Being Loved to Be Love

It struck me the other day to ponder on the difference between ‘being loved’ or ‘to be love’. The more I explored this the more I noticed how prevalent the concept is that before I can love myself, I need to see that someone else loves me.

For example…

  • My parents need to love me or I am not worthwhile.
  • I need to find a partner to love me or I am not complete.
  • I want to have children that unconditionally love me.
  • I need to be part of a certain group so I can feel loved and accepted etc.

All of this is essentially saying I have a need to ‘be loved’ before I am willing to ‘be love’.

There are many outfits that say ‘being love’ is the key to life. Serge Benhayon is one such proponent of this message. However, there is something different about how he applies this concept.

From the earlier stages of my introduction to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, the message was/is that to ‘be love’ you need to first ‘self love’. This concept seems so simple; of course, if you want the jug to be full, you had to learn how to fill it yourself, and then there is enough to share.

Even though this message was/is very simple, it was amazing how complicated I made it, and more recently I am realising how often I put a condition on my own self-love. For example, I will only look after myself (be loving to myself) if I can see the benefit, if people will still accept me or if someone around me ‘goes first’; i.e. “they need to be love FIRST, before I will be love”.

In truth, that last one, “they need to be love first” is a big one. In essence I was holding myself to ransom based on the behaviours of someone else. I noticed this week, that after close to 10 years studying the teachings of Universal Medicine and the principles of The Way of the Livingness and reaping benefits in my life that I did not think possible, I still had a condition that “they need to be love first”.

I noticed that there were still elements of me relying on the unconditional love being shown to me by Serge Benhayon and the other practitioners and students of The Way of the Livingness to make it okay to make the changes I had already felt I needed to make. In essence, there was still the pattern of ‘being loved to be love’.

So the question this week is; can I be love without being loved? Am I willing to love myself, even though others may not respond the way I think they should? Am I willing to accept myself and in turn others for wherever they are at? Am I willing to see the love that is present in everyone and connect to that regardless of how they behave (lovingly or otherwise)?

It’s a big question and one I am sure there will be more layers to… I’ll keep you posted…

By Joel L, Western Australia

505 thoughts on “Being Loved to Be Love

  1. The perfect morning read for me this morning. Just the questions I have been pondering on and have felt the true answers to. No I don’t need to be loved before I can be love. It’s a way I hold my self back from being all the love I am.

  2. “Can I be love without being loved? Am I willing to love myself, even though others may not respond the way I think they should? Am I willing to accept myself and in turn others for wherever they are at? Am I willing to see the love that is present in everyone and connect to that regardless of how they behave (lovingly or otherwise)?” These are very, very BIG questions that hold the key to understanding and embracing true love.

  3. This is the big one for me . . . “Am I willing to love myself, even though others may not respond the way I think they should?” . . . this of course is looking at my acceptance, expectations and my judgments of myself and others and not worrying if people react.

  4. This is such a great reminder of the fact that we are already all the love we could ever need. We need not wait to follow another or be loved by another before embracing the love we are, as there is nothing to wait for. We are love and when we lead from our hearts, regardless of how others are, we shine and reflect the quality of love that we all are in essence.

  5. Having someone’s attention is nice. Being wanted and listened to is sweet. Having someone who feels the same way as you is attractive too. But if you don’t have a warmth inside of yourself, if you don’t care and respect yourself as you are, how will you go when you are alone? Is Love a fleeting thing another bestows on you? I am with you Joel, because I don’t think so. It seems self-love a quality we have long neglected in ourselves. It can be tempting to think there is a short-cut somehow. But based on my experience and my body – all I can say is boy, they don’t work at all.

  6. Thank you for the inspiration, Joel. Can I be love without being loved? Am I willing to go there before others are? – I will make them my questions of the week, too. I can feel how most of us have been playing this game of ‘I’ll show you mine if you show yours first’ and waiting for the other/world to prove the truth we have known for so long but set ourselves up to feel betrayed by. In this Era, we have Serge Benhayon who has taken that ‘first’ step and keeps reflecting the unwavering truth, so more and more of us do know that it is more than possible, and actually can be lived with consistency, and it is our responsibility to test drive it so that even more can feel what that is like.

