I Thought I Was a Great Healer

When I was 20 years old I got a job in a big bank. I worked as Head of Department and every year I was being promoted to a higher position. I was very good with money and finances and my career was settled.

After ten years I wanted something else. I wanted to ‘deepen’ my life and so for four years I studied to become a holistic massage therapist. I started my own practice and it became successful in such a way that I earned my living from this new career path. For years I worked together with doctors in a medical clinic where they would refer clients to me.

I decided to do more studies on energetic healing and did so many modalities that it is hard to find any that I didn’t do, and I can’t remember all the names, but I became a so-called Reiki master and an Awakening Your Light body master as examples. I studied with gurus and started to present meditation classes. I was teaching third eye travelling, crystal and sound healing and palm reading. I gave sessions in Journey therapy and learned many shamanistic ways to treat people. I went with the American Indians, sat with so-called enlightened ones and various gurus, and my sessions and meditation groups became ever more popular – I even had waiting lists for clients. I was great in ‘manipulating’ energies. If clients came with chronic pain they often left without any pain or at least with much less pain. People called me ‘a great healer’.

Was I truly a great healer? What was I really bringing to my clients?

There was always a nagging feeling within of living a lie that something much deeper was missing, in my connection with myself and God, and in what I brought to my clients.

Looking back, I can now clearly see that I was denying that because I was addicted to the recognition I received through my work. Deep down I knew I was living in a fake way, but I just went on. Interestingly, all those so-called healings never brought to my own life any true healing, and this was reflected in the fact that my relationships with partners, family and colleagues were not loving; they were disharmonious and this did not change at all during the years I was doing all those training courses and so-called ‘healings’.

What I can see now – looking back with honesty – is that I became more and more focussed on what was ‘wrong’ with people and a spiritual arrogance crept in, thinking that I was superior as I ‘knew about life’ and they didn’t. This arrogance created separation between them and me, especially with my family. I didn’t embrace others with love but judged them for behaving stupidly, even though this was mostly unspoken, but as all is felt, they reacted to me and we had arguments. I blamed other people for my issues and for the past I had experienced, instead of truly dealing with my own hurts.

I did my work well but was never really good at being with people. I lived in my own separate world, even though I was behaving like I was open to everyone.

With partners I was often fighting and wanting them to work on their issues, instead of me opening up to truly feel my own hurts and be with them and hold them in love to be able to do the same. The fights became more frequent and intense as all the courses I did buried me deeper into my emotions and an attitude of ‘I know better.’ I hardly had time for my partner or the things he wanted to share because I was always busy with clients. Looking back I feel that I had an attitude that I was more important, so we talked mostly about me. Basically my life was about me, even if it looked like I took care of everybody else. It was all for me, to satisfy myself and my need to be recognised and needed.

It wasn’t until I started to participate in the workshops presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I started to be that honest; to see that there was not one ounce of love more in me or towards others despite all the courses I had done or modalities I had practised before.

More and more I felt that I no longer wanted to play with energies directed by my mind from a source I did not know. I started to wonder how it would be to connect from my heart with people. Then someone I knew died of breast cancer and her husband wondered out loud how it was possible for her to die. He said that it was not fair, that she was a great healer, always there to help others. I asked him if she was also able to love herself and his answer was clear, “No, it was very hard for her to love herself.” We both felt there was an answer in that response.

Meeting Serge Benhayon

Not long after this death I heard about Serge Benhayon and boarded a plane the very next day to meet him. I felt a clear YES in my body to meet this man. That decision was the best decision I had ever made, although quite possibly the most confronting gift at the same time. Serge Benhayon offered me the biggest wake-up call I could have ever imagined, just from observing the way he is and by feeling his unconditional love.

Serge spoke such clear words of wisdom – they were completely resonating with the truth I felt in my body. He never told me what to do, but just by listening to his presentations I became aware of the truth about how I was living. He reflected so much lived true love, a love that I could feel touching that same quality held within myself, a love that I just was not used to living myself anymore. This was shocking to feel and I even felt embarrassed as I could feel the arrogance with which I had lived for so long, pretending that I knew it all and loved all; that I was a great healer.

Serge invited us to become more aware about energy first. He presented that life offers two energies to choose from: one energy being Fiery energy, which we experience as unconditional love, and the other being astral energy, which is all the energy we use when we don’t come from love. This energy is also called Prana.

I started to feel how much I was not living from true love, how I was not connected with myself. And questions were rising to the surface as in – “How could I ever bring true healing to others if I was not living that myself? How could I ever bring healing and true service if I was not loving myself first?” When I realised this, I closed my healing practice and explained the reason why to my clients. This was a brave and very honest decision where my true healing started.

During the Universal Medicine courses I started to learn to connect with my inner-heart and from there with the fiery true energy and, when I learnt the Esoteric Healing modalities, I was confronted with the way I had actually worked with people and their bodies for so many years. I had touched them from the connection with astral energy. Many times it had felt as though it was ‘good’ energy but I started to realise that deep down I had always known that it was false ‘good’ energy – I just had not wanted to know. I started to see that ‘false’ energy could suppress symptoms of the body (pains) and bury those issues deeper into the body, which then gave the client a feeling as if they were gone.

