In the summer of 2012 I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression after more than a month of not being able to fall asleep. This was a huge wake-up call for me to be more honest about what my choices have been and to start taking responsibility and making a re-commitment to life.
A long held pattern of mine had been to have no regard for my body and prior to the insomnia this became particularly intense. That summer I had flown to the other side of the world, lived in harsh conditions in the desert, trekked mountains in the scorching sun and camped for days in the freezing wilderness without food.
Not only did I allow myself to go through such physical harshness, which clearly cannot be comfortable or supportive for anyone’s body, I had to numb the pain I felt of actually allowing such a level of disregard towards myself throughout the years. I did this through hardening my body and hiding within a self-constructed bubble away from people as a means of protecting myself and to not feel what I was really doing to my body.
What I felt in my body then was a deep level of conflict waiting to erupt. The disharmony was from disregarding what I knew to be true but had consistently refused to heed and live. Even when I eventually made the choice to not further perpetuate the choices I had been making, it seemed that life still made sure I did not have it easy. The resolve to start being nakedly honest with myself, taking responsibility and making a re-commitment to life was actually, in hindsight, the simple part.
The insomnia set in after I chose to commit back to life, as the tension in my body could now be clearly felt, and the reaction I had towards the insomnia made everything much more difficult. There was a lot of self-judgment and non-acceptance of how this could have happened to me, as I arrogantly thought I had life worked out. I didn’t drink alcohol, coffee or smoke anymore, was careful of what I ate, exercised daily, did not pull late nights and I lived in natural surroundings. I thought I was better off than anyone else and felt ashamed when my body alarmed me with illness. Being stuck within the emotions that arose made the insomnia worse, and my anxiety escalated.
While experiencing anxiety and panic attacks, I became someone who was not me – I felt small and helpless, desperately clingy and lost. With depression and anxiety, it felt like every bit of vital energy had been taken from me, and in return I was filled with a constant terror. Simple everyday tasks such as walking down a street that I am familiar with, or even turning on the stove to cook, became like a mountainous challenge, and I lost interest in everything that I had enjoyed.
As a consequence, I wanted to hide. Facing everything that came up and all the responsibilities that I had ignored in the past was daunting. The day I sat in a psychiatrist’s office and opened myself up in honesty and fragility was the beginning of a choice to truly return to myself. But it was impossible to face everything all at once; my body was telling me so and I could not keep lying to myself anymore. To make the changes I needed I took everything ever so slowly and tenderly, I became super gentle with myself, something that I have never done in the past. Instead of shying away from my work duties, I brought presence to my daily life – every word that was typed in a weekly magazine column as part of my job required a level of presence and commitment which felt alien to me… I allowed people to see the real me which left me feeling a vulnerability which I had previously avoided.
If I had ever thought I was different from others because of the choices of bettering myself, this woke me up to the fact that we are all equal, I am no different from anyone else. I was completely humbled.
There was a lot of self-acceptance to learn during this time. To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson. I had also lost a lot of weight during this time and if I ever allowed myself to look in the mirror, I received my reflection with deep self-judgment, but now I began to appreciate myself in a way I had never done before. When I looked into my own eyes, beyond everything, what I saw was a resolve and strength to return to truth. With the growing acceptance of myself, my acceptance towards the world also grew. Nothing can be truly blamed on anyone, everything that did not feel true ultimately reflected a responsibility that I can go deeper with myself.
There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself. The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true. With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world. Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer. It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported. As with taking back responsibility for my choices, each choice lived continued to confirm the next moment as it unfolded.
The Livingness through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has constantly supported me in coming back to the awareness of whether or not I am taking responsibility and making a re-commitment to life.
By Adele Leung, Image director, Hong Kong
Further Reading:
The Importance of Self-Responsibility
Taking Responsibility and Speaking my Truth
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
We can be very hard and critical of ourselves, yet when we start to be honest with ourselves, and unravel the hurts, the unloving choices we have made, we are able to see that we do have another choice in the way that we choose to live, and as we take responsibility for those new more loving choices our lives begin to change.
I like this part about hiding not making you feel any safer.
“There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself. The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true. With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world” – this is very powerful. We like the security of having THE formula, but what I feel we are having to learn is responsivity, to consistently say yes to what is and move along with its wave. This feels unfamiliar and even a bit precarious, but comes with a guarantee that far surpasses our wildest imagination.
I found your honesty in this blog very inspiring indeed especially as in the last few years I too have been committed to taking full responsibility for my past choices. These words in particular resonated with me deeply.” To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson”. I too experienced the damage harbouring guilt can inflict on the body, with the continual beating myself up so debilitating. How liberating it is to be able to start to finally remove all those unneccessary feelings of guilt from my life.
Turning towards ourself and learning to care for and love ourselves is the best medicine we can give ourselves.
The body is the marker of truth and as Have experienced life there comes a time where we can no longer ignore it. It is a our greatest teacher and it will shows us the way back to truth if we are willing to listen to what it asks of us.
“There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” This in itself is a beautiful formula. The moment to moment choice to honour and cherish ourselves.
I agree. Being present moment to moment also helps us to become more aware of the quality of our thoughts, and what we’re allowing in and taking on, which then affects how we feel, and interact with others. Everything affects everything else, nothing is isolated.
Yes, there is much to be gained simply by being present in every moment.
There is no such a thing as going into protection. What happens under such umbrella is that we confer ourselves exclusive rights to attack ourselves constantly.
I like what you are saying here Eduardo. We think we have the right to protect ourselves to not get hurt, but what we forget to see is, that with protection already as our go to or maybe even constant armour we never allow ourselves to stand freely and show ourselves in full, thus, as you say, are actually in constant self-denial.
I understand this feeling of being so anxious that life itself seemed an unbearable task. And the support given to me by Universal Medicine has been phenomenal. Not because it took my anxiety away, but simply because this organisation has offered to me the possibility that I am worth loving.
What a powerful story of rediscovering yourself Adele. I can see how having insomnia must be like living in a vicious loop where worrying if you are going to be able to sleep causes an anxiety that stops you from surrendering to the sleep and then when you can’t sleep, it effects every bit of your waking consciousness in that your body can never recover and recuperate. Only through doing what you have done by going to deep honesty about your choices and allowing people into your life by breaking apart that protective bubble, can one break this cycle of insomnia and anxiety. I can see how writing for a publication allowed a level of openness and intimacy with others which helped in that process, too.
Being present in life put us on the front foot, ready to deal with and handle things that come our way. Hiding and wanting to run away from it all, while feeling seemingly ‘safe’ doesn’t protect us at all – in fact it just increases the anxiety, as we’re just putting off what we know we have to deal with sooner or later.
The reasons why I don´t really want to be in life need to be faced and healed, that´s the process of re-committing, that sooner or later can no longer be avoided, as life reminds us to be the fullness of who we are and so does the deep unsettlement within.
I like the term ‘re-commitment’ to life – I can make the choice to re-commit in every moment, every time I find myself lacking commitment, it is never too late or anything lost or regretted forever.
Yes, true, we won’t get it ‘right’ from the start, but we can keep making the choice to commit time and again, until such time that it becomes our natural way of being once again.
Love your blog Adele. What I find interesting is how there is such a seemingly significant difference between those that live in comfort and those that live in physical discomfort such as you described here. The truth of comfort is that it is no less uncomfortable than the other way of living just more numbed to the fact.
“There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” This is beautiful and very honouring and so very simple, just step by step, without agenda, just the choice to be present moment to moment.
Coming back to our fragility does indeed allow for a humbleness to emerge, that indeed our bodies are the receivers of all our choices, gentle and not so gentle.
“If I had ever thought I was different from others because of the choices of bettering myself, this woke me up to the fact that we are all equal, I am no different from anyone else. I was completely humbled.” That humbling moment can be such a wobble because the separation from everyone else is fostered by our society as a whole. When you peel back that layer and see us all as equal it really offers us a moment of honesty and an opportunity to take responsibility for the decisions we have made that lead us to where we are, without judgement, simply taking responsibility and knowing we then have the potential to make different decisions for different outcomes.
The power of honesty transforms our lives. When we decide to get real which is usually when life feels like its dragging us down, we take the rose tainted shades off, and we get to see how we have been living and from there we know what we need to change.
Acceptance is a big part of how we evolve. At this moment I am accepting that I am love, I have always been love, we come from love, and all we have to do is let it out and the more we share our love the more is given to us to release.
I loved reading this blog and in some respect it reminded me of my life, although I didn’t go trekking in desserts or mountains but I might as well been there. Its the hardness and dis-regard to my body that played out throughout my my life too left me in disarray.
This comment stood out for me “With the growing acceptance of myself, my acceptance towards the world also grew”. Its the finale, its when I accept who I truly am wth myself in the world, with no perfection or judgment, then the world is accepted by me too because they are not perfect too – wow.
I love what you write Adele that there is no magic wand to wave to return to commit to life, because I have heard lots of people wanting a single thing to sort them out. The answer is a moment by moment choice, and to stick with it without allowing the negative thoughts nudging us to give up.
That ‘giving up’ energy I know so well, it is like a dark sticky treacle that runs through society and is anti-evolving. What I have come to understand is that when we are aligned to spirit, we go into this giving up on life energy but when we are aligned or when we reconnect with our Soul, we commit to life in full and we can do so much more with the quality of love rippling through all we do without any push or drive or any investment for people to change. Love is all encompassing.
We can get lost in the desert of our own emotions or we can choose to commit with loving tenderness to be all that we truly are.
We waste so much of life not truly giving it everything – what could actually be possible if we give life one billion percent?
” Nothing can be truly blamed on anyone, ” Thank you Adele, this is such a healing understanding , no matter what hole we get into , we have dug it ourselves and of course the opposite is true , if we dug the hole then we know how to get out of it.
Blame is such a convenient excuse for us to get away with a whole plethora of unnecessary and harmful behaviours. what if we just admitted we contributed, we played our part and decide what our next step will be.
I was interested to read your blog again Adele because there are a few people I know suffering from insomnia. Your awesome blog gave me a deeper understanding about insomnia and how that affects our body. I realise there is no one answer/solution to this condition but it is up to each person to take responsibility for what they are going through and be willing to heal the root cause of the insomnia.
Thank you Adele for your powerful article on insomnia and making your way back to being committed to life and committed to letting people in. There are many powerful ones of what you have discovered including “The disharmony was from disregarding what I knew to be true but had consistently refused to heed and live.” We do know, we have such strong signals from both our body and being, and not heeding these is a sure way to begin living in disharmony.
In the arrogance of the spirit, we think we are superior to another and have the right to withdraw from the world. This is far from the truth as it is through our connection to self and our transparency that we access the volume of the universe for the benefit of the all.
“Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer. It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported.” Hiding is an insidious form of self-sabotage. We withdraw from life and others when we hide and we deny others our loving light.
Yes Irena it’s true, and we also deny ourselves our own light, the very thing we truly want to be in connection with and be nurtured by.
“Nothing can be truly blamed on anyone, everything that did not feel true ultimately reflected a responsibility that I can go deeper with myself.” These are golden words of absolute wisdom.
‘There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.’ It is in the detail we find God and an appreciation of all that is on offer.
I can so relate to what you have shared Adele, I’m still in the process of feeling all I have lived and re imprinting my way forward. I often have described my days as feeling like I am slogging through the mud of my past choices. Consistently brining my new commitment to life to ever step. Learning to bring understanding and appreciation to myself for making the choice to come back to a truer way of living.
Ever so gently.
Wow Adele – knowing you now, and feeling the tenderness and grace you have fully claimed in your life, it is fascinating to consider the steps you’ve taken. It just goes to show that we can turn our lives around at any times, regardless of the intensity or extremity of the situation. All it requires is our willingness to be honest and humble and then our soul will give us everything we need to make those steady, incremental changes to begin the journey back – to our soul.
Yes Katerina, one step at a time, one loving moment after another. The tenderness we can hold ourselves in can feel unusual till we commit to hold ourselves in that tenderness enough times that it becomes our normal.
There is a lot to appreciate and respect about the true support that Universal Medicine offers its students. To read of your journey Adele of becoming more responsible and committing to life shows us what’s possible when we are open to living and expressing more love and truth and how this is key to understanding life and ourselves more deeply.
This is inspiring to read I can feel both your vulnerability and resolve in what you share and in … you. We (humanity) seem to be scared of letting people in and letting our love out, or being vulnerable and humble but instead, currently, tend to go into fight or fly mode more or push through and strive to get things done. Of course. It is empowering to be honest, to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and feel where are we truly at in life, what needs to be changed. The most inspiring thing in what I feel with what you have shared is your relationship with you, that you turned inwards instead of looking outwards for answers. As all the answers we need are within all we have to do is connect and if we are not sure or do not know how to truly do this .. Universal Medicine support here and provide many tools with this including the Gentle Breath Meditation.
“Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer. It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported.” I have experienced this too Adele. It has only been since I have committed to life and stepped into the world that I no longer feel the need to hide myself away. The support I feel from opening up to others is immense.
Naked honesty is always a great way to break out of cycles of behaviour that do not support. Naked honesty is the bringer of truth, without it we can be merely going around in circles.
Insomnia is literally a nightmare. You go to sleep every night with the question in your mind. Will I be able to fall asleep? The answer is generally, no. The mind is totally active. The body even more so. The feeling is just misery. Yet, what is even more interesting is that we tend to carry life in no different way because we cannot sleep and hence, we pay at night; every night. Insomnia is part of a way of moving in life. It is not something that just happens to us. Hard as it is to admit, it is the result of our own choices. Yet, for that very same reason, it is far from unavoidable.
An inspiring and powerful story of change – from self judgment and critique, living in a hard and protected way to re-committing to life and being in conscious presence with the body one small step at a time. Thank you Adele for the deep honesty you share here.
Yes, there’s an undeniable strength in the connection we have with the universe. It’s so easy to feel by us and all around us.
Thank you Adele for a powerful article of reclaiming yourself, I have hidden from the world also but in a different way, and i am in the process of claiming back my life, these words are so simple and yet so powerful . “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself. The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true. With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world.”
It’s such a significant point that by being present with life we can find we have more than enough inside of ourselves to handle what’s in front of us. We can build a true sense confidence as we engage and be our full selves with all that is before us.
Yes.. it’s when I’m not connected to my body that I feel most wobbly, most vulnerable, most wanting to retreat and to withdraw. Choosing to be consciously present is what keeps us connected to and aware of what we can feel, and with that, a true inner confidence that starts to radiate out.
We are sold this idea that when we recommit or get healthy, then everything will get better? That was not the case when I straightened out my life some 12 years ago. When I stopped my ‘party gal’ lifestyle I had a headache that lasted a couple of years, it was like a hangover that had no end. Now I rarely get headaches and I appreciate the message that they were communicating to me. Its not about better but about releasing.
With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me’. Profound and wise and I find this too.
what an amazing turnaround – thank you for sharing Adele.
Reflecting on this blog it feels like if there is an area of my life that lacks commitment, then there is more within me to commit to.
When we are hurt there is the want to pull away from life but it is the recommitting to life that helps us to move through and let go of these patterns.
Committing to life is such a key element. What I have found in my life is that I thought I was committed, but I had no purpose, so my commitment could wain. Feeling the purpose, to be myself, in life has made all the difference and my commitment is constantly deepening to support this.
Thank you Adele for sharing this, I can see there are so many faces to anxiety and depression. Re-committing to life sounds ike such a simple step but it takes dedication, love, tenderness, fragility and support from those who are also choosing to walk that way. We walk together, and support each other through the stumbles, bumps, falls and just as equally through the celebrations.
Every choice we disregard ourselves there is a consequence and to think I can get away with it and sometimes I think I can is living in sheer ignorance of the body let alone the arrogance that follows. The more I am willing to see that there are always consequences the more I am willing to make loving choices.
Thank you Adele for another great blog. Once again we come back to the need for us to take responsibility for the choices we make.
I love this sharing Adele – you illustrate so beautifully how often times, returning to the truth is not easy, fun or effortless but just means there is plenty for you to face. It’s like we as a human race are stuck in a position where we just want an ‘easy life’ but the thing is, it’s just a matter of time before we understand there is no true way forward without facing up to the consequences of what we have allowed.
‘It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported’. This I can relate too also. My love for people has increased dramatically since I’ve started to drop my guard and let people in, as I realise I don’t have to prove myself or be something I’m not, and therefore feel less like I need to protect myself from people which is an enormous weight lifted.
We are presented with choices in every moment, and there is no pause button, but each loving choice is setting a foundation for the next one.
I can’t imagine not being able to fall asleep for a month. This must have been a very difficult period for you. I like how you were very gentle with yourself when you decided to re-commit to life and took things slowly, one step at a time.
“It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported.” It’s one of the grand illusions of the life we have created for ourselves, that we need to ‘do it alone’. It’s become so much a part of life that we do not really question it. We struggle along in our isolated, self-created prisons, and even if we are surrounded by people we love, if we don’t love ourselves and let their love in, we will forever feel alone. However, we are never alone for in truth we are all One and the same, hence why aloneness is such a falsity.
A lack of quality sleep just intensifies and aggravates anxiety and depression all the more – no wonder you were struggling Adele.
Self judgement is a trap- it does not allow you to move on from and evolve out of the patterns and configurations that have held you and so you keep recreating the same problems.
It is so simple to be reconnected back to oneself – no magic formula as you say, just a commitment to be with ourselves. This is available in every moment. And it’s the moments that make life incredible.
“I did this through hardening my body and hiding within a self-constructed bubble away from people as a means of protecting myself and to not feel what I was really doing to my body.” This feels like me however, I didn’t need to do the trekking to remote places or fly to the other side of the world to find harsh conditions. I just needed to be at home, at work, at the supermarket, visiting family etc. The hardening and the self-constructed bubble was a way to escape from my own hurts and not have to deal with them. However, this took me further away from myself and my life.
It is through The Livingness that we can once again reconnect to the true joy and vitality that is natural for our being, leaving behind the falseness that we have fallen for in search to be individuals.
I can feel in this blog how vulnerability is not something to shy away from but something to embrace. Being completely humbled does not always feel good but it is an opening to a new way – and it seems we all need to be humbled and to feel vulnerable sometimes. Perhaps every moment is a new beginning – or an opportunity for one.
Insomnia is the result of choices that guarantee we are so clouded in our way of looking at us and the world that there is no way we could have clarity about anything.
“With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world. Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer. It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported.” It is so ironic that we build behaviours believing we are protecting ourselves from the perceived threats of life in order to engage in life yet those same behaviours in truth hold us back from truly engaging in life. It is only when we are truly open, letting people in, are we truly in the world.
The moment we feel we have it all sorted and everyone else does not, we are usually given an experience that bring us back to earth. Humility brings us back to truth and tenderness.
It’s incredible that we can be so alluded to think we are living a successful healthy life and be so far from the truth. Our bodies are so incredible at bringing the truth to light.
We are all equal. There is no one better or worse than you or me. We may make diffferent choices but inside we are all the same and equal. What reflection can we offer the world so everyone can feel this?
‘To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson.’ This is the bit I can get stuck in. The realization of my ill choices can halt me in my tracks where I feel bad and then go into a negative spiral.
I have noticed my need to get instant results. When I make a change I want everything to be different straight away, but as you say Adele, change is about being consistent, and even though a decision can be made in a moment, the change happens one step at a time.
It’s amazing, although it may not feel it at the time, how our bodies never forget any unloving choice we’ve made. As often one leads to another our bodies tell us something isn’t right, giving us a chance to heal and not carry on escalating our unloving ways.
‘There was a lot of self-acceptance to learn during this time. To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson.’ And from there we can take it deeper and truly appreciate the choices we start to make by being present in our body and choose to be gentle and more self loving with ourselves.
“To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson.” – Such a great point and wise approach to take.
When we have said yes to a recommitment to life, there will be a period of turbulence of re-correction. Never indulge in this period of reaction from within as well as from the external, but observe in as much stillness, gentleness and understanding for everyone involved as possible.
Thank you for this Adele.
Re-committing to ourselves and life is a constant unfolding and every time we choose to deepen our relationship to ourselves and say ‘Yes’ to it, it is naturally going to have an impact on those around us yet recently I can now see that I had not been willing to accept the changes in myself in full and observe others but indulged in their reaction by reacting. Every change no matter how small we may think it may be we make towards a re-commitment to life is far, far greater than what I first realised.
‘With the growing acceptance of myself, my acceptance towards the world also grew. Nothing can be truly blamed on anyone, everything that did not feel true ultimately reflected a responsibility that I can go deeper with myself.’ To take this step from blaming others to going deeper into ourselves makes us aware there is always a hurt or pain in ourselves we don’t want to feel at first and yet feeling it, nominating what has been and letting it go is very liberating and makes us feel lighter and more able to express ourselves, at least that is my experience of late.
Your words ‘There was a lot of self-acceptance to learn during this time. To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson.’ It is very healing to accept our ill choices without blame or self-criticism, and to then make more loving choices from our own experiences.
It is astounding the type and level of abuse we inflict onto our bodies in the belief that we are being healthy and living a true life, and yet this article is a great example that without true commitment and being truly gentle with ourselves we are only brewing a recipe of physical/mental ill health.
Thank you for sharing so beautifully the power of presence Adele.
Thank you Adele what you have shared here would be very supportive and inspiring for anyone else facing similar challenges in their life. The steps you took such as being present and being accepting of all your past choices and re-commiting to life were all powerful ways that supported you to move forward and truly heal.
“There was a lot of self-judgment and non-acceptance of how this could have happened to me, as I arrogantly thought I had life worked out.” This is such a classic human response – we go straight into self-bashing instead of tapping into the love that resides within us all. There is much truth in the saying that at times ‘we can be our own worst enemy’.
Thank you Adele for a beautifully honest sharing, I can relate to panic attacks and the terror that is a part of them. I had shut the real and true me away with the ideals of good and right until I experienced a period in my life where it felt like I was falling apart, I then realised something needed to change and it was me. It has been a slow process but I am gradually re- committing back to life, taking responsibility for my choices and living and loving more of the true me every day.
“There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” It’s the simplicity of choice in every moment that we can bring quality and care to ourselves that makes life so much fun to commit too. Because there is no perfection, we can simply make another choice in our next moment and build consistency from there. Thank you Adele.
“There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” Beautifully said Adele. This is the only way to come back . . . to be fully present and accountable in our moment to moment movements.
Asking for support can feel like a hurdle in itself, being willing to work with the answer when it presents is another, I can really relate to what you’ve shared here Adele as when I moved to London all my behaviours and patterns of hiding away from the world have come up to the surface. Everything that I have chosen in life in regards to hiding and withdrawing that I avoid feeling comes back around at some point and those I have faced, inched closer to, been curious about understanding and felt into have left me feeling greater about myself and life now that I no longer have to skim around the edges avoiding my past choices.
Hello Adele and not meaning to be disrespectful or anything but do you realise you talk about having more than a month of not sleeping and then call it a ‘wake up’ call? Maybe the pun wasn’t intended but I found it funny regardless. I love what you are speaking of “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself” and to see this as an every moment choice, a lifestyle almost. We think life is about Friday’s, holidays or doing something different when in fact it’s just the consistent choice over and over to be present in life no matter the day of the week or what is in front of you. There is no such thing as being too present.
I also saw that irony in the wake up call line, it cracked me up. I wasn’t sure how to comment on it without appearing offensive but you just went for it Ray and you totally pulled it off!
I was considering your last line too, there is no such thing as being too present, what a cool observation that is. It almost invites me to push the boundary and see if I can out present myself,haha, I always was a rebel at heart, challenge is on?
Haha Sarah – that’s amazing, keep out present-ing yourself we all would love to have that around us!
I did not notice the pun – a great reflection that when not being fully present one misses out on much of life. Hence; “There is no such thing as being too present.”
A powerful reminder here Ray – simply a consistent choice to be present. over and over – no time out required.
“We think life is about Friday’s, holidays or doing something different when in fact it’s just the consistent choice over and over to be present in life no matter the day of the week or what is in front of you. There is no such thing as being too present”.
I ask myself the question a lot, what do you want time out of? What do you want a holiday from? There is nothing wrong with a having an actual day off but time out is only time for something else to be in. If you have time out of life then for me this is time wasted. If there is a choice to just simply dedicate yourself to a true connection over and over then time out is time away from this connection and from what I have seen why would you choose to be out of yourself.
That is an intense journey back to yourself, I was not aware that you had gone through all that time without being able to sleep, that is my idea of a living nightmare! It is beautiful though that your body was able to give you such a wake up call that you actually realised that it was not true to push your body the way that you did. It’s a pretty amazing story, thank you!
It is so powerful to choose to take responsibility for our lives without indulging in guilt about past choices which only distracts from the commitment needed to support us in our re-connection to what is true for us without the myriad of pictures of how we ‘should’ be in society. I too was arrogant about the seemingly ‘healthy’ choices I was making until my body showed me otherwise and this ongoing communication is something that I can still choose to ignore but much less often nowadays.
This is a very powerful blog Adele. I love this line . . . ““With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me”. . . . Beautiful! I can recall a time when I was living in such anxiety that I found it hard to leave the house and when I did it was a nightmare of my own making as I thought everyone was looking at me as if I were an alien. Now thanks to the choices I have made to commit to life and the teachings of Universal Medicine that this is but a vague memory.
This is very supportive to read, we can just make the choice, to be present and have our awareness of every detail in life. We can change our ways, in every moment of the day.
“Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that present itself”
Conscious Presence is an ongoing process for me. On a daily basis there is a deepening and understanding of life on another level. It is fun as my body is showing me different angles to see life and to observe what is truly going on.
“Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presents itself.”
Presence is a process for me which I look at every day. It is more and more fun as my body offers me to observe life differently as I am used to and from there things are changing.
‘It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported’. This is gold Adele, so much has changed for me now that I can stay with myself, trust myself, love myself, and it feels very supportive now that I can share myself and connect to people, whereas my old pattern was to keep people at a safe distance which only harmed me and kept me in the belief that I was all alone!
Its incredible how far off the mark we can be with our choices and yet think we are doing something ‘good’. I am amazed how much I would have once gone to extreme lengths to ‘find myself’ and now I know I need to look no further than deep within.
“Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” sounds like the magic formula, spiced up with a dash of love!
“There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself. The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true. With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, ” Beautiful, thank you Adele.
Instead of shying away from my work duties, I brought presence to my daily life….this is an old habit of mine to shy away from work and committing to work, and is a work in process to be present in all my movements.
Adele, I also thought I was better than anyone else because I did not smoke or drink or do drugs, so when I also became ill several years ago I became very angry at first in that how could this happen to me who was Mrs healthy conscious! With a lot of support from an Esoteric Practitioner and from Serge Benhayon, I became aware of how all my past choices had led to his moment (of illness), and in that space I could be really honest with myself and take responsibility for my life, which was the beginning of a truly healing journey for me, where I changed much in my life, and now enjoy good health.
” Nothing can be truly blamed on anyone, everything that did not feel true ultimately reflected a responsibility that I can go deeper with myself.” This is great wisdom for when we feel like pointing the finger at another. Stop and affirm that ‘this is urging me to go deeper with myself’.
“What I felt in my body then was a deep level of conflict waiting to erupt. The disharmony was from disregarding what I knew to be true but had consistently refused to heed and live.” There are many of us feeling this and that is why we dull, numb and harden our bodies so as not to feel the misery of living in this empty way.
The beauty of illness and disease is that it gives us a wake up call and gives us an opportunity to correct behaviors that are not supportive for our body.
This is exactly what happened to me Joe. Several years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and my life turned up outside down…… Slowly but surely and with a lot of support which I allowed, I made many changes to how I was l living that still support me today. So yes, illness and disease gives us all an opportunity to stop, reflect, get honest, and correct all behaviours that are not supportive of our body.
“With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me”. This is gold, so simple.
This is the magical formula though Adele, “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” Being committed to something is simply this, very powerful but equally very simple. You can deny it or walk away from it but when it all comes back to it this is simply what everything is about. I love how direct it is and when I walk in another way I simply always return to this, commit in full to the next thing in front of me.
Your blog is timeless Adele as there is always a deeper level of presence to commit to with ourselves and to life. Thank you for sharing this with us all, I am inspired each time I read it, to be more present with myself and everything in front of me.
Whenever there has been anxiousness or a sadness running through my body it has been because of my lack of responsibility to choose me in my previous choices. I can choose to indulge in these emotions or I can make a choice to re-commit to me by taking myself for a gentle walk or doing some gentle exercises where I bring my attention to me and my body. I have found that depression is simply an unwillingness to commit to myself and life.
Depression demystified right there Caroline. Thank you for your comment.
Reading this blog I could feel the grandness in simplicity. The importance of self appreciation, and the gentleness to self that is required if we are to truly care and love ourselves.
When we feel out of sorts and life feels like one big mess or struggle, there is no magic formula. But what I discovered is, it does require you to stop, and take a good honest look at your life and how you are living. From the honesty, we then can make many life-style changes, with all the support that is needed, we just have to ask and receive it.
Being honest without the judgment is a truly supportive, loving, tender and incredibly wise gift to give ourselves. The more we choose to live with this understanding the more we appreciate ourselves and everyone equally. This changes how we feel about our lives and how life is reflected back.
i too can hear what Adele is sharing in her blog about re-commiting to life. It isn’t tricky to reapply, we do just have to actually do it though. The simplicity of just choosing to be present is everything, such a key concept.
