Food Has Been My Best Friend

 by Danielle, 31, Goonellabah

I recently read a post by Tony Steenson about his relationship with cigarettes (Goodbye Peter Jackson), how he used them as a comfort when he was bored, sad and lonely, or when things were too much. He had done this since the age of 15, and shared how he was able to give them up.

I can relate to this exact scenario with food, especially sugary foods, or foods that are crunchy or have a certain texture like chips, biscuits, crackers or nuts that go creamy in my mouth. Reading through Tony’s story I saw I had the exact same patterns with food that Tony had had with cigarettes. These included times when I needed to have food close by me (at arm’s length) in most parts of my day and my life, even driving. I’ve told myself it’s good to take food places in case I get hungry and can’t find anything healthy to eat, but it’s really there to have as a backup in case I ‘need’ food. Sometimes I get anxious or even angry if I don’t have easy access to the foods that I want to eat. 

I recall being like this as a child, going places with my family and complaining that I was hungry and that I needed food now! When told to wait until we got home I would whinge and moan that I needed it now. I even remember around the age of 10, on a fishing trip with my family, threatening to eat my arm if we didn’t go and get food. It was a joke at the time, or a way to tell my family I was serious, or to get attention – but what was driving me to be like that, to so desperately need food?

I’m very often still driven in the same way: I can see that I make sure I have the foods I need in the cupboard at home and I’m often thinking and planning about food and what my next meal will be. When I’m going on a long drive I will plan ahead in my mind where I can stop to get food if I need it. This requires more planning than ever before because I no longer grab a lolly bag or sweet juice, but will only eat gluten free, dairy free and low sugar foods, so the planning is more complicated as my choice of emergency food outlets are less available.

I’m beginning to understand how I use food as a comfort in case things aren’t going my way, or going how I thought they were going to go, or if I can’t handle or enjoy my own company (being alone), or if I am tired or feel a sense of sadness for no clear reason. Food has been my one and truly reliable best friend that is there in any moment that I need, to comfort and make me feel better. Not only do I use food as a treat or a comfort, but also to try to not feel at all, to not feel how tired I am or to not feel what is going on. I have learnt this from a very young age.

I’ve also learnt which foods do this most easily, eg. sugary, salty, fatty, gluten and dairy foods… or if I eat too much of anything it has the same effect. More recently I’ve cut out all of these foods and have been more aware not to overeat but interestingly, I’ve begun to see that I can eat gluten free, dairy free and sugar free foods in a certain way and it will still be comforting, cause me to bloat, feel racy, numb or not be aware of what I am feeling. For example, if I eat a healthy salad or an apple rushed or standing in the kitchen, or focussed on my work or my emotions or driving – or in any way that I’m focussed on doing something else, it still results in a numbing effect, or even bloating.

Tony Steenson’s post and many comments or inspirations I have heard through Universal Medicine have helped me to be honest enough to see the attachment I have to food. The courses and self-growth I have done with Universal Medicine have allowed me to feel that I can begin to consider what it is that I am not wanting to feel, begin to feel it and deal with it, so I don’t need to use food to numb my feelings.

At the end of the day I feel I have eaten in a numbing or comforting way because I have not been content with myself and who I am. Universal Medicine has shown me a way I can choose to reconnect with myself and love who I am from the inside out. So now I am beginning to feel how lovely I am, accept this and feel that I am more than enough no matter where I am, what I have done, who is with me or what is going on around me. I now feel how wonderful it can be to just sit still, with me, feeling a light body, not a sugar rushed or bloated body. So it’s crazy to want to use food to numb who I am deep down.

372 thoughts on “Food Has Been My Best Friend

  1. “Universal Medicine has shown me a way I can choose to reconnect with myself and love who I am from the inside out.” A beautiful recipe for life.

  2. I am feeling more and more if I overeat I feel quite heavy in my body and my awareness dulls. Someone said the other day ‘Eat lightly to live lightly’ and this is so true. Would we rather feel heavy and dull or light with a spring in our step? I know what I choose …. light with a spring in my step 🤗💫

  3. Just like trying to give up smoking, telling ourselves not to eat certain food or how much to eat never works for me. Even if I may succeed in eliminating certain food, I will find something else. Pretending that I have gone past that and no longer need it any more, and beating myself up when I drop, is just self-indulgent. I really get that this is not about food at all, and that our relationship with food is secondary.

