Being Loved to Be Love

It struck me the other day to ponder on the difference between ‘being loved’ or ‘to be love’. The more I explored this the more I noticed how prevalent the concept is that before I can love myself, I need to see that someone else loves me.

For example…

  • My parents need to love me or I am not worthwhile.
  • I need to find a partner to love me or I am not complete.
  • I want to have children that unconditionally love me.
  • I need to be part of a certain group so I can feel loved and accepted etc.

All of this is essentially saying I have a need to ‘be loved’ before I am willing to ‘be love’.

There are many outfits that say ‘being love’ is the key to life. Serge Benhayon is one such proponent of this message. However, there is something different about how he applies this concept.

From the earlier stages of my introduction to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, the message was/is that to ‘be love’ you need to first ‘self love’. This concept seems so simple; of course, if you want the jug to be full, you had to learn how to fill it yourself, and then there is enough to share.

Even though this message was/is very simple, it was amazing how complicated I made it, and more recently I am realising how often I put a condition on my own self-love. For example, I will only look after myself (be loving to myself) if I can see the benefit, if people will still accept me or if someone around me ‘goes first’; i.e. “they need to be love FIRST, before I will be love”.

In truth, that last one, “they need to be love first” is a big one. In essence I was holding myself to ransom based on the behaviours of someone else. I noticed this week, that after close to 10 years studying the teachings of Universal Medicine and the principles of The Way of the Livingness and reaping benefits in my life that I did not think possible, I still had a condition that “they need to be love first”.

I noticed that there were still elements of me relying on the unconditional love being shown to me by Serge Benhayon and the other practitioners and students of The Way of the Livingness to make it okay to make the changes I had already felt I needed to make. In essence, there was still the pattern of ‘being loved to be love’.

So the question this week is; can I be love without being loved? Am I willing to love myself, even though others may not respond the way I think they should? Am I willing to accept myself and in turn others for wherever they are at? Am I willing to see the love that is present in everyone and connect to that regardless of how they behave (lovingly or otherwise)?

It’s a big question and one I am sure there will be more layers to… I’ll keep you posted…

By Joel L, Western Australia

619 thoughts on “Being Loved to Be Love

  1. Recently I got a new job and I realised how much effort I’ve always put in to be part of a group, this time it wasn’t there as much. My connection with myself is first and when I do place myself second my body is loud and clear in telling me this is not the way to go.

  2. I can relate to this too Joel, relying on unconditional love being shown to me before being willing to accept and value myself. When we reconnect with our inner heart and accept the love we are we deepen the relationship and quality in which we hold ourselves first so that we naturally are open to connecting in a deeper and truer way with others.

  3. If we all believed this, someone would have to be love first or no one would be love, when we go down the path of ‘you show me your love first’ it is the start of an arrangement. Yet when we are just love with no conditions we are already complete.

  4. This absolutely makes sense; ‘the message was/is that to ‘be love’ you need to first ‘self love’.’ I have found that by taking care of myself and being self-loving that I am more able to love and trust myself and as a result of this to naturally love others. This is a very simple but profound message and one that I have found to be true.

  5. I find it can be challenging or seemingly challenging to always love yourself even when others around you don’t do the same or don’t love or like you. Yet is one of the most beautiful things to do.

  6. An amazing sharing on love and the need we have to be loved to show love, only when we are loved first. Wow what a manipulation we have managed to come to, when the fact is that we are all love innately, and when in love with ourselves we are in love with everyone. A great pondering on the reality of it all.

  7. Once we’re born we love with no conditions as we come full of it, very open, and very trustful…but we get hurt by not receiving the same love back from outside. Healing these hurts is key to start the way back to us, to be again the amazing beings we really are.

  8. Thanks Joel for sharing such a relatable experience. These days I’m noticing that being love means just being me, and this doesn’t always have to be accepted by others. For so long I too waited for being loved, I’ve tried hard to fit in and it didn’t matter if I was feeling not okay inside. Your words inspire me to hold and love myself no matter what. I’m learning to be steady in the tension that is felt when some of my choices are not really understood, or when I notice that someone is making gossip behind my back…but for the very first time in my life I’m in a process to not wait anymore to be who I really am, and with that I can really love others, accepting and embracing everyone. After all, regardless of the apparent differences on the outside we are all the same inside.