“There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself” – I hear this very loud and clear now.
Wow! I find it hard to believe that the woman described at the beginning of this blog is the same Adele Leung that I know through her writings on this and other Universal Medicine blog sites! I continue to be deeply inspired by your commitment to life, and love and joy you emanate with every word. Heartfelt thanks Adele, for holding your torch high.
I have become aware recently of moments in my day where there are jobs to be done and I feel like shying away from them. I simply don’t want to do them. I question my movements leading to these moments and the quality of presence. What I get from this blog and find deeply inspiring is that it is always a choice, a choice to be present with myself or not in every moment no matter how mundane the task at hand may be; the choice to be with me.
“I began to appreciate myself in a way I had never done before. When I looked into my own eyes, beyond everything, what I saw was a resolve and strength to return to truth.” This resonates clearly with me of all that inspired and inspires me with the teachings of Universal Medicine.
Long held patterns can be so debilitating; what you have shared Adele is a great inspiration. Taking responsibility and re-committing to life in every moment is certainly a work in progress for me; but grateful to be the forever student learning lessons from reading blogs like this.
Also as we develop presence within our body we get to feel more confident in ourselves.
As I re-commit to all areas of my life I can feel extremely uncomfortable but I am beginning to acknowledge the appreciation towards myself in choosing to make such changes. The appreciation changes my whole outlook in the way I am with myself therefore I don’t get exhausted by worrying like I used to.
‘yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson.’ When we feel guilty it can trap us and inhibit us from movement. It puts a dampener on the way we feel about ourselves, and can hold us in the belief that we are wrong or bad, and wallowing in the self pity this can also bring up..How harmful is this energy and how disempowering?
This blog could be studied as a medical article as it gives pretty clear reasoning and understanding behind anxiety and panic attacks. Too often we are just prescribed medicine as an antidote – but there is so much more going on that needs to be spoken of and explored. Like how we have been living, holding back who we are, the tension of mental energy in our bodies and keeping people out.
A truly remarkable and inspiring life experience – After reading your later blogs Adele and getting a sense for who you are, it’s seems so opposite to have had a period shutting people out of your life and hiding. You feel like a very outward and connected person who would share their Joy with anyone and everyone – who ever is looking – with no segregation. An amazing turn around, the whole world is a more Joyful place now that you are living who you truly are.
‘With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me’ it’s as if we breathe life into ourselves by being present. We become more aware and life expands, we find ourselves making more responsible choices and enjoying ourselves in a new and vibrant way.
Your deeply honest sharing of your experiences has confirmed to me the undeniable power and beauty that can be found in both vulnerability and in the details, both clearly having supported you back to find the strength to embrace life in the way you have and in doing so inspire others with what is possible when you choose to imbue commitment with awareness.
It’s true, there is no magic formula for re-committing to life, it’s a choice that needs to be made every moment of everyday, and a knowing that there is something grander and more important out there that needs us to be who we are and to not hold anything back.
I agree Meg, commitment is a moment to moment choice. Any time we retreat or pull back we lessen our commitment and then it’s up to us to dive back in.
It is no wonder that there is very little sense of brotherhood in this world when most of humanity is existing in their own “self-constructed bubble”, living their own individual, self absorbed way with very little thought of anyone else. To trust enough to step out of this bubble and to join life, knowing that we are all the same, have the same fears, the same challenges, is one huge step to returning to living in brotherhood, something that the world desperately needs at this time.
I can relate to a lot of what you’ve shared Adele, especially in regards to how you have described panic attacks which I never really considered as being something that would affect me, the it happens ‘to others’ thinking. I too am learning that when I don’t label my reactions as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or that I know why they are there, it takes away the attachment of the experience and allows me to understand and be with what I am experiencing without tainting or assumption. It then feels like the situation overwhelms me less and less. It provides space to an otherwise restrictive experience.
Thank you Adele for reminding me that all we need to do to come back to ourselves is to gently be present in all that we do, no matter what the task. This is a super timely read for me as I catch myself in constant overwhelm with life and allow the anxiety to take over me. The anxiety is not who we are, it’s what we’ve allowed.
Committing to life has been one of the most incredible things that I have ever done. So many people are not committed to life, they just go from one thing to another and when they look back at their life it is as if their life has just happened to them. Drifting through life can lead you anywhere and often someplace where you do not want to be.
A great learning in this is to go from self judgement and hardness, to appreciating and being tender with myself, to really feel in my body how I appreciate who I am and the quality I bring to my workplace, my family in the supermarket etc. This is a work in progress, but a very joyful one.
‘There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life.’ This is what I experience as well, it is just a choice, a choice I can feel deep inside my body to commit to life, to be present and to not hide away as I have done lifetimes.
Why is it that we only question that things are so wrong when they get SO bad? Such is that we have come to accept a certain level of disfunction is okay, but will only seek to correct our ill ways when we are forced to.
Very true Harry. We too often wait for things to go bad or off before we recognise the need to change.
“It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported.” We are all part of humanity, all connected to each other and letting people in is the way back to unity.
“To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson.” Guilt and feeling ashamed are emotions that keep you prisoned and stop you from moving forward. They play a clever game that I fell for all too often. The new way is exposing in all honesty what my choices and it’s consequences are and make new choices after that.
Been there and experienced the same: “If I had ever thought I was different from others because of the choices of bettering myself, this woke me up to the fact that we are all equal, I am no different from anyone else. I was completely humbled.”
I can also relate to this Adele and Monika. Letting people in and living from the knowing that we are all the same is the only way.
“the reaction I had towards the insomnia made everything much more difficult.” Another confirmation for me how reacting doesn’t get us anywhere. I have made choices in the past months that weren’t true, were based on a big need and weren’t honoring of myself nor of my body. The judgment I had in the reaction to myself kept me imprisoned. Learn what there is to learn and let go. No need to judge, for this stops the healing and learning process.
This is so true Monika. The judging of ourselves only takes us further away from the choice to heal. I am learning this at the moment. The more I am willing to look at my reactions lovingly, the more space I allow myself to actually heal the root cause of them, slowly slowly.
I love what you have expressed here Adele and I love the way you are able to appreciated yourself. I certainly appreciate what you present, your commitment and your wisdom;
“To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson”
It’s inspiring that instead of being hard on yourself Adele when you realised the difficulty in facing your past choices you became more loving and tender with yourself and allowed yourself to gently find your way back to your commitment to life.
What an wonderful blog Adele; making moment to moment choices to transform your life is very inspirational;
“To make the changes I needed I took everything ever so slowly and tenderly, I became super gentle with myself, something that I have never done in the past”.
Your honesty is very much appreciated, a healing for us all, thank you.
Thank you Adele for a very honest and inspiring sharing. I can so relate to the terror that is experienced through panic attacks, feeling every part of your life falling to pieces, for me it was a life that had no truth in it at all, all a fabrication of beliefs and ideals, not one ounce of the true me in it. We are so deeply blessed by Serge Benhayon’s teachings that have shown us the way back from the illusion that we once thought was life, to now be able to commit to living life from the truth of who we really are.
‘ I allowed people to see the real me which left me feeling a vulnerability which I had previously avoided.’ This line stood out for me today Adele, this is true for me as well I have lived my life only showing a part of myself to the world. Learning to let people in has been a game changer for me and to feel the vulnerability and sensitivity in this choice and also the power and strength this brings as well.
Depression and anxiety together become a perpetual motion machine that feeds itself and will run till it self-destructs. Hiding in plain sight becomes easy because you are no longer present yourself. When you reach that point that you are teetering on the edge is one of those choice moments of stay or go. To stay turns on the light at the end of the tunnel.
“Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer. It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported.” Love this Adele. It is so true. Hiding doesn’t guarantee safety, in fact it gives us the opposite, as we are in constant anxiety of being found! Letting people be close to us and see who we really are on the inside is deeply humbling, for the vulnerability this comes with strips away all the hardness and lays us open. This is a deeply healing process.
Adele, thank you for your blog. I found I was hanging onto every word because it made so much sense to me. It has helped me to understand anxiety and depression better and to recognise some of my own patterns in what you have written. The comparisons to others and self judgements can be hideous. Putting yourself forward in life and making a commitment to allow others to see the real person isn’t easy but as you have demonstrated – it certainly is the key to really living a meaningful life. Well done.
Hi Adele, on re reading your blog, I have so much more understanding for people who do suffer from panic attacks and anxiety. I guess, I had a picture that it was a lot less intense than how you describe so its great to get an honest opinion so that I can relate to and understand people in my life who may be going through this.
Often I have judged people purely because I have not had any understanding and there is no love this way.
This is a great blog to re read Adele, so much truth shared. I too have been in similar situations with anxiety and depression and insomnia for about 9 months. I also lost a lot of weight and energy and beat myself up about this, until I also realized this was not the answer, but with the loving support of family, friends and the Universal Medicine Practitioners I gradually re committed to life. I now can see myself for who I am! I am equal to all and a loving, beautiful woman deserving of her place here on earth and thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon of The Way of The Livingness I was able to see this.
A moment to moment re-committing to life; being loving and tender with ourselves when we err and appreciative when we feel harmonious; what a gorgeous formula to live this life. Thank you Adele for sharing your honest and beautiful story.
Why are we so hard on ourselves when we are working things out and coming back to ourselves? It occurs to me that we could be full of appreciation for ourselves and others who are working on their awareness and learning to be present in every moment with each task. Being honest and seeing the truth is a blessing and we need to be truly gentle and loving with ourselves as we heal and evolve.
As you experienced Adele getting back into life and learning to trust ourselves and others can seem insurmountable but once we take the first few steps and slowly rebuild this trust the reflections that come our way more often than not inspire us to keep going. I’ve also experienced something similar and it’s a wonderful feeling to be fully engaged in all that life is and brings.
‘ The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true. ‘ This line is gold Adele, a beautiful reminder of the true healing available to us when we remain connected to our bodies.
Thank you Adele for sharing your inspiring story of coming back from living in disregard to re committing to a life of true responsibility. These words stood our for me today “each choice lived continued to confirm the next moment as it unfolded.”
” The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true.” so simple and profound Adele, thank you for sharing your story and for the inspiration of the healing of connecting deeply to our bodies.
Love what you express here Adele, having recently made big steps towards recommitting to life I have felt such a shift within. It shows me quite clearly when we get honest about our choices and truly take responsibility, all those other ways of being can be seen in their true light. I feel I am now seeing life in a much clearer way and that every voice, expression and person has a necessary part to play in the whole.
Love the simplicity of this Brendan, no blame, no judgement purely an opportunity to reassess and make supportive changes.
“What I felt in my body then was a deep level of conflict waiting to erupt” – I can so so relate to this. I feel like I am having this right now in my body. It feels great to come face to face with the force that wants to counter what I am in truth – because that tension is just a creation, and there is nothing true about it.
I so agree Fumiyo, I have recently experienced this myself. Since stopping blaming others and waiting for them to change and actually starting to follow my own inner voice things have begun to change massively. I can see now more clearly than ever that taking back true responsibility for myself and my choices allows things to flow and that ever present tension I had felt for so long is now fading into the background.
Finding the resolve and strength to return to the truth and seeing it in your eyes is profound Adele. Thank you for sharing this journey and the care, gentleness and love that you have for yourself.
Thank you Adele for a beautiful sharing, I can relate to panic attacks and feeling my world falling a part, it has been difficult for me when taking responsibility for my choices to not go into self judgment and be caught in that web, but slowly I am learning that when I do make mistakes, they are there for my learning, and to appreciate this opportunity to choose differently.
We can look into our eyes and no matter what it is we want to see, it is always the commitment to truth staring back at us that is actually there. This is hugely worth appreciating. Is this perhaps why people find eye contact so uncomfortable and avoid it? I have learnt so much from my eyes and meeting the eyes of others.
Me too Simone. My relationship with myself and others has changed significantly since I began allowing myself to truly see the richness that can be communicated through the eyes.
‘I allowed people to see the real me which left me feeling a vulnerability which I had previously avoided’. When we decide we truly want to commit to life, having found every which way to avoid it in our preceding years, there’s a process of us first having to ‘see the real me’ for ourselves which can make us feel equally vulnerable. But being vulnerable and learning to allow it is a fabulous thing, because once you accept your vulnerability, you can show it and be it. Truly you. Nothing to protect. Trying to make ourselves invulnerable only serves to keep us in protection, tension and contraction, protecting our vulnerability, not living with it.
Commitment to life means feeling vulnerable and vice versas. So I can feel how a life of doing everything to avoid vulnerability has been to avoid commiting to life. However I am finding that these two things do not mean that the ground opens up and we fall through. Quite the conrary really! When I am honest with myself about when I am feeling vulnerable then the tension drops away and I feel the spaciousness and joy of being me, and of being present to life.
Your essence as we know it, is your greatest form of intelligence. We all have it; we simply need to re‐connect with it.
A truly inspiring before and after, Adele.
“Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.”
Such simple words with a very powerful message. These are gold for me, Adele. Thank you.
It is interesting how hard, harsh and strict we are with ourselves but hold the belief that in this hard state of being we protect ourselves from others/the world.
I agree Ester, we think we are doing ourselves a favour in being this way. We think that it will see us safe, but it is actually the complete opposite.
“There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself. The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true. With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world. Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer. It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported. As with taking back responsibility for my choices, each choice lived continued to confirm the next moment as it unfolded.” Thank you Adele, the words above are most powerful for me today, it confirms that nothing compares to what we know already and with being present with ourselves we allow this power to be.
Thank you Adele, beautiful to read your story, I love this line, “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself. The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true.”
Beautifully said Linda, and building a solid consistency of this is so important.
‘Nothing can be truly blamed on anyone, everything that did not feel true ultimately reflected a responsibility that I can go deeper with myself.’ Such a powerful reminder Adele, whenever we blame others in life we miss out on the opportunity presented for us to truly evolve.
The understanding of what Adele shares in this line continues to deepen for me as I walk through life. There is in our relationships an opportunity to constantly receive the reflection needed for our next point of evolution. Evolution being a returning to full responsibility – love.
Love this Anna, and yes when we blame we do miss out on so much, as life is forever offering us opportunities to learn, grow and evolve. The choice is ours whether we choose to listen or not.
I love this quote from Adele’s blog also Anna and Jade. What it takes me to is that everything is there to be observed and learned from. That when we blame, judge or need something to change, we lose this opportunity to see the reflection and deepen within ourselves. Thank you, a very beautiful reminder.
Adele, your story is deeply touching. I too have had a deep set pattern of abusing and disconnecting from my body. This statement stood out for me: “The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true. With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me,…” This is so beautiful and so true. The more present I become, the more naturally tender, loving and caring I am with myself and all around me. It’s like a beautiful harmonious give and take, an in and out, like the flow of the breath or the beat of a heart. A connection to the rhythm of life. Thank you.
I like this ” … when it is simply about observing our past choices and correcting them where necessary.”
I agree Brendan, self judgment is totally crippling. Accepting, letting go and making different choices, in line with the awareness from what we have learned is the only way forward.
Adele, our bodies are truly amazing and yes they often alarm us as they show us the truth of how we’ve been – they’re our canaries showing us what is truly going on, and it’s often not what we might think!
” I agree with this ..”Even when I eventually made the choice to not further perpetuate the choices I had been making, it seemed that life still made sure I did not have it easy. The resolve to start being nakedly honest with myself, taking responsibility and making a re-commitment to life was actually, in hindsight, the simple part.” It’s amazing how steep the incline when you decide to turnaround. It requires great tenacity, persistence and absolute determination.
I really enjoyed reading this blog Adele – a very honest recount of your experience and certainly one I can relate to in terms of the arrogance I have felt at times that I have my life together and then having something happen (health or relationship wise etc.) that provides me with the opportunity to bring another level of honesty about the quality in which I am living. I particularly like this line – “With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world. Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer. It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported.” – because it’s something I too have been working on and can attest to the power and healing that comes with truly letting people in.
“With the growing acceptance of myself, my acceptance towards the world also grew.” Thank you Adele, this sentence really resonated with me. With a growing and deepening acceptance of myself and dedication to self-love my acceptance of the world and everyone and everything I share the world with has grown and anxiety and fear of what ‘may’ happen are gone.
Truthful Adele you nailed it and that is wonderful. If you don’t mind I would like to read out following sentences to my patients (diagnosed with anxiety and depression): “With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world.” Wow I can feel every word you wrote – they are so inspirational! Thank you so much for not holding back your experiences and sharing it with us – it is very much needed in a world were anxiety and depression is increasing.
Your way out reminded me a bit when I quitted smoking back in 1988. To avoid smoking I had to keep feeling me moment after moment. I had to observe myself and if I had any stimulus to smoke to really feel into why it was so. What I discovered was that I had the desire to smoke when it was something difficult to be expressed. I clocked that and I also registered that the moment I said what was there to be said, my desire to smoke simply vanished. I did not have a clue about energy at that time, but it is clear that was energy at play there, and myself playing with energy.
Thank you Adele for sharing so openly about your journey through anxiety. Very insightful and you have offered much wisdom here. What stood out for me is how we all have the power to make choices and in fact are making choices all the time even when we think we are not. That your choice to become aware of this and be honest with yourself and about the choices you had made and were making was so simple yet truly powerful and how this began a new momentum of living base on truth and love, as you chose to be present in every moment presented. Very beautiful and deeply inspiring.
Whilst reading your blog Adele I felt a deep resonance with what you have written.
I also felt a gentle reminder to allow a deeper tenderness and love into every moment .
Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your experiences and wisdom.
Everything what you are writing Adele sounds so familiar to me. I can still remember, that I had anxiety and panic attacks as well in the past and I was separated to myself. And thanks to Unimed I slowly recover and love myself and others more and more.
Thank-you Adele for being so candid with something so personal and painful for you. I often wonder why as human beings we have to go to an extreme to see that we need to bring to an end a certain behaviour/s. Why is it that we choose to suffer before we are willing to head towards healing? it just does not make sense, really?
It is amazing how a simple moment to moment choice to be present can bring about such great healing.
Adele, your blog moved and humbled me deeply. And it exposed me in that I am now taking more responsibility but can chafe at seeing some of the places I’ve been and how daily it’s about a steady consistency to keep coming back and staying present. And reading of your journey today has inspired me and reminded me that each new little thing I see which I could see as an oops is actually another little marker along my road back to love. I’m seeing it now and with greater responsibility can look at my choices and how I live – it’s a call for more love, more tenderness with me. Thank you – this is super supportive today.
“The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true”. I can so relate to this statement Adele. The more I connect with my body and the deeper the connection the more I can feel my inner strength and this can happen as easily as having a conversation about an issue that is bothering me.
Adele you have such wide reach when you write I can’t imagine you hiding away in a protective bubble and isolated geography. What a blessing you come with now that bubble has popped. What an honest and inspiring story you tell.
What you wrote about being humbled from realising the fact that we are all equal and no different to anybody else is absolute gold – for true responsibility and love for humanity can then be the foundation for living – beautiful.
Adele, I love reading your blogs – full of openness, simplicity and wisdom, thank you.
This could be a life changing blog for many people Adele, written so fluidly it really is easy to digest even though what you write about can feel so big and overwhelming when in a similar place to where you were. There was without a doubt a resolve within you to commit and be honest but what stands out for me is ‘presence’, your choice to be present in your everyday life, present to the detail, present to what was at hand to be attended to. Let’s not underestimate the healing powers of presence.
Adele your blog holds so much lived wisdom and inspires as you have described how you transformed your way of living. I relate strongly to your words ‘What I felt in my body then was a deep level of conflict waiting to erupt. The disharmony was from disregarding what I knew to be true but had consistently refused to heed and live’ which describes where I am at the moment with some things. I’ve found it important to drop the self flagellation and judgement too and see it for the game it is … just another excuse to play small and avoid responsibility.
Adele it’s lovely to see how you’ve changed your relationship with yourself and how you are in what you do. It would have been possible to “fly to the other side of the world, live in harsh conditions in the desert (well-protected by comfortable clothing), trekked mountains in the scorching sun (ditto, and resting under a shady rock in the heat of the day with plenty of water) and camped for days in the freezing wilderness (snuggled up in goretex by a camp fire) with plenty of nutritious, light, sustaining food. And been comfortable, safe, and kind to your body. I know, because I’ve done it! It sure is not about what you do (although some things can never be gentle on the body), but how consciously present, tender and caring you are with yourself when doing it.
Wow Adele this truly profound “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself. The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true.” With medical systems across the globe crumbling under the pressure of the ever increasing rates of illness and disease. You have brought such a simple formula, that has been shown to work. One area of focus to decrease the pressure on the health care systems is to make patients more responsible for their part in the healing process, your blog and many similar need to be studied as this way is proving again and again that it works. Thank you for sharing.
The phrase you quoted Caroline stands out for me every time I read this article as it is as you said truly profound. The scope to apply presence as described by Adele within medicine could be extensive, highly applicable for mental illness’ including dementia and as I have felt it in my body it could be applied in all healing situations. I say this as I have felt in the practice of Esoteric Yoga, when my attention is present with my body, my body deeply resting, rejuvenating and even releasing held tensions in my body. Serge Benhayon has brought so much understanding to the significance of conscious presence in everyday life as well as the divinely impressed practice of Esoteric Yoga to support being present in activity. I fully support what you say here about patients taking responsibility Caroline and the pressure it could take off our health care systems, add to this the financial strain on the current medical system and here is a simple answer that would not cost a lot to implement widely.
What I could feel was highlighted to me through your blog Adele was the fact that we can all see life in slightly different ways because of naturally how we express our love and our truth. When we don’t give ourselves space to truly let ourselves understand ourselves and life then committing to all that life presents can be more difficult.
It’s difficult to even imagine you living in such a harsh isolated world Adele. You feel so delicate in all you present and so inclusive in all you express. What an amazing before and after … A miracle that we are blessed by.
“Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer. It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported.”
You are a shining example of how true this is!
Thank you Adele for sharing this. Responsibility is a word that seems to frighten a lot of people out there, however being responsible and committing to what I know supports me is the most empowering thing I can ever do for myself… and very humbling.
As i read your blog I can feel in myself where I am not truly committing to life and not living the responsibility that I know is needed. Thank you for sharing.
Your expression “If I had ever thought I was different from others because of the choices of bettering myself, this woke me up to the fact that we are all equal, I am no different from anyone else. I was completely humbled” is something I deeply understand. As I commit more and more to daily life and see and feel the struggles of those around me it is the equalness of us all that I connect to and just because I have made more loving choices for myself in recent years doesn’t make me better – it just means that they can too- in their own time.
Your preparedness to work through the depression and anxiety in a way that was tender and so self-loving and allowing yourself and your vulnerability to been seen is rarely seen. Thank you Adele for sharing your very inspiring story .
What you express is truly responsible Adele. In my experience a part of healing is to face, deal with and take responsibility for past choices so sometimes the process is not pretty! Often I have written about the miraculous transformations that have happened in my life since I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. As you have written here in many cases they involved a lot of humility and my having to go through a personal process of taking responsibility to clear a lot of what I can best describe as old “stuff”. In that presence has also been a valuable tool for me. There are some great free meditations, audios and tools to support presence and reconnection here http://www.unimedliving.com/meditation
What you share here Nicola is both very beautiful and very inspiring. I am certainly having the same experience in my own healing with each day more an opportunity to take responsibility and heal from the past.
This is such a powerful and supportive blog Adele. I felt drawn to rereading this after I recently had an esoteric healing session that brought me deeper into my body, exposing another level of withdrawnness or lack of commitment to being truly present in my body and with life. Since the session I can feel there is still more anxiety running my body and hence more a commitment to presence to be made. Thank you.
Adele, I love your blog and the discussion it’s allowed. What comes through loud and clear is that accepting where and who we are in key, and that no matter what choices we are all equal. So no need for arrogance, guilt or drama. we just observe, take stock and make the changes needed.
I Love your words here monicag2, ‘we just observe, take stock and make the changes needed’. Very matter of fact as the truth always is – without fuss.
Yes I agree Monicag2 and Adele. Not only is there “no need for arrogance, guilt or drama” but that actually makes things worse. In the past when I had an Ooops moment I used to go into self-criticism and my husband would correctly share with me that the self-criticism was worse and more harmful than the original Ooops. These days I understand much more clearly that we are all eternal students which means that it is a natural part of our evolution – we learn and develop and it is never about being perfect but constantly evolving and letting go of what is not true or of love.
Beautiful Nicole, I love the way you’ve summed it up – we are constantly learning and evolving and each step is a development of our love and living truth. It’s such a freeing way to see it, and for me reading this I feel a joy in knowing that even my ‘mistakes’ can be evolving, and just show me where I can be more love – simple really
Yes, taking stock is so simple but such a powerful process – it makes time and space for deeper self acceptance and from here we can move forward in truth.
Absolute honesty and acceptance of where I am now instead of trying to fool myself in a constant strive for perfection – a difference I would never have deemed possible.
I agree Michael, getting honest has turned my life around and I used to run from it. Avoid it at all costs, now I am seeing how much things open up for us and in our relationships when we are simply honest and accepting.
A very inspiring & courageous blog Adele, ‘with choosing to be present to life, life became present with me,’ this is an amazing and true statement.
I have found the power and grace that occurs by starting to recommit to my life, taking responsibility and making loving choices. My deepest appreciation to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for supporting me to do this.
As you share Adele in re-committing back to life there is ‘no magic formula’ and the answers are never outside of ourselves. A very inspiring blog thank you Adele.
“Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself. The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true.” Thes are such powerful sentences Adele, that remind me to be aware of my thoughts and actions in every moment. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your deeply personal experience but one that will benefit us all to read. There were so many key points in your return to self – the honesty of your body, patience and acceptance of yourself no matter what, and presence. It is beautiful to feel the true you that has risen out of the ashes of the old way that could not be sustained.
Thank you for posting this point Ariana and it is so true. True responsibility is about taking care for ourselves while we are taking the same level of care for all who we live with, the universe included.
“With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world.” An amazing formula and medicine that you have shared here Adele and a great antidote to anxiety.
Absolutely Judith, with presence we would not have the level of anxiety that we have nowadays.
“The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true” so simple and powerful.
When I keep myself numb, I am in protection to not wanting to feeling deeper my choices of not taking responsibility in the past. This protection keeps me from being myself.
Letting go of this protection means letting the world in–every aspect of it. I fight knowing this would mean more responsibility to take.
And yet, at this crossroad repeatedly–each time life holding me in love, being patient until my body “gets it”, while I sometimes stumble and frequently express in awkwardness.
In giving ourselves permission to feel everything, including and especially what has hurt us, what guides us to deepen our commitment and consistency is awareness, and we all have it–so there is no excuse or reason to not know, which is only our own arrogance in expressing ignorance.
Wow, Adele. Nailed to the point. I is us who choose to not know and stay irresponsible. Changing this whilst always holding ourselves in love and understandig – this is the way.
Beautiful Michael, well said.
Absolutely Ariana, just imagine a world when we all live like that, wow, so gorgeous.
”There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” Thank you for this gem Adele. Whether we are making major changes in our lives to re-commit at a deeper level or already living in solid rhythms in a loving way, the choice that we have moment to moment to be present to life never leaves us. There is always a deeper level of detail that we can be present to as we continue to unfold back to the glory that we in truth come from. Thank you for such an honest sharing.
I too can relate to much of what you have written here Adele, as there can be a desire in life to not want to expose our vulnerabilities to others but to live a most sheltered and protected life. The more I allow myself to feel my hurts and vulnerabilities the more I feel I am more than this, that being open to others is what feels true and it is this protection that creates more hurt. I feel your blog exposes that it is about really getting honest with ourselves and seeing the truth of who we are.
I can really relate to what you are sharing here Jade. The more I open myself up and allow my vulnerability and my hurts to be exposed for what they are – not me – the more lovely I feel. The more I feel like I don’t have to protect and that I can just be myself. I used to feel it was the other way around, that I had to hide and protect my hurts or I would be more hurt. I can see the trick now, and have started to catch myself more and more and letting all the hurt and protection be outed.
Yes Jade, it is vital we are truthful with ourselves and allow our hurts to be felt so we can heal them and move on.
There is so much gold in this blog. I can feel being present and in my body develops my awareness and appreciation choices that support me, and also the extent of the harm the unloving choices bring. Staying with myself I get to observe my choices and understand them. This blog shows me how staying present is possible whatever ones past choices and so worth it.
” I lost interest in everything that I had enjoyed, as a consequence, I wanted to hide” I can relate to this Adele, as I too can feel this way when I am not myself and allowing another energy to run me, I can feel down and tired and want to shut myself away – when this is so far from the glory, truth, joy and bright light I know I am and how much I love life, being here, and I love being with people.
Gylrae, it is so important to remind ourselves that those heavy feelings that weigh us down, are but energy we choose to let in and take over. How liberating to truly ‘get’ the power of this truth and the choices we have to take responsibility for ourselves.
Thank you for the reminder this morning Bernadetteglass. I feel it is easy to get lost and feel like the heaviness is us, when it is not, but it is an energy having its way with us. I am very much learning this right now, and developing more of a commitment to recognising this and coming back to those things that allow the joy and love to be at the fore.
Yes Anna I am constantly becoming more and more aware of the truth that everything is energy and ‘everything is because of energy’ as Serge Benhayon presented.
