I was living a seemingly perfect life and was feeling normal living with my emotions and selective memories of the good times I’ve had.
I was under the impression that I had worked out what life was about and had the illusion of being in control. I couldn’t fault anything physically as everything looked picture perfect, but there was a constant feeling that something was lacking. Life felt like a tasteless strawberry made out of plastic, but it seemed no one was aware of this except me.
About four years ago I came across the books and presentations of Serge Benhayon and found them of great interest. Every time I attended a workshop or had a conversation with Serge, everything he presented was simple and made perfect sense to me.
He was talking about self-care, self-love and being with oneself. For example, I realised there is no self-love or self-care when one makes a choice to drink alcohol or to climb Mount Everest, where the fingers might freeze and may need to be amputated surgically.
If we consider ourselves the most intelligent species on this planet, why would we consider choosing such behaviours that are so harmful to our bodies? He presented simple talks that made me reflect on my own ingrained and unloving behaviours.
However, I found the most important message was that living what you have learnt is far more powerful than just knowing it.
Once you start living the knowledge, you become the living, breathing example of this truth without needing to remember any words of wisdom. For example, when I apply cream on my body gently, with love and care, the yumminess is felt in the body, and due to this simple, self-loving act, I feel nurtured as a result.
Once that feeling is registered in my body, there is no need to remember that gently applying cream is supportive. It becomes a livingness instead of just mental knowledge and words. This livingness feels like embodying the knowledge as a natural way of being.
After every encounter with Serge Benhayon, I observed and noted the changes in my awareness.
I became more and more aware of my obvious patterns and ingrained behaviours, such as the simple act of turning on the TV. In doing so, I became aware that on many occasions, I used it to distract myself rather than dealing with something inside me that needed resolution.
I also became aware that every behaviour that did not contain a feeling of centeredness or stillness had hurt, anxiety and nervousness hidden underneath it. I saw that my lack of life skills (the arrogance delivered through my mind would not agree, but this is a fact) made it difficult for me to deal with many situations in life. I observed how I often wanted to run away, or push someone away, blame others and manipulate situations.
All these things were OK in my so-called ‘normal’ life, but they were not loving. They were just ways to merely cope with life.
Today I feel that I’m living my life with more awareness than I ever had before and this is ongoing and ever deepening.
I have found that self-awareness is the key to my evolution and is what brings me true joy in life. This awareness allows me to see things as they truly are and has completely changed my perception of life.
In this constant flux of self-awareness, I ask myself:
- How did I wake up from my bed? Is my body refreshed and ready for another day or do I need to drag myself out of bed because I have to go to work or to do something that needs to be done?
- How am I walking? Am I walking with loving feet or just to get from one place to another to get the job done?
- How am I eating? Am I eating to nurture myself, or just to put the food in my body to get through the day; or do I want to distract myself by consuming certain comfort foods so I do not feel what’s really going on in a situation?
- How am I speaking? Am I present and in connection with the person I’m talking to?
The list goes on for every activity in my life, with awareness and love being at the core of every one of them.
The more I choose to be present in each moment, the more I can express from self-awareness.
My life has become an amazing journey and the fun part is that the loveliness never ends and is forever evolving.