  7. There is no moment or time of day, no situation or circumstance, no event or incident where it’s not possible to be Love. Sure we are not perfect, but the difficulty and emotional anguish we go into is just not true. Life is very simple when you know joy, true Love and you have got you. Thanks Joel for inspiring me to choose to be this way today.

  8. It is a big question and so very pertinent to where I am at this morning. The importance of self-love first ‘dawned’ on me about 20 years ago – maybe more, but today I sit pondering whether I have truly embraced it in its true meaning and fullness. I know there is more to be done here and thank you Joel for sharing your own very supportive message on the subject.

  9. Since coming to the work of the Ageless Wisdom I have been coming to terms with the fact that I am Love. I always thought love was an external thing that was given by others. Realising I am Love has been and is a wonderful journey.

    1. Ah yes, the great illusion of humanity laid bear – we are the love we have been so desperately searching for. Curtain unveiled.

  10. Hmmm, I’m guilty of this also Joel. Not prepared to be love completely until I feel safe the other person will do the same. But what if we all lived like that…sitting back holding onto love and not sharing it…or is that what life as it stands, is currently like? I would say it was…it feels very common for this need for us not be vulnerable, not to give/be love just in case the other person doesn’t reciprocate. But then the question is, what if they don’t? what would actually happen? This is a huge one for me to ponder on, because as I write I’m thinking…’yeah, who cares if they don’t give it back…at least they have it from me and one day when they feel ready to be vulnerable too…they’ll feel comfortable sharing it with me, because they know I’m ok with it.’ If I did this, at the very least I would be putting an end to holding myself back from being all of me. And that in itself has been more debilitating than I actually realise.

  11. I have always thought of unconditional love being something that we give/are with another but I can see so clearly now that unconditional love has to start with ourselves. I can self-love, but only to a point so for me the learning is to now love myself unconditionally no matter what.

  12. Thank you Joel for another great blog; “All of this is essentially saying I have a need to ‘be loved’ before I am willing to ‘be love’.” This is the way we have looked at love, expecting others to love us first before we can love, in other words we are only loveable if someone else loves us first. When in fact we are innately love with or without another loving us, and when we connect to this love within we can love others regardless of love coming back to us.

  13. Why wait for something we already are? Unless of course we are enjoying the game of delay we as spirits play in order to obstruct our path back to Soul/true love.

  14. I love how we keep uncovering more and more about ourselves as we allow more love in. The learning is constantly changing and uncovering things that I may not have seen or felt before. The beauty and power of love for self is monumental and oh so worth it. Thank you Joel for another cracker blog.

  15. It is an absolute game changer when we make the choice to embrace the love we naturally are and to feel the beautiful flow-on effect this has on all relationships in our lives.

  16. This is a very beautiful posed question, Joel

    “So the question this week is; can I be love without being loved? Am I willing to love myself, even though others may not respond the way I think they should? Am I willing to accept myself and in turn others for wherever they are at? Am I willing to see the love that is present in everyone and connect to that regardless of how they behave (lovingly or otherwise)?”

    How willing are we to push the boundaries to what we feel and is correct and true. How far do we push to say all that we are and hold steady for all to see?

    This is true strength and way that many are yet to develop.

  17. I feel the pattern you have shared here Joel is one that is deeply ingrained in all of us especially men. Men can feel the lack of love from another as a rejection whether it be received in the form of abuse, reaction, criticism or judgement. It is all the same and does not confirm or hold the man in the love he is. Once men feel rejected, it is almost like inbuilt behaviour to automatically shut down as the hurt can be felt to the core. This reaction is of course not from us at all but nevertheless it is how we tend to behave.

  18. It is amazing how many conditions we can put on other people and situations in life before we are willing to be the love we innately are! And to let those conditions go is truly freeing – I’m by no means perfect in this respect but am developing being love unconditionally by seeing more the ways in which I have held back and letting those kinds of behaviours or choices go.

  19. Someone else’s choices should never affect our capacity to love, be loved, feel love and express love. Every moment we have choice to express, live and know the love that we innately feel, someone else’s choice does not change the fact that we have a choice every moment of the day too.

  20. This is a huge question, and I suspect it’s one of those things that many of us will say doesn’t apply to us…..when it actually does, because it’s so subtle and our behaviours and protections are so ingrained it can take some time before we are willing to see them at play. I know I often withold my love and affection until the other person goes first for fear of leaving myself too open, too vulnerable.

