by Anna Karam, Goonellabah, Australia
I am a 35 year old woman. I am also a loving wife, mother of three gorgeous children, owner of a successful small business (successful by definition here being a joy to work in) and casual check out operator at my local supermarket. I’m sorry, did I forget to mention here that I am also amazing! It’s true – I love my life, I love myself, my family (in this I include many) and I love people. But life for me hasn’t always been like this. In fact, up until a few years ago I had suffered from Bulimia Nervosa, a psychological disease which began in my early teens.
For those of you who don’t know, bulimia is medically defined as an eating disorder characterised by binge eating and purging, or consuming a large amount of food in a short amount of time followed by an attempt to rid oneself of the food consumed (purging), typically by vomiting, taking a laxative or diuretic, and/or excessive exercise. But for me this definition doesn’t give a true understanding of the absolute physical and mental torture and self abuse that make up this disease.
In my experience bulimia has always been one of those ills that people don’t really want to speak of. Not unless it is happening with themselves or someone close to them. It is one of those taboo subjects you simply don’t touch! It even has medical professionals baffled. I feel this has contributed to why so many young men and women (including myself) are able to hide this disease so easily from the outside world, whilst secretly living behind closed doors with so much pain and torment.
For me bulimia looked like this. I would wake in the morning and the first thing I would think about was food, how much was I going to eat today, how much exercise would I need to do to counter this, and would I find myself binging and having to take a trip to the toilet to bring up all the food I had so fervently shoved down in an attempt to numb myself out or sabotage when I was actually feeling good. The latter would happen more often than not. I would then go to bed feeling ashamed, my body hurt, and my mind was already in the torment of what tomorrow would bring.
At times when I was living with others I would find this difficult, to hide the binging, the empty wrappers, the cereal boxes that went down so quickly, the ice-cream that never lasted. I figured out which foods were easier to bring up so as to be not so hard on my throat, cause swelling around the glands in my neck, or dilate my pupils, whatever was needed to not get found out, it was all highly orchestrated. Learning how to bring food up quietly became an art. Aside from all the physical damage, there was the constant shame and guilt that was inescapable, and deeper than this was the enormous sadness in the knowing that it was I who was doing this to myself. This disease was nothing short of a prison. A self imposed isolation that at its very core was an inability for me to accept the world as it is, and to accept me in all my light, my truth, my glory and to not be afraid to show this.
When I was 31, I was introduced to Universal Medicine. I listened to Serge Benhayon speak about self love, honesty, responsibility, and choices. Each of these words resonated so deeply with me, and so I made the choice to explore this for myself. I also started attending presentations on Women’s Health by Natalie Benhayon which inspired me in so many ways to connect more deeply with myself as a woman first and foremost.
I feel it is important to say here that I didn’t start attending these presentations and making different choices in an attempt to heal the bulimia. This was something I had long given up to be even possible for me after having previously sought out pretty much every modality on offer from East to West. I started making these choices and changing how I was with myself because everything I was hearing simply made sense. Why wasn’t I tender with myself? Why didn’t I listen to and honour the feelings I had? What was it about me that chose to abuse myself or to allow abuse from another?
What was presented to me was that change had to start within ourselves, that we cannot wait for others or expect others to make the changes, but that this needs to come from every individual in their own time and at their own pace. I never once felt judged or pushed to hurry up and get it right. In fact Serge Benhayon was the first practitioner to know about my condition before I even opened my mouth to share it, and in this there was already a healing for me and an opportunity to be more open and honest with myself.
What happened from here is nothing short of amazing. Through simply choosing to be more in tune with my body, to tend to myself with a greater level of care and love, and to take more responsibility for my choices, I have turned my whole life around. At first (and considering the pattern I was in) I found this difficult: it was new for me to love myself, and something I had always felt I couldn’t express to others. I had long associated self-love with selfishness, vanity, or being ‘up yourself ‘as my school friends used to say. And yet gradually this started to change, and it became more easy. In fact I discovered that it is actually very natural to love and care for me. From the way I choose to brush my hair, wash myself, in how to dress, the foods I choose and how I prepare them, the way I walk, how I hold my body, it is there in everything – the opportunity to conduct myself gently and lovingly and to appreciate who I truly am.
Without even trying, one day I woke up and the bulimia was no longer a part of my life. It had stopped. I had stopped. And if anyone was there throughout that period they would not believe seeing where I am today. I have come to see myself for the precious woman that I am, and my life is becoming truly amazing from this.
