by Cherise Holt, Nurse, Australia
In the past I listened as my relatives described me as a girl who could ‘talk under wet cement’, meaning I was Little Miss Chatterbox. I know that I was a lovely, gentle little girl who could chat to anyone and I can see that this was their observation based on the huge change in me. Throughout primary and high school I had become very quiet and shy.
Inside I felt hurt and defensive by this comment, like I was somehow less than I used to be, and I had created my own story to back up the reasons for my change. I had taken on responsibility for others from a very young age and I began to think that a part of being responsible was keeping your worries to yourself. I was internalising my own worries whilst taking on those of others.
My school report cards began to describe me as ‘reserved’; a word that felt hurtful and that I allowed to stick with me for a long time. To me this word meant that I was not being myself, so when adults were labelling me as this, a part of me gave up on being anything more. When I was young I had noticed others got annoyed by my giggles and talking. I once got in trouble for whistling in class so I began to hush and measure my own voice.
At age eleven on holidays, my grandfather passed away suddenly. I was far away from my parents and to be honest, I can barely remember uttering a word. I felt the grief and sadness, and I struggled to express this with others. A part of me thought that I needed to be responsible and hold myself together, and another part didn’t know how to express the hurt I was feeling. This had become a big part in my life that best described, for me, how and why I had stopped talking.
By high school it felt like I had forgotten how to speak around people I didn’t know, and the anxiety that came with class presentations or speeches and group work was always highly stressful. My heart would be racing. But something else was now coming into play – when I did speak it required some sort of trying or a push behind it. I felt like I had to talk, and I thought what I had to say needed to sound right.
At sixteen I allowed a guy to make me feel even more insecure about what I had to say. I felt bullied as he would say things like ‘don’t you ever speak’ in an aggressive tone, and a friend said to me ‘just scream one time; I just want to hear you yell’. This was something I believed that other people must surely be thinking about me, too. The pressure to speak felt so heavy that I was choosing to do the opposite.
I was analysing every word I would say before it left my mouth: I would say what I thought was right, and if I didn’t think it was perfect I would hold back and say nothing. When I did speak I would analyse it later, pick it to pieces about what I should have said differently. I know my Dad could feel how hard on myself I was being; he would comment ‘don’t worry, it’s the empty vessels that make the most noise’. It was his way of saying, you don’t have to be loud or talk a lot, or be like anyone else.
In my twenties I believed I was lacking in confidence, so I searched outside for courses or assistance in finding it. But what I found was Universal Medicine – and presented to me was the fact that true confidence is already within me. It is about allowing me to just be, finding and honouring my own way of expressing.
There is something quite similar in the way that I spoke as a little girl and in the way I speak now as a woman – simplicity.
For me it lies in the connection to myself, whether I stop to feel my own heart beating, my lungs expanding or my gentle breath. I can actually feel if I have something to say or not, and that there is a way of speaking that is my way.
If someone is talking loud or fast I can tell if I am trying to keep up with them… my body becomes tense and my voice strained or louder than feels natural. I have held back from speaking up because I know someone else is louder and I would have to contend to be heard. But the feeling I now have is trust in what I have to share; it is too great to not find my own way to express it.
I can feel if someone else needs me to speak – for their comfort perhaps, or for me to respond with a comment they want to hear. But there is also an absolute feeling that it is okay if I choose not to speak or say much. It is not a way of holding back or not being myself – on the contrary, it is an honouring of me and what is right for me in the moment.
I have been hard on myself for a long time, analysing my words and adding complexity to life. Creating my own beliefs of how I should speak based on my perception of other’s views and comparison of other people. But I know there can’t be any hardness when you speak from within yourself, where you don’t hold all the right and wrong beliefs of how it needs to happen.
It is a progress of allowing me to just be, connecting to myself in a moment and feeling what I want to express. It’s letting go of the control I once wielded over my voice and discovering that not only do I feel like I have quite a lot to say, but that I am also giving myself the permission to express it, however it feels right for me.
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
“A part of me thought that I needed to be responsible and hold myself together, and another part didn’t know how to express the hurt I was feeling.” Whenever we don’t express what we feel it gets buried in the body to be resolved or dealt with later and will eventually show itself through an illness or disease, if we continue to leave things as they are.
School seems a really harsh place because we hide our sensitivity in order to protect ourselves, and that then sets a pattern for the rest of our lives or until we are able to deal with past hurts.
We are so sensitive as children – and it just goes to show when comments that are made by others about us lay unresolved, they can continue to hurt us way beyond the moment they are said.
It’s beautiful to read how you’ve nurtured your expression and with that are much freer to say what you really feel to say and also to not give yourself a hard time if you don’t speak either, but honour if that’s what you truly sensed to do at the time.
It’s great to hear your journey from being silenced by the outside world to again feeling the freedom to express. I think this is a way many tread in their lives, from being free in their expression to becoming quite quiet because the outside world might find that comfortable. But they also need us to stay true in our expression so that we can get out of this mess we have ventured into where we do not say what is needed to be said.
It is fascinating but more so indicting that our voice and the way we speak gets so manipulated as we grow up. Of course because we allow it to happen, but often it comes with a sense of giving our power away to something else. Or having to force our way through life in some way.
It is interesting how we work hard to create the images others end up having of us and how we then use behaviors to try to control how others relate to a reduced version of us that match the image.
“I have held back from speaking up because I know someone else is louder and I would have to contend to be heard. But the feeling I now have is trust in what I have to share; it is too great to not find my own way to express it.” I love this as I feel this often in myself and give up when people don’t listen or talk over me. You inspire me to see in what way I can express without forcing, but in a way that is naturally to me.
We bring about much complexity when we try to live up to the ideals. Thank you for the reminder that simplicity and confidence are natural to us and available to be reignited.
Thank you Cherise, I can relate to the over responsibility as a child and not expressing my own worries and instead taking on others. True expression is a huge area, there can be so many things that impact whether we truly express our truth and how we feel or not. As you say it comes back to honouring ourselves and keeping it simple by letting go of beliefs and pictures around what we think we have to say.
Our silence communicates more than words at times. A commitment to True expression asks us to speak when it is needed and stay silent when that is needed. We can only be true to ourselves if we are true in our expression.
We live life like a multiple choice test, continually hoping to give the right answer – then getting despondent that we don’t. To be told we had everything all along is a freak out to our mind, but it’s the absolute truth. All we need, as you show Cherise, is to simply let it out. Thank you.
What a journey Cherise of finding your voice again. It is interesting how we can think it is lack of confidence, where it was simply holding back and listening to the doubts in the head. We get many opportunities to re-discover our voices, the more we practice, the easier it feels.
In the past I have so often held back from expressing what I am feeling or sensing, as such dishonouring my truth, always in fear of being ridiculed. I now realise that this has added to my belief that I lacked self-confidence, which I have since discovered is not true. The fact the we can feel the truth is a confirmation of the wisdom we all hold within, and the more we express what we feel from our hearts, the more we build and strengthen our relationship with our inner confidence. When we express the truth we feel we offer the opportunity for us all to open up and learn, grow and be inspired.
Like you, Cherise, I am profoundly thankful for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for presenting “to me was the fact that true confidence is already within me”. It is ongoing unfolding journey of joy as I re-discover myself.
Ditto Jstewart51 the different of being able to be confident in feeling what there is to share and then expressing that is deeply profound, from feeling like I had to get everyone’s opinion to having my own strength of what I feel is true and expressing that is key.
Theres a lot that can come between us and true real expression, for me ive spotted a measuring of expression, so I often express differently according to who I’m expressing to, it’s such a relief when I drop that and just talk and just be myself unbarred.
I can relate to the control that restricts our voice and natural expression. It seems that this is something that we choose to impose on ourselves – from the influence of those around us. The thing is this can start so young we might not realise or forget why/how it all started and ‘think’ that this is who we are. Having any limitation, shyness, fear or hurt to say what is true for us is not who we naturally are, it’s become our interpretation of who we think the world wants or needs us to be.
Cherise your awesome blog is an invitation for everyone to not hold back anymore so thank you for not holding back to share your experience about claiming back your voice.
I have always been told I was a very quiet child. Who ever would have guessed that after meeting with Universal Medicine I am deeply adoring that I can talk, really talk and I have so much to say that I will never want to not speak up again. Thank goodness for that.
This is a biggie for me too. I would be loud and pushy so people would notice me and this didn’t really work, if anything I felt more rejected and dejected.
I can honestly say it is a working progress but since attending Universal Medicine workshops, I’ve observed there is no pushing, trying to be liked or noticed, I’m just me. I love discovering my own voice including all the other parts that were never me.
What you have expressed Cherise, is so real. What has been said to us as young people can often effect our whole life, our natural expressing way, ending up causing undue tension and nervousness within bodies. The joy for me today is the re-discovering of what is within me and it can so easily be expressed, how lovely to allow the letting go this in my life.
Cherise as a child I also had a strong sense of responsibility, which meant I felt I needed to take on the worries of others whilst suppressing my own. For me that resulted in an inability to express what I needed as well as how I felt, which then carried into adult life. A lot of that has now changed with the support of Universal Medicine. Expression is such a huge part of our wellbeing, and being able to unlock those blocks to simply speak the truth of how we feel is very supportive. We can carry an enormous stress, tension, and anxiety when we bottle things up or say things that aren’t true for us, so being able to express how we feel and let go of those tensions is so great for the body, and for our general health and wellbeing.
An article that is really spot on in many ways. I remember the chatty little person I was and how there was always something to say about most things, when we are young we love to describe the world in many different ways. Walk to an adult and I was very measure, very judging on myself and anything I said. A lot of the time and as the article described I would choose to sit back and not say a thing rather then risk saying something that maybe perceived as wrong. Much has changed and it’s taken some practice to let go of a way of being that held me so tight. It feels great to add value to a conversation and the world by allowing what you are already feeling out and for me that’s the clincher, we are already feeling everything all the time and making it look different has never in fact stopped the feeling.