I started to see that pains and illnesses are important messages from our soul – an opportunity to become aware that there are more loving choices to make. We are offered to see how ‘ill’ behaviours lead to ‘illness’.

I had to honestly ask myself these questions:

  • How healing had it really been when I connected with astral energy and touched people’s bodies and from there made pain ‘disappear’?
  • Or did the pain just go hiding deeper in the body, making it harder for people to feel what is really going on in their lives and the consequences their often unloving choices have had on their bodies?
  • How was it for the bodies I treated while being connected with the astral source?
  • Can it be that attending all those courses, where our hurts get addressed with pranic energy, only make us dwell more and more in emotions?

I started to be honest about the fact that I had always known that the astral energy I had aligned to was not one that felt loving nor true; it felt like black energy even if many times the energy showed itself as beautiful white energy. This was and is the tricky thing for many people to come to terms with, that they (including myself) allow themselves to be fooled by those colours and the apparently ‘enlightened’ feelings of ‘bliss’.

Serge Benhayon taught me how to just trust what I feel in my body again. No one can fool a person when they are listening to their body instead of believing the stories of the mind.

I was always looking for the truth – I love Truth, I love Love. I always carried within me a love for people and a willingness to offer others the chance for true healing. I just had to feel again that I am that love myself and live that love.

I have always loved God and always felt that part in me that was the same spark of light connecting me with God as a part of the whole; I was just very lost and looking everywhere for the answer, searching for something outside of me that would make me feel better, more whole.

BEFORE Meeting Serge Benhayon - Sylvia Brinkman (Age 38)
BEFORE Meeting Serge Benhayon – Sylvia Brinkman (Age 38)

AFTER Meeting Serge Benhayon - Sylvia Brinkman (Age 46)
AFTER Meeting Serge Benhayon – Sylvia Brinkman (Age 46)

I am deeply touched that in this life I was able to find my way back to myself, to discover that only in that connection I can feel God, the divine beauty within me and in everybody else. Now I know and feel that true love is loving all – and that it starts with loving myself first.

By Sylvia Brinkman, gorgeous lovely playful woman, mother and partner, General Object Manager, practitioner of the Esoteric Healing Modalities, organizer of women support events, working with Refugees families, Amstelveen, The Netherlands)

Related Reading:
To Heal is not the Same as Cure
The Real Meaning of Healing
Sacred Esoteric Healing as a way of Life

480 thoughts on “I Thought I Was a Great Healer

  1. Yes how often are we happy to reap the ‘benefits’ of something without questioning the source these so-called benefits come from?

  2. your article is a great example of how it is possible we can run in self-delusion, choosing a level of dishonesty to not see the lie we are choosing to live, and that is for all us to consider in our own many ways we do so…. yet the truth is there for us and in us – and so by choosing self-honesty and discarding all that which we have taken on that is false, we can reveal the underlying eternal truth of who we are.

  3. Thank you Sylvia for sharing your experiences. What detour you took, as have we all for thousands of years! Your words about your trip into the spiritual new age makes such an interesting point: ‘ I studied with gurus and started to present meditation classes. I was teaching third eye travelling, crystal and sound healing and palm reading. I gave sessions in Journey therapy and learned many shamanistic ways to treat people. I went with the American Indians, sat with so-called enlightened ones and various gurus, and my sessions and meditation groups became ever more popular – I even had waiting lists for clients.’ This demonstrates the law of supply and demand, and how the popularity of something doesn’t make it ‘good’.

  4. I have had a total re think on going to see a practitioner for anything now and after I have filled in the paperwork that is required about me and my personal health. I ask the practitioner questions about their health my Dentist found this rather strange but when I explained to her that it was a two way relationship she answered my questions and I took her on as my dentist. Interestingly there was another Dentist that I met at the same practice and I knew immediately that I couldn’t see them, we can sense when something doesn’t feel right.

  5. Thank you Sylvia for sharing your story and your humbleness in so doing. I also relate to these words “Serge Benhayon taught me how to trust what I feel in my body again. No one can fool a person when they are listening to their body instead of believing the stories of the mind”.

  6. It takes some strength and knowingness to turn your life around from abundance and recognition to self love and love for all. An amazing story Sylvia that is truly inspiring.

  7. Being willing to be honest with ourselves opens the door to initiating true and lasting change and to discover the truth of who we really are.

  8. Learning how to live life with the awareness of the huge difference between the two sources of energy we are able to align to changes everything and introduces the opportunity to deepen our relationship with ourselves and others and live in a far more gentle and loving way.

  9. It’s humbling to ask the questions about how are we truly contributing, am I healing or harming, a vital aspect of integrity.

  10. We like to think all sorts of things, but if we are wise we will see that always our actions should be in line and in harmony with the ideas and philosophy we have. We might prefer to pretend that everything adds up, but if we are honest we will admit when things do not. For this opens us up to choose another way. Thank you Sylvia.

