by Tony Steenson, Age 35, Bricklayer, Coraki, Australia
Growing up, I was always a quiet child. In my early teens this continued; I was never loud or outspoken, and I didn’t really talk about how I felt to anyone. What I did though, was become really angry, so I started my relationship with heavy metal music… because listening to angry music seemed to have a calming effect on me when I was upset.
I was disgusted at the behaviour of a lot of my mates. They were rude, offensive and just didn’t seem to care about anything or anyone except themselves… yet I didn’t say anything to them because I didn’t want them to not like me or call me names or give me a hard time – I didn’t want to rock the boat.
This ‘no boat-rocking way of life’ caused me a lot of pain over the years as I experienced countless situations where something really needed to be said, but because of my uncertainty in what to say and my unwillingness to stand up I just moved on from the situation, ignoring what I felt.
Enter Universal Medicine.
From listening to presentations and doing a few workshops, I now have a greater understanding of myself, and of others. I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen. That’s a big one that I’m sure we’re all guilty of, but one that I want to call from now on.
I have also realised there is a responsibility with the way I express myself; if I express in anger I get anger coming back to me.
The fear I once had of not fitting in isn’t really there anymore – I say what I feel a lot of the time now, and it feels great to get it out.
I am still learning and experimenting with this and sometimes it goes great and other times not so crash hot, but I learn from my mistakes and am willing to give it a go.
The Truth about Universal Medicine 
Nothing like being responsible for our movements and choices… or better I would say: nothing like being aware of the responsibility we have in our movements and choices, as it is that choice of being aware, that takes us out from the drama to live in the full knowing that we are the electors of our world and the landscapes that surround us.
Speaking up the truth we feel inside is really freeing
“Enter Universal Medicine.” A turning point for so many where we learn to express truth.
Ditto!! Growing up I used to constantly have throat problems (tonsillitis) and a lot of the time had this feel like I had a massive lump in my throat that felt completely numb, that I could not speak or say what I wanted to but instead just had to listen to others and what they felt (which is cool … the listening to others part .. but not when you feel you yourself are unable to express the whole time). Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have taught me so much about expression. Expression on all levels, from speaking to moving and also supporting me in being able to write without worrying if it’s right or wrong’. I also have a far greater understanding of myself, more confidence with my expression (on all levels) and more confidence and joy being in and with my body. The awesome thing about this is there is no cap. It does not end but instead keeps forever flowing and forever deepening. I deeply appreciate all Universal Medicine and Serge have taught and continue to teach me.
This fear of losing popularity and/or security when we speak up is what sustains the system that we all hate, the relationship that really is just an empty arrangement and has no richness.
The fear feeds the fear so time to let the fear go and be all we truly are ✨ #shineon
Tony it’s really great you are willing to give expressing how you feel a go. It’s good to remember, as you say, there will be times that we go well with how we express and others not so great, but it is an opportunity for learning. Your words about how angry you were when you held back how you felt got me pondering on the times I felt angry, and looking back at some of those situations what needed to be said on my part did not get said. It is interesting to ponder on the relationship between anger and stuffing down how we feel – at some point there has to be a volcano.
Yes, if we keep stuffing down how we feel, then it has to all come out at some point.
Many of us do not want to ‘rock the boat’ of life turning a blind eye to what goes on in our society. Which if we stop to consider, is it possible this is why we are living in the mess we are in because no one has stood firm and said no that doesn’t feel right. We are continually dropping our standard of living and becoming more animalistic in our behaviours and I wonder just how low we will drop before we come to our senses.
The thing is, we are all living in that same boat. Every time we allow something that’s not true it affects us all equally. We live in a sphere of energy and when we don’t rock the boat by not speaking up or assisting others we confirm or allow a leak, a gap for the untrue energy currently fuelling life to make a place for itself.
Many of us were not allowed to express what we were feeling as children, or even to show that we were upset; we had to put on a brave face, or risk being in serious trouble!
There in lies the magic – “and am willing to give it a go”. We hold back from so much, all of us do, from expressing who we are in this life, and that is when life becomes dull or we try and fill it up by making it exciting in other means. If we are prepared to ‘give it a go’ to the best of our ability by expressing what we feel and being more of ourselves, then that is when the magic happens.
It’s quite ugly what happens to us when we suppress our expression. It can turn inwards on ourselves or out at other people. Either way we all feel the ill effects of the bottled-up expression.
