expand, and we as people have room to grow and expand too. Thank you Caroline for sharing this experience that so lovingly unfolded for you.
“He shared that sometimes things need to be said to support another to look at what is going on for them….Serge went on to express that if it were delivered from true love and care, anyone would be open to hearing that.” This is so needed in our lives today, so much is held back from being truly expressed and then it builds up such that when it does come out it is from reaction. If it had been expressed from love when first impulsed then the receiver would be open rather than in reaction to the explosion of built up suppressed expression.
“Hey, I have noticed you have put on a couple of kilos, is everything okay?” – the same could be said for a person who loses weight, as there are a lot of people who starve themselves or go on diets to lose weight, but really it can often be because they are unhappy, with issues such as low self esteem or lack of self worth / self loathing.
Very true Gyl, I know some women who starve themselves, they don’t eat the whole day because they want to lose weight quickly, but I can feel how difficult they find this because they make it about a quick fix rather than changing lifestyle choices. What I did feel to say was; is it not better to eat during the day when we are busy and working and because the body needs fuel to do this, (as opposed to starving all dat and then eating a big dinner in the evening). There was no reply, but next day, I noticed she had a light lunch.
I find I eat when I feel to, so it may be that I don’t need to eat all day until dinner or at others times I feel to eat in the morning. The way we have been told to eat three meals a day is very imposing, I am learning that our bodies actually don’t need that much food, and that the energy to get things done throughout the day comes from whether we choose love or not.
“What was equally funny was he too was slightly shocked and I could tell he was bracing himself for a possible negative reaction from me. ” ahh yes, the cringing reactions. Previous experiences leave a mark, yet expressing things like this with love can turn the tides and clear previous experiences. We are all trying to not get hurt and not hurt others by not saying this stuff…Yet we are missing out of the love we are and have for another…which hurts us greater.
Love this Caroline. It does make a different when the ‘hard stuff’ is said with love. I have had things like this expressed to me and I felt like the person was truly seeing me and really caring. Not just brushing over the surface. Its amazing what it bring to another and to yourself when expressing this way, as holding it back all the time feels disastrous. Letting your love out for another is a wondrous thing.
Ture expression is as simple as you have demonstrated and shared by your blog – let us all inspire each other by keeping our expression real.
Not holding back the Truth, allows another to stand in their Truth also.
Another benefits from our True expression as you have shared Caroline.
It is well worth never holding this back as it can change a lot for others and hurts us to hold back the Truth we feel to express
It is important that we are open and honest with each other and don’t hold back from expressing all that is needed.
How refreshing it is to speak the Truth and to allow our relationships with others to be based on Truth.
It is certain that if we want to evolve as a race and not disintegrate we need to express the truth of what we feel and not get stuck in the niceties, pleasantries, and politeness of the world.
Such a great point that for a loving exchange to be present it requires both sides to be open and not holding back in any way. The one delivering the truth (with love) and the one receiving it.
Ouch! I have to say I did cringe when I read the comment about the woman putting on a couple of kilos! But it is a great point, if it was said out of deep love for the other person than why can’t we say this? It seems to me that we have been so conditioned or trained in society in terms of what we can and cannot say and usually the ‘cannot’ category contains the real truth. Frankness and honesty (delivered with love) are perhaps virtues that need to be brought back into our every communication.
Breaking the patterns of social niceties (which mostly amount to lies) is a shift to taking responsibility for the integral part we all play in the building of life and society – it is a powerful, loving and clear step.
I really like the understanding of love being a ‘two way street’. Considering all the different street scenarios from a super highway to a long stretch of deserted road, I’m going to check if I’ve created a street scene to add complication to the love that is there.
This blog is a very confirming gift to me today. It is not always easy to deal with the way people react when the truth is presented. Serge Benhayon has shown me that I have a responsibility to deliver truth with love – in fact he has shown me there is no truth without love and vice versa. Serge has also demonstrated that it is possible to stay steady in the face of extreme reaction. We are not hurt by the way others react if we do not invest in whether or not they ‘get it’.
If we are not expressing truth, then what are we expressing? Even if we may make the excuse that we are trying to protect someone’s feelings, or ‘what they don’t know won’t hurt them’, we are still not expressing the truth. We all deserve the truth. Withholding it hurts far more than the pain the truth might bring.
How true it is that Love would never deliver a truth without true love and care, that it is there in support of another to be who they naturally are? I loved reading this, Caroline as it reminds me to stay open and not to go into reaction when a truth is gifted to me. Living to the level of love that Serge Benhayon does is necessary for all of humanity to evolve to and I appreciate that being able to call out what is true, and not cover it up in niceties and politeness, can be our everyday way of relating.
We tend to skim over the surface of life and ignore the truth that is staring us in the face and letting us know what needs to change. I f we are so resistant to these changes at least another can come along and point us towards the truth and support us to be more than we are currently choosing. Those are true friends.
The behaviours of being ‘nice and polite and don’t rock the boat’ have been embedded into us from very young, when we start re-learning how expressing what we truly feel it comes up against all these rules we’ve taken on over the years. What I am finding is that the more I allow my body to be my marker as to how, what and when to express there is less fear of repercussion or reaction from the other. They may not like what I have to say but if my body feels settled after I express something then I know it to have been true, whereas if my body is unsettled after expressing than I know it was not true and came from a need or expected outcome.
Children are so on the ball in expressing truth and not holding back regardless of any outcome/reaction – just love their honesty. This brought the question at what point do we as teenagers/adults start to hold back from expressing truth to another. Could it be all the put downs of ‘You can’t say that’ or not wanting to ‘rock the boat’ or being ousted out from not being a team player, not to stand out and shine, there are many reasons I feel. What you share here with us Caroline is another little gem – a bringer of truth expressed with love to another, what an amazing gift to receive.
At some point it gets painful not to express the truth. It is then when healing has manifested in the body.
Beautifully said Caroline ‘In the ten years I have known you, you have never held back from expressing. Your love is beyond measure and you are prepared to say whatever is needed, regardless of the reaction.’
Many of us have fallen for the pleasantry of life, it’s like living a life that others expect you to live never being able to say no or what you truly feel for fear of upsetting another, this contracted way of living is detrimental to our bodies as it is only through expressing truth that our bodies expand and move in a way that reflect heaven on earth.
When we express from our truth in a loving way it can be felt by another and gives them permission to express this way to another and feel the love and healing in that expression. Often we apologise for speaking the truth to another or justify what we are sharing- this feeds into the belief that we should always say “nice” things or that the “truth hurts”.
The simplicity from true expression is an amazing way to live and be on the receiving end also. This is something i am learning and is beautiful and something delivered by the reflection of Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine . It is life changing very freeing and expansive and very different to how life is often presented and allows true responsibility for ourselves and everyone in the world equally.
To see the trap of pleasantries as the reduction of all our relationships to superficial exchanges is more than enough inspiration to be open and honest with ourselves and others.
“He shared that sometimes things need to be said to support another to look at what is going on for them.” I find it wonderful just how commonsense many of the remarks made by Serge Benhayon actually are. In our present society there is an unspoken rule, or belief, that it is not good to make critical remarks about another. But if it is something that will support that person in some way as, for example in this situation, where the photographer had noticed that you were showing signs of stress and tiredness, and bringing it to your notice, then it is great that the person noticing that should lovingly remark on this. That is actually commonsense, it is not being critical, but is being supportive in assisting us to be aware of what is being shown in our body. The key is in how the remark is made, is it done lovingly and showing care for the other, or is it just being critical and judgmental.
There is another pearl of wisdom I gleamed in this blog which reflects the true love and care that Serge Benhayon was demonstrating in his example of true expression. He conveyed in that example that he was noticing someone who put on 2 kilos – not 10 or more. In this I understood that true expression comes from the sensitivity of awareness which clocks that someone is shifting away from self love and loving them so much, as Caroline stated, that you do not notice and express when they have gained a large amount of weight but instead just the smallest shift to dull ourselves down. This expresses that the enormity of who we are (excuse the pun) cannot be compromised even the slightest if we are truly here to evolve. In this context If we make relationships about consistency of love, then 2 kilos is everything. This is an amazing marker to offer about true expression.
We have been taught things like “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all” and “a little white lie never hurt anyone” In my experience a lot of little white lies lead to mistrust and opens the door for a culture deceit and corruption. The world is definitely not a better place with either of these things going on. The change starts in our own homes and with our own families.
Being ‘nice’ uses so much energy, and leaves you with a feeling of unease, whereas being honets and truthful is so simple and leaves nothing hanging in the air as everyone knows exactly where they are with each other.
The truth beautifully expressed, Caroline. Thank you, Jo.
Really the only way forward is being honest and expressing, being nice is like driving in a car with your hand brake on.
The idea that discipline and firmness is not part of love is affecting us more than we realise. Growing up without clear boundaries that clarify what is love and what isn’t sets us up for a very self centred life. The ripple affect of this is massive across all industry – we have all seen the impact of people not working to support and serve the wider community as they are too caught up in their own personal agendas.
Love the simplicity you have presented this Caroline, and how we can break that vicious cycle of niceties and pleasing others and express what is true from our bodies.
“Nice” is one of those traits that is celebrated but is so damaging. It is nothing more than settling for less than love in the attempt to make sure that we are liked and don’t make anyone uncomfortable. Our discomfort is one of the most important ways we have to learn that something needs to change!
Your blog asks some very pertinent questions Caroline. If we are not expressing truthfully, then what are we expressing? Is either contorting or holding back our expression a form of dishonesty that harms both us and others? I think yes. On a very simple note, I always feel bad afterwards if I don’t express honestly, and when I do I feel light and steady and it paths the way to deeper connections with people. Expressing truthfully is thus good medicine.
Caroline, I too have felt the truth of what you have shared here as presented by Serge Benhayon. I have both received and delivered truth from love that may have been confronting if it had not been shared from this love. When shared from love it can be felt as the truth that it is.
” Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.” Love this Caroline, so powerful and it leads to a deeper connection to ourselves and each other.
“Serge went on to express that if it were delivered from true love and care, anyone would be open to hearing that.” It is an awesome experience when we are able to simply, gently say what is actually happening either for us or another, with no reaction, judgment or criticism. When we are consistently honest with one another it helps to re-build trust, because we know then that we have one another best interests at heart.
I had an amazing experience at school yesterday where a child of around ten, came up to me and said Miss Rae you look stressed, can I help, I laughed and shared what was going on, and shared I actually felt exhausted, his reply, straight to the point, not loaded, no bars held “you look it”. Which left me sitting in the truth of his words. I knew I did as I had not long looked in the mirror and could feel it – but what I absolutely loved was the truth that this child shared, no holding back, no qualms about it, simply matter of fact, no reaction and no need for me to get it or turn it into a big deal or drama. This is and was God’s love.
I had a big lesson recently on how important it is to express how I am feeling in the moment and not leave it even for a minute. It was only half an hour or so before I finally spoke up, but by that time I was feeling so frustrated that my expression came out in one big harmful burst. It is not a good idea to swallow down feelings, put a smile on and hope that a situation might get better. Much better to communicate exactly what is there to be said.
Your blog is gorgeous Caroline and a testimony to true love. It brings to the fore how damaging niceties and politeness actually are for overtime we do not express truth we accept a lesser version of who we are. We are here to evolve together and when expressed with and from love the truth is offering just that: evolution back to the glory of who we are.
The truth will set you free, is not about education and when expressed from love allows us to fly.
Love this Caroline “Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.”
I love this Caroline & Alan. My life has largely been based around niceties and pleasantries…which doesn’t even compare to truth when it is expressed. Niceness is a prison and we pull people in with us when we engage in this way. There is so much openness and space in what you share Caroline. I agree, this is true love.
And it is incredibly refreshing (like veils of fog dissolving) to communicate with each other honestly, openly and lovingly.
Having being trapped in ‘being nice’ most of my life I would never have dared comment on a woman’s weight gain or her dark circles under her eyes. I have reconsidered my ways since watching Serge Benhayon for many years not hold back expressing the truth to anyone without an ounce of judgement only true love and care, and to feel the deep healing this offers another is very beautiful and inspiring indeed.
Reading your great blog again today Caroline I can appreciate the many gifts on offer when I choose to consider these very loving moments that are at times presented to me through a friend’s expression rather than react to them.
This makes me wonder why we ever dress anything up to be what it is not or avoid what it is that’s in front of us, especially as this is so perfectly placed to reflect to us that which we can learn from.
What a beautiful example of a loving expression! Thank you Caroline for sharing this with us, it’s really simple and so supportive when we can get to that point of truly expressing what we feel; because we do feel it, and it doesn’t mean we don’t love the other person, it’s actually the opposite; we love them enough to actually bother and say what we clearly feel. This can help the other become more aware of what they actually also already know, but maybe avoid looking at, to their own detriment.
Alan has a great point – any individual sign of tiredness can be dealt with through makeup or similar but the overall impression cannot be erased.
Thank you Caroline, love and truth are totally inseparable, like an apple and apple seeds. Once planted the seed reproduces another tree, which then proliferates more fruit of the same quality. Love and truth work much in the same way, once the seed of truth has been planted with love it grows prolifically!
Expressing Truth and the Willingness to Truly listen what is going on for the other is very supportive in building trust within ourselves and others. There’s so much delicateness inside everyone of us, but also the experience that this is ignored, laughed at, made ridiculous, etc. So we’ve learnt to shut down our delicate expression. Raising my young daughter makes me realise the fragility that’s in her, but also the guardedness I’ve been expressing. As we’re both becoming more tender and loving, we’re sharing so much more which in turn makes us both understand each other much better at the same time. Verbal expression, a wonderful learning every day.
I know that moment when you are expressing something that may not go down too well. But when I feel the impulse from my love for that person or people in general, I can’t help but speak. It’s like the words are out before I can filter them. And when it does come out because of the love I feel (not from a reaction which can be the case at times) then it is received in the grace in which it was delivered. Speaking regardless of the potential reaction brings an absoluteness and steadiness to the way I speak, which people can feel and actually supports them to feel the steadiness of their own inner knowing.
The people I most appreciate in my life are the ones who will ask ‘What’s up?” and bring my attention to something I may be ignoring. I can feel the preciousness they hold me in which is sometimes more than I treat myself with. It is so important to have these honest reflections as it’s so easy to end up down a slippery slope of our own making.
Commenting on a person’s health, weight or the ‘bags under their eyes’ requires a few important ingredients. We need to connect deeply with the other person and feel their state of being, and not get fooled by nice clothes, hair or the “I have it all together’ exterior. It also requires a knowing of who they really are and an eye for the details that give us away when we are not being ourselves. This all takes connection and love, two things that are sadly lacking in the world today.
I remember hearing Serge Benhayon share that to love someone, you will not stand by and stay silent if they are doing something that is harming them. How amazing would the world be if we did keep each other accountable for our weight, the foods we eat, the way we are in relationships etc. So much harm and degrees of abuse slip by just because we don’t feel it’s our place to comment. However when it is expressed out of concern and care, it feels so natural and such a normal way to express love.
Having been brought up to be nice and good it was a revelation to have that exposed as being evil. I am learning to express truth, even when it feels uncomfortable ( because although I have felt the truth I haven’t expressed it ) and if this is spoken from my heart then I know it can be healing for both parties.
I can totally relate sueq2012, being brought up that the main thing is to be ‘nice’. I’m still uncovering how much ‘niceness’ there is in my interactions, and can feel that it’s not the truth, so this blog is a great reminder of the depth of love true communication can bring. And that is what I want in my life.
Expressing with true love and caring can make even uncomfortable truths be heard and accepted in the long term. It’s when expressed with judgement that we turn away from listening – and can react.
It is true ” Sometimes things need to be said to support another to look at what is going on for them.” When coming from truth this is the very support and evolutionary possibility we are given if we are open to receive it and can change our lives also living this way. Expressing our truth is a very freeing expansive loving way to life and opens the doors from the niceties pleasantries and emotional games we have been playing that cause turmoil and stress in our lives unnecessarily and that of others too.
This is great to read Caroline, It shows how we keep our self in the illusion of everything is going well, with only saying the nice things. Expression from true love makes us able to evolve and get a reality check once in a while.
I love your title Caroline, true expression is very simple, it’s our heads that make up the pictures and the stories. When we observe small children and their expression, they speak so clearly with exactly what they want to say with no different undercurrent agenda running, so they speak truth: ‘that lady is fat’ comes with no malice or intent other than an observation they have noticed. But we hush them and shush them not to offend, and through life we learn to close down our true expression because of reactions.
Caroline, this is beautiful to read, ‘Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.’ I love what you write here, I can feel that in society it is considered unloving and not polite to be honest and truthful to another such as saying ‘have you put on weight’, there is an idea that it will ‘hurt anothers feelings’ if you are honest and point these things out, it is seen as critical and unnecessary to say, but what you are sharing here is that it is in fact very loving to share what we observe that the other person may not be aware of or may need calling out to help them evolve, this is a much needed article.
Niceness and pleasantries keep us trapped on the merry-go-round of creation. No-one really likes to be called out on something that is not true, but until we stop pretending that everything is okay in the world nothing will change. Caroline, it is such a blessing to have true friends who are not afraid to speak the truth and who don’t hold back, thus maybe taking themselves out of their own comfort and in doing so support us all in our healing.
Since I first commented on your wonderful article Caroline, I have experienced something very similar said to me by a friend – about my car boot and kitchen (which in this primitive house, has, as yet, no cupboards to store things in ). It was a shock to hear what was said, and yet I know this friend communicated in all honesty and sincerity. I consider myself a really clean person, and do things like regularly wash my curtains and ironing board cover etc. and am very aware of the energy of my home and car. But it was really great to see that I need to do something about these two areas of my life and bring them up to the standard (and more) of other aspects of my life. There was a great deal of value in this honest communication and it certainly wasn’t ‘nice’. In the old days I would have been clocking all the areas in that person’s life where I could see they were neglectful and perhaps thought ‘Who are you to talk?’ but that is such an old paradigm I didn’t even entertain it. I appreciate that I have come such a long way with openly considering what another communicates to me.
Dear Lyndy,
I love what you have shared here.
When someone is offering us something very valuable for us to here, it can be easy to make it about the other person because in some cases we don’t want to be uncomfortable or exposed to the gold that is being offered. It can be a very easy trap to fall into making it about, “who are you to talk”.
We could go back and forth with that tune all day long but at the end of the day if someone is truly offering me evolution without judgement etc, bring it on.
Awesome that you did not entertain that as it stops what is being offered.
Thank you for sharing.
Excellent reading and exposing that truth is in fact very loving.
When 2 people can express truth to each other with no expectation or judgement, the potential of what can follow is enormous, as each allows the other to be all that they are from an openness that embraces whatever lies ahead. This is a beautiful way to communicate with one another.