I know that bernadetteglass, those heavy feelings I choose to let in and take over while I know I am not that. When I take responsibility for my life and choose for the truth, I choose for the strength in me because that is where I come from, that is what I am.
I agree Ariana, there is a joy with taking responsibility, my feeling is when we are responsible it confirms everything we know, and are, to be true.
Yes and everything feels like it’s happening in the right way and the right order and there is a natural enthusiasm for life that is vital and unparalleled.
Very true Ariana, never have I been so inspired by responsibility, when the big picture is clear. And responsibility is not about reaching any big perfect destination but an on-going moment to moment choice every day, in everything that we do–in awareness of ourselves and the interconnectedness of all people and things.
This is a great conversation. What you are sharing about responsibility and the joy of seeing that it’s about ourselves first and the way we care for ourselves, but also how we impact on others is truly inspiring for me, thank you.
I agree. Responsibility is a moment by moment choice. The choices are limitless as to what we can indulge in and justify but fortunately our body reveals everything.
Adele, I have found your blog just as power-full a read the second time around – thank you.
Taking true responsibility can only come from deep within as only then we will really choose and live what we feel is true. This lived truth will then inspire us to choose wisely in the next moment that will unfold before us and but that we will move on gently step by step.
Life is but a constant opportunity to learn, love and inspire.
By not fully committing in life, by choosing to hold back a little, we are only giving a portion of ourselves and in return, we are only receiving a portion of life back.
I really love the way you put this Alison. It is how consistent we are, and whether it is in all areas in life that we are consistent in committing to life that life reflects this back to us.
I agree Alison, what you write here is an absolute truth written in a such a simple way.
Indeed Alison, we have the potential to live everything that we are any moment of the day if we choose to do so. But at this current moment I am still choosing to not live this for the full 100% and as you say, we then do receive also only that much in return and from that I do not feel energised enough to live my life in full. This is a momentum I have to break and make the commitment to live life in full, in all facets of it as keeping myself less is an abuse to myself that has to be stopped.
Thank you I can see areas where I am still hiding and not committing in full and reading your blog this morning has brought this into sharper focus. A friend reminded me to appreciate myself more yesterday and it feels that self-appreciation is vital in supporting true self-expression and thus living in full.
Adele I have also come to a ‘stop’ recently and have spent time lovingly with myself to recover from all the driving forces that had me in momentum. Let’s say my body now is loud and clear about my choices if they are not in line with Love.
I think guilt can be such a killer as not only does it make you feel really bad but it is actually an indulgence used to avoid and be responsible for what is really going on and how we got ourselves into a situation in the first place.
I agree Dean, I have found guilt can consume easily if you let it and completely take you away from the responsibility of a situation. Responsibility is refreshing, and addresses things quickly and allows you to make changes and move on, without making a big deal out of it.
Absolutely, in fact responsibility can help us drop an issue we may have held onto for 40 years whereas guilt can keep the whole thing continuing indefinitely – huge difference.
I agree guilt can get you into such a spin, once in it deep its hard to come out. I agree taking responsibility, allows you to move on without making a big deal.
ruthketnor, simple, clear and true – great point Responsibility is refreshing, and addresses things quickly and allows you to make changes and move on,” without drama.
Imagine if we were to learn from an early age that emotions like guilt, shame anxiety were an indulgence and a decoy for responsibility? I love it and am going to teach my kids this!!
I am going to teach them that also bernadetteglass!
Love it bernadetteglass – so true, many of our emotions, if not all, are just a way to avoid responsibility.
Beautiful Bernadetteglass,I am going to teach this also, starting with myself, by living it.
Bernadette, how it would impact the world when children learn about emotions from young, and that have to start with us being parents.
Spot on Bernadette, these emotions are just distractions, and lead us nowhere but a blind alley. Ultimately responsibility is it, and once we embrace it, life opens up and the support is there. And to learn this from young – yes.
Words are cheap unless they are put them into our daily living. I had a huge dip with emotions yesterday so finding this today is a timely reminder to practice what I preach. I can feel the lack of responsibility and how quickly I allowed myself to be taken ‘out’ – away from what I know love to be.
Dean, Ruth, Bernadette, so very true that guilt is destructive and keeps us locked in and held back from evolution.
Guilt is when we have been totally taken by beliefs and made to feel small and wrong; a door closes on my self worth. Mistakes and imperfection keep the door open and opportunities to learn and grow call me forth.
Yes 1heart1love1earth, guilt keeps us stuck and stops us evolving – responsibility and self responsibility are vital.
How true Dean, guilt or any emotions for that matter, keep us from being ourselves, so commiting back to life and responsibility is delayed.
Agreed Dean, I have been learning that guilt is purely a trap to prolong the inevitable of taking responsibility. It is just another form of delay.
It’s the truth what you say annamccormack26.
Awesome insight Dean. When someone goes into guilt it always feels awful and gets in the way of truly taking responsibility and getting on with what is needed (love). What a revelation.
“To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson”. This sentence really stuck out for me when read this blog this morning and then I saw your comment Dean and all the others that follow. Obviously a very strong message for me to look at the areas where I am still holding guilt.
Hi Adele, thank you or sharing this. Even if we change life to a certain level with discipline letting go of all so called ‘not healthy behaviours’ – not unless we truly start to appreciate ourselves and start acting in a more self-loving way and understanding of ourselves – we will evolve and be able to live the true love we are. The true us.
How true Sonja, understanding and appreciation towards ourselves is what allows us the space to evolve.
This raises such an interesting point, many people have the discipline to change maladaptive behaviours, yet in most cases they replace them with another behaviour. For example, stop smoking, but end up eating, exercising or working more. Replacing one behaviour with another. Thanks to the work of Universal Medicine I have come to understand that every behaviour is driven by an energy and until we change the quality of the energy we will not change the quality of our behaviour. To truly heal we have to understand what energy is driving us, one that either supports us to make loving choices or one that encourages us to make unloving choices.
Thank you for the reminder Caroline that it always comes back to the energy that is behind the choices we are making. Sometimes I find myself judging or being harsh and critical or simply even down about a choice I make or have made, not going deeper to look at the energy this has come from knowing that if it is not loving, then it simply isn’t coming from the true energy I want running through my body. The judgement is also a key now for me in knowing which energy is at play, as I know how that love (the soul) would, could and does not ever judge. This is a great marker and awareness to have and is supporting me to grow in love.
I love how you write Adele. To know you took your recovery/return back to you, one moment at a time, and just dealt with what came up in that moment rather than tackling everything at once is so simple and makes so much sense. The alternative would have kept you in absolute overwhelm, which you were already feeling. I’m sure the choice to take it easy was perhaps not your first approach, but that you got to that point and maintained that way of being is inspiring.
Elodie, certainly going slow was a choice ultimately from my body, as my head just wanted to work out everything and make everything stop all at once. But of course all momentums do not exist without a building up, and therefore will undo only with re-correcting. This exercise in itself was a huge lesson in coming back to respecting the body.
I love how you describe the power of presence here, I have found the same, that practicing staying aware of what I’m doing daily gives a sense of steadiness and empowerment, and what goes on in the world no longer has such a powerful grip over me – it’s incredibly powerful, yet incredibly simple.
Thank you for sharing your experience Adele. The way of the livingness and the ancient wisdom as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine truly supports us to take responsibility for our choices and connect to our true selves. I have found that this provides the foundation from which I can face all of life’s challenges.
What a great blog I’m sure reading it will help and inspire many people to take responsibility to honor themselves by making self-loving choices.
“I brought presence to my daily life ” – this is something I am building more and more in my life too – and I can say the simple yet hugely immediate powerful transformation this choice brings is amazing.
I have to say committing to life in full feels amazing!
“With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me” – I love this line, it made me smile with joy because this is true.
Addressing the fact that there need not be any shame or guilt around getting ill and coming to a halt is an awesome contribution – why condemn the very thing that shows us where we are at and makes us stop?
Gabriele, I love your simple wisdom here. Too often we see illness as a weakness and as you say, feel shame or guilt that we are not well. Yet, if we are open to seeing it, all illness brings an opportunity for healing once the energetic root cause has been revealed.
Committing to life has been huge and is for all of us. Truly being available within yourself, for yourself, so you can in turn be available for everyone you come into contact with. This has been my biggest learning, that connection with me, because without that, we can be easily swayed, pushed from pillar to post by external factors (that will always be there) ready and waiting to ensure you are not committing in full. So connecting to oneself and fostering that connection in all you do is super super important.
Indeed there is no magic formula for reconnecting to life, as you have shared all it takes is us choosing to be present in our bodies to the best of our ability and as long as we keep committing to life in every way possible it creates a flow where we live and meet life from an impulse expressing our true selves.
When I was depressed at the age of 24 I was hiding myself, and as you say Adele, it did not make me feel any safer. I said to every friend, colleague etc to not visit me I felt ashamed and guilty, did not want to show anyone how miserable I was. I now know connecting with people is the way for me to come back to me. To feel another’s essence I can come back to who I truly am.
I love your line ‘hiding didn’t make me feel any safer’. This is so true. Hiding just creates more fear and anxiety because we are not out there dealing with life.
Rebecca,I have witnessed that, even children know when they delay what they have to get on with in life, such as finishing homework, it creates anxiety and tension within themselves
Thank you Adele for this beautiful account of taking responsibility for your life with a depth of realness and understanding so gentle and loving. I understand when you say that
“There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself. The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true. With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me,” What an amazing freeing journey you share.
Adele I felt to read your blog again this morning – there such a wealth of inspiration held within your expression and the words that stood out for me this morning in reference to looking into a mirror “When I looked into my own eyes, beyond everything, what I saw was a resolve and strength to return to truth.” This felt like a deep acceptance of the Love that we all are in our inner being – we we are indeed all equal.
‘When I looked into my own eyes, beyond everything, what I saw was a resolve and strength to return to truth.’
Adele this sentence is so powerful. It’s almost like we tick boxes that seemingly say we are on the right track, but our bodies that hold the truth of all our choices, tell us differently. Connecting back to my heart and looking into my own eyes supports me to focus on what is real. From there I have been choosing my commitment to life.
I agree kathrynfortuna, that sentence is very powerful, and reading it, I know that same look in my own eyes, that same knowing in my own body. Beautiful.
Thank you for sharing your experience Adele of connecting back to yourself and committing to life – there is so much I can relate to here. As Ruth has said ‘holding everyone at arms length’, and ‘spending a large amount of time on my own’, this I had become a master at. I used to think that I was at my happiest when I was on my own with no one to bother me, but I now realise that I was avoiding life and all it had to offer, and that includes people.
Now I see and feel the value in connecting to people and being involved in the community – it seems to me that we need people to grow and learn from, without each other we have nothing.
” Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer ” I can very much relate to this Adele, I hid too for many years spending a large amount of my time on my own, always with somewhere I could retreat to, holding everyone at arms length. Taking responsibility and recommitting to life, letting people in, life is opening up, support there and without the need to feel safe. The Way of the Livingness has been and is a constant support for me on this path. My life has changed immensely.
So true Adele “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” And what a difference taking responsibility makes to our lives.
So many gems in here Adele. “To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson”. “With the growing acceptance of myself, my acceptance towards the world also grew”. So much worth repeating. I will come again to get my dose of commitment.
The body is all the time letting us know the effects of what we are doing to it, yet we so often do not listen and we even numb the pain, as you did Adele, so we can’t feel what we are doing to ourselves. How crazy is that! Your blog is a great example of how we can turn our lives around by appreciating ourselves, and by taking responsibility and committing to life.
What an inspiring blog Adele, you have sparked my commitment that tends to waver, creating delay. You take it back to simplicity that it’s a moment to moment choice that creates the change.
wow Adele what an honest powerful blog.
This is such a helpful and supportive blog, Adele, for us all, not only those who are depressed. There is always more opportunity to live our lives more tenderly and gently, every day. As you say, we only have to choose, and it is so practical and simple. The gentler we become the more our body feels it and knows it, and so it becomes a way of life where there is no room for depression unless we start to choose that again. If we do, then we know what is happening and are more able to turn around again.
Great point and one worth observing in ourselves.
Adele having spoken to a few people recently who have been diagnosed with mild depression and having felt many of the same signs in myself its really helpful to read such an honest and open account. Much of the medical advice I understand is to get more rest, eat healthy and go to the gym. All parts in itself towards committing to life but your blog offers a far greater depth on this and the whole together. Thank you.
David, when I first started reading up on how to deal with insomnia/depression, I came across a lot of advice on doing exercise. A friend of mine even suggested I go to the gym and work out until I literally drop from exhaustion.
The truth is, starting from our bodies is the wisdom we have to return to. Moving our bodies in a true way can re-imprint our past ill choices. But what is true movement and what is not? I knew then that exercising in a forceful way definitely is not, as I was already feeling deep exhaustion, making my body even more exhausted just did not make sense. But at that time I felt to walk a lot with the music from Glorious Music to move my body. And slowly that supported me in coming back to the awareness of my body–every ache and pain, every tired muscle and rigid area, I began to understand more in re-building a relationship and communication with the body.
Adele what you have expressed here about exercise is very interesting. Yes it’s important to move, but what is true movement? Pushing ourselves at the gym is not the answer when the body is already exhausted. You walked with ‘glorious’ music and this is an awesome way to return to our natural rhythms in our bodies. What an inspiration you are. ✨
The essence of humility that we are all equal, thanks Adele, When I feel more humble I actually feel more connected to my self. The need to check out is lost to the commitment to oneself; a simple and loving choice without complication. Yum!
Thank you Adele for such an incredibly honest account of what was obviously an enormously difficult period in your life.
My situation is different to yours, but so similar when I read what you went through when it came time to make changes in your relationship to your body and lifestyle.
It’s such a humbling experience that can be very daunting at the time, but so incredibly freeing when you come out the other side.
Thank you, your story is very real and very inspiring.
It is incredible the changing of your body posture giving you the option to chose to be present rather than lost in your head, and to move in a way that is true to your body which may be quicker than some who associate slow with stillness rather than the stillness impulsing the movement.
It is incredible to consider that how I move my body affects the thoughts that I have. So in effect I can walk myself back to health with a true movement. Amazing how it can be that simple yet we look for the hard way back.
I have a small hard area on the sole of my foot, which has been there for well over a year. It hasn’t been painful or bothered me in any way, until recently when I felt impulsed to get it checked out. I made an appointment to see a podiatrist which I’ve never done in my 50 odd years. I suddenly felt ashamed that I don’t take more care of my feet, which will now be on full display to another. As I chose to acknowledge the years of disregard I also acknowledge my new commitment to show tenderness in my care for my feet from now on.
This is a great point Alison, it is in the moments when we humbly accept the irresponsibility that we have been living in that we can bring about a new commitment to ourselves and the changes to the way we are living suddenly feel so easy
It’s that old chestnut that keeps reappearing again and again: comparison because of jealousy. I am learning I am on my own journey, making my good and ill choices, and feeling the differences of them. We are all equal, with our own specific journeys.
That’s gold, jeannettegold, as is all on this mini-thread. We are hearing so, so much about ill mental health these days it must surely be epidemic – yet in these few simple suggestions lie the keys to recovery. This is not to diminish the more serious conditions experienced by some – these deserve a great deal more attention, including medical attention – but it would be a very powerful remedy for many indeed if body awareness and the power of a connected way of walking were taught to all.
‘I… felt ashamed when my body alarmed me with illness.’ It’s amazing how a more serious health condition can be a great leveller. We can think we’re doing better than others because – and maybe there is at times a healthier functionality in some areas of our lives. But an illness soon shows us none of us are immune from the choices we’ve made, be it in this lifetime or many others. Accepting that illness is part of our human condition would go a long way to being OK with whatever emerges, and not feeling we’ve failed or need to be ashamed because of it.
That is beautifully expressed Victoria thank you. The truth was before being alarmed by my body with depression and anxiety, I have had many small warnings from the body constantly to remind me to look deeper. All of these signs I just brushed aside by covering them up and not dealing with them. But because none of these illness is a flu or a cold or a fever, I even arrogantly never considered myself to be sick. Therefore, coming back to the honesty and responsibility of the choices made in the past, also forced me to look at what is true health/vitality/well-being–and it is definitely not functionality!
Therefore, having an illness and being in acceptance of it as well as of all the choices we have made that led to the illness, can open up the healing to truth which we have ignored in the past. It is allowing our bodies to come back on par with our hearts. Illnesses have such a stigma attached to them–that we have failed, with association with shame and guilt–these emotional states in my experience exacerbate the illness and keep us locked in it. But when we can see through how an illness is a golden opportunity to re-imprint responsibility and commitment to life, it is very inspiring. Not easy in the beginning–to feel the effects of the long time momentum of disregard lived, but allowing my body to come back to pace with my awareness is a deep healing in the long run.
Adele, you are so tender and fragile yet so powerful and strong. When you make a commitment it is a true one. Your love for people, your humbleness and simplicity is truly glorious.
I see this too, especially in Adele’s work and the pictures she takes and shares. She has an enormous love of people and that is reflected in her images and words.
Elena, recently I have come to accept more of my fragility (physically and situational), and with this acceptance I have realized that naturally there is more of an acceptance of our power and greatness. It was really that simple.
Adele I can truly feel the power in accepting ones fragility. It then allows us a deeper appreciation of self and others.
Letting down my protection and guard and letting others see more of my true self including my vulnerability has led to a feeling of far greater security than before. If I am open and honest, there is nothing that I must fear others might discover – and there is far less tension as being dishonest to someone in the past has in fact meant attacking him or her on a very subtle and abusive level, that of course created tension and reaction.
“I became super gentle with myself,” this was very timely and healing to read. I have been feeling a lot of tension at overriding what my body and Soul are so clearly sharing with me, I know crazy – but being hard and beating ourselves up is not the answer, nor the on-going abuse from the thoughts in our head – the key is and what my body is calling for, is to be very gentle with myself. When I am gentle, none of this stuff is as big as it seems or even there for that matter. It just goes to show that when we choose to disconnect from ourselves the abusive thoughts and behaviours can come in. It is a moment by moment commitment, choice, and blessing to be present with ourselves – and with that, God. Then everything in life becomes so clear and simple.
Thank you Adele for writing this blog, which I am in no doubt many will and can relate to, I know I do for sure. I can agree and be a testament to this, that when I ignore and disregard, what I feel in my body and what I know to be absolutely true for me, it feels awful. It diminishes my light, my sense of love of myself and others, my power, strength and fullness. Then I walk around in self doubt assuming what I feel so clearly is not true and hold myself as less. A very damaging and knowing game to play to avoid taking responsibility. This disregard is something I am working on daily.
Awesomely said Gyl, that’s exactly how it is for me and probably many of us. I suspect most of us walk around with some level of self-doubt every day and the disregard that stems from overriding what we feel.
I can really relate to this as well, Gyl,. Usually I ignore what my body is feeling in order to complete a task (the doing of something) and I become aware of how much power there is having to do or complete something over just being and allowing. In other words I struggle to accept the stillness my body is needing and choose motion. I also work on this aspect of my life daily.
Well said gylrae, it is something to work on every day, I am learning that it is very damaging to disregard what my body is telling me and I am learning not to go for any quick fixes when my body is sending out clear messages, but to simply and patiently re-connect allowing my body to recover in it’s own time, taking time to lovingly and honestly observe what was going on for me.
Yes it is huge Vicki. And we can expand it to consider that how we hold our bodies, the positions we configure ourselves in in each moment also determine how much joy we experience. I have noticed that when I am lost in thoughts that have no bearing on the present moment if I change positions like move my head, I can stop the thoughts and come back to the moment, my body will straighten up, my shoulders drop, I will feel reconnected to me and my loveliness and the joy will return. This too is an extraordinary gift of wisdom from Serge Benhayon and the teaching of Universal Medicine.
For many years I abused my body in every way possible and on the odd occasion I became sick. While stoped by the illness I would think I must change my way of living but as soon I was well I was straight back to my old ways all the promises I made to myself while unwell went out the window until I was unwell again. This went on for many years until I decided to take responsibility to re-commit to myself and life by being present with myself and truly feeling what is happening in my body and feeling the consequences of my actions every moment of every day. Though this I am now able to make more loving choices for my body and feel with clarity feelings like my grace, delicateness, venerability and fragility feelings that in the past I considered unsafe and weak. Now I connect with them and feel my power and strength.
I too have had similar experience and it truly does take a re-commitment to yourself and to life, to finding another more supportive, loving and honouring way to be and way of living. That new way for me was modelled by Serge Benhayon, the Universal Medicine, team of practitioners, students and teachings.
Margaret beautifully said and I totally relate to your yo-yo approach to your body – I too spent years oscillating between abuse and illness enforced stops/periods of abstinence from indulgence. But never did the ‘time out’ periods hold – as soon as some sort of crisis occurred, I’d be back into the self-abuse in no time at all. It actually took several years of Universal Medicine presentations and sessions with UM-trained practitioners to help me build a solid foundation of self-love and personal development of a type that meant I no longer needed to abandon myself when life became rocky – though life too also changed and the road bumps disappeared.
Thank you Adele for sharing on such a personal story. I have not always been able to see that the choices that I make have been the cause of my illness or depression. I went through a similar episode where I had Insomnia, anxiety and severe weight loss. But with the help of the Universal Medicine Practitioners and Serge Benhayon I have been able to look at the choices I was making and delve deeper into my way of being. I am now conscious of the need to listen to my innermost and my body. I still find at times I over ride my body, but I am aware of it now, and take responsibility for this.
I’m getting a bigger picture of how life is all about choices, and how they affect my whole life, be it mental or physical. I love how you say, Adele, that re-committment to life is with a moment by moment choice to be present. So the more I chose to be present, the more I feel empowered in my body. All my choice.
I’m getting a bigger picture of how life is all about choices, and how they affect my whole life, be it mental or physical. I love how you say, Adele, that re-committment to life is with a moment by moment choice to be present. So the more I chose to be present, the more I feel empowered in my body. All my choice.
Yes Gill, presence for me is a huge one and every time I connect back to my body, I feel like my power returns which is an indicator that when distracted, I am not in my power, not truly being me which creates all sorts of anxiety and complication. My body holds the truth – simple and ‘power full’.
‘The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true.’ The way back to ourselves is certainly through connection with our bodies. It is such gift to realise that our bodies show the way and mark all our choices. Thank you Adele
So true yet it’s so interesting how we are pretty much taught our bodies aren’t important – or if we are, it’s in a way that isn’t at all helpful or true and is more about how we look. And the thing is, it’s not about some sort of new age hippy thing – connecting with our bodies starts with the simple understanding that our bodies are more than the things we walk our heads around with.
Love the truth and humour in the last line here Victoria – ‘our bodies are more than the things we walk our heads around with.’ If we truly understood how important the rest of our bodies are in communicating to us, our whole world would be different – our food choices, our self care, self responsibility and on it goes. Let’s continue to live and share this truth!
Victoria so true we are taught that when we do give our body a moment, it is usually a concern on how it looks–how heavy or thin, how smooth our skin is or not, but rarely how it truly feels. We tend to ignore how the body is feeling until it really gets sick. In effect, what we have been taught and encouraged all our lives is to make sure that we do not connect or engage with the greatest conveyer of wisdom in our lives. Seeing it this way, not only does it shed a whole new light on illnesses and how deeply thankful it is to have the opportunity to truly feel and honor our bodies again.
How true indeed Bernadette, our bodies show the way!
It is such a blessing that our biggest support is in fact us and our bodies – such a simple and yet life changing lesson.
I have had similar experiences throughout my life Adele of being in deep disregard of my body that also led to exhaustion and depression. During a long period of rest and allowing healing to take place I discovered that whenever I was tired the awful thoughts would start to creep in. Once I connected the two I then realized the importance of honouring my body and its need to rest deeply. Whenever I did this the results were astonishing. I would go from feeling tired with negative thoughts prior to resting, then after this period of time would wake feeling more energized with no sign of negative thinking. I now associate the negative thoughts with tiredness and an indication of it being time to rest regardless of what I’m doing at the time, and instead of it being an hour or three or perhaps a day in bed, as it was in the early days, it may now only take 10-20 minutes for me to feel restored to myself.
That’s an awesome understanding Deborah and one I am starting to get for myself more and more – there is something that happens with our minds when we push ourselves beyond our body’s true capacity. I also know when I feel that deep tiredness I want to eat more, partially to distract myself from the tiredness, and partially for the energy boost I hope it will give me. It’s not proved to be a particularly good strategy!
That is beautiful understanding Deborah, I too find that different thoughts enter my head when the body feels tired–usually depressive thoughts. Could it be that how much love the body holds determines the type of thoughts that we have?
So true Deborah, I too have come to realise that getting tired results in awful thoughts and wobbly emotions, definitely markers that I am needing to rest and take care of myself. As you say, with dedication to ourselves, these rest breaks have altered from needing long rest periods to short ‘naps’ that refresh and restore harmony and good humour. Gone are the days of endlessly trudging on, here to stay are the days of joyful and purposeful toil, which include the very important job of looking after me.
Like many people who have responded to Adele’s amazing journey to taking responsibility for one’s self and well being, I too, have held a long term pattern of disregard to building my ‘self’ love. I am now aware that I was always trying to be everything to all others without stopping to nurture ‘me’. I was always in the ‘doing’ and never in the ‘being’ which resulted in much tiredness and exhaustion, and my body was crying out for some love, tenderness and nurturing. It has been a long journey for me to change from disregard to committing to living a life that is based on love for self first, and my sincere thanks to Serge Benhayon for showing me that to be honest and responsible in choosing there is another way to live.
“A moment to moment choice to be present to life” this is such a powerful statement Adele. Simple but not always easy, it takes constant commitment; but as my consistency grows I know, as you do, it is so worth it.
Beautifully said sueq2012.
I don’t always choose this yet, to be present, but I know the difference in my body, the fiery feeling or the numbed and depressing feeling. If I choose the last feeling there is always just some energy that I don’t want to feel.
‘If I had ever thought I was different from others because of the choices of bettering myself, this woke me up to the fact that we are all equal, I am no different from anyone else.’ This sentence really struck me on reading this. We really are no different from anyone else, it’s just our choices that make us different, yet somewhere within my make up I was holding a small belief, I wasn’t even aware of till now, that making the choices I am making were somehow better perhaps than someone else’s because of my commitment to love; holding a sneaky arrogance that I was in fact, somehow better. Yikes, very exposing. The clarity in your words has woken me up to a truth of what being equal really is, and as this arrogance falls away I feel completely humbled by the enormity of what you’ve presented in this as I really got to feel it. What a grand reminder, thank you Adele for this and your beautiful blog.
It’s quite basic really, isn’t it? We all have bodies and we all have bodies that from time-to-time break down and will eventually do so irreparably. Illness is the great leveller of us all, whether we’re the queen in the palace or the man in the street. It is quite beautiful when we see ourselves, or those close to us, in the vulnerability and fragility of ill health.
Anxiety and depression, two of the most popular afflictions going around these days, increasingly so and two of the words that can be used to describe how I was living my life until recently. The honesty that is required to see what is truly going on, the discarding of the old ways of being and returning to the love, joy and harmony that we are. Thanks for your beautiful blog and your honesty Adele.
Mark I too was living a life of anxiety and depression for a long time. As I brought honesty into the way I was living and started discarding my old ways, I have been able to connect back to my true self, the love, joy and harmony that I truly am. It does take great honesty to be able to discard the old ways of being.
beautiful Adele and Amita, it does take great honesty, I just recently allowed myself to feel how lost I am when I forget who I am, and how harmful the choices are that come from a disconnection to my soul. Honesty, presence and a forever deepening love for me are the way back to a life without anxiety.
Another beautiful reminder of the power that we have moment to moment to choose to commit to ourselves by reconnecting and honouring our bodies for the awesomeness that we are. Thank you Adele .
Yes, and a great testimony to the fact that it may be possible for depression and seeming hopelessness to truly shift. It was great to read that through Adele’s simple self-loving and self-honouring choices she could connect to what she truly had within and could bring that forth. Immensely empowering and inspiring.
Absolutely Annie! well said 🙂
I agree Annie, Adele’s article was indeed ‘immensely empowering and inspiring’, and I too am finding that commitment to life is a moment to moment awareness of where one is at energetically – I ask myself, “am I truly present with my self, or am I checking out in some way”.
Yes I agree Annie, it is inspiring to see how simply she has been able to shift from such long held patterns. Awesome in fact how it’s been an ongoing unfoldment but how she has cherished every step.
Totally Annie – so many people don’t see an end to depression and hopelessness, this blog proves there can be an end – super important.
It is a great reminder franciscoclara8, we are constantly faced with choices and the more we say yes to reconnecting to ourselves and honouring our bodies the more this supports us to be more loving with both ourselves and everyone else. It also means the less we inadvertently say yes to abuse and neglecting our bodies.
To be loving and responsible with ourselves first is the key, this is the basis from which we can start to change our lives and the relationships with everyone: from struggle to understanding, from feeling not worthy enough to joyfull.
It is true James, we are saying yes to every moment in life, whether it is a choice to self-love or a choice to not. Both are affirmative but to very different consequences.
Francisco, that is beautifully, short, powerful and to the point, well said.
