SPEAKING UP

by Tony Steenson, Age 35, Bricklayer, Coraki, Australia

Growing up, I was always a quiet child. In my early teens this continued; I was never loud or outspoken, and I didn’t really talk about how I felt to anyone. What I did though, was become really angry, so I started my relationship with heavy metal music… because listening to angry music seemed to have a calming effect on me when I was upset.

I was disgusted at the behaviour of a lot of my mates. They were rude, offensive and just didn’t seem to care about anything or anyone except themselves… yet I didn’t say anything to them because I didn’t want them to not like me or call me names or give me a hard time – I didn’t want to rock the boat.

This ‘no boat-rocking way of life’ caused me a lot of pain over the years as I experienced countless situations where something really needed to be said, but because of my uncertainty in what to say and my unwillingness to stand up I just moved on from the situation, ignoring what I felt.

Enter Universal Medicine.

From listening to presentations and doing a few workshops, I now have a greater understanding of myself, and of others. I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen. That’s a big one that I’m sure we’re all guilty of, but one that I want to call from now on.

I have also realised there is a responsibility with the way I express myself; if I express in anger I get anger coming back to me.

The fear I once had of not fitting in isn’t really there anymore – I say what I feel a lot of the time now, and it feels great to get it out.

I am still learning and experimenting with this and sometimes it goes great and other times not so crash hot, but I learn from my mistakes and am willing to give it a go.

406 thoughts on “SPEAKING UP

  1. A very wise man has been known to be saying for a very long time that “Expression is everything”. Thanks to attending presentations by Serge Benhayon expressing truth is becoming a reality, rather than an anxiousness about opening my mouth.

  2. ‘I say what I feel a lot of the time now, and it feels great to get it out.’ Beautifully said and something many of us men can learn from.

  3. Opening the doors to speaking honestly about what we’re experiencing and feeling can be deeply courageous. How often is it the person who holds the deepest sensitivities to life and people, that holds their expression back…
    We would all do well to be aware of this, and respect that it’s not always the easiest thing for another or indeed ourselves to speak up – and be willing to understand why this is so.

  4. What you’ve shared here Tony is hugely important for us all… Hold back our expression, and we may well be creating intensities within ourselves that are then difficult to control. Having the willingness to open up, however big the walls have been, is to be deeply honoured, and also very gently nurtured within ourselves – with no expectation of perfection, and a full appreciation of our willingness to embark upon the process… one that will be ongoing for the rest of our lives, if we say yes to it.

  5. Speaking up and expressing what we’re truly feeling or seeing is something that supports us all very much and I think it’s great the willingness that you share here Tony to learn from your ‘mistakes’ and not give up but keep learning.

  6. Inspiring Tony. It is always a choice. After continuously attending Universal Medicine over the years I have more awareness and a deeper understanding of myself showing me more and more my potential and the more harder it is to accept how much I have held back.

  7. I’m still learning to say no to abuse without reacting to it. When I do manage to do this it is generally well received because I don’t condemn the person who is behaving in an abusive way, just their behaviour.

  8. Thank you Tony for inspiring us to speak up when we feel and know that something is not true. Whilst reading your blog I was reminded of the saying; “behaviour unchallenged is behaviour encouraged”. I was also reminded that expression is everything; that is everything, calling out harmful behaviours, appreciation, understandings, hurts, vulnerabilities etc,etc,etc, and the list goes on…

  9. When we treat ourselves and our days like a real life science experiment it allows us to observe the intricacies and details of life as a whole and understand ourselves and everyone around us with much more clarity.

  10. This blog lifts some of the confusion around expression and frees it of judgement – very simply is we are honest and speak the truth about the big glaringly obvious wrong that are happening in our world, then as time passes the small more subtle untruths surface to be cleared away. More men than women choose to not express what is going on for them, to keep their feelings hidden. What you have given to me along with every other woman who read this blog is an understanding, insight and opportunity to engage and expand our own awareness. Thank you Toni.