I used to be very uncomfortable and react emotionally when truth was expressed to me until I met and worked with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Now I welcome it, it is there for me to feel and ponder on. If I feel it was not given with love then I can say so, and know that if I don’t take it personally and can recognise the energy it is coming from, then I can also express the truth of that to the other person. This way we open up a deeper communication. Sometimes in the initial moment I can feel my body tightening and screwing itself up in denial, and then, as I allow myself to let it in, the feeling of my body relaxing and opening to embrace it when I hear truth about myself. It allows me to grow in more intimacy with myself and others and deeper and more meaningful relationships.
“…if it were delivered from true love and care, anyone would be open to hearing that.” This is so true, if it was delivered with love. I recently had an experience where something was brought to my attention in the way I was being in a particular situation, it was brought with such tenderness, love and true care for me that there was no way I could take offense or react. This is an example of what Serge had presented, and it provided me with the opportunity to learn and grow from not only what was presented but also the way it was presented.
I think it’s an important point to raise that we may think we’re being ‘nice’ by holding back and not saying something to another but what if actually there is a way to say it that is truly loving and supportive and may be just what someone needs to hear.. Whether they accept it or not is of course up to them but at least they have been offered a true support. Thank you Caroline & Alan!
This blog is a beautiful example of true love and friendship.
Sometimes we may avoid expressing the truth to someone as it exposes changes that we will need to make for ourselves. This keeps us in protection of areas of our lives that are capping us. It is relief to let go of control and allow the learning.
So very true to express truth and hear truth is so very supportive and life changing, it calls us into responsibility to not stay stuck in ill behaviours.
This blog is so lovely. I keep coming back to read it for it inspires me to ditch any moments of niceness that creep into my expression and replace them with loving truth.
The rules of society have us walking around like wind up dolls, saying only what is allowed. Time to take back our own power and redefine what truly loving communication is.
We seem to be so wired to be hurt by a comment from another. There are rules and boundaries of conversation that are acceptable, and anything outside of that might go against our expectations of friendship or love, and then the hurt, anger or posturing begins. Rather than be part of the drama, we can approach it by knowing simply that love and care is expressed in many different ways, not just the ways we expect.
This feels so true, that it is loving to be truthful and honest and not so to simply say what is needed to make someone feel ‘ok’. This is the foundation for true relationships in which two or more people are learning through the reflections offered back to them by those around them.
True expression can be very uncomfortable … what gives us a reflection of what ‘comfortable’ really is = no truth.
Caroline, I am in full agreement with you here about Serge Benhayon never holding back on expressing truth.
Although it may be uncomfortable to hear sometimes – there is always a knowing deep inside that this is not critical or judgmental, simply from love to serve and support our return to live fully from love. Daily I thank God for Serge Benhayon being in my life, lighting the way back to true expression being equally of this quality for all.
“In the ten years I have known you, you have never held back from expressing. Your love is beyond measure and you are prepared to say whatever is needed, regardless of the reaction”.
Your article reminds me Caroline of all the times I have stood in a queue waiting and the person standing behind me has gently tucked my tags back in under my clothes. For me there is no better feeling in the world that a complete stranger has noticed and cared enough to correct my lack of presence getting dressed on that particular day.
This feels such a natural way of being with one another and yet we are far from living this truth, as your article highlights, falling into niceties and pleasantries that do not offer any true care or support.
I more and more understand that when I express even if it is unpleasant but true, this brings a healing to the person who receives it, no matter if they accept it or not.
Children do this so simply, expressing the truth of any situation without judgement, just saying it how it is. I remember my son when he was very young sitting in the shopping trolley point out that a woman was very fat, he was being very honest and did not recoil or have any indication that he shouldn’t say that. It was beautiful to witness and in that moment, even with people giving looks of ‘you can’t say that’, I said ‘yes she is’. It is sad when we are conditioned to hold things back and measure how much truth we are allowed to say or not. The world is in a mess with holding back the truth… I love how this blog shows how utterly supportive and normal it can be to express truth.
When we express from a place void of hurts, love is all that is offered.
How simple life could be if we all lived our lives expressing with a True Expression. We would all understand absolutely the intention of the person expressing, we would know that what was being expressed was with a loving intention, whether it might bring up some hurts or issues for the person receiving the comment. If we were all used to true expression being used, we would know that what was being expressed was to help us heal something, maybe to help us evolve further in our lives, and was a loving offering to us to choose to change our lives in some way for the better and for the good of humanity. There would be far less reaction, far less complication in all our lives if we were able to trust the intention of every offering that others may make to us. A great subject to bring up, thank you.
When we choose to not speak the truth, it is more about us than the other person. When we fully clam the love we are and live that everything else is true within our body and anything that flows from there is shared with the love we are. It is the images and pictures we hold that than get in the way of truly expressing what is there to be expressed.
We all see and feel so much in life but do we embrace this awareness? Do we use it to help others? or do we batten down the hatches, put it under lock and key, and keep our sense for ‘just me’? For so long our history is full of unpleasant reactions and angry exchanges between fellow human beings. But what if that is just a distraction from the power and purpose we can bring, when we simply share with others? Thank you Caroline, for this heartfelt example of how clear and honest dialog is the lifeblood of our lives.
Walking away knowing someone is hurting and you are someone who could offer support keeps us all imprisoned in a quality that feels ugly. Even if someone doesn’t want support and it’s offered, they can feel that support exists should they be willing to go there next time. Without those who’ve stopped to take the time to show me I am loved and I am love I wouldn’t be discovering there is nothing more lovely than being who I am and sharing this with others. What’s gorgeous is feeling people open up to being in greater connection when once I know I scared them off!
I love reading this article. How often have I ignored someone I knew was upset because it would have been too intimate to ask what’s wrong and held them in absolute love so they had a chance to heal? How often do we lie and say to ourselves, ‘oh it’ll blow over, they’ll be right as rain in no time’? This is such a disservice to humanity. It’s not little it’s big. I know every time anyone has ever taken the time to be there for me it’s changed my life. They’ve brought an understanding I was struggling to bring to myself at that time, a connection that I could begin to trust again rather than hide and bury my issue. In general we’re so used to burying issues that the general idea of a good time is cake and drinking – basically distracting ourselves from what we bury. So having a cake or a drink at x time guarantees a good time by merely distracting from hurts. True freedom is being free to be who we truly are, free of hurts which comes from connection with one another.
Niceness attracts niceness, i.e. most people are not willing to call each other out due to the fear of being hurt or hurting someone else, so we learn to hook up with people that keep it all ‘safe’. This is the real harm, but we have fallen so strongly for the illusion of being nice, to not rock the boat, that we have completely strayed away from the fact that we all miss out on truth. To be truthful is to be a deeply caring and loving human being.
If somebody tells the truth to support you it is deep love and it can bring the other one to ponder more deeply concerning a certain situation or even change that which is not a supportive behaviour.
Thanks Caroline for nominating the power of expressing what has to be said irrespective of the consequences
Can we have love without truth or is it true love if we add lies? To me, love and truth have to go hand in hand, otherwise you end up with your foot in your mouth.
Your blog brings with it such clarity and joy in true expression. That saying ‘the truth hurts’ comes to mind but it only hurts when we take it personally and not as a point of love in expression regardless of re-action. I know how often I have held back because I felt I did not want to hurt but in fact I was only protecting myself.
I remember being told to be quiet many times as a child when children were supposed to be seen and not heard. Being polite closes us down as children and we continue the habit unlovingly throughout our lives. True relationships require truth in them otherwise there are not true; your example feels a true loving relationship Caroline for us to observe.
Our world has become a little upside down when an expression of love is being seen as rude or impolite. It is actually uncaring when we do not say anything when we see one of our friends, family or colleague not looking so well, yet we often think the other way around ‘better say nothing because he/she is already feeling bad’. In that moment though that person just might need that connection, care and loving gesture, knowing that people care for and love them. By saying nothing might just confirm a sense of worthlessness they maybe feeling in that moment. Realising this changes everything.
Beautifully and honestly expressed Caroline. You are consistently an exemplar of truth and straightforwardness – qualities so often lacking in our day to day interactions. I love you being you.
Hey Mr J, isn’t this blog about you? And yes I love me being me too as I adore you being you 🙂
I appreciate and love you both!
The key point, expressing the truth with love, requires a solid foundation of love for oneself in the first place. Then, none of the usual fears can enter about rejection, being attacked, or a grudge being held. Such a solid foundation of love ensures that the love for another is stronger than any feelings of self preservation. In this blog I felt how freeing it was for both concerned in that moment when Alan expressed, that is, freeing from self.
I know for myself that when I don’t want to hear the truth it is because I am avoiding responsibility. Speaking truth and receiving it graciously is healing for all concerned.
I had a similar experience recently where a colleague was talking about someone who was great at work in one particular setting and then useless in another…I knew exactly at that moment that this story was meant for me. This was followed by how my 2 colleagues would be of support to me. My experience was similar to yours Caroline, in that I could feel a reaction sitting their, but I also could feel that this was said because my colleagues actually want me to do well because of the flow on effect to clients. It was interesting to observe this. Very awesome humbling lesson.
This is what a true relationship is about, where we can express in truth and we love each other so much, that we can truly say what needs to be said. You both are a big inspiration for me.
How very different is this story to the usual one, in most cases someone who told another person that they would not take a photo of them until the bags under their eyes were gone would be considered rude at best. However as you’ve shared this was the truth and so to say it, to connect together in the way you did, shows that there was no ounce of rudeness but instead a real knowing of wanting to capture the fullness that you are. It’s difficult to get one’s head around yet simple in the fact that if we truly hold someone in love we know and see them for all they are, why would Alan want to capture anything less? A point that we can all learn from.
Beautifully expressed David, thank you. Why indeed would we want to capture anything less. Now that is love.
A break out from the niceties and pleasantries is a step out of habit and at first can feel really uncomfortable, but when we realise how much we learn from loving honesty shared and received it is a no-brainer to go there.
I am in heartfelt agreement “Serge Benhayon for your continual inspiration in leading the way back to what true love is, and for equally always loving me enough to express the truth.” Truth delivered with Love is very powerful, it is a blessing to have some one shine the Light of truth. We often hide from the truth we have available, in fear of consequences of the choices we make, however clarity and truth are always deeply healing and confirming, this is why it is so essentially supportive to have another share truth with us and for us to share the truth.
I love that Caroline ‘love is a two-way street’, expressing true love to each other by calling out what is not love opens up everything, and can expand on a relationship that otherwise would have stagnated in the ‘niceness’. On the contrary, if our offerings of love are not accepted then that is fine too, at least the offer was there and we have expressed what we felt to say and not kept the love all to ourselves, which we know is impossible!
When we express the truth as we feel it, there is nothing to regret, nothing to reduce us, we are ready for the next step in life without feeling we could have expressed more. Life feels complete. I am still learning to challenge societies conventions, I have got myself tangled up in them as much as everyone else. The more I have committed to living from my inner heart, the more naturally I express from it and the heart follows the laws of the universe, not the rules of the convention with no consideration for the validity of those rules.
Truth with Love, Love with Truth, together they are divine. I have said that it is a blessing to have someone speak the truth to me, to have clarity, to feel the real deal, not an illusion, to remove the veil over life. I can feel how I have risen and escaped from illusions I have lived in through people speaking the truth to me. Truth brings new understanding, clarity, wisdom and connection. Sometimes it can bring up a hurt, but this is where it is essential that we feel the quality of what is delivered, be honest and love ourselves.
Expressing truth with yourself is also huge, in the sense it brings you back into your body and reality.
For example may people push through the day drinking caffeine or going for a sugar rush, because they are exhausted, run down, sad or tired – but make excuses or lie to themselves why they are having these things. ( I know this as I have been here before, I like chocolate, no I don’t I eat it because it numbs me) But if we were to be honest and say you know what I’m having this coffee because I’m exhausted or eating this chocolate because I am sad, it allows us to feel the reality of how we are living and abusing ourselves, and with that get to the truth of why we are choosing to be that way. And then in understanding this, not beating ourselves up, we have and can make the choice to change.
Dear Caroline, Thank you for writing this blog, I deeply appreciate you and Alan for sharing this, and the willingness to express love. Inspired by this I had a conversation with someone very dear and close to me, and shared something that many would say you can’t say that, or be scared to express, for this person’s reaction can be volatile, which comes from a sadness. And when mentioned before it has been met in this way. In that moment it just felt so right to do, because I care about this person, and so I did. That is where the magic took place, a deep healing and new marker for us both. This person did not react, watching their body there was also no reaction there; they listened, and we talked some more about other things, more honestly and deeply than we ever have before.
Being able to make and receive the comment made shows the level of love and care you have for each other. It is so rare to not be offended by what others say or we say to others. Living with expectations and pictures of how life and interactions should be means reactions happen frequently between two people but this just keeps us trapped and going nowhere. What I have seen in recent years is love and appreciation are what support us to grow and make the necessary changes.
I really appreciate what you have raised here, Caroline – your exchange with Alan was a moment of true love and sheer honesty from the depth of someone expressing what need to be said, not for self but for love, no matter the consequences.
Caroline you have written about true friendship that is beyond niceness and politness – what a wonderful reminder for us all!
Learning when and how to say the truth is a powerful ability or skill and can make a big difference to people’s lives. The more we share in truth, the more we may be able to perceive.
We get so caught up in our ideals and beliefs about what we ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ say to someone, even when we know it will support them to change something for themselves that may not be supporting them. If we only choose to take the time to be honest with each other in a truly loving but unemotional way, then our relationships have the potential to change and deepen on so many levels. Even something as simple as the fact that a friend has dark circles under their eyes can bring so much more intimacy to a relationship. Thank you for sharing this Caroline.
What you are offering Caroline is a deepening of our understanding of true relationship. Not holding back but bringing an openness to our connection, knowing this person really sees you ‘warts and all’ not having to put up a veneer or be on your politest behaviour. I love the candid approach when delivered with love as you have shown … It’s a gift to grow together.
This level of loving expression is possible in all our relationships. It takes both the one expressing the love, in this case Alan Johnston, and a complete openness to and acceptance of love by Caroline Raphael for the beauty and possibility of this exchange to be realised. I love how this sharing offers humanity an example of the power of love.
Your already open heart is beautifully revealed here Caroline and offers the opportunity for a genuinely equal exchange of love to occur. This is a first class account of what it is to love another. Exquisite!
Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part? How often we can assess another in a flash but do not have the same awareness when it comes to turning the mirror on ourselves for a moment of truth. Actually do we take the time really to spend a moment asking ourself how we are doing, not often wanting to admit we are struggling, tired, anxious or just struggling to keep up in life. So to have a supportive friend reflect the truth and bring awareness is actually very loving, if we allow the honesty and love, building a deeper intimacy.
This is such an amazing realisation and place to come to Caroline “Truthfully, in that moment, I realised just how much he loved me to say what he did “. As you share also it takes so much love in our bodies to both say and hear love and truth being one and the same. The politeness and niceties of shared conversations keep us away from the a true level of expression that we can feel inside is expansive and allows a freedom and growth to the way we live and to be the divine beings we are.
“The audience was clearly uncomfortable, challenged by all the beliefs and ideals that tell us you don’t say that.” What you can and what you can not say in the world depends on what our perception is of the purpose of life. Is it to keep everything the same, so people do not step on each other’s toes even if it needs to be said and to not know there is more? Or, is it to evolve – make our lives more loving in every way possible to not keep stuck in patterns and behaviors that do not support us?
Thank you for further exposing the real harm of “niceness” and being polite Caroline. When we look at it in this way it can be seen how niceness can actually hold us back from expressing what is there to be expressed. When we are able to avoid the niceness and truly express there is the opportunity to support another with whatever they are going through.
What a great example of the presentation of love and the absence of reaction. This is really supportive of one another and a time for appreciation as in what they say they’re honouring who we truly are – it is a blessing in which we can “take responsibility for what needs changing and accept the gift that is being offered”.
I have come to learn that expression can be truly healing when it is said from love. When the reaction is not there it’s possible to feel and acknowledge the truth of what was said, and therefore bring myself back or look at what is going on. It’s a very healing cycle we can offer on another
Loved to read this blog today Caroline for the love and truth and simplicity that is delivered and the sheer common sense of it all.
There could be many reasons why we stay in the niceties, to not want to ‘hurt’ anothers feelings but expressed in true love and care, could be the greatest support the other has ever received.. but it could also be because we have an arrangement where we don’t speak up about unloving things in our family and friends/ relationships and in return they will not challenge our own comfort zone, thus we all stay in the agreed upon mutual comfort society. But through the presentations of Universal Medicine, and Serge and Natalie Benhayon I can see how this entrenched status quo is what keeps us all in a lesser false version of life, bereft of the true fire and life we could all otherwise live..
Where would we be without the truth being expressed? Thank you very much Caroline for bringing these to our attention! Its important to seek the truth otherwise we are lowering the bar on what we accept as quality!
I love that whenever we ‘go there’ and express a deeper level of truth with another that we have not been previously willing to express – we realise the level of intimacy we have been delaying and could have had all along; and, that there are infinite depths of love and truth to explore in all of our relationships.
Throughout life we settle so much for recognition instead of real love, that we end up in a situation that often when someone mentions we need to take care of something, we hold it as a judgment and a sign of lack of their love. It is a set up that ensures that we are deprived of the truthful connections that support us to deepen our awareness and expand.
This is what a true relationship is about and I feel the love in which Alan said to you his very honest observation, not coming from judgement that’s why you were open to hear the truth. How amazing to have friends who pull us up so we can continue to shine our light in all its brightness.
Caroline, this is so gorgeous to read, ‘Is it sometimes far easier to ignore what is being presented and/or find a way to blame or make the one expressing truth wrong, rather than take responsibility for what needs changing and accept the gift that is being offered?’ I have found that this happens so much, it feels like this is us staying silent and do not speak the truth, our society is so ‘nice’ and ‘polite’ rather than being true and honest, speaking the truth is the way for us to evolve.
Hello Caroline and there is a depth of relationship here for everyone that is highlighted. For example if I went up to a stranger on the street and said that they would possibly be highly offended. But when there is a deep quality of relationship between people this can bring also a deeper understanding of what has been said. This deeper quality has nothing to do with time or association, it has to do with quality as I said. As the old saying goes, “It’s not what you say it’s how you say it” In other words the quality of what you are saying. This doesn’t mean it’s nice and not direct as you example shows it just means the quality of energy you say something in. This quality comes from how you are with yourself, the way you live in each moment. You will need a part 2 to this blog to update us on how you are going.
Thank you Caroline, it is so important to be truthfull with eachother and I must say – maybe it sometimes feels uncomfortable, but it feels so good to not be left as less by hearing and being confirmed the truth over and over again – better then any comfort.