  21. As I was reading this, I was considering how I would feel if I didn’t feel the love from the practitioners I saw, or my friends and family and immediately I realised how dependent on their love I was for me to offer anything back. It’s quite exposing really. I suspect many would feel the same, so is it possible that that’s a rather large contributing factor to the lack of love being expressed in the world? No doubt it’s all there, but we’re just keeping a lid on it.

  22. I can relate Joel, to putting conditions on self-love, making everything more complicated for myself too, in needing to be accepted by others and wanting them to be love first before I would allow myself to become more loving. Conditions only set ourselves up to always being guarded and closed off from truly connecting with others.

  23. For so many lifetimes I have been moving away from being love and believing the ‘loving’ I was participating in was it. Serge Benhayon has simply lived in a way that others can observe and feel for themselves the truth of what he offers. This living example has helped me to re-connect to who I am and what to ‘be love first’ really means. This has meant unraveling so much that I have got myself bound up in and everyday I appreciate the truth I am returning to.

  24. ‘Am I willing to see the love that is present in everyone and connect to that regardless of how they behave (lovingly or otherwise)?’ I still react sometimes, with my biological family especially. To remember that we are all channels of energy and this amazing body is purely a vehicle of expression supports me to stay centred in myself, that is connected to the love that I am so that I allow my expression to come from that place of love whatever I see as manipulative and abusive behaviour.

  25. This is a trap many of us fall into – that someone must love us before we can love them back. This gives us a clue as to how we as a society have plummeted into so much distrust, insecurity and hurt and thus allowed so much lovelessness to govern over us when in truth we are made of the very stuff that saves us, for it is our love that is our saviour light from which to arise out of the shadows we have sought shelter in for so long. If we truly want to see change in the world then we each need to give ourselves permission to ‘go first’.

  26. “Can I be love without being loved?” What a great question to ponder on Joel, and as I do I am aware that there are times when I look for love and acceptance. Gratefully the layers keep unfolding with valuable lessons on the way.

  27. It is ironic if but deeply indicative of the craziness of humanity when we have it such that today the most unaccepted action is to be loving to oneself yet the most craved thing in this world is love! We cannot expect it from another if we are not being love ourselves first.

  28. Joel I always love reading your blogs, your sharing is something I think we can all relate too. I remember when I would ask Serge what I need to do, and he would always answer with just be love.

  29. Ah Joel another corker from you, absolutely can relate with what you are sharing; I play this dance with everyone all the time. It is a pernicious pattern that needs to be exposed in full. How it plays out in everything we do and don’t do, I realise that I really am having to relearn how to care deeply for myself and to live with a preciousness towards myself that is buried under mountains, it feels like sometimes, of hardness and dismissiveness. But having seen so many live life in a way that is not like this, that is in the being love first BEFORE anything else, having seen that with my own eyes repeatedly for 15 years I am inspired and I know there is so much love in me to be lived. How awesome is that?

  30. My heart skipped a beat when I read this question – “can I be love without being loved?” What a great question and one that does need to be pondered on. The truth for me is that we can be love without being loved because we come from love and are naturally love therefore if we just let ourselves be true to ourselves we are in that very movement loving ourselves back. There is no way we cannot actually not be loved if we surrender to the love that we innately are.

  31. If we all hold back waiting for another to love us first before we love them no one is ever going to make the first move.

    1. Great point Suse, we would need to just get on with it and make the first move, not wait for others to love us first. Put ourself first and love ourselves.

  32. Important point Joel. My feeling is we experience the love we choose to be just as much – if not more than we do the love we receive from others. But if no-one is willing to ‘go first’ then we will wait a very long time.

  33. It is the ultimate question really Joel, as it is ‘love that makes the world go round’ is it not? If this is so, then understanding what love truly is would be a very good start. l’m not sure we have done this as individuals, let alone as a world-population. Thank God for Universal Medicine who is the first organisation I have ever come across who does exactly that… as a starting point for everything.

  34. Oh how I know this one well, and oh how many layers I have found within it. The more I live truth the more the layers fall away, as truth is all the love I need, for they are one and the same.

