by Jennifer Smith, Registered Nurse, Maclean NSW
I have just come home after spending 9 days with my parents, younger brother and Panda (the family dog) in my childhood home. This is the longest I have been with them since moving out over 20 years ago. Over those 20 years, not only has there been physical distance between us, but also a distance had been created with our relationships. Not through the fault of anyone. We had all just let it happen that way.
For me, I had made my life so busy with travelling and socialising with friends initially, and then finally it was all about work, career and making a business. Whenever I went to Sydney for anything I would try to “fit in mum and dad”. I would go and have a meal at home or a cup of tea – always just a pop-in visit. I was too busy doing a course of some description to improve or better myself, or improve work prospects. I had such a drive to improve and impress.
Although I knew my parents well, they almost seemed like strangers at the same time. What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself. By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too.
As I have attended Universal Medicine courses and sessions with their practitioners, I have been able to more clearly see this pattern. By gradually making more nurturing and loving changes for how I care for me, I have begun to meet me – and discovered a Beauty-Full Woman.
Prior to my holiday at Mum and Dad’s, on the last pop-in visit we met for brunch. My family were sitting in the cafe and I was the last one to arrive. As I sat and greeted them all, I felt an overwhelming sense that I was deeply loved. It was so lovely, but deeply sad at the same time, because I had kept myself in a state that I could not see or feel that. After then, I knew that when I next had leave I had to be with my parents for more than a pop-in visit and a cup of tea.
It was like no time had passed at all. Dad and I walked in the early mornings. Mum and I went bra shopping. We ate meals together. Nothing flash, just us all being together. Yes, living with Mum and Dad, even for a short time, did bring up some childhood issues for me, but it just felt so different. I was more able to accept them just as they are and not judge them or their relationship and not react, as I would have previously. They also showed great acceptance of the changes I have been making.
I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.
I am so pleased that I have got off my bum to re-establish a true relationship with my parents. I missed them when I left, in fact I now realise that it’s 20 years worth. That’s ok though, for the re-connection is on a new basis for me and I know that it will now be different for all of us.
Would it not be great if we could re-imprint every relationship as you have done with your family Jennifer?
There is a beautiful detachment in how we can relate with others full of ease, acceptance and light; understanding that each one of us is living their own cycle in this life. We can choose differently but this doesn’t mean we have to live separated. Instead of that we can support and enrich each other from this place of openness and deep appreciation. There is a lot to share and expand together when we open up our hearts…
When we are loving with ourselves everyone gets enriched by this quality. The acceptance of yourself and your parents goes hand in hand and it’s very inspiring to read. Thank you Jennifer
Within our childhood family is where we learn to be a family so that we go out to meet the wider family of humanity.
Beautiful to read of your reconnection and how simple and easy it was once you committed to visit for more than a ‘pop-in’.
Like you, Jennifer, I got off my backside and suggested that the Girls in the family get together for a few days once a year. And the time is coming when this will take place again. Some might think that we don’t do a great deal, but actually, we do we support each other not just at these gatherings but throughout the year we have a group WhatsApp, we talk, we laugh, we go for walks, we prepare meals together and we absolutely love being with one another. Our relationship with each other has deepened beyond anything I thought possible, I feel very blessed to have such loving people in my life. All this has been inspired by Serge Benhayon and his family and how they live. By example, I have been shown a different way to be and I’m loving this way of being and so is my family.
Thanks Jennifer, I enjoyed feeling the simplicity as expressed with your parents, it’s there in every activity, like shopping and meals, just being together, and in the acceptance without demands or impositions. And what a gem of wisdom this line is “I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.”
‘By distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself’ – I can very much relate to this. We can’t hold ourselves back from someone without doing that to ourselves at the same time, and we leave ourselves rather thirsty.
This is beautiful, Jennifer. Re-connecting with your parents from a more loving, deep and honest space, where there is always more and more to share and embrace.. Very inspiring
” As I sat and greeted them all, I felt an overwhelming sense that I was deeply loved. It was so lovely, but deeply sad at the same time, because I had kept myself in a state that I could not see or feel that. ” I wonder how many times we have dismissed these loving moments in our lives because we have been so wrapped up in our own issues.
Relative to this discussion is, we start to reconnect through our gentle-ways and from there we find self-loving is so divine that others are transformed by these simple reflections. Could this be how evolution works?
Many of us get stuck in blaming our parents for the way our lives have turned out to be. We point the finger and cry, but how many of us have truly looked at our patterns, our behaviours and tendencies with honesty and an openness to really understand the root? If we do that, more often than not we are likely to see that our parents are not to blame, they too have had upbringings which may have not been the most loving, they too have had a development on this planet which may not have supported them to be themselves. If we are so wise and all-knowing, why is it that we blame them when we know that this behaviour is damaging? If we know better than them, why is it that we are not acting differently?
‘I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.’ Thank you for writing this, it inspires me to make the time and space to spend time with my family.
‘By gradually making more nurturing and loving changes for how I care for me, I have begun to meet me – and discovered a Beauty-Full Woman.’ This is really gorgeous and makes me realise how i can get caught up being busy and not allowing time for myself or my family.
It’s all too easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of work and projects and not spend time connecting with family. This reminds me of the death bed conversation that people have, lovingly remembering the connections they made, not the work that they did. I don’t want to reach the end of life having regrets about the deepening connections I could have made possible….
Jennifer this is such a great point to realise I hadn’t really considered it in the way you say until now “Although I knew my parents well, they almost seemed like strangers at the same time. What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself. By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too.” A great opportunity to reacquaint your self with yourself.
Keeping busy is definitely a means to make a stranger of oneself – make space for oneself and space keeps expanding.
Recently I have been reflecting on all of my relationships and how I no longer want to ‘fit people in’ but put aside time to really spend and be with them and it has felt such a lovely thing to do. It just goes to show that we are the ones that create all the ‘stress’ and ‘haven’t got time to do’ situations when really that does not need to be the case at all.
It’s a great point Vicky, and I can’t help but feel it applies to other things as well, such as work and chores at home, or maybe that we approach it without the stress of time, and to be with ourselves and bring the care needed to our lives by attending to and completing tasks. It is a very different approach to spend time with ourselves and others to deepen the quality of our lives and relationships, to getting things done or fitting in time with others.
Jennifer, I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog again as you share so much with a depth of appreciation, an understanding of what happened and hence with no blame on anyone. Your sharing is intimate in quality and allows each of us to realise the blessings that we can forget are there for us each and every day with each and every person that is in our lives.
When we do not appreciate we miss out on so much.
Jennifer, this is GOLD: “I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.” How often do we lament about what is missing and in the process miss the blessings that lie in front of our very eyes.
Great point Henrietta. Appreciating what we do feels so important, rather than regretting and even blaming for what we don’t, which wastes time and energy.
It really is the extraordinary in the ordinary that brings the magic to our day to day life, for those walks and talks we share with our family and friends are absolutely precious.
The key is commitment to love, whatever way that means in that particular relationship, to be open (transparent to let yourself be seen and see the other), and truly there-in is what is needed.
Seeing things for what they actually are and not what you want them to be is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and others. It is the expectations that we place on each other that does the damage.
So true Sarah. Having pictures and expectations of how things should be kills the possibility of evolving in any relationship. Bringing understanding and communicating with each other supports the deepening in any relationship.
What a great way to clear old childhood issues and patterns by spending some quality time with parents. By standing back and being able to observe what comes up we can get a very different understanding of what is going on and what hurts we have held onto for many, years and possibly life times.
Great point you have raised Alison, so could it be we are choosing our parents so we can look at and heal our lifetimes of hurts, because they are reflecting what is most needed to see our childhood patterns that need healing?
Yes agreed but we are not taught this and so we are not aware of the amazing opportunity we have to heal very old hurts that have been with us for life times. I am learning so much from my mother even now in her very elderly years and we are both enjoying this opportunity to heal our past and appreciate and enjoy each other,. This is such a blessing and a huge thank you to Universal Medicine for showing me there is a different way to see our parents, and I know going forward that in my next lives this will change my whole understanding of family and what it means to be a parent.
Are our parents reflecting some behaviours and patterns that we need to heal…interesting pondering.
And it could be we bring a deepening for our parents to reflect on so it works both ways!
Thank you Alison and may I add the way we parent our-selves and others becomes one of Love when we deepen our relationships with everyone young and old and treat them as equals with the true respect and decency that we all deeply deserve.
Bringing true understanding to any relationship supports it to evolve and move on. When my mother was ill before her death I was able to let go of old resentments and hurts and she felt able to let go of guilt, so we both deepened our relationship. Not sure I’d have been able to do that without the benefit of the Ageless Wisdom teachings.
Great to hear and I almost got a bit teary myself as I feel I could have established a more intimate relationship with my parents. But at the same time it is what it is and I did what I could. .
It is interesting how self-betterment and work success often leave behind the importance of nurturing the quality and the value of our family relationships.
Absoltuley Elizabeth. This is such a great reminder, and something that I know I can go deeper with myself.
A relationship is when both sides are willing to go deeper. Sometimes one side is unwilling and that’s ok too, even if it is family, it does not mean everyone will come on board. Acceptance while not holding back ourselves is key.
When we distance ourselves from someone it just means we have disconnected from ourselves. Change that and our relationships change.
‘Fit in’ is a time-related expression and movement of compressing life and ourselves.
It feels horrible when said like that. Why on earth (literally) would we want to ‘fit-in’. Fit in with what I ask? With the lies and corruption, the games, the playing less? We are not here to fit in, rather be all the love that we are – so why not live that as our normal and let others ‘fit-in’ with us, after all it is our natural way of being.
Maybe we should call “fitting in” “squashing in” because we are drastically changing and reducing ourselves for others who have already also done the same.
It is the judgement part of this article that is so huge. because it is rarely talked about how we can judge our parents and their choices, thinking perhaps that we have it all sorted – the younger brighter generation. When really they are just people too, who want to feel loved and accepted for who they are just as much as anyone else does. And I love the way that you have returned to the love that you have for them just as they have always loved you.
We cannot ever change another and yet there is always an opportunity to open ourselves and drop our judgements towards another. There feels such an opening to your family described in this blog.
Imagine that, we can often blame our family members for what has not worked for us in life, rather than observing what our choices were and appreciating our choices to remain true to ourselves.
It is such a different kettle of fish when we remove our judgement and blame from our family members and see them as equal to ourselves in our innermost.
So true jennym. It is very humbling to see others in this way, particualrly when we may have had disagreements with them in the past. Thankyou for highlighting this.
How freeing it is to get to a place of acceptance with our parents and to not hold them to a picture of how we want them to be.
Very much Julie, observe with no pictures or ideals of how we want them to be.
Spending time with parents for me is like a little test to see where I am really at. I could be getting on well with friends, colleagues etc., job might be going well… then I visit my parents and the ugly stuff gets triggered and I am back being their child again. In the past I thought it was them, so I stayed away as long as I did. But what I know now as I deepen my connection with myself is that I cannot have a truly loving relationship with anyone if I don’t have one with myself first. And with parents, it feels like we either know that they love us unconditionally, or want to test if they really do, and we act as though we have a right to push them no end. Isn’t that how the majority of humanity is with God? It is lovely when I can truly feel that I am equal to them, and I can truly love and appreciate them, not because they are my parents, but because of who they are.
Thank you Jennifer, the support Universal Medicine provides with workshops, presentations, and their esoteric healing modalities can open us up to seeing how we are in life, seeing our momentums and patterns, and as they clear we can come back to living from the simplicity of love again.
A reminder to see the beauty in life and our relationships and not the ‘what is not’.
It was beautiful to read how Jennifer re-connected with her parents.
It is never to late to reconnect to the love that was already always there, no judgment or blame is needed, just to feel the glory of the reunion and the blessings and healing it brings along.
Quite often we fail to see how amazing our families are and take them for granted. I suppose it’s because our hurts get in the way and dictate to us the relationship we will have with them, but in the long run, it’s such as waste.
Enormous healing comes from re-connecting to someone, whether it be a past lover, friend or relative. Our whole lives deepen as a result which benefits everyone we meet thereafter.
Yes Thomas, how you describe this re-connection is to me multi dimensional and how things in reality work in the multi dimensional world we are all part of, if we like it or not.
As adult ‘kids’ we think we know our parents. But in most cases, they have played a role, the mother or the father, and we do not get to see or feel the fullness of who they are. This already sets up a distance and separation that strains relationships. It is easy to understand then how easily the excuses of being too busy for mum and dad can kick in.
I too know the power of accepting my parents for who they are. It takes away so much pressure to impress and prove myself. It also allows them the space to actually get to know the person I am, and me to get to know them as people. It is like the actual roles of “parent” and “child” disappear and we again become people that love each other dearly.
This is a beautiful example of how if we accept ourselves and others for who we/they are and not want them to be different we can have very loving relationships with them.
In allowing ourselves to be together in openness and love, there is nothing more needed, as sharing ourselves, who we really are is everything. When we begin to focus on living love for ourselves and healing our hurts, we bring to all our relationship a greater understanding of love, and that this is what we all in essence crave, long to live and share with each other.
My mother died when I was in the peak of madness. I was under a guru, literally, as I was giving my power away big time. My mother died pretty soon after me telling her that I was going to buy a property for the guru to set up a community with the money she was leaving me….not a good time to share that with her….on her death bed…but I feel she knew I was going to come good as she did not banish me from the will and come good I did, thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, who is very far away from being a guru!
Re-imprinting our relationships for the true better benefits all, as it allows a fresh start and opportunity to deepen with each other.
Opening up to relationships becomes such a joy as I grow older especially see our parents are dead. It is such a blessing to have so many people I know who I can feel that level of Love you were talking about when you meet your family again Jennifer.
This is so beautiful to read and feel. I’m going to see my parents soon and the love they are and express is so so lovely. It never used to be this way because I didn’t allow myself to be love or let love in, so no wonder relationships were frayed, something I certainly helped instigate. What’s so amazing is our choice to let all that stuff go and just get on with loving each other and ourselves.
It is a beautifull thing when you just accept and appreciate your parents for who they are, it lets go of all the mum/dad/daughter/son stuff and you can finally start to deepen a more loving, open and respectful relationship .. I know this from experience.
When we can let in the love that we are held in and too are able to love everyone equally in return, life becomes real and natural as we are from love, as it is our essence. The playing of games, the games of having busy lives or whatever we put in place will cease and we will return to our natural way of being that is in appreciation of the love we are from all equally so.
I love hearing about relationships that are turned around and freed from entrenched patterns how ever long they have been established. A point of inspiration for ‘never too late’ and the fact that there are always fresh opportunities.
