Being Loved to Be Love

It struck me the other day to ponder on the difference between ‘being loved’ or ‘to be love’. The more I explored this the more I noticed how prevalent the concept is that before I can love myself, I need to see that someone else loves me.

For example…

  • My parents need to love me or I am not worthwhile.
  • I need to find a partner to love me or I am not complete.
  • I want to have children that unconditionally love me.
  • I need to be part of a certain group so I can feel loved and accepted etc.

All of this is essentially saying I have a need to ‘be loved’ before I am willing to ‘be love’.

There are many outfits that say ‘being love’ is the key to life. Serge Benhayon is one such proponent of this message. However, there is something different about how he applies this concept.

From the earlier stages of my introduction to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, the message was/is that to ‘be love’ you need to first ‘self love’. This concept seems so simple; of course, if you want the jug to be full, you had to learn how to fill it yourself, and then there is enough to share.

Even though this message was/is very simple, it was amazing how complicated I made it, and more recently I am realising how often I put a condition on my own self-love. For example, I will only look after myself (be loving to myself) if I can see the benefit, if people will still accept me or if someone around me ‘goes first’; i.e. “they need to be love FIRST, before I will be love”.

In truth, that last one, “they need to be love first” is a big one. In essence I was holding myself to ransom based on the behaviours of someone else. I noticed this week, that after close to 10 years studying the teachings of Universal Medicine and the principles of The Way of the Livingness and reaping benefits in my life that I did not think possible, I still had a condition that “they need to be love first”.

I noticed that there were still elements of me relying on the unconditional love being shown to me by Serge Benhayon and the other practitioners and students of The Way of the Livingness to make it okay to make the changes I had already felt I needed to make. In essence, there was still the pattern of ‘being loved to be love’.

So the question this week is; can I be love without being loved? Am I willing to love myself, even though others may not respond the way I think they should? Am I willing to accept myself and in turn others for wherever they are at? Am I willing to see the love that is present in everyone and connect to that regardless of how they behave (lovingly or otherwise)?

It’s a big question and one I am sure there will be more layers to… I’ll keep you posted…

By Joel L, Western Australia

544 thoughts on “Being Loved to Be Love

  1. This is so relevant to how I have, and still do measure what love I allow in, and what love I allow out. Always checking that it’s safe before either is done. Which is totally crazy when I feel the truth that the greatest safety I could possibly have is let it freely flow in all it’s abundance.

  2. We all know ‘all we need is love’. In other words, there is this image that love comes only from another one. The concept of be love is pretty alien to us. Yet, in spite of this, it just makes a lot of sense. We cannot expect another one to give us what we are not willing to give us to ourselves.

  3. I love what you highlight here Joel, how we do not need to wait for someone to love us, when we choose to get to know our true selves we are able to live the love we already are within, we have buried beneath ideals to hold us back from letting out our true expression.

  4. The only way to know if self-love can reverse our insatiable and never-ceasing need to BE loved is to try it, as a comment above says, how can we ask the world for something we are not prepared to give ourselves? And what if there is a way to live that does not demand what we need, but instead is able to offer love first, regardless of whether it comes back or not – that would be worth gold.

  5. I love this blog Joel, many questions with many layers to peel away as the the answers become lived and the love shared.

  6. Yes that is a very good question or actually point of pondering, Joel – no matter if a person is expressing in a loving way or not – we should always hold love inside us and for another –
    As otherwise we make love conditional.

    1. That is so true we need to hold love in side of us no matter what the other present, be open and not judging, allowing the unconditional love to flow through.

  7. It is not uncommon for us to have a version of what love is; for example, when my mother was alive her version of love was to have things done for her, and I remember going to an Esoteric Practitioner who pointed out to me maybe that’s her version of love. That’s how she measured if we loved her or not, and what I noticed with this version of love was how it came in cycles, and with mood swings depending on the need. To her that is what love was, people showing you they loved you by doing things for you, and if they withdraw that attention then that meant they do longer loved you – simple. It is sad to think that there are many versions of love that are born out of the emptiness, and the lack and that these versions are so far removed from the Love that we are naturally.

  8. This is a great exposure of the many conditions we can put on others or life in general before we will ‘be love’ or feel complete! And all the while we have this innate source of unconditional love just waiting to be expressed if we allow it out – it actually takes effort to hold it back….!

  9. Reading this one – “Am I willing to see the love that is present in everyone and connect to that regardless of how they behave (lovingly or otherwise)?” brought a tear to my eyes this morning. Can you imagine a world if we all offered ourselves this?

  10. Great article and it puts more then an every day normal spin on love, It now makes sense to me that to ‘be’ anything for anyone you would first need to hold that quality yourself. I remember chasing things around and around and trying many different things to prove this not to be true. Now I have come back to the same point, if you see something the world is needing then roll your sleeves up and bring it yourself and wait for the world to come to you.

  11. What you describe here is conditional love, in that they must love you first then you will love them. But the truth is no one can love you for to love someone is to have conditional love. To be love is like a rose which emanates its perfume without any concern as to who receives it, therefore no condition as in if no one receives the perfume so be it, the Rose still is a Rose emanating its “love” its perfume for all, and therefore all receives.

  12. It has been my pondering of late .. why I wait for another to be love before I am.. It’s an age old requirement.. I clocked it recently when I was expressing intimately with a close friend. They remarked on my beauty in how I was and what I was expressing about. I felt joy; and I wondered why I was not impulsing this myself from within because it was there waiting for that ‘outer trigger’. It was in my body an innate joy. It comes back to being that first and being with that. Build and act on my joy. Bathe in it with no outer influence, know it and claim it as yours and who you are.