  11. One of the greatest illusions is that as a practitioner we think we are the healers, when in fact it is the person themselves through the choices they make. The other is that you have to be a practitioner to work in healing. Anyone can work in any industry and bring a healing quality through how they are with themselves, how they are with others and the quality of how they move in the workplace. Healing is a deeply beautiful word that has been bastardised to ‘fix’. There is no fixing in healing.

  12. There is no such thing as a great healer, if one truly understands that true healing requires 3 parties- the client, the practitioner, and The Soul. The Soul of course is always dedicated to the process of healing, but can only truly assist when the other two parties are fully aligned and open to true resurrection.

  13. Serge Benhayon simply presents the truths of life and then it is up to people to do what they will with what is presented. This can be confronting as what is presented shows up the ill ways that we have being living but from my experience it is well worth it as truth is worth pursuing.

  14. If we think we are a ‘great healer’ then we are attached to some outcome and we will not be able to bring through what is needed for our clients. If we know we are a facilitator for healing to occur, then, subject to the willingness of the client, great healing is possible but we do not heal the client, they heal themselves if they can let go of what is in the way of healing. The outcome may not look like what they might want, for example they may die, but this may be the greatest expression of healing for them.

  15. We can say the wisest words and attend the greatest courses, but ultimately it’s the quality of the way we are with all the people in our life that determines our development. People are not unfortunate side effects to be tolerated on sunnier days, they are the lifeblood of our true purpose here. If we find ourselves at odds with others then for us, usually there something upset within. It’s great to let this go and see people are our truest friends and greatest teachers. Thank you Sylvia for reminding me of the beauty of everybody.

  16. It is an important decision to stop doing what we are doing when we learn that what we are doing is harming ourselves and other people. In those moments we have to drop our arrogance and understand life from a greater perspective. I have seen so many people’s lives change completely and for the better because they got honest about what they were doing and why. This blog is a great testimony to this.

  17. Thank you Sylvia, I know I have read this before but this time it stuck a deeper chord in me and allowed me to connect much more with what you are presenting here. It is a huge thing to change our lives around especially when we have so much invested in it in different ways. It is very cool that you could see so clearly the astral or pranic energy that you had chosen to align with and to then choose fire and in so doing feel the Divine beauty in yourself and everyone and to then choose to love and live from that place.

  18. The feeling of ‘manipulating’ energy rather than being a conduit for soul energy is what would have given you the nagging feeling that something was not right with the healing modalities you were using. I have only studied a few new age methods and while they gave me a thrill of being able to do stuff with energy they never felt like they were it. We are naturally meant to surrender and co-create with God through our souls, not create for our own devices and pleasure.

  19. It can be very confronting to realise how something we have been doing has been harming people rather than actually supporting them – I think it’s great how honest you were willing to be and without drama make changes in your life to respect the true understanding of healing that you had come to and with that truly benefit everyone.

  20. To heal people can sometimes come with an arrogance or sense of self – the person carries with them the bigotry of being better than others. But what you present here is that healing starts with a relationship with ourselves and then is extended to others with no sense of self at all. Healing is about giving back and supporting. This is a great sharing on how important it is to be clear in our bodies so we can support others.

  21. The false ‘good energy’ is way more harming than anything we may instantly perceive as bad and this is because it comes dressed much like a ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’ in the sense that what you see is not what you get. It is this lack of transparency that hides a great evil – one that many of us are yet to awaken to.

  22. I love how you were able to make so a huge turnaround in just one life Sylvia. It is very inspiring to feel that it is never too late to reignite and thus live, the love within us all. On a technical note if I may, while it is true that there are only two forms of energy – all that is divine love (Fire) and all that is not (astral), prana is actually a lesser vibration of divinity and therefore not akin to astral energy, although it is correct to say that an excess of prana is very damaging to our health and vitality.

    The following link gives us a greater understanding of the differences between Fire, prana and astral energy and it is well worth the time taken to read and listen to the great quotes, audio and wisdom shared here: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-prana.html

    1. Yes good point Liane. As I have understood it, yes prana is a lesser vibration of divinity and we have misused this energy in our lives, instead of allowing the volume of our divinity through as our life fuel. Thanks for the link.

  23. It is a bitter pill to swallow when we realise that what we believed was healing was in fact harming. When I think back to all the different healers I went to in the quest to feel well, and it only took one weekend at a Universal Medicine workshop to ease a 25 year old back ache, showed me the truth of my pursuits and my own involvement in spiritual healing.

  24. Amazing how we can use our ‘awareness’ to avoid dealing with our stuff…an old trick that supports no-one.

  25. What a beautiful blog to read Sylvia. The responsibility you took to find true love and truth; and then to share it with others, is very inspirational.

  26. Interesting that what is popular and in demand by many, may also be false and in turn very harming. It is a very brave and loving choice to come away from something that gives us an income but was not True.

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