I love this realisation- ” Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer. It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported. ” I too hid for years and kept the world away. I now know I wasn’t any safer- it was all just an illusion designed to keep people away so that I didn’t have to deal with anything, especially my part in it. I now work constantly on letting people in, and letting go of hiding. I have so much to bring, I simply allow this to be my way forward, without perfection, but with steady commitment.
And also honouring our bodies for the awesomeness that they are Francisco! Our every expression comes through our amazing nature!
After many years of digestion problems, often being told I was a ‘very accepting person’, I finally realised I was in denial of my own self-acceptance !
As old patterns drop away, I have begun taking responsibility for my past choices, this with the support of Universal Medicine practitioners has brought about the “re-committment” you speak of Adele, it is a wonder-full unfoldment.
“There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life”. Agree with this 100%. After years and years of seeking solutions in a plethora of paths, distractions, dogmas or books, I have now realised through the teachings of the Way of the Livingness that it is a simple moment by moment choice. In fact, the lack of glamour or complication threw me off the scent for a while. As did my resistance to actually put in the work. But the word ‘work’ may need to be redefined for some. My Dad always used to say about work; “if you enjoyed it, they wouldn’t pay you.” This couldn’t be further from the truth in relation to the work that is being described in this blog. Whilst it is definitely work; the pay-offs, the return on your investment, the deep joy that is felt in the commitment to oneself, to life, to humanity, and the absolute knowing of who I truly am makes the ‘work’ the best paid work that I ever done in my whole life.
Adele when you described how hardening your body to ‘protect’ yourself from others and to not feel what you were doing to your body I could really relate. I know how destructive this shield is – it’s allowed me to carry on with abusive behaviours until my body gets ill and I say enough.
It’s lovely to read how taking down this shield returns us to harmony with ourselves and others. It so shows me that we are all designed to be connected to one another – we cannot isolate ourself and cut off the connection with others without losing our connection to ourself. We cannot have one without the other!
It shows me the hurts are so small in their confinement to one individual and cannot ever be greater than the connection to all. It shows me that what’s far more harmful is to seemingly protect oneself against others and cutting off this connection, because then we lose everything (including our ability to not harm others) and are left with a great emptiness.
So it’s so beautiful and supportive to read your journey from protection to letting people in. Your being vulnerable is a great gift. Most of the world lives protected and you’re showing everyone another way that’s far richer than any so called security. Very inspiring.
This is an amazing story of coming home to yourself.
Being honest in everything I do is not easy and I make many mistakes and ‘fall over’, so to speak, all the time. But being honest as to what is going on and why, and what my part is in this, has been truly liberating.
Once I thought that living in tough conditions or doing tough activities like rock climbing, or, like Adele, living in the desert as she shares in this blog, was when I was strong. I am now starting to understand that true strength is in the level of honesty I have with myself in all the every day activities of my life.
“But being honest as to what is going on and why, and what my part is in this, has been truly liberating”. I have also found this in my own life. Being honest, and nominating my part in things is so important as a first step to recognising the patterns I need to work on.
I agree with this Joost – first and foremost honesty with ourselves is the only way to change our old ways of being and feel the inner strength this begins to build.
“I am now starting to understand that true strength is in the level of honesty I have with myself in all the every day activities of my life”.
Adele your comment about seeing in your eyes a resolve and strength to return to truth is a constant reminder that this is an everyday choice. At no moment can we rest. We can appreciate and accept the choices made so far but also accept how much more love and truth there is to experience.
To realize that everything that feels not true or harmonious in our life is but a reflection for us to look at ourselves and the ways we live and with honesty then change what is not supportive and loving for ourselves may seem odd. In the beginning it may seem hard to feel that we are in fact responsible for everything our life is, but once we feel the power in that and that no one can influence our lives if we do not create a possibility for it, things will change. The basis of that is to be willing to truly look at what is there in our lives and take the responsibility for it – not with judgement and telling ourselves off for it – but with love and responsibility.
“A long held pattern of mine had been to have no regard for my body.” I can echo this Adele. Just ‘pushing through’ was the way I was taught in boarding school. Fragility was seen as a sign of weakness – by fellow pupils and teachers alike. This was back in the 60s. Have things changed? Not a lot for the vast majority it seems. Why aren’t we taught to value our preciousness – as this body is the only one I have this life. Yet we choose to fill it with smoke, alcohol and junk food and do extreme sport, which is lauded by society. Crazy world!
Taking responsibility can be projected as something very serious, disciplined and almost joyless when actually it is the opposite. For me it has certainly brought more lightness and joy back into life alongside more responsibility around my choices. How many people avoid looking within and acknowledging truth because they may see it as so hard or serious? Of course it can be revealing of choices being made. This may be hard at first to acknowledge, yet the actual truth of who we are and how full of wonder life can be, is full of joy and very well worth exploring.
Moment by moment, committing to being present in life is a truly magical change. We are our biggest critics and only with self acceptance can we set ourselves free from the dilemma of self judgement. Loved reading your blog Adele. What an amazing transformation.
I love what you share here pinkylight, “only with self acceptance can we set ourselves free from the dilemma of self judgement”. This is very true.
For me too it is a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presents itself.
The return of the connection I am developing with myself has also been through my willingness to be ‘honest and fragile’ “The day I sat in a psychiatrist’s office and opened myself up in honesty and fragility was the beginning of a choice to truly return to myself.” The suggestion of feeling fragile is often looked at as weakness and is often overrode, denied and intentionally undermined, the choice to be fragile and honest does open up the opportunity to heal. Thank you for sharing.
Adele I re-read this blog today and I felt like I had never read it before. This is a clear indicator to me about my own level of presence, that you have talked about so well here in this blog. Thank you Adele for your deep and true reflection, it was very inspiring and humbling today.
Re-reading the part in this story about taking back responsibility for my choices, makes me really realise the importance of my choices and how each choice lived continues to confirm the next moment as it unfolds. We build our own stories through life, by our choices, but can so easily change the direction by the next choice we make.
This is so true gillrandall. I’ve really been feeling lately how everything that has ever happened in my life is absolutely a result of my own choices, moment to moment. These days, I find the consequences of my choices, be them good or bad, are immediate. There’s no mucking about. Its a great gauge to see where I am at, and where my choices are coming from.
” To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson.” A fine balancing act I have found. Acceptance – and self-acceptance is key to our healing – an on-going process – as we uncover deeply buried hurts – but it is so worth it as emerges like butterflies from a chrysalis.
This is very beautiful sueq2012. It is so worth the unfolding that is part of the whole development. As the butterfly first emerges and it’s wings unfold, they patiently wait for them to dry before they are ready to take off. Such a gentle, loving, and self supporting moment in their lives. They wouldn’t be there berating themselves, but honouring that this time is essential for them to be able to fly. Then they are harmony in motion.
Awesome honest sharing of the life you previously chose, which resulted in severe anxiety and depression. But with loving commitment to life, and by letting people in, you have shown you can overcome stop points in your life.
We take years to get into a unhealthy state of being and then expect it to suddenly change when we decide to get healthy instantly. Its great that you have presented the path back and that it is not necessarily easy or just handed back without some pain and tough honest realisations.
Wow Adele, thank you so much for your honest and practical blog on how to recommit to life as a moment to moment choice to be present and accept. You exposed for me how I want to avoid and resist certain moments in life by hiding or not feeling what is going on.
Thank you Adele, this is very inspiring and what you offer with regards to developing that connection with ourselves and our bodies is the key for us to begin the way back to who we are, it is simple as it comes down to a choice and feel the empowerment that this allows.
“With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world” .. It truly is just a choice and a simple one as you so clearly describe Adele.
Beautiful Ariana, it is having a profound affect in my life also, just being present, feeling and observing myself and life around me.
For a long time I kept myself in the illusion that in hiding I would be safe and that connecting to people only meant to get hurt. It was a big thing to realise that nowhere am I less safe than when hiding on my own and that if I feel hurt by others the reason is always something inside myself. The “others” are just a reflection.
Another beautiful blog Adele, I too have pushed my body way beyond it’s physical and mental limits, thinking I was twenty five not fifty-five. Everything you write is so meaningful.
“There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself. The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true. With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world. Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer. It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported. As with taking back responsibility for my choices, each choice lived continued to confirm the next moment as it unfolded.” This is such a powerful statement Adele, and an inspiration to re-commit in every moment to being present. Your experience shows how giving ourselves that amount of love reflects the love back to us, and the world opens up to us and joy is present in all we do. We can become our own masters of life by choosing this way to live
Adele. Thank you for your openness and honesty that you have been through.
I have had times when I look back thinking that I was not good enough, and having the feeling of being unloved, rather than coming back to who I really am. I do sometimes fight with my self as that imposter gets in my way trying to send me in a different direction.
Wow thank you Adele, your honesty is beautiful and powerful and I love the simplicity of what you share… ‘There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.
This is gold Adele: “As with taking back responsibility for my choices, each choice lived continued to confirm the next moment as it unfolded.” We are forever on an unfolding path, the direction of which is determined by every one of our choices in absolutely every moment.
Great article Adele and very inspirational! “Bettering myself to be above the crowd” was also something I wanting to do which was coming from the hurt of previous unsuccessful relationships. To learn that I was in fact equal to everybody else was very humbling too and a big learning and healing for me.
This has been my experience also alexandremed, it is very humbling (and very beautiful) after living so long in the hurt and protection, to come back to love and equality.
A very powerful blog Adele, showing us all the arrogance we have of feeling ‘better than others’ and the deep love that comes from an acceptance of ourselves and others as equal…amazing, divine (in potential) but equal.
I have done a lot of numbing in the past, so can easily relate to your story. It’s great to accept the responsibility and start to turn things around, it feel so good to drop the disregard, that serves no-one.
What an amazingly insightful process you are sharing here. Thank you Adele for the depth of honesty here, an amazing example of how empowering it is to take self responsibility – without self-bashing, but with supporting yourself lovingly all the way. True healing at it’s best. This is a very inspiring read.
I have found that building a consistency in my life supports me to stay committed to life.
To accept responsibility for everything in our life is quite a big moment, it was for me. All the events, struggles, sickness, friendships, relationships… everything, I am responsible for, even if it appears that I wasn’t and something was done to me from the outside. This is when true healing can begin.
So true Mathew, for me too. And taking responsibility is an unfolding path unto itself. The more I travel it the more there is to accept responsibility for, from the most obvious things right down to the way I breathe.
I really like your comment Mathew, a good reminder, I am responsible for all the events, struggles, sickness, friendships, relationships etc. even if it doesn’t appear that way. “This is when true healing can begin”.
“…I had to numb the pain I felt of actually allowing such a level of disregard towards myself throughout the years”.
With a long held pattern of disregard, I’m learning that in order to have more regard, it’s super important for one to appreciate the areas in which they are committed and love themselves. With each appreciation comes a back stop to where one rests upon having a wobble, and then greater levels of self love can build.
Also, I start my day with “I am glorious” and build everything to do with my day from this view point. Rather than the other way around.
I love the honesty in your blog Adele and what you shared about recommitting to life being “Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” allowed me to feel the simplicity of what it really means to be committed.
Thank you Adele. I agree that presence is being with what you are doing while you are doing it. What a great present presence brings to us all.
It is amazing how when we get sick, it forces us to drop our arrogance, become more vulnerable and open and much more tender and accepting with ourselves.
Yes Andrewmooney26 there is so much in this simple act our bodies deliver to us, through which we can ‘come back’ to ourselves, become humble, stop being impatient and remember how precious life can be.
That is absolutely gorgeous Simon, to ‘come back’ to ourselves……and remember how precious life can be. I’m feeling that just now, thank you.
Yes Andrew, it’s never ‘convenient’ to get sick, but a much needed stop for many of us, to help us drop the arrogance and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open and much more tender and accepting with ourselves. I just love that.
So true Andrew, in the past getting sick has been an inconvenience at the beginning, but by the end of it I have always been appreciative of the opportunity that I’ve had to reconnect to my body and appreciate and accept myself more, which has resulted in me making lifestyle choices that will support me more.
When we choose to reconnect and commit to life, it seems the body requires an adjustment. This phase can be a little uncomfortable as I have found out, with rashes and physical aches and pains. The nurturing aspect you speak of Adele is super important during this time and if medical support is needed, then that will assist the choice to reconnect and commit even further. It is very self loving, nurturing and responsible to do this.
How true Matthew, the discomfort that arises during the correction period is what makes many of us give up–but now knowing that it is necessary to first clear what has not been supportive to us, is deeply necessary for more self-love to happen.
This adjustment, correction period has been severe and taken some time for me. I am sixty four and I would never have tolerated the discomfort without the support of Universal Medicine or Serge Benhayon.
“Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer. It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported.”
I can relate to wanting to hide throughout my life, because of a belief that I was not safe.
This led me to keeping myself small. But in doing so I kept others out and was not a true reflection of who I am in full. Now that I have chosen to commit to life, and let people in, I feel the love and joy it truly brings in every relationship, and I feel supported.
It has dawned on me that the judgement that was like a constant radio that does not shut off and was playing loudly during the time when I did not accept my sickness and weight lost was not self-judgement. It did not come from me. It was judgement sure enough, but it came through me, planted into me to cause a reaction. Which brings me to question, where does it come from? Where do all thoughts come from?
Adele, I so relate to what you are sharing here. I have had/am having a similar experience following choices I have made that were so far from who I am truly am, and caused myself and others a lot of pain. Recently, as I am healing and moving on from this, I have come to see that this same energy keeps popping in to visit. It comes under the guise of ‘what you did really hurts and its going to take time to recover’, but really underneath it is just another way to hold myself in judgement and keep me from living all that I am. I’m starting to realise that this is actually not coming from me. That love would say, Anna, you did this, but that energy is simply trying to stop you from being the Amazing woman that you are already – period – you can be that today, right now, there is nothing stopping you! Its funny how that sneaky energy gets in. And the most amazing thing about true love and true support, is that its actually the people I hurt the most, who are supporting me to call this insidious energy out.
Anna, just as an experimental discipline, now whenever I have a doubtful thought that comes in, immediately I confirm I must be amazing. If not, why would these thoughts even enter? That said, immediately with this confirmation I go back to look at how my body has been compromised in the level of love that it knows and deserves, so as to let these thoughts enter.
“With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world”. What a great comment Adele. I have read this article several times and each time I see something that leaps off the page! Your writing is inspirational.
Lorraine, I love this line too; ‘ With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world”. A lovely reminder that in each moment of our lives, we have a choice of what our next choice will be.
Yes very true jacqmcfadden04 we do have choices
I love the way Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine simplify choices into two categories; loving or harming. Although I don’t always get it right, I know which kind of choices I intend choosing to choose – loving of course.
It is often only when something we take SO for granted, like our psychological stability is destabilized that the wake up call is loud enough for us to hear. Just imagine what it would be like if people were just able to observe people in livingness in action and be so able to feel the quality of what they were observing that the extreme wake ups were no longer needed.
Hi Adele. Thanks for sharing this. Very helpful. regards. Locky
I can really relate to what you share Adele with your journeys to the dessert, with no food and living in harsh conditions. A couple of times in my life I found myself sleeping rough in caves around the world and on beaches. I was under the illusion at the time I was free, yet I was deeply mistaken as now realise the true meaning of freedom and instead of running from society I am now in it with two feet firmly on the ground. I look back and see the disregard and danger I put myself in and wonder how I did not see it at the time. It is crazy what lengths we can go to avoid seeing and feeling what is true.
Thanks for sharing that, Samantha. Yes, I think most if not all of us could write a novel about the things we have done to avoid looking inside ourselves for the answers.
Indeed, the more I seek answers outside of myself, the further I moved away from truth connection and knowing. What felt like freedom was in fact a prison of never finding who I truly am and total irresponsibility.
Oh yes ;o)
most definitely… however as long as that novel is used to complement the inner quality that we now enjoy 😛
So true samanthaengland. There is no true freedom from running away, be it escaping from stressful work to a “vacation” or retreating to a remote mountain top or cave. The only true freedom we will ever experience is to consistently commit to life in every big and small way.
I agree, wherever we go, whatever we do, there is no escape, no freedom, until we confront, and take responsibility for our own issues.
“The only true freedom we will ever experience is to consistently commit to life in every big and small way.” I am aware, Adele, that I have often been able to commit fully to the big things in life, but it is the little every day minute by minute of committing to being present with myself in life that I find more difficult, so the small way is not necessarily easier than the big way.
Yes. The danger of some of the scenarios I have placed myself in. All in the course of running away – under the pretence of trying to find myself. Insane and shocking when I look back at it. Not in a million years would I now do some of that stuff; because my self love and appreciation would never allow me to put myself in such danger and because I am now committed to the purpose of my life, so I wouldn’t want to risk ending it unduly early!
It feels like a huge journey you’ve shared here, and great how you continued the process when it gets so uncomfortable. To take responsibility and then not indulge in feeling guilty is one I have fallen for before, and also feeling I was different from others because of the choices of bettering myself. Absolutely crazy, because we are all equal, I am no different from anyone else. I also am completely humbled, Adele.
What I have found Adele is that bringing true responsibility to my life can be very joyful. A far cry from what I had imagined. True responsibility gives me a guideline from which to live life. Without it I am lost.
Rebecca so wholeheartedly agree–that true responsibility is not how it is temporally defined to be–heavy and burdensome. We feel heavy when we resist responsibility, but that is not responsibility itself.
Responsibility is always an inspiration to be more of who we truly are, and saying yes to it, deep joy is felt, as we have said yes to more of ourselves. I’d say each and everyday–more responsibility please.
1heart1love1earth, I couldn’t agree more, that responsibility is inspiration to be more of who we truly are. This is put so well. I’ve always considered responsibility something I don’t want. Rather, I too see it as just myself in movement, once actionned responsibility isn’t even an after thought – it is only the resistance to ourselves that makes us feel our irresponsibility.
Yes Rebecca, making the choice to truly be responsible. I have found it is a process within, we want to hide, allow our spirit to take over and control, blame someone or something outside of ourselves. This can go on the weeks, months, years, lifetimes. We are all just so blessed to have a reflection of how life can be different and what true responsibility is.
While I have never been diagnosed with depression or had insomnia I could relate to so many of the symptoms you describe, such as panic attacks and feeling lost and the arrogance of thinking because I had my life in order I was somehow better than others. Adele you have such a wonderful way with words, and you are able to bring such important and relevant topics to the fore that bring such depth and understanding for us all to share, thank you.
I was in that arrogance of thinking I was, or should be, ‘better’ than others. I had a good family, a good education, a good home, a good life, good friends and yet there was still something in me that didn’t feel right. Now I know. I didn’t want to be better, I wanted to be me.
Catherine I had the same thinking, and all I wanted was to be me. How crazy it is.
What an amazing and deeply honest sharing Adele. I love the way you not only share how you got into that place of exhaustion and depression but also how you ever so gradually and gently with your many realisations made your way back to your commitment to you and life.
Wow….how far you have come. This blog shows the commitment and honesty you had within yourself to get to where you are now…. from where you were Truly inspiring…
I agree Jody, this blog is truly inspiring and offers so much to so many. An honest sharing of lived experience which starts at a lace that is familiar to many.
That’s true Stephen. I’m no subscriber to the ‘no pain, no gain’ philosophy which is based on hurting your body to force yourself to achieve. However, when toxicity has been taken in, be it physical or energetic, it has to clear out of the body and that usually hurts. ‘Better out than in’. If you got food poisoning, you WANT to throw up and run to the loo to clear the bacteria from your body. If you get the ‘flu, you WANT to run a fever and cough and stream mucous to clear the virus from your body. I once made the unwise choice to join a friend in trying speed every day during a short binge. I had a scientific breakthrough to make, and oh, the fast amazing mind, speed gave me! (Although the breakthrough remained elusive.) BUT the ‘morning after’ feeling was unimaginable: like I’d been hit by the proverbial truck, been without sleep for a month, poisoned, sick and miserable in every part of my body….. My buddy said the best solution was to have some more speed. I said NO, I’d rather ‘gut it out’ and feel like a half-dead thing for the whole weekend until the drug and the discomfort of that unwise choice cleared from my body. Then no more speed for me, ever. I stuck to that and my mind achieves wonderful things without poisoning myself with drugs. Great gain, from a short period of pain!
Yes diannetrussell, I certainly know that everything we do to ourselves we have to pay the price for eventually.
Reading your understanding of “Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” I can feel how essential it is to live every detail. As you say Adele the choice to be present in every moment.
Adele thank you for such an honest and open sharing, your re-commitment to life and taking responsibility has certainly supported you to no longer hide from the world. I love this line –
‘The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true.’
The way you describe how you had the insomnia when you gave up the ill behaviours and committed to life showed to me how it is often when we give up the harmful things, that we then have to encounter the way we have really been living underneath. It is a bit like a coffee drinker giving up caffeine and getting headaches, do you relent and have a coffee to remove the uncomfortable headache, or do you see its full course and get over the discomfort of removing the past ill choice that is made.
It is in the unwavering commitment back to true love in life, that unwavering support is also with us. It is understandable that we have to take the responsibility of a not very pleasant correction period, and the understanding of that takes away the need to react further. Thank you Stephen, seeing the full course is key, being with the body we can support the awareness of this understanding.
I can so feel this one! How much easier to numb out having to feel the harm caused than live through it. It’s often incredibly painful and feels worse than the ill choice itself. But once you realise the depth of the harm caused this is often the guiding light and brings with it a strength to help you through. “Short term pain, long term gain”
Adele, this is an amazing turnaround you have described, I would never have believed you had come from this background. Thank you for your great honesty in sharing your story, I have known you over the past few years, and you are now such a confident, beautiful, loving woman, wonderful to know.
Well said Adam ! This true connection to ourselves is basic and it is so important and supportive and actually naturally powerful to come back to it all the time..
It’s great the way you describe the cycle of pushing and disregarding your body and then having to push your body and disregard your body some more so as to not feel what’s going on. This is such a familiar cycle and one that is continued to greater and lesser extremes everyday. It could be as innocuous as pushing yourself a bit longer just to get the job finished that day… and then into a behaviour that means you don’t need to feel how full on the day was – like off to the gym for a good work out or collapsing with a glass of wine and a chocolate sticky toffee pudding (or may be both!). Something we all have done more likely than not, but don’t generally consider the cycle that’s happening at the time.
It’s extraordinary and uncomfortable to feel the level of complete disregard I have had for my body in the past, to numb myself from feeling the hurt of not being truly met as a child. And with that had given up on committing to life, escaping from people. Through the help of Universal Medicine I have began to start to re-commit to life. Thank you Adele for your honest, inspiring blog.
I agree Thomas, from my own experience it is not comfortable at all to feel where we have been in the past away from love, especially when we start to feel the fact the we come from love, we are love. This can be very painful and for me it has been easy to get stuck at this point and stay in the pain, but as Adele has so beautifully shared with us the path out of this conundrum. A path that takes a willingness to commit to being present, and commiting back to life. A path that many of us have chosen to walk back together, now that’s a blessing and shows the true support that is there for us all.
I agree Thomas, from my own experience it is not comfortable at all to feel where we have been in the past away from love, especially when we start to feel the fact the we come from love, we are love. This can be very painful and for me it has been easy to get stuck at this point and stay in the pain, but as Adele has so beautifully shared with us the path out of this conundrum. A path that takes a willingness to commit to being present, and commiting back to life. A path that many of us have chosen to walk back together, now that’s a blessing and shows the true support that is there for us all.
We can get to the bottom of the things that happen to us, it is how honest can we be with ourselves. When what is revealed is that we are so light and full of love, how can we possibly put ourselves through some of the extreme pursuits that life offers us.
I always used to see the word humbling as related to humiliation, something negative. I now realise that to be humbled is an exquisite opportunity to see through patterns of arrogance and behaviours that keep me separate from all others.
So true matildaclark, these days I really embrace the moments where I feel truly humbled. As you say,it breaks the arrogance down further and this is a gift for us all. I often feel quite fragile during these times, in the awareness of another layer that I have been living shut down and separate from others, but as I accept and open up to the new, yet old way of being, offered with this, it feels amazing. Feeling humbled by an experience opens me up a little more each time I feel it.
‘To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson.’ I have had moments of breathlessness reading your article as truths drop in and masquerades are exposed – thank you, Adele. The above quote is something so key for me.
I completely relate Matilda, both to the endless pearls in this blog, and this one in particular – calling out the indulgence in sorrow, guilt or remorse following on from a poor choice, or choice away from love.
Such a clear account of the journey back to your true self and how to commit to life. Thank you Adele for your inspirational blogs. They are so beautifully explained.
Thank you Adele for this revealing blog. I can relate from my own experience that withdrawing from life by seeking solace in nature can serve on one level to assist us to re-connect to the divinity of God, but in truth it brings not the healing we are truly seeking, only momentary relief. True healing can only come from re-discovering the fact that our connection to God comes from within, a connection that can only be ignited by our commitment to ourselves, to life, and all others equally.
Well said Adam. It is is easy to withdraw from life, shut ourselves off, escape from the realities of life or we can choose to embrace life and commit to living a loving way holding everyone equally.
Great point Adam. Momentary relief is hugely different to true healing. It is often easy to find instant relief outside of ourselves but true healing only comes from within.
Great conversation started here Adam, what I have learned and am continuing to do so is that true healing takes time, a process of awareness, honesty, acceptance and letting go to move forward. Momentary relief is offered as a constant throughout this process and is an easy path to take if we are not willing and commited to taking those steps towards truly healing from our past choices. I find this relief comes in so many forms, food, drugs, exercise, even going to another looking for confirmation in our waywardness. There are so many ways we have on offer to avoid the truth, and the healing that comes from this.
That’s a remarkable turn around you experienced, Adele, and as you say, there is no magic, just a moment to moment commitment to being present with all of you – which, at times, from personal experience, can be challenging and scary. I love the honesty with which you address this aspect of the transformation.
Whilst I try to rush on and be somewhere that is not in line with how I am living, I am so beautifully held by the FACT that it is in the every moment detail that true change and transformation occurs. Thank you, Adele and Coleen.
Awesome blog Adele – although I haven’t experienced what you have described I can relate to what you talk about with thinking that I am better than others/even everyone else, and I found it quite uncomfortable but good to hear that “nothing can be truly blamed on anyone”
I can really relate to what you say here Jessica about being uncomfortable. I’ve felt that too but when I feel beneath the discomfort there is a feeling of liberation in not blaming anyone and realising that we’re totally in the driving seat with just us making the choices – this makes it impossible to lay blame on anyone else. I also love how Adele doesn’t turn the blame on herself but simply brings loving awareness to what comes up. Blame and judgement just serve to mask what’s truly there to be felt, so letting go of that creates space for more awareness.
I love what you have written here Heather: “blame and judgement just serve to mask what’s truly there to be felt”.
I really get the self judgment because this has done so much to stop me from looking under the bonnet and seeing the disregard that has been such a part of my life. I’m with you all the way.
I agree Michael, the self judgement game for me has been huge and in reality has not only held myself back but all those around me as it has meant I have not been fully living my loving potential with everyone.
I feel a great support when others such as yourself write about your experiences as you articulate a feeling or experience, as it often mirrors our own experiences. In so doing it helps to bring understanding and a clarity to that which was not clear.
Adele there was a line in your blog which really struck a chord with me – that we put up a self-constructed image or protective wall that pushes other people away, but actually it is there to stop ourselves from feeling what we are really doing to our bodies and the level of suppression of ourselves. This brings so much understanding to such a common occurrence in relationships thank you.
Such a powerful blog Adele. Thank you for sharing so openly.
“Hiding didn’t make me feel any safe” – how true this is. The hiding only isolates, creating even more anxiety and emotions in the body to eventually have to deal with. This has been my experience, and when I truly let the world and people in, I felt the love and support reflected that has been there all along.
Opening ourselves up in honesty and allowing others to see our fragility for me is one of the key factors to true changes. Once we choose to do this, we do not hide ourselves away behind a wall of protection. Suddenly we truly let people in, reflect what we have chosen to them and get the reflection of what power letting others in and see what we truly are has – truth can move mountains.
michaelkremer2212 I agree with you and have found the same that by allowing others to see my fragility and being open to allowing them to see all of me, and not hiding bits back has been extremely supportive in allowing me to see my strengths and build on them as well as seeing areas where I am weaker in and so require some focus, focus because they have been areas I have ignored and not given much if any time to.
It really is about us making a choice to truly re-connect and re-commit to life in full. We are equal and just that understanding brings a humbleness in. Being present and connected is our choice and the more we choose, the deeper we connect to the awareness we already have within us.
I have been depressed at various times in my life. It has become common nowadays a common thing that is part of life… how messed up is that! Something that can be totally debilitating and unable to function, to ‘I’m bummed because my team lost’ are all treated the same. When did we loose who we are and how did we get so lost at sea. Adele you have summed it up so succinctly ‘With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me’.
Adele what a open, honest blog and what a great representation of how returning to truth and living in a responsible way has such a major influence in your life but also the ones around you. That being part of the all is key and you are just as important as everyone else and we can not evolve unless the whole can come together and live as one. One Unified Truth.
It’s great to hear some of the things you did in your life Adele as I know you today and you are very different to how you use to be. I couldn’t imagine you camping in the freezing wilderness without any food just because of the love you now have for your body.
Beautiful Adele, I can so relate to the loneliness and imprisonment of hiding. To break free from that existence, to choose to live from honesty and the responsibility that it brings, is the home I had longed for yet not ever found in shutting myself away from it.