What have I learnt from all this? I have learnt how important it is to self love, to honour my feelings, to listen to my body, to hold myself in the deepest regard, and from here consider all others in that same light. I have learnt how important it is to accept things as they are, but that this acceptance doesn’t mean giving up on oneself, or on people. I have learnt to trust in myself, and from here I am beginning to trust once again in others. And with the support of my incredible husband, I have learnt to make light of situations, to have fun and not take things so seriously as I had always done.
Yes, I have healed bulimia, and it has been through my own choices, but I could not have done this without the enormous love and support of Universal Medicine and the presentations delivered by Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon that have been nothing short of amazing, and continue to inspire me each time I attend. I have turned around an existence that saw me struggling from day to day, to living a life that is truly joy-full – in my home, my work, and my body. And the beauty is that I can feel there is so much more. I am discovering that there is simply no end to where self love can take us. It’s only the beginning and what a truly powerful beginning for me it has been. Endless thanks to Universal Medicine for how it has supported me to truly change my life, and for the countless others I have witnessed do the same.
238 thoughts on “Universal Medicine Helped to Heal Bulimia”
I love being open to learnings, ‘I have learnt how important it is to self love, to honour my feelings, to listen to my body, to hold myself in the deepest regard, and from here consider all others in that same light. I have learnt how important it is to accept things as they are’.
“Through simply choosing to be more in tune with my body, to tend to myself with a greater level of care and love, and to take more responsibility for my choices, I have turned my whole life around.” A beautiful appreciation of the inspiration offered by Universal Medicine.
This is an amazing and inspirational testimony for everything that offers in it.
‘Without even trying, one day I woke up and the bulimia was no longer a part of my life.’ It’s clear that we need to treat any ailment we have, but going to the deep root of them is what really heal us. And then, any symptom finally dissapears
“To accept things as they are, but that this acceptance doesn’t mean giving up on oneself, or on people” – this is a great point, and reminds me of how Serge Benhayon has been with the entire humanity, including those who adhere to the teachings that he presents, and equally those who reject and attack. He loves us more than we allow ourselves to love ourselves.
I had not appreciated how food consumed so much of the thought patterns and the deep feelings of revulsion afterwards. I wonder how many other people have similar, yet not quite as extreme patterns of behaviour?
It is so important to focus on the what is, rather than the what is not. What I mean by that is that if we focus on the bulimia and try to fix that we focus on the symptom rather than the cause. I am inspired by what you have shared here Anna.
Bulimia is a punishment towards ourselves, it is used in a similar manner to cutting. It can be a sort of abuse or a source of release, release of all the tension we have built up from not feeling good enough or wanting to achieve something that may be unachievable.
Yes it does seem like a vicious cycle of guilt, shame, despair all fed by a need to numb and deny. The pretending just doesn’t last for long before the cycle begins again.
Wow, what an honour to read your story, thank you for sharing it. The shame of abusing ourselves is something I hear a lot in my work. It is so much easier to blame someone else for where we are in our lives but when we acknowledge that it is us who make the choices for ourselves we need support to build a different relationship with our body and our movements before we can change the patterns that have become so deeply embedded.
I agree, imagine receiving a prescription that says: be super loving and tender with yourself (No charge). It would be the best prescription ever… And probably the most efficient.
Totally. I agree with you completely.
Isn’t that incredible – that the bulimia didn’t disappear through you working hard on it to get rid of it, but because you started to love and care for yourself? That just blows my mind – every psychologist in the world needs to read this, it completely revolutionises the way we need to approach every problem.
Absolutely, just working on caring for and loving ourselves can heal so much.
Thanks Anna for the inside perspective of bulimia and wonderful to hear the way out as well. I couldn’t help but think how wonderful it would be to have a book written about this process of healing bulimia. And I’m not even sure it’s heard of by some.
“Through simply choosing to be more in tune with my body, to tend to myself with a greater level of care and love, and to take more responsibility for my choices, I have turned my whole life around.” – This is something to really value and appreciate and I feel is a key part that is often missing in conventional medicine – the responsibility that we take ourselves, for how we live our everyday life and not just seeking a cure for something in the form of a pill or intervention (which may well be needed as well, just not in isolation from developing our way of living too).
How healing to open up the conversation and talk about it. It seems Bulimia is one of those things that people have shame in talking about and then it stays hidden harder to heal in full.
This is really amazing and something that definitely needed to be shared for others to read and support them where needed.
Bulimia reveals that we cannot stand the emptiness we feel inside and cannot stand what we are doing to fill it up either.
Yes, when what we are doing to fill it up is fake and not true. We cannot completely lie to ourselves and not feel what we are feeling, we can only numb the communication from our body about what we are feeling so we can open the door to pretend.
” I am today. I have come to see myself for the precious woman that I am, ”
How beautiful is this statement , and how wonderful for all you are living this truth.