‘Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?’ – Truth can be confronting because it reflects to us that we are responsible for the choices that have led us to that moment.
“Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.” You are so right here Caroline. The crazy thing is that we can spend so much time tip-toeing around people to ‘not upset’ them, but in actual fact this is really dishonouring of them. Equally if we are never questioned by another about what is going on for us, we can spend our whole lives in denial of the choices we are making and the impact they have not only on ourselves but on others too.
This gorgeous blog asks us to reconsider what love is truly about. It is so far from the romantic novels and rom-com movies that tend to offer a distorted version of love that allows no evolution. Could you imagine this story being in the plot? How lovely that would be. A true love story is one in which we are calling each other to be more and more love.
Love this Jane; ‘ A true love story is one in which we are calling each other to be more and more love’. My body says a big Yes to that and sounds so deeply supporting.
I can feel the many times I have held back expressing for fear of offending, yet what I am actually holding back is love.
‘And, finally, to reflect on what it feels like to be loved so openly and honestly like that.’ I can feel for myself that at these times I have, after an initial ouch moment, felt so held and deeply cared for that I know I have all the support there to make the changes needed to be more living with myself.
Caroline, thank you for sharing this. It feels like a love letter to us all, reminding us of just how loving truth is.
The question that also comes up is, why do we hold back from expressing truth? Fearing reactions is a blatant lie! Isn’t expressing truth the most divine shield against evil?
Isn’t incredible that we have come to a point where it is considered socially unacceptable to say what you see and feel, even from a point of care and concern – you can see where the saying we are living a lie comes from.
‘Initially the audience laughed at the thought of saying that to another, especially to a woman’. This statement alone confirms how far away we have come from being able to naturally deliver the truth to someone without seeing this as absurd or amusing. That gap between the truth and the expression of it is a wide chasm though which falls lack of self worth, self abuse, abuse, illness and disease, tension, rejection, misery, isolation and so on. Whilst the concept of gently asking a woman about her weight we might find embarrassing or confronting, how loving is it to allow that woman to think that her self abuse is ok and not to support her with the underlying issue that will be contributing to the weight gain.
I love this example of how we can be with each other in truth and love. Bring it on I say!
What an amazing reflection of true friendship – expressing from love what needs to be said for the other person to grow to be more of who they are.
That is so true, hearing the truth can be so uncomfortable when we don’t want to look at how we are living. What a great example you gave on Alan loving you enough to call it out that you had dark circles under your eyes. Its true, we are so much more deeply loved by this than by holding back the truth when it needs to be said.
I know that when I was younger I used to have very real conversations, not about the weather and I used to get very restless when the talk was too small. Then I just gave in to it and became very polite. I know this made me quite bitter about many relationships and I kept this churning inside me for a long time. By the time I found Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, this was buried very deep and when Serge spoke of truth I found it very hard to know where to begin. Keeping it simple and speaking from my real self and the love I have for myself is the key. Not being rushed to have a response, taking time to feel what is true is something I had to learn and am still learning. Sometimes I fall into old patterns but it is so worth changing this to be really present and considered. What I notice is the appreciation of people who notice that you have really seen and considered them. That you felt they were worth it and you took the time. This is love in action in relationships.
Uncomfortable truth presented when invited with love and care can be transformational.
It seems that we have set up the picture of being polite and nice to hide or smooth over any irresponsibility we have with regards to how we carry ourselves and present ourselves within our daily lives. Being shut off from others and believing they cannot see our struggle and believing that struggle does not affect anyone is a huge lie we tell ourselves, and the politeness and being nice purely serves to keep the lies we live in going.
“Hey, I have noticed you have put on a couple of kilos, is everything okay?” This is a megga shift to how we currently express to each other everyday, which is usually behind polite smiles and being nice. I feel through your blog and this quote from Serge how much of my life I have hidden behind a false way of being so that no one has to expose me and I don’t have to tread on anyone’s toes…but clearly living this way I do not get supported to feel where I am at, nor do I support others in this too. Oh boy do we all live in a way that avoids truth!
By being silent or nice, we’re keeping ourselves ‘safe’ and our own created view on life isn’t rocked or hardly rocked. But what doest this bring both ourselves and others? The more I’m expressing myself and opening up, the more I realise how much I appreciate people that do express. Even though I still can go into reaction, I also see that people often express from a very loving and caring intention. When emotions come with the expression, it’s up to me to take them on or read where the emotions come from. There’s such a deep Loving and Caring being at the core of all of us. We’re only to learn how to let it out, indeed regardless of the response we might get.
To have that transparency in a relationship is the greatest gift. It’s like pulling the key stone out of the arch of the fortress. The whole protection comes tumbling down. Which is, despite the games we play, the thing we want most – true connection.
Caroline it was a great joy to read your mind-blowing blog. I love the simplicity in which you present such a deep wisdom. One sentence stands out for me as it describes very simply what is needed so that our society is no longer lacking in true expression: “Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.”
Great question Caroline; of why do we react when truth is expressed? What button does it press inside of us that causes us to contract? When truth is spoken from love without a drop of malice, it is like a cupid’s arrow that goes through our wall and lands in our heart. Has this become one of those rare occasions that we have not had for such a long time it is almost an alien feeling? We all build a wall to protect ourselves but what if, the big master plan of how to construct the wall there is building requirement in the small print, that we never read that says there is a safety requirement for a small window that must be left just above the heart that will only let truth from love in? At the same time it is our Achilles heal that when the window is used it dissolves our wall and makes us feel naked with it gone, this is a good thing for it allows us to open up and connect to another.
“Why do we react when truth is expressed?” I was pondering on this question and what came to me is that I do not like to be confronted with a truth that I am already aware of but have not took any action on because of my lack of self care and self love. The way I handle is that I think that I can come away with it and that nobody would notice. But I know that this is not how love works, love want everybody to be equal and to return to their divine state of being and actually nothing can be left unnoticed for anyone as we always bring everything that we are with us to everybody that we meet.
What a freedom these points of truth offer us.
Awesome post Caroline, I could just see you bursting out laughing with this comment, how loving of Alan to say it, in only the way that Alan can : ) Very true about having one’s resistance to make a change and hence the reaction as opposed to a response or prompt towards reflection. I find the reaction is not so much what is said but the way it’s delivered or expressed. When something is delivered with words that support a person by way of feeling how they need to hear something (as opposed to what you need those words/communication to be spoken like), then there can be harmony which sets the ground for change.
“I had a moment of shocked silence, but also a deep realisation of just how much this man loves me.” This feels like a perfect example of being on the razor’s edge – that split second when we are presented with 2 choices – BUT, and it is a very big BUT, the sum total of all the choices we have made each day up until that point is what makes us or breaks us when faced with situations such as yours.
I have for a lot of my life, given heed to niceness and politeness favouring this over truth. In more recent times, I have come to know niceness keeps us small, it doesn’t call for evolution but keeps us staying the same, not being asked to be more. Love has nothing to do with niceness, love is truth and when we can offer this to a person beholding them with love, it is one of the greatest gifts that we can offer another.
I had a situation with a friend yesterday that there was something that I needed to share with them. I knew if I didn’t share this then they would stay in a reoccurring pattern of behaviour that was not really them. I also felt that in my sharing there would be a reaction so I was hesistant about going there. In the end, they deeply thanked me for the sharing and for the opportunity to see the pattern that they were in. I am realising every day that love has nothing to do with being nice and that truth plays a large part in what is true love.
When someone says to me things like ‘there’s something in your teeth’ or ‘your label is hanging out’ and they tuck it back in for me I always feel cared for but I also wonder how come so many other people didn’t say anything, don’t they care about me. You make me wonder when it became not au fait to care for others, to talk about what you can see is going on for a friend or family member right before your very eyes. I wonder when we became so self-absorbed. It is very lovely to feel how loved you felt by Alan’s honest expression and I’m sure we all want more of that in our lives, or at least I would.
“Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.” So very true… if we are open to hearing truth then we will receive the gold offered by another, and truth that is offered by another from a place of love is always life changing – whether it be exposing or confirming, it is something to be deeply appreciated.
Yesterday a situation was shared with me that a small child spoke the innocent truth regarding the age and stage of life this person was in and completing with the observation and open comment ‘that she will die’ given the stage of life she was at. In this being shared I could feel the little bit of expectation that the parents of small child could have stopped or scolded the child but they didn’t react or respond but just let the child be. This was a great moment for them all to appreciate a truth, break the silence and taboo of speaking about something that is inevitable and often treated as awkward and uncomfortable. Children are gold at speaking truth with the innocence and love they innately are, more brilliant when adults don’t squash this out of them to be polite or nice when it just isn’t supportive for a child’s development of self to have the truths audited and repressed because it makes others feel uncomfortable.
We may hold back from expressing truth in this way so as to avoid a reaction from the other person or risk upsetting them, however in doing so the opportunity for both to evolve and expand is lost.
If we would (learn) to listen beyond the words that are spoken, we would see how often and how much we’re actually loved. We’ve become very calculative as we do nearly everything for the other one not going into any form of reaction / contraction. I’ve been very hard in the past and not letting (any) love in. Where as now I’m opening up, I can feel how much people love me, but couldn’t express it in the past as I would have dismissed it right away. It seems maybe incredible, but this is the sad Truth. Often we’re the ones that reject Love ourselves. There are so many ‘rose coloured’ pictures of Love, where my own experience is that Love can be very exposing and not always ‘nice’ at first.
Recently I have seen two news stories where high up people in politics or the monarchy have been ‘caught’ calling people out as rude or corrupt, and how much of a stir this has created – how we have gotten to the point where we can’t even call someone out for being completely rude when its the truth because we must be polite. The interaction you have shared doesn’t allow abuse to perpetuate where politeness does.
When someone is totally upfront with us, we can also appreciate that we have been open to receiving it.
The relationships I have developed with friends and colleagues where we are truly open and honest with one another are forever deepening intimate relationships even though it can be confronting for all parties to be completely open and honest.
“Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?” Absolutely possible Caroline I know for me when I hear the true and take responsibility to sit with what is being presented and my part in it rather than react to it, it is an opportunity for personal growth and to deepen my loving connection with myself and with that naturally a deeper more intimate connection with the presenter of truth.
I love coming back to read this blog as it reminds and confirms to communicate what I know without reservation but with love.
Caroline I love here how you express what love is when you say “for loving me so much that you were prepared to express the truth, no matter the possible consequences”. The fact that love and truth are one and the same, that you break the concept that love is “nice” is something that is really brilliant to understand.
‘Serge went on to express that if it were delivered from true love and care, anyone would be open to hearing that.’ – The world sorely needs this level of truth – this is what true love is all about. There is not an ounce of love in politeness, just plain emptiness.
“Hey, I have noticed you have put on a couple of kilos, is everything okay?” What a beautiful and genuine show of concern and offer of support this is for another. I can feel that the reason this is rarely done is because of comparison. If someone has put on weight and I haven’t then I might be seen in some way to be better than them by comparison. True care for another is when there is no comparison but genuine concern for what the person is going through. This level of openness and honesty is inspiring.
The energy of niceness is pure evil – http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-evil.html It’s deeply harming to our bodies to express in this way, it’s everything we are not.
Kids are masters at speaking absolute pure truth.
I often observe adults telling kids to be quite when they express the truth, because it brings up something in them, potentially the fact they have being lying to themselves for years?
“Serge went on to express that if it were delivered from true love and care, anyone would be open to hearing that.” This is the absolute truth, you can feel how deeply loving this is. Imagine a person exhausted and run down to the bone, but feeling they can’t express what’s going on for them, they just have to push through, then someone coming in with deep love and care and simply saying “you look exhausted, how are you, is everything okay?”, the freedom and support this creates for this person, if they want to go there is immense. It allows the body to reconfigure, settle, feel the truth and the potential begin to change a pattern of dis-harmony. Voicing and activating why we may be feeling the way we do can be the start of huge change. Even someone taking the time to notice you and care in this day and age is rare, this offers people the foundation to trust again.
When we have experienced true Love in expression, niceties and pleasantries feel like abuse.
Observe a child and see truth freely expressed.
What I love about this blog is that it reveals a very deep truth – that what we express is less about the words that we use, although they are important, and more about the energy they are delivered with. We can say ‘I love you’ without an ounce of truly loving energy – and we can point out the bags under another’s eyes with all the Love in the world. It is amazing when we open up to the awareness that we can feel the difference for it is like learning a whole new language – but one that has in truth been there all along, and that we have suppressed or denied.
We support others more when we communicate honestly with them, than when we dot. A truth I learned and came to embody late in life.
Having experienced Serge Benhayon presenting over several years now, it is very clear that when a message is delivered with love we all know it because it can be sensed and felt. Sometimes he delivers presentations that expose us in our disharmony, our disfunction, our choices to be less than who we truly are – and it is very uncomfortable – but it is always delivered with Love and that is remarkable. It also reveals that if we react, we have chosen not to ‘hear’ the love – which is of course our responsibility and not his.
If we live in a world where the expression of love can be perceived as rude – or worse – we need to have a serious look at ourselves because love is precisely what we need more of in abundance. Great sharing Caroline Raphael, thank you.
When a friend takes the time to be completely honest it feels so refreshing. It may be confronting at first, but ultimately it is an expression of love. I for one really appreciate complete honesty rather than a relationship that is built on falsity and trying to please.
Politeness is something entrenched deeply in my childhood, ( being polite and good and being ‘on show’) that I remember quite early learning not to speak truth but felt the incongruency in my body by not being allowed to express what I felt. That became my normal until recently. Now I can feel how false this is and am re-imprinting my truth of expression which feels very powerful to express lovingly.
What I love also is when someone is willing to just say what they see with no filter or judgement it can be received without any big deal.
The other thing that happens when people don’t say something because they don’t want to offend is we lose trust. I had a recent experience when someone didn’t tell me I had lipstick on my teeth and I had been speaking with them for about 5 mins went to someone else who immediately said you have lipstick on your teeth, no big deal but what it did was create a lack of trust in the other person. When we hold back we enter into unspoken contracts where everyone loses out.
Sometimes when comments are made they come from jealousy or a wish to put oneself above or below another, rarely do they come from the love so described here. And even if they are delivered with love, we can treat them as if they have come from criticism. How amazing, therefore to understand that it is possible to have love expressed in this true way, that we can help each other to evolve and expand, simply by expressing the truth of what we have observed and felt with no emotional attachment or need.
Speaking openly and lovingly with each other is true support and friendship. I know I welcome this, even though at times it is hard to hear how I have let myself down. But with out the candid honesty from another I would often stay in the denial of what was truly going on.
That’s a blog you do not read everyday! When you disconnect from another because of a distractive (destructive) thought the truth is lost (there and then). The mind does not hold truth just an experience of how it was. I sometimes continuously get thoughts about the same thing when I have denied the original impulse of my truth that I should of acted on. The body is evolving and holds that truth for the next development it is our evolvement to follow it. Thank you for bringing clarity Caroline on why I continue to get the same thoughts!
A friend of mine recently rung me up and thanked me for a conversation we had a year ago. I had asked her what was going as she had put on so much weight. She said that me bringing this to her attention was the beginning of truly healing the underlying reason of why she had put on the weight. I agree with you Caroline honesty with love is he best medicine and we are truly loving and caring for our friend when we do this.
Children size up very quickly who can handle the truth. I used be very up front with what I saw in people but I did not always deliver it in a loving way so there would sometimes be a very strong reaction to what I said. I learnt then to calibrate my response according to how well it would be received so I wouldn’t get the reaction I knew would come from certain people if I told the truth. This was a form of giving my power away and became a habit which extended into my adult years. My choice to do this greatly inhibited my expression. Now I am practicing letting go of this fear of reaction and also not being in reaction myself when I express.
Caroline, that’s a good question you raise – Why do we react when truth is expressed? It’s true that we often do not want to take responsibility or see where we need to change, but it also depends a great deal on how the truth is delivered. If there is any judgement felt there will probably be some impulse to defend, react or attack. If the truth is delivered with loving understanding a person is way more likely to hear it, even if it may be a shock at first.
A well needed article Caroline, thank you exposing the hideous evil of politeness and niceness as know these two very well that I have used to not speak truth to avoid any reaction that may come my way.
Over the years I have watched my mining friends explode in weight and felt quiet horrified to ask what is going on as it felt very imposing on them and have said nothing over the years. Sharing your experience has helped me see things in a different light and how I can support in true care.
You have nailed it Caroline, we definitely don’t like to hear the truth as then we might have to change something. I recall many years ago feeling a close family member react to something I was sharing personally. It was in relation to a significant insight and change I had made at that time. I was shocked by the reaction and later when enquiring about it was told… ‘I can’t go there because if I even say it out loud, then l’ll have to do something about it!’. I realised in that moment the enormity of what this person was sharing… and registered the choice to keep the status quo.
Isn’t it strange that we would all agree change is great and even a necessary part of life to embrace and yet as Caroline has suggested, we take offence or hold protection around someone initiating it for us in a comment? The clarity is in how it is delivered with love, for sure and as simple as it is to say, this is hugely ignored. So many, including I, use authority in our expression without love and believe we are being loving when really we are putting the focus on others to avoid stepping the love up in their own lives.
Great question – Why are we afraid of speaking the truth and choose being ‘nice’ instead?
For myself it has been about fearing a reaction from the other person/s; not being understood; or not upset the status quo. However, I can feel that by remaining silent we are actually not allowing another know what is happening to them, and we are not giving them an opportunity to be honest with themselves and change in a positive manner. I do know that when something is said from love it is deeply felt and can make all the difference to the other person, and they then may choose to make new choices.
What strange creatures we are that, when we are presented with an honest comment, we duck for cover and try to hide our discomfort (feeling shy, devastated, defensive or even angry, etc.) rather than being open and honest in return and appreciating the gift that has actually been offered.
I have experienced what it feels like to express exactly what I feel without any reservation, thought or holding back and it has brought the realisation that this is true freedom. To express without hesitation the clear reflection of the love we are.
A very important realisation I get from this sharing is the importance of True Intimacy. That asking caring questions with a loving concern in it, is something I want to re-learn. I can feel how I’m often very shy and insecure about expressing around ocasions like these. Even raising a topic for general discussion within a group of (close) friends is allready quite big for me. Giving permission to myself to Love both myself and others is a lovely thing to do and a very needed one as well.
When I was young, I was often told not to speak or say what I felt and so I learnt to shut down or only say what others wanted to hear. It is only in the last few years that I have realised what a curse that was on me and it feels great to once again express and share everything once again.
This blog came back to me today as I noticed that someone at work looked tired and stressed, and instead of passing this by I made the step to mention it, and ask how everything was going for her. It felt good and very caring to do this, it felt actually very natural. And now I can’t see why I have been holding back for so long.