I agree Matilda, it’s like being in a whole new relationship with people that you already know that takes the potential of you together to a new level.
If I can feel a distance in my relationships with others is there any part of myself that I have separated from? Spending my days ‘too busy’ to connect to?
I do wonder.
Beautifull Leigh. Yes absolutely if there is any distance or change in any one, or our relationships, it is to first look at ourselves and what are we doing (or not doing!!). How are we distancing ourselves from them, not letting them in. We can never blame another.
Jennifer I found it very inspiring what you have shared about re-connecting with your family again. It seems to be that it is not necessary to change “the world” so to speak – it is enough if we change ourselves or let me say it differently – if we re-connect to ourselves first.
Our family and friends are always there to lovingly show us if we are willing to be more intimate with ourselves.
Indeed Adele, love is not a stationary, it always asks us to be more and in fact that is not an issue but a natural deepening and evolving back to our natural way of being.
When I am so busy, what I am saying to people around me especially my family and those who love me, that I do not need you. You can imagine how they feel.
The more we deepen the love for ourselves, the more it’s natural to want to open up and let others in so they too can get a taste of what lives within themselves.
It only takes an open heart to rekindle a beautiful warm relationship with those we love. Much healing can then occur as you beautifully share Jennifer.
This is a lovely sharing that reflects how we can put labels on people and this blocks us from seeing their true values. To spend time with others develops relationships and be developing relationships we can become a reflection for one another.
Thanks to the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom I now love re-connecting with my family of origin as it is always an opportunity to heal anything that gets in the way of being more love with each other.
This is beautiful that you made time to re-connect with your parents in this way. It can be easy to get caught in the ‘doing’ of life that we can neglect our relationships, but making the time to spend time with the people we love is a gorgeous thing.
It’s so easy to get caught up in our day to day and not see and feel how much we can miss how much others care for us and that we can just spend time together and be with them without fuss or need. The more we care for ourselves the more we allow others to be with and care for us.
Recently I re-connected with some friends that I have not seen for awhile and it was beautiful to feel that no matter how long it has been since we have seen each other the love and care towards each other is there and never in fact changes.
It is interesting how we let the relationship with our immediate family slip away as if of no worth, and yet these are people we grew up with. I can relate to getting busy with work, marriage and travelling overseas, that resulted in having little contact with my parents and my siblings. Then, later on, moving back to the same town as my parents and siblings, which initiated a closer relationship.
“I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.” How beautiful that you can now see them for who they truly are, not from your hurts or theirs for that matter. Very amazing.
Beautifully confirming that it is never too late to re-write history in relationships and this is an inspiring invitation for us all to review those relationships that we set aside.
How we are in ourselves makes such a difference in how we perceive life and how we are with family. In contrast to all the family fights and tensions that are the norm, it can be just really simple to be with family.
We are incomplete in ourselves when we neglect relationships and keep people at bay.
What an inspiring experience to read right now. My parents in-laws are visiting us at the moment and I can see how I have distanced myself with keeping busy. I can already feel areas in which I could surrender, allow and appreciate more that would support our relationship.
Although I had a fairly close relationship with my parents, it now seems clearer that the quality of the relationships struggled to evolve, and we kept each other at arms length – such a waste of time.
I can relate to the busyness and drifting apart from my relationships, even this morning I did say to myself – am I avoiding how loving I now am and can share with another? and reading this has confirmed such and inspiring to get off my bum and do something about it! Thank you Jen.
Amazing that relationships can be reformed, re-defined and given a new beginning – our relationships can evolve and this is beautiful testimony to that Jen, thankyou.
20 years of missing that connection with our parents, I am sure there are way too many of us who read this blog who would like to re-live a fair bit of the time we have had with our parents. What you share here inspires me to know that it can start at any age, we can take time to re-connect and make space for the relationship as it is now, not as it was then.
How beautiful and thanks for sharing Jen. Re-connection doesn’t need anything fancy – just a coming and a being together. I love staying with family and slotting into their rhythm and routine for a period – doing the everyday things of life together. Being me with them.
Making space to rekindle relationships is really important, it gives us a chance to re-imprint the past, to make relationships about true connection is very loving, and that love can be deeply felt by all.
I recognize this situation within myself, even though I might be younger and I still live with one parent , my mom, I can clearly see that I have avoided letting them in. Especially my biological father, whom I have not lived with since I was 3 years old. And so, how I am now seeing that by avoiding contact in whatever way – I am actually resisting my own evolution to grow with all people that are close around me. So that is time to re-imprint, and let myself out , be seen in the open and embrace all the relationships I have. Thank you for awakening this subject.
Jennifer what you have shared is so beautiful as it warms my heart. Yes we can re-connect to ourself or to others in every second of our live and that is the true gift we all have inside of us.
Beautiful to read how you re-connected with your mum and dad, it is easier to drop in for a cup of tea, ticking the box of visiting our parents, yet when we build deeper relationships and connections there is so much more to be shared, that it enriches everyone involved.
This is a beautiful blog Jennifer, when we bring acceptance and love to any relationship it has the opportunity to deepen and become more true.
We can take for granted love for ourselves and others but if we do not nurture our relationship with love then it fades.
I had the most amazing day with my parents a couple of days ago, Instead of the judgement I would bring with me every time I saw them, this time I just brought myself. It was just lovely to be with them and realise how cute they are.
That’s it Viktoria “…realise how cute they are.”, most of us don’t like being treated like the child, especially when we are adults, yet most the time as the ‘child’ we tend to do the same back to ‘our parents’ and only look at them as parents. Instead as the gorgeous people we get to live our lives with, who also had childhoods, were teenagers, went to school, had issues, love to be playful etc. We can learn so much when we let go of labels and see each other for who we are.
My experience is that when you begin to start working things out within yourself it begins to change the way you see all people and all your relationships; you start to see that other people are the same as you and that everyone has difficult things to face and that nothing is ever personal, and you start to live with an understanding and love for people and what they too also have to face. It changes your whole perspective on life.
Being able to meet oneself is the beginning of a beautiful journey of discovery and change.
Creating space and having a willingness to reconnect with others is super healing for all, as we are able to reimprint our relationships with a new level of truth and love.
I love the action that you took here in that you felt just how much you were loved by your family and on reflection acknowledged that the next time you saw them it needed to be longer than a fleeting visit .. and I just know they would have loved spending that quality time with you.
This has been playing out in my life for the last few months – my elderly parents.
I alone visited them in the UK and I had them for my self, the rest of the family are scattered around the country or overseas. It did feel different being with them and there was a level of sadness because of the choices they had made yet at the same time I was feeling a depth of love I had never held towards them before. I showed them that I was no longer the 5th child, I was a woman with my own story to share with others.
Despite their spate of illnesses, I couldn’t help but be with them in a love I hadn’t allowed out before. And finally I had this huge appreciation of what they had bought into my life. Despite the distance, I call them regularly, it is so lovely seeing their faces on Face Time, their in the 80’s and know how to use Face Time – I love technology.
It’s never too late to not only reconnect with mum and dad but reconnect with me too.
I have distanced myself from my parents over the last few years big time, not because of anything to do with them, but because I am so resentful towards the way I was brought up and the judgements and the blame I still hold for them. I know that the ball has started rolling, and soon I will open up to the world, including my parents, and my love will pour out. However, baby steps until then 🙂
Beautiful to take the time to truly connect, to ourselves and then with others. Taking time to be love with your family Jennifer is so inspiring, allowing them to be who they are and feeling how much you are loved by them.
This is a heart warming and very inspiring blog that shows us it is never too late to re-imprint our relationships no matter who they are and how old we are.
It is beautiful to feel how the quality of our relationships naturally deepen and become more honest when we are open and willing to truly connect with each other. As we discover that there much to appreciate and equally as much to share with each other, our lives enrichen with a deepening connection to a quality that reflects the truth of who we all are in essence.
How amazing and inspiring to hear about the impact of revisiting relationships and rewriting the foundations on which they sit. How many of us go through life in the rut of a pattern set up in a relationship when it is absolutely in our power to revitalise it?
Beautifully shared Matilda. Being open to re-imprinting our relationships offers us the great opportunity to explore, reveal and realise just how amazing the power of true connection is, along with the joy of what can unfold for us through the evolution available.
I love how it seems to happen naturally – that we start giving ourselves more love and without making any conscious effort we feel more available to others, like love expands us and it feels natural for us to be more open and loving with others and some old, stale relationships get reignited.
A great blog. If people seem like strangers to us, particularly our parents! Then I feel the question we need to ask is why are we not letting them in to our lives and hearts and if we are to then feel is it protection they are holding onto in order to not let others in. Beautifull you felt what you needed to change here and in turn how your relationship with your family has changed.
It is only by appreciating what is true in another that we can see through all that is not of this truth and thus stands in the way of us truly connecting with each other. This enables us to have a greater acceptance of the way things are without needing it to be a certain way of shying away from reading in full all that is being presented for us to examine through the relationships we have with one another. Making life about love and about people is our only way home from the cold fringes of a way of living in which we have sought recognition for what we ‘do’ rather than appreciating exactly who we are and what we bring to the table in the rich banquet of life.
Just goes to show if your busy all the time in the doing what time is there to stop and smell the roses ie to surrender and feel the love.
It’s great to reunite with old friends or family and not let the past interfere with our relationships in the present, when we meet each other without criticism or judgement or expectations but just enjoy ourselves and appreciate ourselves for who we are.
Jennifer, thank for this lovely reminder of how important it is to keep nurturing our relationships, and spending some time with our family and friends – this is just one way for us to grow and evolve, and keep opening up to the new, even with re-visiting the old, but more so it is honouring the connection that is there with another, a deeply felt love, and care that cannot but be celebrated!
Often in life we hold back truly sharing our love for others and in this gap so much goes mis-communicated. If only we can fully drop the guard and allow our love to be expressed out and to receive it back in full.
I love this Kristy… considering what it will look like when we drop the guards and live our relationships with full transparency, honesty and openness.
A great example of how relationships can blossom when we have a steady relationship with ourselves first.
Yes, I can relate to what you write Jennifer. Prior to attending Universal Medicine presentations and courses, my relationship with my remaining parent was rather rocky and filled with blame for unresolved childhood issues. This has changed completely and it has been a blessing to be able to express love, without reservation or neediness now and no blame at all.
Can relate Jennifer and have been on a similar journey myself. I now love hanging out with my parents. It’s great to set aside the issues of the past and invest that time in them and us and develop the connection that is naturally there.
Thank you for sharing Jennifer, true love for others is when are willing to open up and accept them for who they are allowing them space to be and be inspired by our reflection and willingness to evolve, living the love that is so natural and innate within us.
It is beautiful to have no bars hold with our parents, creating a way in which we can build love and evolve together as we have come into their lives to both learn and grow. It is beautiful to keep seeing them for who they are and come back to them when this relationship has been discarded, it is our responsibility to invest time and energy in all our relationships, it is a way we evolve.
Thanks Jen this is really lovely. We can have very loving relationships with our parents, no matter what was in the past. The beauty is that love is about evolution, so naturally as we evolve we have more love for our parents. Love is also understanding.
Great blog, our relationships with our parents are not always easy ones however like you said, when we close off to them, we close off to ourself also!
We all get busy in our day to day lives and when we become distanced from our loved ones and put what we do above the quality of the relationships we have with others it leaves a hole that we fill with even more busy-ness and drive – which only serves to feed the insatiable greed of the busy-ness cycle all the more.
We often can’t see what is right under our noses. We can spend our lives trying to get somewhere different or be someone different, but all the time there are people who love us just as we are. We can simply come back to that fact and enjoy it! Lovely blog.
I love it when you take out all the roles or labels such as “mum” or “dad” or “sister” and just enjoy being with each other and evolving together and learning to be more loving – surely this has got to be what family is truly about.
I agree, Meg, it is amazing to approach our interactions and relationships with everyone, free from the labels, history and pre-judgements that are so common. I reckon this is a responsibility we could all step up to.
Very true, it would be interesting to see a totally fresh relationship that is completely untouched or unhindered by anything from the past and any judgements – could it be very different?
Jennifer, this is really lovey to read. I can feel how easy it is us for us to take our families for granted, to not appreciate them and to hold judgments against them. It feels gorgeous to appreciate and accept them as they are, and to feel the love that is there. I have also felt this with my family recently, having let go of the judgements that I once held.
It is quite astounding to experience how the more we love and accept ourselves the more we love and accept everyone else. Change ourselves and the whole world changes not only by perception but it actually has an affect!
Beautifully said Nicola as both appreciation and acceptance is key to our development.
It is very refreshing to read someone appreciate their family and not want to change them, but just let them be – this offers the space for true change.
So simple and lovely. I can relate to this a lot. Holding my parents to ransom for their past behaviours, and then using that as an excuse to not hold them as the loving parents/people that they are.
Jennifer, I can really relate to what you have shared here, ‘I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.’ I have had this experience too, the last few times I have met up with my familyI have felt a deep appreciation and love for them, I have felt an acceptance of them for who they are and have not gone into judgment or wanting them to be a certain way and so it has been a joy to be with them, this experience has made me realise how we can hold ourselves at a distance with people, being in judgment and wanting people to change rather than opening our hearts, letting people in and accepting them and loving them for how and who they are.
Allowing ourselves to feel the love we have chosen to not let in for a long time is like a reawakening of the love that we have for ourselves. Reminding us of the purpose where for we are here on earth to re-establish true brotherhood.
‘By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too’. I know this very well, I kept myself non-stop busy, rushing here and rushing there that my father started calling me the ‘road-runner’! But in all this doing I was on auto-pilot and not present at all which means I just depleted myself constantly, always pushing my body to do more…. how harming was this for my body!
“What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself. By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too”. These are very wise words. It is easy to get caught up in the busyness of life, especially as a women. We just don’t stop! I am realizing how unconsciously but deliberately I can use being busy to build a wall around myself, that doesn’t really let people in or allow me to get to know me. Stopping and allowing space to feel is vital if we are to grow our relationships with our self or others.
How important true relationship is – and how possible this is with every other person, irrespective of history, bloodlines or past choices.
This is beautiful Jen and reminded me that when we simply drop our protection and are open in our relationships we can see so much more clearly what is true and the love that has always been there.
What I love about this is that you took the responsibility of your part in the relationship, and the relationship naturally blossomed again, and there was no struggle, no issue, just simply making life about love and people first.
It’s easy to see relationships we have and denigrate and diminish them as not being all that great. Then with the judgement made we gradually pull away, distance ourselves until things ‘improve’ another day. Yet this in my experience is a big illusion, if we just open up without barriers or expectation of what may come, life and people respond and change in the most amazing way. It turns out as you share Jennifer that we do not want the perfect relationship after all but just to live with connection and being open.