  11. I am finding that we are have so much love to share that when we hold it back it allows the space for other things to come in and this is often when ill patterns can come into relationships. When a man expresses his love outwardly it is huge for all.

    1. That is so true MW. When we hold back we contract and create a space that has to be filled with something else. When do not hold back we expand and we keep expanding the love we are.

  12. So awesome to hear men express like this. Thanks Tony for being truly man enough to be so vulnerable. It’s a pretty wonderful quality to have!

  13. “I am still learning and experimenting with this and sometimes it goes great and other times not so crash hot, but I learn from my mistakes and am willing to give it a go.” The willingness to be vulnerable by allowing one to make mistakes in order to learn is a huge thing for us men to do.

  14. I agree Tony that speaking up instead of holding back feels so much better. I spent years holding back, worrying about what others might think, but doing that serves no one.

  15. One of the worst feelings is knowing you have not spoken up about something that you know is wrong. I don’t want to look away and pretend its not happening anymore just because I am not directly affected. Thanks for the inspiration to keep speaking up Tony.

  16. I agree Tony, not speaking up about something that does not feel right allows it to become an accepted truth through not calling it out, and separates us further away from knowing the truth the more we allow it to go unchallenged.

  17. So often ‘speaking up’ can get misinterpreted and twisted into letting out hurts. Like a simple magnetic effect we can’t be surprised as you say Toni when we then receive them back from others again . Then we get stuck in a loop where we percieve we can’t share the truth for fear of being attacked. But the real question is, an I speaking from my essence, from the real me? This is what will unlock situations and finally help shift all those hurts.

  18. When we express what we feel with another we are in fact not only honouring ourselves and but also the other person. We are saying ‘yes’ to truth and to a foundation that is based on honesty and love. Holding back what we feel is what allows untruths to continue to exist unarrested, which is harming for all. It is not about perfection, as you say, but more so about the willingness and openness to express the truth from the love that we know and can feel we all are within. What you have shared Tony is the way forward for us all, to bring to life the honesty and truth of what we feel with each other so we can learn, grow and live our real selves more freely together.

  19. The purity of a person’s natural expression is inspiring, for it comes untainted and definitely not needy in any way.

  20. I use to go along with things to fit in socially too Tony, it was just my “normal” way I lived before my involvement with Universal Medicine. I remember laughing at jokes that were not funny, letting guys at the pub kiss me, even though I didn’t have any connection with them because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings!?!? I mean, what…? Yep, anything to be liked and to not “rock the boat”. I would let my housemates get away with a lot for the same reasons, trying to keep the peace; this never worked but I just kept approaching things the same way. Enter Universal Medicine.
    I still laugh at some unfunny jokes but if they are rude or nasty I always mention it and speak up.
    I stopped drinking and with that choice – respecting myself as a woman was easy – you don’t ever have random strangers try to kiss me at a cafe completely sober – so I didn’t have to worry about that!
    Plus, I am happily married now –
    My housemates are now my family and I am very vocal about what I see in the house with them, as are they with me.

    1. Thanks for bringing a smile to my dial Sarah. We think that speaking up causes trouble but things are so much clearer, simpler and connected when we let other people know how we really feel.

      1. Well said Leonne, and conversely when we don’t speak up and instead hold back what is needing to be said things can get very complicated, confused, sticky affecting not only us but the relationship with the other person/s. From this choice a whole lot of emotions are sure to begin to arise if these words are continued to be held back. Speaking up from a place of truth, I have found, is so much more freeing and a much more simple way to live.

  21. “I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen.” The more we don’t express our truth the more we share the responsibility for the lie that is the reality of the world we live in. Understanding that it is not the person we are saying is not ‘ok’ but the energy with which it is being said, is beautiful – nothing personal, no judgement.

  22. Universal Medicine offers us a way of recovering from the wayward ways of our childhood, and gives us the space to live as who we really are (sometimes in contrast to how society wants us to live), living as the people we each are, and were when we were children. This freedom to be who we are knows no bounds, is different for each person and heralds a way of living that is unquestionably loving and inclusive of the all.