Whats really great to read in your blog Adele is that the choice had to come from you. No one else could help you or do it for you, the hard work and the recommitment had to be your choice for you, and its inspiring to read your journey with it.
Thank you Adele, an poignant description of a life turned around, all starting simply with developing presence and connection to the body. The body tells us everything we need to know.
Such an awesome blog Adele. Thank you for sharing and being so honest. I have found the same, being present takes away fear, because nothing is unknown. It is incredibly empowering and anyone can do it.
Absoutely Rachel. And the beauty about being choosing to be present is that we are then equipped with the awareness of how to handle any situation or interaction that passes our path. Presence brings confidence, knowing and understanding with it- all beautiful relating tools.
I feel this too Adele and Rachel. I finally am beginning to understand that when I feel I can’t cope with the intenseness of life and the tasks we are required to undertake..that all that is required in that moment is to really feel right then and there how we are, the quality of how we are doing something and the willingness to bring the fullness of our lovely expression to it. It is simple and empowering! and yes nothing then is ‘ unknown’, because we are making a known we can guarantee and ‘ anyone can do it!
Thank you!
‘being present takes away fear’ – the simplicity and accessibility of this is amazing and empowering. Thank you, Rachel.
A wonderfull piece of writing Adele, what really stuck out for me was the importance of being present in the little things that we do that can really make a difference to our lives. I totally admire the way you have expressed in your blog
Hi Adele, You have said and shared a lot in this article. I love it where you mention being super tender and gentle with yourself while you were feeling at your lowest. I have found that the deep tender support we can give ourselves during difficult times through gentle action and care can allow us to really see how we have been treating ourselves. From this place we can then support ourselves to make different, more self-loving choices.Thank you.
It is truly a celebration when we choose to recommit back to life because we are choosing to come back to ourselves, who we truly are not what we created so that we can do what we call ‘well’ in life… with the start to be really honest and the willingness to take responsibility is the way back…although it is very challenging as it all comes up that we have side stepped, pushed down or whatever, as we uncover all this over time and start to feel that who we truly are is really here within us, our quality of life starts to change and become joyful…thank you for sharing so honestly and beautiful your way back…truly inspiring and courageous.
An amazing transformation you have gone through Adele. It does seem one of the biggest hurdles to get to a more loving place is arrogance…you describe this so well. We think we have it all right, ticking the boxes etc. yet if there is no self-love in our daily living the body will stop us and you had the courage to listen and not cover it up with drugs, alcohol, entertainment, or any other from of distraction.
Thank you Adele, Committing to life, self acceptance is the key to connecting back to who we are., and it cant be rushed. A very powerful blog
I am deeply moved by the level of honesty in your blog Adele. The openness with which you share your experience is truly inspiring and for many parts you could easily have been writing my own biography. I know the crippling effect on the body when we do not commit to life and the resultant anxiety and depression that can follow. But perhaps for me the most powerful words in this blog were ‘if I had ever had thought I was different from others because of my choices of bettering myself, this woke me up to the fact that we are all equal, I am no different to anyone else. I was completely humbled.’ In reading this I felt another layer that I have been holding myself still separate to others drop away. This is the true power in these blogs, with deep appreciation Adele for your sharing and leading the way in your choice to re-commit to life. Today I go forward with a deeper commitment to presence and equality.
“Simply a moment to moment choice” that explains it all – there is no need for complication or worry about the what if and buts. When we choose to live in each moment and not think about this and that, life and knowing becomes very clear and super joyful to top it off. There is no pressure or thoughts about the future, or the past, all it takes is a simple choice in each moment, which then allows life to naturally unfold.
Thank you Gyl, you have once again nailed it.
Being in the moment is the key to a simple life.
Well said Gyl…make it simple, by being present in the moment, Which lets life unfold naturally. Why do we as humans complicate life so much? When it could be so simple.
Also what I felt was the level of disregard for my body that I can still live in at times, and how this can be easily masked, although painful in the sense of all the distractions we seek, for me going into my head and choosing to not trust myself, this is very deeply damaging to our way of being and our bodies. It’s a self perpetuating game we can play, I know I do, to stay small and not live in the love, power, amazingness, delicateness and grandness we are from. It is like we have all these very well known and old used tricks up out sleeve, where by we think we are being clever not dealing with our stuff, but really we are exhausting and draining ourselves constantly going round in circles. Only the tricks we are playing are not fun. It’s really crazy when you stop and stand back and observe it all. And then really life is actually very very simple, we do know everything, there is no doubt about that, every choice is either a simple yes or no – yet we knowingly choose to complicate it all.
“It’s a self perpetuating game we can play, I know I do, to stay small and not live in the love, power, amazingness, delicateness and grandness we are from.” Gylrae, I can certainly relate to this game. I played it for most of my life up until the last few years, after I met Serge Benhayon and learned to very gradually emerge from this way of being. Still very much a work in progress, but it is so, so worth while. It is crazy that we think we are protecting ourselves, but all we are doing is shutting ourselves out from others, and from life. I spent so much of my time by going into my head, playing out scenarios, also lots of time reading. An absolutely ridiculous way to live I can see now, and I so enjoy opening up more and more to others, and to life.
The title of this blog today made me smile, as I was having bit of an off day, then I read “commitment to life” – thats exactly what I was choosing until this moment to avoid today, and it felt awful. Simple, choice = joy.
I love how bringing presence into your life in such a consistent way brought you to yourself. I’ve never done this for myself and I can feel this. I’m going to bring presence consistently to one specific thing in my life so I build trust in myself on a daily basis.
“With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me,” Committing to life in this way everything becomes more alive, our awareness grows and we are supported in our commitment, acknowledging and appreciating this we are held even more. Very inspiring blog, thank you Adele.
We all have different situations where things have happened and we can shut down; and when we realise it, we want to re-commit back to life. There’s no point me beating myself up about it, what’s done is done; but I can move forwards by accepting this and taking responsibility for my choices as my way forward.
Adele I want to share your blog with anyone who has ever experienced depression and anxiety or who still has it. The way you came back to you is inspiring for all to read.
“The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true. With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world.”
I agree Samantha and I also feel to share this blog with people who have or are in any way experiencing depression. It is so debilitating and difficult to see the wood from the trees. To be able to read such an inspirational article, full of pearls of wisdom, to see that someone has come through it and changed their life around, is a gift to all who may be struggling. It is also a reminder of how our choices can change our lives. Adele is living proof that anything is possible.
The possibilities of life changing situations happen with the choices we make in life. It is not a privilege to any one person, we all have this available to us.
I agree Samantha, this blog is for everyone who has been or is touched by depression in some way and I feel we all know someone who would feel hugely supported in reading this blog. Thank you Adele for sharing so honestly.
What an amazing transformation Adele. “If I had ever thought I was different from others because of the choices of bettering myself, this woke me up to the fact that we are all equal, I am no different from anyone else. I was completely humbled.” I so appreciate those who have travelled further along the way, who inspire me daily to live from my heart and yet who treat me as their equal – because inside us all we are indeed equal.
Being more present to life, life became more present to me. So beautiful. And then it becomes a dance, a dance of presence, where only this moment counts. The next moment is taken care of, we just have to be fully present here and now.
Adele I can’t seem to get the sentence you wrote about camping in the freezing wilderness without food, out of my head. Somehow this sentence brought home to me how unloving I have been towards myself in other ways equally as harmful. Thank you for sharing.
I agree, Jaderiver56. It is a great analogy- yet one that many people put upon them selves or choose to be with themselves.
Very true Jaderiver56, it is shocking the extremes we can go to without realising what we are truly doing to ourselves. I know I have put my body through some intense experiences and now I realise just how sensitive it is, seems totally insane. The question I have asked myself is why ?, what was driving me to over-ride such an exquisitely delicate body? The answer is a great deal of pain, that once I decided to feel and take responsibility for, changed the way I treated my self. Adele is not alone in doing these extreme things but she is very unusual in recognising and stopping the real harm she was doing to herself.
I relate too jaderiver56. I used to go snow camping sometimes four times per winter season. 20kg backpack, skiing through dangerous wilderness conditions creating intense levels of stress. Yes all of that escapism was deeply stressful, no matter what people say, because you are pitting your fragile body against enormously dangerous potential weather conditions. It was painful, frightening and so very cold. I cannot dream of doing this again now, now that I know who I am and have nothing to prove by forcing my body up a mountain. There is nothing to be found up there that I do not have with me right now.
great blog Adele this line stands out to me
“With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me”
Adele, how true it is when you say “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself. The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true.” A beautiful blog indeed.
Committing to life gives you that true purpose to serve, and that willingness to take your next point of evolution; for others. Your humbleness is felt
A powerful expression here, and one I can very much feel is very important.
Adele, it’s great how you transformed your life from such a level of disregard to making more self-loving choices, and how you took responsibility for your choices without blaming another nor judging yourself for the consequences of your actions, or in-actions.
It is true Sandra, and very important for us to not judge or criticise, but instead to expand and evolve our own awareness and livingness each and everyday.
Yes, I really felt what it truly means to not judge oneself through Adeles sharing. I loved her openness around the guilt she had to work not to come in and run her but to simply take responsibility for her life and past choices. This is something I have struggled with for a long time and am now really working on myself, so I found this hugely inspiring.
The hardest part for me was to stop judging and criticising myself once I realised that this was NOT a loving behaviour, and in fact, I was abusing myself with my thoughts, I could make the choice to change and begin to evolve in a truly loving way. This is not always easy, but learning to appreciate myself helps, and realising how far I have come, and to focus on that and not on the ‘bad’ stuff which we appear to be very good at, bashing ourselves!! And it is true, by being honest with ourselves our awareness grows every day, expanding our livingness.
Yes not blaming others for our predicaments is a huge evolutionary step forward for anyone and actually deeply fulfilling to live life this way.
Very true Sandra, it takes huge integrity to stop and own all of our choices and to not dump the responsibility of our lives onto other people. And wow, just look what happens when we do!
I agree rowenakstewart, owning our past choices builds integrity in our lives. The truth is that it is only we who have made these choices, and so there really is no other way but to feel, accept and move forward, no matter how difficult or painful a process. This has been my experience.
Very Rowena, we take the liberty to dump on people when we don’t want to claim the mess that we have created for ourselves.
I agree Sandra, with everything in life, the moment we take full responsibility for our choices, we are saying we created this situation so we can uncreate it and therefore there is no need to blame, judge or criticise.
How liberating it is to accept responsibility and to let go of judgement. The enormous energy we have put into judging ourselves and others can be put to a much more healthy and self-loving purpose.
Hi Adele, what an achievement and awesome turnaround. I loved how you started to make it about the moment — What is going on in the body? Sometimes those thoughts are overwhelming and cannot be just stopped. Only when you are aware to stop them, and by being honest (super-honest), is there possibility for change. The best thing, as you suggested, is to slow down the physiology by physically slowing down, being gentle and tender in your actions, and using the fingertips to continually confirm that tenderness. That works for me and it is profound.
That is true Rik and makes it even more important to be honest able what is really going on with ourselves from moment to moment, expressing how we feel NOT IN REACTION is key for us moving forward.
Great reminder Rik about how we can turn around our anxiety by choosing to physically restore a tenderness to our movements. Focusing on the quality of my touch, creating a gentle rhythm with my breath, feeling my feet on the floor are so supportive. I know it has enabled me to know that what ever my fears may be, in this moment everything is okay and so I have built a solid foundation to rebuild my future with. It is amazing how Adele has been able to connect to her body and rebuild her life and her health moment by moment.
Brilliant Rik, that works for me too. It then carries on into everything we touch, re-imprinting as we go. Sometimes when I get caught up in the moment of nervous energy I find it hard to stop and slow down, but it is well worth the effort. The hardest part is slowing the mind down, but once the body becomes still the mind follows, even if it can be a little stubborn, perseverance and consistency is the key, and of course the awareness to choose this in the first place.
I love this expansion, Rik, thank you, and get a sense of the spaciousness available when I choose to keep my attention on each moment and the quality that I am doing everything, observing the feelings in my fingertips as a gauge of where I am at.
This is so true Rik. I too find that all my emotions and past patterns can live within my movements if I let them. By slowing down my movement and consciously choosing how I want to move I am no longer controlled by my past. It is an ongoing choice in every moment.
I find it very easy to race ahead with ideas and concerns and when I do,anxiety is just a breath away. “To slow down the physiology by physically slowing down, being gentle and tender in your actions”. Doing this allows me to stop the spin and come back to the stillness of the moment, and my thoughts become that much more steady and present with my actions – it works for me too.
I agree Rik, focusing on the fingertips is a great way to keep very present and bring our focus to tenderness. As you say, ‘profound’.
Ariana this is so true – this way of living has become the ‘norm’ in the world, not many people know or are willing to see that it is very possible to make a turnaround like the one Adele has done. She is indeed an inspiration for humanity.
Awesome blog Adele. I love your honesty in sharing what you went through.You have clearly shone a light on some widespread mental health issues which until recently were not talked about much. I speak from experience as I also suffered from anxiety and periodic panic attacks especially in my 20’s and 30’s. I wasn’t listening to my body and wasn’t being honest with myself, pretending everything was okay in my life when clearly it wasn’t. The ideals and beliefs got in the way, as I wanted the “perfect” fairytale life. The panic attacks stopped when I decided to face my fears in the moment & feel what there was to feel, and be present. I was also a lot gentler and kinder to myself. Now I trust myself much more and can let others in as well. Thank you for your inspiring blog.
Adele I can really relate to ‘with the growing acceptance of myself, my acceptance of the world also grew.’ This is something I really appreciate because I no longer feel living is about fighting the world and not letting it in.
So you saying anything that doesn’t feel ok about the world ‘ultimately reflected a responsibility that I can go deeper with myself,’ follows on from this.
I’m discovering I’ve lived reacting to what I don’t like about the world rather than seeing how I’ve contributed to it: how similar I am in someway to what I am being reflected and how I have the choice to choose differently.
This is great to read Adele, ‘There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself’, it is really supportive to read this and feel how important the everyday choices are and that it is a step by step process, very simple and humbling, thank you.
I am touched by the depth of your honesty and awareness, Adele. I also had, and still have, a problem with committing to life in full, and when you say ” moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presents itself”, I find that so very supportive. And to not indulge in the harmful emotion of guilt – spot on !
Thank you for writing this.
Thanks for this article. I like the way you have described in such great detail the prison of depression and anxiety. The way you have recovered has such a beautiful simplicity to it. It is just a constant commitment and even though it is simple, that dedication can be another way to overwhelm oneself. Just taking it one step at a time and being gentle with yourself as you have explained in this blog is a beautiful key to unlocking these conditions.
Conditions like anxiety and depression are an opportunity for us to go deeper with ourselves and really confront what lies underneath them. You offer a great insight into what is happening for people who are experiencing anxiety and /or depression.
I agree Sarah a lovely reminder of keeping things simple, being gentle, tender and taking things one step at a time without needing to get everything fixed. It does feel very tangible to read the fine detail in which Adele shares what went on and the commitment to heal. It is a great support to read and reflect on.
I agree sarahraynebaldwin often when we want to make a change or see something that isn’t working, we expect it to change instantly, but in truth change that takes time and being gentle with yourself as you grow is the key.
Beautiful Adele. Presence and continuing to be with what is presented is awesome . . . this I have found is always an unfolding. As we choose more presence, then more unfolds for us and we are then offered the opportunity to re-imprint our previous choices. I can feel that currently I am re-imprinting the way I express and nominate the untruths in life and conversations, as well as appreciate all that I bring. So definitely a continual learning.
“It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported.” I have heard this expressed in different ways, but it can never be said enough. It feels like there are so many layers of hardness and shields to peel away to reveal our true selves and stop pretending-thinking-believing that letting people in is going to hurt and cause harm. Thank you Adele for this awesome reminder.
Insomnia is something I have never experienced but I understand how distressing it could be. However I have experienced anxiety and depression and being unable to commit to life. Thank you for sharing your story Adele. You are so spot on it is really about looking at our choices and making a change. If something isn’t working for us it is always great to look our choices.
I really enjoyed the depth of your blog Adele Thank You
A commitment to being present is indeed a truly great present.
Thank you Adele for sharing how you have lived and the commitment to self-loving choices to support yourself to remain present with humanity. We can easily shut people out when we are lost in our ‘stuff’ but this only supports our spiraling decline.
There is much in your raw honesty which I can relate to. For me right now, what feels deeply supportive which you have exposed is the ability to be tender, vulnerable and not put on a facade that everything is okay. It is this process which allows us to truly let people in. This I am currently learning – for many years I have made out I am okay and others always confirmed I seemed to hold it together – thus I was keeping people out and at arms length. But this was never truth. It is okay to be honest not only with ourselves but with others – as it is this which lets them in and gives them permission to also be honest with themselves and understand where they are truly at. A truly inspiring blog. Thank you Adele.
Going through life making out that everything is OK was a big one for me too Gina. Realising that it is not ‘just ok’ and that it is good to be open and vulnerable is a great way to be honest with ourselves and as you say, it allows others to be honest too.
I Agree Ariana, a super inspiring blog prompting a closer look at committing to life and self responsibility.
Completely agree Beverley
There is so much inspiration to take from your writing Adele. This morning I felt the power of being truly present and how this builds true support and trust in ourselves and the world. ‘The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true. With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world’. Wonderfully expressed Adele. Thank you.
Adele an interesting point you have shared with “The insomnia set in after I chose to commit back to life, as the tension in my body could now be clearly felt”. I would often in the past look back and see when my body was hurting there was an issue. If i didn’t feel any issue I was fine. What you share here is something I’ve become more aware of in that the body shows us when something is wrong, the fact that there may be pain, tension or insomnia is actually not the bad/failing that I used to think it is but instead a very loving sign from the body – although in my experience it certainly does not feel like that at the time. It’s interesting how our eduction and upbringing looks at illness as something to be fought rather than addressing why we got that illness in the first place. I remember as a child having night after night of sleepless nights – not knowing what to do simply feeling an incredible tension in my body nothing before Universal Medicine had any real explanation for this. Your honesty, hard work and commitment to life and yourself is great to read.
“Facing everything that came up and all the responsibilities that I had ignored in the past was daunting. The day I sat in a psychiatrist’s office and opened myself up in honesty and fragility was the beginning of a choice to truly return to myself.” When we start to admit honestly to what is truly going on and expressing, then the healing begins, as you say Adele. Understanding that being vulnerable is ok was a huge learning for me, as I had always tried to be ‘strong’ and be a ‘superwoman’ – laughable now!
I agree with you Ariana.
It is worth millions to make the choice to be with ourselves. Our whole world is most certainly geared to keeping us away from that simple choice. It really is simple and yet so hard for many because of our ingrained loveless ways of living which keep us stuck.
Being stuck is uncomfortable and yet somehow we are comfortable in our uncomfortableness. Sounds weird but it’s true. We know something isn’t feeling true but we sit there, stay there, delay and procrastinate. This then stops us moving forward – in other words we cannot evolve.
It was only after coming to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that things started to change, as it did for me, you Ariana, and Adele who has posted this blog.
More people need to know about Universal Medicine as it is simply life changing.
Well said Bina; choosing the path of return back to ourselves is worth gold, and starts by us making simple, more loving choices in our day to day lives. The only thing preventing us from committing to this is the comfort of continuing to choose our ‘ingrained loveless ways of living’.
My feeling is that making that choice to truly be present in all that we do, and in feeling this humbleness that we are all the same, brings a simplicity to life that many (certainly myself) run from. It takes away that individuality that exists in the mind. This has been a huge thing for me, hence why I feel deeply touched by this blog and comments.
Thank you Adele for this blog. I still have moments of disregard for my body, when I let my thoughts rule my head, and in doing so override the clarity and what I feel, and take my body along for the ride. When I stop and allow myself to feel this, it is deeply harming and sad. Why would I want to do this to a body who so clearly loves me and calls me to be love? An old pattern, which at times can still sneak up, though albeit much much less, is going into beating myself up, again with those self destructive thoughts, which can harden my body and call in emotions such as anger or sadness. But none of this truly works. It is that commitment, and not in a hard and arduous way, but a joyful choice to say no, I choose to commit to being more gentle, tender and loving with myself. And in this I reflect this, and naturally am this way with everyone else. It has taken a while, but I have clearly felt, and know, the beating oneself doesn’t work, it just hurts even more (for everyone as we tend to take this out on others), and takes us further away from our true way of living and being, full of joy in our bodies and love and truth.
Yes Ariana more GOLD then anyone can even imagine, well worth making the choice.
I agree, well worth making the choice.
It had become so ingrained for me to try to better my life and I now see how trying to better my life, which always feels like I am trying to also be better than others, actually creates a superiority air when connecting to others.
What am I trying to be better than? Better than the tension and pain of anything and everything I don’t like in my life, better than others so that I feel better about my own lot? None of this truly helps and it usually lacks the honesty needed to untangle myself from how, why and what I have created that I so desperately want to better myself out of and never re-connects me to just being me. How can I be a better version of me. . . There is only one version and I am either living true to it or I am living from outside myself in a construct of what I think I should be.
Adelle, I love how you relate taking responsibility and getting really honest to a humbleness and openess to life and the ever unfolding nature of learning about yourself and the depth of who you truly are.
I too used to live this way Rebecca – trying to be better all the time. Not only does it create an air of superiority, in my experience it also confirmed the underlying belief that there was something wrong with being me and this became a self perpetuating cycle. Living in that tension was exhausting. As you say, living true to ourselves offers an opportunity to step out of that cycle…at last.
‘There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself’ You have been on quite a journey! Love how you express your recommitment to life here. So true, every moment is a choice to commit in full, or not. If we are not committing in full, we are choosing something else.
I agree Alison,this realization is really the key to coming back from giving up on life; “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself” Thank you for your sharing Adele.
‘If we are not committing in full, we are choosing something else’. How true Alison. It is important to realise that not choosing to commit in full, is a choice in itself for something else – something we probably would not choose at all if we were aware.
I have really struggled with a fear of taking responsibility in life – from being a child who desperately never wanted to grow up, I am just beginning to realise how so much of what is ‘wrong’ in my life are simply consequences of me avoiding responsibility.
Yes, Adele, thinking you are different from others is something I got caught up in as well in the past, and it is indeed humbling to re-join life and open up to the specialness of every single person you meet, and also feel what you have been missing out on.
It was powerful to read in your blog Adele, that when living appeared to be so fragile you could still see reflected in your eyes the resolve and strength to continue the slow and gentle process to commit to being present and the truth of self that that brings.
Thank you Adele. What you have written resonated so well with me when I read it. I can relate to everything you have said and it was very healing for me to read.
Adele something that stood out for me is that you’re not safe when you hide from the world as you shared in your words. You are only safe when you are all of you, for then there is no safety needed, this is our greatest form of protection – thank you Serge Benhayon for bringing this teaching back to humanity so that the great ones ( all of us ) can come out of hiding for ever.
Wow Adele from extreme disregard to commitment to life and responsibility, totally inspiring and powerful sharing – I have also walked this path and it is worth every step back to yourself.
I love the feeling of gentle unfolding in your expression Adele. Opening up and letting people see the real you and allowing yourself to feel what is there to be felt. Very beautiful.
I love this line that gives me much to ponder on. ‘Nothing can be truly blamed on anyone, everything that did not feel true ultimately reflected a responsibility that I can go deeper with myself.’ What a grand responsibility. Your blog here highlights so much. Thank you Adele
I agree Candida, as once we understand that nothing can be truly blamed on anyone, we have no option but to take responsibility for ourselves! What an inspirational blog Adele. As Jennifer said, you don’t paint a rosy picture but show how it is possible to move to a place of acceptance and true commitment.
I love how you don’t paint a rosy picture here Adele – but you tell the truth of how you moved from a place where you were locked into behaviours and ways of thinking about yourself to a place of acceptance and true commitment. What you have shared is very inspiring.
“When I looked into my own eyes, beyond everything what I saw was a resolve and strength” so powerful this really struck me deeply, the power we have with ourselves and how we can look into our own eyes and see that within us if we are all but willing. Deeply inspiring thank you for sharing Adele
A profound article Adele and one I can truly relate to, I too have and continue to work on committing to life and not look for an escape root which was high on my agenda for a while. Bring presence to my day has brought a simplicity to my work and an understanding that we are all connected.
I’ve had very similar feelings of wishing there was an easy fast route, but the truth is, returning to a life of commitment, truth and integrity is an everyday dedication.
Thank you for your great article Adele, it made me deeply appreciate how far I have come from the depression I lived in most of my life, until with the love and support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I made the choice to be present to life.
So true Adele, indeed there is no magic formula in re-committing to life but a moment to moment deciphering of what we feel in our body will truly serve… then choosing and acting on that.
True Rob, if there were a magic formula, we’d have no engagement whatsoever with life or the responsibility of our part in it.
Very true Rob and Rosannabianchini. I know in the past I have spent a lot of time seeking out magic formulas because I didn’t want to take responsibility for my life. The choice to just stay present in the moment and not let my head wander off into other worlds has been the biggest challenge I have been faced with! The simplicity of staying present is the key, the art is in choosing to stay focused and feel every moment. It isn’t a magic formula but by adhering to the moment we experience the magic of life.
Very powerful Adele and Rob – there is no other way. To re-commit to life in every way is the magic formula as I am re-learning 🙂
I just so love your honesty here in this statement – “If I had ever thought I was different from others because of the choices of bettering myself, this woke me up to the fact that we are all equal, I am no different from anyone else. I was completely humbled.” Whilst being ill is no fun, I do feel this is the blessing it offers us, to be able to again feel this humbleness which allows us to accept others as equals.
Beautifully said Michelle and so true, there is nothing like being ill to bring us back to our real humility, our tenderness and sensitivity and support us to realise that we are all from the same essence.
This is so true Michelle. Our own bodies remind us that we are all equal when we get ill. Even though we can fight illness, we have to eventually surrender to it and treat ourselves gently in order to recover. The body is remarkable in its lessons.
Thank you for the reminder to accept and take responsibility for our choices. I too have found it can be all too to easy to identify and indulge in my emotions. I love your reminder to receive your own reflection without self-judgment and to start appreciating ourselves, it definitely brings more acceptance of the world.
What a journey. The one returning back to you I mean. The one back to your sense of true self is the path that many avoid taking, and yet, this one has made ALL the difference. It shows that journeys to the other side of the world, extreme physical adventures do not match the ‘Aladin’s cave’ found in the journey to the innermost.
The journey back to ourselves is the only true journey worth making. Anyone choosing to set their feet upon the path and take that journey should be celebrated and appreciated. There is that pot of gold at the end the rainbow, and that pot of gold is our inner heart, our true ‘us’.
Yes great point Jo, I enjoy the presence in my body far more than anything else. There is no location in the world as awesome as me being in my body.
This is beautiful how you have expressed this johannebrown17. It is strange how we seek and search outside of ourselves not realising that everything we are looking for is as you say in our ‘innermost’.
I loved reading how your own self acceptance was key in your returning to a full and engaged life Adele. “When I looked into my own eyes, beyond everything, what I saw was a resolve and strength to return to truth.” This is a great story of commitment to self bringing you commitment to life.
An amazing story with a pertinent message. Choosing to be present to life, it is not as bad as we have made it out to be.
Re-reading this blog today, these words ring out loud and clear – “choosing to be present to life, life became present to me”. Could it be as straightforward as that? By simply choosing to stay connected to ourselves and be present, we become engaged and fully embracing of life.
I love how you looked into your eyes and saw your resolve and were there for yourself no matter what. This is super inspiring to read. Thank you
Thank you Adele, I always enjoy reading your blogs and this one is no exception. I am inspired by the honesty, openness and humbleness with which you have shared your journey through anxiety and depression. This will be a huge support to others who are experiencing these disorders. Adele, beautiful to feel your re- commitment to life and your re-claiming of you in all your glory..
That was a really beautiful, humbling blog Adele, thank you.
I am struck by your last line Adele: “…each choice lived continued to confirm the next moment as it unfolded.” So simple yet so powerful and it totally deconstructs the tedium normally associated with taking responsibility. Love it and will live it!
I have to say the same: “…each choice lived continued to confirm the next moment as it unfolded,” is the shortest way of describing livingness. May we live an ever deepening level of true choices.
Yes Liane, the tedium comes from the lack of awareness of being in the moment and feeling the confirmation. Simple and delicious when we choose this. It makes the tedium of responsibility so much more acute when we know we have chosen this as well!
Liane, this is so true what Adele has said and it takes the judgement away and makes it about being gentle and nurturing with yourself.
Yes it does Liane, I agree. The idea of taking responsibility is often regarded as tedious and boring, yet when we truly decide to take responsibility, the healing that comes from it uplifts our hearts and fills us with joy. It is not an easy to road to take as we have to feel everything we have put ourselves through, but definitely a worthwhile journey as Adele has clearly demonstrated.
Yes I can also feel here the joy in which Adele approaches life and ‘self responsibility’. This is one of the areas that has really pulled me down in life, my not seeing responsibility in this light, that really our lives are totally up to us and how much or how little we choose to live and express this joy and truth. Adele’s blog really shows that this can be and is a joyous process when embraced in full. I so appreciate this blog and the comments and will reread it many times in the future.
Sounds like you really listened when your body said enough. I loved how you said you are being so gentle with yourself now after years of being so harsh. Being tender with my body and keeping it warm, looked after and rested has made so much change in my life and the way that I feel. Thanks Adele.