“It turns out as you share Jennifer that we do not want the perfect relationship after all but just to live with connection and being open.” This is so true Joseph, we think we want the perfect relationship and there needs to be all these conditions and requirements, when all we need is love and openness and an understanding that we’re all here to evolve.
Part of this discovery that your parents really do love you, is due to the fact that you have taken the steps to establish the love you have for yourself, thereby allowing the love of others in as you have allowed the love for yourself out. This is a beautiful communion that goes beyond familial bonds as it addresses deeply our relationships as human beings together on this earth.
This is such a beautiful blog Jennifer. It was really heartwarming to read about your reconnection to your parents and the love that you feel between you.
Reading this blog has exposed something big for me. I asked myself whether I know myself to be a ‘beauty-full’ man and I have to say no, I don’t. Admitting this allowed me to see a deep sense of shamefulness that I have been living with for a very long time and has clearly inhibited my relationship with myself, and hence with others. There is healing to be done here but how awesome it is that with self-awareness, such deeply rooted patterns and momentums can be exposed by the honest sharing of another’s experience. Thank you Jennifer.
This was truly lovely to read, how you felt you rushed when visiting your mum and dad, could feel how much they loved you and as you say ‘got off your bum’ to make an effort and be, and connect with them again … for 9 days!! I know they would have loved this and it’s beautifull to also read this wasn’t just a one off but instead that you are making a commitment to spend more time with them, enjoying the quality of your relationship and what you all have to bring to each other. This is so true what you have shared here as I know this from experience from my relationship with myself and my family; “What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself.” which may I add is now the best it has ever been in years with the thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine 💕
It is the expectations we have that keep us from seeing the love that is there and we set ourselves up to get hurt as we make love about certain preconditions that may or may not be fulfilled, which is not in our hands. However when we deeply connect to ourselves we can feel the love that is there and don’t need anything on the outside to provide that for us. It becomes then more a sharing of love than a needing someone to provide it for us.
It is easy to run away and cut off from those we feel have hurt us – but when we see beneath it all we are all deeply loving beings and it makes a mockery of it all. No one wins when we hold onto hurts – in fact we ALL lose.
What a beautiful reminder of the fact that underneath all of what goes on in all families and relationships, no matter what hurts we have, there is always a foundation of love that we can reconnect to with each other.
Well said Joshua – ‘there is always a foundation of love that we can reconnect to with each other’. No matter what has happened or what the person may have said they are love in their essence just may not be choosing to express from it. The more we appreciate each other for the love we are the more we will see it as normal and so the more we will live and express from the love we are and not get so caught up in all our hurts and emotions. After all love is what we have all been wanting so when we feel it is within we do not need to seek it or try to get it from another.
Great point James. I know what you share here is key because not claiming that we are in fact love and naturally so, opens the door for us to identify ourselves with our hurts and emotions. It is always easier to let these hurts and emotions go if we are not so attached and identified by them.
Indeed – it sure is. I have found one of the keys is to start with the fact that we are love otherwise we are always trying to get to somewhere instead of simply being and surrendering to the love that we all innately are.
Thank you Jennifer, this is a beautiful reminder that it is never too late to make any relationship more loving and true.
This is so lovely Jennifer. Every relationship we have is such a clear reflection of the quality of the relationship we have with ourselves.
We can be so caught up in our own doings and forget to take the time to just be with our family members, it also relates to how we are with ourselves taking the time to truly care for ourselves.
We can put so much emphasis on others when it comes to relationships not working, but it always comes back to us, and the relationship we have with ourselves first and foremost.
I can relate to this so much, feeling a distance in certain relationships is reflective of the distance within myself. Close this inner gap and the other relationships become closer.
It is our withdrawal from love and our expression of it that creates the loneliness we then seek in another to fill on our behalf.
I recently realised how I had been coasting on a ‘better’ relationship I now have with my mother, and that made me see how I was not truly appreciating the changes that had happened in our relationship and renewed trust, therefore missing out on opportunities to deepen even further. As my mother enters into her 80s, I am feeling more and more of this responsibility and commitment as I support her to prepare for the next cycle.
Letting go of judging others and not forcing them to try and be something we want them to be helps us I find to open up to seeing what amazing qualities they do have and gives space in the relationship for there to be more true connection.
Interesting reading your blog just now as my mother died this morning. Before she died she had dementia for many, many years. It would have been nice to go shopping with her once more!
This is such a strong testimonial to appreciating what we are offered in our families. Points of reflection, opportunities to deepen our understanding of relationships, surrendering to others without expectation… in fact this is true of all our relationships.
The more we are open for learning , the deeper we heal and can truly love our parents (and so everyone). There is no difference to our mother or a stranger we meet on the street, and for some this is not so easy to fathom. Yet , this is not by our lack of intelligence, but our choice(s). And so we can open up at any given time. This living way (openness) allows much growth in personal life and everything around you, and so the teachings of Universal Medicine always benefits the Whole. As for if it is for one or a few there is no real or true openness (as it so originally is). So we must seek truth with our whole and full being at any time.
We can expect so much from our family – to love us and accept us in a certain way. But are we giving that to ourselves in the first place? Putting conditions on love or expectations create hurts and protections in the body when we inevitably get let down.
So true Rachael Evans, love is innate, it is something we can connect to not something that can be handed or proven to us by someone, we need to make the choice to feel it.
This is lovely Jennifer and very pertinent for me too as I have just spent the last 3 days with my family, under the same roof, something that hasn’t happened for years. I loved being with them all, felt our connection strengthen and the love that was there. As you did, I enjoyed just being with them, nothing flash. So glad we did this too.
“I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.” Thank-you for this Jennifer, very timely for me – I am reminded of the two principals of brotherhood as presented by Serge Benhayon;
1. What you do to yourself, you do to another
2. What you do to another, you do to yourself.
We reap, what we sew.
Yes and how cool it is that we have the opportunity every moment to freshly sow.
There is so much to learn about every relationship in life! My parents have both passed over and I feel no loss as we are all connected all the time. Building relationships is part of me expanding who I am or what I am making my choices about in life. My choices in life are all about brotherhood and connecting to others, which is building relationships wherever I go. As you so rightly say Jennifer, love is always there. It is up to me to connect to it and feel it. I feel it when I connect to people who I am not even talking to but it comes in their gestures and a look!
I recently re-connected with an old primary school friend. It was so delightful. I felt like I was back in primary school greeting my best friend. Even though it had been 25 plus years since we had seen each other – it felt like no time had passed. I very much look forward to seeing her again.
There is so much we take for granted which lets us miss out to truly see what is there and instead we keep ourselves busy with all the things we wish to be different. Which is a horrible pattern, it looks like, so many of us have adopted. But it is never too late for change, to start to bring our focus to what is there already and deeply appreciate the beauty and grandness in each of us and the blessing in being able to spend time together.
A timely read Jennifer as I reflect on how reactive I can be toward my own parents. It’s no surprise that our parents push our buttons and vice versa, but learning to accept their choices whilst also accepting the changes we make personally is key to establishing a foundational relationship based on equal respect and appreciation. It can be quite the process to ‘let it go’, and just be there in each others’ company.
Great to read Jennifer about your connection to your mum and dad and taking the time out of your busyness and connecting to the love that was there for you all, we miss out on so much when we stop making time to connect to others.
This really makes you aware of how ‘busyness’ can overtake our lives and we just accept this and in this let the quality of our relationships slip until this becomes our norm. It reminds me of the Cat Stevens song- cats in the cradle- I feel many can relate to this.
There is no relationship that cannot be resurrected if both parties are willing to open up and put everything on the table.
I love how you connected the dots – that re-connecting with your mum and dad opened the door to you re-connecting with yourself.
it is really sweet to read of your reconnection with your Mum and Dad Jennifer. So often this is a relationship we take for granted or feel we need to move away from or we are not ‘grown up’. We can bring so much to this relationship, often our first relationship. It is so worth appreciating when we come from a loving home.
It seems easy to distance ourselves from our family in the belief that we are too busy or we can do without them, or they are wrong and we are right, but building a relationship takes effort and just because these are people who we grew up with and probably did not learn to communicate with very well does not mean that there is not a rich relationship and growth just waiting to happen. It seems that we can learn so much from our families about them as individuals, ourselves and life.
Re-visiting family after such a long break (by having been too busy essentially) is a very refreshing reminder of the quality of relationship that we can offer to ourselves and to others. I too have found myself felling like life gets so busy that I dont feel like I always have the time for certain things and certain people. But to me, as you have said in the blog, this is a time when we lose a part of ourselves…and this is not worth it. Catching this sooner rather than later is a blessing and so we get to change that and give ourselves and others the quality of relationship that is far deeper in care and one we all deserve.
It is very miraculous, that relationships really are about how we are with ourselves. We have the same parents, but how we feel about ourselves is how we are then with our parents and everyone in our lives. Personally I felt when I accepted myself much more and dropped the protection I put up in situations where I felt I could potentially be hurt and just be myself, then I can be real with everyone, family or not family no differently. So I absolutely agree with you Jennifer, there is actually no distance with our parents once we make the choice to reconnect on our part.
I too have felt the depth of the love that’s in my family and the respect and adoration they hold towards me. I have felt why we were all brought to be together in the first place, like we’ve known each other for lifetimes and lifetimes. The friendships or relationships between us actually feels so ancient, like looking into their eyes I can’t deny that we are all so so much more than the one life we are currently living. It’s been interesting for me to see how much I had held my family out, or found it difficult to truly look deep into their eyes. This has nothing at all to do with childhood hurts or dramas and more to do with resisting feeling the universe and the volumes of who they truly are and therefore who I am.
Beautiful story of how when we are open to love and a deeper connection with ourselves it naturally starts to reflect in all our relationships. Acceptance is key.
I love feeling the simplicity that this blog presents about the quality of true relationship. It is clear that it is not about what we do in relationships that matter, but more so about the quality of the connection that is shared.
Empowering to feel how, regardless of what has happened in any relationship, the opportunity to heal and move on with a truly loving foundation is always there.
This is so heartwarming to read especially when you wrote ‘A holiday at my mum and dad’s’ ✨💕 I can really relate with this, I had distanced myself from my family (not even talking to them!) for 2 years. It’s precious when we realise how much we our loved and can finally stop making it about ourselves to be able to see and truly be with others. My relationship with them has completely changed, and I recently lived with them for nearly 3 years!!!! Although what I can now see is since I have moved that quality time with them has slipped a bit. Thank you for the reminder. This is so true… not that we should use relationships to better the relationship with ourself but when we open up to others and give people time this automatically reflects back to us in how we are with ourselves. ‘What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself. By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too.’
Part of growing and maturing is accepting people exactly as they are.
Such a beautiful sharing Jenifer giving yourself and your parents the time and space to rediscover your relationship. Sometimes I know I don’t always value relationship and give them the time they deserve as we think we all live such busy lives but bringing it back to basics quality time is often spent doing simple things together re-connecting while out bra shopping or over a simple meal.
I have come to realise how loved I am by those closest to me in the past decade or so. Before then I was caught up in the things that irritated me, or the sense that I wasn’t good enough. But the more I felt my own beauty and worth as a person those reactions just starting dropping away, and now I really appreciate them for who they are and the care they so generously give to each other and me.
Reconnecting with people in our family can bring up stuff for us to heal but I feel that is a great opportunity for us to evolve. Sometimes we make our life busy so that we don’t have to connect with ourselves and people close to us. Often when I rush around looking busy people tend to avoid connecting with me and I feel this is just a way I use busyness to disconnect. So interesting to be aware of this.
I have become closer to my family now at the age of 60 than I have done throughout most of my life. The recent passing over of my brother has brought a deepening in the relationship with my family and there is more acceptance of how we all are with each other.
All relationships have the potential to build and expand once we have established true foundations based on quality and no amount of time separated from each other can change that.
Reconnecting with family and friends you haven’t seen for a long time but in the past have shared a strong connection with can feel literally like you are wrapping yourself in the coziness of your warm memories and shared experiences all over again.
This was a joy to read Jennifer, and testimony to what is possible if we allow our self the time to reconnect to those we love. This sharing highlights just how important it is to give ourselves a stop moment and take note of the relationships we overlook when we busy ourselves to the point of estrangement; sometimes to the point of becoming strangers to even ourselves.
Such a gorgeous blog to read on how you have come to appreciate your parents, and how this has also helped to appreciate yourself too. I relate to this very much, and am at the moment really valuing the time I am having with my family. The deep level of love is felt all around me, and it is just gorgeous to open up too and look at them as equals not as parent and child.
“I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.” lt is when you can fully see your family with the eyes of love and allow them to be just who they are as they are that you can move to a deeper level of intimacy with them. lt starts with reconnecting to yourself and through deepening your intimacy you brought that gift to share with your family.What a wonderful celebration.
There is so much that comes up with family, particularly our mums and dads. To be able to reconnect like you have Jennifer is deeply inspiring and was an absolute joy to read.
You cannot know your own love, until you let in the love of another. Thus why the way we hold others at bay, be they our parents or a stranger, has such a destabilising effect on our life.
When we keep on wishing that things should be different, we miss out on everything that is right in front of us. And that is a lot. It is up to us to see it, instead of living in an image that does not exist.
It is really beautiful that you have chosen to re-establish a deeper relationship with your parents based on expressing you from the new foundation of love and nurturing you offer yourself. The depth of quality and connection is undoubtedly a bi-product of what you have developed within and the love you express, incredibly healing for all you connect with.
Gorgeous Jennifer. I adore my family with every cell of my being and so enjoy spending time with them. The more I have relaxed in my own body, the more I have been able to feel this love with them. Heaven sent.
Lovely to read about how you reconnected with your family. Running away doesn’t solve anything, as our issues will show up wherever we are. Dealing with our hurts enables us to revisit those relationships where we held back and can then move forward without recrimination, but with love and acceptance.
It is so about what we choose to hold on to or let go of with family. I know for me, I spent almost 9 years in the UK, running away from family, what I thought were issues and funnily enough, they were all there still when I came back and chose to reconnect with them. I now have a great relationship with my parents, honest, open and upfront, full transparency, very wonderful.
I too have recently started a whole new relationship with my parents, it is wonderful to meet with them and one of my brothers for breakfast, share stories from the week. Only possible though because I have a different relationship with myself.
Thank you for sharing this. Relationships always offer a reflection for us, things to cherish or learn from or things to refine. If we are open to what is on offer and engage with others, relationships are a blessing.