Tony, this is really helpful, thank you; ‘I am still learning and experimenting with this and sometimes it goes great and other times not so crash hot, but I learn from my mistakes and am willing to give it a go.’ I have also held back from expressing what I am feeling and am now starting to to express, it is helpful to read of your experience and to give it a go and learn from this.
Yes, I too am expressing far more, and yes, it is a learning in many respects.
As a child I very soon left aside what I felt inside. This didn’t seem to be appropriate and didn’t really fit in with what others expected me to be. I could say two words but very soon I was told off for speaking too much. So I learned to use my senses to see very effectively how to move, what to say and what not in order to be comfortable and nice. I was not aware about how this choice denied the most precious and unique values that I bring just for being me: transparency, simplicity, order, clarity, freshness…These days I’m realizing that making what others expected me to be was never the way. I’m still learning to speak up, to put limits when something feels not right, to express honestly what I feel despite the reactions from others. Sometimes what I have to share is not liked but that’s okay. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine inspire me in being real in a society full of expectations, hidden rules and lies. Something that I deeply appreciate for the change and liberation that I can feel inside me.
When we have a choice between a few mates or the whole of humanity to have a relationship with, it becomes a no brainer and the inner-heart gets to share it’s lived-wisdom with everyone with whom we come in contact, including any past friendships.
Came across this blog once again but what really jumps out at me today is how angry we must get when we don’t speak up and if we do not express ourselves how then does the body process this, and what health conditions are then due to the unspoken words.
That is an interesting one, what health conditions arise due to us stuffing down our feelings, and not speaking up.
Tony, I agree with you “This ‘no boat-rocking way of life’” has got us all into a way of life that actually stinks of the rot we are living in. Because we never stood up and spoke out when we should have done, we have the uncaring, abusive society we currently live in. And to me we have no one to blame but ourselves.
There’s paralysing fear when I hold back and don’t let people know what I think. We can fool ourselves in thinking that we don’t need to say something because that’s just where people are at and we should let them be, but in that arrogance we’re cementing our own inability to express and allowing an energy to run though people without offering an opportunity to stop.
To express or Tooo EXPRESS that is the question?; and when we are Expressing from our bodies we feel the True power of our essences in connection with our body, which is self Empowering and thus True EXPRESSION!
Although we think we are seeking security in playing safe and not speaking up we are actually freer when we do speak up as we are expressing the truth of who we are and the truth of us all.
The key here is ‘to give it a go’. I also have held back what I wanted to express for the best part of my life and quite frankly it retards us. It causes conditions in the body that could be avoided just by speaking up, and once we get the hang of it all the fears of what might happen, disappear.
I find it quite natural to speak up even though I was strongly not allowed to in my family. What is important I have found is the quality of energy I speak in when I do speak up.
When we live the ‘no boat-rocking way of life’ as you refer to it Tony, we can indeed hold back from speaking up to what needs to be said to stop and correct the errant behaviors of others. The irony being that it actually is these boat rocking errant behaviors that creates the disharmony and upsets society in the first place.
There are a lot of images and ideals around speaking up that make it into a terrible thing to do. And even when we start it’s like difficulty and strife occur. But what if it was so much simpler than all of that and just involved us expressing from our heart?
You openness to not getting this ‘right’, but just giving it a go and learning from your mistakes is a rare trait in society, as most have at least some level of striving for perfectionism going on. And I know from experience it is by no means healthy to live this way.
Give it a go and see what happens, if we contemplate on every sentence (like I have been doing), even when we say the truth it sounds like a lie, our insecurity brings doubt and the receiver will not get the truth of what is being delivered.
So True Viktoria, it is up to each of us to move in a way that builds a True relationship with our essence so when we speak it is from our inner-wisdom and not just repeating the words that even when True come across as a knowledge and not a lived wisdom.
Your last few words nail it, it’s our willingness to give it a go, no-one needs to be perfect and everyone makes mistakes but if we are willing to really go for it then the outcome isn’t important.
“The fear I once had of not fitting in isn’t really there anymore – I say what I feel a lot of the time now, and it feels great to get it out” This is amazing Tony – how absolutely freeing it is to allow ourselves to express what it is we truly feel – is there any other greater medicine?
When we don’t speak up, we do allow it to happen.. we enable it and therefore are complicit. When I think of this underlying principle and then how much I allow and don’t speak up about, it becomes clear how irresponsible not speaking up is.