I agree Kate, I too have noticed what a difference it makes in my body and also in my daily life as I choose to lovingly care for myself as opposed to being harsh with myself.
Adele, this blog is very revealing and offers so much for anyone experiencing insomnia, anxiety and depression. Temporary support through medication may help, but the true healing is in changing how we live each day and the choices we make to support ourselves.
I have had periods of mild depression and anxiety and I agree Sandra, the only true way out of it is to make loving choices for ourselves, consistently, and this commitment supports us in our recovery. I have found that the only one who was going to heal me from my misery was me, lovingly pulling myself out of my comfort and “checked-out-ness” taking responsibility for myself.
You’ve triggered something for me Adele in this blog as many years ago, I experienced insomnia for quite some time following an illness – I’d really pushed my body to the max and it showed me very clearly by making me stop in my tracks – it felt like the brakes got slammed on as I was travelled at 100 mph. The insomnia left only after I’d made huge changes in how I lived and how I looked after myself.
Adele your commitment to returning all of you to complete well being is a great inspiration. If we are going to do anything in life, returning to all of ourselves is by far at the top. That it can be done and is so very worth doing. As you say “Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself,” is the way to start.
Connecting back to who we are through tenderness and self love and care, makes a lot of sense, after we go out from our choices of disregard. Thanks for sharing your way back with us all Adele.
This is a beautiful blog Adele. Full of tenderness and fragility and humbleness. What a gift our bodies signs are when we surrender to reading them.
Just re-reading your title on this post Adele made me think that the word RESPONSIBILITY is huge and it requires a true commitment that has to be across every area of our life. It leads me to look at the word ACCOUNTABILITY as I have to be accountable for how I am choosing to live. My old way of life, trashing my body, swearing in every sentence and feeling deeply discontent with almost everyone in this world was ALL coming from me. My lack of commitment to making choices that supported my body had a price tag. That tag was illness and then major surgery.
I learnt about Commitment to Life from the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I know what that means because I live that to the best of my ability and it is across every area in my life. Living a life of True Responsibility is a life of True Consistency. It is the consistency lived in my body that has finally given me the contentment and joy I feel every single day, no matter what comes my way.
“A moment to moment choice to be present to life” – Adele you took this on with such honesty, allowing yourself to feel the anxiety and pain, and also allowing yourself to look deeply into your eyes to see the strength in your fragility. Thank you for showing me how powerful are our moment to moment choices.
Beautiful blog Adele. Its awesome to read how far you have come, from the total disregard you put your body in, to the love you now give yourself. This is a great line, “With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world.”
I have found exactly the same, the more I am prepared to commit to life and be present in all that I do, the more I get back.
A great sharing very inspiring
This is the most beautiful account of a return to true life from the torment of anxiousness and insomnia. We have travelled parallel Adele. In that year (2012) I could not sleep. I felt like the most hopeless person in the world as I lay in bed counting my worries, and giving myself a hard time. Not helpful, at all.
Like you, I chose to get as deeply honest as possible.
One night I recall lying in bed, awake, agitated, feeling a horrendous burning anxiousness throughout my body. I literally held my own hand and assured myself that I was safe…I surrendered deep into the feeling. That night was my turning point. It was the moment I understood how much care I need and how delicate I am in life.
I started the process of being far more aware of what I was saying ‘yes’ too, and vastly more willing to say ‘no’.
The anxiousness is fast fading, a big deal after a lifetime of it. The sleepless nights are incredibly rare. Thank God for Universal Medicine – my forever inspiration.
Thank you Rachel for sharing that. In holding ourselves we do feel how truly precious we are, and we are never alone and there is deep support from within and around.
In our parallel experiences that year, we are deeply supporting each other!
Adele, what a journey! Thank you for sharing this. Was strikes me is the level of honesty you have got to. I can relate to what you say as I have had to let go of a certain arrogance too that before did not permit me to really see the truth of my choices or the strength to be found in being open and fragile.
Adele, what you have done for yourself and for those around you, who will get your lovely reflection is amazing. I can understand what a journey this must have been for you but it sounds like you have come home.
The moment we choose to be present with life and take our responsibility is a big step. Suddenly all those issues that seemed mountainous before become very small and we realize that what feels confronting for us in others is in fact only confronting as we are looking into a mirror in everything that we meet in life. A magical mirror that in every moment shows us where to look at in ourselves and learn from what we see.
‘There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life’. This is so true. Thank you for sharing Adele. Your honest and open sharing is so inspiring.
A beautiful blog Adele. Deeply healing to read. This offers beautiful support to anyone who suffers from anxiety or depression. Your writing is so relatable and real with a deeply loving practicality. I love how you describe how you, step by step, walked towards the world again. Committing to being present and accepting all of the choices you had made. The simplicity and power of this is deeply affecting. Thank you.
A great reminder Adele that there is no magic formula for re-committing to life, I am learning that it is a moment by moment way of changing all the areas in my life that I have held back, hidden or given up on.
Anxiousness is our own reaction to how much we can feel and how much we know within our bodies. You have shown us how, by making different lifestyle choices we can change the misery we can create in our lives, and instead live a life with harmony and love for ourselves.
I agree Francisco; this is a beautiful example of how any misery, anxiousness or depression we create in our lives can be changed – just by changing our choices, and developing a relationship with ourselves that is consistently self-loving.
That is true Adele, there is no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Those who look for the wave of the magic wand have an expectation of being cured, and saved from taking the responsibility of the moment by moment choice for our actions, reactions, thoughts and emotions. This creates an emptiness as there is a large unfilled gap between the desire and the end result. I have often fallen into this gap and know the small, desperate, clingy and lost feelings you describe. I am now, with the support of Universal Medicine, learning to re-commit by paying deep attention to remaining present, and know there is no “end result”, it is a forever learning. That is where the magic lies.
“When I looked into my own eyes, beyond everything, what I saw was a resolve and strength to return to truth.” This is awesome, Adele – a place that anyone can begin on the road to truly returning to themselves.
I totally agree Dianne, a simple yet powerful tool to have in one’s back pocket. When looking deeply into one’s eyes it is about letting go of all the thoughts and simply focusing on the beauty that is being reflected back.
And how about people who have difficulty looking into their own eyes, let alone other people’s? Is it possible it’s because there are so many thoughts of unworthiness and guilt that they cannot look, and thus do not see their own beautiful reflection in a mirror or in other people?
‘When I looked into my own eyes, beyond everything, what I saw was a resolve and strength to return to truth.’ Like Dianne I found this sentence very inspiring. Returning to truth is such a powerful choice. Thank you Adele.
Such an inspiring honest blog Adele and as you have said through this very humbling experience you turned your life around. The changes you have made through commitment , responsibility and honesty are amazing.
This is so great to read because I know how I can still beat myself up sometimes, and have given myself such a hard time. Making a re-commitment to life feels like a daily process to allow me to constantly change and grow.
‘Making a re-commitment to life feels like a daily process to allow me to constantly change and grow’ – I love it, when you word it like that – what could be more important?
Adele I think there are many millions of people in the world that have problems falling asleep and who live in a constant state of anxiousness, this is how I would feel for much of my life, yet in my experience people consider this as a normal part of life. Whilst your story is more extreme than most, it also shows what is possible, in the fact that no matter where you are on the scale of anxiousness or sleeping issues, it does not need to be that way. What an incredible transformation in such a short period of time. You are certainly an inspiration.
Adele, you changed the way that you were being and life changed the way that it appeared. It feels to me that life is a non judgemental living-ness that responses to our choices. It never criticizes us or tries to influence us in any way, it just is. How incredible would it be if we taught our children that life was merely a reflection of our choices.
Beautiful Alexis.” A non-judgemental Livingness that responds to our choices”.
Gorgeous blog Adele. I love what you shared about how when you looked into your eyes in the mirror, you could see the power and strength of you – even though at that time your body wasn’t at its best. The line, ‘To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson’, is very relatable, and it’s a lesson I’m learning at the moment too.
Taking responsibility and recommitting to life is such a great feeling, I know they go hand in hand but committing to these 2 things is transforming my life to be much fuller, richer, more true and, for sure, more loving.
This is the key, the absolute key “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life” I know from my own experience it is all to easy to freak out and not commit to life, and want to run away or go into anxiety, but that is not the answer. The answer, as you say, is being fully committed to being present in every single moment, not worrying about the next or the past, and accepting there might be a bumpy ride as stuff comes back to you that you have not committed to, or held back on expressing in full before. But that’s okay, as by choosing to be fully present in each moment, and enjoy it, and express in your fullness in each moment, and not worry – things do, and will change. It’s amazing how simple and enjoyable life becomes. Then you ask, why did I not do this before, but the answer is, it is never too late.
Me too Shirley-Ann hiding and not saying what I feel too has not worked for me either, taking responsibility for my life, all my choices and actions I have also found to be the only way forward, one which may seem tough or challenging at times but as Adele has shown well worth it!
Adele, I feel humbled in reading your article, as it exposes how simple it is to return if only the willingness is there. Thank you for sharing.
This blog brings true humbleness to life for me. There is no self condemnation or diminishing of the self – it is feeling the pure equalness we are, and the extremes of excessive pride and self hatred are blown away in a moment.
Hi Adele, for as long as I can remember, I did not want to be ‘here’, and I could not do life, so yes huge lack of commitment I walked in for many years which infused every area of my life with struggle and complication and eventually illness. The moment my life turned around was the moment I committed to life, and committing to self care and self nurture, putting my needs first. Instead of others which, I had done all my life, so that old habit I gladly kicked out the door.
Hey Jacqmcfadden, so interesting that so many people feel this way about not wanting to be ‘here’. This says a lot about the state of the world. Thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, who certainly inspired me to turn my life around as I, like the many others felt this way from a young child.
Having just attended the Lennox Head Retreat (in April, 2015), I would like to say that from which tank of air you use to breathe is the key!
Truly inspiring Adele thank you – ‘a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail…’ – the responsibility we have to commit to life in full is the truly loving choice.
I agree Adele.
As someone who ‘thought’ I felt better by going into hiding when depressed to numb painful feelings and escape accepting all of me, there was no safety in that.
Coming out of a lifetime of hiding is proving to have the opposite effect……
Re-connecting at a deeper level with the true me and allowing myself to be supported by loving people, I have given myself the opportunity and ability to trust, let them in and deal with the daily challenges of life without the anxiety of the past.
Thank you for your story Adele, engaging and committing to life is indeed super important.
Thank you Adele, what I hear you describing in your commitment to life. naturally includes looking after and nourishing your body which allows us to experience you and all you have to offer to the world.
“There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life”.
Very powerful and inspirational words Adele
A timely reminder that we are all responsible for the choices we make, moment to moment.
Commiting to life is a subject so not taught in schools hey, and might even sound pretty ‘out there’, but boy its something we could do with having a look at. We totally think because we get great grades, go through uni, and keep up with the housework that thats ‘it’….but what I discovered was that commitment to life was just how much of me was I allowing to be present in all that? How much literally was the inner me, my lovliness, allowed to be in my body, how much could I even feel my body, or was I pretty much numb below the eyebrows?! and as for feet…..well they were maybe some distant numb extention to the end of my legs…and felt a long way off when everything was steered from the imposition of the head. It was like there was always a part of me that totally did not want to be here, to feel everything there was to feel in the world (and lets face it there is a LOT to feel!) and so put effort into avoiding life and so body. What a huge shift this continues to be, but with great joy I can share that with commitment renewed I can now (mostly) feel life from my whole body, like reinstating surround sound from my heart first, not my head … and I can even feel my feet, with an inner warmth and tangible fleshy awareness. This is so cool, so real and I feel like I’m finally here with commitment to life lived from me, not an empty shell on perpetual auto pilot.
What a pertinent comment kate! “I can now (mostly) feel life from my whole body, like reinstating surround sound from my heart first, not my head”. Making commitment to life a subject in school definitely sounds like a great idea. Having over 1000 pupils in one school committing to life from their hearts rather than being in constant reaction to life sounds life the way to go!
Commitment to life is definitely a great subject for schools upcoming Kate and Michelle, all of our Livingness of it will determine when.
Well expressed Kate. The commitment to life is to all aspects of life. And the more we re-commit the more it opens up areas we can still commit deeper, living life is pretty awesome and inspiring.
Love your comment Kate – commitment to life is the game changer and would completely
transform the school system. Wow, that would truly transform the world.
If this were brought to schooling – the difference would be immediate Teachers are so rushed along in the pressures of what is to be delivered, that basic life commitments, and presence are skipped and or glazed over. Currently it seems so topsy turvey with the head ‘ruling’ at the expense of the body. You’re quite correct Eva that this would transform the world, and it would be so much more natural too!
Thank you Adele for sharing your life. How you are turning it around by being present with what you do at every moment, taking responsibility to listen to your body and making a commitment to life.
It’s amazing how we can let ourselves think that we are committed to life, when actually there are still unresolved things playing out that lead to choices that are not embracing life with all that we are. I know there is another level of commitment for me to go to as I continue to make life about love first and foremost, for myself and for humanity.
” I allowed people to see the real me which left me feeling a vulnerability which I had previously avoided.” I love this line Adele – contrary to what we are taught to believe, there is such strength in allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and allowing others to see and feel this vulnerability.
I agree Hannah, when we all act as though nothing in life hurts or affects us, then we get this picture that being vulnerable is somehow weak and bad – even as simple as admitting you are cold on a cold day can be hard for people, as though admitting that they feel is somehow a bad thing.
I agree too Hannah – there is a strength and a realness when we are honest about our vulnerability, as opposed to what we are taught to believe, that strength is solely through conquering weaknesses.
I agree Meg – I remember hearing a saying ‘courage is not the absence of fear, rather the judgement that something is more important than fear’. in a similar way, strength is not the absence of vulnerability, but actually a person who has accepted their vulnerability and is able to be honest.
Very true Rebecca, how often is the phrase “toughen up” uttered in response to someone saying they are cold, or tired, or even upset by something. As if by blocking out someone else’s sensitivity, you won’t then be called to feel that sensitivity in yourself. What a nasty game we can be pulled into playing, all to avoid connecting to and being honest about what we naturally feel.
The other thing I have noticed Hannah, is that there are times people will admit to being tired or cold, but when I prompt them to put on their coat, or take a nap or go to bed early, the response is ‘I can’t be bothered.’ Its like we have this idea that to look after ourselves is somehow not ‘cool’ or worthwhile.
I’ve noticed that too Rebecca – could it be that the “I can’t be bothered” is a way of avoiding – it’s like saying “I know but I don’t want to go there”…because “if I put on the jacket, take that nap or go to bed early things will start to change and I’m actually pretty comfortable where I am?”
Totally – discomfort and issues can be just as comfortable for some as money and severity and literal comfort – its just goes easier under the radar. I know that it feels easier or more comfortable not looking after or liking myself, then make the effort and ‘going there’ and taking care of me, and seeing my beauty no matter what.
Got to qualify that – “pretty comfortable in the discomfort of where I am.”
I agree Hannah,vulnerability not only allows but gives permission to all around to drop whatever protection they are hiding behind. This demonstrates it’s true strength; the strength to unite.
I love that kathleenbaldwin – the true strength of vulnerability is its strength to unite.
Beautiful and inspiring for me this morning Adele as I too am re-committing to life. How beautiful it is that all we need to do is go within and it all ripples from there.
“There was a lot of self-acceptance to learn during this time. To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson.”
As inspiring as the whole of this blog is, the above sentences stood out for me as I accept the power of responsibility without emotion.
Thank you Adele, your light shines bright for the world to see and feel.
Hi Adele, I have found your blog inspirational the way you have taken responsibility and committed back to life. Even though it was tough at times you continued to move forward. I have come to realise that I did live with low level anxiety most of my life, but to keep this at bay I had to harden and hold my body in this tight state, and also be very controlling of everything and everyone around me. Thanks to Universal Medicine this has changed considerably through an understanding that this is not me but a way of protecting myself from the world. Through reconnecting back to my true self I am able to feel the stillness that is truly me and live life from this.
Once again I am reading your article and finding pure gold. It’s especially lovely to read, ‘the reaction I had towards the insomnia made everything much more difficult,’ because I have abused my body during my life and there are often consequences.
To react and give myself a hard time for my abusive choices after the fact isn’t loving. I can’t justify that internally telling myself off is a way of preventing repeating these choices no matter how much conditioning I had growing up that this is what one did – tell off a child to such an extent that they were terrified.
Being loving with myself and bringing understanding to what motivated my behaviours is what brings healing.
So true Karin, being harsh on ourselves is not the way forward. So many of us have experienced being terrified as children, but this does nothing to teach us how to stay with ourselves, how to truly explore and learn about who we really are. When we hurt ourselves there are consequences and when we are encouraged to live from our true essence, the consequences alone can be enough to guide us back to loving ourselves. It is so beautiful how Adele has truly felt the empowerment in her body when she has chosen to simple stay present with herself and her body in every moment, not an easy thing to do when one has spent a lot of time attempting to escape from life.
Wow Adele, I can feel your dedication and commitment and it is very inspiring. Thank you for sharing your amazing commitment.
“To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson.” I know this one well and also feel that, in truth, any emotion is indulgent for it takes us away and keeps us away from being our true selves and a reflection of truth and love in the world.
beautifully written and profound blog Adele, thank you.
Such a great blog Adele, I love how you have pointed out the there is no magic formula, just a willingness to commit and take responsibility for yourself and how this enabled you to change your life, one step at a time – very inspiring.
This is beautiful Adele what you share here in turning your life around through bringing loving honesty, responsibility, and commitment to your everyday. It’s inspiring to read.
I agree Annie, Adele offers a truly inspiring sharing.
Thank you Adele, I love reading your blogs they always inspire me. Re-committing to life, recognising there is a deeper level of love being offered to us through our body’s signs is a continuum and so vast can be the expansion when we say yes to it.
I know Anxiety and Depression from my own experiences and found it very interesting that my impulse – if I am in the energy of the fear – is to get safe, to close down more and to hide from the world. But this did not heal anything – just made it worse. The true answer for me is to open up again to me, others and ‘the world’, because the closing down did cause the anxiety in the first place. I get anxious because I was disconnected! Connection is totally precious, it is the way to live healingly – for me and for my surroundings. A big “thank you” to Universal Medicine, which inspired me to get back on track.
I agree with what you share here Sandra as this has been my experience too. The more I withdrew and closed down the worse I felt. Re-connecting and opening up was the turning point and where the true healing began and where the anxiety began to fall away.
I, too, can relate to the impulse to hide when in anxiety and depression but that only becomes a spiral that pulls one further into the depression. As you say, Sandra and Adele, one has to do the opposite to break the cycle, ” It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported”. A great big thank you to Universal Medicine for showing me the way.
Here, here well said Sandra and Jonathan. I thank Universal Medicine for showing me the way too, a way to climb out of the silence and anxiety, a way to re-discover how to connect to the real Me. Adele is living proof that connecting to oneself lies at the heart of it all and it is a choice we can all make.
That’s so true Sandra the fear wants you to shut down and hide away and once connected you are open.
True. It is like two films: a Drama or a Divine Comedy – and I choose which I am in.
Perfectly said Sandra, for me also, the connection between myself and ‘the world’ is what supports me to be confident within myself, in the world, and with others.
So beautifully put Sandra. What a vicious cycle we make. We retreat in our anxiousness losing the sense of presence in our bodies. This only compounds the anxiousness, increasing the longing to retreat. It makes the return to presence more difficult , but never impossible.
Universal Medicine has laid the foundation and offered the approach to the return to ourselves. My gratitude to Serge Benhayon is boundless.
I know that cycle Rachel and lived it for many years. I am with you in gratitude to Serge Benhayon, what he offers allowed me to break this cycle, as you say never impossible.
This is a brilliant comment, Sandra on conscious presence, and how being in connection with our body allays anxiety.
Such a simple strategy. Well worth doing. And no one harmed!
In a world that now has an epidemic of anxiety amongst humans even as young as 4 year olds, we at least have nothing to lose by giving this a try.
Sandra I too found that I had to open up to allow true healing to take place.
I can relate to this Sandra. Anxiety and Depression were state of beings which I suffered for a long time. When I started participating in courses of Universal Medicine I was able to connect back to the time I was a child and the feeling of freedom I have experienced. With the support of Universal Medicine and its practitioners I was able to heal and get back to truth which means to connect back to the amazing person I am.
Totally agree; the choice to be open or closed dramatically effects the way we feel.
Yes Sandra, I responded to life in a very similar way, retreating into my own world didn’t work for me either; in fact it just dug a deeper hole and re-enforced the anxiety and the depression. Connecting to myself, others and the world definitely was the go. Universal Medicine certainly inspired me to step out of my self-made prison into simply being me.
Well said Sandra, disconnection with ourselves and our bodies causes anxiety. This tension is always a reminder for us to come back to the connection with ourselves, it is actually something very precious.
In re-reading this blog I realise that I too can commit more to my life and to living with others.
” Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer. It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported”. This is so true. Running away from life and from people seems like an answer but it isn’t. I know this as I did it for years. Thanks to the teachings of Universal Medicine I too have re-committed to life and am now fully engaged in the world and just love being with people.
I have experienced quite the reconciliation period, which has been ugly, humbling and grounding, in choosing to re-commit to life in general. Whether in work or relationships, the magic seems to always be in the detail. With each decision to know more detail, comes more awareness and opportunity.
It is amazing to see the level we can go too and no-one questions what your doing. Like trekking through the desert and camping in freezing temperatures in wilderness with no food- some would see that as building character. Yet there is no love or regard for the body in this. Often when you start to make more loving choices this can challenge people more.
I have had a phase recently where I can feel the pain of actually allowing such a level of disregard towards myself throughout many years. It feels a tricky journey going through it, but making different choices is bringing me out the other side. “Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life” is very supportive, thank you.
What an inspiring blog Adele, knowing the extent of disregard you chose in your life and how your totally have turned it around by stopping and looking within and taking responsibility for your life.
I can relate to what your have written. Having trekked the Himalayas 3 times and got altitude sickness 3 times didn’t stop me from wanting to trek in New Zealand and then Tasmania. I didn’t allow myself to feel the level of disregard I had put myself in.
And I too later suffered from anxiousness, depression and bouts of insomnia years later.
Fortunately, since meeting Serge Benhayon in 2008, and seeking help from esoteric practitioners, and attending courses at Universal Medicine, my life has totally changed. From being chronically exhausted, anxious all the time, not in my body, reactive, mildly depressed and withdrawn from life, to now feeling vital, committing to life and letting people in, and I now can feel the awesomeness that I naturally am- divinely beautiful, tender, precious; and in stillness I feel the sacredness and divinity of who I am.
But you know what? … it’s never too late to change, and reclaim who you naturally are.
I feel deeply humbled after reading your blog Adele, as it offers everyone a beautiful insight into how we can change our circumstances and begin life anew. For me it was a good reminder to not become caught up in the ’emotional’ stuff of life when I begin to go into guilt, but to realign and begin to go deeper in developing a connection with my tenderness and gentleness and my true inner beauty.
It’s really beautiful to read of your humbleness and acceptance as you opened to your healing journey.
I appreciate the way you were guided by gentleness and fragility to find the way back from the harshness to the true you, thank you.
Thank-you for the great reflection this is offering Adele, “There was/is no magic formula to re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself”.
Thank-you Adele this is very current for me. I can feel your willingness to explore what responsibility and recommitment really mean for you. There is a beautiful partnership appearing – the body responds to choices through illness and then in turn you respond to the illness by looking at the choices that led to it. If we commit to and develop this partnership with honesty then we can begin to return to a more harmonious union, a self evolvement that draws us closer to who we truly are.
What an amazing turnaround you have shared Adele about how you were in the past, from driving yourself to total collapse and then committing to life with honesty and truth of who you truly are. I loved the reminder “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.”
Adele I can really relate to this blog. When I realized the way I had been living had been way off track I experienced huge regret and self-judgment. Far from helping, this made things much worse and was usually compounded by ill health. I have to be loving with myself when reflecting on my past. With no judgment I can see the extent of the rot I have been in, learn the lesson, and turn my life around with a positive attitude.
Thank you for your post, It is a ‘moment by moment being present in life, process that requires patience and a slow and steady journey back to who we are. I used to be very depressed and its the moment by moment being present that brought me back to the joy!
Adele, what you are sharing is amazing – you are sharing how you were constantly trying to escape the misery that you felt within but also how you returned to realising that this misery was simply there because you had not allowed yourself to feel the true beauty within you – its like a default program: you can choose your beauty but if you do not choose it then the misery is there. Then once the misery is chosen then we do things to escape and harden, anything really to not feel the misery. What follows is also doing the hard yards to face up to the damage we do ourselves whilst in the misery, and consistently making the choice to come back to the beauty rather than the misery. Your sharing is inspirational in showing how we can be in such an awful space, yes still come through the other side. It is indeed is possible with true support such as that offered by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine practitioners.
So true Jane, it feels like we choose to feel that there is a pressure there from others in society of ‘we must do it’ or ‘I can’t say no, there’s no option’, when in truth much of the time it doesn’t really matter if we do say no, or it just means that adjustments can be made. It’s taken me some time to see the ‘false pressure’ to push on and continue to strive. The fake pressure is actually something I’ve used to not be the still, deeply nurturing and grand woman that I am, so it was something I created myself.
‘There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.’
You offer great simplicity here Adele. With making our focus to be present in each moment and do what we can to incorporate gentleness and loveliness in too, it takes the enormity and overwhelm out of dealing with ALL our stuff at once. Anxiety is such a gross feeling and one that can certainly retard any or all movement in our day.
Thank you for sharing this Adele. I have definitely treated my body with disregard. I loved when you said “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” I feel this to be so true. There is no magical cure, just a consistency and commitment to being present in each moment and with each choice we make.
Thank you for your very honest sharing, Adele. ‘I thought I was better off than anyone else and felt ashamed when my body alarmed me with illness’ such humbleness in this statement. Our bodies are the true marker of what is really going on for us, as a result of all of our choices, all we have to do is listen. I loved reading how you have claimed yourself back to you.
Very true Jane, taking responsibility is actually very cool–so deeply empowering. I would choose it any day, and we can always go deeper with it. Responsibility in-truth is not the heavy, dreading act that we associate responsibility to be, we can certainly have fun with responsibility in all the light-hearted and playful ways, but what responsibility brings is an empowerment when embodied nothing can substitute and no one can take away.
There is the life ‘out there’, that whilst humanity thinks it is ” really living” it is full of distraction and total disregard for the body – this can take many forms. The moment a “stop” is put in place everything that has been overridden, pushed through, numbed, can be truly felt. The power of this can almost push one to practice ‘escape’ again. Your blog captures a pattern many of us live prior to making the choice in claiming the ‘Love’ we are but have chosen lo separate from. Thank you Adele.
Thank you for sharing this, Adele. I love what you share in the last line about “coming back to the awareness of whether or not I am taking responsibility and making a re-commitment to life”. We always have a choice to be responsibility or not in every single moment. We always know when we are being irresponsible, and when we stop kidding ourselves it is a sure footed step in the right direction and a sign that we are ready to truly start re-committing to life.
When we do start being “nakedly honest” with ourselves, one of the key ingredients in self acceptance. Your blog Adele is a beautiful sharing of how you were loving and gentle with yourself when you were prepared to take a deep look at yourself.
It can be tough at times to admit what and how we’ve living with our bodies literally treating them like a dumping ground, it is very humbling to own up to the choices made, and live another way that seems light years away from the life that had been lived.
I return to read this inspirational blog again – there is so much here you have shared with us all Adele. When you expressed “I could not keep lying to myself anymore” it felt that an opening had been created to let the healing truly begin. Thank you Adele.
Hi Adele, I love the way you’re sharing about responsibility. Very, very simple and easy to relate to. My experience as well is that our life is reflecting our choices. How beautiful is that. There’s no judgement from life at all. It’s a constant invitation to let go and show ourselves more and more and more. The delicateness, fragility, joy and innocence that is felt in your ‘nakedness’ make your blog a joy to read.
I feel a deep sense of commitment and strength in your writing Adele, and dedication in returning to truth. Inspirational.
Yes Josephine, your words echo what I too felt and in this dedication I feel a sense of true power.
Thanks Adele for sharing. I agree that moment to moment presence is so powerful in dealing with anxiety and to enjoy being in life.
Absolutely Libby, ‘moment to moment presence is so powerful in dealing with anxiety and to enjoy being in life’. It feels beautiful to really be in life rather than be in my head thinking about things and not being present.
Hi Adele,
I very much relate to your feelings of depression and anxiety and my hiding in the world from all those around me that were really there to support me. It is a truly lovely thing to open back up again, like I am experiencing also. It feels like you sure got ‘humbled’ by your experience and the level of presence you went to in re-claiming you back is lovely.. And obviously vitally important. I am beginning to understand this level of commitment in a loving discipline way as a posed to a rigid ruling way as I have deemed it in the past. Thank you for your humbling story of re-committing back to life 🌷 in full.
Thank you Adele for your honest sharing. It has been a joy to know you and to see the beautiful woman you are. I feel that your sharing here will inspire all of us to look at the way we are treating our bodies and to care for ourselves in a more loving way.
Thank you Adele for your honest and timely writing.