I have recently re-connected with a couple of old friends. Life, kids, job, location, lifestyle – any or all of these, can draw us away from old relationships. The most powerful thing that I have felt from re-connecting is how simple and immediate that re-connection can be. It’s amazing. If I jump straight past all the small talk and gossip, drop all the old guards, games and role-plays and just show them me, in full transparency – then, Boom!, there is is – a deep connection. Totally irrespective of how many months or years it is since I saw them. It’s super cool to experience and shows me categorically that true connection is what we all crave.
Over the past few decades, I’ve also had periods where I have deliberately distanced myself from family (sometimes because I felt I was better than them and was judging their choices – ouch!). In recent years I have really started to work on appreciating who they are and the time I spend with them. It’s now not about ticking off a box saying I’ve visited or doing it out of obligation, but because I genuinely want to see & be with them.
‘Although I knew my parents well, they almost seemed like strangers at the same time. What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself.’ When we find ourselves feeling separate and disconnected from others its more than likely because we have lost that quality of connection to ourselves.
Attending Universal Medicine courses has changed my life. I’m so glad my parents have been alive so that I’ve been able to get to know the amazing people they are and finally appreciate them. It’s so beautiful to feel, after years of my being very imposing- judgmental, angry, blaming, righteous etc- my mum now trusts me to simply be herself- I hear it in her voice and how she is with others has changed too. I get to be with the super sweet, super lovely woman that she is. The same is true with my dad. It’s so lovely for them to express their love and to feel they’re loved and appreciated too.
“I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.” When we start to make the commitment to love and support ourselves we start to feel the love in others too instead of what we were used to, to focus on what is in the way, we just see how lovely people and in this case family truly is. Thank you Jennifer for sharing.
This is truly a lovely sharing Jennifer. I love the fact that you recognised that the connection and love you now have for each other is more loving and stronger than before even after a 20 year toe in the water relationship with them. I am sure many of us will see similarities in various relationships that we have and can reconnect again even stronger! I know I do!
“I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.” This is so beautiful Jennifer and so perfect for me right now as I too feel how deeply loved by my family I truly am. I have always thought I was really close to my family but in truth I was never really that close to myself, so how could I that close to my family? I now love my own ever evolving relationship with myself and this has flowed in all of my relationships including the one I have with my mum and dad, and I am so appreciative of that.
A common pattern to shut out our families as we reach independence, and then allowing ‘life to get in the way’ – but our family offers us such great reflections, their knowing us so well will no doubt bring up and expose things within us – probably why we tend to keep our distance. I kept my family at arms length for years, on a surface level our relationship appeared pretty good, however as I have opened up more and allowed them in and together we work on true relationships with each other, I am able to appreciate the value of each member of my family, what they bring to, not just our family, but to everyone. I spent years making excuses not to spend time with them, now my relationship and connection with my family is one I deeply appreciate and commit to evolving with and that all started with a commitment to my relationship with me.
Great to read, this shows me the importance of connection with myself, which makes me able to see all there is in my relationship. And not doubt myself and seem to be the only one not being loved.. which is crazy when I write it. But is sometimes the truth in a moment when I lost the connection with who I truly am, which is love. And only when feeling this for myself I can feel this from others.
Jennifer lovely to read how you have rediscovered your relationship with your Mum and Dad. When we become too busy with our own life we miss out on so much that is already there. It is very beautiful that you now see your relationship through being more connected to yourself, without the need to judge their relationship or how they live. When we are accepting of each other we open up to being more honest.
What a beautiful reunion with your family Jennifer, highlighting the importance of understanding and acceptance of self and others.
Our relationship with ourselves, our parents, family and the wider family of humanity has to be nurtured to allow the love to grow.
Thank you for a beautiful sharing Jennifer. Learning to appreciate and accept myself has been key to deepening all my relationships, it really is simple when we let go of old hurts that stand in the way we can bring understanding and a different quality to everyone we meet.
Lovely to hear about your reconnection with your family and your new outlook with becoming even closer with them.
I have recently had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with my parents. Looking back I can see what a privilege it was. Yes some family stuff did come up, but I really enjoyed being with them both and seeing them as individual human beings, not just through the eyes of a daughter.
The relationship we have with our Parent as children is very different to the one we can develop and allow to blossom as equals in adulthood. This can be had by letting go blame and recognise we all do our best at the time with what we know,” when we know better we do better,” as is said by many.
Jennifer it is great to know you made the effort to get to know your parents and also yourself again in relating to them. Sometimes we need to put ourselves out to reconnect to those we love.
‘I was too busy doing a course of some description to improve or better myself, or improve work prospects. I had such a drive to improve and impress’. In the busyness of the modern day world and constant drive to better ourselves we easily get distracted and take for granted what is the most important thing in our life – our relationships.
Very true Suse. We are so busy with bettering ourselves, that neither do we realize that we are already as perfect as we can be, nor that by not accepting ourselves as we are, we neither do accept anyone else as they are. Appreciation for ourselves is key in changing this pattern.
‘By gradually making more nurturing and loving changes for how I care for me, I have begun to meet me – and discovered a Beauty-Full Woman’. We can spend so much time and effort in getting to know others that we leave ourselves behind. When we meet ourselves and begin to appreciate all there is to us we realise how beauty-full we are, and from this place all relationships are easier, even if they are difficult, for we have a more solid foundation with ourselves.
I can feel how the relationship with our close family members is so important to continue, and am very gratefull for the relationship I have with my parents, from equalness and a deep love and support. I have been connecting with my wider family lately as well, and feel how important this is to get their and give them my reflection of love.
Dear Jennifer, I love how you share the joy of the seemingly mundane activities. This is what I love doing with my parents when I return home – visiting the Big Crow supermarket, going to run some errands, sitting in the garden, hanging out the washing – it is the joy of being with them in and amongst life. Thank you for sharing this story.
This is a great sharing Jennifer. Allowing ourselves to feel the love that is already there instead of hardening ourselves against it and not seeing it because it may not come in the size or shape we want is what I have come to realise about some expectations that I have around love.
I have come to see my whole family after being away for 2 years.
And I can say it is just so beautiful to have everyone come together as a family and truly connect.
I have been deeply appreciating the simplicity and love that I feel so solidly within my family and how they are really caring for each other.
Sure there is stuff to work on, but we each bring a reflection to another and be a true family where we are able to pull each other up on behaviours or patterns that we know are not truly them. We are also able to appreciate how everyone is, and recognise this as a confirmation of where we are all at.
Family has changed very much for me over the past 6 months, and this trip has been very confirming of this.
The sadness we feel when we realise what we have been missing out on in our relationships with ourselves and others is hard to feel, however, it is necessary to allow ourselves to feel this as it gives us a chance to choose true connection instead.
Wow how amazing for all three of you that you are not coming to the relationship with all the old baggage that laced the true connections that you are having now. What fun that you get to re-establish what it means to be in a relationship with each other and sharing your life where in the past this was blocked with issues that got in the way. Great reflection that we can all have this, it’s a matter of a choice.
I am currently visiting my family of origin and allowing myself to deepen my relationship with them. It has shown me that the more I drop any expectations I may have of them the more loving I can be with them.
I feel that many could relate to this lovely blog Jennifer, I especially liked this:” By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too.” It is good to take the time to get to know yourself, then you are a lot more fun with others.
I can so well relate to this, Jennifer. I used to make it about the little “flaws” so when I was with my family and went to every length trying to change them, causing tension and frustration for all of us and simply not seeing that they are just an amazing ocean of love surrounding and supporting me.
Wow Jennifer your words expressed here brought tears to my eyes instantly. “I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.” I know that my family love me deeply and sometimes I don’t express it enough. Your blog just shows that when we accept ourselves we accept all who encompass our lives. Thank you so much.
Jennifer your story resonates. Once I started accepting and appreciating me I was able to accept and appreciate my parents as I know they absolutely gave their all for family. All those years of distancing myself meant the relationship was on pause until opened myself up to allow them in again.
It’s actually very beautiful to understand and know that our parents love us to the best of their ability and then accepting this. Beautiful Danna.
Spot on Jennifer; ”I am so pleased that I have got off my bum to re-establish a true relationship with my parents.”
I can refer that to my life, in the past I have been sitting down, resenting the whole lot (both parents; dad and mom) for what they so called ‘done to me’, but in fact I realized this recently, that I can not resent anything from them, they did not know any different AND they loved me in the way they could! There was all the drama… just fallen down. I could feel how this empowered me to stay within myself true and with my own responsibility, I no longer hold onto my hurts from the past (my childhood), I accept my past and now I accept my future, I actually love the present past and future. As I know I got nothing to hide and actually I got to take responsibility for the whole lot, and it is actually much better than spending all that time on drama , resenting, blaming, guilt etc. Whoo , I have freed myself! Thank you Jennifer, for reminding me!
And so by taking responsibility for this, the need of trying disappears, as what is done is enough. Thank you Universal Medicine , as without all of the teachings that has been delivered by you, I would have not come this way.
Recently my parents came to visit for 6 months. They had week-long bursts of staying with me across this period.
And what I felt when they stayed was an equality – the way we lived together supported each other rather than it being a parents/ child role. And we even reached the stage where we were working together and there was a flow to it that was so gentle and open. It has only meant the relationship with my parents is not based on roles so much as it is on 3 people simply connecting.
Life has a way of eroding our relationships if we do not stand up and claim their importance.
So few words, Adam to express something quite profound! It is great to be open to the reflections from our families and to allow them to feel ours, there is great learning and expansion possible in both.
I agree Anne – In looking at my own relationships with my parents in the past I realised that if I felt a lack in what was in the relationship I first had to look at what is was truly offering and what I was holding back.
Its true Jen, our families bring to our lives an amazing amount of lessons on both life and love. Funnily enough, the truth is it’s actually all our combined imperfections that we learn the most from!
So often the relationships we have with others, we never truly see what they are, as we are so caught up in the stories that we have told ourselves to keep us disconnected from the love that has been there all along.
Love this Jen, it’s a great inspiration to keep those connections close to your heart and not let the busyness of life get in the way.
I feel this relates to how we encounter everyone, throughout our day, it is another level of understanding to see through what we ‘think’ should be there from another, or ‘think’ we need to hear, “I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.” There can still be a deep quality of love shared beyond the issues and hurts and expectations. This is where being aware of how encounters feel, rather than relying on just what is said, makes all the difference.
I love the line establishing a true relationship it is like we know how it should be what harmony is between two people and when they pull us up and when we pull them up but somehow we let stuff get in the way of it being like this all the tie and then move further into the hurt and create the distance rather than committing as you did jen to reestablishing the relationship.
I just had a lovely dinner and sleep-over at my parents place and it was so lovely. Spending time with them and being in their home environment really deepens the connection and just sharing time like this, without any need to change, fix or advise is pure gold.
“I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.” This is so key Jen, for if we do not appreciate ourselves it is so easy to feel judgement and resentment with those close to us. We spend so much energy on trying to fix or change others when all along the answer lies within us!
Jen, I loved the simplicity in the way you have told your story which demonstrated an acceptance of what has happened in your family in an open, non-blaming way. There is a lesson there for us all as family relationships trigger lots of emotions and feelings but if we are open, they can also be such rich opportunities for us all to experience being loving and being loved.
I love what you say here Helen that family relationships can be such rich opportunities. I know since attending Universal Medicine presentations that my relationship with my parents has gone from strength to strength. Everyday I appreciate all they have shared with me. I feel very blessed.
Gorgeous Jen. Our decision to come back to love, is a decision that instantly lets all others back in to the expansiveness of our hearts. It takes a moment to choose and every second thereafter to live. It just goes to show, love never stops loving, it is us who simply choose to stop feeling it.
Beautiful Jennifer. What this highlighted for me is that I have made my family meetings/time about my hurts and resentment and not about the truth we all deserve. I can feel this so clearly while I was reading your article. I can feel that I did not hold them in all my love all of the time, basically only when everything was going all right and they liked me. BUT when things got complicated, less comfortable I would not hold steady to my love and instead go with my needs and hurts.. I have found this out literally today. What I then did was; I held my hand on my heart and feeling my body (what I am feeling in my body too) and I realize I felt hurt, but listened now.. I did not allow myself to indulge in the emotion of the hurt, but I allowed myself to detach from it and let it go, by seeing it for what it is and nothing more then a hurt. This helped me to release my pain and actually allowed me to connect further without having to hold on any longer – just loving again – feeling all my love for them again. This is my tool to practice with every hurt that comes up, I no longer have to hide away from feeling pain. Just simply embrace myself when feeling hurt and clear it up ! Thank you Jennifer!
Your last sentence shares such an acceptance and allowing of your relationship to unfold with no expectations and no needs. Enjoy your reconnecting Jennifer.
Great post Jennifer. Family is such a challenge. It’s taken me an age to start to accept my parents as actual people and not just ‘parents’. We forget they are human too, well I know I have. I’ve gotten way too comfortable treating them with far less regard than they deserve, which is really really sad. But, it’s never too late to reconnect, as you’ve proved here.
Me too Elodie, it has taken me a long time to actually see my parents as human beings and to see them for the woman and man that they are. And I can still slip into this, but especially over the last few weeks, a lot has changed. This is not because my parents have changed, but because I have opened up more and share more of me.
This is wonderful to read Jennifer. It is so easy to hold our families in a time warp not seeing them for who they truly are and fall back into old patterns and reactions. Accepting the way they choose to be and live and in turn they accepted the changes you have made in your life shows true appreciation and love for one another.
I’ve had this experience Deidre – holding my family to ransom for not living up to a set of ideals and beliefs while at the same time not being consciously aware of my own holding back / out on them because of this. It’s been a bit of a process to step back, and to expose these ideals and also to take take responsibility for my own choices during this period, in contrast to blaming another – however the more I’ve been able to do this and accept and appreciate myself, the more I’ve been able to accept and appreciate others…
Accepting where our families are at is so very hard. We want the best for them, we want them to get us, we want them to make loving choices. So it is really challenging to allow them to just be, to go about their own lives, with us in it, but holding them in love and no judgement. I know this is my intent with my family, but the wanting more for them, wanting to point things out to them because I love them, can be ok sometimes, but not so other times. I am getting better at reading the times when to share, but I know I don’t get it right all the time. So I bring love and understanding to me and also to them.
It is true for us all I am sure that there are people who we let slip out of our lives because it just happens. Because we are too busy. I have over the past 2 years been spending longer and longer spells with my parents, and I too have found that I have reconnected with them in a way I had never allowed myself to do before. I carried with me the title of daughter and them as parents, rather than appreciating us all as equals who loved each other. Whilst I can say that my relationship with my parents have changed, I know there are many relationships with friends that I have let slip away, and can be just as easily reignited based on my willingness to make time and be open.