Serge Benhayon often presents on ‘Expression is Everything’, I didn’t quite know the true extent of what this meant until I began to express and move with this awareness –it has been life changing for me to make the choice to express without any perfection and how expansive and empowering it feels to make this choice rather than holding back as I did most of my life. Thank you Cherise, your blog is a beautiful sharing on the power of learning to express with our true voice.
Wow this reminded me how often we hold back saying what needs to be said, and how damaging this is when we don’t express and hold the expression in, and then when we do express we worry about how it came out. When we simply express our truth, there is no right or wrong, and we honour ourselves and others when we express rather than holding back.
Universal Medicine has supported and gently encouraged me to find my voice and express and share what I have to say.
Cherise I love the way how you express – you describe it so tangibly for me why you shut down and also how you chose to not hold yourself back. That is so inspiring! Thank you for not holding back as your amazing blog, it shows very clearly how important it is to express oneself.
To express or not is not just an action that is felt on the outside. It is a profound choice of movement.
Thank you Cherise I loved what you have shared here, I can relate to being shut down when young by a comment “stop your silly giggling” it seemed that it was not right to be joyful. I found school difficult with relating with other children and speaking in class sent me into a panic. I am now seventy years on in life learning to speak up, letting go of the right and wrong, realising that when I am connected I can just express me and it has a flow, and that when I become uncomfortable with my speaking i have left my connection. “It’s letting go of the control I once wielded over my voice and discovering that not only do I feel like I have quite a lot to say, but that I am also giving myself the permission to express it, however it feels right for me.”
I love the accepting and allowing you speak of here Cherise and can feel no pressure or trying in how you now communicate and how different that is. We can so easily get into being right and in fact we put so much pressure and stress on us and one thing you note which I do not always consider is the complexity this brings to our lives which is not needed. So being and expressing us is in fact simpler.
Finding our true voice is something everyone in this world deserves and sometimes what we express can be in the movements and quality between speaking.
It is beautiful how you now appreciate and confirm yourself and your natural expression. What you have expressed here is simple and profound;
“For me it lies in the connection to myself, whether I stop to feel my own heart beating, my lungs expanding or my gentle breath. I can actually feel if I have something to say or not, and that there is a way of speaking that is my way”.
I have quite a lot to say too Cherise but I hold back which of course is an ingrained pattern of mine but like you it is simply a case of giving myself permission to express what I am feeling…..
Universal Medicine provides the awareness and depth of understanding ‘expression is everything’. We all have a voice and our truth is the difference between what is the quality we choose to live in. Do we choose to be less or more and express it so with the result being what world we want to live in. Cherise, it is the best that you have found your voice again – Another voice claiming the FIRE back to earth!!
Thank you for your sharing, it gives a great insight into what may be going on for someone and reading it made me reflect on what may be going on for people I know and how I can bring more understanding to them.
Beautfull blog, and it made me ponder on why so many people fear public speaking, which should come so naturally to all, but does not because most of us are so preoccupied with how we will come across and be judged, and so we expend a lot of nervous energy in trying to ensure we are what the world audience wants us to be.
Thankyou Adam, this was helpful to read. As human beings we can’t seem to accept that to simply be ourselves is enough, we feel we have to perform or deliver what another wants, but the outcome of that never translates to any form of true contentment, only more anxiety and nervousness about what to deliver next.
Relearning to communicate and express from our hearts and bodies can literally be likened to learning to walk again so we can reimprint all our steps with grace and purpose.
It’s very fitting the comment you mention Cherise about wet cement, because ‘growing up’ and becoming an adult these days can be like a process of erecting structures every day to keep people away. Another incident of abuse can turn up and quickly become another excuse for a new brick in the wall. Contrast this with the natural flow of a child’s sharings, that bubble, pop and flow like natural spring or river. I get the sense this was the sort of kid that you were, and it inspires me to cherish this quality in me and others too – it’s beautiful for we are all designed to naturally share.
It’s intense how much we measure, gauge, believe. We go through so many stories in our head in every second doing our best to calculate what we do/say just so as to seemingly keep everyone around us happy, or in truth, comfortable. What an absolute waste of our energy. We literally put the breaks on who we are and try to calibrate to whoever is around us, and then adapt to the next lot of people and basically forever spend our lives mastering being a chameleon. It’s awesome when we finally realise, that actually, there is no need for any of that. Life becomes simple again.
I made many adjustments in my life, especially when young due to negative feedback from others. In other words I more than a few times hurt myself in order to give others relief.
Feeling my body helps to give me confidence, it brings me back to being present and connected and from there expressing naturally what and how I feel to. Thanks for this Beautiful blog Cherise, I could relate to so much of what you’ve said here and it’s a great reminder of how to support my true expression and confidence.
On re-visiting this blog today, this sentence stood out like a ‘sore thumb’. Oh my goodness…….just to take on the role of being a super-sponge, absorb everything of others emotions and then feel super responsible for them – this is the most poisoning thing to oneself and others. It has taken much work to let go of this insidious way of living and occasionally I can still get caught up in it and it feels exhausting.
“I had taken on responsibility for others from a very young age and I began to think that a part of being responsible was keeping your worries to yourself. I was internalising my own worries whilst taking on those of others”.
I started a new job recently and became aware how I was holding back my expression as my body started to show the consequences. It wasn’t just that I would not say something awkward, I was becoming a quiet person who would not laugh out loud. I was losing my playfulness and becoming someone else. It felt horrible and of course my body has to show. I totally agree with you, Cherise, it is about allowing myself to just be and letting whatever flows through me be expressed.
What can be felt from this blog is the innate rhythm that is within the body and how this rhythm impulses expression. It feels very different from the mentally generated thought process most of us are accustomed to and habitually use. There is a feeling of solidity in this embodiment whereas the mental feels as if it is all about the head – just thinking rather than feeling or sensing. Is it possible that the true heart of expression is in fact from the whole body and not just from our heads? Definitely something worth exploring in my view.
It struck me when reading this blog how we need to bring more awareness to the words we use to label children, and each other for that matter. It is like a curse and from some belief that there is a certain way that one should express. We need to feel and read where another is coming from and encourage them to be all they are rather than shut down their natural expression.
Beautifully said Cherise, I am learning to deepen the relationship with myself and appreciate myself and the qualities I bring more and more, as this has been key to building a natural confidence within and feeling ok about expressing in all areas of my life.
I like this article Cherise and can relate to it quite easily, expression is everything and having the ability to do so from an inner truth is an awesome trait.
With self-acceptance comes natural expression, trying to be someone else for whatever reason takes away our natural expression hence, the process of reclaiming one´s expression goes along with claiming oneself as who we are.
That actually works – we only need to do one, claiming who we are, and our natural expression and lots of other things come back by themselves.
I love the way you describe your voice Cherise, like a natural instrument given from God, that when you play is normally in tune with your body in every single way. What a cool gauge of how you are feeling and going – just how this instrument sounds today. Makes me consider we should be listening to all the music of our body without critique, each and every day.
As little children we express simply how we feel without any worries and thoughts how we might sound, look or will be liked, and as adults we can be completely tangled in a myriad of possibilities that our words may cause and not speak at all, or speak too much, underneath ridden with anxiety and doubt. This alone shows that we allow ourselves to become someone that we are simply not.
Understanding that our expression has no ‘off switch’ brings us to the science that we are constantly communicating all-of-the-time; this means that we are either communicating in a way that is with the authority and powerful all-knowingness of who we are – the absolute equal beauty and harmony that is within us, or we must be communicating something else, something far less powerful and thus not at all as the truth of our innately wise and precious way to be. We are then here presented with a choice, to know our true voice and its purpose and to live with it throughout our day as best as we can or give ourselves over to the painful way of holding such purpose back and away from all who need to hear it, including ourselves.
Our every expression is communicating in every gesture we make, not only in our words. I relate to much of your sharing Cherise and the beauty of simplicity.
Cherise your blog touched me deeply as I got to feel how much I’ve taught myself to self censor to fit in and how measured I can be in how I express and speak. I’m learning to trust myself more and to know that I don’t always want to/have to speak but most importantly that if I do not speak and communicate connected to my body, then I can easily get lost in what I should say or how I should say it – I lose my true expression. Thank you for a gorgeous and very supportive sharing.
An absolutely gorgeous blog Cherise. How lovely it is to give ourselves permission to express however we feel in any given moment and how exhausting and harmful it is to try to hold back what we feel.
Never before coming across Universal Medicine did I ever take note of how I spoke, to myself and out in the world. And my experience has been similar to yours Cherise in that when I am connected to my body my thoughts and words are much more loving and kind and playful. Compared to when I am disconnected and focusing on what I think I should be doing or how I should be doing it there is only judgement and agression and moodiness in my tone. The tone of our voice can reveal so much about us and whats going on inside us if we choose to take notice.
It was lovely to come back and read your blog again Cherise. I remember capping my expression at an early age around 4 or so when I was in the back of the car and no one was listening to me so I said to myself I am not going to talk anymore, it was like I had cursed myself and that incident then affected how I expressed throughout my life, choosing to stay silent and not expressing what I was feeling, bottling it up and then getting upset at something totally unrelated.
This blog could have been written about me as a child. ’I began to think that a part of being responsible was keeping your worries to yourself. I was internalising my own worries whilst taking on those of others’. This line struck me, it gave me a realisation of how a part of me stopped talking. I could feel how the pivotal point to talking and speaking up is the connection to ourselves, building love and trust of our knowing of what truth we hold within.
Speaking our truth comes from the authority lived in our bodies and it is our responsibility to raise our children, cherishing this fact about them, that they have a knowingness in who they are and read the energy of situations and movements far before they have to think about what they can or can’t, should or shouldn’t say. We were all born with this innate ability to understand and read life and with the support of each other we are all able to find our true voices and not hold them back once again.