It’s amazing to feel how loved I am by another when they see me not being in my fullness of who I am and bring this to my attention without judgement but continuing to hold me in love. From the love they’re connected to I get to feel exactly where I’m not being love and abusing myself. I may want to react so I don’t see this and justify my actions and say they don’t understand. But if I’m honest I feel the love I’m held in and this reflects to me I too am love and nothing I do changes this fact. So I am presented with a choice, to carry on denying who I am or return to love.
Wow, Caroline, what you share here is quite challenging. It is so ingrained in me to say the “right” thing or be nice and to actually speak up about what I really observe seems quite a step, but one that you encourage with this blog.
Sometimes all we need is a close friend to really tell us what’s going on.
When truth is shared without judgement, I am find myself surrendering to what is being presented. It always surprises me just what level of disclosure I make when I feel held in love. A beautiful sharing Caroline.
Even though I know that to speak the truth is loving, and has the capacity to evolve both or all people involved in the exchange, I still find it a difficult thing to do. Like many people, as a child, it was ingrained in me to be polite, and my mother often said “if you haven’t got anything nice to say then don’t say anything”. Expressing the truth for me is a work in progress but as I do express more and more with the truth of how/what I am feeling it is becoming easier, and often the outcome of such exchanges are not the dreaded backlash I had expected but have opened up a space for understanding and connection.
Caroline what I love in reading your post this morning is how it brings love back to truth and that what we call “love” or “friendships” are in many cases convenient arrangements. I was discussing this with some people yesterday in that what if relationships were all the opportunity to truly express whatever is there to express? I love how at first we can get taken aback with thinking, did we really say that, but the fact being the truth is so much more healing in ways we can’t fathom.
I remember being told at school to tell little white lies – to not tell the truth and to not hurt peoples feelings. But what you’re sharing is that it’s not about protecting someone’s feelings but expressing truth from a place of loving someone so much that you can’t not express to them
It is very beautiful when we feel how much someone loves us by telling us something that we may not want to hear, but actually supports us to take more care of ourselves, and to be more of who we are. These moments are deeply touching and can be life changing, which shows the responsibility that we have to be truly loving with everyone we have an interaction with.
“In the ten years I have known you, [Serge] you have never held back from expressing. Your love is beyond measure and you are prepared to say whatever is needed, regardless of the reaction.” Having had the same experience with knowing Serge Benhayon I have been inspired and learnt so much from that connection. His example of how to live is beyond words.
I recently had the experience of speaking my truth to someone. I knew I could be rejected or ridiculed if he didn’t understand, but I spoke it anyway. I spoke of who I truly am, what I know and what I am learning to live. I spoke from the truth of my body, and as I spoke I could feel myself expanding and filling with warmth. To my surprise this person totally accepted what I said and was able to hear it. After this conversation I felt absolutely huge! It felt like I had expanded, I felt huge amounts of joy and I felt more rounded and whole. Looking out on the world it looked black and white in contrast to the multi-colouredness I could feel in my own energy. I felt vibrant and alive. It is so worth taking the risk to speak our truth. Yes we may be rejected but who really cares if it means feeling that good!
The simplicity of Serge Benhayon on True Expression.
Caroline, those two words ‘true expression’ are ginormous in their potential effect on the world. We have settled for the most appalling version of expression imaginable. We repeat the same tired old rubbish to one another, we lie so routinely that hardly any of us actually notice that no one is speaking the truth, we accept verbal criticism within friendships and families as pass it off as ‘banter’, it’s actually painful to truly examine the quality of our expression. Humanity is like an industrial chimney, pumping pollution into the air day and night, our poor dear planet having to inhale our toxic fumes!
I have had moments where I have held back on some comments such as these for fear of the reaction, only to see the person going downhill faster and further. I have also been the one going down hill whilst others look on too afraid to speak up. A simple comment such as you shared here in the weight gain example is potentially all is needed for someone to come back to themselves and start to heal the issue.
Isn’t it just so wonderfully refreshing when someone can just lay the truth on you, with love of course, and you just know it’s not loaded with anything that is trying to bring you down, and your response is not defensive because of this.I used to think speaking the truth sometimes was like poking a cobra with a pointy stick, you’re likely to be venomously bitten, but if it is done with love that is seldom the case.
To understand true friendship is so important and if you understand that uncomfortable things and expressions can come from true love and you can evolve from this; this is deep appreciation of the friendship on both sides. I love what you have shared, Caroline.
No matter how much we say we want truth, when truth is knocking at our door the reality is we are comfortable where we are and don’t want to look at changing our ways, maybe some, but not all, so the door remains closed. I know when I have had this stubborn approach it leaves me feeling that I am missing something. To have the willingness to go there and dig up what is getting in the way of not swinging that door open is crucial for evolution not only for ourselves but for humanity. Truth does not bite, it holds us deeply in Love.
The whole being polite actually instills a lack of trust in others and in ourselves, when we are not being true it is felt and then the other protects themselves around you as what doesn’t feel right may not be able to be deciphered. It is in fact very important to be open and honest in a loving way.
There is a lot to learn when we are ready to express the truth with others but after a while I have experienced many life changing moments expressing truth with love and at the right moment.
Caroline, I love this picture of you and Alan. What a blessing to have a loving relationship built on trust, mutual respect and admiration. I am inspired by the honesty and lack of holding back what is there to be shared.
That photo certainly is a beauty!
Often times when interacting with another person that you love, we have a clear feeling that does not match what the other person is presenting. So, someone is saying A but you feel that there is a bigger true behind it called C. You can either keep it for yourself or you can share it lovingly if the occasion arises. If you feel strongly that it will help the other person to evolve, which action reveals more clearly your love for the other one?
Lets face the truth being nice is a lie no matter which way you look at it if you are just pandering to someone else!
While reading this blog the question arise: Why is being exposed an act of love? And I feel: because it is the call to express more of who I truly am. It is not a call to be different, not a call to change me, but to come back to the truth I am and express this. It is in fact a call back to brotherhood and serving the all.
“Why do we react when truth is expressed?” I like that question Caroline as to me it is because in our society we are used to not being confronted with the reality but rather being confirmed in the false lives we all live. Love cannot work like that as it truly concerns about our health so only the truth can be told. But as you wrote, when we come from love too, we will understand where that comment comes from and will appreciate it for the blessing that it brings.
Yes I agree whole heartedly Caroline, it would pay if we were more truthful to each other! I sometimes feel like I’m a radar for discrepancies and I have let it get the better of me in the past, but I have realised there is a way I can be truthful and at the same time not devalue a person. It brings more value to people by telling the truth because if we are living as less than we are, we are offered a reflection that says “why don’t you look at this?”
All so true Caroline and I love the grace with which you have written this blog. The speaking of niceties and politenesses is indeed a disease we suffer from. To speak up truly and lovingly is surely a potent medicine for this disease. True communication is revelatory and evolutionary.
Love it Lyndy, it is a disease we suffer from, it makes us ill for sure, all the stifled expression goes into our bodies and causes disharmony, ironic no? – when it is all done in an effort to keep the peace!
True friends are the ones who will say it like it is … With love. It great you could feel this.
Keeping our expression ‘ simple, loving and truthful ‘ is a challenge we have set up for ourselves preferring to keep it simple by ‘not’ telling the truth, which is compounding and complicating our expression. But that’s the way we have been taught to get through life, but as you present Caroline it’s holding back a full expression of love between us.
We are reflections for our fellow man and if we hold back the truth then we are not offering a loving platform to grow and expand for them or the relationship. We have had a history of not expressing to another anything we deem to be uncomfortable, but is that not shutting down our natural ability to feel and read the truth anyway. That instant moment of noticing someone has put on weight is registered in our energy, but if the other person is trying to hide it, it will go unspoken and the arrangement between you to not mention it continues. What does this say about the relationship. Let’s not go to truth let’s keep this relationship ‘nice’. No growth, no love, no truth which begs the question of why do we choose relationships of comfort and compromise love?
When we honestly feel the niceties and pleasantries in our body they feel awful. We know they are not true and yet we have learnt they are expected in society. So how is it that we have come to this… when we settle for lies and or half truths, and not the Truth?
It is like we have settled for less… we rarely hear the truth, or if it is given it is given harshly, and so we avoid saying it. And yet, when truth is offered lovingly it is a whole body experience that allows us to feel truly loved, there is appreciation of ourselves and another, and there is an honesty that brings about true and lasting change. Truth offered lovingly is a game changer… we desperately need it in the world.
But often when truth is offered we go kicking and screaming. Most of us are more comfortable with the niceties but in truth are very unsettled by them. It is an interesting thing to feel how we will often override to keep the peace, but as Serge Benhayon has shared peace is the absence of war, and harmony is eternal; we prefer the man made version of harmony which is peace. But at great expense to our bodies.
Many years ago, a Universal Medicine practitioner expressed something to me in a session that was so hard to hear, but necessary to snap me out of the ‘checked out ness’ I was in. It was delivered with so much love, and I felt so held and it was a distinct turning point for me. I am forever grateful for the opportunity to make a new choice based on love expressed to me.
“Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.” – gorgeous Caroline…something to take into my day.
People so often hold back from expressing the truth from not wishing to offend and/or do not from lack of confidence because fear of the reaction. However, when it is expressed from true love, as Alan did, offence is rarely taken.
Compelling evidence of the true power of love.
I love and welcome my friends when they call out something that I am doing, as it feels really great to get the awareness and helping hand from another. Sometimes I can be reactive or I can go into justification…. like right now I too have dark circles under my eyes, but there is something so lovely about a friend speaking up because we know it deep inside ourselves anyway, so getting a reminder is just super supportive.
Alan – we were very much having a similar conversation today in a workshop by Serge Benhayon, where we started to look at why does it seem so scary for us to not speak the truth. And we came to the fact that to speak the truth is to claim who we are in full, and then how can we go back from that once we are that. Sometimes we find it easier not to go there and keep the peace, rather than call out what we know. But with honesty comes evolution for both us and the receiver. So it is about letting go of this fear of not speaking our truth and knowing that ultimately the truth is what supports us and everyone else.
I love this blog, as I often say and speak the truth, it is beautiful when people are open to hearing what is there to be shared. At times I question myself as I fear their reaction, but more often than not they thank me after for being honest.
More of this type of honesty is needed. I have had many occasions when someone at work would have a bad breath problem or body odour and I have had every intention of mentioning the issue for their own sake but have held back. Being a true friend is someone who will mention these things to you.
I have had moments when I have wanted to say things but have held them back out of fear of hurting or offending another. This is a topic and conversation that most of us avoid as it can feel uncomfortable, especially in Australian culture. What’s interesting is when I speak with people from different cultural backgrounds I have noticed that they are naturally a lot more candid in their expression, it is always refreshes me and has a real innocence to it.
Just feel to add that it is so worth giving everyone the chance to accept our love and care.
When we express from love there is a potential for anything we say to be lovingly received. When we express from judgement there is not. But whether a person receives the loving expression lovingly or whether they resist it depends on their ability to self love.
That is very true Jeannette judgement is always felt, it is our responsibility to know our intention in sharing something rather than just reacting.
Absolutely Vanessa and to discern out true intention we must be committed to honesty and evolution.
A great sharing here, thank you Caroline. It is such a shame that we have come, as a people, to feel that we have to be so careful about what we discuss with another, from the fear of hurting their feelings and receiving a reaction. So long as a comment made, maybe about the appearance of another, such as when Alan told you he would not photograph you while you had dark circles under your eyes, and it is coming from a loving concern for your well-being, then how useful it is to you to know that someone has noticed that fact and shared it with you. Then you are in a position to consider why this may be so. I remember telling someone that I was a little concerned that they looked very tired, when the person very quickly denied that was the truth. But it was so obvious from the person’s demeanour, and I was concerned about it, and could see that as a little time went by she was giving my remark more consideration. It is important that we speak the truth when we see something that is not right in someone we care about. Sometimes the person concerned is not aware of it themselves, and it is needed to be brought to their attention to be looked at.
Thank you for sharing how it is so worth dropping the nice and being truly loving with each other. Caroline. This is one I am definitely still working on!
Being truthful is what our essence us all about, not expressing our truth is not only harming others but also harming ourselves. We are born to express our truth and when we are not we are contracting and our body is shutting down. Our body is there for true expression and expansion.
Caroline, your response to your friend’s comment is beautiful. When we get ourselves out of the way we are open to so much more. There was a huge amount of love in the comment from your friend yet you could have stayed blind to that. This is a beautiful example of opening to the grandness of life, connection and love as well as trusting another and what they bring is importance to hear – more important than staying in our issues with our blinkers on.
I love this Caroline and it is like a breath of fresh air. To do away with the excessive politeness feels liberating. Perhaps I’m not the only one who feels this way and we are all wanting to be open and honest with each other no matter the reaction. Perhaps our part is to look at our reactions to truth and be supportive of others when it is expressed.
Thank you Caroline, this is so important = not expressing the truth or to hold it back in any way, is actually a disease in itself. For like this example of your blog is sharing – the truth has been a true healing for you in your life. So can you imagine if that was all held back by everyone around you..? Amazing to feel what Serge Benhayon has been presenting for years, is now being expressed and lived. And thank you equally Alan, truly inspirational. I am taking this into my life now.
’Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.’ – I love what you are saying here Caroline, how simple it is when we are committed to truth.
Being truthful takes a lot of courage. Knowing when and how to present truth, especially without investment to be heard and not from reaction, is an amazing skill and can take a long time to master.
I have reacted in the past too when truth is expressed but always when I take a moment and feel that it is actually offering me an opportunity to let go of something that is not true in my life I always very grateful for the expression. I am now learning to sense the reaction coming up in myself and to then stop and take a moment so to not express the reaction but the appreciation what I am truly feeling.
Great blog Caroline and I am right behind you in opening the Love gates and speaking truth. I certainly haven’t known how to do this in the past and with 12 years of deeply appreciating Serge’s endless love and saying what needs to be said with so much love behind it you can’t but want to melt and put your hands up and say ‘hey maybe I need to look at something here?’. Recently I have started not to hold back and when I have shared with a genuine care for the other person what it is that I have picked up it has only ever end positively – sometimes it may take a little longer but it gets there in the end. Even if the other person doesn’t hear what you are sharing at least you have presented it for an opportunity for them to make their choice. In not holding back there is nothing to do, just be.
This is a gorgeous way to be with others. To love them and ourselves so dearly that we do not hold back in being honest and speaking the truth. I love the fact that both of you were a bit surprised with the truth that was expressed and how open you both were to explore this further together. It is a credit to you both. Thank you for sharing.
True expression really ‘is’ simple. It’s only when we are not expressing with honesty and love for another, that things become complicated (which can include going into our heads when trying to justify why we have or haven’t expressed or spoken in a particular way).
Great to see a man brave enough to be honest in the ‘face’ of what is considered a no go zone. I can see from the photograph that you two are still close friends so his delivery must have been very caring, as too must have you been caring enough with him to not take it personally but to see it for the love it is. A great true love story.
Caroline I love how you don’t hold back in this blog, so openly and honestly expressing the fact that we have allowed our expression to become so caught in niceties rather than being open to expressing and hearing the truth. I have an amazing friend who regularly offers me such truth and it has allowed us to develop such an amazing connection as they never hold back in saying what is needed. I have learnt a lot about true expression and find that although I am still learning to express in this way it supports us so much more when we bring this level of honesty and truth to all our relationships. It is far more loving than holding back what we see and feel.
So inspiring to feel and understand expression of love in this way – in asking others to be all that they are and to step out of old patterns which are in truth causing them harm. This beautifully exposes the harm and evil in sympathy as it actually supports and plays into the choices we make which keep us in disregard, self-harm and from living as we naturally are.
How much we have curbed our expression to become something that does not reveal the depth of our sensitivity, how much we see and feel about another, and the enormity of love we hold for them.
I have recently been experimenting at home with expressing to my family something I see – saying to my mum that I cannot allow her to be any less than her amazingness because I love her way to much. I am beginning to see how this is a level of love i have not considered before but it is really lovely.
“Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?” Absolutely Caroline when the truth is pointed out to us we know that we are going to have to change something that we have been comfortable with and yet we know is not supporting us.
This is beautiful Caroline. Holding back our expression actually harms us as we are pushing back into the body something that needs to come out. Not expressing what we feel also harms others as it does not provide the opportunity for them to receive what it is we need to express and learn and grow from this expression. Indeed, we are too polite at times and it is more harming than we often realise.
I feel the world is crying out for ‘real’ instead of nice and polite, its just that a lot of people don’t know it yet or just like indulging in the comfort of the illusion that all is well, even if is only on the surface. I would so much rather be told I have snot on my face instead of people politely ignoring the fact.
“Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.” This level of honest expression is new to me but the more I embrace it, I can truly feel the more we all grow as a consequence. I am finding that the essential ingredients are humility, honesty and spaciousness that when enlisted support both parties to open up and share what needs to be aired with grace and appreciation, thus raising the quality of relationship to a new level, as all true friendships should.
How refreshing it would be if it was the norm for everyone to express what they feel in the moment. No games, no holding back, no anxiousness – just pure expression. I know that when I have expressed what needs to be said my body feels so much freer and alive. To not express simply creates heaviness and sadness. We can all feel what’s going on. Best to admit it and nail it in the moment than let it go unsaid. We do everyone a favour by doing so.
It’s interesting how we are very happy to comment on someone’s appearance when they are looking amazing, to celebrate in their gorgeousness, however, if we see them when they are clearly not doing so well, they are still the same gorgeous friend that we know and love, therefore, even more reason to check in with them now to see what is going on for them, to offer support with the same love that we did when they looked so beauty-full.
“Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?” Definitely truth and responsibility go hand in hand. Could it be that we would be much easier with truth if no responsibility was acquired? So what do we actually avoid, truth or responsibility?
Love and truth are to support each other to be all of who we are. Everything else just keeps us in the misery of being less.
When we feel being held in love a truth told may still be uncomfortable or even disturbing but that is okay and probably necessary as we are asked to be more of who we are and let go of what we have created for ourslelves as an identity, protection, image etc The beholding love is deeply supportive of facing what needs to be exposed as we feel not an ounce of judgement, expectation or being less from the other person, so that we also can accept what we anyway know to be true but have avouíded to admit.
An essential understanding given by Serge Benhayon: Truth without love is not truth and vice versa. It amazes me again and again to experience the truth of this fact; although the mind may insist something to be true and the words may even be but without the love it doesn´t activate truth as can be clearly felt in both the presenter as the recipient.