Those titles – mum, dad, daughter and son are loaded with huge expectations. When we finally see our parents as people, so much can change. I know when I let go of my expectations of how I thought my parents should be, my relationship with them changed dramatically and became far more accepting and less fractious.
Beautiful to hear Deborah – roles really do restrict relationships when there is no need for them in the first place. Seeing past them is difficult yes, but when we do, wow what an amazing opportunity there is for a relationship to blossom. But this is a holding love that is forever deepening and that of course means no comfort of switching on and off the relationship and the role when it suits, but a non stop connection, communication, openness and love.
Thanks Jennifer. I liked reading this bit “I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.” Im on the same boat- realising how amazing my family is and the love there. When before I didn’t have acceptance or understanding and so wished it was different.
I can totally relate to this Jennifer and Emily – it’s like the judgement I am in and the need for my family to be different is blocking the immense love they have for me. I know it’s there but I have trouble feeling it through the judgement of their choices. It’s a silly cycle because then I seek recognition from them in order to prove they love me rather than accepting the love they already are and where they are choosing to be at.
Snap for me too Rachael and Emily, the expectations I have of how people need to be to show me they love me and the fact that people are trying to express this love every day in their own way, is a big ouch to contend with.
Expecting love to look a certain way is but another defence we deceitfully put in place to not live the love that we are.
Ditto me too! Before Universal Medicine I carried a real chip on my shoulder towards my parents, learning to not blame them and take responsibility for my own life has been huge and a step I recommend to anyone.
Mmmm true Rachael. We have a picture of what love should be like and when it doesn’t live up to it, we blame rather than understand and accept. Or even recognising the love they do have.
What a beautiful sharing – to rediscover the love which is on our doorstep which we had just chosen not to let in. Thanks Jennifer.
How beautiful to reconnect to these people who love you and accept them for who they are. It is important to make time for people in our lives and not to get swept away in the doing of things and the gathering of achievements to indentify ourselves with. It is important to take the time to connect to ourselves making connecting with others so much easier.
Beautiful Amanda. Our priorities should always be love… then the rest will flow naturally.
I remember once clearing out some things and came across a card from a family member who said in the card – I love you. I actually allowed myself to feel that love – as opposed to just reading it – and it was amazing. I could really feel how much that person loved me and I rang them and said, wow you really love me don’t you – and they were like yep :-).
This is very touching Sarah, why is it so hard to accept the love on offer and let it sink in till you feel it in your bones.
I know Bernard…..we can hear it all the time (the words I love you) but how often do we actually allow ourselves to feel it. I love reading this blog and these comments about people re-establishing their relationship with their parents. It is like we are laying the foundation for the new way forward. Allowing people to be who they are and loving them like that.
One thing that I have become aware of recently is that since clearing a lot of my childhood issues I am able to see my parents in a different light and this has greatly influenced my relationship with them in a positive way
That’s awesome Joe! I’m also starting to appreciate my parents more and let go of feeling the need to prove myself to them. Acceptance is a wonderful thing, but granted, can be quite a process.
Yes Joe letting go of childhood issues certainly does clear the slate for a fresh, more appreciative relationship with our family. What a gift for all.
I’ve actually had a very similar experience with my parents. It is so lovely to connect to them and get to know them as people without the limitations that we can impose on them as “our parents” and what they may have done “wrong” in our relationship past.
Very powerful and beautiful once I had taken responsibility of my own life as not the product of someone else behaviours – but my own.
I agree with you here simplesimon888 having had similar experiences. Taking responsibility for my own life has broken that awful unequalness and to be with them, just being with them and enjoying them is so lovely now. I also shed a tear or two as gregbarnes888 has written because Jennifer’s blog is so beautiful in its honoring of her family and of herself.
Thank you Jennifer, this blog brought tears of joy to my eyes, absolutely beautiful.
Jennifer how gorgeous to have this realisation and then spend time with and appreciate your family. It’s sad that we distance ourselves from those that love us for whatever reason, usually feeling completely justified in doing so.
I can relate to what you say Deborah I often would dig my heels in stubbornly refusing to see my parents for who they really were. When lost in my own hurt it was easy to project blame onto them. Thankfully now I have learnt to take responsibility and rejoice in the love we share together. This is a complete turn around and really beautiful.
Yes my last visit home I opened up so much more to the love that was on offer and a much deeper acceptance of where everyone was at – and no surprises there it was a much more harmonious visit.
This is beautiful samanthaengland. I have come to see that my relationship with my parents is a direct reflection of the relationship I have with myself. My ability to love my parents and express this love has grown with my ability to feel and express the love I have for me.
Understanding and acceptance of ourselves certainly does allow understanding and acceptance of others.
Thank you for sharing your insights and wisdom Jennifer.
Yes Shirl, a great point you’ve made – another reminder that everything is a reflection of how we are with ourselves. Beautiful to bring back that focus with how I accept my own beauty, light and purpose instead of drilling my family for not living theirs.
Great comment Rachael, on how when we judge others we are first judging ourselves.
Shirley and Rachael, both fantastic points here and it’s exactly what I have experienced in recent years. I used to resent and blame others for not being all they could be in relationship but what a shift it’s been to have begun to take responsibility for how ‘I’ am in the relationship above and before all else and then feel the relationships with others change as I change and develop the relationship with myself!
I can relate to everything you’ve mentioned here ladies. When we accept ourselves as the imperfect being we are it’s as if all those little nit picks about ourselves don’t exist and equally you don’t see them in others as the first thing either, only their amazingness first and foremost.
Exactly Rachael, this is what changes the game: instead of putting pressure on others, just to accept and live more of true selves instead of putting up a stage play to please and not get hurt. This authenticity and honesty will allow others to let down their guard and open up to support themselves in the same way.
It is such a worthwhile process to go through to let go of all that you expect our parents to be and other family members and just allow them to be who they are, where they are in life. To simple enjoy your time together doing simple things in life like going for a swim in the sea together or cooking and having a meal together. I know that my relationships have changed from being full of tension to just having some fun together and appreciating one another.
I love your blog Jen. It’s a simple story and I relate wonderfully to it: “My family were sitting in the cafe and I was the last one to arrive. As I sat and greeted them all, I felt an overwhelming sense that I was deeply loved. It was so lovely, but deeply sad at the same time, because I had kept myself in a state that I could not see or feel that.” I too have allowed my family ‘back-in’ again more deeply like as a child I had; I let myself connect with them on a recent visit to my home town. Funnily enough, they didn’t ever stop loving me, but it’s taken my processing of familial idiosyncrasies to be accepting of myself and them too for this beauty to return. They now get more of me than they’ve ever seen and felt and it’s changed everything – with many thanks for the esoteric teachings and practitioners for allowing this healing for me to now flow into my family life.
Jennifer, this is a simple and beautiful story of deepening love. Thank you.
Such a great blog Jennifer I come from a big family who are seldom in the same place at the same time and I find that when we do there is so much going on we don’t really ever get a chance to really be together. Next time I’m really going to make an effort for us to all really connect.
Beautiful Jennifer, once we become more loving with ourselves, we are able to feel the love that was always naturally there.
I loved reading this Jennifer I think many people would be able to relate, I live on the other side of the world to my family and have done for 22 years. When we do see each other it is for many weeks at once, often that can feel intense – at first – and then we become more at ease with each other, we are very much loved and it is madness to not live that love with those we shared a significant portion of our life!
Thank you Jennifer it felt clear that the love you have built for your self was able to be shared outwardly and how even the child hood ‘stuff’ that was triggered when being around parents can be just met with love and how deeply that can resolve any old behaviours and bring a new feeling of harmony. It confirmed to me how the power of love extends beyond time and through building our presence in each moment, we heal the past and seed forth a new future.
What a beautiful decision you were able to take, Jennifer! When I try to fit in many to do’s and appointments, I sometimes get lost in the achievement of tasks, instead of looking for the quality, in which I am, hold myself and others.
I have just spent a week with family I haven’t seen altogether for years and years. Since attending Universal Medicine presentations and courses I have stopped wanting my family to be a certain way or am aware if I do. I found myself no longer hiding from them but super enjoying their company. I felt loved and realised how much I love them. I felt great sadness saying goodbye knowing us all being able to meet again together would be a rare thing.
There is no distance between the miles where love exists…
Jennifer I love reading your blog about re –establishing a true relationship with your parents. I can so relate and feel this, as getting to know my brother when he came up from Sydney to stay and support me when my son suddenly passed over. My brother stayed with me for week and at first memories of how I did not like my little brother hanging around me and how I had pushed him away because I wanted to be alone. A beautiful love awakened and healed us. I let go my wall and let him in. And since then anytime thoughts come to me about my brother I feel my heart open wide as there is no distance between us.
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Jennifer, this is a timely read on the eve of a visit to my parents. ‘I was more able to accept them just as they are and not judge them or their relationship and not react, as I would have previously’ I have felt a huge shift in the way I am with my parents and this is a lovely reminder to accept and not judge.
‘By gradually making more nurturing and loving changes for how I care for me, I have begun to meet me – and discovered a Beauty-Full Woman’. Jen you definitely are a Beauty- Full women who inspires us all by simply just being you.
I have too found the more I take care of myself, enjoy being with myself and work on all the blinders I have put on over the years that have prevented me from seeing the loveliness of others and everything around me, the opener and fun my relationships become. Be it with my parents, sisters, friends, colleagues, people I meet etc. and I have started to enjoy people’s company immensely.
Awesome to be able to share your love with your family Jenny, everyone benefits.
Thank you Jenny for sharing this revelation, I am now inspired to contact my family and reconnect and reimprint .
I like the message in your blog- when I go into doing and disconnect from people I indeed disconnect from myself. I can so relate to this. It is the best way to escape from feeling, not only the love and relationships around, but feeling me, my grandness, my love and my delicateness.
I can feel deep within that while you were away and held your parents at a distance there was a part of you that did not want this and knew this was not true. It must be almost draining energetically to be constantly overriding this.
I can relate to everything what you are writing Jennifer. In the last years I was able to deepen my relationship with my parents, especially my mother. When I was able to be more love and to be myself, that changed everything in our relationship. Last year my mother passed away, but I’m glad that we were able to deepen our relationship before that.
Jen this was really lovely to read. I can really relate to re-establishing connections with family and the love that can be felt when greater acceptance is applied… there is no doubt that the love and care I have been inspired to live through the presentations of Universal Medicine has allowed me to bring that into my relationships and lay the foundation for the deeply healing opportunities that have taken place amongst us.
So beautiful to read how you let yourself feel how deeply loved you are. Prior to Universal Medicine I can totally relate to not allowing myself to feel the love my parents have for me.
I love appreciating them for the people they are and not holding them to ransom for my hurts and my choices!
Great observation Jennifer that what we do to others we do to ourselves. When we separate ourselves from the connection of family we separate ourselves from love. Learning to accept everyone, including our parents, just for who they are with no judgement or expectations opens the door and your heart to feel and share the love that unites you. .
Your parents must have been overjoyed to have you there fully present Jen. I gift for you and a gift for them equally so.
Live and let live is a great way to be, but not in a way that it becomes indifference, but to accept the choices other people are making.
Jennifer it was beautiful to re-read your words as they sparked within me the need to reconnect to not only others but myself more. I can really feel as you say that the separation or distance we feel in our relationships to others really just reflect our own distance or lack of love towards ourselves. I can see the more we open up to the love we truly are the more we open up to connecting to all others equally so. How beautiful is that.
When we start to accept our parents as whom they are and how they choose to live it is a great opening, as they feel the judgement, and who likes to be judged.
Yes that’s true Thomas. After beginning to accept myself more I find it easier to accept others. I realized that otherwise I was missing out on appreciating not only my self but others by missing getting to know anyone in a real sense.
Yes Jennifer, there is a lot of history with our families and plenty of learning to be had by the people in our families. A great opportunity to heal, learn and love.
Indeed Marcia, our families are such a marvellous reflection for everything in us. To see what comes up in family relationships as a blessing to sort out ones own issues instead of feeling challenged is a true game changer.
Yes and whats so funny is that whatever is there to be dealt with through the reflection of our family members is there constantly like an annoying mosquito, ever persistent. (hee hee). It’s like our families offer us such a great opportunity to heal on many levels.
What a lovely sharing and a very appropriate one for me to read today Jennifer. Of late I realised that I was distancing myself from my father. It feels so much more loving and freeing to not change his ways of living but to accept him for how he feels to live his life.
Now our relationship has a clearer path to allow love back in – it was there all the time but just covered with my ideals/beliefs of how I wanted him to be.
Thank you for sharing your story Jennifer. It appears to be a common thread for so many of us.
This is true Kristy. Lately I have been opening up to my friends and family more than ever and the depth of the connection that is there is so beautiful it blows me away. I get a sense that this connection has always been there, however, I have been numb and shut down to it until now. When I connect to this I feel deep sadness for all I have missed out on – it is like finding out you have been starving your whole life when there was an abundance of delicious and nourishing food through a door you refused to open. This sadness is far outweighed by the joy of walking through the door, however, I suspect that we often keep the door closed because we do not want to feel how much we missed out on by not opening it in the first place. Absolutely crazy.
I appreciate what you have shared so much Jennifer. I can feel how transformational it has been for to let the love from your parents in. What an incredible blessing for you and your family.
What an great opportunity for you all to have your relationship in this space. Allowing and accepting each other to be who they are, the choices that they are making and simple enjoy being together. Sounds Magical and a lot of fun.
That’s what I have experienced as well Jennifer: the more I allow others to be, without any expectations, the more they will relax and open up – and often even feel inspired by the choices that I have made.
That is what I realize with someone close to me for example too. The more I quit having an investment or expectation from this person to show or give me love, the more they and I could relax. Because I said no to hurts or needs to get from the outside to be ok. The space I created through this, let them recently searching for contact with me, in a whole different energy. That was so beautiful, and even not seeing the person, you can see, how energy is communicating all the time.
Nice one Jennifer, I can really see how the busy lifestyles we all lead get in the way of famiily relationships, I sometimes feel people are so used to being busy they have forgotten how to be still and just tallk without there being something to do.It is important to reconnect properly with family thanks for bring this up.
Last year whilst I was living with my parents I got sick. Instead of pretending I was fine I actually allowed my family to care for me. It felt very supportive and it gave me the opportunity to connect with them and take our relationship to the next level and you know what? It felt like they had been waiting for me and have known all along how truly amazing I am.
Thank you Jen and Lindell, it is truly amazing how our families respond to the love we now share; no agenda or hype, simply brotherhood between family – it is so simple.