Many, including myself, will relate to what you share Cherise, unable to find their voice and instead speaking words we believe others want to hear. Finding our own voice starts in childhood with children supported to know and express their innermost feelings and thoughts. The opposite was true for me where the prevailing message received was ‘children are seen not heard’ and consequently this stopped me expressing myself openly and instead kept things hidden, a behaviour I’ve had to unlearn as an older adult. Without self worth it is often difficult to express ourselves and this is where the work begins: re-building our own sense of self.
I love the point you make about self worth kehinde2012. If we don’t know who we are and value ourselves it is impossible to express in a truly authentic way.
Internalising and keeping our worries to ourselves only allows them to fester and multiply… and taking on the worries of others only makes it worse.
I can so relate to what you share here Cherise. When you have held back what you have felt and wanted to say for so long you can start to test the waters and lift the lid and let some trickle out, but this still leaves the backlog and pressure there. The other option is to literally open the rusty old flood gates. At the start it all may come out in a gush and a rush and not be so clear but once open and you begin to understand and learn from your realisations, mistakes and accomplishments you will get more and more into the flow.
‘Giving ourselves the permission’ this is a huge thing for everyone, to allow ourselves to express and communicate who we are in any given moment and under any circumstance. When we don’t do this, we hold back from sharing just how equal and of the same beauty we are and everyone involved always misses out.
“It’s letting go of the control I once wielded over my voice and discovering that not only do I feel like I have quite a lot to say, but that I am also giving myself the permission to express it, however it feels right for me.” So beautiful Cherise, being about to let go of control is a huge one for many of us. I know it has been for me, to not only finally find a voice, express my voice, but then to refine and develop in that expression. That it isn’t always about saying something in every given moment. To know you still have a voice, even if you aren’t vocalising it, that has been a huge learning for me. That it doesn’t diminish your expression if you don’t.
Our voices are so profoundly powerful when we connect to the vibrations and the truth in our bodies that we allow to express through them. It is no wonder that we can ‘think we are not good enough’ when we are shaky or unsupported in our own speaking, because we are already holding ourselves as less by not embracing and speaking from the fullness and beauty of who we are.
What a difference… we shine brightly in this world when we truly hear our own voices first and honour them.
“It’s letting go of the control I once wielded over my voice and discovering that not only do I feel like I have quite a lot to say, but that I am also giving myself the permission to express it, however it feels right for me.” great to re-read how you are expressing once again Cherise. So many thoughtless statements told to us as children can have quite devastating effects on many aspects of or lives.
‘A part of me thought that I needed to be responsible and hold myself together…’ This phrase stood out for me as it’s such an illusion and in truth is the opposite of being responsible. To be responsible is to honour our feelings and the impulses from our bodies moment by moment, so anything that overrides this is irresponsible.
I’m observing more what happens when people speak over you or cut you off mid sentence, is it that you the speaker are not claiming your own voice and what it is that you have to say? or perhaps the lack of responsibility of those listening who don’t provide the space or platform for you to communicate in your own time. I would say that both play an equal part. Supporting others, truly, comes from a way of holding them in the love and space they deserve but this must begin with the relationship we have with ourselves first and foremost.
Sometimes we just think too much and this gets in the way of our expression. I recently met a guy who just shared what he felt without worrying about it, gosh it was refreshing. I love when, as you share, people allow themselves to be.
It’s amazing just how wrong our school reports can be in their understanding and commentary on us, and also the effect the other people mis-understanding us can have on our lives. This has really highlighted the importance of always working on understanding for me – thank you.
“But what I found was Universal Medicine – and presented to me was the fact that true confidence is already within me”…this is one of the many things I love about Universal Medicine, that it reminds us that we are everything already – we just need to live in a way that allows it to come out.
Yes, this is like the single most significant teaching we can share with our children as they grow – to know that they are already everything, worth more than the amount of stars above and without doubt, they are absolutely amazing regardless of anything else. Imagine this as our foundation before, school, relationships, work-life and beyond!
This blog helped me revisit certain events in my childhood especially primary school where I was literally punished on a daily basis for expressing myself, I too was a supposed chatter box. Before long it got to a point where without knowing my expression got shut down and I became quieter and more reserved and totally terrified of speaking in public. Through Universal Medicine I have become much better but still have a ways to go to be able to fully express the all. Why is it that we have to so badly shut down the light of our children?
Such a beautiful blog to read Cherise, thank you for sharing your inspirational story.
How we expand with joy as we find our true voice; expand ourselves and others;
“My voice is just too solid and beautiful to not be heard.” So gorgeous Cherise.
Thank you Cherise for your honest experience growing up around speaking.
I too had issues around talking – holding back because of not wanting a reaction; fear of being laughed at or made fun about; need to get it right; and as a way of showing my resentment towards my family members who I had an issue with. Instead of trusting that what I had to say was indeed valuable and important for me to express, I overrode my body’s feelings. This lead to exhaustion, low self-confidence and lack of self worth.
Only now that I have dealt with my hurts, I am learning to trust and express from my heart when I feel the impulse to do so without a push or need. So liberating and empowering.
I used to analyse everything I said in my head before I said it and then again after I had said it and it was exhausting and very self-critical. Universal Medicine has shown me how to express from my heart and to find the freedom of speech.
There is hardly anything more joyful than finding our own voice.
Beautifully said Cherise, your journey to find your true voice again is deeply inspiring and supportive. In the past I was always judgmental of my expression and so I lacked confidence in speaking up for fear of being rejected from others. Learning to truly love myself and appreciate all my qualities has been key to expressing more and more – a beautiful and simple process that has been super empowering and has a flow on effect to others around me as well.
The effect of those around us when we are young, and what we feel or perceive is key in how our expression develops. There is so much in this world that can easily cut down the innate wisdom children have. What is needed is true support by those raising and educating children in discerning what it is that can assist them to express all of who they are. It is not a complex process, it is simply the willingness to read and understand, and by not having our own ‘stuff’ in the way.
Thank you Cherise, my feeling is that when a person who is closed passes away we then go into our own stuff instead of feeling that they are not really gone at all. This has been my experience with my mother passing over a year ago, I held my mother in love and felt how amazing it was to remain detached, but at the same time feeling the joy, which I felt at her passing and the fact that she could feel that joy and not feel lost!
This is beautiful and very touching Greg, that we are able to hold another (any other) in absolute love and yet be graciously detached from their own perfect path for them; from this point we are able to see the grander picture and feel the joy, knowing they too are this same joy and know it.
Control over your expression, I know that one very well. Letting go of that control and realizing that my expression is just as needed as all those around me, gives me a sense of allowing myself to say what is needed, without the need to be right. It is not about right or wrong, but about me being me and expressing from that place. Learning every day.
Having to not be right or wrong, or even perfect! is a huge let go of control, uncovering the ease in which we really can live when we enjoy simplicity and our expression in our moments.
Great sharing and in fact there is a responsibility for all of us in how we express. In the past, especially when I was younger, I would prepare in my mind what to say, thinking before hand what to say and getting all anxious. It feels so lovely to allow myself to express without any perfectionism and without thinking what to say, but to trust that what needs to be said will come from my body. Sometimes this also means that I don’t have to say anything and just be.
Yes, how complicated are the thoughts that come with expressing this way?! When in our natural simplicity we are made to express without ‘thought’ and rather by sense and feel, from a way that is truly loving, all-encompassing of others, without judgement and without hesitation. From our natural way we express ‘absolute’ love, grace and from the preciousness we all are. I know which way I’d prefer to choose!
My voice is a dead giveaway if i’m out of connection with myself – I only enjoy speaking when I am in connection for then my body hums along with me.
I can relate to this Shelley, there is a solidness and a depth of ancient wisdom that comes from my body and through my mouth when I speak from a place within me that is connected. A stark contrast to the opposite where I speak just from throat or in a light and wispy way! This way usually occurs if I get ahead of myself in the moment and get caught up in any beliefs or expectations about how I think I should be or should express. What I’m learning is that this is never me and needs only understanding with a further commitment back to re-connecting.
Keeping it simple!
“It is a progress of allowing me to just be, connecting to myself in a moment and feeling what I want to express” This is gorgeous Cherise you have defiantly inspired me to express more, thank you for sharing your experience of returning to the authoritative innocence.
Yeah and I’m still learning that this process doesn’t have to be rushed or fill the pictures of anyone else. It’s our own process of expression and when it’s done in honour of who we are and what we feel it solidifies our confidence more and more.
Thank you Cherise and Samantha, I concur, life without expressing the truth from my essence would definitely be holding back my connection.
Cherise, I know exactly what you are talking about. I developed a fear of speaking as a child and would hardly open my mouth to speak to anyone who I did not know. I brought this into my adult life and like you was petrified about speaking in groups or in public. I would literally seize up. It’s the connection that I am building with myself since attending Universal Medicine events that has allowed me to change this pattern. The stronger my connection to myself the more I am able to just be me with anyone, and I find myself speaking up in groups and in public in a way I never imagined would be possible for me.
I know this feeling Rebecca, it’s like speaking in a new voice that doesn’t even sound like us when we let our true authority and voice shine without reservation. For me it symbolises the shift from a ‘girl energy’ to that of a delicate and equally strong woman who stands tall in who she is and doesn’t waver from a solid holding of love and truth. She holds purpose as she is just what the world needs to hear.
Yes, this also supports us to appreciate and confirm the knowingness and wisdom around what we have to share and to know that in circumstances where there might not be the space to share it (or it may not be received well by another) we don’t have to go into the hardness, protection or judgement on ourselves. For who we are and the solidness we can express from is absolute and this is all we need know and claim for ourselves in each and every moment.
Those comments made to us so young have such a lasting impact on us. Others comment on what they are not prepared to feel and look at in themselves generally.