  13. ‘ Am I willing to accept myself and in turn others for wherever they are at?’ This is another blog Joel – complete acceptance is as deep as truly loving self in order to love others fully and not waiting for someone else to be love first. Great questions and I will take this one with me today. Thank you.

  14. Reading your blog Joel it struck me just how many of us sell ourselves short by basing our self-worth on the behaviours of others around us. When we love ourselves fully and unconditionally we will know that how others react or respond to us, is wonderfully their business.

  15. “Am I willing to see the love that is present in everyone and connect to that regardless of how they behave (lovingly or otherwise)?” This has been a great one of for me being open with no judgement, allowing the openness of love to show and feel what is present.

  16. “So the question this week is; can I be love without being loved? Am I willing to love myself, even though others may not respond the way I think they should? Am I willing to accept myself and in turn others for wherever they are at? Am I willing to see the love that is present in everyone and connect to that regardless of how they behave (lovingly or otherwise)?” Would love to hear an update from you Joel. I have been working with these questions myself in recent months and I can honestly say the transformation that is happening within me is nothing short of miraculous. Nowadays it’s so obvious when I am going back into the game of ‘you be love first’ because I feel completely different within myself. Gone is the spaciousness, the grace, the ease, replaced with a feeling of being squashed, compressed accompanied by lots of internally mutterings and moanings. It’s hideous and is such a stark contrast to the former that I am able to pull myself out of it pretty quickly now.

  17. Everything in this world is generally set up around how others are, our ‘quality of life’ as such depends on outer circumstances and scenarios. And whilst we might develop tools to be unattached or distract from it, none of this is the truth. We’ve got it all back to front as you show Joel, because it’s the Love inside us that lights up the world not the other way around. It’s not enough to be a little bit less nasty – we are here to live with a constant connection in our body.

  18. I wonder if the question would be to stop ‘not being love’ and therefore love will be . The difficulty is that society has ingrained behaviour in place to prevent this from happening.

  19. “So the question this week is; can I be love without being loved?” This is such a great question and I suspect the answer is yes because when we were born we are love and that remains no matter if we are loved or not. What does happen however is that it gets so covered over with hurt that we forget that it is there but the truth is we never stop being love no matter what happens to us, that is our essence remains the same.

  20. Why would we ever put a condition on being love while we are from love? To me this can only be the case when we forcefully disconnect from that love that lives deep in all of us as we can see so clearly in our nowadays societies. The force to deny that we are love is expressed in all the abuse we experience on a everydays basis and is the root cause of all the atrocities we experience everywhere in the world.

  21. “if you want the jug to be full, you had to learn how to fill it yourself, and then there is enough to share” The love of God is forever pouring through us and we have the choice to let it drain away or feel the fullness and share it with all.

  22. Its fascinating that we seek love elsewhere and all of the 4 you listed were a biggie for me too and yet it resides within us all. We go through years of hurts searching or hanging on hoping one day that love will walk in the door when its simply you, right there next to you, inside of you…… The teachings of Serge Benhayon is simple. Never before has other gurus/teachers presented to me in this way, who I thought had the answer to what was missing in my life.

  23. I absolutely love the analogy of the the jug. A brilliant way to describe how we simply can’t love another if our own love jug isn’t full, otherwise, where is the love pouring out from? If it’s an empty vessel, then the love ain’t real. So good!!!

  24. Brilliant Joel, if I could sit the world down get them a tea and get them to read just one blog – this would be it. This fundamental misinterpretation of what love truly means keeps sucking us all in, myself included. It staves off the day where we live and realise that we are the only one who can give ourselves love – and the sharing of this fire with the whole world is the purpose we were born to deliver.

  25. Joel the difference is so marked, I used to try and love someone it would exhaust me as I was not actually loving myself, i was not being love and I had made love an act. Now this is not unnormal for that is how most of the world approaches love but what is great too is to start exploring love as a way of being, living and in that a very different relationship to and with love.

  26. I can relate to a conditional way of expecting love to be offered first before being open and willing to offer the same back to others. And I am wondering what is this behaviour really conveying if we are not willing to offer it in full in the first place? In putting our needs ahead of being ourselves we then expect and demand those needs to be met by others first. Where then is the basis to establish trust and transparency with each other if we are forever holding back our true expression?

  27. Am I willing to be love first, no matter how others respond … that is such a telling question of our commitment to ourselves and being the love we are.

  28. a great question to revisit Joel, and I am now able to say absolutely, I can choose to be love, whether others love me back or not. I thought it was harder though, if I did not have the same love reflected back to me but the truth it is not. And at the same time, that love is always reflected back to me though God and the Hierarchy. So I realised, and am learning to live the fact that, to be love is entirely up to me, it is a choice for me to make and whenever I I think that choice is dependant on others I am simply creating excuses to not be the love I am.

  29. Joel – to let go of the expectations of others before we do something is huge, and to actually take responsibility to reflect all that we know, we can actually support so many people around us. It is not just what we get from others, but also what others get from us.

  30. Well raised Joel. Almost everything called love in this world in conditional love, but unconditional love is both where we come from and our future, how long we take to embrace this is up to us.

  31. A great one to reveal its pointy head – ‘I will not open up to all the love I have within me and share it with everyone because the world sucks and doesn’t love me back.’ Most of us, if we are honest, do go about our lives with this attitude in the background… and then we wonder why life has the inevitable loneliness and emptiness we have very erroneously surmised as being just what we can expect.

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