Very interesting Jennifer how you have made a comparison between the relationship you have with your family and your relationship with yourself, thats quite an interesting revelation
Lovely to read how you were able to re-imprint the relationship with your parents, and how your time with them has established a stronger foundation in your relationship with them.
Thanks Jennifer for opening the discussion around families. Your realisation of the distancing from your family and the distancing from yourself is a powerful reflection but holds so much for exploration. I have found that by starting to re-connect with ‘Me’ and being honest about the quality of my connection then many things outside of me are also becoming much clearer.
‘By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too.’ when we fill our lives with things outside of us often we forget to stop and reconnect with ourselves, great blog.
This is deeply beautiful to read and feel Jennifer. Having true relationships like this can be the best foundation and support for us.
I love how you realised how the distance was in miles, in was in attitudes towards each other. I love how you share this can all be addressed and how you didnt need them to change, you simply needed to open up within yourself.
I have found after years of massive dysfunction with my parents and siblings, I too simply let go of the grudges, angst and that then gave them space to reconsider their impression of me. It’s been deeply healing for us all.
Poignantly shared Jennifer. I deeply appreciate all you’ve said here about the love that is there, and how we can be blind to it because we are wanting (if not ‘demanding’) a particular version of love, wanting people/situations to be another way.
How beautiful that you and your parents now get to meet each other in a deeper way. I’ve had similar realisations around my own family, and that it is possible to offer one’s hand (if you will) in true relationship – often an opportunity to get completely beyond tensions and divisions that were seemingly always there, and simply meet each other as equal human beings, that just happen to be ones we know intimately well…
How beautiful to realise the distance you had made and to choose to re-connect. A whole new relationship can develop, or anything else in life come to that, if we accept how we have made choices which were not true and change them.
Equally I have spent a long time in hiding from my family, last year I began to take responsibility for my choice to pull away. Since this I can feel how the old family dynamics are falling away, I no longer walk into their house and become their child, today I stand more claimed as a woman and as you say Jennifer “they also showed great acceptance of the changes I have been making.”
You really speak for me here with this sentence “I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.” Before Universal Medicine I used to blame my parents and feel resentful to them for not being what I wanted them to be. I now see the love first, which is between us all which is definitely a blessing!
How awesome that you “got off your bum” and re established a relationship with them?
That is awesome! They now have enriched lives due to you and get to feel how deeply loved you are. No one loses here!
Beautiful Jennifer, how liberating it is when we allow our-self to drop the ‘story’ and get on with the life that is there for us to share in.
When I was into spirituality, my relationship with my parents, especially with my father, became very ugly – on top of the geographical distance that already existed between us. Whenever I visited them, I was being confronted by ‘the root cause of all my issues’ – my parents – that’s what I thought. I never took responsibility, everything that I wasn’t happy about my life – I blamed it on someone, something, and my parents were given the biggest chunk of the share. It was through sessions with my practitioner that I gradually came to realise what I was doing, and called out what was behind my initial move away from home and everything else that followed then on. And through presentations by Serge Benhayon I began to understand my parents as another human being just like me, having made all their choices as best as they could. It’s a work in progress, but it already feels miles apart from where it used to be. It has been a tremendous healing for the whole family.
I would not say that you are alone in what you have described here Fumiyo. I can relate very much to what you say.
I agree. What is interesting is that even though my father passed over a few years ago, I have continued to work on our relationship, such that my relationship with him now has evolved considerably. That may sound nuts. But it’s true and through that evolution, I have opened up more to my Mum, my in-laws and many others. It has also evolved me as a father. A fascinating journey that need not stop when one part of the relationship passes over.
That is very beautiful Otto and very true we can work on our relationships even if it is one sided, be it because someone passed over, or is not actively in the picture or even someone may not be as willing and open to let go of past hurts or take responsibility. In truth there is nothing in our way to heal each and every relationship and make it as loving as we can.
Fumiyo I can relate to what you have shared here – what a difference it makes when we understanding and accept ourselves which allows understanding and acceptance of others.
How awesome that you have created space, through your self loving choices to reconnect with your family and let them in. I had built a pretty impressive fortress around myself, which I am dismantling. It does feel amazing to let others in and to feel their love.
Its gorgeous Jennifer to come back to your blog, I felt really sad reading this part, it made me aware that I do not allow myself to feel how I am deeply loved by the people in my life, ‘As I sat and greeted them all, I felt an overwhelming sense that I was deeply loved. It was so lovely, but deeply sad at the same time, because I had kept myself in a state that I could not see or feel that’.
Its amazing hearing that there have been so many that have done very similiar things throughout our lives pushing away or keeping clear of our parents, what really is beautiful is seeing and being apart of reconnecting in a way that doesn’t put any pressure on each other to have an outcome
Thank you so much Jennifer for this wonderful reminder that taking time to first connect with people and not with the hurt. It is much easier to work hard then to change this old habit of not letting people in because of the hurts.
This blog has reminded of the distance I created with family and friends and everyone, by keeping very busy and focused on the myriad of things I ‘had to do’! Before we know it, something like 20 years passes and we realise that the loss of connection we once may have thought was only minor has become a gaping chasm! So beautiful to feel in your story how all is not lost, we simply choose to re-connect, with ourselves first and then with others, which in truth is what we have always longed for. The richness of true connection has the power to heal the deepest of chasms!
It’s great to appreciate what is there already in our relationships. For many reasons particularly with our parents we either pedestal them or critique them. I have found the same Jennifer through the support of Universal Medicine I have been able to ‘see’ more clearly what I have around me. I have noticed the change in my relationship with my parents and to be honest it doesn’t feel like they have changed, it’s more the changes I have made have allowed them just to be themselves and the great support and love that they naturally are. It seemed like me holding something against them forced them into another behaviour, that in turn fed more of the ‘something’. For me this proves how I am, directly effects others around me. It is true as well, if you want the world to change then that change first starts with you.
How beautiful it is that when we reconnect to ourselves a natural flow on occurs, giving us opportunities to reconnect to family and friends from a deeper place, with much more love and understanding.
Very precious to feel and read your words here Jennifer, we can get so caught up in ourselves that we forget that others are in our lives – and how simple it is to live with and love them. A shared meal, a walk, shopping – the general stuff of daily living done with appreciation of the true connections already in place.
Reading this gives me a warm glow. It is an article of love. Such a beautiful testament to how we are with ourselves is reflected in the world we experience and that by re-connecting with our true nature, love, so we experience love in all that we do.
Thank you for this blog Jennifer, I come back to re-read this on the fourth day of my family having come together again for a little while, and I can really relate to what you’ve shared here. The old ways in which we used to interact with each other and live together seem so easy to slip back into. However in the time we have been apart, my lifestyle, in regards to self-care has changed since living together previously and as a result I am more aware of these old ways, I still slip into them but their hold has lessened. My relationship with my parents is shifting from one of judgement and criticism to being one of increasing moments of just feeling who they are as a person, appreciating them for their angle on situations and not focused 100% on what they do or have done in the past or holding them in a perception of ‘you hurt me so nothing of good can ever come from you’. Sounds harsh but that is how my relationship has been in the past. And like you shared this came about because of my own choices to see who I am more underneath everything I may do, say or think.
How gorgeous Jennifer. It sounds like you have found a vital key to really developing your relationship with your parents as equal adults – with acceptance and understanding. We can come so loaded with expectations and hurts to our family that we are unable to see the love that is right there. I have also done the ‘too busy to fit you in’ deal and am loving making time to connect and get to know the real person inside my parents.
It is amazing just how much love is there all the time in all our relationships but we sometimes choose to block it or not let it in. And we choose to let it in it can be surprise just how much love was there all along.
So beautiful Jennifer. I can feel how I sometimes tend to make life all about what I have to do. This makes my body feel so tensed and hard that I do not really want to be with other people as it hurts to feel how hard I was on myself at that moment. Keeping yourself busy is a great way to not feel the hurt. I now catch myself when I notice I distance myself a bit from people and am too focussed on doing things and allow myself to surrender to making life about connecting with people first. This feels so much better in my body.
I can relate to what is being said here and it gives me a greater awareness to observe myself more deeply in all of my relationships. ‘…making life about connecting with people first.’ – Beautiful and thank you for the reminder.
Yes Liekevanhaastrecht, I can relate to what you have shared. I too can get stuck in doing things and feel the pressure and hardness I put on myself. It’s definitely about surrendering and letting go of that by honouring connections with ourselves and others first.
Jennifer thank you for sharing your story. I’ve come to realise as I’ve been reconnecting to my parents and family just how many of us live with distance in families, be it physical or emotional. We let the tensions and hurts become the focus of the relationship and this creates separation. I am so thankful for the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who have shown me how to first reconnect to myself and from here the other relationships in my life have also deepened.
The tensions and hurts feel enormous and are completely controlling our thoughts and from there seemingly feel like reality. What I have discovered is, that once I had a more loving approach towards myself and allowed myself to be without judgement, my family and others suddenly felt inspired by those unimposing changes and our relationship deepened and blossomed.
I love spending time now with my family, accepting each of them and simply enjoy being with them. We went away for a long weekend last year and connected on a deeper level, not because of what we did, but because of letting each other in, in our hearts.
Reading this gorgeous blog brought tears to my eyes. It was a moment to feel how I have missed my parents too since leaving home, but have not truly honoured this.
It is very inspiring and beautiful that Jennifer has come to accept her parents just for who they are.
Great to see the knock on effects of your awareness and honesty in the first place.
This is really cool Jen. I too have distanced myself from all of my family, yet have a wonderful relationship with everyone when I do see them. As I’m more connected with me, I am with them – even though the geographical distance or the amount of time spent is just the same.
Jenny your reconnection to your parents after 20 years clearly shows that we can heal our relationships if we are willing. How amazing that you chose this and were open to love despite some childhood issues presenting. Very inspiring indeed.
I have just spent a lovely Easter day with my family and it felt so different from other family events. It was spacious, with so much love and connection, fun and I enjoyed it a lot. Normally I wanted to leave ‘on time’, not staying too long, now I just stayed and after lunch we went for a walk and I felt so rich when I got home in the evening. Yes, I got some left-over food from my mother, but the richness came from the connection and love we all shared.
This is a lovely blog Jen, often our relationships with family don’t get nourished, they can easily get taken for granted, as being family they are always there. I have to admit I do often do the quick pop in with my parents, so it’s interesting to look at this, am I appreciating them and making time for them? And, does this play out in other relationships? These are things worth paying attention to, so thanks for the sweet inspiration.
Lovely to read your new found connection with your parents! I can say that I am developing this too at the moment, and starting to have more real open conversations with my parents, where for the first time we are all equal and no longer playing the role of parent to child.
And I feel as though I am able to speak up for the first time and really honour our conversations with the truth of who I am.
Reading your blog Jen and a few of the comments, I can really feel just how much my parents love me and that they love me for who I am, therefor never making it about what I do. Their is a beauty in knowing that there are two people who will always feel this way towards you. It’s like I am forever being hugged by a giant teddy bear, that is warm and has been filled with so much love.
Amazing Jen! We can always re-connect with our family any time. This is inspiring to know. I personally am making these changes as well and although there is tension at times there is generally an understanding that yes we just want to have love as the thing that keeps us together, and we do love each other very much.
It is so easy to let life interfere with what is truly important. I have found the irony in our efforts to try and better ourselves and meanwhile hollowing out our lives and relationships. in what truly matters. I love how what you share shows that when we make life about love and connection everything will change and what was once important but got lost will be found again.
How very true Carolien, ‘ when we make life about love and connection everything will change and what was once important but got lost will be found again’.
“By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too.” What a true statement and such a common behaviour. What an amazing changing takes place when we give ourselves space and nurturing. How much more we discover we manage to do, but most importantly, what a change in quality occurs.
What a powerful realisation Jennifer, revealing that the patterns we hold keep us in separation to ourselves and others resulting in us missing out on a whole lot of love. I love how you claimed the opportunity to deepen your relationship with the incredibly Beauty-full woman that you are and to deepen your relationship with your family, and appreciated the love that is there within you and the love that is also within your family – beautiful.
What a beautiful testament that the first port of call is always our relationship with our own self. I have often found that when I am avoiding allowing the space to be with and appreciate me, I start to shut off from others, I can almost feel the walls go up – and when I take care of myself and am loving and appreciative, I am far more open with others and my relationships seem deeper. Thank you for this reminder.
This is so true Golnaz, The relationship with ourselves is where the relationship with others is mirrored or reflected back. Jen great to read and share with your realizations you have had with your parents. And allow the time to feel the love that they have for you.
I love the fact that there needs to be enough love IN our own bodies before we can love people around us, without the need for them to be a certain way.
Great to read of your re-connection with your family Jennifer, it has inspired me to re -evaluate my connection with my entire family within kind of large.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story of re-imprinting your relationship with your parents Jennifer. How lovely that your family is with you and together you are creating an everyday loving relationship.
Beautiful to read Jennifer, thanks for sharing.
Jen I love your blog and love when you say this: “I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.” I can so relate to this – creating a picture that I want another to play into and then being disappointed in them because they don’t do this – how silly is this and how can we ask this from another? It does not allow another to be who they are, and it does not allow any appreciation of them and what they bring! Time to let that one go and accept and appreciate the beauty that is being offered by our families all the time.
Thanks Jen, I too have found that since opening up to a much deeper connection and love for myself, it naturally shifts all the old dynamics in family relationships, and we have become much closer and more connected than ever before in my life. I appreciate so much now how it’s our own hurts and issues that get in the way of our relationships, and as I’ve committed to healing those, what I’ve found can happen in the family is amazing. And not surprisingly they have so much wisdom to offer for our own learning right down from grandparents to the young children. Such an opportunity for us all – untapped for so long!
Just right now my mum is standing next to me, my sister behind and my dad quite close – 15 years after my parents divorce – experiencing exactly the same you’ve just described! And it is to me exactly the same: it’s the love and the opening to me to let them in, not see them as causes of hurts from the past. Just the humans they are, that I love. First time truly feeling that what I have missed was always there!
What a beautiful example of the way we can re-establish loving and meaningful relationships with our family’s, there is so much beauty waiting to be explored and reignited. Coming from an understanding that our families do love us, yet old hurts and patterns can get in the way of us feeling this clearly can only support this re-building of trust.
“I was more able to accept them just as they are and not judge them or their relationship and not react, as I would have previously. They also showed great acceptance of the changes I have been making.” This is beautiful Jennifer, bringing understanding and acceptance to all relationships is key. I too am learning to open my heart and let people in.