What a revealing blog about what our bodies can reveal to us about our expression (i.e in the form of physical tension, anxiety, heart racing etc) if we connect from within, and are willing to listen.
The truth is that when we deeply surrender into our bodies they share with us everything, about everything! When we listen to what it is that we feel we are then moving in a way that is deeply honouring of who we are and moving in and from the quality we choose that is loving and naturally expressive. It’s win win as far as our bodies natural expression is concerned and a win win for everyone to see and to feel too.
Our natural expression is flowing and easy, but when the inner critic mind talk kicks in and takes hold we so quickly override our natural, confident and all-knowing selves.
Absolutely Harryjwhite, this topic requires our full attention and communication on the subject. For what we are teaching our children in schools, homes and communities is to be something they are not and to hold back the natural love and joy that they are. This is hurting us all deeply and thus is not honouring the divine and delicate beauties that we all are and therefore puts a stop to the natural expression we are all here to bring. We are turning the tide on this subject by nominating what has not worked for aeons and the true way forth in allowing our expression to be. It’s always been there.. as we know from small children, but it requires the honour you speak of and the nurturing space to foster and develop into full bloom.
Absolutely true Michael, beginning with an openness to learning and expressing without the layers of negative self-talk or expectations is actually ‘easier’ than the complexity and energy it takes to allow the opposite. Once we choose to decipher through the thick fog that is the illusionary beliefs we carry and drop them as we bring our awareness to the fore once again, we have the vast opportunity of healing and allowing simplicity back in our lives and our natural expression.
This also allows us the playfulness and the fun that is to be had in life.. Surrendering to feel our depth and expressing from here means that not only do we have no hurts, we have let lose so to speak and instead of the control that is needed to ‘hold back’ we are able to be light and enjoy our expression too.
Helen it is awesome to read that you are finding your “real voice” again and that you are doing it without the need for perfection. When we have held back our true expression for a long time it is always a process of gentle unfoldment as we release all the barriers that we have placed in the way of that beautiful voice that we all are born with.
Well this just shows that there is no perfection to strive or aim for and no need to ‘get it right’, but there is an honouring of what is felt and known to uphold for without this we give our power away to someone or something outside of ourselves; hurting us deeply. When we value and claim who we are and then express whatever is there to be shared we can’t get it wrong, we confirm how amazing we are and that we won’t be swayed on whatever is truly felt within us.
Thank you for taking a journey back in time over the internal anguish you battled with in your personal expression. It has been an eye-opener for me to see what goes on behind a quiet facade and to truly appreciate the torment going on inside. Your blog stands as an inspiration for all those who struggle with self-expression and an education for those who haven’t appreciated the level of debilitation it creates.
The feeling in my body when my voice is vibrating and clear, and can be felt all over is unmistakable. I know when I am speaking with the confidence of me and when I am not simply by paying attention to how it feels when I speak.
And it is obvious how people respond to it also. So beautiful when its from all of me.
“My voice is just too solid and beautiful to not be heard.” this is a revelation for me. My voice is too solid and powerful to not be heard. Thank you Cherise.
Cherise, I love this blog thank you. I know there are so many people who would be able to connect with your experience and what you have shared. It’s very powerful to feel another share from such realness. I know for one when I hear this, I can change. I didn’t realise until recently just how anxious I get when expressing what I feel and know to be true, how often I hold back, don’t express all that’s there to be shared, I can feel years and years of holding back and at times a what’s the point ( which is so deeply harming and a lack of self worth and also being told to be quiet all the time – because people don’t want to hear the truth) I often try to work things out from my head, how I should say things, right and wrong, when there is no such thing, or be nice, which feels yuck, – I walk away at times saying who the heck said that and where did it come from because it wasn’t me, and it definitely is not what I feel. . At times I compare myself to other people, which is so deeply damaging for everybody. Sometimes I worry about my expression, how another will take it, is it okay? As to be totally honest I am straight to the point and don’t like faffing about. I’m very much just say it how it is. And I love it when I hear people express in this way. It’s a confirmation that I know it is okay.
There is much that can be learned from this blog Cherise. Expressing what we are feeling is such a crucial part of life, and it is very clear to see how not being able to express when you were young made you feel, and then act well into adulthood as a result. How many others are walking around like this?
Your way with expressing now is very inspirational, having observed it over many years of knowing you. Your dedication to ensuring your expression always comes from your body, the marker of all truth, is something I am left to reflect with and deepen within myself today. Thank you for this!
Cherise this is very familiar for me I remember not being able to say a word and hiding behind being shy, I don’t remember why I didn’t have much to say but talking and expressing wasn’t my way I would naturally be making lots of things and imagining all sort of games … I had a lot going on in my world. Now communicating verbally has taken development and trusting my expression is a work in progress but I have found when I am connected I am giving myself the ” permission to express it, however it feels right for me” and it comes out naturally with wisdom and clarity and can be heard.
Heartfelt appreciation Cherise for sharing your story. Isn’t it crazy that expression which is part of our very nature can become something so awkward and unnatural for so many of us. This has given me so much to reflect and ponder on.
Cherise I can relate. Having been silenced when I wanted to speak truth, and expected to speak when I felt to remain silent, it is indeed a constant strain on one’s body to not express freely. I love also: “discovering that not only do I feel like I have quite a lot to say, but that I am also giving myself the permission to express it, however it feels right for me.” Now I say more and write more, with more connection to my voice than ever before, and I have mainly Universal Medicine to thank for it.
There is so much pressure to talk, interact, yet it gets used as a smoke screen to avoid saying anything meaningful. I would also belittle small talk, if we need to talk we needed to talk about big and important stuff… At a recent Universal Medicine event I needed to become more honest about the possibility that I was using importance as a way of avoiding simply connecting to people. There are very simple conversations that I have now with people that feel so amazing…
This a great point Joel. I, too, can relate to wanting to have something important to say and realise that that for me is trying to be something, which was/is a protection. A protection from a belief of a lack of self-worth and a fear of getting hurt if I was just me.
This can also come across as needing to prove ourselves, our choices or intelligence; we are naturally wise and communicate lovingly when we allow ourselves to just be and our expression becomes about confirming all that we know to be true about ourselves or evolving our love within the group.
I love what you share hear Cherise. “If someone is talking loud or fast I can tell if I am trying to keep up with them… my body becomes tense and my voice strained or louder than feels natural. I have held back from speaking up because I know someone else is louder and I would have to contend to be heard.” This was fantastic read as I know I can sometimes have a battle with myself to try to keep up with others and speak with the same momentum even though it feels wrong. So much gold here definitely will return to dig for more.
Beautiful Cherise, for you to have found you voice again and expressed so honestly with us that journey is truly an inspiration.
It is interesting how a few comments can have such an impact on our life and that we then change who we are based on them. Many years holding onto something that is not true and only based on a perception of another. How we can be held back from being heard.
Great observation Gail – so very true.
Its really interesting to see how you have traced back all the incidents and comments other people made which caused you to doubt your voice and how you expressed it. To me this highlights our responsibility to consider the possible impact of what we say about other peoples expression each and every time.
This blog also highlights to me how damaging careless stereotyping comments can be for the receiver. I know a young girl who is constantly being told similar things to what Cherise describes and she feels very resentful that such unhelpful comments are being made. Fortunately she is encouraged to say how she feels and given support to know she is ok just as she naturally is.
What a beautiful sharing Cherise, I love how you have unfolded and really claimed what is true for you in your expression. So often I have also been put off, not expressed for very similar reasons you mention. But more often these days, I am feeling what is there to be said, with less reaction and more connection with me.
That part is super important Raegankcairney, that we also let go of the reaction to others and the reaction that we preempt or receive from others when we don’t hold back and allow ourselves to express our selves without reservation. To allow ourselves to be we have to accept others to be too and the very same goes for acceptance. There is a greater ease to be felt and lived within this world, one that comes with harmony and a stillness that will naturally hold ourselves and others wherever we are in life.
Dear Cherise how far we have all come, I would love to hear what you have to say another two years down the track, knowing that you continue to unfold as the beautiful deeply caring and thoughtful woman that you are.
Thank you Terrianneconnors, I can say that even in this two years since writing here, how very much my own expression has expanded beyond the beauty that I could have ever imagined. It just goes to show me that with a willing heart and a commitment to unfolding ourselves in truth, our true potential stretches farther than the wings of angels could ever reach.
This blogs speaks volumes about expression coming from the mind in complexity or the body in simplicity. Very healing to read and I know I’ll be back for more understanding of this. Beautifully written Cherise, your honesty and openness is always felt.
Very powerful what you are sharing Cherise. It is so important not to have any ideas, beliefs how to behave to get the recognition of another person. It always comes back to feeling my body, and express from my whole body – from head to toe.
“I was analysing every word I would say before it left my mouth” and/or “analyse it later”. This is definitely a pattern I have done most of my life, and through the help of Universal Medicine I am beginning to blossom and open up my expression. Bringing it back to feeling what to say in the “simplicity”, not being afraid to say it and “allowing me to just be, finding and honouring my own way of expressing.” From being hard on myself and thinking ‘I have nothing to say’, as well as all these rules and beliefs, what I have found is that the greatest healing is honestly expressing, and also expressing all these things that get in the way of expressing, in order for them to not be there any more…
“I was analysing every word I would say before it left my mouth” and/or “analyse it later”. This is definitely a pattern I have done most of my life, and through the help of Universal Medicine I am beginning to blossom and open up my expression. Bringing it back to feeling what to say in the “simplicity”, not being afraid to say it and “allowing me to just be, finding and honouring my own way of expressing.” From being hard on myself and thinking ‘I have nothing to say’, as well as all these rules and beliefs, what I have found is that the greatest healing is honestly expressing, and also expressing all these things that get in the way of expressing, in order for them to not be there any more…
So glad you found your voice Cherise!