We learn a lot when we observe the choices in life ; we get to see what works and what does not and what makes us feel yuk or true. Hence, there is no greater way of learning than living who we are.
It seems like we are all here on earth to assist our fellow brethren to evolve which means we need to speak up when needed because someone else might just need to hear what I have to say.
Speaking up feels very natural, and important to do; and it feels much more lovely in our bodies to express the truth.
“I have also realised there is a responsibility with the way I express myself; if I express in anger I get anger coming back to me.” I like that Tony and for me that is one of the best ways to learn how to express – it is always coming back to me.
Whatever we express it is always important to express with love.
Tony this is great observation
“This ‘no boat-rocking way of life’ caused me a lot of pain over the years as I experienced countless situations where something really needed to be said, but because of my uncertainty in what to say and my unwillingness to stand up I just moved on from the situation, ignoring what I felt.”
I feel that this is a huge problem in our society where we become bystanders of life and so the quality of our living drops and this is what we are now experiencing, hence the illness and disease that seems to be wiping us out as a species.
“I know now that by me not speaking up and saying “that’s not ok”, I am actually allowing it to happen.” – It takes some real courage to call out what is not the truth or abusive/corrupt in our lives, but the fact that we have an awareness of this, not only tells us that the Truth is known by all, but that if we don’t act on it, nothing will change and the same level of abuse will come back to us until it is dealt with, plus we have the karma of inaction if we fall for the comfort of staying silent.
It can also be very loving to not express at that moment what we feel because we feel it is not the right moment for it.
True, it is always important to feel if it is true to express at that particular moment, or to stay observing.
How in the world may angry music calm a body that is full of anger? When the music that we choose matches our state of being, we feel confirmed in our state of being, we get offered specific waters to bath ourselves in and apparently, we let go. But in truth, what music helps us to is to cement a specific set of patterns that will require to come back to a new dose of music later on to keep going. We do not let go thanks to music. This is an illusion.
This blog reminds me that the majority of people on the planet are not expressing what they really feel. It’s like we are locked up in invisible muzzles and straight jackets. When we are free to express what we feel from the natural quality of love that we are we are truly free.
We all feel so much and can say it when push comes to shove, but very few of us are choosing to speak with love. It doesn’t mean sugar coating words or being fluffy – just connecting to our essence when we speak. We need to realise it’s not the words that we’re here to share, but a quality of energy that truly cares. When we express this we set our foundations for life. Thank you Tony.
Your last paragraph is great – when we’re relearning something it can definitely be rocky – sometimes brilliant, sometimes not and sometimes we make mistakes but what’s important is that we approach it as a learning process – not that it’s the end of the world when stuff happens, and that like you say – we’re always willing to give it a go.
Like a toddler, we fall over time and time again but always pick ourselves back up.. and that is the way to learn to walk.
Absolutely, it’s the willingness to keep picking ourselves up and dusting ourselves off that enables us to learn and move forward – it’s when we give up that we are in trouble.
What I have observed is that there can be a holding back even when saying lots of words. Anything that is said not in the fullness of what we have felt to say is holding back.
Gosh, we talk a lot, yet with little attention to our quality spoken.. often this is the case and no one should be judged for that. It is a way of communicating we have made to be our standard, a place where words have the highest truth, yet where there is so much manipulating in the way they are used and false meanings given to the words.. We have to come back and view things differently. What if the quality is our first matter: how do we use words? Do we feel what words to use, or just say them? Where is our integrity when it comes down to using words and speaking them? Where is our connection to the words and truth? Ponder deeply.
What I love about this is the exploration of a man stepping out of his bubble, of how he thinks he needs to be to fit into the world and stepping into honouring himself and learning to express himself.
Reading this again was a great reminder of 1. It feels horrible to not rock the boat 2. I can say how I feel with ease to some but not others (especially those in higher work positions) 3. Having the willingness to have a go and possibly fall flat on my face is far less tense than holding back.
I agree – there is a responsibility to be had when it comes to how we express ourselves, and I know for myself how the fear of making mistakes has got in a way of simply expressing what I feel when I feel it. It is a work in progress and I too am willing to give this a go.
Thank you Toni for your sharing, the other day I did speak up in a work situation, without hesitation which can be there when I feel I should speak my truth but now it just came out of my body, an honouring of my feelings which gives me a natural strenght and authority.
It seems to me that all our emotions come from us holding back from expressing how we feel. The emotions are then a way for us to process and release the tension in our bodies from holding back.