It is hard for us to hear the truth sometimes and it can be uncomfortable, however what is so important here is how it is delivered. This cna make all the difference as to whether or not we are prepared to hear what is being said or not. Your shared experience with here Caroline is a beautiful example of how when siad with absolute love, truth supports all those involved and inspires us to stop and reflect on what is being offered.
This is a truly confronting blog Caroline, but I agree that it is in truth a loving thing to do, when we ask someone something in as truly loving way that they can hear. It is not hurtful or insulting but just being honest , concerned for their wellbeing . It would be amazing to have these conversations as the normal not the exception.
You have my wholehearted support and endorsement when you write about Serge Benhayon: “In the ten years I have known you, you have never held back from expressing. Your love is beyond measure and you are prepared to say whatever is needed, regardless of the reaction.” Serge is a shining example when it comes to saying or writing what needs to be said, like it or not. He is unshakable in his commitment to truth and humanity.
We can often mix up lots of words as though they have the same meaning like good, nice and love. This blog has reminded me that it is important for us to feel the difference between each of these words and the quality of them.
The issues we create with each other seem to become ridiculous when we truly observe them. They are mainly protections for the connection that otherwise would deliver us healing – and healing is always connected to a deeper responsibility – ahhh, the r-word!
Truth is simply saying things the way they are with no judgement or attachment to them changing. The more we express truth the more we will see things start to truly change as niceness just keeps the cycle of abuse, disregard, neglect etc.. That we are currently in alive. Truth gives us an opportunity to change the energy we are living with.
Great question, Caroline – “Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?” Do we really want to evolve and expand the connection to ourselves and others or are we too well settled in the comfort of our individuality?
Politeness and niceness are like the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood that sat in bed dressed as Grandma.
“Since this beautiful exchange, I have continually reflected on that comment.” Thank-you Caroline, for what is rare and beautiful is that you have given yourself the space to appreciate the healing that was offered by Alan Johnson’s true expression – super inspiring.
Serge Benhayon is right, so often these kinds of comments are felt but not expressed, which is so much more damaging for the recipient for they are bound to be super aware of these changes yet by the fact of this not being expressed it is made to feel more shameful. I feel that people hold back from expressing honestly like this because they are worried about the reaction, however if something is said lovingly and with true concern, there maybe a reaction but this will be to the level of love that is being offered not to the words themselves.
When a truth is given to us lovingly so it can be such a blessing, all the more so when we are open to hearing it!
When someone has spoken to me in a similar way that you describe Caroline, it’s a bit of a shock, because it exposes that it’s not the way we communicate most of the time. But the truth that can come through that we may learn when we don’t into a reaction can be very healing for the person expressing it, and the person receiving it. There is so much clarity to be gained from this way of being with each other in absolute truth.
Often we do not want to hear the truth, but when someone loves us enough to call it out, then that it can be evolutionary.
How awesome to be able to respond with laughter instead of reacting with anger when someone speaks a truth we need to hear. It’s great having friends who are willing to be honest and to call out when we are living in a way that isn’t true. Not speaking out is what lets the world get into the mess it is in and we have no-one else to blame. So now it is up to us to reverse the awful trend of self-destruction by appreciating who we are, by speaking our truth and by living in a true way that supports ourselves and humanity equally.
I love what is being called out by this blog! It completely cuts through the ‘safe falseness’ we have created and asks us to be responsible in our relationships, making them all about evolution not comfort and arrangement. How supportive is it really not to call out what needs to be called out? How supportive is it really to allow someone to continue with a behaviour that is harmful without comment or loving support? And how supportive is it really to allow these collective behaviours to become so established that society perceives them as normal or ‘as life’ and whilst clocking them dismiss ourselves of not being worthy of commenting on them too worried to rock the boat or cause ‘offence’ even though we can see how harmful they are?
“Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?” This has been true for me at times and I can see where I reacted to truth and resisted change because I had an investment in never making mistakes and in being perfect. These are impossible aspirations and set me up nicely for the fall and I feel that somehow the fall is used as a comfortable place to sit and hide, though it is in fact most horribly uncomfortable and is simply, avoiding responsibility. Your Grace in accepting the truth is lovely to feel Caroline.
“Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed”.
Beautifully expressed Caroline. Your blog powerfully demonstrates the joy and true evolution of being open and free to play on the two way street.
This is very true…:we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed…” and to add, we need enough love within to truely hear what is being offered instead of going into reaction.
“Is it sometimes far easier to ignore what is being presented and/or find a way to blame or make the one expressing truth wrong, rather than take responsibility for what needs changing and accept the gift that is being offered?”
Beautifully said Caroline, it really is a gift when someone tells us honestly about something they see in us, however uncomfortable or difficult at times hearing that truth may be, as they are showing their deep love and care for you, even if that means that we may react to what is being said. When we simply say what is there to be expressed with no investment that the other person will receive it or not or make changes or not, it’s allowing and holding love, that gives the other person space to feel what is being shared.
“He immediately followed that with, “Yes, but I will not photograph you until those dark circles are gone from under your eyes.” I had a moment of shocked silence, but also a deep realization of just how much this man loves me.”
As a society we need to get used to, and practice this honest and truth-full way of relating together (to-get-there) as the often false and polite way that we have all subscribed to is truly not serving anyone. When we see someone who is genuinely in need of support but don’t open our mouths and express that to them, or even go and tell another person about them not looking well, but not tell the person who’s unwell directly. We have become so disconnected to one another that this way of relating has become normal.
Serge Benhayon has never held back from what is needed to be said, never compromised by watering down the truth, his love and deep care for humanity. Serge and his family have been the target of horrific cyber abuse and more, but he has never backed down form presenting what was needed for the good and care of humanity, this level of love is deeply inspiring as it leaves no one out, he has no judgment, nor is there any need for one to listen or take on anything he presents, its simply an outpouring of love and truth available for anyone who should choose it.
I loved the message you are delivering in your blog Caroline:
”Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.”
I have sometimes found it very frightening to express the truth, because of the possible reaction from the other person and the conflict that might occur, but reflecting on this I realize that if the truth is expressed in a caring, loving way the other person can also chose to receive it in the same way (or chose to react). When we don’t express what is needed to be said and just exchange niceties, we are actually saying on some level that we don’t care and love ourselves and the other person enough to be honest no matter what the possible reaction might be.
I recall being told that being nice is a poison to our body, which I have been reflecting on for some time and it’s very true. For it not only affects the person who is holding back sharing a truth with another, but it also means that person does not hear the truth, so they don;t get to learn and grow. If they react to the truth, then that is their choice, but at least the truth is not held back in the first place.
When the truth being expressed comes from love although that may sometimes be hard for me to hear I find it is impossible to feel hurt by, for I can feel there is no judgement behind the words and maybe not straight away but always I am appreciative of what has been exposed for me to ponder on.
Dear Caroline – so simply written and so profound in what is offered. The fear of being rejected rules the lives of many and so there is so much not said but is this worth selling-out ourselves for? Are we prepared to live a life of ‘nice’ and then at then end know that there has been no honesty lived? Thank you for the beautiful reflection and healing offered here – when we hold back on speaking the truth many suffer. Now is an opportunity to speak from love and know that it is this love that will expand above all else.
“Love in expression is a two way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed” When someone is just being nice because they think that is what the other person wants to hear they are actually doing them more harm, in fact it can be belittling and even (though not meant to be) a subtle form of abuse.
It’s like a game of snakes and ladders. With each expression of truth it’s like we are pulling each other up, and giving each other the opportunity to catapult up the ladder, back to who we truly are. But if we resist the truth and wisdom in the reflection that’s being offered and react, indulge in our hurts, or go into hardness/protection, we lose our perspective and ungraciously end up on our bums at the bottom of the snakes tail once again. All awesome opportunities for learning and growing.
We need the true reflections of others in order to evolve. This is an interdependent relationship. We simply cannot evolve alone.
True expression has been bastardised as freedom of speech and the reinterpretation and/or manipulation of truth as presented regularly in the media. Without the love and wisdom of our bodies behind our expression, most of what is expressed in the public forum is like an anti evolutionary weapon of mass destruction.
“Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.” Wow, Caroline, I love those words, another gem that I need to put up on my mirror to remind me. Thank you.
There’s a great strength in expressing Truth. I’m realising how much I actually hold back. Before I was quite convinced that I was ‘always’ honest and choosing to speak up. I’m now actually starting to be more honest that I’m in fact not always expressing in full. This weekend I was on a trip with some male friends, they were commenting (a lot) on Women. For the first time I can see how much I don’t actually like this, but have also greatly contributed to it in the past myself. So I’m learning to speak up, did this a few times, but not in full. I can feel how there’s a lot of resistance in my friends. As well as I can feel how I don’t want to ‘spoil’ the ‘good’ time. Having an opinion on Women’s outher beauty in a disrespectful, non-connecting way is actually disgusting. And I realise that if I don’t speak up, I’m contributing to the separation between Men and Women. Nothing’s gonna change if no one speaks up. It is indeed for me too learning to stop the niceness.
A great sharing, Caroline, and a very different take on whether we should be telling another the truth of how we feel they may be. In our present society we think we have to be always ‘nice’ to one another, not point out things that we can see in them, such as in your case, the dark circles under your eyes, which to the other was clear a case of being overtired. But actually, so long as it is expressed lovingly, with the right intention, how helpful it can be to have things that we may not have realised ourselves pointed out lovingly to us, so that we can deal with them. It can be the care that is felt by the other that is their reason for sharing these things with us. Yes, in the past, I would have been very touchy about anyone invading my privacy in this way, but now since I have been working on myself for a number of years, I can welcome these little sharings that help me be more aware of how I am. And if I make a remark that is not in a true loving energy, how good it is to have that called out for me to realise and learn from.
What good is being nice if it is not true.
Being open to receive with appreciation, the loving expression that is coming our way, without resentment or excuse, is a great opportunity for deepening our relationships.
I often ask myself why I don’t always say to someone what is there to be expressed from love that is asking them to be all of who they are. If I’m coming from love I know there is nothing more healing even if they react; there’s also an opportunity to be intimate and break through all the niceties and pleasantries which entrap us from being the amazing beings of love we are. So what’s in my way? My unwillingness to go to the next level within myself and with another. But these arrangements I make is like living in a stagnant pool. What’s crazy is that we’re constantly being moved to step out of the pool but I am constantly working against this and complaining of being exhausted!
Love is a two way street… absolutely, and it often takes one to lead the way, as Alan did in your example, thanks Caroline.
“but believe they can’t in a world that says it is rude and impolite, instead of the love that it truly is”…the perceived notion of what love and all its ideals and beliefs that surround it, stops us from bringing through these truths in a truly loving way. When I first got introduced to the fact that emotional love was not really love, I was shocked and it has taken me a long time (and lots of listening to Serge Benhayon) to realise that there is another love. One that is in harmony with the universe, and works alongside stillness and joy. And from this love, we can share the truth that humanity needs to get out of the quagmire we are all in, and move us towards living together harmoniously. But first we must get ourselves back on track. And true love is the only way to do that.
We have perfectly designed our lives to be a constant navigation, and avoidance of the truth. We sail around it as if in a ship skipping huge icebergs. “Whooa that was a big one – that would have done some serious damage!” we say to ourselves. But what you present here Caroline, is that we are all not actually sailing as freely as we think, but drowning and splashing in a sea of lies. It is not until we bring the care to see this reality that we may understand these so called ‘icebergs’ we avoid, actually have life rafts inside.
I love this piece, it delivers so much that is true, I have found the way I say something impacts hugely on how it is received. I have found that I can say almost anything to anyone providing I deliver it without judgement and with their best intentions in my words. It is a remarkably clear way to live, to not hold back from saying what is truthful and I have found that it has been something that i would never shy away from doing.
I am reminded of the ‘Emperor’s New Clothes’ and appreciate the people in my life who, like the young boy in the story, speaks up about the fact the King is naked rather than buy into the illusion that everyone else has fallen for of his amazing new clothes. To me this is how teenagers are and how we have to be back to them, said with love honesty is not something that we should shy away from. The question is, how much honesty comes with hurt and reaction rather than love?
It is like you were with me yesterday!! I was sharing this exact thing. We must love each other enough to have the ‘tough’ conversations. I see now they are only tough because I like the ‘nice’!
I am feeling more and more the power of movement and how healing it is to be consciously present in all our movements. Our expression is also a movement and so to express truth from a place of love and understanding is the only way to express and what you have shared here, Caroline illustrates how healing that process can be.
‘He shared that sometimes things need to be said to support another to look at what is going on for them.’ – How common is it to look the other way and not at all vocalise what is needed to be said in the situation.
I have recently been amazed to feel how quick I am to react or defend when someone expresses truth to me about me. It’s like some sort of excuse or defense of what has been exposed just pops out of me without me even realising it has. Feeling deeper into why the instant defence I can feel the arrogance of not wanting to be exposed for being wrong. It’s like there is a part of me that wants to think that the way I am living life is it and if you try to point out that it’s not true then look out. The more deeply I see this part for what it is, stubborn, arrogant and wanting to run the show and always be right, the more humble I become and the more I begin to consider how life doesn’t need to be like this. Instead there can be a surrender and an acceptance that for parts of my life I have let the arrogant or self identified and self driven part run the show, and that this part has led me off track the whole time, and it’s time that it gets exposed so I can get on with life from a totally different way of living, where I am connected to something much more than my self driven needs for protection, comfort and to be seen. Where I am instead impulsed or led by my heart and the needs of humanity and to truly nurture, care for and love myself and everyone deeply.
Thank you for this beautiful blog Caroline. It was an invitation to appreciate what I have learned about expression and what I am learning every day. I have hidden myself behind kindness and niceness for much of my life and also today I fall into that habit often enough, but I am so much more open to hearing, receiving and speaking truth and it is changing everything. By speaking and being open to hearing truth, my awareness of what is going on in the world, with me and others, is expanding greatly. I have a responsibility to share what I have learned with the world and I am so very willing to do so.
Caroline, I felt such an ouch reading this blog as I can feel how much I hold back on saying what I feel and notice with others; yes I will do it with close friends, but I will not often do it with work colleagues for fear of offense and this is telling, and as I write this I can feel how I’ve made exclusions and exceptions based on my own comfort and not wanting to stand out or cause a fuss. That last one is strong, and something I’ve carried from childhood, the idea being as it was represented to me then that you got on with things and didn’t make a fuss, embarrass another or speak up unless you were nice and polite. Yet i noticed when others were not themselves and how can it be care for another human being to not say that, and yet I can feel how much I can still shrink from saying things in certain situations in case there will be a backlash against me. Definitely one to look at, to be more honest and to truly care for another it’s about speaking up, and doing so in a way that is honouring of another and not in any way putting them down, and there is a way to do this, to move beyond those polite, meaningless conversations when we all see everything – I will be playing with this.
Our weight is such a taboo topic to talk about, yet it’s such an obvious marker for how we are living and is an amazing way that our body reflects back to us and everyone whether the choices we’re making are supportive of our body or not. We do not talk about it as it’s a ‘rude’ thing to bring up, however as you’ve shared here Caroline it can be a huge support to discuss it and use it as a pointer to talk about how things are really going.
What Serge Benhayon presents gives humanity a bucket-load of truth!
Learning how to express what we see without judgment, need and sympathy takes practice and development, and is an opportunity to learn and change in itself.
Expressing the truth without allowing ourselves to be capped by our own predictions and fears about how the other person will react is a true act of selflessness. For, to be able to so this, we need to care more for the other person and the opportunity to release them from the untruth holding them than we do about our investment in the security of what they will think of or how they will react towards us afterwards.
It feels so great and so freeing to just simply express and say what you feel. I’m just learning this – sometimes we need to stop being nice and say what needs to be said. The truth is not rude or impolite, it just is what it is.
This blog redefines love. I was brought up to equate love with niceness. Love is not nice, anger can be nice, frustration can be nice but love is never nice as love travels with truth, joy, harmony and stillness and is always delivered in a way that can be heard.
The inspiration offered by Serge Benhayon is beyond words, it is hard to fathom the enormity of what this one man brings to humanity and what he makes us all recognise. Truth in expression fosters responsibility and true trust.
Thank you Caroline for showing what true love is. The expressing of true loving connections, not commercial emotions and dramas.
Thank you Caroline, expressing truth from our bodies without any reactions or judgments allows another the opportunity to grow and evolve in their own time without impositions, but love itself.
“Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?” I would say that without a shadow of a doubt this is the reason 99.999…% of the times I have reacted to the loving truth. By accepting it I am then compelled to do something about it which could involve changing something I have thus far been denying to myself is harming myself and others. There is a two-fold reaction going on at this point – firstly the awakening to my responsibility in whatever it is I have been choosing to do that is the issue, and then secondly the dawning realisation of the absolute irresponsibility I have been exhibiting, and consequences of my actions – just how far-reaching and damaging they are, even if I think they are only affecting me. For we can never act in isolation – even our most private of thoughts vibrate across the universe affecting the all. Is there not then our responsibility to take care of the quality of those thoughts words and deeds to ensure they only contribute to the evolution of our universe and not its retardation?
‘Love is a two way street’ .. it most definitely is. Letting love in and letting love out.
Politeness keeps things the same and does not offer evolution or change. Often we need to be told things straight to shake us out of something. Honesty and truth should be celebrated rather than backed away from. Something I have found is that even if someone reacts to me when I speak truth, a part of them gets what I am saying, I know this has been the case for me even though I may have reacted to being told truth at times deep down I have been grateful for it.
Truth allows space for people to work together, support each other and evolve together. How amazing it will be when we all allow ourselves to be truth-full in our every moment.
Caroline, the two way street you talk about is such a great analogy. Both being open to allow ourselves to hear truth and be willing to speak truth. It is so much simpler than the hard work of calculating what to say when, worried what will or will not come back.
It is such a gift, when someone loves us so much that they want to know what is truly going on for us. Not out of curiosity to make themselves feel better, but from a place of truth and real concern. So often we ask each other how we are almost as a greeting rather than a genuine question.
A totally inspiring blog to read Caroline. I had an appointment with a health professional the other day and immediately felt the deep exhaustion in their body and heard myself asking if they were okay – initially, there was a look of surprise at the ‘role change’ and then they openly shared how they were struggling with the ever-increasing level of multi-symptomatic illnesses coming across the threshold everyday. Their face looked visibly lighter at the end of our exchange.
‘Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.’ ….. and we need to be this way with everyone, not just a chosen few. Love all that you’re bringing with this gorgeous blog, Caroline, there is a call for us all to ‘get real’, what are we waiting for ….
How loving is that? Being free enough in a relationship to just express what you are feeling, to support someone else to see something and learn something about themselves.
What this blog reveals to me Caroline is how much I can avoid that simple honesty because it interrupts my day, my busy schedule and so on. Being honest with one another means taking a moment to connect and really be there for one another, giving space to allow ourselves to feel what’s been happening in our lives and what we can do to change that. I can really feel how honesty equals true friendship whereas being nice equals avoidance.