Commitment to life is something that is constantly unraveling for me. I am forever being shown what this means and just when I think I am more committed I begin to see new areas where more commitment can be brought. It’s like the rainbow that never ends.
This is so true Vicky, there is so much depth to which commitment can be expanded upon. Everytime I take the next step I am only ever presented with another aspect, avenues, or level where I can take my commitment to. It is forever ongoing
Yeah, and that is the beauty of it. A never ending rainbow of of new depths to explore and live. No goal to be reached, no standard to be fulfilled just commitment to ourselves and with that commitment to everybody and everything.
Thank you Adele for your inspiring blog. Being present in each moment with ourselves and with life is key. The body is so wise as it can stop us in our tracks when we have ignored the messages it shares, and this is a very humbling experience and one that I can relate to also. We are then ready to truly heal, as you have shared so honestly.
Dear Adele, Your honesty is so tender and disarming – your absolute lack of judgement and criticism of yourself and your path of return to you through commitment is deeply touching and reveals to us all, that no matter where we find ourselves in the wilderness of life, be it anxious, depressed, sad, lonely or miserable, we can find our way back through feeling, being present and being ourselves in our simple daily ways. Thank you for sharing your story, it is very beautiful.
Thank you Adele, I like the sentence ” When I looked into my own eyes, beyond everything, what I saw was a resolve and strength to return to truth.” This highlights, that even if you were making choices that were not loving for yourself, you still had a strong connection to your soul to return to be the true you again.
I am very appreciative of the honesty and openness you have shared with us all in this gem of a blog Adele.
Thank you Adele, this is such a real honest sharing of what it really means when we start taking true responsibility for our life and how we live . Anxiety, sleep and managing, as life starts falling apart to unravel everything, and the beauty of coming back to our-self slowly with feeling, presence and responsibility is very worth while and brings a commitment and purpose to life. A real inspiration for everyone suffering from anxiety and depression at any level.
I love rereading your blog Adele, it is full of common sense and wisdom.
“Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life”
Very inspirational words, thank you.
I can feel, sitting here having read this blog, how committing to life is an ever-deepening exploration and it is the times we sit back thinking we’ve ‘done enough’ that anxiety sets in to remind us that there is more on offer if we are simply open to accepting that we will always be more than we are aware of in this moment.
Beautiful point, Greg, and I know what you speak of that niggling feeling that comes in when I coast or try to! It is anxiousness and I’d not fully grasped that so this is a great reflection for me.
What you share here Greg rings true, in that each of us is far, far greater than we can possibly ever imagine and what is called for is that ‘we are simply open to accepting’ this. Anxiety comes in, as Adam presents, when we think we are not equipped to deal with what is presented before us (expression of our greatness and all that that entails) – and yet the truth is that we are never presented with anything we cannot handle. On writing this it occurs to me how we humans are so very clever at complicating our lives to the extent of total debilitation within this entanglement. And yet all along we are fully supported by the universe, by God if we only let his love in. Life can be very simple and rich beyond comprehension if we allow it. This is a timely reminder for me. Thank you.
“we humans are so very clever at complicating our lives to the extent of total debilitation within this entanglement”. How very true. Blogs and comments like these are so valuable, as they expose those clever entanglements and give us an option to make another choice.
Yes Stevie, it may seem like we as a humanity are very clever at creating complications to avoid taking responsibility. Adele is living proof that to start taking responsibility, even when you may seem totally unable to, can be an unbelievable game changer.
Well said. That turns anxiety on its head a little! I would like to add to this, that for me anxiety kicks in when I try to control life. When I don’t allow space for the amazingness of life to be, and when I try to fit it in to a schedule, I’m hit with anxiety.
Thank you Adele. I so agree with your words with regards to making “a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself. The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true.” Inspiring blog presenting us with how to return to living a full life from one of anxiety and panic.
Yes very true Sue, it is. Adele’s journey is an inspiration to all those who are suffering anxiety and stress. She has shown that we can deal with these emotions through true commitment, self care and learning how to stay open and present in the moment.
Adele I enjoyed reading your blog. It’s a great inspiration for anyone suffering from depression or feeling lost. I imagine lots of people will be able to relate to what you have shared. I certainly do.
Adele, this is such an important sharing – a beautiful reminder to us all and in particular anyone who suffers from depression and anxiety in their lives, that a turn around is very possible, if we choose to look closer at our own choices and truly honour the responsibility that we all have for ourselves.
This is so very true Eva Rygg, and a super important point because those suffering with the two disorders usually struggle within so much of their life, where it becomes crippling. Your blog Adele indeed highlights that there is a true way of living and healing the dis-ease.
Indeed Eva, anxiety and depression affect so many in the world. With our choice and commitment as well as the support of conventional medicine, it is absolutely possible to free ourselves from their hold.
Adele that was a great sharing, how anxiety and depression can control us. Our bodies are magnificent in how it gives us warning signs to make changes. When we honours these, we can make changes to support ourselves and the way we live.
Adele I thank you for your very revealing blog. I too have been in depression, anxiety and had insomnia through not looking after myself or taking responsibility for my decisions. I didn’t push my body in the same way physically as you did but in everyday decisions I was not putting myself first. Thanks to Universal Medicine Practitioners, and Serge Benhayon’s teachings of the Ancient Wisdom I have found more joy in living and looking after me first and not feeling selfish. Thank you for a timely reminder.
What a powerful blog Adele, thank you. I feel the support you offer in sharing your experience and re-commitment to life; this is so important and needed in the world. I am inspired to continue to choose to be who I truly am.
Yes that tension is actually our friend, telling us there is another way (and my spell check just wanted to write neater and I agree with that too!) to be……the trick is to become friends with that tension and to open our awareness to what else is on offer and being presented, and not just eat the tension away (as I did last night!). It is a work in progress.
Adele, there are so many pieces of gold in your blog. Many messages for us to receive, presents to life, commitment, becoming humble and deeply honest, allowing vulnerability, choosing life, seeing we are equal to all, and I’m sure there is much more others are receiving. You have given us a living example of a true way to live, an inspirational blog.
kimweston2. I felt the same, so many gems and each to be savoured. Each time I read another pops out and I have a new level of understanding and an aha moment. My takeaway today is to allow gentleness and understanding for myself as I unfold and to drop expectations. Thank you Adele and kimweston2.
Great news indeed Ariana. It is very inspiring to feel in this story, the remarkable turn around that has actually been lived and then maintained. So many people simply resign to thinking that this is who they are and finding a way to manage it is all that can be done. In this regard, Adele’s story is a miracle really.
It is remarkable that we can get so far from who we naturally are and think it is normal until our body tells us otherwise. Thank you for sharing your story of turning your life right round and to write so gracefully about what you have learned in the process. It is an article full of inspiring gems.
Golnaz I agree its quite staggering to think we hold something that is normal when it is far from normal. I’ve come to really appreciate the fact the body gives us some very clear signs for us to listen to and reading the blog by Adele is further inspiration.
The body does give us clear signs. However we become so set in our ways that we think that this is the normal way to get through issues. Instead we spin around in cycles wasting energy and time. While the body was telling you something was wrong 6 months ago… or dare I say longer
Very beautifully said Golnaz. It is quite extraordinary just how far of course we can drift and not realise, even when our bodies our telling us quite clearly all is not well. One of the aspects of Adele’s story that is so amazing is her decision to show people who she truly is, to share all her vulnerabilities and sensitivities. That takes courage.
Thanks Adele. In my experience anxiety is more common than we think. The more I talk to people about anxiety the more people I get to know that being affected by its clutches. Anxiety in my experience comes about as a result of not thinking that we are equipped to deal with what we are feeling in regards to life. Admitting just how sensitive we truly are is a great place to start dealing with anxiety.
Yeah Adam, I often was completely unaware of how anxious I was and the nervous energy I was running in. We can be so used to living with it that we don’t notice we are in it, that is where I have found the gentle breath as presented by Universal Medicine invaluable, in that it allows me to feel where I am at, and shows me there is a way to be in the body free of anxiety and raciness.
This is gold Adam; “Admitting just how sensitive we truly are is a great place to start dealing with anxiety.” I agree, whenever I feel anxiouss in any form it is only ever because I don’t feel fully equipped to deal with what lies ahead, truly it is because I feel all the areas of my life that I have not lived to highest quality in order to deal with whatever the situation maybe, the anxiety however is actually not there, it is just a reaction to what I feel in the world, as I am so deeply sensitive. I have found staying conciously present with what I am doing, taking it one step at a time, is what supports me not to go into anxiouss reaction over the given situation
I have found this too Oliver, ‘ I have found staying consciously present with what I am doing, taking it one step at a time, is what supports me not to go into anxious reaction over the given situation’. After years of getting anxious about work, I now make the choice to stay present, feel whats going on in my body, and do not allow myself to go into the thoughts such as ‘it will all go wrong’. I feel my feet and my hands as I am working, and work is so much more enjoyable now without the anxiousness and negative self talk.
Great way of expanding on anxiety here Adam and thank you Adele for your honesty and experience. I suffered anxiety for a very long time and used to often wonder if I would ever be able to quieten the consistently anxious thoughts that I experienced but in one of my first Chakra-puncture sessions with a Universal Medicine practitioner I recall feeling a deep sense of relaxation throughout my body, something that I later felt more deeply as a stillness within me and as something that was not only a possible way of living but something that I now naturally live from each and every day.
Yes indeed Cherise. One of the very uncomfortable things about anxiety is that I knew that was not me! So when the anxiety attacked, it is a reminder of how due to so many unwise and unawared choices in the past, my body is in a state which is so far from its natural stillness and harmony. It opened up a whole new level of acceptance for me–accepting all of me, warts and all.
Thank you Adele, I realize how much anxiety i have lived with, and how I have been living so racy , hard and imposing and trying to control others in order to ‘get stuff done’! I have recently come to the fact of my incredible tenderness. To the point where I feel so open and like a baby. How do I allow myself to be that always?. I am coming to understand that Life is not bigger than me. For me the challenge is particularly at work. I work as a chef.. Sometimes , particularly at peak times, I feel the wave of speed, intense focus and expectations. I feel I have to sacrifice my natural qualities, feeling that it is not enough for me to be my tender, gentle self to ‘ get the work done’.. and then I am anxious, as I feel out of my depth, moving and behaving in a way that is not natural to me.
I am asking myself if it is possible to do physical,( sometimes intensely so), working to a deadline, but in a way that still honours your tenderness. Is it possible to use my muscles but not lose my sensitivity and awareness along the way .I get frustrated by the feeling that I ‘ need to look the part ‘ but do I? Perhaps i dont’! That is, if i dont sell out to the energy and belief that ‘ I ought to fit in!
I was recently told by a wise young man, that hardness is a choice. That surprised me.
If I panic, and feel that it is not enough to do tasks in my own natural qualities, then I am shutting myself down and then by default, I am choosing the hardness. And then, it is not till after work, when I choose to stop, having some still, reconnecting to me time, that I can feel the quality that has taken over.. My body feels hard, tense and particularly my hips hurt.
Reading back over some of the great comments, I realize that I can embrace a different way. Gently ,moment by moment, I can ensure the quality in which I perform the physical action, to go with the intent I have to create what is right and needed as I go about my day.This is for myself and for all. I am feeling that my divine expression has precision and delicacy and has so much feeling, even when being intensely physical. I am finding a way to be dedicated with all my presence.
Yes Adam anxiety affects many in the world, but we don’t talk about it. Or when it’s mentioned it comes with deep shame, like we can’t hold it all together, we must have failed.
Being super honest with ourselves in all these aspects including how much we feel as you have mentioned too, then anxiety starts to become less of a monster that we want to run away and have nothing to do with.
It is beautiful to see your expansion, in person, in blogs, in comments, and posts. Look at you know! You have re-committed to your truth and are now sharing it with us all. Thank you Adele.
It was interesting to read Adele that your insomnia started after you started to address the ill choices. How often is this true that when we make a positive change the negative has to come out, and this need to go through a period of adjustment that is uncomfortable can be persuasive in us pulling back from making that change. Like giving up caffeine often leads to headaches which stop people giving up coffee. It is always great to read when others overcome this type of challenge and reap the benefits of living more well.
Well said Stephen, it is interesting how this works, I have experienced similar. The caffine free life was worth the headache!!
So true Stephen G, this is a great reminder for us all to not give up when the body starts the process of letting go of the old, which can sometimes be a painful experience physically as well as mentally and emotionally.
So true Stephen. When I gave up caffeine, I went through 2 years of really ill health – the caffeine was the bandaid holding me together, and when I took it away, I fell in a heap.
So real Adele. There is no magic formula nor quick fixes but making the choice in every moment to be with you and be present with everything that is then present with you. Awesome.
Wow Adele what a beautiful sharing and inspiring how you chose to reconnect to yourself and life again. I lived with anxiety for most my life and know that disabling feeling of believing I was not capable of so much more. Thank you for showing what is available when we choose love.
There’s something profound in the words “Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer. It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported”. It’s as though hiding is biding time only, away from what is inevitable – the reconciliation of responsibility forgone.
There was ‘no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.’ This is beautifully said.
‘The more I choose to be present the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true’ – Adele this is a great reminder for me to make the simple choice to connect to life.
Thanks Adele for this blog. I too once thought I was ‘better’ than others because I lived (relatively) cleanly, didn’t smoke, exercised every day, etc – but in truth I was exhausted and empty inside! I love how you’ve summarised your journey back to you with ” a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.”
Adele, your dedication, commitment and self responsibility shine through.
Adele I too have experienced the power of presence and how there is a feeling of empowerment known from my body, something I continue to build on and great to read your article again today to remind me with this.
And if I hide, I hide mostly for myself, actually so funny, because I am seeing and feeling myself constantly, in the mirror or reflected through others. I love how you describe this proces of coming back to yourself!
Adele, just beautiful, reading it really touched me, and I felt the power of choosing to commit in each moment and how being tender with us as we walk back is crucial.
To be present to life and to one’s own body is the medicine we need urgently in this world.
Thank you Adele for sharing.
Indeed, and how you have expressed it Kerstin was a moment of healing in itself. Thank you.
Agreed kerstinsalzer15, the power of being present in our bodies as we go about life is oh so underestimated. I felt in Esoteric Yoga how focus and awareness on my body can be deeply healing. From the age of 10 to 28 I was a stretching professional- from gymnastics, to rhythmic gymnastics and full time Hatha Yoga teaching. You would think with all of this stretching and strength training my muscles would be nicely balanced out – not so! When I laid down in Esoteric Yoga on a cushioned but firm floor I could feel my body was twisted, imbalanced at the shoulders and hips and this ran down my legs causing one leg to feel longer than the other. As I became aware of this and learnt to hold my awareness with my body and simply feel and be with my body without focusing on the imbalance as something that was wrong, without any stretch whatsoever, I found my body started to deeply release and re-balance itself. Over many years of learning about and practicing stretching as well as talking to others about it I am well aware that most people believe stretching is an effective way to release muscular tensions as this also influences our bones (joints) and postural alignment. This is not to say I no longer stretch, I do, but I don’t need to stretch to such extremes anymore, I back off in stretches and stretch my body just so I can glide and slide more easily when I exercise and go about normal everyday movements. I no longer worry if I can bend over and touch my toes with straight legs, I mean that’s what knees bend for right? Even better is I no longer bend over backwards straining to touch my toes from the other direction either. Serge Benhayon introduced power of being present in the body in a way that no stretch, Yoga posture or even other body focused meditation had ever done for me before, it is beyond a doubt this is one medicine the world needs to know about.
Simply and clearly expressed, leaving no doubt that if I sincerely choose to take responsibility and commit to being honest and in relationship with life, then each step opens up as a choice, moment by moment, building back to the fact that the more I choose to be present the more I feel the knowing in my body. Thank you, Adele.
This is very timely for me to read Adele as I am getting much more honest with where I am at and how I am no different or better because of the choices I make. We are all equal. The commitment to stand for truth, for living truth, is what I want to stand for but often fall down or just don’t speak up. This can no longer run in my body as it hurts deeply to know what is true and to not live it, which is simply to be ourselves. I certainly make this a task and something difficult, when in truth it is super simple and more than possible as shown to us by presentations by Universal Medicine.
What I read and felt from this blog is the difficulty of moving into a new frontier of quality of life. The usual ‘healthy’ living, including ‘healthy’ eating and so on, can take us a certain way along the continuum of quality of life. Then there is a whole range of other possibilities – I once referred to it as ‘filling in’ the outline of life – bringing a quality of presence, movement, relationship, work, rest and rejuvenation, leisure and so on. As the writer explains, or perhaps it can help to ‘feel between the lines’, this is a seldom trodden path for most people and can be a struggle because there is no formula. We are all unique and must find our own ways. However what Universal Medicine has helped me to understand is that we all do know that we can live way further along the continuum of quality of life; we all do have the inner knowing how to reach it; and we can all connect with the inner awareness that we have an amazing potential.
So very true Simon. It is a seldom trodden path because there is no formula – it was deeply daunting. No there are no formulas, only a choice to keep re-committing, moment to moment, day to day. It is actually more simple, but there is no way around it but to be lived.
You write with great openness and a gentle humbleness “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” This ‘moment to moment’ choice does support presence and with presence awareness and acceptance grow. I can also feel vulnerability and delicateness in how you write about your experiences, it is wonderful to share this and offer this reflection to humanity. So often we get caught up in protecting ourselves, it is lovely to challenge it in such a gentle way.
I love the way you described how you did not shy away from working – but committed to it in a different way – through presence. I have had a similar experience. Work becomes so much more simple and enjoyable when done with presence. I have also noticed that the quality of my work and the quality of me at the end of the day is so much better too!
Adele thank you for another great article. It’s so interesting that we can be under the illusion of being ok but in truth we are not. It’s so lovely and a true blessing that our bodies are designed to show us this. Anxiety and insomnia are very unpleasant but cannot be ignored and create the wake up call we need to come back to truth, and oh so humbling as well potentially healing the arrogance we hold when under the illusion.
The comment that you made Adele: “With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me”, is absolutely beautiful. It feels so full, all encompassing and joyful that the contraction that I was in lifted. A fabulous timely reminder.
It is great that you have shared there is no magic pill. It is a steady re-commitment, making the little choices in each moment to rebuild and live our truth that has been denied for so long. I have also found acceptance and presence super supportive in working with anxiousness. I have realised how I can switch anxiousness on when I don’t want to be aware of all there is to feel and express. Similarly I can switch it off in an instant. It is very empowering to know this can be a choice.
Adele thank you for sharing this, you are so willing to take responsibility and look at the details of your life and the choices you have made and are making. This ties in so beautifully with commitment to life and I felt refreshed and guided by your understanding of commitment to life. This morning as usual I was making my bed, even though I am committed to doing this I usually drag my body through the motions with resistance, feeling today was no different I made a choice to at least be more present, with this came much more care for what I was doing and the dragging feeling lifted even though I could still feel it ready to reappear if I went back to ‘getting it done’ bed making. This is part of commitment to life, as you wrote, its paying attention to every detail of life, how I relate and undertake the mundane and most of all feel the purpose is not ‘to get it done’. Even though there is a bigger picture at play, for now it is simply committing to the everyday details of life for me.
Gosh what a life you were living, it’s quite a beautiful change that you’ve made.
When we re-connect to our body after treating it unkindly there can be a reaction at the difficulties we feel (like insomnia). The choice to look past the symptoms as you did Adele and see what lies underneath is where the true healing sleeps just waiting for us to wake it up. Your story suggests to me that the greatest addiction we have as human beings is not caffeine or heroin, but the pursuit of escaping ourselves and our choices.
This is the way to live and you said it beautifully Adele, “a moment to moment choice to be present to life”.
Yes Patricia, moment to moment choices, each moment.
I love this line.. ‘Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer.’ This is so true, to me hiding away makes me self conscious and anxious.
Yes – when I go into hiding I am choosing two main things: I am avoiding taking responsibility and avoiding the support and love of others. Stepping into life with a willingness to be accountable and fragile is very different and very beautiful.
Your very wise comment has revealed so clearly how I used to live so much of the time, hiding away and “avoiding the support and love of others”. This has been a huge revelation for me, and now that I am letting go of this old, destructive pattern I am beginning to enjoy what it is to feel my fragility and to ask for support when I need it.
Very true SusanG. Hiding confirms the need to hide.
I love how you’ve shown how simple taking responsibility for ourselves can be, with a wonderful honesty that also shows it can be challenging, but so very worthwhile. Thank you.
It sounds a scary story that I haven’t experienced but I can imagine how frightening it is. So all the more credit to you with the help of Universal Medicine to turn this around and re-commit to your life again. It is interesting that we when we do some behaviours, like your hiding, or overeating, it doesn’t help at all.
Wow Adele thankyou for sharing your journey, To face the truth that it is us that is allowing our world to be the way it is and the responsibility and commitment to be part of all that life offers us is will.
Wonderful Adele, and I love the way you have brought together and linked the words ‘re-commitment to life’ and ‘taking responsibility’. This brings to light the relationship between the two actions and makes sense of them.
It’s amazing really how extremely difficult we can make life out to be and to what extremes life seems to go to in order for us to be humbled by it’s awesome simplicity. I include the human body in this as I too, have experienced ridiculous extremes in my life in order to finally learn and be humbled by its inherent knowing of what is and what is not true for me.
These words of yours in particular Adele, rang very true for me, also: “Hiding didn’t make me feel any safer. It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported.” It starts with me, being present with myself and learning to trust that my presence is always there for me when I choose it. This in turn provides an inner foundation of support that I now feel in the world around me – and it’s been there all along!
This was beautifull to read ‘Nothing can be truly blamed on anyone, everything that did not feel true ultimately reflected a responsibility that I can go deeper with myself.’ and I agree there is no magic formula, it is just up to us to choose the way in which we want to live and where that ‘want’ is coming from.
It’s easy to justify our choices by blaming them on others but ultimately we are the ones responsible for our actions.
So strong and so humbling, thank you Adele.
This all rings very true for me Adele. It takes an enormous amount of energy to counter the equally enormous love that we are and that we are from, hence the exhaustion, insomnia, anxiety etc. I love this line: “With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me”. Our misery is only ever a choice and hence the joy that seemingly escapes us is only ever a choice away also.
Beautiful Liane Mandalis. Along with Adele’s line you quoted, I love how you related misery as a choice and therefore joy is also. When we understand, feel again and hold the truth that we ARE love, the harshness of our living is seen for what it is ~ self harm and ignorance.
Thankyou Bernadetteglass . Since writing this I have become aware of the true energetic meaning of joy – the confirmation of the energy that we have expressed coming back to us – and so, if it is misery we have chosen, then there is ‘joy’ in having this misery confirmed! However it pales in comparison to the deep joy that is felt when one expresses from an equally deep and loving place. Such a place can never be reached when we have hardened and cocooned ourselves tight so that our love can’t get out and the world can’t get in. Adele’s blog is testament to the path of true joy; loving with an open heart.
Love your comment Liane – the ‘reward’ for staying present is enormous.
Adele there is so so much in what you’ve written and are living. I love the depth and honesty. I can really relate to, ‘I allowed people to see the real me which left me feeling a vulnerability which I had previously avoided.’ I sometimes doubt myself in these moments and to read how they’ve unfolded yourself to you is truly inspiring me to continue being open and feeling the preciousness I feel in every step I take fully present and with myself.
I can also relate Karin Barea, how allowing people to see the real me exposed me to a vulnerability which I had always put up a guard against. I too find Adele’s story immensely inspiring and confirming.
Yes, a beautiful reminder about the importance and need for presence thank you Adele. I love the line, ‘With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me …’. I too lived a life of very little presence and was always playing catch-up to myself. My mind was always racing ahead to anything and everything that hadn’t happened yet and my poor body was left tagging behind struggling to keep up. Eventually my body collapsed with exhaustion. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I re-learnt how to be present with myself whether doing something or simply sitting or laying. It has been a big part of my recovery from exhaustion and anxiety too.
You are so humble, Adele. So healing to be around. So honest. A true friend.
Awesome sharing Adele, so much wisdom in there and such a great reminder to fully commit to life.
I love this line … “With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me…” What a gorgeous reminder of the importance of bringing presence into the present, and the powerful changes that are evident when we commit to life and ourselves in this way.
Angela thank you for pointing that out, its a great reminder and stop moment all in one. There is so much of life that can pass one by when we are not present. I know from experience. However with presence life certainly comes alive. Someone asked me what my hobbies were and it made me appreciate how I’ve come to enjoy the everyday and not just the hobby times.
Angela, this is so true – choosing to be present makes us naturally powerful and in charge of our own lives.
Commitment and conscious presence bringing us back to life, in your words, ‘Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.’ It is something we all have a choice to live and something I find is a work in progress as I know I do not live present in every moment. Beautiful blog.
Thank you Adele for sharing so honestly about your experiences which I have found inspiring as I have recently been plagued with bouts of anxiety and self-doubt and have been struggling with self-acceptance. I love the way you have expressed this: ‘With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world.’
‘There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.’ What you share Adele is beautiful and very humbling, thank you. I always sought this magic formula but now I know it comes down to being present and that it is a simple choice and a loving one not only for myself also for the world where we all currently living in.
What an amazing change you made to your life Adele, and how life-changing the small moment to moment details are, that you took responsibility for. Thank you for this inspiring account.
Bernadette I really like how you mention the small moment to moment details because if we pay attention to these they add up to bring about significant changes to our lives.
Adele your blog offers me a timely reminder of the importance of being very present. I’ve taken inspiration from your sentence – ‘There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.’ Thank you
I love this line too, thank you for highlighting it 🙂
Taking responsibility and making a re-commitment to life sums it up pretty well. Taking it one moment at a time and being present in each of those moments is work in progress for me. Thank you for a very open and honest experience of your life Adele.
Thank you Adele and Christine, I absolutely agree commitment, responsibility and integrity all work on our path of return!
Yes me too Christine and it is a big shift from the day dreaming I used to do. Adele has brought home the importance of staying present and committing to life in all ways with “a resolve and strength to return to truth”. This is a powerful declaration and one can feel her commitment shinning through her words.
Adele, you write with a depth and honesty that is truly appreciated. Thank you!
Wow Adele ~ I am speechless thank you for sharing your experience. I am truly inspired by your re-committment to life.
Yes Jane, you are not the only one. These tensions I have come to accept as blessings in disguise as they are opportunities to see the way forward; saying yes to taking care of our self and no to self abuse. That has to be worth taking heed of as we are so worth caring for and loving.
“As with taking back responsibility for my choices, each choice lived continued to confirm the next moment as it unfolded.” I love the way you have expressed this Adele. This is bringing your future to you.
So right now sets the foundation for the next moment – it makes perfect sense and is so simple – how empowering too – by taking responsibility we get to feel that we are the masters of our lives.
Adele what a truly beautiful commitment to life shared here. ” The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true.” I love your honesty and how you took each moment with absolute presence, to bring yourself back to you. Thank you for sharing.
‘With the growing acceptance of myself, my acceptance towards the world also grew’. I can feel that this sentence is also true for myself.
Adele, having seen some photos of how you were at the most difficult times, and where you are now, I am completely blown away – blown away by the presence of you now, the joy and engagement – yes commitment – to and in life… The photos of the hard times show someone so lost…
And that is the great power of what you have shared here, in your trademark ‘no hiding’ honesty… that any one of us can come back from the hardest of places, and that it is our own choice to commit to ourselves that is the key.
I celebrate your choice a million times over, and know in my heart also that yourself, myself and countless others would not have been so deeply inspired to make this choice to commit to ourselves in life, without the wisdom and inspiration that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine constantly and tirelessly offer to us all. Brilliant blog, thank-you.
Truly Victoria, however lost we are, there is a way to return to truth, as truth is always there within us. To return is our choice and a commitment, and once we make this choice, the support is all around.
What a turnaround Adele…your story clearly shows that when we make a choice to live in a more loving way, and in your case to recommit to life, everything around you constellates to support this choice and what you need.
Thanks Adele, this has brought up for me that I am not present in my everyday, and that every moment is one to be had in conscious presence. Multi tasking has been something I used to credit myself with.
Dear Adele, your story is amazing and I love the phrase; ‘nothing can be truly blamed on anyone, everything that did not feel true ultimately reflected a responsibility that I can go deeper with myself’. These are amazing words for us all to reflect upon. Thank-you.
There is a lot in this blog that you have shared Adele, more than one reading can take in but thats not a problem, just means I get to come back and re-read it all over again 🙂 What I am becoming aware of more and more now is how I hide in plain sight, I may be out in the world but inside I am having a melt down over something – be it my own self judgements and criticisms or obsessing over what others are doing. What then gets expressed is a very controlled act that often makes even the smallest tasks take much more time then necessary. What I am also learning is how like you’ve shared that when we listen to what our bodies are saying and go by those directions life becomes so much simpler and opens up to us.
This is a great example Adele, of how the belief of protecting ourselves doesn’t actually work as you started to withdraw from life and became afraid of doing simple things, like walking down the street.
I can relate to a lot of what you have written, because some years ago I also took myself off back-packing across France and found it physically abusive to my body, but at the time I would not have thought that – attending workshops run by Universal Medicine has given me a whole new perspective on what self abuse is.
Amazing Adele that you have come from making such harsh choices for your body to becoming so gentle with yourself. A beautiful confirmation of what it is to begin to love our bodies.