  9. Its funny how we have tended to ‘put the cart in front of the horse’ so to speak… that is putting the doing, the expectations, the wants, the pictures, another’s love before ourselves. If we self-love first, this buoyed feeling is consistent and one is not at the mercy of responses from others. Any response is then a confirmation of the love we feel & know of ourselves.

  10. Some great questions at the end of your post Joel. “Am I willing to see the love that is present in everyone and connect to that regardless of how they behave (lovingly or otherwise)?” I shall carry this with me today. Thankyou.

  11. “All of this is essentially saying I have a need to ‘be loved’ before I am willing to ‘be love’. So many of us have had this belief system. ‘i’ll go there if you show mw you love me first…’ So no-one goes there and separation continues. Serge Benhayon however has shown us a new way. He knows and loves himself deeply so has no issue around others loving and accepting him. He just continues to love everyone he comes into contact with – what a beautiful reflection and role model for us all.

  12. Am I willing? We have a choice, always, and we choose what we prioritise: connecting to and fuelling ourselves with our own love from the inside, or always seeking it from without – somewhere or something else. The former takes a willingness – our own choice to surrender and to let go and just fully accept ourselves, as we are right now, committed to being in life but with no need to improve or make better any part of it. There is great healing when we say yes in full to whatever is in front of us and fully accept it, and our part in it.

  13. Something that I’ve been bringing more awareness to within myself is if there are conditions that I put on love, as in is there a point or moment where I essentially ditch being love and choose to react emotionally to something instead… And observing this without any judgement but from a place of readiness to learn can bring a deeper insight on our expression and being more loving…

  14. The precision and order of the universe is exquisite as I find myself clicking on this blog this morning, this is so relevant to how I am with myself and others and I am aware that a shift is required to go deeper into a surrender where I am Love, because I am Love not because anyone has made it safe, accepted me, or told me I am. Thank you Deeply.

  15. Before my father died I started to deeply realise that I was to bring him love instead of what I did, which was looking for love and expecting it from people…like my father.
    Just before he died he asked me “how did you get there?” He felt my Connection to the love in myself.
    I said: Like I told you About Serge Benhayon daddy. He is supporting us back to love.

  16. When we fall in love with ourselves we are in love with all others …..we cannot but be, as we are all one and come from the same source – LOVE.

  17. Joel these are great questions at the end of your blog that touch on pretty much every part of human life. In the times when I have been able to be love I have felt so completely myself, undeniably me, and when I’m not able to be that love it’s a shadow of who I am, I am pretty much missing. The conditions we come up with to manage our hurts around love are understandable, yet at the same time they make no sense because we are missing out on being the fullness of our essence – love. The love we are is what we really miss the most. It’s such a mixed up world how we have made love into emotional attachment and also something that comes from another (the illusive One) when every fibre of our being is actually love. Then we can fritter our whole lives away focusing on the hurts, when the untouched power of love lives inside us untapped. It’s a huge topic to explore.

    1. Absolutely huge! Whole industries are invested in keeping us trapped into thinking everything is about attachment, and this makes so much sense from an observational point of view but it completely misses the point that we are energetic beings full of divine particles.

  18. The last line hit home for me Joel “Am I willing to see the love that is present in everyone and connect to that regardless of how they behave (lovingly or otherwise)?” That is something I’m learning as well to hold myself even though people might react, but what I’ve discovered as well is that when we see the love in people and focus on that much more than the sometimes not so great behaviour, other people have the chance to resurrect themselves out of that behaviour.

    1. How true your words Matts. I have found the same when I see the love or essence of the person first, not the reaction, how change happens for us both. The power of “Being Love”.

  19. Our current standards in society impose that we follow its rule in order for us to fit in, belong and feel accepted and valued. And so, it is in society that we seek to be loved. Yet we are already that which we seek and initiating and developing a self-loving relationship with our essence is how we begin to realise and understand that being love is our innate way of being and living impulsed by this quality is the true standard we are born to live by.

  20. It is a fascinating game we constantly play with others measuring how much love we can or will be with them. Yet when we open up the doors to love we cannot not love everyone equally and so by doing so be loved. So often though we can put the blinkers on and miss this seeking love from another. What I have found is that the more love I am with myself then the more love I am with everyone else.

  21. I total corker of a sharing, exposing what so many people live with. I sure do and it is really recent that I have started to love me for me and feel I am worth spending the time doing this.