There is nothing more beautiful than honouring not feeling the need to speak and only expressing what is true in that moment in a way that is true for you. This way your expression is not only powerful but deeply healing for all.
“For me it lies in the connection to myself, whether I stop to feel my own heart beating, my lungs expanding or my gentle breath. I can actually feel if I have something to say or not, and that there is a way of speaking that is my way.” This is awesome Cherise thank you for sharing your journey back to true expression.
Great post here Cherise on expression, and interesting which way we go as a result of the reaction – either silent or its opposite and non-stop speaking, even verbose. Either one is a suppression of one’s natural expression, and only when we’re aware of this do we realise (how) (and how much) we’ve allowed our expression to be taken over, and then work on getting it back through self-love to build true confidence.
Expression and communication is so important. The moment we keep stuff bottled up inside of us it becomes warped and then it often comes out in an emotional reaction – at least that is what happens for me. Little things can become bigger and bigger in my head whereas when I communicate them straight away, they often loose their importance and become insignificantly small.
Thank you for sharing your story Cherise, I can relate to a lot of what you have said here. Learning to trust our own true expression can certainly simplify life.
‘There is something quite similar in the way that I spoke as a little girl and in the way I speak now as a woman – simplicity’
Thank you Cherise for keeping it beautifully simple. I am inspired and I feel that when we are truly connected to our bodies the words are less but the clarity is greater. ✨
Thank you Cherise. I can certainly relate to analysing what I have said and thinking about how I could and should have said it differently, or ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’ about a conversation long gone, going into mental overload. I am gradually learning to express from my body and giving my mind a rest and often being surprise at what my body has to say.
Beautiful to read Cherise, I can totally relate. I have been labeled as quiet as well in the past and felt I had to make up for that. What you say here is also starting to be my experience: “But there is also an absolute feeling that it is okay if I choose not to speak or say much. It is not a way of holding back or not being myself – on the contrary, it is an honouring of me and what is right for me in the moment.”, sometimes the expression needed is saying nothing.
Cherise so much of what you relate here I can connect to as it mirrors my own experience. I was always someone who was described as being a mouse as I was so quiet in public, at school, anywhere I didn’t feel I could be myself. Yet within I knew I had a voice, a strength and confidence, and definitely something to say that needed to be expressed. This is something I am continuing to develop, to allow my true voice out and be heard, by choosing to connect to my true self and it feels so amazing to speak from this place. Thank you for sharing your story it inspires me to know that all our expression is very much needed.
Thank you for sharing this. I can relate to everything you say here particularly about the feeling of pressure from others that I ‘have’ to speak or to share something. As I am becoming more aware of my voice and its true power, it strikes me just how much our voice can become so moulded from life events we choose to take on but not heal.
A time machine into the future 🙂
Finding my true voice surprised me. I had not lost my voice but I’d taken for granted this amazing gift and was not connected to feel this precious sound which emanates from my body. Due to many factors like wanting to be heard, or a need to be able to join in or the big one, seeking attention. My voice changed considerable once I felt the connection to myself and to what I was expressing. I still have times when I slip up and get caught in an old pattern – and my voice certainly changes and sounds so differently, and the person listening certainly feels it too. A beautiful sharing with us Cherise.
Thanks Cherise for sharing, I have found your blog deeply healing to read. I can relate to what you have shared in that sometimes I feel I have lots to say and other times very little. When I have little to say, I often feel that something must be wrong with me, that I’m not expressing, but what I am finding of late is that if I stay with my body, if there is something to say it will show me loud and clear, it is there in my body to be expressed. If not, it is OK to be silent, or say little sometimes that is what is called for. The main thing that I am learning is to trust what I feel in my body and express from what is there.
Donna and Sharon, I too loved that ‘absolute feeling that it is ok if I choose not to speak or say much’. Sometimes a shared slience says more than any words can.
I love this too Donna, giving ourselves the s p a c e to feel is such an important thing to do. The more we have the s p a c e, the more we can bring an understanding to what we feel and may have to express and we confirm back to ourselves the immeasurable worth to our unique expression.
Yes I did too Donna. There is something deeply healing about the way Cherise rights. Its almost like I felt held in a warm hug and being told a really good story with lots of heart. And like you I too am learning to trust what i feel in my body and express from there.
Cherise thank you so much for sharing your experience. I particularly loved that it’s ok not to speak sometimes as I have had a pattern of feeling I should always have something to say. Its very reassuring to know its ok to be silent based on how I feel.
I completely agree Sharon! This can often get in the way!
Expressing what we want and who we are is so very important, to feel that we can express in truth, but also then to know when to leave things just as they are, can also be something to feel into and discern.
You have so much gold to share Cherise, and you express it all perfectly.
There are many instances I do and do not know what to say, however one think that has become common in my expression is how my body is before, during and after communicating/expressing. The body can tell you a lot if we but STOP and listen.
Thank you Cherise.
The best personal marker maker EVER!
haha Luke ❤
Well expressed Cherise, in reading your article it’s amazing how familiar all your experiences were to my own and it was agony carrying such a hidden burden from my childhood into my adult years.
Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have a deeper understanding of humanity and our world, from there I can see holding back expression is not sharing the love, truth and wisdom I experience everyday now. True expression is part of me now in everything I do not just in words, and I find my communications come from that Livingness and it feels so natural.
Thanks Cherise for a beautiful blog, and one that will inspire those who are measured in their expression to connect to how they truly feel and express in their fullness.
You have very high level of sensitivity, Cherise, and with your new awareness of the feelings in your body and understanding of others you can express perfectly well in your time – it is healing to us all.Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Cherise, for another deeply personal and inspiring blog. It brings up a lot of questions for me about what beliefs we take on from our experiences in the world at an young age, and what we can do prevent that happening to make sure that children are encouraged to express exactly what they are feeling and not trying to become something they are not. If we are all taught to stay connected to ourselves and honour who we are inside, we have that foundation to build our expression from.
“I was internalising my own worries whilst taking on those of others.” I know that I used to do this too and can still hold back from expressing what needs to be expressed which actually harms everyone not just myself, holding us all back when I used to think it was the best thing to do!
Thank you Cherise – I love how you check in with yourself – by feeling your breath, your lungs expand and your heart beating.
Thats something I never used to be aware of! My own functioning living body. But its there all the time to connect too, just as our confidence is too.
This is great Cherise, I recognise a lot of myself in this. I spent a great deal of my childhood not speaking. I was so shy with my voice. I have come a long way with expressing myself, but it is still so easy to judge myself for not speaking, even when I do not feel to say anything. You are right…sometimes there is no need to say anything and we are being true to ourselves by not speaking.
Hi Cherise, thanks for the insight. As a child who was the opposite, I never quite understood the quiet ones in the classroom. What were they thinking? Were they like me? Your blog has given me an understanding that I never quite had, of what lies underneath someone who is struggling to speak up in a world that does not want them to.
Great blog, we do use our voice in order not to express who we truly are, and when we find our true voice, the world becomes a lighter place to live in.
It’s timely to come across this blog tonight as today I rediscovered something about my expression. I too recall being chatty as a child, and playfully cheeky. But over the years was often told I was too loud and so I shut down my true expression too. This morning I made a commitment to myself to express from my heart with all of who I am. As I repeated this out loud to myself a gentle and playful melody came to the words and I could feel again the playfulness in my natural expression and an expansion in my heart. The whole day has felt light and playful , with that feeling of being a child skipping and singing carefree through the garden. I know now that this is a core part of my expression and I won’t make a choice to silence it again.
Thank you for sharing what you have seen, felt and understood with yourself. To my surprise while reading it felt like a similar story to me that I had completely forgotten. When I was little I was very chatty and used to also sometimes sing what I was saying … to my families annoyance! But growing up I got quieter and quieter and would also analyse everything I said either before or after I said it. Whilst reading your story what I felt was how you have regained your relationship and connection back to you as you were when you were little and this feels lovely; similarly on reflection I can feel this is also happening with me. Through knowing Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have been given a massive opportunity to come back to me through true healing.
I can feel the honesty, vulnerability and delicateness of your honest expression Cherise and it is exquisite. What you have shared is golden – your journey to now speak from your truth and from your true expression, but most importantly from your acceptance that your expression is divine and was all along. Beautiful – please don’t stop expressing!
This is a great blog, and I personally relate to it a lot. I love how you have described your story about finding your own voice and giving yourself permission to express who you are and not what others/ the world expects you to be, and the way you have used your body awareness to reconnect to that place within yourself where you can express from your body and honour it, and that means not saying anything, or little, at times if that is what is felt.
It is very liberating to know that as long as we are expressing from our bodies the words, how it comes out or how much comes out does not matter, as whatever is said carries the fullness of us and that is felt by others.
Thank you Cherise.
Thank you Cherise, I love the sweet, and open honesty of your expression.
I can relate to what you have shared, and I remember being very ‘chatty’ when I was a little girl, I would ask lots of questions – the ones people didn’t really want to answer and I also remember getting into trouble for giggling and talking in class.
The pressure I felt to behave, be a good girl, and to not be ‘annoying’ by asking questions or raising things people didn’t want to talk about built up, and I also found myself almost ‘silent’. I wouldn’t speak up in class, or in groups, or even with family. Friends would also coax and try to get me to swear or be rude or loud – which made me feel like I was wrong… I was wrong for my innocent expression as a girl, and then wrong for being super quiet.
I held onto this belief that I was shy, and I would then panic if asked to express what I was feeling. I always went along with what another wanted so I would not have to express and make a decision.
How different things are now as I have allowed myself to open up and express who I really am, how I feel, and not hold back the truth.
It has been through the support of Universal Medicine that I can express again. This has been monumental. Without expressing myself, my life was in a downward and inward spiral of destruction; and now, I am overflowing with the joy and love that has been so desperately waiting to come out.