Without truth, there can be no true love.
Hear hear to all you have shared here Caroline. As a society we have conveniently confused being ‘nice’ with being true so we do not have to leave our comfort zone. But there is no evolution in comfort and so it stands that a true friend will speak the ‘uncomfortable’ truth and not a comfortable and entirely false version that keeps us small and ‘safe’. For it is not the truth that is uncomfortable, but the lack of it lived that is immediately felt in its presence that makes us squirm.
“…sometimes things need to be said to support another to look at what is going on for them.” This is so true. I recently had one of these conversations and spoke with absolute love and understanding. The person, to their credit, took it in the energy that it was shared and we were able to support each other in a true depth and quality such that we both grew from the experience.
The photo of the two of together is gorgeous. From what you have shared Caroline, it is a friendship that has a solid foundation and is based on true love. A true friendship that is evolutionary.
I am instantly reminded by this blog about a child who I have the utmost honour to be living with, and how he can sometimes just tell it like it is, with no holding back or fear of rejection, he speaks with a robust confidence that the truth is told because it is the truth.
When we express truth from a loving place, it is felt by the other as an opportunity to reflect. When it is coming form a judgement, that is also felt and that is when a reaction happens. When communication happens in pure love , space expands to go deeper, this is my experience.
I can feel my heart beat faster even thinking about honestly expressing what I feel. I can see that up until this point I have believed that it was absolutely wrong to say anything to another that may hurt them or bring up their issues. This blog changes all of that for me as I can see that my use of niceness has nothing to do with truly caring for the other person and everything to do with selfish self preservation.
“Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.” – so very true Caroline, a two-way street indeed.
Thank you Caroline (and Alan, and Serge Benhayon!) blowing the lid on the ridiculousness of politeness – it actually stifles our expression of love and care for one another. How often have you felt to say something then held back for fear of it not being the “right” or “nice” thing to say? I know I have deeply appreciated the moments when others have put their love and care for me before popular concepts of “being nice” and shared something I really needed to hear.
I agree Hannah. The niceness is so empty. I find myself walking away from conversations where I have been in niceness drained and hard in my body. In conversations where others have been that with me, I have found myself feeling sad that I’ve been denied the true and evolving connection that could have been possible in that moment.
Caroline having read this blog yesterday I feel like it has already moved something deep in me, I feel as though I have been given permission to be true and to say what is needed. Of course this has always been the case but I have many times put politeness ahead of truth, your blog has reminded me it is our most natural way of expression and anything else is way off.
“Without this level of expression, we will stay stuck in the niceties and pleasantries of everyday conversation and hence, away from the truth we all need to evolve back to the truly divine and glorious beings that we are.” This is why we feel so very held in true expression…it is confirming who we truly are and holding us to make those steps back towards the love from which the expression came.
I love this blog, also am a great fan of Alan Johnson and agree truth is always loving and healing, whether the other person appears to accept it or not. There is a vast difference between truth and right or judgement. Truth never imposes and does not have an ounce of judgement in it – it is simply an offering. It is beautiful to receive any offering shared from love (truth) and also important to discern those that come from another energy which are not true if not said in love.
Love is a movement that offers space and does not limit us to what we have accommodated ourselves to be. Love without evolution is not true love.
It makes me wonder why we do not express like this, and the first thought was an excuse…. I’m not very ‘diplomatic’ and so end up hurting people’s feelings. I’ve walked around with that one for a long time. However, I’ve noticed more recently that it has far more to do with whether the comment comes laced with my judgement of another, a critique of how they are living, rather than a genuine concern or simple expression of love. That has been a game changer.
A whole Universe is based on expression, so why is it not in our awareness that everything is expression and expression is everything and how important it is to study expression?
The truth is we are too nice, for fear of upsetting someone or rocking the apple cart. The next time in passing someone that says ‘Hi or hello how are you’ and instead of the handball response of putting up our wall and automatically responding with ‘Fine and you’ with the ball hitting their wall we get ‘Fine thanks.” We go whew, that was anougher successfully avoided conversation and connection with someone. Next time question is asked, stop and tell them the truth.
How amazing would tthe world be if we communicated the truth lovingly and inspired one another to constantly grow and evolve, rather than social niceties that keeps everyone stuck in their stupour.
“Serge shared that as a society we are far too polite and nice with each other, with no one really being prepared to call out what is truly going on for another.” So true. We may notice aka ‘read’ what is occurring for someone or for society but don’t call it out. I have been guilty of niceness all my life. These days I can certainly call out stuff in society – but what if we all did? everyone knows the ill health statistics are soaring – even governments – but they go about it in a judgmental way – finding someone to blame. Looking for solutions isn’t the answer. Quick fixes don’t work. Coming back to brotherhood would enable us to support and understand each other, so we could evolve as a society.
If we were open to hearing the truth and willing to look at the choices we were making with honesty and a sense of responsibility, the world would be a very different place. As you say, Caroline, there is so much blame and avoidance of this level of integrity – thank you for reminding us how simple it can be when there is love in the equation.
This story made me feel uncomfortable about my lack of honesty when I realised that there is only one person in my life that I’m truly honest with, and it’s not my partner. She is a very good friend I have known for many years, and I knew there was something different about our friendship and this has explained it. But it also exposes how I skirt about issues for fear of offending so many in my life, with a dishonesty of incomplete false expression. Coming from true love when we express changes everything, thank you Caroline.
Yesterday when speaking at a School Prizegiving, I had been touched by the beauty of the sixth formers who had taken such care with how they had dressed and done their make up, I wanted to express it and surprised myself when I explained to the audience that I was deeply touched by their beauty and in the simple expression of that found myself almost in tears – I could feel that touched them too – it was a revealing moment for me.
and I feel to add that I love the photo of you and Alan, it so clearly demonstrates the love that you hold one another in.
Caroline thank you for your simple, concise and yet oh so powerful article. The key is how something is delivered. I have delivered so many comments from a place of competition, one upmanship, comparison and dislike, which is the same as punching someone but just energetically as opposed to physically. Nothing but harm ever cones from these kinds of comments, whereas comments borne from love have the potential to promote love in another.
It is so refreshing when I realise that a relationship is based on this quality of honesty and love rather than shrouded in politeness and social rules. Yes, it can take some getting used to because it is constantly developing and calling us to be all that we are (a lot of which has been shrouded for some time).
To care enough to share the truth, without a reaction, a judgement or an expectation that the other will do anything with it… that is the living legacy that Serge Benhayon presents each day, one that I appreciate deeply and seek to model in my own life.
Personally, I would rather be on the receiving end of truth than someone being ‘nice’ to me, even though it may expose me, if it is said in love, it can’t be wrong can it. My feeling is that what Serge Benhayon is saying is that being ‘nice’ is in fact not so nice at all, but something that stops us from evolving because in being nice it keeps us in our comfort.
Yes, it works both ways…and when truth is expressed with love it cannot but be received with the love it is offered in. “Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.”
“Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.” This is so important in life to build true quality interactions with each other and for evolutionary relationships which are built on a foundation of love, respect and trust..
This is true friendship, lovely Caroline. When I have been on the receiving end of at times uncomfortable truths it confirms what I have already felt but may not have acted upon. I love it when another doesn’t hold back what is there to be said.
“if it were delivered from true love and care, anyone would be open to hearing that.” This is the point. It is the way we approach the person and say what we need to say to them. This has been a lifelong journey when confronting my parents about issues. I often feel I have to pick my moment. Even then is has been difficult to express without anxiousness. However, I truly feel that every effort made to express with honesty and truth is a golden moment for humanity.
I do agree Caroline that true expression comes from love and only love, and that in that we always have a choice, either to be graceful for receiving that moment of healing or we can resist and stay in our own created false way of living while the non true way of expression does not give us that choice as it only cements what we are living and doe not challenge us at all.
“sometimes things need to be said to support another to look at what is going on for them.” I feel we all really do know and feel this and yet so as not to disturb the thick weave of the comfort of “being accepted and liked”, we have woven around ourselves, we abstain from the pure, clear truth that is begging to be revealed to another.
As you shared Caroline true expression can be quite challenging as we are not used to that honesty and truth. However, if we consider the reality of it I may ask why we have no issues with the polite and not true way of expression we are so used to? This way of expresion actually does allow us to stay into the false believes we are in, while the true way of expression does come directly from love and gives us the opportunity to become honest with ourselves. It is just a matter of choice, and I know which type of expression I will choose.
Brilliant words here Caroline…”we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed…” Love enough to express is definitely a natural consequence of deepening our relationship of self love.
Truth when expressed lovingly – is an offering to another about something they may not be aware of. To hold back what we feel we feel, denies them the opportunity to evolve.
Thank you Caroline for this revealing sharing. I would agree with your asking “why don’t we want to hear the truth”? For me I have sometimes felt uncomfortable hearing the truth and know then there is some resistance to taking responsibility for making the changes needed. I equally have felt uncomfortable speaking the truth to someone if I feel they will react and be upset by my sharing. The truth only hurts us if we are not prepared to do something about the issue and accept responsibility for making the change we know we need to make. No one else can do it for us.
Caroline the need to express truth with love is key. I have had times when truth has been expressed to me in absolute love and I have reacted – not by attacking the truth sayer but by feeling ashamed & wanting to crawl away in a hole and lick my self-created wounds. However in time I have come round and truly appreciated the gift I was given.
A great blog Caroline, I have noticed, that its all in delivery, how, even if it is the most awkward exposing truth that is said, that if it is delivered with the quality of love, there is no way offence can be taken to a comment. It is received into the body without any response of going into guard or protection.
You feel like you can really trust someone when they are honest.
It is so true Caroline, we are far too polite and nice as a society and quite often we are prepared to make comments about people with another but not prepared to say it to the person themselves. This makes for a covert sort of rumbling tension underneath the relationship which can be undermining. The ‘niceness’ is patently not real. Living and expressing in true love is the order of the day from henceforth.
And how much we need canaries Mary, with the innocence and openness you would have expressed as a child… when we let ourselves express like that unreservedly the healing that takes place around us is enormous. The hardest amongst us can melt.
There is a silence that is a silence of suppression and complicity with a lived lie, and there is a true and nurturing silence which allows grace. The key is to discern between the two.
Serge Benhayon bringing through another pearl of wisdom and you sharing a living example of how we can bring that into our lives. Love it! This is just a powerful topic because we absolutely hold niceties and politeness over truth and it is suffocating us. There is much to consider in what you have shared, thank you.
“Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.
Without this level of expression, we will stay stuck in the niceties and pleasantries of everyday conversation and hence, away from the truth we all need to evolve back to the truly divine and glorious beings that we are.”
And who wants to be stuck in pleasantries? What incredible skills for life we are learning as we awaken to the divine beings we truly are! To understand how to express what it is we see from the love we feel for ourselves in our own bodies, and equally to hold this love for ourselves in receiving the expression of others – despite the fact that it will not come with perfection – now this is something I would like to be living with.
“Is it sometimes far easier to ignore what is being presented and/or find a way to blame or make the one expressing truth wrong, rather than take responsibility for what needs changing and accept the gift that is being offered?”
We don’t like to be awoken from our comfortability and see that change is required and yet, as you bring to us here, it is a gift being offered if we allow ourselves to see it as such.
Caroline, your blog is an expression of simplicity, so beautifully presented. I had to stop and consider: Do I react or do I feel the love being presented? So often the comment may be presented as a little snipe or with some sarcastic humour and I will react to that rather than seeing that behind that protected way of expressing is a genuine desire to express what is true but a difficulty in doing so. I feel that I equally have difficulty expressing what is needed from love and appreciate the call to iron this one out. What I feel in writing this is what is required is simply a deeper connection to my own body when around and expressing to others and willingness to feel all that is there to be felt.
We have this belief that says it is rude to tell it like it is. Sometimes things can come out as a reaction and I have done so many times and know for me ‘trying to say it with love’ can get twisted into niceties and politeness. Knowing and trusting that what comes out of my mouth is of love needs me to know and trust myself as love.
This is a beautiful confirmation of a truly loving relationship. Thank you for sharing this, Caroline. For Alan to express with love, and for you to receive it with love as intended by Alan. It feels very freeing to read about this exchange where no attachment to belief or ideals was getting in the way.
It is through truth that we can know and freely live all that we are, together.
This is so profound Caroline, in many ways. It is all too often that we notice how another is travelling, showing signs that we cannot miss, yet we do not talk about it and instead cover up the truth with niceties and politeness. It is deemed in our society that politeness is the appropriate way for relating to each other but in fact what is being left behind is true relationships where honesty and true love is not being expressed. With this we are essentially hold back expressing the love and care we feel for another when we notice changes that do not reflect who they truly are. Yes agreed, we all need to be more open to the truth, to the truth we see, feel and know and the truth that is shared with us. As in fact that truth is a beautiful reflection of, and opportunity to deepen, our connection to the love we all are.
Truth expressed in our every day consistently and in every possible situation is making love in our every movement in life, everything else would not be enough after that.
How often do we feel like there is an ‘elephant in the room’ but no one is mentioning it! We have been conditioned as a society to be polite, say nothing or only vaguely hint at what we are noticing and to generally not interfere in what is deemed another person’s personal space and private life. We learn to stay in relationships this way and supposedly everyone is happy because no one is rocking the boat. Thank you Caroline – your blog shows us how much everyone concerned may be missing out on real growth and connection opportunities when we hold back expressing lovingly.
When truth is expressed with love it is very powerful, expansive and evolutionary. Whereas words of truth delivered with judgement has the opposite effect. From this I realise words have no true power unless it is delivered from absolute love.
How wonderful it is to have a friend who is willing to speak the truth like Alan did, Caroline. I can see how important it is for us to be able to share truth to that degree. How helpful it can be to us, to have things brought to our attention that need really looking at. We have such a habit of burying and not noticing the things that may be going on in our bodies, so busy in the doing, that yes, we can develop the dark circles under the eyes as was the case with you, but a good friend can pick up the little signs that show when we may be overdoing things. We could have a number of things that are going on for us that show up in how we look to others, it is great to have them pointed out to us (hopefully lovingly), it makes us more aware of the fact that we need to deal with something. Much better than letting these issues lie buried somewhere deep within, sure to emerge some inconvenient time later.
There is a world of difference to receiving truth when it is delivered with love. For me when this depth of loving truth has been shared I stay with me and it feels like a simple request i.e. “pass the pepper’ has been said, and I don’t feel any tension in my body. An instant lightness and openness can occur followed by appreciation for what is being shared. If truth is delivered without any connection to love it has a totally different feel in my body and it feels jarring and then I want to react.
Caroline, I love the way you write and express – we need more blogs from you!
It is amazing the connection you have with others when do not see or feel the need to be nice, just express from truth. It makes walls drop. That whole equal and opposite force thing comes to mind as an example, but what happens if there is no force, connection?
You knew you were held in love when Alan spoke his truth and hence there no reaction but many of us hold back in fear of a reaction to expressing truth. Just yesterday I expressed to a representative visiting my workplace that he did not seem himself and he was quite shocked that I could ‘see’ that. It opened up a whole conversation on what was going on in his life and at the end he felt he needed to cut his day short and go home and rest his body. Such a great sharing Caroline of holding ourselves and other in love and always expressing our truth.
Caroline this is what is needed between friends and family, and eventually everyone where we speak to each other without the polite and the nice getting in the way. Many times I have wanted to say something in a certain way and watered down the words as they come out of my mouth, bracing myself from the reaction. If it were our normal to speak up so honestly and we were brought up that way life would be so much more simple to navigate.
Pleasantries and superficial conversation with the niceties can be a convenient way of talking ‘safely’ with another, never going deeper with the relationship and never really expressing that which really ‘ought’ to be said. When we stay with this way of communicating with each other, we hold back our own growth as well as that of the other. I love what you have shared here Caroline – such a frank and simple sharing that opened up so much more for you both. It is very inspiring and exposing of how much I too have been and in many ways still am caught up in the niceties rather than delivering the truth from a space of deep care, respect and love for another and myself.
Hello Caroline and to answer this question which was more of a truthful statement then a question, “Is it sometimes far easier to ignore what is being presented and/or find a way to blame or make the one expressing truth wrong, rather than take responsibility for what needs changing and accept the gift that is being offered?” This could be the ‘story of life’ right here in one sentence, we fight each other instead of seeing the pearls of wisdom each one of us shares in each moment. Appreciation of everything around us is one of the keys to opening this ‘fight’ up and get out of what you could say is the comfortability of our ignorance.
I totally agree that it can be really supportive to challenge each other in this way – with no judgement whatsoever just genuine concern and love and true intimacy.
I love that. It brings such care and openness to relationships. Rather then just skimming over surface stuff it brings such value and connection with another. I simply love it. Thank you for sharing Caroline, it makes a huge difference to all relationships.
What a blessing Alan gave you Caroline in his comment about the dark circles under your eyes. Even though we know in ourselves that there is something we need to change, sometimes it takes something like this to make us stop and realise to the extent it goes. I can recall times in my life when I would have appreciated those close to me taking me aside and lovingly helping me see where I was at, but I’d say out of beliefs and niceness, they didn’t…or perhaps fear of how I’d react. And I too have held back in expressing honestly what I see and feel in another person.
Thank you Caroline. Why do we hold back from expressing to each other? I feel it is out of fear of how the other will react or respond and it seems there are beliefs around what is acceptable to say and what is not. For instance, it seems ‘socially acceptable’ to say to someone ‘you’ve lost a bit of weight’ or ‘you’re looking a bit thin/skinny’ or even ‘you need to eat more’! However, flip the coin and people do not go there if it is the other way around, if someone has put weight on. Either way, if it is expressed without love, it just hurts. But if expressed lovingly out of care and concern for the person, then how they react/respond is up to them.
I can just hear the moment you and Alan burst into laughter and appreciation of each other. A gorgeous sharing Caroline, thank you.
When we express the truth we can feel space open up, when we express from ideals and beliefs or niceties we are left with a feeling of heaviness within our bodies.
Yes fionacochran01, I can definitely attest to that. When we relate from niceness we leave ourselves. There is nothing ‘nice’ about us when we are true to ourselves. Niceness is something we go into from need, when we don’t feel we are enough as we are and need to world to confirm us back.
As I read ‘hey, I have noticed you have put on a couple of kilo’s are you OK?’ I felt my reaction to this and my immediate thought of ‘you can’t say that?’ We are so conditioned to ideals and beliefs which prevent us from expressing the truth. Why would it not be loving to ask a friend if everything is OK because you have noticed a change? Why would it not be OK to say, you look tired, is something up if it expressed lovingly? If we do not express this truth an opportunity for reflection is lost.