Yes, Sue and Jennifer. I was absolutely stunned when I realized for the first time that I had not been lovingly caring in many of my relationships in the past, but had tried to manipulate them in a very articulate way into what I wanted them to be – more loving of themselves. The more I open up to myself with the inspiration from Universal Medicine, the more I am able to not judge others by what they do but by what they are and simply let them be. This has inspired so many changes all around me, that are just a beauty to behold.
Jennifer this is fantastic to read – I have not seen my parents for nearly 10 years and am about to embark on a trip back to the UK to see them shortly. Your article has inspired me so much to embrace this and accept and feel all that there is to feel in this potentially amazing time.
That’s a great sharing, it’s amazing how some people I consider so close to me, also feel like strangers sometimes, they are unpredictable and wavering that it’s hard to know what to expect.
I also love the beautiful feeling when I can deal with those childhood issues that come up and then there is more expression, openness and love between me and my family.
Beautiful to read how your connection reestablished after you deciding to let them in and bring to the relationship a new beginning. It shows how our relationships are changing if we choose to connect to the love that is there in the first place.
This is a really beautiful blog to read Jennifer. It reminded me of how much my family love me and always will no matter the choices I make in my life. It’s like I am always being hugged by a giant teddy bear filled with love.
I’m thankful to Universal Medicine for showing me that caring for myself spills over to caring for others in a profound way.
This is so lovely to read Jennifer – to connect with family and truly let them in can be a challenge and we at times allow the behaviours and experiences of the past to hinder that connection we can have in the present. So what you have shared is just a lovely reflection of how to be open and experience all the love family can offer.
Thank you Jennifer for sharing your story. I find this very inspiring – how beautiful that you can now allow yourself to feel the love they have for you – since you give yourself love as well.
That sounds like amazing support from Universal Medicine for you to reconnect with yourself and realise how being busy and driven just wasn’t it. To be able to see the disconnection with your family and turn that around and find that you have so much love there is beautiful. Lovely Jennifer!
This is a beautiful blog about how you reconnected to your parents through the connection to yourself. Thank you.
Such amazing events unfold when we choose to be love and not react to the world and how people are in it. Transforming how we are in our family teaches us so much and heals many childhood hurts from the past.
Beautiful Jennifer. Parents often say how they ‘lose’ their kids once they move out and start their careers – and we can see why! Often we do disconnect from them, almost forgetting that they are ordinary people but just happen to be our parents and love us very much. Your parents must be completely chuffed that you took the time to visit and reconnect with them – and they responded by lovingly accepting the changes you have made in your life. I found this wonderfully inspiring.
Your lovely heartfelt sharing brought tears to my eyes and I realise no matter what has gone before in family relationships, ideals, expectations etc. Love can conquer all. Thank you Jennifer.
It’s amazing what you have shared Jennifer. Letting love from your family and coming to appreciate them this way.. it’s a beautiful unfolding and inspires others.
Very true that we can only let love in as we love ourselves. I don’t have parents anymore, but I have a totally different relation to my sisters than before. I don’t see them a lot, but I hold them in my heart without any judgement about what they do or which choices they make, as they do hold me in that. And I am not attached to how it looks like or how it will be in the future.
What you share here is very beautiful, it is so important to connect with people and allow yourself how you are truly loved by those people that you have a close relationship with, it is truly about accepting this love and feel it for yourself too.
Thanks Jen, a beautiful blog. I am also appreciating connecting with my family in a new way. A renewed relationship, free of the old tensions that held us in the past.
What a lovely blog Jennifer reading about the overwhelming sense that you are deeply loved by your parents, I could feel the warmth. Reading it brings up for me the sadness I have buried after distancing myself from my family, I am aware I have done that to myself. Thank you.
Such a great blog Jen. Thank you. Such great awareness that by being stuck in the busyness of life that you were not only keeping your Family out but keeping you away from feeling you. This is profound. I am feeling the impact that numbing myself with busyness and distraction has had on my life. As I allow myself to feel this and uproot It from my life, my relationship and my understanding of who I truly am is deepening on a daily basis and in turn my connection to all those around me. It is a huge learning and transformation and ever deepening process. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Hi Jen,
I love how you talk about accepting just where you’re parents are at, and appreciating them being there in your life. I will now take this into how I am with my parents as I know I haven’t always been very accepting of where my parents are at. That way I’m not putting pressure on them to be any different, and if they want to make loving changes in how they are they can do so, not for me or anyone else, but because they want to for themselves.
What I love Jen, is in reading this blog I can feel the fact that when I make life about me, it is far too easy to forget about other people and with that, love. How I alienate people and myself when I choose to live like that, the protection, hardness and or push of how I and life ‘should be” instead, of accepting and allowing everything to be – I can feel the joy, simplicity, ease and freedom with that.
Beautiful blog Jennifer. It is amazing to have connection with family. I haven’t visited my family for 9 years. We live on the opposite sides of the world. It sometimes feels like we live opposite lives too. I have been planning a visit next year but I feel anxious about the prospect of being around my family. I love them all dearly. I realised if I hold myself steady, from love, from a non judgemental and a detached way I will be fine. Be conscious not to join the dramas and anger. What I am anxious about is feeling my own self-doubt and doubting weather or not I can be in that beautiful space all of the time. Looking back at times when I have found it overwhelming is when I was attached to wanting them to be a certain way. I will have to deal with anger, disharmony and hurts when I visit but I realised that it is their stuff and not mine. I am responsible for my own issues and nobody else’s. I no longer feel responsible for all that they feel or what they inflict upon each other. The beautiful thing is to know that I do not have to hold back, not to get emotional and fall back into my old role of the ‘fixer’ but to share with my family my love, my understanding, my joy and my true self. I am going to print my comment out to bring with me on my visit as a reminder.
Great sharing Jennifer, it is lovely when we allow ourselves to surrender and let go of our protections when reconnecting to others.
Love your description of your family reconnection- reminding me it’s never too late to make every connection count.
That was really beautiful to read. Your description of walks with your dad and bra shopping was gorgeous – those simple things where you get to be together.
Dear Jennifer, what a beautiful, tender, loving, humble sharing. What touched me deeply is the fact that you’ve allowed yourself to let their Love in. So many times it is not directly expressed to me but from their bodies, their love and appreciation is so felt. Why is it that I (we?) choose to have so many moments with people I love dearly without allowing myself to feel how much I love them and they love me. That THE LOVE is the basis of all our connections, not the hardness, the fear, the disagreements, etc. etc. Thank you for loving your family once again and sharing that with us:-).
I really felt what you said reading this. That our connections to those we love, the depth we allow in those relationships is a reflection of the depth we allow in our relationship to self. Thank you for sharing.
We can keep ourselves in old patterns with our relatives. I did that for a long time and sometimes I still do. But with me being more me, I am allowing more of me to come into the relationships with my family. It feels more real, without me expecting something from myself or from them, just allowing the love to be. My parents are both deceased but as I feel closer to me I feel closer to them too and I am fortunate to be left with a loving sister who I am growing closer to especially now it’s just the two of us left. I love her dearly and the great thing is, she lives next door!
Jennifer what a beautiful and humbling blog this was for me. I am also reconnecting to my parents in a different way. I have dropped my beliefs of how I think they are or are going to react -beliefs based on how they used to be and not giving them credit for evolving as they have done. They respond to hugs and gentle conversations and love everything that I cook (dairy and gluten free)! They now ask about Universal Medicine and what we “do” and do not pass judgement. I look forward to seeing and feeling them when I visit again soon!
Lovely sharing about taking time to re-connect with your family, all too often we think the ‘pop in’ visit is enough, but does that allow us to deepen our connection? To feel how deeply loved you are and to acknowledge that you did not allow yourself to feel this before, wow what a change!
I know Jen. You can make it about controlling every detail of the meeting with them as a way of managing an open hurt, free riding on their desire to be with you or, you can choose to be with them so you can meet. I know.
This line is a pearl…by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself. So deeply true and reflective of my own experience with my own family.
Beautiful sharing Jen, I too rebuild my relationship with my parents inspired through the work with Universal Medicine making love the foundation of all. We as a family went from living separated lives with occasional meetings full of fights and unresolved issues to spending quality time together where we truly enjoy each other confirming us in our grandness and not bringing us down for the mistakes we made. We grew together and today support each other even though living thousands of kilometers apart.
Beautiful Jen, I too have been dating my parents for the last 3 years every fortnight or more. Making that time to sit down and share, to invite them in to feel me and to feel each other. I know these dating sessions have healed and supported all of us in many ways. There is a deep, loving and honest connection that we have with one another that we never had when growing up as children. I know that this re-connection with my parents has been inspired and ignited by the true mean of family in laying witness to the Benhayon family and the love that they are.
Jennifer, what a beautiful blog. I experience the being too busy mode myself and am training to focus more on who I truly am. That brings complete change into my relationships. Your blog inspires me to go deeper with me, my family and every relationship I have. Thank you.
Jennifer I love what your share about your family and how the relationship you had with them was the relationship you had with yourself. Discovering the beauty in yourself through making new choices, allowed you to see the beauty in them. Wonderful understanding.
Learning not to judge my family or expect them to change has been a great lesson for me and has improved my relationship with them. I was like you Jenny always too busy to really connect with them, just meeting for a lunch now and again, which I feel was more out a sense of duty than truly wanting to be there. This is slowly changing as I recognise the part I have played by not fully committing to being in the family.
Wow Jennifer this is awesome thank you for sharing, I too am having a closer more loving relationship with my parents now more then ever because I have got myself out of the way, I let go of all those ideals I had about what a ‘good parent’ should be and just allowed myself to see what is truly there and in doing so like you have been able to see how much I am loved and wow this is humbling, they have always loved me I have just not always chosen to see it.
Super inspiring Jennifer, I have experienced a similar distancing from my family that I have come to realise I created myself out of feeling hurt and not accepting the way things were for us all as a family. I am now slowly reestablishing a new connection and relationship with my parents and siblings, and even though there is a way to go, just allowing myself to feel the love that underlies everything is very beautiful.
Jenny, your story is very similar to mine in many ways. I too have always tended to stay in touch with family but never allowed myself to truly connect to them (and myself) and simply feel the love that was there. Sadly, what also applies in my case has been a lot of keeping busy with ‘doing’ (for acceptance and recognition). My parents have now passed away and we siblings are all working on how to keep connected on more than just a physical level. This is a challenging learning curve for me but your story has given me much to ponder on. Thank you!
Jen, this is great. You did something amazing by re-connecting to your family that way.
A beautiful blog Jennifer as what you share is felt by so many of us in our family relationships. I love how you shared it is often us that keeps the love at bay and by loving ourselves first and accepting everyone wherever their lives may be at, then the love that is there is amazing. So much to reflect on and feel in what you have written thank you.
Jenny what a gorgeous sharing. I too was blessed to connect more deeply with my mother in the last 7 weeks of her life from the inspiration of Universal Medicine. It was like meeting a woman I didn’t ever truly know or was willing to see. I felt a deep love for her and I felt her love for me and it was truly beutiful.
I had a similar experience with a friend who had also been my boyfriend years previously. The distance had grown between us, as it had with your family. Accepting and appreciating myself more has meant that I can also accept and appreciate him more and the feeling has been reciprocated and we are now establishing a new relationship that feels so different from before, much more honest and open. I too feel that the shifts in me have been due to my participation in Universal Medicine events and having treatments from practitioners, and of course my own commitment to this process.
What a wonderful gift you gave yourself to be with your parents for those days and to truly feel the depth of their love and respect. It’s amazing how, when you begin to know yourself more deeply, you in turn, get to understand those closest to you as well. Families are incredible reflections offered to us to help heal the hurts that we carry. Through the presentations of Universal Medicine I have come to know and love myself more than I ever thought possible, and that has naturally flowed through to my relationship with my family and others: a most wonderful and healing process.
I had not considered that before, that by putting self imposed limits on my relationship with my family that I am actually doing the same with myself. I guess this goes for all relationships. Thanks for the food for thought.
Connecting with people and being with them and enjoying them is most precious and something I dearly cherish. Thank you Jennifer.
Beautiful sharing Jennifer. I recognize what you write. Recently, I have also reconnected with my dad and mum. Making a date to connect to them, even separately, and not just seeing them on the family get togethers. It’s like reimprinting the relationship and letting go of the old images and expectations and meeting them for who they are. It all started when I did just that with myself: meeting me for who I am.
just beautiful Jennifer, steady and consistent love with no judgement.
Thanks Jennifer this made me think of how I am with my family. It re confirms that it all comes back to us and what we choose.
Life is about connecting to people, to really meet them. How different life in general actual is. Easily we go into the business of our lives, where we are unable to stop and feel what life is really about, that it is about meeting people. Our families are the people we have a special relation with and we love them deeply and in truth love to be around them. For me what stopped me to connect with my family is that I did not want to feel the hurt of the fact that, to my feeling, I was never truly met by them, I was appreciated for what I did, but not for who I was.
„I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.“This is so true.
For me, as well, there has been a big change in the relationship with my family, when I started to make more loving choices towards myself and started to really open up instead of hiding what I was truly feeling – wanting to protect my parents from feeling uncomfortable – and allowed myself to really let love in were before there had been high walls to protect myself. We have since then had many beautiful moments I never would have thought were possible. This has brought along some tears but above all lots of laughter and the realisation that the best thing you can do is be yourself and live yourself openly with no holding back. This is amazing reflection and inspiration that can move mountains.
Beauty-fully shared Jennifer I can relate to that distanced feeling even though I regularly see my parents. Thankyou much to ponder here..
Gorgeous Jennifer, what I feel when I read your blog, is how lovely people are when we just let them be, how much they can be there for us, if we but let them. A great reminder that underneath it all we all want to connect.
The re -connection with your family was a beautiful learning for you, as it would have been for them to feel your amazingness.
My Parents have both passed on but I was close to Mum and became close to Dad when he lost Mum.
My sisters and brothers have been close in the past but until recently I haven’t been in touch with my brothers on a regular basis. The connections we have made over the past year have been great and especially with the brother that is closest to me who I had a good friendship with in the past. I feel as we get older these relationships can be so supportive and loving which I have found with my two sisters. Thank you for sharing your story Jen and reminding me of the love we share with family.
Beautiful sharing Jen, I can relate to what you are saying. I have been distant to others for some time as well. To me it felt I did the distancing to not have to feel the love that was there from them, to really feel that they loved me so much just for who I was, which made me feel that at times I did not love myself in that same unconditional way. I am learning so much to let love and support in with my family, friends and everyone in my life and every time I am with them, it is truly amazing.
This completely warmed me Jennifer, and made me laugh to be reading it today because it is exactly what happened yesterday in reconnecting with some people I had loved dearly but had held at a distance for many many years due to the hurt of their rejection of me.