Thank you Cherise and Kylie, same, same, no different I was also shut down for talking and giggling in class. Then I also had the added pressure of my voice breaking in my early teens and the whole class laughing at me. Thanks to the work and inspiration of Chris James, Serge Benhayon and Simone Benhayon I am returning to my full expression and true voice.
Thank you for writing this article Cherise – it captures how amazingly similar my experience of verbal expression has been, and helped me to reflect on, and understand the reasons for the difficulties I’ve had. I too have everyone involved with Universal Medicine to thank for their support as I regain the confidence to trust myself and return to expressing from me.
This is beautiful Cherise. I love how you say if we just speak from inside of us, where no right or wrong is, we can just say the truth of what we feel. This I will take with me today. Thank you.
Thank you Cherise. Your delicateness in expression is always an inspiration to me, and a marker of deepening that too within myself. The strength you write with here is a marker of the true authority you so naturally hold with this tenderness. Simply divine.
When we do not know who we truly are, we allow others to label us and then live and believe this label is who we are. The key you mention Cherise is to connect to our inner heart, remember who we truly are and express from there. Thank you.
“The feeling I now have is trust in what I have to share; it is too great to not find my own way to express it” – this is beautiful. Reading your blog, what I realised was that I held an outside image of how I should be expressing myself when I speak up, rather than allowing what is inside to be let out for the moment. And I realise that building on self-love for me is a great contributor in developing this trust.
Cherise, this is so very relatable to my experience in the past but as well today it is a constant work in progress. I too had received that description from family as a child, the reserved-ness. I resented hearing that. Although it was highlighting how much I had withdrawn, the way it was said was as you say such a label and far from how I naturally felt to be. A label I often received repeatedly on school report cards was how I would achieve a good result but did not bring my potential, this would be from just about every teacher, each year, I learnt to express just enough to get by but not enough to make anyone jealous, or bring anything up for anyone. Such a calculated way of being and an inner prison. Your blog feels very precious to read and it reminds me of you, as this quality is so tangibly felt in you.
Cherise, thank you. I too feel I have a lot to say, yet in the past I have let anxiety, the fear of saying the wrong thing stop me from speaking. Something I have always measured by another’s reaction, instead of feeling from within that what I say may be needed no matter how others react to it. Remembering my tenderness, and now speaking from this part of me, I am finding myself feeling comfortable in my own skin and more able to say in full what I feel to say. Speaking with love and integrity is such a natural way to speak, yet in today’s world so few stop long enough to connect to this part of themselves and what is spoken, instead is quite empty, simply speaking for the sake of speaking. So when such honor is taken before speaking, what is spoken carries with it an invitation to all to connect and to also speak in the same way. Much can be said that will truly support humanity when we communicate this way.
This a powerful blog! There is much here for me as I too have found it very difficult to speak. I found this sentence a revelation ‘I had taken on responsibility for others from a very young age and I began to think that a part of being responsible was keeping your worries to yourself.’ This is what has happened to me – isn’t it wonderful when we can share our experiences so that we can begin to let go of that which is not us and live who we truly are.
Beautifully written and shared Cherise. Bring back the chatterbox. I too have struggled with speaking, holding back what I feel to say for many years. I am working on allowing myself to express, it is a work in progress.
WOW Cherise what a voice! I love all you have uncovered.. ‘is trust in what I have to share; it is too great to not find my own way to express it.’ Thank you for offering it.
What an inspiring blog! It is beautiful that Cherise has claimed her voice and it is felt in her writing ‘It is about allowing me to just be, finding and honouring my own way of expressing.’ Wow!
Cherise your description of your expression goes from contracted to freed up, it is delightful to feel the transition. And knowing that the way we express ourselves is so fundamental to the evolution of our being then it would be fascinating over time to hear how your expression is changing other aspects of your life other than the words that you speak.
Feeling the pressure of having to something to either please or make someone feel comfortable is like someone pulling those puppet strings you don’t even mean or know what is said after thats the worry part, so who is it really speaking
Thank you Cherise for your courage in writing for everyone who has difficulty expressing how they are feeling or what they want to say. You have shown how powerful is the wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon, who inspires by his simple loving way.
Feeling you as the ‘chatterbox’ feels light and open, full of Joy. To feel your reconnection to you as ‘the adult’ has the same beautiful, sweet Joy. The power of words, comments, unwarranted attention, can cause us to shut down this innate Joy in order to protect ourselves from hurt. Thank you Cherise for identifying the power of these interactions and how our true expression can be blocked, when the choice to separate from who we truly is made.
Reading your blog Cherise has reminded me of my own struggles with talking to people, one to one or in a group or up in front of others, so much so I would have a panic attack. But that seems so far in the distant past now and I can honestly say what has helped me is attending Universal Medicine workshops, where we have often sat in groups to discuss how we felt about a certain subject and over time I can see how my confidence has grown.
I have long struggled with speaking up – either by not speaking up when it was important to do so out of fear of reaction from others, or by speaking ‘out’ in reaction. Either way, the experience has been unsatisfactory. It has taken a long time to feel the confidence to express myself more genuinely in the way I feel is right for me and others in the moment. Thanks Cherise for writing a blog on what I believe is quite a common learning process for most of us.
Wunderbare Cherise! I felt a great openness in you to show the world your inner knowing and I love what you share about your way of getting your voice back. If I would live around the corner I would love to be in contact with you because of your “simplicity” way to speak now as a woman.
I love the way you are able to share your expression journey with such awareness. It seems we spend so much time and energy trying to be any one but ourselves, which as I have learnt is such a limiting way to live.
A beautiful blog about expression! I love it Cherise. I was told most of my life that I spoke to much, too loudly, too fast or all three. This affected greatly my natural expression, and while it did not stop me talking, I too measured every word I said. I tried to make sure that what I said was ‘right’ overtime so no one could criticise me. Thanks to Serge Benhayon I have come to know my own expression and am now allowing whatever it is I feel to be expressed rather than trying to work out what to say.
This is such an inspiring blog Cherise.
Thank you for your beautiful honest expression and your words of wisdom.
Thanks Cherise for a very honest and revealing blog of your path back to expressing more of your awesome self. Its funny how we can be shut down from our comparison to others or from hurts taken on from external judgement or critique . As Chris James has said ‘we are all born with a beautiful voice ” and very amazing when we can express from our hearts free of all judgement and limiting ideals and beliefs.
Interesting to read your blog and some of the comments following….it highlighted to me how much goes on for people ‘behind closed doors’ about expression, speaking up and their voice. When we take things at face value, we have no idea at what lies beneath the exterior. Your sharing brings great awareness to the issues that can face people around expression and I was aware reading it of how much energy it takes to hold, measure, analyse (etc…) our expression. But as you are learning know through Universal Medicine, expression is everything and to connect to ourselves and speak from our inner-hearts, we can find that true confidence and speak freely and we know when there is something to say and when there is not. How lovely that we have this inner-barometer as our measure and learning to not use these external ideals & beliefs around expression as our measure. Keep up the amazing work Cherise, I have loved reading your expression today.
There are so many of us that can relate so closely to what you have to say here Cherise. It feels like we all start out as bundles of love expressing freely, and then get straight-jacketed, of our own making of course, by the strictures of the society in which we live. How beautiful that we have another way to be now which connects us back to our natural selves, and that we can inspire others as you are doing here in this blog.
This is such a beautifully honest sharing Cherise. I could relate to much of what you have shared especially the self imposed pressure to speak and the resulting anxiety that is felt. A million miles away from connecting to our bodies and honouring what is felt to be said in any given moment. So lovely to read and feel your expression and how your openness inspires so many.
Finding that place within, as you have Cherise, from which we can express so naturally, with no push and no trying, is a most liberating feeling. It’s as if all the words you ever need to say are just there waiting for you to connect to, and express. But with everything we express comes a responsibility, as these words come with an energy that can either harm or heal, not only the person we are expressing to, but also us. Holding back this expression hurts us too – I always imagine all these unspoken words building up inside with nowhere to go – and maybe the person you have held them back from really needed to hear them. That’s the responsibility of true expression.
Hearing stories about how someone was when they were younger and then how it changed as they grew up always amazes me.. There’s a huge difference. It always seems as though it’s a result from how the world is and enforces them to be. This so needs to change
So true Emily. Our natural way of being that is so alive in childhood is slowly chipped away by the expectations and ideals that are imposed and taken on by us in a need to fit in. So we have everyone living miles away from our authentic selves hiding our gorgeous light from each other. This absolutely needs to change.
That is true Emily, we all love the natural innocence, aliveness and straight forward speak of children, they bring a light and truthful air. Yet we all accept that as the children grow, we loose that and become loaded with hurts and our thoughts and behaviours change. Society does not see these natural ways of children as an inspiration to grow with and cherish. Which has lead us into the dysfunctional ways that we are currently surrounded by. Supporting children to grow their natural selves is a way forward that would help change our society back to its natural loving ways.
Agreed Lisa, allowing children just to be would be an amazing asset to our world.
I agree Emily. Cherise I have also experienced this in my early days and for those around me I would be called kind natured, which in many ways was true, but looking back I was very much holding myself back from expressing what I felt and instead I kept myself very quiet. I see them now as all reactions, reactions to how my family were with me, school, and friends. Having now been reconnecting back to my true expression, thanks to Universal Medicine, I have been shocked to feel how much I have held back expressing what I feel, more then I can even comprehend, and of course consequently I have used different elements of life to try and numb this, such as drugs, alcohol, exercise, food, work etc…
It certainly is hugely important for me now to not hold myself back from just expressing what I feel.
I have been measuring my expression from very young. To read your blog was a blessing and I know I will come back to this blog, thank you Cherise for this sharing.
Great comment Ariana,of newlookstresssolutions, I got a lot from it. Thanks for expressing.