“I allowed people to see the real me which left me feeling a vulnerability which I had previously avoided”. I so know this, and constantly working on it to unfold. Knowing and showing who we are is the biggest encounter to anxiety. I choose everyday to be present as well, that helps me a lot to stay in the observer if angst kicks in.
“There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life.” “The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true.” I couldn’t help but feel the joy in reading these words as I know them to be true.
“I was completely humbled.” I love this line, there is something so very honouring in it.
Yes Gyl, that’s the great thing about illness & disease…it stops us in our tracks and humbles us back from the arrogance that we think we can get away with the choices of disregard we make. In truth we get away with nothing and this is so very humbling indeed and offers our soul an opportunity to stop and question the road we have been travelling.
“I began to appreciate myself in a way I had never done before.” Appreciation is very empowering, it knocks all those self destructive thoughts out the window, which makes room for more and more love.
It is true that many people wait for illness, disease or accident to strike before they make changes to their lives, when all it takes is to choose to stop and make a little honest appraisal of ourselves when we don’t feel too good or life is not going too well. As the saying goes… honesty leads to awareness, awareness leads to truth. And when we find the truth, we can begin to take responsibility and make those changes.
A great sharing Adele and I relate to it well. I did not trek mountains but fell into depression and anxiety with the panic attacks that go along with that too, and had a period of extreme insomnia where I would go to bed and feel my body still driving on.
It was not until I came across the teachings of Universal Medicine that I really was able to take the healing of this issue to another level, and take responsibility for myself and all my choices to another level.
Thank you for sharing with such deep honesty Adele.
A beautiful piece on how simply connecting can change so much on a bigger scale.
Adele, much appreciation for your profound and honest sharing. Steady and constant presence as well as self-love and appreciation of me have really got me out of my regular bouts of anxiety. I too have realised that hiding doesn’t make us feel any safer. In fact it makes us dig deeper into the overwhelm. And like you say “the more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true”. I have also found that self-empowerment is natural to us and any behaviour that goes against it is poisonous to the body.
“When I looked into my own eyes, beyond everything, what I saw was a resolve and strength to return to truth” – so powerful.
“Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself. The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true..” A powerful sharing – thankyou Adele for your honesty and openness. We are all equal, as you say. Taking responsibility for our past choices and accepting them without being hard on ourselves is a huge step in our healing.
Adele I really appreciate reading your story and the changes that you have made through bringing presence, love and commitment to your day. It’s interesting as I know a few people that can’t sleep properly at night but would not dare dream of asking for support. It’s also great that instead of focusing on a quick fix as many of us do, you honoured yourself that this would be a gradual process.
A great article Adele. A sentence that struck a chord with me is “To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson.” The emotion of guilt can hang like a millstone around your neck and it is very liberating to let go of it.
Wow Adele, thank you for sharing your story. This is very beautiful to read and makes me aware that sometimes I can think that I’m better or lesser than others and so it feels great to have the reminder that we are all equal, ‘If I had ever thought I was different from others because of the choices of bettering myself, this woke me up to the fact that we are all equal, I am no different from anyone else. I was completely humbled.’
A beautiful blog, Adele. It is a testament to the fact that the truth is always there within us. We may work hard at hiding it, but it never truly goes anywhere. It just waits for us to inevitably recognise it was there all along.
A very inspiring blog witnessed by the response in the comments. I, too, had been in complete disregard of my body. Like so many through the inspiration of Serge Benhayon my life is now completely different, as to is my body, and one of responsibility.
Adele, It is very inspiring your honesty and your strength to stop living numb to avoid feeling and to make the decision” to be Present” in every daily choice you make. I can easily relate to my own disregard and in how I hide myself to avoid feeling my vulnerability. It sounds beautiful when you said ” I took everything ever so slowly and tenderly, I became super gentle with myself, something that I have never done in the past ” and “I allowed people to see the real me which left me feeling a vulnerability which I had previously avoided”.
Thank you.
Thank you Adele, I especially love the point you make about taking things slowly in making new daily choices that are supportive, as it can be very overwhelming when faced with all of our past momentums. But the care that comes with understanding that everything was just a choice and looking at ourselves without judgment is greatly helped by taking one tiny step at a time and, as I have found, then appreciating that step for the hugeness that it actually is.
Thank you Adele, your honesty is so beautiful and such a gift for any of us who become anxious. I have learnt too that presence and developing my relationship with myself is key to returning to the amazing beings we truly are. We are truly divine and we have wandered and chosen not to be with this truth to our detriment and to the detriment of humanity.
To feel your vunerability just opens my heart and is truly humbling. Thank you Adèle.
Wow Adele what a story! Such a rocky journey getting back to truth. It made me ponder on how far gone and checked out from truly feeling anything at all I was.
Indeed Kevin, how much love and support is around to have us still here in commitment to return to truth, after all the crazy and unwise choices in life. How deeply loved we all truly are.
From cow boys and indians, to a self love affair.
A really enjoyable read Adele
Deeply so, lukeyokota. Not a relationship I have ever imagined, but the deepest and truest I have experienced.
And now you are showing more of who you are! 🙂 It was a pleasure to meet you in Vietnam as well.
I like the point here how arrogance is leading us into no good places. Humbleness and the deep connection to me and others are the key to bring harmony into life.
Hi Adele. I can very much relate to your gravitation towards disregarding, punishing behaviour for your body – which is often seen as ‘discipline’ in the culture we were brought up in, mistaking numbed up blankness for purity. What I am finding from the Ageless Wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine proves the hypocrisy and incongruency of it all, and ‘life’ now has a totally different connotation for me as well. Here we are, sister.
Truly Fumiyo Egashira, there is so much corruption of what it means to be of a certain culture, and how these beliefs and ideals are affecting our choices in life, which are undeniable in what our bodies are now showing is. A lot to wake up to indeed.
Thank you for your honest sharing Adele Leung about you experiencing anxiety and depression as a result of living in disconnection with your true self. I can relate to what you describe of you being different from others because of your choices of bettering yourself. I sometimes can have the same, thinking I am different and having a ‘better’ life because of the choices I make and not feeling the fact that by doing so I completely disconnect with other people and with myself.
Adele, what you have shared is so powerful. The line ‘There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life’ is so important in the understanding that the choice to reconnect and be present in life is just that – a choice in each moment and that is so very simple not always easy.
I have struggled to commit to life and you have explained just how debilitating this can be. The smallest things really can seem absolutely overwhelming. I loved reading “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” It reminds me that I am in control, there is no reason to feel overwhelmed, I can commit to life at any time if I simply choose to stay present and pay attention to detail. Thank you Adele.
This is a very raw and honest blog Adele, thank you for sharing. While re-connecting back to truth and to who we really are, there can be obstacles along the way and some of them seem more difficult than others. I have also been able to nominate the feeling of anxiety in my body for the first time in my life, and I’m sure that I’ve actually been anxious a lot of the time. All the tools I learned through Universal Medicine has offered me a way back to being in the world without a mask and to accept and understand my purpose in being here. An amazing life, sometimes marred by the reflection of my own past choices, but now there is always a way back to me.
Wow Adele, this is a powerful blog, and one that resonates deeply for me. Thank you for sharing. I too have lived in anxiety, withdrawal and depression. I also used to think committing to life meant being super busy as I always was. .
I love what you have written regarding honesty, vulnerability, and true responsibility, and how those simple choices allow for a recommittment back to life and support from self and others.
I love the honesty with which you look at yourself Adele. With no judgment. The words “choosing to be present to life, life became present to me”, allowed me to feel how, in the past, I have hidden from life in many different ways. I always have a choice, to be in the world of the living or return to the cave i have been in for a good part of my life. A simple choice.
I also love these words BJ and it’s amazing how Adele has taken this responsibility.
Life not only became present to her but ‘a present’ also, I feel.
Yes johanna08smith we are all truly gifted by life and all its constellations.
“There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” I love how you acknowledge the attention to detail in being present to life, Adele. For me this is key also in my commitment to being present and I can easily tell when I have not been as some detail has been missed, often if I have allowed anxiety to rush me, instead of being truly in my body.
Thanks Josephine and Adele. I can see that the choice to be consciously present with our bodies is like an antedote for pulling us out of the anxious state, if we have so chosen to be in it.
How powerful!
Love what you shared here Adele.
‘Nothing can be truly blamed on anyone, everything that did not feel true ultimately reflected a responsibility that I can go deeper with myself.’
I feel the truth of these words as a complete turnaround. And the simple choice to be present to life to every detail that presented itself. Your honesty and openness is awesome. You are an inspiration as I am sure you are for many who know you.
“If I had ever thought I was different from others because of the choices of bettering myself, this woke me up to the fact that we are all equal, I am no different from anyone else. I was completely humbled”.
Judging ourselves as more or less than anyone else is so detrimental to our health and wellbeing. Thank you Adele for such a beautifully honest story.
A really great sharing Adele, thank you. Your honesty and open-ness here is really appreciated as it allows a perspective on these symptoms that might otherwise not be there. I love how you spoke about coming back from it/out of the ‘fog’ you were in by being present in every moment and being so tender with yourself to take it step by step.
Our bodies do show us more and more of what is not true, so it is great to be able to listen to it and have the tools – especially as delivered by Serge Benhayon and the Ageless Wisdom, in conjunction with medical therapy when needed – to work through what is presented.
I fully agree when both esoteric medicine and western medicine are utilised in unison it is a win-win situation for all parties involved, with the body being fully supported on all levels.
Amelia Stephens, when the commitment to heal happened first within and was then supported by conventional medicine, it was a true and deep healing that I have never experienced with other therapies. Re-commiting back to life was also a re-commitment back to conventional medicine for me, something which I have resisted for over 20 years.
Amazing Adele, what a journey to go through and how incredible to come back to yourself after choosing to be so numb and disconnected. I can really relate to how you hardened your body to hide, but that actually you didn’t feel any safer as a consequence. The beauty of being gentle and tender with yourself can be truly felt in your writing. Thank you for sharing your journey, it is an inspiration to many.
This beauty of appreciating, loving and tenderly caring for ourselves is indeed what turns the world around. At first it felt very difficult for me to not fall back into the old pattern of “that is fine, but I could have done it so much better”. Since allowing myself to feel the amazing steps that I am making and to see all the beauty and love that is there inside of me, I become more and more still and playfulness and joy are coming back to my life.
This article is pure gold to me. Thank you Adele. Each moment I stay with myself I find my anxiety goes. Sometimes I feel like a small child but I stay with myself and don’t try to be strong or gloss over what I am feeling. In this I find a real strength in my presence. So much so that I am feeling there is no security in hiding at all.
Oh yes Karin! I found that in my hiding places waiting only more monsters for me, creating more fear. Because by choosing to hide and not expressing me I invited the monsters into my life, open up the door for them and they will come in – sooner or later. Meanwhile I see anxiety as a reflection for me that I did let go of my connection and that it is time to connect again. The hiding places I used like avoiding, ignoring, numbing creating a life of narrowness, what can be misunderstood as “I have everything under control” – but in fact it is the opposite. Our body’s are “tools” of expression – if I choose to not express my soul though my body, then something else has to be expressed. And because this “something else” is not the true me, not my connection to God, it will always be not enough, always missing the truth and so always creating emotions of emptiness, fear, anxiety, anger, frustration and so on. And thats the real disaster: we are creating our emotions we then like to flee (and hide) from. It is biting itself in the tail.
And I totally agree, we find real strength in our presence. To stay with me is to stay with God – nothing to fear here.
…”we are creating our emotions we then like to flee (and hide) from”, so illuminating and so true Sandra Schneider. To run and hide from the emotions that WE have created, or to numb them with food. Also agreed that there is real strength in our presence, to not be present with ourselves means that we are handing ourselves over to those “monsters” who simply love to control us, if we let them.
I love how you have expressed this Sandra Schneider and the fact that if we are not expressing our soul through our body then it is not true and allows emotions like fear and anxiety in. The answer is working on our level of presence which banishes the fear etc something which is so pertinent for me today so really appreciate your sharing.
So true Karin Barea, there is no room for anything else but glory when we are fully in presence.
Spot on Karin Barea. – real strength is in presence – very true.
There is much depth in your article Adele. What struck me is the changes you made to your health and the way you now interact with the world came about from being acutely aware of your body and choosing to be present with life. The fact that your body and health responded and healed by simply choosing to apply these techniques is quite remarkable.
Hugely remarkable Rod- I completely agree.
Very true Rod, the medicine happened first within and when combined with conventional medicine, it offered me an amazing support that no other therapies had ever been able to before. Even my doctor marveled at how amazing the changes to my physical and mental health were, throughout the time we worked together.
Thanks Adele for sharing how you came back to yourself. An honest account of how difficult it can be at times and how commitment to every moment (where possible) is a simple yet powerful approach to healing oneself.
Agreed Elodie, it takes commitment, consistency, dedication and making loving choices for oneself. Not always easy if you are feeling depressed or anxious. When I went through a period of mild depression and anxiety, I found the best way was not to be hard on myself and I took baby steps to bring myself back to me, little by little every day, knowing that the love inside me had not gone anywhere, it was just waiting to be re-connected to.
Adele there is so much to learn from and digest with your deeply honest blog. It was deeply inspiring to read and there was much that you had written that I could relate to. This line is something I have recognised “If I had ever thought I was different from others because of the choices of bettering myself, this woke me up to the fact that we are all equal, I am no different from anyone else. I was completely humbled.”
Absolutely Alison. The thing I appreciate the most about Adele’s sharing is her pure honesty and how that truly supported her healing, unfolding and self appreciation for her self and all of humanity.
The honesty shared in this article blew me away. What an inspiration Adele is.
Your words here Adele: “With the growing acceptance of myself, my acceptance towards the world also grew” show clearly the essence and power of reflection of life – and that things, choices, actions, really do begin with oneself first, before they can be anywhere or with anyone else. Loving oneself: loving another: another loving us back.
Thank you Adele. What an amazing and so honest sharing. I found it beautiful how even when you decided to recommit to life and the insomnia intensified and increase, that you stayed with the truth and responsibility of it all- moving forward with the trust and allowing of letting people in. It just does to show that because we are the creators of our own mess that we each exactly know if we give our selves the permission, how to liberate ourselves from these ill patterns and behaviours.
What you said johanna08smith about us being creators of our own mess made me smile, a recognition that it is exactly that, our own creation, so therefore, we can re-create the way we choose to live. I was drawn to the quote ‘With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world’. A deeply profound and honest blog, thank you Adele.
Well said Zofia. It is so powerful!
Well said Zofia. We need to be the love that we seek in the world and then that love will naturally seek us.
Truly Zofia, awareness is a responsibility.
Wow, what an amazing turnaround to have Adele. What I find interesting is that someone who is out being the adventurer can be just as uncommitted to life as someone stuck inside and unable to move. You seem to have experienced both. It reminds me of living from the age of 10 to 16 feeling locked in my shell. When someone told me to get out of my shell, I felt inspired and leaped into an existence where all I ended up doing was abusing my body by pushing and driving myself.
Adele, I so admire your super honesty in sharing such an awesome journey back to a true life. It is so ridiculous how we can become so lost to a connection to ourself, and you have shown how simple it can be to connect back to our true self. Yes, commitment to life requires much attention to detail.
Adele, that was a powerful blog. It can be a dark place we can get lost in when we don’t participate in life. When we do choose to participate, we feel the responsibility we need to take. We choose to look at where we have ended up and why. The healing then begins, we allow ourselves to see what has been in front of us all along, we start to see the things we have strategically covered over. The veil starts to lift and we start to see the majesty that lies within. One that is so great you’re astounded that you covered it up in the first place.
I am deeply touched by the level of honesty and the courage it must of took to share your story, thank you Adele.
This is the level of raw-ness and vulnerability we all need to go to with each other as a human race, so we can begin to heal our hurts and come back to a life of love and harmony.
Adele, I found your blog very profound and I could relate to a lot of what you have written. Your courage in taking responsibility for your life and the choices you have made really struck a chord with me. I feel I will come back and re read your story over again in the future as you have raised many points for me to reflect on. For starters, I now feel a renewed commitment to bringing presence to every moment of my day. Thank you.
Adele I really like how you call out the arrogance that we often live in, thinking we are doing better than others. I have been able to identify this in many areas of my life as I’ve started to take more responsibility for my choices in life. What I’ve come to understand is that arrogance, without a doubt, keeps us far away from the truth of who we are. It’s a protection from others but most sadly, from ourselves. It stops us feeling what our body knows. I know my body feel lighter and stiller each time I can nominate when any ounce of arrogance is in operation. It is so much lovelier to live with and accept our innate openness and vulnerability. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for your honest sharing Adele. I know of many friends who have and still do suffer from anxiety and or insomnia so I will share this awesome blog with them.
I had a period of depression for a while after having my daughter and it was not a very good time. I was advised to go on medication by a close friend, but deep down inside I knew that I had to change the way I was living. I listened to myself and did change and depression is a thing of the past.
Hello Adele and thank you for sharing this blog. I appreciate the honesty you have in sharing this part of your life and can see the transformation and the support that you received from Universal Medicine. For some reason I only seemed to get part of your story when I read your blog. I look forward to hearing more from you.
Thanks Adele for your honest account. It is amazing what we feel in our bodies when we truly stop and how the levels of disregard that may of been masked are there staring at us for us to deal with. What I have found is that it is so super important not to judge ourselves but to be honest, bring understanding and to treat the body with absolute love to allow ourselves to heal the layers of disregard. And moving forward to make new self loving choices that honour the body.
Wow Adele, truly amazing and inspiring blog. Choosing to be present in life is something I am learning too. The depth of honest, responsibility and acceptance that we are willing to go to is a huge support to us working through obstacles we have created in life. Your blog inspires people who are choosing to hide from the world that there is a way out of this misery.
“The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true”….so true Adele. Gorgeous sharing of you and your re-committment to life. Thank you.
Such an inspiring blog Adele. And what stood out for me was, that through all the challenging stages you went through the answer to how to change the way of living that was not supporting you was so very simple, and packed with common sense: It was : “Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” These are also the words I choose to live by, and by also acknowledging that my life is my responsibility, the quality of my life and the way I relate to others has improved immeasurably.
Thank you Adele, such an inspiring blog of the way simple changes make such a huge difference in our lives. The principles of life as presented by Serge Benhayon are so simple and deserve to be studied.
I love what you write here Adele – “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.” Your re-commitment back to life was back to you, to be with you in every moment – to be here in life. Inspiring and yet so natural.
I too love the part you highlighted Marcia. It is very powerful.
Thank you for a wonderful inspiring guidance of how to re-commit to life Adele.
I feel deeply met having been along a way of hardness and a monster self-judgement myself. I still work steady on letting myself return to accepting me by getting to know me better. Learning to understand and read me. This increasing awareness helps me to get back to trusting me and opening up to others without anxiousness. On my way to live a life in a humble way.
‘A long held pattern of mine had been to have no regard for my body’ – me too, Adele. In my case I was shocked to discover, in 2013, that the wear and tear I had subjected my body and being to for much of my life had resulted in an auto-immune condition related to my thyroid. This taught me, and continues to teach me, much about the need to bring complete regard for myself to all aspects of my life. As I see it, I needed (and still need) to bring the same kindness and tenderness to myself as if I were a pregnant lady or a baby. Why do we extend this kind of honouring of our preciousness to others but never ourselves?
Being present to life and allowing myself to really feel people has been an important part of my re-commitment to life too.
This is amazing Adele, your turn-a-round in life. I know what it is like to have anxiety in the body. I had also had palpitations for years, and coupled with the anxiety I never truly had a good night’s sleep, waking up at least 3 or 4 times a night, never sleeping through. This became exhausting. I tried sleeping tablets and herbal teas, but of course they didn’t work. The only thing that DID work however, was eating toast at 4am, NOT to be recommended, as it wasn’t truly the answer, it just numbed me further. It wasn’t until I discovered Universal Medicine too, and I began to truly work on my sleep patterns. Going to bed earlier and getting up earlier, watching what I ate in the evening and spending more time winding down gently. I also realised that the quality of the day affected my sleep too, whether it was not speaking up or expressing myself or allowing myself to get wound up by something or feeling anxious or emotional. It took a while but my sleep began to slowly improve, and recently, to my delight I slept through the night for the first time in years. Thank you for your sharing, and I am sure many will find your experience inspiring, as depression and anxiety is becoming common place in the world.
Your honesty in this article can be deeply felt and I appreciate your openness in sharing a very personal story for us all to be inspired by. Thank you Adele.
The part where you report looking in the mirror and receiving your reflection with deep self-judgment is a great offering of truth and a ‘reflection’ for us all to ponder on. Thank you for sharing, it’s awesome to bring awareness to the multitude of ways we undermine ourselves. Hang on, no – let’s get real and say the multitude of ways we abuse ourselves.
This is a powerful and honest account Adele and I thank you for it. Reading about your decision to face facts, take responsibility, and do so with great tenderness for yourself was inspiring. Illness of any kind is a great teacher, and as you say, very humbling.
Indeed there is no magic pill that will change our life in one day. I love how you shared that what supports you is being present in life. I can feel that supports me too. Thank you for sharing your honest and open story.
Thankyou for sharing this Adele, its amazing how disconnected we can become to our bodies isn’t it. I especially took heed of your summation – “There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself. The more I chose to be present, the more I felt an empowerment that my body knew to be true. With choosing to be present to life, life became present to me, so I was no longer terrified or felt that I needed to hide from the world.” – I expect this means you’re over the insomnia too?
As you write Adele ‘To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson.’ and feels like a very fine line to me.
It so reassuring to have the Universal Medicine team and student family there gently supporting.
Thank you Adele for this insightful blog. ‘There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself’ – this is gold and applies to us all whether we are recovering from insomnia or in good health. Being present to life in every detail is an ever-deepening process and as you say ‘each choice lived continued to confirm the next moment as it unfolded’. To live this way is truly empowering.
What a tremendous story Adele. What you have shared makes it so real. I have read about the symptoms of acute anxiety and depression but reading you describe it in this way makes it even more real.
Having met you I am amazed that this used to be your everyday experience as you are so comfortable with yourself now and shining that it’s beautiful to see.
So many people suffer with anxiety and depression and what you have shared here with us Adele is pure gold. I can relate in so many ways particularly with the extreme anxiousness. It is very easy to blame others for the way we feel – whether its the high or low points in our lives. Bringing gentleness into your life and as you shared -“taking back responsibility for my choices, each choice lived continued to confirm the next moment as it unfolded” Thank you Adele.
Great Adele, I can feel the strength behind your words in your commitment back to life which resonates deeply within me, awesome.
Nothing can be truly blamed on anyone……so beautiful. Confronting at times, yes, but so freeing as well. That is true freedom for me, a freedom that comes from inside.
‘There was no magic formula in re-committing back to life. Simply a moment to moment choice to be present to life, to every detail that presented itself.’ I love this simple formula to connect back to you to be able to start to enjoy life, instead of being driven by an outer force that makes you feel small and helpless.
Such is the power of true self-love and self-care which although is very very simple can be very very confronting when one is still avoiding personal responsibility for life and all that they have in fact chosen
Wow – I loved this it’s so easy to think we are doing better than others or making better choices or worse choices and spend our whole lives in comparison, without that comparison we realise we’re actually all the same and all here to learn. Like you say, it’s beautifully humbling when we realise this.
Wow such a powerful blog Adele. Self acceptance is such an important part of recovery from any illness. I really related to what you said about taking full responsibility for past choices but not going into guilt or beating yourself up. And self acceptance I realised when reading your blog is probably one of the keys to striking this balance.
It goes to show that when we make loving and supporting choices we change our lives. I am deeply inspired by Adele’s commitment to accepting herself. These words are beautiful – ‘With the growing acceptance of myself my acceptance towards the world grew.’
I love your honest sharing. And isn’t our body magic in telling us about the way we are living? Two things stood out for me:
‘To accept and take responsibility for my ill choices in the past, yet to not indulge in the harmful emotion of feeling guilty was a constant lesson.’ Simply look at it, take responsibility and move on is what works. Beating yourself up over an ill choice is the worst thing to do and won’t let you connect back to yourself.
The other thing is the beauty of what you describe with your choice to be present in every moment in life. True and so powerful, the only thing we need to do is be fully present and we know truth and what to do.
I can feel the deliberate presence, care and commitment in your writing, so you have obviously come a long way. I love reading how you are now able to see everyone as equal and be more tender with yourself. It’s amazing what our bodies teach us when we are willing to be responsible.
Hi Adele, I can relate to the harshness and severity with which you treated your body; and also the anxiousness and panic attacks. It can be very difficult to overcome the overwhelming feelings of panic or anxiousness when they take over – as they are debilitating. However, I have found that when a true commitment to life is made, there is nothing that can stand in the way.
Top blog Adele and what a story !
“A long held pattern of mine had been to have no regard for my body” – I could say ‘ditto’ as that was exactly how I had been living my whole life until I came across the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine in 2005.
There was no one out there in all my decades of searching making it all super simple, practical, real and natural. I lost trust and had given up ‘following’ this that and the other in hope to find whatever it was I was looking for. Not once did I think that EVERYTHING is already inside of me and what I needed was the tools to connect back to the real me and live from that place. Serge Benhayon gave me those tools and my life today is beyond words in every area. I no longer have a miserable fake and phoney life which left me going to bed every night feeling lost and empty. I Love Living and I am deeply content with my life because I call the shots. I make ALL my choices and if I get it wrong, I learn. I take FULL Responsibility for every single choice I make, even the ugly ones. The End.
Thank You Adele for an Honest And truth-full story ! Was very healing reading it And it ressonates with me at a very deep Level .
With love
Ann-Brit
Loved reading your blog Adele.
Bringing presence to everything all the time leaves no room for any anxiety as there’s so much clarity in everything we do, when we do it in presence with our self.
Yes, its a choice to make in every moment.
It really is about bringing presence to everything we do, so no anxiety can creep in. It is a choice in every moment.
Thank you Adele for sharing so openly and honestly. I also had a period of insomnia after becoming more honest with myself about living with such a constant current of anxiety that I was ignorant of until that point. There was a period where it was all coming out as it were, and it was uncomfortable, and sleepless nights were part of this. But that in itself actually forced me to be much more present with myself during the day, being super tender and gentle — which was a great blessing. Coming back into life after being very non-engaged and withdrawn is a process where we do have to feel the momentum of our choices, but the support that abounds when we make loving choices to return to ourselves and to life far outweighs any discomfort or challenge we may have along the way.
I had always thought that because I was ‘busy’ and my life was ‘full’ that I was committed to life, however this is actually not true. Now I can see that commitment to life is about being with people and letting them in. I can be the busiest person in the world but if I can’t truly connect with people and be completely myself around them, then this is not truly living…
Well said Sara.
Adele, when you talk about finally choosing to stop and listen to your body, but found it difficult to accept what you felt. This is so very true and needs to be discussed so much more. As it is upon feeling the harm that we have done to ourselves that many people then chose to take the ‘check out route’ and begin to numb with alcohol, drugs, foods, computer games, etc. To open discussion on this very real experience and to talk about it is purely showing us that the choices we make every day impact on our body, always. Offering to all that the only true way to heal the hurts we feel is to tenderly and lovingly support our bodies by adjusting the way we are living.
Thank you for sharing Adele. I find too that being present and super aware of what you are doing makes a huge impact on how you are. Even though at the start and sometimes it feels difficult, I notice when I am aware of myself and present with what I’m doing my whole body relaxes.
The body holds everything, it stores how we are in each day, it lets us go about our choices and as it needs to it releases what it can to support us as best it can. Your amazing story Adele confirms how much the body is often taken for granted and yet it is the very thing that will hold us so steadfastly as we return to truth.
What a great point you make Lee about how our body really and truly is taken for granted and it stores and holds everything. All our choices are inside our body and using our mind to override it can keep that anxiety stuff going on.
To knock out my anxiety I have had to look deeply at the quality in which I am choosing to live on a day to day basis. The more I am with myself, that internal steadiness deepens which supports me no matter what challenges are presented. Speaking my truth, no matter who it is and not worrying about their response or reaction has helped me a lot too.
So true Lee, we often criticise the body for ‘breaking down’ but do not consider what we have put it through and what it has withstood in order to reach that point.
“It was only when I realised that I can be in the world and can let people in that I truly felt supported” This has really inspired me Adele. Letting people in every day what supports us to be true, and care about others deeply as well. Thank you, letting people in is a daily medicine and one that I am going to take from now on!
Wow Adele, this is something I have not experienced but I feel humbled by your decisions to respond so courageously and consistently to heal, instead of succumbing to giving up and the illusion of hiding away. An inspiration, thank you for sharing your story.
What you share is very beautiful being honest to self opens up a totally new world of responsibility and self acceptance
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This is my experience, being honest with self really opens up the new world of responsibility and self acceptance.
Adele I am humbled by your honesty and willingness to take responsibility for what presented in your body. I loved the part about not indulging in the harming emotion of guilt which I too have taken some time to let go of with my previous choices.
This is a really powerful blog Adele. I can feel the authority and absoluteness in this blog; in a way I have never felt before from your previous writing. Thank you for your intimate sharing – it feels like a gift from heaven.
What an amazing turnaround after (literally) having been lost in the desert – thanks to the Way of the Livingness, Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and your commitment to taking responsibility and making self-loving choices.