    1. So much of life revolves around what you have shared Michael, we do so much to be loved – study, fashion, work, compromise, money, etc, yet to be love just requires us to reconnect to all we are, and this love is a stillness, and not at all like the desperation of the million plus ways we use to be liked, accepted, recognised, etc, in the hope of being loved. Whole industries even exist tapping into this need to be loved.

      1. Entire industries created to keep us being who we are not… we’ve got to ask the question – What is it that would happen if we were to be who we truly are that requires so much time, energy and effort put in to making sure it doesn’t happen?

  22. While we ever look for love ‘from’ someone we have separated from the connection to the love we naturally are. Love is not something we can get from outside of us. I’m sure many of us have tried and tested this and know it to be true.

  23. Yes imagine if we all waited for someone else to make the first move to express love, be willing to be transparent and open…. trusting ourselves and each other. When I do meet others in this way they most often respond with love.

  24. We have been sold many lies about love, it was not until I meet Serge Benhayon that I understood and felt the truth about love and how we have disconnected from this immense love that is within us all.

  25. “In truth, that last one, “they need to be love first” is a big one. In essence I was holding myself to ransom based on the behaviours of someone else.” It is quite amazing how much we do this – hold ourselves ransom based on either behaviours or situations. I have recently being working on a busy project, and I have held myself ransom as such to the busy-ness of the project and put my love for myself, and self-care second – behind the needs of the project. And as a result of that, I am so tired.

    1. Oh this is so easy to do! The need for recognition is taught so young it is a real automatic go to. Rather than always knowing you are the most important part in the quality of love.

  26. Our pictures of what love is can differ drastically depending on what we see as love. My now deceased mother had a picture that if you were helping her out with things like decorating, taking her out, fixing things around the house then it proved that we loved her. At the time I could not understand why she came over all needy all of the time and then it was explained to me that was her idea of what love is.

    1. I can relate to this, I have pictures around what love is in friendship, certain actions and behaviours I consider to be support. Then I had a friend phone at a time when I was stewing over the lack of these actions from friends, and all I felt was this amazing connection between us, it didn’t fit the picture but it delivered so much in its own way. I realised how invested I was in people treating me a certain way, but it was placing limitations over my relationships and leaving me open to a lot of reaction. Investments (or needs) like that can be hard to let go of because we believe they will deliver love, but they truly take us away from our own love and being open to how love constellates differently between people. We can actually miss the beauty of the love that is present there with us.

  27. True there are many more layers..But it is a good one to start with. As when we see one layer – we make space for the next layer ahead. Meaning that when we open up to the possibility that we need to live love ourselves first, we can then see the layers that we have put in the way of us truly loving us.

  28. It is a big question, and is a great reminder, a timely one, too, as I was finding it hard to be love in the face of lovelessness felt from outside and there’s hurt. And it’s really weird because sometimes I treat ‘being love’ and ‘loving myself’ as if it’s the hardest thing ever, something I really have to try not to fight against. And writing this, I can feel how it’s in this complexity that love gets lost and I feel like I don’t know what to do as so many justifications/excuses stand in the way. Coming back to my breath, connecting with my essence that knows that I am love brings back simplicity and settlement in my body.

    1. Thank you for sharing it helps expose so many ways we avoid the simplicity luxury of life and what’s on offer.

    1. It is a jail Eduardo very toxic hideous hell hole that refuses to let go of it’s incarceration. Until you do just surrender, so I have heard at least with those who have we can be inspired to love truly ourselves and others.

  29. I know this one very well. I’ve seen many conditions show their face over my life. Many conditions I use to not live all of me.

  30. ‘Can I be love without being loved?’ Oooh, what a dynamite question. I have come a long way since first meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine in 2006. Yet reading what you have shared Joel and posing the question to myself I realise there are still areas for me to heal. How are your layers going, Joel, as you say you will keep us posted? I gain much from your sharings and so would appreciate, as I am sure many others would to, as to what you have uncovered?

  31. The need for love outside of ourselves can be an indication that we have ourselves separated from the love that we are.

    1. So simple, yet so accurate – searching for love on the outside is an instant tell that we’ve lost connection to the abundance of it on the inside.

    2. I like this too because there is a whole array of problems and issues we can take from when we are separated from ourselves. The magical thing I find is that when I reconnect to myself all that is not there and there is just the knowing of being grand and amazing without need to be loved first. So it is more a case of observing when we feel like that and making a choice to reconnect.

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