  4. This has been so supportive to read, thank you Danielle. I hadn’t considered that I could get symptoms like raciness from foods that don’t traditionally cause this because of the intention behind why I am eating. It may explain why I am sometimes racy, something at least to be aware of. And I agree, it doesn’t seem like we are numbing ourselves away from our connection to the love within with the misuse of food, just avoiding what we don’t want to feel, but missing out on our loveliness at the same time.

  5. Is it possible to love all the yummy food we eat and yet hate when we are bringing a focus that allows us to numb or dull our selves with what, how much or as you have shared Danielle the energy we are eating in, so it becomes simple to put a stop to the merry-go-round or food pyramid that wants “to numb who I am deep down”?

  6. We can label ourselves “sugar free”, “gluten free”, “dairy free” and everything free, but we can remain seeking comfort, seeking stimulation or numbness. The label we stick on our forehead really does not matter if the integrity in our lives lacks.

    1. Very true, what is our intention in eating a certain food, ‘we can remain seeking comfort, seeking stimulation or numbness.’

  7. Just like with friends we should choose our food wisely, as either they support us in growing to be and become the magnificent being we are, or they are holding us back and confirming what we are not in truth the contracted reduced to be a just human version of an otherwise superhuman being.

  8. I am seeing and feeling more and more how I use food to ease a tension I am feeling either with myself or what I can feel around me. I know that I can be quite disciplined (in a good way!) as there have been times when I have done this before with for example not using food to ease tension and when I have done this I have felt a lot stronger and clearer in my body and had more purpose about my day. Why on earth would I want to make food the most important part of the day when there is so much more to give focus too!

  9. I used to get so cranky when I was hungry and I used to eat to numb and not allow myself to feel what was going on. I was very good at using food to numb what my body was telling me. Now, I feel totally different when I am hungry. I am more myself because my relationship with food has changed. I very rarely use food to numb and I am more willing to listen to my body.

  10. This is a great article in that it shows how you have come to see your relationship with food in a more honest way. And not because anyone has told you what to do or how to eat, but simply because you are interested in taking or accepting more responsibility for your body and how it moves through life.

  11. Its true, the type of food is important in how that makes the body feel, but equally the way we eat it can create exactly the same situation as well. We know exactly what our body knows, and exactly what we can do to numb ourselves as well!

    1. So true Simon, this is another level of awareness around food that I am starting to connect to. The quantity and quality of what I eat all counts towards how I feel and how I support my body to access its intelligence.

  12. Our relationship with food is worth considering…what we eat, how and why we eat what goes in to the food in the way of energy – so much. Food, which we need to sustain the bodily functions, can either support or distort our evolution….and we know which is which ….and the more respect and care we give to our bodies the more they will let us know.

  13. If the diet industry and nutrition education addressed the root cause of why we seek particular foods to provide us comfort, maybe the obesity issue in our society would not be so significant as it is today.

  14. Reading your blog and the comments this morning, I would love to see an documentary series on food, with the level of truth and awareness that is being shared in these writings. With illness and disease on the rise, and much of it lifestyle related, it is vital that we start getting more honest with ourselves about food.

  15. Oh food glorious food! I am sure we all have our own story with food and how we use it in a negative way, really the only true solution for any kind of food issue with is love – love and love. When we love ourselves more we naturally go for foods that will support us.

  16. We just pack so much into our relationship with food! We could all write a blog that would have similar threads running through, and yet be 100 different stories all equally ‘consuming’. Its great to have one laid out that shows progress in developing an understanding Danielle – an opportunity for us all to reflect on our personal relationship with it.

  17. It’s easy to see how we feel controlled by food when the compulsion to eat is so strong even when we are not hungry, and the tension inside of us will not leave, or we think it won’t until we’ve eaten enough to stop us feeling the tension. The tension is still there even when it has been masked, but we so desperately want relief from it, and instead of sitting with the tension and asking why it’s there in the first place and what exactly is it that we don’t want to feel when we eat.

    1. It makes sense to explore the tension, ‘sitting with the tension and asking why it’s there in the first place and what exactly is it that we don’t want to feel when we eat.’

  18. I can relate to much of what you wrote. I used to have a bag with lots of food with me on trips or to work just in case I would have to use it. Most of the times I didn’t eat it all but I got calm knowing I had it just in case.

  19. It’s crazy how much of our time we spend thinking about food, not even eating the food but stressing, fantasising, craving, feeling hungry etc.