When truth comes from a loving place it can be truly felt. When it comes with an energy of judgment or niceness it is very imposing and can feel false and offensive. Beautiful sharing, Caroline.
We are always trying to live up to societally fabricated states of perfection. When someone breaks these constraints and connects with us with honesty and love it is actually relief to be able to talk about what we already knew and were secretly thinking about or struggling with. To have embodied enough love to both give and receive honest loving care and reflections from others is yet another gift beyond measure that Serge Benhayon as delivered to me too, and to many others and those who embrace the gift and express this way experience the self-honesty, real conversations and deep friendships that they always longed for.
Thank you for sharing this fine example of the joy that is found in true relationships Caroline. When the depth of love between two people is such that we cannot but express what is true we are held in an embrace far grander than even the magnitude of the one we feel together.
When the gift of Truth is offered we have a choice in that moment to accept it or not. I would say most definitely yes, we often take the easy way out opting for the belief we’re somehow unworthy, unable, or simply unwilling, yet in doings so what are we saying? Is it ‘I’m not looking for love’, ‘take it somewhere else’, ‘do not ask me to feel what I cannot but feel’? It is the mark of true strength when we stand in the absolute love we are and offer what is true whatever that entails, as it is wise to accept that offering as the gift it most definitely is.
Very inspiring and equally confirming. The bottom line is is that if we are allowing nicety, pleasantness, pandering to continue to be our way of living with each other then we can let things run so to speak that not true and loving at all. Say letting another be in disregard. Sure we need to let them choose their own way of being but we also need to call out that abuse on this level is not just impacting oneself, but equally us all
I am also learning that when I say something with love and appreciation, that there is no reaction. For me a true relationship is one where we can honestly and openly express to each other. Even though I know this, I can still hold back and not say what is needed. Reading this blog inspires me to do so.
Thank you Caroline, I love the simplicity in which you are sharing the importance of expressing truth. It is not hard in the sense that we have to search for the truth it is only that we have learned to hold it back and have exchanged it for niceties. But with niceties we keep us on a very superficial level of communication and being with each other which in turn contributes and thus perpetuates the cycle of being less and less honest with ourselves and others.
A beautiful sharing Caroline – a true friend is someone who is always prepared to tell you the truth.
Top blog Caroline. The thing is how true is this. The learning then will be to learn how to deal with the feedback or backlash, which is to see the bigger picture.
I can’t stand nice! Nice is heralded in society as something of high value, but to me it is a person hiding behind being polite so people will like them. That might sound harsh, but what I’m really saying is I opt for the whole person any day, not just the shadow of them that is presented when they are being nice.
Just so beautiful – I have been on the end of receiving and giving, but all too often I hold back and don’t say what I feel. In the past it has been laced with sympathy or judgement and both of those feel horrible when they land at your door step. Truth can be delivered in a way that there is an initial jolt but that the love can also be felt. Sometimes we are so far stuck in our pattern of justifying our behaviour it feels like the jolt is us coming back to ourselves.
The truth requires that we make a choice to align with it or resist it. There is a responsibility in aligning that means we have to consider whether we wish to live the truth being presented. If not, enter the resistance.
Who said that telling someone that they put on weight, look tired or exhausted or is looking generally unwell is not loving? We made this up to pander to each other and not support each other in evolution, but to be able to stay in comfort and indulge in life. Love is always about evolution, never about human indulgence.
It is the love that delivers truth, not the honesty or courage to say what is true.
This is what real friendship looks like!
When somebody expresses a truth we have already known and deliberately rejected then the expression of that truth may make us feel deeply embarrassed and we then lash out. In my experience this is common but what Caroline did was much better :).
Hearing the truth and acting on it is beautiful.
“Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.” Caroline what a refreshing blog, truth does indeed set us free. I love how you and Serge Benhayon have exposed the evil of being nice and how this does not evolve anyone. Being nice is so ingrained yet it is truth we all crave.
Being nice is not the passive or harmless stance that has been perceived or adopted it to be. So many times I have felt stifled or uncomfortable, or my heart race when playing the nice game, or holding back saying something. The horrible thing is that it wants to be expressed and when we keep it inside us it starts to implode and poison us. What once could of been something that could have brought a greater awareness to someone now turns to a harm for ourselves and our relationship with that other person.
Thank you Caroline for shedding light on this holding back that we all experience. I feel that to be able to make a comment in honesty there has to be huge amounts of self love and love for the person that the comment is made to. If the person is not held in absolute love from a deep knowing of what self love is and the reflection that we would want for ourselves, then reaction will result. If the comment does come from love and the person is held in love there is an opportunity for growth and evolution.
Thank you for a great blog Caroline. Appreciation also for the truth that Serge Benhayon has shared over the years, because before Serge’s presentations I used to live in total illusion of what was true!
Truth when delivered with love can be the greatest gift. It offers an opportunity for us to look beyond our shadows.
Very true, Donna. But it’s also worth remembering that there is no truth without love and there is no love without truth.
Love this honesty and love your response Caroline! What a confirmation for Alan that speaking truth is love and loving another. In the last few days I have had many moments like this, of being loved by someone expressing in absolute honesty what they see that is not who I most truly am. Really we know it, we see those dark circles, the dull skin, the lack of sparkle in our eyes so when another is loving enough and calls it out, it is not a surprise.
Furthermore this exposes the fact that we hold many things ‘dear’ in our relationships but few of them encompass this example of what love is truly… we could toss them all out and start with this as a foundation, and then see which, if any, fit into that.
Save us all from nicety! I am quite sure that no one wanted to offend the captain of the Titanic by telling him he was steering a bum course. And we all know how that worked out….
Too often I hear people talk about how unwell someone looks, and not to their face. Too often I have heard those words come out of my mouth. How this is meant to support the subject of conversatio is a mystery. A new policy of mine is that if I am not prepared to say it to the person best not say it at all. And further to that, what would I want from a friend? The discomfort of honesty with the opportunity for change? Or their complicit silence as I slide down hill?
The answer is clear. A helping of discomfort thanks. Served with love.
Awesome blog Caroline I love it, even though what you’ve shared is not always easy to do at all, quite the opposite sometimes. It is quite a revelation to understand being loving means to express what is there in these sort of situations, discerningly so of course, and ALWAYS from a place of love as you say. It is a great gift to have people around you in life who will express this way, and thank you Caroline, as you have often been one of them in mine!
What I find difficult is not letting judgement jump in and tarnish my thoughts – it can happen so quickly and then throws me off-centre. I am definitely getting better at catching myself in the act but before would be terrific!
Brilliant Caroline – great to bring awareness to the fact that truth is far more likely to be received if it is delivered from love than critique or judgment.
Truth has a way of connecting people that never ceases to delight me. Thank you for writing this blog.
Gorgeous blog Caroline. It’s not just what we say but how we say it and, of course, LOVE is the key ingredient. Even though I genuinely appreciate that this is absolutely true, my question to self is “why do I hold back from the simplicity of true expression and what am I afraid of, really?”
Beautiful to read and feel the love in expression and to see this reflected in the gorgeous picture of you two. In my experience when we come from love and care, we can hear each other and to build true relationships it is what we need. So thank you for this inspirational blog Caroline!
‘Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?’ Definitely and before we are able to change we have to admit the level of dishonesty we have lived up to that point.
I feel that when we express truth this has to be one of the most loving gestures a person can make. This means they are holding you as an equal in the knowledge of who you are and what your potential is. We have this false notion that being ‘nice’ and ‘polite’ is the way to go, but all this does is keep a person stuck in their choices perpetually hurting themselves and others in the illusion or denial perhaps that everything is ok or that you can ‘get away’ with self abuse.
Great blog Caroline. ‘Is it sometimes far easier to ignore what is being presented and/or find a way to blame or make the one expressing truth wrong, rather than take responsibility for what needs changing and accept the gift that is being offered? I love what you are presenting here. Yes sometimes there are big ‘ouch’ moments when we hear the truth, but I for one would rather have a momentary ouch moment than continue to live with choices that are not loving or do not serve! I have always been incredibly (incredibly) grateful to everyone who has had the courage to say it as it is and not hold back out of fear of reaction.
This is a beautiful sharing Caroline, one that will benefit many, including me.
This is all part of keeping people comfortable so no one has to change or deal with anything. We try to soften the blow, come up with excuses for the person speaking the truth. In the Middle Ages the fool/jester was allowed to speak the truth but only if everyone could pretend it was funny. In this respect we are still in the Middle Ages. It interests me that we are so complicit in this. Being polite means we miss out on some honest conversations and fail to talk about what really matters.
What a beautiful blog Caroline, we definitely don’t like to be exposed and feel what is truly going on for us. It is indeed a grand gesture of love for who we are to have someone tell the truth they see, as it does support us in coming to our senses, and truly heal what needs to be healed.
Awesome Caroline. I had an experience very recently where a gorgeous young boy whom I had never met, but whose grandmother was well known to me, had a conversation with me in a cafe. We were having fun talking about his birthday (that day). It had been my birthday the day before and he asked me how old I was and I said 68. He looked at me and said, ‘Gosh you look young and beautiful like my grandma but, like her, you really can’t do anything about this and he gently touched my sagging arms. We just looked at each other and laughed. There was no way you could take offence, it was just a matter-of fact honest statement with no barb, no critique, just a gorgeous kid making an observation. I love the honestly of children.
I’ve recently experienced this in a work situation where I could feel the person held so much love and regard for me that they were willing to speak about things I needed to work on, not with criticism but a genuine expression of support and care. In the past I would have taken this personally and either reacted, defended or gone into self-criticism – none of which are healthy! So in this, I am appreciating that as I develop more care for myself, there is greater ability and awareness in feeling the true intention of another and accepting the support and love on offer.
Being caught up in the niceties has a hidden impact in that there is holding back which can be as harmful to the speaker and also the receiver. We also are aware when something is not being said and this can get in the way of a relationship ready to evolve. Great blog Caroline.
You give us an amazing example Caroline here of true love for each other, how it really IS possible that we can speak to each other from this depth of love without needing a reaction from the other person either. I feel at the moment I know very few people who I could speak to like this, but that will be a great few to start with. It feels very important to build my connection to my love within me to come from all the love that I am when I speak.
Absolutely awesome Caroline that we can use these loving pull-ups as the confirmation of another’s love for us (and not a slight or criticism) – The key is the way in which such a phrase is delivered; heartfelt and full of love for his fellow human being.
Thank you Caroline, this blog is a breath of fresh air and a comment said with love is just as refreshing. It is something I would welcome come what may, no matter what. This is much preferred than stifling niceties spoken through gritted teeth and a false smile.
I love what you share here Caroline, when we express our true love and care for another there is an opportunity for us to evolve. I know there have been times when I have reacted when another has spoken the truth to me only because I know it is true and I am avoiding taking responsibility in an area and am feeling awkward about being exposed when in fact hearing the truth can be very freeing and can offer a true healing to another.
I love what Serge Benhayon, revealed that if a truth is delivered from true love and care, anyone would be open to hearing it. How many times have we come close to saying something true and caring, then stopped, anticipated a reaction from the person and strategised an alternative comment or withheld the expression altogether. This blog shows that it is not the strategising, but the level of love and the lack of judgment with which we hold the person while we express that may need addressing.
Caroline I was having a conversation with someone just yesterday about the importance of expressing the truth of how we feel, they also shared it was one of the hardest things to do. Yet they could easily share what they were feeling to me and when they did it felt powerful and simple. The other person they were worried about expressing this to would easily hear this without any issue. It made me realise that as the one pulling someone up for something that was not truly them, if you don’t hold back but share with love the truth then it can only but evolve everyone involved. I can now see that my reason for not expressing is not that I can’t, but that I am comfortable with keeping stories running; how freeing would life be if we expressed in full from the way we walk to the words we speak. It’s great to hear about a situation where Alan spoke out, shared what came naturally to him, and something so many of us would not say, and how the real love behind this expression was felt.
I have recently been learning how true love is just as much asking someone to be more, or pulling them up where they are not living the all you know them to be, as it is the well known loving gestures.
Thank you Caroline – this is just so needed in the world today – honesty, delivered in love. True expression. You are right, we are so afraid of this, but what you share here has been very confirming for me, as yesterday I pulled up 2 people for online abuse at work. I found myself shaking a little when I spoke to them and called it out, but to then have a conversation with them and understand what was behind this behaviour actually supported us to all move forward and address the reasons as to why they had spoken this way. These people ended up thanking me for calling them to account. And as I shared with them, their actions were not who I knew them to be – so bringing an understanding to this meant they didn’t react, but rather start to express more themselves. And out of it, came their understanding to express more about what is going on all the time before letting it escalate. It is possible in all of us to express truth, if we choose.
I love this, Caroline, and it made me smile to consider all the times I have even struggled to say to another that they have something in their teeth or on their face. How much do we hold back from the truth of what we see and feel right in front of us? We notice it every time and yet have programmed ourselves to ignore our observations, thinking more about ourselves than the benefit it might bring to the other to hear the truth.
Very awesome blog Caroline and with this question “Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?” I feel that you have totally exposed why we react to the truth. It is because we know that we have to make a change, and the minute we have that knowing everything possible comes up as an excuse not to. How do I know? – because I have done it so many times in the past, whereas these days I love facing the truth, even though at times it can be a little uncomfortable, as I know that from it I can learn and grow.
To be able to give and take this way of reflection for each other there is an absolute foundation needed. This foundation must be love – expressed in appreciation. Without appreciation first there is no basis to handle a challenging reflection. The one who gets a exposing reflection needs a backup that is built out of love and not doubt, because that is where he/she is thrown back to.
Love this blog Caroline, what a true gem you offer here. When someone is expressing from truth rather than ‘nice and polite’, it is felt totally differently. Having been brought up as a ‘master of nice’, I had no awareness of how ‘nice communication’ comes over as patronising or ‘syrupy’, until I began attending Serge Benhayon’s presentations. Being on the receiving end of truth is not always comfortable, but, in my experience it is felt the truth of the words can be felt re-configuring the body and the old ideals and beliefs. Sometimes there is instant change and others times it can takes a few days or longer to integrate the expansion that is offered.
It seems easier to give another a compliment and to not express the other things we see and feel, but by purposefully not expressing what we have observed we are not truly loving the other. And although we can appreciate ourselves and others much more, sometime true appreciation is asking a question that doesn’t sound appreciating in the beginning.
To get exposed is never a sweet thing I guess – but by and by I realize how much love lies in that (if it is done in love).
Great sharing Caroline, niceness does not change anything. I used to think that I had to be this way and so stopped expressing most of what I felt, so much so my voice became really quiet and hard to hear when I did speak. I also love what you shared: ‘Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.’ It has to be 2 way otherwise it can come across as judgement,
We as family, friends, community and society are connected and we are supporting each other all the time. The question is: in what do we support each other? If I choose to avoid a realization, a feeling, a knowing that would let me develop, everyone who sees it and hold back his reflection becomes an accomplice in ‘holding back’.
I love what you’ve shared here Caroline, thank you. Being honest with someone about how they look, feel and are has become an absurdity and something that’s seen as incredibly rude in society, however as you’ve shared mentioning to someone the dark circles under their eyes can actually be super supportive and done out of care for that person. We can’t go around stepping on egg shells, trying not to offend others by not talking to them about what’s truly going on for them and why, because this is what many of us need to expose it so that we can grow from it.
Great sharing Caroline, the truth can be uncomfortable and I know I find it challenging when friends share the truth with me, but even if there are initial feelings of discomfort I always feel more expanded in my body and ultimately feel better. The world could do with a big dose of truth and as you say, if it is delivered with love then we are often very open to hearing it. The reaction comes when it is said in reaction or without due care for the person who is hearing it.
It seems to me that our huge resistance to hearing truth is the seed of the arrangements of very many relationships. You don’t push my buttons, if I won’t push yours. Or, in this case, as long as I can react then I don’t have to accept what you are saying – thus we actually actively maintain the lovelessness of our relationships. Because if there was true love, as there is between Caroline and Alan, then all kinds of truths would start coming out – which freaks most of us out, because then we would have to take responsibility for our actions and moves….so best to keep it loveless.
Too true Caroline.
When truth is delivered from love, we can not but feel how much another loves us- that they are willing to love is no matter what.
The discomfort lay in our choices being exposed; and the comfort we have been swimming in is brought to a head – the choice then is, will we get out of the pool, or continue swimming a few more laps?
When truth is expressed in love, there is no place to hide. We can’t escape into blame, reaction, hurt or whatever – thus we have to stand with the responsibility of the truth right there in front of us.
Many years ago I watched a documentary about prisoners meeting their victims or families of their victims. 3 young men had killed a young man at a local pizza hut in a burglary gone tragically wrong. This was a trial program and not all prisoners had to be involved. 2 of the 3 men declined but the one that didn’t, was being interviewed just before we was about to enter the room to meet the family and he said I am naked in my truth and I think fear. I was so struck by this man and this moment of honesty – he was choosing responsibility and facing up to the consequences of his actions. It was an incredibly powerful moment.
I had an experience last night where I was speaking very openly and honestly about why I would never have sent my children to boarding school as for me, all that is learnt within the family is equally as valuable as what is learnt at school. This prompted someone to start crying, I felt terrible and worried that I’d been too forthright, knowing that I’d simply allowed myself to be completely honest. Through choosing to share the truth, we lift the lid on Pandora’s box, it can be very confronting, however, it also allows for our hurts to be exposed and dealt with which, whilst painful, is such a gift.
Awesome blog, and yes it does seem shocking at first to have the nice and polite shaken and still does at times as we have become so comfortable with sugar coating of our words, especially as we have from very young been told time and time again not to be rude. Quite often we hear children being told off for saying too loudly ‘That lady is so fat’ or making a comment about someone in all innocence, only to be quietened. When a child says these things out loud there is no malice and this is what we have to get used to as adults, by saying the truth with love for another and not as a criticism, and by making this our norm.
Thank you for such a simple example of the deep level of love and care we can share, supporting each other to live with a deeper – still level of love and care. This can so expand the nature of our relationships.
A beautiful example of what evolution in relationship can look like… and yet we often hold this back thinking we are being a ‘good friend’ by not delivering something that we think might be ‘hurtful’. Just an excuse really when the truth is, to hold it back retards another’s opportunity to grow, and hence us with them.
I like how you have added “and us with them” because sometimes we might want to turn away from a relationship because it is too challenging and yet we always have something to offer when we are being true.
Being in relationships is a two way street, that’s absolutely true Elainearthey, and it often feels easier to walk away from someone we are finding challenging. Sometimes it would be true to do, if there is no openness to resolving a difficulty perhaps, but most often in my experience, that if I change, the other party does too.