I finally realised that I had in fact been rejecting them for rejecting me! So there had been a self made wall of protection up from my side of things. How crazy is that!
Yesterday I met many of them again at a family function, this time fully open and accepting of just being with them right now. Just connecting with the ‘them’ I had always known and the ‘them’ that would be presented to me on meeting without the wall.
It was magical, no awkwardness, just acceptance on both sides and the love we had always had for each other there in the warmth of our eyes and our hearts and our conversation only more so.
The reason for this is the same as yours Jennifer; through Universal Medicine courses and sessions with their practitioners I have also been making loving and nurturing changes in the way I care for me. That I am now more loving and accepting of myself as the ‘beauty-full’ woman I am has led to being willing to address long held patterns that kept my hurts protected and the true me away from others.
Acceptance of myself has led to many miraculous changes in my relationships with, and acceptance of, others and for this I am truly appreciative.
That is such a tender blog Jennifer, thank you for sharing. Reading it as a mother I can see my children wanting to do the same and I am learning to not take it personally but love them and let them fly. As a daughter, I read it and know I did the same. We recently got together as well and I too felt so loved. I don’t think we realise how much we hold ourselves back from relationships but I can see both sides now and this has brought me much more understanding.
A great blog, thank you Jen.
Your comment…”I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are” exposes how hurts and expectations can so easily get in the way of us feeling what is there to be truly felt all along … Love.
Feeling this post I felt how much I have held back in my true love and expression with my family and also more of that feeling of just holding them all in love right where they are in their personal evolution and not needing and wanting them to be anywhere else.
Reading this again makes me reflect on how I am with my family. It is clear that my family loves me but that I put up barriers to being around them. Reading your experience Jen makes me appreciate the opportunity I have to connect with my family and share time and experiences with them.
Jennifer this is lovely as it tells us all that it is never too late to reconnect to anyone, family or otherwise. My family are back living with my mum and her partner after living away for 16 years. I am loving every minute of it as we get to know each other more intimately and see each others faces every day.
I have very much changed with my family too and thanks to this article it feels good to express that. We don’t see each other so often, yet the love that is there when we do, does reflect the love that I am more and more choosing in my own life. While this article focuses on family as we have a measure of what was and what is now, it points to the truth that all our relationships can reflect the way we love, care for and nurture ourselves.
Lovely blog and this quote is great, I feel it unravels something that happens concerning the lack of intimacy in the world “What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself.” Until we have a relationship with ourselves it is difficult to share intimacy with others. I am learning to be open to the connection that is available. It has definitely changed my experience of the world. I use to feel often lonely although I had people around me. I am learning to have a true connection with myself which I share with others, and that loneliness has dissipated. This blog is a great example of how we can appriciate what is right there and available for us everyday.
Dear Jennifer I am just ‘getting’ the fact that our relationship with others is a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. Having just truly realized that my lack of intimacy with others stems from my lack of intimacy with myself (a revelation in the true sense of the word) I then read your line ‘What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself. By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too’ and it struck me that again what we are living is played out with others. It seems simple now but I couldn’t see it before.
I loved reading your sharing Jennifer. I felt the love of my family and in my case found the situation to be claustrophobic and left home. I was great at blaming them for some of my difficulties rather than taking responsibility, and when I visited took on a persona I felt would be acceptable. This feeling of victim was exacerbated by many of the new age healing modalities I tried. However, after taking courses and seeing practitioners of Universal Medicine I have come to a place in myself where I take ‘me’ to visit my family and embrace them for who they are as much as possible – and the relationships are ever deepening as I open myself to the world.
Thanks Jennifer, I got a lot out of your sharing. I feel the distance from some friends and even some family members and the uneasiness this creates. On my part it’s the holding back of me, my friends and family then miss out on seeing how amazing I am. I look forward to sharing myself more. Great sharing.
I loved reading this Jennifer, it reminded me so much of the quick drop-in visits I used to do with my parents, but at the same time thinking that I was far too busy to be sitting there drinking tea, even for a short time and would end up spending hours with them.
It is lovely, when we get to identify a previously hidden pattern, and to clearly see the energy that is feeding it. By changing the underlying energy we not only deepen our connection with ourselves, but also with others…. a great sharing .
Thank you for this article Jen, it is wonderful to be able to appreciate family without having a need for them to be a certain way.
“I was more able to accept them just as they are and not judge them or their relationship and not react, as I would have previously. They also showed great acceptance of the changes I have been making.” This is gorgeous Rebecca. I too have found that I have become less judgmental of my family since attending Universal Medicine courses, as I have become more loving and accepting of myself and not needing my family to be other than who they are. No longer needing them to fill the gap I had created in my own life, so no more expectations. Feels good!
An inspiring blog Jennifer with the realisations you made. This especially spoke to me “What I didn’t realise until recently, was that by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself. By keeping so busy with all of this doing I was making a stranger of myself to me, too.” Something to ponder on as I feel I can behave like this in relationships…thank you.
Thank you for sharing Jennifer – it is so easy to try to want people to fit into how we would like them to be – which is effectively judging them and wanting them to live up to a certain set of ideals. I love how you say that: ‘I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are’. That is an awesome place to have come to.
It’s beautiful that by building self-love you were then able to let in more the love that was around you and in turn be more loving back, I can certainly relate to this.
The distance from another as a reflection of the distance from oneself also spoke to me this morning. Thank you, this blog has much to ponder on.
Hi, Jennifer. Your comment, about the distance between yourself and your parents also being a reflection of the distance in your relationship with yourself, really struck a deep chord within me. Thank you for this powerful sharing.
This is great to read Jennifer, ‘I am so pleased that I have got off my bum to re-establish a true relationship with my parents’, I feel inspired to do the same, I have let my relationships with my family slip thinking that I’m too busy to see or even call them and this feels very sad, thank you for writing this.
Thanks Jennifer I just came from another blog about reconnecting with family straight to yours without looking to. I think there is a strong message here for me as there are no coincidences.
This is great to read Jennifer, ‘I can now see how amazing my family is and the love that happens every day, rather than seeing things that I wished were other than what they are.’ I can feel a sadness reading this that I haven’t accepted my family for who they are, I have always been critical, wanting them to be different, I feel truly inspired by your article to change this.
In this last year I have come to realise how important it is to spend quality time with family, not as an afterthought, and this is as I have been becoming more aware of the beauty inside me and feeling a spring of joy in there too. Our get togethers have been so different, very ordinary, as you say Jennifer — without no judgment, and so enjoyable for us all. Dealing with the issues as they arise is then possible in a very loving way.
This is beautiful, Jennifer. Thank you. I love what you write about accepting your parents as they are. This has been a process for me with my parents, until one day it did not feel at all like a process, but simply a choice. I will see my mom and dad in a week and am really looking forward to connecting with them without any expectation, just with an open heart!
I love this Jennifer thank you. I can relate very much. Universal Medicine has inspired me to re-connect with my family and allow the love we feel for each other to be felt. Letting go of perfectionism and the way things ‘should be’ and accepting them for who they are and all that they bring.
Thank you for this blog, I love how you shared that the relationship starts with ourselves and it is that relationship’s quality that we extend to our family and everyone else.
Thanks Jennifer this is a great and simple reminder about family. I live around the corner from my parents and find meals the greatest opportunity to share what we have together. It’s never perfect, but real and as you mentioned, I feel “deeply loved” by them.
I agree Jane, keeping in contact with relatives can sometime feel like a duty, but it is amazing when it is done from a willingness to actually know what is going on with them, not just say “how are you?” and not really listen, but give them them and others time and respect.
Thanks Jennifer really inspiring and great to reflect back on my relationships with Mum, Dad and Sisters – I really relate to the distance that I have created. Even though living on the other side of the world I have created ‘I’m to busy with life’ to keep contact. This has started to change but it is a constant connection that needs focus, not literally daily but one that I keep them close. What I have come to realise is that these relationships have an impact on the ones that I have on a daily basis in which I have regular contact with.
You have written a great article Jen. It made me contemplate my relationship with myself and how I can still sometimes let my busy life be the priority over connecting with myself and others.
A very inspiring blog thank you
What an inspiring sharing Jen, it really makes me want to connect and be with my family. I love what you shared about seeing past the things that being with them brought up, and you were able to enjoy just being with your family and enjoying their company.
Thanks Jennifer and everyone for all the amazing comments. I am planning a week away with my parents and I spent the day with them today, you have shed some light on why I find it difficult spending time with them. I am more looking forward to the holiday now.
Wow Jennifer. I loved your blog. This is it! Just accept where people are and let go of the hurts, specially related to family. Thank you.
Jennifer and Gustavo thank you for your words. This really is it.
Isn’t it amazing how we have taken family for granted? The phrase ‘fit in mum and dad’ really summed up how I have often treated family and friends like that too (like scheduling in an appointment) and inevitably ‘by distancing myself from them, I was doing that to myself.’ Thank you
Really inspiring Jennifer, amazing that you felt the distance and bridged it with love.
This is beautiful, thank you. I find that I am appreciating the love that has always been there in my family more and more as well. My mother just came to stay with me for a few days, and whilst I certainly have a lot more to let go of in this area, I did sit back after her visit and appreciate that I had been far more allowing than in the past; more loving and less intense. I was able to express how lovely it was to have her to stay, and I know how healing it was for both of us for me to express that. In truth my mother is lovely to have around – if I feel otherwise at times it is down to me, and how I have been living, and how I behave.
Such an amazing blog Jennifer – lovely to hear about the reconnection between you and your family; very inspiring.
That is so inspiring to read. I’m about to spend 2 weeks with my mum, sister and her family and what you have written about accepting your family as they are feels lovely. I feel very inspired to accept my family as they are too.
A great sharing Jennifer. If we let go of the judgement, duty and our differences, we can reconnect to the love that brought us together.
This is beautiful, thank you Jennifer. I can deeply relate to what you have said here – prior to Universal Medicine I didn’t realise that my relationship with my family was a mixture of underlying blame and guilt – I knew the love was there but found it hard to genuinely feel it.
Like you I am now able to connect with my family on a much deeper level; I can now feel the love that they have for me which has been a truly beautiful progression.
That is exactly what we all want. We settle for a lot less.
Wonderful to read this. It is very helpful for me going to visit my family (mother and 2 sisters) this year for 2 months. I often get sick when I visit and find it very challenging to not fall into old patterns with them. Good to see that I distanced myself from them (and from me) a long time ago and not they from me. It is slowly changing and I feel more consistent in loving myself and staying with myself and I can open my heart and be with them in a more accepting way (accepting myself more). I now look forward seeing them this year which I usually don’t.
Thank you Jennifer. I am spending the day with my parents today after not seeing them for a year and reading your post made me aware that I was already shutting down the true me to give them what I thought they wanted to see, but I realise that actually they do want the true me, and the more true I am, the more opportunity I have to truly connect with them and to feel their amazingness. We are all love and it is amazing how choosing to stay in our hurts we lose this No. 1 and most powerful truth…
Yes Anna, I enjoy spending time with my parents now. Its great to appreciate them as people.
Thank you Jennifer, I too have done the duty bound visits and now choose when to visit and the time we spend together is more loving for this reason. I listen to what they say now rather than being annoyed and impatient, and I am more accepting and allowing of them to be who they are and so in turn are they of me. The whole relationship feels a lot more free and therefore more enjoyable too.
What a great post for me to feel the way I have judged my family (for supposed good reason) and kept my distance. Recently I have experienced a level of acceptance that I have always known was there, but resisted due to my wanting them to be different, I had not let them in. Now I am slowly learning to let them in despite the hurt that has been present.
I recently spoke to a friend who told me of someone who had been very hurt by her friend. Instead of cutting off from the friend she made a deliberate choice to stay connected despite the hurt. This did not mean giving her power away but remaining with herself in the relationship. I found this to be a beautiful reflection of ‘live and let live’ and an understanding that we are all unfolding and being truly oneself is the most inspiring way to be…
Beautiful and touching blog. I have had a similar experience. I always felt not really part of my family especially not with dinner, they were talking about things and I was sitting there and felt not connected with them and what they spoke about. As I look back I can see I was not really connected with myself at that time. Now I am and I enjoy having dinner with my family, it is my favourite time of the day! Thank you very much for sharing Jennifer.
Thank you Jennifer and Lieke I can really relate to not feeling part of my family growing up. My younger siblings complained that I always had my head in a book and I can see now that that was my way of disconnecting from myself and those around me. Now my 96 year old father lives close by and I am enjoying caring for him and really getting to know him having had a lot of conflict in the past.
Thank you Jennifer, this is so supportive and beautiful. I want to go and visit my parents right now and bask in the love that I too have blocked for all the reasons you so wonderfully articulated.
I have also known and felt an overwhelming sense that I was deeply loved in my family but rejected it and didn’t truly let them in.
Interestingly when I first started to delve into the area of ‘personal development’ and dabble in the ‘new age’ movement in the early 90’s this state of being became more exacerbated and I eventually cut most of them off, friends too. I really felt it most and I reckon I cried for the first 12 months when I moved to the big ‘new age’ mecca, Byron Bay. My parents even expressed as I left they felt like they did when another child of theirs had died. At the time while I was in this ‘journey’ I actually thought it was good for me to experience this pain.
Thank goodness I had enough sensibility left intact to know a blessing when I saw one. A friend shared an experience she had in a healing session with a practitioner called Serge Benhayon. That was back in 1999. From the first session onwards the ‘journey’ stopped. I stopped. I didn’t need to go anywhere. And in the humbleness felt in my own body, in my own love, I too have been able to develop back to a place where I can stop and really be with my parents, family and friends. When I see my Dad I now go for walks with him and his dogs and we have more moments where we really can connect. My Dad loves the fact he can call me up and “be honest”… and he was the guy I had the most conflict with!
This is a lovely story of reconnection Jennifer. I really like your sentence: ‘I was more able to accept them just as they are and not judge them or their relationship and not react, as I would have previously.’
A great lesson!
Thank you Jennifer I got a lot out of reading this and was given an opportunity to stop and look at my relationships with my family.
Very Inspiring Jennifer, I was recently contemplating how I craved having a loving supportive family, but yet I was the one standing in the way of building this. I stood in the way of building this love as I blamed my family for all they were not, but I demanded them to be. I expected them to fill me and only then was I willing to be open and accepting of them. Obviously with all the blame and demands coming from me, they were not able to live up to my expectations. Now I am slowly letting go of these demands and blame and our relationship is naturally opening up. It is magic, no words have been communicated in relation to the letting go of blame and demands but yet they naturally feel my new acceptance of them and they are naturally accepting and open with me in return.