    1. Ha ha Susie, it sounds like you are describing me some 5 years ago. I am starting to see, as a society most people seem to have an obsession with food. Hence this is why obesity is high and vitality is low, along with other health issues rising.

  20. What we need to understand here with food is that it is not so much a certain food we hunger for, but a very particular vibration that this food will offer. As strange as it may well seem, we overeat, under eat or go for the foods that will not truly support us to sustain our vitality, in order to counter our ever increasing awareness as we evolve back to who we truly are. But this numbness is very specific according to what we want to achieve. E.g. do we want salty foods that make us harden and feel ‘protected’? Do we want sweet foods that make us feel racy and take us away from out innate stillness? Do we want damp foods that interfere with our connection with our divinity, or do we want foods that dull our awareness and prevent us from truly observing what is really going on? There is so much for us to observe and explore here without getting caught in the trap of what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.

    1. A great and important sharing with this comment Liane, we all need to ponder on what we are trying to ‘alter’ by eating various food types.

      1. There is much for us to observe and be aware of, ‘ But this numbness is very specific according to what we want to achieve. E.g. do we want salty foods that make us harden and feel ‘protected’? Do we want sweet foods that make us feel racy and take us away from out innate stillness? Do we want damp foods that interfere with our connection with our divinity, or do we want foods that dull our awareness and prevent us from truly observing what is really going on? ‘

  21. Recently I listened to a report on an Italian family in Rome who provide cooking workshops in their family home, so that people get a real experience of Italian life which was much enjoyed by the participants, not just for the tasty home-made food but the sense of belonging to the family. From early on, food is very much related to how we feel and connect with people and thus it is no wonder that food comes to be representative of our emotional and social life. When looking at our food choices and behaviours, we also need to look at our unresolved emotional needs and hurts and the quality of connection we have and long for with people, otherwise working on food issues will always fall short of the much bigger underlying issue.

      1. Rather than choosing the thing that challenges us most, that asks us to be all that we already are, and give up the on the comfortable way of living we have settled for.

  22. Food quite often would feature in my day because I would feel a panic or overwhelm, and the comfort of the taste or texture was exactly what I wanted. And being honest about this, with out judgement or critique, but rather to simply let this play out as it will, has brought in to my life a great foundation of understanding, for myself and others and I have to come to understand that we simply all need to make our own steps and choices and really it is only through life experience that anything really ever changes.

  23. Food is probably the single most thought about topic on the planet. Well maybe there are other topics too, but food is certainly up there. It drives us every day in the search for gratification. It has become much much more than fuel. Even 100 short years ago the food choices on offer were far less than we have today. Meat and vegetables were a normal meal. These days if you don’t have 3 different sauces, condiments, desert choices, and herbed bread something is amiss! With obesity on the rise it is definitely time to reconsider food in our lives, its role, and its true benefits.

    1. This is so true Heather. And have you noticed how in shopping malls the food hall is taking over from the retail outlets in terms of space and consumption?

  24. This is such a wise observation, and amazing honesty here, for you to see how it is not what we consume, but our relationship with it that we need to look at. We can so easily deceive ourselves by swapping a ‘bad’ stuff to a not so bad stuff and think that we have somehow become better, and it doesn’t even have to be food.

  25. Food – the ultimate and always easy to justify emotional survival self-medication. Food is probably the most accepted and used legal ‘drug’ in society. We are emotionally starving but gorge ourselves with food instead.

    1. Love this Alex food is probably the most accepted and used legal drug in our society. We use food for everything except what it is meant for, purely as support and to nourish us, not as an emotional crutch to numb us from what is really going on in life. Humanity are now constant grazers and gorgers, overloading their bodies to such an extent that obesity is now a very serious problem world wide and costing the health services billions of pounds in trying to cope with the illnesses associated with obesity.

  26. I didn’t want to feel the lovelessness we express in life and from this reaction I can eat when I don’t need to or not eat for a long time, both an abuse to the body which is a resistance to feel our own preciousness.

  27. It is the anxiety that I feel about what is going on around me, all the tension and the mental activity that drives me to want to eat, to be numb and to feel like I have some kind of control of the situation or at least of myself. And then the cycle continues where I lament the food I’ve eaten for comfort because it usually makes me feel gross, thus further cementing the belief that I actually have no control at all… But what if there was a different way? What if at the core of all of this there is simply an un-appreciated ability to handle everything, to be still and quiet amongst life and to not let what is imposing or confusing get us down? What if living with awareness actually meant living without anxiety?