  35. Would love the update on this Joel…
    Are we prepared to back ourselves all the way even when we are the only ones doing this?
    That in itself is a fallacy too I just realised because when we do totally love ourselves we are never on our own.

  36. Sometimes we may fear expressing how we truly feel because of becoming vulnerable however if we hold back we are suppressing that feeling and complications are almost bound to ensue. It’s as if we left something hanging. By expressing the truth from our body we complete our part and keep it simple.

  37. This is the first thing that I really got to understand with the Universal Medicine teachings is that it starts with me first, loving myself, caring for myself, allowing the Love in and through me and then from here all other relationships are filled with Love. Even if the other is not presenting Love, if I stand solid in my connection and hold this they then have a reflection that shows Love is it. That they too have this within them. Love is everything.

  38. It is all in the acceptance of ourselves; we are so easily distracted from this in the way of searching for recognition and support for our choices. It is this that needs cracking to be in full acceptance of ourselves without any needs from another.

  39. The world is made up of many who are hiding behind walls of their own protection not wanting to open up and let everyone else in in full unconditionally. We then create a situation where we feel we cannot trust others but this is all never going to change if we are constantly reflecting back to each other that same walls of protection. Hence it is up to us all to make the change, every single one in the world can initiate a new way by opening up their hearts and letting others in.

  40. What a different focus on love Joel. Now I have a deeper awareness of love from hearing the presentations of Universal Medicine, I can clearly see the amount of wasted energy that has gone into holding back love from myself, caught up in the awful and untrue game that I could only give permission to bring even a glimmer of love to myself, when approved by others first. Discovery: I am love, equally-and innately so by the commonality of the Divine Essence held within us all. Only when I be love with myself, can I truly have love for others.

  41. I’d love to hear how you are getting on with this Joel. You ask some awesome questions. It’s got me pondering on the level of protection I walk around with, which I know actually depletes my energy levels, because of this internal ‘holding on’, that allows me to be on constant alert. I agree, it’s not actually necessary, and also, what if I loved and didn’t receive it back…should that even happen? Nothing I suppose, other than I would have let go of the tension I walk around with everyday…it feels like a win win situation.

  42. Wow… the conditions we cast before being love! And I have been noticing how there is an element of trying from my part when I am not loving and nurturing myself. Being love is not something I can tell myself to do or be. It is a choice, yes – but the thing is I am so used not making that choice for so long, and what I have found is that the consistency in movement is definitely needed and I cannot leave my body out of the equation.

  43. The timing of reading this blog could not be more fitting. I am pondering on the questions you ask in the last paragraph and in this moment of consideration I feel strangely free, I feel like I am not worried, that I will keep choosing truth over recognition, love, over need and back myself not matter what the outcome, after all, it’s not about getting it right but it is about making it all about love.

  44. There is a hidden illusion in the idea of waiting for another to be Love first before you are Love. If another is truly Love and being truly loving with you it may not as comfortable or “lovely” as we might imagine it to be. Love can also be very confronting at times and if we have been living in the comfort of being less than who we truly are then true love would never let you get away with it if you were asking for the reflection. So waiting for another to be Love is a complete illusion and in truth excuse to live our responsibility.

  45. Great questions to ask Joel, it is so empowering to be love first and offer this reflection to others regardless of what they do or how they behave, otherwise what we are in effect saying to the world is that I need you to love me because I don’t love myself.

  46. It is when we are love first we are then a reflection to others and inspire them to be the same. We cannot expect others to be love to us first, it just not work.

  47. It is fascinating to see the ways in which we hold the world/humanity to ransom – “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours’ is a classic. I will only show you my love, if you show me yours – the whole world is doing this to varying degrees which means we are living in such a contracted and protected way. Thank God for Serge Benhayon who is slowly and surely inspiring people to drop down their guards, and be the love they naturally are, and bring that to a loveless world.

  48. The grandest love of all rest within us, seeking outside ourselves for love is the equivalent of looking high and low for something we think we have lost only to discover that it was in our pocket all along. To be loved all that is necessary is for us to express our innate love openly then this is what will be reflected back to us from the world.

  49. I like this question, “can I be love without being loved?” Do we allow ourselves to be the love we are.” We can place so many conditions on what we think love is and yet love is our very nature.

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