A short while ago I had an Esoteric Chakra-puncture session and as I was talking to the practitioner about how I was feeling, he asked if I experienced anxiousness. I reflected for a moment on how my days had been lived over the previous few weeks and responded, “No, it’s not something I regularly or strongly experience; I’m more likely to feel tension in my nervous system and I easily recognise those signs.”
Following the session, and again the next morning, I reflected a bit more deeply on this and realised that there had been an underlying tension in my body for a few weeks, coinciding with a change in jobs, and I had also been biting some of my nails again after not having done so for 3 or 4 years. I had been eating more sweet and salty foods than usual, and I was feeling anxious about the workload I had, both at work and outside of it, on a number of different projects that I had been called upon to support.
On my way to work, as I sat in the train, I gave myself time and space to connect to my body with the gentle breath so it could reveal to me what was underneath the tension. What I felt was a deep and long held anxiousness that I’d not let myself feel before.
I was able to feel how I was actually anxious about surrendering completely to God, to saying yes to trusting in my connection to God and my divine purpose as a Son of God. I was anxious about letting go of being in control of the direction of my life.
As soon as I was clear on what I was anxious about and called it out, I felt myself drop into a very deep stillness, I felt held in an embrace so warm and loving and had an absolute sense of knowing that God is always with me, within me.
It never ceases to amaze me how simple it is to get a sense of clarity when one chooses to be in the gentleness and stillness of one’s breath.
As the week unfolded, I observed myself leaving this embrace, leaving the stillness and returning to a state of anxiousness. I realised I still find it difficult to fully accept and appreciate God in my life – yet he accepts me unconditionally! I am slowly but surely learning to accept that I am a Son of God and I can reflect his love every day. While total acceptance may take some time, I felt I needed to make a commitment that for the next two weeks, to stop each day and take time to connect with my breath and my body; to the stillness and sacredness that is naturally within me.
I found this a very powerful way to appreciate and accept all of who I am and, in the stillness, I am rediscovering the relationship between God and me.
This ‘stop’ has now become part of my daily ritual, a powerful way to surrender and reconnect to the wisdom of my body, and the wisdom and presence of God. My understanding of where the anxiousness comes from has also deepened so that I am now aware that at times life, or what is being asked of me, feels ‘too big, too much’. Trying to control life has therefore been about making it seem smaller and manageable. In truth, I have been trying to keep myself smaller and less than what I truly am – a Son of God, equal in all love and glory to him.
When I make my days about stillness, God and all of me, then nothing is too big; there is no need to go into anxiousness, doubting what I am capable of. My days are simpler, fuller, joyous, and my connection to God is felt within and reflected in everything around me.
My re-connection back to God and the stillness within me has been inspired by Serge Benhayon through his own living and sharing of an unwavering connection to God in every moment.
By Michelle, Brisbane