How simple and loving life would be if we all let go of ‘niceness’. This false facade upholding ways of being doesn’t get us anywhere and only covers up and cements the loveless choices we made.
There is only support when truth is expressed, and you are absolutely right Caroline, the only reason we may not want to hear it is because we feel exposed and we have to act on it, which means taking responsibility, and it is much easier to carry on in disregard than to come out of our comfort and get honest with ourselves.
Great question: “Why do we react when truth is expressed?” When it is said with love we only react when we don’t want to change our behaviors and instead blame the messenger or another. So there are two sides, first not taking responsibility and second not loving ourselves enough or allowing another’s love in to actually hear what is said and change.
Well said Monika, this helps me understand when someone reacts to truth and to not react back or take their reactions personally. I have found this massively supportive where I can simply observe someone’s reactions from a place of deep understanding.
It would be so much more supportive if we all allowed ourselves to loose the polite facade and get real, to start expressing this way with each other, allowing ourselves to show how much we really do care for each other. It can be very confronting when someone you love is in a ‘bad way’, however, if we choose to say nothing, what are we protecting …. hurting the other person, damaging the relationship? We are in truth hurting them more by staying silent, pretending that everything is ok when it’s not …. it’s the same as saying ‘I don’t love you enough to share how I’m really feeling’.
Great blog Caroline, being nice and polite does not change the world. We are a society that prefers to avoid the truth because it exposes where we really are, and we don’t always like to hear this. I love the openness and honesty and simplicity with which Alan Johnston said something that he saw in you that was holding you back and his few simple loving words stayed with you,…. this to me is love in action.
Whoo hoo Caroline, I am so glad you wrote this blog, and I am so glad Serge Benhayon called out this horrible vile niceness and politeness in this world. It serves no one and doesn’t support anyone to change their lives. It’s amazing to feel the freedom truth creates.
Caroline, this is a great blog, you raise some really important points, this feels very true, ‘Without this level of expression, we will stay stuck in the niceties and pleasantries of everyday conversation’. I can feel how it is rare for people to express truth, including myself, which is not supportive for others. It is through fear of reaction and for me someone not liking me anymore, so trying to keep friendships, but reading your article I can feel how this stops evolution,and that when I do share lovingly the truth it is very powerful and can be life changing.
Absolutely awesome blog, Caroline, thank you. When I read ‘“Hey, I have noticed you have put on a couple of kilos, is everything okay?”, I have to confess, my initial reaction was just that, a reaction, I felt shocked followed by an anxiousness in feeling how uncomfortable it would be to actually say that ….. however, very quickly I felt the absolute love in saying just that, if indeed someone was in that position. As Serge Benhayon always presents, when you speak from a place of love, the love is felt first. Of course, the other person may still choose to react, if it is their choice not to receive the love, but it is their choice not to do so.
You only have to listen to young kids to get the reflection of love and absolute truth being expressed without any reservation. They say things exactly as they are.
“Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?” I would say absolutely Caroline. I recall when I first came to Universal Medicine and had a session with a practitioner – who always speaks truth – I would react and grumble and really not want to hear what was said. At another session I confessed how I reacted and was told straight ‘you don’t like to hear truth’. Big ouch. Our relationship changed from then on, because I had expressed my truth – and I was also able to hear truth – and make changes, rather than mutter about that particular practitioner. I wasn’t alone in this I know. Being fearful of another’s reaction is why we don’t want to speak truth, but if we are 100% secure in our own skin – why would that worry us? And if we don’t make changes in our life, we stagnate. So yes, bring on truth.
“Serge went on to express that if it were delivered from true love and care, anyone would be open to hearing that.” this is the absolute truth as well, when I have delivered from knowledge or my head, almost preaching or being judgmental, it is met with reaction, which is understandable, as there is no true love or care there. When I am simply just myself and say what needs to be said with no holding back, no calculating, working out the words in my head, it’s met with openness, and often a conversation expands and unfolds.
“as a society we are far too polite and nice with each other, with no one really being prepared to call out what is truly going on for another.” I totally agree, you know how amazing this is to read this and feel this in the body – it’s huge, I literally breathed a sigh of relief. Niceness and politeness are vile, I would always, no matter what prefer people to be truthful or at least honest. You can feel that truth creates freedom in the body and space around you.
“Being nice and polite” is a way of behaviour that is expected of us from a very young age and is part of the picture in being a ‘good’ person as we are growing up so by the time we are adults don’t even realise it is happening. But it is false and serves no one. If we simply grew up ‘being Love’ this changes the game completely and then we can all truly grow as this blog clearly demonstrates “Love in expression is a two-way street: we need to be open enough to allow the truth to be expressed and we have to love enough to express the truth when it is needed.” Thank you Caroline, awesome!
From your blog Caroline I’m realising how much niceness and politeness is accepted as being ‘normal’. We’re saying proudly that we love our friends, family, children, colleagues, etc. And if we do so, could it be that by not expressing the Truth that we’re actually contributing to life and confirming life to be the way it is. There’s a lot to be said! A lot to be expressed. And it’s up to me whether I choose to react to it or take it lovingly and choosing to learn (evolve) from it.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful example of true expression and how you were able to receive it in love and look at what was being presented. It takes responsibility to a whole new level because when we hold back we not only harm ourselves but also the person who we fear to express openly to, and everyone else, because we cannot pick and choose who we express truth to. The more I commit to being willing to express whatever is there to be said without any investment or fear, but simply holding the other person in love and expressing from there, the more my relationships are opening up.
Caroline, I love the exchange you had with Alan. What is lovely is his surprise at what came out of his mouth. He spoke truth without worrying about the consequences. And it is so lovely that you were able to receive it and hear it. To block it and react would have been to say no to the deep level of healing that was offered. Yes, this is how we need to be with each other. Drop the politeness and embrace the truth.
A beautiful sharing Caroline. I know I have held back the truth in fear of the reaction that I am going to receive, however, what I have discovered is that this doesn’t help anyone. It keeps us all in the same place and there is no evolution and if there is no evolution, then is this really love? True love, as you have shared is loving someone so much that we don’t hold back the truth when it is needed. Of course it is important that it is expressed in a way that comes from love (not niceties, there is a difference!) and not an ounce of reaction otherwise it doesn’t serve anyone.
When I read what you shared Serge Benhayon presented re ‘Hey, I have noticed you have put on a couple of kilos, is everything okay?’ I could feel the reaction in my body pretty much like the audience did with ‘omg I couldn’t possibly say that!’. Knowing Serge Benhayon though I know that if he said this or anything to another it would have been said with absolute love and deep care and the receiver would have felt this giving them an opportunity to feel, see and heal what they haven’t wanted to. So this made me question how much do I love and care for others if I am not calling out what I see or feel is going on for them that is not in line with who they truly are, or not supportive for them. I love what has been presented here because firstly it exposes how being ‘nice’ is insidious and not truly loving, and secondly it opens up a space for us for feel and see there is a different way to be with each other. In a world that sometimes seems full to the brim with abuse, rude remarks and comments including cyber bullying this asks us to love more and only express to another with and from love.
How much do we miss when someone expresses love to us and because we don’t have the love for our self it just gets lost in translation. When we find where we have shelved our love, dust it off and start expressing it again our walls just fall away. Being love, we can feel what is said to us and the energy behind the words.
Great blog Caroline. The world could do with less politeness and more honesty, and yes, it would make for some uncomfortable times, but at least we would not rest behind the facade that all is well when in truth it is not. Politicians are not the only ones to sugar coat their words. They just happen to do it as a profession.
I recently had this experience that I had to share what I could see so clearly and did so even though initially there was a reaction but when the other person was able to receive the call to go deeper it was very much appreciated, and as I said to the person I love you too much to let you go under the false impression of niceties.
I have felt this for a long time that we play behind the polite and nice of life and where has that got us? We certainly do not live in the harmony that is possible for us too. What a wonderful exchange between you and your friend to be able to be open to sharing from your hearts what was there to be expressed.
Wow I love this Caroline, thank you for sharing. Niceties and pleasantries will not change the world, more so they confirm what is already there and that is mostly quite loveless. I feel a huge amount of love in those expressions you quoted in your blog and I have experienced it too, even though it was very exposing at the start, I could feel the deep love and concern of the other person in the expression and I felt truly seen and cared for. This inspired me to change my ways.
When we get stuck in certain behaviours, its wonderful to have people in our lives that care enough to not be polite and share the truth we need to hear.
I have always appreciated the honesty shared with me by another, even if it has sometimes been a delayed appreciation. I remember once an uncle telling me that I was closed and aloof. It upset me for a few days, but actually got me to see how I was keeping myself away from others, and it was the start of me becoming more open. I remember the conversation to this day, even though it happened over twenty years ago.
Caroline, yes we are indeed too polite. I know I still hold back from saying what I feel in certain situations. I think we get taken aback when truth is expressed because we hear it so infrequently. It’s shocking partly because someone has dared to break from the norm of politeness.
So true Caroline we are too afraid to express what needs to be said for fear of reaction and rejection. I always love how Serge Benhayon brings us back to the truth, to the massive importance of expressing our real care and love for one another because it so often it is the confirmation we are needing to address the real issues on our lives. Being nice to one another when we can see all is not well is just us ducking our real responsibility for ourselves and one another, to ensure we feel supported and loved in life.
Thank you Caroline for such a beautiful sharing.
“Why do we react when truth is expressed?” I feel this is often because we know it is the truth and have chosen to ignore it and assumed that no one else is aware of it. I share your deep appreciation to say “thank you deeply Serge Benhayon for your continual inspiration in leading the way back to what true love is, and for equally always loving me enough to express the truth.”
I love this – it calls out the polite way we have all been brought up – as a child I think I probably blurted out truth as I saw it and was told off for being rude or tactless – I did the same with own children, trying to teach them ‘manners’. Recently, concerned with a friend’s weight gain, I expressed my observations with concern, then was immediately anxious about her reaction, it was a very uncomfortable moment for both of us. Learning to express with love and not judgement is tricky and learning to receive the love that is given and to truly feel that lack of judgement is also tricky, because we are so used to being judged, we apply it even when it isn’t there.
The questions posed here are opening up a whole lot of possibilities for considering my habit of politeness over truth and my reactions to truth being shared with me. In each instant I have the choice to reject what is on offer or to open up to the quality that something has been shared with and then let the revelation be a point of learning and a keen taking up of responsibility. Thank you, Caroline and Alan.
Love it Caroline, life would be so much simpler if we could all express lovingly from truth without fear of reprisals or reactions. Over the years slowly but surely I have come from someone who was far too nice and polite to someone who can express truth better, but still a little frightened sometimes of what the outcome may be. 9 times out of ten though its a good result if spoken with love.Nice and polite is so last century, role on expressing with love.
Caroline this really does show the importance ease and love of true expression and the beautiful way we can live in this way and the real love and honouring it takes.The niceties and pleasantries of everyday conversation are holding us back from truth and an evolving way of living. When expressing my truth of what was going on with individuals in a staff meeting the other day directly it was amazing to feel the lack of reaction and how freeing and simple it felt for me and this was very beautiful to realise also.
Great and evolutionary blog Caroline. I speak up lots now, yet you have highlighted the one specific area in which it can still be difficult for me to speak up, that is, with comments about someone’s personal appearance and health, unless of course it is someone coming for a session. I have never liked it when someone says I’m looking tired or whatever, as I am usually well aware of it, have looked into what I can observe about it and then take action with it. I usually feel like saying ‘Yes, yes, let me deal with it!’. This is why I don’t make those kind of remarks to other people especially if I know that they are aware of what is happening. I realise that all the difference is made in how loving that comment is! Still not quite over the hump with this one, but I can see the wisdom in what you say.
I feel you on this one, Lyndy. And I probably go about it wrong by starting off with something like ‘don’t take this the wrong way, but…’ or ‘can I be honest with you for a second…’ In effect, it allows the other person to get their pads on because here comes the kick! Saying it out of love and from love is a different feel all together. But having said that, for those not open to love or self loving themselves, it still can be hard to hear.
“Is it sometimes far easier to ignore what is being presented and/or find a way to blame or make the one expressing truth wrong, rather than take responsibility for what needs changing and accept the gift that is being offered?”- When a truth is said to us and we react it is indeed because we don’t want to admit we have been living in a disregarding or unloving way, and this requires deep honesty to accept where we are at and what changes need to occur. We can also react because we are being asked to step up in our commitment to life and love for humanity/brotherhood, and part of us (our spirit) whats to make life about self and stay in our comfort.
You nailed it here, Loretta. It’s challenging all around. As hard as it can be to take, I am committed to working on myself and thus appreciate being called out. The next thing to remember is not to go into self loathing once the truth has been spoken. So it’s about not reacting about what is said, whether towards another or ourselves.
The trick is to say the truth with love and to be able to do that I practice to appreciate ‘what is’. On this ground I can call out ‘what is not’.
Beautiful Caroline, I love what you’ve shared. I personally love it when people express truth to me even if it hurts because it opens up the opportunity for me to really look what has been presented. I may react at first from the hurt but from that I give myself time to ponder, reflect and work out what is truly going on and when I am ready I can then choose to take responsibility for what was presented. There is a saying ‘truth hurts’ but truth doesn’t hurt at all especially when we are ready to hear it, it always supports us to evolve.
Awesome blog Caroline, I too appreciate deeply how my ability and willingness to express truth more and more has been inspired from attending the Presentation workshops by Serge Benhayon. I have become more aware to ask myself when I express is it for evolution or recognition, does what I express support myself and others to evolve? Sometimes I get reactions from people, in the past I would apologies and try to retract what I’ve expressed to make the people feel better but now, I understand it is a choice if someone chooses to react. Instead of reacting back I try to understand what is really going on and see what I can learn from these reactions and if the opportunity is there for me to express and share my understanding it feels hugely supportive and loving. By being open and willing to understand I find I am less reactive.
It’s great that this game of playing nice and polite is getting exposed for the poison that it actually is. No one benefits when the truth is not expressed and niceties prevail. I should know, I used to be someone who was chronically ‘nice.’ The world is in the state that it is in because people are addicted to playing safe and not ruffling others feathers at the expense of showing true love and compassion by expressing what is there to be expressed. We have to learn to be real and transparent with one another and not hide behind the mask of niceness if true change is to occur.
“Is it possible we don’t like to hear the truth because it requires change on our part?” Great question Caroline and yes I feel that it can be seen as easier to stay living in comfort because then we don’t have to look at why we got to the point we did in the first place. We can negate our responsibility in the situation too. Its like turning a blind eye on the problem so we don’t have to feel what is truly going on, if we stay open to the truth shared the level of honesty can break down these barriers and create space to truly see that everything lies in our expression of truth and the healing from there is huge.
I love this, what a wonderful exchange and collaboration, leading to not only an article but a beautiful photo (and possibly more) – that alone demonstrates the deeply healing qualities of love and honesty over the superficial niceties and politeness that can cover up so much of what is really going on.
Awesome blog Caroline. When we relate to each other from niceties and politeness there is no depth or true intimacy and there is no true love. We abate a lonely state of being where we all withdraw our truth into quiet corners and relate to each other from a superficial place that prevents up from opening up to each other. When we do share from love, and express what’s there to say without sugar-coating it or dumming it down it’s so so beautiful. It’s saying to the other, show me the real gorgeous you, don’t hide you in a dark hidden corner and let’s be true brothers again. to me this is key to restoring brotherhood in all its glory on earth.
Awesome sharing Caroline. I for one have spoken to many friends over the years in saying exactly what you are sharing. And I have landed in hot water on many occasions. Sometimes it just falls out of my mouth and people have said many many times to me “you can’t say that!” Truth and reaction will always be exposing.
Being nice is like a human plague – it excuses our old patterns, behaviours and beliefs as being acceptable and tolerated. It confirms us in our stuck and self-indulgent ways and calls nothing to account, pretty much just keeps everyone comfortable. Wanting to be liked has always been a big thing for me, so I would play it nice to make sure people liked me or could count on me to make them feel good about their choices, even if I felt otherwise, I wouldn’t say. That is changing, thanks to Serge Benhayon and his presentations, and I now know the importance of expressing what I see and feel and not be fearful of the consequence.
Here here Caroline – amazing to read your experience with true love with a friend of the opposite sex. This relationship and what you share with each other is a game changer in terms of openness and intimacy. Imagine if we choose to express like this with our family and friends, without taking anything personally or as criticism, but as confirmation of the love we feel for each other.
I love what you have shared here Caroline it clearly shows the key to allowing true love into our lives.
Sure, reaction, anger and confrontation can come about when you share openly with others. But what you present here for us to see Caroline is that this is only ever that you have presented something another brother had chosen not to see. It’s not a matter of us all walking around delivering ‘cold hard facts’ brutally but not censoring what we feel is there to say. Otherwise, we are all left swimming in a fog of half-truths and a reduced, held back life. It is crazy – the freedom we all long to feel lives not in a distant holiday or a far off field but in the simple way we can express what our heart feels.
How I love the truth, it is so freeing and allows me to see another part of me that I may have conveniently hidden. The truth is always shining just as the sun does everyday, however, do we feel and see that or do we cloud it over with images and thoughts that are not truth?
I’ve recently had a discussion with a friend around how direct I am and how at times it makes them very uncomfortable and that I need to be more considerate of their feelings. It’s a tricky conversation to have because I know that what I’m delivering is in no way intended to hurt and that it is their expectation of what should and should not be spoken about that stifles them. I do appreciate that truth can be delivered in many ways and there is an element of me needing to be aware of that, however to stop speaking openly would in my eyes be to the detriment of the relationship as it would never evolve.
Caroline what you share here is pure gold. It can be hard to hear the truth because it does bring to light the need for deep reflection. Speaking the truth I find even harder because I fear the reaction and yet that is the most loving thing I can offer when I see someone is harming themselves in some way. Is this really the way I want to live? I think not.
‘no offence, but…’ How often do we start a sentence with these words, preparing the other person for what is about to come. In approaching it this way, we are assuming there is a reaction on stand by certain to come our way. Is this because we’ve set it up that way? Is it possible that if we all spoke from honesty a little more often we’d be more accepting of the truth rather than being so well practiced at ignoring and avoiding so much of what goes on around us?
Good points, Elodie. But in considering your questions I can also understand more why and how people build walls to protect themselves. Once the wall’s up, it can be hard to peek over it or even take it down, so to speak.
HA!! Awesome Caroline. Man can the truth be a shock to the system. For the very reason you have explained here, we as a society are far too polite and ‘well mannered’. But it’s so true, since when is it polite to hold back the truth for fear of upsetting the other when the truth can only be of service to everyone involved. If we changed our perception of what receiving the truth looks like we wouldn’t be in this polite mess. It’s a conversation that rarely arises between people.