Thanks for sharing Cherise, I could feel how incredibly painful it was for you to hold back your expression. Much of your story I can relate to, being very quiet, analysing what to say, saying what I think they want to hear. I have had and still have fear around public speaking, I feel how much pressure I put on myself to always say the right thing. Learning to trust myself, and my truth is a forever deepening process for me. I loved your last line, it seems to be whats coming up for me lately, giving myself permission.
Cherise so well explained. I can so relate to connecting to my heart and speak from there. I have found that what is then said is really heard and understood and the appropriate thing to say.
Cherise, I can relate to what you are sharing. I too had a hard time to speak up and to naturally converse with people, everything was bottled up in me and I had a lot to share but I always felt it didn’t come out right, so I wouldn’t talk much but instead had a lot in my head going on. Little by little I have learned to just trust what I am feeling and simply expressing that, without worrying how it sounds or if people might understand it. It has been a truly fun exercise and I am enjoying it.
My wife for 21 years is great at just having a conversation with other people and I have been learning from her ever since. It is still a work in progress for me but having her great example really helps.
I can really relate here Esther and I too am starting to see how much I have controlled and held back my true way of expressing in order to fit in to society and therefore not stand out. Keeping this fun and playful feels key here and let myself interacted without the pressure of getting things right.
Thank you Cherise for sharing your blog , I too have held back what I had to share it had been painful. Now I know what I have to share is of great worth and if I hold it back my heart races and starts missing beats and when I finally talk it comes from a person that is choking and trying to get something out that makes sense ,instead of that lovely natural flowing sharing when I allow myself to speak when it is there to say.
Beautifully expressed Chersie. I can also related to so much of what you have shared about sitting in reserve, holding back and how unnatural it feels. Honoring and trusting the connection to myself and feeling when to express in my own way, as opposed to ‘having’ to express in a certain way, is a beautiful relationship to develop with ourselves, one that is ongoing for me.
Beautiful sharing Cherise; it reminded me that I, as a little girl, went to the opposite, and I was loud and resistant showing everybody that I didn’t feel ok in the world, but it was just a different expression of the same hurt – not feeling held and loved.
“it has all been about measuring from the point of view of what others ‘thought’ or what they thought they ‘needed to hear'” – this was my way, and it is so very limiting of self and of others.
I love this blog Cherise, it just makes so much sense and I can feel joy when I read it. It is okay to speak and be me. Isn’t it amazing and actually quite sad how often we can choose to hold back all that there is there to express for whatever reason that may be, measuring ourselves against another, even the thoughts of what I should or should not say or am I right or wrong (there is no such thing). And often these come from moments growing up, maybe from another persons’ own uncomfortableness. This line is great “empty vessels make more noise” this made me smile. I am aware more and more how often I have and still do at times hold back so much in what I have to say, and the power that comes with, but at the same time I am also learning that expressing from a reaction or just to be heard is not needed and often I do not have to speak, there is a great power and beauty in simply observing, feeling and listening.
I can relate to so much in your blog Cherise. Being true to my own expression has been an ongoing development and I love the process of connecting with me, and trusting what is there to be communicated is enough. This is an unfolding work in progress.
I can feel in my body when something needs to be expressed, and if I withhold this it creates a tension in my body. Such a huge topic with so much to reflect on, thank you for sharing Cherise.
Thank you Peta and Cherise – beautifully expressed. I find ” for you inspire me to stop measuring my words and just feel what needs to be shared from my own body” inspiring.
Absolutely Gorgeous Cherise, thank you for sharing with us how you reconnected and found your voice again. a beautiful read
It’s very easy to remember how care free children are when they express, the things that pop out of their mouths like ‘why is that man fat?’ in front of a man who is overweight. They say it like it is, with no holding back, no reserve, but also, with innocence and no malice. Somewhere along the line they/we learn to not be honest as it is not accepted in society. Your story is a great example of what is happening all around us.
So true Laura, I was also one of those children who use to ask the so-called inappropriate curly questions – eg,’why does that man only have one leg?’ I remember this to this day, as my mother was mortified the man in question had heard me. He smiled, as I recall, at the unabashed innocence of the curious child. I love to hear children express freely, we can learn so much from them about honesty in expression.
They absolutely say it like it is don’t they.. and isn’t it interesting how we as adults can look to censoring them and their honesty as it may be seen as ‘rude’ however, the honesty that they are bringing can actually be very loving as they are asking with the awareness of wondering what is going on in our community and bringing self-responsibility to the fore. Perhaps it is the intention to cover this awareness for the adult that brings about the censoring and doesn’t support a child in their equal expression and communication of what they can see.
Thank you Cherise, I can definitely relate to what you have written. Always considered “shy” a word I grew to detest from an early age. The very first comment I remember was from someone who asked “Is she a street Angel and a Home Devil”? I think the more that a child is made aware of their quietness the more it feels like criticism even if its not meant to be. Just a few years ago I had comments about being quiet and I felt like that little girl again (in my 60s!) I have come more into my own over the years but like you I am seeing it as being OK if I don’t have anything to say, but on occasion I have to remind myself to share when I feel to, and not just remain silent because there seems to be no space for me to speak and therefore I appear aloof. To share with others in groups is so rewarding, even if at times it takes me out of my comfort zone. A very insightful blog and wonderful comments too!
Isn’t it amazing Roslyn, and so true, that we can feel this way at any age or stage throughout life. This reminds me that to be ‘all of you’ is a never-ending process and not only is it easy to slip into old behaviours of non-communication and withheld expression; it is also easy to not hold back and express, if and when we feel to, it’s just a choice, and one that we can choose to make consistently. I also love the learning that group work brings for me. I can find it so simple to express with one person but when there is more than one (a group) I am still developing holding myself and my worth in the mix.
I love these sharings and getting to know and understand people more. Unfortunately too many are told similar things like this when they are children and they start to think they are wrong or shouldn’t say what they see or feel. This then creates a world where people hold back who they are and are polite with each other but not honest or sharing and embracing of all they are. This is what brings us together.
This is so true Kristy, when we hold back from sharing something that we have deeply felt to (although sometimes on the surface it only looks like a simple thought we’ve had) it hurts us deeply and also those around us ~ as we all miss out on evolving together as equal members of our group.
Yes, totally Kristy this is where it begins and it is so crucial we allow our children their own particular style of expression, without any expectation it be different. What a loss for us all. As you say this creates a world where people hold back when the very thing they want is to connect with others.
Beautifully written Cherise. I became aware quite young that I can hurt people with the words I used and how I spoke too and chose to hold a lot of things in for fear of hurting another. This still remains a work in progress for me as I realise how important it is to say what I feel in the most loving way possible without the need for it to be perfect. How someone reacts (or not) to what I say is essentially up to them and is not my responsibility to ‘manage’. It’s just mine to express what’s true for me.
I love this Jennifer, our own responsibility is just to express what’s true for ourselves, and we can come from a very gentle place within us that is open to being as honest as we can and with a delivery of expression (both physically and verbally) as loving as we can. Perfection isn’t even a thing when we accept ourselves as always learning, from ourselves and what we express and equally so from all that others have to express too.
That is so true Cherise, that the place we choose to express from determines the energy of the expression and whether is will heal or harm. I feel we all know that ‘very gentle place within” but at times resist it or allow our mind and thoughts to override what we know to be our truth deep down. I feel this is part of the reason some people do not trust their own expression and then choose to shut down so as not to harm or say the wrong thing. I certainly know this to be true for me when I was younger.
Great article Cherise, and such a recognizable subject for me. I have been the silent one and indeed as you say always weighing the words I want to say, but recently I started to really experience my true expression, with no need to be more or less and enjoying every minute of a conversation or presentation when truly feeling me, such a joyfull experience that is.
It’s very freeing Benkt and opens us up to an openness with others and in all relationships to experience the joy and that is so very natural to us all.
That’s so true, expression has everything to do with what is truly felt to share and not the amount words that need to be spoken. True expression is what is felt.
Thank you Cherise so much for sharing your experience, I can so much relate to what you have expressed. I felt open to talk to anyone as a young child, to then being told to stop my silly giggling, the fear and anxiety of having to speak in class, and being told I was reserved. Having to measure every word when I did speak so I would get it right. This is how I lived, shut away from myself and others. Until Universal Medicine came along and showed my a different way. These days I am more connected to my self with my gentle breath, and learning to feel what to say, and if I have nothing to say then that is ok also.
I can relate to so much of what you express here Cherise, I have also spent a lot of my life holding back and not saying how I feel because I didn’t have the confidence to do so, being really hard on myself for not speaking up and then staying in this role because it was what others expected of me. It’s still something I’m working on, but as I connect and appreciate who I am, what I need to express comes out more and more easily. Thank you for sharing 🙂
I loved reading this blog, there was so much I could relate to and I also love the feeling of ease, delicateness and gentleness it is written in.
I hold back in sharing so much, then at times it all comes out in a fast race, or not at all and I carry it around playing out the situation or what I really wanted to say in my head – this is exhausting and draining. I can feel as well, and this makes me smile, that often I don’t actually have to say anything, sometimes all I need to do is listen.
I had an amazing experience last month where I was sitting at work, feeling super in my body and present with it, (by that I mean not in my head and thinking about lots of stuff in the future, whilst my body was there in the present moment) and I hardly said a word. When I went to share on the topic of discussion, I could actually feel how wrong it felt in my body, it didn’t need to be said. It was actually coming from a reaction rather than something that would support or open up the discussion – more Amazing.
What else I love and will take from this today is that it is okay to share, I too have grown up trying to keep it all in and bottle up my stuff thinking to share is not okay, when really this is harming. It doesn’t mean I have to come home and dump myself, but at times that it is okay to say this is how I am really feeling. To share and be open is to let people in – and I can feel by holding on I am not doing this.