  28. I would have to say that food has been my best friend also. My new best friend is myself, where I care about what I eat and how it feels in my body.

  29. No matter what I eat I can still feel lovelessness it can’t stop what is felt and it seems more simple to take the steps to return to love. When I want to eat lots I know I have things I need to say.

  30. Thank you Danielle, I often find at certain times I rush through a meal and I feel terrible afterwards. It feels like I’m using the way that I’m eating to dull and race the body, even though the food is ok it’s the way I am at that particular mealtime that makes the difference.

  31. Thanks Danielle for sharing this. I shed a tear today reading this as it brought a deeper understanding to my relationship with food. This relationship is far less complex than it used to be but there is still so much to unpack with it. It is still a strong go-to for me when I am feeling unsure, sad, angry, frustration or also feeling pretty good.

  32. I could relate to a lot that was shared in this blog. I have days when I think about food a lot and plan what I am going to eat. Other days it falls into its proper place, a support for my body but nothing I need or crave. This all depends on how connected I feel and how delicately I am treating myself.

  33. What stands out for me re-reading this blog is it is not the food per se that is the problem, it is the quality in which we bring to our living way in every movement and breathe in every day – e.g. how we buy food, how we prepare it and how it is eaten, affects how it is digested and whether it nourishes or bloats the body
    “For example, if I eat a healthy salad or an apple rushed or standing in the kitchen, or focussed on my work or my emotions or driving – or in any way that I’m focussed on doing something else, it still results in a numbing effect, or even bloating.

  34. I am discovering that there is a ‘delicious’ essence within me…and within us all too…that is constant and does not need feeding. If I fall for the allure of a tasty treat, then it will often disconnect me from this innate deliciousness – and it is a high price to pay for a few moments of stimulation on the taste buds.

  35. Food is an incredible source of comfort and even safety for many. When I go to conferences there are lots of people, and it doesn’t take long until many are looking for food or needing to have something to eat or drink. Understanding why we crave food so much is vital for our health and wellbeing…

  36. I still don’t listen do what my body wants and override it with regards to food .. and other things. The question for me to ask with this is simple .. why?

  37. Absolutely! I know so many people who have used food in the same way, myself included. It’s incredible when you realise just how much of a drug we treat it as. It’s an addiction that goes a lot deeper than society cares to talk about.

  38. I noticed a lot of comfort eating in myself today and that’s why I read this blog. I love how you shared that nothing stops comfort eating, no strict regime or discipline no common sense nothing, only connecting to ourselves and how lovely we really are.

  39. It’s great to recognise how we can feel hungry but it’s not actually always true hunger – as in our body may not actually need food in that moment, or not need the thing we are craving and by developing a deeper relationship with our body and awareness of our state of being inside we can be more discerning of whether it is food that we need in that moment (and if so what kind) or whether there is an emotional reaction there for us to reflect on and heal…

  40. It’s a biggie this one, our relationship with food. It is literally killing us with so many of us overeating and it is crippling our health system with the rise of lifestyle related diseases. And it is such a personal one as well, as many of us eat as to not to feel and to dull ourselves from this world. This is why I adore Serge Benhayon so much as he is shining a light into this dark recess of humanity and asking us very directly yet gently, what is going for us that we are eating ourselves to death? And showing us a way of living that can lead us out of this –

  41. The comfort of food – we’ve used it for so long and it’s a hard one to break. Once upon a time I’d eat chocolate eclairs, a packet of Tim Tams, chocolate bars and so on to try and fill a void or to suitably numb me. These days, I can do the same with almonds, apples and even cucumbers. It’s often not what we eat but the intention behind eating and the energy in which we are eating.

  42. We use food as a distraction to cap the level of awareness we are cable of receiving; it is not just the quantity that we consume but also the quality in which we consume it in. Understanding this allows us to be more consistent in our movements to nurture our bodies with what is genuinely needed to serve.

  43. When we understand that eating food either supports or distorts our awareness, our obsession with certain foods is seen in a whole new light. Are we eating to dull or are we eating to shine? Do we eat foods that support our evolution back to Soul, or do we choose foods that will thwart and delay this? There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to eat, just an ever unfolding path of discernment honouring where we are at and what is needed at this time so we can make the necessary adjustments to support the health and vitality of our bodies and this beings within in order to get the most out of this life.

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