I have heard Serge Benhayon say many times, “Expression is everything”, and have always felt it to be true. It has been presented in many Universal Medicine events and there have been many opportunities in the various workshops to feel into this, practise it with other people, and experience what a difference it makes to how I feel about myself, the world and other people.
More recently Serge Benhayon has even started explaining the connection between expression, time and space (Universal Medicine: The Way of the Livingness No. 5). And slowly and steadily I have developed myself out of a mindset that was stubbornly defending my particular kind of stoicism and the belief that what I felt wasn’t really worth anything, let alone saying it out loud.
But no matter how much sense something makes, change isn’t always easy. For example, there are questions I ask myself and put in the way between me and my expression and they go something like this:
- Do people really want to hear how I feel about something?
- Is what I have felt actually true?
- Is what I have felt actually worth sharing?
- What if people think I am an idiot?
And then there is this long list of self-imposed judgments and they go something like this:
- What I feel is not important enough.
- What I have felt and want to say does not make sense to other people.
- What does not feel right to me only concerns me; other people don’t feel the same way.
- What I feel is ridiculous in the eyes of other people, even the ones I am close to.
And then there are these niggling doubts as in:
- What I feel is too embarrassing to express, it will expose me and make me look ridiculous.
- Maybe my feeling was actually wrong and I better not say anything.
All this was put to the test the other day. I was in a group setting where a few people described a situation that had occurred a while back and I could clearly feel that what they were saying came with a hardness and did not feel right. But, following my own recipe as per the ingredients above, I did not say anything. Other people spoke in support of the original account and what they had to say made a lot of sense to me. Yes, it was very convincing and so I censored and banned what I had clearly felt, never to be seen again – or so I thought.
The next day I received an email from another group member who, like me, had also not said anything when we had all been together as a group and when I had censored and banned what I had clearly felt, never to be seen again.
Never to be seen again?
Not really… everything was opened up again. It had, of course, never gone away and I could feel an immense sadness in me – sadness about not having said and expressed what I felt I needed to say, regardless of the outcome.
What happened then was quite amazing: as I allowed myself to feel the sadness and magnitude of what had happened over the course of the afternoon, I realised that –
- What I feel is always true no matter how convincing the arguments to the contrary are.
- What I have felt does not need to make sense to anybody else.
- What I express does not need to make anybody’s day, resolve a conflict or fix a problem.
- What I express does not need to be smart, clever, intelligent or convincing.
- Expressing does not mean that I have to pull rabbits out of the hat and dazzle anyone.
- What I express is simple, straightforward, true for me and does not need anybody’s consent or approval.
It is actually all very simple. I could feel that all my life I had been putting this expectation on myself that when I say or express something, it better be brilliant or at least very useful or quotable even. And I had developed this habit of repeating myself when I thought that something I had said hadn’t been received the way I thought it should have been – just in case the other had missed something! And ‘something’ meaning how brilliant or clever it had been!
And now? With the support of Serge Benhayon and through the teachings of Universal Medicine, I am truly learning and beginning to appreciate and experience that expression ‘is’ everything and that expression does make a difference to how I feel about myself, the world and other people… I can feel a spaciousness in me – so much spaciousness that I even went looking for something to do and wrote this blog.
By Gabriele Conrad, Goonellabah NSW