Thank you for sharing Gylrae, I love what you are sharing and the truth that you speak when you say that sharing is letting people in, I know for myself this can feel most difficult or exposing when I am feeling vulnerable in the moment but I know that in sharing this and allowing others to see and feel how I am, I am giving them an opportunity to open up as well – and after all, this is a natural quality about us as people, we naturally want to let others in but we can override this when we keep others out.
Reading this blog reminds me of my own (what was considered) reservedness at school because I generally did not see fit to engage in trivial conversation – though the times I would speak out it was generally with a purpose of being accepted/liked and this generally meant that what I said went nowhere anyway and I would feel hurt by the rejection of others.
I could never understand why friends/peers would accept me for standing silently and reject me for joining in with their meaningless banter. This only became apparent through the presentations of Universal Medicine that allowed me to understand that in standing silently I was actually honouring the truth I felt which supported all those around me to feel held; conversely it was the moments I did not accept me for being enough and rallying to seek attention that rejected my own truth and so brought about a reflection by others of their equal rejection of me not holding truth for us all.
This is a profound understanding Greg, thank you so much for sharing as you have confirmed for me too that when I don’t feel to speak or divulge myself in conversation for the sake of speaking I too can feel the depth of honour of the truth I feel – this is something that comes up for me especially in certain situations where others may talk a lot in a not-stop-for-a-breath kind of conversation and I find myself standing even more quietly sometimes, but I can see that I have a clear choice to honour myself by not engaging in the hype that I can feel or to say whatever it is that I truly feel to contribute and without an expectation in any outcome or how it may be received. Often when I speak short and clearly like this, others react to my simplicity and my choice to speak my truth but I have appreciation for myself and the situation presented to be able to do so and this confirms back to me that this life is just about living me – and what honours and feels true for me.
Gosh Cherise, I do love your blog, I can so relate to it. You could be talking about me. I grew up a very shy young girl and was very much a loner. As I grew into a teenager I became a bit of a recluse, and so it went on. Talking was not my strong point, but thinking WAS! I was too much in my head. Then along came Universal Medicine and Group Work! I found that terrifying, and put myself under pressure to “perform” and consistently gave myself a hard time for not being eloquent or intelligent enough. Now I realise that by doing this I was actually being tricked by my mind into this false belief, because I am no different to anyone else, and I was making myself less, the reality is, I CAN communicate, all it takes is a commitment to me, that is why is so like your comment…
“For me it lies in the connection to myself, whether I stop to feel my own heart beating, my lungs expanding or my gentle breath. I can actually feel if I have something to say or not, and that there is a way of speaking that is my way”.
This is a great support Cherise, in bringing myself back to me, thank you.
I can relate to this so well, Cherise, especially to the once playful child which shut himself away more and more and became quiet and guarded when people were around.
This is such a ridiculous cage into which we lock ourselves and do not realize that we are the ones who have the key to unlock the door of this cage, we only have to choose to do so.
For years I never looked for my voice. I was not conscious that I had lost it. Unlike you who went from chatter to silent, I was neither. For me, it was not so much to find my voice but to allow my voice to express what I feel. What I realised is that when I sing for example, from my heart my voice is very powerful. So my voice is there waiting for me to connect and go.
Ariana I love what you say about recognising that without your soul you are not you. The more I listen to my body the more I find this to be true. When I feel connected to me the words flow, I don’t have to think about what to say they are just there, they make sense and they feel complete and other people can hear them. When I speak and I am anxious or tense then my voice shrinks and is wobbly and I struggle to find the right words to say what I mean, and it is hard for people to hear what I have to say.
Thank you for this beautiful sharing Cherise – so beautifully expressed when you say
“what a blessing for everyone that we can now share and express with the simplicity of being ourselves”
This is a great article, I can relate to a lot of what has been shared here – and in the comments too. I feel that when we think we are fulfilling others’ needs it is often our own need, or desire, to be needed in the first place that we are trying to fulfill. We are feeling the lack in ourselves and wanting to fill it in some way by doing something or being something for someone else.
I understand what you are sharing here in that taking on the emotions or situations of others is damaging to the body, as when we think we have any control or input on their own outcome or we think we need to fill their needs there is a tension and stress that can be felt in our own body.
It’s like taking on something that we weren’t a part of in the first place, trying to find a way to be a part of it when it really isn’t possible and then feeling the draining effects as we give our energy into it.
I loved reading your blog Cherise. A comment you made: “true expression began when I started to listen to myself first and foremost” stood out for me. How real and true it feels to speak from our connection; expansive for everyone. Thank you.
Oh Cherise when I think of my involvement with all the courses, manuals and theories about how to express, especially as a female in what was a very male orientated business world!
I too now join you in the joy of ‘actually feeling if I have something to say or not, and that there is a way of speaking that is my way.’
I loved reading your blog, Cherise, it helped me to realise some things about my own expression and lack of it. This part in your comment to Judy felt really lovely – “for the more I express now, the more I feel that I am holding that little girl’s hand and tenderly showing her that it’s never too late to make new choices and allow the world to see her in her unique and beautiful expression.” Thank you.
Thank you Cherise. I can so relate to this piece. I feel that I have done exactly the same in my life with my voice and my expression. From open and welcoming with every person I would meet, to closed, measured and controlled, back to open again – with the help of Universal Medicine.
I hear you Shami, there has been a little bit of a roller coaster of expression for me too, in allowing myself to express and then closing off again, however the more I do express the more it feels like my most natural way and the more being measured or closed feels like a huge tension in my body – and one that I continue to learn that does not feel good nor belong in my rhythm of life.
Thank you Cherise, I loved reading about your experiences and the choices you made as a young girl. I can relate to not speaking my truth and holding back in fear of being wrong or getting in trouble, always with too much judgement on myself and others. This is slowly changing and commenting on sites like these has helped immensely.
It has also been my experience within relationships that stubbornly refusing to speak can also be used against another and it seems to be a power struggle, until one breaks the silence – like a game of who can hold out the longest. I have experienced this and it does not feel great.
Thank you for bringing the appreciation to writing these blogs and commenting on them Julie, they have been so helpful and supportive for me also to continue my development in expression and sharing with others. From writing on blogs such as these, and continuing the conversation in the commenting it has supported me to bring this expression into my daily life and conversations with others everywhere. Something for me to truly take this moment to stop and appreciate. Thank you.
I have also experienced that power struggle you mention, it makes no sense to hold back from each other (and play games), not when our natural way of being in relationship is to be open and sharing.. I agree it doesn’t feel great to do this, and quite simply is a waste of time!
Thank you for expressing so beautifully how you have returned to expressing from your true self Cherise. For most of my life I have expressed in what I now see as an imposing way – arrogantly believing that other people needed to ‘get it!’ Since attending Universal Medicine presentations I feel I have got quieter as I impose less but have slowly come to a truer expression when I choose to open my mouth. There has been a lot of holding back because of the fear of being seen and not wanting to ‘rock the boat’. I have berated myself on many occasions for not speaking up but am learning to appreciate that the more I work on my connection to myself the more it becomes apparent when there is something for me to express.
Thank you for sharing Helen, it’s so beautiful for me to read as I can relate to the ‘imposing on others’ that you mention however I have been able to learn that in staying quiet and holding back I too was imposing on them with silence and needing them to fill the space. It was a way of being sneakily judgemental on others too, not consciously, but because I was judging myself on what I could, couldn’t, would or wouldn’t express and I was then critiquing others on what they shared. It’s amazing how hard on ourselves we can be, and then on others, when all we truly feel to do is express the love and beauty that we so naturally are.
I could have been reading my own personal account, having been able to relate to so much of it. From experience there is such a vast difference in saying what I think and saying what I feel. The former can run around in my head for days, leaving me feeling horrible whereas the latter is felt, comes out and it gone, leaving me feeling lighter. Complicated ‘perfectly’ constructed conversations do not equal the quality that comes with simplicity.
Thank you Leigh, I love what you have shared here about complication and simplicity. I am finding more and more that when I have the impulse, the feeling to express myself in a moment I have the opportunity to ‘go for it’ and ‘not hold back’ and when I do this it’s really no big deal – there’s nothing I need to go over or replay to myself later and importantly I don’t feel the need to be recognised by others for what I have expressed and shared. A vast difference to sharing what I ‘think I may need to say’ or if I’ve laced it with ‘what may sound right’, this only serves to hold me as less than equal to others and in a way requiring their approval because I wasn’t accepting myself.
Thank you Jane, I completely relate to the ‘sifting’ you speak of and for me I nominate this for myself as a ‘holding back’ and it is something that I feel within my own body as a contraction or lessening of myself almost instantly. What I have allowed myself to feel is that all I need to do is nominate what I had felt for myself, and often with the simple question of ‘why did I not feel that I could express so, and unreservedly?’ and with the knowingness that next time I do know that I have a choice and a responsibility to share. Often my answer to this question has something to do with how I think another will respond to me and this I am understanding more and more is not my place to indulge in – I can simply express and what another feels or chooses is equally up to them.
Cherise thanks for sharing how yo are finding your voice again. From my own experience, I can relate to that horrible feeling of having something to say but holding it back. Its like it gets stuck in your body and then will sometimes come out later but in the wrong way because its was not said at the time it was meant to be. I know being able to express freely without second guessing is a lot less draining and does not leave me with that uneasy feeling.
It’s true Debra, that ‘stuck expression’ feeling does not feel like a good one! Something I have been experimenting with is that when I do hold back from expressing outwardly to another – I simply express whatever it was to myself – and rather than thinking that I have missed an opportunity (as we know these are endless), I surrender more deeply into myself (and my breath) and find my own understanding of what just happened. Then to support the ‘stuck’ feeling, I make a choice for my next body movement to be made lovingly, a gentle step or a delicate swing of my arms and with this I release what I am holding … and before I know it, I have that next opportunity presented. Expression really is in everything and it is beautiful to allow ourselves to flow between the moments.