  23. Thank you Tony for a great article about speaking up, I too like you didn’t want to rock the boat, create waves so to speak, also I had the belief that what I had to say was not important so there was a big closing down for me. Since Universal Medicine I have come to accept that I am important and what I have to say is important, and that speaking up is being honest, and makes life, and relationships, much simpler and clearer and more respectful.

    1. When we don’t speak up we are disrespecting ourselves and others. There’s a lack of transparency in ourselves, a holding on to protection, and invariably a stuckness in our lives. When we let go of needing to get it right and needing to be accepted by others, there’s a freedom in our expression and a freedom in our movements, with the flow of life instead of against it.

  24. Speaking up is one thing; it is the energy with which we do it in and that comes down to the relationship we have with ourselves, that’s not to say that we’re never going to react because that is unreal. We’re all learning as none of us are perfect and there will be occasions when a reaction happens but what I am realising is to not allow that reaction to put us off from speaking up but to see it as an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and why we reacted to that particular person or situation.

  25. The best part about speaking up for me is that it gives a moment for everyone to see that speaking up is ok, that we can do it, and it’s just perhaps a matter of choice, of stepping out and of being brave. And maybe the more we do it the more we can see just how simple this is and just how strong and all-knowing we all truly are.

  26. That’s so awesome Tony. Finding your voice after having suppressed it for so long would be like millions of deep breaths for your body as it let’s go of all that tension. We’ve all experienced what it feels like to hold back from saying something you know is needed, and it feels pretty awful.

  27. Speaking up doesn’t have to be about confrontation, yet this is how I have viewed speaking up and why I avoided it for most of my life. Sure, I can be outward and vocal about things and people would look at me and think I was very good with expressing – but when it comes to something that needs to be said and expressing the responsibility of what I actually feel… I would rather ignore that aspect of expression. Speaking up doesn’t have to be about confrontation, it is about love and allowing others to see things with a different perspective.

  28. Short and to the point Tony. I love the fact that you are now speaking up when you see a need for it rather than just letting it go and seeing no positive changes made, but instead allowing the ill behaviour to grow !

  29. Yes it is a big ouch moment when we realise that by staying silent and not challenging something that we feel is not loving, we are contributing to bringing the energy that opposes love on this planet no differently to the person who has created the initial unloving act.

  30. Why people relate to music the way they do? Why people choose to listen this or that type of music? What does music for you? Music is like a frequency we choose to tune in to confirm/cement an energetic configuration we have in the body.

  31. The simple way this blog is delivered makes it very possible to say what you feel, as there is no perfect way to go about this. Giving it a go is the way to go. Learning from our body all the way along, as we know when we speak in frustration, anger, resentment etc, or when we speak with a steady honesty that cannot but be heard.

  32. “The fear I once had of not fitting in isn’t really there anymore – I say what I feel a lot of the time now, and it feels great to get it out.” . . . Yes I agree Tony, it is great to express what we feel is true even if we know it will not go down well . . . Fear of not fitting in is a fear most experience. It is when we are willing to discern what we are trying to fit into we realise we may no longer see that as where we want to sit.

  33. All expression that is left unsaid sits stagnant in the body – it actually takes quite a force and a lot of habits/behaviours to hold back our expression and the body is left to suffer. It can then be confusing as to what the body is suffering from…. the unexpressed awareness or the habits of abuse.

  34. Amazing reflection Tony about the responsibility to call things for how they should truly be, It has taken me a while to learn the difference between letting things be and stopping abuse when it is necessary – but sometimes we cant stay silent or the consequences will come.

  35. As Serge Benhayon says often ‘Expression is Everything’, I didn’t quite know what he meant by that until I actually took steps to express and I felt how life changing this was – especially in my body. I felt more expanded, a lot lighter and felt this freedom in my body because finally I was no longer holding back.

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